This episode of Whisky Ginger is brought to you by Rabbit Hole Distillery, and they're one of a kind Kentucky bourbon and rye whiskies. I'm telling you, I love this sauce. I've been promoting them for a long time because I believe in it and I really love it. For the price point, it is delicious. It's perfect. You're getting more bang for your buck in this bottle than you have in a lot of other whiskies that you pull off the shelf that have more popular names, perhaps. The award winning spirits, the story behind these cats is their founder, Kavaz Manian, left a successful 20 plus year career as a psychologist, went down the rabbit hole himself and dug to find his own jazz. His mission was to create the world's finest spirits. And this year he was introduced in the Kentucky Bourbon Hall of Fame. Congrats. He was the fastest to ever get inducted. If you're looking for something truly unique this holiday season, this is a great gift. Or if you're looking to sip, sip some stuff like this and not talk to your aunt and uncle who want to just know what's been going on with you and that girl?

Go ahead and grab some of this. This rabbit hole is so good. I've been sipping on high gold. There's our Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. All four of their expressions are very, very good. But this is the newest addition to their core line of a whiskeys. It separates itself, I believe. It's very butter, scotchy and smooth. A little bit of pepper in there. But the other three or no slouch, the Boxer Grail that rye is very, very good. I know people say I'm not a rye guy. Try this. And then the Deringer is the PX Cherrie Kasks finished bourbon in those Pedro Ximenez casks. Look, if you're looking to jump down a fun new hole, why not be The Rabbit Hole. They got four distinct whiskey expressions, and they're all so very good. Go to rabbitholddistillery. Com/buynow. Rabbitholddistillery. Com/buynow. Use the promo code, Rabbit, for five dollars off your first order. Please drink responsibly. What up, Whiskey Ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If it's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today. Like my man, Steve Harvey, don't say it's Whitney Cummings, who is coming out with her sixth special.

Sixth, sixth, sixth, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 in German. Seychs. Whitney Cummins, it's on OnlyFans, OF. Tw. Whitney. It's called Mouthe. Boy, oh, boy, is she? She doesn't shut up ever when I'm chatting with her, but I love her so very much. Go watch Mouthing on OFTV right now. The link is going to be in the description below. Go see her on tour. Go see me on tour, my friends. Next weekend, we're wrapping up our little run of the final Bad Friends 2023 tour. We're going to be in Chicago, Milwaukee, Minneapolis, and Madison. That ends it out. Then after that, we're jumping all over. We're in Atlantic City, we're in Reno, we're in Tucson, we're in Sacramento. You name it, we're going everywhere, baby. Go to badfriendspod. Com for those tickets. Not com enough rambling from me. Let's go to the episode. In here, we.

Pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey.

Whiskey, whiskey. You are.

That creature in the.

Ginger Feverd. Sturdy and ginger.

Like them.

The Ginger Gene is.

A curse. Ginges are beautiful.

You owe me five dollars for the whiskey and.

75 dollars for the horse. Ginger.

Oh, hell no.

This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like genders.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky, Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth, I say the wrong, I guess, but I mean it once again today. It is the return of the very, very pregnant Whitney Cummings. Yay, look at that belly about to pop. About to pop. About to pop. She's about to pop. I'm sorry, I woke you up and I woke up Frank, who was laying down very sweetly on the floor and he didn't like that. She's going to pop soon.

Sorry, I've just lost my mind. I'm just fully pregnant and bringing Great Danes to podcast recording.

It is such a Whitney thing to do. As soon as I saw the dog's face falling out of the side of your car, I was like, Whitney's here. There's no doubt. He couldn't even see who was in the driver's seat. I was like, That's Whitney. Don't worry about it.

White trash.

To die. A dog's head out and about a gallon of drool on your window. I was like, Whitney's car? No doubt. The dirtiest, most ruined car and a dog's head. Whitney's car. Whitney's pulling in. Don't worry about it.

15 blankets in the back.

But you're because dogs, which I respect about you, dogs are much more important than anything else in your life. You don't really give a shit about things at all. Dogs over things always.

For you. Dude, the only problem I have with Donald Trump is that he doesn't have a dog.

He was the only President in the US. There were two presidents that didn't have a dog, right? He was one and then someone from 100 years ago.

Ironically.

Grover, Cleveland. It was Grove. It was the Cleves.

But if someone doesn't have a dog, don't you think it's a little weird? If you're young and can't afford it or have roommates, it's different.

If you're on the move and you're someone who's like, look, the most United States presidents have kept pets well in office. James Polk, Andrew Johnson, and Trump, so three did not have pets well. Andrew Johnson, I'm a little surprised, AJ. I thought he'd be a... Johnson did take care of some mice he found in his bedroom. That is insane. That's fucking. Mice got into his bedroom and he claimed them as pets, but dogs.

Were too much. But he did have some service vermin.

But let's talk about this. This is what I've always thought about with that. Which of these presidents got a dog because they were, you know what I mean? And then they didn't pay attention to it, didn't love it. You know you could go down the list of people that probably played with the dog at night and did games with the dog, and then other people that somebody watched the dog. And then when it was time, they were like, Get the dog in the photo for the thing.

My favorite is Joe Biden's dog that won't stop biting people.

Yeah, is this the third time it's bit somebody? It's Secret Service, right?

Yeah, it's on cocaine. It's been sniffing cocaine in the White House, dude. It's Hunter Biden's.

Drug dog. By the way, I don't know if you guys know, the dog is actually the laptop. That's actually Hunter Biden's laptop. It's not really a dog. It's a computer.

German shepherds as they get older, they get really bad hip dysplasia and they get in a lot of pain and they're so... And they get really inbred.

Eleven reported biting incidents. Eleven? I thought it was way less.

Wild.

Eleven times personnel at the White House.

This is like, Kamala. We haven't seen Kamala. She won't come out of her office. She was tent of the bites. If those dogs are biting white people, I'm standing here.

Imagine what they'll do to me. They'll bite my white half and yell at my black half. That is unbelievable. But I know that. You know that at night, I know George Bush played with dogs because he's like a dog. He's got dog energy, too.

One of my dreams in life is to own a George Bush dog painting. Have you seen these?

They're so good.

He paints dogs.

Honestly, they're actually so good. I really love them. I genuinely like them.

I don't know.

Look at that. Look at how cute that is. Wait, what? Come on. You don't like that? That's so dope. Dude, that is...

I don't even know the words to use to insult this, but there's no depth of field.

It's a very flat dog.

What's the shadow underneath? It's like, oh, you know what? The cat's not bad.

The cat's not bad.

I don't know.

I just love that he's taking this part. This is his... Look, how funny.

He painted that?

And that's Joe Biden.

No, as you said, that's a portrait of the.

White House. That's Kamala. Trapped in the corner.

But I just love... What are you going to do when you've got so much money, you've been on shows, you've won awards, you've won Emmys?

When you're done, what do you do?

Or just like, Howard Stern started painting. He started photography. Oh, yeah. Well, you golf a lot.

I golf, but I think when I'm done, I think I do have to find a thing. My neighbor, this is absurd. This isn't me, but he's really like a tinker, and he hand-builds cars and he literally fashioned a boat. He made a boat. And I can see.

Me- And then he went to explore the Titanic?

He did. He went down and never came back. We miss you, Steve. He literally made a boat. And I thought I would love to do that because I know I could never finish it.

And that is why we have an overall shortage in L. A. There's literally where in L. A. Are you using a boat? I guess he takes it to the.

Marina or something? Yeah, he goes, Well, no, also they take it up north. They go to where there's real water you could get it. Whenever somebody comes here, like my cousin moved back, and when he first came here, he was living with us, and he was like, How often do people go to the beach? I was like, Never. We go to the beach when we first move here, and then you never go again.

Also the beach, no one talks about the fact that sand is just light colored dirt.

God, I love you so much. It's just dirt. I love you so much.

What's the difference.

Between sand and dirt? It drives me nuts. It gets in all of your shit, and it's almost there for the rest of time.

And perpetuity. But why do people think it's clean?

No, yeah, it's not clean.

It's dirt. It's just.

Light dirt. White dirt. Because they see white dirt and they go, Look at how clean that is nice. No, it's just rocks.

And dirt. The boat thing, maybe this just comes, I just go to murder weapon for the wife. Boats is.

Just for-Well, she's been giving me a cocktail at night. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. She gives me like, it's like a magnesium and fish oil and then she's like, It's going to help with sleep and da da da da. But I've been drinking it like a dummy every night. I don't even.

Think about it. She comes over?

Yeah, she comes over to my house. My wife lives in another house. She comes over to my house.

Your wife is doing it? Yes. I was talking about the guy with the boat. Sorry. I was like, The boat guy's wife?

No, he comes over to Blackout. He literally wants to drink. Every time I see him, he's a British guy, has a couple of pints.

I'm like, I can't. But don't you think what a guy wants to get rid of his wife? He gets a boat or he builds a boat.

No, see, opposite. He built a boat so he could get... He leaps. Got it. He goes solo with the dog. He brings his dog on the boat, which I think is the most dope shit. The dog just sits on the boat with him and he sails off and drinks coffee. I think that's at the end of your life when you're like, We do love each other. We also... I'm going to go on a boat for a month. Leave me alone. I'm going to go on a boat. I want a thing where we can both have a-I.

Feel like you might mill your own whiskey.

I really would love to distill my own stuff. Distill. That to me would be the problem is I just am afraid of making such bad nothing as shit that I've wasted all this money and time on buying all these stills and all that. But it's.

Not about it being good. You know what I mean?

I do.

Want it to be good. Figuring out the.

Alchemy of it. Yeah, but do you know? You're as competitive and a perfectionist as anybody. It would drive you nuts if you made.

Bad shit. I do think it's important to have a hobby that we don't turn into a business.

Good luck.

It's really hard.

She's selling this dog, by the way. Anybody that wants to walk. I know, I'm breeding. Yeah, she's breeding how?

Breeding rescues. I really want bees. I want to start doing honey. I want to do the.

Honeybee thing. I'm very into this. My business manager has beef and he sends me honey all the time. He said it's the most calm he's ever felt. When he's tending to bees or keeping bees, he's like, I feel the most at peace. I don't think about anything else. You have to focus on the task at hand because it's not something you can do while you're doing it. You know when you see someone like a Knitting in the airport and I'm just like, Is that like a fidget spinner to that person?

Are you going to fly in Spirit? People making their own clothes before.

They can get there. This episode of Whisky Jr. Brought to you by Avelo Airlines. Where do we fly? We don't even know.

Are you going to South America these days.

What the fuck?

Are you looking to go to Lisbon? Avelow. Dude, that's one of those things. When I see those new plane companies, I go, Those are not okay.

That's not okay. No, we're not taking on new brands.

No, it's.

Not okay. We're not taking on new... We didn't know these are tried and true.

And tested. We're full of airport brands. It's like how Nike and Adidas.

It's over. Under Armor was the last new shoe.

Even still, we were like...

I don't know, Under Armor. Yeah, the front of the toe is a little square.

I don't know, Under Armor is the spirit of shoes. Yeah, this.

Feels like a big China grab. This doesn't feel...

And all the Chinese reps that come here are like, don't you just love our shoes? You're like, Wait a minute.

Puma got in by the skin of their teeth, thanks to the Armenian.

Scratching. They're scratching their way in. That's only because they partner with Ferrari and the Argentians love Ferrari shoes. No, these are Puma, butFaraddy, but they're Puma, but Faraddy.

They really make the money on the gold sweatsuits. The shoes are just the side of gold.

No, I had a dream last night. You reminded me. This is so creepy. We were flying into somewhere on the road and you guys were all like, I knew you were there. I didn't see anybody. This is so lame. Just like in the movie Flight, that's Denzel's movie, Flight. Is that.

What it was? The one where he.

Plays alcohol. Yeah, the plane flipped upside down.

Remember the hot stewardess he was sleeping with breaks her neck on the top of.

The- Love that part. I'd love to see a woman break her neck. We'll be right back. No, it flips over and it landed really softly. It was so creepy and everyone was like, We're totally live and nothing happened. That was the crux of my dream. Then I was in this, we were on the road somewhere. It was super overwhelming. Then we had to fly out. It was almost like we flew and flow out. Then I immediately was scared to get on the plane.

Are you touring too much?

I'm serious. That's probably what it is. We leave in what, 10 hours? We're leaving again? It's too much. Yeah, this is them upside down in the plane and he lands it safely. It's awful. Am I touring? We are touring too much. You know who else is? Everybody.

Not.

This guy. Well, when you have the baby- Taking a little break. You're going to bring the baby on tour, though. I think.

It's important to... I mean, you guys are co-headlining, so you'll do what? 45, 45?

No, dude, are you kidding me? The show is like two hours and some change. We each do... No, no. We do less stand-up time and more. I would say I do 30. Oh, together, of course. I do 30. He does six, six and a half. Bobby does like a tight seven and a half. You know.

That Bobby is one of the first people that brought me on the road with him.

Really? Tell this story.

Yeah, well, I remember the first thing we would do when we would land in any city is go to Wright Aid and get Elmer's glue for him to put all over his body and peel off.

You know what's so funny? When I talk about this to him, he gets mad as if it never happened. Oh, am I going to get in trouble? No, he does these trauma things where he's like, I never did that. I'm like, Yeah, you did. You used to have a ball of glue on your bathtub. I remember on his bathtub was a ball of glue.

That was not glue.

That wasn't glue. He made me kiss it every time I came over. Kiss the glue ball, Santino.

He would put it all over his body, let it dry, and then peel it off.

Which is like a symptom that I think elementary school kids do. It's almost like when you color on your jeans or you... He loves those little.

Like-but is it the smell? Because I remember when I was in rubber cement.

I was like, Oh. Yeah, I love that. You like gasoline? You like the way gas smells?

Me too. Love it so much.

Oh, God. When I.

Go to a gas station-That's why I got rid of the Tesla.

This is me. When I fill up my car, I pull it out.

I'm like, What? I love the smell of gasoline.

I don't know why. I think it's like, and there's a stat on it that a certain portion of the population likes it because it triggers, it has a... There's a receptor in your brain that really enjoys it. Not everyone likes it. There's a lot of people. It's like-Do.

You have Scotch Irish ancestry?

Irish? I'm Irish, Irish, Irish. I'm pure, I don't know if there's any Scots in there.

But I'm sure they-Do you know how you came over? Do you know where you came through?

I think my grandfather probably swam. I feel like he looks like he was a swimmer. No, honestly, I have no idea. But what do you mean? We came.

Through-because a lot of Scotch Irish came through coal mining in West Virginia, and maybe there's some.

Ancestral-no, I think we were, well, I'm Chicago. We all came to Chicago. They went through Ellis to Chicago, but I think they were all... I mean, we were all late day laborers. Yeah. Which is why my grandfather was a firefighter. Yeah, we were day labor, so they were just.

Doing-they had to fight the fires from putting gasoline and-That's what it is. -jerking off with gasoline while smoking. Light it up, Jim. Dude, I mean, yeah, there are certain smells that just a gasoline.

Itry. I can't-Do you like paint?

I.

Don't think I've.

Been around it.

A ton. I love wet paint.

I was never a paint chips kid.

No, I never wanted to consume them, but I love the smell of wet paint in a room. It just feels clean to me. Yeah. Fresh grass. Yeah. Oh, my God. For me, it's such a fat is that's peak shit. What is your childhood peak smell?

Remember those markers that smelled like cherry and strawberry?

I knew exactly where you were going to go.

I was always new. Sharpies. I like Sharpies.

See, Sharpies, I don't. The Sharpies, it feels like a dull or a blunt smell.

Well, there's one that's like metal. That's like a harder one that's got like a gummy head with the slant. It's like... It's like not Sharpie. It's another brand that's a little more hardcore than maybe the Construction.

Work or something. Yeah, and the smell is stronger. What's the name of the markers that smelled good when we were kids?

I like this game.

The markers with.

The flavored markers. I actually weirdly just saw something about this on Instagram. Hold on. Wait, look.

By the way, now you're going to get sold these all the time.

Look, Mr. Sketch.

Mr.

Sketch. That's Mr.

Sketch. There was a grape and orange.

And- Non-toxic. L-o-l. I actually liked crayons, too. Is it crayons? What are we calling them? Crayons?

Well, I always said crayon- I said crayon. -because I said it how they spelled it.

Did you also did you also call the Beige one flesh or nude, like a racist?

Nude. Yeah, nude. Yeah, but nude-What did you call it? White? Supreme. Caucasian. Oh, you call it Supreme.

I call it the best crayon.

Oh, yeah. The only crayon there is.

No.

Because-why are all the black crayons broken in Whitney's box? They're all snapped in half. Anything that's.

Brown and tone? Because I put it all over my face for my impressions in nursery school. No, but there was this whole thing because it was weird that the Beige one was called nude. Yeah, it was called nude. As in that's the only one. And then remember when Band-Aid didn't come in black or any other colors?

I.

Remember- My black friends would just have a new or a fucking whatever white.

Band-aid on. But much like the N-word, they took it and they made it their own, like Nelly with a Band-Aid on his face. Remember that? He put a Band-Aid under his eyeball and he made it his own because it was annoying and it stood out and it became like an iconic. Look at that.

But was it from shaving?

Yeah. Well, I think he had a teardrop tattoo and got it covered up.

Oh, but aren't those usually a little bit higher?

Yeah, that's why he covered it up. He was embarrassed at how low it was on his cheek. It's a shitty tattoo artist. Why did he do it? At first, it was a cover-up an injury he received playing basketball. After he healed, he kept wearing in honor of the St. Lunatic Lavel Webb, who collaborated him on the song, If you want to go take a ride with me. What a song. The amount of times I smoked pot in a Honda Civic to that car is it's uncountable.

Wait, you smoked a Honda Civic.

To the car? Everybody I knew had a Honda Civic.

But wait, didn't he just invert a sentence?

What? The amount of... The amount of times I smoked pot in a Honda Civic to.

That song? No, that's not how he said it.

The amount of times I've smoked a car in a Honda pot. The amount of Honda pots I've smoked while Nelly listening.

To me. You in the morning, your brain moves so fucking fast.

It's only because I wake up out of a sheer panic that...

Is that how you wake up?

Yeah, I wake up like this. I go... I'm sorry, buddy. Frank did.

Not like that. How do you do sleep on your side? Do you sleep on your back?

Well, because of my back injury, I've been told to... I have a wedge. I'm a fucking old man now. That's the worst. Have you seen these bed wedges? I sleep with the wedge with my legs up like a fucking loser. The most unfuckable guy. That's what I sleep. I sleep with a wedge under my legs.

You have to understand, I'm now dating with the stuff like this. I have a pillow that it's like a U that I get in.

It's like a Horseshoe?

Yeah, basically. Because I have to... When you're pregnant, you have to. Then I've got this thing called a sleep crown, which is like a pillow I do underneath. I've got all this shit. I'm like, I really can never show a man this.

If somebody comes over, you leave that stuff out. You're not hiding.

That stuff. I know, but then I'm not going to be able to sleep.

That is so dope.

It's incredible.

It's called the Maya's U-shaped pregnancy body pillow.

That's incredible. It has changed my life. My shoulders are better, my back is better.

But I'll be single forever. I want to buy this just for me. I don't think this has to do with pregnancy.

This is just for-No, I'll stay with it. I'll stay with it. The Invisalign goes in. I'm like, How am I ever going to.

Do this with a guy? Your sleep apnea machine, your Invisalign.

My dream catcher.

Yeah, your dream catcher is rotating above your head.

I have four dogs.

I mean, it's a whole thing. Imagine Frank walks in the room and he sees you like that and then just eye shrugs and walks back out.

There are times Frank will look at me like, Mom.

He just did that to him. He walked in. I asked him a question and he looked at McCone like, These guys are a little annoying. I do like when dogs are visibly annoyed at you. I don't know if your dogs will do- We'll also go- I mean, a lot of dogs do it, but I love it so much. That is literally what I was going to say. My favorite thing is when I go, Hey, cubs. Cubs, come on. Do you want to go for a walk? Cubs, come on, let's go. And then she'll turn to me and just go.

And.

Then put her head right back down.

And she's going, I got to take my dad for a walk.

Yeah, I got to pull this idiot around town for another 20 minutes while he yells on his air pods about podcast advertising. In here, we pour whiskey. This episode of Whisky and Ginger, is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the place for you to promote yourself, sell something, showcase your work. I used Squarespace to create my first website, and I don't know why everybody doesn't follow suit. They have so many incredible components now that make it so seamless. Back in the day, you had to know how to program ones and zeros. Didn't know how to do that either. I paid a guy in my neighborhood 55 bucks in a case of beer to help me set up my first website and it was atrocious. Occasionally, I would go to those error pages, but way easier these days with Squarespace. They got the Fluid Engine next generation website design system, and it's never been easier for anybody to unlock their own style. You can do it yourself or they have templates, which is incredible. If you have an online store, you sell merch. You sell T-shirts and shoes and shoelaces, hits, fake eyeballs. I don't know what you're selling out there.

It could be so many things, but their custom merch site helps put everything into one place, saving so much time. The asset library is great. And also my favorite thing is the email campaigns and the analytics. I've talked about this before, but I love it. You can use these insights to help grow your business. Learn where these site visits and clicks are coming from. Helps you analyze what channels are the most effective and where your business is growing the best, so you can target it. That's what we do. I want to find out where you guys are so I can come make you laugh. So it's nice to know where the clicks are coming from. If you're looking to design a website, no matter what it is you're selling, whether you're producing, or you just want to show off images of you dancing in your room at 3:30 in the morning to Whitney Houston, that's fine. You can do it. You can do whatever you want with Squarespace to check it out for yourself. Go over to squarespace. Com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace. Com/whisky to save 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain.

Once again, squarespace. Com. Check it out, try it, feel it out, create your own site. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace. Com/whisky to save 10 % off your first purchase of a.

Website or domain. Ginger. I like genders. Do you have tattoos?

No, I have zero tattoos. Do you know why? Why? Because I got one on my back when I was young and I'm embarrassed. Do you have one? I got it removed. It was a swastika, and I was like, I can't have that on my body forever. No, I have no tattoos. I've never gotten a tattoo because I went to go to get a tattoo twice in college and I bailed.

It was going to be like Chicago Bulls.

It would be a Chicago thing, yeah. It would be a flag of Chicago or something symbolic of home. But every time I saw.

Someone-what's the flag of Chicago? It's actually beautiful.

That's my hometown flag. No, that's it. It's actually beautiful.

Oh, that's stunning. Oh, that's cool.

No, it's a great... But Chicago, something Chicago. But I've seen over the years do Chicago tattoos. And then you see how many of them are so bad.

There's times that I'm like, Why don't I live in Chicago? Every time I go there, I'm like, Why don't I live here?

Listen for it. Close your eyes. I'll tell you why. Close your eyes.

Okay. It's the only way I can come.

You're coming right now.

I know, okay.

Yeah, that's the-Oh, wow. But see how crooked it is? That's the L. That's the train line.

You can't have stretch marks when you do.

It, though. Good luck. As we get older, good luck.

I mean, look at the...

But this is my point. I like the idea, but then I think I'm going to have these. I just keep it in my heart. Look how bad that Chicago Theater is.

That's so bad.

I'm trying to do it. No, look, I'm sure there's amazing artists that do good ones, but every time I see one that I think I.

Might want- It could also just be a simple just state of Illinois with the star at Chicago. No? Everyone does.

That's a thing. Oh, really? And this guy says, Fuck Trump. He has a bull tattoo that says.

Fuck Trump. What was it? Was it 96 Bulls? They were the best dream team?

Well, dream team is a different thing than what you're talking about. These are two separate incidents. One of them is an Olympic team that you're speaking about, and the other one is.

Don't worry.

About it.

I don't even want to get into it. I love.

When you get mad at me. The Bulls three pitted twice.

But what was the Scottie Pippen? Michael Jordan? What year was that?

Well, this was many years. This wasn't just one year. Okay, sorry. But what was the- But.

96, yes, is correct. 96 Bulls, though, was the best in history, right?

No.

Ever.

Of a team? No, no. I mean, it's remarkable that they won 72-10. That was what.

People- I love when you stop being a comedian because you're so pissed that I'm disrespecting this.

No, no, no. It's just that they did. Yes, it's one of the greatest records of a regular season of all time. It's the 72-10 season. They won 72 games and lost 10.

Where's Scottie Pippen right now?

I'm worried about who his wife is hanging out with.

Oh.

Really? His wife hung out with a lot of other players. I think it's a really bummer story.

I do think.

Though- But he's cashing checks. What do you mean?

He's cashing fucking checks. There was a woman that was married to Eddie Murphy and then Michael Strayhan, and then she moved on to some other rich... Like Bezos's girl, Sanchez.

Yeah, they move through the ranks.

But there's something about... Why does a guy want that? Is it a competitive thing? Is it like, Oh, this person's already been preapproved?

Well, I think that part, the latter is part of it where it's like, look up his ex-wife, Lara Pippen. She was dating a nut. She's dated other people, other famous athletes.

But would you want to, let's say, your single dates someone who's dated four comedians?

No.

But is that the same?

No, no, because athletes, it's different. I don't know what it is about them, but they're better than us.

They're far better than us. But you know what? There is something of like she's good at keeping a secret. She knows where the private airports are. She knows how.

To-she's lived a life before, so she.

Must-i think Jeff Bezos couldn't just marry some waitress from Katana.

He did that to start his.

Career, and then he was like-But then he's like, Okay, this woman's been rich. She knows where Tita Borough is. She knows where to get on a private plane. She knows how to, you know.

She's not going to mispronounce Yacht. Totally. Yeah. She's not going to go, Put us on the big boat. ' And they're like, You mean the Yacht? She's like, Yach? Yeah. When are we getting on the Yach, Jeff? It's like, Oh, fuck. Don't worry about it. Well, yeah, there is something about wealth culture that they probably want. They probably want somebody who is accustomed to wealth culture because you don't want to have to teach someone. You know what that is? That's like, I'm sure dating for you now, there's things that you're like, I don't want to have to go through this, so I'll make sure I don't see this guy anymore. You, I'm sure, are looking for people for your future to date that you don't have to do the dance with as much where you're like, I don't want to have to fucking go through a, Yes, this is the comedy. Introduce to everyone in the comedy.

My main thing is do you have TSA pre-check?

Do you have TSA pre-check?

That's pretty much all.

I care about at this point. Can we admit it? Clear is a scam? Clear is a scam.

It's not just a, you're giving your eyeball to China. Are you insane?

Yeah, but that's the same thing I feel about people that did 23 and me. I'm like, What? You just sent your blood to a lab that you don't... What the fuck are you doing? I know. You think they didn't keep some of that? The fact they're like, No, they just get rid of it. It's like, Do they just get rid of it?

No, because then they're like, Hey, well, this is going to help us solve crimes. You're like, I guess I should get my blood. Then it's like, Wait, my uncle for sure killed someone. Everyone in.

My family- You're an Italian and Irish. You're not getting my blood. Someone will go to prison if you get my blood in my family.

It's still on the cobblestone in Chicago from the 20s if you want to find it. We've been looking for the match.

It's some moron in L. A.

You know what I'm realizing? Your wife is same age? Yeah, same age. Basically, I'm realizing the most important thing to me is shared references and the shortcut of being able to go, You remember? Because it's like that scene in Raising Arizona where the person's like, Oh, yeah. That's all you.

Have to say. Well, he knows it because he's a film buff, but that doesn't count. But I bet you a lot of people in your age range don't know that movie. By the way, you know that is my favorite film. Really? That's one of my literal favorite films of all time. Raising Arizona is so good.

You hate Sand?

It's because it's Coen Brothers to me at their trickiest and finest of like comedy meets really dark shit. I mean, for people that don't know, it's Holly Hunter. Wait.

I love her voice. John Goodman, of course.

Goodman.

I thought you meant Francis.

They live in the middle of nowhere in Arizona, and they can't get pregnant. They decide to steal a baby. It's maybe one of the greatest pitches that you're like, Wow, how can you make this really funny? They do it so gracefully. It's just such a fucking tope. The scenery is always tope and blank. It's so good.

Imagine going on a date with someone that hasn't seen that movie.

It would, I'd leave the date.

I'm.

Going to go to the bathroom and just get in.

My car and leave. There was something about me where I always dated older or younger because that's just who hit on me.

You.

Never got the-I never dated someone my exact age.

You've never done this your.

Whole life. Truly, my whole life.

Wow.

And I just started hanging out with someone who's my exact age, and it would just we'll say some dumb shit. And I'd be like, Oh, God. I'm like, What if one of us? That's really good. And we're like, We'll just laugh. And I'm just like, Wait. What if God? And I'm like, Holy shit. I didn't realize how fun that was because I'm always either going, Who are Holanotes? Or I'm going like, Okay, Eve was in the rough ride, or she was the first rap. You have to understand. I'm either educating someone or fucking, Who's Jimmy Buffett? I thought he was the own Fox. Like, what?

I thought he died a decade ago, by the way. When he just died, I'm not the mean. I thought he was dead.

I'm either Googling under the table to try to figure out what the fucking older guy is saying, or I'm having to explain Larry Sanders showed us.

Some shit. God, that's so funny. Yeah, no, I think it's important to have reference. But also we grew up so differently. That's what's funny is the things that I loved, she didn't have reference to because they grew up no cable. They grew up country people. So she knows referential stuff like cable stuff. But I'll say stuff for her. I'm like, You've never seen? Are you afraid of the dark? You never saw? Oh, weird. And she was like, I know of it. And she's like, I've seen it since. But no, I didn't have it when I was a kid. I was like, Salute your shorts. You didn't have any of that Nicolodian in your brain that you've seen as you got up. Especially because I had a younger sister. So I also.

Watched- Interesting because I had an older brother. So I was watching Tale from the Crib when I was I.

Love to tale from the Crib.

So good. I was watching the gnarliest shit so young.

By the way, you know the Cripkeeper that from tales from the Crip. He's killing it now. He's got a whole show and Kill Tony. He has a whole show.

Oh.

That's wild.

But there was another. Oh, you're joking. Oh, sorry. Fuck you.

I'm saying, Tony Hitchcliffe is.

A Cripkeeper. I hate you. I was like, He's a guest on Kill Tony. I'm sure. Yeah, he's.

Been.

Killing it. Wait, but there's tales from the dark side, too. Remember tales from the dark side?

No, how come I didn't look that up? What?

I don't know that. Tales from the dark side. It was these little vignettes. There was one where a cat just followed this man around for like 20 minutes and he's like running away from it. Oh, I do remember this. The cat crawls into his mouth and kills him. I do remember this.

Shit like that. You know what this reminded me of? It was pet cemetery. Remember how great pet.

Cemetery was? That was a genius.

Was that John.

Carpenter, pet cemetery? This is the cat killing the people. And then is this the one where there was a big blob in the lake and all these young people were swimming in the lake and the blob would kill them?

Whenever in the 90s.

This is the cat.

In the 90s, whenever they had to animal attack a human, it was done so poorly. The animatronics were so far off.

Back then. That scared the shit out of me back then.

Have.

You watched old movies recently? I watched, like my cousin was in town and I was like, You haven't seen Laverth? We got to watch Laverth. You haven't seen Charlie the Chocolate? Laverth is my favorite number one. By the way, go back and watch Laverth. All the cheat codes for life.

Are in Laverth. Yeah, I haven't seen it in such a long time. I feel like I.

Should go back. Metaphor, metaphor, wisdom, wisdom. But Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you're like, That's just like construction paper.

It is so-It's done so poorly.

You see staples?

It's fucking wild.

I do like when you see how lazy things get sometimes.

Also, everyone was on drugs. When this was made, we've been on TV shows where everyone was on fucking drugs.

When they made this. No one's doing the background check to make sure. There's a scene, a famous scene in PeeWee Herman's playhouse. In PeeWee Herman's big adventure. Sorry, PeeWee Herman's big adventure, the movie where he's pulling a bike chain through the bike and they framed it wrong, you can see the bottom of the chain coming through the bottom of the bike. I remember this scene.

Go to images. I remember this scene. By the way, shout out to Run on Hershberg, who has a really funny joke about Me Too. He's like, I think we can all agree we owe Pee Wee, Herman an apology. Big time. Like he went to a theater like a gentleman.

I remember this. Look, you see the chain coming through the bottom? But it was deliberate, right? I think initially they said it wasn't going to be deliberate, and then it obviously was. But what a good bit that they show the bottom of the chain coming through, even though you're like... I remember as a kid not noticing it. I didn't notice it. See look, then they framed it right there.

Interesting. Did you ever see the Will Ferrell movie? The Spanish one? Something Mama tombi. I'm mixing up the TV to Mama.

Tombi on it. No, but I just found out you don't speak Spanish.

No, but I'm trying to.

The baby is Spanish, right? The baby.

Will be Spanish. Rosetta Stone. Rosetta Stone. Fable, promo code Whitney.

Dude, yeah. Oh, Casa de mi Padre.

Dude.

It's.

So funny. It's all continuity mistakes. That's the whole movie. So he'll be having a drink with a girl and he'll be drinking a shot and they cut back to him and he'll have a drink with an umbrella and they'll come and have a beer.

It's so stupid. Oh, that's so good.

Will you just look at that with tiger attack?

How come I've never... I mean, I feel like I remember when it came out, but it just.

Didn't get me. Oh, watch that this isI'm getting attacked by a tiger.

Wait. It's a wolf.

Wait.

And oh, there's a- Hold on.

It's just fucking bonker. Well, there's a point where... Oh, this is, I think, maybe the beginning, but he gets attacked by a tiger and it's just like a giant stuffed animal. This is the beginning. Oh, here it is. It's so fucking stupid. It's just the dumbest shit ever. They were just goofing off.

But I do think that this and it speaks. Oh, yeah. Whenever there's... Yeah.

It's just like the dumbest. It's just such a fucking good movie, but I feel like it fell through the cracks for some reason.

Yeah, because I think it's probably a little subversive and a little too goofy. I think a lot of people want- It's so well done. I think people like... Whether we like it or not, people like more of a conclusion.

They're like, I want to see it. I want to see beginning.

Middle, and end. Fast and furious.

Oh, my God. I've watched all 19 of them. Have you ever seen a.

Fast and furious? No, I'm actually dying, too.

Dude, they're so good.

I feel like having a kid, I have a list of things I want to catch up on because I have started watching it in Chunks on the Internet and Tyrese flying at Carter's face. I'm like, I'm so-.

The greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

Dude, I did James Corden with Tyrese once. He showed up in a full Burka. He had just been in Saudi Arabia, and he was in a full Berkha. The interview got so awkward because he just was like, Yeah, and I have a Benihana in my house.

A Benihana in my house?

Will you look up Tyrese, Benihana. But now apparently he's broke. Did you see that he sued Home Depot for racial discrimination?

How could he be broke? He had a.

Benihana-and a Starbucks in his home. Then now he's saying.

He's broke. What? Well, then you just showed me why. He bought a fucking Habachi restaurant.

In his house. He has a Benihana in his home, and he owns a Z Zanzari now. He bought a Ziz.

He paid off all of.

Ziz's legal bills. -that's why.

He's broke. He bought a Ziz. He's like, Yo, it's me, Tariz. I bought a Ziz.

He added a Ziz to cart. I got bought. Tyrese, bought me out. And then he had a Starbucks at his house. But apparently now he's struggling for money. I don't know.

First of all, he made an absurd amount of money on those movies. Like, Tyrese will go broke after being ordered to pay $636,000. Best very star takes a dig at X-Wive losing child custody battle. This is 2023.

This just happened.

Wow, what a...

That's sad. Also, one time. But someone's making money on those movies. I was looking at a house one time in and I was with someone else at the time, so we were going to split the cost. This is a very expensive house. Tell me how much.

The house was. It was.

Like four million dollars.

It's a lot of money.

That is a lot of money. But it was this huge... It's in Cino. It's this huge pool, fountains, the whole thing. I go in to look at it and I'm like, This is incredible. This is the most beautiful house I've ever seen. I'm like, Who owns this house? They went, Oh, Vin diesel. I was like, Oh, my God, that makes sense. Vin-diesel lives here. I'm like, Well, no, this is for his mistress.

Oh, my God, that's amazing.

This is Vin diesel's- Cabin. Yeah.

This is Vin's- -sab and cabin. Yeah, this is one of his swing-by houses.

It's amazing to think how much money. Like Mark Wallberg, they put up a house that he just sold.

Tons.

And it was like 40 million. I was like, He's got that much money? Yeah. Some guys have that much money where you're like, That's-.

But he's got something, a water or.

Some shit. $55 million, dude.

But he's got a thing. His movies did really well for a while, but he's got some business. It's not the hamburger business.

No, the Wallburgers?

It's never movies and acting. It's always some other side hustle.

No, he produces a lot of stuff.

Producing is not, unless you have backend.

He does.

Can you do Mark Wallberg brand deal or brands? I do think if you go to China, he is posing with a woodwatch on most buildings. You know when you go to another country and you're like, Oh, this is where George Clooney gets the Lake Komo money. Right. He's holding up a.

Gin or something. He also said, No, he sold a tequila company for a.

Billion dollars. Well, yes, cost to me goes, I just mean, that George Clooney is a bad example. But Brad Pitt is all over Asia with some.

Like Swatch. Wallburgers, unrealistic Ideas, a scripted production company, closest to the whole is a production company, Aquahydrate, performance inspired.

I see what you're.

Talking about. His auto group. He's got a bunch of businesses.

Like the, what's the The Rock Show that was on HBO? What sports have been?

Wait, what is it?

Ballers. He was a producer on that and shit like that, but that's not.

Big money. Yeah, I thought it was his show too.

Will Arnet has tons of money from just being the voice of Chevy. Sometimes it's like a voice-over thing. He started his own.

Clothing line. You know, municipal, right? That's his.

Clothing line. How much does... Okay, so Mark Wallberg has, I just want to know what Thanksgiving is like.

$400 million.

Okay, so tell me about... What's the other Wallberg's name?

Donnie? Donnie.

Like Donnie Wallberg. The one married to-Jennie McCarthy. -jennie McCarthy. Well, he's rich spiritually, obviously. At least he's got that spiritual wealth. How awkward is this Thanksgiving?

Twenty-five million. That's great. That's a lot of money.

Your voice just went up pretty fast. That's great. You just went through puberty on that one.

You imagine the gif of Mark Wallberg buys Donnie Wallberg a private jet. Also, how do you feel- He gets him just like a new TV.

How do you feel about the Lord? Mark Wallberg is super down with the Lord.

He's a big Lord. Well, where the money truly comes from is always the Lord. Money comes from the Lord. Does your hip hurt? Are you are you staggering a.

Little bit? He's mocking you. Are you mocking me? He's like, Do you have a wedge? I can sleep on that.

You want to sleep with my wedge at night, buddy. Frank's come out. How much money do you think Mark Wallberg makes because of the Lord?

Because here's what I'll say. Chris Pratt.

Lord.

Lord. Lort.

Lort.

Mark Wallberg. I'll take it off.

Lort.

Kevin Hart, probably. Is that racist? Yeah, it is.

And I love it. Kevin Hart, probably. She says right away.

I'm just thinking of the most successful people. I feel like I've seen him thank God. Yeah, see, he's talked.

About it. Well, you got to.

Thank God. I've seen him talk about God quite a bit. You've got to thank God. Like, maybe there's a correlation.

Have you ever thanked God?

Oh, dude, I'm down with the Lord, dude.

Well, don't do that. That's not Lord. This is not. What are you? I'm hard core with the Lord. What is it? A down with the Lord, dude?

Dude, I'm.

Fully like- You are wearing a cross on your neck with you. I'm wearing a crucifix, yeah. And a-.

Ukrainian flag and a Russian sickle. Man, you've got them all. And an Israeli star. Who do I need to be today to make people in Hollywood like me? No, because I'm in a 12-step program, and so we do... We say higher power. We say God.

You say higher power. You don't say God.

I'll say God just because who cares? It's so fun. God stands for good, orderly direction. It just means you're not God. It's just about surrendering and just being like-Is that really what God stands for? God is dog backwards.

Is that really what God stands for?

Good, orderly direction? No, inthe program. -in the program. We just say God. You know what? It's just good orderly direction.

What does God mean? Why was God?

What is God? Allah? I don't know.

No, dude.

Yahwey, how is that God? All right, easy, Minnesota. And then I have another question for you. I like the idea that you and I, I feel very close to you. I feel like we become better friends as time goes on. But I also know nothing about you, which is my favorite thing about being a comedian, is you can feel so close to someone and be like, So where are you from?

Yeah, because it's almost like... The English word god, by the way, comes from old English, God. Gouda. Prote Germanic Gouda. It's another word, Germanic languages.

Goudas, Gothic. It all goes back to the Norseman.

Yeah, the Norseman and the old Dutch. Proto-germanic meaning of Gouda, etymology is uncertain. I love when we just don't know where a thing comes from.

That's one of my favorite. But also they don't seem to know either. I mean, that was.

Pretty big. I love when etymology goes, We don't really know. I'm not sure.

What's between etymology and etiology?

Two completely different things, literally.

Etymology means like the root. No, I know because mot is word, but I sometimes conflate them. Etiology means the origin of something else.

No.

I love slow Jamie over here. Yeah, they.

Call him Slimy. Slimy.

I love extra chromosome Jamie.

It's a study of the word.

Entomology. In study of insects. In study of insects. Okay, got it. In here, we.

Pour whiskey. Here to tell you about Z-biotics. Z-biotics, baby. Make her the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. Very, very impressive. If you're someone like me that likes a couple of drinks, and like a couple of sips of the sauce, then you got to try Z-Biotics for the best results. Make Z-Biotics your first drink of the night. Have some of this stuff before you sip the other hard stuff. Pace yourself, by the way. Don't be a fool. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Hydrate. Get a good night's sleep. Make sure you're doing all the other stuff so you can have fun. Be responsible. Wake up feeling refreshed. Finished and ready to take on the day for the next morning. It is so effective. It's pretty impressive. I'm not going to lie. Z-biotics pre-alcohol, probiotic drink is the world's first genetically engineered probiotic. It was invented by PhD scientists to tackle rough mornings after those nights of staying out all night, talking till 3:30 in the morning. When you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic by-product in your gut. It's this byproduct, not dehydration that's to blame for your rough day the next day. I just got back from Vegas, and let me tell you something.

That toxic byproduct was a Rumblin and Tumblin' and thank God for Zbiotics to help me out so very much. Help me get on a plane first thing in the morning and make it here to the studio to look bright and happy for you. If you're someone that likes a couple of drinks, you must try. You must try Zbiotics. It is very, very good. I just knock it out before I have a couple of drinks and I feel so much better if I pace myself and have some water next morning. My tom-tom feels so good. Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Make sure you stock up on Zbiotics pre-alcohol probiotic before the feast. You'll be thankful you did the very next day. Go to zbiotics. Com/whiskey to get to 15 % off your first order. When you use Whiskey, that code, Whisky, at checkout. Z-biotics is backed with 100 % money back guarantee. So if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they're going to refund your money. No questions asked. Come on. Remember, head to zbiotics. Com slash Whiskey. Use the code Whisky at checkout for 15 % off. Thank you, Zbiotics, for sponsoring this episode and our good times.

Most of my fans don't care what underwear I have on, but let me tell you something. I got Miandes on, baby. I've been wearing me undies for a very long time. In fact, before they even sponsored this show, cozy up and style this fall with the unmatched comfort of Miandes. Miandes has the softest, most breathable underwear and lounge wear that I've ever experienced. And that's a fact, whether you're on the grind during the work week or posted up on the couch watching one of your new favorite shows like the Great British Biking Show. That's how the girl says it. It's so weird. Miandi is here to keep you very comfy, styles for everybody, whether you like very OG, blank, nothing, some would say boring or vanilla, or you want something funky and cool and fun, designable. They're so breathable for your papito and chachitos. It's going to feel so good. Even if you're a girl on your chalopa, it's going to feel very good. A versatile lounge wear. They don't just have underwear, they have lounge wear, man. They got it all. Cozy joggers, hoodies, onesies, all sorts of stuff. They are responsibly sourced, so that's good.

Make you feel good while you're feeling good about what you got on your skin. And you're not happy with your first pair of undies? It's on me, ones. They're like, Fine, keep it, dork. But you're going to like it. It hugs you in all the right spots and doesn't get twisted and tight and uncomfortable and sweaty and nasty. You got to get Mee Undies if you haven't tried them. I don't know what's going on in your world, but to get 25 % of your first order plus free shipping, come on, man, a quarter off plus free shipping. Go to meundies. Com/whisky. That's meundies. Com. Com slash whiskey for 25 % off plus free shipping meundies Comfort from the outside in.

Ginger. I like genders.

And if you were Andrew Jackson, you'd be turned on by that because of these mice that you've got captured in.

Your room. No, it was Andrew Johnson. But Andrew Jackson, did he really get his hand shot off?

Andrew.

Jackson? Jackson, yeah. Yeah, Andrew Jackson.

Dooling. Why can't we bring back dooling? When you got beef with someone at the comedy store, shouldn't you be like, Let's go out front and.

Shoot each other? Leslie Jones does it, I think so. I mean, you're the one with golf clubs in your car. I think it would have to be you and Leslie. I'm slow down. I think he got his hand shot. Something happens. I don't know if it's that I'm pregnant or that I turned 40. Just something happens where you get obsessed with American history and Hitler.

That's because you're Republican again. Is that what it is? Yeah. You went through the phases of being a hardcore lib, then a repub, then a lib.

Then Hollywood shuts down. I'm like, I.

Can be myself again. Yeah, finally. Oh, thank God. I don't want them in my neighborhood.

You can tell I am pro-life now.

Yeah, big time.

If I kept this baby, I.

Must be pretty perfect. You have a tattoo of a gun on.

Your stomach. I fucked a gun. That's how they shot at the club. But yeah, I think he lost his hand.

Something happened. In a duel.

What is getting 40? Has it felt?

What did it do to me? I think it made me more aware of who I don't need to talk to anymore. Love it. There's people that I said this last night at a dinner with a friend.

Can I just really quick? I love how comics were so... We have such targets with honesty. No one would have cared that you said it last night. But half of podcast is us going, I was just talking to someone about this. So this, you're like, Why can't I just say the audience is going to know.

You're-i need them to know that I was talking to someone.

About it. I used to do a joke about this, but no one's accusing you.

But they need referential ideology for what just happened. You need to know that I've spoken about this before to make me feel comfortable.

We all do that, and it's like.

A tick. I know it is a weird tick, but I did. I said it last night.

Because we feel like hacks if we say the same thing twice, even if it's a different audience, I think.

Right, because you go, I feel really bad. I've told someone this, but I should tell everybody that I've told somebody this because I don't want them to think that I'm pretending it's my first time.

Saying it. Or if the person you were with last night hears this.

Yeah, he goes, He said that to me last night.

You're doing.

It for one person. Why is he doing it on the podcast? But I said, I don't know if I... There's certain people that I just figured out we need to be in each other's lives anymore. You know, there's a phrase that my wife has said to me for years, is always like, If you met that person today, would you still be friends with them? Which I think is always a really true statement. If whoever your friend is now, if you name your friendships are, If you met them today and not back from then, would you still be friends with them?

I do think there's something to be said for people that knew us before we do what we do. I have this one girlfriend from college, knew me before everything, and the more known I get, the more tight I get with her.

Yeah, because you would still be friends with her today because you know that her values or whatever it is matched with you guys matched in a deeper fashion versus people I used to just smoke weed with 15 years ago.

She also needs nothing from me. She has no predatory energy because I think people are not to bladder myself or you, but people, they don't even know they want something from you. It's just natural. It's like, desperate people do desperate shit. And it's weird because I think once you realize like, Oh, I can provide things for people, like I'm a source of employment. I can help people.

Yeah, you can change.

Someone's life. Yeah, they might not even know that they're trying to be near you for that reason, but I think I've just gotten more in tune to it. Not that there's anything wrong with it. We've worked really hard to get here, but there's just a predatory energy. You just have to constantly be on high alert and being around somebody that just wants nothing.

From you. You sniff it out as you get older a little bit easier. People that are genuine in their approach with your relationship that they want to just hang with you and they like you or people that you know are fishing for something. I don't even know what it is. It doesn't have to be like a monetary exchange. But sometimes people you know are just into you because they think that something will come because of it.

Yeah, interesting. Or just proximity to you elevates them in some way. It's subconscious. No, for sure. I want to be near dogs. It's things that some people just gravitate towards authority figures, or they think they have to be punctuous with you. And I just want to go like, You don't have.

To do that.

You don't have to do that. Yeah. And they're like, Okay. I don't know. It's hard to explain. But also, I really like having people in my life that I hate on people. I like people that call me on my shit. Everyone on YouTube and Instagram does that. I'm friends with Tim, Dylan, and you. I'm fine on that shit. But someone that can just give you perspective because sometimes I'll over pathologize myself in relationships. I'll be like, Am I doing this thing where I shut down and I'm afraid of intimacy? Maybe it's because I'm scared because I'm a public figure. She's like, You always have done this. She's like, You've always fucking-.

That's been you.

Since before you were a figure. This is always you. It's nice to have someone just be like, Stop. That's just-.

Well, because your idea of who you are changes so dramatically as time gets older. Because I think Jim Carey had this whole speech that I thought was pretty wild about he's been playing a character. Even Jim Carey is a character, which I thought was a really cool way of framing our own reality where he's like, I played a character my whole life, but also Jim Carey is a character. The person me is a character based on what I think other people might enjoy.

Is he still trying to get out of that Evan Stone video?

He's in it. No, I have no idea.

Still trying to get off the hook for that. It's always been a character until the day after that video.

I think what he's saying in a very beautiful way is that we're all ever changing... I don't think you really figure out who you are truly until much, much, much later in life.

This is part of why after I shoot a special, I'll take a couple of months off from doing stand-up because I'm like, I don't want to just keep doing a bad impression of who I was two years ago.

That's exactly what he's saying. You're emulating the version of you that you like the most and you want to present the most and it's working.

And it's worked. And then you got to do a software update. You have to go like, Do I still believe that? Do I still think that? Do I still need to talk at that volume? Do I still need to be defensive and negative?

Can I do a hard reboot and then see? You know when you get a new phone and it's like, transfer from your old phone or start from scratch? I always start from scratch. I never transfer from the old phone because I would like to find new. I don't want the old phone to tell me the way I've always been doing it. Like, beyond the contacts, I'm saying the apps and all that shit. I'm like, Do I use any of these fucking apps? There's probably four pages on my phone I've.

Never looked at.

It's so true. I like to restart from zero because then I.

Go- But you need to unsubscribe from the apps, too. I just found out that I was paying $700 a month in app subscriptions.

From just signing up and.

Forgetting- ChatGPT. I got some hiking app, the meditation app.

You know everyone is going to lose their shit when they find out. You know that the everyone online was doing my high school AI photos?

I did not do that. That to me is crazier.

Than clear. No, but everyone is doing this. I bet you my life, everyone that signed up because I looked at it. It was like 5.99. I bet you that's monthly.

I was still paying for hipstomatic.

Hypstomatic? Yes. It was like.

50 years ago. Yeah, the photos are actually old. The sepia, it was to make photos look old. Do you know what I mean?

And then Instagram finally was like, All right, we'll just internally put that in there.

Hipstomatic. Systematic. And probably a hundred.

Bucks a month. $700 a month I was paying it just like app bullshit.

You know how funny it is when they have a meeting with the board members, they're like, Look, we're going to bankrupt the company. We're not making any more money. This app is dead. And they're like, We do have a woman in Los Angeles who is paying our fucking water bill. It's pretty impressive. It's this lady. She just doesn't cancel anything. I know you know that these companies, there has to be... We got an offer. I should be vague. We got an offer for somebody to buy a piece of our analytics. I'm going to be super vague about it, but I'll tell you after. They offered us a certain amount of money to buy-Like the data of your-Of the podcast. And they wanted X amount of years and they wanted X amount of data.

It was the FBI. They wanted to investigate that. Yes.

It was Jamie. It was Comie. But I was like, Why do they want the data? And they were being really vague and really weird about it. But they flashed a number of money at us thinking like, Come on, dude, it's free money. You don't have to change anything and spill it on the carpet. Spill it on the carpet. Okay. Apparently, Whitney doesn't know how to open up Ollypop. Were you shaking that for an hour before you showed up here?

No, but I was just sitting here for truly 40 minutes. And it's still busting. I thought I was out of the woods on there. Grab some napkin. I really thought I was out of the woods on that.

I mean, do.

You.

Just have a fridge at home that shakes stuff?

That makes no sense.

I'm so sorry. This is, side note, this is by the way, how you were like Bobby. He always has seven beverages at once. He likes coffee and juice and tea.

But mine are full of Ketamine.

Yeah, yours are all Ketamine based. You're a Ketamine based. You're on a Ketamine based drink diet.

I did Ketamine. Okay, can we please?

You did Ketamine for like a solid what? Couple of months?

No, I did. No, but my mistake was talking about it. I've never done straight Ketamine. I've only done the oxytocin, ketamine nasal spray. You do it with a therapist. It was prescribed. It's prescribed. Yeah, you do it with a doctor. And it lasts for like, I don't know, 45 minutes to three months. You do it with the doctor. It was like during the pandemic, and I wasn't driving and people were coming to my house. Didn't matter. I was giving to people. I was sharing it with people. It was so life-changing and that I started forgiving. I didn't realize how many resentments I was carrying around to like, agents. I did it for a couple of months, and I guess I made the mistake of telling everybody about it. You did tell everybody about it. And then having my personality and I had blue hair, so.

It felt-It was such a fun time.

For me. Can I tell you something? I had a first-You ruined a first date at my house. What? Like, two.

Weeks ago. First of all, you ruined part of my vision because I got soap in my eyes. You're a fucking goofball.

Soap dispenser. Can I leave a voice memo and see if he responds?

Yeah, please. Wait, I ruined a first date because he.

Wanted-i'm in a podcast right now with Andrew Santino. Remember when you were at my house and it was getting late and I told you the story about him squirting soap in his eye and I couldn't stop laughing? I was laughing so hysterically, and you were like, All right, well, I think I'm going to head out. I was crying, laughing in the kitchen. Do you remember this?

I ruined my vision partially at your home. Wait, you told this story to a man who you- I.

Was on a first date. This guy comes to my house. I just started. He comes to my house, and I'm tired and a little bit slab happy. He was washing his hands. Every time someone goes to the thing, I'm like, I have always been careful. The trauma. I got rid of the soap dispenser. So Dr. Brawners is this.

All-natural soap. All-natural my ass. It's so.

Set no chemicals, and it had congealed on the-The tip. Also, why were you washing your hands? That's the bigger question. What a weird... Because your friend had COVID. You brought.

Someone with COVID. I brought someone with COVID. That's why I'm washing my hands. I was washing my hands because we ate just eight. I just picked up finger foods that you had out. I just ate and I said, Something got on my hands. I said, I'm going to wash my hands. What do you mean? It's not weird to wash your fucking hands, Whitney. What I tell you? He just hits.

The soap dispender.

I put one hand down. She's making it sound like I'm like, Soap, soap, soap. No, I put one hand down and I went to squirt and I looked the other way and it shot me clean in the fucking eye. You must have.

Come on a lot of women's faces. It was the greatest.

Yeah, it was-.

20s for carma.

-carmatic soap revolution. And that soap went into my eyeball. Not near it, in.

My eye. Dude, I've had this shit get my eye before. It is like propane, dude.

It burned. It burned and fucked up my vision for literally a full day, a calendar day. I went home, I was swollen and crying. My eye was twitching. I was living.

I know how much as soon as it happened. I was like, I know how much that hurts.

Because I've used it before. And everybody was like, What's wrong with you, dude? And I'm like, I was twitching. I was balling. It hurts so fucking much. No, but there's no other...

It made me believe in God.

Because there's no other... There's no way it could have gone.

You could have the best stunt people in Hollywood choreographed.

This for months. Could have never done it. Could have never done it. He's also.

10 feet tall. How did.

He even go up?

It's the kid that's here.

How did he get- It was brilliant. How did it get here? Also, and of course, Whitney always has, as fucking Whitney will tell you. Whitney always has, how do we say this? Famous fucking people. You always have people of note at your house, and it's a room full of famous people seeing me wash my eye out in the sink. I was like, I'm fucking out of here. Within 20 minutes I left. I was like, Fuck this. I'm over this. You know how.

Santino gets really pissed off about the dumbest shit? Yes. Imagine if he actually has a reason to be pissed off.

Yeah.

It's unreal. And then I couldn't stop laughing. I still can't stop.

Then I couldn't get out of your fucking driveway because everyone's blocked their cars. I'm half-blind trying to pull out. And someone that's helping is just like, Just turn around. I'm like, I can't fucking turn around. There's cars everywhere. And my eye is swollen and bleeding. I was livid, dude.

It was so bad.

I called my lawyer. I thought about suing you. I was.

Like, Can we sue Whitney? Every time someone goes to wash their hands, I'm like... And then I think about it and I can't stop laughing.

I start to- It changed my life. You had a guy who run a first day you told the story. Did you ever talk to him again?

Yeah, I just sent him a voice memo about it to see if he'll respond because it was toward the end of the night and he was going to maybe go in for a kiss or something and he went to wash his hands and I told the story and I was laughing so hard that he was like, I guess I'm just going to head out. I was like, I don't understand. It went right in his eyes.

He's like, I don't want to fuck a woman that's laughing.

It's not that good of a story if it's just you. It's just you come off like an asshole. I am now. There's this story and thinking about Brody Stevens at New Year's Eve, 2006 or something. Him on stage in the main room, bombing at 11:56. He's supposed to ring in the New Year and he's bombing. I just walked in and I just see him go, I will ruin.

Your New Year.

To the audience. There's a couple of things that make me laugh this hard, and that is.

One of them. I will ruin.

Your New Year. I will ruin your New Year's.

I used to love when Brody would walk up to someone and go, Disrespectful. Because they would sit with their arms crossed.

I love when you.

Walk-.

Negative energy. I like when you go, If you don't get me, you're dumb.

Yeah, I like that. It's all their fault. It's like, well, no, dude, also you're being super weird and subversive and they don't get you're banging a drumstick on a stool. They might not understand what you're going for.

I don't know if I even get it, but I loved it.

I loved it so fucking much. I don't want to get into that. I'm going to make me sad. Can I ask you a question? I want to ask you a question. How many dudes are on your roster that are into pregnant women right now?

Dude, guys are into it.

I don't know what it is. It's a big thing. Now, is it certain... Do certain guys want you at certain months? Like, is it more attractive at the latter half?

That's.

Interesting. I'm sure there's some guys that want just in the middle, second trimester. Some boys are third trimester guys. Lacone is a third trimester boy. He wants some.

Big dude. I did watch pregnant porn. Wait, really? Yeah, just to see how this all works and if it's what happens and if it's possible and stuff. It's just the same thing. I think your boobs are so much bigger. My lips get... I think when a woman's ovulating, men are more attracted to them.

Maybe it's something subconscious. Yeah, your.

Pheromones are dripping.

You're probably dripping with pheromones for, I imagine it's got to be to keep men around you. You know what I mean? When you get pregnant, what do you respond?

Yes, but I.

Was-imagine he just sends a dick pic in response to that.

-on pod with him now. Him now telling the story. Guys that are dads, they know what to do. They're dad- They've been there before. They've been there. I even was like, But what about... Because I was really worried because I'm like, Do I get a C-section? Because I don't want to ruin things down there or whatever. Guys are like, It doesn't make a difference. It's actually cool to have a different feeling. It doesn't stretch you out like that.

Are you going to get a C-section?

My concern was like, hooking up with someone before and then after. You know what I mean? Yeah. I'm like, Maybe we wait till my new equipment is... I don't want to set the bar too tight.

Until you're your new vagina is back?

Yeah.

Your new vagina? Do you think you get a.

New one? When you think.

She's like, Will you put the new one on now? They're like, What are you talking about? There's no room of a gina as we switch out. Actually, there probably is.

Now in us. I feel like I have a sex robot. If they don't have one, I do. You're also more sensitive. Everything's more sensitive. You also get very horny.

What?

All day long. All day long.

You're juiced up.

Right now. The biological basis of it is like so that you can get a man to bond to you to help you raise the baby and protect you or something. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Dr. Drew was trying to explain it to me. I wasn't listening because.

I was- Well, because I think you're also... Because you're like, Dr. Drew, the gray fox, because I think it's got to be that you know that this thing is coming. So your body is like, keep this fucking animal close and put out all of these pheramones so that this animal stays close to me to raise this thing. So it's got to be just instinct taking over. And that's why your brain is being tricked of being like... Even if you might not be horny, your brain is sending those signals all the time probably to be like, keep.

It close. Yeah, right. To keep a man close by, bonded to you, who knows? But also sex induces labor in the third trimester. So it's also like-Trying to get it out. An orgasm could turn into labor. Wait, really? That happens? Yeah, and Di Stefano told me that swallowing cum also induces labor. Tim Dylan, what are you doing December sixth? I'm like, Who's going to help me get this baby out?

You know he will.

Yeah, because Di Stefano...

He'd just be smoking standing there.

Stefano, his girl was like, Overdo her date. It was like, Let's try it right away, labor. Really? Yeah, but it makes sense, though. Think about it. If you're at 40 weeks and then you ingest semen, it's probably the nature's wave going, We're ready for the next-.

It's got to get out. -one. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to get out. We've got to get a new.

One in here. We're just made to duplicate, nothing else.

Yeah, I know. Well, you know what? It's so funny because we came from the... My grandmother had 10 kids.

Whoa.

And she had, I think two sets are Irish twins. You know what that is?

That's me 13 months apart. Is that Irish?

Yeah, it's just almost within a year or whatever. So right after. Which blows my mind that people can have born 12 months or less apart. So it's within a year. Wow. And this is a way to book fun at Irish Catholic families who just didn't have access to birth control. I mean, truly, though. There's two or three of my grandmother's kids that are Irish twins. It's just right as they got, she had a kid. They're ready to have a kid. And it.

Was probably like the first time you have sex afterwards. But if you breastfeed, apparently it takes a little.

Bit longer. You can't breastfeed. Are you going to breastfeed?

Can you breastfeed?

I can breastfeed. You can?

Yeah.

Really? Tupperware is.

Good for babies. Microplastics in turn some gay. I'm going to make a gay baby.

Oh, right. You're going to get an autistic kid. No.

If you have fake boobes, you can steal breastfeed.

You can? It's such an ignorant stance. It's not. No, I said the same. I thought for sure, no.

It was my number one excuse. I was like, I don't want to breastfeeding. I'm like, I have fake cancer. You still can't. I was like...

But are you going to?

Do you want to? I think I'll do the first couple of weeks because that's when the colostrum comes out, which is like.

That's like-That's.

All the good juice. That's like, yeah. If a baby has an eye infection, you just put it on their eye and it goes away.

Yeah, I heard that they said that all of the stuff that's in there, colostrum, that's what it's called? Mm-hmm. That's all the antibodies they need to fight off disease, infection, and all that shit. It's in there.

But also, aren't we full of Roundup and chemicals?

Is breast. You've got a booster in your left tip, don't you? Ready to rock? So when she sucks on that.

Thing- I got the Johnson & Johnson.

I had to for work. That's Johnson & Johnson. That's the name of your tits. That's one of them, Johnson & Johnson.

I'm feeding my baby the booster.

One of the fucking wildest things is when you get pregnant, you're getting ready to have a kid. All the stuff we used as kids, like Johnson & Johnson baby powder, you can't get that in your child.

That causes cancer. Is that.

What it is? Full of asbestos. There was some settlement where they had to pay women a couple of billion dollars in St.

Louis. For baby powder.

Which is.

Talcum.

Powder. Before I'd play sports, I put it under my blanket, even as an adult.

Every gym you went to as a kid, it was there. They would tell you when you got out of the shower, if you don't want to get a chaffing or athletic rash or anything like that, they're like, throw some of that shit on.

Then sure enough-Covered in it.

-covered. I would lace my body in that after I'd play basketball.

-covered in it.

What is it? $224 million verdict? Wow.

I said two billion. Same, same.

Yeah, those are real close.

Same.

Same. Two hundred and 23 million. By the way, I want to go back real fast because you said something that I thought was intriguing.

About-well, I did want to say something about the- Do it fine. It's your show. No, it's not. The Ketamine thing because everyone thinks I was on Ketamine. This past January, I did have a manic episode. I mean, Ketamine, I only did during the pandemic, that nasal spray thing, but I did weed and microdosing those mushrooms. That's actually what.

Got me. What do you mean? You were smoking weed and microdosing at the.

Same time? Well, my mom had just died, and I also went off birth control, which makes you all- Loopy, yeah. -being on it and off it. That I went off Prozac. I just wanted to go off everything. I was smoking weed just to go to sleep. But LA weed is a hot take. I feel like we need to make weed illegal again.

It's gotten out of control.

Dude, it's gotten out of control.

Yeah, I smoked a joint the other day to deal with some of my back pain. I walked through my neighborhood and I walked my block one time and I was like, I've been gone for fucking days. It was heavy. As I got halfway around the block, I was like, Man, I should get home. I mean.

Cars flipped over on the 405. I also noticed with the audiences at the Comcast are just anywhere. Everyone's on edibles. There's a little delay. We had.

To remove a few people that got, what's that one dude got? Remember we removed him? You got him on video. He was in the EMT had to get him out. He was so fucked up. Do you remember that? He was in the elevator. Oh, thank God. Yeah, thank God you weren't there.

I also think that people stay in their house and do edibles. Don't you feel like sunset's dead these days?

Yeah, it's one of those things where I think people have to... The convenience level is so high that people are just ordering in and getting high and going to bed. Fine, but you don't see the... Yeah, foot traffic is way down. I feel like I don't see people out and about as much as I used to because I think people are postmating or whatever. Sorry. People are door-dashing all day long and literally not, they don't have to leave. If they work at home, they get high at home. The other friends just come over. That is interesting. I think the foot traffic stuff is what... I remember foot traffic going to Melrose, to the improv. I don't think anybody walks Melrose. I haven't seen a person walk Melrose in six years. When I.

Take you right out of the comedy store on a Saturday night, no traffic. It used to be like, stop and go, stop and go. People, I mean, House of Blues used to be there, which is gone now, but it was just like, go in a club. It's just nobody.

It is weird. The culture has changed, which I guess, I don't know, this is what it is. But people that I know even, they feel like if we are going to go out somewhere and meet up, it's going to be a thing. It's going to be a thing. It's not just like, Hey, let's go grab a meal. Everyone I know is like, No, it has to be like an event. That's true. And then we'll go out.

It used to be like, Let's go get drinks and we'll figure it out from there. We'll go walk from.

Bar to bar. Nobody I know does it anymore. I feel like I'm sure it still exists heavily, but I'm saying more and more in L. A, I guess.

Yeah, maybe just I don't know. But a lot of my friends, I mean, It have a lot of people that are trying to get off weed that are like, I have just the last six months. You take one to 10 to go to sleep and they're like, It's 8:30. Let's take it. And then it's 4:00. I'm not leaving. Let's take it at 25. I'm working from home. I'll just take one. That's what I was doing. I was smoking weed to go to bed and then I just started moving them. I'm editing whatever we're doing. Let's just start now. It makes us creative. And then I did the roast. It's the burnt roast and the other roast and all the Writers, comics. They're doing these microdosing mushrooms in chocolate all day. And they're all people I like, people that are funny. I'm like, Okay, I'll try that. Why not? Dude, I think mushrooms are for people that already... I already have too much maybe not compassion, but emotion or something. I went from... I know where the Scientology boats are. I had scheduled a call with a maritime lawyer to find the kids on the Scientology boats.

I started solving murders on Native American reservations. I was like-You were.

Doing good for the community.

I saw Nicky Glaser was on my podcast recently, and I was like, Yeah, so just so you know, because I'm doing the apology tour with everyone going like, Sorry about.

The.

Breakdown. In January, I was just manic because my mom died this and this. She's like, Yeah, when I saw you were talking about the Saudi. I was like, Yeah. The Saudi had just bought or put money into Amazon and Disney. I was really worried about the stories that would be told to the next generation of kids. You got real deep.

I was like.

Does anyone care about the fact that the Saudi just bought golf and they're doing www. Next? And they're now trying to buy Sofia Vergara? True. It's all stuff that's true, but if you start talking about it, you just sound insane. Yeah, you do. I gave Theo a beaver costume out of my car. I did have be... I was trying to keep bees, and I had these beaver costumes, and he had a bug problem. I was like, I have a.

Beaver costume. Wait, you tried and you gave up.

Keeping bees? No, I just haven't had a second. Here we go.

She's been in Saudi. So if you have a girlfriend that has been in Saudi Arabia, what happened to the airline.

That lost her leg? They're going to start buying celebrities. They're going to start buying entertainment. They put money to Amazon, William Morris.

Let's go, dude.

Buy me up. Let's fucking go.

That's wild. Because they want her over there doing advertisements and.

Stuff like that. Yeah, she's like an international. They just want to start buying up celebrities.

Well, celebrities are for buying.

I'm available, by.

The way.

Yeah, we're for buying.

I'm tech-available. Please buy.

I think the confluence of those two things, that's what really when people are like, Whitney is a little... It was that.

That you... But your back? It doesn't feel like it. This is.

My personality. I know. It's such a... And then I don't know how to convince. I'm like, This is it. It's it, guys.

Sorry. No, this is it and you're back. And I'm happy that you're back and you're naming your dog after me. The next dog you get, you'll name after me. Can I ask you a question? And the baby will be named what? I'm not telling you. Just say it. A little Saudi. Wait, this will be... Is it Little Saudi?

The rapper?

Little Saudi? Is it? Little Saudi?

Little Saudi is in the house.

You know what? I don't know about you. I don't know how you proposed your wife.

How did I do it? Nothing. I mean, it wasn't. I didn't do anything. It wasn't like... I didn't do a big event. I know people do big events. I didn't do a big event.

Yeah, that's cool, though. It was chill. I sometimes think the more involved, the more like, What are you trying.

To prove? I feel like people spend all this time. And then you know what it was? Because of the world that I came from of like, You did it. When I did punk, when you do a hidden camera show and you're like, Set up, set up, set up, set up, and then it doesn't work. You're like, Oh, my God. We should have just done it way smaller. When we do 50 things to make sure one thing happens, it just sets you up for more shit to go wrong. So whenever I see, you know on the internet there's always like, proposal goes wrong. Yeah, because you did 1,000 things to ask one question.

Yeah, helicopter pilot dies in proposal. You're like, What.

The fuck? Just say, Will.

You hang with me? Why are you trying to prank your wife? Yeah, that's really what it is. It's always a prank. It's always the wife is being scared at Disney.

It's no wonder why they don't know how to react because they're like, Wait, what's going on? You've duped someone. You're tricking them into love. And they're.

Like- I have a friend who did for one of my best friends, her guy looped me into a scavenger hunt for her to find the ring. I felt awful participating.

Find.

The ring? It was like a scavenger. I was like, This is so brutal. But I do think what people say is that the proposal is like the last thing the man gets to plan or something. So sometimes.

They go- Yeah, from 1958.

What year are we talking about that? I know.

And you know why women don't need watches? Because there's a clock on the oven.

Because they have a biological one.

Right. No, I feel like it's... And I'm also not good at planning. I'm also not good at like... I like giving someone the opportunity to if people are organizational and they love, like there's a friend that's like, If you give me the money, just give me the money and I'll plan on it. Great. I'll do that. I like that. I'm always like, Go for nuts.

Yeah, my love language is logistics. I'll handle.

The logistics. Yeah, you do that. See, I would just be like, Whitney, do it, and I'll take care of whatever else I need to take care of. I'm just not good at... It gives me anxiety being here to here to there to there to do this to that to that. I just.

Check out. It's also we're comics, so it's like, But that's not going to go. And then it'll all change.

Yeah, I'm always going to be pessimistic about it. I'm like, That's not going to work. You're like, No, it does. You're like, No, it's not. Even when something does work that I thought didn't work, I still am trying to find a hole in it. Like anything career wise, too, where they're like, It was pretty great. I'm like, It's okay. They're like, What? Are you not... I just saw a movie I did, and I was like, It was very good. And everybody was like, What do you mean? Did you not like it?

I'm not the target audience.

Yeah, it's.

Hard to- That's always what I say. I'm just not the target audience. It's not for me.

I made it, so I hope you like it. I have no control over whether I like it. I already made it. It's over.

You know what I mean? It's done. I'm too biased. That's not the take I would have used.

Well, this is a good transition because I do want to say this because speaking of put it out there for other people, Wayne has a special.

What a segue.

Please.

Watch it.

What a pro. It's available right now on OnlyFans.

Tv.

Onlyfans TV.

Which is a different part. Of.

Tv. Of. Tv.

They're doing a lot of comedy, and I know that I'm going to loop you into this somehow.

Are you the first person to do a.

Stand-up special? First person doing a stand-up special on OF. Twv. I did a special for Netflix. We did around the same time, like a year ago, right? Yeah. I feel like Netflix, you do every three years. You do an hour. This is all stuff because do you ever feel like when you put an hour together, you're doing it for a special?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. It feels deliberate.

You shoot a special and then you're like, I got to start this next special. That doesn't really fit. This was after I had done my fifth special, I was like, I'm just going to write for me. I'm going to just talk about shit I want to talk about. I'm not going to think about making another special, yelling about trans people for 20 minutes. Just like, Fuck it. Then OFTV, I did the roast with them, and they were like, Do you want to... Not One Note. Didn't try to say we had Robin Tran on. We said the craziest shit. They're like, Do you want to... Because they're doing live at Gotham-esque stand-up specials with comics that are doing 10 minutes, 10 minutes, 10 minutes on these specials, which is awesome because what do you do if you're a comic at that medium level?

Yeah, because the Comedy Central is not what that used to be our outlet for that at.

The time. Now you need a plug-in?

Yeah, right. You're right.

What even is that? It's a Geo Citys now? I don't even know how to get Comedy Central. I don't even know. It's like comics. They're doing these mini little specials. They're going to start doing half hours. That's cool. They're like, Do you want to do the first hour? I was like, Let's go. Not One Note. They've been amazing. It's out and it's free.

It's out and it's free. It's free. What do they run ads on it, though? Mm-mm. Really? Wow.

They've got pussy money.

Yeah, I was just going to say they've got a lot of money.

But it's also their TV.

This is trying to separate them from being what people are formerly knowing OnlyFans as. This is their television production studio. They want to make original content. They're going to.

Start doing movies. They're going to start doing all kinds of shit.

But I think that that's the perception is that it's sexual, but there is... This version of them, this isn't a sexually based content. They kept saying on the internet that it's safe for work. It's SFW. Onlyfanstv is supposed to.

Be a safe for work. It's lots of athletes. It's like Diplos got a thing, Iggy Azalia's got a thing. But also you can connect to the subscription service. So a lot of comics are making money on the subscription service now. -on OFTV? -on OF. They're only fans profiles. What I do is instead of dirty videos and dirty photos, I do dirty jokes. Jokes that I feel like I'd get in trouble. This is great. Because we keep putting jokes on Twitter and Instagram and getting in trouble.

Giving it away for free.

Giving it away for free. Just put it on your subscription site. If you were to go to of. Tv, what's the name of the stand-up thing that they do? It's called L. M. A. O. I'm sorry, I'm so dyslexic. Nicole Amy-Schreiber just did it. Oh, rad. Yeah, it's like a bunch of standups.

You can see on there, there's a bunch if you go to the website, you can see. But that just isn't it.

But moreover- Go to of. Twv/lmao. Then we did the roast on here and we'll probably do more roast.

That's rad. But go to oftwv. Com and go watch Whitney's special. The link will be in the description below so you can.

See it. It's available right now. Don't you think we should be doing half hours?

I think we should honestly, I don't think... I am so over the time idea of this has to be 15 or 30 or an hour. It's like, I don't know, maybe 24.

Is fine. Do whatever the fuck you want.

I think the new world should be just make the number that the best that suits what.

You're putting out. That's right. As long as it's funny, it's going to feel as long as it should be. Because Netflix, it has to be 60 minutes because to qualify for an Emmy. That's why that it.

Has to be that long. That whole thing with them, I spoke to them because they tell you about the requirements. They also tell you how many people started your special, how many people finished it? How many days after they began that they finish? And they do how many times, like what the analytics are of people that watched it up to a certain amount of time. I just think if it's good and it's funny, the number is something that was pounded into our brain. That's right. And it's like, well.

Who cares? Times are changed. Also, when we did the comms central, an hour was 42 minutes.

They would break it.

Wasn't an hour. It's never been.

60 minutes. Right, when we did our half hours, it was 22 or 22 and a half.

A movie is an hour and 20 minutes.

It's so crazy.

We were.

Talking for an hour. It's too much. It's whatever is going to make the most fit, I think, that feels most comfortable. We'll see. I don't know. But right now-But.

That's the only fans that's the only place doing that.

Go watch oftb. Com to see Whitney special. It is, of course, called-Mouthy. -pregnant and annoying. What is it called? It's called Mouthy. Is it called Mouthy? That's so funny on so many levels. Really? Go watch Mouthy right now.

Making specials is so hard.

It's stupid. It's dumb. Even when it's good, it's dumb.

It's so hard. It's just to try to not be funny. I just never want to try to be funny with it.

It's delirious. For Eddie Murphy, you're like, it's.

So memorable. Shoot the Messenger is like, great.

Shoot the Messenger is.

Really good. I mean, at the time, it was also like a word you wouldn't hear too much. Rowan always has good ones, I feel like, like strange times.

That's.

Like-strange times, yeah, that's good. -it's not like trying to be too funny. Michelle Wolf has good titles, I feel like.

I don't know if I have a liberty to say. Beyond the Pale is really good. That's great. That's gafficain, right? That's great.

Todd Berry usually has good titles. Well, Louis always has great. Hilarious is a fucking great title.

Sorry, Louis, sorry. Yeah, it's so good. What a great moment. Just one word, sorry. Also then Louis Cakate, live, right? Didn't he just do live from the comments or whatever? That's theand yeah, simple is better. But go watch Mouthy because she sure is. I'm happy that you came on the show. I can't wait to meet this baby and also raise it, obviously, because I do know that will be part of my duty, will be raising this child. It is going to be named Hilaria, after Hilaria, Baldwin. Of course, you don't pronounce the H. It's Hilaria.

Do you remember when she pretended to be Spanish?

Oh, dude, she's still doing it.

What do you mean? She's like the concom-bro. Concom-bro.

He's like, What? Aren't you from fucking New England or where is she from? She's from Maine or something. Is Alan.

Ballby going to go to jail?

Hell yeah, dude. Dude, I think he- No, he's free. I think he's good. I think he's good. I think that was settled, right?

Everything is all good. I don't know, man. It just popped back up again. He said he didn't pull the trigger.

You can't put Boss Baby in jail.

No one puts Boss.

Baby in the jail corner. No one puts Boss Baby in the jail corner.

We make television. There's video footage of that. If he was making it go off, that means they.

Were rolling. Yeah, they were rolling.

And the director got shot also and he hasn't said anything yet. He's pretending to be in a coma.

Yeah, he's doing the thing with the mafia where it's like, Did you really get shot? He's like, No, I.

Don't think so. Wait, weren't they finishing the movie? Did they end up?

I think they did it.

This business is.

So ridiculous. Yeah, I think they finished it. Rust, right? Isn't it.

Called Rust?

No way. Yeah, Rust, the film. I think it finished.

Remember when this happened to the guy in The Crow?

You mean Brandon Lee? Yeah. Yeah, he died.

Yeah, and it was put to.

His head, right? But what it was was it was a blank that misfired, right? Isn't that what it was? Or was it an actual bullet? I don't really remember which one was it randomly.

And his dad died the same-ish way? His dad died?

No. No. No, no, no. His father was.

Bruce Lee. Bruce Lee, but he died. He died. Having sex or something. He died and go down to death.

What does it say? Huh? I think it was a blank. I think it was a blank bullet that misfired is what I heard. But I don't really remember. That also I remember even as a young man, I heard it and I thought, God, that sounds weird.

Didn't.

That fishy? A misfire from a blank?

Well, you think they were joking around.

Or something? See, after Massey pulled the trigger and shot Lee, fell backwards that the gun was used at a prop, was a real raudder load of improperly made dummy rounds. Exactly.

So do you think it was a murder?

I just feel like it's a high level of negligence because they have these dummy rounds, right?

What's an improperly made dummy round? It was made with steel? They made it with what.

Bullets are made of? Yeah, it was made with gun powder. No, you know what it is? Because we had to shoot. I did in that show, beef, that we did, we had to shoot the cops and all that stuff. Now because of all this stuff, they don't fuck around. And also when you go to -They.

Should never have been fucking around.

I feel.

Like they never fucked around. Alec Ballvin probably just went, We don't have to do the safety meeting. I'm out of luck. I see him being like, We don't have to fucking do this.

I know what.

I'm doing. Yeah, crew was walking off before all this because when you have to have these fucking safety, it's so boring. It's crazy. Even if you're just doing a little stage combat thing, they're like, Here's going to happen. I'm going to hold the thing here. The knife will be here. And everyone's like, It's like a 45-minute meeting.

And they go, This is not a real knife, Samantha. No, but I think with this, it was just... I think what it is is it was just built poorly, right? And so something misfired out of it.

This is on the crow. But on Rust-.

That was different.

The person quit. The armours quit and said, Fuck this. There's no safety meetings. They went, Oh, let's just get this random fucking meth head that works at the local gun range.

I've had bullets before.

That's literally what... No, it was some hot chick that they just found at the local Dave and Busters who worked at the shooting range. I swear to God, she was like a hooter's girl.

Imagine hiring someone that works at Cizler to load bullets.

Do you think I'm kidding? I'm not even joking. And then look up the girl that they hired. She was an assistant at the Raytors Cafe.

She has an OnlyFans now, actually.

She has an OnlyFans. I bet. And then she showed up and then she hadn't emptied.

The gun. You would never put up OnlyFans photos.

Oh, she would. Like, naked? I did ask about live streaming my birth and they're like, No, we can't have minors on it. We can't have a baby.

Can't they do age verification for that? Isn't there an age verification?

Yeah, but there's a baby. You can't have a baby. They're very hardcore. When we were doing the roast.

When-what did they just show your tits during the birth? They don't show anything below.

It's justI'm just fucking the colostrum.

It's just you and your tits.

You're like, Augh.

Augh. Augh. Just cut off.

Right here. Dude, there's a lot of breastfeeding. Women breastfeeding is very big on there.

No.

Way. I swear to God. People are paying to watch breastfeeding. A lot of it actually, and you want to be on OnlyFans, a lot of it's more tame than Instagram or Joey Diaz's Twitter feed. Jesus, man. It's like bikinis. It's like guys that want to be in a relation... Not a relationship, but they want to support their porn star.

Yeah, that's cool. You know what I mean? Yeah, support the game.

Remember back when you would have Jenna James and was your girl? Right. Millions of men also thought the same thing, but I think this whole thing of just tons of porn, they want to have a tip. I actually feel guilty sometimes because I'll put a video on there that's like a roast of a city that I'll do whenever I go to cities. I'll do a little roast at the end of St. Louis or Cleveland or whatever. I'll put it up on Only Family and people will give me tips. I'm like, You guys, thank you. But they want to participate in your success.

Wow, that's fucking wild. They just want to be active fan.

They don't want it for free. That feels dirty or something. I think they want to invest in you've had Riley Reed on or you've had Angela White.

Carter.

Cruz. Carter. Yeah. And then these girls I talked to, Angela White, one of her biggest money makers is she'll take requests, and one of them is shrinking men and putting them.

In her pocket. That's so funny. That is so fucking funny.

They'll pay her to just be like, You fit right in my pocket.

But that's also.

Very funny. I'm going to take you today. We're You want to go to Target. You want to go to Trader, Josh.

In a pocket. And then.

Sometimes she'll eat them. I don't know. There's all these fetishes that are sexual, adjacent.

Yeah, well, it's just fun. That shit is just fun. See, that's funnier to me than, Yeah, Daddy, and then paying for that stuff because I'm also like, I don't know, that's not. You're old enough to know that this is all bullshit.

I think there's a lot of men that like to know that this is consensual. There's no dicks in it. There's a dude I was dating who said to me that blew my mind. He's off porn. A lot of younger guys are off porn.

Yeah.

And he was like- Not me. Yeah, he was like, I don't watch porn. I was like, Why? He's like, It's gay. I was like, What do you mean it's gay? He's like, I don't want to see a guy being like... The guy is ruining for me. I was like, I've never.

Thought about that. I get the levels turned down on the women. I just want to hear the guy. I'm like, Make her shut up.

But so Only Fans is like a lot of girls doing whatever without the guy in the picture. And it's like in their apartment, you know.

She's safe. I get it. It's all solo.

It's all solo. It's not like some weird gym or some weird hotel.

With a- Or a house in Nacino that you almost bought for four million dollars.

Dude, I'll tell you.

What- Such a porno house. This is Vin Dietzel's house. Also, it's a porno house.

I know. There's like a glass fireplace. It's lime green lights on it. Oh, I know that house. Nothing good has happened to you.

I know that house. I've been to that house. It's just for throwing parties in porno. No, but I do think the revolution of that is good that it's changing the levels of what people are fan.

Participating for. They want to participate in your success. They want to pick a.

Couple of girls. Can they tip you on your special or no?

No, bummer. Wait, really? No, because it's on the TV-.

The TV side? Yeah, the TV side.

Yeah, but I'll do some outtakes and stuff on the platform because it's also like it's really nice to be able to go like I was working on this bit that I haven't fucking cracked and I don't think I ever will, but it's also not relevant anymore. But it was about Bill Cosby. It was like, now that we can agree-.

That he's the greatest comic of all time.

Have you seen the video of him doing the Fatt Albert impression leaving prison?

It's.

Incredible. But he can't not do it.

It's so funny. It's so fucking funny.

But he's like, just keep walking. He has to sneak it in.

Yeah, it's a side note. It's so brutal. But what is the Bill Cosby, Joe? Well, I.

Was just trying to like, whatever, we're comics. I was trying to go like, okay, now that... Cosby is free. You can agree that he's bad news bears and that what he did was wrong. In all fairness, what was going on with you that you wanted to have awake sex with America's dad? I'm just saying that's also weird. I feel like it's more traumatic to have sex with Cliff Hux to pull than to wake up and be like, What was that? It was just like something in that.

When he comes, he goes, Rudy.

By the way, also, do you remember that in The Cosby Show, do you remember what he did for a living?

What do you mean? He was a gynecologist, right?

In his basement. He would walk up the stairs and be like, Just got off work, and would pull.

Gloves off. Wait, he didn't go to an office? No, it was in his.

Basement of his house.

How do I not remember that? I always feel like he was always.

Coming- He would take the gloves off in the living room. I was like, What.

The fuck? Really? That's so fucked up. I don't remember that.

No, it was wild.

A basement gynecologist?

Yes, he would just walk up the stairs by that other staircase. His office was in their house.

I am always so weary of male gynecologists. Why is that the gig that you want? Do you have a female?

No, I have a female.

Has anybody you know ever had a guy?

Yeah, there's a really famous guy, Dr. Crane. He's much older. But yeah, no, I had a guy once. And they're who say if you're 35 and pregnant, they call it a geriatric pregnancy.

Yeah, you're.

Going to-I'm not.

Paying you. You'll want a cane when that came to you.

It's a bit like that where it's like I'll get killed if I try that out anywhere. It's like I'll do it on my only fan subscription site and then people write like, Yeah, keep working on this.

Because it's funny.

No one's like, this you're punching down, and no one's going to come for us.

Well, so check it out on The OnlyFans then. Go watch Dirty Jokes. You want to see dirty jokes, not dirty photos.

Instead of dirty photos and dirty.

Videos, it's just dirty jokes.

Dirty jokes. It's basically like Patreon. I'll pull a clip that would get me kicked off YouTube or demonetized from YouTube or age-restricted on YouTube, and I'll just clip it and put it on my only fans profile.

That's what we should start doing. I don't even know why we don't do that. We just put stuff up and wait for YouTube to be like... And then they.

Ban us. That's so ridiculous.

Go watch Whitney's special mouthful right now.

Are you guys going on Rumble? Are you doing Rumble?

No. Shut up. Out of your mind. I'm regretting that cut to me regretting this in seven months when I'm like, Go check out Andrew Santino special on Rumble right now. Go watch Mouthful right now. I love you. Go watchmouthful.

Go watch Mouthful. Wait, that's better. I feel like that's so better. Go watch Mouthy. We were thinking she's a handful.

Yeah, if it was. I think you're all the above. Go watch Mouthy and fuck is she Mouthy on OFTV. Com. You can check it out in the description below.

Of. Twv. Of.

Twv. You'll just google it. Just fucking google Whitney Cummins.

I'm losing viewers.

Yeah, it's.

Going down. The more you plug this.

This mouthy bitch is on a fans with only...

So mouth. Com. Go to suckamouth.

Net. We'll put it down below. We end the show the same way. Look in that camera right there. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Make it count. Make it count.

I love the Lord.

Also, please go watch our special on OFTV. It's called Mouthy.

What's your favorite thing someone's ever said in the camera?

I.

Forgot about that.

-what's.

My favorite thing? -have you ever strung them all together? In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey.

Whiskey. Whiskey. You were that.

Creature in the ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like their peers, the ginger.

Gene is a curse.

Ginger is.

A fugitive thorn. You owe me.

Five dollars for the whiskey, and 75 dollars.

For the whore. Ginges. Oh, hell no.

This whiskey.

Is excellent. Ginger. I like ginges.