Merch. We got merch and check this hat out. I've been wearing on stage. Have you seen me?

Look at this, dude. Look at this shirt. This is the OG shirt. The OG design is back and also Bad Friends on the back. In the back. The cute little faces on the front, Bad Friends on the back. Go to badfriendsmerch. Com. We also have coffee mugs for people that like coffee and beautiful beanies in a couple of different colors. But go get some OG merch. We're releasing new stuff as we go. Bob and I are in a competition to see who can design the best shirt. But for now, you want the OG original stuff. Happy holidays. Happy holidays. Get this for someone that you love. Go to badfriendsmerch. Com. Com. Badfriendsmerch. Com. You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude.

And an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

You.

Two or something. We're bad friends.

We walked in the studio. Can we go? We did a couple of spots. Bob and I did a back to back spot at the store. Then we walked in the studio and McCone tried to make up for all his blunders by getting Bobby in and out. That's very nice. But what did you forget? What did you forget, McCone? Fries. Yeah, French fries. The quintessential pairings.

The quintessential pairings.

The quintessential pairings, I guess? Yeah. A burger and fries, peanut butter and jelly, right?

Yeah.

What don't you understand about that? I don't think I've ever gotten a cheeseburger without fries.

Freddie, AIDS.

Freddie Mercury AIDS. Freddie, Mercury AIDS. These two things go hand in hand. Magic Johnson, AIDS.

Yeah.

Easy E, AIDS.

I'm sorry. Next time I'm in an in and out, I'll think about EZ E and AIDS.

I'm sorry. Next time you're in the order and they say, Welcome to in and out. How can I help you? What would you like? Some AIDS. Welcome to in and out. How can I help you? What would you like?

A Double Double with regular onions and fries and a Coke, Diet Coke, please.

Okay. A Double Double with AIDS coming right up, window two. See, they'll know. They'll automatically know.

I'm not making fun of people with that disease. It's terrible.

No, we're saying the two things that go together.

Yeah, they do come to go together. That's a terrible disease.

Well, a burger was a very nice gesture. Thank you. But a burger without fries seems worthless to me.

But did you see what I did?

You.

Call me, I'm just leaving the store. I said I was at 7/11. You go.

Get me some snacks. Get me some snacks. What I do? I said, Please. What I do, though? You got me seven different things to choose from.

See, that's how you do it. That's what friendship is. That's what love is. That's what family is. You don't do that. You don't complete it. When I play a video game, I need to complete all the objectives. You know what I mean? Here's another thing. Hi, Guy.

Hi, Guy.

Me? Yeah. You're ripped. You're ripped.

You're distressed. Out of your mind, Stone.

I told you it's.

Later in the evening. I'm going to start drug testing on the show. The employees on the show are going to go into rigorous drug testing. I'm not kidding.

But you're so high right now.

I'm not so high.

I've seen your eyes.

Get on Amazon right now and order drug tests for the crew because I want to start drug testing everybody. This is a sober show. Bobby is sober. He's going through the program. You show up here on drugs and alcohol. Mccone says.

You're drinking. I'm just itching. Whenever I look at you, I.

Get uncomfortable. Look at him. He's itching. He's itching right now.

I want.

Marijuana, too. No, Bob.

He's given me marijuana before.

Yeah, because we get them for free at comedy shows. He gives you what we get. When?

Hawaii.

Was that high? Yeah, when I was high.

Yeah, when you were relapsing. Yeah. That doesn't count.

We were in Hawaii together?

Yeah, bro.

Wait, why?

We did a show.

No, we didn't do a show in Hawaii?

No. What? You mean Mexico?

No, I was in Hawaii with him with Trash Tuesday. Oh, you were? Yeah, and you were filming something, and so you were there, too. Then, yeah, it was chaos.

But do we get high together? Oh, yeah. Fun.

Yeah, it was fun. Hey. No. Yes. Bad.

Carlos, bring me back.

To.

Work. No.

No, I won't. I won't. Andrew'll get too mad. These drug tests are pretty reasonably.

Priced, too. Yeah, well, I want the whole crew drug tested. Fancy, I want you to drug test as well. You're not exempt from this because I don't know what you're up to if you're using. He seems like he could be using. Carlos, meanwhile, what did McCone say? You were drinking in the car before you came in.

The topo chico margaritas are good.

Mccone, go get a Bud Light out of the fridge. He has to drink one on the air now.

Hell, yeah.

Don't drink that on camera, okay? You pig. Just do that like the sad pig you are. Hide it behind the wall.

It's the gay drink, right?

Well, it's the trans drink. It's trans drink. Yeah, the Bud Light supports trans.

Let me ask you a question, Andrew, my best friend.

Yeah, baby.

Why is it that you can't mix foods? Who are.

You talking about?

What do you mean?

What do you mean? I can mix foods?

No, but think about what I'm saying. You can't different lands, right? You can't at a restaurant get a California roll.

Did you give him weed?

I promise I did. Beef, stroganoff. I'm trying to tap into it.

No, you can do that. It's at a buffet.

California roll, beef, stroganoff.

At a buffet? Have you been ever to a buffet? They have all that stuff. They have pizza, spaghetti. They have pizza, spaghetti. Maha fish taco. When we're in Vegas, you can get all that at one. We'll go to the famous- You.

Shouldn't do it.

No, yes, you should. Why? Because that's what makes America great. Oh, that's true. That's what Donald Trump was talking about.

Can you get a torch? I want a torch. A teakey torch? I want a teakey torch, and I want to be able to wear not a red hat, but without anything on it.

Just a white hat.

No, red hat. Like a red.

Baseball hat. They're taking a white hat. Like a pointy white hat.

I want that at night. Yeah, with a torch.

Yeah, at night. But during the day with the red hat, right?

With nothing on it. Nothing on it. Let them infer. Right. I think you can mix foods. But honestly, do you even like it? You want to get a California roll and then have spaghetti?

Yeah. I've never had a California roll with beef stroganoff before.

Is this something that you want?

In my mind, I'm like, There's no way that's good.

I don't know. I think that might be really good.

But with the Baha, there's taco, too?

I mean, what's wrong with it? I just don't get it. I just don't see what to do. What's bad.

About this? An epanana.

Again, these are all home run.

All right, okay.

I don't hear any flaws in this.

Okay, what about this? If I take a California roll.

Got it.

I take a bowl and I stir it.

You mash it?

I mash it. Then I put-I broke it off in. -stir it, right? . Steel-cut oatmeal.

Why? Stir it.

Steel-cut oatmeal, stir it. Why?

What do you mean why? Why not?

Is what I said. Why not? I said why not? I mean, you're Irish, right?

Yeah. Oh, is that our thing?

Well, I put it in a California roll. You need cut.

Up some potatoes.

Put some potatoes in there. The potatoes in there, you stir it, right? Right. Then what else would you put in there? I think you have enough.

You.

Think.

So? No, I think you put an entire packet of American cheese.

That's right. On top.

Slices, singles.

Craft singles. The craft powder.

The macaroni.

And cheese powder. The macaroni and cheese powder. You pour that in there. You mix it, then you bake it. 3:15 in the oven. You bake it for two hours.

That's so long. Two hours?

Yeah. All right. I don't know, hour. What's long? I never baked it. Thirty minutes.

30 minutes of baking. At 400.

Could you put a flour in there?

Just like a rose? Yeah, you can.

Yeah, like a dandelion.

A begonia?

A begonia, yeah.

You throw that in there.

No, I put flour, the wheat flour, the bread flour.

Why?

Could you make a bread out of it?

Not if you just put flour in it. That's not going to do anything.

How do you make bread? We need water. Let me guess. Water, flour, egg, butter.

Yeast.

Yeast, yeast, yeast.

Yeast. Yeast. Yeast. Yeast. Yeast. Let it rise.

Yeah.

We'll get Tom Pop on the show. He'll teach us how to make bread. Oh, really? You know what I did in the middle of the night that I have to admit and I feel very bad about? I stepped on my dog going to piss in the middle of the night. You know that sound that they make when you step on? It's different. It's different. There's a different sound that they emit. It's inside their computer, deep inside of the algorithm. When you step on them, it's like.

They've never made that sound before.

I've stepped on a Jewish.

Person before. What did they say? Same thing?

Yeah.

You've just.

Stepped on one? I've stepped on one. They did that too.

They did that too. My Jewish dog.

You've stepped on your dog. Your dog's so cute.

You're the poodle. I feel so bad. What happens is she does this. I don't know if your dog does this, but she goes on and off the bed during the course of the night. Sometimes if she's too warm, she'll jump down off of the bed and then she sleeps onto the bench. If she gets cold, she wants to come back up on the bed again. Well, last night she must have jumped off before I passed out because I didn't know. My fat ass rolled out of bed and I took a big thud onto the ground and I stepped on the back of her legs and her butt. I mean, hard.

Did it wake your wife up?

Yeah, freaked out. Well, because the dog went, Yeah. It did that thing.

Did he walk out of the room?

No, she panicked. She started moving around the room like crazy. I was trying to hold her to see if she was in pain. I picked her up and I was holding her and I just started, I went pissed. I had to piss.

You pissed while you were.

Holding the dog? Well, I was comforting her, but I had to piss. What am I going to do? Not piss. I got to comfort.

The dog. Has your dog seen your peanuts?

Seen it? Seen it? How else did you adopt the dog? That's how you let them know who you are. Oh, that's right. I don't know. Yeah, peanut butter, baby. Peanut butter. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was holding the poor girl, and I'm peeing. She was like, whimpering and shaking. I felt so bad. Oh, my God. So bad. I know. We killed her. We had to get rid of her.

That's it. Bojo, my cat, my middle cat. No, the youngest cat. Bojo is the youngest. He's fat.

He's overweight. I wouldn't say he's fat. Yeah, he's over fat.

That's a mean word. Sometimes I'll look at him and on my bed. When he's on my bed, he'll go, Mew, and spread his legs like this. He goes, Mew.

Just to show you his goods?

No, he doesn't. He wants belly rubs.

Oh, yeah, belly. That's what we said.

But it's not.

He wants his popito rub.

No, I don't know. I don't know, dude. He wants his.

Pukino touch.

I don't know. But I swear to God, he goes, Mew, right like this, right? Okay, Bojo. I'll start doing the belly and he'll go...

Oh, down. He wants.

It down. Yeah, he'll go, No, Bojo.

The next time you are on a date with a girl, I want you to just at dinner just go... You think so? Yeah, see what she'll do. This? See if she'll rub in the middle of it. You and I are on a date right now. Okay. Thank you for taking me to Cheesecake Factory. This is rad. I've never been here.

You're welcome. I like- What?

That's not you. I'm the lady. I know.

But your voice, I just felt like I had to match it.

No, it's you. You're welcome. I like that. You're just you. Okay, I'm sorry. I really like this restaurant. This is great. Thanks for taking me here.

Oh, you're welcome. What?

Who are you now? Me. Okay, great.

That's how I am. She's black, right? What are you doing?

I'm black?

I thought that the character was black. I was doing my own thing.

Oh, you're right. Okay, perfect.

You're welcome.

I know we matched on Raya.

Yeah.

I want to tell you, a lot of girls online, they're not into first date hookups.

Yeah.

I am. I'm a first date hookup type of girl. Mau.

Mau. Oh, wow.

There it is. That got me going. That would get me going. That's better?

Okay.

Sorry. My bad. I want you to meow the next time you take someone on a date. Just do that. Lift up your... If it's not going well.

If it's not going well?

Well, just let it bomb anyway. What's the difference?

Okay, well, I want to see what the conversation... Okay, let's say that we're having a conversation that's uncomfortable. You know, sometimes the date is not going well and you go, and you know, Oh, I'm not going to hook up with this girl. This is going to be bad.

You're ready.

To just bail. Yeah. All right. We're a middle conversation.

Okay, here it is. I don't know. I just think I don't know. I disagree with you. I think reparations are in order and I think we should be giving everybody money. I think we should be giving every black individual in the United States money. I don't know why you're free.

We'd have to give the natives money and then we'd have to give everyone money.

And we should. We should give.

More and more and more. The hard-working.

Taxpayers' money. They should all go to every minority.

Then what about infrastructure?

What do we.

Need that for? The roads will-.

What do we need that for? Can we get out of here? Really? See how fast that switched? She was so politically charged until you finally me out at her. Yeah. That's all she needs.

Wow.

I did not know. That is a panty dropper. Meow. Meow. Panty dropper, kiddo.

Anyway, Bojo.

What did Bojo do? You rubbed him?

No, I rubbed his belly and then... Every time I'll do a wider rub. You know what I mean? One of those like, I'll wax on, wax.

Off, Karate Kid rub.

Little meaggy stuff. Yeah. I go wide and it goes toward his area and he goes. He gets a.

Little bit more-.

He loves it.

Yeah.

I don't know, man.

I know, man.

What do you know?

It's wrong. I think you've trained him to do that.

No, that's not true. That's not true. Yes, it is.

That's out of pocket. It sounds like- I did not train him to do that. It sounds like you started it. You started it. He wouldn't know that if you didn't start it. You did it one time. He liked it. You kept going back to the world. No, his peepie. He's poqueno.

A cat's peepie. What are you doing? What are you googling?

Can you sexually arouse a cat?

Yeah, male cats can be sensitive to testical stimulation. Oh, sorry, tactile. Some finish off the arousal reaction by biting or clawing. Does he bite you and claw you when you're rubbing his belly? Does he bite you and claw you, Your Honor? I will interview the witness. Does he bite you and claw you?

Your Honor, it's a nibble. It's not a bite.

But does his hands go down there and he bites and nibbles?

It's a high five, not a claw.

Good work is what he's saying. He's going, Thank you. I'm telling you, this can get reported.

I didn't do anything.

What is it? The ASPCA or whatever?

I didn't do anything. I didn't do anything.

Straight up. No, we can't say that word.

We can't say that word, dude. What the fuck are you.

Doing, dude? He's stoned, I'm stoned on drug. He's high. Zofilia.

Oh, shit. You can't.

Say that. You can't say that either, I'm sure.

I'm going to say, so anyway, we're going back to your dog. Is your dog okay?

Well, I'm certainly not going to pet or puss.

I didn't say that. I didn't say that.

That's exactly what you said. I didn't say that. You said you had a wide berth and then you accidentally rubbed on his p again.

No, I'm just going wax on it. Anyway, no.

I would not. I rub her belly and I stay high and up by her neck and her little belly. But she's going to be fine. We'll find out. Let me ask you this. She's got trauma for sure.

Can I ask you this, sir? What if the Little Prince, right? The Little LP? I had a little wand, man.

Your.

Dog turned into a human. She's female, right?

She's a girl, yeah.

She looked like Margo Robbie. I'd go, You know the Little Prince? Don't they do that? Little frog turning into the Prince? Yeah, they do. I'd turn your dog into Margo.

Robbie, right? You're going to raise her as you- Nothing would change. I'd make her get on all fours. I'd put on a leash on her, and I'd walk her around. I'd take her for walks in the morning.

Really?

Yeah, well, she's my dog.

You wouldn't do belly rubs? Absolutely.

You wouldn't do long belly rub. I would do belly rub?

The long kind.

I don't know. What do you mean?

I would take her for long walks. I would clean up her poop.

But you know what'd be weird, though? They probably don't know English. They probably still a dog, right? You still dog.

No, dogs know English. Dogs know the language in which you speak to them. You go to Mexico, they speak Spanish.

Oh, really? What does a Mexican dog.

Sound like? Bark, bark.

You know what, dude? You're right. Bow wow.

Hey, man, Bow wow. What do they sound like in China? Help. Help. Help.

That's.

Mean. Oh, cut it out.

Why?

What does a dog sound like in China? Oh, wow! No, no, no. First of all, that's Japanese. All right.

You can't do that. You can do that.

Chin-chink. Yeah, you're saying Chin-chin.

I think Chin-chin. Yeah.

Good restaurant, by the way.

You like Chin-chin?

Love. I love Chin-Chin.

Chin-chin is a clean restaurant. The food is so clean.

Chin-chin is like the McDonald's of Chinese food. It's consistent. It always has the same thing. You know what you're getting? It's the old school. It's the simple menu, right?

It used to be, when we were broke, that used to be the place. We're like, Oh, man, in two weeks, I get to go.

To Chin-Chin. Well, that was high end. That was a fancy... If I could go to Chin-Chin on sunset, that was a fancy Chinese night out. What's a fancy night out for you, McCone, right now? Now that you're making a couple of bucks, we've got you hired. Are you treating yourself?

I went to Barney's the other night.

The bar? Barney's Beanery?

Yeah. Not the department store.

Yeah, he can't do that.

The.

One on Santa Monica.

Yeah, the one on.

Santa Monica. You want to know the irony about that place? I've been going to that place for years. Me too. I used to love going there. Me too. Barney's is in the heart of West Hollywood. For people that don't know, West Hollywood is the predominant gay neighborhood in Los Angeles. It is the Mecca of gay. It's where the gay parade is. Barney's and its origination was owned by this old, decrepid guy that hated gay people moving into the neighborhood. Go on the roof, look it up. Look at what he used to say on the roof of Barnes Beenery.

Oh.

No. Look at what he used to say. This is real. This is a factual thing from the history of Barney's Beanery. He painted on the rooftop.

Carlos is so high, he can't even do Barnes.

So high. I'my typing this correctly.

Picture of Geysler on Barney's Beanery roof, I guess. There was pictures all over the internet at one point. Where is it? Am I crazy? Is this one of those, what do you call them? Mandela effect, where we know it said something.

On the roof? I think it's a Mandela effect.

No, no, no. Look at the thing.

I always thought it was this one.

Andrew, honestly. Maybe that is it.

That's the famous Barnays.

Am I losing my mind that it.

Used to be- I've never heard that.

I never heard that. Well, you just saw the article about it, so it is true.

I've stuck three dicks in Barnays being a rare. Can I ask you about Barney? Yeah. Back in the day, there were a lot of chicks there. There were a lot of chicks.

Yeah. I usually go out on the east side, and it's more like a hipster vibe over by where I live in Echo Park and Silver Lake. I don't really go out in Weehowe that much. But everyone there is aggressive. They're really hot, but pretentious, and they look like Nepo Babies.

Nepo Baby? Something you wish you were. You're just a bum from Minnesota. You got no connections in this business.

But it was fun-.

Including us. -being at.

Arnie's because with this.

It felt like I had a suicide vest on. Be honest. Have you gotten laid since? Yeah. No. Since you've shaved your head like this? No. Do you think this is a deterrent?

Oh, yeah.

I'm not helping.

He showed me a video of this really hot girl that apparently he suits up with, and then he takes off his hat, and it's a reveal video, and the girl's freaked out. It's offensive to me because that's what I really just look like.

Yeah, that's what you look like all the time. That's why he did it as a bit. Now, what's the goal with this? Are we going to keep shaving your head? How are we going to get through this?

I think I'm going to mullet it once it grows. I'm just going to look weird for a few months.

Why don't you just shave the whole thing and then start from the beginning? Because you are bald, though, aren't you? When I have this? Yeah.

It's like nothing has changed.

Yeah, but then you take your hat off when you get a girl to your apartment and she's going to be bummed. Unless you keep your hat on the whole time that you're hooking up.

Hat stays on.

Did you say that to her? Hat stays on? Hat stays on. I can imagine that could… Would you think that would work? If you could get butt-naked, just leave the hat on? It doesn't work. You've tried? I've tried. It doesn't work. We should ask the resident bald guy. Yeah, I've tried.

It doesn't work. It's not cool to do. You just got to be upfront. You got to post pictures of yourself looking the way you.

Are on your page. You've tried to... Okay, so back in the beginning, when you were going bald like this, you'd get a girl to hang out with you, and you would try to keep the hat on the whole time. Did any of them say take it off?

When they do ask to take it off, I will take it off, but.

Sometimes they don't. What's the response? If you take it off, have you ever had a girl you take it off and she goes, I got to get out of here.

No, never.

Never. Never. Morgan and Morgan.

What do I do? I have my phone. What do I do?

I'm just going to call accident. You should call Morgan.

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It's like if you were with a girl and she goes, Excuse me, I got to take something. She took her legs off.

Got to go. Sorry, got to go. No.

You're already.

In the bed. Dude, both legs?

Yeah, you're already in the bed. Fuck.

Excuse me, one second.

What.

Is she? Mrs. Potatohead? She's just taking off portions of her body? No. I'd love to know that.

You know what I do? That's what a nice guy I am. After we make love?

You'd.

Want to know. I take the prosthesis and I put the Vaseline in to put it back on their legs.

The funny thing is you think they use Vaseline to put it back on?

How do they.

Get on? Well, it depends, but a lot of them link in. It snaps in.

Into their skin? They need Vaseline.

In their skin? Yeah. They have hooks in their skin, just hanging out, just like fishing hooks.

Anyway.

You would not. You're a liar.

I also would carry them.

Well, like in play, we are the champions by Queen after you had sex.

Parade.

Her around. Yeah, hooray. You be honest. If you got home to a girl that you're dating and she just takes them both off, you're not going to react any type of way. I'm not saying you kick her out of bed, but you're not going to go, Oh, shit. I didn't know you.

Didn't have fucking leg. No, I use my acting skills. Do them right now. Itry to do it. I would go, pretend like it's not happening.

Or pretend like it's not. She's not taking off limbs.

Yeah, so do it.

I've had such a good night. Me, too. I'm feeling frisky.

I feel frisky, too.

Wow. I feel so much better. Look, when I rub my nubs, it feels so good after a long day. Are you thirsty? Sometimes I hit my... Look at that. Look at this. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. Are you thirsty? I hit my nubs together. Will you get some lotion and rub up my nubs, please? Have you ever licked a nub in bed?

You.

Want to- You're right. It would never work. Well, if they did it that way- They got to say something about it. They're going to say something. They have two fucking legs missing. They're going to say a joke or they're going to be self-aware. They have to. Carlos makes a joke. When he takes his head off, he makes a joke.

I always go, Oh, I have crazy hair. But they always go, I know, because every girl nowadays googles.

You before you go out. Yeah, but you, especially because you have a little bit of public recognition now. But before that, you would make jokes about it. Oh, my God. You told me one time you'd go, I'm having a bad hair day. He would take his hat off and the girls like it. That's a killer line. I'm having a bad hair day.

You know it's worse than no legs? Having a prosthetic vagina.

Who has those?

I don't know. They went, right? And then, boom, boom. That would be a bummer.

Can you hold this?

Yeah, I'd grab the thing and just starting that. Yeah.

-any prosthetic- -You're right.

You're right. You're absolutely right. What about eyeball? Like one eyeball?

Just comes right out? Yeah. That would be funny. I would ask if I could use it.

Oh, you do? What?

I'd be like, Oh, there's another hole.

Oh.

Right.

There's one more hole.

I see. I see.

I mean, imagine, though, if she did take her eyeball out. Yeah. What if she took her eyeball out and she was like, Let's use this for foreplay?

A bead?

Yeah, one bead.

Well, it's not her eyeball. Yeah, it's a...

But it's fake. Yeah, it's not a real eyeball. It's a marble or a glass. What are they made of glass?

The ball goes in my hole.

Of course it does. But guess what? What? It comes out of your mouth? Goes in your butt and you go, Tada. Yeah. Wow. What are they made of glass? What are most fake eyes madeout of glass eye were really made of glass, then now they're made of hard plastic acrylic, of course, that makes sense. The glass would be so much more dope to have a glass eyeball. But I.

Bet you it's just too- How much is it? I want to know if I want.

To buy one. Yeah, let's order a couple of glass eyes to the studio.

No, but I want to see how high end it goes.

Holy shit, $8,000. A cheap one's 2,500. I bet you I can get you one in the east side of L. A. For 40 bucks. I bet you, my life, I can go get you one for 40 bucks.

It's made.

Out of wood? Yeah. Human style I'd. Used. It says used on Etsy.

Twenty bucks.

Oh, 20 bucks used. That's fine.

Hand-blown glass eye. See, I'm sure people get them for cheap, but you could get a dope one for $8300.

Okay, Bob. Let me see what $8300. Eye is.

They only last 10 years, too.

That's long enough. Bob, can you think about that? If you lost an eye, how dope would you customize your eye?

Oh, my God. I was terradactylized.

He's so cool.

I would have eyes that are so otherworldly.

Yeah, I'd want something. Oh, look at that guy up top. Look at the first picture up top, that guy third in. That's cool. See, if you lose an eye, you got to walk into the fight. Oh, you know.

What I would do? That's the way. Or I would do one Marty Fieldman eye.

What?

Marty.

Fieldman? Yeah. What do you mean?

Look at his eyes. I would do one gigantic eye.

Just a huge eye like that? Yeah. But it's always looking the wrong way.

Yeah, I would put a gigantic Marty Fieldman eye.

Imagine having a conversation with that guy. Imagine if you come over to his house and you work for the gas company. You know when he has to do mundane stuff? Yeah.

He looks cool in that photo. I think when he bulges his eyes out like that's weird.

Well, that's his thing. When does he not bulge? That's what he looks like.

Oh, that's right. Yeah.

I like it. This dog's looking over there. That dog's looking over there.

But he was such a great actor.

I don't know what he was in other than knowing he was a doctor from Frankenstein. Young Frankenstein. But what else? I don't know. Okay, so yeah, that's it.

But he was great in that.

Okay, fine. They needed a guy who could look both ways at the same time.

What has he done, Marty Felman?

He should have been a crossing guard at one point in his life. Yeah.

He should be in all eye movies.

Hills have eyes.

Yeah, Marty has eyes.

Eyes, eyes, eyes, eyes. I'd watch. I'd watch. Marty, eyes, eyes.

He did a lot of stuff, obviously, but the one thing that took off clearly was young Frank as that. That's the only thing he really was going to pop from.

Yeah. I mean, that's so cool. Anybody listening to, if you've never seen that movie, you're dumb.

Young.

Frankenstein. One of the funniest movies I ever made.

You got to.

See it. Classic, right? Andreas, can you back me up on that? Awesome movie.

Yeah. It is very funny. That is one of the most.

What would you say that '70s, '80s, the iconic, '70s, iconic comedy movies that you have to watch?

I would say if you're a comedy fan and you're young now, you probably don't know Monty Python and I would highly suggest watching Monty Python.

I would say Sleeper.

Sleeper.

Woody Allen Sleeper.

Yeah, Sleeper.

I would do Mel Brooks.

Anything Mel Brooks.

Really did. Blazing Saddles.

But I would also say probably go back and watch old school shit. I would say look up Chaplain's stuff because you want to talk about the original shit. That dude was the original shit.

You don't watch Chaplain.

What do you mean? I'm not popping it in now, but I have seen it. What is it? It's so funny. No, dude, it's so- How fun? It's not funny. Yes, I swear to God it is. I'm promise you it is. You're doing it right now.

Yeah. Is that funny?

Yeah. Literally, you'd have been Charlie, Charlie Chaplain.

Just be in the jungle. They're shooting at me. Oh, my God! That's a great movie.

Charlie, Charlie, Chaplain.

That would be great.

No, I really do. I mean, in the history of time, when I've watched these old movies, you go, I get where comedy now bruise from. You don't watch it again, but you go, Oh, my God! That's where so-and-so gets the way he falls. The way Farley falls, the way Farley did Pratt Falls, that was indicative of so many other big fucking... What's his name? Buster Keaton? Huh? Buster Keaton? Well, Buster Keaton, for sure. Fatti, our buckle. It's like all these guys that were overweight that did physical comedy, you saw it again and again and again in our new guy. I mean, we do it. We steal from whatever comedy from our history and our childhood was in our mind, the way our brains and our faces work. Who was a comic when you were a kid that you try to emulate? Or an actor that you would do his motions?

Nobody.

You never saw a guy and you tried to... Obviously, for.

Me, we talked- I would scream like Sam Kinnison in the bathroom, but that's it.

No, see, that's a big thing because that does help. That's what you do on stage sometimes. Yeah, I do scream.

Without you knowing. I'm very influenced by him.

Mine was always, I mean, Jim, everything Jim did, I wanted a mock.

Let me ask you something, and this is going to be a weird question to ask you, okay?

Yeah.

When I was a kid in stand-up, because I never did the main room back then, and you see all the comics back there, and I would look up to them and I'd go, Wow, they're cool. This and that. But when we're back there, it doesn't feel like.

We're cool. No, they don't like us.

Has it changed?

No, that's not true. I'm sure that younger.

Comics- Do you mean people look at it, they're like, Oh, there's Angel Centino, Bobby Lee, or whatever?

Some comics. I'm sure not all of them like all of us.

Because my argument is this, and I'm not going to call out names, but here we go. The doormen at the comedy store sometimes feel too comfortable.

Oh, wow!

They talk to me as if... Why are you laughing, McCon?

Because I've seen it.

Yeah, they talk to me as if they're headliners, too.

Why don't you say something to them then?

I try, but it's not... I go, You're acting like you're a headliner. No offense, I've had your job, but it's like you give me a noogie.

They're grabbing you? Yeah.

Really? Oh, yeah. Push me around.

I've never seen this.

Yeah.

Mccon. They don't do it in front of you. They do in front of me, though. Yeah.

They would not do that in front of you. I would.

Not do that. Wait a second. What happened to the rules?

We're going to fight back then.

What do I do? Punch back?

Well, you can't punch.

Spit. Lick. Oh, lick. I do too much of that. I think that's what it is, too.

Right. You play with them too much, so they think it's come.

To play back. Well, there's some people like... Yeah, okay.

Go ahead.

Go.

Ahead.

Like, Chappell Lacey.

What do you do to Chappell?

The other day, he walked by me and he crushed his fingers against my neck.

Can you imagine? He would fucking murder you. That dude is so strong. I know. He would fucking break you.

But when he's playing with me, he pretends I'm like a baby chimp.

Him, you are.

I know. You can see him letting me.

Dude, he could crack you like a fortune cookie. I know, I understand that. Like a little fortune cookie just right in the middle.

What can just be like an oatmeal cookie?

Just a little fortune cookie.

I can't be a peanut.

Butter cookie. No, because just like a fortune cookie, you're filled with wisdom.

That's.

Right. See?

Yeah, but I him and I stopped doing to Ian Edwards.

Well, he doesn't like to be fucked with. You don't touch Ian.

I did it for.

20 years. Yeah, it's not a good idea. He's still not over it.

It's weird. I'll tackle him from behind and Come on, fan. But with the young guys there, they don't have the same respect.

I don't know if this is true.

To you and Sebastian, I see how they treat you guys. They look at you like this.

No.

That's not- I've seen it. The other day I swear to God, they were like, Look at you like this. Everything you say is wisdom. With me, they're like.

Well, what are you doing?

But they push me around and stuff and.

They're like- Well, that's the end of it tonight. We're not putting up.

With any of that anymore. No more. I would call out names. We'll do it. But I will not. I will not because I want to give everyone a shot. But I've noticed that, and I'm glad, McCleon, that you've seen it. He's seen it.

I know he's hanging around the store a little bit too much.

It does bother me.

He was chumming it up with, what's her name, the other night? Who? Curly hair girl.

Angie?

He's buddying up way too close to her.

The girl you hung out with instead of him that one night.

What does that mean? What are you implying? Hi, guy.

I'm not.

High, bro. Yeah, what are you implying, though?

No, I was just.

Trying to remember. Hey, Guy. Check this out, dude. Listen, guy, okay?

All right, what's up?

I like to take, like we did with Jesse, with other people, and I did it with Esther, I did it with Benjie. I did it with a bunch of- You've done it with me. Yeah, you. I've done it with Sandy Dant, all these guys, right? I like to mentor and take him to dinner and go, Here are the ropes. Do you need any help?

I promise I wasn't.

Implying anything else. I don't know what you're implying, friend.

There's no dark magic.

Or- I did it with you. I know.

Here I am. Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

It was a bad idea to do with him.

Sometimes you make a mistake. Your instinct is wrong. Your instincts are wrong.

You're going to pick a few bad horses. Yes, dude. You're not all going to win the race.

I still think of you when we pass by some of those places.

What places.

We went to? When he's picking up crack at night.

We went to the newsroom cafe on Robertson.

That's gone.

That's where we went back in the day.

Yeah, I remember. Where did he take? Where's the nicest place he took you?

The Chinese place on Beverly with Charlie.

Charlie Fenn. Yeah, he was cool. Yeah, Charlie Fin. You know Charlie Fin?

I don't know who that is.

He's one of my best friends, Charlie Fin. Charlie Fin was on a sit-com with Zach Knighton and Miles Gibranny. I'll show the picture, but we- A life on a stick.

Oh, yeah, I like this guy. I know him. I like him.

Charlie Fin is.

So funny. What a face on that guy. Super Troopers. Super Troopers, he was.

So good. So good in Super Troopers, yeah. But he's one of my best buddies in the whole world, that guy.

Ma'am? Look, you come up when you google him. Interesting.

Of course. What did you do together? That's why you shot something together?

No, him and I... I was on Mad TV and he was on Life on a Stick. It was.

A bug show?

They did a TV show called, Life on a Stick with Zach Knighton, who's on Magnum PI, Miles Duribronnie, and Charlie. It was a show about-.

Life on a stick.

-hot Dog on a Stick.

They worked on Hot Dog. Who's the girl?

I don't know who the girl is.

But-well, let's.

Find out. -they work on a Hot Dog on a stick.

I see why this one didn't take me.

I know, it's crazy.

You know what the irony is? This has feelers. It feels to me, reminiscent of the two broke girls. It has that same vibe. It's got the same colorization, the.

Same look.

It's shot the same way. This is what always bothered me about TV back in the day we only found out recently. Look at her fucking hair. The girl who works at the hot dog stand doesn't have fucking hair like that. These good looking kids don't work at hot dog stands. They don't. Yeah, they don't. You know who works at a hot dog stand? Mccone. That's who works at a hot dog stand. Exactly. Take off your hat. This is the kid you see in the mall going, You guys want a hot dog. That's who does it. Not some beautiful girl and two really good looking guys. That was the problem of TV. They casted hot people in non-hot roles.

Is that a DVD?

It's fan-made.

It even says it.

Oh, right. By the way, you know who works in the Hot Dog Sand today? Who? You and me. What do you mean? We would pass on a show like this today.

Oh.

That's true. You can't get too hot people on there. You got to get too guide. Two goofasses who failed out of life.

But anyway.

Who was the girl? Look up the name right there. Go back to all. I'd like to see what her name is to see if she's now Lilly, Sage, Thompson, and Rochelle.

Zach is killing it.

I'm sure they're all doing great.

I mean.

I want to see. We all do shows that didn't go.

Yeah.

But it's good. I'm sure they're all... You keep moving along in this business. You try these pilots. I've tried so many, but you've tried so many pilots. You've got to try, try, try, try, try, try. You've got to try, try, try, try, try, try. Vroom!

Guess what? I bought my brother a car on Vroom, and he loves it.

You may be one of the best.

Brothers I've ever known. We all know how much of a hassle buying car is can be, right?

It stinks.

You spend so much time driving around, right, Andrew, trying to find the perfect car? You go.

From dealership to dealership and you're like, I want to go get lunch. I don't want to hassle. I don't want to haggle and negotiate.

Now what we got? We got Vroom.

We got Vroom. It's so much easier.

No more, man. Thanks to Vroom. Vroom is the better way to buy and sell used.

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Start shopping today at vroom. Com. That's vroom. Com. Via told. Via to VIA.

To VIA. Guess what? Guess what? We're going to Australia.

We're going down on to Mite.

And we're going to use VIA TOR- That's right. -to do excursions.

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Travel experience. I've gotten used to it on VIA TOR, man. You did get me stuff. You always have.

A good time. Well, I do. I did an ATV ride. That was great. I did a little beautiful little hike. I have used Viatour and it is very wonderful because you do not have to be into some extreme adventure. You can do something small and unique and custom.

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One app, over 300,000 travel experiences. You'll remember, do more with Viatour. Can you call our friend?

Oh, yeah.

Wait, what's going on now?

I got a little present for you.

Oh, I love it.

It's a big... It's a... Dude, this is wild. All right. Does he know? Does he know?

Yeah, we just texted a couple of seconds ago.

Who is it?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Yes, hello. Is this the great Michael Winslow?

What's the left of him?

What do you mean what's left of you?

We're on the phone with the great Michael Winslow. He's a legend. A legend. We talked about you.

But Michael, do you live in L. A. Or no?

I'm in Florida, but I'm also up in Washington. We're up outside of Olympia right now.

Oh, you are? You're on the road?

Yeah, we're in the mountains right now.

Oh, the mountains. For people we want to explain at home, one of the-.

We have Starlink.

In the mountains. Oh, you're Starlink and up there. You got Elon technology. Fancy boy.

I mean, how else am I going to upload and download 4k if I want to do stuff?

That's exactly right. The porn. One of the greatest actors and voice actors- Let's see here.

Here's the thing. You got to be able to have, especially for music, oh, my gosh. I got to have data link stuff because I've got music coming out.

Mr. Windlow, what do you.

Think- I got to have that quality to be able to uplink.

What do you think if Starlink had... What would it sound like when it was communicating through space zapping down to you?

Well, remember, in space, no one can hear you scream. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You.

Still got it.

In spades, baby.

You got to understand, as long as everybody makes noises, you guys know that every person, man, woman, whatever, you got a skill set. You got the sounds, but we don't use it.

We don't. But you.

Could have so much fun and it could go so many different ways, provided you use the sounds for the proper good.

Michael, now during the course of the day, do you continually imitate things that you hear as you go about the course of your day and put it down on your phone to give yourself notes to keep working on sound? Well- That sounded just like a cough without a cough. Was that a cough?

I'm sorry. Let me put my headphones on here. I'm just trying to...

That was good. That sounded exactly like a real cough.

Well, up in the mountains, we have this thing called Scotchbroom. It's pollen. You guys use your voices every day, so you understand.

Yes. Yeah.

We've had a lot of allergens in the air. I don't know if you heard me. I was saying during the course of the day, do you record yourself listening to sounds and you imitate them during the course of the day? Do you ever do that?

Not necessarily. It depends on what the day is. I'm doing voice-over stuff, I'm listening for what possibilities I can bring into it.

Right. Okay. If I do a sound, do you think you could find out quickly what it is? Because I feel like you're such in tune with noises. All right, I'm going to do a sound. You tell me what you think it is. Ready?

Are you going to make it or is.

This an actual recording? I'm going to make it, I promise. And then I want you to tell me what you think it is. Ready?

Go.

Ahead.

What do you think?

Hang on. Let me ask my hip hop app, Snary, Sneary. Yo, Snary, what do you think that is?

I.

Think it is a vacuum cleaner.

What? Whoa, Siri.

I.

Got to be honest with you, that- No, this.

Is their cousin, Snary, with an N.

Oh, Snary. Rad. Wow. I hate to tell you that was a Tesla Model X, but it does sound like a vacuum cleaner. Let's try one more time. You got a noise, Bob?

Here you go. I don't got it. Here yougo.

Now, what do we think that is?

I think it's, if I'm not mistaken, what do you think, Snary?

Yo.

You're on your own.

Yo, thanks. Snary doesn't know.

Thanks. Well, you know what? I did buy it at the Snooper Market, soI thought she was mentioned in the Snoop loops.

Snoop loops. Oh, Snoop loops.

By the way, you can get those. Anyway, what I think that is, to me, because of my sense of humor, it sounds like a sheep trying to get out of a Tesla.

That's what it is. That's what it was. That's what it is. That's exactly what it was.

Whoa, dude. You're kidding. You're kidding. Yeah, that's.

What it is. You are a legend.

Oh, you're a.

Legend, dude. Unbelievable. I really appreciate you listening to our sounds. I do want to see if we could do it back with you. Will you make a sound and see if maybe I can identify what it is? Yeah.

Oh, I already did. But anyway.

Let's see. What do you got in the chamber, baby?

In terms of the chamber? Let's see. I have to step outside for a second. Inc. Hey, Mr. Owl, what's up?

You mean who? You mean Foo? Foo.

You mean Foo? Sorry, that's Mr. Owl. By the way, where's my country, pops? Motherfuck.

It's.

Fucking amazing.

Amazing. Amazing, Mike. I don't want to take up too much of your time. We appreciate it. We talked about you on the podcast. We're huge fans. Wanted to reach out to you. We're huge fans, and we really appreciate you and we love you. Thank you. Thank you so much for taking the time. When you come down to LA, will you come on our show?

Absolutely, I'd be honored. Besides, you guys make noises. Are you kidding me?

We do. We do. We do not like you, but we do. We could.

Work on it. We could.

Work on it. We would love that.

I would absolutely love it. I would absolutely take one of your classes here with us. Let me.

Give you one.

That's easy, right? Okay.

This is something that they use in all of the science fiction films regarding trolls and Elks and.

Everything else. Bobby's an Orc. I'm an Orc.

This is one of the.

Lord of the Rings type of noises. This is going to come simple. Horse, hoops.

Are.

You ready? Horse, hoops. Yes.

Okay, this is easy.

Wow. How?

So, wow.

You know that also sound... Yeah, it sounds like- Don't forget.

And don't forget...

Yeah, he farted. He farted.

Actually, that's the wrong end, but you're close.

We want to tell you that we love you and we appreciate you. We'll be talking to you soon because we want to get you on the show.

Will you guys continue to make noises and break rules and organizing?

We.

Shall. We shall. Thank you, Michael. You're the best.

Thank you, Michael. You're the best. Bye, Michael. You're the best. That's incredible. Incredible. That man is an amazing machine.

That man is an amazing machine.

I wish we could do that.

You can. You did it.

No, but.

His- Yours is way better than mine.

Let's hear when a phone gets disconnected. That's pretty good.

Really? Yeah.

What about you? He did opening a door. Do opening a door. Perfect.

Really?

That's so good. You do one. That's all my doors. They sound like... Oh, they do? Well, they got to be two wedges to the ground.

But those are easy ones. Let's try to do a hard one.

Okay.

Like a car engine. I don't know if I can do...

Yeah, man. Go ahead.

Yeah, that's good.

How about this? Do a toaster.

Hold on. Let me try. It's hard. Ready? Yeah. Okay. Bling. Bling.

Mine's like this. Mine's like… Bread. Oh, wow. Yeah, might we tune mine to say bread?

Yeah.

What is this? What do you got?

Here, I have this.

Bro, we didn't see any banana somewhere, right?

Yeah, little Chinese could see the black eye. Why do they react that way?

Why.

Do they react that way?

We also don't know that that's why.

She said, foreigner, foreigner, little black, little black.

No, he didn't. It's translated right there on the screen.

He goes, Where's the banana?

He said that? Yeah, but I think he's just genuinely looking for bananas. I have something to do with.

The kid was going, I know Chinese. Bro, any banana in some way, right? Okay, stop. There's two things going on.

It's a racist little kid.

No, that's not.

What it is. That is a racist little kid. Grandma, look, foreigner, right? African. Little black. Little black.

What the crap? That is crazy.

That is insane that she free... That little Chinese girl. Let's cancel her. Let's find out where she lives and cancel her. Make away.

Her toys.

We won't stand for this behavior in our society anymore. I mean it. Cancel this young little Chinese girl. Thank you, Carlos, for bringing that to my attention. Yeah, no problem, man. These young Chinese kids.

But there was a video I saw of a black guy in Africa meeting a white girl, and he ran away. It's the same thing.

No, it's not. It is. No, because historically, YTS that meet Africans probably not a good look. Yes. Africans see YTS coming and they're like, Get these fucking pigs out of here. Okay. Not the same.

The movie that's coming out is the Get Out trailer.

Okay. Yeah.

Was that just the movie Get Out that you thought it was?

Yeah, I think it was Jordan's movie.

I saw both of them. That is insane.

Wow, that's a.

Crazy video. Give me something, Carlos. Pig.

All right, here's.

This girl. I just found out I'm.

Up for two Grammys. My very first time.

You guys. Wow. My name.

Is Bobby Storm, and I'm up for two Grammys.

Two.

I don't need anything. I need you by my side.

Shining your light of my love. Are you trying to be quiet? But they're enjoying it. So while we're sitting here, could I please? I'm not enjoying it. I'm asking you, can you be quiet? Okay, well, I'm not.

That's a yes or no- Is this fake?

No, it's not fake.

Okay, wait a minute. She's nominated for two Grammys.

Okay, wait. Is she, though?

Yeah, T-M-Z is reporting that she's an actual gospel singer, nominated for the Grammys. Her name is Bobby Storm.

Wait a minute. This flight attendant really told her to shut up? Yeah. Just get her on a Southwest flight. Those idiots.

Sing all the time. I mean, she's not in Delta Comfort either. She's a normal coach.

Are you judging her by her class?

Even I fly Delta Comfort.

Yeah, you don't deserve it. You know what, Bob? We're knocking him down. He's not flying Comfort anymore because of that last comment. You think you're better than the girl that won two Grammys? You're not.

I am because I don't yell during flights.

I don't-Well, yeah, you're on drugs. You pass out the whole time. You're intoxicated. You're intoxicated. The whole flight. Have you ever taken a bad friend's flight with us and not been on drugs or alcohol?

No, of course not. But don't you want it that way?

Some medication? I just.

Don't want you to have a freak out moment of that guy's not real like that chick while you're baked ongirl.

She's.

So impocased. I know what the situation is now.

Well, let's finish it. Let's see the rest. I know what it is. I'm shocked.

Jill, if I don't- Can you please answer my question? Are you willing and able to be quiet right now? I'm doing what the Lord is telling me to do. I'm asking you a question, yes or no. I'm your flight leader. I need you to follow my instruction. My instructions for you to answer my question. Are you able to be quiet? What are you guys saying? I'm asking you, ma'am. I'm asking you guys.

He better break out in song, too.

If you're not able to be to follow my instruction, you will not be taking this flight. Are you able to be quiet? If that's the case, then that's fine. If you were the person in charge of it all- So that's yes? I'm your flight leader, yes. -if you're the person in charge of it all, then that's fine. Okay, all right. Thank you.

I don't buy this. I don't buy it.

They're both in the wrong.

Time out. I don't buy that this guy.

How.

Could this happen? He sees the camera the whole time. You're telling me that guy sees that camera and is acting like that?

I think she's just the middle seat guy. I would have started filming, too, if something.

Was happening. Gospel singer, Bobby Storm, nearly kicked off. No, he was filming the whole time she announced that she won the Grammy. She must know the human that filmed this, dude.

No.

It's filming while she announced, I won a Grammy. It's not.

As if he's aware of what's going on. What if the guy's slyly.

Doing it? He's not. Look at how fucking obvious it is. You can tell he's not hiding it. What are.

You angry about?

Because this makes me mad. This isn't real. There's something about this that looks fake as fuck. I call fake as fuck on this. This is a faff moment. Fake as fuck. College is going to go on his own profile now?

No, it's.

Because I saved it. I get it. Look.

Okay.

Let's just break it down. Look at how coordinated this is. Let's break it down.

You're getting angry.

My very first time, you guys. My name is Bobby Somer.

Hey, stop for a second. What you're saying is everyone's in on it?

No, goofball. The guy that's filming it is clearly in on it. Look at how clear the image is, him recording this girl. She said-.

But some of those little cameras now with the CIA and stuff.

Cut it out if we're going to have a real argument. Cut it out. Cut out what? Cut that bullshit out. This isn't a little fucking CIA.

You're really angry about that?

This guy isn't Coach. This isn't CIA. He's filming on his fucking iPhone like this. Okay. She said, film me. She turned around, she told all the people on the plane, I'm up for two Grammy nominations. This fucking flight attendant is definitely in on this. There's no chance he would act like this because.

She's singing. They did that so she could get lost. Yes. No, what's the- Because it blew up on the fucking internet and.

We're talking about it. It worked. It worked like a charm. She won. Look at us.

We have to do it.

Yes. Let's blow up on the next flight. No, we're not going to blow up a flight. We mean, blow up the next flight.

Wow, I never look- It's so obvious.

It's all over TMZ. Yeah, Carlos, bring a gun to the airport when we fly out.

No, we could bring the gun on the flight and then I could pull it out.

Yeah, bring the gun on the flight.

You could tackle me and we could go viral.

Yeah, bring a gun to the airport, Carlos.

That's not the same.

Thing, I don't think. Who do we hire here?

But we could put Bad Friends on the gun and.

It'd be a whole thing. You know what it is? I want you to strip naked on the plane and sing Daddy while you die, and I'll record it.

Done.

That's interesting. Press play again. Watch.

I'm up for two Grammys. I don't need anything. I need you. Wait, stop, stop, stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, really. Rewind it right before it cuts.

He was already there. He was already there. Correct.

And he was listening.

To her. Thank you. Interesting. Interesting. Go ahead. Now she's singing beautifully, by the way.

Are you going to be quiet?

But they're enjoying. Stop for a second.

Are you going to be quiet? Why would he do... She's just chatting.

It's not illegal to sing. Look at the back of her head.

Let's see. Is she a robot? She's AI?

No, she's white.

This is a girl in black face.

Look at the back of her head.

This is a girl in black face.

Yeah, it's black face.

Wow, good find. I thought that was a plug. I thought she was plugged in somewhere. I thought she was AI.

Yeah, I know.

Well, we found you out.

We found you out, Whitey.

What's her name? She did a good job. This is Bobby Storm. I don't believe a second of this. In fact, get her on the show if you want to talk about it, because I think this is phony baloney. Incredible, though.

Who.

Would stop a woman from singing beautiful music? That doesn't make sense.

Well, my other theory was that he's better.

I thought he was going to start singing with her and duet. That's what I thought.

No, but I thought I have this job. It's a great job. Right, but you're getting a Grammy, but I can sing better. So what? He's like, Watch this. Shut the fuck up. I don't.

Want to. Yeah, that would have been dope if you did that. Then I would have been like, This is a flight attendant. By the way, I don't know- Then where's my Grammy? When we fly and the flight attendants do that thing where they get chubby and sing and make jokes, cut it out. Cut it the fuck out. I don't want jokes. We're in a flying machine.

You're really negative right now, dude.

What if they're gay, though?

They're all gay. They're all.

Gay, dude. What are you talking about? There isn't one guy flight attendant than us. You think that guy wasn't gay? That's what I was saying. It's on the.

Job description. But I don't like when the girls do their thing. But when the guys do it, I'm like, Yeah, it's okay.

I don't like when anybody's song and dances.

When the whole plane laughs, though, and the guy makes a joke, I always look at everyone I can look at. I go.

Because.

You're jealous. What? I think I'm jealous a little.

I'm not jealous. I'm just on a machine where I'm flying in the sky. I just want to go to the place I'm going. I don't need to be like a funny pilot. Nobody needs a funny pilot. Hey, we're going to be going over the Rockies today. Might be a little bump or a little Rocky, if you might add. Fuck off. Fuck off. You're flying a plane. Fuck off. Don't make a joke. You're in a death machine in the sky. There's nothing fun. I don't want a funny pilot. I don't want a nice bartender. There are some things that require different vibes.

But doesn't it? But let me ask you this.

I was just going to say about flying, I do have something to say about that.

I don't want a funny pilot. I don't want a nice bartender. I don't want a non-racist cop. The things I like- But.

In a plane, some people have tension and anxiety. Sometimes a funny pilot or.

Funny- Okay, you're a funny pilot, and I'm a guy on a flight with terrible anxiety. Ready? Yeah. Okay, get over the PA system and make a joke. Here we go.

Well, guys, we're going to have a safe and nice ride. I've only crashed three of them. I'm kidding, folks. There's a bomb on the plane. There's a bomb on the plane. He shouldn't be going offline. There's a bomb on the plane.

He shouldn't be going offline. Well, you incited it because you're a goofball pilot. Loal, loal, loal. Not funny. Fly the can.

But don't you think.

That- Just get me to Spokane.

What if there was a funny Nazi soldier that was funny during the camp? His personality, no?

What would a funny Nazi soldier.

Be like? I don't know. Give us an example. You do the accents. Go ahead.

You're the funny Nazi.

I'm.

Someone you're... Please don't hurt me. Please don't. I'm not trying to hurt you. I don't know. I'm not trying to fuck you. We'll get Michael Winslow on the phone. He'll do a funny Nazi. Can we talk anything about love or dating or anything with you.

Or not? Oh, no. Yeah, I have an update.

Let's give an update. Oh, hold on. Bobby Love update. It's a Bobby Love update. Bobby Love update. It's a Bobby Love update. Oh, the song isn't that long. We got to record. Oh, shit. Okay, sorry. What's an update? Let's go.

I'm going to die alone. Shut up. No, I'm done.

What do you mean you're done?

I realized I don't want to do it. Yes, you do. Carlos, you get what I'm saying? No, here's what.

It is. First of all, don't be on Carlos's page.

I know we're in the same tribe.

Please, he's on substances.

I can't do it.

What can't you do?

Conversations.

With women?

Yeah, just everything annoys me. I've never met anybody where I'm like, Oh, I'm.

Not annoyed. You don't like small talk.

I don't like what they sometimes even have to say, even most of the time.

You.

Have to be obsessed with them to be into it. I have to be obsessed to be.

Into it. Yeah, I mean, it's.

Like-you have to be in love? What do you mean obsessed? What a gross word.

Yeah, I have to have a crush on them.

Say that.

When they say stuff like, I love the fall when the leaves change color.

The guy, I have to be obsessed with them. What a creep.

But I get what he's saying, though.

I have to want to stalk them.

Yeah, you have to have that.

That's actually true. You have to have.

A crush. A crush, yeah, that's what it means. Yeah, and that's talk. But when they say stuff like, the fall, the leaves change color. They say stuff like that and you go, Yeah.

But you don't like any of that? No. What conversation do you want? You want deep philosophical shit? You want a girl to be like, What's the meaning of life?

No.

You know, what if a girl said this to you on a date? Okay. First date and she goes-Give.

Me an example.

Why can't totally different foods mix? If I took a California roll and I had it with beef stroganoff, why can't I do that?

If I must- See that right there is more.

Interesting to me. I know, I'm saying.

You want me as a girl. I'd be like, Yeah, dude, right?

Let's get.

You as a girl.

Girls out there, we're putting it out to fans. If you're a weirdo chick-.

That's a.

Weirdo thing. 100 % it is.

No, because listen to people's conversations. It's all whack.

Conversations are.

Mostly bullshit. When I hear people talk, I go.

What are they talking about? Find a weirdo that you can have weird conversations with.

I don't like the connotation that you're saying it's weird.

You are weird. It's weird. I'm not weird.

It's not a weird thing. I just, I don't know the word. I'm eccentric.

Accentric? Yeah. That's a nice way of saying weird. I'm a little weird. Unique. Yeah.

I'm unique.

Yeah.

Weird. Yeah.

Dude, you're weird. I'm weird. We're weird.

It's okay.

We're weird. It's okay.

I can'tEven if I start a conversation with a girl, they just don't know what I'm talking about. I go, Dude, you think that the talking heads were just on, what's so funny? Stephen Colbert. Yeah. All four of them, they haven't announced a reunion to her. I was on a date and I go, What does that mean, do you think? She's like, What's that? I go, What's what?

The talking heads. All right, you called me. I go, What? You called me? Yeah. Did I call you about that? Yeah, you talked to me about it. You asked me about the talking heads and we went over their albums.

Yeah, my point is, see, I'd fuck you.

Then you should date me. I'd fuck you. Well, then let's date me.

That's what I want. I want a girl that doesn't look like that but has shares similar. You know what I mean? All right. That's funny.

Me? Why don't you just date me?

I don't want to fuck you, though.

You're ugly to me.

I'm not ugly. I'm not trying to view.

Get over it.

Also, can I just say that you're also temperamental. So are you? Yeah, I don't want to go temperamental.

Fine. All right, you're too temperamental. Let's put it out there. If you're a girl who's a little eccentric.

Like Carlos, actually.

Eew, what? You would fuck him.

Before you'd fuck him? A female version of.

Him, yeah. You'd fuck him before.

You'd fuck me. Out of all the people in the room, probably he's first, McCone's second, your third, and Andreas's fourth. I'm okay with that. Female. Yeah, okay.

I'm not.

Why?

That pisses me off. Shut the fuck up, dude. I'm a babe, dude.

No, you're not someone... I'll even double down on it, all right?

You're pissing me off, dude.

I don't even know sometimes this is going to start a fight. Sometimes I look at your wife and I want to go, How? Do you do it? Oh, my God. I think I did mention it to her and she goes, I just have my ways of doing it.

She never fucking said that. Something like.

That, yeah.

It's.

Bullshit. But you're a lovely guy. Let me say something. That intro I gave you tonight.

Fuck you, dude. Shut the fuck up.

Did I give you a good intro tonight?

It was fake.

But it was good.

Yeah, it was good fake.

You smile at me what? You smile at me?

Yeah, I say you.

Son of a bitch. No, you didn't. You hugged me.

I.

Hugged you. You go, I'll see you later, pal. Yeah. That's what you said.

To me.

Did you not?

I did.

That's what we are.

You're one of my best friends.

There we go.

Why don't you want to fuck me?

Because of that, you're town. I get it. Yeah. Also, like a girl... Imagine a girl version. Where are you going? I'm going to be in Mazatlan playing golf for five days.

It's like... How fun for you? You don't have to talk to me about anything. I am out of your hair.

We just don't have those things in common.

That's the best part. You don't want a girl that has stuff in common with you. You just said you don't want to talk to them about anything.

I just want somebody that know what I know.

Just date me, please.

Okay. No, but Carlos, if you find a girl that's like you, but not as high and has hair.

So not him.

I'm talking about in terms of like, because I feel like when we're on the road, you can handle my bullshit. You have a- You pay him to.

Handle your bullshit.

He's always been like that. He can withstand insanity.

Because-.

He absorbs it. Mccone can't do it. He's like a deer in headlines.

Yeah, he's not.

He smiles.

You know who McCone is? Mccone's the guy that forgets fries with a burger.

Yeah, that's that guy.

Fuck. I don't want that guy. Carlos will forget both, but he wouldn't forget one. Andres, boring.

Boring. What the fuck? If you call him after 9:00, he won't pick up.

No.

Chance. Not a chance.

Not a chance. He literally said, Tonight I go, we're going to be recording late. He goes, I will be in my PA days, but I will be there. My PA days. But anyway. Do you wear pajamas to bed at night? I do. You fucking nerd.

Carlos, let me ask you that.

You put on literal pajamas? Fucking nerd.

Carlos, out of girls, if we were all girls, who would you date first?

If I was in it for the long haul and I wanted to really settle down. Yeah.

How philosophical. The long haul.

I really think I would date Andrew.

For the long haul. It's obvious, dude.

But the.

Reason why- Security.

Yes. No, not security. It's more that Andrew, it's the golfing and stuff. It's like, Go do your thing and I'll-.

We can go do our separate things.

But the reason why is I'll have side girls like you.

You're going to be hooking up with him behind my back?

Exactly. All right. Yeah.

No, you know what you don't understand is that- Fine. -i imagine I'm a girl, okay? If I'm not golfing, what am I doing at home? We fuck all the time.

Yeah, we hang.

No, we.

Fuck all the time. You guys are going to get bored. You're going to get bored. I can feel it. But I.

Could fuck two people, though. If I fuck Andrew and then he goes and golfs in Mazatlan, I can.

Fuck you. I don't want to fuck you behind his back.

What am I doing in Mazatlan, by the way? What does that happen? I'm golfing. I wish.

There's not a.

Golf course there? There is. I've never been.

But you all wouldn't know about each other. I would lie.

And keep in touch. We don't have this. We're not too.

Bad female friends. You know what? We'd run into each other at Trader Joe's one day. Right. He would be on the phone FaceTime with you and I'd go, Is that?

Also, your dick smells? It would be.

On us. Yeah, I'd smell it.

100%. Carlos, I go, Yeah. Be real. Your dick smells, dude. It doesn't smell.

I'll put cologne on it.

I.

Smell it on you.

Is that Carlos? Yeah. Okay, is that Carlos? Yeah, it was my mouth. I breathed out. Sorry. Me, too.

Hey.

You know what appeared? Like one of those Ghostbusters ghosts.

The.

Green.

One. The green smug. All right, well, we're going to find a lady for you.

No, I'm done.

I want to find a lady for you. Please email...

Carlos in the booth at...

No, no.

Carlos in.

The booth@gmail.

Com.

It doesn't work. I'm not.

Attracted to any of them.

Carlos in the booth@gmail.

Com. You all have tattoos on.

Their neck. Carlos in the booth@gmail. Com. Please email Carlos in the booth at gmail.

Com. I don't want to.

Turn down anybody. Send us a video of your proposal of why you want to date Bob. Maybe we'll get you on a date. You never know, dude. There's so many fish out there. You just got to put your line in the water. Okay. Thank you for being a bad friend. That's fine.