This is Jeffrey Roberts with 2020. For more than four decades, 2020 has brought you an incredible variety of compelling stories. Well, now we're going to bring you back to some of the most heart stopping ones from the 2020 true crime vault. And we're going to give you updates on what happened to the people involved. Thanks for listening.

Coming up, you Brian?

I'm Jennaire.

We were happy. And I couldn't imagine not being with Jennier for the rest of my life. It all came crashing down.

You don't find me appealing. You don't find me attractive. You don't want me anymore. You don't even like me.

Janae was concerned about being tossed away, mark, trading her in for a newer model, a younger model, a prettier model.

15 years younger than you. She was when you went for drinks with Meredith. You poured your heart out to her.

Here's this woman who I think is amazing, saying that she thinks I'm a wonderful man. I had never heard this from Janae's lips, ever.

She would focus on Mark and Meredith and how she was going to catch them together.

She had planted recording devices in his office.

She named my device lying jerk. And she called Mary this device poor.

She's listening in on almost everything he's doing.

Hundreds of hours of recordings.

We can't be friends. We cannot talk. It's too painful for me to see you living your life happy. She took my husband away.

And then she sent me a text that said, you ruined my life. Then another text that said, I hope you never find happiness. Then a third text that said, bye, Mark.

I'm John Quinones. A 24 year marriage, then an affair and a wife who says she's moving forward. But what secrets was Janer Gerardo hiding? As we first reported in 2019, hidden bank accounts, DNA testing kits, and a gun all point to a woman becoming unhinged. It would end with a deadly act of revenge and send shockwaves through a quiet community, leaving just one person to tell the tale.

The main line is considered the wealthy suburbs of Philadelphia. The term came from the railroad line that connects Philadelphia to its original western suburbs. The calling card that I have culture or I have success.

I remember being one of those really nice, first time, warm outside days. A lot of kids are out riding their bikes for the first time or moms are pushing shoulders.

The main line is an idyllic place for families. Privacy is valued highly here, and people don't like drama. I heard the radio transmission. Multiple gunshot wounds. At that moment, my heart just sank because we don't really receive those type of calls.

I come outside all up and down the street. It's just police cars, ambulances, all flashing their lights.

When we arrived on scene, it was kind of chaotic thinking homicide right away.

One of the first people that police encounter on the scene is 49 year old Mark Gerardo, and he is extremely agitated. He said, I think my wife might be inside.

They questioned me, and I was so upset with them for. About checking me that I was yelling at them.

So as police begin to piece together what exactly happened on this normally very quiet street, a shocking tale emerges, one that begins decades earlier, when Mark Gerardo first meets his wife, Janeir, waiting in the wing, whispering such pretty things. Had all of his heart.

I would have been 18, had a mullet and a Firebird engineer would have been 16.

When Mark first met Janeir, she was working in Taco Bell, wearing a little taco bell cap.

She made a brown polyester uniform look really good. Big, beautiful blue eyes and big smile. But I was kind of tongue tied. I couldn't even speak. I would see her occasionally. We both were in swing choir.

But.

I never had an opportunity to talk to her.

The real romance didn't begin until four years later, when Mark ran into her completely by chance.

Eventually, one day, she finally just said, are you going to ask me out or what? I was quiet, shy.

In contrast, Janira, she was the rebel in a leather jacket.

She's a dream.

Said whatever she wanted to say all the time, and she didn't care what anybody else thought of her, which is the exact opposite of me.

Janira was a rule breaker, and that was exciting to Mark.

She was a shining star that I wanted to follow.

When she met Mark, I can remember her talking. This is the one. She was very excited. She would do anything for Mark. I think that Janae was always searching, searching for that connection, that strong connection for someone to take care of her. And I'm thinking that Mark gave that to her.

In the beginning, Mark liked her a lot. He was excited for us to meet her. When he's in, he's in. He was in love, and this was the one.

We were happy, and I couldn't imagine not being with her the rest of my life.

Mark and Janae could be your next door neighbors. They could be your siblings. They could be your husband or wife. They grew up together, they matured together.

Did you ever talk about having children with Jennaire?

We often did, especially early talking about having a family. And yet there was really no plan. So we had two golden retrievers. They were our children.

Monique. Look at that face. Look at that face. Like any marriage, there were good times, there were bad times, there were fights, our fights.

Some of them were epic.

I wasn't privy to all the behind the scenes of their relationship and their life together, but I knew there was intense disagreements, intense reactions to things.

You didn't win an argument with Janae. She was always going to have the last word.

What would you say the biggest stress on your marriage was?

I think money was always a concern. The economy turned and it just changed everything for us. Lives a really bad time, a lot of stress during that time.

By 2011, they'd been married 18 years and they are living in South Carolina.

It became kind of our renaissance of our marriage. We explored the mountains, the beaches.

Money and career were still an issue. Both of them worked in marketing. Mark's career was going well. Janaire's not.

When Janaire lost her job, she lost a lot. She lost her pride, and she couldn't find another job.

Mark said they both decided it was time for a change and a new start.

That's when I found the opportunity for creative director at University of Delaware.

He looked to see who was doing the hiring there, and he found a woman named Meredith Chapman. He reached out to her and sent her an email introducing himself. And he was thrilled when she replied, right away.

You land an interview with Meredith Chapman.

I did.

15 years younger than you?

She was.

What was that initial meeting like?

I was actually very concerned. I was concerned about me reporting to someone who was so much younger, had so much less experience. When I sat across the desk from her, within 5 minutes, I didn't say it out loud, but I said, I've got to work for this person. She was so articulate and so accomplished at her age to be in the position she was in. I was dumbfounded.

And then you get the offer.

I did.

He was excited about that job. It was a good job. He was also excited, I think, to move to that area of the country. This was someplace kind of moving up, if you will.

One of the last memories of August 2017 was sharing that once in a lifetime view of the solar eclipse. In that moment, in the eclipse, in the darkness, were you happy?

I think we were our version of happy. We had my arm around her and we were just basking in the moment.

Look at it, Mark. Look at it.

60 days later, it all came crashing down.

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Police cars, ambulances, all flashing their lights. I heard a noise.

There was a concern that there could be somebody loose in the area.

It started to sink in, but not really.

I honestly still can't believe it.

I think one of the things about this story that makes it so compelling is up until the very end, the events that happened aren't that unusual.

Everything is going according to plan. Mark is gearing up for his new job in the marketing department at the University of Delaware.

Jennier stayed back to lease our home, and so I moved ahead 45 days.

In those first few days and weeks where Janeir was still back in South Carolina, how would you describe life on the job with Meredith?

It was jaw dropping to see her command a room.

She led a team overseeing the entire University of Delaware brand. She also taught classes, so you fit right in well with the curriculum. She also started some extracurricular clubs and forums as well, in which she was able to work with students more one on one, and especially enjoyed empowering female students. She had an impressive resume at the age of 32, she ran for state senate in Delaware today I'm announcing my candidacy for the Delaware state Senate for district eight and had been named to Delaware's 40 under 40 for young achievers. Meredith could always be found posting on social media with that big smile.

Mark and Meredith immediately hit it off. He was just blinded by how engaging she was, how much they had in common.

And eventually, finally, she said, after the first two weeks, she said, let's have a drink.

When you went for drinks with Meredith, you poured your heart out to her.

I did. I don't know why, but it was so easy to talk to her. I told her about having just lost my parents, both of my parents, who said it just happened, and I had just lost my brother as well.

Did you talk about your marriage?

Not necessarily in a negative way, but I told her about some of the things that had happened over the course of our marriage.

Mark felt alive again, the way he had when he had first met Janae.

I didn't know what was happening and I was confused by the feelings I was having, to be honest, until I think it became just a little bit more forward with a dinner that we had. It was more of a date. There was a point after that where we shared a kiss. It was surprising to me. I think it was so surprising to her, but the energy was there and I immediately felt awful. And I said, we can't do this. I can't do this to her.

Meaning you couldn't do that to Jennaire.

I couldn't do that to Janeira. And whatever was happening, whatever was about to happen, it just wasn't going to happen. I called it off.

How many weeks into having met her did this happen?

Four weeks.

It was fast.

It was very fast.

Mark had applied for a job in Colorado before any of this had happened. And he gets an interview, so he decides he's going to go out and check it out anyway.

And I was in the middle of the interview. Something inside me clicked and said, I don't want this job. There was something about not seeing through what marathon had started professionally, that I just. I couldn't give it up professionally, both and personally. From the airport in Denver, I texted her that I was all in.

And how did you feel in that moment when you had made that decision?

It's hard to say how I felt. I felt enthralled. It was such a connection to shut it down. Just didn't feel right. And I had to at least find out what it was that drew us together so much.

Mark and Meredith find themselves embarking on a whirlwind romance. Meredith was also married.

What had Meredith told you about her marriage?

She certainly wasn't happy. What? She said they've been married for nine years, and for the last three, it was more of a show.

Did your relationship with Meredith reveal the problems in your marriage?

Here comes Meredith, and she's just telling me that I'm good at what I do. She said that I'm such a wonderful man. I had never heard this from Janeira's lips, ever. Here's this woman who I think is amazing, saying that she thinks I'm a wonderful man.

She'd only known you for a few weeks, though.

Fair point. She'd only knew me for a couple weeks.

Meredith and Mark are just falling hopelessly in love.

It's as if Mark is living in a parallel universe, unmarried, free to explore this new romance. It's like he doesn't even have a wife. Do you remember when you first told Meredith that you loved her?

When I first told Meredith, it was one of those things that it bottles up inside of you. You can't not say it. I couldn't not say. And I told her, I love you. And she returned.

And she said, I love you, too.

She did?

How do you explain that one month after meeting her?

I can't explain it. It can't explain it. I don't know. In the moment, it felt right. Looking back at it, it seemed silly. When I say I love with her, I was in love with her, right. I couldn't love her in the way I love. Loved my wife for 24 years.

It was a powerful feeling.

It was a very powerful feeling. And I was overwhelmed by it all. That I still love my wife. Yes. I didn't know what to do with the feelings I was feeling. It were new, unexpected. At the same time, it was addictive as well.

Some people might say what you're describing is a midlife crisis.

If you unpack it, what a midlife crisis is, I wouldn't disagree with you. I was 49 at the time. You wonder, is this all there is? What is the rest of my life going to be like? And we'd gotten into a pattern that was over and over again, the same thing. And when I got to see that life can be different, there's something else. I questioned everything. So I look back at the last 24 years and I wondered, are we about to repeat those 24 years again? Or is there something else?

As the relationship with Mark and Meredith intensifies, Janeir is packing up and getting ready to move to Delaware, and that inevitable collision is on the horizon.

Mark Gerardo has moved to Delaware to start a new job, leaving his wife Janaire, to pack up their old home. But two months later, the reunion of husband and wife will prove to be anything but joyful.

Three, two, one. Happy new year. New Year's 2018 is supposed to be a new beginning for Mark and Jane air. But trouble is just around the corner. Janeir has just moved to Delaware to join Mark, who is in the midst of a quickly developing romance with his boss, Meredith.

Mark was distant, he was detached, and.

Janeira picked up on it.

She suspected it had something to do with another woman.

She said specifically, it's Meredith, isn't it? We had talked about Meredith before in the context of her professional's decorum, and I owed a lot about Meredith. It wasn't too far of a leap for her to get there, and I denied it.

Why did you deny it? Did you want to stay married to Jennaire?

I was not about to throw away 24 years on something I wasn't quite sure of yet. And so, no, I was not willing to let go of the marriage.

Jennaire isn't buying it. In fact, she's keeping pretty close tabs on him, quizzing him about Meredith. She seems to have information she couldn't have any way of knowing. And Mark can't figure out how. Unbeknownst to Mark, his conversations with Meredith are being recorded by Janaire. I feel more joy, more excitement this fall than I ever did before. I want to see you again today. I really want to. It's kind of me too.

Where are you going to be?

Thanks. Love you too. Bye.

She would focus on Mark and Maris and what they were doing and how she was going to catch them together.

I'm counting on celebration drinks tomorrow.

Every time she would get more proof, it would give her that sick feeling in her stomach.

By Valentine's day, everything comes to a head. She blurts out that she has undeniable proof that Mark is having an affair.

At that time, Janeiro disclosed that she had taken my phone and had it cloned.

Okay, so now she's saying, I saw you, I heard you, I watched you. I was ten steps behind you.

Yes.

Did you come clean at this point?

I didn't.

What was her reaction to that?

She called BS.

It was BS.

It was BS, but I didn't know what she knew.

She had hired a company to access his phone, to read his text, to see his photos, to see a record of his calls.

I finally just told her, I'm in love with Meredith. I can't deny it anymore.

And how did she react?

I think she was a bit taken back that I was so bluntly honest. But to me, it was her belief to actually get it out in the open after I admitted to having a relationship with Meredith. But I said, we can go to.

Counseling to save your marriage.

We're going to go to marriage counseling. We had different, I think, intentions.

Mark is getting ready to head to the marriage counselor's office and throws his coat on. And he feels something in the lining of the coat.

And I kind of straightened the lapel. And I felt it was a strange feeling of something that was inside the jacket. And I reached inside my pocket, and I felt what I thought was an antitheft device. So I thought, why is there an antitheft device inside the lining of my jacket? I cut open with an exacto blade edge of the pocket and pulled out this device. And there was a blinking light.

It was a listening device.

It was a listening device.

And it was sewn into the lining of your jacket?

Correct.

Everything begins to make sense now that Mark realizes he's been bugged. That's all I hate.

What do you hate?

Driving into work.

You have a good night. This is so shocking to Mark because not only has she cloned his phone, she's also bugged his actual person. She's listening in on almost everything he's doing. Even Janaire's own conversations with Mark are being recorded.

I'm done talking about this any further.

Maybe if you were truthful with me from the very beginning, I wouldn't have had to dig around like this.

She told me she wanted to understand the degree to which Meredith and I were in the relationship. She was determined that there was a plan between Meredith and I, and she was trying to listen to what that plan was. She said she was going to quit and she was done doing it.

But there's more. Mark also says Janeir admits that she's written their boss at the University of Delaware about the affair, and she's tracked down and told Meredith's husband.

By the third counseling session, it was obvious to me that this was going in a certain direction.

You wanted to end your marriage.

I wanted to end the marriage. And I told her, I'm going to be filing a petition for divorce when I meet my residency requirements in May.

Things are happening really quickly now. Meredith and her husband are now moving towards a divorce, and Mark and Meredith are both looking for new jobs. Meredith accepted a prestigious position at Villanova University as an assistant vice president. Both she and Mark are looking for new homes around the beautiful mainline suburbs in Philadelphia near her new job. Janeir, on the other hand, is looking ahead to what she feels is a life alone in a new city with no job and no support system.

She didn't expect that at all. She just overcome with grief that it had come to this.

Everybody says it's over. I'm not there yet. I can't accept it.

Janeira begins to see a divorce coach.

Janeir's divorce coach is one of the few people she confides in about the rapid dissolve of her 24 year marriage.

When I met with Janae, she told me mostly about the good times. Jennaire really loved Mark, and this was a shock to her that he was leaving. Janae was concerned about being tossed away and mark trading her in for a newer model, a younger model, a prettier model.

You don't find me appealing. You don't find me attractive. You don't want me anymore. You don't even like me. You are miserable. She lights your fire. She makes you feel young. You're excited. It's all fresh. You're getting to know each other, and you are in love with her.

She had a lot of resentment. She had a lot of anger about that. It's not unusual. She had huge fears about being left financially.

I realized that this whole situation has caused you not to be able to get a job. I get that. I really do.

Screwed the pooch big time on us. My future, your future, our future, our finances, everything. You screwed the coach because you made an immoral, selfish choice. According to Mark, a fight erupts one night because he's found yet another listening device inside one of his jackets.

I flipped over a coffee table out of anger, and I said some things that I wish I hadn't said.

She was threatening to jump out the window.

That was certainly the impression that I.

Was given at the time. Did you feel like she was just trying to get attention or did you think she was really considering jumping out?

I was so scared at the moment, I didn't really know.

He says he encouraged her to reach out to family and friends and a psychiatrist, which she says she did.

And I thought, I'm doing all I can do.

According to Mark, she seemed to pull herself together and brace for the inevitable divorce.

Janaire came out with a list of requirements, if you will, for how the next weeks were going to play out, that we were going to live together until May. We were going to spend as much time together as possible, going on walks, having dinners.

Didn't she think that was OD?

It was OD, but I'm trying to land this thing so she's in a good place.

How was she acting during that time?

Completely normal.

Did it feel bizarre for it to seem so normal?

I was happy that it was going to be so normal. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. There were moments of she would get upset and she would cry and she would break down.

I can't watch that happen. I can't watch you have a happy life.

What does that mean?

We can't be friends. We cannot talk. It's too painful for me to see you living your life happy. She's living my life.

It's been a rough few months, but by April 23, Mark feels like his life has finally stabilized. Mark now has a new job. He and Janeira are still living together as he looks for a new apartment. And it seems like Janeira has come to terms with the divorce, and Meredith is now officially divorced. She's in her new home and has just finished the day at her new job at Villanova University. As she was heading home that evening, she stopped to post something to Instagram. It was this beautiful, glowing shot of Meredith in her new job. She just looked so incredibly optimistic.

Mark and Janaire planned to have dinner together and talk about their divorce.

When I got there, it was so nice outside. They had an outdoor patio. And I said, I'm going to be sitting outside. She said, okay, great. Janae texted me and says, I made a wrong turn. I'm going to be late 10 minutes or so go by. And she texted me back and said, I'm not coming. Just go home. And she sent me a text. It was a photo of trash. There was a condom in the middle of that photo. I knew the context of it. I thought she was outside of Meredith's house going through her trash, looking for a condom, looking for evidence of any kind that I had been there. And then she sent me a text that said, you ruined my life. Then another text that said, I hope you never find happiness. And then a third text that said, bye, Mark. Meanwhile, I'm tired of texting Meredith, and she's not replying to me. I thought, okay. So Janeira went over to her house. There was a confrontation. Who knows what Janara said to her? And so I paid the bill and rushed over to her house. So I walked to the back of the house, and I peered in, and that began a moment of shock.

I saw Meredith face down on her kitchen floor, and I wrapped on the door and yelled her name. She wasn't acknowledging me. I went to her. And I saw a fleck of blood on her calf. I just couldn't understand why there was blood. So I ran out onto the porch.

I hear a commotion outside, and Mark is there. He is freaking out.

I said, call 911.

I open the door. I noticed that in her left hand she still has her keys, which I find OD. So I go around and I feel for a pulse on her body. I'm starting to think, like, what the heck's going on here? So my next immediate thought is to look around for a weapon because I thought Mark had hit her.

I stood up and I pivoted to my left, and that's when I saw another figure laying there. And she was dressed all in black from head to toe. And I didn't recognize the face, and yet I did.

It was Jennaire.

Then I screamed and ran to her. And I just said to her, baby, baby, what have you done? What have you done? I actually heard the radio transmission came in. As two deceased people in this community, there's not a lot of calls like that. At that moment. My heart just sank. When we arrived on scene, it was kind of chaotic. A lot of officers there. At first I thought we were doing a double homicide. As I approached, the front door had a closed in porch. There was an outer door, and then there was an inner door. That inner door had a broken out pane of glass. The one closest to the door handle was missing. So that obviously raises my suspicion. Do we have a homicide where someone broke into the home and killed somebody? I don't know what I said to the police.

He described the one woman as his wife and the other one, somebody he was having an affair with.

I was yelling at them to get in there and help them. And there was some woman who was helping me finally just grabbed my hand and said, they're gone. And that's why. Completely lost it. Finally, the police whisked me off to the police department.

Because you were the prime suspect.

I was the prime suspect.

Murder weapon was not found easily. It ended up that it was under one of the bodies.

The murder weapon found was a 357 caliber revolver. Two rounds had been fired from that handgun. Five rounds stolen the weapon. The police said, we have to ask this question. Did you shoot these two women? And I literally said, shot them. They were shot. That's when I pieced it all together, but it still wasn't real. It was determined that Janaire had committed a burglary and broken into Marla's home.

Where she lay in wait for her to return from work.

Annette had murdered her before taking her own life.

Is there any way to describe what you were feeling?

Nightmare. My world was gone. It felt like suspended reality. It just wasn't real. Any minute, I'm going to wake up and it's going to be back to normal.

We are learning more about the apparent murder suicide. By all accounts, it looks like a jealous rage was behind the deadly attack.

It doesn't take long for this story to hit the national and international news. Social media turned each of the participants into monsters. Each of them was painted as deserving of their fate. And worse, Mark was vilified as the adulterer. Meredith was vilified as the one who broke up the marriage. And Janeir was vilified as, understandably, the killer.

It became very clear to me when the news broke that I seemed to be, in many people's eyes, public enemy number one.

Mark is in a state of shock and grief, shunned by his friends, and he channels all that energy into an obsession to find out what was going on with his wife.

This was a very planned out event with significant amount of detail and energy put into that.

She was living a double life. Little did I know.

We can't move forward with our lives until I know the whole truth. Because you want to protect her till her dying day. You're protecting her to the grave even now, because you want my information, because you want to prepare.

I'm sorry. What's the question? What's the question?

Are we over? Did you ever think Jennaire was capable of physically harming?

Never. She had never done anything violent. She was an animal advocate and she was an anti gun person.

But the police are finding evidence that Janeir has been planning this for some time.

A citizen came forward and stated that directly behind the house and where the murder took place, that they observed a female in a trench coat, hat, possibly wearing a wig, large glasses, and having binoculars. And basically, she was staking out the house. This was a very planned out event with significant amount of detail. It was calculated, it was focused, and unfortunately, the plan worked.

I had to know myself how she pulled this off, why she did what she did.

Mark starts poring through Jennaire's bank statements, phone records, computer backup, and what he finds is almost impossible to believe. Those listening devices Mark found earlier were just the tip of the iceberg.

She had told me at some point that all the audio recordings had been destroyed. But to see them all, hundreds of hours of recordings.

She had planted recording devices in his office.

She took all of my jackets and had devices that she was cycling in and out every day. She would take it back out and then sew it back in, download it. So she had done that for weeks. Then she actually transcribed every word of it in notebooks. There were twelve notebooks full of transcripts that she had written.

Just days after Mark admits to the affair, she's opening a bank account. Secret credit cards to cover her tracks. Mark finds transactions for a lock picking kit he believes she used to break into his office. Computer hacking software, DNA testing for his clothes, and a sophisticated GPS tracking system she personally installed on both Mark and Meredith's cars.

So on the actual GPS maps, there were two icons. One showing my car and one showing Meredith's car. And she named my device lying jerk. And she called Meredith's device whore.

She had been watching them for weeks, tracking those icons wherever they went.

There were over 400 private conversations that Meredith and I had via Snapchat. And my best guess as to how she gained access to my phone was in the middle of the night. I was sleeping on the couch. She put my thumb on the reader.

Most chilling, Mark says, was finding that receipt for the gun and the box it came in.

She bought the gun on March 20, close to five weeks before she used it. It's unbelievable to think we were headed towards what I hoped to be a civil end.

So while Janaire has hired and is seeing this divorce coach, she has already secretly purchased the murder weapon.

She talked about her options of where she would move to and employment opportunities. So she sounded like someone who was planning for a future. Absolutely. But was literally like two different people. So it was the person who was planning the future and then it was the person who was planning for the end.

There were three times where she actually went to a firing range. And the last time she went was just hours before she took Meredith's life. And on her own.

As Mark is cross referencing records and calendars, he believes he was speaking to Jennaire while she was at the shooting range.

What are you doing today?

I just got finished, but I'm heading back home to Texas, so I'm hungry. I'm going to stuff to eat and finish it up.

It's chilling to hear her act that normal. And standing in a gun store.

Do you have any answers?

I think she just wasn't well. As I look back, seeing things from the very beginning that should have been signs. She wrapped her entire life around mine. She wanted us to be on an island together and she wanted to control that.

She left behind a letter that she appears to have begun writing weeks before the crime that lays out her thoughts and her plan, Janae starts out by writing, I really enjoyed being a wife and partner. Being a caretaker for my family and household was very fulfilling to me. I got the sense that she really had one route to happiness, and it was through her husband. We brought the letter to Dr. Robbie Ludwig, a psychotherapist who has studied homicide within marriages. I think it's very hard to see somebody's failed psyche sometimes on the outside, especially when they're so invested in presenting a pretty picture to the world. In my opinion. There was something about listening in on the tapes that triggered her rage and wound her up. Just know I'm thinking about you and I'm sorry. And it gave her the courage to know that she was right, that he was bad. In the letter, Janaire goes on to say, mark and Meredith cannot get away with this. I think at some point when she gave up on her life and became suicidal, that's when she became her most dangerous. I want justice. I deserve respect.

I want control. I need to take matters into my own hands. I get the sense she was interested in being the judge and jury in this scenario of her own life and her husband's life.

It's as simple as this is payback for what you've done to me. It's as simple as it gets.

Sometimes the darkness.

Type of traumas, you don't soon forget. There's a big flash of media, and then they go on to the next story. But for a community, it often is lasting for a long time.

There are days that I have to convince myself that it happened. There are days where I see Janeir, I see some woman who has her build and her hair, and I think, ah, it was all Riz. I see Meredith. So obviously, I'm not over the shock. She should not be gone from this earth. I've written her a private letter. I said it should have been me. Why do I get to live and you don't?

And last. And knowing.

I've literally sold everything that I own, and I'm just driving across the country for a new place.

Do you think you could have stopped it?

I could have stopped the relationship. I could have handled it completely differently. I broke her heart. My regret comes back to making her feel like she had no other choice.

Mark says he's trying to process this tragedy by writing a book.

I absolutely hope that someone picks this up someday and learns from it and signs about mental illness.

Have you forgiven yourself?

I'm still working on that. I'm still working on that.

Have you forgiven Jennaire?

I have forgiven Jennaire for what she did to me, and I have yet to forgive her for what she did to Meredith. She took someone else's life. It's unforgivable. I do not forgive her for that. No.

Johnny in the sea? A silent song on repeat? It left him numb and hollow.

Everybody has a breaking point, I think. We have a responsibility as humans to take care of the ones we love, but also the ones we hurt. We have a responsibility to make sure that they're okay. And I hope, if nothing else, these are the lessons that people take away from the story.

I'm Deborah Roberts. That does it for this episode of the crime vault. Tune in Friday nights at nine for all new broadcast episodes of 2020 on ABC. Thanks for listening.