I.

Can do that.

Easy. Hey, man. Let me show you where you're doing wrong. Hang tight.

I'm going to come get that board.

Okay. Hand it.

Over, pops.

Really? Yeah.

Do you want this? No, I'll.

Be fine without it.

Oh, okay.

Hey, Hawk. Welcome to the Eagle's Nest.

Wait. Hold that one on one. Hold that one on one. Why did you let me do it, man? I'm not even.

Wearing a helmet. Hey, guys. My new tour, Come Together, starts December 30th in Honolulu, Hawaii. This is the first leg of tour dates. So many more to come. You can get.

Tickets at tomsegrou. Com/tour. I can't believe I did it.

Oh, man, I'm.

Going to need another nerve transfer.

What's your blood type, Tony? Not yours. I could see my dad. This week, on Two Bearz 1K. He says I'm an alcoholic. Edit this out.

Yeah.

Drew. Oh, Steve-O, what's happening, buddy? I haven't seen porn that has more intensity than that.

As long as it breaks, you're cool. If it.

Doesn't break, you get knocked unconscious.

Huberman's got to be disgusted.

With you. Yousure? Simon doesn't know what to do with me. Hundred %. Cheers. Hey, guys, brand new episode of Two Bear, One Cave. Fan favorite, Steve-O is with us today. He's got a new special. What's the name of the special?

Steve-o's.

Bucket list. Oh, that's right. Holy shit. It is insane. It is insane. A long time ago, we talked about, was it this special?

No, it was my one before. That was my gnarly special. The one that you came over to the house to watch. Yes.

You consistently are changing the genre of stand-up. You're doing it your own way, which I think is so cool because you got to stand up late in life and you were making it your own, which is so impressive. So many of us, and I say it's just comics, like so many people, and I just had a long conversation about this the other night, see the path in the forest and they walk down that path thinking, Well, that's why you get to the water, realizing if everyone's going to the same lake, the water is going to be low. If everyone's walking down that exact same path, you get to the water, everyone's drinking out of the same fucking water. Sometimes people are pissing in it. You have taken a new path in the forest every time. I think that's so fucking impressive, dude.

Thanks, man. Yeah, I do. It's multimedia the way that I do my comedy.

That.

Was a gradual thing. My first special, I did some fucked-up shit on the stage, but it was just me and a microphone and what happened.

On the stage. Let's talk about the origins of you as a live entertainer because I think this is interesting. You had during Jackass, when you were partying, you would go to bars and light yourself on fire.

Way before Jackass. Oh, before Jackass. Yeah. My entertainment career in a professional sense started when I went to Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Clown College in 1997, which was in Sarasota, Florida.

That is, P. T. Barnum is a game-changer. Oh, yeah. I mean, I mean- He's that man. You know I heard a story about him. There was a giant, someone to disprove religion, buried a huge stone giant in their backyard and then had people dig it up. This is in the turn of the century, when P. T. Barnum was big. It was called the Brightling giant or something. They dug it up. Then everyone thought it was real. They thought that the Bible was real, that there were giants that walked the earth before, and he put it on display. P. T. Barnum offered him $50,000 to buy that giant so we could put him in his museum in New York City. The guy said, No. P. T. Barnum simply built a replica and then said, I've got the original one. That one's a fake, and people just bit. Then because of P. T. Barnum, they found out his was fake. That guy is a fucking... When you go to clown college, do they do take classes in promotion? Is there a.

History class? It was considerably more akin to boot camp than college. It was eight weeks. It was a big tax write-off for the circus. For the course of those eight weeks, with the exception of Sundays, six days a week, we trained 14 hours a day.

Like unicycles and stuff?

They would break up the day. It would be in whatever... It was the big theater, the Circus Hotel Opera House. We'd be in there at 8:00 AM. We'd do a morning workout, stretching, whatever. We would have hours broken down for acrobatics, dance, improv, skills, circus history, and makeup. They didn't teach us any makeup on the very first day of Clown College. They gave us all makeup kits and they said, You will receive no instruction. That would be against how it works. You just got to figure it out, no instruction. You figure it out today, and then you do it again tomorrow, and you do it again. By the time you're done, you will have arrived at what your makeup is the way that you do it. Oh, wow. Is there.

A picture of you with your makeup?

Oh, yeah, there's a million of them. The thing is that grease paint, a little goes a long way and nobody's going to respect how… It's almost a ritual. It's like anal sex. It was like an absolute ritual, where when everybody gets done with their first try, they're waiting with cameras at the room. So you walk out of the room and they take your picture and everyone's just a goddamn mess. Really? But after the eight weeks, everybody's top notch.

I think people forget. There's a clown, if I'm not mistaken, I think his name is Mr. Noodle. He was on… Can you please Google Mr. Noodle? He's got a scholarship. He's got a MacArthur Grant. Mr. Noodle. He's like the world's greatest clown.

Oh, is that Bill Irwin? Yeah, Bill Irwin. Yeah, Bill Irwin. He went to Clown College.

My daughter.

Made me laugh. He was a graduate of Clown College. He's one of, I want to say, four people who became this Bill or Bill Irwin, Pen Jelet, is a clown from the Clown College. Yeah, and me. I'm not sure that there's anybody else that has people really know them. But yeah, Bill Irwin is the most talented.

Fucking dude ever. My daughter made me laugh so hard when she was three years old, maybe just old enough to barely talk. She said, Do you know Mr. Noodle? I said, Yeah. She goes, Do you know what his brother's name is? I said, No. Do you know what his brother's name is? No. Mr. Noodle. It made me giggle, every time I think of Mr. Noodle, his brother's name is Mr. Noodle. Yeah. Wait, so you're in Clown College, and I just find this interesting. Obviously, there's so much I want to talk to you. I want to talk about yourit's all good. I want to talk about your animal sanctuary. I want to talk about sex sobriety, and food sobriety, and all the different sobrieties you have. Sure.

There you go. That's the one where me on the right is my first ever attempt. I have apologies for alienating people who are only listening on audio and don't have the visual component. I don't know if that- I were looking at a picture.

It looks like a chick who got a train run on her by the Wutang clan.

No, it looks like a guy who just went down on a woman at the worst part of the month and with a world.

Record flow. Yeah. Is that you, too?

Yeah, that's my graduation photo from Clown College there, where I'm like... They designed my deal as a punk rock clown.

That's not bad. It's pretty cool. I have a fear of clowns, but that doesn't bother me. What do.

You think of insane clown posse? I met.

One of the guys.

It's scary Jay. Violence Jay.

Violence.

Jay. Violence Jay is in town right now to shoot a music video with me tomorrow for the song that we recorded because I'm resurrecting my rap career. Not resurrecting it, I'm redeeming whatever that is. But when I first decided I'm going to be a rapper, I'm just going to be like comedy, gangster, rapper. There was a good idea there.

I think I remember that phase. I remember, is that the same time when you... Which I have a visual of all the time when you wrapped your dick in duct tape for Howard Stern.

That was one of the million things I did for Howard Stern. But the idea was a good idea. The problem was, at the time, I was just so deep in the grips of drugs and alcohol that all the quality of the funny just was lost.

When you got sober, was there a part of you that looked back and goes, Man, did you do you look back and go, I wasted a lot of years? Or do you have to look at some of it and go, It's crazy that all that got me to hear, and I'm really happy today.

Well, yeah, it's just back to the future, bro. You don't want to mess with the space, time, continuum, and fuck up what you got going right now.

Yeah, because I texted you the other day. You posted a picture about aging, and I was like, Dude, you are not supposed to.

Be here. Yeah, I get it. That meant a lot to me, too, bro. It really did.

Well, you're a special dude. You really are. First of all, I've been a fan for a very long time. For a very, very, very long time. To have you as a friend is insane to me because it speaks. I just never thought that would happen. But more importantly to see you deal with some issues I'm dealing with in life. Aging is a motherfucker, and getting older is a motherfucker. The fact that you even said that you had... We were talking about food earlier and the fact that you even... Because you're in great shape. You've always been in great shape.

What do you mean? I fluctuate.

Oh, you want to see fluctuation?

Yeah. But I have to tell you right now I'm doing the rap thing properly, like writing funny songs. I've got one I did with Violence J. You tell me what I should make the title. It was going to be called I Love My Girl, but it's a song about how wonderful she is, except for that one week a month. Yeah. When the.

Demon- I would just title it.

Yeah, I know. Well, maybe that's the hook.

Then that's the play on words is you're really talking about the blood coming out of the c*. But I wonder if I have to bleep this. It sounds.

Pretty aggressive. Yeah, that's an aggressive word for it. You'll get maybe demonetized. You want to definitely bleep that one word. No, just.

Bleep c* and everyone will think it's the N-word.

But yeah, it's just fun and funny. I'm just excited. But violent.

Jay, man. He's great. I met him in Detroit. He came to a show. Very sweet dude. No makeup.

I've still never laid eyes on him with that makeup, but I'm imagining that this week.

I will. He's got a Clerks vibe to him.

He's the best, dude. You should get him on here.

I would love to. He was just at Skank'sfest. Yeah. He did an episode of Skanksfest, and I watched the clips, and he's fucking hilarious.

Dude, that's epic, man. I can link you guys up or.

Anything like that. Yeah, please. I find guys like that. I find insane Clown Possie legit insane. They have a hardcore fan base. You look at insane Clown Pussy. Oh, my God. I'm simply correlating them to other groups that I find that have diehard.

Fans and like slipknot. You want to talk about marketing and the genius of marketing. These guys revolutionized the music industry.

Because if you whittle everything down, you look at the way you... Tom's always done things on a very big level. He always does things. He wants it to feel professional, look professional. You were someone that I always felt like did it yourself. You wanted control of it. I'm a little bit that way, and I feel the same Clown Palsy's got that. They've got this like, Dude, we know how to talk to our fans, and that's what we do. And don't tell us we're drinking Fago. I understand that it's hard to get, but it's what we like. I love Fago, by the way. I fucking love Fago. I love Fago. Fago and Shasda are my two favorite sodas. Without a doubt, I've been drinking a lot of diashasda. Do you drink diad drinks? Nope.

Not at all? Soda is just a no-fly zone, man. Why? It's just stupid.

But it's so good.

Yes. I drink liquid death.

The-.

Liquid death is fucking- I mean, dude, a wise man once said that water is the only beverage. Water is the only beverage of the wise man, period.

Who's that? Who's that? Jesus.

I don't know. Somebody's somebody's smart. There's literally no reason to drink a fucking drink other than water.

What about coffee?

Yeah.

Okay, so let's talk about treats. I'm certain you have my brain, andI know. What are your treats? What do.

You reward Steve-O with? Okay, this depends. You asked me before we started recording, what's my diet like? It's basically polar extremes. There's me when I'm in a good place and me when I'm in a bad place.

You always seem like you're in a good place.

To me. I mean, with my diet, like...

Dude. Give me a meal. Give me a meal that you're proud of and a meal you're not proud of. Okay. And I'll go dead.

Okay. I'm pretty proud of Taco Bell. I think that's the best.

That's one of my unproud meals.

Well, I think the Taco Bell is actually, when it comes to fast food, the healthiest, because what I'm ordering there doesn't have the meat. I don't know if I'm not going to eat the meat. Are you vegan? I eat seafood.

Okay, so what do you eat at Taco Bell? Okay. They're bean burrito is pretty.

Fucking legit. Veget power bowl right there. It's like a... I don't even know they had that. Or bean burrito, Fiesta, vegetable burrito. Flour is not something I'm super proud of, but it's not deep fried.

Okay, mine's four Mexican pizzas. I fuck up Mexican pizzas. I fuck up Mexican pizzas. Then my favorite thing they have is they stop making it, but you can get it. It's a beef maxi melt. It's basically a beef soft taco with just cheese. Beef maxi melts was like the fucking shit when they had it. The day they discontinued, it's funny. I remember the day Tupac died and the day they discontinued Mexican pizzas at Taco Bell.

Was it the same day?

No, it wasn't. You would have seen me in a fucking hate spiral. I would have been fucking hurting that day. I went out and I bought a ton of Mexican pizzas. The snack food, like fast food for me is always bad. I can't find any good.

Fast food. Oh, dude, you're not going to the right part of the convenience store, dude. There are these healthy protein bars thing.

I think they're all bullshit.

When I'm in a good place like that, what are they called? One Quest. Quest bars.

Quest is a fucking legit.

Quest is fucking- I don't know how it's so good and there's no sugar in it.

It's.

Got a- That Blueberry Cobler one is insane.

Quest bars. Dude, Quest has a maple sugar one.

And then there's this Barbell brand that has cashew. It's a healthy candy bars, and I'm down with that. When I'm in a bad spot, I'm just wiping out the Reese's peanut butter cups.

It's the best feeling in the world. I've never been on a full drug bender. But dude, when I wake up from a nap and I'm in a bad spot, I will suck down whatever candy bars are around until I'm physically ill.

Right. I've never even come close. I couldn't even imagine a number of Reese's peanut butter cups where I would tap out and be like.

Oh, I can't eat anymore. I will eat them until they're gone. Can I tell you the lowest my daughters have ever seen me? The lowest. I'm talking drugs, alcohol, fucking any addiction. Leanne, one time we were in Alabama, and LeAnne made two plates of cookies. It's cowhead. Isn't that crazy?

Cowhead? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Answer him, man. I fucking love that motherfucker.

Yeah. We're buddies together.

Dude, he came to my show and I sent you pictures of us together on stage.

He's got the same tattoo as you do. Yeah. We've matched them because we're really good friends. All right, I'll call you later. All right, later, buddy. I love you. Yeah, dude. Leanne made the mouse watering telling you the story. But LeAnne made two plates of cookies, one to take out the next day and then one for everyone to share. I ate roughly 24 cookies. I ate the whole plate and I was physically ill. Ila walked in and said, said, Where did the second plate of cookies go? I had woken up from a nap. I had been drinking during the day. I woke up from a nap, and I said, I ate them. She looked at me and she went, Oh, buddy, you don't look good. My face was fucking me. She took a picture of it. She goes, This is the lowest ever. Then she went out and told everyone, Daddy ate a plate of cookies, and LeAnne came in. She's like, Are you okay? I was like, I couldn't help myself. Hot chocolate chip cookies? I've cheated on women. I've never cheated on LeAnne, but I've cheated on women. You know that feeling when you're like, Oh, this is fucking happening?

That was the only feeling. It's like being out of control, completely out of control.

Yeah, that's right. I grew up mostly in London, England. That's crazy.

You mentioned that in the new special.

I was born there, left when I was six.

Months old. Everyone can get Steve-O special at stevo. Com. Get stevo special at stevo. Com. How much is it? Do you know how much it is yet? It's behind the paywall. It's worth it. It's fucking worth it. I want to say this is a stuff... Imagine if Jackass made Jackass, but Paramount wasn't included.

Well, it's stuff that would not be allowed to happen for Jackass.

No, it is every... There's surgery- You.

Didn't even see the part yet where I get the general anesthesia in my vein while I'm riding a bicycle. Then if that's not fucked up enough, you know what an epidural is? Yes, I do. Yeah, a four-inch needle into your spinal cavity, and they inject a drug to paralyze you from the waist down. I found a motherfucker willing to give me that four-inch needle in my spine and paralyze my ass while I was in a full sprint. So epidural foot rest.

My asshole tingling. I have a visual that I can't unsee, and that is you refusing to go under in Mexico.

I.

Think of that every time I go to... I had a colonoscopy recently, and I just thought of you going...

You.

Have the most insane digital footprint. But wait, I'm.

Skipping all over you. I'm a little kid in England, and in England, they didn't have Reed's peanut butter cups. They just didn't have them. My friend whose father worked at the US Embassy, there was this US Embassy canteen and going there. That was where I would get my hands on him. I would have an absurd number of packs of Reed's peanut butter cups. This is how I would do it. I wouldn't open up the pack. I opened up every pack so that I wouldn't have the annoying ripping open the wrapper to interfere. I just got all the opening the rappers out of the way and then just stacked them like fucking towers and then just fucking... Oh, my God. And then there's no limit.

I would have these fits with Girl Scout cookies.

Let me tell you about what was my-.

Oh, my God. I think I'm going to relapse on sugar. I've had sugar in 74 days. Oh, damn.

I've had sugar in 74 days. Okay, let me tell you my rock bottom, what got me into the food program for the first time.

My mouth is actually fucking watering. Yeah. Oh, man. This is why you're not allowed to talk about partying stories in AA, huh?

I mean, it's not that you're not allowed to. I'm never.

Into AA. I'm just.

Talking about it. Keep going. Okay. My rock bottom at one point, one of my bottoms, I went to go see that joker movie, the Joakin Phoenix one.

By the way, Sidebar, that's a great name for a special. Steve-o's, Rock-Pottoms. You just tell all your rock bottoms. That's fucking fascinating.

Yeah, I dig it. Now, at the concession stand going into the joker movie, I knew I wanted caramel popcorn, and they have the plastic tub, the full fucking little mini bucket of caramel popcorn. But I also wanted the red vines, and they only had the fucking jumbo pack, like a jumbo pack of red vines and a bucket of caramel popcorn. I just sat there and I would take a handful of the caramel, popcorn, fill my mouth, and then take a fist full of the red vines and chew it all together in concert. Oh, my God. And this combination of caramel, popcorn, and red vines as I chewed it all together in my mouth was just so fucking delicious. I ate the.

Whole- I love when people introduced you to shit like that. You know someone introduced me to fucking to hot popcorn with peanut M&Ms inside it, and then all the peanut M&Ms get soft. By the way, caramel popcorn sneaks up on you. You forget how fucking good it is. You forget. Carmel popcorn is like a hands-off from a dude. You're like, Oh, wow, this is better than I thought it was going to be. You're like, Fuck. Every time we would have people deliver us, We have caramel popcorn downstairs right now that I've been looking at. I haven't had sugar in 74 fucking days. I haven't had sugar in 70- I'm.

Proud of you, man. Remember I had just an alcohol filled with sugar?

I haven't had alcohol.

In 74 days. Oh, what?

Are you serious? Yeah.

Are you serious? Like white-knuckling it?

No, I'm not sober. But like, I'm not- You're smoking weed? I'll smoke weed if I want to. I've always said I wish Xanax worked for me on a flight. It only works for me at home, and I don't find a usefulness for it at home.

Dude, it's so funny, man. I remember when I was in rehab. By the way, so far, I've interrupted you twice. I'm really trying to be a lot better.

About that. By the way, don't worry. I'm interrupting you non-stop. This is what we do. Keep going. Okay. If you don't like it, I'm so sorry.

I care about improving.

My- I do, too, but I can't help it.

Keep going. Okay. When I was in rehab, right?

By the way, always interrupt me if you're going to tell a story.

About rehab. Okay. In rehab for drugs. This is right around the time when… It's so crazy that I was in the psychiatric ward the day or two after my intervention. I was like, Man, it's like blowing snot at me. I felt like it was weird. I was trying to figure it out. That was when I discovered that I have the huge hole in the wall in between my nose. In the center. Yeah. I don't even know if it's not a... Is it a septum? It's a septum. Yeah, a perforated septum. Not a deviated septum. Perforated. Not a deviated, it's a perforated, meaning there's a fucking hole going through my septum, the wall in my nose. And Knoxville came and visited me in rehab with Bam. That's ironic.

Yeah.

I was like, Dude, I got this fucking hole in my nose. I'm pretty sure. Let me see if I can fucking stick something through it. We're like, What are we going to do? So Knox took the shoelace out of his conference, Chuck Taylor. Chuck Taylor? I literally just stuck the little plastic fucking nub at the end, up one nostril, through the fucking hole and threaded my nose with the shoelace.

Do you still have the perforated septum?

Oh, yeah.

It doesn't go away. Oh, for real? Yeah. It doesn't grow back like your liver?

It does not grow back, no.

Why did rehab work for you?

I was just ready, man.

You were ready? I was ready. Okay, here's the thing, because I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing. I'm going to drink again one day. I don't know when. I think I'm going to do it on my cruise. But I would have already drank if you're watching this, probably, I'm guessing. Considering it's my birthday, I'm going to be in the payment Islands. If you're watching this, I probably already drank. By the way, I have no attachment to sobriety because I am smoking pot if I want to. So it's not sobriety.

For me. California sober, Doug.

California sober, yeah. Is that a real thing?

I mean, I don't.

Think- Not in your programs.

-it's not something that has a particularly good track record that I'm aware of.

Yeah. Well, because then the thing I think with sobriety is it's nice to be clean and be like, I got something I'm holding up. It's nice to have a record. It's the same thing with a diet other than that. Yeah, that's true, yeah. I find dieting similar. I've been eating pretty much a caveman since for 74 days. And so with a diet and not drinking, it's just really staying away from sugar. But I don't know. The treat thing is the thing. Was alcohol ever your thing?

I could never even fathom going a single day without it. Really?

Yeah. Then all of a sudden you went, not cold jerky. Were you really just going, I'm done with it? Or were there times you were like, Who is Steve-O? What am I without alcohol?

It was gnarly. I think the difference is I just was effectively humiliated into willingness. I could not control my behavior. I couldn't get through any given day without perpetrating some bullshit that would make me feel so ashamed of myself that I wished that I could conjure up the courage to commit suicide. For real. And I couldn't. Yeah. I was just like, loser at life, loser at death, just trapped in misery.

That is insane.

Yeah, and I didn't even know it. I didn't even know it until I'd been sober.

For a little bit. How many days did you do rehab?

Well, it started in the psychiatric ward. I was on California's 5150 law.

Which means- They call it Baker Act in Florida.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. 5,150 law and Baker Act or Marchman Act, I think, in Pennsylvania. It means that they can hold you locked up in the psychiatric ward against your will for 72 hours, which is three days. But when they got me, and Knoxville was the one who brought me in, when they got me to the hospital, this guy was waiting for me at the cars that pulled up with a wheelchair to wheel me in. I was like, I don't need a wheelchair. I spit on the guy. That was just normal for me at that time.

Dude, that should be, by the way, I would love to see... I've had a lot of friends go to rehab. That's the- Yeah, deal when you party, you have a lot of people go through the 12 steps. I've had a lot of apologies.

I've had a lot of those things. Not apologies, amends.

Amends, that's it. Yeah, my amends. But one of the things that I find the most fascinating is even the people with willingness going to rehab, there is a moment of panic where they decide to fucking burn it to the ground. I would love to find that Instagram feed of just one orderly who just doesn't look like he deserves respect, who gets destroyed every time people check into rehab.

Well, I'll tell you, I spit on the first guy, and then I was pretty convinced that I was going to calmly talk my way out of it, but they had me dead to right. There was no talking. And when I got the fact that I wasn't going to talk my way out of it and just be let go, I started to get grumpy. And I was like, Oh, you know what? Now I want to smoke a cigarette. We're going to do this thing. I'm going to smoke a cigarette. They're like, No, you're not going to. I was like, No, I'm going to smoke a cigarette now. And that's when I go to grab a chair and I just pick up the chair and just throw it. But I don't even get that chair into the air. Orderlies just come out of nowhere and just grab me. Really? Yeah. Once you're going to go and throw furniture in there, that's where they draw the line. I just get neutralized by orderlies, and they'd pick me up and carry me over and put me on a stretcher.

Who's with you? Is Knoxville.

There right now? No, no, no. Now I'm on my own in the guts of the Cedar-Sinai.

I will tell you, I've joked about going to rehab a lot, and I often fantasize about how nice it would be to tap out for a month and just no phone, just really focus on myself, work on myself. The thing that pulls me back is the panic moment where I realize I can't leave.

Well, here's the thing. When they sling me down on this stretcher and I realize now that they're going to strap me to it, and I'm claustrophobic. Oh, man, me too. I don't want to be strapped down to a stretcher.

It's one.

Of the reasons I drink. I'm like, Oh, I'll be good. They're like, It doesn't even matter. It didn't even matter because then they put a needle in my butt cheek. There we go. It's called booty juice. Oh, please. The needle just knocks you out. I take this and the next thing I know, I'm waking up from a nap. Now I'm in the part of the hospital where the doors don't... They don't open. You're just locked in, straight up locked in. And because of my behavior, they've now changed my status from 51:50, which is to 52:50, which means they've got me for two weeks. And thank God, because had it been just 72 hours, that wouldn't have done it. If they let me out at 72 hours, I was straight back to the.

Dealer's house. How many days until you broke?

About seven days.

Seven days you're.

Like-the first five days were like me negotiating with myself and my head. Like, Oh, I know what they want to hear. I know what they want to hear, and I got to tell them what they want to hear to get out of here. If I'm honest, I probably should knock it off with the ketamine and the cocaine and the nitrous and the PCP and the aluminum head cleaner. But I'm not going to ever stop drinking. For the love of God, I'm not going to give up weed. I'm negotiating this patchwork of what I'm going to consider my sobriety. But I knew even then that my weed bone is connected to my booze bone, and my booze bone is connected to my Coke bone, and my Coke bones just can't.

Not- I thought my weed bone was connected to my booze bone. I really did. When I stopped partying, I.

Went- I mean, did you get caught in mouth? You're thirsty. You need a drink.

Oh, no.

No, no. As soon as you have a drink, then you need to snort cocaine. As soon as you snort cocaine, then you need to take pills.

I did a podcast with Dan, dance odor. Okay. I didn't quit drinking for any other reason other than I wanted to lose weight. I dropped 15 pounds. For me, my old Bert was like, We're good. 15 pounds is good. Let's go back and let's get back on the horse. I'd be lying if I didn't say it. At certain times, I feel like alcohol has helped define my personality. I'd be out of my mind if I didn't acknowledge that. I would always lose some weight and get healthy, get back on the horse. I thought I was going to, with Dan, we did a podcast here. If anyone goes back and you see the podcast of me and Dan. I wanted to party with him because I wanted to be fun. I wanted it to be fun. I went loose. I said, I'm going to drink. I said to myself, I'm going to drink today. Today is the day I have to go back to drinking. It's very easy to start drinking again when you don't have a ton of not drinking under your belt. Then he said, Well, why don't you just smoke pot? I said, If I smoke pot, I'm going to drink.

He goes, Just don't. He goes, Better yet. By the way, Dan is no therapist. I love him to death. But he goes, You've already said you're going to drink. So if you have to drink, you can drink, but try not to. Just see if you can smoke weed. Because he goes, Weed can be fun because Dan's sober, but he's California sober. He has a big drinking problem. I smoked weed with Dan, and I had a really good time. Then I got tired, and I went to bed, and I slept. Then the next day I tried it again. I've done that throughout. However, I can understand the very, very slippery slope that everything is connected, like even with sugar. Because the second I have a cocktail, it's fucking done.

You and I are not good at moderation.

I'm not a moderate guy. I like having rules. I love having rules. I do. I love living inside the rules, and I like breaking the rules. I was talking to someone the other day. I forget. I'm sure it was on a podcast. I don't feel like I talked to anyone if it's not on a podcast.

Why would you?

No.

Shit. You're not that good at texting.

I'm.

Horrible. Yeah, how many people get really butt hurt over that?

Tom Seger and I had a fucking secret time.

Tom Segerner is very thoughtful and a lot better of a texture than.

You are. We had a, I wouldn't say blow-up, but a huge meeting, a big fucking thing about me not replying to people because I don't reply to anyone. Because what happens to me is like, I did just answer two phone calls, which is crazy. But normally I don't. Normally I don't. But look, here's... I mean, these are just... Well, that's you. You just texted me. This woman has mushrooms in Seattle. I don't really fuck with mushrooms. I'd like to microdose, but that for me is like-.

Dude, I get too introspective on mushrooms, man.

Would you ever do ayahuasca?

Or is that. Maybe I would back in the day, but I'mthat. I'm good being sober. Are you happy? I put out my second book and the final chapter. I think you're going to really relate to this. The final chapter starts with that question in quotes. Are you happy? Really? And then I say that question has always fucked me up, man. It's offended me. It feels very invasive. It feels very personal. It upsets me so much because my gut instinct, am I happy? The first initial reaction when I contemplate the question is, Fuck, no, I'm not happy. I'm gripped by anxiety and stress. I'm in the... I have this default setting. If everything's okay right now, which probably not, it's probably not. It's definitely not going to be okay if you're like, I'm screwed. I'm going to lose everything. I don't know why. It's in my core. It's what I believe. And I've got to do something. I got to frantically hurry up and hustle to try to set myself up so that maybe I'll be okay, but I know that I'm not. But I got to... It's just something about like, I'm defective, I'm not going to be okay.

And that's the fire under my ass. Yeah. And the more I chewed on it, I thought about it, really where I wind up at it, where I wind up in that chapter is that, what is happy? What does it mean? Are you happy? That sounds to me like synonymous with content, and content sounds dangerously similar to fucking lazy. What's being happy going to get me? What the fuck is it? What's the benefit of that? I arrived at my conclusion, which is if I had the choice of being happy or being just this gripped by anxiety and stress, just fearful person. I choose the hustle, bro. I don't have fucking time to be happy, man. I want to fucking hustle. I want to accomplish. I want to strive. I want to fucking kill it.

I had a really hard time when I started not boo... When I wasn't boozing. I had a really hard time finding motivation to work out. My motivation always has been, You owe this to yourself. You fucked up last night. Let's get in there and let's punish ourselves. I had a hard time finding the motivation. I think I've always had a... I feel like I know I edit his name out or don't, but has this... He just edit his name out so he doesn't have to deal with the comments. But has this, he always feels like the shoe's going to drop, like the fucking everything's going to fucking fall apart. When's comedy going to stop?

Even more than that.

Dude, edit both their names out so that everyone doesn't get into their comments and be like... Because I know that... But it's like crazy because I have a thing where I go, I'm sometimes afraid that if I'm too happy, that means bad things are right around the corner. If I celebrate too much, or if I don't pay the air flight the anxiety, if I don't pay the tax of anxiety, then that's the day I die. It's a weird... I understand what you're saying. I will say this, keep the name in. I'm not Mellanie or Ali-Wong, who they are just so undeniable talented in everything they do, everything they touch, everything they grace us with. I'm a Chapelle or fucking Chris Rock. I'm Bert. I got to fucking hustle. I got to work hard. I got to fucking spend time working on my act. Not that they don't work on their act, but God damn it, I could watch Ali-Wong eat crackers, and I'd be like fucking entertained.

Tell you this.

Shoot.

Netflix said that my bucket list special is too much dicks.

Yeah. Oh, Steve-O, I can totally agree with them. I've never seen more eye to eye with Robbie Praw in my entire fucking life. By the way, I'm shocked you're releasing it online. I'm shocked that it's allowed to go online. I haven't seen porn that has more intensity than that. That would get flagged on Pornhub. By the way, great promos, I would put all these on Pornhub. I would put all your fucking stunts on Pornhub.

I mean, it's aggressive.

Yeah, it's fucking impressive, dude. I love that you're multimedia. I love that you see things differently. I love that it's... I love the way you're doing your business. And to go back to you're not... There was a point in your career where things were gifted to you. And then I would argue that you messed enough of those up where you had to start earning them? Like Dr. Steve-o, right? Yeah. You probably didn't even know. I would be shocked if you knew what you made per episode on that.

I think I made 30.

Yeah. And you- 30,000 books. But you probably didn't do much pre-production. You probably weren't sitting through post. You were just showing up.

Getting hammered. I actually kept it together while we were filming. But on any day that we weren't filming, I was unreachable off the grid.

That moment of, Call Steve-O, give him 30 grand an episode, that went away. You go to rehab, and then you had to earn it back. That's why I'm so impressed by where you are and what you're doing. That's why I think this special is so, in fact, a special. So many people are doing specials these days. That is a special. But it wasn't gifted to you. Does that.

Make sense? Yeah. I'm really proud of it, too, man. My first special, man, it did more harm than good. I wasn't ready for it. You don't think?

Yeah, I wasn't. Here's the deal. None of us are ready for it. There's a lot of people making them that still aren't ready for it. I wasn't ready for mine. I did mine on Comedy Central, Comfortably Dumb. Comfortably Dumb, yeah. To this day, I've had people ask to buy it because they look at the catalog and they're like, I want that one. I won't sell it. I won't let people.

See it. I want people to see my first one so that they can see how far I've come since then.

Yeah. Sometimes it's like watching a chef who goes, I love basil. And then you see, and then you watch him cook with basil a ton or garlic. Garlic is a good example. And then you're like, Wow. And then when you try his later recipes, you're like, It's just garlic. And you're like, Yeah, but if you didn't see the first thing of me telling you how much I love garlic, you'd never know how much I love garlic. If you watched my early specials, I think, I don't know, if you listen to my album, my album... Albums used to be what specials are today. Once we all figured out how to make an album, everyone released albums. We all sold them online. Now that's the same thing is now you realize for fucking 30 grand, you can shoot a special, put it up on YouTube. A lot of people are doing it. That was what albums were. You listen to my fucking album.

I spent so much more.

Than that. Well, there's a dude in Chicago that's making them for 30 grand. He's really fucking good.

I paid that just to the one guy that we know.

Yeah.

Just.

The one guy. Oh, I paid it to him, too. Yeah, he's worth it. Yeah, he's worth it. Your special is beautiful, man. Where did you shoot that in England?

At the Hackney Empire. Really? Check it out. That wall of TV sets, seven-feet tall, 24-feet wide, not even including the wings, which were more mountains of television sets.

Your backdrop.

Is impressive. Yeah, that was my girl's idea. She was the production designer. Really? Yeah, it was like well over 100 old school TV sets, all built together in a wall.

I went back to my college recently, and I ran into a lot of people who were- FSU? Fsu, yeah. A lot of people were like, I can't believe you've become who.

You are. I told you the FSU joke?

No.

What's the difference between the Atlanta Braves, Tomahawk chop, and the Florida State, Tomahawk chop?

What?

At Florida State, you get three credits for doing it.

That's pretty good. That's a good joke. We have a good Clown College of Florida State. I've heard about it.

Yeah, I've.

Heard about it. Good circus. But there was a couple of people when they said it, it meant a lot. I was like, Yeah, you actually mean that. You didn't see me doing anything after college.

I'm there with you.

But who are those people in your life that are like, when they go, I'm really... Is your dad still alive? Yeah. When your dad says, I'm proud of you, that must be a new- Oh, my God.

My dad came out of retirement. He's my business manager now.

For real? Yeah. That's why you're so smart. You've done things that business-wise that I've watched from the outside that Tom and I have texted about privately that were like, Well, fucking.

I mean, you beat me to liquid death. Okay.

But you're one of the things that no one knows about you is you're a pretty slick businessman.

I certainly try. My dad, I made this documentary and it came out in 2004, 20 years ago. It was called Steve-O the early years. It was my way of finding a home for low-level video footage that I started out with. It just wasn't that badass on its own. I was Let me tell the story of how I got to where I was. My dad was interviewed for that documentary. Dad said, The world is full of stupid people who try to look smart and they fall in their ass doing it. But Steve, I think, is actually is smart, and he does a great job of looking stupid.

I'd rather under promise and over-perform.

Oh, my God. That's the mantra that my dad gave that if I have a motto outside of if a little is good, a lot's better that my dad instilled in me. It's never over promise and to underdeliver.

Have you ever talked to... It's a weird question, but talk about underpromising, but just delivering the exact promise. It's Chris Pontius. Ever since you first saw his cribs, he seemed like a guy who didn't need much and was really happy and content. But I always wondered if there's something... I've always wondered a bunch of things. Does he have a good sense of humor? Does he watch the same comedy you watch and get it? Why haven't you guys ever started a podcast? The fact that he's not on your podcast, he's great on your podcast. But I've always wondered, have you ever talked to him as a friend and be like, Hey, man, you know what you should do? Because he just seems like the quintessential California fucking beach fucking smile dude.

First off, he just did start a podcast. No way. It's called The Pontius Show. He does it with his wife, May. My episode by this time, I'm sure, will be up. Really? Yeah. The answer to that question, What's Pontius like? I think he's so just naturally funny. When Jackass started, there was a guy named Brandon D.

Camilloow. I remember that guy.

I met that guy. Yeah, he came from Bam's circle of friends. Bam's, yeah. He was a part of Jackass in the very beginning, but he just didn't want to be a part of it. And Brandon D. Camilloow, plus Chris Pontius, I thought were the two most naturally talented guys. I was so jealous of them because they could just spin gold. They could make the most funny, entertaining-.

Pull up a picture of Brandon D. Camillo. I remember that guy. I remember them and then there was-.

They didn't have to get hurt. They didn't have to take risks. They didn't have to be in horrible pain.

They didn't have to- But do you feel like that? Because I probably understand good luck spelling Brandon.

Di Camillo. There's no eposite. It's just D-I-C-Diko. It's D-I-C-D-A. There you go. His free style rapping. Oh, my God. I was just like, Man, these guys just naturally have it. For me to make entertaining footage, I had to break myself. I was just jealous of those guys.

Him and Pontius.

But they're naturally funny.

What's he doing now? What's Brandon Di Camillo? Type in what you can see.

Go to the question. I think that Brandon Di Camillo is bartending now. I had somebody reach out saying, Hey, Brandon's thinking about maybe getting back in the spotlight. I was like, Wait, what?

Wow. Hey, Brandon, open invite to come do my podcast.

Brandon Di Camillo, he's singularly the most talented person that ever had anything to do with Jackass. Really? I would submit that he's more talented than all of us put together. Really? She's so talented. That guy is the most genius. But you know that movie, Road Trip? Tom Green's character, how he's just never left the town? He's a little.

Bit like that. That was the beauty of all of Bam's crew was that I could really get into the weeds about Jackass. I had emotional attachment to all you guys. But the beauty was... The beauty of Ryan Dunn was that same beauty that Chris Pontius had, is that he was like, I'm cool here. I'll go out to L. A, I'll do a minute to win it with Steve-O and Guy Fiete. I'll do it. But I'm also really cool just going to the bar here and having dinner and hanging out with my friends. There's a real nobleness to someone who... If we're going back in the weeds, it is what's sexy about Tom and Logan is that they don't give a fuck about fame at all. They really don't. Tom genuinely does not want to be famous. He has no interest in fame. He wants to be an actor. He wants to do creative projects. He loves podcasting. He wants to build an empire. He wants to make a lot of money, but he does not care about fame. Whereas I don't mind it, and I enjoy it, and it makes me feel nice. Like if a guy's like, Dude, I love your movie.

I go, Fucking thank you. That means a lot to me. It means to me. If you tell someone, if you are looking... I dare you, this is a new challenge, the two bears challenge. Go up to Tom and tell him that he is the funniest part of two bears, and watch his face not move at all. He'll go, Cool, and just walk away. Do it to me. Watch my look. I go, For real? You really think so? It's the difference of us. But those guys, that's what they had. Ryan Dunn didn't feel like he ever needed to leave Pennsylvania.

Yeah, for sure. So Pontius, he's like that. I mean, he's so talented, man. He's so naturally funny. Back before Jackass, when they were doing the big brother thing, he just couldn't... They couldn't get him to go on a trip or they wanted to wrestle and alligator, but he just didn't. There's like a motivation factor, like a hustle muscle. I think Pontius would love to be like... I was telling Pontius for the longest time, Dude, you got to start creating content, man. You can actually build your own audience. You don't have to get greenlit or approved budget, whatever. You don't need permission from anybody to work. You can just work. And I launched my YouTube channel in 2013. First video I made, I uploaded two videos together. One was the condom prank, where I took this dishwasher detergent that looked exactly like semen, and I squirted that into a rubber. It's like ditchwashing detergent in a rubber.

But it's- It's so funny you say rubber. I've never said that word. I've never used that term for that thing. Okay. I've just said it, but today I heard Jay Z say it in a song with Meek Mill with Memphis Bleak. I went, That's crazy that he said rubber.

I put a bunch of them. It just looked like the most massive load. Tied it in a knot, put it in my front pocket. Then I just go waltzing out on Hollywood Boulevard. People come up to me and they're like, Oh, dude, can I get a photo? I'm like, Hell, yeah, you can. And dude, check this out. Pull it out of my pocket and swing it. People are like, their reaction to it was always, Dude, they don't even care. They want to get a picture with you so bad. By the end of the prank, I'm laying it on people's heads. I'm swinging it into their faces. It's incredible. And the other video I made was a Pontius breaking a beer bottle over my head, like a.

Real one. Yeah, a real one. That's crazy. Empty. No, full.

It's got to be full. No, I'm empty.

It's hard to break an empty beer bottle.

As long as you follow through enough, as long as it breaks, you're cool. If it doesn't.

Break- If it doesn't break.

You get knocked unconscious. Not unconscious, but I put them up together.

So you got to go hard enough.

Yeah, and is the only person I trust to do that. Really? It's stern, but fair.

I bet, Bam, from what the videos I've seen, I bet he'd take a swing at you right now.

Yeah, maybe.

By the way, sidebar, he does look good today. Like today, he looked good. I saw him, he's doing a big comic-con thing, and I follow him. I follow him. When you're talk about... I'm careful with my words because I'm a fan of this. But when you talk about like.

Someone said to me- I'm blowing it.

When you talk about blowing it.

Like someone said to me the other day, It's a shitty thing, but people go, If you quit drinking, you'll lose all your fans. Then I go, No, that's not true. I definitely won't. Absolutely. Yeah, I definitely think that they don't even see.

Me drunk. There were people. I don't know how many of them there still are, but I would see people say, Oh, man, Steve-O, you were funnier on drugs, man. You were way funnier.

That person is a fucked up person.

That person is just plain wrong.

Yeah, and you wouldn't be here. It's like saying, Chris Farley was funnier on drugs? No. I would still love him here. Yeah. I say that to Bam. It is a weird thing because I don't, you know...

Let me tell Bam. You're the same thing, man. Dude, you create content, man. Bam, just like Di Camillo and Ponti, it's like, Bam, did it all. You want to talk.

About that? He was making $300,000 an episode on fucking.

Viva La Bam. I mean, that was the budget. That's a pretty standard budget.

That's a lot budget-wise to piss away.

I mean, when it's the total budget for a basic cable show, I don't know, I would guess that we had a $300,000 budget for Wild Boys.

No, but not per episode?

I would guess.

I mean, I imagine. I imagine it is. Yeah, I'm sure it is. I think it was 150 for fucking trip flip. We didn't have to do anything. I bet your budget was 150. Did you guys find first class on Wild Boys?

Sometimes.

Really?

Who did you start- We started out with a sponsorship for the show with Virgin Air.

How quick did you.

Lose that? After the first trip, I think. What was it? We were trying to see... We were going on some trip, and we went and bought as much tanning lotion as we would. We tried to put the most tanning lotion on ourselves to try to get the craziest tan that tanning lotion could possibly get us.

Yeah, Maui Babe is what we used.

To use. We were just naked and covered in tanning lotion and just frolickinging in the first class lounge, and that was it. I think it was one trip.

Wait, does Pony his party?

I think that he tells me that he hasn't had a drink in a long time. I have no reason not to.

Believe him. Did he used to party a lot when you did Wild Boys?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, we drank a lot. Really? Oh, yeah. We drank a lot, and there was a lot of dry goods. Not powder goods, but just pills and stuff. Really?

Yeah, I talked to Tom about it the other day about drinking. We were just casually talking. I think it was even longer. We were talking about Huberman. We had Huberman on two bears. He's a great guy.

He's a great guy.

He's a great guy.

I want to get him on my thing.

Yeah, well, he's- On the Wilderness. He's fucking awesome. He's awesome. But he was saying having one drink a week is normal. It doesn't compute to me. It's like, Well, I even have one? Just don't save the calories. One doesn't do anything to anyone. Are you doing it to shit? Is it a formal thing you're doing? I just, you know everyoneand I don't have a problem. I don't know why you're doing it. Right. And then I said to Tom, casually, we're talking. I was like, Can you imagine? What's the longest you could go without a drink? He was like, I don't know when the last time I had a drink was. I was like, Wait, what do you mean? I was like, When was the last time you smoked weed? He was like, I don't know, a couple of months ago. I was like, That for me was like, I go, Really? I wasn't drinking at the time. I was like, a game changer. I was like, Sweet, you don't have a drink at the end of every day? He was like, No. I was like, How do you dial down? He goes, I just sit on the couch.

I was like, Oh, that's interesting. Because I think the majority of people listening right now, I would argue, I put it on my social media, the majority of people probably have more than one drink a week, I would think, or they don't drink at all.

I mean, yeah, I think that the difference is a normal person doesn't think about how many drinks they have.

A normal person doesn't think at.

All about it. Yeah, they never even interest their mind.

Someone told me they went to-.

Only an alcoholic will ever even wonder or think about if they're an alcoholic, because that question would never.

Even come up. Then I'm not an alcoholic. People have asked me that so often, and I go, No. They're like, Really?

I think that you've told me directly that you think you have a problem.

No, I have a problem with everything, with food, with sex, everything. I have a problem with everything. That's just my personality. But yeah, I think Dr. Drew analyzed me, and he was like, You don't're not an alcoholic, but you definitely drink too much.

Dr. Drew tried to tell you that you're not an alcoholic? Dr.

Drew would call him right now.

Give it a shot.

By the way.

Huberman's got to be disgusted with you.

Huberman doesn't know what to do with me. But Huberman, he's a scientist.

He lives in Malibu.

He's a scientist. What do you expect? I don't think he's the guy that you introduce to someone and don't give a little- Are you calling Drew? Oh, yeah. I don't think you're.

Giving a- He's a scientist and you're a science experiment.

Yeah. Human beings like... He's an anomaly. There are how many human beings do exist in the world? He's in the 1% of that brain, right? He's a tenured professor at one of the biggest universities in the country. And all he talks about is longevity. So if he looks at any of us, he's going to see problems in all of us. Dr.

Drew. Dr. Drew is- Can I FaceTime him? Yeah, please. Whenever I go to a doctor.

Visit there- By the way, if he says I'm an alcoholic, edit this out.

I want to tell him this if he picks up. Okay. Whenever I go into a doctor appointment, they ask, Who's your primary care physician? And I say, Dr.

Drew Pinsky.

Yeah, I do.

Really?

Yeah, because at one point I tattooed a fan and I wasn't wearing gloves. Didn't even occur to me. I was just like, I was choked up on the tattoo machine. I tattooed Yo Mama's name on a guy's butt cheek. So he could say, I got Yo Mama's name tattooed on my butt, and that's what it says. I showed my girl the video of that, and she's like, You tattooed somebody without wearing gloves? She goes, We're not having sex without a condom for the next six months until you clear the window for HIV risk. What? I'm like, What? She made me wear a rubber. I went running to Dr. Drew to go get an AIDS test.

He has those on him?

Yeah, I mean, he's practicing.

No, I meant in his pocket. He's like, Yeah.

Come here. No, I went to his office. He's like a physician. He has an office? He's a doctor with a- I.

Thought he was one of those like Dr. Cosby doctors. He's a real doctor.

No, he literally has a medical practice.

Patient, family. I think you're confusing him with Dr. Jay. No. Dr. Jay and the same doctor as Dr.

Drew.

I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I know he's a real doctor.

Right. Because my blood tests, I didn't have AIDS, and I was like, Can I get a couple of extra tubes my blood to fuck around with. He's like, Yeah, you bet.

Wait, what were we just talking about right before then?

Huberman?

Yeah. See, there he is in his... He's a legit doctor.

He's not wearing gloves.

Well, yeah, I don't know. But yeah, so-.

Yeah, no, Dr. Drew. If you don't think I've talked to Dr. Drew about my drinking before, you're out of your fucking mind. I also have a theory. I also have a theory. You're not going to like this theory. I believe everyone who is an admitted alcoholic sees everyone's drinking problem. I think it's like they're hyper aware of everyone's drinking problem and see everything as a problem. Because it's really hard talking to anyone that's in recovery and them not convincing you you have a problem. The same way that when COVID was going around and everyone was like, Is that a cough? You got COVID. It was contagious. I think recovery is contagious.

Okay. I mean, I don't know. My view on it is that people who have diabetes, they're not mad at sugar and they don't.

Like- I think they are. You don't think people with diabetes want to.

Eat sugar? Well, sugar is not a bad thing. It's just that they.

Can't have it. Yeah, but I think they live a life where they go, I would love to be able to eat cake at a birthday party. Like talk to a child who's got diabetes, they would love to have cake like everyone else. Do you think they want to sit off the side and have an orange? Probably not.

Yeah, but they know they can't have it.

Yeah.

It's not that sugar is bad, it's just that they can't have it. I just can't have it. Yeah.

No, I.

Agree with that. Alcohol is not bad. And if you're getting away with it, I love it. I'm not even saying it's a bad thing. And maybe you're not an alcohol guy. I don't care.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not going to figure it out on Two Bear's One Cave.

Yeah. I don't want you to think that I'm-.

No, I.

Don't think- I don't have a judgment around it.

I don't think you ever have. I've been able to party in front of you, and you've never said anything. Also, I think one of the cool things is I like talking to people that have been through recovery because I like to hear everything. I like hearing opposing opinions, even of my own. Because I talked to Tom about it today. We were talking and he was like, Are you drinking for your cruise? I was like, I don't know. I was like, I have no fucking idea. I don't really want to. The only drink I can really have on this diet is tequila, and I haven't wanted a tequila. That's the one thing that will keep you in ketosis.

The last time that we had you on my podcast, you had just discovered-.

Tequila and soda.

-that tequila is good for you or what was it?

My recovery was through the.

Fucking roof. Oh, yeah. Now that I've switched to just tequila- Tequila and soda with lime. -my whoop band is telling me.

My sleep was 97% every fucking night. The sugars are lower than beer and everything else, and especially a mixed drink.

How great is I love my whoop, dude?

I fucking love my whoop. I love it. What was your sleep recovery last night? I'm through the roof sober.

I'm not sober. I'm yellow today. I couldn't fall asleep.

How do you sleep? Do you sleep well?

I had sleep apnea. I'm on.

The scene. Okay, don't get me started. I think sleep apnea is a fucking... I think that's Big Pharma. I really do. I think they tell everyone they have sleep apnea because the machines cost money. I'm telling you, because you know they do that with everything with all the pills. With all the pills.

I'm not back in Big Pharma. Okay, yeah. But I'm going to tell you how it came up. Twice had been diagnosed with it, but it's just my girl. I sleep with my girl in bed every night. And she's like, Yo, it freaks me out. It freaks me out. She says, I don't like it. You're sitting there and you don't breathe. And then all.

Of a sudden- Oh, you've got witnesses. You've got witnesses.

There you go. Yeah, she's just like... Yeah, you don't breathe then... And so she fucking made me. Yeah.

But where was sleep apnea? I'm just curious. Where was sleep apnea before? Did we just lose people? Because I heard diabetes. I heard before diabetes got discovered, people just died. Right. They just died.

I think that sleep apnea, if I'm not mistaken, like there's your heart attacks. For real? I think so, yeah. I think that over the long run, it weakens.

Your heart. Speaking of human losing his mind, he's listening to us talk about all this going like, I need to get on Steve-O's podcast and correct these. Good. I went to one of those doctors where you get ready for a TV show.

Who are we going to call next that's going to not give a fucking blow us up. No.

Drew must be with a patient. We could call Huberman.

Remember how funny it was when you showed me your dick?

That.

Really was a hit of an episode, man.

It was. It was back when we cared.

I don't know that this was a bad one. I mean, we were a little bit all over the place. Oh, a bad one? I mean, yeah, I was telling great stories, and you fucked it all up. I didn't know why I'd fuck it up. Well, because I got there, I remember I was talking about it a bit in the psych ward. That was the juiciest shit ever, and then you derailed it.

Don't you.

I just fuck with you, dude. But, dude, when I was in there, I'm in the psych ward, right? And then a weekend do it, and I'm like, Okay, I got to go. I'll say something fucked up. Then I finally was like, Okay, I'll go to rehab. I went to the rehab where the director of the chemical dependency unit was Dr. Drew Pinsky. No. I showed up there and I was like, Dude, and I don't even know that I've ever even said that at a public level. He doesn't work there anymore, but he was the director of the company. He ran the rehab. I got there and I was like, Drew, I know that most alcoholics don't get it. The statistics are very bad. I was like, I want to give myself every advantage I can. However long you recommend I be here in this rehab, I want to stay significantly longer to give myself a better chance. Which is like, Here's a blank check for this expensive rehab. It's a crazy move. And he said, Well, I like to hear that you're so committed, but I don't recommend you stay here more than 30 days.

What I do recommend, if you're serious, is go into a sober living, like a halfway house. And so I did, man. I stayed in a sober living, like a halfway house until I had been sober for an entire two years.

I didn't know that. Two years?

Yep. I was shooting Jackass 3D. I had to get like, Hey, I'm going to miss curfew tonight because I'm getting catapulted into the sky in a porta potty full of shit. All right, okay, well, we'll give you permission, but make sure you get back and scrub the toilet in here. Are you serious? Yeah, I had a room. Doctor Drew. Yeah, there he is.

Hey, Drew. You're saving my life here. Okay.

Yeah, Drew.

Oh, Steve-O, what's.

Happening, buddy? Hey, do they need to edit out that I said that you were the director of the chemical dependency unit at the rehab that I went to straight from the psych ward? Do you.

Need to edit.

That out? Yeah, I'm asking you.

It's up to you. You're the patient.

All right, next question. When I go to doctor visits, they always ask me, Who's my primary care physician? I say, It's Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Yes, I've been receiving some of the stuff from the GI doctors. I've been reading it carefully, and so I am happy to take that role for you.

Did you get one from the breast augmentation surgery consultation that I went to? I did.

But I look forward to.

Reading about it. Do you know what? That one's actually in jeopardy. My girl might be getting through to me that getting double-D tits is disrespectful and unfair to her.

I see. You make her feel diminished by having your big tits.

I understand.

You guys have always had an interesting dynamic. It might add a layer to things.

I know. I'm not calling it off. I'm just not getting my boob job on December first now. I'm kicking it down the road. I'm doing it one step at a time. I'm going to get the big dick tattooed on my forehead and keep that for a few months, see what comes out of it.

You're going to get the big dick tattooed on your forehead? Yeah. Ted will love that.

My dad, Ted will love that. I've just got to find out how long do I last before I get it lasered off. I'm not going to keep it forever.

I'm not going.

To keep it.

Forever, dog. I was like, Man, you should. I'm going to love this entire plant. He's going to dig it.

Yeah, our dad. Our dad's unretired. He's my business.

Manager now. Which ones are you getting lasered off? Are you getting any other ones.

Lasered off? I got shit and fuck laser off my knuckle. I didn't like that. Hey, did we have another question for… Oh, is Bert an alcoholic?

Well, you know we have a saying in the program, right? I don't think you can spot it. You spot it, you got it. I'm curious what you think. Hold on. That's actually my argument. I think everyone in recovery only sees alcoholism because they couldn't… Yeah, what are.

You fucking… The literature tells me that it's not my role to diagnose another alcoholic. We just say, Hey, if you find that once you start, you can't stop, we have a solution. I'm not pushing on you, but we're here when you're ready. That's what I say too.

Steve, that's what I say too, right? I was like, Look, it's on you. You know it's hard work. You used to tell me that for that matter. You always told me you would say, I'm not ready, but when I'm ready, I'll go all in. And you did. You were as good as your word.

I remember when you reached out to me for season one of Celebrity Rehab. I'll never forget my response to you. You said, Hey, I've got this show, Celebrity Rehab. Maybe it could be helpful for you. I said, Drew, I have far too much respect for the recovery process to make a mockery of it on television. That was my way of-.

I remember that, but the one I was thinking of was when you'd smashed that table at the corner. Oh, yeah. I was backstage with you saying, Dude, we're going to have to do something. You're like, Fuck you. I'll let you know Yeah.

I remember to you at another show where it was about quitting smoking. I said, Drew, I will smoke cigarettes through a fucking hole in my throat until I'm dead. There's no way I'm quitting. And look at that. I quit more than 15 years ago.

But back to Bert. Bert has a binge issue for sure. Whether that's real deal stuff, it's hard to tell. He gets it under control on his own, so it's hard to... You know what I mean? He actually does get it under control, right? So when people can do that, it's hard to say, Well, you got to follow me. We've got some ideas. We'll see. If he wants help, there's help available.

There you go. I love it. I'm good.

Fucking this is the weirdest episode of the podcast I've ever done. I'm holding a phone talking about my drinking with Steve-O and Dr.

Drew. Yeah. Well, I look forward to. Oh, man, I referenced you in my new comedy special. I'm dying to show it to you. Okay, I can't wait. I talk about how I met this guy who said he could put a four-inch needle into my spine, inject a drug into my spinal cavity, which would render me paralyzed, and then rip out the needle so I could take off and see how far I could sprint before I collapsed, paralyzed on the ground. And you said, Wow, do I hate that idea?

Yes, that fits. Yeah. Both you guys do this to me. Do what? Both scare me. You're my friends, and you do- First of all, my blood sugar is at 82 today. My fucking blood pressure is better than it's ever been. I'm down almost 40 pounds. I'm- I'm proud of you. Yeah, I know. Look, Steve-O is years into recovery. His recovery is a inspiration. Very much so. I sent him a text of that. I sent him a text of that. He's still staring, talking about sticking needles in his spine, and doing anesthesia and riding a bike and scared the shit out of me all the time. So good times. I'll talk to you later, Drew. I love you.

Yeah, dude.

I love that guy.

Yeah, dude, who doesn't?

It's good to have him in your life. Trust me, I've talked to Drew a lot.

Well, I'm allowed. He used to tell me that because we were friends, he wouldn't be my doctor. Oh, yeah. But now he's violated his own rule.

Do you wish you had done the episode with Tom? No. Are you sure?

I would like to have that experience at some time.

Do you know Tom?

I know him not quite as well as you.

You picked the right one. Itry to know him. Trust me, our friendship, me and your friendship, I'm interested to see you do two bears with Tom.

I would love to.

He's the best.

And check this out. The last time Tom was on my podcast. We started off with him saying, You know how much I love you. He says, I'm here. I just canceled an MRI appointment for some MRI that he was like, There's very difficult to get that appointment. He finally got it, and he said, I love you so much that I put you.

Over that. I'll tell you, man, Tom doesn't fuck around. He doesn't fuck around. He will not be your friend. He will not talk to you if he doesn't like you. He just won't. He's very, very, very different than me and you.

He has boundaries. Yeah. He has intense boundaries. That meant so... Yeah, it meant so much to me. On your mom's house, I've been on there a couple of times. Always the best time.

Yeah. I think your mom's house is such a great fit for his brain because it really is the way what makes him giggle. What makes him giggle is that shit. That fucking he loves... What makes him giggle and what makes me giggle are two different things, but what makes us giggle together is the same thing.

Okay. He likes really violent, disturbing stuff.

I do not.

He's going to love my special.

He's going to absolutely love your special. He will buy it behind the paywall at stevo. Com. He will watch it over and over again, and he will have you on and tell you his favorite parts. Your chick talking about shit will be one of his favorite.

He loves- I mean, he's going to love it all. He's going to love when I'm actually simultaneously falling out of an airplane and ejaculating.

All over the place. By the way, that's the one part I wanted to see. I'll show it to you. I have a meeting that started... I have a meeting that started two minutes ago. The, buddy, I love you to death. I'm so proud of you. I say proud, and I have no attachment to that pride, meaning I didn't do anything to watch you succeed. I just watched you succeed from afar as a fan that has known of you the entire time I've been in this business. To see where you are today is inspirational. Don't think I don't take anything lightly about anything you ever say to me life-wise and health-wise and direction-wise.

I mean, dude, I'm just like fucking with you. I know. I'm not like that.

I know, but I want you to know you're an inspiration. There are a lot of people I draw inspiration from where the things you've done are the mountains that not everyone climbs.

I'm not going to even argue with that. I have no idea how I was bestowed with the willingness to become what I've become.

It's impressive. Anyone who doesn't see all your accomplishments for what they are is lying to themselves and/or ignorant. Congratulations on the new special.

It's really.

Fucking good. Yeah, it's really fucking good. I hope all our fans go out and support you, number one, but trust me, it's something you guys will fucking like. And your Moms House fans, this is up your alley.

Let me tell everybody this. I taped my special two shows in one night. The first show, five audience members passed out. One of them on their face, and-.

Dude, I think I saw.

That one. No, yeah, you saw.

That one. That's just the promo. That promo right there of you, of that guy fucking taking a header.

The late show, I think, only three people passed out. But I went around the world and made audience members just pass out. And the worst is when people, they think, Oh, I don't feel right. After I saw that video, I don't feel right. And they get up while they're walking, they fall down. So many people in ambulances with broken noses and all the rest of it. I've never heard of a Jackass movie making people pass out in the audience and literally.

Like-this is bigger. I mean, this is more intense than Jackass ever has been, in my opinion. I've watched every Jackass there is.

It's better when it comes to comedy and stuff is very subjective, but it is objective, black and white. You can't do on Jackass what I did for this.

Not at all.

Not at all. Because you can't break the law, you can't-Will it.

Ever go to YouTube? No, it won't go. It can't go.

To YouTube. Yeah, it can't. It can't go anywhere.

Pornhub is the best bet. It's going to be either Pornhub or go to stevo. Com. Yeah.

I'm really proud of... I did 11 years in comedy clubs before I graduated to theaters. Now I'm 13 years into comedy. And finally, I got that craft to a place where I just like, I'm comfortable doing it, and my world's converged. So it's Jackass, meet, stand-up, and at a level that is literally the bar has been raised.

It's a natural progression for you. It really is. I think, like I said, I saw the one before this, and I fucking love what you're doing, but you're a multimedia dude. This is the natural progression. It's like if Mike Tyson did a one-man show but then showed you all the shit he's talking about. But you, for lack of a better word, for two dudes who've done it their entire life, you under promise and overdeliver. And it's a fucking great special dude.

Thank you, man. I appreciate it, brother. I love you. I love you, too. Yeah, dude, you're not an alcohol, dude. Who cares?

Hey, listen, we all die one day.

Yeah. Bert, Tom, Tom.

And Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine.

There's not a chance in hell that they'll.

Keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bear's One cave.