In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You are that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's a fugace.

You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's all hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like ginger.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky Junior. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the very bloated Esther Povitzky. Lil Esther is here with her beautiful little belly. And how many pregnos are you? How many months pregnos? How many pregnos? How many pregnos? That's what we say on the street.

I am about seven and a half months pregnos. I know. I can't believe it.

Look at your seven and a half months pregnos.

I know.

And do we know? Is it a guy? Is it a girl? Are we going to let it choose?

Thank God it's a girl. It is not choosing.

Did you do a gender reveal?

No, no. I know.

I don't want any- Take a sip out of that water. It's going to change color. Oh, no.

Literally when I got the call, the nurse was like, Okay, we know the gender. Do you want to know? And Dave was asleep, and I was in the bathtub, and I was like, Yeah. And then she said, Girl. And My first thought was like, I should get out of this hot bath because I want this one to stick.

No. Yeah, you were falling a lot the last couple of months before you knew. I would see you at the store just tripped down the stairs. Is that okay? This is funny. You I say this. I saw a video on the internet of a gender reveal of this couple who's a health nut couple. You know these people that work out the whole time that they're pregnant? And she was jacked. And she got into an ice bath in the morning. And that's how they did the gender reveal in an ice bath with her husband in it. And my immediate thought was, of course, I know it's probably fine, but I was like, can you do a fucking ice bath with a baby?

I don't think extreme temperatures are great.

I would imagine they're not good for you. Yeah. Yeah, this is it right here. That's her right there. This woman gets into an ice bath with her husband. They're obviously They're like, cool, fit couple. And they pull it. But she's prego, prego there. And she's in an ice bath in the morning.

The things that I see pregnant women do online, and I'm depriving myself of weed, this isn't fair. Right.

You should smoke weed. I think you should smoke weed.

You'd be surprised how many people say that.

Say smoke weed.

They're like, I did. It's fine. I'm like, Yeah, but you're shady. I don't know.

I don't know if I trust you. Well, my mom smoked and I'm sure, drank during the pregnancy for me. And Nothing's wrong with me. Yeah, no, she did 100 %. In the '80s, dude? Right. In the late '70s, early '80s, they were smoking and drinking the entire time.

Drinking is now fine.

I know. That's what they say. Yeah.

That's what they say. But it's only if you're getting extremely blackout drunk all the time. That's a problem.

Which we are.

I just have never drink, so I'm not going to start now just because I can't have weed. I don't know why not though. But I did consider it.

Yeah, why not? You've had drinks before?

No, I've never tried I had alcohol. I know.

No, you've had a drink before.

No, I've never. On my 21st birthday, I sipped wine and was like, Egh, and then spit it out. Really? And I was with my mom and dad. Mommy and daddy.

Mommy and daddy? Go have one.

We were in Evanston, Blind Faith Cafe.

Of course you were. My little jap.

I know you're South Side.

Yeah, there is no known safe amount alcohol use during pregnancy or while trying to get pregnant. Oh, this is old shit. No. October 23.

No, but this is unreliable.

This is the center for disease control.

Who trusts them? Remember COVID? That's right. They told not to wear masks.

This is Fauci. Fauci said no booze. No booze while you're pregnant. That's not true. We drink an absurd amount of booze.

All the general rules are so fake. Yeah, they're all bullshit. Yeah. I have sushi.

Is that the name of your daughter Sushi?

I have Sushi. We actually do have a name, and it's so crazy that Dave is like, We can't do this. And I'm like, No, we're doing it.

So I can't wait. You're not allowed to say what it is, though.

No, because Dave did make the mistake of telling two of his friends, and they were like, They didn't like it.

Barbasol? What is it? What is it? I got to guess. No, you won't guess. Let me see if I can guess. What's a name that two Jews would name their kid, two alti Jews would name their kids?

Also, I told you, there's a really good chance this is a red-headed baby. Shut the fuck up.

Don't talk about this on the air.

We better get our story straight now.

Okay, how do we get around this? Dude, first of all, it was just for laughs. We were in Montreal, out of the country.

Vancouver.

Vancouver. It was Vancouver, just for laughs. That's right. So we did a little song. Why would it be a redhead? You have redheads in your family?

My grandfather was a redhead. His nickname was Red. Oh, I like it. Very creative.

Very creative.

And I just am thinking, because Dave and I both are very dark hair.

Yeah, he doesn't have red heads in his family.

No. He's a different Jew, where they're hardier.

Hardier? I think so. Do you come from heavy Jews?

No, No, I'm like a pale Jew, and he's like an olive Jew.

He's more of like a Jew from the Middle East. I think so. And you're like a Jew from the north side of Chicago. A pale north side Jew. Yeah. Yeah, you're a waterside Jew. He's a Middle Eastern Jew.

Yeah, which is so much cooler. And I want my daughter to look like him, but he doesn't want that. But there's this porn star that looks like Dave, and that's who I want my daughter to look like. Who is it? It's not Adriana Chetchik. It's Abela Danger.

Look up Abela Danger.

She looks like Dave. I'm so attracted to her.

Abela Danger, and she's Jewish?

Yeah. This is what I want my daughter to look like. Okay, zoom in on her.

Oh, right. Yeah, that does look like Dave. That's Dave.

That's my daughter. I'm hoping.

Yeah, you're only hoping. Well, I do hope this is your daughter.

I would be fully supportive.

So this is who you want your daughter to be?

I think it's possible. This would be the best case.

If your daughter got into porn, would you be cool with it?

I don't know, man. Why not? No, I'm just saying I don't know.

Because you do- I didn't say no. You do porn.

I do trash Tuesday. That is porn.

You do trash Tuesday. That's basically porn. I mean, you're whoring yourself out. Red hair is also found amongst the Askanazi Jewish population. This I know very well, in fact. 1903, 5.6% of Polish Jews had red hair. That's actually, hey, dude, one of the most famous comedians in the world is a red-headed Jew. Who? Mexican Jew. Louis. Louis CK.

Oh, he's Jewish? Yes. Are you?

Shut up, dude. Let's not get into this, okay? I don't want to get sued or fined or killed on here. Other studies have found that 3.9% of Which women are all found to have red hair. So, dude, your daughter could be one of the 3.69%..

I know. Because I really want her to be goth-looking. But I think it'll be cool. I'll get into the red hair.

Maybe Wednesday. What's her name? What's the girl that plays Wednesday? That's what I'm picturing. What's her name?

Christina Richie.

No, Jenny Ortega.

Oh, the new one. The new one, okay.

She looks exactly like Wednesday. Yeah.

She has that- Like Christina Richie, the one I said.

Christina Richie was good, but I think this new one looks better.

Really?

Because the new girl- Why are pitting them against each other? Because it's ethnic. Because I like ethnic. I get ethnic over white. And I know you're a bigot. You love white. That's your problem. Well, let's hope that your daughter- Doesn't look like you. Yeah, it doesn't look like me. Fingers crossed. What's a good alternative name for her daughter we could name the daughter? Something that's very Southern California because you guys met here, you fell in love here, you had a baby here. Cvs. Let's name her CVS.

That, you associated with Southern... We have those in Chicago. What are you doing?

I know, but... Okay, you're right.

Okay, I'm I'm sorry. I'm going to be your write-aid.

Vons?

Okay, Vons.

Look at little Vons in there. Vons King. Little Vons King.

It works.

Vons King. Wait a minute. I will say something.

Say it.

I found out the other day This reminded me, do you know what CVS stands for? Don't look at the screen.

Certified. No.

Isn't that funny? I've said it a million times. What the hell does it stand for? I thought it stood for City Variety Store, but it stands for consumer value store.

Your idea is... There's something adorable about that.

City value store? Yeah. Doesn't it seem like... Okay, C, you thought would be city because it's in the major... It's never in rural areas. It's only in city There he is. So I thought it'd be city something store.

I hate that they're calling it. They're just calling it. You're just a consumer.

Consumer value store. Just nothing. It sounds sadder than city variety store because it does have a variety. I bought a Burbank hat there once. I bought a Burbank hat at the Burbank Rank CVS. You can buy clothes there.

My dream is to find a Walgreens or CVS in my hometown that's like Skoki. I want that. I know I haven't found it yet.

You know they got it. You know they sell it out there. If anybody lives out in Skoki, please send us a Skoki CVS hat or a Rite Aid hat, if you don't mind I grew up around the corner from a Walgreens.

So all my medications were like Walladril, Wallatin. And that's a big part of the movie, Drugstore June, is- Which we're not going to talk about on this podcast. Let's move on. But I swear it's coming up organically. It's based on the idea that if I did not move to LA, did you stand up? I would have worked at Walgreens. And that's how we came up with the idea of the movie.

It is a great concept for a film. I hope it works out. I haven't seen it. No, we do have so many friends in this, including you.

We wanted you in it so bad.

I know. You offered me a role in it. I couldn't do it.

You were shooting Dave.

I know. Shooting Dave.

Everybody got mad. Why would you want to work with Bobby again? Even more.

Yeah, I see that little fucking you know what every day. But Drug Store June is going to be coming out February 23rd.

In theaters. In theaters. There's tickets now on sale for advanced screenings if people want to come, but whatever. We're done.

We don't have to. No, I do want to plug a little bit, but it is incredible. I will say this. What's beautiful about this is So many of our friends and family are in it. It's an ATC production by our ATC boys, Billy Burr over there. And we've got Miranda Cosgrove, Beverly D'Angelo, Haley Joe Osmond, who I beat at golf one time. No way. Yes, that's true. We did the charity golf event.

Isn't he so fun? Doesn't it feel like he's a stand-up?

Yeah, he's a sweet dude.

He fits in in our world so well.

Yeah, he sees dead people. Al Madrigal, Matt Walsh, Bad Baby. Yes. I mean, Brandon Wardell, Slink, My Boy, Black Jesus. Gabris, John Park, Steph Tollef, Trevor Wallace. I mean, this is literally stacked, directed by Nicolas Guston, written by you and the Goose. And go back up and also, Robert E. Lee. Is Bobby Lee not on that cast list? God, I would love it if he's not.

No, Robert E. Lee is there.

He It should be below. And Jackie Sandler, no less. Adam Sandler's- Yes, he was so cool. Adam Sandler's wife, who's incredible. So it's so funny that this is just littered with so many people that we know and love. And I will give you a little bit of credit on this. Not seeing the film. I know it is going to be good, honestly. But also, no, seriously. But also how cool. The whole dream joke that we all say is like any comic goes, I wish I could do what Sandler does. It's like, put all my friends and family in movies. That's what Happy Madison did. And then to be able to I do it- At a micro fraction of the budget. Well, who gives a shit? You did it, though, doc. Rock and roll. I think that's so cool, man. You know how hard it is to put friends and family and stuff?

It's so hard. It is hard. Especially when I had my show, it was even harder because there's so much red tape. They'll be like, This person's not sag. And I'm like, Well, that's stupid. Who cares?

And who gives a shit?

Yeah, no one cares.

Well, back in the day, you used to get exemptions. Do you remember that? Do you remember those days?

The Taft-Heart lead?

Yeah, you used to get Taft-Heart lead in, which means for people that don't know, if you weren't in the union because you couldn't afford to pay in because you didn't make enough money in the union to be the union, they would let you do an exemption. I don't know how many times you could be exempted before you had to push through.

I'm thinking of... Because the whole thing when you moved to LA to be an actor, they're like, you have to be in the union to get a job, but you have to get a job to be in the union. And so you're just like, How? Do you remember how you got in?

Well, no. For me, it was... That's what I'm saying. I was what's called a force joint, meaning I was allowed to work so many jobs on Until I made enough money where I could actually pay to get into the union. And I remember my first job was... Well, my first on-camera job was punked. Really? Well, I did a commercial before that. I did a TV commercial. But I didn't have to join back then. I think I was forced joined when I did punk because I didn't make enough on the commercial.

I know. It was the same thing. You book your first commercial. It's a couple of thousand dollars maybe. They're like, three grand.

You're like, three grand? I'm a billionaire.

I know. And then that's what it costs to join. Yeah, to join the union. And you're like, okay, so I'm literally at zero. What was the point of doing any of this? But I also remember when I first booked a commercial out here, I was like, oh, this will be my monthly income now. And then I did not book another commercial for four years.

Dude, it is so funny. You think it's you're going to happen all the time. It's a hit in the lottery. You hit the fucking lotto and then never again. And then maybe you'll do one or two more. Or if it's an anomaly, you're like, what's her name? Who I can't even think. For some reason, it did AT&T.

Oh, Milana.

Yeah, Vine Trup. Yeah. Vine Trup? Yeah. Milana. Yeah. I don't know. I can't remember her pronounce her name. But she landed the AT&T thing, and then it became a career. It wasn't just like, Oh, I just did a commercial. It was like a career. Is this you? What is this commercial that you did?

Not this one. This is like, Geiko.

Yeah, let's see it though. Look at that. That's the little Lester that I met many, many years ago. I've known you for so long now, and I've hated you for all of it.

Truly, since 2009, when I first started, I knew you. Isn't that fucking I know. And you're so successful now. It's crazy.

Stop it. Stop it. That is my baby, by the way. That being said, that is my little baby. Wait, let's back up. I don't want to skip forward.

Okay.

Because Drugs Nourish, June, I do think you do know that's bullshit that you wouldn't have been working at Walgreens had you not moved out to LA. But you've always had this fucking imposter syndrome about you since the day I met you, when clearly you had talent and ability that It moved you through the business. So it was obvious that you were good, but you've always had this like, I should probably be working on it. But why that? Why? Why has that been your brain?

I just did not grow. Okay, you move out here, you made me the similar experience. Everyone who's from here, their parents are lawyers and doctors, and they have all this great education, and they're on these tracks of becoming really successful people. That's not what my upbringing was. It was like my dad was a salesman. My mom was a receptionist. My mom worked in my lunch and was the lunch lady in my school, which you'd think is embarrassing, but I loved it so much.

No, it's not embarrassing at all.

I walked to the lunchroom so proud, excited to see my mom. But so I just did not think in this big way for myself. I was like, oh, I'm going to live at home forever. I'm going to move in the basement. I'll work at Walgreens. And that's what the movie is. It's like, okay, I'm in my late 20s, 35. I live at home. I work at a pharmacy, and there's no plan. And that's just what life was until I moved here. And then you meet all these people who are like, you're a fucking loser. You need to have a plan. Did you have that experience at all?

I mean, my parents were regular people. I had no connection to the business. I had no... Yeah, I didn't have a weird inn. You know how at least someone was like, my uncle lives in LA, and I stayed with him. I didn't have any of that stuff. Yeah.

And I don't judge it. Dave, hopefully the father of my baby- Fingers crossed. He comes from a family that emphasized education. And there's nothing wrong with that? It just wasn't- No, it wasn't in my house.

I went to Arizona State. What the fuck are we talking? What are we talking about? Going to school was like, All right, got to try. Sun Devils? Yeah, baby.

I visited.

Fork him, my dog. That's so bad. For me, it was like, Go to school, hopefully, if you can. My parents wanted me to try to go to college. But I don't think if I said, I don't want to go to college, they probably would have been like, Yeah, whatever. Just whatever you got to do.

For me, it was like, you have to go because my mom was a beauty school dropout who got pregnant in beauty school.

You fucked that all up, didn't you?

No, it was my sister who lived... Remember, I still think we're cousins because of this. My mom and sister lived in the same building as you in Chicago.

I know. It's a little creepy. I do think we do have some... That is my baby. I know we've said this three times, but that's my fucking baby, dude. Give me back my baby. Have you kept, by the way, your last name, or are you taking King?

Okay, here's the thing.

Because Esther King is cool.

You think?

King is such a fucking rad last name. What are we talking about?

How does it not make me less Jewish? It's just a lateral movie.

The way you walk keeps you Jewish. Trust me. I don't think you're going to get away from that. No, it's... Well, you know Rob Schneider's daughter, El King. Do you know El King? I know.

Yes.

And that's a sexy, cool vibe. El King. Martin Luther. Martin Luther, dog, the number one.

I read his biography this year. It's so good. What did it say in it? He's so filled with drama.

Was the dream thing a lie? He never had a dream. Imagine it was like Hassan Minaj. He just made up the whole thing.

For content?

Yeah. That's amazing. He's sitting in a room. He's like, What if I had a dream?

And everybody's like- He's pitching. Everyone's like- Dr.

King, I don't think you didn't have a dream. Why are you saying that? Oh my God. But what if I did that? I said you guys were chill with Whites. We were cool with Whites.

No, it's the best biography I've ever read. He's so... Whatever. Okay, so I did change my last name.

Oh, legally, you did?

No, on Instagram, which is...

That's legal. That is. As far as I'm concerned. That's more important. Yes.

And then I was like, actually, never mind. And I changed it back. And Dave was like, okay, it was weird that you changed it when we weren't even married, but then you changed it back. It became this whole thing in our relationship that was just weird. But I don't... Maybe I use that last name in my private in my private life. When I get takeout, that's all I do in my private life.

But you don't have a code name when you get takeout?

I just do Esther King or Lauren King.

Oh, no, dude. Why did I just tell everybody? Why did I just tell everybody? I have fake names. I use fake names all the time. What are they? All my accounts have fake names. Oh, that's smart. Like my Uber, Uber Eats, Postmates, all that stuff has fake names.

I do Lauren a lot, but it's not because I thought I was somebody, but I am. But it was because the name Esther is just hard.

Well, they drop off your food and Is this for your grandmother? Oh, that's so cute. You got your grandmother, you got your granny Esther food. No, I have to use fake names because I just don't want them to have your address, even though they do. No, you don't want that. They do somehow. They do anyway.

And it never matters, and nobody cares. No one cares.

But it I feel a little weird for some reason. I make up names all the time, or I use ex famous athlete's names.

Oh, that's what's one?

I would Bill Weddington. I was Bill Weddington for the old Chicago Bulls, usually. Oh my God. Cool. It's either old athletes from I was Mark Grace for a little while on Uber Eats. You don't know who that is. These are names that mean nothing to you. Is that a baseball player? It was a baseball player, yeah. Mark Grace, yeah.

White Sox?

Chicago Cubs. Okay. You can't use the famous ones because then it's a dead giveaway.

Even a young person will be like- It's Mark McGrath one? No, that's the singer.

Mark McGrath is a singer from Sugar Ray. What about- But can I be honest with you? I'm going to start using Mark McGrath on Uber Eats. Every morning. Ready? Someone gets to my door. Every I listen to the Sirius XM station, and he's one of the radio DJs on there. And one could think that once you've had a successful band, it's sad. It's weird to see them fade off. But it's cooler that he's like, No, I'm just hosting a radio show playing hits from my era.

I fully agree. I think that's rad. It's so cool to... Even if he is not a one-hit wonder. Even if someone is a one-hit wonder, it's like, take that and go relax.

Yeah, why not? You did it.

Yeah, that's enough.

Also, one-hit wonders could turn into comeback things. We talked earlier about Coachella lineup and Lana Del Rey. This is not me taking a shot, but she had a big... No, she had a big album, but then I think people were worried, could she make another album, or is it a hit album, and now she's headlining Coachella.

Oh, okay. It's fucking huge. She's got six amazing albums.

I love her. No, I do, too. I'm saying she put out a massive album. Her first album was fucking huge. Totally. It's almost impossible to back up an album that big in our business with another album. That's hard to do. Most bands that come out the gate with their first album being the most powerful, it's tough to make another album with that much weight.

Female pop stars tend to pull it off. Look at Gaga, look at Brittany, look at Madonna, Brittany. What? Brittany? Baby One More Time, followed up with Oops I Did It Again. But those are two singles.

Those aren't two full albums. Those are records off of an album. Those albums weren't successful albums.

Well, they were, though. No, they weren't. I mean, maybe they weren't whatever- You had two singles off of each album.

That's all you're talking about.

But they were still... They sold well.

No, the singles did. The record so well, but the albums were not notable record. You weren't like, Every song on there is amazing. You can't name another song.

I mean, I absolutely can.

Give it to me right now.

Crazy. Come on. No, that's Baby One More Time. Born to make you happy on Baby One More Time. Oops, I did it again. Lucky. Heard of it?

She's a lucky.

She's a star. But my point is they sold well.

Of course they did. Yeah, she's mega fan.

But so you're saying it's got to be critically... Okay, critically liked.

Okay, that album by Lana Del Rey had a multitude of bangers on there. Yes, that's true. It was like what Gaga does when you're like, Oh, this whole album is filled with bangers. But most of the time, you make a bomb album, and it's tough to back it up. It's like anything else. Specials, comics, all that shit's hard. Once you do one great one to be a great comic, you'd have to do four or Do you ever feel like you just wrote a bit and it's really great and you love it, and then you're like, Obviously, I'm never going to write another bit again.

That's good.

I think about that all the time. Every single day of my life. Every joke I write, I go, This is bad, and I don't need to do this anymore. And I'm wasting my time and my feelings, my emotions. Do you ever drive home from a set and you're like, I don't think I need to do this anymore. I think I put in all the work. I don't need to feel this way anymore. I don't want to feel it anymore. There's days when I'm working out shit that I just don't know why I'm doing. I'm like, What is this for?

Who's this for? I'm so relieved to hear you say that because when I watched your hour at JFL a couple of years ago, I was like, This is so brilliant. Every topic, every joke was so funny. And you talk about things that seem like they're offensive, but you always do have the right take. But you don't see it coming. It was my favorite hour. It was so good.

Oh, I love you.

I'm glad that you're insecure.

Well, no, trust me. I think if you're not insecure and you do what we do, you're sick.

We know those people.

They have a problem. They're sick. I think you're sick. I think you get to a place when... Look, the love that we received from our family was Just enough. Just enough. Yeah, it was healthy, just enough. Where it's like, we do love you, but you probably will fail. My parents were like, oh, yeah, you'll do fine, I guess, I think. I have friends that are like, you're the greatest. No. Their parents are They dote on them so much that I'm like, Man, that's so sick. That's so disgusting that you don't have any insecurity at all. And so then when they do fail, they can't believe it. Wait, so okay- When I fail, I'm like, That lines up. That makes perfect sense. No, same.

That makes perfect sense. Same. Especially, I was never the lead in the school plays. Rejection after rejection. I got this. But so recently, our friend Benji, he messaged me. He was like, Hey, and I don't know if this is probably private. Sorry, Benji, but who cares? He was like, Hey, my niece really likes it when people watch her dance, but no one wants to, and I don't know what to do about it. And he's like, You grew up dancing. What do you recommend? And I was like, God, this is really tough. Because if you watch her when no one wants to watch her, then she's going to expect people to watch her when she's boring. And if you don't, then she's going to be so desperate to be watched her whole life. And I told Dave this, and Dave was like, You and Benji are literally disgusting and crazy. He was like, Of course, you watch the child. Yeah, watch the child. Who's expressing themselves. He just went off on us. I was like, Oh, yeah.

I'm glad he's having the kid with you. Me, too. Honestly, I'm glad he's the one that's going to balance the chaos. Imagine if you and Benji have a child together, you two are both like, Well, we shouldn't watch it. If we watch it, we'll just let it go out outside. Put it outside for a little while, make it think about it, and then come back in. You need to have some support, but you can't have all of the... I I don't think if too much of it gets, it's super unhealthy.

I agree. I do agree.

But you need to cheer on even when it's boring and stupid. Boring? I don't know. Yeah, if it's stupid. There's a video when you said a school play. There's a cute little video of a little boy, a little British boy also. So cute when they talk. He lands a role in the school play for Christmas. And he's like, I've got one of the main roles. And she's like, oh, my God, are Are you Joseph or are you an innkeeper? And he's like, I'm a doll holder. Play this nativity shit. This is fucking hysterical. And he has so much pride in playing... He holds the door. They don't even give him a role. Hold on, hold on. Pause it. You need to hear this shit. It's wild. Classic role, is it? Classic part. Yeah. Joseph? No.

One of the three ways men? No. One of the innkeepers? No. But it's a classic part? Yeah. Okay. You tell me then because...

I'm door holder number three. I'll be holding doors. That's amazing. How cute is that? That's amazing. Probably Joseph and Mary. He's so excited to hold the door for Joseph and Mary. Now look.

Oh my God, I wish I had that when I was cast.

Get in there. Let's go. He's so cute.

I wish I had that energy when I was cast as a tree. I knew better than him.

But you are very much a tree. At that meeting, they were taking a meeting, they were like, Esther is a tree. We have to give her the tree. No, see, this is the healthy version of the mom rooting it on because he's got a positive disposition. But let's be honest, you're never going to make it. This kid is never going to fucking make I don't know how to feel. Like, look, what happens if she, what happens if, what do we call her? Little AirBnB. Barbisol. Barbisol. What if little Barbisol? What if Tuhunga comes out? What if Sepulvita comes out and she wants to be in the business? Because the likelihood is high. Who cares?

Also, is there going to be a planet? Like, whatever.

That's a good call. It's a good thing you're having a kid then.

This is just for me and my experience. I'm like, I don't know. Who knows? I have no idea.

What's your instinct, though? Would you support it?

Whatever she wants is fine.

Yeah, that sounds so vague. Be honest. Because what if she's more successful than you ever were? You'd be livid.

Are you kidding? That'd be great. You would be livid, Esther. What's the point of having her if she's not going to be more successful than me?

See, I want them to fail. When I have kids, I want them to fail miserably. Yeah, I want to laugh at them and ridicule them for their failures. By the way, I just realized your daughter's name is Anne Frank, isn't it? She's been hiding out there long enough.

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Ginger. I like ginger. I'll be honest, you're really catching me off guard because I have been so focused on hating pregnancy that I have not given a literal one thought to what it would be like when the baby comes.

Well, who cares? It'll just be beautiful and fun. And let's hope she has 10 fingers, 10 toes.

Sure.

Isn't that the only hope? Don't they just want hands and feet that match?

Yeah, that's so weird that that's what the go to is.

Well, because I'm sure back in the '40s, they would miss a hip or a jaw would be half off. Wait, what? Well, because don't you know how the death and pregnancy and pregnancy accidents in the turn of the century, it was through the roof?

Yeah.

People were... Weird shit happened. So they were like, 10 fingers, 10 toes. The infant mortality rate decreased 86 %. Oh my god. 47 infant deaths for 100 live births in the 40s. Dude, Back then, it was like, most babies were just dying, or they were given to the wrong mothers. There was a new thing that came out. A woman wrote a fucking book as a nurse from the '50s or the '60s about guessing how many babies she gave away to the wrong people? What? It was in the thousands. No. It was in the thousands. What? Yes. Baby switched. Yes. It was like, this was a common thing.

Do you feel confident that you're your mom's baby? No.

No. Yes. Actually, it's insane. So much so because I look exactly like my mom, one of my mom's brothers. Oh, that's cool. I have the same... We look the same. My uncle Dan is my mom's youngest brother, who He was like an older brother to me, basically, because the gap is, I think he's only like 12 years older than me. So it's not that big of a difference. And I looked up to him as like an older brother. And he When he was young, looked exactly like me.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, it was cool. Well, my mom's one of 10 kids.

What is up with that?

Irish, dude. We're the Mexican of the of the of Western Europe. We're the Mexicans of Western Europe, the Irish.

So my dad is an only child, which is very rare for that. I see that. Yeah. And I'm like, his family died so long ago because he's so old. I'm like, why? I want to know why there was only one of him.

Why they only make one? Yeah. Well, are you going to have more than one?

I hope not.

I don't. So then you're doing the same thing.

I know. But I'm like, what's the origins? Is it just pregnancy sucks? I don't know.

Well, I imagine as you get older, it's hard to have kids, obviously. And also pregnancy is hard. And also money probably comes into it sometimes. Maybe his family couldn't afford.

But back then, nobody thought about that.

Financial struggle? Yeah, they didn't, right? People just had babies. We think about them too much.

Yeah. Because we're in LA and everything.

People did just have babies, and that put us in a bad position, didn't it? Yeah, they did. So that was probably a bad idea. We probably should think about stuff like that.

Stop having babies, maybe.

I think everyone should stop. There was no birth control technology, and that's another thing. Religion. Yeah. Religion was at the helm of saying you should have many babies. How old was your dad? How old I'm sorry, was- He's 80 now.

He was 44 when they had me, which- Which is on par with Dave. I know Dave.

Dave's 40, right?

He's 45. Right.

And your dad's 80?

He's 80.

He's just straight 80. Is he still kicking? Good? Is he everything Everything's good?

Yeah, he's going on long walks. Although I did when I told him I was pregnant, his reaction was, I'm too young to be a grandfather. I was like, you're so confident.

He said, I'm too young to be a grandfather. He is too young. You're like, Dad, we're planning your funeral. What the fuck are you talking? That's insane. I'm too young. Good for your dad.

That's confidence, dude. I know. I hope that I inherit that. But Dave is 45. I would have never been like, now is the time, but Dave is getting up there. So it's fun to do a favor for an old man. That's how I feel about this.

Are you talking about your dad or Dave? Dave. Okay. Is Dave your daddy?

He is right now.

Do you ever call him Daddy?

No. I used to do a bit about this. I totally am into the daddy thing. And I meet this older guy, and it's not allowed. He's like, That's disgusting.

He doesn't like Daddy stuff.

No. He wants to be equals with me. I'm like, Then why are you... Look at us. We're not equal.

No, you're 16. Why is he so... You've always been into the Daddy thing. When you were young, did you always date older guys?

No. I mean, in high school, my boyfriend was a year older than me, and I do still drive past his house, and the movie is also about him. And he looks like Dave.

He knows this, right?

I'm sure it's gotten back to him.

You would never speak ever again.

He's blocked me on everything for a decade. Really?

From high school? That's so long ago.

Well, he blocked me a long time ago. It's days. He'd be surprised. You'd have to go in and manually unblock my number, and he just hasn't taken the time.

Why don't you invite him to the premiere of Drugs or June?

I don't want to get into legal problems. And I feel like once I reach out- You're going to get sued? It's something bad could happen. But I am pregnant, so it's like, oh, my God, I'm just so innocent.

Right. Look at you, little Who me? I'm just having a baby. I'm so sorry about everything I did.

But I did promise myself that after the movie came out, I would stop driving past this house. So I got one last drive by in this past Christmas.

Why do you drive past this home?

Okay, this is a good question. And I'm really trying to dig in and figure it out. And I think it's for the memories. You like to visit old places.

Did you lose your virginity in this house?

No.

Was there something special that happened in that home?

Fighting.

You fought with him? We fought. This is when you were in high school, you were high school friends. We cooked. Yeah, you cooked together.

I don't know. We hung out. We did the stuff. But I also do, if I'm really being honest, then I dig one step deeper. It's like, I want to accidentally see him.

To prove because you've gone so far? Like, look at me now type of shit?

No. I think I just want to see. You ever want to just see an ex?

No. I have no desire. I couldn't care less. I don't know. I hope they're well. I hope everyone that's come through my life is well now. But I don't know if I see them... I don't know what I would say or what I would... Why don't you just set this house on fire? Then you'll see him. He'll come outside. Just light a fucking fire. He'll be outside waiting for the fire to burn me. You go, whoa, what a coincidence, Mark. Here you are. And I'm so sorry about your house. What are you been up to? Who me? I'm pregnant, and I have a movie about you. It's coming out in two weeks. It's coming out in theaters. By the way, setting his house on fire to get the news there to do a plug for your movie is actually a good promo.

I just want to be clear, this is all a parody, and this is all for comedy.

All for comedy, fair use or whatever the fuck this is.

You cannot use this against me.

No, don't use this against Esther. This is a bit. That's true. This is all a bit. Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink. Imagine, though, his house sets on fire in a couple of weeks for some reason.

Oh my God.

All right, stop it. I'm kidding. Stop it. No, no, no, no. It won't happen. But if it does, amazing.

That is something that I talk about Dave a lot since my fiancé since being pregnant is like, I'm like, you realize if something happens to me and the baby, it's all on you.

What would he do? How would he handle that?

I don't know.

Where's his family?

They're in Boston.

So would he move back to the East Coast, you think?

No, no, no, no.

He would stay here. He would stay here with the baby. Find a new woman in LA.

I'm just saying if the pregnant woman goes missing, the pregnant wife, it's like, Dave, your hands are dirty no matter what. I know.

But he would never. He wouldn't be suspect number one. If you go missing, no one's going to blame Dave.

No.

And in fact- There's so many people to blame.

I've always told Dave, my parents are even... If you ever hurt me or do something bad to me, my parents will take your side. They'll know that you had to.

Wait, they'll defend Dave? Yes, because he's- If he beat the shit out of you, they'd be like, it's probably- If he killed me, there's no way that they would take my side.

They'd be like, We know it had to be. Because He's so right.

Yeah, he's so even keel. Yeah. Yeah, he's not like a... And you're a lunatic. Yeah. This is actually... I do understand what you're saying.

Yeah. They're Team Dave.

Yeah, they should be. Yeah. Yeah, but they have no Team Esther at all.

Well, my dad is really into health and stuff, and we went out... Oh, my God, Dave, please don't watch this. We went out to breakfast over the holiday break, and my dad afterwards was like, I don't like the way Dave butters his pancakes. I think you need to get a life insurance policy on him.

And I was like- What does that even mean? He put too much butter on.

Butter and salt. And he salted his eggs. And my dad was like, no.

Wait, he salts pancakes, though?

He salted his eggs. He might have salt.

I've never seen a salted pancake in my life. It sounds good. Salted pancake. I know it does actually sound really good.

And I had to be like, dad, salt tastes really good. No, it's okay.

Salt is not bad for you unless you're overdoing it.

I think so, yeah. Look at this.

Salty pancakes. This is the thing that we should... The salty pancake is the thing that's moving forward in the community. I think we should do salty pancakes.

Maybe Dave's on to something. Like a Scalian pancake is salty.

So good. How big was the slab of butter he put on? Be honest with your hand. Show me with your hand.

I don't want to. Show me with your And I want to see. Have you been to Walker Brothers? These are North Side things. But Walker Brothers Pancake House, Chicago area.

I don't go up there.

That's insane. We're so far apart. They don't let me up there. This is people like, you and Satina are both from Chicago. I'm like, it's two different worlds.

Might as well not be. But also the North Side It was fancy.

Not all of it. It is. It gets fancy. Skoki is not, but it gets fancy.

But it gets so fancy.

And so we're close to all the fancy stuff.

And that was what my grandfather used to call that the swells. Do you know what that is? No. The swells. Like the other half. That's where they are. That's where all the money is. That's where all the money is. That's where the money is up there. That's money, money. Oh, my God. Yeah, because the days that the young people on the podcast that know Home Alone, the Home Alone house. That was what it was to us when we were a kid. The whole Evanston Kenelworth of it all was like, that's where real money. That's the North shore.

Wanneca.

Wanneca. Oh, pretty, pretty stuff. Oh, my God.

The best McDonald's in Wanneca.

Well, the cleanest, right? So big and original. It was never dirty up there. It always felt like the North Shore was like... Even though it wasn't gated, I feel like it should have been. Yes. I feel like it all should have been gated. Like, I wasn't allowed. Look at how pretty it is.

They love the Wanneca McDonald's so much. Oh, my God. I want to go and get a happy meal.

It looks like it's fucking Aspen. It looks like a ski resort. That's how nice it is up there.

Isn't it weird that it's like there's so much nice stuff all over the country. Don't you feel like, where does all this money come from?

Well, the Midwest, particularly McDonald's, is from the Midwest, so that makes sense. Oh, yeah.

The original McDonald's. Well, the original McDonald's is here. Yes. Okay. Sorry. You're right.

But we really did it.

The first of the- Shane.

Yeah.

Yeah.

San Bernardino was the first out here. Yeah. I love how we need to know our fast food history. Well, Ray Crock, my dog. Ray Crock, an abusive lunatic who pulled the first McDonald's out to the Chicagoland area. Where is it? Did you say Deerfield? Is that right?

I think it's in Deerfield. Am I right?

We took a field trip there when I was in elementary school, I remember, to the original McDonald's. That was a big fucking deal. They were like, You know, this is where I started. And then I think someone had said something like, My uncle says it's from California. And the teacher was like, Okay, well, it is, but it was started start.

You had this conversation we just had.

It's happened when I was a kid. Displanes. Displanes, that's right.

Displanes, fuck. Okay.

Crock opened up in 1955, and When your dad was in college, 1955?

No, he was in middle school.

High school, maybe.

He was born in 1943. My God. 1943.

When infant mortality rate was through the roof.

Yeah. So maybe that's why. Maybe there was another baby. He had siblings, and they just didn't make it. Oh, and they lost them all.

I know. My grandmother had 10 kids, and she had three miscarriages outside of that. So she could have 13 children. Isn't that something? Wow. She was never not pregnant.

That's hard. Did you ever meet her?

My grandmother? Yeah. Yeah. She only passed away a couple of years ago. Oh, my gosh. She was a bad bitch, dude. Really? She was a thug, dude. Yeah. That many kids. And she still was just a boss. She was your size. Tiny, tiny woman. That's so wild. You never met my grandmother, did you? No.

That many pregnancies. That many pregnancies. Because this one is just taking me out.

What are you eating? Oh, my God.

All the stuff? No, Andrew. You know me, right? I know. And you know that the pregnancy that you envisioned for me is the one I envisioned for myself, which was just chow down, like this is it, party time.

Yeah, hard core. Go ham.

And I have such bad acid reflux, and there's no room in me that I have to eat less than I've ever eaten in my life, and I'm so depressed.

Is this your diet plan? Have a baby, you stay skinny? So you don't have any habits that... You're not picking up any bad habits at all? You're not eating... You're like, I can't not eat donuts every day.

This is breaking me down down, only to rebuild me to be a new human. My vice, my love, is to sit down and chow, eat my whole Chipotle burrito, eat like... Just get the foot long at subway. I can't do any of that. And I'm having to face real emotional issues that have been stuffed down by food for years, and it sucks.

Wait, why? It's just because you just feel like it- There's not room.

If you eat a little too much, you throw up.

Do you throw up?

Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. That's fucking wild. I've never heard of this before. I'm sorry. This is most women I know that are pregnant are just like, I can't stop eating. They're all fucking job of the hunt.

They sound like Bane. Yeah.

What is this? Hcg, human gonotropian, a hormone produced during pregnancy caused feelings of nausea constantly. Greater sensitivity, smell, and taste. So now you might not even want to eat anything.

That was the first trimester. The first 12 weeks was like, sick, can't get out of bed.

And you would smell stuff and just be nauseated So bad.

Like, literally, you could smell like, on a far away, Dave's in the kitchen, I'm in the bedroom. I could smell like he put oil in a pan, and you're just like, what? You disgusting fuck. What were you thinking?

Just olive oil in a pan? You pig.

You're trying to fucking kill me. You hate me. And then now it's just more like acid reflux.

By the way- But do you think that's pregnancy or Judaism?

It's pregnancy. Okay. I think. But okay, so I thought I was the first person in a America to ever have acid reflux. I'm like, this is so horrible. I hate this. I can't live this way. Then I go to the Comedy store. I'm in the green room. I'm like, you guys like acid reflux. Brett Moran is like, I have that every day of my life. I'm like, oh, okay, sorry. Never mind.

Yeah, it's very common. Yeah, I didn't know that. Yeah, gastroreflux is very common.

I'm like, I could drink tomato sauce before this, and I was like, strong.

20 % of the people have it. So I would say, and it's probably 50 % of comics for some reason. Well, because it comes to also, I mean, there's a lot of factors to gastroreflux disease. Gerd.

This is not- So gross. This is not who I am.

You're not a GERD girl. No. No, you're really not. But you're going to get back to normal. As soon as that thing farts out of your vagina, you're going to be fine. You promise? Yeah, when that thing slides out, you'll go right back to you. It slides out. Yeah, well, we know. We know that thing. That's a big hole.

I pray, by the way.

Your baby has backup, truck backup signals on it. Let's go.

I should have slowed it more because now I wish that it was as big as it could be. It was easier?

Yeah. That doesn't make it any easier.

You think?

No, you'd have to have a whole basketball team in there at some point. Or football.

I should be like, Dave, I have to do something to make this birth easier, and I need you to look away. And I'm going to the Lakers game. I'm going to the Clippers.

I have to go see some of the Lakers. Did you ever hook up with an athlete when you were young?

No, I wish. Star football player? No, nothing? Well, my high school boyfriend, who I'm not over, was a baseball player, which I do think is a very hot athlete because they have thick thighs, which I like.

Thick thighs. Wait, what did you say? You're not over? Is that what you said? Did I say that?

You said that.

Oh, maybe I did. I'm so sorry. You said it. I'm so sorry. I said that. Yeah, baseball player, that's a hot athlete. What's the hottest athlete? What's the hottest guy?

You think baseball? For me, it's baseball. I love the muscular legs. They're thick. Basketball, that's too tall and lean for a girl like me. That's just too much. Football? I love the bigness, but I just... Too much. Yeah, I don't need that. What about hockey? What are they? I don't even know.

Strong, tough, toothless.

Oh, there's a hotness to that.

Yeah, they're a little jagged. They've been beat up a lot, but there's some good-looking- Jagged is hot. Well, show her Conor Bedard.

And I love long hair.

Show Conor Bedard. Conor Bedard is unequivocally the greatest young hockey player in the NHL right now. He plays the Chicago Blackhawks. First picture, my friend. You like him? You like Conor?

That looks like an actor.

Well, he's a young lad. He's young. He's very young. But he's the new star here on the Chicago Blackhawks.

He's cute. Oh, Chicago Blackhawks.

He's us, baby. So that's not your style. You're not a hockey girl.

No. You know what I'm really into? And this is a quality that Dave has, and it's This is strange, but it's so hot to me. Writers? That, too. Love that. I love someone that just wants to be creative, hide. Right. It doesn't want to be on camera.

A little recluse.

So good. But I love that when a man doesn't know how to order at Starbucks, it's very attractive to me. There's something too feminine about a man who knows what a refresher is. It really grosses me out.

A refresher?

Yeah. Thank you. You're like, you don't know, do you? It's like a drink that 16-year-old girls get at Starbucks. 16-year-old girls- That's who goes. They know they're like Michael Jordan in their prime at Starbucks. Dave, I didn't know this until I went to Starbucks with Dave, and he literally Where he gets to the front line. He's like, I'm good. He doesn't know what to do.

I don't know either. Well, I don't go to Star Wars.

I don't- Like a man who's just coffee small. The guy who the baristas hate, I'm like, I want to have sex with that guy.

That's the guy? That's why I like Mom and Pop shops because they keep it pretty simple. I like cappuccinos. I drink coffee at home, just regular coffee. But if I go out- Hot.

Hot coffee? Love hot That's such an old man thing, too.

I know. It is embarrassing. I usually get a hot coffee. Dave, too. Yeah. But when we go out, I like cappuccino.

If you like hot coffee plain, you should just go to a bank and get your coffee at a bank. It's so crazy.

Are you my grandmother? Are you reincarnated into my grandmother? A bank? Esther, a bank. There's no banks left. They're all gone. There are no banks.

You're wasting time and money. If you drink hot black coffee, go to your local Chase walk in, walk out, and they will be glad that someone wanted that. This is so stupid.

This is so stupid. Like a Marriott courtyard that has got that- Yes. I know. I know what you mean.

Who is that coffee for? No one cool wants that coffee. I love that coffee.

You and Dave- You and Dave- I'll drink all that shit. It's delicious. Bad coffee is very good. Diner coffee, so good.

Oh, my God. You can't possibly believe that. It's delicious.

It's not good in the way- It's just the vibes. Yes. You know what it is? I'll give you what it is. It reminds us of when we were young, our parents and/or grandparents would smoke and read the paper or do cross words and drink a cup of regular coffee. And late at night, this is not I'm being nostalgic, late at night when the kids are supposed to be in bed and the parents are up sitting around a coffee table or a dinner table, and they would be talking, laughing, joking, drinking coffee. And it does something for me, nostalgic-wise.

I have to say I have the exact... Everything, the picture you're painting, I'm there with you romantically.

Like late at night, drinking coffee. So then to me, it's like, I want to be an adult. One day when I grow up, I'm going to drink coffee.

Yes, I love that. But it's just for me, it's a thing where it's like, oh, I'm going to be a girl who just eats a square of dark chocolate for dessert every night. It's a romantic idea I have, but in practice, it's never going to work.

You eat the full bar. Yeah. You're not going to have one square. That's insane.

I want milk, chocolate, caramel.

Yeah. Because you like the sugary shit. You like the sweety sugary. Yeah, right. But that's the other thing. I don't like that. Sugar drinks, coffee drinks that are sweet. No interest.

If I'm going to have a sweet drink, it's going to be a Mexican Coke.

If I want sweet, just give me a pop, and I want the real pop. A pop?

You're such a Midwest dork.

What do you mean? It's called pop. You don't call it soda. I do call it soda. Fuck you, dude.

You're from where I'm from. Because I wanted it to be refined early on.

You worked so hard on getting rid of your Chicago that you call it soda, you scumbag.

And I do call them tennis shoes.

Or sneakers. Sneakers?

I call them sneakers.

Wait a minute. You say pop, don't you, dickhead? I say pop, but when I went to school in Chicago, people made fun of me for saying pop. That's wrong. Chicago calls it pop. We always call it pop. We've always said pop. Do you have a mullet? Yeah. We made him shave his head for Carlos. Now it's growing out. It's fast. And he's still getting late, so it doesn't matter. This guy's so handsome, it doesn't even matter. Yeah, we call it pop. In the Midwest, it's always been pop. And I refuse to call it soda because when I say soda in my house, if I say to my dad, hey, will you get me a soda from the fridge? My dad would assume I'm saying soda, water, or club soda.

Oh, I'm going to play all sides for now and just say, may I have a soda pop? And then everyone will like me.

You are my grandmother. Why? Give me a soda pop. You have old fizzy water back there with little bubbles and syrup? Have you ever had a actual pharmacy soda pop From the Fountain? Okay.

That's my dream is to go to an old-timey pharmacy. I've never been to one, but I think there's one here. They have one here.

Well, there's one out here that's in inland, in Yeah, in the inland Empire. There's an old... I saw it online. There's an old pharmacy soda pop fountain.

That's the dream, of course.

Where they mix it live and all that shit? Oh, yes.

But I will say, at Jewish delis, they do something called a chocolate phosphate or an egg cream, and that's soda water with chocolate sauce and cream. It's so good. I swear, any time a restaurant or a... Usually, it's a Barnes & Noble Starbucks that does this, but were there A hand mixing a soda for you, a soda water with vanilla syrup. That's hot.

Yeah, that's very good.

Some sips, you only taste the vanilla, and some, you only taste the plain soda. It's just so good.

See, it's a South Pasadena. That's in Paris.

Oh my God. I literally...

Yeah, Fairoaks Pharmacy. That's what it's called. All the time. Yeah, Fairoaks. They do it there. They'll mix you up some good sauce.

Are you serious?

Right there. I'm going. He's showing you a video of it. You know what's so funny is the Jewish deli system here in Los Angeles has been shattered. Since I first moved here, used to be the best. Now, they're all closed, the ones that I loved, or they've changed hands.

I don't like Cantor's.

Cantor's stinks now. When we were young, it was the best. Greenblats closed. Rest in peace, Greenblats. I miss you so much. That sucks. One of the best of all time. I never was a Nathan Als guy because I- It's just too far in Beverly Hills. It's just like- It's also I'm not 104. Everybody there is 104 years I cannot believe people are still alive that go in there. I like Arts Deli. Arts is actually pretty good. But I used to go to a place called Junior's. It's not around anymore. It was on Westwood when I lived on the West Side. Oh. Junior's.

Is it a cheesecake place? Like from New York? Or is it something different?

No, no, no. Junior's was an old Jewish deli, beloved Junior's Deli, forced to close after 53 years.

Rest in peace. I know. It's so sad. They're all closing down. This is what happens to all the ones in my hometown, like in Skoki, Barnabas bagel and the bagel. I just want some lima bean soup.

Who's to blame? That's Junior's right there. That's what it used to look like on Westwood. Oh, I've seen that place. Who's to blame for this? Is this Hamas? Is that who's doing this? Is that who's closing down all of our famous favorite We're at deli's. Seriously, though, Junior's, when I was young, man, because I lived on the west side. Well, sorry, I lived in Culver City. But this was like a little... Man, we're getting nostalgic. This was like my home away from home because at night, I could go there and they had late night menu deals, and it was cheaper than the dinner menu because it was like a quarter of the menu was available.

When you... Oh, that's so...

So you could get like- That's the best. I know. You could get like- A late night deal on a menu?

Trust me.

I was all about it. Junior's was the best. You would get a half sandwich and a soup for half the price that it was during the day. And so I would go there after shows or whatever and write, and then sit at night. And it was a beautiful little mom and Pop, not in great condition, but still wonderful.

When you were on the West Side, did you ever eat at Pacific Dining Car, the 24-hour steak house? It's so gross.

Of course. It's repulsive. I think I got Salmanilla there twice. Yeah, I did, actually. I used to eat over on... I used to love the West Side, but then you get older and you look uglier and you can't be seen in a lot of these places.

Yeah, it's so true. Although Beverly Hills, this is a real secret. You think, oh, I can't go there. I'm too ugly. Everyone there is 105 years old, like you said. When I go to Beverly Hills, I'm the youngest, hottest person.

Yeah. They're like, what are you in high school? Look at this little high school girl is pregnant.

It is. Go to Beverly Hills, you'll feel so good about yourself.

It is so true. Everybody there that lives in the flats that goes downtown, not the tourist days, go there on Tuesday into the flats of Beverly Hills. Those that have come with their, usually someone that's walking them in the wheelchair, that's pushing their wheelchair. You are half the age of even their help.

Because no one else can afford to be there. So if you I just roll up one day for a little walk. I almost said W-A-L-K because my dog was maybe she could hear. We can.

She'd be quiet. Or instead of outside, I say backyard.

Backyard. We say O-U.

What's that? O, and so she doesn't hear?

Yeah, outside. I really, though, have this same romanticization of diners. Going to swingers late at night after the comedy with a bunch of people is so fun. And also being at an age where you could just eat a grilled cheese at 1:00 AM and not really have to care. Yeah, now think about it. Because you don't care how fat you are, not because your metabolism is good. I miss that.

I do miss those days. But now, look, now you have a new responsibility. Now you have to care about Barba Saul and hopefully raise her in a way where she understands the ins and outs and the sacrifices that you've made. That you have acid reflux now because of Barba Saul.

Which, can I say, I didn't realize this. I knew. I am naturally a really selfish person. And this is like, The first time in my life, I am sacrificing for someone else. And yes, I'm being essentially held at gunpoint. I'm on the roller coaster. I can't get off. And that's the only way that this was ever going to happen for me is when it's just forced Just thrust upon me. But I realized I am a put your mask on before you can put on someone else's mask.

On the plane, yeah.

It's going down. I want to preach that as a positive. Because if you are the person that does for others first, you're going to be miserable. I can only be lovely if I'm first.

So spoil me, then I spoil you. Yeah. Okay.

But this is hard for me.

Well, so wouldn't Barbra's all When it comes out, do you feel like you will be that way as well, that you will do for you before you do for her? Mommy first.

I mean, realistically, that's probably not an option. It is, actually.

Some people do live like that.

That's true. I think just having my body be my own and being able to eat a whole Chipotle bowl, I'll feel like my needs are met.

I would like, when the baby does come out, I would like to buy you your very first burrito, if you don't mind. Can that be my gift? Yes. A big... What's your order for Chipotle? What are we talking? What's that burrito filled with?

Oh, my God. Chicken, rice, both beans.

Oh, we're doing pinto and black?

Both beans is the way. What about vegies? Vegeties, of course. Extra fajitas. No corn. It's a little too spicy, and I don't need the extra grain.

So no hot sauce?

No hot sauce. Sour cream and cheese. No hot sauce. I do mild, extra mild guacamole, maybe a little cheese, a little sour cream, extra lettuce.

Rock is extra. Is that okay?

Of course. Always. Daddy, yes.

Can you believe that they have to say that?

I respect it. I think it's... The prices also are... It's so expensive now. Thank God they tell you.

Is it really?

Yes. Inflation is so real.

Is it knocking out? Well, how much is guac now? Is it that much extra? I don't know. I don't really get chapulia.

I just remember I could get Chipotle for seven dollars, and now I'm like, I leave it's like twelve dollars.

Is it really?

Yeah. Everything is- Should we sue? Yeah. We should sue.

Guac, what is it? What is the GUAC? I want to know what the GUAC- It used to be 179.

I wonder if it's gone up to, probably.

But let's be honest. I know this may sound out of touch. Okay. An extra dollar 65 is not going to kill anybody. Anybody, anybody who goes to- Especially for the guac, you're going there for that.

You need to get it.

But I'm just saying, let's be genuine. There is no fucking person on Earth that's going to Chipotle, that's going to a fast food restaurant like this that was like, I only have this much money. If you charge me an extra dollar, I couldn't make it through.

Right.

There's no way. They wouldn't go out to eat. They would eat at home. So everyone can afford it. I enough people got mad that it was extra. 265? That's not huge. Okay, you know what? No, that's abhorrent. I'm pissed off now. I was okay with a dollar something.

Okay, my last old lady cheap thing I need to get off my chest. I started eating at Subway again recently, so things are going well.

You know there's other sub sandwich shops that are all over the... There's so many of them now.

I miss Potbellies, and I don't know what's similar to it. God bless.

I love Potbellies.

I miss it so much. I had it every day for two weeks.

We have them in Southern California.

No, we don't.

In Orange County.

No, there's not. Take the drive. They must have closed. There's none in California. Really?

I thought there was some down here.

I think there was one at the Irvine for a minute, and it's gone.

Yeah, at the Spectrum or whatever.

It's not there. Wow. Nobody slices their pickles thinner. It's the best. It's so delicious. Anyway, I started eating at... This is important. I started eating at Subway. It's really hard when you were living in... If you've lived through $5 foot longs.

It was my whole existence.

You can't go back to Subway in 2024. A six-inch turkey is $8.59..

Get fucked, Subway. Honestly, Subway, get fucked. Get absolutely fucked.

I'm like, what is the point?

Take a walk and get fucked.

What is the point?

$8 for a six-inch?

With tax, you're spending $10.

I'd rather go to Jimmy John's or Jersey Mike's. I love Jimmy John's. I'd rather go to any of these places. But these places are all superior now.

They are. So I don't know why Subway even competing? I don't know how they're in the They should get absorbed by one of these other companies.

You know what they also order? You know what they also put in out here? Do you know Chiba Hut? No, what's that? Chiba Hut. They just put one here somewhere in LA. Chiba Hut is a toasted sub made by Sweet Little Stoneers. And there's one in North Hollywood or something like that. Really? Yeah, it's opening up soon. But we used to have one in... They're all over Denver. I think I had them in Arizona when I was in school.

What do you get?

Oh, read the menu, though. You're going to this. It's all pothead stuff, but it's really cute. Connecting this guy. Chiba menu. Look at this. Look at some of these. I'm plugging this place for some reason. The Jamaican Red. Oh, this is advanced. Yeah. I mean, it's got these are like funky subs, all sorts of weird fun shit. I'll tell you, the one I used to get was Go Down.

I want to go here.

No, let me see.

I may go here right now.

No, it opens January 22nd.

It's not open?

It's opening up, dude. They're doing it right now. They're close. Why are you telling me about this? Well, I wanted to tease you. I like to tease you, girl. I like to tease you, girl, but they have good vegetarian ones, too. Look, that's you. Go up. That's the chisel. That's you. And that's also the Jewish version of saying cheese, the chisel. The chisel, you fucker. The chatter chisel. That's you. The sticky, icky, peanut butter and jelly. Look at that.

I'm in a toasted turkey because you can't have deli meat, supposedly, when you're pregnant, which is so fake. But if it's heated up- Who says that?

Who says you can't do that?

Doctors. I hate doctors.

They say no deli meat? Yeah. Do we really believe that our parents didn't eat deli meat while No. What the fuck are we talking about then?

It's all the rules they give you. It's like, no, mommy comes first.

Mommy first? Yeah. So what is your daily diet? What are you putting inside that little body?

I eat a lot of eggs and I Avocado.

So eggs and avocado?

I'm eating the skinniest I've ever eaten, and I'm the not skiniest.

So just eggs, avocado?

Eggs, avocado. Oh, my God. Chia seed. I make my own little chia. I know. You don't want this.

No party? You have no You're not doing ice cream nights or anything like that?

I have to eat bland food because any little flavor will trigger me. I know. We can't talk about this. This is too depressing.

Are you lactose-intolerant?

No. I am a strong girl inside. This tummy can handle stuff.

Okay. Percentage of my Jewish friends that are lactose-intolerant?

It's high, I'm sure.

58 to 65. Yeah. So you're one of the others?

I'm another.

Dave is lactose-intolerant.

He is. How did you know?

I can feel it from afar.

He buys lactate.

I'm like, Yeah, look at this. A three quarters of all Jews cannot digest milk and sugar.

90% of Asian Americans, too.

Yeah. Or booze. You should see how a lot of Asian friends, when we go drinking, they have that chemical that turns our skin red. Have you ever seen that? No. You don't know about this? No. Chinese. Look up Asian people alcohol. Yeah, no, they have a chemical reaction.

I think everyone can have that, right? It's not just Asian people.

No, but it's more- They have it more. Yeah, of course. But it's more an Asian get allergic reaction to alcohol in a phenomenon called Asian flush. Genetic mutation preventing the breakdown of the toxins of alcohol beverages.

Is drinking your thing? Because I have no thing right now, which was eating in weed. What's your thing where you're like, I'm going to get off on this.

Well, golf is my getaway. That's my little getaway, my little favorite of those.

Dave loves golf, too.

Does he really? I didn't know that.

And it supposedly is not bad. You're probably better.

Yeah, I'm better than Dave for sure. No, but you know what? It's my little... It's just a nice way to get Go out with friends, be outside, joke around, and then also play this fun game where you're truly so annoying. You're playing against yourself. You're trying to beat yourself. You just want to be as good as you can be.

It's very stand-up.

100%. It is a solo game. You may be playing against other people in a game, but you're really just trying to best yourself.

Yeah, I like that a lot.

This is the mommy me. This is Andrew first. Golf is my selfish me just for me. It's for nobody else but me.

Dave has Dave is more poker, but golf and poker.

Is he wasting a lot of money on poker? Are we going to have to have a conversation about you guys? Or are it going to be your books are upside down?

I definitely wonder. And I'm also like, well, my dad was a compulsive gambler. So what is I'm the issue?

Did he ever do anything bad? Like lose the house?

My dad, he... Close. Bad.

Yeah, it was not good. My grandfather, I think, lost their house.

Really?

Yeah, but I think they get it back. You know, gamblers, they get it back somehow. They owe someone something.

A couple of years ago, I think this was last Last summer, I got a call from my dad. He's like, I'm in some trouble. And I'm like, what's going on?

Good call from your dad.

Because whenever my mom goes out of town, you never know what's going to happen. He's like, well, I just want you to know, last night I got arrested at the casino because in Illinois, you can do a self-imposed ban. So if you're a gambling addict, the casinos have to support you in your journey of your addiction. So you can go there, sign up, sign your life away. And they're like, That's it. You're never allowed back on our properties. You just banned yourself. And my dad didn't realize... Well, he knew this when he went, but he banned himself from every... I think it's either Caesars or every MGM property. So there's all these casinos in Vegas he can't go to anyway. So he went. When my mom was out of town, he figured, I'm just going to not bring my ID in with me. So they'll never catch me. And he goes in, and then they're like, Sir, we need to see your ID. And he's like, I don't have it. And And then they're like, we need to walk you to your car. They found out who he was, took him to the basement. And it was the first offense.

So the next one, he would get fined $10,000. Because the casinos take it so seriously Honestly, this is like, they could lose their license.

But think of how funny that is. They're like, We're not going to let you lose money here. You lost $10,000. We're going to find you $10,000. You know what?

My dad going there, that was a form of gambling.

Yeah, of course it is. He wanted to see if he would get caught. He wanted to see if he would get caught. Yeah, you're gambling. He's gambling again. But that is such a sad... Self-imposed is so sad.

Oh, I think it's cool.

Well, it's dark as fuck. He's like, I just can't stay away. We should have that for bars. Bars should ban alcoholics.

I think that's why I'm very into it. That's a better idea. It's like the people that buy the little lockbox and they put their cookies in it. Have you ever done that? Put your cookies in a lock jar. That's true.

Let's be honest here. Clearly, I've never done that. I have my cookies bedside. I have a bedside table drawer with cookies in it. I have Reese's Pieces by my bed right now. You do? Yeah, like E. T. I was eating them last night watching TV.

I want to have a sleepover. That sounds so fun.

I love Reese's Pieces are great because guess what? You can't really make a mess. There's no crumbs anywhere. No.

But you get so much bang for your buck. You get so much bang for your buck. It's so much more than an M&M. I had this great uncle who was obsessed with sweets, which I later found out that that's because he was an alcoholic. And quit. But the addiction clearly transferred because you'd open his bedside drawer and it was just all Snickers.

Snickers is by far the best candy bar, by the way. I agree. It's undefeated. Snickers has all the things you want in it.

I do think personally, I prefer Twix, but I understand that Snickers is number one.

What can I give you this? I like Twix Minis. I can fuck with the little babies. Twix Minis are great.

I'm literally getting like...

You're getting horny for Twix. I'll say this, Kit Kat, Waste of time. Let's pick a- Waste of time. Give me that photo. Go up again to all of them. So zoom in.

Take five is creepy.

Kit Kat can fucking kick rocks. Mounds is a joke. And also Alma Joy because I don't fuck with coconut, to be honest with you.

No, not in that capacity.

I just don't have the patience. Three Musketeers is fine if you're in a bind.

A hundred grand I would definitely put up there.

A hundred grand is pretty fucking good. Baby Ruth is also surprisingly good for some reason- You're never going to choose it first, but if it's there, you'll have it.

No, but if it's there, you'll have it. If it's at the end of the Halloween bag, you're like, I'll eat it.

Payday felt like something I liked in Junior High until I found out there were so many more options. Yeah, that's like an Old Man one. Mr. Good Bar is also an Old Man chocolate bar. Twix is good. Take Five is funny because Take Five was acquired by Reese's. So now Take Five, that's why the color is different. That bag didn't used to be black. The bars used to be different.

Yeah, that doesn't look like what I remember.

No, no, it's new. Reese's bought them and then rebranded them because they actually used to be orange, which is funny because Reese's is orange and they switched. Milky Way doesn't even exist. How What about that? Milky Way is a fake- I love caramel that I would eat it.

But yes, I'm not reaching. Okay, if you're reaching for one of these, which one are you reaching for?

Snickers immediately. And if Snickers is gone, I'd probably go for the Reese's, the take break, even though that's my least favorite of the Reese's. Zoom in, the fast break. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because it's got Reese's, but it's got that like, Nugget on the bottom thing. Just give me the old school fucking cups.

I think in the moment, I'm going Twix and then 100 grand.

You're going Twix first.

Oh, my God. The cookie, the caramel.

It is delicious. But I wish it was bigger. Yeah. Why don't they make them longer so I can really suck on them? Because I always suck them before I bite them. You do not suck them. That's horrible. I do. I deep throat my Twix.

No, you want to have it all in one bite. I've always deep-throated them.

And Snickers, I really like because it reminds me of my ex.

Why?

That guy, Brian, I used to date. That black guy, Brian, I used to date.

Why? Would that remind you of? What?

It was like his dick. Oh, God. Come on, dude. You keep What am I doing over here? Am I doing this whole show by myself?

Penis stuff, I don't follow it. Okay, that's right. I don't mind it. I'm slower.

Let me do some clam stuff for you then. There we go. That looks like Brian. There it is. I'll do some vagina stuff.

Okay, thank you. In here, we pour whiskey.

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I like ginger.

Are we shaving our Bush still? Are we letting it grow?

I haven't seen it in a while. You don't know what it looks like? You don't know what it looks like? No, I don't know. There could be changes. There could be pH issues. I just, I don't.

When you deliver the baby, I want you to play the song, Ossie's rendition, Black Saber's rendition of, I'm going through changes. Is Dave going to watch it come out?

No. Thank God.

I think that's so gross.

Come on, let him see it.

Let him see it.

If I had a paper car, he would faint, so he doesn't want to.

Oh, really? He's like that? Yeah. Oh, my God. Then something falling out of your puss will lose his mind.

I also think, did you ever hear that thing where Elvis Presley watched Priscilla Presley give birth, and then he was not attracted to her ever again?

No, but I think it was a litany of things that were going on with Elvis. Yeah, I don't know if that was the thing, but I think maybe the pills the thousands of other women.

The banana and peanut butter.

Yeah. Oh, she turned 18. Burn, sick, burn, sick, burn, sick, burn. Yeah, she did finally grow up. Didn't he meet her when she was four? Four. She was on the slides. I'm going to take you home, little mama.

Would you want to watch that?

Yeah, sure. I don't care. Why not? I mean, they do say it's it is fucking remarkable. To see life come out? No. What's the problem? I mean, you're doing it.

I know. It's so humiliating.

I want them to have a big mirror so you can see it. Just to look down like a rear view mirror for you. You're grossed out by that. Over half of the father's in the delivery room. So that's pretty good odds. Half of the guys say yes. Half of the men say no. So he's a no, it's fine. Does he say no or do you request you don't want him down there either?

I just said, I don't think. And he was like, yeah, I don't need to watch. We're usually on the same page with stuff like that. Here's the two hacks for me in a relationship. Do you both feel the same way about roller coasters? Do you both feel the same way about scary Movies? And then you're probably going to agree on everything.

Well, what are yours?

We're both scared of both of those things. Oh, my God. What about you?

No, we're both cool with both of those things. Really? Roller coasters? Adventure?

But that's good. As long as you guys are on the same page.

We like that stuff. Well, I guess like, roller coasters and scary Movies, that's a great barometer. I understand why these two things are- If you guys agree on those, you're probably going to be- You're probably be okay.

You're going to make it. Yeah.

Yeah, I understand. Like, turbulence. You're scared of turbulence on a plane.

It's unpleasant. I'm not scared anymore because I've had to train myself because we fly so much. And also physics, some guy at the Chateau Marmont once told me, and I trust everyone I meet there. Oh my God.

Jeff Goldbloom is like, The physics. There's no way. The tail will rib off. That's who I see there, by the way. Jeff Goldbloom at Chateau Marmont, in my mind, he's there all the time. In In my head, he lives there.

It's so funny that he was the hog guy for a while, and then you're just like, Ewe, he's just a guy.

I used to see him at my gym, and it was the weirdest thing I knew.

Equinox, I used to work there, and he was always there.

He was always there. Yeah. And I hated it. I know. It yucked me out.

When a celebrity is at the gym too much, I'm like, You're here for other reasons.

Well, he didn't work out much. No. I mean, he did work out, but I would see him often just hanging out a lot, chatting it up.

When I worked at Equinox, I would always see Amanda Bynes would come in, and this was before she publicly things went a certain way. What happened? I don't remember. But she would come in full makeup, full glam, and just leave that way. I'm like, what did you do here?

She wouldn't even work. It wouldn't even work out. I don't know. But then it's also weird to see a really cool celebrity working out too hard.

There's an ick to that as well.

There's a weirdo thing to that. So you're like, stay at home. Stay at home. You're too famous to be out here. Yeah. Get your own. Get a home gym. Grow up and get a home gym. You're a billionaire celebrity. Yeah. Yeah. People like us are supposed to be at the gym. Yeah, we need it. I'm a B minus list. C plus, B minus, depending on the year.

I actually do wish there was a good gym. I need to find an option.

A B-list celebrity gym would be so fucking funny. Yeah. Only for B-list celebrities? Yeah, that would be great. I'm in.

Did you ever go to East Bank Club in Chicago?

It's so funny. Yeah. My mom's last office she worked at was right next to that, right around the corner. Oh my God.

We get guest passes when I'm town. I wish there was a gym like that in LA.

Well, East Bank Club, and it's historic. It's a little outdated now, to be honest with you.

Yeah, it is outdated. It's '90s.

But East Bank Club, people that know, that was like the yuppies gym, a cool yuppie gym.

It's like where Oprah went. It's where Obama played basketball. It was like the Chicago spot.

It is. I don't know what's comparable on us because it's not- There's nothing. It's not a big chain or anything like that. It's its own thing.

We just have Equinox out here, which is just stupid.

No, but that's a chain. And they're all over the place now. Yeah, East Bank Club was a cool little nook. But yeah, that's a sexy yuppie gym. Yuppie gym is what they would say.

That's the yuppie gym. I'm craving that out here.

Out here? We should make it. Why don't we just create a business? Let's do it. It'll be called the West Bank Club.

Oh, my God.

You're Jewish, so that's convenient. The West Bank, What's even? We're layered. The West Bank Club.

That will make headlines. Yeah, that will.

The West Bank Club, presented by Esther and Santino. And the home will say, oi ve, come in today. Oi ve, come in today for a brand who just got to sign up.

But I do crave a club. I wish there was some club.

I'm like, this is by the way- Well, you could join Soho. That's a club. Why don't you do that?

It's so far.

I know.

I don't want to do that shit. No one there wants to look at you or talk to you.

Well, where do you think you would have... What club would be in your mind if you were like, you know what would be my favorite club?

Okay, there'd be a lot of pretty girls. Okay. So I could talk to them and be like, What are we doing? What are we eating? Where are we going tonight?

What's the central theme? Because there's beach clubs here in LA. You could join one of those. Can't be that for me. Okay. So it's not a workout club. It's not a beach club. Is it a food club?

Wait, now I want a beach club. Okay. Like from Jimmy John's. That is my order there. I think... That's the thing, I don't interests or hobbies.

You have nothing? Other than in the entertainment industry.

This is a struggle for me. I like eating. I like getting high.

So let's make a Stoneer Food Club.

But Stoneer branding is- Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Let's make a- Got to keep it private. Flower friendly food club. High-end flower friendly food club.

Oh, pretty girls like flowers. So that'll trick them.

That's good. Right. And they'll come in there. It's actually pot. But you don't have to smoke pot. But it is a thing. It's a thing that's okay there.

Pilates.

I would love a little Pilates. Stone Pilates.

These are all my interests.

Do you get high when you do Pilates?

No.

Can you get high and work out?

Yeah, that would be fun. Do you ever... I'm sorry.

I never get high and work out. You don't? No.

But do you ever get high in general?

Not anymore. I think I put away the weed. Why is that? I don't know. I just don't care for it anymore. I don't know. I'll do mushrooms once in a while.

That's fun.

But those are just... It's a little... That's more of a creative, fun, like indulgence. And I want to feel and dig in. Yeah, with weed, I've smoked for 20 some odd years and I just, I smoked for so long and I just got over it.

This is what Dave says to me, too. He's like, you just discovered it. You're going through all the things that everyone you know experienced when they were 20.

Yeah. And I started smoking when I was 15 in high school. And then so I just smoked so much weed. So you just over it? A little bit. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I just maxed out my... Getting stoned to me now is fun once in a while in my backyard with friends and a glass of wine. If we're chilling, everyone's talking, pass around a joint, totally. Totally down to have a hit, have a laugh. But I don't need to get wrecked, stoned anymore. It doesn't interest me really that much.

I love to get a little high and then play a card game.

Hell, yeah. I'll do that. That's cool. You know what? Actually, that's not true. When I was having my back issues, I was smoking a joint when I would walk the dog. I'd walk the dog and I would take a couple of hits off a joint. And then one time I walked the dog, I smoked a whole joint. And I had a full conversation with her about why we needed to go home. And my dog just sat there and did this. But I was like, what? Don't you understand? We need to go back because I have to be back at the house. And if I'm not back at the house a little bit, I need to get a cup of water. And she kept turning her head. And I was like, please, can we go home? And she kept pulling to go the other way because she likes the same. She likes that same little path that she takes. Yeah, I love that. I know, but I was like, we do have to go back to the house. And the moment we went back to the house, I was really high. And then she kept like nodding at the door.

So I was like, we'll go in the backyard because at least I'm protected in my own little space. I just got too high.

That's scary.

Too high. But you know it goes away. Exactly. You know it makes it go away, right?

Xanax. Okay. Sleeping Yeah.

What else? Apple Cider Vinegar. No. Pushups.

This is like Huberman, bro. What?

Apple Cider Vinegar, pushups, and a butt plug. If you do all three of those things consecutively, your high will calm down. People at home right now, if you're too stone, listen this. Apple Cider Vinegar, a shot of it, do 10 pushups and put something up your ass. I guarantee you your high will go away.

You know what experience I just had that was worse? What? Worse than smoking too much or getting too high, which is very uncomfortable. Worse than having when you have too much coffee and you're on accident. I had to take this glucose test for being pregnant. They test for gestational diabetes. They make you drink this 10-ounce bottle that has 75 grams of sugar on an empty fasted stomach. I thought I was going to die.

75 grams of sugar?

On an empty stomach liquid. I has never felt so hot, so spirally spinny. It was worse than any coffee or wheat.

It was- That sounds really bad for you.

I know. Why would they do that? Because then they measure your blood and it's evil. This is why I hate doctors today. But it was the worst I've ever felt. And I'm like, sugar? My sweet sugar that I love so much could really hurt you.

It can kill you. It hurt me. Type 3 diabetes, man. Don't you know about this? I don't. Type 3 diabetes. It's getting linked in the medical community to Alzheimer's now.

This is what's causing- I've never known the What difference is between the types.

Correspond to a chronic insulin resistance plus insulin's officially state that's largely confined to the brain. So what they're saying now is you have neurodegeneration from type 3 diabetes. There's a lot of people looking into They find Alzheimer's and dementia are directly linked to type 3 diabetes. It is usually people who are in good shape that have terrible sugar addictions. Really? Yeah. And because there's such spiking levels of sugar, it's brain degeneration. So they're high functioning adults. They may work out a lot, but they may just eat so much sweets or so much sugar in their diet that they're using the sugar as energy and fuel, which is fine. That's If you eat a candy bar, they're like, if you walk at night with a candy bar, you're using the energy. The sugar isn't as bad. But these are people that have active lifestyles, typically aren't overweight, so to speak. But the sugar is causing so much brain neurodegeneration that they're linking it with Alzheimer's and dementia.

Well, let me tell you, I read this book called Glucose Revolution, most embarrassing title ever to be- Glucose Revolution?

Publicly admitted. Can we be honest, was it an audio book?

It wasn't, but I do mostly do audio This one, I was before that. But there's a hack in this book. What is it? If you eat your sweet, which most people already are doing it, so you're probably fine. If you eat your sweet after you ate something, like a meal, as long as it had protein and fat, maybe some fiber, there is not that spike. So you can reduce the spike. So you can have your Snickers bar. You can have whatever you want. Just have it right after dinner.

Have it after dinner and also eat a a rich dinner with proteins and...

And then you can have it all.

And no spike. No, you can't have it all. Don't do that. No spike. Don't say that to my audience, okay?

And also what you said, if you do a little bit of physical activity after eat this sweet, It doesn't- It's not as damaging for it. The sugar is put to use. Yeah, your muscles will use it a little bit.

Yeah, you put it to use. And this has been health tips. I know.

Why do you know about this?

This has been health tips from the West Bank Club here on Whisky Ginger.

We are so killing it already for the club.

We are smashing it for the club. Please sign up today for the West Bank Club. The promo code is Hamas. The link is down below. Come on in. Let's start the year off with a bang. Boms away here at the East Bank Club. No, no, no, no, no, How did you know about this?

Are you into fitnessy, healthy stuff? You must be, right?

Since you know me, I've been as healthy as I can be. I mean, look, dude, I continue to try to work out and be good at that stuff, but it's harder as we've gotten older. It's more important. I have to be cognizant of it because I'm just... I'm 40. What the fuck? I don't have a choice. You have to. They tell you. They're like, Dude, you can't have this as much as you used to. I know. They just tell you. You have to grow up at some point. This kid has no idea. He has no fucking idea. He makes me sick, dude. He could eat McDonald's every day.

I miss that era.

I miss McDonald's so much. Dude, I miss McDonald's so much. I haven't had McDonald's in forever.

You know what the best thing about McDonald's is? Is it always tastes exactly the same.

Don't you feel like nothing in your life is- Oh, I was going to say the play pit, the ball pit. I love the ball pit. I'm there every day. Yeah, it tastes identical to when I was a kid. Identical. Nothing changed.

And there's so few things in life that stay the same. Everything changes. That is true. And McDonald's is just there. And it's the chicken, McDonald's are always the same. The sweet and sour sauce, the skinny little hamburger that's just the size of a cookie.

Love that hamburger.

It's just it all doesn't change.

It's perfect. Yeah, everything else changed. All the other fast food is shifted. Even In-N-Out doesn't taste the same anymore. And I don't know what it is. But something over the years, I was like, I don't think this is what it used to be.

I don't know what you mean.

Something is different about In-N-Out for some reason. I don't know what it is, but McDonald's, no matter what.

I feel like Matthew McConaher days in Confused, where he's like, high school girls are always the same. That's me about McDonald's. It's like in every age.

They stay the same age. Is that what he was talking about? Was McDonald's?

In my version, yes.

Look, ladies and gentlemen, it's been a wild ride with one of my favorite comedians and humans who's so sweet and so smart and the epicenter of Trash Tuesday, arguably or not, really. I don't know if it's more objective than anything else. The The Greatest Little Walking Human in Comedy, who's about to squirt out a baby. Please watch drugstore June. It's going to be available in theaters. Also available for presale for limited select theaters, right?

Advanced Yeah, advanced screening. We'll have some of our cast.

Where's it going to be after in theaters? Is it going to be on a digital space at all?

That won't be for a while, so we'll get there when we get there.

But video on demand, it will be able to be purchased at some point. But please go see drugstore June. It's going to be playing at the North Hollywood 7 The Lemelies 7 there, Friday, Feb 23rd, 24th, 25th.

February 23rd, it'll start playing at the Lemelies in North Hollywood.

It's only an hour and a half. So you only have to look at her for an hour and a half.

Cast surprises will be because You got some sneakies in there? Yeah, we're very excited. There's a lot of cameos in the trailer, and that's not even half of the people that are funny that you know and love that you'll see in the movie. And also your friend Bobby Lee.

Robert E. Lee is in it who played a great role, and he looks good in the trailer, and he's wearing a little ponytail.

He's very different in this movie in a way I've never seen him. It's good though. It's good though. It's really... There's a paternal side to him in it. It's weird.

You think there's an Oscar on the rise? Is there Oscar buzz around this movie with him? Can you Can you imagine if he won an award for your movie and no one else did?

I would be so happy.

I'd kill myself live on camera. Watch drug star June. Please go see it. Esther, we end the episode the same way. Look at that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase whenever you're ready. That's going to end the episode. So whenever you're ready, one word or one phrase.

Okay, I want a toasted sub sandwich. Bye, everyone. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger.

Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Gingers, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. Wasted sub sandwich. Bye, everyone. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.