In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You are that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugival. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's all hell now. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like ginger.

Oh, what's the new you now? I see you got your cars on the internet now. Yeah. How many cars you got? I don't know. You're a whip God now? Who are you turning into Tom Segura?

Does he have a lot of cars?

I bet you- This guy's a big time into cars. No, but- He just got a 911 Decar. I just posted about it yesterday.

Okay. You see, one day I'd like to get something like that. But no, I just have a single cab '95 Chevy.

I saw that Chevy look real nice.

I had a Chevy. I also have a F150, but I don't want people to think I'm a Ford guy. I just really like the '95, '96 F150s, the single cabs.

Yeah. Also, So that was like the... What was the late '90s was the lightning years when they did the SVTs, right? Yeah. Those were beautiful. I love those cars.

That'd be cool to get a lightning.

Yeah. I love those. One of the first guys that taught... One of the first buddies of mine, his dad, taught us how to drive stick. And He was a big, big car guy. And he bought his son. He had a '98 Cobra, SVT Mustang Cobra, and a '97 or '96 Ford Lightning. And he taught us how to drive on a '79 Stingray, Corvette Stingray. Damn. It was the hardest thing I ever had. I was 15 years old. We were in a church parking lot. I was so skinny. But the clutch was old school. Not like today, bro.

It was like a hard-ass clutch.

Bro, You have to slam your foot. And then when you let it go, you feel your leg shaking because it's so stiff. Today, they're all butter. I mean, it's soft. The clutsches now are so simple.

I've never driven a race car, but you know that dude, Noel Miller?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He races sometimes, and he was going to take me to the track, and he was telling me that I should start off with carts because a lot of people fuck up, initially, with break pressure when they race because the fucking race cars have a hard ass-Super hard brakes. Yeah. So you can't just toy with it.

It's not like if you get in a regular car today, you get in a Civic and you touch the brakes. No. Those things you have to push. The weight of you has to adjust to how hard the pads are pressing. But I would say drive something before you get on those. Every dude I know that wants to go to one of those tracks thinks they got like, I could do that shit. And you're like, okay, we'll see. Just wait till you crash.

I'm that guy. Sometimes I have dreams that I'm at, what is it called? Le Mans?

Yeah. Le Mans. Because I was watching this movie one time.

I think it's called Le Mans. Sure. It's with that dude. What's his name? Steve McQueen.

There it is. Yeah.

And I fell asleep watching it. And I guess because I'm hearing it and I was I had a dream that I was there and that it was raining and it was already nighttime and it was my turn to drive next. But that the seat, I couldn't adjust it because they're specifically made for that driver, but they didn't have one for me because I was like, a new driver. So I was like, It's okay. I'll figure it out.

So you're trying to look for the bar to slide it in a race car?

I also didn't have my glasses because I need glasses to see at night. And I was just like, I'm not going to tell them because then they're not going to let me drive. I was just driving a Ford GT, just like, But I kept... You know how dreams are, where you can't punch or you can't run fast? Yeah, I hate those. I kept getting further from the pedal. I couldn't hit the gas all the way down. So I was just really letting my race team down.

That's your I can't punch. You can't touch the pedals of a car. That's such punishment. People are like, go, go, go.

I can't, bro. I can't. But my newest car, and this is the car that's going to make me get rid of most of the cars I have. I have a few Super Sport Monte Carlos, which are cool, but I'm going to get rid of most of them.

You keep them all in a garage?

You do?

On your property or somewhere outside?

On my property. Oh, you do? Well, they don't all fit on my property, so somewhere at other people's properties.

This guy, man. Car God. I'm telling you. How many you have now? Five? Is this four or five cars?

No, I have like 10, maybe total. Jesus Christ, dude. But I just bought a Nissan Skyline, which was the dream since I was nine. My buddy, his uncle, used to be a street racer, and his whole crew were all Nissan. So I got really into the Nissons really early on. And one of them, I think, had a Skyline, but I never got to see it in person.

What year is your? I'm going to look up your year was the year? Because did you post that or no? No.

What year is it? I haven't even gotten to drive it. I left a week ago from home, and it got there the day after I left.

What year is the Skyline?

Do you know? 1993, Nissan Skyline, GTR. R32. Damn.

That's a filthy little car, bro.

It's a gun metal gray.

What year were you born? This is funny that you have such a nostalgia for these older cars.

I was born '96.

Do you know what I mean? I guess so. Why do you have such nostalgia for cars that are pre your time?

I think because in my mind, they're cool to me, but also I know they're going to have issues here and there, and I'd like to learn how to work on them.

You want to fix them? Yeah. You have time to fix them?

Sometimes. You're busy, Dude. But I started... I'm learning right now, but I started with less pressure type cars. The first car that I started really working on is a 2003 Nissan Altima that I bought off my grandma, and it wasn't running or driving And if we could get it to drive, it would shake a lot.

Would she charge you for the car?

1,500 bucks. Cash money, grandma. I way overpaid for that. Yeah. My grandma did not give a fuck.

Pay up, bitch. Yeah. But that teaches you something, right? When you buy your first car. It actually teaches you something about the exchange.

This was two months ago. Oh, what? Yeah.

Oh, this wasn't the first car that you bought?

No, this is just a car that I bought to work on because I wanted to work on it. I don't know.

You wanted to learn about cars?

Yeah. I know how to do bodywork. I used to paint, but I didn't know shit about mechanical side of it.

That's where it gets tough, too. You spend hours and hours. My neighbor builds cars. He builds kit cars. You know these guys that get kit cars and they build them from scratch. When I was a kid, one of my best friends, Tyler, his father used to build MGs. You know MGs? Do you know that car? Yeah. He used to build MGs in his garage, and it would take him forever, man. I used to watch him do that. And I was like, man, he taught us simple shit. Oil change, easy bullshit filters. All that stuff was simple to learn. Then he would start to get into the depth of it, of physically building and constructing an engine block. And I was like, I don't even.

That's why I'm getting rid of most of the cars I have. Because I just went trigger happy. I had a little money I saved up, and I started just buying on Facebook marketplace and stuff. But now I'm like, bro, if I'm really going to work on a car, it's going to take so much time. What am I going to do? Work on one car for two hours and then the other one, and then get back to it next month?

You could be the new Jay Leno, bro. No, I don't- Barboza's garage.

No. Don't. Please don't go there.

Setting you up, bro. Setting you up. You're a Texas-born kid. When we met, what was wild was you didn't do the thing that a lot of people do, where you do your thing in your town or your area, and then you move, and you sucker into LA or New York, and you stayed in Texas, and you're always going to be in Texas. What's nuts is people are moving to Texas now, which I think is hilarious. Now they're all coming down, all these California dudes. But you're in Dallas or where are you at?

Yeah, I'm like an hour south of Dallas. Just like in the country.

Do you like exotic sports cars in the new world or no, you only like old school shit?

No, I love all cars.

Well, because my buddy has a shop out there. When I come to Dallas, if you're around, you should come with me.

I would love to rent whatever he lets me drive.

He'll let you drive. We'll have some fun. The last time I was down there, he put me in an Aventador. He has a lot of Lambo's, Ferraris, all that stuff. And he lets me just toy him around for a while. That'd be badass. Let's go. I'll take you down there. I'm more than happy to. He put me in a GT3 RS with hound's tooth, hand-stitched interior. This Porsche GT2 I was like, I'm going to need a three RS. And it was unbelievably beautiful. And it was like green and dual stitching. And he said to me, he gave me the keys and he was like, have some fun.

I would just rub the seats.

Oh, bro. It feels so nice. Those custom seats are unbelievable. And I was ripping it around and I was like, Man, this is dope. And I know I've driven more expensive cars, but because of how rare it was.

You ever seen that movie? Was that movie Ghost? With Patrick Swayze? Oh, yeah. Ghost. And the girl is making the pottery.

They're making the pot together.

And then his ghost is making it. I feel like if I rubbed the seats like the ghost of the guy who had stitched them will be around me and we'll both be like just...

You're sitting on his lap while you're driving? Yeah. He pushes your little butt forward so you could reach the pedals?

Yeah.

I'll take you out there for real, though. I'd love to take you out there. We met on Bert's fully Loaded tour together, which was a fun little stint. Short but fun. I did four. Four or five. What did you do? How many did you do? Did you do a lot?

I did eight or nine. Yeah.

You liked it? Would you do it again or no? You're too busy now.

No. I was going to do it again. But I wouldn't say that I'm too busy. I just think that, not to sound like a huge pussy or anything, but I think the Lifestyle was tough? No, I wouldn't say it's tough. I think right now, the lifestyle is just wearing on me of touring in general.

Oh, yeah, bro. We're all like that. How old are you now? You're 20?

27?

Yeah, bro. Wait until you hit 40. It's fucking disgusting.

That sounds horrible.

Yeah. Look at me now.

I remember that was one of the first things I thought when I met you. I was like, oh, man, this guy looks so tired. I was like, what am I doing out here? I know.

I look more Mexican than you. I look sleepy, bro. They used to call me Sleepy Red.

You look like a real Irish immigrant. Like the boat ride over here took forever for you.

It does take a long time. I think it was 38 days.

Most of your friends died from plague.

Six of them. Yeah. O'malley, Callahan, all those guys. Two guys jumped, unfortunately, two boys over bored.

No, but I am looking for just a little break because I've been- I mean, you do sound like a pussy when you say that shit because you're in the throes of everything now.

You're in the middle of the golden Growth era for you. This is the best time for you. You're sub 30. You're single. You have no kids.

What are you talking about? I have a five-year-old son. Get rid of him. Go.

Get rid of him, dude. Go back on the road. Get rid of him. I can't. You have a five-year-old kid?

Yeah. I'm going to have to put a workload on him and just start bringing him and have him I'm write jokes. I don't know. I don't want to abandon him, but I don't want to abandon comedy either. So he's going to have to adapt.

He's going to have to figure it out. Yeah. So he's five. It is your only kid. You got more than one.

I got one.

Would you make another one or no? Yeah. You're ready for it?

Yeah.

But you're not ready to settle down. You're not going to get married and do all that stuff.

No. I think if any woman is down to have my kid, she has to know I'm not going to commit.

Right now.

But I'm down to have a kid. If you want a kid, let's do it.

Yeah. Give this kid another kid, baby. When you had your first kid, big surprise for you guys or you were cool with it and you were with her and you wanted to have a kid?

No, we weren't together anymore. We were really immature. I was 21 when she got pregnant. But I think we got mature fast. I think a lot of my friends who have kids... I have some good dad friends, but I also have a lot of fuck-up dad friends. If you're watching this, you're the good one. Don't worry. But I think my son's mom and myself, it started off like rough, like real rough. 21. Right. Young, dumb, full of cum. But I think we got it together quick. We knew each other for a long time, so we were able to communicate well and realize, we pretty much want the same thing for our kid here.

So you worked it out. You have to grow up fast with that stuff. I think that's what's wild about it. Also, you I have a sense of maturity to you that is beyond your years.

I remember when we were on Bird's tour, you kept asking me for advice.

Yeah. I kept saying, how do I do it, man? How do I get to be you? That's what I wanted to be.

I don't know, man. You are what you is. Thank you, bro. What it This is what it is. The day you understand that, is the day you understand the streets.

I'm going to be you when I grow up. One day when I grow up, I'm going to be you. I'm going to have 10 cars and leave them on other people's lawns.

I would love to be as tall as you. That's got to be kick ass. Yeah. Women just don't even care if you have a personality at your height.

Just the height does everything.

And then if you're tall and you have a personality, you lay kids all over this country if you wanted to.

I don't want anything to do with any of that.

You should do it.

Trust me. The height is nice because you just get physically looked down on people. And you get to judge them based on their height. I see your level of power and ability based on your height when I look at people.

I definitely feel like, I don't know if you realize it or not, but your height definitely goes to your head. But sometimes you are mean.

Yeah.

One time, it was the last night of Bird's Tour, and you were just quiet. And I was like, Hey, what's up with you, man? You all right? You were like, I feel like throwing you over that fucking fence. I was like, all right.

That sounds like the wild shit I'd say.

I was like, he's such a fucking tall person. Fuck that guy. It sucks because you know it was like, I don't know.

I did feel like throwing you over the It makes sense for some reason. You know what it was? Man, that bus with all those people. You get burnt out. I was like, I want to kill everybody on this fucking thing. I wanted to get off of that tour so bad.

But I told you- I wanted to hug you hard while I threw you over there.

You know what it was? I wanted to tumble with you. I wanted to grab you and roll down the hill with you. Like an old Western.

You could have thrown me. I would have never hit the ground. I would have just levitated.

That's exactly what you said. You said I was going to float.

Because my heart is so pure. I would have floated and then I would have flown into the sky. And then the little thing like on Pokémon.

Off in a space? Yeah. But I was never mean to you, except if it was comedy love. It was never like- It was definitely like comedy love.

Yeah.

There was actually nobody on that tour that I was bummed to be around. Luckily, because that's a nightmare, man. A lot of times you're on these big things with people and you got to be laced up with people, and you're like, I don't really want to. I don't really fuck with this group of people or whatever. But that was one where I was actually really happy. Everybody on it was good and cool. And the funniest dude, I think, was Or the quietest dude was that Daniel Simonson. That dude is the funniest.

Do you know this guy? I just ran into him again.

Bro, he's so funny. And he's just so quiet. And I'd be like, Do you want to come have a drink? And he's like, I don't really drink.

So I'm going to just hang back and watch you do your thing.

And I was like, all right, cool, man. It was hard to invite him out because I could tell he did not want to... He didn't want to hang. He's not a guy that wants to kick it.

I ran into him out of New York. He was talking to a group of people. I was like, he's dropping. I like listening to that dude talk.

So So fun, man.

So quiet. Every time he talks, I'm like, this must be important. He just never talks.

He does keep himself on this, I'm going to speak when I feel like it's appropriate. Otherwise, I'm not going to... He's not just going to fill space, which is funny because I said, when you're coming up with shit, are you the guy that writes a lot of stuff down? Or are you somebody that thinks on it, then starts to write it? And he was like, however it happens to me, it will happen. And I was like, of course, bro. Yeah, of course That motherfucker has the answers to the universe. He does, bro. It's like when you look at a dog and you go, right. It knows. When you start doing your shit for your new hour, because you have one out right now and you're touring a new hour, right?

Yeah.

You are. Are you throwing shit against the wall when you're out on tour or do you work out in Dallas or in Texas?

No, I don't give a fuck how much money you pay to come to my show. If I feel like doing 45 minutes of random topics and attempts at new material, that's all I will do. Good.

That's a good attitude to have.

No, I want to give people a good show.

No, but you're still going to try shit, huh?

Yeah, definitely. And I think that's fun for a lot of... I think if they're a really big fan of you, they're down to see it or if they're comedy fans in general. There might be some people who are your average fan or whatever.

Comedy goer to somebody that goes to shows. Yeah.

Just got invited. It might be like, what the fuck was that joke? What the fuck are you talking about? But But I do want to give people a good show. Something I try to keep in mind is a lot of my crowd are very middle class, maybe some lower middle class. Sure. So they bought tickets to my show. It took them a few hours worth of work. So I'm like, Bro, I want you to leave thinking, Oh, that show was fucking fun. But that's why I bring funny people on the road. That's their job.

Who are you touring with now?

Right now, I got- Who's your boy out there? You met my buddy Hyman. That's my long-time childhood best friend. He was a Still is a photographer, videographer, but he's a huge comedy nerd. He got me to be a fan of comedy as kids. And I always would push him to do stand-up, and he was like, No, no, no. So one day, six months ago, we're in Chicago or something, and I was just like, Yo, I told the sound guy, you're going to kick the show off. And we're just, I don't know what you call it. You call it piggybacking? There's no host.

Yeah, tag team.

Tag team. Just go up there, do five minutes, and then bring up the next guy. And he was like, For real? He was like, Yeah. We had We do pretty workshop jokes with him.

You gave him shit?

No. If you just hear him talk, he has material waiting to be constructed. He's like Legos that just spill out waiting to be built.

Someone's got to build it. Yeah.

And so we just would talk about it with him, and he did good. For his first time, that was pretty badass. And so he's always just been going at it. So he'll come on the road. He'll take pictures. He'll also handle shit that I don't want to handle.

Like a tour manager, basically.

Like kicking out ugly holes from the Hell, yeah.

Get these hose out. Get these hos out.

Be gone, hos. Yeah, he's just overall- So just him or you take out multiple people? No, I also take out my buddy Luis Juarez and Jesús Castillo, which were two comics out of Dallas.

I feel like I know Castillo or I've met him before. Maybe he sounds familiar.

Maybe. But they're cool. They're funny dudes.

Still in Dallas, both these guys?

Yes, sir. When I started, they would take me out to bar gigs and show me the ropes. And then I went out and I ventured and I did my own thing and I pulled the sword out of the stone and I went back for them. I was like, they were already like, I want to say they were retiring from comedy, but they were slowing down. They were slowing down. And I was like, no, no, no, no, I'm going to get your old asses over here.

What was the thing you cracked that was the change for you? What was the thing that flipped for you that made you know that you were growing bigger than most of your friendship circle, that you were like, I got to go back and try to raise up the people that I started with?

What was the thing that I cracked?

When you said, I ventured out, did you go out? Is it because you got new faces or something like that, or you got a thing that pushed you over the edge?

Don't tell. Really pushed me up.

Don't tell comedy. Yeah.

Yeah. And another thing that helped, I guess, maybe not helped me get a lot of following, but helped people know my name within the industry was doing one of those HBO entre nos things. Like Latino little showcase thing, and then got me on HBO. But I think I think one thing that helped me a lot, like you were saying earlier that I never moved, but I never moved, moved, but I would do the fake move where I'd go to my buddy's couch in New York and just stay there for a month. And I feel like that would help me get better than most of my friends back in Texas. For sure. So then I'd go back to Texas and we'd do a show and people would be like, Hey, this kid's good. And I was like, Yeah, I just fucking lived off of crackers and ketchup in New York for a month, but I honed my skills.

The fake move is a good move. I did that a A little bit, too. That's how I started to touch. In my late 20s and early 30s, I would go to New York a lot, stay with the dude and just do it and then come back. And people would be like, Where are you? Yeah.

I still get that in New York. They're like, When are you going back to LA? I'm not from LA. I was like, I'm not from LA.

Well, they just assume that if you're not there, you're over there. And they don't know the fucking difference.

And then other people will be like, Yeah, you know him? He's from New York, too. I'm like, Yeah, I'm not from there.

Yeah, but you go, Yes. Yeah, I know that dude. Yeah.

Good dude. I love to correct people. You can feel like idiots. And I tell them I'll throw them over fences. That's right.

How high was that fence? Could we have done it?

Yeah, no, it was very- Bro, you could have thrown me. That fence was so low. But even if it was higher, I mean, I weigh like a buck 38.

When you took that, I was like, that's how I know I like that guy. When I said that to him, when you were fucking around back, I thought, I knew I liked that motherfucker, dude. I knew I liked that motherfucker.

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Ginger. I like ginger.

No, you know what, though? I think the way that you've captivated a New Young Generation is impressive. And I give you a lot of credit for what you've done in terms of you grew fast. I mean, before I met you, I saw you quickly go up those ranks. And I think someone did send me that Don't Tell clip. I think it was a Don't Tell comedy clip. Where'd you with that? Here? No.

That was San Diego. San Diego. Man, shout out to Don't Tell because that thing helped me out a lot. It bumped you. You know Mark Smalls? Yeah, of course. I feel like he gave me key advice. I came out to LA because I was going to tape I was getting ready to tape that thing with HBO Entre Nos, and Ida Rodriguez was going to direct it. So the dude, Edwin, who's producing it, wanted her to see my set so that she could get an idea of how I am live or whatever. And he was really cool. He flew me out here, whatever. And he was like, Yeah, I'll fly you back home. But I was like, No, give me a flight that leaves from San Diego because I'm going to take a Greyhound to San Diego and I'm going to film a Don't Tell set. And he had heard about those. And Don't Tell was like, I think they had maybe They had released two of their Seasons.

I don't know what your comments. Yeah, whatever it is.

What are comics they... And so I've seen what they've been doing for comics. They've been putting them out there more. And he was like, You're going to do Don't I was like, what do they pay? 200 bucks? At the time, I don't know what they pay now, but at the time, I was like, yeah. And he's like, what are you doing? I was like, just get my flight from San Diego. I was like, I'm going to San Diego, right? Yeah. So I got on this.

You took a Greyhound down there?

Yeah. Oh, my God. God damn. That's a terrible fucking idea. It's a two-hour drive most of the time from here to San Diego. It took like four and a half hours.

Four and a half, five hours. Yeah. It's a great house, man. A lot of crack kids. Yeah. Did anybody tell you to maybe take the train?

No, I didn't even know you could do that.

That's a great train that goes down there.

But also, I was so broke.

Surfliner. No, it's like $32. Yeah?

Yeah. Well, I still save money. I pay $25 to go to San Diego.

Well, shit. I think it was $22 now. Maybe it was $22 now.

Oh, shit. Anyway, I got there and I just had my luggage and I hung out at the beach all day in San Diego, which I looked like an idiot because I had this black hoodie. I just took it off. People thought I was homeless. They were just definitely staying the way.

You shot that night, and then you left that night or did you stay over?

No, I left that night. Damn.

And then you had no idea. You thought you were just doing something because you thought it'd be a good tape. And then sure enough. And that popped harder than the HBO shit.

Yeah, way more. And it sucks, though, because I like the HBO material more. I wish the But you don't know it's going to pop.

I'm sure people see it in perpetuity, right? Down there. As time goes on, people are going to go back and go, Search your name, Ralph Barbosa, and then go, Oh, shit. And he did this and this. And that happens forever.

20 minutes on HBO. Check it out. But it was so cool, man. The whole right there, I was in my notebook like, What do I do? I should do these jokes, that jokes, and I'm freaking out. But I was just like, Man, I don't know. I should just relax. And then when I got there, Kyle and And all the dudes from Don't Tell were just so laid back. They were like, Man, go out there. They told all the comics, Go out there, do what you think is funny. If you feel like you bombed for eight minutes and you just want us to release two minutes, we'll just release two minutes. Yeah, what do they care? Yeah, just do your thing. And so I just went up there with new material that I wrote on the bus, which I'm glad, but I also regret because it's some of the stuff- You wish it was more seasoned?

Yeah. Yeah.

It's some of the stuff that went viral and got me followers. But also Over the next few weeks before it had released, I had been workshopping it more, and I got it so much better. And I was like, fuck, if only they could have seen that. But that happened.

But that's going to be like that for everything that you do. No matter what joke you put down on tape, you'll go back. And if you did it again or do it more, you're like, I've got more pieces to it now that I wish I should have done. But what's the next? Look, the goalposts are always going to move, right? As you get older and you keep growing, and obviously, your career is going to keep growing. But do you have a thing now that you're like, you know what? I really want to play or really want to do is blank.

I'd like to direct a Broadway show.

Hell, yeah.

This is what this is all about. I know. For most of us. I don't know. For most of us. I don't know. I just like doing stand-up a lot.

You don't have a place to play that means a lot to you? Is there a place in Dallas that means a lot to you?

What is that?

The Majestic Theater is there, right? The Majestic Theater is there.

Before doing standup, I wasn't really a big fan of standup. Doing standup and Coming at it made me fall in love with it and learn about all these... Or become a fan of a lot of comics. So one time I saw... I had been doing comedy. I was like 18, 19. I would go do mics and I'd bomb and I wouldn't want to go back. I just sucked at it. But you keep wanting to be like, Oh, no. Maybe if I say this, say that. And then one day I saw that documentary, I don't know what you would call it, that Hannibal Takes Edinburgh.

Edinburgh, yeah.

And I was watching the scene where he kept getting frustrated from doing the same jokes over and over again. And that stuck out to me. And also just scenes of him listening to a set. And that was the first time that it made me realize, oh, shit, it's just a lot of hard work. It's a lot of work. Yeah, it's a lot of work. So after that, I went back to Mike's and I didn't stop going. And I just kept at it and kept working at it. And a comic from back home, he was like, Hey, man, I have tickets to Hannibal Burris at the Majestic. If you want to go, I got an extra ticket. And I was like, Hell, yeah. I had seen comedians from doing comedy. But other than that, I've still never been to a concert I've never seen live music other than a local band at a bar, maybe. So that was my first event, show.

Still to this day, you've never been?

I've never been, no. God damn. Yeah. And so I went and I sat really high up, but it was still cool as hell because I'm like, oh, shit. That's handleable. And it was a cool show. And I just always thought it'd be cool to one day play that. And we did it three weeks ago. Oh, no shit. Yeah. Oh, that's wild. It was dope.

It was such a cool venue, man.

Yeah.

But now when you're there, do you have those moments of reflection where you're like... Because sometimes it's hard when you're in it to go, damn, this is a piece of you, oftentimes when you're inside of it, it's just like, yeah, it's great, whatever. Then you move on. Did it hit you a little bit that you were like, this is fucking amazing. I was here watching Hannibal not too long ago.

When you're having sex at a cool downtown hotel after a show like that, it's all in your head. I'm soaking in all of it.

Are you fucking after every show?

No. God, no.

Well, let's get that going. Ladies, fans out there, let's make sure we can fuck Ralph after every show. That would mean a lot to me if you're a real fan. Support people that I love and respect, and please fuck him after the show.

I'm not the type to... I don't think I'm the type to really commit, but I'm also not the type to just try to fuck all the time. I'm still a little bit of like a romantic. You're picky. No, I'm not picky. I'm more I like those meet cutes. Tell us a good meet cute that you had.

Did you have one recently?

With a hooker? Yeah. No. Go ahead. I don't know. Just if you meet and you guys hang out and you're feeling each other. Even if we don't fuck the first night we hang out.

If it's good conversation, you'd like to have.

If it's good conversation, if we can joke around and stuff.

Now, but these girls that are coming at you now, are they fans? Are they big fans?

No. I'm actually more attracted to girls who are not really big fans. And if we're going to have a one-night stand type of thing, I definitely don't want you to be a fan. I want you to be one of those girls who's just barely interested because you see that I have a following. That's always better.

They just see your Graham and they just know you have a lot of followers.

If you're a huge fan, then it just feels weird. They're just like, I always wanted this. And I'm like, oh.

In the middle of it? Yeah. Always wanted this. Yeah.

So I'd rather not. And the last, I think, serious relationship I had, or the last two, I wouldn't even say serious. They lasted a few months.

No, that's pretty good. You're seeing somebody. If two months, you're seeing them. If you're hanging with them.

And it was only because they didn't know who I was at all.

That's great.

Yeah, that was badass.

Yeah, that's wonderful.

That gives me so much confidence.

And then afterwards, they do know you, and then they hate your shit forever.

Oh, man. That's what's great. That's probably what's going on right now. One time, I was at the airport, and I think I had to go to check in at the little front desk thing or something. They call you. They're like, oh, we got to assign your seat. Come on. And, man, the girl there was so pretty. And I was like, man, I wanted to ask her for her number. And she didn't know who I was. At least that's what she says. I believe it. She seems legit. And I got her number. And, man, that boosted my confidence way more than any show could Because at that point, you're a regular dude.

Yeah.

She just thinks that I'm probably working at McDonald's. I don't know what she thinks, but she gave me a chance. It feels like when you rob a bank with no gun, not that I've done that, but I imagine, you're just like, oh, shit, I didn't even have to pull out the gun. You know what I mean? I did it with a note, too. I passed her a note. What did it say? I bought her some Skittles from the store and I brought them.

Original Skittles?

Are we talking- Sour Skittles. They're a little fancy.

Yeah, smart.

Kids got some money now.

I'll sour Skittle you off, bitch.

And I wrote on a note. I was like, Put your number on this paper or I will fucking kill you. No, I was just like, I wrote my number on the note, I think. And I was just like, hey, it's nice to meet you. I was like, you're really pretty. Takes me some time. And yeah. Hits you right away. Never once hung out with her. Never will.

She works at the airport, man.

The fact that I even got that far was good enough for me. Now, That's huge.

Completion. The hunt is probably better than the kill on that. If you did meet up with her, maybe it would have been shitty. It was like the thing was better than the other thing.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That worked another time, too. But that girl, she found out who I was and we were texting. And she was being really dry. That was boring, which sucks because I thought, I don't know, I was really interested in talking to her and stuff. And I was like, Oh, yeah, I'll hang out with her. And it was in my hometown. So I was like, hey, I'll come back. Even better. We'll get married and have a farm and we'll have kids and we'll stop calling each other by our names. I'll call her Mom. She'll call me Pa. But she's just been so dry. I was like, fuck her.

She didn't want any of that. She didn't want no Mom, Pa. You want that old white, retired story. That's what you want?

No, not really.

Get a couple of kids running around Ralph Barbosa. You know how funny that'd be? I'm Ralph Barbosa.

You know it's crazy? You go to certain parts of Texas, there's a lot of Mexicans with that accent.

They're like, Hey, buddy. Yeah.

I swear to God.

We've seen you at the Comedy Show, Barbosa.

Especially the more south Texas you go.

Mexican dudes that sound like that?

Yeah. Even in Dallas, though. Really? Yeah. I've never seen this shit. Especially out in the country. I'll take you to meet some. You know, there's my uncle's buddy, I think his name is Pete. I forgot his other buddy's name. And they build, they restore old Chevy's a lot. A lot of old cars. I'll take you to see their shop, and they talk like that.

They all sound like that? Hell, yeah. And then you meet a white dude in the shop that's like, Hey, what's up, dog? And you're like, Come on, dude. No, this is not.

This is Shia La Buf back there. What's up, Holmes? But yeah, no. I don't want to... That stuff looks very peaceful, very calming. When you see the old married couple, they're just living out of the company. Living out of the way.

Yeah.

But if you think about it, it's a lot of work. To get to that point, I don't want to deal with all that. It's like years of fighting. Somebody has to cheat at least once.

And by the way, no matter who you end up with, you're going to fight your whole life. I mean, you're going to fight your whole life. That's what love is.

That's why I don't want to get married.

Even if you're not married, if you just have partnership with somebody, if you're just sharing a kid, you're going to fight. You You're going to fight with your baby's mama? Yeah. Well, I mean, you're never going to not.

Do you assume that I call her baby mama because I'm Mexican?

Any minority in general. I would say that if you were black, I would say... Yeah. If it was a white person, I would say your son's mother.

I usually do say my baby moms. Yeah, of course. So shut the fuck up. Because I'm at this white podcast, I was like, my son's mother.

Yeah, nice try. We both flipped it on each other. When you're hanging with your homies and you're like, when I'm with my crew, I'm sorry, my friends.

When I'm with the essays.

When I'm with my essays, what's the high majority of your audience? Latino?

Latino. I pay a lot of attention to this stuff. It's interesting to me. I'm always like, what the fuck do people think of me? But I'm from Texas. From Texas and to the West, going through Arizona. Nevada, all that shit. Nevada, all that. The crowd's getting more and more Mexican. So last night, all Mexican crowd. Denver, will be like, majority Mexican. You get a little mix of other people. As you go from Texas through the South and the Midwest going East, it'll change up a little bit.

So like- Fifty-fifty, more half and half?

I wouldn't say half and half, but it's still a majority Latino. But you start getting more Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, and you'll get some white dudes. Sometimes you'll see a couple of black dudes, and I'm just like, oh, shit. Like, nice. Branching out. That's a good win. I feel like I'm Apple or something. But, yeah, it's just crazy. Then you get to the East Coast, and you will get a little more. You'll get a little more black people. You'll get some Indian folk.

No Asians, though.

No, we get some Asians. Indians are technically Asians, aren't they?

Indians are Asians. Yeah, for sure.

So, yeah, we'll get Asian. But the O-G.

I'm talking about Asian. O-g.

Yeah.

We'll get the original Asian. But you get that if you go Northwest. If you play San Francisco, you play- Oh, yeah.

We have gone- That's all Asian. Once you go up to the Northwest, I'll say it gets a little more diverse again. Just a little bit, not too much. But for the majority, it's always Latino. And once we're headed West, it's just Mexican.

Yeah. Which is the best. Come on, man. They're a huge fan. We acquire a lot of Mexican fans from bad friends because Southern California.

They just scare me, though.

I love them. I fucking love them.

Yeah, but they love you, and they're always going to love you. But I'm one of them. So they're going to turn on you, you think? No, not that they will turn on me. I don't think like, Oh, they're for sure going to turn on me. But I have less room to fuck around. If I fuck up, they'll turn on me. Especially California. California, Mexicans, you on prison rules in the real world. Not the real world, but the free world. Look at George Lopez, when me and him got into that thing. I wasn't even mad at him. But because he went against his own race, fucking Mexicans wanted to chop his head off.

That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen online.

That's such a prison rule thing, though. I was like, he's all right. I'm cool with him.

It's also because you're young and he's an elder statesman. And the problem with that, even if that was an older white dude, younger white comic, older black dude, younger black comic, same thing would have happened where the new generation sees that as weakness from the older generation being like, Why are you so afraid of this young dude just fucking around? What is that about? To them, to a younger crowd who most people that are comedy fans are, I would say 22 to 35 is probably the biggest chunk of hardcore comedy goers. So they see that as weakness. For the older guys, they go, What the fuck don't you like Ralph for? I don't even understand. That's the problem with that. It's I don't even think it was just blown out of proportion. I think it was blown more out of proportion than what originally the intention was. But you swam away real clean out of that. Yeah. Yeah. You looked better than ever out of that shit. But Who boosted you on accident. It was great.

Yeah, it was pretty cool, man.

It was fucking funny as shit. Also, I remember hearing that and not really knowing you. I had maybe heard your name, but I didn't really know you. And even me, as an outsider, I was like, I don't know what this beef is about this kid. So then, oddly enough, it made me look you up even more. And then I was like, well, I think I like his shit. So then it makes people inherently turn on him anyway because you didn't start any beef. It's not like you shot a gun first and someone's like, fuck that kid. He thinks he's the shit.

Mike Tyson, one time in this video, he quoted something from that book, The Prince, by Machiaveli, and it made me want to go read that book. But then I was like, I just go off of his quote. Yeah. Fuck a whole book. I I actually read a little bit of it, but it's too like, This is what you do when you're in power. I'm like, chill out. It's a fucking maniacal ass book. But there is this quote in there that it's like when you take over a new country and you kill their king, You're supposed to chop off their head and then show it to them and tell them what you're going to do next. I don't think I chopped off George Lopes' head. And obviously, the dude still has his... I mean, he's fucking George Lopes. But I think right there, he chopped off his own head for a little bit and he just landed in front of me. I was just like, Hey. He just took advantage of the situation.

I'd love to see you guys sit down together and talk about it. I'm interested.

That's so racist. You would never- I wouldn't mind it. I would love to see that. I'm not going to I don't think it's that big of a deal to where I'd avoid it or I need to make it happen. If it happens, it happens. Right. I feel like you're going to ambush me.

I'm so interested. Yeah, George, come on in. He's like, Hey, mother. No, because I know George for a while.

What if I was just a huge puss? She's like, I was just playing George.

I would like to see how it works. I'll be a mediator. I know. Because I like you both. And so I thought that was a weird thing. I didn't understand it. But also, that happens across the board? I don't think it was just a Latino thing, too, because I know that's what you mean, where the audience was like, when you say something about your own. But that happens to us when an older comic... I'm 40 now. Like any guy in my generation, if you inherently start shooting at a guy that's younger for no reason- You should do that. You should start shooting at people? Yeah. Who should I shoot at?

I don't know. Who do you like? Who's young and popping right now?

I don't know. That's probably my problem. I can't shoot anybody because I don't fucking know.

I was just in New York. And who did I see? I can give you a list of people. I'll email you a list of people to shoot at. And then you choose who you want to shoot at. Yeah.

Let me choose.

That's cool.

I just don't give a fuck enough. I hope everyone does their thing. There's plenty of pie to go around. Go eat your own fucking slice. I don't give a shit. Agreed. I'm happy if people are doing good that are working hard. And I've said that before on this show multiple times about, I know people, younger comics a lot, the Matt Ryfe is in the joke of the Zyca.

Here he Here it comes.

But I got to tell you.

He bought a shit on Matt Ryfe. No.

Here it comes. It's a polar opposite. I'm happy for that kid. Good for that kid.

He's going to George Lopes Matt Rife. Good for that kid. No, Matt Rife is cool.

I've known him since he was young, young. He started coming around the club When he was 16. And I think it's funny that people think it's an easy target. But I'm like, that guy's not taking any of your fucking audience, and he's not eating anything off your plate. So go sell your own tickets. And who gives a shit? You don't have to like his shit because he's famous. It's fucking insane.

I hear all the stories about him starting at super young.

He was 15 or 16. I used to fucking come around the club and they wouldn't let him in. And they're like, you can't be in here. And he would sneak in because he wanted to hang out so bad and just see and see comedy.

That guy is nice, too. I've never met him in person, but just through messaging.

He's a good kid, man. I really like him. But that's my point is, I don't have the time of day to give a fuck about a young comic on the rise. I'll support you if somebody's coming up and they're good and they work hard. Couldn't care less. I don't even know what the beef would be. You should know more than anybody. You're way above people in your class What would it serve you to shit on the guy below you?

Sometimes it just feels good to shit. Does it? Shit on people? Fuck that. I shit on my crew all the time.

Yeah, your own crew. Yeah, you should. Like your boy outside. I saw what he did when he walked in. That was nuts. Did you see that when he walked in? For the fans that don't know, he makes his boy that comes with him. He makes him tie his shoes for him. No, I didn't do that. He wiggles his foot and he goes, tie, tie, tie, tie. That's crazy, bro, that you do that shit.

I didn't do that, but In here, we pour whiskey.

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Ginger. I like ginger. But I will take advantage of Hyme's kindness sometimes.

What? What do you do? Sometimes. Do you make him go run errands and shit for you that you don't want to do?

I might make him. He went and got Advils for us today. But it's across the street. But if we go out, a group of friends, and I'm hanging out with a girl, and then me and that girl just start clicking, and I start talking to another girl, Hymer will divert the girl.

He's the interceptor? Yeah. This guy's the G. I love that guy. I knew I could feel his energy. That's the fucking man.

And sometimes I got to pay it back. He had a little fling going on with somebody. I think we were in San Jose or Fresno, I don't remember. And he was like, Yeah, I've still been talking to this girl, and I'd like to see her. He's like, You're going back for a one night. I had a one night show with a bunch of comics like DL and Felipe and them. I was like, yeah, man, just come. I was like, the producers or whatever, the people who booked the show, they got me a room. I was like, we just share the room and you can hang out with that girl, whatever. But I didn't think he was actually going to bring her back to the hotel.

You didn't believe in him or you didn't think it was going to happen?

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't really pay it too much mind. I'm thinking this is just some girl that they're going to go get dinner. I'm not paying it too much mind. I'm not looking into it too much. I'm more focused on my show because I'm a professional. That's right. And afterwards, he's like, Yeah, I'm going to go hang out with that girl. I'm going to go get a drink with her. I was like, All right, cool, man. I'm going to just hang out here at the hotel. He's like, You don't want to go? He's like, Honestly, I'm worried. He's like, What if she just doesn't even show up? And I was like, All right, fuck it. I'll go hang out. I get there and that girl gets there and you're hanging out. And they just assumed my room. I'm just in the lobby.

Just kicking it, waiting for them?

Yes. I'm like, What the fuck? I'm like, Hey, fuck it. Good for him that he found this girl he likes and they're hanging out. But I'm also hating the girl because I'm like, This bitch, she just was like, Oh, is your room rough, Barbosa? Fuck you. I'm going to go bang your friend. Just take my time. Apparently, she was telling Hyman, Just stay an extra night. Just stay an extra day and you can hang out with me and stuff. Just stay and we'll get breakfast in the morning. My flight, I was literally there one night. I got there 3:00 PM. We did the show. I was supposed to fly out the next morning, 6:00 AM. I'm pretty sure Hyman had told her, and she just said, Hi, man. Yeah, we'll stay here at the hotel and we'll get breakfast in the morning and make a day out of tomorrow. I'm like, I'm like, okay, so I just don't get my room back? I don't even get an hour of sleep.

The audacity. And that's why he goes and gets Advil.

That's why sometimes I'm like, go get the fucking Advil.

That's payback. That's good payback. I'm glad that you keep your friends around you. That's a luxury that I think I wish I had. I moved to LA as a young dude, and we had no friends. We had to make all these new friends in this city with all these transplants. And that was one thing I saw in guys that I always was jealous of, like hometown cats. Like Bargazzi moved back to the south. And I think that's a cool thing to go back home. I always wish in my mind I could have done that, and I'm too late now. But also everyone in Chicago is I don't know anybody there anymore. I mean, everyone's gone. But I think that's a dope thing that you've cultivated a crew of your friends and kept close. I think it's important. It'll help your comedy, I guess, in the longest run.

Drain your pockets, but it's fun. What's the point What's the point of having a career if you can't really enjoy it? It's like a pizza.

It's exactly like pizza.

It's just like pizza.

Cheesy and greasy. What do you put on your pizza?

I like pineapples. I know a lot of people hate on that, but I like all sorts of pizza. I like the one, like the Supreme. I don't like olives. That's probably the one topic that I'm like, get that.

What color of olives?

Green or black. I don't like olives. I don't understand how people can like olives.

They're delicious, man.

You drink them in the Martini?

I don't have No, I don't do that. But I like green olives with cheese and crackers and a charcuterie board. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Black olives, I don't fuck with. Black olives are trash.

Charcuterie boards are so like, I don't know. White? Yeah. Especially with what you just said. I imagine that's our chips and salsa. I don't know.

We like chips and salsa, too, bro.

Yeah, but that's like hours.

Oh, is that your shit? It's like ours.

Obviously, we share it with you. Just like you share your charcuterie boards.

We shared a lot. Yeah. Hot dogs. You're welcome.

I remember at Bird's thing, you were going crazy on those hot dogs.

I would suck a glizzie.

He was holding up all the hot dogs. He's like, Hot dogs for everybody.

And I'd put them in my mouth and they'd go, Watch us. Watch us. And they'd go, Take it out. And I could spit it right back out.

Right back in perfect. Perfect form. Yeah. It came out shinier.

I had so much practice putting shit down my throat. It was so easy to slide a glizzie down there.

You can swallow a sword. You've seen when they do that? Yeah.

The sword swalvers. Yeah, maybe. I think I might be down for that. I look I could have been classically trained at clown school.

I feel like you have a pretty decent size mouth. I feel like it could probably stretch more. I look at your mouth, I'm like, That's stretchable.

At this age, I don't think so.

Believe in yourself.

My jaw has been broken so many times after all those bar fights that I don't know if I'll be able to- Have you really been in bar fights?

You're fucking around with me right now.

When I was in college.

Yeah? Yeah. Against other college students? Or did you fight- We'd fight elementary school kids.

Yeah? Yeah, against other fucking college kids.

Some little fat elementary kid broke jaw.

Just smoking fucking junior high kids. College was the worst time to fight because you had all the confidence in the booze in the world. No business fighting because it was never going to end well because everyone was so fucked up. And it was never one on one. In high school, fights were good because they were one on one. It was always like for me, most fights, I would say that when you confronted someone, you were going to fight them.

You fight a lot in high school?

Not a lot, but a little bit. When I was a kid, I fought the most. When I was a little punk ass.

Was it because nobody hugged you? Did you get a fair amount of hugs growing up, would you say?

I got a fair amount of hugs. Yeah. I think it was a defense mechanism when someone was being a fucking was chirping at me a little bit. I just was like, I'm going to swing on them.

Maybe you got too many hugs.

I think it didn't get... We're Irish, Catholic, so we don't hug a lot. It's like pats on the shoulder.

That's where your temper came from. She's like, Why are you not patting my back right now?

Rub my back? Yeah. Well, that's what I do after I beat someone's ass in a fight. I go, Now rub my fucking back. So after they're all bloody, they rub my back until I'm ready to go home. Nice.

I like your style, man. You got to create some balance. You got to have the blood of your enemy on your back.

Yeah, that's right. That's me holding their head. I feel that. And I will hold their hair up while they rub my back.

I've been in a couple of fights. I won a few.

Lost a few.

Lost most.

Yeah, you got to lose them.

They got to lose a lot. But most of the time I fought as a kid, I was fighting bigger dudes, and I feel like that made me better. So anytime I fought somebody my size, I just killed them. I was like, You're these little bitch. And they're like my double, but I'm just like, I see what my friends see. Because you box, right?

You box still, don't you?

No, not anymore.

When we talked last, you said you were still training, but you were over it, huh?

Yeah. What? I just fucked up the relationships with everybody I had there.

Really? At the gym? Yeah. Why?

What happened?

Did something bad go down?

No, not too bad. The main coach, he was real cool, but I just started getting uncomfortable there.

What do you mean uncomfortable? You don't have to share it if it's personal.

That's a little personal, but not too bad. All right, don't share it. No, I share it. Whatever. All right. No, I dated One of the girls that worked there. There it is. That didn't go so well. Yeah, there it is. My fault.

I knew some shit. I was like, this couldn't just been an argument with somebody.

But she wasn't going to continue going to the gym, I don't think, or whatever.

Because it ended poorly? Or no?

It ended poorly. I don't think there was any problem with like, Oh, I'm going to stop going. You keep going. Nothing like that, right? But the coach, we always got along really good, but he started getting just a little pushy. And he would invite people to the gym to interview me and stuff. And I was like, What are you doing, man? I don't want to do this. I just want to come work out. You know what I mean?

This is a place for you to get away. Yeah. You don't want to feel like you're on. You got to do comedy, bullshit or interviews.

Yeah. So one time it came like that. The start of all that just making me lose interest was they wanted to do a charity show to raise money for the gym because it wasn't like a badass, like Prestige gym. It was a very- Local.

It was a local shit.

Yeah. And I was like, Man, I'm down. And so we went to this venue to see what we could do, like this show. And I was going to bring in some comics or something. And they were telling me how much they wanted to charge for tickets. And I was like, If they wanted to VIP seating for this much and that much. And I was just like, Hell no. This is ridiculous prices.

How much was it? Like 100 bucks?

They wanted to do like 100 bucks a ticket. And I was like, Bro, what the hell? I was like, I don't charge that. And they're like, But you could. And I was like, That doesn't mean I want to. It's for charity. And I'm like, It's for your gym. I'd rather just give you some money and then do a show where I charge this much. And so after that, it just became like, well, do this for us. Do that and do this. And I was like, I don't want to work out anymore.

So now you're going to find a new gym or you're just over it in general?

I'm over working now, man. I'm 27. You're growing. It's too old now. I have a few more years left in this life. I'm on my way out the door.

You know how hard it is to get, dude, some old man bullshit, but man, it gets harder to want to work out. I used to fucking everyday love it. Now I'm like, I'd rather just chill with a dog. It gets harder and harder, man.

It's definitely one of those, the more you do, the more you want to do.

True. But I don't know.

Yeah, but that goes away, too. One day, I could work out for three days straight, and each day I'll be doing a little more, a little more. But one day of like, second down a good old glizy, like the way Santino style.

That Santino glizy style.

And I'm just like, well, fuck working now. I'm going to hit it like Santino.

Are you still drinking or no?

Sometimes.

You said to me when we talked, we had a couple of drinks at the end of the tour, and you were like, I think I need a break. I remember you saying that to me. You're like, I think I need a fucking break.

Well, yeah, I was going pretty hard for a few months before that tour. And a couple of weeks before that tour started, I had sobered up completely. Off of everything. Off of everything. And I was trying to stay sober on the tour, but I fucked around here and there with the old mushrooms and whatnot and just a few drinks here and there. But I was just like, Fuck. Mostly the mushrooms made me want to take a break. Oh, really? I have been taking a break.

In a good way? It cleared your mind and you were like, I don't think I want that other shit in my body?

No. I just had a lot of really bad mushroom trips.

You had bad trips?

Oh, yeah. We're doing them every weekend for a while. Yeah. And so eventually, they just- They catch up to you a little bit. Yeah. And I just felt really irresponsible. And so I was just in this trip. Just like, what the fuck are you doing, man? You just fucking up out here. Yeah, but not at all. Take care of your body. You know what I mean?

So nothing now. Now you're cleaning out.

No, bro. I haven't done mushrooms, but I still drink. I don't want to be one of those... You never want to say, Oh, I fully stopped. Or, Yeah, I'm going to drink it. If I feel like drinking, I'll drink. I think I've matured a little bit. I can handle myself.

You don't smoke, though, do you?

I'll smoke sometimes, but I can't really do that anymore, man. I could take three hits. Anything past in three hits, I can't hang no more. I don't know if it's just me becoming this older If you're a pussy or if weed is getting stronger or a mix of both.

I think it's both. Yeah? No, I think weed is just getting stronger is all that is. Bro, when I was 20 and smoking daily, I could take a couple of joints and not even think twice about it. Just hanging out with people. I'll smoke a joint with some friends. If I take two hits, we're good.

I'm just like, I'm a piece of shit.

I don't need that shit. Dude, we have friends that we hang out with that are like 500 milligram fucking edibles.

I'm like, what's the- Fuck that, And I'm 200 pounds.

Even 500 would fuck me up.

I eat a 10 milligram one, and I'm just like, this is too much.

To 10? 10, does it? Ten is my sleepy time. If I can have 10, it feels good to go to bed to, to me.

I think 10 was good if I'm at the house. But if I eat 10 and I go out... Because I eat 10 and I'll stay at home. If I do partake in an edible, I'll be like, Fuck it. I'll just eat 10. And maybe not sleepy time, but at least once I'm relaxing. One time I ate 10 and I think we were in... I don't know where I was at anymore. I just remember I was like, Oh, we're going to go eat. We're going to go to a mall before the shows. And, Fuck it, I eat 10. And we're at this restaurant. It's super packed. This is a Chinese restaurant, and they didn't even have tables available. You order at this little kiosk and the pictures show very small portions of the food. And I usually go to a Chinese restaurant, they give you big portions. But in my mind, I'm like, well, I've never been to this city. Maybe here they just give you these small portions. So instead of order, it was me and my buddy Hyman. And we just got like, okay, I want orange chicken. Well, I also want orange chicken.

So we got like two of those and like two of this and two of that. And then there's no fucking table. And then I'm just like the fucking edibles kicking in and I'm hungry as fuck. So I kept ordering more food. But now we're just holding this big... The fucking portions were so huge. I don't know why they showed little pictures. It's so confusing. So I'm just standing there eating this big ass shrimp fried rice.

Baked out of your head in the mall.

Yeah. I'm talking to a stranger like, Can I sit with you? And then those strangers are looking at me like, What the fuck? And I'm high as fuck. And I'm just like, Oh, fuck. Everybody here hates me.

Fuck. Which no one paying attention to you at all. But in your mind, everyone's looking at you. Yeah. Nobody even thinks you're there.

I'm like, they think I'm stupid for holding this big ass bowl, just standing here. And then I go back up to the register. I'm like, Yo, can I get this in a to-go box? And they're like, all right, fuck it. And they put it in a to-go box, right? And all our orders are coming out together. It's like, shrimp fried rice? All right, cool. I'm holding the shrimp fried rice now. And I'm like, Can you put this in to-go box? All right, cool. And I'm eating it out the to-go box now. And then five minutes later, they're like, Orange chicken. And I'm like, That's how it's sold me. And I just take the plate and I'm eating a little bit. And I'm like, Could you put this in a to-go box now? And they're just like, What the fuck? Why did you not order it to go? And then halfway through the meal, they finally, we got a little seat. This The guy let us sit with him. And so we're sitting there. And even the guy is looking at us because every five minutes, they're beef and broccoli. A whole fucking menu.

Yeah.

We're just bringing it over. But by the last meal, the last thing they gave us was the fucking egg rolls, which I thought was going to be the first thing. Should have been first. And we were just so embarrassed to get up. But we're sitting near the register. So it's just like, egg rolls? They're like, You. I know it's you. They're like, egg rolls. They're like, fuck.

Get your ass up here and get these fucking egg rolls, man.

I was like, I'm I was like, what's this? That was such a bad high experience. It was one of those I don't want to smoke for a good month.

Well, edibles in public have never served me well. Every time I take an edible and go do something, immediately when I'm out doing something, I'm like, this was absolutely the fucking worst idea. Because if I can smoke a joint and be out in public, I knew how it was going to affect me. The mystery box of an edible to me, I have to be at the house. No fucking... I can't do that. We'll see if this one's a heavy one or a light one. The last time I got caught up, I was with Adam Ray, and I think it was me, him, and Brad Williams, and someone else. And I picked him up at Adam Devine's house, and he said, we're going to a baseball game. We're going to Angels game. So we were driving down Orange County. And he's like, hey, man, do you want some drops? Some THC drops? It's just a little vial. And I said, oh, for sure. And I put a few on my tongue and I was like, damn, I don't think this thing is fucking working. So I squeezed this shit again. And then it's then it's sprayed out.

And he was like, oh, shit. He's like, dude, it was all tinsure or whatever. And he was like, that's Concentrated. You only need one.

What did you do? What is that? What did you said it? Is it all tinsure?

Tinsure. Yeah, I think it was like... Is that the word I'm looking for? Tinsure, right? It was like concentrated THC oil. Tinsure, T-H-C. Let me see if I'm saying it right. Yeah, cannabis, tinsures.

T-i-n-c-t-u-r-e-s. Okay, so Tinsure means...

I think it's just concentrated oil. It's concentrated oil. Yeah.

I thought that was just a word you could use for other stuff. If they bring me really spicy food, oh, it's Tinsure.

Oh, yeah. You got to taste some of this tinsure, dude. Put some tinsure on that, bitch. It'll make it so much better. Yeah. High potency Tinsure can be stronger than low potency edibles. It varies. It was based on the formulation. But anyway, what it was, was it was a full fucking vial of this shit. And I had no idea. I didn't even think about it. And I put the whole fucking thing on my tongue. And at first I thought, if I start freaking out, it's going to make this way worse. So I was like, just be cool. Let ride the wave, which just happens with most, like psychedelics. I'm always like, be cool. It's going to hit you hard.

Chill out.

But the first wave was so fucking big. Knocked me on my ass. Bro, we were halfway down Orange County. I was like, we should go back. We We got to go back, bro. We have to go back. I was freaking the fuck out. Then he was like, we were an hour before the game or two hours before game time. He's like, we'll go to the movie theater. We'll get out of the car. We'll change our environment. That'll help. I got in line to the one of the kiosks to buy my movie ticket, and I physically couldn't do it. I swear to God. I was so fucked up that I was like, I can't, bro. I couldn't do it. And these guys, by the way, wanted to go see what's the Tom Hanks movie where the plane, he fucking Sully, the Sullenberg?

Yeah.

I was like, I'm not trying to go see a fucking plane crash film. I'm baked off my fucking brain. So they were like, well, we're going to see it. So I sat in the hallway on the phone with my wife eating popcorn because I was like, I'm not going to watch a plane crash, bro. That was the last time I took like- I like how your friends took you to the movies to calm you down. And they went to a plane crash film. Because, of course, Adam was like, I want to see Tom Hanks do the plane. I was like, he was regular high. If I It was just regular Stone. It would have been fun. But I was uncomfortably high. I needed to see Hello Kitty or something. I needed something like... I needed the opposite of plane crashing to level me the fuck out.

I need to get away from people when I'm that high because I overthink the group. If I'm with a group of guys and I get too high, I'm just like, oh, it's so gay. But then I start to overthink it. And I'm just like, well, what am I supposed to do? Hang out with a bunch of women? And then I'm like, what am I, a pervert? And I'm just like, what the fuck is just wrong with me?

Am I gay or am I a pervert? Yeah. I have to be something. I have to be one of the two, man. Look, I appreciate you so very much coming on the show, man. I respect you. I admire you. I like your shit. You're a talented dude. I'm excited for continued success for you. People that have not seen you, which is probably rare, go to ralphbarbosa. Com. Yeah?

No. Barbosacomedy.

Com. Barbosacomedy. Com.

Or just follow me on Instagram.

Follow him on the gram. We'll put the link in all the description below so you can come see this motherfucker live because he is phenomenal. A great comic, great dude. Look into that camera right there and say one word to end the episode. If you want to say a phrase, you can. Some people say a word, some people say a phrase.

Bitching. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey. You were that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like that, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginges are beautiful. You want me $5 for the whiskey? $75 for the horse? Ginges, I A phrase, you can. Some people say a word, some people say a phrase. Bitchin. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.