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[00:00:00]

Hey. We got new merch. Look at the shirts, baby.

[00:00:03]

The shirts, we got new merch.

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Everybody's on it, by the way. You can see there's- Everyone's on it. Fancy's on it. Bobby's down at the bottom with me, little dogs. There's Fancy, there's Rudy. The Goop Dog even made it on here. Where's he? He's up top. You want to be Hollywood? Come get this shirt. Go get it at badfundsmerch. Com. Get it at badfundsmerch. Badfundsmerch. Com. Go get this. We've also got new mugs. Everybody has- Look at these mugs.

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New coffee mugs. If you're not drinking coffee out of this, you're dumb.

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You're dumb, dude. Drink coffee out of this. Go to badfundsmerch. Com. You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

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A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. Last night, it was Margaret, Arcinio and I just was sitting in that room going… When I was younger, before I even did comedy, they were in the scene. I was like, I mean, you never thought that you would ever do shows with them.

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I mean, Arsineo, for sure, because I didn't know if he would come back and do stand-up as much as he's doing. I thought he would... Also, by the way, I got on stage and I was joking around about him because I was like, legend. Give it up for that guy. Then I made a dumb joke. When you do a joke, you're like, That's not true. Why did I do that just for the laugh?

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What was the joke?

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Because I was like, I love that he knows who I am. I was like, he calls me Andre Santigli, but I still like it. That was a funny joke. They got to laugh, but it's like, That's not true. I just said that just for the bit. But the crowd loved it. I was like, He knows who I am. He's very nice to me.

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Why did I- When you said that, he He looked at you-No, he didn't. And then he walked out the door in a sad way.

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A, you're lying because you were in the room, and B, I watched him in the corner, he laughed. You were in the back with Margaret playing with her dog.

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Yeah, I liked the mouth kiss her dog. But my point is this-Time out.

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Let's talk about it. Last night, this guy- I'm sick. Remember when he got all- I don't feel good. Remember when he got emotional about the Netflix dinner he didn't get invited to? And last night, he comes in with Margaret. He's like, How good was that dinner? They went to an Asian inclusion dinner or whatever, and it was all the famous Asians. He got invited to that, didn't you? You bragged about it. All the famous Asians that were there. Name the famous Asians that were there.

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Go ahead. The famous Asians? Name them all. Okay, that guy from- Ali Walla. No, she wasn't there. I'm going to tell you right now.

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She wasn't? Yeah.

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I'm going to tell you right now. I'm going to tell you right now. Who was there? The dude from Revenge of the Nerd, that Asian. Did he ride the bikes?

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I love that guy.

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You don't even know his name, dude. Who cares? The guy that invented the shape of the template. Oh, really? Yeah. The ingredients, no, but the shape?

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He base it off of-Yeah, so there wasn't a-Who was there?

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It wasn't a dinner, dude.

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You're lying. There was a famous Asian dinner, and he went, and they talked about it all night.

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There's Asian dinners all the time that are famous, but no one gives a fuck about those things. I've always been invited to those things. All right? I'm the King Chinchong, dude. I paved the way for all the other King Chinchong. King Chinchong. They always invite me.

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Who threw the party? Is that someone's house?

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No, was that a gigantic dinner thing, dinner thing, downtown.

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Who throws it?

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I have to look it up. It was an organization.

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I forgot what it was. What is it called?

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Aapi?

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Is it Asian-American Pacific Island?

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No, it's not that. Hold on.

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Is that what it's called?

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Excellence? No, it's not Asian's Excellence.

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Hold on. Hold on. That's May first to May 31st. Oh, we're almost out of it.

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No, no. Hold on.

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Asian. So AAPI, that's Asian, so AAPI. That's Asian-American Pacific Islander Heritage. What was the-It's the whole month of May.

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The dinner call.

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They give Black people February, and it's 28 days. And these guys get 31. That's insane. These Asians, dude. That's out of control. Although there are significantly more of them. That's true.

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I always go to that. Who was there? Who was there? John Chou, Steven Yung, Michelle Yau. Huge. All the Olympics, the guys of gold, the Chinese guy that's great at the Olympics, the Skate. Which team?

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The basketball team, the Olympic men's basketball team?

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None of them. None of them. Fencing? Guys, it's so funny what you guys are doing. Archery? Look at us. Ice skate. Glorious. The movement.

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It's mostly Russians, ice skating.

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No, we have a Chinese guy. What's his name? Nathan Chan. We talked about him.

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We got one. Yeah, he's so good.

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Anyway.

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Yeah, Zun Y.

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Zun Y. That's on him. Zou Yee. Anyway, so they were there and then like-We bought a Zou Yee. Asif Ali was there.

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Asif Ali? Yeah. Right. This is the thing that bothered me last night. Asif Ali, old friend of He also goes, Oh, yeah, and W. Kamal Bell. I go, He's black. By the way, none of those guys are Asif Ali that we're talking about.

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Yeah, why did you pull that guy out?

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It's just another guy named. W. Kamal Bell. That's him. First one, Indian name. First one. W. Kamal Bell is there. I said, Why was he there? Bobby said, We invite Blacks, too. That's what he said. We do.

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We invite Blacks, and we invite some Hispan who have Chinese eyes. Then we also invite... We do. You You have to either get high. If you're Mexican, you got to be high. Yeah. There he is.

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There's Asif. We love him.

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He's so talented. Anyway- But he's Indian, which is Asian.

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That is Asian. So it counts. W. Camal Bell, he's a black guy, right?

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Yeah, but he fucks with Asians.

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Everybody fucks with Asians.

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You don't fuck with Asians. You ridicule and you oppressed him. He builds us up.

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I've spent my life fucking with an Asian. This has ruined my life. So you got sick in the morning? Would you wake up sick? You missed our call with Hulu?

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Yeah, I woke up, shoot, and then I have to go and do Logics movie tomorrow. I'm dreading it. But also, and then I had to do a lunch. I did a lunch with this guy. He's like, This guy, you know what I mean? He's a historian guy. He's pitching me something. He goes, You know about Genghis Khan? I go, Yeah, I know. He's a guy, wanderer, right? Chinese guy, whatever. He's like, No, this is what. He had a shaman, Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan had gout.

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That lines up.

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Yeah. Then the shaman goes, The way you get rid of gout, I swear to God, he goes, You got to kill 40 children, and then you got to stomp on their organs.

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You never read that? Never read that. Yeah.

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He did it, and it didn't work. So he tried it again. He tried it twice.

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Eighty kids?

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Yeah, he tried it. Then I was thinking, God, I wish I was Genghis Khan's shaman. Clean my house. That's how you get rid of God. Twice. Twice. You could have him do anything you want.

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So Was this guy pitching you to play his shaman in a movie or something?

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He wanted me to play The Guts. Of the kids? Yeah.

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Oh, you're good.

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I'm so good at Guts, dude.

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Genghis Khan, how many people did he conquer? What was his deal? He had sex with like a thousand people a day, something I'm certain. No, he didn't. No, that's what they said. It was something insane like that. Genghis Khan. How many? 4,000 different women.

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Holy moly. That's fucking sensual. Theyit has to be consentual.

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Yeah, sure.

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Consentual?

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. By the way, he was alive in what was the time period again? He died in like, go up, go back a page. Yeah, 12:27. Yeah. Real consensual. Yeah. No, it's caveman era, bro.

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There were some woke people back then.

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In 1100? Yeah, dude. I doubt it.

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Anyway, have you seen some of the photos of the Mongolians? They had blue hair.

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Yeah, pierced. That's true.

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Yeah, and they cosplayed.

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They were all trans.

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Let me ask you something, too. Got it out. I don't even know what's going on. But let me say something, too.

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Tell me about this historian. Did you have a good time with him?

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The historian?

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Yeah, he told me. Was it worth missing the Hulu call this morning? About a minute show?

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It wasn't that.

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It wasn't that? No.

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You were already- Well, what happens is, I'm sorry, pal, my bud.

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Don't say sorry to me. Say sorry to Hulu.

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They didn't care.

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They did. They didn't. First thing on the call, Is Bobby going to join?

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Yeah. What does that mean? Then when they He said, Oh, he's not going to join, what are they? Oh, we got to cut this guy loose.

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He's hard to deal with.

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I can't wait till it does happen. What? I can't wait till we just can't deal with Bobby. It's a little too- Really? Inconsiderative all of our time.

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Dude, first of all, can I say something? I forgot about it.

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I know you didn't. That's a good thing. I reminded you last night. At the show, I said, I'll see you in the call tomorrow? Yeah. I thought you meant- This is you. I thought you meant this. I'll see you on the call. You think this is a call?

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We're We're calling each other right now, but am I not calling you?

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Hello.

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Hello. Hi. There we go. Okay. I don't hear you like this. I hear you through here. That's true. It's a call.

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How long is too long to wait for your coffee at a coffee shop?

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Ten minutes. They refund.

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Okay, I walked out.

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No.

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Walked out.

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Which one?

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I can't- It depends on which one it is. I'm not going to say it. I can't put it. I know which one it is. It's a mom and pop thing. I'm not going to put them on Blatt. If it was Starbucks, I'd fuck it.

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If that new one that's really good that I go to all the time.

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20 minutes. I'm not kidding.

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But isn't that the place they used the mushroom?

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Chaga?

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Yeah.

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I walked back in and I was like, Excuse me. Am I in line? The guy's like, We have a lot of to-go orders, man. I was like, You got it. I left. I paid for the coffee and I left. Wow. I just was like, What the fuck is it? What am I going to fight for the money? I'm over it. It's over. I got to go. There's 20 minutes. I'm not kidding. Okay, if I'm not exaggerating 16 minutes. What's too long? Isn't that too long?

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Listen to me. The other day, I went to Salt and straw.

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Salt and straw Ice Cream, my favorite.

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I waited probably 45 minutes to go in there.

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Well, that's because they have a line Every day.

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But I'll tell you what the problem is, and people need their fingers removed.

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Some, for sure.

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For this.

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Sampling. Oh, yeah.

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I try it.

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Your fingers need to be removed. You know the Spaniard. You know he tries all of them, doesn't he? Yeah. Pig.

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But salt and straw has six flavors that are just right, and they have seasonal ones. But it's like, take the Campbell.

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You know when a guy goes, Can I get a sample of cookies and cream? I'm like, Get fucked. You don't know what that tastes like?

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Fucking get fucked.

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You don't know what cookies and cream tastes like? Get the fuck out. Yeah. Unless you are- Even if you just had cookies and cream separately. You know.

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You know what it tastes like.

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The guy that samples traditional flavors should be fucking shot in the head. If you You want a cinnamon, Waffle, raspberry twist, yeah, I'd love to know what that tastes like. But the guy that goes, Can I try the- Rocky Road? The Rocky Road, is that okay? Yeah.

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No. No, you don't get to try it.

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It should have a sign that says, Samples you're not allowed to try. Standard, you can't try.

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You're saying some samples you can try? Of course. No. Yes. No. Yes. I refuse. Because I'll tell you this, I didn't sample and I failed. I went to Salt and Stra, and I was with a friend and I go, I'm going to get the balsamic-Nope. Strawberries.

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Oh, that sounds good.

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You have to sample. You don't have to sample.

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You have to sample. You don't know. You have to sample.

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You don't have to sample.

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Sample, sample. This is, by the way, a Curb episode. Who was I doing?

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Sample. My Nixon.

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You don't have to sample.

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Anyway, so I took a bite of it, and it's balsamic like vinegar.

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Yeah, we know.

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Okay. I hit the vinegar first and a little bit of strawberry aftertaste, and I almost vomited my mouth. I looked at my date and I go, Yeah, I failed. But that's what ice cream stores should be like. No. Yeah, you take a risk. It's like a gamble. No. Or everyone waits an hour. Fuck that shit.

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You should open up an ice cream store called You Break You By, and that's it. They just give you one thing, you walk, it's like soup Nazi. It's like you don't get to choose. They give you the kind, and if it's bad, too bad. Five dollar, you break your buy, and then you get the ice cream. You walk outside. That's it. I do understand your business perspective. I don't think it's going to work.

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How about this? You charge for the samples.

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Ten cents. How about this? No, no, no. How about this? You get one sample for free. After that, it's a dollar a sample. Fair. That's fair. You better pick.

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I got to give it something better.

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Give it.

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I got something better. Give it. Pre-samples. Pre-samples, dude.

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They've chosen what you should sample.

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No, you have all the flavors in another area. Their sticks are sticking out, and they have the flavor. How about like, cologne? They spray. Oh, yeah. You smell the ice cream.

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Oh, that's smart.

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Yeah, that'd be cool.

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That's smart.

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Like a little stick, right? They go, Oh, balsamic strawberry. I don't want this in my mouth.

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No, thank you.

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If you can smell it, you can taste it. That's what my grandfather used to say.

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You smell it and then you go, I don't like this. They go, Let it dry for a second. Wave it around your skin. You have to wipe it on your skin.Yeah..

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Then lick it. Exactly.

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By the way, how come we haven't done that at ice cream stores? What? A lickable thing. Like the wallpaper from Charlie and Chocolate Factory? No. Lickable wallpaper? You never thought about this? This is the coolest thing in that fucking movie. How have we never done this?

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Okay, lickable wallpaper.

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Is this because of COVID? Yeah. At an ice cream store every day, they should have a lickable piece of wallpaper.

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Well, let's start with this then. Let's even start even from the beginning. Look at that. Right there. Whatever happened to scratch and sniff?

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Whatever happened.

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Dude, back in the day, it was all scratch and sniff. Then it went away. Then it went away.

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I want to bring it back. Bring it right back. Yeah. And those smelly good markers. The smelly good markers, what were those guys?

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Yeah.

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They were good, dude. You could get fucking stoned on one of those things. You could have- Whatever happened to the one that I got molested, it was offered to me.

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The stick in the powder.

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Stick in your penis. Fun dip? Fun Dip. That's what he called the molestation of Fun Dip?

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Yeah.

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Anyway-what were those markers called, Carlos? You just found it.

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I thought you all had moved on.

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No, those are so good. What were those? Fruit-scented markers.

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You can eat them or smell You could basically eat them.

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I mean, who cares? Mr. Skech smelling markers. Yeah, Mr. Skech. Fun Dip went away. Fun Dip went away because it was just Kool-Aid powder. People were like, This is just Kool-Aid powder.

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But, guy, you're not thinking about the second fucking component.

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The stick? The stick. Nobody like to eat the stick.

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Those sticks, though, are delicious.

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You like them because they're phallic. Most people don't like them because they're not edible. They're not good to eat. You like them because they're shaped like a little penis. It looks like Xanax, too. Oh, that's good.

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If they put lines on Dude, I saw a documentary on Netflix. A couple of weeks ago, it was this board. You know your super board? You're not going to watch anything, right? I watched this documentary about Pes dispensers.

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About the history of Pes.

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No. Some dude That cornered the black market of Pes dispensers. So this dude, right?

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With black people?

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Did I say black people?

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You said the black people market. Is that what you said?

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No, I didn't say black people. They take the tape back.

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Take it back? Yeah. I don't know.

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I thought you said it. Okay, so you know how pets dispensers are collectible?

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They are.

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No, they are. There's ones that are $2,000, $3,000 a month. Anyway, can I just get to my point? Go. This dude, he had no money. He was a farmer. He had no money. He's like, I got to figure this.

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That's so funny. You're either a farmer or you're not. You're not a farmer. He is-Did he have a garden at the In the front of his house?

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No, he had land.

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So he's a farmer.

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He didn't farm that much, though. Anyway, I don't know.

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That's why he was poor. If he farmed a little bit more, he'd have a couple more bucks in his pocket.

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I'm not really here right now, so I'm trying to talk.

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Imagine he's got 20 acres of land. He's like, I haven't farmed in years. I don't know why I can't get any money.

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You know what he did, this guy? There was pest dispensers manufacturers in Europe, in Ukraine or something, these East European, right? So he would go there. I watched this.

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No, you didn't.

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Yes, I swear to You swear God. He would get the ones that... Because they didn't come to America, these pest dispensers. He got those. He would just walk into the warehouse and do side dealings with these people.

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He managed to convince them that it was okay to sell it to him, even though he had no credentials. You saw it? Yes, it was insane. Wait, how did you see it? Name a documentary on there. Even if I don't remember the name, I've seen it. I've sat on enough planes across this country going to shows where I just watched.

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Did you see the whole thing?

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I finished the whole thing. I liked it. He finally got caught, which It was insane because for a long time, even the company was like, It's not that big of a deal. He wasn't really doing anything that bad.

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But the American Pesdismenser guy buried him.

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Yeah, they killed him.

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He tried to bury him, which is like, he's a fool.

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That's him right there.

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That's my man, dude. That's a farmer. Does he not look like a farmer?

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It looks like a hippie.

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Okay, you're right. Yeah. You're right.

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The organization of his fucking clamps in the background, that is my take care. That's great. That's beautiful.

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I don't know how any of it works.

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No, you don't know what any of those things are.

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Even when you get picture frames and they bring you… I can't even describe. They give you a little plastic cup thing, and then you got to put that in the wall, and then you got to figure out where the board is behind the wall. I just take a nail and go pop, pop.

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To the drywall? Yeah. Yeah, that's smart.

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Art called George. Art called George.

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Fucking cuck, cuck. Honestly, man, you got to enunciate a little bit more. That's getting bad. That was great. You're going backwards. Art called George.

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He had oral surgery this morning. Oh, that's right. That's what it is.

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You had oral sex with some guy this morning?

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Yeah. Did it hurt?

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A lot of conilingus. Yeah. Wait, what got cut? Your molars?

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I had a crown lengthening procedure.

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You made a crown bigger?

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Yeah, they have to shave the bone.

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They had to shave the bone? Yeah. Wow. This guy showed up after- Gold Gala.

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Gold Gala from Gold House. Okay.

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What is that?

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I got it.

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What the fuck are you talking about?

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The Asian event.

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Oh, Gold Gala.

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Jesus Christ. I just got it. Gold House. Gold Gala. Gold Gal. That's what it was.

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Yeah, that's it.Beautiful.Beautiful. Look at that.

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I don't see you in that photo. I didn't do the red carpet. You know me. I sneak in from the back.

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No, I think they requested you.

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No, I asked Margaret. Margaret goes, Who's the first one to leave? Me. Every time.

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You got her. Yeah.

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Look at.

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That's beautiful.

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That's beautiful. That's the guy. That's That's not the table we got. No. We go way back. But we got a pretty good table.

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Jimmy O'Yang?

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Look at that. See, now, Gold Gal, right? You're saying, I went. Am I in the photo?

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Because you left. You leave early.

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Oh, fuck. The guy from Queer-Eye.

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And by the way, even Ali Wong, not Ali Wong, even Margaret last night said that you guys, they got gift bags, and you left too early. You didn't get a fucking gift bag.

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I missed the photo.

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And the gift bag. I'd rather miss it. Who else is in there?

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I I thought John Chou. Is John in the photo?

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Who else is in there?

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John Chou is not in the photo. It looks photoshop.

[00:19:06]

Is that Kevin Spacey? Who's in there?

[00:19:10]

That guy? Yeah. No, that was from a year before.

[00:19:14]

That's Daniel Day Kim. You don't know who that is?

[00:19:16]

You mean that guy?

[00:19:17]

You don't know who that is?

[00:19:18]

He's just an Asian guy. Jesus Christ. No, honestly, who's Daniel Day Kim? He was in Lost, right?

[00:19:24]

By the way, this photo is photoshopped. You realize these people aren't in the same room. You can tell. Those two older Asian women right there, they were not in that photo. They're dead.

[00:19:32]

Yeah, they died years ago.

[00:19:34]

It's a posthumous photo.

[00:19:36]

Anyway, I went to that, but it's not the same.

[00:19:38]

Who's that? Ben Baller up top?

[00:19:41]

Also, I didn't dress good.

[00:19:43]

You didn't dress well.

[00:19:44]

A Well, either. No.

[00:19:46]

Good or well. Yeah, neither.

[00:19:47]

I came thinking.

[00:19:48]

What were you supposed to... What would you wear to that? You don't have a suit.

[00:19:51]

I wear this. I wear a jacket.

[00:19:55]

Padma Lakhshmi. She's famous and beautiful. Yeah. You wear a suit coat?

[00:20:01]

Yeah, but something cool. Dev Patel.

[00:20:06]

There's some high-end Asians over there, bud.

[00:20:07]

Bobby, I searched your name, but... What? They're not going to put my name in there, dude.

[00:20:12]

No.

[00:20:13]

Because they think of this entertainment as the bottom of the barrel, but…

[00:20:19]

So do we.

[00:20:20]

I know we do, but we're still the top.

[00:20:22]

That's the best. We're the top of the bottom.

[00:20:24]

No, we're still at the top. They view it bottom.

[00:20:27]

No, we're in the shit barrel, but we're at the top of the shit barrel. We're cream on top, baby.

[00:20:30]

Yeah, but the barrel, it gets released.

[00:20:33]

Not often.

[00:20:34]

Yeah, I know. But the foam on top of the shit barrel, it gets released. Sometimes- And we're the foam.

[00:20:40]

Blue Chew. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Let's talk about sex. Let's talk about sex, buddy.

[00:20:45]

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[00:20:46]

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[00:20:47]

I'm 52, and it still works, but sometimes when I'm in the mood, and I want to be safe than sorry.

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You want to be better safe than sorry.

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Go to Shopify. Com/badfunds now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify. Com/badfunds. Scout Basset. That's a cool name. Look at her. Paralympian author and advocate. Yeah, they're all involved. What did you just say? I said Scout Baset, and what did you say?

[00:24:31]

You said it was a great name, and I said, Yeah, if you're a dog. I'm sorry, I was mean to Scout.

[00:24:36]

Let's not talk about dogs. We're talking about the Asian heritage thing, okay? It's a little fucked up.

[00:24:40]

Dude, are you claiming that she ate Scout Basket?

[00:24:43]

You are what you eat.

[00:24:45]

Has she claimed the name?Dude, I don't know what that's called.That's insane, dude.

[00:24:49]

If you eat a dog, you have to be its name.It's very funny.Very funny.

[00:24:53]

I'm chipping now.

[00:24:58]

I'm fluffy. You I'm Jengles. You become the dog you eat. That's so funny. That's a Disney movie. Yeah, that's really funny. Did you see the Disney movie? The If? Is it If? It's Pixar.

[00:25:17]

It's what's his name? Bradley Cooper. No, John.

[00:25:20]

John Krasinski. We got to go see it. Isn't Bradley Cooper in the movie? Isn't he the voice? One of the voices? No. I saw him at the premiere.

[00:25:26]

Dude, John is the next Spielberg.

[00:25:31]

You said that last night, and it pissed me off yesterday. Yeah. What does that even fucking mean?

[00:25:35]

Because when you watch the... Okay, Quiet Place, right? Killed it.

[00:25:40]

Yeah.

[00:25:40]

Great movie.

[00:25:41]

It's not Spielberg. Steven fucking Spielberg? Steven Spielberg. You think John Krasinski, and this is not to disrespect him, is going to be Steven Spielberg?

[00:25:53]

I think that he has his sensibilities, yeah.

[00:25:55]

Okay, call me in 20 years, we'll go box office, toe to toe.

[00:25:58]

It's a different landscape now. That's impossible to fucking prepare. It's already a flop. This one is already a flop.

[00:26:04]

Why? The if? Yeah, it bombed. How do you know?

[00:26:06]

Because he didn't do well in the box office. That's what's at the flop?

[00:26:10]

Garfield made 100 million.

[00:26:11]

But what I'm saying, though, is the trajectory. For instance- You shouldn't feed your cat lasagna, by the way, if I'm going to go back to the Garfield thing real fast. They don't like it. I tried. You cannot. They do not want it.

[00:26:23]

That's such a bad lie. Look at that. It made 33 million in the States.

[00:26:27]

It bombed.

[00:26:29]

But God, that's so bad for a movie like that. I know. That thing probably cost, I don't know, $500 million.

[00:26:35]

Well, how much does it cost? That's like his thing. He just hangs with George Clooney.

[00:26:39]

What do you mean? You don't think so? Maybe it cost 300 million.

[00:26:42]

Let me see how much of it. A hundred plus That's 100 million. Sebastian's in it.

[00:26:46]

Yeah, I'm saying.

[00:26:47]

I think Manescal goes in his voice or something. Anyway- You can make a Schindler's list. I mean, they already did that.

[00:26:56]

The budget, something like that. That's 110 million on production. Doesn't mean that A, didn't go over. And B, that's not on marketing and promotions. Right. Double that. Okay, so- He's 250 then.

[00:27:05]

Well, let me say something. There's been a lot of atrocities throughout history, but what is left to make a movie out of it? We've done a lot of the- If Krasinski makes a 9/11 movie, we'll talk.

[00:27:17]

Make him make a 9/11 movie, we'll talk.

[00:27:19]

They already did that one.

[00:27:20]

What was it called?

[00:27:21]

Nicolas Cage.

[00:27:22]

Sully? No, not Sully. Was that 9/11?

[00:27:24]

When they're in the elevator the whole time? They're not in the elevator, they're just under the building.

[00:27:29]

No, I'm talking about-That was a great movie, Michael Pania.

[00:27:31]

I want the perspective- My friend Danny Nucci is in it.

[00:27:35]

I want the perspective of the pilots in 9/11. Oh, that's a good one. What was going on? What were they? You know there was a couple of dudes that were like, We shouldn't do this.

[00:27:45]

You know what I'd be? Hey, guys, are you sure? I would say, Are you sure? Probably 50 times.Right.

[00:27:52]

Before the plane hits?Yeah.

[00:27:53]

I don't. I mean, we could get pussy here. You're Isn't that in your afterlife, if you're a Muslim, that you get-How many?

[00:28:05]

Is it 93 virgins? Why 93? That's a pretty good number, though. It's a great year in Chicago for Jordan.

[00:28:12]

But if I got 94, I wouldn't complain either, though.

[00:28:15]

Oh, it's 72. We're way older.

[00:28:16]

Yeah. But if I got 73, I would be like, I would count in heaven. 73.

[00:28:21]

Okay. Imagine you get to heaven and you go, Seventy-one, Seventy-two, Seventy-one? Okay, Where's my other? Hello? Where's my other two? Where's my other? Something's missing.

[00:28:34]

Yeah.

[00:28:35]

What is going on here? Why does it say that? Men will receive 72 virgins in Hadith Corpus. There is some debate on the meaning of the 72, 40-year-old virgins.

[00:28:45]

That's so fun. That's a great movie.

[00:28:47]

Hey, Bob, you ready for your payoff?

[00:28:51]

You spit on the mic?

[00:28:53]

I don't feel great.

[00:28:54]

Well, good. I'm glad you showed up. We'll be fine. You're going to be fine. We'll be fine. You Can you take a... You got an emergency back there?

[00:29:03]

That's all I've been drinking all day.Emergency?Yeah..

[00:29:05]

What is this? The South Korean President. What's he got to say? You know the South Korean President made an announcement?What did he say?Let's hear it. A long, long time ago. I can still remember how that music used to make me smile. Billy Joel. Now when you've had my chains…C'est.

[00:29:31]

That the Asia gala?That.

[00:29:32]

I met those people that…Yeah, was this at the Gold? Yeah, it was.

[00:29:35]

They'd be happy for a while.

[00:29:40]

February made me shiver.

[00:29:43]

Oh, he got through that. The paper I deliver. Oh. Bad news under the step. I couldn't take one more step.

[00:29:53]

Okay, please pause for a second.

[00:29:54]

This is really good. If you make fun. By the way, the fact that he got through deliver is fucking bananas.

[00:29:59]

Okay, you to a Korean government. No, thanks. And sing a Korean song in front of other Koreans.

[00:30:05]

Would love to. Give it to me and I will do it.

[00:30:07]

All right, I'll give you a song right now.

[00:30:10]

Hey, give me- Get Santoki. No, give me Bye Bye, bye, Ms. American pie in Korean.

[00:30:16]

No, you got to sing a Korean song.

[00:30:20]

No. Yes. No, because- That's an American song. He sing an American song because we make the best shit.

[00:30:25]

No, Santoki is a good song. Santoki.

[00:30:28]

Give me the lyrics to Santoki. Okay.

[00:30:30]

Santoki Tokia. You got to do the song.

[00:30:34]

Yeah, that popular song.

[00:30:36]

Give me the lyrics. Zip Up Bunny.

[00:30:38]

Zip Up Bunny? What the fuck did you say? Here we go.

[00:30:42]

There is Santoki. There he is. Here we go.

[00:30:44]

Here we go. Go down. There it is.

[00:30:45]

All right.

[00:30:46]

What's the rhythm of it?

[00:30:47]

No, you got the music there?

[00:30:50]

No.

[00:30:51]

Give me the rhythm. Zoom into the lyrics. I'll give you the first line, right?

[00:30:55]

It goes like that. No, just do the rhythm. I'll give you the…

[00:31:00]

Now, just sing it. Okay.

[00:31:21]

. Off? By the way, all you're doing is stealing- But that's a remix? Yeah, it's a remix.

[00:31:27]

No, that song came first.

[00:31:29]

Dj Jay Calleigh. You're going to say that.. Dude, I'd make a banger out there in Korea, and it would be losing it. You think so? A hundred %. They'd love me.

[00:31:46]

But you know what this song's about?

[00:31:47]

That's a good restaurant, Sun Tokia. I've been down there. It's about summer bunnies. Summer bunnies? Yeah. What is that? Spring bunnies. Spring bunnies.

[00:31:52]

You know how she... See what she's doing? You do this.

[00:31:57]

It's a mountain rabbit.

[00:31:59]

You're not a rabbit. You It goes, San Tokito. This.

[00:32:02]

Oh, I like that. Yeah.

[00:32:04]

Then they eat it. Ravenous.

[00:32:06]

Is this talking about lunch? Is this a song about lunch?

[00:32:09]

Who's here?

[00:32:11]

What's going on?

[00:32:11]

We have a visitor. Come on in. My grandma Judy.

[00:32:15]

You guys remember her from-Oh, wow.

[00:32:17]

Grandma Judy's here. Hi, Grandma. What's up? Fuck her. Oh, my God. Hi, grandma.

[00:32:21]

Hi, grandma. Hi, grandma. Hi, grandma, Judy. Please sit down. Good to see you.

[00:32:23]

Sit down, grandma. Oh, my God. It's good to see. What a surprise.

[00:32:27]

Give her the cans. This is Mccone's My mother. Beautiful. You want to wear the cans?

[00:32:33]

You want to wear the cans, Graham? You want to wear the headphones?

[00:32:40]

Don't matter.

[00:32:41]

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[00:32:43]

Yeah. Okay. You don't want to hear it.

[00:32:45]

Judy, that's your Judy, right?

[00:32:47]

Yeah.

[00:32:47]

Judy, I love your nails.

[00:32:49]

Thank you.

[00:32:50]

Judy, how do you feel about Koreans? Do you like Koreans?

[00:32:54]

They're okay, I guess.

[00:32:56]

Yeah, some of them.

[00:32:58]

You're Bobby?

[00:33:00]

Yeah.

[00:33:01]

You're a motherfucker. You know that?

[00:33:04]

Wait, Judy, hold on. No.

[00:33:06]

Fuck you, Judy.

[00:33:08]

Wait a minute, dude. You know what?

[00:33:10]

Come here, see. Call me motherfucker, dude. I'm sorry, McGone. That's your grandma.

[00:33:14]

Pay me. You're a pie man. I'm pissed at you the way you treat my fucking grandson.

[00:33:20]

Yeah, you do treat him like shit.

[00:33:21]

Hey, fuck you, Judy.

[00:33:22]

You don't watch you. Fuck off.

[00:33:25]

You don't come to my house and fucking say that shit to me.

[00:33:27]

Hey, you be nice to the guy.

[00:33:28]

Fuck the fuck I don't, I just did, didn't I? She did. You want me to come up here and whip your motherfuck. No, I don't want you to do that.

[00:33:34]

I'm sorry. I'll take it. All right. I'm sorry. So anyway- Fuck you, motherfucker.

[00:33:41]

You don't talk to me like it.

[00:33:43]

You don't talk to her like that. I'm right.

[00:33:43]

You started with that tone and I got defensive.

[00:33:46]

You got to be nice. Be nice. Fuck you, man. Be nice.

[00:33:50]

Don't take it out on him either. That's right. He ain't said a fucking word.

[00:33:56]

Oh, yeah? You know what, Judy?

[00:33:57]

You know what?

[00:33:59]

You You want to hear? Judy, you want to hear some shit right now, dude? The Vietnam War. You guys lost that. Do you know why? All right. We're sneakier. You know what? What?

[00:34:09]

I'm going to come over and I'm going to whip your motherfucking ice if you keep running that fucking mouth. You know what's I will beat the hell out of you, motherfucker.

[00:34:17]

I know you will, Judy, but fuck it.

[00:34:19]

Judy, how are you?

[00:34:20]

I'll win that war.

[00:34:23]

Yeah, she'll win that war. Oh, yeah?

[00:34:24]

Fuck it, I will beat the hell out of it. I'll stop it.

[00:34:29]

Why don't you be nice?

[00:34:30]

I'll stop. She came in with the energy I was going to be so lovely. No, you were negative.

[00:34:32]

I'll stop a damn mud hole in your ass and then stop it, you motherfuckers.

[00:34:39]

All right, Judy, let's start over.

[00:34:41]

Be nice.

[00:34:42]

Judy, I apologize.

[00:34:44]

I don't give a fuck.

[00:34:45]

See what I'm saying? She won't fucking stop.

[00:34:47]

Because you're- I don't like the way you treat my grandson, motherfucker. I don't like what you spawned.

[00:34:53]

Wait a minute. We love him.

[00:34:55]

No, you had a daughter, so whatever, that had that piece of shit.

[00:35:01]

Why don't you ask her some- You're right. Anyway, let's go back.

[00:35:05]

Get to know her. It takes one to know one, don't it? Oh, it does. Peace of shit.

[00:35:12]

All right, Judy, let's back up for a second.

[00:35:14]

Back up. Get to know her.

[00:35:15]

Judith. Getting to know all about you.

[00:35:18]

Getting to know all about you.

[00:35:20]

You laid off for Andrew.

[00:35:23]

You're right.

[00:35:23]

All right, Judy.

[00:35:25]

Thank you, Judy. He's a fucking nice guy.

[00:35:27]

Thank you, Judy. Okay, Judy. Be nice now. Go ahead and ask her to guess something.

[00:35:31]

All right, so, Judy, let's start over. I'll treat your grandson nicer. Good.

[00:35:36]

Why fuck you better?

[00:35:37]

What you're going to do about it?

[00:35:39]

Okay, why are you starting? What am I going to do about it? You don't know what I'll do about it.

[00:35:43]

Gouse your eyes out right now in front of a very good idea.

[00:35:45]

I will come over there. I'll find out where you live. I'll take the biggest shit.

[00:35:48]

I'll tell you where I live. Come over.

[00:35:50]

I'll tell you where I live. I'll take the biggest shit I can right in the middle of your fucking bed.

[00:35:56]

Oh, you'll take a shit in my bed? I'll do diarrhea in your fucking your eyes. Oh, no. You'll fucking be able to go blind. You'll look just like me the next morning. Yeah. Let's go back. You won't.

[00:36:08]

Start over. Let's start over. Be nice to our guests.

[00:36:10]

You don't say it in a motherfucking chit. What's a chinch?

[00:36:14]

A chinch. Yeah, I think it's the same thing.

[00:36:16]

Anyway, let's back up for a second, Judy. You live in Minnesota?

[00:36:20]

Yeah.

[00:36:21]

What's the problem?

[00:36:23]

I love it. I grew up in a diner a little bit.

[00:36:25]

She know she hates a diner.

[00:36:27]

I don't give a shit where you grew up at. Sounds I don't give a fuck.

[00:36:31]

Why don't you ask her something?

[00:36:33]

Why is she so hostile?

[00:36:34]

She's not. I'm just came in here to tell you to your motherfucking face, you better treat my grandson better than what you fucking do.

[00:36:46]

I agree. All right. I agree. You also flashed her daughter. Yeah, you flashed her daughter.

[00:36:50]

You got an attitude with him, you tell me.

[00:36:53]

Yeah, you got something to say, you say it.

[00:36:54]

I call you. I can get your number, Judy?

[00:36:57]

Fuck no, I'm not giving you my fucking Then how can I tell you?

[00:37:01]

How can I call you?

[00:37:01]

I'll give Andrew my phone. Thank you.

[00:37:03]

So I'll call him.

[00:37:04]

He calls you. I'll call. I'll relay it. Why don't you ask some set of questions and let's do a nice interview. Get back on Jennifer. Please. She's pissed. Be nice. She's pissed. Be nice. What's up? Don't show her your ass. Do not.

[00:37:18]

I'm telling you. Don't. I got a real big foot, but I'll put it right straight up your motherfucking eyes.

[00:37:26]

You better not show her your ass.

[00:37:27]

I'm not going to show you my bottom. You better not.

[00:37:28]

I You better not.

[00:37:30]

She's allergic to seeful. You don't like Calamari?

[00:37:34]

Repeat that.

[00:37:36]

Say it again.

[00:37:38]

Come on out. I'm going to tell you. Do you like Calamari?

[00:37:43]

I don't even know what the fuck that is, and I don't give a damn.Okay. If it comes from you.

[00:37:50]

Calm down. Let's take the temperature down.

[00:37:52]

I'm calm. If you were going to go out.

[00:37:54]

I'm fucking calm. If you were going to go out to dinner with Judy, where would you guys go? Where would you have with her?

[00:37:59]

I don't know. Is there a cracker barrel nearby?

[00:38:03]

You like cracker barrel, Jude?

[00:38:04]

But no, I don't like taco bale. To go out with him?

[00:38:10]

Yeah, you have to go out on a date with him. Well, shit.

[00:38:13]

Well, what?

[00:38:13]

Well, whole hands.

[00:38:14]

You got We're holding hands. We want to make amends. He's going to take you out for dinner. He wants to make amends. I don't think you're going to be able to make it up to her.

[00:38:21]

Oh, I think I can.

[00:38:22]

How do you think you're going to get this back?

[00:38:23]

Do you like origami? Do you like origami?

[00:38:30]

You go with that fucking shit again. Okay, all right.

[00:38:35]

So Calamari doesn't know. Well, if it rimes. Yeah, yeah. Origami doesn't know. Not a fan. All right.

[00:38:40]

Okay, so- Don't say salami, she'll fucking lose her shit. You better not, dude. How can you think you make it up to her?

[00:38:47]

I'm going to take your time. I will take my time. What I want to say to you- I think you should apologize.

[00:38:57]

Just the way you treated her this whole time. It's been insane. It You've been treated poorly. Be nice. She came in hostile, dude. No, she didn't. You got to treat her nice and apologize for the way you behave.

[00:39:07]

I'm going to try again. You came to this country and now you take jobs. I was born here, actually.

[00:39:12]

Seriously? Yeah. Oh, shit.

[00:39:14]

Was he born here? Yeah.

[00:39:15]

Apologize, though, to Judy.

[00:39:17]

You're taking the job. I think you're talking about yourself.

[00:39:20]

Yeah, first of all, of all the people, you're the first to get deported. Yeah. I think you should apologize. I'm going to apologize. Just make it better, please. So Mocone can have a nice trip with his family.

[00:39:29]

Listen, Judy. I want to say, honestly, it's a heartfelt. I just get to see you. When I first saw you, I was pleasantly surprised. I was very excited to see you. I think you're a great woman. I really do. You did such a great job raising your children and your grandchildren. They're very good offspring. Just let me finish. It's just meeting you. I thought I would never meet somebody from the movie Deliverance. What are you the fuck? You know what I mean? When you're watching Deliverance as a kid, you're like, I don't know these people. Then you meet them and you go, They fuck pigs, right? Oh, God. What are you going to do, Bacón? What are you going to do, dude? I'm right here. Don't fuck with me, dude. Anyway, I'm kidding. It was a joke, Mocon. Thanks for being here.

[00:40:23]

What are you trying to do, motherfucker? What are you trying to do?

[00:40:27]

I don't believe a fucking word you say. You don't believe a word I'm saying?

[00:40:33]

Yeah. Okay.

[00:40:34]

All right. How can we repair this?

[00:40:37]

I think you should. I already did it. The way to do this. I tried. The apology was good.

[00:40:41]

It was very good.

[00:40:42]

But I think before you say goodbye to her because you want to mend this. I want you to say something along lines of, I hope you have a great day. I can't say that. You got to do something.

[00:40:54]

I don't mean that, though.

[00:40:55]

Okay.

[00:40:56]

How about this? I'll compromise. Compromise, please. Judy, I hope you have an average day. Bullshit. Bullshit. You're full of bullshit. You know that? You have a head full of bullshit.

[00:41:09]

It's like-Thank you very fucking much.

[00:41:12]

You're welcome.

[00:41:13]

That's a compliment of me, motherfucker. This is good. That's me, motherfucker.

[00:41:15]

Yeah. This seems good.

[00:41:20]

You're right. Hey. Yeah.

[00:41:24]

Come on. Mend the wound, please.

[00:41:29]

I don't think that's I think it's jumping to, I love you. Stitch it up. Okay.

[00:41:33]

Stitch it up.

[00:41:34]

Let me try. Please. I got to turn to say it. Yeah. All right. Let me draw on it. Yeah.

[00:41:44]

Come on.

[00:41:45]

You got something to say.

[00:41:51]

Okay. Say it.

[00:41:58]

I love you.

[00:42:01]

Bullshit. Yeah, she doesn't buy it.

[00:42:02]

I did the best.

[00:42:03]

Say it with more vigor.

[00:42:05]

I love you. What are you doing?

[00:42:06]

Deeper.

[00:42:08]

Bullshit.

[00:42:09]

Judy, I love you.

[00:42:11]

You shit.

[00:42:11]

You're shit. I'm shit. Okay. Now, what I want to do is retaliate, but I'm not going to. You can't. I'm learning not to. You can't. I'm learning not to. All right? You know what? I am full of shit. I'm a fuckface. Smart. All right? I'm going to go back to me. I'm a terrible one, and I should learn my ways. That's right. I didn't learn anything. I have to learn to respect McCown and respect people around me.

[00:42:36]

That's right.

[00:42:36]

That's right.

[00:42:38]

I'm telling you that, motherfucker.

[00:42:40]

Yeah, she told you that.

[00:42:41]

We're all people, correct? No, that's pretty true. You have people in LA. You have the Hills have eyes. Oh, yeah. The people from there, right? You have the people from the mountain people. Got it. The canyons, they don't have the same things we have. You look inside a cave, their eyes come out. You know what I mean? You go, Hello. Hello there. I love You, right? You love Jesus, too. I do, too. Jesus. So I love everybody.

[00:43:04]

Good.

[00:43:04]

Yeah. I have to say another thing, man. Yeah. Yeah, you're great.

[00:43:10]

If I love to fucking bullshit her, I'd come over and I'd hug your fucking neck.

[00:43:17]

She might give you a hug. That seems violent.

[00:43:19]

That's what I heard.

[00:43:20]

That doesn't seem like a hug. It sounds like a hug.

[00:43:21]

I think we should finish with a hug.

[00:43:23]

I think you give her a big hug.

[00:43:24]

Would you like to hug me?

[00:43:26]

Give her a hug. No.

[00:43:26]

I don't want to hug her either, to be honest with you. Do you know why, though? How about a high five?

[00:43:30]

But you know why? How about a high five?

[00:43:32]

I'm afraid I'm going to get hard.

[00:43:36]

Give her a high five.

[00:43:37]

Can I give you a high five?

[00:43:39]

It was amazing. Help her up. It was amazing. Give him a high five.

[00:43:42]

Can we high five?

[00:43:42]

I think that's the move.

[00:43:43]

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[00:43:59]

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[00:44:02]

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[00:44:03]

That should be their new slogan. I like the flavors. You can get Liquid Death in just original O. G. Mountain Water like this one, or you can get flavors. I like the mango, mango, mango, mango. It is so good. I keep a couple of cases at my house at all times. They're delicious. Liquid Death is also on to something. They donate a portion of profits from every can sold to help kill plastic pollution. That's why they got in the O. G. Cans, baby.

[00:44:29]

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[00:44:41]

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[00:44:48]

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[00:44:54]

What's going on, man? I don't know. Things just feel different than they did at the beginning. This is a nightmare. This is my nightmare coming true, dude. I know. Okay, so in the beginning... Okay, In the beginning, when I first met you, we didn't work together, okay? I'm being friendly. I'm a nice guy, right? You came in, he became obsessed with you.

[00:45:26]

That's not true.

[00:45:27]

Yeah, you did.

[00:45:28]

I like him just fine.

[00:45:29]

You became an obsessed with him. The kid's fine. Yeah, you drive them around, he comes to your house. Well, he's young, burgeoning. In my mind, I'm like, I have to play bad cop now.

[00:45:39]

All right. I was a good cop.

[00:45:40]

You're a good cop, right? You can't have it all. I was just being bad cop, right?

[00:45:44]

That's right.

[00:45:45]

But now I feel like the act that I was doing on the road… Because when you lost your earphones, I bought you a new earphone. I do things for you.

[00:45:54]

You gave those away?

[00:45:55]

You gave those away, yeah. Then when you gave me that DVD, I watched it immediately at home. I was really grateful for it. My point being is this. If you're funneling resentment to your grandma, and then she comes on to here, call me a bullshit motherfucker.

[00:46:11]

Well, you are a bullshit motherfucker.

[00:46:12]

What is going on around here? It's gone too far.

[00:46:16]

I think she was just having fun.

[00:46:17]

I think it's gone too far.

[00:46:18]

What do you think? She was just having fun.

[00:46:20]

Just a little bit.

[00:46:21]

What do you think? You want to fire the kid because of it?

[00:46:23]

No, I'm not going to fire him. I'm just saying let's get it out now because it's like, I don't need another grandma or the great grandma or the fucking grandfather or any of these people coming over here.

[00:46:33]

The grandpa is here next week, so we can meet him.

[00:46:35]

He was on the books. He was on the books? Yeah. Well, tell your grandpa that we're just kidding around, right? Yeah. Well, I mean, That was pretty cathartic, so I feel like I'm ready to... Oh, yeah. But so you...

[00:46:51]

He's ready to let it go now.

[00:46:53]

I'm ready to let it go. Yeah. If you are, it sounds like you're holding some resentments. I'm ready to let it go. I'm holding a lot of things. I know. Let it go, baby. I can't let it go right now. Come on. This is what I want to do. I almost want to... Just hear me out. It's insane. I almost want to finish the war. Go ahead. I almost want to go, Okay, you want to play games? If you want to play family games, I could get some of my family involved as well.

[00:47:17]

Most are dead.

[00:47:19]

Oh, no. I got some cousins that are loopy. Right. What about you, Carlos? What about it? How do you feel? I think Micone's young and he's not used to this Hollywood shit. I'm not Hollywood. Well, don't even bring that in. Why do you bring that in? Stop bringing that in, dude. I just think he needs to get used to it, and I think he's finally settling into it.

[00:47:40]

No, I think I feel very settled.

[00:47:42]

I feel settled, too. Good. All right, but wow, what a whirlwind.

[00:47:47]

That was heavy?

[00:47:48]

Pretty heavy to me. It made me sad.

[00:47:50]

Really?

[00:47:51]

Because parents love me.

[00:47:53]

Grandparents don't.

[00:47:54]

That's true. Why not?

[00:47:55]

My parents love you. My parents love you, too.

[00:47:57]

My grandma does not. Yeah. My parents love me. She doesn't like me at all. Some of it could be the-The war. Yeah.

[00:48:04]

It's got to be history at that point. It's history. They remember back when you guys weren't allowed to talk to them.

[00:48:09]

That's right. Different time. I'm calling her Bullshit. I love it, though. I do. It's pretty great. I'll tell you why, because now I can say stuff. I could fight against it. Back in the day, I couldn't. Let me ask you this, all right? Do you have cousins? I mean, does she have grandchildren or a female? Yeah. If I to Judy, I'm dating your grandchild, she would lose her mind? Oh, wow. Yeah, she would probably pull a gun out or something.

[00:48:37]

Murder. Well, no. He means just to scare you.

[00:48:40]

That's not going to scare me. But murder?

[00:48:44]

Murder.

[00:48:45]

To them, that's not murder. What is that? Cleansing? Like putting a dog down or something. Keep that in. Keep that in. I like He will. I like that. I like that. Okay, so I feel like this is something that's not going to go away easily. I don't think I want to squash it right now.

[00:49:09]

Why? Okay.

[00:49:10]

Yeah, I want to keep the balls going. Yeah, I'm juggling. I want to keep the balls.

[00:49:14]

Keep the balls in the air.

[00:49:15]

Yeah, the show is still on. I'm still performing. What I'm saying is I'd like to keep this war going. I now know Judy, your grandma Judy. I know my enemies.

[00:49:26]

It's not your enemy. Just listen.

[00:49:27]

I know my enemies. Okay. I know my allies.

[00:49:32]

Okay, that's true.

[00:49:33]

I know how the war is played, and I will win.

[00:49:37]

In the long run, yeah.

[00:49:39]

Short run.

[00:49:40]

It's going to be a short war.

[00:49:41]

Pretty short.

[00:49:42]

Okay.

[00:49:42]

But God bless you, man.

[00:49:45]

Back to your position.

[00:49:46]

God bless you and take care of it. God bless you.

[00:49:48]

Good job, bud. Also, cool shirt.

[00:49:50]

Thank you. Cool shirt. Cool shirt. Great shirt. But you didn't defend me at all.

[00:49:58]

What was there to defend?

[00:50:00]

Hold up, Judy. I think I did. That could have been nice. Whoa, Judy, out of pocket. You came in with guns ablazing.

[00:50:08]

Play the tape. I said, Okay, let's get this back. I was trying to be a mediator.

[00:50:14]

Dude, you're acting as if we were all in the same fraternity. That's the greatest-We knew each other for 20 years. So what a world. I wasn't feeling well. I'm up now.

[00:50:22]

You're feeling good now. I'm not feeling good. You're going to do spots tonight.

[00:50:26]

No, I canceled those. Good. What a weird day, man. What a world of win.

[00:50:31]

Show us something funny then, Carlos. Make him feel better, will you?

[00:50:34]

Let me feel better.

[00:50:35]

What is this?

[00:50:35]

Jojo Siwa drunk at Disneyland.

[00:50:37]

Love. Big Jojo Siwa fan.

[00:50:40]

Siwa spent her 21st birthday embarrassing herself yesterday at Disney World's Epcot. The Clearly Wasted Popstar tried to start a singalong to her newly released song, Karma, but no one knew the words. I should have known better. I had a wish. Embarrassing. I I'm never after a round.

[00:51:02]

Yeah, we know it. A couple of things here.

[00:51:04]

Yeah, go ahead. Tell me.

[00:51:06]

Yes. What are you doing at Disney?

[00:51:08]

That's not a thing.

[00:51:10]

What are you doing your 21st birthday at Disney?

[00:51:12]

One of the most happiest business I've.

[00:51:16]

21st birthday at Disney?

[00:51:18]

I went there last year. Loved it.

[00:51:20]

Without kids?

[00:51:21]

No kids.

[00:51:22]

Gross?

[00:51:23]

No.

[00:51:24]

Gross.

[00:51:24]

Star Wars.

[00:51:26]

Jail. Star Wars? Right to jail.

[00:51:29]

Because I Star Wars?

[00:51:30]

Because you go to Disney World without kids.

[00:51:32]

I was with a kid. Jail.

[00:51:34]

Who? Oh. A friend's kid was with you. Yeah. So then, yes, you get a pass.

[00:51:41]

Thank you.

[00:51:42]

Yeah, that's fine. All is well.

[00:51:43]

Do I go to prison?

[00:51:45]

Vip pass. Jesus Christ. You go to jail, not prison. We'll let you out. But we're going to wag a finger. I think I'm VIP.

[00:51:48]

You remember that? Yeah.

[00:51:51]

Let me ask you something-With a kid is fine.

[00:51:53]

Have you done the VIP experience?

[00:51:56]

I don't have a kid.

[00:51:57]

It doesn't matter. What I would like to do Would you take me? I'll take you, too. Vip? Yeah, I'll do the VIP.

[00:52:04]

How much is VIP at Disney? It's 800 an hour.

[00:52:10]

What? In an hour, you can do the whole park. No, you can't.

[00:52:13]

That math is not right. $8,500? 12 hours? $800 an hour? You're there for 10 hours? Yeah. You went to the park for 10 hours? Oh, yeah, even longer. I can't even get you to fucking do this show for an hour.

[00:52:26]

There's a lot to do.

[00:52:28]

Same.

[00:52:29]

Okay. Anyway, so that's how much it costs. I'll tell you what you get with it. You get the VIP experience.

[00:52:36]

You know that whole- You go to the front of the line?

[00:52:39]

Let me finish, man. Right now, dude, I'm not in the mood for you doing this. Cut me off, okay? Don't get so angry. Let me explain myself.

[00:52:48]

I'm turning into Judy.

[00:52:51]

Please don't turn into Judy. I don't need it. I know. All right.

[00:52:55]

I love it. I love her.

[00:52:56]

What you get is early in the morning, you go to that hotel with the Log cabin feel. There's a big bonfire.

[00:53:03]

You're talking. Speaking Spanish to me.

[00:53:05]

There's a lady that comes out. They look like they're in the Gold Rush. Hey, you all. You know what I mean? That whole thing. I love it. I clap. Are you ready for the adventure? What do you want to do first? You get to go around with this lady. She's wearing in the outfit. She has all the passes. You go in the front of the line in every ride. Then you get to even the little experiences, making a lightsaver. She can make those appointments.Cute.Yeah. She's pretty much with you the whole time. If you want to go eat anywhere. You tip her? Oh, yeah.

[00:53:38]

You tip her cash?

[00:53:39]

Oh, yeah.

[00:53:40]

Would you tip her?

[00:53:42]

Like I did last night at the parking lot guy.

[00:53:44]

That made me laugh so He was working hard. So anyway. You tip it at the parking lot. You give him a couple of bucks, 5, 10 bucks, sometimes 20. You know what I mean? It's a parking lot, guys. I said, How much did you just give him? He was $100. Insane. A dinner's guy. A hundred dollars to park your car?

[00:54:01]

I only brought that up because you accused me of not tipping the fucking Gold Rush lady.

[00:54:05]

No, I just asked how much you tipped the Gold Rush lady. I don't know how much those people... I don't do that stuff. I don't know. You tipped that lady.

[00:54:10]

I would give her probably like 300 bucks maybe for the day.

[00:54:13]

You know what a woman did to me today? I ordered and then I beep-booped my food. I beep-booped on the thing, on the Apple Pay, and then she manually got rid of the tip thing.

[00:54:27]

Because she wants cash.

[00:54:29]

But that was interesting because I went to go press the button. She goes, All good to go. She moved to the next screen without me.

[00:54:34]

Oh, that's nice.

[00:54:36]

But then I thought, Are they told to do that by the management to skip the tip? Because I went to tip. But then she goes, You're good to go. She did so fast. Then it goes, No, thanks, or receipt, no, thanks. I thought, Did they tell them to do that, you think? Or did she think, I don't tip? Did she look at me and she goes, This guy doesn't tip?

[00:54:58]

Can I be honest with you? And don't get angry. You don't look like a tip.

[00:55:03]

I don't look like I can afford to tip?

[00:55:05]

No, you're going to afford it. You just don't look like you do tip.

[00:55:07]

Why?

[00:55:08]

You're frown.

[00:55:10]

I always tip.

[00:55:11]

I know you tip well.

[00:55:12]

I tip well.

[00:55:13]

I know you do. I've been- I never not.

[00:55:14]

I I've been demand. But I look like a furrowed brow doesn't tip guys. Yeah. I want to show... Bob, you do need to watch this. I do want you to see this for a second. Okay. Russians are the fucking best. Oh, ice boxing. That's great. So it's just straight boxing on ice.

[00:55:32]

That's so good.

[00:55:34]

Why not put it on ice? I know. It's genius. They put Disney on ice. Why not box it?

[00:55:38]

Right.

[00:55:39]

Here's what's so great about this to me. Russians got to be the people that came up with power slapping, the slapping. They got arm wrestling. That's all them trying to take things to another level. This boxing shit, what else do you want to see on a different-I'll tell you right now.

[00:55:55]

Skydive.

[00:55:57]

Skydive fighting? That's brilliant.

[00:55:59]

That is brilliant. You punch each other. If you knock them out, they die, obviously, because they can't open the shit.

[00:56:06]

So what? Don't lose.

[00:56:08]

That's great.

[00:56:09]

Sky fighting. Sky fighting. Do you jump out of the same plane or different planes?

[00:56:13]

It's got to be the same plane. How do you meet them?

[00:56:16]

What do you mean? Have you never seen that? They jump out. You can change your direction.

[00:56:19]

No, this is what you do. Same plane. Same plane. But you have a distance, but you're still tied to them.

[00:56:24]

Oh, you're tandem.

[00:56:26]

Yeah, there's a rope that's connected to our belly, right? So you have to fight.

[00:56:29]

If one guy dies, the other guy, he gets to pull. Here, check it out. You knock the guy out, and then you 69 him, and you get to come down.

[00:56:38]

Why do you have to 69?

[00:56:39]

No, because he's 69. His head is buying balls. Yeah. Love it.

[00:56:44]

That's what you want? Yeah. Just '69 somebody.

[00:56:46]

Fine.

[00:56:47]

From a plane. Sky fighting is brilliant. What's another one?

[00:56:51]

How about fighting underwater? I would love to see a little tango down below.

[00:56:54]

It's like sloth fighting. Yeah. I could do that one.

[00:56:59]

I like fighting on A fire. Like a fire pit would be dope. Not a whole thing isn't on fire, but around it is on. You have a floating ring. Check it out. Oh, yeah.

[00:57:11]

No, you don't even know.

[00:57:12]

What's in the water? What? What's in the water?

[00:57:14]

What's in the water? What's in the water? That's not what I'm talking about.

[00:57:17]

I'm talking a floating fighting ring on water. What's in the water?

[00:57:20]

It's not what's in the water. What's happening in the water? What's happening? Tsunami.

[00:57:25]

Expensive.

[00:57:27]

It's timing.

[00:57:28]

Timing.

[00:57:29]

Timing is everything on this one, right? Yeah, that's tough.

[00:57:31]

You got to work with the weather.

[00:57:32]

You have a flotation, right? And then all the debris. Oh, yeah. There's debris happening, right? Somebody's house, right? It's wavy or whatever you call it. Turbulence. Sure. Yeah, wow. The cameraman, I don't know. That would be tough. Yeah. Well. Okay.

[00:57:49]

Union.

[00:57:50]

Union. Okay, Union.

[00:57:51]

Those guys are tough. A tornado fight would be amazing. Fighting in the middle of a tornado. Who gets swept away? By the way, I watched the trailer for Twister?

[00:58:00]

Yes.

[00:58:01]

It's the same movie. Twisters. It's the same movie. It was Helen Hunt and Bill Pullman. Now it's fucking-No, it was Bill Paxton. Bill Paxton? Yeah. Now it's Glenn Powell and who is the girl? I don't know. Look, it's the same fucking movie.

[00:58:18]

But look, can I say something? They have two this time. Yeah, there's a plural. It's not the same movie.

[00:58:23]

There was many twisters in Twister. It wasn't just one.

[00:58:26]

They have twins in this one. Yeah.

[00:58:28]

They have twin babies? Twin twisters.

[00:58:30]

But dude, imagine. But do you know who else was in Twister?

[00:58:33]

Same fucking movie.

[00:58:34]

You knew who else was in Twister? Don't say anything. No one says it. You know who else was in Twister? Great actor. The thing about Twister, you don't realize, is they had great actors.

[00:58:43]

Well, I love their radio. Who was in it?

[00:58:45]

Philip Seymour Hoffman.

[00:58:47]

Oh, my God. He was in Twister. Oh, my God. He was in that movie.

[00:58:53]

I mean, imagine having that caliber in a fucking disaster movie.

[00:58:56]

It's insane. He was so good. Yeah, he was her helper, right? He was like, on her team.

[00:59:00]

Yeah, but I liked his character. Then what's his name from Secession?

[00:59:04]

I know. Yeah.

[00:59:07]

Tim, no. No. Let me get us. I know. Allan Rock. Allan Rock.

[00:59:12]

Fuck. Why did you do that? Allan Rock.

[00:59:14]

Allan Dylan Rock, Philip Seymour Hoff. I mean, look at that fucking cast. Wow. Yeah.

[00:59:19]

Now they got Glenn Powell and fucking who's the new girl? Do you even know who the new girl is? Is she a new girl? They're selling us? Yeah. This is a new girl. They're selling us. Hollywood's at it. This is when Hollywood's at it, when they push a girl that I've never heard of before. I I've never seen her before, and she's in a thing.

[00:59:31]

Don't sell us.

[00:59:32]

Come on, zoom in. Oh, it's Daisy Edgar Jones. Never mind. I know who she is. We already sold. She'd been around for a while. But it didn't look like her. It didn't look like her in the preview. What was her biggest movie, Daisy- Star Wars, right? No, no, no. I'm not a Daisy. What was she in? I'm sorry, I don't know, Bob. War of the Worlds?

[00:59:51]

That was a good movie.

[00:59:52]

That's a TV show she was on. Okay. Go down. She was in Normal People. Can I talk about War of the Worlds? I loved Normal People. Remember that? Normal People. Normal People. Can I talk about War of the Worlds? Normal People. War of the World?

[01:00:05]

Can I talk about it?

[01:00:06]

Please. Okay.

[01:00:08]

Is it Bill Burns? Yeah, man.

[01:00:10]

John Krasinski's.

[01:00:12]

That's so funny. Thank you. We should just end it there. That's good. Yeah. Thank you for bringing her back home.