Borderlands, borderlands, borderlands, borderlands. Bobby's in a new hit movie out real soon. Did you read any reviews? I read a couple.

It was a review.

Bring up one of the reviews for Borderlands. I want to see it. The video game adaptation falls short of low expectations. So they set the bar low. They still went below it. There was a pleasant highlight, though, as I must say. I almost saved the film for me, if not his brief appearance. Bobby Lee, his presence, gave me an ease of laughter that I needed when he appeared on the screen. If Borderlands did anything right, he was casting Bobby Lee. I hope to see him in more in the future.Who wrote that?With that, I'm signing off-Who wrote that?as the only redeeming quality of the film, Thank You, Mr. Lee. And that was written, Go Up to the Top. That was written by Peter De Bruge.

Oh, thank you, Peter.

Go up a little bit.

What variety?

Variety. Wow, dog. Pretty big. I met up with Bobby last night after the premiere, and Bobby was with a date, and we had some friends show up.

Matt Reif?

Matthew Reif and Jackson McQueen. Great guy. Funiest thing Bobby did at the night when I said I had to go because I had to get up early this morning, Bobby ordered an Uber, didn't tell anybody. Then I was like, goodbye, I love you guys. I walked out and then Bobby goes, My Uber's here. He left Matt sitting at the table by himself. Yeah. He's like, What are you doing?

What do you mean? Why didn't you just-He's an adult. I had to sit there and chaperone him?

Well, you have to walk out with him. Can you send me that? Yeah, he's going to post that. Send me that right there. Send him that. This is a different one. With every storm cloud, there's a silver lining, and that was Bobby Lee. Seeing him made me smile instantly in his brief appearance in the film made me all but miss him. Who wrote this?

This can't be real. I'm barely in the movie. There's no way this is real. Listen. Dude, you're trying to trick me, Who wrote this?

Can I finish? Come here, Carlos. Come over here for a second. Seeing him made me smile instantly.

Carlos, come over here.

His brief appearance in the film made me-Come over here, Carlos. All to miss him every night. That's very funny.

Really good trick, dude. Really good trick. Very good. All right, let me say something, okay. The first one, you can get me, right? Yeah.

You got a little greedy, didn't you?

Yeah. Look at me right now, okay?

Borderlands had gold in Lee, and I can't wait to see it.

The first one, I'm like, That's odd. Oh, good. But the second one, right? Now it's fake. As a friend, right? Did you write these? No, dude. I don't know why you can't love yourself.

Yeah, why can't you love yourself?

All right, Carlos. You don't know who wrote these?

Well, go up to the top. We can read this one. It was written by Katie Walsh.

Dude, on our friendship, is this a trick?

Look, she's real, dude.

Katie Walsh. I understand.

I knew who Katie Walsh is, right? The former White House Deputy Chief of Staff.

Yeah. The former White House Chief of Staff wrote that article?

For Donald Trump. Yeah, sure.

It's for the LA time. Okay. All right. Who wrote it? Carlos, look at me.

Katie Walsh did.

No. All right.

Carlos. Can I say the funniest part You got this? Yeah. It says Katie Walsh wrote it this morning at 11:35 in the morning.

I know. It's not funny. If that's the review, I'm happy. That's good. But if I find out, dude, I swear to fucking God, I'm going to rage out. Okay. All right? I'm going to give you one last shot. Did you write it? One last thing. Bro, I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know, dude?

What was the question? Yeah, What was the question? Is that review real? Of course, it's real. With my name. That guy wrote it with my name in there. I did a good job. Yeah, you're the Silver Lining. Thank you, Bobby Lee. Yeah, you're the Silver Lining. Okay, so that's all I need to know. Let's move on. Congratulations. Okay, thank you. Yeah. Okay. But Now, I'm going to tell you, if that's not real, I found it's not real. Even you, Mucone, everyone in the room, I swear to God on my mother... What am I on? On my mother's life. Yeah, on my mother's life, on my mother's life, if that's not real, I will not do your movie at all. I don't care when you get the money. I swear to God on my mother's life. I have nothing to do with that. All right, so you have nothing to do with the review. You have nothing to do with it. No, I just pulled it up. All right, you pulled it up. I couldn't pull it up on my phone. All right?

Why?

Because it's not real. Now, let me ask you something as a friend, dude. Yeah. Is that real?

It looked real to me.

No, but you don't think there's any tamphoulery going on?

Unless these gentlemen fooled us.

This is funny. I got to get to the bottom of this. Maybe you two.

I have nothing to do with this.

I know. Let's just move on. Let's start the podcast.

We just did.

Yeah. Well, anyway, I didn't think I was good.

Your date said you were really good. She said to me, she goes, I-Let's just move on for a baby.

Let's talk about Sneaking the Nicki. You want to talk about singing the Niki?

No, mine's already gone. I liked it.

Yeah, you did. You can be dismissed. Okay. Yeah.

Well, I'm excited to go shoot a movie in Budapest tomorrow.

That's going to be great. Tomorrow? I know. Congratulations, dude.

I'm a little nervous. I'm not going to lie. You're going to be great. This is the first time I've been nervous in a long time.

Yeah?

I'm actually nervous. I'm genuinely... I haven't been nervous in film. Nobody makes me nervous, but it's like...

The problem is-I want it to be good. I know. You're in one scene, right? Or a couple of scenes?

No, no, one scene.

Right. And it's also there's a lot of stars in it. They've already been working together. You probably have to walk into a situation. You're a new guy. You're right. And so I have to kill it the first take.

First take. Take. Out the jump. Yeah.

So I've got to make- Even in rehearsals, you got to know it.

Oh, dude, I know every line, line by line. Is it a lot? I know their lines.

Is it a lot?

No, it's five pages.

Wow.

But No, my lines aren't five-page. The scene is a five-page scene.

How many lines do you have?

One and a half.

Pages.

One and a half lines.

Wait, is it really one and a half lines?

I only have four lines.

Wow, and they're flying all the way over there for that.For.

Four lines, yeah.Yeah..

You're going to walk in, you're going to feel the nerves. What's the line?

Make it up. I know all of them.

You know all words?

I know their lines.

You memorize the whole thing.

I know the whole scene.

You know when people Did you do that?

I did that because I really wanted to feel the scene. I wanted to know what the...

That's what you have to do is to memorize other people's lines to feel the scene?

Well, let's not talk about memorizing lines. Let's not go toe to toe on that. Okay? Let's not.

I memorized the wrong pages. Today, I'm so defensive. Let me tell you. Because I'm still deceived by the border. I'm so mad about it. Don't be defensive to me. I know, but I can't even let that go until I know the truth, and then we can move on. Okay?

It's awesome.

I'm so happy.

I swear to God.

Dude, it's Peter.

I promise it's real.

I promise it.

Let's look at-Oh, Cadeg Bonds text in. Let's I'm going to look at some YouTube footage right now of dogs grabbing GoPros. Make Bobby happy. Okay. And by the way, I am nervous to do it, and I'll tell you why. Humble pie moment. Yeah, go ahead.

I want to look at this photo.

I don't want to fuck up.

In the movie?

I just don't want to... Look at this. A dog with a GoPro. Boy, oh, boy. This is going to make me feel good. Go, boy. Yes.

Look at him jump. Whoa. He can hold it onto his tail?

It's on his back.

I thought he was hooking it with his tail. I go, That guy's so talented.

Look at him go all the way.

Dexterity on his tail.

Did he go to the beach?

Yeah.

Dude, this dog.

He's so funny. He just went into the ocean.

He does. Look. Yeah. He's going to jump right in.

Yeah. But he just keeps going. Then you see a little fin.

Let's look at the photos in M His phone.

This is great. Is there any nudes? He hasn't locked it. And photos. Okay, here we go. He's got a photo of me in there. There's going to be some deep piece.That's where... All right. Let me just show you the photos, okay? Yeah. Why would you have this?

It's an eagle in a suit chat? Yeah.

Why would you have that on your phone?It's very funny.It's not fire? It's very funny. It's pretty fire, but I don't... Okay, here's another thing, all right? He just screenshot an Elliott Smith song.

That sounds right.

He couldn't memorize Say Yes. Because I was listening to-Shut the fuck up. I have your fuck. Shut up. All right. Couldn't memorize Say Yes, dude. Yeah, I didn't know. Would you like to see Please.

Is there any DPRs in there?

Okay, here's another. Okay, this is a fucking hilarious one. He loves Mika Matsubara.

Loves Mika Mazzubara. That's a great song.

Yeah, but can you just not on your Spotify, just put it onto a playlist or you make it a favorite song or something. Did you have to screenshot it? My brother was listening to it. Oh, you're right.

Can I give you some advice? Yeah. In the podcast, when he's talking, you yelling doesn't do anything. We can't hear it. It doesn't help. So shut the fuck up.

Okay, here's a funny meme. I don't know if you created this, but my fish is not eating anything. Please help. It's supposed to be a joke. There's a dead fish in a box.

Yeah, I get it. This is funny stuff, dude.

Really good stuff. Good meme, dude. Really good meme.

Is there no Do you have pictures of chics in there or anything?

No, but this is so fucking white and liberal. I'm cool. You want to see this? Bro.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's so gross. Look at this. Yeah, you're one with the people, M'Cong.

I enjoy black people.

Yeah. You know what I could also do is search Andrew Santino, see if he's talked shit about you.

That's true.

Let's just say my name. Yeah, this is fun. No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

Get over What are you doing, dude?

Stop.

Stop, stop, stop.

Stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. I'm not going to do it. Hold on.

I'm not going to do it. What are you doing, dude? What the fuck are you doing, dude? Obviously, he's been talking some shit. Just back up.

I'm not going to do it, dude. Obviously, he said some shit.

He said some shit. Just fucking, do you believe it, dude? You've said some shit.

I already know.

You did.

You fucking asshole.

I guess he said some shit.

Yeah, so back up, dude.

That's crazy. This is pretty wild.

Back up, dude. It's okay. If you can say it to other people, Why can't I read it?

Is it about me?

No, there's none about you.

It's about me. Is it about me? I know what it is. Are you nervous about me? Did you say something you shouldn't have said about me? Did you? You have to sit down and admit it. Yeah, go sit down.

Go sit down. Go sit down.

Give him his phone.

No, I'm not going to give him his phone. I'm not going to give him his phone.

I got to read it.

No, no, no.

Who did you talk shit about? Is it me or Bobby? Let's see. I'll do this. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't believe you because you're going to E-delete it or whatever.

What did you say? Did you talk shit about us? No. Look at me in the face right now. You're talking shit about me? No. About him?

Yeah.

That's interesting.

It's so interesting.

What does that mean to you?

Well, it means a lot to me. It means that we're not that close.

Do you think it means no Australia?

It means no to a lot of things.

Do you think it's removal of job?

Well, I know that I was being lied to about the review, too. I'm assessing all that as well. I'll confess.

It was my cone.

Yeah, I know. I know it was. I can assess. What? The writing? No, I I wrote it. You wrote the variety thing? Yeah, I'm taking credit. Okay, then why the fuck did you lie to be over there? I'm taking credit for the creative. I didn't want the cone to get credit for that. I know, but why did you lie to be over there? I was rolling with the bit. Okay, the bit. It was good. Very good. Let's cut to a commercial break.

How does this work?

Back after these messages.

I've got a bet. I have a bet. I have a bet with somebody that I can't raw dog it all the way to Budapest, and I might take them up on the bet. But I have proof because I'm going to be flying with my wife.

She's going to Budapest with you?

Yeah, so think about this. Oh, that's fine. Think about this. It's a good amount of money, this bet, that I can't raw dog it. You know what raw dogging on the airplane is? No phone, no movie. You just have to sit there and stare straightforward on a plane.

I can't raw dog it.

Dude, I've not- You're not going to raw dog a European trip.

I don't know.

It could be sick to win this bet, and I'll have proof. How much money is it? I don't even want to say.

Thousands?

It's a lot of money. I can do it.

Yeah, I know you can. You don't own an iPad.

Yeah, you don't have an iPad. We have to buy you an iPad. You don't think I can get all the way to Europe with raw dogging? No headphones either. No music.

I can tell you how you do it. You don't sleep at all until tomorrow.

But listen, you can't take drugs or alcohol. That's the bet. It has to be clean and sober. Can you sleep? No, that's the whole point.

Oh, my God.

Well, then the bet wouldn't be worth it if you could just sleep. That doesn't do anything. That's true. The reason the bet is money is because I have to stay awake and raw dog the whole flight. Wow. Should I try?

Can you talk to people?

No, you have to sit alone and stare straightforward.

Well, your wife's going to be there.

Yeah, that's the reason for the bet. That's a 12, 13-hour flight. By the way, she'll be sleeping the whole time.

This is called raw dogging flight.

This is raw dogging on the flight. When you fly all the way-This guy's doing it. No food, no water, no AC, no inflight entertainment. It's so cool. It's a cool-I want to do-Wow, I'll put money on it. That I can't?

Yeah, there's no way.

Now I fucking want it. Now, be that you're in on it, now I really want to prove that I can do it.

How much is he giving you? I'll give you a thousand.

By the way, I'll set up my phone and I'll do a time-lapse. I'll set up my phone so you see I'm not on technology. Now, time-lapse, film myself on those little-For 12 hours? It's 15 to London. Fifteen hours. And then two more to Budapest.

Oh, my God.

I could do it. Wow. I might do it. You know what? Fuck it. I'm going to do it. What do you want to bet?

$1,000.

I'll bet you $1,000. I'll do it. Okay. Done. I want cash. Okay. No music. No movies. Straight staring forward.Yeah. See, this is the new thing. Why are men raw dogging on flights? Because-can you go to the bathroom? Yeah, fancy. I have to go to the fucking bathroom.

No, you have to shit your pants.

I'm going to shit my pants on the flight. And ruin everyone's flight. What are you talking about, dude?

How do we know if you don't go on your phone when you're in your bus?

It's going to be time-lapsed. I will let it sit at the seat. You're a goon. What are you talking about? You're a goopy goon. I set it up once, and then you leave it alone. It's recording the seat the whole time, and you time-laps it. Then we'll see it all in fast You'll see what I did. By the way, how about this? You, when you're going to Spain, you want to do a raw dog bet that you can't go to Spain and raw dog it? You want to make a bet? Yeah, see? You talk that talk. Walk that walk then. Let's go.

But let me say something. Yeah. I don't want that for you.

I want to win the money.

Yeah, but it's ridiculous. Why would you torture yourself? It's not going to be money that's going to change anything.

It's fun. It's a fun bet. You don't just do things for fun.

It's not fun for you, though.

Yeah, to win the money is fun. It is? Yeah. What do you mean?

If it's six figures, then maybe. But anything below that, it's like, what the fuck's the point?

How out of touch are you? Six figures? You think someone's betting me $100,000? To fly a fucking...

I mean, let's see, how much would I need to get for me to raw a dog on a flight to Europe? Fifty grand.

Fifty fucking grand?

Yeah, because I like comfort. Bob. Yeah.

Fifty Fifty grand? You wouldn't do it for any less than that? No. Wow. Well, then I'm an idiot because I'm trying to-Now, if I lost everything, then yes. Okay, then what? $1,500.

$1,500. If I lost everything.

But it's like-I think it's a worthy challenge.

Please don't do it. I want to take my bet back.

No, you can't. You're done. It's on camera. You already did it. You owe me a grand. All right. Can't wait to do it.Okay.

Let's do it. Can you masturbate?

Yeah, of course. That's what raw dungy, really.

Yeah.

Okay. I'm not kidding. One time on a flight back from when I was in Reykjavik, when I went to Iceland, it's a night flight. When I came back, I'm not kidding. I'm almost positive. I saw a guy wanking because I walked up to the bathroom, and you know there's lay beds, the layflats? He was laying down but facing the window, so his back was up to us, but it was this. I saw his shoulder moving. I was like, What does he fucking got, Tourette's while he sleeps?

No, but you know how dogs do that when they sleep?

My dog jerks off when she sleeps. Oh, she does?Yeah, she's always flicking.

But you know how they're always like, What are they dreaming about?

You know what I mean? Take a wild guess.

What a dog...

Well, in your house, it must be a nightmare.

What?

They dream about you walking to the kitchen. Faces, smells, interaction with their owners. I think they dream. It's so basic. I think my dog dreams about running because she does this a lot. Oh, I see. Yeah, I think she dreams a lot about running. She probably dreams about running in a big field. Yeah. This big wide open field. It's like us. What do you dream about?

What if their dreams are complex? She's with Cleopatra. You're right. He's barking orders how to make pyramids.

King Dog.

You know what I mean?

He built the pyramids.

Yeah. Then when the aliens come down to negotiate with the Egyptians, they have to communicate to the dog. You know what I mean? It's so It's complex. We don't even know, but just in... Maybe that's what's going on. Take me to your dog. What?

That was your dream. That's your dream.

Yes, I'm dreamt.

You have dreamt that. I have dreamt about that. I have dreamt about that. I have.

When I was with Cleopatra, I was like, put that puller off the air. Then I have these grand negotiations with the aliens.

You've done this? Yes. All right.

I'm super olive-skinned. Yeah, I am Egyptian, you know what I mean? I have all this headwear, you know what I mean? My nails are nice. I have three cats, Simey's cats. I'm telling the aliens, you know what I mean? About like...

You're the person that communicates. You're the liaison.

Well, I'm like, Cleopatra is like, Bitch. Press secretary.

Oh.

Yeah. Kelly... What? Mcanani. What's her name? Kelly Ann Conway. Not Kelly Ann Conway.

Yeah, you're more like a Kelly Ann Conway.

No, McAnani, the other one.

How many languages can you speak in this stream?

Oh, Ivoryot language.

You could speak every language. Yeah. Wow.

. You know what I mean?

What was that?

Italian.

Oh, right. I need the fettacini.

Yeah, you need the fettucini. Right. Yeah, you're right. You got it. So dogs, let's move on.

Dogs dream just like us.

What goes on in there?

Dogs, they're just like us.

You think they are?

I think they dream just like we do. Because they experience it like us. They just see it from down below. But-your dogs have watched you hook up?

In the past, one time, I was getting sexually-pleasured? Pleasured by the mouth.

Yeah.

Yeah, by the mouth. Mouth pleasure. You know what I mean? I was in the living room getting mouth pleasured. Guner started rubbing my leg with his body. Your cat? Started purring.

Oh, my God.

You know what I mean? And I go, We got to go to the room.Pretty.

Supportive of them.She's.

Like, What? She was like,. Hey, come on.

She was like, Willy.

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Are you okay? What happened? Did you have a little accident?

You pushed me off the cliff.

No, I didn't. You did. All right, well, you know what?

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Yeah, but what is she thinking about?

Yeah, what is she thinking? That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Cleopatra.

That's a good technique in his mind, maybe. He's like, Slower. Yeah.

Anyway. It is weird when they watch you. There's Something like something about animals watching because they just keep clocking it. They don't know if they're in pain or not. Yeah.

Or like Eyes Wide Shut style where people are wearing their masks at a ballroom and everyone's hooking. You know what I mean? You're just like, Some guy just, you know what I mean? I was just like, Hey, man.

Just cucking. Go over there.

You know what I mean? I wouldn't be able to do it.

Yeah, you would.

Yeah, you would. Okay.

If someone's watching you with a mask on, that would be fun. Without a mask? No. So because it's Do something, dude.

Like me.

Good job.

Yeah. Would you be able to do it with me in the room?

Yeah. Probably get me harder. Shut up. I'd be showing off. Don't say shit like that. I'd be showing off.

No, no, no. Oh, yeah.

I go, Bob, check this out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, high five. Yeah, I do a different move. Yeah, pretty cool. I'd be trying to show off a little bit. You could hook up with someone with me in the room just standing there.

Really? There's no way.

Why?

You make me laugh so much.

It wouldn't work.

Every time you walk in the room makes me laugh. All right. There's no way. Anyway, we were talking about the dog's dreaming, and then we went to the GoPro. We went from GoPro to all that.

That's crazy. That's how our brains work. Right.

That's how it works. But do you think the dog has any concept of water, like the ocean.

Yeah, they love water.

No, the concept of how deep and the creature in there.

We should talk to them about it. Do you have any concept of how deep the ocean is? I just know it's endless. They just found another big creature somewhere. Look up creature an ocean found. They just found yet another unidentifiable creature. It was in the news. I mean, this is the stuff that I'm like, The end is near.

Why?

Look at that thing. Yeah. That's literally a picture of my penis. Look at how pale that thing is. That is genuinely a picture.

It's pale and sad. Yeah.

That is a picture of my penis.

That's insane.

I mean, we're finding these things still now in this day and age. This doesn't creep you out. To go down, what does that say right there? Thousands of new species are found each year. That's incredible. Every year, we find thousands of these things in the ocean. Why are we not digging down more?

Because we've never been to the bottom. It's impossible.

We got to go down there.

What would we find? What happened last time?

What happened last time we went down there?

The last time we went down there?

That stuff. Titanic.

Yeah.

What is that? It's a new spider they found in-A new spider? We're good. We're all full. Tell the spider maker we're full.

Get out of here. Wow, there's a new spider they discovered. Wait, let me ask you something. How the fuck are he being discovered now? Where has he been?

Where have you been? You know what I mean?

Where is he?

You know what I mean? Just literally like, Where is he?

By the way, this is how I feel. Epstein Island. Yeah. Don't talk to him. He knows too much. He's an Epstein spider. He knows everything. Hillary will have him killed soon.

This guy, Where have you been, son?

Where have you been, dog? You know what's interesting? This is how we feel in the business. They discover us and we've been around. We're like that spider. We've been around. How come we haven't seen you? It's like, We've been here. Thousands of species are found every single year. That's incredible. It's mind boggling. Who's here? Francisco Ramos in the blue chair. What's up? We do need intro music.

Is that me? Is that for me?

What? Well, it's not for Bobby.

Why are you looking at me like this, Bobby? Welcome.

That's my welcoming face.

This is your... Okay. I'm like, Welcome to the program. Am I in trouble? Is this a scare-strate?

No, he's a serious analyst. Sometimes he gets real serious.

This show's like Dateland. Oh, okay.

I'm like, Okay, what are we going to talk about?

I'm Franky Copperfield.

Go on, Frank.

Ted Koppel.

Say hello to our guests. Hello.

Welcome.

Thankhow are you? How are you guys doing? The bad friends line.

Noah, hi. How are you, Francisco?

How long have I known you?12 years or something like that?12 years or something like that? When I started working at the comedy store?

That was 12 years ago?

I think so, or 14 years ago.

You and I have always had a little bit of combative relationship.

Why is that?

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, you do. No idea. I don't know why. Why you do? Why you do what you do.

Why do you guys have a combative relationship?

That's my thing. There was a while there, it boiled down to Chelsea FC.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah. He would always rip on Arsenal because we never did well. It's very interesting to me because in the last couple of years, you haven't said shit about Chelsea.

Well, because they've been stuck. I know.

That's why. Where's your all talk now, friend? But What's your big talk now?

Okay, but is that because I thought it was like that's a rift in between when you play sports, but it's nothing personal.

Yeah, you make it personal. You used to come up behind me, put me in a head like a... What? Yeah, Arsenal sucks, baby.

Damn, did you do that?

No, I didn't. Yeah, it's not like that.

I never put you in a headlock.

Ian Edwards, what does he like?

He likes Man U, Manchester United.

Very cordial. Yeah. In fact-Well, but that's how he is.

Look at Stop.

Thanks for coming. Welcome to the program.Thank you. Welcome to the program. God bless you. All right, thank you. But what I'm saying is that he's very cordial. When Arsenal during well, he gives props. You don't give props.

Okay.

From now on, maybe.

Okay.

Get some props.

You're a Chelsea fan?

I am a Chelsea fan.Yeah. Yes.

But... Okay.

In England.

I was just going to say that's your...

But in the Spanish way, I'm a Barcelona.

You're Barcelona? Yeah. What are you? Are you Barcelona? You are? Yeah.

Nice.

Even though we suck right now.

Here's another thing. A couple of times, if I booked a job, you would say something condescending. Really? Yeah, I remember. Wow. One time I said, I think it was either splitting up together or something. You're on that? I go, Yeah. You got, Well, it should get canceled soon or something like that. I was like, That Francisco Ramas wants a war. No.

Does that sound like Francisco? No.

I don't know how to do the accent.

Do ahead. Try. Yeah, do it.

Yeah, do it. No. Just do a sentence. Let me see if I can read.

Say, That's going to get canceled soon.

That's going to get canceled soon.

That's going to get canceled soon.

Pretty good.

That's pretty good.

That's really good. That's really good.

Wow. I'm like a mimic.

But you keep lowering your.

I know.

What part of Spain are you from?

I'm not from Spain.

You're not Spanish? He's Portuguese.

No.

You're Argentinian? No.

Let's guess. Is this a guess?

You're from Portugal?

No.

You're from-Let's start basic.

There is Spanish in you.

No, he's Mexican.

Well, there is Latin. Yes, there is. There is Latin in you.

He's South American.

South American, yes.

Let's get that. You know what it is?

Argentina. Colombia. No.

No.

Peru. No. Well, Brazil. No.

Okay. Wow, it's narrowing down.

Uruguay. Chile.

No. Uruguay. No. Fuck.

Which are there? Panamanian.

That's Central America, but no.

See, that's the tone I was talking about.

No, I said...

Did you see that? That's the tone I'm talking about.

I didn't say Panama. I saw it. I didn't say Panama. I said Panamanian. Okay. Panamanian is a city outside of Brazil. That's true. I should know then. Wait, bring up a fucking map. Venezuela. I do know that you are Venezuela. I know that. That's what's so annoying. I hear you're from Venezuela. Venezuela and I'll have a team? Did they have a soccer team in Venezuela?

I mean, like a national team. Yeah, but they suck. They all suck.

Were you raised there?

I was there until I was 12. I moved there to DC, to Maryland when I was 12.

Yeah, this accent comes from Maryland. Yes, it's a Baltimore accent.

Have you seen the wire? That's how they talk.

When you were 12, you moved. They say that you keep your accent if it's right around puberty. Right around puberty, you get to keep.

That's when I started getting hairs.

When you were 12. When I was 12. When you start to develop, let's say, how How do you keep your accent. That's why, because when you guys came here from Korea, you were so young.

Yeah, you were. How long were you?

When did you move here from Korea? Born here.

Oh, you're American? American. Like, fully American.

Thrun through, dude.

Because I'm American, too, but I'm national.

I get it. Listen to your accent. God damn it, man.

Do you have two passports?

I have two passports.

That's great. You do. Is Venezuela dangerous?

Right now, it is. Yeah. It's about to. It's in that... Right now, it's What happened was there was an election a week ago, and obviously, the opposition was running one, but the guy... Maduro. Yeah, but this guy doesn't want to give it away.

We do that here.

I don't know if you guys get this, But it's a guy that doesn't want to give it away, and the other side is a cheater.

Is he a Trump guy to you guys? Yeah, pretty much. Wow. So they all follow suit? Yeah. Trump knows exactly what it does. Isn't that so funny? They all do the same thing. He's like, No, I didn't lose. Exactly. Then Maduro is like, No, Why did I didn't lose. They all just follow suit.

That's so genius.

It's genius.

Yeah, but the problem is this guy's got the army on him. This is why actually I do agree as an American to have the Second Amendment. You should be able to have guns. Here we go.

Especially assault rifle.

Look at the stupid Spaniard. Why'd you shake your head no, Spaniard? Is that because you guys have been pushed out of all this international reign that you had for so long? Indeed. Right. That's your fault. You guys did so much international damage, and then people stopped you, and now you're like, Okay, nobody gets guns. Now you want nobody to have guns. Peace. Right. Peace. Now, after you fucked everything up for years.

Colonize us.

Yeah. Interesting move. After you did all the damage, then you're like, Guys, can we not anymore? No. We want guns to protect ourselves from people like you.

After you stole all our gold and women.

Yes. No, he did. The gold? Valid concern. Where is all of their gold, Fancy? Where is all the Venezuelan gold? I think we've lost a lot of it. You've given it away? Yeah. These guys, they parted away all the gold they stole.

With a lot of paella eating.

You're still married?

It's going to be a year that I got married.

Congratulations. Thank you. A beautiful wife, by the way.

To an American, North Carolina.

That's right. She's very sweet and smart.

You've always been a sexy man. Yeah. I came out wrong.

No, you said it.

No, you I've always been an unattractive... You have a good look. You have Ricky Ricardo.

Yeah, I do. I do get that all the time.

Can I be your Lucy?

Yes. Is that Ricky Ricardo?

No, that's what he said. I said, Can I be your Lucy?

Lucy, I'm home.

Do you know Lucy? Yeah, I love Lucy. Lucy O'Ball? Yeah. I'm a redhead. Yeah. Catch up.

Okay. All right, Tom. A little behind. Come on.

What are you doing?

That would be a great... Me playing Lucy? Yeah.

A new Lucy. Lucy's trans? Yeah.

Right. There it is.

Yeah, that'd be great. Lucy, where's your dick? No.

Wow. That's the opening scene. Wow. I'm going to write this down.

Instead of the chocolate factory, it's just dildos. It's just all dildos getting replaced.

Who's the neighbor in Lucy? Fred. We're Fred and Ethel. Are you Fred?

Fred and Ethel. You're Ethel.

Or I have to be Ethel? Yeah, because it's also...

It's the modern.

It's the modern. Oh, it's modern. You're both...

We're trans, so you're Ethel.

I don't know what Ethel sounds like.

Let me see if I can do it. Losey. Losey. There it is.

Lose.

That's great.

I want to do more right.

It's like British.

Where's Ricky?

Now, watch this. Now, do your British accent. Hello, though.

Oh, wow. But that's a little Liverpool.

Oh, right. He knows.

Oh, you know specifics? Yeah, really know. Come on, guy.

Top of the money.

Oh, my God. Wait, stop. What the fuck was that?

Stop, stop, stop. Wait, we We thought my English accent was bad. He just tapped it. By the way, he did an English accent with an Irish phrase.

That was so silly. Top What's up there, morning? Wow, wow. Let me hear it one more time. Look, close our eyes.

You and I, right? Yeah. We're in Liverpool.

Oh, I see it now.

There's a bakery. Liverpool.

Yeah, Liverpool. Oh, no. Here comes beans on toast. Hello, mate. You all right?

Hello, chaps. What's up with them?

We're both blind. Let's say we're both blind. Are we in Cleveland?

Who's that? Who goes there? Who goes there? Who's that?

You want some bin and toast?Oh.

My God.

That is so bad.That's great.

That was so bad. Honestly.

So is my wife right? Because I have- Since you have a Venezuelan accent, let's go through all.

What are you going to say? Can you do... What?

I thought you were going to say something else.

Yeah. Can you do other accents? Can you do Italian? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.

How are you?

All right, that's pretty good.

That's actually pretty good.

That's pretty good. How about German?

No, I don't know.

Okay. All right. Good try. That's okay.

I got to hear it.

Let me hear you do French.

.

Oh, he speaks a little bit. You speak it.

Not really.

Not really. A little bit. That was a little bit. He said, Hi, I'm Annie Oh, really?

I just say the phrases that I know.

You have a special coming out? Is that what it is?

Yeah, it's out right now on YouTube right now. It's called Venezuelan American.Put.

It up. Youtube. Where did you shoot it?

I thought you were at a Brad Gareth's Comedy Club.

In Vegas? In Vegas, yeah. You shot in Vegas? Yes. Interesting choice. Why Vegas?

Well, the thing is Brad wanted to do little specials to then put it on his website club thing, but it didn't work out. But then he was very kind and gave it to his special. So he's like, Hey, you can do whatever you want.

I love Brad Garrett. Yeah, he's He's great. One of the nicest, coolest dudes I've met.

So nice, so great.

Does he live there?

No, he lives in LA, but he goes back and forth.

I've never met him.

Oh, he's amazing. Seriously?

Never met Brad Garrett.

Wow. Great, great, great.

That looks good. Yeah, it's shot really well.It.

Shot well, yeah.

Who did it? Who shot it?

Michael Malone is a director. It was shot by them. Was it 800 pound that puts this out? No. After it was done, then I contacted 800 pound to be like, Hey, can you put it on?

Is there an audience shot or it's just like this?

I thought you were going to say-No, there's some audience shots. I thought you just said, Is there an audience? Yeah, I thought you were listening. Is there an audience listening to this thing?

There was nobody. It was just me. He was just sitting in front.

I can't hear it. That's why it's like, why is he the head?

Did Brad do some time to open the show? Yeah, he did. So if you don't know, I don't know if you know this, but when Brad does his club, you split time with him. You co-headline.

If you headline, you do 10 minutes because he goes up first and does 30 minutes of crowd work.

And then you go on.

Now the feature comes and It's like five minutes, and then he goes up and does another 30 minutes. And then you go up and you do the rest, which is like 10 or 15 minutes.

So you have to split the stage with him when you do his club in Vegas.

And he does all crowd work. Every weekend. And like, 80s, like don't break.

Almost every night. He is, right? Isn't it every weekend?

So if I headline there, He's going to go, I'm going to do all this.

No, I mean, he's like, sometimes it's when he's available, he goes.

But he's there a lot of weekends.

Yeah. What's a cool thing if you two open up your club? It's his club.

Yeah. Do whatever he wants.

He brings the crowd, too. It's not like people are coming to see him.

Does he promote that he's going to be there, too? Yeah. So he's going to pack the room up. Yeah.

So what he's doing, he's doing his service to comics. That's great.

Yeah.

What a great service. If younger comics that go do the room, he's like, I'm going to help pack the audience so they get a better viewpoint of someone they may not know, which is a fucking huge... That's a big gift.

Were you nervous there or no? No, I wasn't. As a performing, you look great. I was before is what I'm saying.

No. I mean, I already done that club. It was like It was the whole week. This was, I think, a Friday or Saturday, so I was already getting-How many did you film? I think it was two nights, Friday and Saturday.

Four shows, two nights?

It was just in one show. One show, one Friday, one Saturday.

You were the same clothes, obviously.

Yes, same underwear.

He had it cuts. He's wearing a black T-shirt. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. People should watch this special. Go on YouTube and watch it, but let's get down to the real business here. Israel, Palestine, bud.

Top of the morning.

Top of the morning, yeah. Peace, peace, peace. Peace and love.

Do you act at all? I do. You're good-looking guy.

I've been on Shameless. I've been on... Yeah, it works.

That's great. No, I know that.

I just haven't gotten the big Art. But I am going to be in a movie that's going to come out, hopefully this year, called The Unexposed that we shot last year. Who's in it? It's Matt Walsh.

I love Matt Walsh.

I love Matt Walsh. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. So funny. Yeah. Great guy.

Let me ask you about this Fitbit. Is this a Fitbit?

Yes, it is.

Now, do you really use it? I do use it. You use it. You do.

It's great because it's to count calories, pretty much. It's like whatever- What are you, my aunt?

You count calories for real?

I mean, now I know in terms of I know If I spend 15,000 calories during the day, I'm like, Oh, I can eat 2,000.

Because you've always been in good shape. I'm surprised to see you with one of those. I figured you were just a guy that has always been in shape and eats healthy and works out.

No, but this actually helped me to be like, Okay, how much? If it's a day I'm not spending too much calories, then I don't eat that much.

Have you ever been fat?

When I was little.

You were a little fat kid.

Yeah, a little fat kid. I was nerdy, too. I had glasses. I had the little strings on the glass.

So like that, you looked like that. You used to look like that.

Oh, my God. It was exactly like that.

You were a little fat glass of Spanish boy when you were young.

But you evolved.

I evolved. I was like an ugly ducklin. Bingo. The story. I became... No, it actually happened in high school. Remember in high school?

You were an ugly ducking. Duckling? I'm sorry.

Do it again.

Can I get that line again?

Try it again.

You were an ugly ducking. Duckling.

How's duck hard for you guys to say? What? Isn't that a part of your culture? Duckling? Yeah.

What do you mean? Yeah, duck.

Duck is so big.

In China, not in Korea.

Dumplin for you. Yeah, duck Dumplin.

Oh, duck Dumplin. Yeah, you're right. Wow, you know that?

Yes. They're so good. Duck, dumb. They're so good. Duck, dumb. Dumblings are one of my favorite things.

Ducks are the best. That's right.

Din Tai Fung, have you heard?Yes.Yeah..

We've eaten it together. I know.

I love it.

Thank you so much. Ask the ugly duckling again. Go for it again. You were an ugly duckling.

I was an ugly duckling.

How ugly?

Like him.

That ugly? Wow.

But you know those teen movies? When the girl's like, She's ugly, but she's not. As soon as they take the glasses off, I'm like, That was me.

Yeah, you weren't that ugly.

He wasn't like, as soon as I took... Because I had the thick... Because I'm blind. I I had LASIK because I had minus 11 in each half.

Minus 11?

I was completely blind.

Are you wearing contacts now? No, I got LASIK. So now they're perfectly fine.

I'm 2020.

Until they fail.

Right, Andrew? Oh, sorry. Good joke. Good joke. No, but I was completely blind where to the point where I couldn't... If I lost my glasses, I couldn't see. I couldn't literally see nothing. I would just see a thing.

You weren't afraid of LASIK? Lasik freaks me out so much.

No, I recommend it 100%.

They peel back your eyes. Yeah, it's great. Have you ever seen a Google image of LASIK? It's the weirdest thing.

It's so good. I remember when I did it, I woke up, I was like a newborn.

Did they put you out?

No, you do it. No, it's just all like you feel it.

You feel them. Oh, my God. A laser in your eyeball.

But it's like you're going-No, they cut your eye.

No, but that's old school. I don't know what that is. This guy was-That's like that.

Yeah, that was Francisco.

Yeah, they do do that.

What is it? A clockwork orange?

Yeah, pretty much.

Milko Velocet. Imagine in the middle of that getting laced. He just goes,. Put them out.

No, I recommend that. I recommend that if you actually are really have a high problem. If you have a little bit, just stick to glass.

But what are the odds that people... Because they do say people go blind from this, or it permanently fucks up your vision.

It's like the exception is like-Give me the odds.

All right, what are the odds? Less than 1%. Less than 1%. Extremely rare for the surgery.

Oh, yeah, that's a good gamble.

That's really good.

That's like the vaccine thing.

Yeah. God, that's crazy. Why did they get so good? I remember years ago, it wasn't that good. No, of course not.

Now, it's like nothing.

100% done. Do you have a child? No, I don't have a child. No children? You don't want any?

No, I do. I think I eventually do. My wife is younger than So it's like- His wife is only 57.

Yes. So they've got some time.

She's doing a LASIK right now.

You live in LA, right? Because that's where you at the store.

You live in LA? Yeah. We've known him for 15 years.

I know.

It I didn't know Matt Rive lived in Long Island?

Well, that's because when he got big, when he got money-Or Rhode Island?

When he got rich, he did that. Yeah.

If I get rich, I'm not leaving. Where are you going to go then? Ireland.

No, where are you going to go?

I'll fit right in. No, I like staying here, but definitely Europe, something like in Italy. You stay here, dude. No, I like LA. I love LA. That is the best. I love LA.

Why do people dog on LA, man?

I love LA. Well, it's easy to hate on because it gets a lot of attention.

Anything gets a lot of attention. It's like the popular guy or girl in school.

It's like somebody going, Taylor Swift. I don't know. I don't really like that music. It's like, all right, well, because everybody talks about it, so people don't want to hear it.

Because sometimes I have people from the Midwest, I fly them out here, just friends. I had done that before. They go, Oh, this is LA? What do you think it was?

I think they think it's all Hollywood.

Well, it's also they see the bad parts of LA.

Yeah, there's three blocks of Skid Row. That's what you see.

It's like you were not staying there.

No, not but with him. He lives the fancy life. Yeah, that's true.

He lived the fancy life.

Please don't get me fucking started, pal. Don't even do it to me.

I like that.

On YouTube, you can check this out. Yeah. Then everyone listening to this podcast. He's an old friend of ours. Very funny.

We love him to death. Yeah, no.

Thank you for having me.

Are you crazy, dude?

You guys are great. Thank you so much. Can we just whatever we had? No. Okay.

No, I think you guys should continue this weird beef. I like it. It's not a beef.

I thought it was we were making fun of each other. No, we are. But I think it's one of those situations where it's like, if we were in a platoon, right?

Like in Vietnam.

Like Vietnam.

Here we are. We're in the-Are we in the same army? What's it called? In the dog hole or whatever? Yeah.

No. Foxhole. Foxhole. Foxhole. Yeah.

Get down, Bob.

Why are you making those funny noises with your mouth?

No, I don't know.

When you do that, the end of the week in here-Oh, sorry. You keep going…

You know what I mean?

It's the same. There's no one around.

Who's this guy? Is this guy new?

Hey, guys, I got transferred.

Emmanuel, hey.

Emmanuel, what's it?

Are you a good shot?

Can you shoot? Yeah, I'm a sniper. That's why I'm here. Oh, wow.

Good.

You are? Yeah.

Why do you have a machete?

Yeah, what is that for?

You guys were supposed to provide me with a sniper. We Wait, wait.

I forgot the gun. I forgot the gun. I always carry- You think that the sniper would bring their own gun? I said I would bring it for him.

The machete is just for me. What? Machete is just for me. It's not even a gun. Oh, shit. I I think it's just rain. That's rain.What?That's rain.Oh, it's rain.It's rain.

It's not a gun. That's what's rain.

We have a drink of it.Yeah..

Hey, Francisco. Yes.

We're going to need you to do us a favor.

Yeah. Okay. You know the enemy?

Yeah. Charlie.

Get the enemy. Charlie. No, it's Charles. It's PC now. We have to say Charles.

Okay, Charles. He's the type of guy. He's the type of guy that he's going to go, Hey, I'm in the same platoon. Hey, Chang, because Vietnam War, go over there. I go over there, he shoots me. Then he goes, I thought he was the enemy because of this. I think that's what you are.

But I would shoot you in the leg as a joke.Right.

As a bit.As.

A bit.

I don't think that if I got shot, you would do a Forrest Gump with me.

No. I mean, Baba. You wouldn't call him?

No, Baba, Forrest Gump, he carry everybody out. Yeah, he carry. I don't think you would carry me out.

Too heavy. Okay.

All right. He's strong.

Dude, very good.

No, I wouldn't. I was there in the comedy store when there was somebody.

The guy that got shot?

I was exactly. I was literally right here, the guy, and I turned around and I see the guy shooting in point blank.

I was there that night, but I was inside and I had heard it go down. But it was so surreal because I wasn't out front. When I heard it, I thought it was a lie, even though I know it was real. Yeah.

But I saved the girl and I pushed them down. Shut up. Yeah.

You're an American hero. For people that don't know, a gang member came on the Comedy Store patio years ago and went right up to a guy and shot point blank. How many of your friends are in the studio?

In front of the OR, the original.

No, in the patio.

The Yeah, but it's in front of the...

In the outside bar there in 2015. Exactly. A gang member ran up on the patio point blank, shot a guy in the chest.

How many people were in the patio right?

It was maybe 25, 30 people.

Oh, my God. Because I was on the road or something, I didn't miss it. Then you saw the man got shot.

I turned around, I see the guy shooting because it didn't even sound like a gun. It sounded like firecraft. I was like, Papa, I reacted through the people that were with me. I I thought it was one of those serial killers who was going to basically shoot.

One of those famous comedy club serial killers?

I don't know. Open mic.

That came back.

It's like, Tommy didn't pass me or something.

All right. You still are down with the Second Amendment now? All of them after a pretty shot at.

When you saw that, I heard Josh Nasser held his body. Is that true?

Yeah, he did. I don't know why I'm laughing. Why are you laughing at that, dude? Wait, he what? No, he did.

The guy that got shot? Yeah, the guy got shot and Josh Nasser.

Was he making a TikTok Yeah.

Rest in peace with the- Hey, man, you look so good dead. It's so dark. That's so dark.

We're just joking.

You saw Josh hold the guy's body?

Yeah, no, he hold him like-Was there caressing going on?

Like rubbing his head?

Like he was in the stairs, so it's like, Come on. Come on. He was trying to-Shake those bullets out of him.

Wow. That's crazy. That is crazy.

Go to the Google image of it.

Because he shot him point blank.

That's nuts. That's insane. The good thing was, and go to the first image. I hate to say this, but I'm glad that he didn't shoot anybody else.

No, that's what I...

It's so funny to have your car trapped in the parking lot after a shooting. Don Barris' car, he just can't move it. Were you in the parking?

I don't know.

No, I was in the back of the Comedy Store.

But your car was in the parking.

No, that was back when I lived in the neighborhood. I used to walk. Oh, wow. That's a cut. What's wrong with me? Sacred Ground. I was in the back. I was by Sacred Ground in our... Look at my name is on the fucking... Yeah. Zoom in. Both of our names are there. Oh, wow.

No, Zoom in. My name's not up there. Yes, it is. Yeah, Bobby Lee right there.

Who was it?

Jeff Ross, Bobby Lee, and Santina.

You and Kirk Fox.

And Kirk Fox. You made Lacy.

Holy shit. You know how I know? I wasn't out of town. This is proof But he was late, so you probably left.

I was on the road.

I wasn't. Wait a minute. Was I there?

That night.

That's how like...

Hey, that's right.

As much as he canceled spots, he was probably not there.

Yeah, that's right. I canceled spots.

Because I would remember you being there that night. You weren't there that night.

I don't want to play conspiracy theories, but maybe- Francis.

Did you?

Maybe you left. Bobby, you were the shooter. It was the perfect alibi.

I was out of town. I always canceled spots. Or it could have been Kirk Fox. He was also on one.

Did he ever catch the guy?

No, they did. I think they did. Oh, they did? Because he was like- It was crazy. It was crazy. It was a gang thing related. Apparently, the guy from, I think, Detroit or somewhere like that. The guy, he was here visiting, and that's why he was-He traveled to kill him.

Go back to the very first image. I actually want that printed out and hung up in the studio, can you? Yeah, that's a beautiful image of a murder with our names on the marquee, bud. I mean, that's history right there. That's history right there. Well, everyone, please go watch this.

Go watch.

Francisco, thank you for coming.

Also, what's your handles?

Yeah, Framos Comedy on Instagram.

Framos Comedy.

Framos Comedy.

Framos Comedy. Go see our boy. Give it up for Francis.Thank.

You.thank you.Thank you for having me, everybody.F-Ramos, everybody.

Come over here. Carlos will I'll escort you out, you fucking dumb slut. I love you, doggy.Thank you. You're the fucking man. Dude, killed it.

I love you. What the fuck, dude? What are you guys doing?

Bill. I was right next door.

What the fuck are you doing? Are you sitting on this? Are you being real?

I didn't fucking do this.

Yeah, who did this? Go that one, Blue. Can you do the Blue? That's fine. Okay.

Bobby Lee, this is your life.

Wait, did you know Bill was coming?

No, I was upstairs. I was editing my next-Special?Stupe special, yeah.

His editing suite is right here. Oh, it is? Neil Brennan was up there. Oh, wow.

I didn't know. Yeah, this is like the What the fuck am I doing here?

Wow. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen. The great Bill Bur. Can you take something?

Yeah.

How many times every fucking night we see each other at the store, and now you're acting like we don't live in the same city. Like, Oh, my God. I came in from fucking New Zealand.

It's the last person I I never expected to come into the studio.

I did it one more time, but not as well. I just came in. I just came in. I thought they were on TV. I was like, Wow, there's fucking HD9 or something. That's so fucking clear. Well, I didn't want to interrupt you guys. I know that you guys have a close personal bond.

We're so joyous that you're here. What are you talking about?

How happy to be me. You've blushed. I did. Well, because I saw him walk in and I thought, Is Is this a bit that these guys set up?

Yeah. Do you guys set... Oh, I see.

Somebody just said, You just missed Bobby Lee. I was looking for your car. The first thing I was looking for was a bumper hanging off the fucking thing.

I don't see his car here.

The perpetuation of the The type is real. Bobby got in an accident the first month he had the car, and then now again- Yesterday, yeah. Yesterday.

Yeah, but it has nothing to do with Asians. It just has to do... He doesn't care.

Dude, that's- This is serious. Thank you so much for saying that.

I know.

That's what it is. Is that the race? I don't bring my people down. No, it isn't. It's because I don't give a shit. Okay.

It just so happens you got in a two car accidents within a month.

I know, but does that offset Tokyo Drift?

Yeah, no. Probably not. One Bobby Lee erases all of these fucking guys.

I'll say this one thing, and I'll let you guys get back because I'm sure you guys had an agenda.

No, we didn't. What are you talking about, Bill? We had nothing.

What are you editing? Your special?

Yes.

Okay. Congratulations.

Do we have a name for the special?

I don't know yet. I'm working on it, but that was just absolute hell for four fucking hours. Why? Who the fuck wants to watch themselves for an hour?

Yeah. For four hours.

It was horrible. It was fucking horrible. I'm going to go up there. But then I got... So now we all the... I think I got to go in tomorrow, and then I'm done.

Where'd you shoot it?

I shot it in Seattle. Look at us fucking doing this little promo thing.

Yeah, it works.

I feel like one of these younger comics, how they just I can't know how to promote this shit out of this stuff. They're amazing.

Well, let's talk about it because part of the reason I signed up Hulu is because of you. Oh, okay. Well, because Hulu brought over people from Netflix, and they were like-I can't shake this guy. I keep following.

Well, the reason why I went over to Netflix is because the head guys over there told me there's not enough room for two gingers on one streaming platform, and we're going with the younger, cuter one.

Yeah.

When you guys see each other, is there an extra bond?

Yeah, Well, we have a... The U, Fitsimian?

The sadness.

Yeah, we've had the same pain. Yeah. A similar pain through line. Yeah.

But Bill, were you bullied growing up or no? Yes. Oh, I didn't know.

Yeah, I was in the middle. I bullied some kids, and then I was bullied, and then I hit puberty late. Then that was the end of my fighting.

I was 17 when I got my first hair. How old were you?

Jesus Christ, I didn't have a diary. Oh, you did? I wasn't 17. Wow.

Because when I got my first hair, we celebrated.It was a big deal.Yeah, we got a cake, everything.

What about under the arm, though? You still don't have a lot of arm pin.

No, I still have some. Look.

There's a cute. Okay.

But I remember the first hair. I think it's still there.

You still got it? Yeah.

Even when I shave it, I keep that one.

Bobby's starting to look like one of those old career gamblers.

What?

That's a good thing? Yeah, it's a great thing.

You got that. If you didn't have this scorpion's thing on this.A block of tackle.

There's something. You're like Phil Locke. You're like one of these guys. Yeah, like that guy.Oh, that guy?Yeah.Wow. That guy knows Pi Gau.

You know what? I don't know what the name of the clip is, but one of my favorite ones I ever saw. Then I'm going to leave. No, don't leave. That guy's going to be the bit. I'm going to leave. Please don't leave. Then I'm going to leave. Okay. I was watching this World Series of Poker, and this guy fucking goes all in. When they go all in, they start walking around. Here comes the river. It was like he had a 98% chance of... I don't know poker, but he... Then all of a sudden, the flop came, and then it fucking went down to 7%, but he didn't know. Then the last thing hit and he fucking lost. The guy, he literally just goes, Oh, yeah. He fucking just stormed off and sat. There was this little two-step thing to where the crowd was. He sat down on those stairs and he put his hand like that and he cried for like 15 seconds. Then he just collected himself and was like, All right, and just moved on. It was unbelievable.

How much money was it, do you think?

Millions. Yeah, it was like, Wow.

He got totally... There was no way. What do they call it? A bad beat. There was no fucking way he should have lost it. He did, and he went, Yeah. He sat down for 15 seconds.

You're not a gambler, are you?

No, I just don't have the patience for it. Also, I get it. I get it. You're winning and I'm losing. Why would I do this?

But we get our dopamine hits from other things.

What do you get your dopamine hits from?

What's Learning new shit. What it really is, it's not a dopamine thing. It staves off my depression. That's what I've learned. When I get free time, nothing makes me sadder than free time. Just sitting there, I'm thinking about life, shit that have me, it just makes me sad. I'll literally, the usual bullshit, go to the gym, play drums or something like that. But learning something new because I don't know what I'm doing and I have to listen to that makes me not think about other shit.

Can you give Give us some new shit that you've learned? Give us some new shit.

I'll tell you, I wrote a fucking Harley Davidson road glide the other day up in Santa Maria, and I've never ridden one. I was always intimidated because it was so fucking big. I'd ridden smaller ones, and it was one of them fucking... Do you remember in Ferris Buhler's day off when they were going over the hill? Yeah. Ferrari, it was like-The valets, right?

Yeah.

We rode through the hills and everything. First of all, it's a fucking... The scariest thing is going slow on them stopping because it's like, Oh, my God, is this thing going to tip up? Once you get going, it's a Cadillac. They had that big, what do they call it? The Fering. So your neck doesn't hurt, you're just cruising. So we took us up into the mountains, and there was literally nobody on the road. We went down one street, and there was all of these trees just on one side, and the trees were crawling over like he was surfing in a tube, except you were on a bike. It was amazing. Then we came out of the valley, and me and Dean Delerade, we switched bike. I got on the sports glide. He got on mine, and then the guy took I was through, and then they knew I was comfortable. They started tearing down the fucking the valley. The mountains are coming up like that. I kicked it up two, three times or whatever. I thought I was doing like fucking 55, 60. I looked down, I was doing 90.

Wow.

I was just, whew! Wow. Dude, that was the adrenaline thing to the heart. That lasted like a week. I couldn't stop fucking thinking about it.

Do you have a bike?

Yeah, I got a little one. I got a little Royal Enfield.

Can I tell you guys what I learned?

But I don't drive around in LA States.

Can I tell you guys what I learned?

Can you not? Why? That's something I learned. He talked the whole show.

He learned something. I learned something. Listen, let Asian Bobby Kelly say something.

Forget it.

No, I want to hear it.

It's a supportive environment. Go ahead. All right, so I'm going to tell you. I mean, so Stardew Valley, right? It's a video game I play. See, already, dude, I don't like that.

Because it's not entertaining.

Go ahead. Well, I'm just tell you something I learned. I've been playing that game for years. You can go to Robin's Carpenter Shop and actually move the greenhouse. It doesn't have to because I've always built around the greenhouse. Oh, my God, there's not enough space. But you actually can move it next to your house.

Is that one of those games where you're building a village and then you fight other villages?

There's no fighting in that way, Bill. Nice try. No, I'm just asking.

No, it sounded interesting to me.

Yeah.

I understand that response because I've done nothing but give you shit for 20 years.

I get it. No, it's a farming game.

Is it more exciting than the giant melons? Bill, would you get one of those big bikes? Would you ever want to invest in one of those big Harleys or no?

100%.

So this is the next move?

Yeah, I'm going to do the gingered wild hogs. Please. Totally. Please pull me in.

The midlife crisis.

No, it was one of those things just like I just feel as an American, at some point you have to ride one of those big bikes. Just do it. Even if you just do it one fucking time. I don't ride around here. I'm always in the middle of nowhere. In Colorado, we went up in Boulder, went to the Rockies a little bit, and it just stay away from people. But I had a bike out here for about six weeks, about 10 years ago, and the level of texting. It was like everybody had three beers in them. There was just all of this drifting, and it was fucking terrifying. I remember, I never pray, but I literally was all the way out somewhere near the beaches or whatever, and I said a prayer. I said, God, if you get me home, I swear to God, I'm never riding this again, and I'm going to sell it, and I did. Then I fucked up like an addict. I rode one when I was in Austin, and the Moto GP race was there. That's the Formula One of bike racing. I fucking love that shit. They had this thing on Saturday where the dads, all the dads could go there.

They called it the victory lap. I had not ridden a bike in 10 years. I said, I think I want to be in the back. Because it was like, I felt like it was 100 guys. I was like, I want to be in the back. I want to be in the back because I don't want to be going fast or anything. They said, No, dude, you want to be in the front. You want to be in the front because we're going to be going 25, 30 miles an hour, 40, maybe on a straighter way. But those guys in the back, they They wait. They wait like two minutes and they wait. Then the guys got the full fucking leathers on. So I said, All right, good. Anyway, I did that, and I was so thrilled that I still remembered how to do it. Then it just-It's back. It's just the itch.

Have you ever ridden a bike? Never have.

Oh, my God. But I've ridden a bike, a bike.

No, not a bicycle, bud. Okay. A bike, a bike? Yeah. That's what they call it.

You know what I mean? Like a standard bike. Bike, a bike. No, like the balancing Do you have a tan?

Oh, my God.

Do I have a tan?

Yeah, you look tanner. Did you do somewhere tropical?

No. Okay.

You have a nice tan.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you, Bobby. That's very nice of you. Yeah. Bobby, this is I'm in a new relationship.

I don't like it. Why don't you like it? I fucking hate it.

He's so nice to me. You've been so nice to me the last couple of years.

I was always nice to you. I just did it in a dysfunctional way. I always trashed you because I loved you. I love you, too. Now I can look in your eyes. It's a difficult thing to try to see them. You are like extra Asian. There you go.

There we go.

White eyes. We call it white eyes when he does that. This I don't know if this is maybe a thing with our skin tone and hair, but I've seen you have clothes that I also have. I'm like, Is that because we have that thing that we pick?

Our limited color palette? Yeah.

Well, those shoes. I have those exact fucking shoes. I don't know anybody that has those shoes.

You You know what I love about New Balances? People go, Oh, that's an old white guy sneaker. It's like, Well, yeah, I'm an old white guy. I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing.

But you fit Simmons, and you guys all have the same attire. Is it a red-headed thing?

To go to call him Patagonia. I'm going to call him Greg.

Greg is not a redhead.

He's not a redhead.

Fit Simmons is a redhead.

No, he's not.

No, he's not.

He's not one of your tribe?

No. When he did have hair, it was dark.

He had brown hair. I think when he grew a goat, he might have had red in his beard. A little bit.

But look, he had dark hair when he was young.

Look at that It's so pink. I know.

I'm surprised.

Yeah, that's what I'm looking at.

What are you doing? Why are you making fun of other people? What do you mean?

What if I can bully you, dude? I can look at somebody's photo and go, They're pink?

No, but I mean, just the messenger is just throwing me off.

It's so funny that you say that, Mr. Bur, because I'm going to say this, all right? I've gained some confidence over the years, and I think I'm very good looking.

You know what I would love to do?

I would love to take a Sharpie and color in the skin between the mustache and whatever the fuck that is on your chin. All right. I do have-Oh, you don't have to go.I.

Love you.Please stay.We.

Love you, Bill.Thank you so much.Yeah..

I have positive feelings about you guys.

Yeah.

All right, that's it. You know what I like? That was a soft, what do they call it? A soft opening of my special.

Here you go. Give him a big hug. You're trying.

This is like you went to wardrobe. You went to wardrobe.

Give him a big hug, Will you please?

I always wanted to know, what is that Notary Republic stamp tattoo that you have on your forearm? What is that? This one.

Oh, God.

This is the one of my body. Why did you do that to yourself? I know. At what point do you just say, I got to lose this. Dude, that is third trimester.

Give him a big hug. All right. I love you. Thank you, Bill. Are you afraid of another ginger?

Come on, bring it in there.

What a surprise. Bill Burr, everybody. Give him a round of applause. Bill Bur. What a surprise, Bill. Bill Bur.

What a great surprise.

What a great surprise.

Who's this next bitch that's coming in? You might remember her.

Dude, that was crazy.

Look at this fucking little beautiful specimen that we spawned on this show. Oh my God. Do you see this little specimen?

That was insane. Bill just popped in there. Yeah. He's like, Is Bobby here? I was like, Yeah, they're recording, but you could probably just walk right in.

God, it's crazy. It's crazy. Let's talk about our beautiful little specimen that came back in the show.

Can we just talk about Bill? For some reason, sometimes, especially in this, I have to get prepared for him, but that surprise, I was like shell shocked almost.

You were. I was a stumbling fucking idiot. This is my life now. But I'm always a stumbling moron with him. I'm never myself when I'm around him. He's the only one. Me too.

Why is that?

Because his dominance.

I don't know what to say. Then I tried to throw on that Stardew Valley.

That was really good.

I don't know. Then I just go, Oh, no.

Because he's one of the greatest living community.

Oh, I don't know.

Anybody watching, that's what getting bumped feels like.

We're like, Okay, Bill, but I got to follow that in a way. It was like, Shrove, the Girl.

The tan thing I said, it's like, What am I talking about? I heard that. I don't know what... I was Like, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, but at least you're having fun. I was asking dumb interview questions. You guys are like girls.

We are. Yeah, we are.

I was shocked by it. He's one of the greatest living comedians, so it's hard for-If Chapelle comes in here, I'm done.

He came in, too. I was like, Bill's on down.

If Dave Chapelle found that one of his employees was talking shit about him through text.

Yeah, that would be a big deal. That would be a very big deal. Don't you think that'd be a big deal?

Yeah. What's going on?

Well, I'll tell you what's going on.

You're pointing your fingers at me, but it met me. You're pointing them to somebody.

Somebody else. I know what's going on. I'll tell you what's going on. I grabbed Mccone's phone.

I knew it was Mccone.

I go to the messaging and I go, I wonder if I put my name in the search thing? Yeah. All the shit that you said. That's so smart. He reek the fuck out. He ran from behind there.

He knocked all the artwork off the wall.

He knocked all the artwork. We did a thing.

You also went through my photo album one time. I did. You loved to snoop.

I'm a snoopy snoop. He's a little snooper. He's a snooper-pooper. He kept looking at my photos.

He was like, Getting nervous?

I am so shocked that you haven't inquired about what's in the bag.

What's in the bag?

I have gifts for you guys.

Welcome back to What's in the Bag.

What's in the bag?

Can you pass this out to everybody?

Get over here, Macone.

I'm exercising my power.

I love it, dude. You've been doing it for years. Why slow down now?

No, I've learned it from you.

Yeah.

What?

What is that?

What? Hello.

Glasses.

Oh, my God. This is so rad.

Wait, you have your own sunglasses? Yes.

It's taken years to make them, but it's the only collaboration I've ever taken part of. The owner of the company reached out to me and was like, Do you want your own glasses?

We talked about this. I didn't know you were actually going to do this. You also never called me back after I called you and you wanted some advice.

You never They feel good.

You never called me back.

I knew you were going to bring that up.

You never called me back. I was pissed off about it. She never called me back.

You want me to say the thing-Okay, who am I?

I'm doing an impression with these glasses. Who am I? Okay. Yeah. Right? No.

Jessie. Johnson. No. Prince. No. Wait, I'll get it. Hold on.

Bobby wearing pink glasses.

Yeah. Is this just you?

Crocodile Rock.

Elton John. Yeah. Elton John, yeah. I hope these glasses bring you as much joy as they bring me. Here's, Looking at You, Sincerely, Jetski Johnson.

This is-Jetski Juicy Johnson.

No, it doesn't say that on there. Yes, it does. Oh, it does. This is incredible, dude. These are so cool.

This is an incredible thing you did at dead. Thank you.

I thought you guys were going to hate it for some reason.

I'm so happy for you.

I got them for everybody. You guys don't have to wear them, but I hope you enjoy them.

We're wearing them. I love it.

Are yours thickerer than mine?

No, they're the same.

They're all the same. You can get them online, too, if anybody wants them watching.

I bring yours over here. I don't think they're the same.

We'll put the link in the description. They're all the same, dude. Promo code.

Mine's little or something.Promo.

Code what?Jetski.Jetski to buy these. These are incredible. 20% off.

They are the same. And a glass. Your face is bigger.

By the way, just for the record, our good friend Janel Garza did the art for this, which I do think is so sick. She's an incredible artist. Incredible. Look at how dope the box is.I mean, that alone is incredible.It's so cool.

Dude, What have you been up to, Jess?

Touring. I'm on my first tour, Trump It 2024.

Trump It 2024. Trumpet 2024. That's great. That's very smart. Was that on accident?

Yeah, and then I made the shirts, and then I made the connection.

Nice, dude. I see. Very nice. That's what came later.

Can I plug the Irvine, Houston, and Sacramento?

Go ahead.

Trumpet 2024 tour. I have three more stops. Irvine, Houston, Sacramento. Irvine Improv? Irvine The Weekend? The Weekend, Late Night shows. One late Night show, Friday, one late Night, Saturday.

Midnight?

10:30 PM.

Oh, go check it out.

You're going? Please go see our friend.

No, I can go check it. I'm not going to go.

I thought you were like, I'm not going to go.

We can go. You want us to open up the show? Yeah, would you guys. We should, shouldn't we? I think we should open. When is this?

Everything's on jet skijohnson. Com.

I'll be busy. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm going to be busy.

Oh, in rainbow optics, the glasses. Anything you want on the website, 20% off.

What is the promo code?

Jetski. Promo code Jetski.

Much to it. Jetski, sign off the way we used to.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Love you. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepher the weak through the valley of darkness, for he truly is his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. I thought he says, Lay my vengeance upon thee. Yeah. Let me do it backwards. But this says, upon you. You upon vengeance, my lay, I when Lord is the name I know, will you?

And?

Brothers might destroy and poison to attempt to those anger, furious and vengeance great with thee upon. Downstrike will and I.

Children lost of finder the endkeeper, brothers. His truly is he for. Darkness of valley, the through week, the shepherd's will good, and charity, of name, the inn, he is blessed.

Men, evil of tyranny, the unselfish, the of inequities, the by-sides all on, but set as man, righteous, the of path, thee. Very good. That's actually fucking awesome backwards. It's just as good backwards as it is forward.

Yeah, that's why it's brilliant.

Ezequiel 25:17. Yeah. God, we got to read the Bible, dude. The Bible's got some bangers.

One right there. Let's take out every other word, see if that works. The of righteous is on all by inequities, the and tyranny of men.

Blessed, blessed blessed he. It's hard. Blessed he, in name, charity, good shepherds, weak valley darkness, he truly brothers and finder lost.Wow.Pretty.

Cool.it It worked that way, too.