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Let's start to show you this, this is very, very, very, very hot and looking good, looking good. He's burned. Krischer, I'm sorry, just put the pedal to the metal. There's a perfect way to start off the show, about 12 years in the making. It's going to be a fucking shit show. Not everyone is going to get under percent.

I definitely wouldn't celebrate that.

Black and brown people are suffering more during this pandemic. But I did not say that.

You said, isn't it great? No, I didn't.

Getting the short end of the stick on this.

No, you just said it's on camera. And yeah, they are disproportionately suffering. It's not some of the globe stuff. Just stop with the bit.

The the by the way, if you are someone that is like if someone's looking to cancel someone and they're like Bourke-White or something, they could literally pull out the intro to every single one of these.

If you did not know the joke and be like the guy literally says the most horrible stuff to his friend.

Yeah, they always edited it out. Just so I said something to you earlier that you didn't understand. And I was like, can I screwed in? Yeah. Is that better? How's that? I said something earlier.

You didn't get in the chair though. Oh yeah. How's that. Is that better?

That was like an animal moving. Yeah. That looks like a walrus trying to find his way over to a mate. Are you. I'm gaining weight.

You know, I'm working out like crazy, but I'm just eating like I mean, I found it's like sometimes when I say, what was your what was the thought you were about to say that before this?

I could I could not stop laughing at the preposterous suggestion that white America was telling black men to start wearing masks like.

And I said that you are saying it fucking made me laugh so hard that they're like, hey, black guys, can you please cover half your face and walk around the city? We've only been shooting. You uncover like we're not big fans of you wearing hoodies, but go ahead and cover up all the way. Yeah, cover up.

And then can you guys bring flashlights and then kind of just flash them into our windows. I just found it so preposterous that it's like tone deaf.

Did you see Drake's new mansion? Uh, no, I did.

It's if it's you can pull the pictures up. It's what city? Toronto, which I don't know what.

Ah, he lives there. He's from there. Oh yeah. I don't make sense.

I was like, why the fuck would he be like, oh my God. Looks like vici. Yeah.

It's fucking ridiculous. They sent they sent look at that, I mean, is that a house or is it like a resident mansion? I think but I mean, it's not a building, you know, like a like a crazy penthouse apartment.

I don't know. I don't know. I've always wanted to buy a full like like one of those Breteau warehouses.

Look at this basketball court. Oh, my God. Does it say he lives by himself? I think he's got a kid now. He's got a girlfriend. Yeah.

Oh, and the kid? I mean, pretty does it say in any specs up there? It does. His his master bedroom is thirty two hundred square feet. That's pretty big, as big as bigger than my house by a thousand and two hundred square feet back 44 foot high ceilings in the great room, 44 feet high.

He can shoot a gun in that room. Crazy draglines.

I don't think I was O.S.S. the plane that he got last year. No. Does he?

He must make money. What does he do? What like what is he like? I know he's drak, but like, what does he do? Is he like. A producer, something. Yeah, well, he's a sing a song to me. What's this song? His song is called. Er, Drake, well, it was a partnership thing with his Canadian company, gave him a two hundred and fifty million dollar plane and they see it as like a co beneficial.

Oh by the way, I'm willing to do whatever the fuck I'll shoot porn's where dudes fuck me in the ass on that plane. Like whatever you think is a cosponsorship 767. He got a 767. It's crazy. Yeah.

Dude, I don't even know what he does anybody like.

It's I guarantee you they're being bought something really cool and then let us film him getting fucked in the ass.

By the way, my quarantine is going the way that I think that might be interesting. So you, uh, you say you've been gaining weight. I mean, gaining weight. Like, I'm just eating like crazy sometimes. When I used to drink, I would and I when I used to drink back in the day I used to drink was in months.

Now how long has it been 20. I'll tell you, I have an app on my phone. You have a most people have this app.

Why do I want to be able to.

It's called uh are are two eyes. I don't know.

Uh, Alcoholics Anonymous.

No, it has been twenty five days, three hours, 54 minutes and 17 seconds. Does this count the time you drink? No, I didn't tell them about that. You didn't. OK, I don't count that day I was having drinks and ajoint. It doesn't count. It doesn't count.

By the way, I also I'm I've I've greenlit a few drinking times within this ten week off when I if I can do, I'm allowed to drink if I don't drink five days before or five days after.

So does that have you had a drink in the twenty five days. I've only had two drinks with Joe in this twenty five days. Two drinks at all. OK, in twenty five days. So when's the next drink coming up.

I can do it whenever I want but then I got to go five days after before I get another drink. Yeah. And that. And then if I can go five days after that doesn't count as drinking. So it makes sense, makes a lot of sense. Yeah, and so it's been 25 days and it's almost a month and I want to see if I can go something crazy. Yeah, I've had a drink. Well, that's not great.

And I haven't thought about it, even though you haven't even thought about it.

No edibles. I have been eating edibles. I would love to be eating edibles, but I'm eating mild edibles.

I do it at night like an hour before I want to go to bed. And you're already tired? No, I'm not tired. No, that's the thing is I'm not tired.

And so it's like I take it I start watching a show and then I just kind of feel it. It's so mild that it just. You feel the shift. Go to.

I love that feeling when a drug kicks. Yeah. Like Xanax, when all of a sudden you're like it just it, it just oh this is what normal people feel like. It's pretty good.

Wait, what, what kind is it. Is it the bar.

It's a no I've had I have a few of those like a cheaper choose ten mg really. But you know what Josh.

Tell me Josh has an insane tolerance. Potter to edibles. Insane.

He's like like I've given him.

I'll be like oh here's a few kilograms. Oh yeah. There's been a hundred. It doesn't affect him.

He has to eat so much. He's like dollars is going to go up. And I was like I still I've been eating Tannen's for a while and then I feel like it just shifted.

Really. Yep. I would love to start eating.

I feel like twenty milligram time is going to make an appearance pretty soon. Really. Yeah. Slow increase and then next year we'll do this podcast. I'm like I 200 milligrams last night.

Lee-Anne is Lee-Anne had a problem sleeping and so she got these edibles but she thought they were CBD, she didn't. Another THC in them. Oh yeah. And she ate one, it was ten milligrams. And I said, I said do you sleep well. And she goes I every time I close my eyes I see fireworks going off. And I was like, was that comfortable? Because no, it's just aggravated that I wasn't falling asleep.

Christina had she did the CBD droplets. Yeah. And she was doing it for a while. And then we got the one to one THC and she took like a four I think one or two full droplets shot up.

Did she look like something was going on? She was. It's the middle of the night. I was like, what she's like, I feel I think I'm having a stroke. And like she was I could see in her face, like, she was really panicking.

And I was like, what are you talking about? She was like, I just feel, yeah, something's wrong, something's wrong. And I was like, nothing's wrong. What what did you take? As soon as she said somebody, I was like, let me see that bottle.

Well, it's the one to one is not.

That's what Rogan takes. The one to one has THC. Yeah. Strong THC. I want to be able to do it. The problem is I don't have the Tapout day where I get to try it because I'm with the girls every single day. So, like, do it at night. I know. But even still I go if I do it tonight and I go if I do it tonight, it's not going to knock you and your husband.

Really. No.

You'll get you'll get a buzz if you have the I like smoking joints more do that than I know, but I don't want to smoke because of your fucking coronavirus or the coronavirus. Wait. Oh because I go. Why don't you do the edible then. I know I'm going back and forth. I have them sitting on my desk. The little I do it the little mints. Yeah. There are only two point five milligrams.

Oh you're going to have to pop a few of those. Really. Yeah. Two point five is really low. Really.

Yes. I'll, I'll pop one two point five tonight and then we're doing. You will not feel that we're doing a prank to the I'm doing a prank to the girls but it just started last night.

I realized it so we watched, I tweeted about it.

I thought you you're going to dose them. And I guess the prank by the way, I was thinking about giving them a Xanax of the night, like in their drinks so that I could go and just take them, tap them out for a little while and wish I could do it to my fucking toddlers.

Do we used to do not we used to do stop breaking shit. Sudafed, little Sudafed.

Oh really? Yeah. A little nightmare. Candy, I need some daytime night night. Candy, my fucking 20 month old just opens every drawer, throws shit across the room.

Dude, you would have laughed hard. I wish I had this video for you was like a movie. I went to chase him and I was really trying to chase him and I was wearing socks on hardwood floors.

And I went up in the air and landed on my ass and like hard because I saw him.

I was talking to the older kid and I saw him run by the older guy. Yeah, yeah.

And I talking to him and I see and I'm wearing I'm wearing socks and boxers and a t shirt and I see my little one run by and he's holding like a slice of turkey with mustard on his hands and he's running towards my couch and I go, I'll get my couch and and as I run I push like hard.

You know, I'm really trying to chase him.

I get like one, two. And it's like like a cartoon.

I go by him and I'm like, oh, and they both turn to me and they're like, they look. The little one just looks at me and my older son goes, Are you OK?

Yeah. What did he do?

They realize they live in a different house now. I yeah I think so. Like do they ask like where's my old room or anything. No, no that's crazy. Yeah.

George and I did not want to move when they were babies. No not. All and then I told you about the time that Georgia, when we started renovating our house. Ready to get Georgia to move our shit out. This is the I mean, the hardest I've ever cried in my life. And so I say to Georgia, I said I said, come on, baby, we need to get your stuff out of here. We're starting demo tomorrow.

She's like, I know. I know she was.

I maybe like going into fifth grade or fourth grade. And so we bring her in Lansing. She's still not doing it. So I go into the room to talk to her and she's sitting on the bottom bunk on her bed. And I go I sit down, I go, Georgia, honey, we got to get this done today. And she looks at me and goes, Daddy, when they tear down this room, my child will go away.

She goes, All my memories from being a kid are in this room. Just give me one more day. And I went, Oh, my God. And she then she looks at me. She goes, I don't want to grow up, daddy. And I start crying and I'm like, holding it together. I'm like, baby, going to be OK. And then she looks at me and goes, It's OK. You can cry, Daddy.

I fucking started sobbing.

I was like, fuck this renovation. Fuck your mom. She's an asshole. She wanted something else out of life. She married me. Oh.

I got like I was fucking melted down hard as I've ever cried harder than ever. I was sitting with my daughter on her bed just fucking like, oh my God, my toddler, my four year old.

He asked me if I was a fag, OK?

I knew that was almost the second thing you're going to get. What is it with these words that make me laugh so hard when I hear them?

Did he say it like, what are you, a fag?

Is he crying like, no, I was like, you fell. You don't cry. You a family.

Oh, yeah.

We should team our families up during this quarantine. You got enough know, why don't we just move in with you and then we go over. Yeah, I would love I'm fucking so bored with my family. Of course, I tell you the prank I'm playing on him is I randomly watched. We watch. This is the end right now. They didn't know. Yeah. That all of those guys are movie stars.

So they saw it the first time not knowing who Seth Rogen is, really not knowing who Jonah Hill was. They didn't know who any of them. Never seen any of their movies. So they knew any of them. So then I do explain. I go, oh, no, no, no, no. These are all movie stars. Now, the little caveat.

Is Jay Baruchel, who played Seth Rogen or is Seth Rogen best friend? He's I mean, he's not technically a movie star the way Seth Rogen and all those other guys. That's the plot of that movie. This is the end, is that he's kind of like a working actor and writer and they're just all movie stars and he doesn't fit in. But they I told them they're all movie stars. And then they go, Jay Baruchel is a movie star.

So then randomly we watch Tropic Thunder and they're like, oh, there's Jay Baruchel, which is an odd person to point out when you see that cast right there, like, oh, Jay Baruchel. And I went, Oh, yeah. And then I got he's in everything.

So tonight we're going to watch Million Dollar Baby with Jay Baruchel, guy guys just playing Jay Baruchel movies.

Oh, I love this. That you think this is a prank where at the end they'll be like, so that guy works a lot of guys and you're like, he's in everything.

For the next five minutes, we're going to watch Justin. Just me and my daughter is going to be like, fuck, like like whatever happened with Jay Baruchel?

Did you see you see the Bertus interrupt this promo?

Oh, it is so good. These guys did it. You should play it.

Yeah, play it. It's really good. It's on my Instagram right now. I don't know what's better. Burtis interruptus or burtis ignoramus, which is when I interview Adam Sandler. That's coming up. Oh my God. Oh, is that Korona fuckin face mask? Yeah, are you selling that? Yeah. Jesus Christ, I started a drinking game called Burtis Interruptus. We have a drink any time he touches his face, nose, ears, any mispronunciation, ask the question, then changes the subject to a story about himself.

Any utterance of Mickey Mantle that he interrupts anyone to drink anytime he tells a story only to interrupt himself and then tells another story and forgets the first story to drinks every time he touches his toes or smells his fingers. Any time he answers a question with a story that has nothing to do with the question. When I was working for you not want to be quiet, we were entwined with Do you have any left? People have asked me a lot and he knows Dick was up.

Then I went into one of my first junk food stamps, looked at me and he goes, All right, are we playing the game yet?

Let's go back to work. Let's go back. I haven't had a drink with judge, spoke with Joe, but I haven't drank. I really touched my face a lot.

He's like, oh, yeah, I kind of think this is a drink.

You'd be hammered. I haven't done any of those yet. Really. I don't think I probably touch my face a couple of times.

I know I touch my face a lot, so I've been sanitizing my hands as much as I possibly can. I touch my face like I'm a dermatologist. I'm I touch it nonstop. I'm trying to write that joke for a while about how many times I touch my face.

Touch your face a lot. I touch non. You clear your throat, you touch your face, burp, you burp. You do. You do smell your fingers.

I smell my fingers. Norns if I find something new on my body, I smell it.

Wait, let's go to let's go to. You can get the sailor stuff ready but do you think you can tell me what you've been eating. Even eating like crazy.

I mean you fucking crazy.

Eminem's band Eminem's just like, I mean I took we found Reese's Pieces and I poured the whole thing in my mouth and just let him sit there, the whole thing.

And I thought my whole bag, a whole bag. They're pretty small.

Like what the doctor recommended serving a recipes. They don't have doctor recommended, but the ones that are like not extra supersized, just like what they sell.

In like in like a store like 50 Reese's Pieces. Yeah, yeah, I just put them all in my mouth and I went I went quick and I was like, and I know I'm not done. I've been eating a bowl of cereal with two different cereals in it every day. Cereals, I don't know. They're in my cabinet ones, grape nuts. And then the other one is like bunches of nuts. But it's got honey in it, honey bunches of oats.

I might be a honey bunches of.

That was my shit in high school, man. I love honey, but I've been going through cereal like I'm talking about.

Honeybunch, the votes that I loved was that it gave you the illusion that you were eating healthy. Oh, it's not healthy. I don't think so. Yeah.

It was like you're like, oh, it's oats. And then it's just like just covered in clumps, like sweet corn.

So good. And especially if you let it sit there for a while, I start off breakfast. Good.

I'll do two eggs when I do this. I've been doing one egg with a a Dr Prager's burger as the hash so I'll crush it.

Dr. Prager's Burger and watch the Dr. Prager's Burger. Oh a veggie burgers.

OK, I'm really good to use that is like a hash, I mean doing that. But then the wheels come off at like lunch. I start eating candy like I eat a whole fucking.

It's part of the the, the mindlessness of being at home and having nothing to do.

Right. And you put chocolate in your mouth and it just feels like you can feel things shoot into your brain like, yes, we're winning, we're winning.

He's breaking away from the pack. He's doing it by himself. And you're like, God, I it work out.

This morning I did a zoom like a trainer. You know, my trainer train really is consuming. Wait, tweet. How does it work? Well, it's the here's the thing I've been working on at home. And I was like, he's like, yeah, we should get a workout in on Zuma. I was like, all right. So I put the laptop in the room and then he's like, we'll just do body weight workout, you know, like you don't need the weights or anything, like, OK, that shit.

I was really close to throwing up. I mean, it was so much fun and they reminded me of hard workouts. I was like, oh, I haven't been working out.

I'm texting this thing. And we had to do Georgias workout yesterday. New day. OK, new data coming in. The virus that I don't understand much is from Korea and China. I really have to review the primary. Debtor hospitals are seeing a 50 percent drop in heart attacks and stroke patients.

Huh? What are you reading this from? Uh, a text from somebody I don't know.

Oh, you just randomly started reading it. But that's a new category I had. You had no context. You're just like the carbon tax are. Now, what is what are you talking about?

This guy texted me today, goes, hey, man, rally's scheduled for tonight. Making sure you haven't bailed on us. Don't know the number. Right. So went who's this? And he went, Jay, head of the committee. You and I spoke last week and I went, really?

And he goes regarding the march, remember elephant walk six feet apart, city hall as a screw you to the current lockdown conditions. And I don't remember that sounds hilarious. Probably won't be attending. Best of luck to you guys. No worries, mate. Now, I know he is Irish and Irish Australian. If you don't drink shrink before, let me know. We can really use the troops movements going. Let's shift this entirely to something else.

So that was. Holy shit. What were we talking about way before this?

Candy, Candy, what you've been eating, you've been gaining weight, you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you weighed yourself.

I haven't weight myself. I'd weigh myself right now naked I would guarantee over 240. And by the way, I'm running logit a lot, I'm running nonstop, but I can't stop fucking eating my can not.

The other day I went into a you know what, it's granola bars, these types of things.

I have sugar, six granola bars, you 86 behind bars not. I ate their baby bars. They're only like this big, but they're. Let me see that.

I'll tell you 200 calories.

But none of that. OK, let me see this. The Baby OneSource are not as much. I have baby ones. I've been eating the Nature Valley ones that come in two packs. Yeah, dude, I cannot stop. OK, this isn't so bad.

I mean, it's got six, five grams of sugar content. That's not so crazy. Coffee's not working for me and I'm not drinking.

So I wake up. You said that you've been there.

Fifteen grams of fat, usually six of these. But the small ones are only like sixty calories.

Not that. Would you just do you say you don't drink after noon.

I try not to. I'm drinking a Red Bull dribble right now because I want to run tonight. I haven't run to that. OK, so I'm going to go on the treadmill and run. I've been doing at least four miles a day.

I should send you this workout that I did this morning. I'll do it tonight and videotape it. Really? Yeah, I mean it. I'll do it tonight and I'll videotape it. So by the way, I want to apologize. I got to publicly apologize to the people from Funny Dance Show. OK, because they OK, what did you do? All I know is I got I got hit up a couple of tweets, a blue checkmark on a lady that I've never seen going real nice to have you shit on me.

I was like, what? I don't know. Do you remember what we said? I don't know that we said anything because I know that Brad Williams was on the show and I know Brad and and Justin Martindale and I know them and I wouldn't shit on them.

And I don't know what I said negative about the show, but all I know is that she received it negative. And I, I probably did shit on the show.

You did? I am certain. I probably did, but I don't.

I will. She's the creator. She's the creator of the show.

And I and she sent me an email and I was like I was like, I don't really know what to now say. I'm going to tell you.

Her name's Heidi. He's he's like Heidi Haslet. And her tweet was something the fact of real nice to know. And then apparently someone in the industry asked her to take the tweet down and she was like a real cool. I guess I've made it in Hollywood. They're asking me to delete this tweet. And I was like and I was like, totally the tweet. I was a fucking asshole. I guess I wasn't sure.

I think she's a comic says.

I'm pretty sure she's a comic, by the way, I'm still talking shit, and I don't mean to I'm not trying to talk shit. I'm trying to apologize for her memoirs. A great fucking dancer is a great fucking dancer. This is her. This is her. She does stand up, she's very funny, I I'm assuming she had had a couple of drinks which she sent that tweet because I didn't really understand all of it.

But but I wrote back. I wrote I'm not really sure what I said, but I sincerely apologize. My friends were on that show. I watched the entire episode of my family, which is true. And and then I wrote, I definitely wasn't trying to trash you or my friends. I'm sorry it came out that way. I feel horrible. I'm sorry. Look, the thing is, is that, like, I'm sure I shit on DAX Shepard and Christina Bell all last week.

I'm sure I shit on whatever whoever the fuck we talked about last week. I don't know what I'm saying on this show. I'm just talking to Tom and then it comes out. And so I'm sorry if I did not mean to come on the show. I watch it with my daughters.

What does she do. She hosts the show. Yeah, she's one of the choreographers. And what a dancer. She's a dancer. She's one of the hosts. And so she choreographed it and then she wrote, Hey, going off my emotions like whatever.

I think we're cool. But my point is it's so hypocritical of me to to shit on anything because some guy fucking I put some video up and he goes, hey man, just let you know you're special is trash.

That's nice. And I was like, and then I wrote, Why would you tell me?

Of course. Go Why would you even share this fucking shitty opinion?

Just listen. If you don't like either, just keep it to yourself.

Yeah. And by the way, I don't by the way, I loved the special. I don't want to hear your negative, Tom.

Neither do I or Taylor Tomlinson's or anyone like just keep it to yourself. But then here I am on this show trashing this woman's project. And I'm like, I'm a fucking hypocrite. I sat there going, like, here I am telling people to shut their fucking mouths.

But then I try to get to the bottom of why people criticize things.

Like what like what is it that makes you feel that you get offended, you want your reaction? I think you want your reaction to be validated, right?

Like what if you when you watch something you legitimately don't like it? You first you try to express why you don't like it, right? Yeah. Like so you go like, well this Sutt y and then you, you.

But what I think is crazy though is to go like to go to that person and tell them I think it's such a yeah.

I would never think that somebody would go like, you know, I watched a movie and I didn't like it. I'm going to who directed it. But I go to his Twitter account and be like, Hey, I saw your movie and I hate it. What the fuck is wrong with you?

I go out, I will go to people's things and tell them I like stuff I like. I like I love telling people I like stuff. Like there's a movie where the the guy was obsessed with Bruce Springsteen. Yes. And he moves to America or, you know, whatever.

I didn't kid any kid fucking awesome movie. And I hit him up and then he replied, he's like, Oh thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. And then I wanted to be like, hey man, check out. Let me follow Zaev. I'm kind of a big deal, like maybe Dmae on this, you know. Yeah, maybe. Come on, ask me on my podcast, whatever. No, I didn't say that. I did say that.

I think it I didn't say I bought it. I definitely bought it. And then like everyone else, but yeah.

But I wasn't trying to shit on funny dance show. And by the way I have noticed myself shit on things in my head and go like get offended that I don't like it.

It's such a weird.

Yeah but it's normal to shit on things in your head and it's normal I think to shit on things with friends and you know, like in private it's a different thing to publicly target somebody for like what their song or their.

I did a Drake already to Drake.

I'm sure Drake is going to be like, hey man, I'm bragging.

It listens, he listens every week. He always he text me. But you also don't know you shot him so much as you're unaware of what he does.

Yeah, but that's even that's even like, you know, there's people going, who the fuck is this Birte Krischer? And you're like, and then you're like, why did you even need to say that man just don't like it? So here's what I was. My point was, is I was I noticed the hypocrite criticalness in myself of where I maybe came on and was like, not glowing to this TV show. And then I was like, why am I representing anything negative?

Why don't I just find do you think it's because you're attracted to her? She she's pretty. But you think that plays a part? No, that definitely has nothing to do with it, but she is pretty. Yeah, but yeah, but like a perfect example and this will transition us nicely is like. Is like. Oh, my God, I want to share something so that sure, I won't I'll just share that I caught it so that if that person knows that I got it.

But like what?

I what made me decide to call this out was that there is a person, you know, who I'm talking about right now. There's a person who has a fake Twitter account. I won't say the person's name. Yeah, fake Twitter account, like a burner account. And what they do is they then tweet really negative shit about me and then they tweet it to themselves. So fucking pathetic. It's so pathetic. And then that person replies to that fake account and goes, oh my God, I didn't see it.

What happened? And I caught it this week.

Yeah. Because they they accidentally they were drunk and they did it from their own account to themselves and then then reply to them. To themselves. Yeah. By the way, this is gone. This person caught himself and then deleted it, but not before I noticed it. A bunch of fans noticed it and a ton of fucking comics hit me up and noticed it.

And so I shared it with you. And I thought I thought to myself, that guy is a loser.

I don't want to be a loser. And so I don't want to be like I would never have a fucking boner account.

No, but that is. So you don't want to be that guy. I don't I'm never going to know.

But here I am, maybe being shitty about this this Woman's Day show that I watched the whole fucking episode with my girls. So whatever part of me that came out negative, I was like, I'm going to fix that of me. Yeah, OK.

But I first of all, I don't think that you said something to outrageously critical because I can't even recall.

And if you had like like bowling balls, we're definitely guilty of this.

Like, remember when we lit up the like and the comedian and fucking. Yeah.

And remember and remember we got the thing and we're like, yeah. And then and then both of us, both of us take each other like what did we. But there's a kind of a difference though.

Like we, we are, we are shit talkers.

So we're going to see things we make fun of. I think there's a difference between riffing, goofing around and being like this fucking thing about and like, fine, like going to that person, you know?

I mean, like, if you if we like, we're goofing off about some comedian or an actor and we're like, OK, guys, this guy's a clown, you know about you're talking shit.

It's different to do that than to be like, hey, pull up, pull up his Twitter and be like, Hey, man, I saw your thing and it sucks.

That's totally so bizarre because that's like because I would never that that's a deliberate attempt to like, demean and hurt criticize them for for that. Even with Garth like we do, we do.

We want him to release hostages.

And we we we have encouraged that. But we never say that he can't sing and we never put down his art. We just want the families to have closure. It's different. People want to see their wives, their sisters, their mothers again, let them go.

Wait, so this is a perfect segue way to this, you have this because you always get really enthusiastic about. Yeah, about anything you like.

You don't just go like I like that. I think the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. And so this comedy gives back thing.

We were all comedy at laugh aid. So the whole idea was they I don't know who organized it.

Baldwin's here that he organized. Waldinger came up with the idea and then it was like, reach out to a bunch of comedians who Jodi Zawi and and someone I forget. And they produced it. They produced it. And they basically this is the idea was to raise funds for four comics out of work, out of work.

And like, obviously, you know, there's a huge sliding scale. We're all out of work.

But the people who are coming up are like really in a tough spot. And that was the idea. And I know, by the way, you know, you put this up and I think tweeted something and someone was like, well, we're all in a tough spot. What am I supposed to do? Like, well, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't it?

By the way, it's it's just it's just it's our field and we're just trying to help. It's the only thing we can do. And by the way, lots of people were like, this is what this supposed to be funny. I was like, I don't think any of us really originally. I think Zoe and them were like, they'll do stand up, dude.

I'll tell you this. I did. I did. My source was awesome. You hosted by Roy Wood Jr.. Yeah, he he had me laughing legitimately, laughing hard.

I watched yours. Yours was like I'm at my side six.

Well, I was just like riffing off of what he said he had. He he went on. Yeah. He was talking about what's going on.

And it was like he was doing a stand up, but it was so genuine and authentic.

And he was like, if you meet someone and they can't say covid or Korona, they got that wrona like he was he was doing that like before he brought me.

I was laughing really hard. But yeah, that was just the fun. We did find ten minute thing.

So before I went on, I didn't by the way I was.

And they put you in a virtual holding room. Yeah. And I'm like just waiting and everything was running behind and that was my fault. Yeah. I'm sure it was definitely my fault.

There's like a there's a segment host and then they bring on people and they talk. And so I'm waiting and I see Whitney on camera. I just I'm, I'm seeing her on the screen and she's like close to it.

Amazing she back. So she she did. She looks really pretty that day.

I got to say that she's my co-host, OK, so she backs away. And I didn't even know, you know, where you were going. I just. But I see that you're there.

I'm like, oh, and you guys have like a tape measure. So you're saying six feet apart. And I'm just I'm like, oh, there's and you guys are talking. And then they're like, oh, Sandler's coming on. I was like, oh, sound good. Oh. Because he was in my waiting room. We're in the virtual waiting room because you talk to him when you're ready, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you talk to him in your writing room?

No, I said like, hi, did you know who you were? Dude, he started talking. I, you know what I do around people like that? I just go like they don't want to talk.

I wish I had more fucking energy. Oh, I wish I could be. You know, many times I've said that that I wish I could be like you where you can go into a room with a bunch of famous people and just not say anything and leave and go. That went great. Yeah, well, I need to say stuff and then I think it went great and I get my car and I find out it did.

I also bombed in front of Sammara when like a year ago. Oh for real hard. Yeah. A legit bomb.

David Spade said. David Spade said after this he goes, I saw what you did. And I texted Sandler to say, he's really a cool guy.

Like he's funny. And he goes, don't, like, think bad about him. You should check out a special. It's good. And then he said, just so you know, you know, Chandler Sandler checked it out and he liked it. He'll call you. And I was like, I wanted to say I didn't get a call. And he said he tweeted it was funny, but I didn't get a call. He just said it was funny.

Oh, yeah. We'll get into that. Yeah. Yeah. OK, OK.

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I'm watching this thing, I mean, that way to virtual waiting room with Adam, he goes on and then it's with you and. Immediately, I'm like, man, because I oh, you know me so well, you're lady so well, what I could tell is that you're really on one from the beginning because of your introduction, because your introduction, you're like he is the reason, like you get into this really build up all the superlatives.

I fall in love quickly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like because one thing I know about really famous people is that they're so accustomed to a lot of flattery that they're either embrace the flattery or they're put off by it, either myself or Bill Burr.

Yeah, you try to compliment Bill and he goes, you know what? Enough, enough. Yeah, you tell me that. And I'm like, Oh, thanks. Really. Tell me more. Yeah, yeah, of course.

So you're just rolling the dice on what's going to happen when we have footage of it here. Let's see. I think I think this includes it all.

You missed so much cell for Krischer Jay militated himself in front of Adam Sandler for the better part of ten minutes.

You have Netflix? Yes. Yes.

He said everything wrong you could possibly see saying, look, you want to hear a cool story, Adam, real quick.

Oh, wow. Wow.

Also, why are you that close to talk to the screen?

Why you look like you're looking over someone's fucking fence in their yard.

I decided it was like a squirrel. OK, Adam Sandler, who everyone could agree was already less than interested in being here to begin with, as you say, Krischer, call all of his movies the wrong title.

He called it Happy Madison, but I showed them Happy Madison. He said he's going to watch with his kids Precious Gems. We're going to watch your movie Precious Jumpsuit are.

Yeah, and he already knows. He's like, this guy's a fuckin jackass. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. OK, well, that's like. Yeah, it's like. Yeah, yeah.

Like that's that's Adam just being polite because he he can't publicly be like, shut the fuck up man. It's called uncut gems. Fuck face. Keep going.

By the end of that Krischer sounded like an Adam Sandler character. He was like, oh, what movie was the photo issue that you would shoot every single day for the rest of your life?

No answer for that. I got no idea. I never thought about that. I never will. And I hated that.

That's why it's going to be an expert up all night long. I got to go.

Was not going to be watching a big boy tonight. I will. I'll watch that. But that's it.

Did you did it hurt a little bit when he said that? A little bit like when did you feel like cold inside? For a second I felt numb.

And then I you if you watched it, I then took out a flashlight and I flashed it at the screen. I panicked. I panicked so hard. I had this flashlight. This shoots ten thousand aluminums and I just hit it at the screen thinking it would make it turn off, like make this go away.

And so but here's the worst part of all of it, right. Yeah.

Is I realized that question can go well, but I thought it was a good question.

I got to be honest, I love you stepping in shit and everything like that. I watch that live and I thought it was you all you you come up with like these sometimes outrageous but really fun ideas and same thing goes for questions. I thought it was like a really interesting fan.

So when I'm watching it live, I was like, that's such a Bert thought. Like if you can make one day the day that it was, which movie?

And I thought he was going to be like, Oh, man, it's you know, and just because I know Jack and Jill or I knew I know for a fact that, like, there are shows I've worked on where I would that were the set. Yeah. So much fun to just showing up to set cheered me up. Yeah.

And I was like if I thought I think everyone who's a Sandler fan goes what movie. What's the word like.

Think about it. Because I thought about it, I was like I thought it's a good question.

And here it actually threw me off watching it when he was like, I don't like it and I've never thought that I hate you.

I was like, oh my God.

But like, it threw me off.

It really did. Was like, Whitney, just wrap this interview up right now, just wrap it up with a bow. And then I left Whitney and I was like and she was like that went great. I think that went really great. And I was like, yeah. And I was Tom. I was like blind. I was like, yeah, we're great. Like in my head I was like, it was great.

You know what that one question is it like when when you bomb a show and people are like, good, you're like, yeah, you know, I think there were like a lot of people in the back that liked it. It wasn't it wasn't even that. It was that I thought I heard laughter. Yeah.

And I didn't know that I didn't do well. And I got in the car and I left Whitney's and I'm driving down. I'm driving down where you can start get reception and my phone blows up like just me.

And I was like, oh, it's hard. And the first one is jayhawkers and and it's a tax. It's a tax. I'll read exactly what it says is.

That's the first one I read and I'm like, oh, that's odd, like, I guess Jay didn't think it went well, but I was like, Oh, cool. So you still don't know how it went? I still don't know how it went, because when I called you, you you had the face I face time. You had the face of someone who was really well versed in it.

By then he wrote, Damn dude, we got to talk about everything you said, everything you said went wrong to Adam.

Holy shit. When we go, we're going on now, lol.

And then I went it went bad and he wrote, you were hilarious and adorable. I just think it's so fucking funny. You said every title wrong and I read that when you didn't know yet.

I didn't know. So how does your brain work?

I don't it just goes faster than my mouth sometimes because you always you mista you mispronounce it non stop. But it would be Madisons kind of forgiveable.

It's the name of his production company and it's the combination of two names of movies. Right. Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison and I.

So I'm driving and then my phone rings and it's my gibbons'.

My Gibbons was the writer on my show on Netflix and it was the producer. But yeah, he's a producer of this segment.

And he texted me, he calls me and he's laughing hysterically. Yeah. And he goes, do that Saddam Sandler interview is fucking classic. Yeah. And I was like, right, well, well, right. Because I'm like days off. Right. Yeah, well. And he went, do you asked him if you had Netflix.

Yeah. That's how I was about to ask you right now.

And I was like, yeah, right. And he goes, Birte. He has a two hundred million dollar deal at Netflix like def he definitely has like they throw it in and I went, oh yeah. And then in my head I was like, oh yeah, OK. And then and he was like Birte. I go, other than that it went good. Right. And he was like you. You call all those names movies by the wrong name.

And I did not know I did that. I just I went. I did. And he went you called it happy happy Madison.

And I was like, OK, in my head I was like, whatever. And then he's like, and you said, your daughters and you guys are going to watch Precious Gems. I go, it's not called precious gems. It goes, it's uncut gems.

And I went all of a sudden I got cold, like real cold, like I'd fucked up. But I feel like. Do you go? Do you go?

I feel like you say things like there's probably a turn around this corner. I'm going to start turning. Yeah. And then maybe there'll be a turn there. Yeah.

And yeah. Like it's almost like it's exactly like that like and I know we got to start turning like I'm driving a racecar track blind. Yeah. Going like here we go. This will be kind of right. It's like driving late when you felt that cold was it. You'll, you'll get this analogy.

It's like driving in the rain in Florida when the rain is so hard. Yeah. All you know is your you think you're still on the road. Right. Right. And you're like, I'm going maybe I'm going too fast. Yeah. And then you're.

Oh dude I as soon as he said you called it Precious Gems, that's when I was like I did call Precious Gems. That's not the name. He's like it's uncut gems. And I was getting on the one on one and I got cold and I went, oh, I fucked that interview up. And he was like, Dude, he wouldn't answer your last question. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, my God. Like, I really I like I went home and then I was like, block it out.

And I'm not drinking.

So I'm like, you know what it probably was like for him, though? He would do like radio call with a host who's like, I did.

All right. We got a big star queen. Dude, this guy is so fucking funny. I just saw Hey, girl, your new special in your life. It happened to me.

I did. Collins Monday morning. Yeah, I did. Collins Monday morning. And the first one I called into is the guy goes, we got Brent Chris there on the phone. And I was like in my head, I'm like, motherfucker.

And he's like, he's got a new special called Hey, Hey Boy, Big Boy. And I was like, that's not the title. But I was like, whatever.

And then I was like, this fucking idiot didn't do any research. Like he couldn't even just read it. Right.

So maybe there's there's a little bit of that for him to I. I then talked to he's like this guy's are worded that interview hard in my head.

I was like, I just don't want Sandler to think I didn't do any research like that.

I was like I was like, can you imagine if you're like, I actually don't know who you are. And he's like, what? And you're like you're an actor.

It's so much better of an interview. Yeah, I was like, So how long you been in standup. Yeah.

So says, have you been in movies and you're a popular guy. I said, I said no I go I did not do that interview.

Well she was like well I'm sure it's fine. I go actually because I think it's the worst interview anyone's done like like so bad.

Like she goes it can't be that bad. And I go, no. And so I started playing it for and because it was on all things comedies thing and I said the intro and she goes, Oh, this intros too much.

And I went, that's not the bad part because goes the bad part, I go, No. And then she said, whoa, why are you so close to the screen? And I'm like, maybe it hasn't even gotten bad yet.

She watched it. She, she watched it, processed it. She goes, OK, I know you.

And you were overexcited. You were way too excited and and that's cute. She goes, I think it's endearing. It is endearing. And then she goes, Here's the deal. You were like Chris Farley in that sketch where you interviewed Paul McCartney, except you weren't. Playing a character, you were really that moron. Yeah, and I went, OK, and she goes, Well, you know, he liked Chris Farley and you know, he liked that sketch.

So he's got to think you're OK. Like, it can't be that bad. And then I just sat there, Mike Binder texted me and he was like, great fucking interview with Sandler, hahaha. And I was like, motherfucker.

And then like, when I FaceTime you go, What?

You were already laughing. And I was like, fuck, I got to call you later.

Yeah, I was because I was like, it's, it's funny because like you do all I could think was I legit. Like I was like everyone's going to be, I just thought everyone's going to be like, you fucking suck.

You like all the Internet because it's the biggest star on the whole platform, probably the number one interview they have for the whole thing. And then I, I wasn't even invited to be on Whitney's thing. I fucking bum rush it and I ruined the interview.

It was like, oh my God. And then that night I'm sitting there and and I I'm scrolling through my mentions and I see one from Adam Sandler. And I was like, huh? And he was like, hey, I want to thank Burton Whitney for having me on Laugh Aid. Check out Bird Special. Hey, big boy, I'm watching it right now. It's fucking hilarious or whatever. And I was like all of a sudden I'm like, OK, fucking all right.

And then I'm like to that paid off then hit the movie on pause. We're watching. This is the end. I go, Hey guys, going to work out. Everyone figure out how I'm to retreat. This like my is like what I go I'm going to retreat this. I'm going to need a comment. So I'm going to run a few ideas of how I comment on the tweet like made my year. I don't want to bring up coronavirus.

Right, right. Right guys. And they're like I just just retweeted. Oh, no, no, no. I'm going to quote retweeted like and they're like, try to go with my daughter.

I was like, Little Fox, Adam Sandler.

I go the fucking guy from Happy Gilmore and she's like, huh. Like mix confuse that with like Ace Ventura. Yeah. And I go, no. And so then I just went just made my year. It was like it's the best comment I could ever get from the guy.

I mean, dude, Adam Sandler, by the way, a story I told of him was a junior girl story. Oh my God. Do you remember that show?

He's like, yeah, of course you like in 1995, you did a show in Tallahassee. Do you remember it? And he's like, Mm hmm.

I wanted to. I want to. And then you parted and somebody was like, do you want to come party? And I didn't. And I regret that. And he was like, I killed my son.

I story. I was like, this is a this is a story that I'm telling the he can't reply to your reply.

There's no it's not a question. Is there any one time you're in a city that I lived in.

Yeah. And I didn't I didn't go to see you. I was like, oh, okay.

Do you remember that that was the end of. Oh, my God.

Yeah, exactly like Chris Farley do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the part of these guys that you see the show there.

And then it was awesome. Do you remember that. Yep.

Yeah, I've done a few things since then, but I do remember that night in Tallahassee already.

Twenty five years ago. My buddy Allen. I remember that alligator. Go through some more of your memory. Oh fuck yeah. Do you remember doing barbecue happy the 70s. Like I remember that too. Yeah. Oh man.

Oh what does he think. Your memory is intact and I had a great interview with you. I don't see any signs of dementia. Oh so last week.

Last week. Oh you you felt like flexing your singing muscles and.

Oh I think is it our good friends at Grass Kingdom. What. So you saying remember the Ariana Grande song. You saying. Oh no, I decided to sing last I thought I rapped.

What are you saying first. And then we rapped. What did I sing. And Ariana Grande song.

Oh and so they have to apologize to her to uh she probably would want one if she saw it but he laid music to it and kind of made it a song, you know.

I mean. Oh does it look good. Let's check it out.

It's more about hearing it, but you can walk, right. By and this is also about and we have an. That's fucking awesome. Well, what we should probably do is shift careers. I mean, why don't we just run a studio and start making music? Is that what her real song sounds like? I have no idea.

And I'm going to say that it's awesome.

I'm going to go ahead and guess. No, that's not that is awesome.

That is also I dancer to that. Like that's like a legit song. Yeah. And I know that they're her lyrics. Thank you.

Grass Kingdom's Grass Kingdom fucking grass kingdom check.

No, no more interesting profile picture though. Is it, is it a long haired hippie.

I can't see. Oh, yes, it is a long haired hippie, great job grokking them young Grassby was just funny and Baban. That sounds fucking awesome. Yeah, we should do a music video for that. For that, I want to sing the rest of the song.

No, it's not good. I think we do another song and then let them cut it together. Whatever you want man.

Pick up a drink song. OK, pick a Drake song. That's a great idea. So fucking brilliant idea. Yeah.

Um, Drake number one A-Z play that one. Intro, No money looks like a good one. It's a remix one, so it should be easy to remix.

Some Southern smoke is Southern smoke, baby Frank. My name is Nicholas F Ho. It's Drak Southern smoke money.

So you say money in those disagreements, right? I'm sure. But this just talking. This just talking.

Yeah, this just talking. Smoke do your impression, let both, because I wonder if we get taken down for just playing the talking part of the intro to the song, because I think we should both do impressions of what we sound like. He's talking into the mic. That's like before the music starts.

Yeah, it's my impression of Drake, by the way. I know Drake's from Toronto.

You know, now I know I go now for about an hour ago. You're like, why is he moving to Toronto?

Is he like a Raptors fan? Big time? Are you serious?

Yeah, I they gave him a ring. Why? He has a championship ring verver.

The Raptors are you see, this is really Toronto. He really is. Yeah. T that Toronto, Toronto, Toronto, Toronto. How do you spell it.

How do you spell Toronto. It's t o r no it's Toronto, not Toronto. But that's like you hang out with the Lone Ranger.

The Canadians say it like that, they say Toronto, they say Montreal and they say, oh shit, let's call Canadian right now and say Toronto bullshit. OK, OK, I'm calling a Canadian right now.

What's your Canadian name? I think I'm just going to call them and I just typed in Canadian. Let me check out a different name.

Here we go. Canadian. OK, who is I, by the way? I would love another diet.

Red Bull. I'm getting jacked on Red Bulls tonight. Get on the treadmill.

Who are we talking to? Hello. Hi, it's Bert Krischer here, I'm with Tom Cigarroa. Are you familiar with Tom Sekara? Nope. Never heard of. OK, how do you say how do you say the word the city in Canada that Drake is from?

Toronto, how do you say it, Toronto, is it Toronto or Toronto, Toronto, back now.

Do you know who this is yet? No. Oh, let's play 20 questions. Tom Seger does not know why I'm on the phone with Tom. You get to play 20 questions to try to guess who this person is. OK, here we go. Go. Tom, first question. Where do you live now? Long Beach at sea and back.

God damn it. Long Beach. Hey, Ian. How are you, buddy? How are you? Good. I'm missing you. I love you. You sound far away from Burke. That makes me happy. It's six feet.

It's six feet. We'd like to keep our distances.

OK, how good are you guys doing? How are you guys doing to in the house or whatever? It's going to be one KBI. We're talking about Drake. Do you know Drake is. Yes, he is.

He is from the TV show Degrassi Junior High. There you go. Really?

Bert asked me who he was and why he was buying a house in Toronto. Are you sure you didn't know who Drake was? I know the name, but I don't know. He's like it's like it's like a name like like William F. Buckley. I know that that's the name of a famous person. What? But I don't know what he does.

Do you have no idea who what he does know or like the guy William Barr, the guy that he's in does something in politics. Barr does something in politics.

I don't know what he does. I don't know what he does. But I know the name.

He's the attorney general. I don't know. By the way, I don't know what an attorney general does.

You have two teenage daughters. How do you not know what Drake does?

Like, there's got to be something to around the house because I raise them right in the list of country music, you have to say. Right, right. Go ahead, read them. You clip that out. All right. Well, let me ask you something.

Tommy was asked something, Ian. Yes. So it is Tronto, correct? That's how Canadians are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's also Montreal.

Montreal. Wow. This bird that he says, Montreal, Montreal and Toronto, Montreal, Montreal.

You don't have to you don't have to force any of it out. Just let it flow.

OK, it's Calgary. It's not Calgary. Winnipeg. Jesus. Oh my gosh. All right. I'm going to call you back.

I'll call you after this. OK, we'll go over some more Canadian. They asked him if he has any dates to promote. Oh, do you have dates to promote?

Yes, I do. Thank you. I'm so happy I don't have a passport to my art. Are you are you lining up that fall?

Is the fall. Good for you. All right. Go to in Baghdad.

Come and look for his fall dates.

All right. Check out his comedy out and play with the bag a little bit better than the house or whatever.

Yeah, two birds in a house got back to the house. Yeah. OK, bye bye bye.

He's the best. He really is. So Toronto Blake. No, not that. Toronto Blake is from Toronto. Let's see, can we play just the talking part of the song and we'll do both your impressions of the talking points and see who gets it close. I don't think we could play the talking. OK, I'm going to do mine.

This is my, uh. OK, give me the. This is just the talking part. Well, let's I want you to listen to this at home and tell me how close my. Talking part sounds, the Drakes, OK, all right, so pretend there's a beat, give me like, can you give me a beat? And then because, you know, beats playing and then he goes, he's talking over it.

Yeah, it's true.

What's the song called Money Remix. Money. OK, Money Remix. Here we go. You got me beat. Hey, thanks, Korona. OK, here we go. She's going to be grilled, pooched a Southern smoker, Southern Smoke baby Frank.

My man Nicholas Ho, it's Shrake Southern Smoke.

This is the remix here. Hey, check your soul.

So if you got some, put your hands in the air. Southern smoke. Is that what Drake sounds like?

That was so accurate.

You do your impression of Drake. Does he sound like. I don't. I mean, did he sound like like he got like Streeton, his voice.

He's like, oh, so the smoke's on. You've never heard him. Never heard of fucking Drake song in my life. I've never heard. If you were to drink from the Drake song, you don't know one. I know he's super famous.

I just know I'm not really certain for what it's a lot of songs for real.

Like songs that you hear like Khateeb. I don't know Khateeb, but you know, like you hear a song and then you're Kilbey. Like, Go Dad, that's Khateeb. Yeah. Same.

So it seems like and to a greater extent for real. Definitely. Really. He's got a lot of hit songs, lots tape.

OK, so let's do this, let's hit songs, let's put one of his hit songs that we've never heard and let's sing it and we'll have a Southern young boy.

OK, you definitely heard Hotline Bling. Yeah. You know that. Never heard a hotline bling. I've never heard. Hold on. We're going home. God I've never. Hold on, hold on. We're going home. That's not how it goes. But hold up. Hold up. I'll sing it for you.

I've never heard Marvins Room that looks like a movie that some kid that some blind are from the bottom. Now we. I heard that started from the bottom now at the top.

No, but that's. Hold on. We're going home. OK, this is a very popular song. All ay ay ay or ay ay ay ay ay ay. Being racist towards Canadians.

No, no, no. It's good. Keep going. I got my eyes on you. OK, everything is ok.

I got my eye. Why don't you. Yeah. Yeah do it here. I got my eyes on you. Everything's.

Yeah. OK, here we go.

All right. I got my eyes on you, you know, everything that I see.

I want your hot love and emotion endlessly. I can't get over you. You left your mark on me, I want your hot love and emotion endlessly. Because you're a good girl and you know it, you act so different around me because you're a good girl and you know it, I know exactly who you could be. Just hold on. We're going home. Just hold on. We're going home. It's too hard to do these things alone. Just hold on.

We're going home. I got my eyes on you.

You do. Secondly, I want to hold you well. I want to hold you. I got my eyes on you. Everything that I want.

A hot love and emotion and this little.

You left your car to me where I want your hot love and emotion endlessly because you're good, you're a good girl, you you act so different around because.

So I got I'm going to pass out. He ends the song because no, no, it keeps going. Yeah, yeah. I think we're probably good on that song. You know, you nail that song.

I know. Pull up the one. Pull up like the most famous. That's not a famous song.

You said, you know, I have the best I ever had. You know, that song and never heard it.

OK, by the way, I want people to be honest if they've ever heard it too. Well, you said you want to pull up a song you do. No idea. But like, you go back to that list again, you've definitely heard this, OK?

You don't know passionfruit motto. You know the model. That's what Lil Wayne. No, how about you said, you know, he was famous in 2012.

Oh, he's the best I ever has in 09. Um, that was huge, man. Best ever had.

Yes. Is that the one to just hang on or hold or. Hold on. We're going home. Hold on. We're going home. Which is probably I think. The year before, year after hotel hotline bling must be the number one song ever. It's a big one. But now you said, you know, that you knew started from the bottom.

Where's that one jump, man? Right there. Third row. Top started from the bottom now. OK, I do that. I know. Yeah. Bought up. You know that song though. I know, I, I've heard people say that.

Well OK, that's different. Oh. I can I can I can pretty much, by the way, I think I can probably because these songs all kind of write themselves. Yeah, you. And the thing is, you figured that last one out. Well, really, it sounded a lot like. What have you heard that song before? I've heard all these songs. If I shared all these songs, all these songs, OK, definitely started from the bottom.

Now we're here. Started from the bottom. Now my whole fucking team here started from the bottom. Now we're here. Started from the bottom. Now my whole fucking OK.

I'm definitely not singing that word. Why? It's a song you get to the song. OK, staff. Can he say it?

He's from Canada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. He's not.

That's permission for you. OK, he's Canadian. I say go for it. No, I'm not going to say the word. It's in a song. No, I'll say a different word. You bleep it. Like I said the N word, ok.

Or I'll say the N word, just bleep it, OK, I promise you, bleep. Yes. No, you got it. No, I'm not going to sound weird now, it's all weird, it's going to sound all weird to sing it.

Don't say a lot of words in this song. Just sing it. There's a lot I done. Kept it real from the jump living at my mama's house, we'd argue every month. Tom, I was trying to think of my own working all night traffic all the way home, and my uncles call me like, where you at? I gave them the keys. Told you to bring it right back, Tom. I think it's how funny how it goes now.

I'm on the road, have a million shows, and we started from the bottom. Now we're here. Started from the bottom. No holding fucking here. Started from the bottom. Now we're here. Started from the bottom. My whole team fucking here, Tom.

OK, I think. I think you definitely. Yeah. You did a good job boys.

Telling stories about man. Say, I never struggled, was hungry. Yeah, I doubt it. I think the audience got off their full their fill of Drake songs now. I like it. Yeah. By the way, how hard. It's so easy to write lyrics like that. Do write some more right now. So you definitely have to get together. Can you give me another beat?

Because your freestyle is what was blowing everybody away last week.

I'm going to do a gimme put up that song to those lyrics. Right. And I will freestyle match that so that you can plug it into started from the top. Now we're here. OK, start from the top. Now we're here. Yeah. Yes. And I'm going to go I'm going to start it from Florida now. I'm here and I'll write my lyrics to that song. OK, so pull up the lyrics so I can just match it.

Oh, I got like. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying, start from the bottom now we're here, right? Not far from the middle now I'm just a little bit higher. Started from the middle, now my whole family's a little bit higher. OK, so are we waiting on a beat as a beacon of play? OK. So the smoke, Southern smoke, yo, Southern smoke, yeah, yeah, starting in Tampa now, I'm here, started in Tampa.

Now my whole team's bucket here started from Tampa. Is this an actual beat to the song? Sounds like it, yeah. Where are you going?

OK, here we go. Huh. Yeah. I don't like keeping it real live at my mom's dad's house until I didn't. OK, I'm not really going to be able to do that, OK? OK, I'm going to be a hard one. It's to be a hard one.

Was that one that she said? Yeah, OK, yeah. KWI could you just freestyle off the dome. No, no I don't have that skill. It's very, it's about how about put one of your bits to work to the song. Put one of my best to song. What do you do. Let's do you ready for this. Are just going to be a fun game. Give us a beat and you've got to do one of your songs, one of your bits, an older bit.

But to the to the beat. OK, that'll get it. Still ok. Play one. I'll do it. Give me a beat.

Oh yeah.

Oh you know what cops hate when you touch the motherfucking faces.

Got pulled over the other night. Real close cop walking up looking at my nose. He said, son, roll down your window. You know, I pulled you over. I said, hey man, do I love your dog? Is my name Rovell? He close. He said, license, registration. I said, you talking to the wrong motherfucker? Masterbation. That's my middle name. That's all I like to do.

Then I touch his face real tough and smooth. He didn't lose fucking mouth. He just stare right at me.

Oh, that's when I put my plug for the metal and hit the floor and I took off.

Go another eighty four, hit the interstate.

Go like this. I don't know what that was actually your best work that really was by the way.

I wish that it was you were being honest because I feel so creative in the moment. No that was, I feel so creative in the moment. You should. That was creative. Give me another beat. I'm not saying the machines all. I'm just I'm trying to. Oh, yeah. You're not this one, this one, this one. This one, it reminds me, Drake, those are the only two I have. Give me the other one.

I like the other one. The other one's a little more. Yeah.

So you can do the machining. So please, not the whole thing. Give us the previous version and I'll give you the whole time. None of that in 30 minutes please. I'll just do the first. I'll do it until I can't stop. Right.

I think you could probably keep it going for a while. I'm going to see how long I can run. OK, here we go.

Uh huh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Here we go.

When I was twenty two, I got bored with the Russian mafia, robbed a train. I thought, OK, I lost my mind.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's figure this out. But you've got to, you've got to, you've got to appreciate that.

I'm trying, I think you are trying and I think the game that you just put together. Yeah. Do your Lyrica do like an old beat over a beat and try to make it a rap. I think it works if somebody can actually do it.

You know, if I could rap. Yeah.

Like there's there's hints of it being something in there, you know.

Do you think we came up with a new contest for quarantine, maybe a new show? Why don't you hit up your friend, the fucking hate, your guts, the dance lady, and say, what do you think of this song?

I like that you put your you put your your bits to beat. Yeah, that's the name of the show right there. Beats the beats. I just pitched that at 11 at one hour, 11 minutes and 11 seconds, bits to beat. It's the basement. It's the beat I like of it.

I live it. All right. Next week. I would never watch it. But it's funny. On next week, I'm going to come back with one of my bits to bits. OK. Oh, it's like, you know what it's like? It's like the Fresh Prince.

Oh, how is it like the Fresh Prince? Because he would be like parents just don't understand. Like it was it was a comedy like like oh OK.

Like it was like sometimes I have to reach for what your thought is like I go with the beats.

That's so fucking I love it. Bits to bits. All right.

Tell me what joke you want me to work on that I'll work on for next week. Um. I love this beats the beats, because what my problem with free styling is everyone can see is I don't have an end to the beat. There's more than just that, there's more than that.

There's other problems. Let's be honest about all the problems Bitz to beat.

Yeah, I am going to work so hard on bits to be what you want to bet you give up immediately.

I bet. I just got to go through all my old bits. Yeah. You know, I think I'm trying to think of like what's an old good story. Oh, you know what you want. I liked what really funny story you play. I forgot this one that when you had Georgia as a baby, you had a neighbor that was pounding on the door to, hey, guys.

Yeah, it's a good one. Is that in a special. No, that's all that special.

It's really funny. I remember that that was and they were like and you said, you better be teaching a horse how to say its name, he'd better be teaching a horse to tell you how old it is up there.

Yeah, I was trying to remember that. I was I remember I was that was a true story in the two those two gay guys, they were in a tiff. It was we had another gay in our building and one of the guys that was in that apartment and in the other gay guy in the building, the three of us got stuck in a hut in an elevator. You remember that story? Three of us got stuck in an elevator. And I said that one of those guys, one of those guys and another gay guy that lived in our building and myself got stuck in the elevator one time.

And I said, it's too bad I'm here. Huh? And they're like, what are you going to be ripping the skins off each other cocks? And they're like, that's not how it works. I was like, no, that's how I do it.

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Oh, I wish I could go back to just how ignorant I used to be.

Like, just how like oh Polybius. I said hat. Wait, how informed do you find yourself.

I am so informed. I'm super woak. You think so.

Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah. Like I like Leon said that she was, she was telling the girls they were part Native American the other day. I go to say that she was like what we are.

And I was like not really what who's part native in America. Don't even get me started on this. Lee-Anne believes that she had Lee-Anne believe she's part Native American. That's why she has brown hair.

And I was like, I know. Something tells me she has a different let's call her up real quick.

You call her. I'm not calling her. OK, hon. By the way, this has been a fight we've gotten into because I gotta stop saying to Native American, that's what got Elizabeth Warren not elected the president is that she went out, said, I'm Native American to answer my call.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello. Hi, Liane, I'm on a podcast with your husband. He says that you are don't miss it like this.

Don't put it like there's no children into thinking they're Navajo.

And like he said, that we're not Navajo.

He said, what are you what are you. You guys are Arapaho or something. What is it? He said that he's like that's why she thinks that she's a brunette because her great grandfather was sitting to let her say it.

Let her say it. OK, so full of crap, really. This is a new discovery for me. Tell me what what exactly is new for you? No, I was I was being facetious.

But what what exactly is going on with the ancestry and why is he so upset about it?

Oh, you mean that he told me never to discuss this with anyone perfectly, but now he's talking about it on a podcast. That would be the guy I know. I don't ever do this, but I'm going to call you so you can do this.

Uh, makes no sense, no matter what he's saying, to hang up on you and I will not hang up on, you know, the same time I was asking me something about she is she OK? Georgia and I have a lot of freckles, right? Yeah. People. Right. And she's not right. Yeah, she is very tan in the summer, just like my dad cheekbones. And I was saying, you know, my dad's dad was also very tan and way back a long, long, long time ago.

I have a great, great, great grandmother who was full blooded Cherokee on my dad, on my grandfather's side and my other grandfather side, actually photographs of her and my great great great grandfather. And I was like, I think some of the genetics just keeps filtering down. Yeah, but who else is Irish? Everybody else is Irish and Irish people. Definitely. My dad had six straight black hair, always turned white. You know, it was always dick straight and black and always had really dark black eyes and really high cheekbones.

And I went, those are physical attributes of Native American people. And you have that in your heritage? It's part of our heritage. Bird told me never to say that because Native Americans get offended by that. But I'm like, but I actually have photographs of them. Yeah, he actually my family, he he he likened you to Elizabeth Warren and.

No, I said yeah, he said that to me too. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What he actually was like I guess I married a Pocahontas over here. He was doing all those, you know, comments. No, I love one time.

I love one time was giving us bread and she was doing it like a dealer. She was like, I place your bets and we're like, you work in a casino. And she was like, hey, let's try to make a Native American joke.

And it failed in that one. Yeah, I know. I think I just was the racist one in this racist tirade.

Clip that out, guys. As usual. Hey, easy. Yeah.

That's something to be proud of. Yeah. I guess you need to brag about it. Right.

But also the reality is reality. It is what it is. Right. So if that's your genetic makeup, that's what it is and is. I didn't make that up.

No, I know. I'm saying like it's your genetic makeup and I just don't know why he's not proud instead of being like, why is he being so reluctant to embrace.

I think it's awesome. Babe, I love you so much. I'll talk to you later.

Oh, you're so hard to live with.

Oh, believe me, I think that the world that knows him.

Legree's, you're a saint, Liane. Thank you. All right.

Talk to you later. I mean. Bye bye. She didn't tell me all that. That was great.

Hi, how's the House been for you and have you guys been getting closer during this? Yes, really? Yeah, it made me realize God damn we are. I mean, like you, I'm on the road a lot. She goes on.

So we're just like together. And it's been good, man.

I really has to think like I thought. And I know there's people watching this feeling the exact opposite.

I go, thank God I married LeAnn. Like I get along with her. Yeah. She makes me laugh like I'm having a blast married to this woman as opposed to like, I can't imagine.

Oh yeah.

I've heard a lot of people say they think there's going to be a big spike in divorces after that.

A hundred percent. Yeah. And a lot of babies. Yeah.

What I said take a shot. One hundred percent is another one.

I say that a lot. Yeah. And I don't want Mudgett.

I know but it does make you appreciate when you're in a good, good relationship.

I say to a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. It does make you appreciate it.

I think like I've yeah I've totally lucked out because I've been home with my wife and two little kids and it's I mean, you know, you go crazy with little ones obviously, you know. Yeah.

So there's there's moments where you're like, what the fuck man?

They're going, you know, they're breaking shit, throwing things all over the house.

But ultimately, it's it's been thus far a really great time together.

What's the end of your day look like like like our end of the day is the same little walk into the is this one of those drinking things where I ask you a question and answer it? Maybe Leon will walk back to the man cave and go what you want to make for dinner? And then that starts at the end of the day. We do like a blue apron. And then and then I'll go in to watch a movie and we got to see Brown.

Ten thirty. What's the end of your day look like?

It's similar. The chef will come back and he'll say, like, I'm making this. It's like a six course meal and I hope you like it. And now we'll have a dinner plan. We feed the boys right around five.

Oh, you have to feed the boys separately. Well, sometimes we eat at that time, but sometimes you're like, I'm going to eat in an hour or two or something just because it's so early.

But yeah, they have there's their dinner, we do barths.

And then we usually each take one kid after the bath like, hey, she'll take the the Julie and the younger kid, I'll take Ellis' and then you do PJs and then they, they fuck around for a while and then oh I miss those days.

It's really fun. Run around and you're naked. Yeah. And they're just they do naked baby run around and they, they just tear up the tear shit up like get it out of their system. The younger one stood in my bedroom and just pissed and looked at me and he was like I am video of I love.

One time I go, baby, what are you doing?

Here goes nothing. And she's sitting behind my my treadmill and I couldn't stop laughing.

Yeah, they're maniacs. And then, yeah, we put I always feel like the clock.

You see the countdown clock when five comes we're having dinner. I'm like, all right, in two hours it'll be time to breathe. Yeah. Because yeah it goes dinner bath.

Get them dressed, put them you know, put them down, read the books.

And so when I finally put Ellyson he and he's like he's, he knows, you know, games now like psychological things.

So like he's like he'll go like I'm hungry. I'm like, no, you're not falling for it.

He's like I'm really hungry. My stomach's making noise.

I'm like, shut up. Do you just had dinner? Because a couple of times he got me and I went and got him like crackers.

And I'm like, here you go. It's like he's like my stomach hurts. I'm so full because you're not hungry, dude.

So but he's just trying to extend the night because, you know, little kids just want to extend the night, you know, the feeling.

Yeah. He's been doing that my whole fucking life.

He's just like, can I see something on your phone? He's just playing all these fucking games. But when I finally get him, what was it like the first time you did Conan?

Oh, now then I there's that that feeling of him being like I go, good night. I love you. I give him a kiss. And then when I walk out of his room and I'm walking down the hall towards my room, it's like I'm glowing.

I'm like, I'm going to lay down and watch TV right now.

You guys watch TV in bed. Yeah. Oh, for real. Won't do that. Why?

She won't watch TV in bed. She says it's a bad place to have your TV. I know a lot of people that think that I think they're stupid and I don't I think she's I think she's hardcore stupid.

She won't. She goes, I don't want to associate my bed with. Yeah. Watching TV.

When I met her, she let me have a TV in her bedroom.

I was like, I feel like telling most people like that, like, what the fuck is wrong with you?

It's like when I met her, you remember TV in her bedroom and I was like, How much is this chick fuck?

Well, there's people that think that, like, the bedroom is for sleeping and fucking that's it. Nothing else should happen there. I mean, I don't know. I like having, you know, TV's in the bathroom with my aunt's birthday.

I got to call her the the.

I don't even realize I do. Yeah. So wait, so then you guys get in bed. What are you guys watching?

We've been watching before the ninety days. Obsessed with that before the ninety. Oh yeah. Ninety two. But before their series is called. Have a separate series called Before the 90 Days where the Americans go abroad to meet for the first time the person they've been dating online, it's fascinating, really. It's just a fun, ridiculous show, TLC show.

You know, would you would you would you be would you consider doing a show like Mystery Science three thousand four behind the 30 day or four?

Just go ahead and tip the whole bottle back, you know? Yes, I would really. Yeah. Yeah, I.

I am I am so fascinated. I'm fascinated by human beings, human behavior. And, you know, I get it like everybody wants love. And that's kind of the origin of why this takes place. Everyone wants companionship.

But to watch the way people behave, to get it is it's not something they're not getting love, right?

No, they're just they want but they want it. You can talk about everyone.

I thought in every relationship, one's a scammer and one's a sucker.

There's it's not in every that is definitely a through line in this series that you you keep running into. That's a scammer for sure. Yeah, it's a sucker. Yes. But not in every single case. What I'm saying is that exists. There also exists the person, the sucker who is just truly wants love.

There's also the guy who is just 60 and he's like there's a 22 year old girl in the Ukraine that wants to love me.

And you're like, OK, like he's just on a fake mission, you know that.

And yeah. So that scam thing exists. But I don't know, at the same time, you realize some of them really, really want companionship. So what is it about the show that you love?

Is that the one my body produces? I don't know. Hey, will you see who produces 90 day fiance?

I don't know. We get the executive producer on the phone right now. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, shit. I'm calling him right now. You ready? Your friend makes this. Yeah, this is my friend show. Oh, my God.

You ready? Yeah. Dan Adler. All right. We're getting the executive producer of 90 day fiance on the phone, by the way, everyone answers the phone, quarantine do. Please talk to me, please. I'm done, but you have to go. Why would you want to talk a little longer?

My dad just did it to me. Really?

I was like, I got to he's like, all right, he's coming back. And I think he's just doing. My dad answered the phone immediately, except for Dan Rather. What the fuck? Was Heidler. He's the guy who created Conker, remembers food he did, yeah, this show's amazing. Your call has been forwarded to an automated you can hang up. Nope. At the tone, please record your message. When you finished recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.

Dan, it's Bert, I'm sitting with Tom's girl, we're talking about Ninety-eight that night, we're talking about one of your shows. Give me a call.

He created what shows for you, Bert Conker. He created Bert the Conqueror. Yeah. And we're just we're talking 90 day fiance. On two bears, one cave. Is he texting you? Yeah, what's he doing? He's I, I think it's probably late there. It's where is he? Seven New York. That's not late.

He was probably the party with his family. Oh, that's fine. Yeah, he's going to call. OK, um, he he created conquerer. He created Man versus Food two. He's created a lot of shows. Is that Adam show. Yeah. Yeah.

His biggest, one of the biggest show he ever created was called Punkin Chunkin. What type in pumpkin. Pumpkin Chunkin. Punkin Chunkin. Wait you're saying different words. Punke just type in pumpkin chunkin.

But what's a pumpkin pumpkin. A pumpkin. Why are you saying pumpkin and uncomplicated pumpkin chunkin. There you go pumpkin.

Chungdam, that's what it's called. That's the biggest show he's ever created.

Do this show is fucking massive. What are you talking about. Every every show. Dude, have you ever been Punkin Chunkin.

No, it's so fucking crazy. Go to Punkin Chunkin World Championships. They shoot pumpkins. Wait, pumpkins, pumpkins, a pumpkin.

Is that how you say you make that big?

Look at this. All right, I went to one of the describer where it is a it is a catapult. Is it a catapult? Yeah. And they throw these pumpkins like miles in the air, really? And it's fucking so insane.

And that thing is that quite a contraption. And they do this. I think they do it in Colorado. And they every year around Thanksgiving, they do this.

Could there be worse looking at to show you what's going on, a Treblinka, a trebuchet trebuchet, as I say, troubleshoot. Look at this. And the pumpkin just goes, Miles, but why don't they? They don't like. So I was with the one we did, we were terrible footage they're signing and they're not showing go to the next one where they. There has to be great accident footage from this, so we were doing one night where the pumpkin goes straight up someone's asshole.

We went to do it one time with them in Colorado and do not type in pumpkins accidents.

Yes, you should. Oh, my God.

There's a few results, by the way. And we're watching all of them. Don't even think of wrapping this up, so.

We were at one of them one time and it shot the pumpkin and it shot it straight up in the air and everyone's like, oh, and you're like, Oh fuck, there's no saving yourself.

If this fucking goes sideways, there's no saving. Just scoot forward for the accident. This always gives me anxiety when you see the helmets run.

There you go. And see what the action is, is this thing going too fire? Oh, he's like, oh God, oh I can't watch this, I can't watch my arm goes off.

Oh, my God. Well, that one. I'm not sure what the accident is. I by the way, I don't know, there's like legit once this there's the punkin chunkin is one critical. Why are we watching this?

This is not what you need to see before you go to bed with chunkin accidents.

And of course, they don't show us what it is we're not going to show you on the news they cut to her. I saw a pumpkin chunkin event cancelled. I just saw that on the dude. I bet they don't do it anymore. They've had a few accidents that have been pretty bad. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dan can tell you about that. Actually produce the produce.

There you go. That's going to. But, yeah, they would send these out in the fuckin air and and you just it's such an insane experience because all of a sudden there is like tons of energy just taking off.

Uh. Yeah, these are like air cannons, the trebuchets are ones that where it's like all of a sudden you hear, holy shit, did you see the fucking footage on Pat McAfee's Instagram today?

No, dude, you can pull a Pat McAfee's Instagram. We're to get rid of that. Pull up his Instagram. He's in the backyard with his friend, with his family. We call back McAfee. He's in the backyard with his family. And they're and they're filming. He's filming what he thinks is just weird lightning. And it's a fucking tornado coming to his house. And then all of a sudden he's like, oh, fuck. And he realizes it's a tornado to play the sound of.

Yeah, this is insane.

Tom, you see Kim Beazley, he's joking around right now.

I mean, he he he there's a bat. Yeah. Oh, that's a crate. And you could tell it's a dark. Kind of scary setting, right, there's the lightning striking, you see the lightning peeking through the trees. Oh, he doesn't know what he doesn't realize that it's a tornado coming to him.

Whoa, it's fucking spooky, man. Yeah. And then, look, it starts the lightning starts picking up and you hear the fucking wind. Oh, let's call Pat McAfee. He posted that today. Yeah, he posted last last night.

The tornado came last night. And look at. You should see all the hill. Why is no one answering my fucking calls? Yeah, it's kind of scary, man. All right, let's see if we can get Pat McAfee on the phone. Yeah, look at all of that. He'll say a little bit. Let me get to him.

Pat McAfee, you're on the phone with me. And Tom cigarroa on our podcast. There is one cave. What's that, Pat?

And what a fucking honor. Tom, how's it going? Good. I enjoyed Farhod part, obviously. Yeah. Great to be here. The last on my podcast with Tom Seglora. He said I was going to be honest. It was a show that didn't get released. This is awesome.

Hey, are you safe now? Are you in a good place?

I'm currently at my house right now. Yes. Sit on my couch. Everything's good. What's up?

Tell me about the tornado. Yeah, we were watching the footage, the same dude.

I've never experienced something like this before, but I've never. At my first weekend in Indiana, immediately after getting drafted, you have like a rookie camp where you fly out. The next week we stay in the hotel. Everybody's in a hotel. That first weekend I was in my room, it was like 10:00 at night or something like that. We get a call from the front desk, you know, like, did you hear that siren? And I heard it, but I thought it was like a fire drill.

It was a tornado. Like, you have to come down to the lobby. So I go down to the lobby, everybody in the hotels, in the lobby. And when I was growing up in Pittsburgh, if the tornado drill was you go out and sit in the hallway like you sit down, you're like Native American style in the hallway, in the lockers. You know, you're not supposed to be around windows. This fucking lobby was just all windows didn't make any sense to me.

But the top floor is the purple. Never hit where we were at. Yeah. Last night was my first time in the purple section of the Doppler. Let me tell you, it was fucking wild. I thought I was in a movie Twister. There were some trees. I didn't know cows were flying, but all the animals at my house, it was fucking.

Where did you go, Pat? Where did you go? Because do you have like a bunker or a basement to go to now?

Seems like I should get one of those escape bunkers, those that after what happened last night. Yeah, I would say so. I went down into the basement. OK, down into my basement.

Yeah, that's what I just said. That was probably the right move. But I have some friends out here that were there like the third fourth floor of the apartment complex.

Are they just now that they probably are men, that video of you in your backyard? And I knew in my head I was like that lightning means there's a tornado coming. And when the wind picks up and you stop singing and you go, oh, shit.

Yeah, that was.

Yeah. A real moment I had kind of you kind of shifted out of that Phil Collins pretty quickly. You know, I felt like I was getting I thought you were you were in it, but you stopped every every fucking NFL stadium for a night game.

The home team always played at Philly.

Yeah. Because all the fans like yeah, yeah. We're going to beat the Colts of like. Yeah, like every home team does. So I've heard that Joe Collins passed it.

Can I ask you something? What music wise in the locker room did you guys take turns or was there always like a dominant music, you know, I mean, playing like did Payton go guys a fucking Clint Black? That's what I'm into.

Or how did who chose what played in the locker room.

OK, so that was a big deal back in the day. So when I got drafted in 2009, that was before social media really was taken off, you know, was like the last couple of years before Twitter controlled everything and, you know, the oh, the locker room that there was normally only one speaker in the locker room. Somebody would come in and they would have like the back back in the day. You know how the trunks of cars used to have boom boom of the two twelves or whatever.

One person in the locker room would have like a massive speaker, and they would be given, like the free rein to play whatever music they want. So it would be maybe Reggie would have it for one season. It'd be a lot of, you know, rap. But every once in a while, there's White Boy Wednesday, you know, white boy Wednesdays, a fair deal in the locker room because an older white will then get in charge in his country.

Wow.

So can I make a guess? Here is like is Jeff Saturday not in the hip hop?

I don't recall. Just to be honest, I was like seven years, eight years ago and I just looked so much vitamin since I was pretty open minded.

I was pretty open minded. But as the years went on, you know, it started to just become a little bit out of control. There was like competing speakers in the locker room. You walk through one section talking, selling drugs, and then you go to lockers down and you got fucking Toby Keith singing about America. Then you go three lockers down. You got to change selling drugs and playing basketball. It became a bit of a conflict of interest in the locker room.

Here's one way is like a flea market. Pat, the might have been one of the reasons I retired. I one of the reasons.

Wait, so the one music thing I realized that who there's no hint to the general public of what this guy would listen to. I have absolutely no guess. And aside from classical music, something weird. What did Marvin Harrison listen to?

I was not OK. So. I guess out there, but I was not in the locker room with Marv. He retired, I think, the year before I got there.

Oh, God damn it.

I bet him, though, by the way, I met him a few times and he was very nice to me. Very, very nice to me. That's great news, by the way. Very, very nice to me. It was nice to everybody. But I would assume he fucks with the Philly rappers if I had to. OK, I think I think he's the king of Philadelphia. Very nice man. Great football, obviously.

Great a football. Something in those eyes, though, man. Something in those eyes. How are you guys? Not best friends.

Was that how are you guys not best friends that never fucking closer with me or Tom and he won't reach out to me. He won't have me. No, it's fucking ridiculous. Oh, good, good, good.

But I'll be honest, I love you, man. This time he's just. He's just he had me all that you got to remember, he I felt like it was such an honor because I was playing on the show. I'm like, yeah, here we go. I'm getting a chance to talk to a legend in this thing. I do this whole entire interview we talked about being in the shower with and it felt like a lot of stuff. I felt like it was pretty good.

Never seen the light of day. Nobody ever heard it is your football.

So, yeah, it did come out. It just it came out on a different feed.

Oh, hey, I'll never reach out to me ever again. I never heard from the guy. I bet I was heartbroken. I was heartbroken.

He's more of an AJ kind of guy. Yeah. How could you even be friends with him? Hey, Pat, what's your favorite Drake song?

Oh, you know, back in only get the name of that, you don't know it, you don't know it, right? No, I just want to make sure it's the right name. I didn't know.

I didn't I was trying to think of Drake songs. I never heard of one the wrong. I don't know. He got rich. He got paid the same time. I got money for the first time in my life. So I felt like he was potentially speaking for me just a few thousand times. That's what I was. You know, their first mixtape that he put out, I was a big fan of started at the bottom.

Now we're here now. Pat, Pat, can we be friends or what? Man, can we be friends? I would love to like honestly, it'd be pretty cool to say Tom scores. All right, let's start let's start a chat. Read me, you, Tom and AJ Hawk.

I am pumped for that group touch, to be honest with you.

Let's do it. All right. All racial, Meems. OK, that's how we got to get started. OK, to be a little bit of an aggressive start. I'll figure out a way to get in there.

All right. I'm starting it now. I'm starting now. I love you. Stay safe, man. I love you guys to have a good one. Thanks for the call, Tom. Can't wait to be friends.

All right, man. Take care. He's fucking great. He is great. Oh, it's so improbable that it worked out for him. It's amazing. Yeah.

Like he was you know, he was like, legit, an amazing punter.

And when he when he was, like, unretiring to get into, like, broadcast, I was like, this guy's fucking crazy, you know? And it has gone in the best direction. He's a natural. He's a natural. He really is.

I mean, he did that like funny like a bit for his announcing his retirement where he had like a press conference.

But it was like a sketch. I never saw it. It's fantastic. And I was like, this guy is really funny, but isn't this I just thought it was crazy that you're going to retire as a punter. I always imagine as a punter you want to be you just stay forever.

Fucking kick the ball on fourth. Why did he retire? Was it he.

I think he started to have any problems. Oh, yeah. So, you know, like you have to be able to have like, obviously an explosive leg exclusivity. Yeah. And I think that's why you have 100 percent. Yeah.

And I think if we were to maybe go to Indiana at some point and do like maybe a punting clinic, you're obviously a I think a natural, you know, kick to this compound now.

But, you know, he he does so well is that he's funny, but he also knows that, like, you ask him a question, like the locker room.

There's so many people he would ask that to and they'd be like, oh no, I mean, some guys like rap, some guys don't, you know, like, all right, man, good talk.

Like it's people who know how to talk to people. Yes. So he and he knows that like what's that? You know, it's the most popular sport in America. We all want to know all these little details.

He knows that he knows how to access that and make it in a way that I just explained that to Leon today where I was like I did a podcast with someone was telling you about earlier where I'd ask them the question and they would give me almost a little bit less than the answer I was looking for. And I was like, OK. And then I'd have to ask another question. So it was just me asking a series of questions as opposed to.

So I feel like I feel like the like I know it's annoying, but like I will give you the answer that I might pivot and give you a story and then give you another answer to a question you might not ask. But I'm hoping that in all of that, in an interview, someone hears that and then goes, oh, this is interesting. Let's go there.

Yeah. Yeah. And he does that great. He does. He really does do a great man. Yeah.

It's like sometimes we get ass things in like about stand up and I always try to, I always take the question genuinely and give them like the real and then sometimes people ask and they're like, oh I was just thinking you're going to give me like a joke answer.

I'm like, fucking you wanted to know. You kind of ask me a question like, yeah, I gave the answer. Right.

So so I did an interview today the other day. I do those Colins like five in the morning. Yeah. Till ten. I've been doing them a lot lately. By the way, I should hook you up with who I'm doing them with because the ones that they have them set up, they're thirty minutes, thirty minute chunks and they're fucking fun really. I did one in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I wish I could remember the name of the station right now.

All I remember is Tulsa, Oklahoma, and it was a fucking 40 minute interview and it was so much fucking fun.

You just as 30 minutes and forty minutes. That one was forty one over. But but I forgot what I was going to say. Oh, I forgot what I was going. OK, and so that's how we should drop it.

That's a perfect ending. All right. Thank you guys for listening. Watching. I got an update on the hat I got to put on the hat. OK, I get asked about this hat more than I've been asked about anything, like any piece of merchandise ever.

They moved up the production to me. So we're going to have them made and shipped in May. That's all I got.

And they're coming out of Wuhan, China. So there should be clear, clean because they sprayed with Lysol. How about going there was they asked us, is that Native American style? I think that makes it worse that he is woak.

Uh, Dan Adler.

OK, you ready? Yeah. Dan Adler is Bert Krischer. You're on the phone with me and Tom Sigurður on our podcast. Dubas one gave.

Oh, Jesus, Bert. Tom is a huge fan of fifty day fiance. I said, Dan, you only watch this half of the show. Hang on. I'm going to pass you over to Tom. OK, Dan. All right.

Dan, how are you? How are you doing? I'm doing very well. Nice to talk to you too.

I'm such such we are obsessed with with every spinoff and all of these amazing people that you find for this show currently really, really deep into before the ninety days, the current season.

Oh, yeah. It's a good one. There's a lot to unpack there man. Um, yeah.

This is one of our better cast is OK. Is, does Larry live in assisted living or is he doing this on his own.

We will Larry.

From which season isn't he the name of the name of the guy in Vegas who go in to the Ukraine. That's David.

David, Larry one. Oh, you're right, Larry.

Does David have somebody feed him or is this all on his own?

He put me in such a spot, but he knows he's doing it to give it to me. Hey, I got a show to pitch you. He did this for the audition for the Conqueror is the second time he's done this. What is going on with Davidman watch the whole season?

Well, I can tell you, I watch the whole season.

That is a fucking diplomatic answer.

Dan did a lot of twists and turns that really are that what I will say? I fought very hard, but would appreciate this for the for the Rocky and Bullwinkle clip at the start of his story, where he talks about the accent we had to clear. And I I actually thought about what I was watching that clip. I watched it as somebody who has, you know, some production experience.

I was like, oh, he had a license. This for sure. This is a whole different conversation.

Conversation big is obviously beloved by everybody.

I I actually thought the first time I saw him, I thought when he said that he hadn't been with a woman in twenty eight days, that his shoulders were up from like pent up orgasm, you know, he just had so much common his shoulders and that he needed to let it out.

But then I learned of an actual genetic thing. Yeah. That hasn't hurt even see what he looks like.

I don't I think. Didn't you see the mayo in the hair? Oh yeah. That's Big Ed. Oh yeah. Yeah. You mean I don't know guy. Yeah. He's like, oh yeah. Yeah. Oh he is, he is adorable but I just we were actually talking about it on my other.

Podcast the other day, and we we we're talking about what is it, Jeffrey and Varno? Yeah, and we were talking about it and pulled it up. And I saw that Jeffrey got arrested semi recently actually in this stuff for sure.

I can't talk. No, I know it's you know, you don't have to talk, but it was just it was funny because he was like, know, I got to talk about my past that were like, fuck, in January.

That's not really your past. That's like a you know what I did last month? Oh, God. I got I got a couple felonies on a Thursday, OK.

If you watch TV and you'll see some of the OK. The timeline issues there for sure. Yeah.

It's it's a great show man, where we really are so into it.

And TLC just told me I love that man. I love that you're a big fan of the show and big fan of yours. Well, thanks so much.

I'll pass you the day I got this show. Here's the show I want to pitch you. OK, now everyone's looking for content and we want content based on old material. Yeah. What if Tommy and his wife push watch a 90 day fiance together and they introduced me to the show and so it's almost like they're like they're fans of the show. So they're telling me what to pay attention to. But I get to ask questions.

Yeah. So let me let me I think it's a good idea. We have a series which Tom is quite familiar with called Pillow Talk, which is like our version of Gogglebox or People's Couch, where old cast members watch the show that airs at eleven o'clock on Sundays. There's been a couple instances where you've had celebrities be a role on that. So let me talk to TLC and see if we could do so.

Just get Tom on. Just get Tom here. He would love to do it. I would love to be down for that. Oh yeah. Yeah. Christina Oh we would love to do it from their house. They have all the recording equipment. It'll sound and look professional. That would be awesome.

Oh, that's the new world that we're living anyways. Everybody's. Yeah. From their house.

Yeah. Well if you have any ideas to pitch me and Tom, we're looking for shows that we can shoot out of our.

Oh by the way then has anybody told Soulja Boy that Soulja Boy is pretty big here when he's like, I'm going to take over the rap game in the States and we're like, hey, there's a Soulja Boy kind of done a thing, all right?

He's not aware at all. And the best is the end. Baby Love gets off the plane and has him and his friends are like, Yo, my stomach is big dog, you know?

And as a Wolverine, I know. Oh, he's very happy right now because Chrissy Teigen changed her profile page to be her assistant. Chrissy Teigen loves her love, who at least is very happy, loves Lisa. Lisa. Okay, I'm Chrissy Teigen. Like handle now, whatever it is for Instagram, it's it's Lisa, baby baby girl Lisa's personal assistant. So I was pretty happy right now.

That's awesome. OK, yeah, she's she's a lot, a lot to. She's got a lot. She's a lot. A lot. Yes. I'm going to leave it there and there's a lot, there's a lot more to come but will appreciate a lot.

So wait at the end when the season's over will you come by again. Like will you be a guest on the show.

And I will probably just based on the nature of what I what I do and the people I answer to have to run that up the flagpole. OK, a bit of a spur of the moment thing that would put me on, but I would love to for I have to check. OK, that be a discovery.

Just check now because we, you know that we want to do it. OK, I will start checking now then. All right. Thanks buddy. All right.

And Tom and I are looking for television products. We project we can shoot out of our house or out of our studio.

Yeah, I'm all for it, but I would love it, man. Yeah, I'll text you afterwards. All right. I'll talk to you later. I love you down by. He's great, he's OK, OK, he's an interesting guy. Thank you, guys. We'll see you next time. Bye Bye Birdie. Tom, Tom and Ward one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in bird snowmachine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean.

Here's what we call there's. Okay. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humour, no apologies. Here's what we call focus on Katie.