In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Ginger's all hell know. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger. Ladies, gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky Jujer. My guest today is one of my favorite people. I don't know where they say that from, I guess, but I mean, once again, Today. It's Adam, Kate, and Holland. That had a little rhythm to it. A little mean it today.

Yeah, like a chorus was going to join in and test the... Yeah, exactly.

Today. Did you grow up in church? Were you a church boy? No, no, no. No, no church for you at all?

Not at all. Parents of conflicting religions.

Let me guess. Judaism and Buddhism.

Daoism and whatever's going on in Palestine. No.

What were the conflicting religions?

Just Christian, Jewish, hippies. So neither one, we just didn't do anything. No church.

So you did no church? How about holidays? Hanukah, Christmas?

It was great. My dad was the Jew, so we're shitty Jews because it's supposed to come from the mom's side anyway. Yeah, you're bad Jews. Dad was the Jew, which meant he had to do Hanukah. So he I'd literally steal a couple of Christmas gifts for my mom's collection, maybe a bag of gelt on day three, and then it would just peter out. We never got through all eight days. Really? Yeah. We'd go to Better Jews houses for Passover and Rosh Shoshana and stuff. The Better Jews. My dad knew a collection of Jews around the city, and so we'd go have those experiences.

Did he have a map of better Jews?

You don't tell Gentiles about the map.

I'm sure. Trust me. We get a hold of that thing. It's all over. Forget about it. The guilt thing is very funny because Jews have a lot of guilt. So I guess that is really close to home, huh?

I guess so. I honestly have never even thought about that.

You never thought about that? No. You guys are littered with it. You don't seem to have it, though.

Because I'm not a good Jew.

You're a bad boy Jew.

I'm a bad boy Jew, but I did go to Israel for free on a birthright trip because I know a deal when I see one.

Yeah, God bless. Put this down a little bit so we can see your little face. Look at your beautiful face. You have a beautiful fucking face. Thanks, man. Since I've known you've always been a handsome, sweet, smart, funny, intelligent, wonderful, kind, caring human being, you left Los Angeles many years ago. We've known each other for over a decade. You went back to Denver, Colorado, the Mecca of-I can't wait to hear you finish this. Well, I was trying to figure out what was that. It's the mecca of-Fools Gold and dream catchers. The good old West. The good old West. The good old West.

The good old West.

It still remains that to a degree, although we have family in Denver. We go back. It's a lot different than it used to be.

Denver has exploded, man. When I was a kid, it was like my friends and I wanted to get out of that town. It felt like a cow town. You had to leave that city to go do anything real. Not anymore. Then my friends and I would gradually come back from college, and we're just like, I'm thinking about buying a house here. Because it's beautiful. It's really exploded, and now it's a pretty dynamic city. So So I'm digging it, man.

What part of Denver were you from?

There's this neighborhood called Park Hill. Chauncey Billups is from Park Hill.

We know it. Did you ever know Soda as a young lad?

No, Soda and I never crossed paths, but he's from Aurora, Colorado. Which is trash. But my wife is from Aurora, Colorado as well, which is trash, and she knows it. And so I texted Soda when I was going to my wife's 20th high school reunion, and she went to a rival school as him. And I was like, Check it out. I'm at Overland High School reunion. He's like, I can smell it.

It does have a little stink I think there's an Aurora in every city, of course, Wayne's World. Totally.

That's the most famous.

Yeah, that's why they jokingly did Aurora, Illinois. I can't remember the reasoning for why he did that. I remember hearing different anecdotal. He chose it because Maybe somebody that helped co-write was a Chicago guy. There's a lot of Chicago improv-commy from that. Yeah, it's all Second City stuff. Yeah, from that era.

That movie is one of my favorites to this day. It's still the best. It's unbelievable. It's still the best. It's unbelievable. It works still. Some of those you I watch, especially Mike Myers' films. They're like, didn't age well. But Wayne's World has. It's not offensive. It's like, dude, it rules. I love that movie.

It's got this very simple... It's such a simple format that it didn't let itself get in the way. In fact, they make fun of... They are self-aware. They make fun of when things get in their own way and they ruin the juice of something. That's when they sell to Noah's Arcade.

Totally. I remember at the end of it, they have four different. Let's end it this way. Let's do the Scooby-Doo. And that went to my 12-year-old brain. I was like, You can break the fourth wall. Like that?

I love that. I thought that was so cool. They just didn't give a shit. And they broke a lot of rules in it in and of itself anyway, because it's a wonky film. They talk to the camera multiple times. You can tell a lot of stuff in there was not supposed to be in there initially. That's what I think made comedies great when we were kids. We're around the same age.

I'm 43.

Wow. You old, old bitch. How old are No, I'm 40.

Okay. Yeah. Damn.

But it is funny that it's just like all those movies when we were kids, the comedies of the world. I think they were just a little more jagged and rough, and they weren't as complete.

I bet you they weren't network noted to death. I bet you there wasn't a team as big on top of it.

Well, nobody cared. I think back then they were like, just put it out. It's like this thing might do well. It's cheap.

And SNL was probably a reliable. They usually tend to make their money back. Just let them do their thing. I guarantee that was what was going on.

Well, and also Mike got a lot of... He got a lot of love because he was so creative, I think. I think the character creation had won for him so much that people knew that, well, this was going to work as well. I talked about this literally yesterday. Yesterday afternoon, did you know Shrek? Did you ever see the tapes of Farley?

No, but I heard about that.

It's on the internet now. We found them one time. I don't even know where they are, what website they're on. They're on YouTube. Yeah, but they get ripped down. Every week, they rip them down. But you can see See some of this stuff of Shrek.

You don't have to- I think I've seen clips of it. That's how I'd get anything in a 12-second Instagram dose. And I'm like, I'm cognizant of it. I know what's going on.

But it was wild that Farley used his own voice. And then I guess after his passing, they had Mike Myers came in afterwards and threw in the Scottish thing.

You know what's crazy? Well, the Scottish thing really sold it. It was great. Not like Farley wouldn't knock it out of the park. But just like you, I mean, Tommy Boy was just pivotal. But I often think now, what roles would Chris Farley be getting? Like with Paul Thomas Anderson getting a hold of them. Oh, that's interesting. Or West Anderson, just aging old Chris Farley. Can you imagine the dramatic turns he would get?

It'd be cool to see the Coen brothers do a Something dark and solo with him, like a man out West going to Denver looking for gold. Oh, man. Farley on a gold rush.

Let me write that script. You're like, Adam, he's dead. No, let me write the script.

Now that he's dead, I want to write it. Before I jumped into too I'll digress a thousand times. Me too. What I do want to say is, since I've known you've always been beyond a good dude, but also a great comedian, and you have a special out that's out right now on YouTube. Same production company that I used for mine that many of our friends and family have used, 800 pound, who put out some really good sauce, some aguda salsa. Very nice. It's out right now. Link will be in the description below. Please go watch the brand new special. Of course, it's called Map of the Jews. Map of the Good Jews.

That's the hidden track if you play it backwards. Map of Denver's Good Jews.

Map of Denver's Good Jews. If you spin it backwards.

Now, 1717 Milwaukee Street. 4100 Locust. Get 'em.

What's the name of the new special?

It's called Wall Paper.

Wall Paper is the name of the new special out on YouTube. Available right now. Please go watch it. You're the opposite of Wall Paper. Wall Paper is stagnant. That's not you.

I stand out, I like to think, but I got two kids now. This is my fatherhood effort. Love it. There's a whole joke about becoming the wallpaper of your family. I was in first place my whole life, and now I'm in fourth place. It's a real big ding to your psyche and ego. So wallpaper, it references that.

You're first place in our heart. Thank you. You're number one in my little soul. I don't like your wife or your kids more than I like you. You haven't even met the kids. That's what I'm talking about.

I don't want to meet those people. I think they could win you over. I've sucked. They're pretty cool. My dad used to always say, growing up, he would say he's the LVP. I'm the LVP of this family. The LVP? Lvp. And we'd go, you're a fucking drama queen, dad. That's what you are. And then you're a dad and you're like, oh, I so get it. I'm the LVP of my family. It's just weird how it happens.

You made humans to take your place.

It's a strange self-sacrifice.

It's cool.

You learn a lot. And I also was really cognizant. I didn't want this to be a hacky kids say the darndest thing. I don't want to become that fucker. But I feel like every comic, you get one. You get one fatherhood special, and this is that for me. I'm pretty proud of it.

I think it's not... Also, I don't believe That's what I'm looking at, word, by the way, hack. What? I think it's a made-up word. Oh, I believe it. Here's why I don't believe it. I think it's... Is comedy such a subjective nightmare that what one person thinks is hacky or whatever can somehow be spun into some creative gold for somebody else. I don't know.

There's something about it that to me is- That's such a sophisticated view of it. I've never even thought that.

It's only because other people shit. There's tons of comics I don't like their shit. There's people that don't like my shit, but they still respect you, maybe because of your work and your effort. If somebody goes, Oh, yeah, that guy or that girl is hacky. I'm like, No, that's just not what you like in comedy. It's like this. I don't like Corvettes. I fucking loathe Corvettes. I think I cannot stand that car. I could go on about why I don't like it. I'm a car guy. But for guys that like it, they're like, What are you even talking about? It's the greatest car ever built. I just step back from things like that and go, As I've gotten older, I'm like, Yeah, right. That's not made for me anyway. Why would I like it?

I really love that. I think as Because I've gotten older in comedy, of all the art forms, so to speak, people just say, It's comedy, and we're all the same. I'm using the music analogy. There's genres. Some people play arena cock rock. I'm not into it. Don't get mad at the guy who's selling out the arena with his cock rock because you're a little indie rocker, dude.

You play a different type of music. Also, the indie rocker doesn't want to be the cock rock. Exactly. You'd be miserable. You'd be miserable. You'd be miserable. You would be so mad.

Whenever you get frustrated I'm like, That's not my genre. I don't even do that thing.

It's all good. Yeah, and who cares? Enjoy the ride. That's why I talked about Joe Coy the other day about everyone throwing these darts at that guy hosting the show. I didn't watch it because I just don't give a shit about those things. But I bet you if I watched it, I bet you it wasn't that bad. It's just because his brand of humor didn't match with whatever they had going on. That's the end of it. It's like there's this weird ideology of there's a perfect rhythm to this thing. It's like, not really. You're putting a guy up there in front of privileged, successful people.

With no sense of humor about themselves.

Well, so what the fuck do you think is going to happen? You were mad when Gervais fucking was rude to you. Then you're mad when the sweetheart, Jokoy, the fucking sweetheart, gets up there and is like, Hey, here's some thrown together jokes that we did and blah, blah, blah. What's hateable? I don't know. Anyway, I just think we're entering an era where I think you can have your own specific taste and love what you love. But when When we bash on the shit that's different than us, it's almost like a waste of our time because it wasn't for us in the first place.

And comedy fans are getting more knowledgeable about the genre that they prefer with podcasts. That's totally right. They see people guesting on this show. I like him. I might like him. It's just like a Spotify suggestion at this point.

The best part is you get to pick and choose. Totally. I've said this before, and Macone and I were talking before the show. You are, and people may not know this, but you are the next Matt Rife. You're next in line. As far as Arena Hot guy goes, Matt Rife, Adam, Kate, and Holland. I know how to ask people, What do you do?

Are you together? And that's why I got into comedy is because I don't like jokes, but I want to know people's relationship to each other in various groups. I'm just fascinated by people and what they do and whether they're together. That's right. And so this is the quickest way to learn that.

You're going to be next. I've said this to Matt. I'm a journalist. I called Matt. I'm a journalist is where I am. And I said, Matt, move over. Ach is next, baby.

43-year-old dad time. Take your shirt off, Adam. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. What do you do for a living? I'm serious. Then there's no rift, and I just write it down like I'm gathering facts.

It would be great for you to do a dad show of just crowd work with dads with their kids, just having just one-on-one conversation. It's not even funny.

Maybe there's a laugh in the hour.

No, but it's usually just a conversation.

Yeah, I agree.

It's very like- Because you get into the throes of Ms. Rachel. I'm sure that's a piece of your... Ms. Rachel, is that her? What's her I don't know what you're talking about. My buddy was just telling me about with his kids. Ms. Rachel. Look at Ms. Rachel. Oh, is this like a kid? It's like an instructional. Yeah, and a friend was like, I think that's her.

Similar to comedy, you fall into your own genre of kid bullshit. Right, your genre of parenthood. I'm a blipy guy.

I'm a bluey guy. Yeah, okay.

Blippy's insane, dude.

I've heard these. But look at this girl, Ms. Rachel. She's got this like, Hi, everybody. And she's, And jungle it. But get out of here. And you could see she's got 8 million followers. And my buddy was like, A A friend of a friend was like, Dude, have you shown your fucking kid, Ms. Rachel? Because I guess he had a hard time with some stuff, and then he was like, I bet you this will help. Oh, really? And my friend was like, Get the fuck out of here. We're going to real doctors to figure some of this shit out. And then, of course, they let him watch a little bit of Ms. Rachel, and the kids are fucking all in. And he's like, It's funny that these new tricks of the internet have worked. When we were kids, there were no tricks.

Exactly. I see Ms. Rachel, and I'm like, Production value too low. Youtube, no, don't believe it. But then you become a parent and you're just like, I read a meme today that was very convincing, and I utilized it and it worked. They have all these little self-help tips in our pocket. It's real now. Don't ask your kid how his day was. Ask him one thing he did today. Oh, right. You know what I mean? They don't want to talk about school. They're just like, Mom's the word. So you're like, What's something that you did in class? And usually you can get an answer out of them.

What's the fear, though? Do you have the fear of the Internet has circulated too deep in your kids' lives now?

On my podcast, my friends Ben and Andrew, who you know, make fun of me because I'm just so old. Dude, I still get a physical newspaper. I carry a check in my wallet.

You get the Denver Post in the morning?

Well, when they fucking decide to deliver it-I was just going to say, don't they not deliver that anymore? These guys, these assholes. Then they have the audacity to ask for a Christmas tip with just an envelope in the paper. Seriously.

But you do it anyway, don't you? No.

Hit your success rate more than 30% a week, and we'll talk tip at the end of the year, dude. I like this. Dude, in your truck.

Do you ever tip the mailman, the mailperson? I do.

I tip the mail person. My favorite, well, I got these boys that are five and two, so they love the compost truck. They love the recycling truck. So this Christmas, throw a 20 in a red envelope, have the boys walk it out to the truck. And those dudes love me now. They really like it.

They're picking up your shit every week now.

Leave season, I got extra compost bags around. They'll pick up mine, but I see my neighbors sitting there on the fucking stoop still.

Why do you pick up your bags?

Well, the little Christmas trick by the best Jew on the block.

Yeah, that's right. Even in the truck, they're like, The Jew's okay, man. He gave us a tip. Jew gave us money. Jew gave us money. We ought to pick up his shit. He's nice. He's all right. He's not bad. His dad's a Jew. They get a full diatribe. They understand. You know his mom is not a Jew.

He's one of the good ones. See on the map? They've got the map. How did you guys get the fucking map?

That's our route. That's how we plan our route.

The mayor gave it to us.

This is the Jew map, boys. Take it with you on your route. We talked about tipping our... This is what's weird about our neighborhood, and this might be just Los Angeles as a whole. But our male, I say male person because it was a guy for a while, then it was a lady, then it was another guy, then it's been a lady, but now she doesn't do our house. She does the other block. It's the weirdest shit.

Same in my neighborhood, and they always change. Yeah, they change all the time.

And they're always different times of day. Totally. So I don't know who it is now. Totally. And also my guy, I don't want to say her name, but you motherfucker, dude. I tried to give him a piece of mail as he was walking away from the doorstep, and he's like, no. I was like, no, no, no, no, Because I ran out after him.

You mean to mail out?

Yes. He was like, No, I've already left the premises. Are you serious? I swear to God. I was like, What does that mean? He showed me they have a little digital, I don't even know what to call it. Whatever. It looks like a little... You know what it looks like? Credit card scanner. It's this big. It's like a little... And he showed me, and it has the address of which the home he's supposed to be on. I guess when he passes the house, he clicks something that says he's no longer there.

He's probably to make sure he hit that house.

Yeah, but also I think it's a time thing. He's like, No, I'm I have to be at the next house.

That's like Jeff Bezos Amazon shit. I know. I really don't think the USPS is working that efficiently.

Dark room, light, swinging, cigarette, smoke, gun to the male person. Why did you spend so much time at 52:16 last week? What was going on?

We had a lunatic male man, and it was a man. There's a house across the street. Nicest dog ever. Neighborhood kids pet it through the fence, Lacy. And this dude was unwell. And we had all had numerous incidents with him where he was unwell. And he went into their yard one day, and Lacy snipped him, and he just maced her eyes. What? And fucked up our neighbor's dog. And they were trying to... It blinded one eye. The dog has been fucked up ever since. And they're trying to sue the USPS. It's going nowhere. And then the guy was gone. They kicked him off. But they'll let anybody... Mailmen are not well.

Look, some of them tend to be... When I think about it again, if I'm being a sweetheart today, a bummer gig. It's a bummer gig. It's a bummer gig, man. I don't want to do it.

No. Did you ever read, was it, Post Office by Bukowski? No. You should read it. This is great? Yeah, it's great. It's just depraved Bukowski being a mailman, and it's real. It's all the characters that work at a post office in the '60s in LA. It's pretty good.

That's awesome. Yeah, it's a great read. That's when it was probably... Yeah, that's when they're still doing their partying at the post office. Now you go there, it's a bum gig. It's a bum gig to have to throw people shit in their box. But also, if you're going to do it in a place like this, it is cake. There's no bad weather you're ever having to go through.

No shit. You're not a Midwest post office guy.

You don't live in the throes of shit fart, Minnesota, where this kid's from, which is the worst. This kid did FedEx. You were FedEx, right? Yeah, he Fedex.

Oh, wow. In the outskirts.

When I was trained, they would just kick packages. Yeah. I mean, they're supposed to.

Did you make bank? No.

No? No, you don't make any money. Because you technically don't work for FedEx. You work for an independent- Yeah, you work for a third party. Yeah. You don't work You don't work for them.

That settles it. I'm not pivoting. That's right. You're going to stay in this podcast. I'm glad I came on this podcast. I'm staying in comedy. I'm not going to be a mailman.

That's fucked up. We tried, dude. We did try to pivot you. We did say before the show, Could we sucker you into becoming a delivery driver? That was why that eight-minute segment was about the local mail.

It was like an army recruitment thing. Adam, you want to come on Whisky Ginger?

Have you thought about your future, Adam?

You're sponsored by USPS.

After comedy? Now, I've only been privileged enough to do high planes once.

We can't afford you anymore.

Well, but also schedule. This is the problem with what happens when we get a little bit of time on the road is now every year, you've got a tour. It's like every year, they're like, Get on the road. And then you're like, Do I have time to do a festival or fit this in? And it's like, No, what are you talking about?

We need you in every city possible. Sure.

It does get a little overwhelming. And then also, that was the other thing about coming to Denver, which I love so much, is they don't want you to burn the market.

It's such a good comedy market, though.

It's the best, and that's why you I want to save it. If it was in a different city, I probably would double down and not care. But that's such a comedy market that it stinks. It bums me out. I get bummed about it.

It's all right, man. No worries. We love having you the time you can.

But High Plains Comedy Festival, by the way, how long has it been going on right now?

It just hit 10 years. It's wild, dude. It's a festival I run. It's a very indie comedy festival. But people have described it as the best indie comedy festival in the US, and I'm proud to accept that title.

I would say it's better than any corporate. I mean, what the fuck is it?

It's very just love of the game.

The corporate That just don't even exist anymore. Jfl and South by and all, that's a Moon Tower. Moon Tower, yeah. Well, they're so thick.

Right. That's just like a who's who of everything. It's got every big name, every big theater show. This is a smaller Mom and Pop, but it's very much love of the Game, the Oakley Summer Camp of Comedy. So it's just comics that I can just be like, Hey, can I underpay you to come to Denver and party for a weekend? My friends are generally like, Yeah, that sounds great. Absolutely. It really is a ball.

There's really great shows. One of my favorite shows I did was at a bookstore. I think you were given Given a few topics, and you had to construct fan fiction surrounded by-Oh, yeah. I remember that, competitive erotic fan fiction. It was really cool. Erotic fan fiction.

That was a fun one because you had to go write.

Speed write. Yeah, you had to speed write. You had to go backstage, and you had maybe 20 minutes or something like that to just barf out a great love erotic fan fiction story. Totally. I think mine was about... God, I wish I could remember. But I want to say it was erotic fan fiction of with Lois Lane. I think it was- It's hot. I think it was. I think it was the first time that they hook up or something like that.

Brian Cooke used to run that show. He writes for Kimmel Mount. But yeah, dude, I did Friday Night Lights one time, which got real hot. I did Lord of the Rings, which got super gay and steamy. That's very gay.

Very fast. Yeah, very gay. That is basically a gay novel to begin with Lord of the Rings.

It needed a little push off the cliff of Mordor, and I was ready to just shove it all the way in there. So full orgy at some point? Yeah, Dix and Mouth. It was great.

It's a great festival. It's very fun. I have that affinity for Denver, too, so it's hard to-Well, I'm going to pester you about it because I've gotten to the point with it because I don't like running a festival, booking friends.

I'm a comic. I don't want to be a producer. But now I'll just hit up people and they'll be like, Can I connect you with my agent? And I go, No.

No, I wouldn't. That's a waste of both of our time.

Right, exactly. I got to have some call with some asshole who's like, So what's this and what's that? I'm like, It's the amount I told your client, and we have nothing, and that's what it is. So they said, Yes, what are we even doing this call for? So now I've gotten to that point, which is nice. When I started it, I had to be like, Can you please come? And now people are like, I'd love to come. And yeah, let's just do it off the books.

Well, yeah, because once you get the agents and all that shit involved, it becomes this... Everything gets convoluted. It totally dilutes what originally was these festivals or what they were made for in the old-school days of... Even the small LA festivals that they used to run that have come and gone. Like, riot and stuff like that. Even those get so rich with the business, which is good. But then at the same time, you're like, Well, it's not even the thing anymore.

Well, for me, it was really like, I started out in Denver, and everything I ever got was just for performing with people, befriending them, and then being like, Hey, do you mind if you voucher me on this or that? So I opened for Tig Nataro one time. She did a festival. I asked her, Can I be on it? She said, You're on. And then I went and did it. And then somebody at Bridgetown Comedy Festival saw me. Fle out to Portland, did that, got a manager off of that, and opened all these doors. So I always wanted to have that in Denver, just shine the spotlight there because it's always been a good scene of producing people all the time. Big time. And so I just wanted that once a year, national communities to come and Denver to shine, and it's really turned into that.

No, it truly is. And I don't think that happens anymore. Not to harp too much on the LA... The Comedy Festival festival market. But I think comedy fans that listen to the show don't know. But that used to be such a great way to make your way through the system. I don't know if that's a thing anymore as much as it used to be because now there's so much noise.

Get your views, get your videos up. Yeah, so much fucking noise. But for me coming up, especially someone who wasn't in New York or LA, it was a big thing to try to get seen that way.

Well, that's how I usually poke through to something else. 100%. That's how I heard guys that would come from like, it'd be like, Oh, this guy's coming out of Nashville. Back before Nashville was even remotely what it is today or Chicago guy or Atlanta kids or Austin before Austin was the- Yeah, right. Austin and Austin. Both of these places were like, if you could get out of there to go here to either get to New York or LA or where else where they can pop, and then you get successful enough, you move back, you were like this. It was this perfect story when I heard that you were moving back home because I was like, Oh, man, that's a positive, I got to go back home. Well, you know what's funny? It wasn't like, I got to tuck my tail.

I'm glad you hear you say that. My friends and I came out here to film a show. We got a TV show called Those Who Can't, and we moved out here to make it, and we got three seasons. To me, that was always the dream. I didn't want to move to LA being like, I hope I get something. It was like, we came here to do a job, and we did three seasons, and I never thought moving. We would come here, I'd write the show, make the show, and then go back to Denver. I would rent places out here for half the year and go back. And so I never left, really, in my head. I was just coming out here to do a job. And I want to come back out here and do many more jobs. But that's We got spoiled. That was the model. The first thing I ever did was my thing, and now I only want to do my things.

You should. If that's what you want, you shouldn't be a part of something else if it's not what you love anyway.

Yeah, I don't think I'm the best actor ever. I like writing shit. I Are they creating the whole world.

Are you wanting to create stuff that you're not in as well or no? Both.

I'll give myself a role, but I don't want to carry the damn thing. I just wrote a movie that they're making, and I'm not the guy, but I'll have a little part in it.

What is it?

I wrote this I have a book about... This is a sad pivot, but I wrote a book about losing my sister to suicide, and I adapted that into a movie.Oh, that's rad.And we're making it.Wow.Yeah. I'm really pumped about it, dude.

Yeah, you sent me that book. I have that book. We shouldn't have talked. We We shouldn't talk about this.

No, it's a whole different thing. No, let's talk about it. I really didn't mean to take it there, but we were talking about- Yeah, you did.

You were waiting the whole fucking show to go, I'm bringing up suicide at some point on this podcast.

You brought up the post office shit. You're right. You know what happens with post office.

I know, post office suicide. Every time. Or mass murder, either way.

Exactly. There's only two ways out of this.

That is wild. Yeah, it is- The point I was trying to make was not this sad point, but was that I like writing the thing, creating the being in charge.

I really like that part.

Yeah. Well, I hope that movie gets made, and your sister will be played by.

No, I haven't cast anybody yet. Who would be the dream? Who would be the dream? Me.

Can I be your sister? Yeah. Do I look anything like what she looked like? No. No, not at all. Was that a beautiful red-headed woman? No.

But I mean, this is Hollywood, baby. Anything. Yeah, that's right, dude.

Fifteen minutes in a room at Warner Brothers.

We've narrowed it down to Santino and Amy Adams.

Me, Jessica Chastain, Ila Amy Adams, and... Give me one more redhead. Give me one more redhead.

Jessica Rabbit.

Yeah, what a man.

She win. Just to work with her.

Nicole Kidman is redhead,. Oh, that shit. I don't know. See, some of these people, they get to throw I'm going to go in there. Emma Stone. Emma Stone is so hot right now. I know, but Emma Stone is more of a brunette in my brain. Okay. Do you know what I mean?

Rihanna. Rihanna, he said. Go outside. I think that's a natural red. No, seriously.

That's a natural red. Go take a walk around the studio. Sit down, you fat ass. Yeah, Rihanna. Then we're forgetting, Natasha Lyon. There's a red. Oh, yeah. I just saw her a couple of nights ago. Who's that? Julianne Moore.

Yeah, Julianne Moore. I just saw her Old Navy commercial. I was like, huh? Natasha Lyon, Old Navy.

Old Navy. What do you mean? She does Old Navy commercials? Yeah. Oh, shit. I sound like my father now. I don't watch TV. Isn't this fucking going to be so annoying?

The only TV I watch is sports. Me too.

That's when I see commercials. That's funny. Me too. But now... There it is. Now, I'm not even watching fucking sports live like I used to.

Yeah.

I'm just like, clipping sports now. Wow. Doing a little Old Navy.

I hate and get your paycheck, but it does seem like a pivot.

That's interesting.

Yeah.

That is interesting. It is funny when people that you wouldn't believe would go to do a brand sponsorship thing because it was never your image prior. If it always was, it doesn't matter. If it's Kevin Hart, no one's like, What's Kevin Hart doing? Reading it? You're like, No, that's Kevin.

I think all aging is letting go of petty resentments. When we were kids, we were just like, This fucker sold out. And now you're just like, Oh, they got a great paycheck for them.

Yeah, they have to live, and they probably have a family they have to pay for.

And that's their kid's college. So sweet. Exactly.

Way to go. Do it. It is exactly. Although it goes back to that argument of how much is... What's the dollar amount that would make you read for something that you absolutely loathe?

Have you ever done it?

I mean, I've done. I mean, dude- We're a podcast. We're a Got to cut to a commercial right now.

This is a perfect opportunity. In here, we pour whiskey.

Hey, I want to tell you about Green Chef. Green Chef is a CCOF-certified meal kit company. Green Chef makes eating well easy with plans to fit every lifestyle, whether you're keto, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, or just looking to eat more balanced meals. Green Chef offers a range of recipes to suit your preferences. Green Chef sent me their delicious delicious meal kits, and I got to tell you, phenomenal. Each week, you can choose from 80 plus flavor-packed options, including new Calorie Smart recipes and wellness bundles. If you're looking to save yourself some time and to eat well, Green Chef is the best. Every single customer of theirs gets a free session with a registered dietitian. Sign up and start your journey towards better health today. I'm very proud to work with someone like Green Chef that offers unique farm-fresh ingredients. Figs, dates, artichokes, sustainably sourced seafood, and much, much more. Stock up on tasty extras in Green Market, your one-stop shop for high-quality, thoughtfully curated goods. Choose from 23 plus options, including grab-and-go breakfast, which I love because I'm always moving If you're someone who's moving around, and it's hard. Sometimes it's hard to go to the store, get what you need.

It's difficult. So let Green Chef take care of it for you. It's much easier. I like eating healthy lately because I'm trying to get back in shave and cut a couple Lbs off. In the new year, if you want to try it, you should go to greenchef. Com/60whisky and use code 60Whisky to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next two months. Go to greenchef. Com/ 60Whisky. Use the code 60Whisky to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months. Go to greenchef. Com/60whisky. Use the code 60Whisky to get 60% off plus 20% off your next two months. Greenchef, the number one meal kit for eating well. This episode of Whisky Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery, and they're one of a kind. Kentucky bourbon and rye whiskies, baby. Behind Rabbit Holes' award-winning spirits, the story of their founder, Kavehza Manny, and I've spoken about them and this gentleman for quite a while now. He wanted to craft the world's finest spirits. That he did. He was the fastest to ever get inducted into the Kentucky Bourbon Hall of Fame. Cheers to that. That's pretty amazing. If you're looking for something truly original and unique, this is the sauce.

A lot of people say they're small batch. They're not small batch. These guys are pulling from under 15 barrels at a time. That is extremely rare. You don't get that often. It is a great price point for a phenomenal, delicious tasting bourbon that has four different expressions. They've got the Cave Hill. That's a triple malt bourbon. They've got the high gold, high rye, double malt bourbon. Then they've got the Boxer Grail Sour Mash Rye. If you're a rye guy, and lately, I've been sipsapping on this Daringer. This stuff is really good. It's finished in Pedro Jimenez, Sherry Casks. And yes, I said it right. Pedro Jimenez, Sherry Casks. This stuff is delicious. It's got dried fruit, a A little bit of caramel. It's sweet but smooth, soft like sweet bear wine, baby. It's delicious. You got to try yourself some of this. They got four. Try any one that you like. I guarantee you're going to love them. For the price point, it's really, Really quality stuff. Go to rabbit hole distillery. Com/buynow, rabbit hole distillery. Com/buynow. Use promo code Rabbit for five bucks off your first order. Please drink responsibly and enjoy. Jump down the rabbit hole with me.

This episode of Whisky Ginger is brought to you by Squarespace. I've I've talked for a very long time about Squarespace, and that's because my first site was made on Squarespace. I currently am using Squarespace. They know what they're doing. Back in the day, back in my day, you used to have to make a site, rogue, using either someone you knew who had a friend that was a programmer, that knew C++, or someone who could throw stuff together as quick as they could, sloppily, but it was passable. And now with Squarespace, you don't have to do that. They have so many beautiful They have beautiful assets for you to choose from. They have a fluid engine, next generation website design system from Squarespace. It's never been easier to unlock unbreakable creativity. Design a site however you want. Stretch your imagination online with fluid engine, built in, ready to go. Squarespace is the place. They have an asset library, an online store. If you're looking to sell custom merch, they have flexible website templates. You can use theirs, go rogue, do your own, a video collection, so many extensions, email campaigns. So you can pump stuff out, whether you're selling stuff, promoting Promoting something, or you're like me, I want to promote shows, and I want to find out where the clicks are coming from.

So I use their analytics tab to grow the insights of my business, to find out where you guys are. And it's a great way to know who your fans are or connect with the people that you're looking to produce something for or sell something to. And they've also got blogging to us. You want to vlog or blog? You have vlog or blogger? You can do both on Squarespace. It's so malleable is the word. You can do whatever you want on there. And if you're looking to make a site for whatever reason, go over to squarespace. Com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace. Com/whisky to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay? Squarespace. Com. Check it out. All right? When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace. Com/whisky to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Dinger. I like Dingers.

Speaking of products that I actually love, boom.

No, you know what's so funny? It's like almost all the products that I ever read ad for in our podcast world, we have to approve, obviously. Yeah. Almost all of them either let us have enough fun where I don't give a shit or I actually like it. It's 50/50. That's the way to do it. Half of them I actually like, and half of them I'm okay with the product, and they're like, Have fun. And it's not a part of your world. But when they let us have fun, we don't really say yes to anything that I'm like, I don't like it. I don't like what they are, what they do, and I don't use it. It's got to be like, at least I fuck with it a little bit where I'm like, That's not that big of it. That's okay. I'm okay with it. It's not for me, but it's not a moral quandry. But I did my first commercial. I did a Mike's Hard Lemonade commercial. I don't know how long ago it was. And that was the last time I did that, and I was like, I don't think I'll ever do this ever again.

It was the most embarrassing. That's funny. I hated it, dude. I fucking hated it. Also because it was weird, and you'll probably never find it on the internet. I'm sure it's been scrubbed. He's looking. Yeah, he can find stuff, usually.

When we had our show, Those Who Can't, at some point, came to us with opportunities early on, early on before they knew what we were going to do with the show. It was Arby's. They're like, Arby's wants to do something with you guys. Me and Andrew were like, We have the meet. And Ben was just like, Not a fucking chance. No? Yeah, Ben's punk rock, and he was a fat guy back in the day, and he's super healthy now. And he's like, I'm not pushing shit on America. And we're really upset. We're like, It's Arby's. It's funny. Who cares? It's gross meat. Who gives a shit? Ben's like, No. And now I respect it. But I remember at the time, Andrew and I were pissed. We're just like...

Well, I I get it. If you stand for something, but I also... Those curly fries are so good.

Dude, I used to go there in high school. It was the closest place you could walk to from my high school. So when you didn't have a car, Arby's was full of shitty freshmen and sophomore.

We stopped on the road a few times and got Arby's because Bobby loves Arby's. I mean, Bobby fucking lives and dies for Arby's. So if we see an Arby's, if I said, sometimes I'll be like, let's just go to a sandwich shop so we can have a decent sandwich. And at least that's as healthy as we can be on the road. Totally. Couldn't agree more with you. And this motherfucker is like, no way, dude. He'll wine until we pull over at an Arbies, and he wants beef and cheddars and the curly fries. And he eats all this stuff and then wonder why he's in pain for three days.

I toured around with Brody Stevens for a month. Yes. It was the weirdest tour. I don't know if you knew Cups of Commerce. It was me and Howard Kramer and Brody Stevens, and I'd never met Brody. And it was a month of us going around the US. It was like, remember oddball? Oh, yeah. The oddball comedy tours. This was some preliminary, The Road to oddball. I'll never forget Brody going, Welcome to The Road to oddball. They just decided the three of us were the guys.

Wait, it was you, Brody, and Howard Kramer.

Howard Kramer. We would just go to Comedy Clubs and be like, The real oddball is coming in four months. Yes, but we're here doing a tour. It was a weird, funny or die promo thing. Brody would only eat brand chain shit. He was also just relentless in a rental car the entire fucking time. By the end of it, I was pretty sick of Brody, even though I love him to death. But we're in Texas, and we passed just the most iconic roadside barbecue stall. You can see smokers out there. It's like, Guys, you can smell how delicious this is. Bro is like, Nope. We went to a Duncan Donuts, and I was He was like, Dude, I'm done with this fucking tour. 818 till I die. I'm done with this tour. He just didn't trust it. He needed everything to be comfortable and something he had tried before and reliable.

He wanted a corporate machine to back it up in the event that something happened. Ironically enough, Bobby shit the bed in... Where were we in? Jersey? It was one of the more recent ones. After he had Arbies, he literally had shit the bed. We had to switch hotels. This is not... Huh? Was it Philly? No, it wasn't Philly. I want to say it was Jersey.

You guys aren't rooming together. He's got his own room.

No, he has to room with Carlos, one of our other producers on Bad Friends. We don't let these guys get their own room. That's insane. They don't deserve that. Okay, fair enough. In fact, we called and had the airlines. We asked if there was a class lower than Coach. We were like, Is there? Because some of these guys have put in a little feelers if they could get up to Comfort Plus, maybe. And that's out of your fucking head. The balls. No. Was it just 24? Yeah, 24. A few of these guys have kicked around the idea if maybe they could get a little bit of an upgrade. And I got to tell you, it's making me want to make them dry. Yeah, exactly. It's like, fuck you guys, dude. Because what we did at 24... I remember, I've told these stories at Dazium on the show, but you probably... I did triple runs. I did all these fucking Montana Utah. And I would lose money. Wyoming was our thing. Yeah. And I'd lose money every fucking time because they were like, We'll give you 80 bucks. And I would do the math and be like, I could get there on gas for $74.

Could that work? And it's like, No, of course it doesn't fucking work. You have to sleep in your fucking car. You don't have merch yet? I did. Yeah, there's no way to make extra cash. No. So I remember losing money. And here these guys are traveling across the country with us, living like a fucking king.

Sucking on that sweet podcast, Teet.

It's disgusting. These little pigs, dude. They don't understand This is the internet. This is what the Internet did. It made these kids get more than they ever deserved.

Couldn't agree more. That's how big your crumbs are, though. I know. Big crumbs. Big crumbs. Big crumbs. This has been Big Crums with Santino.

That's what I said about crumbs, by the way. If you spill some of that muffin in the studio, I'm going to I'm not going to kill you. These guys leave food everywhere like children. Who's the messiest person in your house?

I mean, my fucking two-year-old. Is he? Yeah, dude.

Get it together, dude.

He's a wild child.

Does he throw shit everywhere? Does he draw on the walls? Is he that guy?

Kind of. He very much just like... He's Chris Farley. He just takes his shirt off and is like, What do you think? And we're like, It was funny one time. And he's like, Cool. Well, check this shit. I just throw. Yeah, he's wild. The other older one is a little more sedate, calm. Little man's a nut.

The little one's a lunatic. Yeah, it's bad. The drawing on the walls thing and the breaking stuff, I always thought that... Someone just told us that their kid just drew all over their couch, and that was a big... It was a heavy day, I guess.

I'm neurotic, dude. I'm I'm clean. I'm orderly. I have a nice house full of old antique stuff that I've acquired, and it's just going to shit. Now you had kids. We had a white couch. What were we doing?

You have a white couch? We did. With children. We did.

Foolish.

Gone. Did you have the couch prior to these children? We did. Okay, so then that's okay. That's fine.

No, exactly.

It's not like you had kids, and then we're like, Let's get a new couch. No, we weren't that stupid.

We just learned over the course of three years, the white couch has got to go.

Can't do it. I don't think anybody... I have a little bit of... It's like a off-white couch, no kids, but even us, I'm like, Well, the dog is for sure going to fuck this thing up. What's the difference?

With kids?

No, I'm saying- Why did we get a white couch is what you're asking us?

Well, we moved into this house. It's got a basement There's like, that's the carpeted fuck-around area. That's where the kids can play. That's where we have a shittier couch deliberately. The upstairs is a little bit more formal living room. We have a record player. When we lived a life that would allow for such luxuries, now we're like, Stay out of the living But it's covered in kids' toys. And we don't even let them on that couch, but I never leave. The little hands are always fucking dirty, so there's just a layer of... We had to get rid of it.

Have you thought about selling the kids?

We've thought about... I've been telling a great joke. It's like, We're done it, too. We are done it, too. We're actually thinking about adopting. We can find a good home for the two-year-old. We're downsizing this thing. Two was a push, man. We're like, Do we not? It was during COVID, and we chose to have two, and he's two, and I still don't know if we made the right choice. Yeah. Yeah, you did. He has not convinced me yet.

No, he's going to turn out great. I love him to death. Wait to see how successful he is at whatever he ends up doing. And then it makes you feel like you were a waste of time. But at least you made room for something better.

I couldn't be happier with him. But the first one was great, and the second one. Had we had him first, we would have never had a second one.

Oh, right.

If it was the other way around. The other way around, we'd be like- That's why the universe gave you that one first, though.

I think so.

Yeah, to trick you. Yeah, to trick you.

Yeah, oof. And two boys, too. Yeah, but two boys seems great because honestly, I have friends that have all girls. My agent has all girls.

And he's less of a man than me.

That's a goddamn right. You tell him that. You're goddamn right.

Because I provided two heirs.

He got damn right.

First two tries. And what's your agent doing? Taking your 10%? Taking my money. To his girls?

Scum, trash. He does tell me all the time. He's like, It's really hard to live with a house full of women. He's like, So when I do get out to go see a friend, I want to stay out for a little bit longer. Do you know what I mean? Where I'm ready to go home sometimes. If we go out to a football game or something, or out to dinner, and I'm like, All right, I got a jet. And he's like, You want to hang for another minute?

Just sad dads of America. Any dog walk, I'm like, I can drag this to an hour and a half. That's a long dog walk? I can just go walk the dog? I'll be back. I'll be back this afternoon.

That's your getaway, huh?

A hundred %.

Where are you finding the most time to get work done with the kids around? Do you have to carve out a chunk, or do you just do it when you do it?

I made an office in the garage, so dad goes out to work. But honestly, I travel for standup, so airplanes. I get shit done on airplanes. You do?

See, that's so funny. There's no internet. That's so funny.

I write, I write, I write, I do whatever. I'm so freakishly productive on airplanes. People must think I'm a lunatic spy landing and just got to get it done because I get on and just work my ass off and then get off.

You have four laptops open and everybody's like, Is this guy up to? What's this guy up to? It's funny. I'm the opposite. I cannot wait to sleep on planes because I feel like I'm never not doing stuff here. I'm so fucking busy where the moment I get on a plane, it's embarrassing. Sometimes I'll be falling asleep as I've sat down, and they have to wake you up to be like, Sir, you have to. Yeah.

I don't have that skill. I can't sleep on planes at all. Shit, dude. At all. I'm so good. We've all been on lengthy-ass flights.

Can't do it. Really? Really sucks. Oh, man. My favorite thing is to sleep a whole fucking flight. God bless you.

I wish I could do it. Then you just wake up and you're there. Yeah, I do it all the time. I'm trying to waste time until I can check the map through the sky to see where we are.

Can I tell you my little trick? Sure. Do you like classical music?

Yeah, of course. Okay.

There's a couple of composers that I'm going to send you that put me to sleep. Just lights out. Dude, within seconds, I'll put in my headphones. They're noise canceling, so you're not hearing shit but them. I will just take deep, slow breaths, listen to these three composers that I like, and I'm cashed out, baby. I love that. I'm good to go. So for some reason, it puts me in just like a... I'm I'm sure it literally lowers my heart rate. Oh, absolutely. Because if I'm up doing work or if I've got things I need to do on the plane and I start listening to regular music, I'm up. It's going to keep me up.

It'd be so funny. I get the list and it's Dave Matthews.

I said composer, dude.

I was like, What does Santino think classical music is?

It's just Smash Mouth. That's all it is. You're like, Wait, I thought you said it was multiple. It's like, Well, it's different versions of Smash Mouth. It's a cover band doing Smash Mouth.

I used to listen to cool music music that I like cooking dinner, but now at the end of the day, I'm so burnt out from kids. It's classical music. It's like the symphony channel on Serious or whatever. Just let's lower everything down. Let's calm it down.

I think it does land your internal plane a little bit. So then when I'm up in the sky, It helps me pass out because I just don't... Also, if I'm up in the sky and I start letting my brain run too free, I get an anxiety. Okay. Not about the plane. I just start getting excited about life where I'm like, Oh, I should be doing that, or why didn't I do that, or this should I'll start spinning out about bullshit that has nothing to do with- That's what I do every night before a plane flight.

If I have a really hard, important wake up-time, you got to get up at 6:15 so you can hit this flight, I'll spend two hours in bed thinking about the dumbest projects, whatever.

Shit that shouldn't be on your mind.

Your brain is a monster.

It's disgusting. I can't wait till they find out what all this extra space was. When they say you're only using a percentage of your mind, my theory, and I want your theory, I think the other chunk that is unusable or unused by us for now, I think it has logged memories of your past lives that you've lived, and it won't let you access those because otherwise, the whole thing breaks. I think you're only given so many... You're given one machine, and then you've lived a million lives, right? And this thing stores all that and interjects it as it chooses.

Wow. And just subconscious flashes through your dreams.

That's why you have strange dreams that have weird ties or intuition to me is like, when somebody has wildly good intuition, I have some friends that have such remarkably astute intuition. I'm like, you're accessing a part of the thing.

My wife is witchy like that. She'll have a little premonition type. This is good.

Call your wife a witch. This is good. I like it. She loves it.

She would take that title.

She's at home right now while you're going like, Bubble, bubble, toilet, travel.

Dude, one time she was talking. We were walking and she sees a dog that's tied to a fence. She starts talking to the She'll always be like, What do you think this dog's name is? I was just like, I don't know. A dog's name is Leroy. She goes, It's Griffin. I think it's Griffin. Then the owner came up and she's like, What's your dog's name? It was Griffin. Shut the fuck up. I'm not kidding.

You got to kill her on site. That's immediately like, Sacrifice her. Which, which, which, which. He knows. My parents, this is so stupid for a second, but we play a game. We play a game over the holidays called Sink the Wish. Yeah, Sink the Wish. We burn a woman in our backyard. No, we play, Screw your Do you know Fuck your Neighbor? Do you know Screw your Neighbor, the card game? I don't think so. It's such a stupid easy card game. But basically, everybody gets one card. You look at your card and you're either allowed to keep it or pass to your left. You can only go one way. Obviously, higher number wins. Then when you lose three times, you put money into the pot and everyone sings Shana Nana, Hey, hey, goodbye. But then some reason, I think my dad, someone divulged it when the song Shana Nana is over. Everyone goes, Hey, hey, hey, goodbye, witch, witch, witch. I don't know why we do it. I love that. That's just good fun. It's so fucking dumb. That's good fun. But we chant witch as you have to take a shot of whatever disgusting alcohol that's been put up there.

It's so funny. Everyone tries to find the grossest shot, but it ends up being something that you wouldn't mind taking. It was Fireball or something.

That's not the grossest shot by a long shot.

See, this is interesting. We've gone over this with my family. What would be the thing? What would be the shot that you're like, Man, no one wants to take that?

I mean, something that makes you gag where you can feel that spit. I used to drink Jim Beam, just a shot of Beam, and now I'd puke if I had a shot of Beam.

But you'd hack off that, huh? Yeah, I think so. To me, it's like whiskey or Scotch or anything like that.

But you know when it's bad well shit and you're just like...

Even still, I could knock it back. I could do... Oh, yeah, right. One of these flavored like a Honey Jack Daniels. Yeah, flavored whiskey or flavored booze would probably get me before regular booze.

You like Frenet?

No, yeah, Frenet, same thing. Frenet's gross. We talk about that's like, Chicago has a thing called Malort that you buy people a nasty fucking shot of that. What is that one? Oh, yeah. Black Cherry, Winsor. Right. This is disgusting shit. This is Canadian. It's plastic bottle whiskey. And by the way, Black Cherry- This is like, I'm 19.

I'm in college, and we're fucking pumped to have this. Right.

The whole bottle, by the way, the whole... What is that? Is that a liter? It's a 175 for $20. A liter for $15. $15. It's almost like the government should step in and be like, That's too cheap. Something's wrong.

We got to blind the poor somehow. You know a better way of blinding the fucking poor?

I'm all ears. I knew a dude when I was... My dad grew up in the south. He grew up in North Carolina.

My mom's from Virginia. Really? Rural Virginia.

Well, yeah, they're from the mountains. They're from a tiny little bullshit town and mountain people all over. And there's vineyards in some of the mountains, like over the hill from them. And then so, of course, next to these vineyards, there's always moonshine distilleries. I mean, that's hand in hand in the Appalachians. So there was a couple of people that would make their own shit. And there was a guy that, I don't know how we... Family friend is the best way to say it, neighborhood, yokel or whatever. But legitimately, I thought this was a fake story for years. He's a holler pal. He's a holler pal. Holler at me. Come on, Bowen, you're seeing me down here? He's semi-blind from MoonShine. No shit. Yeah, and I didn't know. You know the whole like, It'll make you go blind? No, real, actually, it will make you fucking go blind. Gut rot.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that either, but I believe it. Have you ever had something that's like- MoonShine?

Yeah. Yeah, it's repulsive, though. Honestly, there is no pleasure derived from it. It's so heavy and strong and awful. It does smell like the way that gasoline hits you, where it overwhelms you. That's what it feels like when you drink moonshine. It's terrifically shit.

One time, I was in Mexico with some friends backpacking when I was 24. We went around Mexico for two months. It was awesome. That's fun. We were everywhere. It went to this small little island off of a strip of land. And there was nothing. It was just like cabanas. We spent the night there and we asked, Where do we get the booze? And they're like, Go this way, go into the backwoods, find this lady, knock on a door. We fucking did it. We knock on the door. This woman opens the door and she has a bathtub. And she took a two liter bottle of water, filled it up. You could smell the gas. And we're like, Do you have any limes or anything? We're going to need all the help we can get. She's pointed to her tree. We took them off her tree. And then she closed her thing and we went back and we were just like, Oh, yeah, cigarettes? And she's like, Marlborough. Here you go. We went back to the beach and nearly blinded ourselves. I mean, that hangover the next morning was top three of my life.

You got some bathtub booze, baby.

If I wasn't 24, now I'd be dead.

Well, you're prepped for prison at that point to take a little bit of bathtub, Jen. High dose of methanol certainly can unless you really screw about it. You should not end up with methanol to do any damage. See, it doesn't make you go blind. High dose as it does. Yes, right.

Methanol.

Yeah, the high doses of methanol.

Okay. Let me tell you something. Is methanol in meth?

No. In meth is the same ingredient that's in... They keep... What is it? It's behind the counter. Oh, yeah.

It's like Adderall.

Speed. Yeah, because what's in... Why can't I think? It's an allergy medication. Why can't I think of the name of it? Not epinephrine. I don't know. I'm allergic to epinephrine. I can't have that. When you go to the dentist and they give you something numb the pain, I can't have Oh, really? Yeah, it fucks me up bad. How to make meth, allergy pill. How to make meth. It gave you the phone number to call to not make meth. That is amazing. Please don't make meth.

You know the podcast has taken a turn when a computer is telling us not to make meth?

Well, the best part is, we were going to use house computers, and then I thought, Bring your own. But now his search engine is... I mean, this is pure... The feds would love to get a hold of this.

The algorithm is everywhere. This is how you get to the dark web. It's like, I know they're saying, Don't make meth. However, there's a whole web where we say, Do Sudafedrin.

Yeah, Sudafedrin. It's in Sudafed, right. Sudafedrin, pseudo, is what is part of the meth-cooking world. I'm not going to say his name because it's a mutual friend comic, but you know who he is. It's funny. I'll tell you on fair. He said to me one time, I'll never forget, we were on the road. This was a long time ago, and he would drink four or five Diet Cokes, minimum a day, maybe more. Honestly, I'm giving a low bar because I'd have coffee in the morning. He'd probably have two for my one coffee. And at one point, I said something stupid like, You know, dude, those things are so fucking bad for you. I can't believe you. That's like water to you. It's awful. He finished taking a sip, and he goes, You know what, man? I used to smoke meth, so I think this is not that big of a deal. I was like, You know what, dude? Have another Diet Coke. I guess that's true. Go for it. If you got off of smoking meth, go ahead and have a couple more Diet Cokes.

It's like alcoholics outside AA, ripping a few heaters. Have at it. Fine.

Have at it. Fine. At least you're not killing someone in your car going 1:50 on the freeway. Exactly.

That's just you. That one's just for you.

Yeah, that's on you. I get that, too. My dad is an addict, so I get that all those guys, whenever I would go to those meetings as kids, I would always see cigarettes and coffee, cigarettes and coffee, cigarettes and coffee. And the old adage is like, Well, that's just you're placed in addiction with another addiction. It's like, Yeah, man, but this one isn't killing other people.

Very well put.

I'll kill If you want to kill yourself, go for it. Don't kill other people. If you're going to be the person that's smoking and all that stuff, I have zero judgment over that shit.

It's not my fucking business. It is truly refined alcoholism that only hurts the self. Alcoholism tends to spin out in every direction.

Almost always, yeah. It's pretty hard to be the alcoholic who just drinks at home safely and just blacks out and goes to bed.

There's no quiet library and suffering through his alcoholism and no one knows. Although on TikTok- Although on TikTok- I guess there are a few.

I've seen a few people on TikTok now on these like, Hey, there's a famous girl on there. It's like, Hi, I'm Jenna. I'm an alcoholic. And she tells her journey. She talks about her entire journey. And there's some of these people that I've seen stitch with her and stuff that are like, I was a Samurai of alcoholism. They were like, I would literally hide it so well, and I would do everything to not impose it on society where they took public transportation, so they never drove, always drank at home, always drank at home.

So just keep it together, button down 9:00 to 5:00, and then just Well, that becomes another...

Their addictions are subcategorized, right? So now they're addicted to hiding it just as much as they're addicted to the alcohol, which is even more unfortunate. The brain has to go through so many levels to hide it so that they don't feel bad about hurting others. They only want to hurt themselves or are okay with hurting themselves. I mean, it's a while. But I watch these TikToks. Once you go down one fucking rabbit hole, I can't stop. Of course. Are you sunk on TikTok or no?

I'm proud of You're not on it. I am, but I have someone who runs it for me. I don't even know how to access it. I'm not balling on it, but I'm doing fine. I've got people coming to shows off of it, but I've never looked at it.

See, I barely post on it, but I love to look at it. That's the sickness That's the thing. I don't care about posting it. We put up a clip sometimes on it when we can. Maybe once a month, if we get a good clip. But I just enjoy the fucking-And I'm all for that. The zoom scrolling. Yeah, of course.

Like I said, I'm It's old school. I don't like a lot of digital shit. But also, when you become a dad, it's not a good look to be doing this and be like, But I'm filming a video for my work. Well, your kid's right there, and now he wants your phone. Something about being a dad looking at a phone feels real shitty to me.

Yeah, well, I see all the time now couples at dinner that everyone's on their phone. I know. Well, it's the kids and the mom and dad are all on their phone. It's a wild game.

And believe me, my kids are absolute fucking monsters at restaurants, and I so badly want to give them tablets and just dope them. But I'm like, no, just make them learn how to behave in public and be engaged and look around and observe shit.

Yeah, because that's got to be a hard balance of when you get to let them do the thing and when you don't let them do the thing. Because when we were kids, there were no rules. I'm not saying we turned out great. I watched so much television. I did, too. But I don't like that old phrase. It's like, We turned out fine. It's like, No, we didn't. No, we fucking did it. Look at what we're doing right now. Everyone's in therapy and we're all depressed and everyone's fucking off their rocker. So no, we didn't turn out fine. That old adage is nonsense of like, They used to let me walk home from school and we're good. It's like, Yeah, dude, people got kidnapped, and that was a part of culture.

I saw my friends do so much fucked up shit walking home from school and engaged in it myself. Yeah, I don't know. You're trying to stave off the evil that's inevitably coming for them. They're going to find it. But if I can keep it away for five, six formative years, great.

And then you're good.

And then they have the iPad. Let it raise you.

I heard a thing from Seinfeld on a... I don't know who he was talking to, but it really hit so hard on my chest. I don't even have kids, but it shocked me as a kid of my parents. He said, You raise these people for 18 years. I don't know where he heard this, and this could be nonsense, but who cares? Then after that 18th year, on average, you will see your kid for only one entire year after that. Oh, man. In the count of days. That's heartbreaking. Right. And it was heavy as fuck.Yeah. There's two ways to look at it. Good for some people, like fuck it, or, Well, that just means that time has to be significantly more precious.

Yeah, I agree. And it's always that's the better mindset to be in, but it's hard to always be present in that.

Do you get to see your family a lot?

I do. My sister lives a block away, and my parents live on the other side of that park we were talking about. That's awesome. But my sister and I both lived all over the place and chose to move home, and they'll still give us shit. My mom will be like, So you're not coming over on Christmas Day till 2:00? I want Christmas morning. It's like, Mom, I moved a blocks away from you. So you've won in terms of the life.

I live thousands miles away from my family. Exactly. And I work as hard as I can to get back as much as I can. But it's really difficult. I will say a word to the wise of this young lad. You got to go break your back to see them as much as you can, because It does get harder. Now that we're in our 40s, which is fucking wild, I remember being that age, starting comedy and thinking like, I'll get home when I can get home. Yeah, yeah. Which also was a financial thing for me. I couldn't just fly back to Chicago. No, of course, of course. And I I will say, though, in retrospect, if there was an advice I could have given myself was I would have rather spent more money that I didn't have going home to see them than waiting for the opportunity to continue. You know what I mean? That's really nice of you. I wish if I knew that, then I wish I could have done that more.

Becoming a parent is very strange in that you're a kid. You're only a kid until you have kids. Until you have kids yourself and then you're a parent. But I never thought of my parents as people. They're just mom and dad. And then You have kids, and they just see you as dad, and they don't even know you have a whole origin story. I was fucking awesome. I used to be fucking awesome, man. I used to be fucking awesome. But then you're like, oh, wait, my dad's got an origin story. So I've talked to my dad a lot about parenting. It makes you respect the dad. And I can only go from my male perspective. I'm sure it's the same way if you're a woman and you have kids. But you really think of your parents as more three-dimensional people than just your fucking parents when you become one. That's a surprise for me.

Well, and it's a big lesson to learn in life because, like you said, this special that you have out right now is all about removing yourself of importance from the world that you've created, where you think you're the center of your own universe. You are at some point in your life when you're young, and then It means you get older and you meet someone you love, you become less of the center, right? They become the center, or it's a duality.

When you get married, maybe she's more important than you, but not really because you don't feel it primally biologically. Sure. The kid is the first time where you're like, I'm 100% behind this person.

I'm fucking gone. I should get out of here.

What am I doing? I know. It is a mindset fuck. It's fun to turn 40, whatever, when I had my first one, and just... Or no, it's 38 when I had my first one. Your brain shifts. I've been thinking one way 38 years, and then the brain shifted. And it's still the same you, but it is wild to have this completely new perspective.

Well, the chemicals must have changed in your brain. For sure.

Talk about that unlocked portion of your brain.

I think you were gained a little access point. I think so.

I leveled up a little bit. I leveled up, and It's not disparaging on anyone who doesn't have kids. They're probably using that shit for other things that I'm neglecting.

Yeah, vacation and fun. Buying shit I want.

In real life and kicking ass and fucking being a bad boy in push-ups and shit.

Getting to the gym bright and early, dog. I do think it is you're accessing something. That's why it is beautiful, and it's something that I, at some point, would like to have. But I do think you're given another gear. Something else happens.

I think so. It's the gear that makes me a lunatic on planes or something because it's like, You got these hours. Do it. Do it now. Because you're going to provide for them if you do do that.

Meanwhile, the childless scumbag over here sleeping, just sleeping away. You're just typing away. I'm dead asleep at listening to Ludoviccio and out.

Playing nickelback that he calls a composer. He calls him a composer.

He is, dude. He composed a lot of that shit. Have you ever heard... This is funny. That's a good point because I had a radio. I was listening God, maybe it was like... I don't know what band I initially clicked on Spotify and to go play their radio station. Yeah, sure. It was a song from our youth. Then in the playlist of songs from our young days, came of the band Collective Soul. Oh, sure. You remember Collective Soul? Absolutely. I forgot about them until I heard this again. I remember then I had seen the blue album with the soul with the squigla. Anyway, it led me down this rabbit hole a couple of days ago to listen to a ton of Collective Soul.

This is a rabbit hole that I love.

Dude, in the middle of listening to it, I had this strange... I was sitting at a red light going, Was this good music or bad music that I just was tricked in to enjoy? I couldn't figure it out. I was like, Was this good? Or are they shitty? Because some of it I was like, Oh, that's a cool song. Then some of it I was like, What in the fuck is he talking about?

Collective Soul, I think, is maybe four five songs. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. And then if you start digging into that, you're like, what?

It got dark and weird.

And you had to buy that CD. Oh, yeah. So you were digging into it. Yeah.

Absolutely. Something about it, I was like, did I like this or did I just not know any better at that age in my life? And I thought maybe this was fun to listen. It's really strange because there's bands now that I look back and I look at some of the stuff I liked, and I fucking hate them today. I'm like, that band is fucking terrible.

I'm getting more set in my ways. My wife, and this is another that's gone, but my wife and I used to... We were meeting each other. We'd get drunk, and we'd be like, YouTube videos, one for one for one. And it was always '90s MTV videos. That's how we both grew up in the same era. And we would do that till dawn. And it's just like, Oh, shit. So we love going down '90s rabbit holes. But now it's about what's more obscure. If we have a night where it's like, you want to have a few drinks and fucking YouTube it up? She's like, Hell, yeah. I'm trying to really get her with the weirdest shit. So I'm going deeper and deeper.

Oh, you go down.

I never really liked Alice and Chains in real time, and now I'm like, they rip. They absolutely fucking rip. The lyrics are great.

I didn't give them enough credit. I think I liked them a little bit when I was younger, but I don't think I loved them.

Me neither. But now I'm just like, I think their first-tier grunge Hall of Fame. Absolutely. I'm just like, They're up there. So I'm appreciating the '90s even more in this old age.

It's funny. I'm finding- Retire me to a corner.

I'm irrelevant. Yeah, you're gone. I got nothing new.

I'm done. You don't know You don't even know the example. I just saw her name this morning, which is pissing me off because I was like, how do I know?

Something with a dollar sign in it.

The Coachella lineup. Let's see. Bring up the new Coachella lineup.

Exactly. I'm like, this fucking... That's how you're old. You don't know who the famous people are. I know. And you don't know who the musicians are at all.

It actually makes me go to Images because that'll just show you the poster they just published on that.

Presale starts January 19th, so we got to go get in line. That's how we are.

So Lana Del Rey, Tyler the Creator. I got to get to the mall. Oh, that's what I was thinking of. Doja Cat.

Oh, yeah. I know Blur. I know Tyler the Creator.

No, No, you know a lot of these bands.

No, you do. But Doja Cat, I don't know Doja Cat at all.

Okay, but let's go like this. You don't know anything by Jay Balvin or Jenny Aiko.

No.

You know, and I don't know how to pronounce Crainban, but you know who those guys are because you live in Denver. Absolutely. It's probably played in every single fucking store. Every Artyrix store, whatever the fuck that's. How do you say that? What? Artyrix. Artyrix. Yeah. Fucking the worst.

Rory Scoville turned me on the Crainban or whatever. That tracks.

Okay, you don't know Karen Lyon.

You don't know Karen Lyon.

The fuck I don't. Of course, I don't. Zoom in. Anima? Are you on the first day? I'll go down to the bottom behind Doja Cat.

He's on Doja Cat day.

Fucking pay attention, dickhead.

I know Little Yadi. I couldn't name a song. Dj snake.

Give me a fucking break. Ludmilla? Nope. The Rose. Nothing. Ap Dylan. Rene Rapp. Dj Seinfeld. Dj Seinfeld. Oh, Seinfeld's playing.

I know Taking Back Sunday.

Yeah, but that's from our era.

I know Hernanos Gutieras. They're new. They're new.

They're great. Yeah, they're new. Taking Back Sunday, you know them. You don't know- DJ Seinfeld is the best name. I got to tell you, no. Barry Can't Swim is so good.

That sounds like a ska band. Yeah, 100%.

That does sound like a ska Barry Can't Swim. Like Operation Ivy. It's one of those...

Go back to- There was a ska band. It was the best name ever. It was Easy Big Fella.

Easy Big Fella. Great name. Yeah, that's such a good name. Great name. Yeah, look at this. The third... Okay, so it always goes... This is what I find... They do this often on comedy lineups, too, which is something to talk about that makes me mad. It's Tyler is the headliner on the day two. Sure. But then Blur is a throwback because that's our era. I love Blur. They're doing a re-up of... That's why No Doubt is also co-headlining. But then you go to like, Ice Spice is number three. I'm sure Ice Spice is really, really famous. But then you go down a little bit to someone like the old-school people that are in some of these lineups and you go, Is Ice Spice more famous than someone?

Or do I just know that person?

Or I've just heard the name more often.

I know Aquabats so much more than I know Ice Spice.

That's, again, another old school band.

Old school ska band.

But let's see who the last person on the list is. Are you happy or sad to be the dead last person on these lists? You know what I mean?

I'm just happy to be on the list.

Yeah, is that cool that you made it?

Although, on a Comedy Fest, are you getting an ego about font size?

Absolutely not.

Because you'll be up there, bud.

I actually don't care about any of this. You know what's so funny? The other night, we used to, at the Comedy Store for a long time, stopped putting up names for a while. They were doing... They would just put up Comedy 365 is what they used to say up there. And then they started putting names back up on the main room side again. And someone said to me, a friend was coming to the show and was like, Oh, they put you up second instead of you're not on the top there, but you're bigger than whoever that was. And I was like, Yeah, I don't think that matters. And they're like, That's not why they do it that way. I'm like, Maybe they do. I don't know.

I mean, unless it's a bigger font.

I don't care. Even then, fucking, what do I? I just don't give. I don't care. I don't give a fuck about that stuff. It's really... I don't know. Being included to me is pretty low on the totem pole of what I give a shit about.

I have been called Adam Clayton Holland on Marquise numerous times. And I'm just like, It's okay. That's whatever, dude. It's a more common sounding name. I get it.

It is what it is. But also, yeah, I do wonder if you're last on that list, you just made it, right? Zoom in. Who is that?

Kim- Kimonos. They have 670,000 monthly listeners on Spotify.

That's really good. That's huge. And that's the thing. Also, here's another gripe. Sublime is on there. Is it his son, right? His son is now playing with them? I saw stuff online of his son playing his dad's songs. Now, I don't know if that was him doing just a one-nighter thing, but Sublime Surviving members are there. But are they not... Oh, yeah. The frontman is Jacob Noel. He's the son. He's Bradley's son. Bradley's son, yeah. Got it. So he will be doing the Coachella. Which I got to tell you, fucking not a Sublime fan, that's fucking rad.

Not a Sublime fan as well.

Not a Sublime fan, but if you're going to do it, let your son do the homage. That's cool.

I get it. I get it. I used to have a joke. I was like, My girlfriend named Her Car, Bradley, after the lead singer of the Sublime. I'm sorry, my ex-girlfriend named Her Car, Bradley.

Yeah, dude, I used to go down to San Diego in Orange County shows and talk shit about Sublime just for fun. I don't even dislike them that much. I just love shitting on it.

It is so wholly in Southern California. They get so mad. You're not from here, neither am I. I was like, They're not that fucking great. Once you learn that you can just twist their screws with Sublime out here, I love doing it. I love doing it.

I would say I'd try to find the comparison for Denver.

For Chicago- That is so weird.

Does that ever happened? No. Have you ever heard that? I've never heard that. What is that? Something outside. Yeah, construction outside.

I think a ghost took a shit.

That's a ghost taking... It has diarrhea.

That's a ghost taking a shit.

It's so funny. The listeners won't be able to pick that up on these mics, I doubt it. But it sounds like somebody is turning on and off a pipe outside. I wonder what it is for Denver, but for Chicago, by the way.

What is the sacred cow in Chicago? There's so many.

Well, I'm not going to say... I'm just giving a broad, and I'm sure people are like, That's the... Maybe Wilco. Oh, man, I love Wilco. But maybe that would be if people from Chicago would... Even if you didn't Wilco, you'd probably be like, Fuck you. Wilco is great. You still defend it. Even if you're a Chicagoan, you'd probably be like, Get the fuck out of here. They're great. What do you mean? I'm trying to think of who. What does that say? No, but I would say we're talking hip, cool. In the world of Sublime being like- Zeitgeist. Big, popular for sure. Yeah. Wilco has that thing for Chicago. I wouldn't even say Smashing Pumpkins.

I don't associate them with Chicago.

I wouldn't, even though they definitely are.

Also, it says Earth, Wind, and Fire on that list, and I happen to know members of that band went to my high school in Denver, Colorado.

Yeah, Wind is from Denver.

Absolutely. I don't know what's up with that.

Earth might be from Chicago.

Yeah, wind and fire. They had to get rid of rain.

Yeah, that motherfucker. Well, he never showed it. Fuck, he came and went so fast. Very flighty. Cheap trick. Yeah, see, none of these I would really say genuinely are, except for the band Chicago, which used to be called Chicago transit authority, and the CTA sued them. The city sued them. Really? Yeah.

No way.

Well, dude, the city told them- What a petty move. The city told them- Daily.

Fucking daily.

That's exactly right. Daily, I'm a fucking scumbag. I think they told that the city had said that they no longer can use that because it's a copy-written, whatever. But yeah, I would definitely say Wilco, as far as like, nerd, cool, hip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be the one. What is it out of Denver, do you think?

Denver never really had many growing up, but lately there's been a big one. Nathaniel Raeliff and the Night Sweats. Oh, love. Who are my boys. That guy's the shit. All of them.

Are you friends with that guy? Yeah. Nathaniel is great. He's so talented.

The drummer, Pat and I, we birdwatch together. We're bird and buddies. Dude, they were like, when I was coming of age in my 20s, so were they. They were all in tons of... And so we're all at the same bars. Denver's small. I know all those dudes. They're all fucking great. And so we just watched. A lot of people claimed to be there, but there was a small music fest. They did their first show on a roof in somebody's backyard, and we're like, Do you see Nathaniel's new thing? It fucking rips. Because he had five bands before then, and then we've just watched them take over the world.

That's such a cool feeling to watch that happen.

All of Denver, especially people my age, old hipsters are like, The Night What the fuck? It's Pat. That's cool. And it's Luke, and it's Nathaniel. It's so cool to see.

Tell me Nathaniel is the one that sings, And It's Still All Right.

Oh, yeah, totally. My God. I think that's the name of the album.

And it's still all right? It's Still All Right.

It's Still All Right.

That song will make me cry in the car by myself, man.

Not only that, they're so great. They bought a dive bar in this area of Denver where that festival is called Baker. It was going to be raised. They bought this old rockabilly bar, and they restored it. It's got a great sound. It fits maybe 200, and they'll just play shows there every once in a while, and you can go watch them.

Oh, that's cool.

Like the Nuggets coach is an investor in it. Really? Yeah, it's the coolest bar.

Do they just play a show? They do pop up almost like secret shows where they announced it.

Before they're getting ready to go on tour.

But they announced it like day of type of shit? Yeah, pretty much.

That's fucking right. It's like if you're friends with them, you can get in. It should seat 200. There's probably 350 in there of Denver luminaries.

See, that's what I would love to do. It's fucking great. I'd love to have a little sneak. Those little sneak-in shows where it's like friends of friends. I know that's sometimes a little annoying for regular fans because you're like, You're privileged, fuck, you get to go to the thing.

For me with that one, I'm not ashamed of it because it's not a place of privilege. I'm some famous guy. It's like, No, I just fucking spent hours with these dudes my whole life just bitching about wishing Denver could be bigger and have more, and they're doing it. It rules.

That is fucking cool. That guy fucking rips.

They're the top ones out of Denver right now, for sure.

I would love to see him. But yeah, I don't know. That's the thing is I don't think we have that. People would get that mad if you talk If you talk shit about it. But Southern California has so many that it's weird that they've chosen sublime. Like, Red Hot Chili Peppers are fucking from here. Yeah, I know. That's such a much larger band on the global scale of history. Historically, they've made so many fucking albums. They're an LA band.

Oh, yeah, I know. They're California embodied. This made me think of another thing. There's this impulse when you go and headline anywhere to be like, I'm in this town. This is your sacred thing. I'm going to shit on that thing. Have you ever had that burn, blow up in your face Because I have several times where it just exploded.

Oh, yeah. Do you get me? Yeah. People get... Well, also, I'm a sports fanatic.

So you just go, you're Bill Burum, out the gates.

I always make fun of their sports teams. Yeah, I feel like that's a part of it. And that oftentimes... I tell you what, the cities that have good history, they don't give a fuck. They laugh with you. Boston, it's impossible because they're a dynasty. They've had dynasties. You know what I mean? There are cities you go to where it's just undeniable. They're like, Okay, make fun of us. We're also fucking-We're confident in this. We're okay, dude. You know what I mean? We have so many fucking championships under our belt.

Denver's teetering on the edge of confidence. We're like, All right, just be careful.

The Nugs won. Just remember the Nugs did win.

Elway is off limits. We know he's got big teeth, but let's not go further than that. We're not prepared to go further than that.

Yeah, you do have to... It is funny, the in between cities. Well, I'll say the best example I could give you is Salt Lake. Whenever I play Salt Lake, I fucking love Salt I really love it. But I love that city. Every time we've played that city, I've had so much fun. I did the arena where the jazz play with Bert. We did his tour.

John Stockton and Carl Malone intersection.

But every time I go to Salt Lake, it's fucking rad. But I always remember when I do make jokes, even if they're not a part of the Mormon Church, which a high majority of people are, but even if they're not, they're around it enough. They grew up near it, perhaps. So they don't love it when you're diving on it. They don't mind you teasing it, but they're like, Okay, man, I get it. They've also heard it a lot. Yeah, they've heard it too much.

They've heard it a lot.

The last time I played, I maybe was a little too liberal with locking it. I think they were like, Okay, we've cut it out. I think that was like, I could feel them being like, Go back to the jokes. The jokes are fun. Just do the jokes and don't shit on the machine. I also called out Carl Malone for knocking up a 12-year-old or whatever the fuck it was. They liked it, but they were also uncomfortable about it. How old was he? She was 14 or some shit.

I mean, yeah, it's like, If they do that shit, sorry.

Thirteen? Yeah, what the fuck are we talking about? I had to make fun of how insane that is. People were a little… Didn't want to hear it.

I remember an episode of NBA Inside Stuff with Ahmad Rashaad. Love Ahmad Rashaad. Where they were going around with Karl Malone, and he had converted a semi-truck into his Cribs. It was It was like a weird pimped-out semi-truck. I knew something was off from that one. From that episode, I knew something was off with that, dude.

Yeah, you know what's so funny? We need MTV Cribs to come back so we can find out who's an actual psycho. Or a pedophile. When you see someone's house, you go, This guy's actually more normal than I thought. Yeah, totally. Then the opposite where you're like, This guy's a fucking full-blown lunatic.

This guy's got a house and a truck.

Yeah, he's a fucking scary weirdo. 13th overall pick, maybe that was deliberate. January 13th, 96, he hit his contract with Jazz. This guy loves 13. Lucky number 13. Lucky number 13. I can't miss with this one, guys.

I'm on a roll. I'm Carl Malone, baby.

Carl Malone loves the number 13.

Your honor, in my defense- In my defense, I was- Number 13.

13 pick. That's just my thing.

He's choosing to represent himself. It's like, Carl, this is the worst move.

Yeah, his whole family is like, Just get the lawyer. He's like, Calm along, I'm going to do it. Calm along, I'm going to do it himself.

Here's a drawing of me being drafted 13th. A drawing, Carl?

A drawing. Yeah, we need MTV Cribs to find out who's MTV Cribs, for the young people that never got to really indulge in that as much as we did. Red Man's apartment in New Jersey.

Oh, my God. That's iconic.

It was just like the great... There was a shoe box of money on the fridge. It was so real.

It was just a fucking dirty... There's video games all over the floor.

His cousin was just sleeping in the living room mid-interview. People thought this was a bit, by the way. I know. I have proof that it wasn't a bit. You want to know how crazy specific this is? Please. When I first moved to Los Angeles, I worked for a music company doing visas, international. They're right there. Yeah, his condo, his two-story condo in Jersey. That's amazing. Yeah. So I worked for a company that did visas for bands. My first job, desk job out here was I was doing international visas and all this stuff. Method Man, Red Man. I have a picture of me and Red. Actually, I'll send you to show in the episode. That rules. Somebody just sent it to me. Method Man, Red Man, Flava Flav, Macy gray, Cyprus Hill.

I worked as a bunch of- Just getting them visas to travel Yeah, so they could travel their tour.

But anyway, annoying story short, I remember when that episode came on and I thought, This is at the very brand, the new world of Google Map. I was like, I want to see if that's actually his fucking address. I searched on his submittal paperwork, saw his address in Jersey, my hand to God, that exact same condo, because if you go back out to the first frame, it shows the shot of the outside of his condo. Anyway, I did like the- You can vouch for the opposite. No, and I did, and that was that right there. It was actually a street view shot of that condo complex. I was like, holy fuck, that wasn't a... Because I remember thinking this was bullshit. I was like, this is a fucking bit. His cousin's sleeping on the floor in the middle of the show.

I mean, he looks like shit. He looks hungover. Oh, yeah.

He was partying all fucking night. Absolutely. But no, this was all real. And granted, I don't know if he lived there anymore, but he owned this place. It was still one of his addresses. So it made me fall in love with him even more. I was like, oh, this is so legit. This It just wasn't put on for the show. Meanwhile, everyone else that did MTV Cribs wanted to make sure you knew they had-Of course.

I remember one with Devon Sawa. I don't know who that is. Devon Sawa, he's a teen actor in some stuff. He was in teen movies in the '90s. You probably recognize him. He was in Stan, the M&M Stan video.

Oh, the kid who played? Yes, I know that kid.

That's Devon Sawa. Final Destination? Yes, that's him. He had a little run of being a teen star. Anyway, it's his Cribs. Just in the garage, he opens it up and Jason Schwartzman staying in there in a That's a pretty good gag.

See, when they started to get self-aware that they had to make gags.

There's Jason Schwartzman in his garage. I thought that was so fucking funny.

Yeah, you had to make gags to make it worthwhile watching at some point because otherwise, they were boring. That's so funny. It was good. Yeah, Devon Sal. I remember this kid. He was like a heartthrob back then, right?

He was like a- I can't remember what teen movie, but he was a heartthrob for sure.

Yeah, he was one of these young babes.

He's a very young babe.

He's a young babe, dude. There were so many young, hot male babes. Wow, he's still a babe. This guy's He aged great. Isn't that funny? Click on the first picture, the first one there. Isn't it funny that these guys got better?

Look how strong Devon Sawa's neck is.

Well, he works out literally every day. Fuck you, Devon Sawa, you sexy motherfucker. You're sexy, Devon Sawa. Come at me. Come find me and come give me a hug and a kiss. Don't fight me, but just caress me a little bit.

I'm doing a shameful plug, but I do a podcast called The Grollic Saves the World. In that, just on our Patreon, you'll just like this because we have a podcast within the podcast called Boy Crazy, where we just appraise hunks of yesterday. Hot boys. It's just three 40-something dads, appraising hunks. We got to get you to guest on one.

You bet. I would love to. You would love it. Honestly, I'd love to. And Devon Sawa, if you're out there and you want to come on my show or you want to come on the Hunk show- Boy Crazy. Boy Crazy, please do so.

It's B-O-I. Don't get confused by the other ones.

Listen, Adam, I love you. I appreciate you coming on the show. It's great to see you when I come back out to Denver. I'll come poke around with you.

Yeah, man. I'd love that.

Do me a favor, everyone at home, please go watch Wallpaper right now. Available on the YouTube. We'll put the link in the description below so you know where to go so you're not confused on where to click. And please share it and do all that stuff that the Internet likes to do. Big fan of pushing that stuff around to everyone because if you like it, I guarantee your friends will like it, and that helps us grow our own little thing independently, as we did here on this fucking show. That's how all this shit started. I appreciate you. End the show the same way. You look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase. It's going to end episode whenever you're ready. One word or one phrase.

Dope as fuck. In here, we pour a whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, whisk, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey whiskey.