Hey, Whisky Jinger fans. Welcome back to the show, or welcome to the show, depending on who you are, where you're coming from. I'm glad to have you. I am on tour. You got to come see me. We added some dates. I'm in Houston starting next week, March 29th and 30th, Houston. Then I'm in Tampa. Then I'm in Phoenix. Then I go to Nashville, Tennessee. Then I go to Dallas. Then I finally finish up this little joke run in San Francisco, working on my brand new hour. I'm excited to come see you guys. Dallas and San Francisco, shows are just being added as we speak because they both are sold out. Dallas and San Francisco, shows being added. Houston, Tampa, Phoenix, and Nashville. Can't wait to see you guys as well. Go to AndrewSantino. Com for those tickets. Andrewsantino. Com. Enough rambling. Let's go over to the episode.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You are that creature in the ginger field. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's a beautiful. You owe me $5 for the This whiskey is $75 for the horse.

Ginger's all hell know. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger. This whole show is owned by China. Oh, thank you. We'll cut to a Chinese sponsor here in about three seconds. If you don't mind, I'm going to actually read from a Chinese sponsor. If you could just... Will you guys just say you're good with this? Yeah. Is this the- We'll just do it now. Here we go..

Wait, dude, what?

That's from my Chinese sponsor. I have to read I have to read an ad for them.

I don't buy it.

Well, you don't have to buy it because you're getting one free when you leave today. Yeah, it's pretty good. Boys, I didn't even do a proper introduction, but it doesn't matter because we've been rolling. Why don't you introduce yourselves on your single camera there? Introduce your show. Go ahead. You do it. I'd like you to take it away.

Ladies and gentlemen, right now on camera with you is Lamorne Morris. You may have seen me in something. This is Kyle Chevron. I'll let you do that. Our podcast is called the morning after for obvious reasons. But, yeah, thank you for tuning in.

Kyle?

Dude, great intro. Yeah, check us out. We just started. We're like four episodes deep, and we're having a lot of fun doing it.

How did you guys link up?

2013, 2014, something like that?

Yeah, it's like a decade ago. When did you move here? A decade ago. 2013.

Yeah, 2013.

What was the moment?

Laurel Hardware.

We were at a bar. One of my favorites.

That's why you pick everybody up. Yeah, literally. We ain't fucking nothing No. If we were to do anything- I don't know.

He's pretty good-looking. Yeah, you would make love.

We would make love.

We met at Laurel Hardware. You know that place is still open or still has a patio in part because of my wife. Really? We used to live in the neighborhood. I lived on Laurel for years, my first West Hollywood apartment. And we used to go there all the time, way back in the day and get a buzz button. Are you familiar with the buzz button? Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And one day we heard through the grapevine that they were getting complaints from the neighbors, and there was a to the city to shut down their patio because it was just too noisy at night. There's a building right behind that alleyway. They wanted people that are patrons and local neighborhood goers and blah, blah, blah to submit a letter. And my wife was one of the people that submitted a letter to the city saying, We need patios in Los Angeles. We don't have enough outdoor space in LA. It's important to the culture of the city to keep it organic. West Hollywood is very much this vibe. They kept that patio open because of people like me. Really? Yeah. That's cool. Thank you.Thank you to her.

You guys are welcome.

Yeah. Thank you to her.

You guys are welcome.

But I haven't been there in a while. We didn't meet in the patio either.

Okay. We met at the bar.

Hold on one second. It was in the bar, dude. Hold on. Let's edit this. And will you just say, We met on the patio, just for the sake of the show? Fuck me. So you guys met at Laurel Hardware, where?

In the bar.

Yeah. On the patio?

No. But we were- Okay.

Okay, dude.

Let's try it again. Let's try it again. Because I'm really good at it. Yeah, try it again. Let's try it again.

So you guys met- We were at the patio. Oh, at Laurel Hardware? No.

Yes. Yeah. Laurel. Yeah, the patio, Laurel Hardware.

Thanks, Kyle. Yeah. Dude, you're really making this hard.

Honestly, I haven't been. I haven't been on the team in a while.

We'll get back in the seat.

It's really stressful for me.

Because look, are you an actor as well?

No, I'm behind the camera. You're just smart. Writing and directing.

You're an intelligent man? Yeah. Did you guys meet and you decided you want to work on projects together? Or was this just a friendship?

Yeah, no. So I was there alone at L'Oréal Hardware. I can see that. Great start. Yeah. And I saw him at the bar. Were you fishing?

Were you fishing for something?

And yeah, I saw him. He sat next to me and we started talking. And then Now that I think about it, I realized basically that's what Jeffrey Daumer did. He just went up to random black dudes at bars, and then they would kill them.

You're Daumer-esque.

Yeah. I got to take these off.

No, no, no. Leave them on, man. Leave them on. I want you to be able to see us.

But yeah, we started talking, and then he was actually like, oh, you got to meet my other buddy who I've been writing with for a while. If he deems you funny enough, then we could start working together. And we went from music videos to TV shows to films, and it got bigger and bigger.

That's wild. Yeah, man.

And then nothing that night, though, did you continue on? Was it like a we're going to drink all night, party all night type of thing?

I don't think so.

You were with some people, weren't you?

Yeah, I think I was meeting some people there, and then he stopped my flow.

What was it about this guy that interested you and him so much?

That was the first time someone... Because usually at that point, fans would come up to me and ask for a photo or something like that. This was the first time someone was like, Dude, I'm a writer and I just moved here, and so I'm willing to just assist or help out whenever I can. And I thought, Oh, that's cool because I hadn't had that. It was just if I wasn't filming something, I was trying to create something. And I'm not the strongest at that. You know what I mean? Not going to lie to you.

Are you shooting anything now? Are you working?

Yeah. Well, I'm a couple of days away from shooting SNL 1975.

It's this movie about-The first season of SNL? Yeah.

First episode? First episode, yeah. I'm playing Garrett Morris.

You're not going to let me get that out. You weren't going to let me have a shot and making a joke at all about anything.

I didn't know you were going to go.

You're not going to be Chubby Chase. Who's playing Chevy Chase?

Who is playing Chevy Chase?

Doesn't he say the N-word?

So Chevy Chase, apparently- He says the N-word on the first episode.

Am I crazy?

Bunch of sketches.

He says it. I mean, I mean, he just drops it like crazy.

So who's going to be Chevy?

Do you know? Michael... Why am I forgetting his name? Tall dude.

Tall, handsome fellow. I can look it up.

Fassbender? Yeah.

No, I wish. It looks like a Fassbender rule.

Hugh Jackman's in the movie.

Hugh Jackman, JK Simmons, Finn Wolfard.

Who's playing Lorne?

Gabe LaBelle. Gabe LaBelle played a young Spielberg in the Fablemen's.

Who's playing Gildo Radner?

You got to get this list.

I'm looking at that.

That's awesome, I don't know. Who's doing the movie? Dylan O'Brien.

Chevy Chase is Cory Michael Smith. Cory Michael Smith. Yeah. Yeah. Cory Michael Smith. Dylan O'Brien is playing Dan Aykroyd.

Ella Hunt is Gildas.

Ella Hunt. Yeah. Wow. This is going to be great. Yeah, man.

Who's doing this again? Jason Reitman.

Never heard of him. Yeah. That's amazing. But what studio is it for film or is it for the- It's for film. So it's for the theater? Yeah, it's for the theater. Son of a bitch, dude.

I know.

Dude, we watched Ricky Snicki, dude. It's so funny, bro.

So fucking good. Thank you, dude. Not in the theater, of course, Because Amazon Prime didn't want to do it.

I don't know why. That felt like one of those movies when we were watching it like, oh, this is a theater film.

We watched it in the theater this past weekend in New York. And man, in the middle of it, my mom was like... Because I took my mom. My wife couldn't come. And my mom, I was like, you know what, mom, fly out to New York. And well, so she was my date, and she was sitting next to me and she goes, everyone should see this in the movie theater. And I was like, I know. Because it does have big movie elements where you're like, this is such an obvious It felt like it's Fairly. So it felt like a Fairly Brothers from the '90s comedy that you went to theater and watched. And I just, whatever.

You shot that in Australia.

In Melbourne, yeah. This is the new world, though, man. How cool that that's going to be in the theater because It's so hard to get shit on the big screen anymore. Yeah. But right, men can get it done, I'm sure. Oh, 100 %.

Who's the studio behind it? Who's the fucking studio behind it? I'm listening all the...

Well, the right question is really, but no answers. Yeah, that's fine.

I read the script. Yeah. I show up.

Do you read it all the way? Look at the check like this. Do you read it all the way?

I do. I do a lot. I do a thorough character analysis, I like to believe. You know what I mean? It's probably too much because sometimes I'll know a lot about another character. When I see them performing it in a way, I'll go, That's not what you should be doing.

That's not right.

That's not what you should be doing.

Yeah, Ackrod wouldn't do that. What about... Have you met with Garrett?

Yeah, dude. I met with him over Zoom a couple of times, and then I presented him an award. At the ABFF, a legacy award, me and Leslie Jones, and he had no idea. And this dude started tearing up, which was a really cool experience.

They didn't tell him he was getting a lifetime achievement award?

No, they told him he was getting an award, but they didn't tell him that it was being presented by anyone. They were just like, Oh, we're going to honor you at this thing.

Oh, he thinks it's going to be like, congrats.

Yeah.

You're right.

But it was, again, myself and Leslie Jones, and she's wild. She's crazy. So that was fun.

Yeah. Did she- She went off. Did she grab him physically?

No, he grabbed me a few times. Physically, the moment we got on stage, she started going, God, motherfucking Morris.

She will bully you. She's good at that.

She's so funny, though, man.

She's very good at physically assaulting. She's assaulted me many times. Oh, yeah? Really? Yeah, but I approve. It was fun. Yeah, I've known her for so long. Growing up in the Comedy Store with her was like, she loved fucking with me. I think, look, I think she has a crush on me, if I'm being honest. Probably. I think for a long time, she always called me her little creamsicle.

Well, I think that's a sign. Is it?

Yeah.

Put that Creamsicle right up there.

Oh, that's what it is.

Yeah, that shape.

Oh, that's what it is.

That shape with that red top.

Guys who have no idea. On the Rocket Yeah, the Rocketpop. Yeah, on the Rocketpop. What was your favorite one of those as a kid? What was your favorite ice cream truck? The Pushpop?

The Pushpop?

I like Pushpop. You're a Pushpop kid? But I also- We used to beat the shit out of that kid. Wait, why? Because it's so phallic in its execution.

Is it called the hand...

Oh, the one with the gumball at the bottom? No.

Oh, the baseball glove with the gumball? Yeah. I love that one. That one's cool. Oh, no, the screwball.

It's called the screwball, the cone one.

That's right. That's good.

That one was fire.

I hated the Sherbert, the orange Sherbert push one.

Couldn't stand it. I never liked Sherbert at all. Sherbert had no business in my ice cream truck. I didn't get it. I'm a Choco-Taco guy. Really love the Choco-Taco. When that came out, that changed the game. Before that, it was ice cream sandwiched me forever.

Yeah. That's one of my favorites.

Because ice cream sandwich, you can't go wrong. No. Sometimes the ice cream gets old and it gets the crystals on it, and it changes some of the flavors. Ice cream sandwich, that doesn't happen. I don't know if that smushy, beautiful chocolate bread keeps it protected. Do we trust it then?

Because the crystallization is a sign that you should get rid of this shit.

Oh, right. Yeah, but we're all going to die. I mean, what does it matter? I mean, we're going to get something.

Everyone's going to get cancer, dude.

Yeah, you're going to get something. I'm reading this book about Warren Zevon. Do you know him? No? Do you know him?

A guitar player?

He was a musician. Unfortunately, some of his most famous songs are probably some of my least favorite, but like Werewolves of London. You know that song? Yeah, I know that song. That's Warren. But I'm reading this book by his wife. I do this because it's obnoxiously large. By his wife. And the crazy shit about this guy was he was a tumultuous alcoholic. He had so many ups and downs with the disease for years, for decades. And then the guy fucking dies of mesothelioma.

See, I thought that disease was made up because I saw it. You would see it late night on those infomercials.

Between family feud and whatever's next.

You got mesothelioma. No, I don't have this shit.

No, it's from people in the '70s and '80s got it from asbestos. They found direct connections to it. That's why all those legal shows are... You see all those like, Do you have mess with me? I'm going to call this law firm because all these companies are handing out checks because they proved that it was from asbestos in buildings. Oh, Well, dude, all these buildings in California had them for years. Fuck me. This one does for sure. I made him leave it.

I said, Leave it in.

For a future lawsuit.

Yeah, I wanted my kids to get paid. No, it's from asbestos. How crazy, though, to think. As I read that in the book, I thought, How fucked. If an alcohol-related illness came of it, he would have probably accepted his fate a little bit more. But to die from lung infections from asbestos when you were kids.

Yeah, that right there. That mesophilioma as a child, all that poisoning, Probably turned him into an alcoholic. He just didn't know it. There you go. Fucks with your brain patterns.

Or a great musician.

That's true.

Do you guys have musical skill? Are you skilled at all?

Let me play you a beat.

Yes.

Wow.

Thanks.

Wow. Are you trained?

Trained by God.

God bless. Jesus Christ loves you.

It's actually unfair. He's really good at singing, actually.

I know you are. And I've seen some of the stuff with Rick because we're both good buddies with Rick, and I've seen what you've done over there.

Yes, classic all time shit. My vocal quality is pretty much up there. It's okay. If I wanted to get nominated for something, you know what I'm saying? Like a Grammy. Musically in podcast, in the podcast space, musically, I'm up there.

Yeah, you would win something. But in the real world, no, not at all.

Well, technically, the real world is. I mean, we are in it. Technically. Says who?

Plugged in.

Yeah, I'm plugged in. I'm tapped in, Daddy. I'm tapped in, Daddy.

Could you ever win an EGOT then? You hypothetically could if you can...

Yeah, Yeah, because the Tony, that's easy. That's easy. Let me get on stage. I fuck it up. Tv, I should have already won an Emmy. You don't have an Emmy? I know. I should have. What a loser. Yeah, I'm a hoe.

Dude, what a loser. I'm a ho.

I get it.

You do. But not only have I never... I've never won anything. I've never been even remotely close, which actually makes me feel good.

Well, because here's the thing about it. It's so strange because you have millions of fans and you clearly keep working at a high level and you don't win any awards. It's like, do I care? Because there's an Oscar curse, for example, when folks win the Oscars, all of a sudden, they murder somebody in a car. Right.

I never got the appeal. The Oscars was the other day, and I was on a plane. I just never... I don't know, man. I know that sounds blasphemous to the business because people are like, I get it, but for some reason, I never... Also, that gives me anxiety. That thing makes me so anxious on the inside. I don't like events like the premiere. It gives me so much anxiety. I don't know what it is.

No. Here's the only reason why I would love to win an Oscar or an Emmy, maybe more, both. But here's the only reason why. Because I know sitting in that crowd, Beyoncé is probably there, Meryl Streep. You know what I mean? Those two people, Zoe Kravitz. Zoe Kravitz, yeah.

Zoe Kravitz.

They're watching me in all my glory. I'm going to go out there tight pants, dick print.

What are we talking? Bolging. Leather? I do a leather. Yeah, leather pants? Yeah, I do a nice bol. What about a shirt with no undershirt? Like a jacket with no undershirt?

You know what? I'll go belly out.

Like a little crop top?

Yeah, got them abs going.

Are you going to shave your chest? Do you have hairy chest? I shaved it. You did? Yeah. Do you shave it for me?

No, I didn't shave it for you. I shaved it for a fitness shoot.

Did you shave it for me? So you did it for me?

I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah. Thank you. Because then we're polar opposites. I believe you have a hairy chest.

It's so funny. I don't at all. Really? No hair. Really? Hairless? I'm like, I mean, first of all, you can see the arms don't have much, but look, there's nothing there.

Wow. What the fuck are you talking about? You are a goddamn werewolf.

No, there's a little hair down here, but not on my chest. Look at all. I mean, my tits. My tits have some.

That's what the chest is.

No, no, no, no, no. You're talking hairy Yeah, that's pretty bear. The Cubans got something, don't you, Cuban? Yeah, that's what you're talking about.

You got that uncle chest.

Yeah, see, women love that. And they love to wring their little fingers through your little chest hair, right? They like that.

It's maintenance. There's maintenance that goes with it.

I just shaved mine and my arms.

For health and fitness?

Yeah, for a shoot. Wow.

Yeah, bro. This is where we are in our lives. You're a 40-year-old in shape, sex symbol. I'm doing Golf Digest next week. Well, that's great. That's exactly where we are.

Are you a scratch golfer?

I'm not a scratch golfer, no, but I'm good. Okay. I'm good. I'm like a two, two index. That's good.

That's what I'm saying. I don't know what the fuck that means.

We're trying to get better at golf. We're very bad.

Yeah. Yes, I can tell. Yeah, we're bad. There's something about it. Well, we look the part, though. No, you don't. There's something I can tell with golfers, the way they walk. Your gait means a lot.

My gait means a lot?

Your gait means a lot. And the way... Your gait means a lot to you. You can do whatever you want with him. But your gait means a lot. The way you walk, I can tell who's a good golfer.

You know what? People are surprised by my swing, though. Every once in a while, I'll surprise somebody and have the smoothest stroke possible.

Well, you're a good athlete, but I'll say this. Your bar dart game, impressive. Shuffle board, pretty good, not bad. Your pickle ball is good. Your tennis is intermediate. Basketball, surprisingly, not good at all. Not good at all. He's about to walk off. I know.

So okay, let's just clear the record for a second.

Basketball probably is your worst sport. Basketball is top of your top. You see what I'm doing here?

Yeah, I know. I know. It's my top sport.

Yeah, I know.

It's my top sport. We played against each other. Yeah.

And also, you will post videos of yourself online, and you're Pretty smooth. You're pretty good. Look, you're pretty good.

I beat Lethal Shooting.

You did? Yeah.

Wow. Horse. Fuck you, bitch. Whooped his ass. He didn't want to post that online.

Let's do Let's do a real conversation about Horse. Once you get to E, do you get a second shot on E?

It depends on the rules.

I feel like this is where you grew up because some people don't do second shot on E. You know what I'm talking about?

No, I don't do I don't do second shot.

I don't do second shot. You're out. California, they do.

Once you hit E, it's over.

Yeah, you're done.

Right. See, I played kids that sometimes once you're on E, you miss, you get one more. It's like a mercy shot.

It's a mercy shot, yeah.

I bet you the fans were going to comment about who did mercy shots in their neighborhood and who didn't because it was always a point of contention. Some people will be like, That's not that you don't. And other people are like, We've always done that. We always did a mercy shot.

Yeah, never. When I was growing up, we didn't have that. No mercy shots for you. No mercy. I'm from the south side of Chicago.

Yeah, they don't. Well, they just kill you when you lose. And in Jersey, where you grow up, what was your... Because the East Coast is a lot of La Crosse and hockey and all. Did you do that shit?

Dude, I tried indoor lax for one day, and it was horrible.

Did you get smoked? Is that why?

Yeah, I was way smaller then. I grew eight inches overnight in one night.

Did you really?

Yeah. You're like Scottie Pippin? You know that he grew in college, five inches in the summer? Yeah, dude.

It can happen. It can happen. But no, I played basketball, soccer. Those are my big sports. Soccer. Yeah.

I love soccer. I'm never good. No, I couldn't do it.

I was supposed to be good at soccer. My father played soccer overseas.

Oh, Pele. Your dad was Pele.

No, I wish my dad was Pele.

Wouldn't that be nice?

That'd be so sweet. That'd be so sweet.

Your father played soccer overseas?

My father played in, I'm going to say Ghana. He played in Nigeria, maybe as well. He was part of the Belize national team. Are you fucking serious?

I don't know this. That's insane. Is that public knowledge you talked about?

I don't know if I've ever talked about it. Maybe. I don't think I've ever talked about it because he passed away in June. He passed away in June, but I hadn't seen him since I was eight.

Like a good dad. Like a good dad. A good dad doesn't want to see you for a long, long time.

He went out the door for cigarettes.

He went out for soccer cleets.

Yeah, he went out for soccer cleets. He couldn't find him. He's still looking for him.

So the Belize national team.

The Belize National team. So we grew up playing. He would train us, me and my brother. And we played in the South Side of Chicago. So me and my brother, my brother was eighth grade, I was seventh grade, and we were both captains of the soccer team. And we were cleaning up until we played against the Mexican school. Yeah, forget about it. These motherfuckers had mustaches, and they were mopping us. That was the moment I was like, this shit ain't for me.

You can beat a bunch of white kids, but those Mexican kids come in. It's over. It's game over.

Soccer is the only sport that if you know how to play, you could beat black people in it. Because we played other South Side teams, and you could tell the other kids that were on the soccer field didn't really want to be there. They were like, this is just in between football and basketball. And for me, I was like, oh, this is my life. And again, when I got to that mustache school, oh my God. It's over. They mopped us.

Yeah. Any Latin descent is going to have soccer as their primary grew up with it all. Because all of us in the States, like I said, regional, hockey up north, everyone plays football and basketball, and In the Midwest, in the Midwest. In the south, it's all football. You know what I mean? It's like you're going to get regional. That's what you grew up with. Anywhere you go, Latin influence, they're going to fucking play soccer as their number one sport. And then they're probably going to be real good at it. And you look You look at like when I was growing up, soccer was making its way in the '90s because we're the same age. Are you the same age?

33.

Young bitch. I know.

Sorry, that's my parents. I don't know what to tell you.

My parents, they should have started fucking sooner. What do your knees feel good right now?

My parents, that's when they did sex.

So annoying. You go back and talk about it.

In here, we pour whiskey.

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Yeah, he got deported.

He got deported?

Yeah, drugs, man.

Really? Drugs, yeah. My dad did drugs. Really? Yeah, but my dad went to prison. Oh, yeah. A little bit cooler. Not going to lie. A little bit cooler.

Well, they were tired of my dad in prison. So they were like, Let's just send them back home.

Get them back home.

Let's just get them back home.

Yeah, my dad jumped around a couple of prisons, wanted to check them all out. He wanted to check them all out. He checked out a few What's your commissary looking like?

How much yard time you all get?

Did your dad call you from prison? Did you get those calls? No. See, I remember those calls. Those were funny.

Yeah, I mean, I had family members who would do that. They would call you from prison. Collect call? Collect call, or they would reach out to other people. They'd reach out to other people to call you.

Oh, that's smart. To get more time. My mom picked up on it. I've told this story, but my mom picked up when my dad used to call. I go, You have a collect call from Cook County Prison inmate, 4, 8, 5, 2, 2, 3, from. And then they would give you You say your name. But he realized my mother would turn down the call sometimes. So he would just put the message of what he wanted to say in this space.

He's extremely smart. I've had that before.

I was like, that's very good. I don't know if he learned that from somebody or that became common culture because you knew some things just weren't going to get through.

Hey, man, go ahead and send me $50. I mean it.

I love you. I thought you were going to say he changed his name. I'm like, well, how many inmates is your mom receiving calls from?

You don't know about my mom's history.

I don't know.

No, Yeah, right. It was soon as I heard Cook County Prison. But it was also like, I think he did that in the event that we would both pick up the phone in the days when you could have multiple people on one phone and pick up the phone and hear it. I think that's what he was trying to get through.

Remember those 1-800 collect commercials?

Oh, my God.

They were fired. With Damon Williams? Yeah, Daman. Yeah. Yeah. 1-800 collect. That was the shit, too. But I wasn't old enough to really benefit from that. Meaning I wasn't in the streets and needing a ride home when I had to hit a pay phone. Yeah.

Pay phones were on the way out when we were growing up. It was almost like... I've used them, but it was... I think the most I've used them when I was traveling. If I was ever away, that's when you needed it the most. You probably got a cell phone pretty early, huh? You're right on that cusp. Yeah, I was on the cell phone.

I was going to ask you guys, what was it like using beepers? Because I never got to use those.

All right, dude, are you taking a shot at us right now or are you being honest?

You think I was out here pager?

No, you guys were part of the beeper era, no?

The beeper era was around us a little. Yeah, yes and no. We were young, though. We were young. The beepers were mostly for older brothers and sisters and stuff like that. They all had pagers.

That's so interesting, the dynamic. We both grew up in the same state, same city, pretty much. The beepers for him were used for older brothers and sisters. The beepers for me were drug dealers.

Yeah, drug dealers.

I knew drug dealers, but I'm saying in my generation, nobody I knew had one our age unless you were a rich kid or Yeah, or you were living alone.

You moved out of your parents house at 17, and you were selling drugs. We knew a couple of kids had apartments. 17, they got their own apartment. It was fucking insane.

It was just insane.

You were like, this is-The greatest thing of all time. It just feels fake. You're like, there's no way we're allowed to do this.

Oh, yeah. Like, your mom don't love you.

What's wrong with your family?

You're still a teen.

Are your parents still together?

Yeah, they are.

Look at them. You know how you can tell? You can see the smile on his eyes. Five kids later, dude. Look at the smiles on his eyes.

It's just rare in today's day. No, it's not rare.

It's because love is nice and it's good and it turned out something. You're a wholesome dude. Oh, thanks. Like, I can tell that you are. I feel in your soul. Broken, wholesome.

Wait, no, no, no. Hold on. Hold on. Shattered, broken, wholesome.

Shattered, broken, wholesome.

Yeah, he definitely had a stable structure. But Kyle, is it Kyle in these streets?

Yeah. I know he's in the streets, but he's in the good. Yeah, he's like- The good way.

The good streets. Okay.

Yeah. Okay, I'll ask you. This is definitive proof. You walk outside my studio right now. Yeah. $20 bill on the ground, right? You've seen people come and go out of the other offices. You pocket in that, or are you going to find out if maybe somebody dropped it? I don't know. Next door? It's right in front of their door next door.

I don't know what $20 bill you're talking about.

Boom. Broken.

Son of a bitch. You are one of us.

What would you do?

You find right outside of that door, right next door, the studio right next door. You saw people coming in and out. They waved to you. Hey, Lamourne, big fan.

I'd go find the first unhoused person and give it to them.

Very nice.

That's what I would do.

So if I found it, which I have before in front of their studio. I wanted to know what you guys would do. What would you do? I set it on fire. I stood out. I just lit it right on fire right in front of their window. It was nuts. They were not cool with it. Okay, this is interesting you say that because I had a conversation with my buddy just yesterday in Chicago. I was in Chicago yesterday, and we walked by a guy who had his young kid with him, begging for money. And I always give a couple. I always really try to give money. I always do, I don't really give money. The thing that bothers me is when it's a baby. We do that a lot in LA. There's babies on the side of the highway. You've seen this before? Oh, yeah. It fucking kills me. I'm always like, Hey, man, please get that baby off the side of the highway. I'll give you money, but you got to find someone to help get that baby off the highway.

Whenever I see a baby, I know it's a scam.

I know it is a scam, but I'm still going to give money. See, that's what my friend said. He goes, Yeah, but you know it's a scam. And I said, If you're willing to beg, I don't give a fuck if you live in an apartment or a house even, the shame that you feel to beg anyway or whatever, the disconnect that you have, here, take the money. I'd rather give you the money anyway, even if someone's like, They're ripping you off. It's like, I didn't fucking lose anything. I'll give them five bucks, whatever. In the grand scheme of the world, I don't care that it's a scam. First of all, it's not a great scam.

It's like a- No, it's a hard scam. It's a hard scam. It's a shitty scam.

Yeah, you're out there for hours. It's a shit scam.

There's a guy. I think they did a 20, 20 or 60 minutes or some shit on this guy, homeless guy, who would literally just beg for money on the street and then would take his homeless clothes off as he was walking to his Mercedes, to his nice house where his kids were going to Harvard.

I want to give that guy money. That's hustle. You can't hate on the game. There's a guy off of the... You remember this? It's so great. They were the same age. There was a kid off of the Dan Ryan, a man, I should say, who sold popcorn the singular bags of popcorn. Do you know about this guy? The news did a story about him when I was a kid. I remember WGN did a whole thing. God, I wish I remember. I'd have to ask my dad what exit it was. But he would sell popcorn off of the highway, individual bags. And I guess the rumor was, I wish I had the producer, the kid would look it up, but the rumor was he would go to one of these factories and take all their... They throw away or they-Oh, the It discards a lot of shit. Oh, the leftover at the end of the day. Yeah. And he would individually bag them and sell them for a dollar or peanuts. It was that or peanuts. I don't remember what it was, but it was a big deal when I was a kid. And then I think the Tribune did a fucking article about this guy, and he made like 120 grand one year selling shit off the side of the road.

I think it's peanuts. Penuts. That's what I think it was. I think we bought from him numerous times.

But I remember my dad saying that in the '90s being like 120 grand. That's like a half a million today.

The amount of shit that they throw away, though, it's crazy. You should be able to profit. Someone should profit from that.

100%. I don't know why there's not more of that.

In Lyle, actually, there is a factory. What's those chocolate pastry factories?

Well, Ferrero Roche is out there.

Well, it wasn't them. It was like, who makes the Twinkies and the Hostice? Hostice. Hostice. Hostice. Hostice. Hostice. Hostice. The Hostice factory there. One day, we're walking down the street, we just got through playing pool, and my buddy goes, Hey, I'll be right back. And he starts running towards the factory. It's like 11 05:00 PM, midnight or some shit.

He's got a shift?

Exactly. We were like, This place is clearly closed. He runs through the back, and 10 minutes later, he comes out with just a pile of Twinkies, you name it. I was like, What the fuck is this? He's like, Oh, man, they just toss all this shit in the back when they're done with it. I was like, Did you just go in the trash and get this? He was like, Yeah, but it's at the top of the trash, so it's not touching all the trash. So he would do this often. He would just scrape off the top and then just go home with a bunch of shit.

But this is real. And also this is cultural. We talked to the girl on our other show, Rudy. In the Philippines, it's a legit normal thing to do. And these people aren't starving and homeless. They'll go pick off the top of the trash. It's like a fun game to go find what's on the first layer of trash. It's touched nothing.

Yeah. Dude, the homeless out here are crazy. Some of these houses they build, they got TV in there.

Yeah, there's a two-bed, two-bath, right down the street.

Dude, I literally watched UFC 299 at this guy's place. He had a full pay-per-view. I was like, oh, okay, dope.

By the way, Jesus Christ. Did you watch that?

I don't watch it. He saw it. He gave me the play-by-play.

Sean is great. Unbelievable. No, it's different. He's different. That is the way I feel about all superior athletes of our time. Thank you. Something is different about Lamourne. Yeah.

Thank you for saying so.

When you see superior athletes, though, dominating their sport, it's something is, whoa.

Listen, that's just for you.

By the way, do that again. That looks exactly like the emoji that I send. You know the strong emoji? I send that one all the time. That looks like that's exactly the same shape. Okay, man.

Thank you.

You're welcome. I only send black emojis, by the way. You should, man. I don't like the white ones.

Because it lets you know it's serious.

I send this a lot. Oh, yeah? I send this a lot. I send a Black fist often. But I'll do it to executives. If it's a very... It's like someone I have barely met. It's like we're setting up a thing with a studio or something important that's very like, they speak to you in very business talk. I always respond with the Black fist. The black fist. Yeah. Let them know how I feel.

Yeah. They got to know you mean business, man.

Yeah. And sometimes I'll ask them if they're into BLM 2. It's the second coming. Yeah. Like a BLM 2.0. And then They have no response. They don't ever respond to that stuff. I always try to bait people to see if they're going to lie to me and be like, we are a BLM, too. We're big on BLM, too. We absolutely love it.

We just bought the merch. Right.

Well, when is it going to come back? It is going to make it second round. There's no way it can't.

I think so.

Let's get it back.

Dude, honestly, they haven't given me their number.

Yeah, well.

We talked about this earlier.

I know. He's new to the game.

He's new. New member, new member. You're not grandfather, do you?

By the way, I've had this moment. We were walking in a bar in Chicago with my sister and one of my closest friends, and there was a huge mural on the wall on the way upstairs, and it was comically like an unrecognizable black guy. But I was like, this is such a Chicago thing where it's like a mural of some really cool looking. It's very well done, but I had no fucking idea who it was. But of course, you do the thing where you're like, oh, look, hoping someone would be like, oh, it's blah, blah, Yeah, that's Booker T. My cousin was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My sister, Oh, yeah. All of us I could tell what we had no fucking idea.

No one knew. It sounds like you guys should be contestants on the floor.

Have you seen that? Have you seen this black guy? No, but I've seen the bits about it online.

Oh, my God. It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen just because these are very famous black people.

Yeah, I know. I know my black people. Don't get me started. This was a guy where you're like, this had to be a community organizer, and I'm just not of who this man is. It wasn't like even somebody that I could maybe know. It was like, I have no fucking idea. It could have been a local rapper, and I'd have been like, I have no idea who that fucking is.

Dude, if I were Glenn Powell. You know Glenn Powell? His aunt, he has the sweetest aunt. Her name isunt Honey. We were talking about acting when I first met her, right? And she said that her favorite actor is Robert Downey Jr. And I was like, oh, great. And we were talking about... I was making a joke about Black actors and stuff like that. And then she was like, well, my favorite actor is Black. It's Robert Downey Jr.

Yes, he is. You just have to go along with it. Yes, he is.

I didn't know what to say. I was so confused by it. But she really saw Tropic Thunder and was like, That guy's hilarious. Oh, my God.

God bless her, though. Well, you've seen these people on the streets. It's such a weird thing. It's like what happens on game shows when they're like... They'll go up to people and be like, Name your three favorite black people. And they just can't say anything because they're so confused that the question is very aimed and odd that people go, Fuck.

Wesley Snipes.

Barack Obama. It's so funny. It's like they just don't know. Because it's such a weird catch-you-off-guard question that it is funny to watch people's reactions. That's what happens, I think, on that floor. It's like, they just get stunted by the idea that they're going to sound racist. So they're like, Oh, my God, I'm going to sound racist. And then they do. Because you know it's... You know what I mean? It's like, When you say, I don't want to sound stupid, immediately your brain is like, you're about to. Say something stupid. Something's going to be bad here. This is going to be stupid.

Oh, yeah. But again, the most famous people you could find.

Yeah, it's like Morgan Freeman, and they're like, who is that? Yeah, Oprah.

Come on. You don't know who Michael Jordan is? That's weird to me.

Yeah, that seems strange. I mean, I guess a part of it is they've got to be stunned, and then a part of it is they're racist. No, it's not.

They were naming a young Jennifer Anastead with pixels over her face just based off the hair.

One piece of hair. And they go, Jennifer Anastead. I know that shirt. She wore that episode four, season three of Friends. When they're just walking out of that shop, they know precisely. Did you have a show as a kid That was your apex TV show that influenced you? It wasn't Friends.

I tell you that. No.

It wasn't Friends. You know, I've never seen one episode. People don't believe me. Really? I had no interest in it. I don't know why. I just never... No, I know why. It didn't fucking... That was the opposite of what I liked.

Yeah, it didn't match what we were dealing with.

It just was not it. I didn't get it. I didn't get anything about it. Also, I thought it was very strange. Even then, I remember thinking, these are all the same people. I know that sounds terrible to say, but it's like, they weren't that dynamic of characters. They all fell into the same tropes a little bit. But you're like, none of these people had. I mean, Lisa Kudra was by far are the most dynamic, and people are online.

Super over the top. Everyone was super over the top.

But that was what was different about her.

Joe? It was Matt Le Blanc, right? Matt Le Blanc was pretty funny.

They were funny, I guess, but it just never clicked with me. I didn't think it worked for me for some reason.

I don't know why. Which is rare. You're the only white person that I've met that said, I don't fuck with that show.

Well, dude, for me, it was only comedy. And that comedy, a traditional sitcom comedy in that old-school regard, it did not reign for me.

It wasn't-Martin was my show.

Yeah, Martin was fucking incredible.

Martin was my show, which is great because Stan from Martin, Garrett Morris, it's so strange doing it because I always imagine his performances in Martin when I'm reading lines, and I have to check myself out of that a little bit because that's the character that he's playing. But I was so obsessed with Martin. Martin is my favorite sitcom of all time.

Now, are Are you allowed to say that with all this Cat Williams controversy going out right now?

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I like how he's shooting it. He's like every black guy that wears a dress. What did he say about Martin? He said that every black guy that wears a dress is sold up the river to the Illuminati or whatever. I'm paraphrasing, but you know exactly what I'm talking about. He's saying every time they want to put a black man in a dress, and Martin was so quick to wear a dress, all this bullshit.

Yeah, but what he's missing is that that's been going on since way before. Flip Wilson wore a dress when he was doing that Geraldine character. Right.

But it's even more, whatever. It's like we're talking about Kat Williams's theories of the world, but it's so funny. Where are we now? But hey, man, to me, if it's funny, it's fucking funny. I don't think there's a great agenda behind it. I know what he's saying. He's like, Black people in Hollywood are forced to do XYZ. It's like, yeah, Robin Williams wore a fucking dress.

Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Also, fucking Tootsie was one of the most groundbreaking increasingly funny, off-colored, weird films. And he's a genius. So you're like, I don't know. What are you really saying? I think people did it to explore different avenues of the art. You may hate it. That's okay. And that may, to be honest, come from your fucking insecurities. But it's just a different exploration of the fucking art. I like to think sometimes nothing is that deep, especially when you talk to creators and artists sometimes, and you're like, What were you thinking about when it... And they go, Oh, I just had eaten that meal that morning. That's all that It was. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's so surface-level bullshit. I think we forget that there is no great fucking agenda sometimes that gets spewed out. But the crazy thing is that here's why I love Cat Williams, but also I'm like, because he's one of the greats.

He's one of the great stand-ups. Yeah, he's phenomenal. Everything that he does makes me laugh. He's so funny, so good. But when he's speaking on this, it's not the first time that as a Black man, I've been hearing that since way before Cat Williams. Yeah. And so in the back of your mind, you go, is there some validity to it? Because there was a time back in slavery where they would emasculate black men. They would do all kinds of things to get rid of that power. Sure. You know what I mean? But wearing a dress, I don't know if that's one of them, because what's also happening is people are laughing and you are making so much money doing it. You are I'm cheering people up, and it's like you chose to put it on. You know what I mean? I've never been on a set where they're like, no, you have to wear this. Right.

You say no, and you wouldn't do it. Yeah, that's it. I don't want to do it. I understand the emasculation thing. I get that. But I also think I just don't bite into that theory.

Greater agenda.

I just don't at all. Because once you work in the business a little bit, you're like, That's not true. A lot of this shit is not true. A lot of shit that you yourself believe when I got into it, that I was like, Oh, you know how that goes over there? Then you go over there, you're like, No, it's not. That's not at all is what it's like.

It just- Harvey Weinstein didn't put his penis in me at all. No, no, no.

He asked to suck my dick in front of my whole entire agency.

That's so fucking good.

It's literally him. You close your eyes. It's like, it's like, It's him.

Can you do that the whole fucking time we're here?

You see him on Rogan? He was so serious on Rogan. I know, dude. I I was like, who am I looking at? Every time Joe asked him a question or brought him a point, it would take him 10 seconds to respond. He was thinking. He'd be like, it's funny you ask that. Where are you going with this?

You're going to put yourself watching. Say you're going to get me canceled. That's how he said it. Say how he did it.

This is the seventh or eighth time that I have said something that's going to get me canceled on this show. Oh my God, dude.

Jamie, pull that up.

You've got the all-knowing Jamie. Joe Rogan been trying to make the same six motherfuckers famous for years.

It's amazing. He's incredible. I adore the dude. But I do think some of those things get into territory of like... I don't know, man. Sometimes funny shit is fucking funny. All the weigh-ins have transformed characters for years since my childhood. So it's like, I adored them because of it. Now, is there a validity to what you're saying? Yeah, sure. I watched that thing that-White Chicks. Yeah, I love White Chicks. Okay. No, I was going to say, I can't remember the actress's name now. I'm drawing such a bad blank. But she was saying how the reason she goes, Do you know why black people run when we laugh? Have you seen this clip? No. Who is this? Why can't I think of this? I just saw it the other day. She says, Black people run away we laugh because we weren't allowed to laugh on plantations, so we would run and hide if we were happy.

Is that real?

Well, that's what she said.

That's crazy. Who said that?

God, how come I can't think of this? But I mean, when I saw the video, my instinct was, first of all, I laughed at the question because she goes, You know why black people run away when we laugh? Immediately, I'm laughing. I'm like, This is not going to go well. It sounds like a comedy bit, but she's being dead serious. But she's doing a speech somewhere.

Then, Andrew, did you post on it, Black fist emoji?

Yeah, you have to.

In solidarity. You're like, Right on. I get it.

But it was always like one of those things where when you hear it, this is the same thing with cat theories.

Cat theories.

Dude, he should have his own series.

Well, it's the same thing with cat theories that you're like, Honestly, There is a piece of it where I'm like, well, you just said it, where you go, that sounds true.

Because also, here's the thing. He's so high up there in our world. Yeah. Cat Williams is so high up there that he is seeing things that we don't actually have privy to. So that's why I go, I can't dismiss him because he still is Kat Williams. At a certain level, I'm sure there are certain things you're invited to that you might look at crazy. I might not. I might be at one of these parties and everything seems fine. But he may notice a tattoo on a woman's neck. That must mean that she's a part of some But are you feeding into something?

And no offense, but also, haven't you struggled with drugs in some sense? So it's tough for me only because I know that your mind may have not been in a solid place when some of these things were taking place. It's the same theory why a judge is like, what was going on during this moment when all these people had differing stories? Like, well, we were all using. It's like, well, whose reality was actually happening? It was Taraj B. Hensen, I think, is what it said, by the way. I don't know where she was saying it. I'd have to look it up. Yeah, why do they run when they laugh? She said, why do we run when we laugh? But immediately when I saw it, I thought, it's got to be the most... If that's wrong, it It should be right.

Wait, so Taraj he said that? Yeah, she said it. She was being serious when she said it? Yeah. I believe it.

Yeah. Taraj B. Hensen speaks on black laughter. I believe it. I do believe it.

You know why I run? When I laugh? Because I got all these gaps in my teeth. Sometimes when I laugh a lot, it don't look great. So I just turn around like...

I was going to say you whistle sometimes when you laugh hard enough. I can hear it blowing through.

Is it like that pedophile in family guy? Yeah.

See, guys, I got to...

You're going to make a sweet deal. Come on over.

I wish I could whistle better.

Yeah, no, it could be true, but it's a cat theory. Again, he's got some great... The guy's got some phenomenal I'm serious. Also, he's the one that's called out, and look at what's come to fruition from all this stuff. This is like Hannibal with Cosby, cat dropping all these bombs, and then Diddy getting smoked in the news, and then Jay-Z getting a lot of weird heat, and then Oprah getting all this weird heat.

Yeah, that's wild to me. Those are people that I just go, I'm sure you're probably into some shit.

I think Cat, seriously, I think he was part of the catalyst, the Cat-alist. I think he was part of it that moved the thing just a little bit enough for everyone else to go, oh, wait, what's going on? Because the diddy thing happened almost consecutively. And so did the Jay Z shit.

What happened with Jay Z? What did I miss?

He's being pulled into all that world of It's so funny. It's really nonspecific, but you know.

He's being pulled.

He's being pulled. But he's someone who strikes me as not with that type of shit.

Jay Z seems like- See, now I'm going to get Cat Williams on here right now.

But yeah, I said, Diddy, I could see that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Diddy, I could see that. I wasn't there, but I'm like, Oh, it checks out. It feels like it checks out.

Well, when you watch Making the Band, you were like, Okay, this is not okay. This is a manipulation of humans.

And he did that on TV. On camera. What is he do on off camera?

What did he send them to the other side of his house for cheesecake?

From Jersey to Manhattan for cheesecake. That's crazy. I mean, that I loved. Making those kids walk across a bridge to get cheesecake. I was like, This is This is just pure. That's great television at the end of the day when you're like, this dude knows how to make entertainment.

That's why he was so good. But listen, I mean, hit after hit after hit after hit.

The guy's a factor. Are we going to find out those are somebody else's hits? Possibly.

That's I sampled a lot, but who knows to what extent? He would sample music, little bits of pieces.

Yeah, but who was helping that didn't get any credit? In the same way that Kanye called out a lot of people because the proof with Kanye was that he literally did all the work. It's definitive. He recorded it all. It's factual that it's him, and he shows that it's always him. That's why he's so self-indulgent that you're like, Well, it is him. It is fucking amazing. You still wear Yeezy? I don't own one pair of Yeezy. No. I've never owned a pair of Yeezy. Isn't that weird?

I don't have them anymore.

My wife's Jewish, pal. Okay? You got something to say to me now? No, I've never owned a pair of Yeezy, and they never appealed to me for some reason. I don't know what it was.

I got one pair for free, and I was like, All right, this is cool. I still have them. They're very crispy.

The Boost 350s or whatever there?

Yeah, the Boost. Yeah.

Those were the sexiest of the shoes.

Yeah. But the problem is, I feel like they're eyeballs on me if I ever wear them out. So I have so many shoes, so I just don't wear them anymore.

No, you're black. Yeah. Black guys are allowed to still wear Yeezy's. If I wear Yeezy, it's a a weird... No one's going to say anything, but someone in a meeting might think about it. I just don't like that the heels on those things, they just go, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew. It's so unnecessary.

Andrew, we love the pilot. We just had one question.

The shoes. Can we switch out those shoes?

We're going to buy the show, but the shoes we wanted to talk to you about.

These are the Polansky fives. You don't like these?

Jew shoes. Jew shoes.

That'd be so funny if everybody that committed any atrocity had their own kicks. Polansky fives. You got those Cosby twos? These are Cosby Lows.

I got these Kelly Mids.

These Kelly Mids?

The Sandusky ones?

Yeah. Oh, the Dusky ones are sick. They're actually clean. The colorway is sick. Love those. By the way, this is funny. It's on par. Trump dropped new kicks. So it's like it's hard. I saw that. If you are someone who is of troublesome high profile, shoes are obviously the way to go.

Would you buy those shoes?

I wanted them so bad.

Did they sell out?

Yeah, they're sold out in five minutes. It was only like a thousand pairs.

But he sold them for like 3,000 bucks a pair.

I wanted them so bad for the show. I wanted to buy them because Bobby doesn't dislike Trump. He despises it. You know what I mean? It's a different level. Oh, yeah. You know how someone will tell you, they're like, I hate Trump, and you're like... It's like, whatever. That's a common narrative to hear someone be like, Oh, Trump. Bobby. It's just like a different... He gets annoyed about it. He hates him. Yeah. So I badly wanted to buy him the Trump shoes. So bad, dude. I tried so hard to buy for him. I literally, I was like, I want to buy him a pair of shoes because it would be such a great bit to have. And I tried to buy him second-market, and no one selling them.

In here, we pour whiskey.

Whisky.

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I've never officially met Bobby. Seriously? Seriously. But he spoke about me on a podcast once with Neil Brennan.

Yeah.

And so I thought, if I ever ran into him, I'll talk about it. It wasn't anything bad. They were talking about how I match with every girl on Raya or something like that.

Oh, that he matches with?

Well, him and Neil were like, Every time we open up a girl's profile, they're friends with Lamorne. I knew Neil, but I had never met Bobby. I was on the plane recently with my daughter, and Bobby comes in, and I was about to say what up to him, but he was... I don't know if he was just out of it, but he was just like, he sat right behind me, and he just went... I was like, Hey, what's up? And he went... I put his head down and then passed out. And for the rest of the flight, I do believe he was farting. Yes, yes, yes.

This is correct.

Because I was looking around like, who could be the culprit? I'm like, it's got to be the sleepy comedian.

No, a sleepy Korean is what it really is. You know, kimchi, dude. That stuff. It's already fermented. It doesn't need any more time in your stomach. No, he is a farty. Yeah, he's disgusting. We travel together and he will fart. He'll fart on... I don't mind him farting on a 737 and above. I mind him farting on regional jets. Oh, yeah. You know the little jumper planes? It's one seat, two seats or whatever. It's small when we're going from Midwest City to Midwest City. And I don't mean private jet, by the way. People at home sometimes can take that. I mean commercial regional jets.

How many private jets you've been on?

I don't take private jet, dude.

I'm afraid of them. I absolutely refuse.

No small planes?

I'll take regional jets, like an American Airlines, right from Cleveland to Chicago. I'll do those.

Yeah.

But I'll take any small commercial plane. Commercial plane, I'll take any size because the FAA is like, don't Don't crash. Dude, private jets? It's two guys that just rolled out of bed and are like, No, no, no. Dude, private jets are the scariest. I talked about it on here. We got flown out to do this thing, me and a bunch of comedians. It was like me, Andrew Schultz, Stavros, Theo. They flew us last year from-France? Yeah, from New York to Paris. They put us on the PUMA jet. Puma owns a jet, and they put us on the PUMA jet. Puma owns a jet, and they put us on the PUMA And not going to lie, over the Atlantic in the middle of the night, no, thanks. No. Dude, no fucking thanks. Yeah, it was January. What do you think was going? I mean, it was just like this.

Was it a bumpy flight?

Yeah. I mean, it wasn't just bumpy. It's like we had to keep changing elevation and stuff because they're trying to catch the best jet stream. Yeah, because it's small. But you're over the fucking ocean. And I'm not smart enough to understand if that's bumpier or busier, but it fucking seems that way every Every time. Every time I go over big chunks of water, it's always bumpier. I don't know why it is. I'm not intelligent enough to know.

The weather patterns are up there, but yeah, probably.

Something happens differently over the water. But the same thing. When I went down to Australia, the first half of the first leg down there was fine, and then it was fucking bananas. At one point, I was like, Jesus Christ. And we were on a massive plane. We're on one of those four rows or whatever the fuck. Yeah, it was huge. You feel in those things, you're like, dude, imagine a small plane would just be getting-Just getting tossed around.

Yeah.

And I don't have the fear of crashing. I just think small planes, not commercialized, are more prone to accidents.

Have you guys been on a plane when the mask... Has the mask ever come down on you guys? No, thank God.

Jesus Christ. No.

Have you? Yeah. One time. Really? Tell it. The mask came out. Same thing. Crazy turbulence. Mass came out. Lady next to me starts praying. I'm like, What is going on here?

Stay near her, by the way. She's got to pass. You know that, right? She's getting in.

So I'm like, All right, well, we'll see. Turn on my cell phone, try to see, do I got to do a last text type thing? And then, like you said, the guys came on, Oh, sorry, guys. We hit a little bit of a pocket, but we'll be okay.

That was it. No big deal.

I was like, Dude, I pooped.

Did you put on the bag?

I was about to. I was getting ready. And then, you know when they say, put on yours first? A hundred %. I saw the old lady. She couldn't reach her. So I was like, Bro, I have long arms. Maybe I'm supposed to help her.

Let her die, dude. I went with that old bitch die. She prayed already. She already prayed. She ready. She said, I prayed already. I don't need no damn mask. Let that old bitch die.

I told you, she just had a conversation with the Lord. They're ready to already get her bed set up.

They discussed that before she got on the plane. Is it my time, Lord? You guys are right.

Now, if you Do you... I don't know if you're religious at all, but do you do a little thing on planes? Do you have a religious little thing on planes? I do. You do?

I text my mom twice. I text her, let her know that I'm on the plane, and then I let her know when I'm taking off. I say the same prayer twice, like an OCD prayer. Can we hear it? No, that's between me and my Lord and savior.

That's okay. That's fine. Come on, man. Pretend I'm God right now.

All right, dear Lord.

Maybe ask Kat. How would Kat do it?

Oh, yeah. How would Kat pray?

Please allow these pilots to be one Sully, a Tom Hanks, and Denzel Washington. That throughout all the trials and tribulations and the turbulence in the air, dear Lord heavenly Father, because you said it in Corinthians, that you will take us home, sweet Lord.

I feel safer right now.

It's so happy, too. Thank you, Kat. That really does do something to me. The Lord is good with Kat. I've told this annoying story, but I was on a playing with... I was getting on a little small puddle jumper from Indianapolis to somewhere.

For some reason, when people say puddle jumper, it sounds racist to me. I don't know why. Sorry.

I was on a puddle jumper.

I was on a puddle jumper. I was on a puddle jumper. I was on a puddle jumper. I was on a puddle jumper. I was on a puddle jumper. I was on a puddle jumper. I was on a puddle jumper. I think that's what really gets you. That's so good. Why does puddle jumper sound... It does sound racist.

Puddle jumping in. What the fuck?

Your imagination, my brain goes to... Okay, one word on the count of three. What's the word that you think your brain goes to that makes it racist? What is it associated with that makes you racist? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. One, two, three. Basketball.

I was about to say that, dude. We were going to say basketball. I said bath, and then you finished it.

Because jumping, I'm assuming the racist intonation in your mind would say, are you saying you jump over puddles in the hood playing basketball?

To me, it could be the old stereotype about folks coming into the country by water. Taking those little boats.

Well, that's interesting.

That's a shot at Cubans. Huddle jumper.

River jumper is what that would be. River jumper? Yeah, river jumper, I guess. Well, right. That I didn't associate it with Mexican. I went black.

You went black. But if you do English, then it sounds nice.

Like, oh, I was doing a puddle jumper from England. Yeah, it was just a puddle jumper. You know what I mean?

Well, that's because they use the word jumper as to describe Yeah, I've got a jumper. You're wearing a jumper. Yeah, jumper. That's a jumper.

Yeah. It's a bit texture, isn't it? Yeah.

By the way, they're wrong. It's lovely. A lot of stuff.

What, the Brits?

I don't like how they try to connect. There's a guy on the Internet who's like, It's not croissant. It's croissant.

Oh, yeah.

Fuck that guy.

Okay.

Well, it's bread. Yeah, bitch, it's bread.

Bitch, it's butter bread. Also, okay, British people, it's herb, not herb. Get the fuck out of here. A herb is what we call you behind your back. Yes. You fucking herb. Dude, that's some '90s-ish shit. You fucking herb.

Herb is like... That was in my vocabulary.

You need to bring that back.

There are a lot of people who don't know what it is. I've said it before, and they're like, What is that?

If they had no connection to hip hop culture at all, that word would be meaningless. Okay. Yeah. If you didn't... Yeah. There's no other way to say that. If you had no connection to hip hop culture, you have never even heard that word. It was purely from that.

There were terms growing about that. You watch a lot of movies and shit, but in Chicago, we had our own terminology. And then when you watch movies like Boys in the hood, you'd hear a whole different thing. I didn't know what a Markass Buster was.

Buster, I didn't hear. Buster didn't make sense to me. That's a West Coast thing.

West Coast. You're Markass Buster?

Because everything sounds like that, because. Yeah.

Everything sounds just like that, homie.

Where did that come? Where did that go? Because you don't really hear that as much anymore. That sounds Bay Area-y, almost, too.

You know what it is? You know what I genuinely think it is? Because regional accents are slowly disappearing. I think it's the age of the Internet. It used to be, I only hear what my peers say and the people in my neighborhood say. That's what influences the way that I think and the way I speak. Now, we spend more time on our phones than we do, I'm actually talking to people. So I'm hearing accents and dialects from over here that it starts to generalize. I feel like a news anchor. The news anchor from the south, they move to the Midwest, and they have to be on the news. They can't sound Southern. So they fix their vocal patterns, I guess. I feel like that's what's happening now.

That's so smart, dude. That's such a clever thought. We're all going to start sounding like the TikTok girl. Yeah, 100 %. I'll take a sandwich with turkey. That's what we'll all talk like, because that's all you hear is these robotic versions. That creeps me out when you say that. Because it is true, though. When I go back home, Chicago starts to seep in more and more just because you're around it all the time, and you feel it. But out here, we're accentless. Unless you just moved here from New York.

I heard it when you said pop Yeah.

You said popcorn. Words will definitely still... There's still a lot of words that I have that will come out. It's ace. It's almost always ace, like bad. It's always a few words, but it's been washed away over the years because unless I call a family I remember. And they were so Chicago, when they're like, Oh, hey, what's going on? It's all like that. Oh, yeah. Those guys are fucking Jagoff. Jagoff was so exclusive with the Jag. I didn't know Jagoff existed outside of Chicago. Because everyone's that fucking jag. This is bad, but when we were kids- Don't say it. Okay. Don't say it. I was just going to say the N-word.

I knew it. I could see it.

I just like Tarantino.

I knew you guys said your freckles got a little darker. I said, he's gearing up.

I used to not say it, but my uncle, I would hear my uncle say, my uncle would say, If there was a gay guy, they would call him Mo. They would say Mo. Did you ever hear that? A Mo? No. He can say home mo. But they'd shorten it. They would always say, those mo's are over there.

Trying to be slick.

But I never got what he was referring to, mo's. I thought it was... I don't even know what I thought, but I remember hearing my uncle say that. No, No, it's a Mo neighborhood. Yeah. And I was like, what does that fucking mean?

How many Mo's does my uncle know?

Because I know Mo was a gang thing as well. Is it?

A gay gang?

I don't know if it's a gang, but it's- Stop right there.

Stop right there.

Drop and give me 20.

We had a thing that happened. I spent a lot of time in Atlanta, and we were doing a game night. We were out in Atlanta. Oh, yeah. And we were leaving a house party or something like that. And these goons were standing on the in Midtown. That had been Atlanta a lot. I just forget what part of town that I'm in sometimes. So we're in Midtown, and we see some thugs hanging out on the corner. And I'm like, we just keep walking.

We weren't scared. We weren't scared.

Yeah, it was tattered faces.

You were so scared, dude.

Maybe a tiny bit.

Yeah, the way you said it, you were scared.

We weren't scared. No. Tattered faces, all that type of shit. Jewelry everywhere. And all of a sudden we hear, you all looking lovely this evening. I was like, Oh, okay. The cow flinched. I was like this. I said, Why? Thank you. I was like, much appreciated. They were like, You are very welcome.

Run that dick.

You think you got to give up your chain?

You just got to give a handjob to this guy?

It's a lovely night.

Thank you for not beating us up. But Atlanta is notorious to have... That's got to have one of the biggest gay populations. We're good here. La's got it. New York, Chicago. Atlanta. Atlanta's got it, though. I think it's more cultural there, too.

It's bigger in terms of- I feel like it is, which is shocking because it's in the south. South is very... It's in certain parts. It's very racist, homophobic. But Atlanta is its own world. Yeah, Atlanta is. That's why I love Atlanta so much. Atlanta, when I was growing up, I'd watch certain TV shows like Living Single or some of these other shows, and I would see these bustling black communities. Because I live in the south side of Chicago, I was like, Where the fuck is that? That That place don't exist. It'd be like, everyone's a lawyer, everyone's a doctor. Then I went to Atlanta and I was like, oh, my God, everyone's a lawyer, everyone's a doctor, everybody's rich. I was like, God, I love Atlanta. The ignorance in me or just not seeing it on television or it being spoken about, Atlanta was that place. So every time I go there, I'm always just like, oh, look at us. Look at us doing it over here.

Atlanta, a symbol of black excellence.

Thank you for saying so.

That's how I feel. Atlanta does have that They are extremely unique. They're not like the rest of Georgia. And I'm not taking a shot at Georgia. It's just it's extremely different. When you go outside of Atlanta, you go an hour outside, this is a different fucking world. It did feel like it was alien dropped. You know what I mean? It was placed in this place where you're like, Man, I feel like this should have been totally somewhere else. But that's how Austin feels to Texas now. Austin feels so fucking foreign.

Would you migrate there?

Absolutely not. No, I don't know. I joke with my friends because a lot of people I know move down there, and a lot of New York guys I know move down there. I don't even know how to say it. I know people say LA has a lack of culture, and they're inherently wrong, in my opinion, because I think this place is so much more dynamic. It's like saying, if you only talk about New York as Times Square, it's the same way you only talk about LA as if everything is Hollywood. But I said this on the plane to my buddy, when someone talks shit about LA, they'll only do it to a white dude like me who lives in LA. Go to a fucking black dude or Mexican dude who's from LA and be like, LA fucking sucks. I dare you. It's a different version. They'll be like, What are you talking about? Because your world, the white LA Hollywood world you're thinking of is all that you're giving it. The city is so much more dynamic than that. But for some fucking reason, we've been pigeonholed over and over. But you're like, That's only because we're the epicenter of the fucking industry.

But the city's massive. The East Side is huge.

When you drive down the street, there was a street that I was driving down, going downtown, the neighborhood I was in. And you see a lot of, we talked about this before, you see a lot of couches on the sidewalk.

Oh, yeah. Korea town.

You know you're in the hood. But it's It also seems very cultured. When you see couches, you see culture. You know what I mean?

It's the couch from Friends. That's right.

It's a duplicate of that. There's little fountains on everybody's lawn. No, the city is so fucking big. I don't know. There's so much But culturally, I think Austin, I don't know if it's found its footing in terms of it's so young. Because of the influx. I'm sure it had a great culture before everyone went and fucking moved there. But now it's got a soul cycle and an equinox, and you're like, I don't know. Isn't that just Baby LA?

That's what it's turning into. That's Brentwood. That's what it's turning into.

Yeah, it's Brentwood. That, to me, is why I'm a little...

I don't know. I almost moved there. You did? My daughter was born in 2020 in Austin because her mom is from Austin. Oh, wow. I I went there for the birth. So I spent two months there straight during the pandemic. I had the best time. Obviously, my daughter's being born, but I was also running into friends who had moved during the pandemic. And it was wide open. No one was wearing a mask. Everybody was just I could kick in it, driving pickup trucks, wearing American flags. I was like, Why am I having the greatest time in my life right now? So I started looking to move. Obviously, you save a lot of money living in Texas, tax-wise. So I was like, Man, maybe I'll set up shop in Texas. And me and my mom went back to do some house shopping. So we go see this house and we're in the backyard. Now, keep in mind, a lot of older houses are being torn down. And then it's being essentially gentrified with Californians. Yeah, it is. This one guy, we're in the backyard It's a beautiful house. This one guy, he's shirtless. He's covered in tattoo.

He's got long hair. And he's chain smoking a cigarette, and he's staring right over the fence like this at me and my mom and my daughter. And he's just like this. Watching our every move. And he's like this close because the backyard wasn't that big. And he's just watching us the whole time. My mom goes, she looks at me. She goes, You see him? I go, yeah. She goes, you are not buying this house.

I was like, no.

No, I- So there's still some leftover- Howdy, neighbor. We're going to let you guys buy that house, huh?

It'd be a shame if something happened to it right before you moved in. I like it down there. I do think it's awesome. I've had fun over the years. I've been going there for a decade plus for South by and all that shit. But I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know what it is. La still got me a little bit. It's convenient. It's peaceful as shit. I have the mountains. I never go to the fucking ocean, so I don't use that as an excuse.

And you are so rich that you don't care.

No, that is not true. I'm loaning. I'm actually borrowing. I'm on a loan right now. Bmo Harris called me this morning.

You know you're from the Midwest That's what you call it BMO Harris.

Yeah, BMO Harris. That's the old school. Well, that was what it used to be. Chase bought a bank that was on the corner near my mom's house. Chase bought Bank One or TCF, one of those like... I don't remember. What was the one that was in Jules? Tcf. Tcf. Yeah, they bought them. Do you know what that is? No. It was a local shitty bank, but it was my first bank when I was in high school, when I got a job that I could bank with because it was free checking. All the other banks, I feel like back then, you did have to pay something. And my dad was like, go to fucking Jules. Go to TCF. They'll give you because I have McDonald's in my first gig. So I was cashing McDonald's checks at TCF Bank. By the way, I never put money in. I cash it every fucking time because I was like, fuck that. Why would I put the money?

It's my money, and I want it now.

Did you see that episode on Curve? No. On Curve, he's yelling it. Oh, yeah. Lary the whole bit about it. It's not a cash, no. Dude, it's infiltrated us. It's just infiltrated us. We can't get rid of it.

Those jingles, dude, are so dangerous. Oh, yeah. They're just stuck in your head.

Do you remember Eagle Man?

It must be Eagleman. Do you have insurance on this car? No. It must be Eagleman. I've got something for you. Dude, this is before. This is outside of your time. Sorry, dude.

This Eagle lays a big ass egg, and then the ladies come out and they go, Wow, look at those low rates. And he's holding two eggs up right here by his teeth.

And a bird pops out with a rate card, and it's like, This is my first... I played 16-inch softball out here, Chicago style, no glove. When I first moved out here, no glove, 16-inch. It's a bigger ball. It still hurts when you get a couple of jammies. I was on the say. But we played in a Chicago League out here in the Valley, and we were victory auto records. That was our team name. I still have the shirt. That's a shout out to our old school. There was a commercial, the guy would pull his door right off of his car.

Oh, yeah.

It would fall down. That old car is worth money.

That's great. Fix that old car with used parts.

Used parts from victory auto records. Solosy Edelson Chevrolet, where he always saved more money. These are just all of our childhood comment. You're a socks guy, huh? Socks guy. Yeah, you're a South Side Sox. Are you a Are you a big sports fan or no?

Yeah, big sports fan.

So wait, let me guess. Well, I guess you'd be a Yankees. You got to be... No. You're a Mets kid? No. Wait, what?

I like the socks, the red socks.

Oh, wait, from Jersey? Yeah, Yeah.

I have a little bit of story about the Red Sox. My aunt who- All right, that's going to do it for us today.

Thank you so much. What happened?

My aunt who married into the family, she was cousin with Jason Baratek, who was the captain of the Red Sox. I know Jason Baratek, yeah. So as a kid, I got to go into the locker room afterwards. We're not like that. We just meet the players and stuff. And yeah, I just grew up a Red Sox fan because that was such a cool experience as a kid doing that. And I was like, I'm sold. I'm a Sox fan. It's a great squad.

I mean, I have nothing but respect for the White Sox because we're Northsiders. But my dad's best friends, one of my dad's closest friends, because they don't say best friends at that age. That's insane. My dad's closest friend's father is a Hall of Fame White Sox. So we were always blessed to go. And he has a statue in left center field or whatever you call that dumb fucking place now. What's it called?

Is it not US Cellular anymore. No, it's not the cell anymore.

It's something else.

Wait, was it Frank Thomas?

No, he was a pitcher.

He looks like he can still play. He was a pitcher.

All that testosterone. I was having a tough time getting the bat around until I found... What's that fucking shit? Nugenics. Nugenics. Until I found Nugenics.

And then the two women come in, they're like, Is that Frank Thomas?

It's like, yeah. There's no way he can get enough blood flow and have that big of a body down to his dick anymore. I don't give a fuck how much Nugenics he's on.

I don't know. He's got just a constant drip. He might be shooting his strength. He might be shooting his strength in there.

Right in his dick. He's holding his dick. Id drip straight to the dick.

Because those women look like they're trying to fuck. Every time we see them in a commercial, I'm like, I hate... Because the guys, their husbands look like cucks. They just sit there going, Wow, you're right, honey. He still can play. And they're like, Hmm. And then he'll go, Frank will go, And trust me, your wife will thank you, too. They look like this. When they really want to fuck Frank Thomas.

That is a cuck commercial. I've never noticed that. The guys are always like...

Straight up cuck commercial. Go get it, sweetie. I tell you this, the reason why I'm a Sox fan. See, I'm a basketball fan first. Chicago Bulls, that's my squad, right? But baseball wasn't really a thing for me until I started acting. My first two gigs were White Sox related. What was that? I did a commercial with Paul Conerco called Win or Die, Trying. It was '05. It was the year they won the World Series. I did a commercial that I'm an angel and I'm going to help them win the World Series. It was silly, silly commercial. Essentially, I kill Paul Conerco and take him to heaven. I'm like, Dude, I just saved your life, man. What? It's I was about to crush that thing. I'm like, No, you aren't. You're about to get hit. It was a stupid bit. I was like, Man, Paul Conerco is super nice. Left tickets for me. I was like, Oh, okay. That's pretty dope. That is cool. Then the next one, I did one with Bobby Janks, the White Sox pitcher. It was a McDonald's commercial. I did it with Rob Balushi. You ever worked with him?

Rob Balushi? Oh, yeah. I know Rob.

I did it with Rob, and they put a trash can on my head and then just start throwing fucking... Base? Throwing socks. He's like a wake I call. I'm in bed, and the first part of it, he's just throwing socks at my bare head. No. They keep in mind, this man is a 100 something mile an hour pitcher.

Major lead pitcher.

At one point, the director goes, Hey, can you just make him pop a little bit more off his head? Just accurate. How accurate can you get? Because some of them were missing. And he was like, You want me to get accurate? He goes, So I get accurate, I got to throw a little bit harder. And he was like, Yeah, it's just socks. And I looked at Bobby, and Bobby was like, All right. I was like, Just fine. Try it. This motherfucker started drilling me so hard that he started warming me. Warming up? Yeah.

He was like, Fuck.

He hurt his arm. He was throwing so hard because the next 10 just went, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, directly in my head. My head started welting up from socks. And then the director was like, Are we going to go again? I was like, I got to say something. I got to say something.

I don't think we have to.

This hurts. I was like, Look at my forehead.

Well, that's why your one eye is lower than the other one because of that. No, that's God. Oh, that's Jesus? That's Jesus.

Did that.

He wanted you to be able to see both.

He's like, no matter how high I get, I still got to look out for the little ones. Oh, wow. Yeah.

God, what a sweetheart. You really do have a good soul. I take it all back. Nobody in here is broken. Everyone is whole. I thank you, boys, for coming in today. This flew by because it was wonderful.

Dude, seriously.

A new friendship has emerged. I really like you. Thanks, dude. You're a great dude. I hope people listen to the show. It's available everywhere. You can listen and watch podcasting. You guys videotape it, too. Yeah, we do. I'm going to come on the show when I get back-Yes, please. Into town. We end the show the same way with one word or one phrase. Look into your camera, your individual camera there. We say one word or one phrase to close out the episode whenever you're ready. Boys, go ahead.

One word or one phrase?

Yeah, it used to be a word, and then we had to change it to... It used to be a phrase, then a word.

One love.

Bobby Lee farts on the plane.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Gingers are fugacool. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 Bobby Lee farts on the plane. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.