What up, Whiskey, Ginger, fans? Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Man, I got to get keyed up a little bit. Hey, man, we got a good one for you today on Christmas Day. It's Ian, Fidance. This is one of the funniest comedians that I know in the game right now. A beautiful sexual entity, an origami of a human person that I've ever met. He has a podcast called Bein Ian with Jordan. It's so funny. So, so funny. Both of them are absolutely hilarious. Go check them out in the New Year. Check out the podcast. Check out him on tour. Check me out on tour this upcoming year. Me and Bobby Lee are going everywhere. We're going to be in Canada, Niagara Falls, Atlantic City, New Jersey. We're going to be in Tustin, and Long Beach, and we end the tour in Vegas. A bunch of dates up there. Go to badfriendspod. Com for those tickets. Badfriendspod. Com. Enough rambling from me. Merry Christmas. Let's go to the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. You were that creature in the Ginger Field. Sturdy and ginger. Like the pepper, the Ginger Jean is a curse. Ginges are fugges. You owe me.

Five.

Dollars for the whiskey, and $75 for the horse. Ginges Oh.

Hell no.

This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger. I like ginges. Here we go. Let's go. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky, Ginger. I guess today is one of my favorite pre to my guests. Today is one of my favorite pre to my guests. What I mean, once again today, it's Ian Finance. Yeah. How about that, dude? Being Ian with Santine.

Yes.

That's what we are doing now. I kicked Jordan out, by the way. She's done. She stinks.

I love her. I do, too.

She's the best. Probably one of the funniest, cool comics out there. Sometimes comics are funny and they're not cool. Sometimes comics are cool and they're not funny. She's a pretty big duo, and you are neither.

Thank you. I am hurt. No, she's the best hang. She is great. It's so funny because we're best friends and we'd be hanging all the time anyway. Hanging out in the basement is the best. Then we finish recording and we're like, All right, let's go get dinner. All right, let's go to a movie. What are you doing tomorrow?

How did you guys meet?

Man, years ago I saw her at an open mic and I thought she was so funny. I had a road gig and I had heard she had a truck. I asked if she wanted to drive to the gig and open for me. This was six, seven years ago, and we just listed in the misfits and chain smoked cigarettes on the way down. It was in Philly. It was the fucking best. I got two cheese sticks. She got one. And then we just became bud. She was a carpenter. I used to be a carpenter. She did a job she couldn't do because she had surgery, so I did it for her. We just started hanging out. And then during the pandemic, we got close where I would have dinner, movie nights at my place. And I'd have friends over and I'd make them dinner.

What would.

You make? I'd make salmon andthe salmon.

Oh, salmon. Cedar plank?

No, basically the same thing. I only know how to panzear it.

Oh, you pan it. You pan it. It's fine.

-pan it.

Cut it. Cut it.

Put gorgansola in it. Yeah. A little.

Bit of gorgans.

Yeah, some pankos, crust it. Yum. Wow. Delicious asparagas. I used.

To really love- Are you like a little chef?

I can be a chef with maybe less than five things. I love making meat balls. Steak, salmon, chicken.

I can't eat half of that stuff anymore now. Bacon. Why? I'm on Lipitor. For what? Cholesterol, dude. Really? I don't know what's going on. I think it's the stress from missing you is really causing my LDL to go through the fucking roof. The doctor was like, Oh, man. Yeah, we got to get this under control. I said, Dude, I don't eat bullshit. He was like, Yeah, it could be hereditary, I guess, is a big.

Of it. Yeah, but also exercise, too, right?

Yeah, I exercise.

What do you do?

I jerk off. I'll stare in the mirror and jerk off feverishly until I can see my soul in my eye. Yeah, that's my elliptical.

Do you do cardio?

Yeah, I do. I don't run anymore because I have a bad back, but I'll do the elliptical. I'll do swimming. Sometimes I want to swim in the pool. I will go to swim in.

The pool. I have not swimbed in a long time.

Swimming is actually great. My grandfather swam until he died. Literally swam up until he got sick. In the pool? He died in the pool. That's how he died. He swam until he was done. He swore by it. He was always in good shape when I was a kid.

That's awesome. Old people love swimming.

They swear by it. Well, because it's easy on your joints. What do you do? Do you exercise? What are you doing?

Bicycle.

Oh, bicycle. I ride a bicycle. Which is ironic or coincidental, I should say, because you are annoying.

By annoying? You're annoying in more than.

One way. No, you're by. You're ride bicycles.

Bipolar.

Bicostal. Bicostal, bipolar, bisexual. Bye-bye, baby. It's Ian.

And I'm bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye. Also, Biden. I'm from Delaware.

Oh, you are. You're Joe Biden.

I'm Joe Biden. Where am I at, man?

I wish you would run. I would put you in the office. Don't we need a president that smokes or drinks?

Dude, how cool is it when Barack fucking ripped Marlborough?

It was great. I like how people try to call it out like it was a bad thing. You're like, What? Because he's human? Yeah. These people are put into this box and they're robotic all of our lives, you see these politicians as like these just they are the original AI, right? Yeah. Politicians have always been so an amalgamation of like 50 humans that they've matched.

In the world. They're like animatronics, like the Chucky cheese guy. Happy birthday. Coming alive. Coming alive.

Yeah, it'd be nice to see a little bit of the regularness to these fucking guys. Trump tried, but it was so far.

I think that's why people took to him so much. But it.

Was so far.

That wasn't regular. So far, extreme. Like a smoker, a guy that like a winch and Churchill, loves drinking, loves boozing, FDR, no legs.

No legs. What did he do? He wheeled himself. Rolled around the White House. It's not even wheelchair accessible. You know that they had to hoist him with ropes.

What? Like a dumbwaiter? Yeah.

Upstairs. I will go.

One.

Second, sir. The hunchback of the White House just pulling them up.

I don't know why I assume that everybody before a certain time period, even here, had a British accent. No matter what, the way I speak, if it's something from that era, I'm always like, Oh, yes, sir, we'll get right on it. They didn't sound like that, but did they?

I'm from New York 1922.

New York 22?

Yeah.

Well, whatever the trans-Atlantic thing was, that's what I think is like the... I wish we still had a little remnants of the Western European accents, because now we sound like shit. This is nothingness.

Yeah, well, no accents are going to exist anymore. The New York accent is on its way out. Philadelphia accent, it's.

Down the two. Well, the city, see this is what's weird. The city accents, I think, will go away, but the suburban accents, the rules will still stay. Because way out in Pennsylvania, they sound thick, too.

Yeah. Well, dude, I'm from Delaware. I'm from Wilmington. You go south and people have southern accents. Even though the bottom of Delaware is right above the Mason-Dickson line.

Well, that's because they wish they could still own a slave.

Yeah, which is why I've been trying to move to Southern Delaware for a long time. Subscribe to my Patreon.

You want to support Ian getting himself back into owning a slave? Support his Patreon.

That's the only way. I'll do a fun old English accent. Oh, hello, please.

Go to.

The fields, mother.

Mother? I don't know. You're a cuck for your slaves. That's great. No, I think we needed a president. We would like it'd be cool to have a president. It'll never happen in our lifetime. But someone that's just a little has a few flaws that we're chill with.

Well, I mean, dude, you look at RFK Jr, he's like, he works out. He's got the voice. The voice, though. Yeah, but isn't it funny? Do you remember Howard Dean? I don't think I can.

Hear someone.

Address the country.

It's too much. You couldn't listen to... If someone attacked us and he had to make the speech, you would be like, get someone else to... What are you doing?

He sounds like he's constantly clearing his throat while he's coming.

Well, you're like, clear your throat. Just one time. Just one of those.

Do you remember Howard Dean? Do you.

Remember in 2004? I remember Paula Dean, my fucking hero.

Oh, the butter bitch princess. God blessed, dude.

Love her. No, Howard Dean. What about Howard Dean?

Howard Dean was a guy. This is where politics used to be. Howard Dean was a guy who everyone was really on board with him. They were like, I think he's a better option than Bush and Kerry, and he might be a great guy. Then he was doing a speech. He's like, We're going to go to Utah. We're going to go to New Hampshire. He made one off-putting noise and everyone was like, No, not presidential. Then Trump's like, They're rapists. Everyone's like, Get him in office now.

He literally was like, Lock her up. Everyone's like, This guy is the For some reason, he felt like rock and roll. That's why he felt more rock and roll. But that Howard guy, I remember that moment of that when his voice cracked. It's funny to think how vulnerable America becomes when they see just a human make a little baby mistake. Then America is like, Oh, no, I feel so different about this person.

Oh, yeah, we're completely still puritanical. We're still fucking gross religious zealots in a way, but the religion is now a new thing.

Yeah, what is it now? Computers, dude. I don't know. This is my religion, dude, right here. This is my religion. I live and die by it. When you first wake up in the morning, do you grab your phone? Yeah. Me, too. I'm trying to not I hate it. I've had multiple therapists say don't try not.

But.

If in the morning I have the shit skis, if I have the shit skis.

I thought you said I have the shit skis. Right now. Every day it's a common thing.

No. In the morning if I got a shit, I'm going to grab the phone.

Can you.

Sit on a toilet without a phone?

I've been trying to do books. Really? Yeah.

What are you reading? Say, Mindcomf. I am reading- Say, Mindcomf. Say, Mindcomf.

I'm reading this great book by a guy named Siv, who started the Gorilla Biscuit, seminal New York hardcore band. But in 1986, he went on the road with another legendary New York hardcore band called Youth of Today, and he was a roadie with them. It's his journal and his story basically for being on the road for an entire summer with a New York City hardcore band that changed. They were really- Gorilla Biscuits? Gorilla Biscuits was his band, but he went on tour as a band called Youth of the Day. Gorilla Biscuits are amazing, dude. Just positive, good music, gets you going. But it's calledtails from the road, I believe, or Roadies Tale. It's so interesting because they went on the road. They were teenagers, 18, right out of high school, 1986. No GPS, no phones, nothing. Literally in a van that they got for 1,200 bucks, praying it doesn't break down. They go from town to town and build up this lore and everything is word of mouth. By the time they get out west, they're like the biggest band in the scene. Just from people calling their friends be like, Dude, when these guys get to town, you got to go see them.

They were just trusting kids that were booking shows to have their life before them to be like, Well, I hope everything works out when we get there. There's no way to check in until.

We show up. Nowadays, it's like, How many crowd roll clips are you putting up before you can sell 90 tickets in Cincinnati? Yeah. It's fucking crazy.

Yeah, it's this crazy thing where you have to look at that fucking devil phone, the new religion. New religion. They did it. The only religion they had was the one true savior.

Jesus Christ. That's my guy. That is good. I like shit like that. It's sexy.

I can read oral histories or something that is about someone's life that I'm interested in. I think those are called biographies.

No, we'll call it whatever you want to call it.

But this has pictures in.

It, too. Well, you're a big photograph guy. I'm a.

Big photograph guy. I love them. My bedroom wall in high school covered in photos of me and all my friends. The original Facebook wall.

Really?

Zuck the Cuck stole it from me. Fucking rich. I would carry systematic cameras around and just take pictures. I love pictures. I have tons of photo albums at my mom's house. I have over 100,000 photos on my phone.

100,000? Yeah. Jeez. Well, I've dumped a few times, but let me try to see what I've... I have 6,000. That's bullshit to you. 100,000? How many gigs is your phone?

The buzzing of.

Flies to me. What do you have? Seven terabytes of your phone? I mean, how could you have so many? Yeah, it's stupid. It's all in the cloud.

-i shouldn't. But I enjoy going back and looking at, if I get depressed or down, I'll go back and look at, where was I on this date a year ago? Where was I two years ago and where am I at now? Or I'll just look through and relive memories of good times or bad times to get perspective on things.

What's the band or the song you go to when you feel sad, when Ian's on a sad day? Wow!

Really? How the band? Recently it's been Ryan Adams' Walk in the Dark, which is a, I don't know if you've heard it, but man, oh, man, is it a...

Almost everything by Ryan Adams is a little heart-wrenching.

It reminds me of New York in the fall. I got into him. I was in New York 2007. Around fall, I was student teaching, and I would listen to him on the way to class, just leaves crunching under my feet. I always associate certain music and songs with a period in my life that I can transform and go back to.

That's beautiful.

You want to do that?

I do sometimes, but I just find the saddest shit in my phone.

What?

Well, lately I've been listening. I like a lot of classical stuff. I've been listening for years to Ludovicio Naodi. You know this guy? He's a composer? No. Yeah.

I listen to a band called Gorilla Biscuits. You think I know?

Ludovicio Naodi. These are two things on the scale of life. I like that. No, but I really like him. I saw him live out here. We went to his show live, which was fucking so rad. But yeah, I just really like composers. As I've gotten older, it's blown my mind about how peaceful, such strong music can be. It's weird. It'd be like fucking taking a nap to heavy metal. Do you know what I mean? It puts me in a very Zen place, but it's extremely intricate and heavy and deep and twasty and yeah, I don't know something about it.

I was just thinking about that listening to Metalica on the way over here because they're one of my favorite, all-time favorite bands. I'm like, How did they come up with different riffs for so many different songs? They going to run out. You're like, It's just amazing. The piece and the mysticism of the different music and beats inside of something like, But they make the drums go boom good. Makes me want to go he-haul.

They do make the drums go boom good, though. I saw them here do The So-Fi show. I got invited to go to them to Metallica at So-Fi. When? This was like a month ago, maybe.

That's awesome. They were my first concert.

They were probably one of my in my first top 10 concerts. You know what I mean? I don't remember the order. I know, first of all, the first concert was definitely a rap show because I know me, it was fucking hip hop back then. It was mostly hip hop. It was either hip hop or something like that, something heavy. I never was into the middle stuff. I never went to just a regular rock band. I never really was into it. I knew guys that loved Wilco, lived and died by Wilco. Oh, yeah. It was Chicago. I always liked it, but I just... For me, it was either at that point in my life when I was young, it was either hip hop or something heavy and insane. You know who I love for a little while? Do you know Go-Go, Bodello? Do you know them?

Yeah. I'm not super familiar, but I know them. But they're just.

So weird and a lot. I like that. That's what I like. If I'm going to dip into another genre that I don't know a lot about, I want it to be fucking weird as shit.

Like Mr. Bungle? Yeah, Mr. Bungle. Yeah, dude.

Just weird, unusual. Speaking of which, you told me before the show, I got this as a gift from a fan, a fan who's very cool. Ian brought it to my attention we saw on the floor. This is Enter the 36 Chambers. It's actually titled Enter the Woodtank 36 Chamber, but we always called it 36 Chambers as a kid. But I got this signed by Method Man. That's so cool. A fan gave me this. Thank you to that fan that was so fucking read. You said, today, even though this episode will already be out, this is the 30th anniversary of this album. Yeah. This is fucking sick.

November ninth, 1993, this album came out. Isn't crazy?

I mean, honestly, though, when you look at something like this, this is why this shaped my childhood, right? Bring the ruckus. Shame on a... Now, what is this word? Shame on a... It's an N and then an I.

Ninkum poop.

Oh, shame on a ninkum poop. Dude, honestly, clan in the front.

Protect your neck.

I.

Mean... Keep feeding them and.

Feeding them.

And so is asshole.

I mean, that made my cream was just unbelievable.

I.

Mean, this whole thing, really. Method Man, the self-titled track was.

Absurdly good. You know, it's funny.

I- Crazy how good that was.

Oh, amazing. Amazing. And the fact that they all went on to have their own prolific in one way or another careers.

Yeah, except the guy that cut his dick off. Oh. What was the name of that guy? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Mistake.

Man. Yeah, Mr.

Mistake? There was Mr.

Mistake. Was it Mr. Mistake?

Mr. Mistake on the mic.

They're like, I feel like he's going to do something tragic in a couple of years. Wutang affiliate, right? I know he wasn't one of the main he cut off his penis. Last month, there were a bizarre story about Andre. Okay, this is weird, too. Christ Bearer. That's what he goes by. Christbearer Johnson and Wutang clan affiliate cut off his own penis. It's so unfortunate.

It wasn't the bread of Christ. It was the loaf.

Well, his was a baguette, to be honest with you. This says he was an attempted suicide. See, I thought he was-.

That is a gnarly way to go. Yeah, dude. Elliot Smith, knife in the heart, fucking Andre Christ-like. Fucking suicide.

Bleeding out by his penis. Suicide, penis. Suicide, penis.

Dude, but it's an app... It's insane to think that this guy thought that was the way out. Of all the ways out, cutting off your penis to bleed out is the saddest to me. That's his life source and it's like another version of... You know what I mean?

Do you think he was on drugs?

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By the way, this gentleman cut off his own penis. He explains to this article, quote, I am the fucking Wootang, which I don't think that's true.

You're an affiliate.

Yeah, an affiliate cut off his own penis, tried to commit suicide and leaping from the second story balcony of his North Hollywood apartment, which is not too far in the valley here.

We chopped his dick off, then jumped.

I think you probably did simultaneously. You just make the leap. That would be cool. It's crazy. Riza gave an interview and he said, What he did is incredible. That shit sound mythical. I feel sad for his family. First and foremost, I know he has children. I love how he said that shit sound mythical.

That's very what he did was incredible, inspiring.

Right. But no, honestly, not on drugs. Probably had a moment of mental instability. Probably had a breakdown. Yeah. Probably had a little shakedown breakdown. I've had that moment. I was in Paris when I was in college smoking cigarettes, eating oranges because that's all the food that we could find and afford at one point. I remember sitting on a balcony ripping a butt thinking, Should I cut off my penis and jump off this balcony?

Whoomst among us has never had the thought?

Chey Paris. It's so dark. It's so fucking dark. That's wild. By the way, I do get jealous of you when I see you ripping heaters because I used to partake. When I came downstairs, where were we? Maybe it was Shane's show. Shane was warming up for a special. Is that where we were? Maybe. Yeah, I think it was at Shane's show when we were at... What's that theater? I can't even think of that theater. Grammarcy? Grammarcy. Grammarcy Theater. We're in the basement and you guys were all smoking and I was jealous and annoyed, so I had to go upstairs. Because I was like, if I sat down there long enough and we're talking and laughing, I was gone.

How long has it been?

Well, I've slipped. But since I was really humming with him, years. It's been years. Four or five years. But I've had moment. I'm not going to lie, I've had moments where I go into the little cave. The little cave of madness. That cave is.

So good. I know.

It's so good. I know, man. There's a bear in there. But you're a Marlborough Red guy, which is always so sexy to me because at one point, my dad and one of his girlfriends are wives. I don't know. You know what I mean? I don't know. My dad is fucking one of them. They would collect Marlborough Miles for me.

To- Marlborough Miles.

Camel Cash. See, Camel Cash wasn't as appealing because I knew more people when I was young that smoked Marlborough. Way more. Everybody's parent that smoked, they smoked Marlborough. The moms, or the step moms for that matter, usually smoked lights.

Yeah, moms aren't.

Always the lights. Then a couple of the dads either smoked Reds or they smoked... What's the other one?

My dad smoked Winstons.

We've talked about this? No. You know my dad smoked Winstons? No way. Really? My dad smokes Wins. The smell of Winstons does something to me. I rarely smell them anymore because no one really smokes them, but they do something to me. It smells to me like cloth seats in a car in the summer in Chicago. Oh, my God. There is a very vibrant smell to the way that an old cloth-seated car smells when the smoke is in it and the sun beats on it for long enough. It sits outside at a strip mall parking lot when we're inside having breakfast and you get back in, it's somehow-.

It's like hot, but it has a warmth to it.

But it's really comforting in the most strange way. I don't even know how to explain it. It's so strange. It makes you feel warm and okay and comfortable. It's so strange. My dad smoked wind. Then his brother smoked Paul Malls, unfiltered.

Jesus.

I think that's probably like military type of shit.

Yeah, or lucky strikes attached.

To your helmet. Or the guy that rolls his own cigarettes. It's funny that in Europe people roll their own cigarettes, and that's the cool thing to do because you're young and it's cheaper and more convenient. In America, you roll your own cigarettes if you really can't rub a couple of nickels to get. You got to be broke to roll your own.

Yeah, but also I think a lot of people roll it because the air of this romanticized version of what it's like, this is.

What they used to be. Yeah, but you as a smoker, you don't waste time. Just give me the fucking cigarette. I just.

Fucking pop it out.

Fuck.

Yeah. It's like a blow job for my lungs. Hell yeah.

But it's so funny to think I know the romanticism of rolling something up with weed because that was, for me, what it used to be. But the twist with cigarettes is almost so much more inconvenient and the payoff is not going to be better when you smoked. It's just not utilizing technology. It'd be like having a musket. You're like, Just get a real gun, dude. You don't need to load it. That's insane. That would be. It's like, well, I'd like to do. I'd like to do. This is what they used to do. No, just get the one that pops immediately. It just doesn't make sense. Whenever I see someone doing it, I'm always like, This is such a waste. Also, I.

Don't want someone's grubby fingers all over the stuff I'm going to smoke. Make a machine roll. Can I have a cigarette? Yeah, sure.

They lick it.

Dude, no.

I'm such a hyperchondroqu when I used to smoke weed. I did hate. I was very weirded out by very communal joints. If it was a couple of people I was friends with, fine. But when it's like going around to everyone, I'm like, I don't know, man. But that is, dude.

Yeah, I forgot.

About that. Everyone's doing it. Someone's licking that blunt and just putting it all over your tongue. And then you're.

Like, Well. Not just licking it. When you're licking a blunt, you're like, Yeah. They're like, Soaking it. Yeah.

Then you're like, Well, I'm getting high. It's all that matters.

What? I guess it's all right. I'm just sucking on all.

These dudes. Yeah, just make out with your friend and get.

Over with them. Well, I do. That was what we do when we get high. Why do you think we got stoned? We're doing this just because we're high, right? Show me this right now. Did you get this more colored in? This? Yeah.

Recent. Daniel Strauss, R&D, Tattoo Sharp, Ridgewood.

That's very cool.

It's the best.

Thank you, bro. How old is this now?

Maybe about.

A month. Yeah, I was going to say last time I saw you did, we didn't have that. That's rad. Should I get a tat? I don't have any. Should I get one? Yes. I ran into a guy.

Why would you not?

No, I have no reason. My only reason is that I don't know what I want. That's literally it. It's not like, I don't want it or at her to the, don't care. I'm not good at that. Some people are really good at being like, I really like this esthetic. My friend Chelsea, she's head to toe tattoos, and she knows why she liked everyone she got. I'm such an idiot. I don't know. I couldn't tell you.

Dude, me and Jordan were at, we were doing Vegas. The first time we ever did Vegas together, the comedy cellar, Vegas, we were there for a week and there's this amazing Chinese restaurant called Pingpang Pong. Stop. I know.

This is.

A.

Bit. I know. Pingpang Pong.

Well, that means Bobby Lee's home in Chinese.

It is like what a Chinese character would enter on a sitcom 30 years ago like, Ping.

Ping, Pong. Oh, yeah.

They lose their mind.

They're like, What's that in your hand? Then they mispronounced it Chinese-ly. I like to laugh. Kakuwaita. Ping, Ping, pong.

It's true. Pass me the Reddix, will you?

Ping, Ping, Pong. It's so wacky.

So what? This Chinese restaurant, Ping, Ping, Pong?

It's so good, so delicious. Every time we're in Vegas, we go there. We were in Vegas for Skankfest. We went, had so much fun. Me, her, and her friend, who's now my friend Taylor, we're all going to get from the chopstick package. They have three different illustrations for how to use the chopsticks, and we're each going to get one of those. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. I got this. Oh, that's cool.

To teach you how?

And I made the guy, because I love American traditional, that's what all these are. They're very like, they're on the wall. It's Flash. And so I made the guy make it American traditional. Because it didn't look like that originally. No. So the specific colors, the red bursts, whatever. I got this, and then they did not.

They just bailed on you.

I'm in the chair like, You're.

Doing great, right? They're like, We're good.

George is like, Well, I'm just getting you a lightning bolt. I'm like, That's a chopstick, too? She's like, No, I don't think so. I want to.

I definitely want to. Because you should. Why not? My buddy, nick, introduced me to a guy who's famous out here. I don't know anything about the culture, but I do. I like the culture.

I love tattoo culture.

Well, dude, you should meet you. You should meet nick, for real because you would love this dude. He's tatted up. When we met, when we became friends, he had none. When we first met, he had zero. Then he got the bug, like they say, he got addicted. Now he's had a dough. There's a guy out here named Dr. Woo. Are you familiar with this guy?

That is a.

Steely dance hall. He owns Pinkpank Pong, oddly enough. No, but Dr. Wo is this famous... He does really thin, delicate, beautiful, very.

Thin, beautiful work. People are very much into that now, the thin line work.

But it's super intricate and it's extremely detailed. His stuff is like, it's remarkable. It really is. Obviously, I'm a stupid thing to say, but it's art, but it's really- It is.

That's not stupid.

It is art. I know people would say no shit, but I'm saying people would say, No, no shit. But I'm saying, Yes, but sometimes I see tattoos and I go, That's not art. That's a little sloppy poppy. But this guy really does beautiful, in-depth, intricate art. I said to my friend, I said, If I was going to do it, I would get that. But I asked him, I said, Will you do what I want or do you do what you want? He goes, We communicate about what it is. I said, Because I want it on my whole back. I want my whole back.

No way you're going to get.

A back piece. Well, but he refused. This is insane. He refused to do a swastika. I said, I.

Just.

Don't know.

Those go on the front, Andrew. Did American history actually mean nothing to you?

He's like, You got to put it here or.

I'm not doing it. Did Ethan Subblet sing a song for nothing?

Imagine getting into an argument with the tattoo artist about a racist tattoo. I imagine if the KK gets a tattoo and he's like, I won't. I won't it back here. He's like, I don't do tricept tattoos, dude. He's like, Come on, dude. I just won't.

Just a big, airy and brilliant. No, that's a forearm piece.

Brother, I'll only do the forearm. But come on, man. Can't just do I hate blacks on the back of my arm. He's like, Dude, if you're going to be this way, I'm.

Not going to do it.

By the way, I saw for the first time, like crazy, because tattoo, this is what's so interesting to me about tattoos, is that there is so many subsets of the culture itself that I'm fascinated with. The biker culture of tattoos, the military portion of tattoos, which dates back, you want to talk about sailors and shipmen. Then you look at tattoos with... I see on those prison shows all the time, these guys that are trying to scrub off their tattoos, like their SS bolts and all that shit. For the first time I.

Saw- Well, it's like you have to do that in jail to protect yourself. I made the mistake of being in jail 24 hours. Kk.

Just to keep safe. Just to keep safe. Just in case. It just says just in case KKK.

Just in case KKK.

But I've seen one live. I've seen it live. That shouldn't feel like that's so crazy because they're out there. But I've seen one live and I didn't... It was wild. I'm in a restaurant and I was like, Holy shit.

That's a fun guy. I lived with a guy who was in the Pagans. He was in charge of all the meth distribution in Wilmington, Delaware.

What an overwhelming gig, by the way, in charge of all of this. A lot. He's not a regional dude. He's one of the top dogs.

That's the heavy. I mean, filing the paperwork for taxation. I don't know, can youbelieve it.

Quickbooks is not working.

I owe money to the government and the Mongols. Shit. I lived with them in a halfway house. Biggest sweetie.

This is when you got sober.

Yeah. This was, his name was Russell. I called him my little Brussels Sprout. My little Brussels Sprout. We would have so many good talks out on the back porch, recliner, ripping sigs. He had a fucking swastika right here because he spent time in jail. I was like, What's the deal with that? He goes, I had to do it to be safe, but it don't mean I believe in it. I was like, All right, Russ.

Cool. Do you want to get it covered up.

Anytime soon? No, it's important to a part of my life.

Cool. I'll give you money to cover it up.

Well, I just think history is history. It is.

And it should be history. Let's cover.

It up. Well, you're not seeing the bigger one that I got. This for them, this for me.

I know he's got a Calvin and Hobbes pissing on a fucking Star of David.

Dude, I was a volunteer firefighter in high school, and after 9/11, I got Calvin pissing on Osama bin Laden on the back of my. Yes, dude. Shout out, Station 25, Tallyville Firehouse. I love you guys.

Can you imagine the fucking… What's the guy's name that did Calvin Hob? Do you remember that guy's name? Bill Wither? Wither? Wither? Wither. Wither. Wither. Wither.

Can.

You imagine how bummed he would have been to see all that fucking bullshit? Dude. He thought he was creating this clever, wonderful, because Calvin Hob was actually a very clever, intelligent cartoon. It was really deep.

And fun. Wunderman, thoughtful, philosophical, fun, a dream for a child to have. Then it's.

Just like- Pissing on the back.

Of a Chevy fucking emblem. Yeah, like pissing on the Cowboys logo. I piss on Dallas and shit on Vaxx. It's like, No, this isn't the child's cartoon.

It is so weird that that became such an iconic. It's almost like sometimes culture does it whether you like it or not and you don't have a fucking choice. It's funny to think he created something so innocuous in the world of fucking cartoons. Why did they choose that?

And why didn't they go with peanuts?

Right.

Why not? Like the little peanut boy. You know the cartoon when he would have his footprints? It's that, but it's all over a bunch of Arabs. I don't think he's wearing an American flagshirt. Why that?

Snoop is sleeping on Iran.

Well, dude, speaking of which, there's a whole subculture of a Bart Simpson shirt. In the early 90s.

Bart Simpson- From them, or you mean like- Bootleg Bart. -bootleg ones.

There was Black Bart. There's a ton of- I remember Black Bart. Do you remember there were a ton of Desert Storm Bart.

Simpson shirts? I do.

With him, eat my shorts, Ayatola. He's in a military uniform. It's like, I was there, Desert Storm.

How did that happen? Did Matt.

Cranning.

Figure that out? I don't know. How did that happen? You and I need to make Bart Simpson current shirt. Let's do new Bart Simpson bootleg. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we should do that. It'll be Bart writing on the chalkboard. I had to write over and over, and it'll just say-.

Don't read to my children, Drag queens.

No, it'll say a la aqbar over and over and over again. Don't read to my children. More guns. More guns in.

Schools.

Please. I think- I.

Know, I think the- -old children littered with bullet holes in a classroom in home are going, Go.

Yeah, how you?

How me? How me? Pots been in a school shooting.

We should.

Do bullet. He wants to transition.

Yeah, Lisa, definitely. -her pronouns. Lisa definitely transitions, yeah.

Lisa.

Is transitioning. Her pronouns? Are they.

Them, Homey. Homey, you need to work more to save up for her double mastectomy.

You know, Homer definitely gets lap band surgery a hundred % and gets on what's it called? What's the thing that everyone's thinking? -hosepic. -hosepic, Homer.

I wrote Hosepic. I was.

Like, Why are.

You doing at home?

Are you fag? What are you doing?

You want to look good for the guys in here?

I wanted to see Barney actually get- Sober? No, I wanted to see Barney get fucking liver failure. That would have been a fun episode.

Oh, dude. What if there was like, Dark Simpsons? I'm always interested in the Dark Simpsons. -dark night version of things that we've loved. I wanted a dark Ghostbusters of like, Ray is an alcoholic. Peter went to jail for stalking because oddly, he's super really a lot perverted in the first movie.

Yes. The shit he says is fucking really creepy.

Oh, it's amazing. It's crazy. Literally, he gives her pass.

Out drugs.

Yeah, he does. He has it in his pocket. I just whacked her with 20 cc. It's the worst he did. It's like, Why did you bring that.

On a date? Everyone's like, That seems to make the most sense. I mean, what else would he have in an ectopac? Some Cosby pills? I think the dark version of Ghostbusters would be fucking rat. But to go back for a second, Dark Simpsons is so rad.

I mean, it's such a good idea. That's great because I do want to see because everyone does this like, what is it? Fuck, like New Seinfeld or Seinfeld now. There's an account online or whatever that does what they'd be going over now. It's always funny. It's like, George...

George loses service at the.

George into Bitcoin or whatever the fuck blah blah blah. But it'd be cool to see the really bleak version of the thing that was really happy-go-lucky as a kid. What's another thing that I think would be like... Well, I mean, like full house or like family matters, one of those, but a really, really a single cam, dark, trippy.

Version of life. I love really dark, bleak things of we loved. In the inverse, I would love one day to make a dark comedy about the 9/11 hijackers the two weeks prior to the hijacking. Some of them get doubts. Some of them are really living for it, excited. One of them doesn't know what's going to happen. He thinks he's just flying out of Logan Airport.

They're not telling. One of the guys, you know one dude, they did not tell.

He's out of fish.

Out of water, out.

Of loop. Well, because he's just a student.

Well, he probably was chatty and too inquisitive, and they're like, We can't fucking talk to this guy. He's going to open his mouth.

He's a loud man. Can you imagine a British office version of.

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You got to know, by the way, anytime there's ever been a terrorist attack, anytime, there has to be one dude in the group who goes, Should we do this? Do you guys want to do this? This is insane. Everyone's like, Come on, dude. We're in.

Yeah. Do you remember that kid? You went to Catholic school, right?

No, dude. But all the boys I respected and had crushes on did. Really? No.

Just kidding.

Sorry, buddy.

Ready to really relate. I was about to lay on my belly and put my feet up.

Do you want to watch me queave? Come on, Ian, we have to do the pod. When I was a kid, I went to a place called Moody Bible, which is in Chicago. It'sago. Moody is like a church, a school. I went when I was very young and then I was asked to leave. No. I was asked to leave. For what? Disruptive. I was a rambunctiously annoying kid. Yeah, me too. My parents had split when I was a kid, so Itry to think I just carried all that chaotic, rude energy. Oh, yeah. I'm sure I didn't cuss at teachers, but I'm sure I did not speak to them. I don't remember, I wish, but I can physically see myself walking away from someone of high authority that everyone would be like, and me ignoring them completely and doing my own thing. I know that's the kid I was. I was like, Fuck that.

I'm not doing it. I was always polite and respectful, but I was just so rambunctious and had to get up and move around. Also, any attention was good attention. Then your parents split up, my dad died. That made me like, I'd had these outbursts of anger and I didn't know why. I didn't know what to do with it. I'd be getting into fights and everything. I was a bad kid. Your thing about the terrorists being like, Should we? That just reminds me of being in religion class with a friend and then being like.

Do you believe this shit? This is bullshit. Yeah. I mean, that's where I was. Whenever I did Sunday school or whatever the other thing was, it was not Sunday school, but it was like that. I can't remember the fucking name. But every time I had smart-ass questions and they fucking hated me because I'd be like, That seems a little much. But as.

A teacher, what do you say when you're like, Yeah, you got a fucking point.

Yeah, it seems absurd. Well, because they're just there for peace. They just want peace amongst all these kids and just get through the hour. They just don't want any disruption. That's what it is. They're like, Can we just knock this out? I was always like, No, I want to call out how weird I think all this.

Shit is. I was limited to two questions a day.

That's so funny. Ian, that's one.

Yeah, and there was this kid also got limited to two questions, and he was Black, and his parents said that it was racism. It was. I got called to the principal's office. It's the principal, the kid, his family, and the guidance counselor, and they're already all in there. I walk in and they go, Ian, how many questions are you allowed to ask a day? I go, Two. They go, Thank you very much. I just laughed. I'm like, I don't know. I just got out of class. But I think they were being like, Yeah, it's not a racist. It's not racist. You also have an obnoxious sound.

It would be so funny if you got three and he got two. Yeah, they're limiting him. Then they're like, All right, it is a little racist. Yes. The annoying kids, we did give the white kid three.

We gave him two. But me and him were so annoying. Also, he was a bully to me. I didn't have a dad. My dad always taught me to take up for myself and everything, and God blessed him and helped me out throughout life. But you don't have a dad and you're looking to other people for answers. This kid used to bully me and pick on me and push me and this and that.

What would he say? Do you remember that stuff?

Yeah, I remember. I don't want to say it.

But was it?

Okay. Kids were so cruel.

Yeah. What do you mean? Yeah. Try having red hair for a couple of weeks. Yeah. Oh, God. Kids are the most... You're just a fucking.

Prime target. It's testosterone puberty coming out with just.

Meanness and everything. But also remember, look at where we came from, too. It's more pain than anything else. I think I realized as I get older that the reason that kids were so fucking rude to each other, and I don't know what they're like right now. I don't have little kids, but we were so rude and mean because of all the little weird pain that everybody was going through. Yeah. Because everyone did have something. Their dad died or their fucking or their sister.

You never know. Kids don't have the vocabulary or the brain to even process and put together. So instead of being like, I'm hurting because I hear my parents fight at night. They're like, You're a gay man and your dad's gay, and every red hair queer. I'm going.

To go spit on the Asian kid. Yeah. That's going to help fill this thing that's going on inside. That's exactly what happens. Totally. Yeah. I think it's so much trauma and pain, which is the sheer irony is that's exactly what it is with adults. I said to my wife the other day, I've been living in pretty tremendous amount of pain in my leg. And I'm dealing with it in a million different ways. I talked to my doctor and I said, How many people are living in pain at varying levels like I am? Some days are four and some days are seven. My worst days are eights, and those are when I fucking can't move. But I was like, How many people? And he's like, Oh, dude, tens of millions. I was like, Tens of millions. He goes, Tens and tens of millions that come for help. Who the fuck knows who else? It did make me think on the way home. That is some days when you see someone in public and they're grumpy or they're annoyed or they're fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, they're quick and they're short and you sometimes feel like that.

It's like, I don't know how much pain that person's in here or here. I don't know. It did make me humble myself in a way that's like, Dude, people are in pain, man.

-totally. We're getting sober. That really smacks you in the face with it because you realize that you're the problem and it's dagger's out to everyone else. Then you're like, Oh, dude, if I have to realize this about myself and go through all this work to get better, I'm not terminally unique. I'm not the only one. There are so many other people that are sick and suffering. It's such a gift once you realize that because I try to treat everyone like they're having a bad day. So I'm benefited the doubt guy like, Well, they did this, but you don't know and this and that. I feel like that is... You're totally right. So many people are suffering and going through stuff, and then they lash out, and especially online because I.

Feel like- Well, that's the worst version of it.

Well, totally. But it's so many people that are not happy with their lives, and this is the only thing they can control, is swarming and getting mean and tearing down. And then it's like, Yeah, I feel good for five seconds. And then they're just living for the next five seconds. And dude, you're so right. So many people are in pain physically, emotionally, and coming to realize like, I'm really fucking sick and I'm not the only one. I would want to be treated with compassion, so I should without a doubt, treat others with compassion and understanding. But then also, if I'm nice to you and kind and you're still mean, I blow a gasket and want to commit mass murder. I want to beat you and be like, I was nice to you.

I got something that's not going to work. I said this previously on the show that I give you a pretty high amount of chances of those moments of like, I don't know, man, he's fucking... Sometimes he's like that. I give you a lot. But then I do have a decision at some point where I go, Fuck that guy. I don't do that anymore. I've done a lot of work trying, and if you don't give me a little bit back, I'm done. I tap out. I mean, I'm thinking to someone right now. I've tried a lot with the person. At some point I had to be like, Fuck you, man. I'm always pleasant. I'm trying my best to bring a nice version of the situation, and your energy is always bad. I don't need to feel that anymore. I mean, don't you feel as you get older you're like, I don't need to fucking talk to that person anymore. Get the fuck out of here.

I don't need that. I can clock negativity really well, and I don't like being a part of it. If that's your bag, that's cool. I'm, Hey, what's up? Hello? But I'm not going to sit.

Around.

And be a part of that because it tracks me down.

Yeah. Because that's not who you are. It's not the thing that you... Because I'll say this, dude, as someone who's a relatively new friend in my life, you're such a great... You're one of these people that when I am back in New York, I always am like, Fuck, I'm so happy to see you. It's just nice because you're good at your craft, but you're also a fucking fun. Your being is wonderful, which is tough because there's a lot of people that I love and respect in our game, but it drags them down in a way where they're not fucking fun to be around anymore, which is wild. You're like, Man, you're such a presence on stage, off stage. It's like you're fucking miserable. What's going on? It's working.

People.

Like you. Cut it out. I said it to a friend this morning at Coffee. Theo did an interview with Tucker Carlson of all people. It was so crazy. All I saw was a clip online. The one thing that he said that I thought was super powerful was he was like, People have all these flaws and they think nobody knows or they think nobody really knows what's going on. They have alcoholism or what a depression. He's like, Dude, everybody knows. We all know. They all know, but they love you regardless. Isn't that enough? It was such a great, profound statement that I was like, Yeah, dude, people who really respect and like you, like you regardless of the fucking shortcomings in your life. Shouldn't you just focus on those people? Fuck all the other shit. The people that love you in spite of your flaws or mistakes or shortcomings, they love you anyway. Who cares? I thought that was really powerful on his behalf. I was like, That is such a true statement, man.

Oh, was that a true fucking statement. I'd much rather be a happy fool than a correct cynic.

Oh, yeah, the correct cynic. That guy, he's bummed.

The guy that's always sad and bummed. I'd rather just be like, Yeah, whatever. Then keep that stuff to me to engage with and disseminate and deal with privately. I never want to bring my bullshit to someone else. It's not worth it. I feel like that happens a lot. But it's hard because so much of what we do influences this, and that influences that. You got all the shit swirling around, but it's like, I don't know, I want to see what I can bring to something. I take what I can take away. I love, and also it's conditioning because I realized when I was younger, after my dad died, if I was upset, then all the adults around me would cry. So it was very much a coping thing. I don't know. I really appreciate you saying that. I feel the same for you. It's always such a fun hang. And playing ping pong at your birthday was like the bet. That influenced me because I am always so afraid of having a birthday party because I'm afraid no one's going to go. Now they're going to go. I'm always like, Well, I'm sober, but I want my friends to drink and have fun.

What about paintball? And everyone's like, Delete my number. I'm like, Ping pong is the best of both worlds.

It was so fun. Well, because I said that's my whole purpose now is how can I get people together to have something to do if they don't just want to sit and talk, if they want a distraction or they want to just do something that breaks up the thing? That was my wife's idea. First of all. She's pitched it, and I was like, That's such.

A good idea.

That was so cool. Because she's like, There's plenty of people that weren't drinking and my friends that are sober or family that doesn't drink. I was like-.

But I loved it, too, because that's such a New York thing. We all met here and then the walk over to the next spot was the best. It was the best. You're walking with these guys, you run, you catch up with them, you walk to check on them. I love that. I love that. I love that about New York, the organic hang of just one place to another, picking up people along the way, jumping off. It was wild. It was so fun. I'm waiting for the other people to red light, fake talking shit on them while they're standing, not realizing that we're.

Picking them apart. Then Shane getting bro raped by every bro in that bar is so fun to watch, too. They love him, dude. Fucking Shane, dude. They lose their mind.

When they see that guy. And all of them never want to be that guy. I don't want to be that guy, dude. I don't want to be that guy, dude. I don't want to be the gay return right now, dude. I never.

Do shit like this.

I never do shit like this. I know if I don't show the dudes in my fantasy league that I was next to you, they're going to fucking rape me, bro. I don't want to be that guy.

Ask Chase. Chase, do I do this shit? I never do this, right? See, I told you, dude. That's... Ask Chase. He'll tell you, dude. By the way, he's leading our fucking fantasy league right now. Shout out. Say what's the chain. Say what's up to him.

Dude, our fantasy league is named after your second cat. Some weird thing they've latched on to.

That's like I said the other day about, someone was saying about Marion and they were about his fans sometimes are so, because he's into the cat thing, every one of his fans is cat heavy. They're like, there's something about having an animal and there's something about some people, the animal dominates everything they do. It dominates their entire worldview. It's all about these things. I'm a dog. I love my dog. But it's not... There's a weird line that people go right over where it's all consuming. It becomes them a little bit.

Yeah, I'm at the edge right now. You're close, aren't you? I have my cat's name tattooed on my arm. I have my cat's name tattooed on my arm. I love him. My little guy.

Kiss, kiss. That's you. Too much slowdown.

I know it's a lawn.

-what's the cat's name?

Samson. Samson. By the way, show me a picture of your cat, son. And this is a... Go ahead.

His dress is slimer from Ghostbusters.

I mean, huge. Did he pick that costume? He did.

I wanted sponge. Robb.

He said.

Okay, son.

Because you were like, You'll be Spunchbob, I'll be Patrick. It'll be so cool. Your cat's like, I want to be Slimer. You don't really get to be anybody. Slimer is an independent. He is. Much like a cat. A cat would choose Slimer. Of all of the characters from Ghostbusters, a cat would be Slimer, and a dog would be-.

Vanquman, because most likely to sniff an ass.

It is funny. Of all the characters, it's got to be Rick Moranus because he was such a goon, a moron, happy-go-lucky dummy until he was inundated by Zuel and then he became another entity. What's the backstory for Zuel, by the way?

How come they don't really dig into it? Oh, interesting. Because in the new one, Afterlife, they went into Evo Sandor, who was the impetus for the whole spook central apartment building with those experiments, but they don't really go into Zuel. Why not? Gozer, the gatekeeper, the keymaster. Gozer, the Gozer area. They went more into the history of Vigo than they did Zool.

Didn't really care of Vigo to me. I don't know.

I just... You didn't like to? It's okay.

It's okay. I mean, to me, it's like Batman. Oh, see you later, man. He's got to go. It's like Batman. Batman 1 was always the most delicious to me. Ghostbusters 1 was the most delicious to me. It was because it's a stupid take, but I don't care. It's just because it was so different from anything I'd seen as a kid. Because it was so original, it was that powerful. Anything Ieverything after that, it was hard for me to like as much because the original was so... It was so fantastical. Tim Burton's Batman to me still to this day is the best Batman.

I know Dark Knight. Michael Keaton is my favorite Batman.

He's the one.

He's the guy. My favorite. He's the guy. I love Michael Keaton.

So much. King. King shit. That motherfucker is a king. By the way, when I was a kid, I've said this before. The way that this part of his mouth, this little half moon of the face that's shown in the mask, the way that looked to me in my mind was how Batman looked. It's almost like when you saw other actors' faces in there, you're like, That's not his mask. Dude, that's not for him. You're thinking about the- Although the best Batman, Clooney, who.

Can- Oh, those nips. Those nips. Dude, the way you said the thing about the Winston and the car and the cloth, you're mentioning Batman original. I am getting this feeling of socks and sweatpants and a little shirt and getting so excited about Batman. Vhs that we ripped from West Coast video because we'd rent videos and use another VCR to record them. We had our own version and wearing the tape out of that with a batman belt, duct tape because I kept breaking it.

Because you.

Were so excited? Did you have the batman toy with the string?

I didn't want to get real. Of course I did.

I would just whip it around like.

A fucking mace. I'm sure I broke many things at my mom's house with that.

We had to get rid of a dog because I kept putting a laundry basket on it because I thought it was a ghost. We named it Spokes because I couldn't say Ls when I was kid. I wanted to name it Slimer. I couldn't say Slimer. What's a ghost? He's spooky. He's spooky. We said Spokes.

How would you say Slimer because you couldn't say your Ls? Slima?

I could not. I had a cousin, Holly. I called her Huggy.

That's cute. That is actually very cute.

Yeah, but we also didn't know that Spokes is a bad word. Is it?

Is it? Not if you're talking about ghosts, my man. Stay in the.

World of ghosts. But when the dog runs away all the time and you're foreign and you have a speech impediment- Someone get that spook. -and you're going around.

Going.

Spooks, where are you? It's a lot of hindsight.

That doesn't work where you grew up. That wasn't okay to do it. Come out and play.

You were supposed to be here by now.

You're late. I can hear you playing music loud down the block.

Oh, yeah, we got a spook at our house. Yeah, we stole one. We keep it hostage. Yeah, it's cool. I never had an animal as a little kid, and I was mad about it. I always wanted something. Really? My parents both worked, so they were like-.

That's so interesting because you don't strike me as that because I have friends that are that way, some of them, and they're very, not icy, but you're so warm.

Well, as an adult, I couldn't wait to get a fucking dog. In college, our house was filled with dogs. We were a dog house. Really? Dude, we were a dog house. Well, because we let multiple friends of ours basically let their animals live at our house, even if they didn't. That's so cool. Because we rented a house. My sophomore year, we had a, what is, let me count. It's got to be four bed, one bath, maybe. It was like an old small shitty house in Tempe in Arizona. I think I remember rent being like 375, which is fucking rad. All in, by the way, that was everything.

Wait.

Just for you. I mean, for me, I'm saying for me, it was... No, but for me, it was all in. That was utilities and we had a pool.

That's.

The best. Because back there, everyone could rent a house for dirt cheap because the houses weren't that expensive. I mean, the house itself was probably only like 100 grand for the house. Good luck fucking finding that today. But we would leave the backsliding glass door open because we lived in a neighborhood that was, I mean, there was nothing to steal. Dogs. Dogs would just come and go as they pleased. The gate broke because my buddy, Fev, ran through it one night drunk 100%. Then because of that, the animals would come and go freely. It was like whatever was there was there. I love that. We would just do it. But irresponsibly, Mark would be like, Did you feed Lenny? I'd be like, I thought you fed Lenny. Then we'd go out there and there would be a bowl filled with food because whoever would come over would just shove food in there. I'm like, Dude, this guy has been eating for fucking seven weeks straight. People would just come over and put food in there. But I was like, We have to section this off because he got fucking fat. This shit. Because everyone was just like, Do you want.

Some food, dude? We love spoil.

In the dog. Well, college is what the fucking everyone's going to feed the pup. We had a house full of dogs and then now have an animal. I just never had it because both my parents worked and they were like, Who's going to take care of it?

That.

Was true. It was like, I don't fucking know. No one was there all day. My dad, mostly my mom was like, I'm not leaving a dog at the house all day for no reason, which I respect that. She was like, Why are we doing it? Why am I leaving the dog there? Cat would have worked out. But leaving the dog alone all day, I don't know, it makes me sad to think about it. They're bored as fuck.

Yeah, but I don't know. It's cool like, Hey, watch the house while we're gone.

He's not going to.

He's not going to.

Doing different stuff. No, this isn't a cat.

You don't.

Like alone time? Cats can self-occupy, right? That's why they're great. Well, that's what I'm saying, though. Dogs don't do that. They need the thing. If you leave them long enough, that.

Bumps them out. Some of my friends with dogs are fucking wild, man. My buddy, Jimmy, we went to a hardcore show. We also hate breed. Do you ever listen to hate breed? Yeah, dude. Great. We saw them in Jersey, Starland Ballroom, and he's like, Yeah, my chick has to work, so I'm just going to take buddy with us. I'm like, What?

To the concert? Fuck, yeah. That's rad.

Wow. That's cool. Just sitting in shotgun going everywhere together. But I'm like, Man, that is.

A hassle. Yeah, it is. That's a hassle.

You don't need to go everywhere. We saw friends there and they're like, He's here. They all ran outside. You look in the car and like that.

Everyone is excited to see the dog. Everyone's excited. Now, I can't do that. I don't take her everywhere. But if there's a day where I'm doing studio stuff or the other office or whatever, I bring that fucking yeah, fuck yeah. I brought her to set a few times when I was filming. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, just because if I was gone all day, my wife was gone all day and she had shit going on at night, like dinners and meetings, I was like, All right, I'll bring this fucking thing. Because then I get to sit in the trailer and have something to do. Because let me tell you something. Those filming days when you're doing nothing, there isn't enough books to read or videos to watch to keep you engaged in the world. At least I could walk the dog. It helped me not lose my fucking mind sitting in a little bunker. You sit there for fucking 12 hours. You filmed for an hour and a half.

Oh, yeah. It sucks. Yeah, that happened. It's bullshit. I shot a pilot right before COVID. In New Rochelle, New York, we wrapped on a Friday. I think that Monday, the first case of COVID happened in New Rochelle, two blocks away from where we shot. Insane. It's you. But the first day, it was a 12-hour shoot day, and my call time was 6:00 AM, and then they didn't use me until 5:45. That was it. My life was like, Good day. That was.

It. I'm like, all right. Ian, fantastic work. Thanks for coming in so early where it was completely unnecessary and a waste of your day. But we really did need you a little bit. Well, now that the- The strike is over. -the whole strike thing is over. They did it, dude. They're out there. They just did it. They did it. I mean, honestly, fucking it's so funny. It's over when it's November. Nothing's going to happen then. You know what I mean? It'll be the new year.

It's the year over. Did any of them use the inflatable rat?

No.

I know. Is that only a Iron Worker.

Union thing? Yeah. That's definitely for labor unions. That would have been fun. Let's get something inflatable. Instead of just marching and yelling, it'd be nice to have some -.

And a bunch of selfies to put on social media for your fucking hangout.

Jesse Tyler Ferguson is here. Just guys to say that they met somebody they really like in the fucking business. Yeah, I think the silent attendees is probably the way to do it. If you're going to go do something, go do it. You don't need to fucking come on your own chest about it. But that is the symptom of what's going on in our little world. Are you touring, my little prince? What are you doing? Would you have dates coming up? I mean, this won't come out until 2026. Okay. Yeah, we save these for you a year. Anybody I like gets saved. Everyone else gets dumped right away.

I love it. I am 2026.

No, 2024. Where are you going to be next year? This will come out in not too long after this, but also, where are you in the new year?

I am going everywhere. I'm on the road from the beginning of January to March. Cannot wait. I'm filming my first special, Sunday, December third, New York City, The Cutting Room, ianfinance. Com for tickets. Two shows. Two shows.

It's a little weird. One of the shows is at 1:00 PM and the other one is at 1:00 in the morning the following day. It's a bad idea, but this guy's doing it.

Yeah, I'm doing a new thing. It's called Ian Finance, Time Zone.

That's your special? Yeah. What is this special going to be called?

Do you know? Wild, happy, and free.

Fucking A. Isn't that true? I'm very excited. God, that's so you, wild, happy, and free. You're doing the hour at the cutting room? Yes. Are you putting it out yourself? What are you going to do? Who cares?

You're going to figure it out. Well, we're going to shop it around. The director has done a bunch of different stuff.

For- Roman Polanski is directing it, right?

He is, yes.

Interesting choice, but I think it's cool.

Yeah, and... Well, Woody was the first choice not there. Cosby is doing comedy. He's not into filming. He would do your shit. He just wants to perform. But yeah, I'm really excited, man. I'm just like, I can't wait to do it. The tickets are selling real well. I always think no one's ever going to come out. They're all going to come out. They're all going to.

Come out. They're all going to come out. Also the week of, to send me stuff so I can post about it. You're a sweetheart. Come on, man.

Dude, in the new year, man, I'm playing Philly, Sacramento, San Fran, Calgary, fucking San Diego, Seattle, Portland.

Now, are you doing clubs or rock clubs or what are you doing? Clubs. Do you ever do rock venues? Yes.

I just did a legendary punk rock hardcore venue called Amityville Music Hall.

On Long Island. What a name.

Dude, it was the fucking best. I feel like the path now is like clubs, theaters. I'm not a theater act. I'm very much a club comic, and I enjoy being close, small spaces because I came up in hardcore punk rock and stuff. Dude, playing this rock venue is so cool. I would love to go around and do these rock venues.

Well, yeah, I remember when Kyle Cannain started a first tour, because I've known him for a long time, when he first was getting out, he was exclusively doing rock venues for a little while. I mean, he did clubs, I'm sure, but he was always telling me how rad it was. I couldn't headline yet. I wasn't getting booked. I was like, Man, that's fucking cool. When I first started going out, I would try to sneak in as many that would want me in. Because I think there's just the venues energy is so cool. Sometimes traditional club's energy is chicken-wing-y and rock.

Venues are not. Also, I'm really happy with the people that are coming to see me. I'm beside myself with how fucking cool they are. I'm a Looney tune or whatever. But dude, I have all these gay and trans and non-binary people coming out, but they fucking get it. They're like, Dude, thank you for making fun of us and making us feel like we're humans and not like, we're these deities. They can't be touched. I'm like, You're welcome. Now don't talk to me freak. Get away from me. But dude, this venue, everyone there was for me, which was so cool because sometimes I'll do well, and then it's like a night where no one has ever heard of me in their life. And then to have that and make that connection was really cool. And dude, seeing you guys do the Bad Friend stores is the coolest shit in the world. It's so fun, man. And everyone is there is fucking riding for you guys so hard.

Well, they're just excited to have fun, which I think in a long time it's like a lot of times, comedy takes itself sometimes serious. And look, that's fine. But it's just not... I mean, yeah. No, but it's just not. No, but it's not what we do. We just want to fucking goof, dude. Silly, goofy, fun. Yeah, we just feel like goofing. Yes. This thing is just a big, dumb, fucking goof. That is the best. When the crowds are on board, I would say 90%. We've had a few shows where you're like, This is fucking weird. Memphis was fucking weird. There was no other way to say it. Yeah, it was weird. Well, the venue was fucking lame. It was fucking lame. It was like tall ceilings. It felt like an airplane hangar. When we walked in, I was like, What are we doing? This is the fucking last place our fans want to be. They're sitting in shit. This is a cafeteria. That didn't help, but the energy was shifted because of it. But for the most part, dude, the people that show up that are down and ready like San Diego, we played San Diego.

We played at San Diego State or wait, UC San Diego. I don't know. Whatever. No shit. It was 5,800 people or something like that. Oh, dude, that's so cool. It was nuts. It was so rad and they were ready to fucking party. It was raining at the beginning and they stayed through the fucking rain. I was like, These people are the shit.

I remember when I did the Grammarsy show with you guys, dude, everyone is just so fucking locked in and people want, not like a distrust, they just want to feel good. You could just make them laugh with silly stuff. Nobody has to learn a lesson every day of.

Their life. No, it's nice to.

Just go fuck off. Yes, and that's what's so fun. Dude, it's so funny because you guys are doing it right and it's so cool to see. But that's like what me and Jordan won. You're going to do that? We talk about that. We're doing more live shows and stuff. We're doing a run of Zaney's Nashville, Zaney's Chicago. We're really enjoying doing the live show. We're moving around. But dude, we did a live show in New York. We're not somewhere to come. We start the show and we're like, We could pick up on the vibe that's not as good as we thought it would be. Jordan goes, Man, I got I'm going to tell you, this sucks. Fucking Santino and Bobby, they're really good at this. They make it look easy. I'm like, not.

On mic. Don't say it to the people. Everything's okay.

She's just shitting all over our thing. Then I'm like, Yeah, they really.

Do do it good. What I like about her the most, honestly, is that her comedy is so fucking very grounded and real and so funny and so honest. She doesn't really hide any of her shit. So she's not good at being like, Fucking having a black ass. But it's nice. It's the best. Sometimes you want someone to be like, Fuck this shit. Because I think a lot of people sometimes it helps them get over it if they're a little weird that you're like, This is fucking… I mean, I think we did that in Memphis. I was like, This fucking sucks. They were like, and you're like, Come on, dude. You know this is weird. It feels unfortunate.

But it's the best because I love her so much that she does that. Then I'm like, Jordan. She's like, Oh, sorry. We'll laugh about it. I love anyone that can motivate me and she just makes me want to be funnier because she's so funny. She's very funny. And nothing feels better than making her wheeze laugh. Oh, yeah. The fact that we get to, she sounds like a deflating tire. But dude, when she said that, I was like, You are right.

You're right, but shut the fuck up. Yeah. Well, she came with us. She did a show in Toronto. That's right. Yes. Yeah, Toronto. Absolutely fucking just lit it on. I mean, she was so fucking solid. It's so funny where you reach a point in your career with friends when someone's like, Oh, I don't know that person. How are they? And you're like, Watch. And it's nice to be able to just give someone the go ahead to show off. You know what I mean? You're like, Watch this. There isn't a doubt in your fucking soul. They're not even a little tinge of something. It's like, What if she doesn't connect with this group? It's just some point you reach in your career when everyone's such a pro. I was explaining that to a friend over the phone because he came to a show the first time in many years. He doesn't really go to standup shows. He was like, How many people on there are professional? I was like, That's a good question. I was like, Everyone that's getting paid is a pro, but what you're looking for is how many are seasoned headlines? I explained to him that there is a difference.

Then he's like, You can just feel it right away. I go, Yeah, that's just time and experience. As you get older and it's just so funny, you can always just give up one of these peers a layup. You're like, Watch this. It's cool. It's like you put a little team together and go, Check this out. People will just get to show off and do what they're the fucking best at. I want people to do me a favor. Please support Ian and Jordan. More Jordan than Ian. But when they are on tour, go see them. But go seeGo see my sweet little Prince Ian this year. What's your website, kiddo?

Ianfinance.

Com. We'll put it in the description below. Ianfinance. Com. Very simply, go watch him. A wonderful mastermind. If you're in New York City, if it's not sold out by the time that this happens, go to the cutting room and go watch my little sweet, the sweet and the doest thing. December third. December 3? Yes. What day is that? Is that a Saturday? Sunday. It's a Sunday.

Sunday.

Sunday, Sunday. Come see you and find out at the cutting room floor. Two shows 8:00 PM and 10:30. That's probably right, right? 7:00 and 9:30. 7:00 and 9:30, close. Switch the hours. That's all it is. But that's smart to do on a Sunday because the early show will be... I'm going to make my financial bet that you'll use the first one. If you don't mesh, use the first of the second one.

Well, it's funny, dude. Second one will be a party. First one will.

Be-that's what I'm hoping. Just get this. Then the second one is fucking yee-haw.

That's what they say. Get one in the can and then you can have fun. But then ironically, I think a lot of people end up using the first one anyway because they're like, It was more concise. It was just more shaped. Do you know what I mean? Because sometimes on the.

Second one, you're just- I think the adrenaline is going so much.

Right, you're focused as fuck. On the second one, you're.

Like, Whatever, dad.

Go see Ian, please. I love you. It's so nice to have you. I'm sorry that you're leaving in an hour and a half from me, but I'll see you soon. Go look into that camera right there. We end the episode the same way with one word or one phrase. Now, this is cemented in history. One day, this will be put up in the Smithsonian as the last word spoken by every comic on this show. Am I making that up? You bet you. But- I'll be the first. -i believe it in my.

Heart that.

This is important. End the episode on you. One word or one phrase into that camera whenever you're ready.

I'm free. In here, we pour whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. Whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like the pepper.

The.

Ginger gene is a curse. Ginges are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for.

The.

Whiskey and 75 dollars for the horse.

Ginges are hell, no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger.

I like ginges.