Carlos, you know, I've known you for a long time, and I thought that I trusted you. And then. Andreas. I mean, you look like a guy that doesn't prank, and that is an honest one as well. And when you guys shocked me during that Hollywood Halloween episode, it was a real betrayal. And I and I. And you guys mock me still. Yeah. You know, I mean, because when I came here today, you still you had the shocked caller on the table just to make fun of not funny.

That was not fun.

That was not funny at all. And I was I was being real like, you're lucky you have a job. Yeah.

We apologize.

No you didn't.

No. We're apologizing.

Well, they're doing it now. You're doing it.

Now. Apologizing now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well let's see. Rudy, do you accept the apology from these guys?

Was it really painful?

Is this. Here's what they told me that it was fake. And so you don't. You're not, like, anticipating it. Yeah. So you're completely relaxed. Yeah. And then when it hits you like that, it doesn't. It's it hurts, but it hurts your soul.

I bet it's kind of shocking to get something like that to hit you like that.

Traumatic to my neck.

It wakes you up. Yeah.

It's like my neck now. That's what I was. And you can say that you can't cut that. You don't have to cut that out.

Sorry for that.

Yeah you did and you know, and and my neck said no.

Sorry, Bob.

Yeah.

You told us once that you would do anything for comedy. So we thought long winded.

Not a real apology.

No, no.

Oh, so it's my fault?

No.

Yeah. Dude. Oh, my God, what a twist. He put it on you.

It's my fault.

I hit you because you you you made me. No, I will hit you because you make me hit you.

That's what it is, right?

I don't want to hit.

I hit you, but you, your eyes and your face make me money. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

But yeah. I'm sorry, Bobby, you didn't deserve it.

That's right.

I could make fun of you, dude, I.

Know, yeah, we know that. I mean, there's other things.

I look at your face and everything about you. I have things I can say. Yeah, yeah, but I don't. I hold my.

Tongue. You do. Right. You're so good. Yeah. You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

Why did an Asian dude. You two are disgusting. Are you two or something?

We're bad friends. Wait, is.

This the real invisible candy that we're talking about? I'm talking. This is what we're talking about.

I don't know what this is called. That's right. I'm on the box.

Look at you on the.

I'm on the package. And I remember it does come with stickers. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Yeah.

Have you had one of these?

Yeah. They're way better than. Way better than.

The White Lotus. Whatever.

You know the song button, right? It's candy rice. I like button rice. Candy. Is this what you have back in the old country? Get in the hole.

The Americans are coming. Get in the hole! We're going to build a trail.

Boom boom boom boom boom boom, boom goes the sound of my one. I'm about to. I got to open it up. Welcome back to the Bad Friends podcast where we're trying out some brand new Bhutan rice candy. Oh my God, Carlos, this won't interest anybody except for you and me, but Dwight Howard.

Oh, yeah.

Baby, do you know who this is?

Oh, yeah. Dude, the one that's saying Taylor Swift.

That's exactly right.

The football player.

Dwight Howard, is a famous NBA player who got caught. He got caught hooking up with a dudes dudes. And that's not a problem.

That's okay.

It's the first.

Time.

That's okay. But he's got allegations that it wasn't okay, that the guy wasn't. You know, it's a it's an essay.

Whoa, whoa, wait.

It's an essay. It's an assault.

So he assaulted another man? Yes. How does it how.

Do you eat the wrapper?

You eat it. What? You eat that. So you eat. This is how you eat this. The whole thing. It's so good, I promise. I swear to.

God, it melts in your mouth.

Does everyone do this? Yes. Ma'am. Cool.

Why? What are your face like that?

Oh, this is God. No, no.

Honestly, you don't like it?

Oh, man, you like it?

There's no flavor. Yeah.

It's no flavor. What the fuck are you talking? You mean sweet isn't a flavor?

I won't taste the sweet.

Well, it's like you just, you know, nothing.

Pretty flavorless. All right, let's not chew into the mouth.

No. Stick it in your mouth. No! Finish it.

It's so gross.

No! Finish it, finish up, finish it! The paper. Put the paper in your mouth. Finish up. Yeah.

Finish up. Okay. Bob and I had dinner last night.

The most depressing dinner I've ever had.

It was a fun dinner with a good friend. An old friend.

It's fucking.

Depressing. We had a very good time.

Good friend, though. Good friend. Depressing.

And you had tuna tartare?

I had stomachache. I hate that place. Really? Yeah. My tummy hurt. It was terrible. Well, maybe because of the cream.

Yeah. You did drink a lot. I drank a little cream. This guy's a cream.

Intolerant.

Cream drinker.

I love the cream, but my point is, is that my tummy started hurting and then I left. But it was fine.

Didn't you enjoy the experience with him? I love him.

Because he's an old friend.

An old friend isn't nice to see old friends. Do you have any old friends, Carlos?

It's when I see you guys.

No, but Andrew, though, is like. You know that you see a show like 30 something.

And what? What are you talking about? I'm not a sitcom from 95.

I this is. Can I just say something? Yeah. When you're in that setting, you cross your legs like this. He does, and he like. He's like a normal guy. Like, you know, I mean, so. So how's your weeks been? You know? How are you feeling? He's like a normal guy.

He goes into normal mode.

Yeah, but me, I'm still. I'm the guy. I'm like, where's the cream? Right? You know, I mean, I want my order cream, you know? You know, I'm crazy, you know? But he's like, you know, he he's dressed nice. Yeah. He looks like a normal All-American man.

We went out to a nice dinner. You should have dressed up a little bit. It was a nice restaurant.

I didn't know it sounded like a hot dog joint.

It is a hot dog joint. It's a nice high end hot dog joint. Oh. Hot dogs, presented by Mikey. Yeah, but.

It was a nice dinner. The valet. That was nice, right? By my house, which is. I've never even heard of it.

You couldn't be closer to your house.

And then I went to the store and I had a poo between fucking shows. It was terrible.

Have you pooed in the main room? Green room.

Every time I'm in there, there's no door.

It's two swinging saloon doors. I know.

That's why I like it.

So I love.

Showcasing. You do know I tell. So there's two parts of the green room. There's like the people lounge. You been in there and then there's a door. So whenever I'm in there, I'm like, hey, I tell everyone I want to take a shit. Don't go in here. You announced I got I make a noise. Da da da da da da da. I have an announcement to make.

What is it? What is it? I poo poo? Oh, yay! And then am I eating this again? Yeah. Are you sure you eat the outside of this?

Didn't it melt in your mouth? No.

Like it's in my teeth.

Yeah, it melt in your mouth.

Can I say something about your poopy to Bobby?

Oh, please.

No, no, you may not.

Actually, I'll say it. Okay.

Go ahead. But let me say something. I have beef in my car. What do I have in my car? Butcher box? Yeah.

Butcher bought a lot of me.

A lot of meat. Yeah. You want the meat, right? Watch what you say.

Okay? Every time I clean your toilet, there's so much poo stains. We'll be.

Right back.

We'll be right. You.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you guys. Be right back.

There's so much a poo stains. Yeah.

And they're, like, so sticky you can't take it off.

Oh you're dry.

No.

You have dry poo.

No I usually don't have so much stains. And they're so sticky. I call it poo shrapnel. I have to brush it for like 30 minutes.

Good. It's on purpose.

It's on purpose.

I don't understand why it's so sticky.

He pushes harder when it shoots out. Why do we always have to.

Talk about poo?

Let's get off of it.

Yeah, yeah, but can I say something? It's the cream. And I got to cut down on the cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What have you been doing, Rudy?

I've been watching One Piece nonstop.

Love.

One piece. Two piece is better, though.

What?

I don't.

Know, anime.

One piece. Yeah. Let me see. Let me see it. One piece, anime, two piece, mini me. What are we talking about? Yeah. So this is it. Welcome to one one piece. Look, the guy in the front, he's even going one piece.

One a piece a.

It's a bunch of pirates. And I've been.

And the one to the right is that with the Pinocchio nose?

You're telling me all these people are pirates? Yeah, yeah.

But is the guy with the lung disease? Is he a liar?

Yeah, he's a liar. The biggest liar.

Because a piece. Pinocchio, then.

Oh, I didn't notice that. Do you.

Know what Pinocchio.

Is? Yeah. What do you mean?

I never realized that the.

Guy with the long nose.

When he tells a lie, does a nose grow?

It doesn't grow but long.

Oh, lied so much. It's at its peak.

Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't realize.

What's the story of One Piece?

Can we guess?

Okay. Go.

So the guy with the nose. Right?

He's not the main character.

I understand, but he's on the poster. Okay? Okay, okay. All right. So he's like, you know, a series regular. He had to audition. Probably test. Right? He probably had a test.

I think they run a train on that girl on the left. And the guy with a nose used to be the king. But now this guy with his big dick finger is in the lead.

Dude, that's where I'm. Yeah, that's.

The head guy.

Well, she was she met the guy with the long nose first.

Yeah. Of course.

And she's like, oh, this is the guy.

I want to sit on your face.

Yeah. And he's got the. His nose is bigger than any dick I've ever had, it looks like. But then she runs into the ring. The finger, the monster finger monster. And now the guy in the long nose is like, look at the hand. He's like, what about my nose?

He's trying to make it look, it's big, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. No, but my fingers bigger and she look at her. How happy she.

Is. She's stoked. And the two guys in the back are just mafia bosses. What? They look like Mafia. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

The one with the green hair is so hot.

Zoomin. What do you mean when you say hot? What's hot about him? Yeah, that guy's hot. He barely has any facial features. That guy.

What a good picture.

He has no nose. No nose.

Okay, just do Zorro. One piece.

That's his name. Zorro.

Do you flick your being to this stuff? Why do you strum the guitar to this? You.

Okay, look, look. Oh.

That guy's hot.

Oh, my God.

I'm so confused.

It's. It's so stupid. You know why? Because he has two abs and only two abs. Look at that. He's got.

A two pi.

Scar.

A scar on his face.

Look at how big his mouth is.

Yeah.

Huge teeth.

But he uses three swords. I mean.

This is down, down Z, down.

Z oh. Oh, that's.

A that's the live action version.

Well, are they doing a live action?

Yeah.

Well, you don't like that you like the animation more than the real guy animation.

Well, is there.

Anything for me? Can I be the long nose?

Oh, you look up Nami.

This is why I went audition for Nami. Oh, that's the photo.

That's.

Yeah. Whoa! Oh, so that's why you like them, right? What is it? No. Is it not? Zorro?

Stop faking it! What is? I've never.

Seen that. Look at that.

Zoom in on the piano.

That's the piece in one piece.

Yeah. Oh, that's the piece. Oh, look at. Oh, so much.

Cream.

So much.

My stomach hurts right now just by looking at that.

So one piece is your. This is your. This is your everything.

My everything right now.

What is it about, though? Because I think we're probably wrong.

It's, you know, that guy with the big finger? Yeah. So he's the captain, and he wants to be the king of the pirates. And to be the king of the pirates is to be the strongest and to be the most powerful. And so they go on a lot of adventures together, and you just see so many like, characters and different powers because he ate a devil fruit and he's a rubber guy. And so he can like he can, he can be.

He ate devil fruit and now he's the rubber guy. Yeah.

I think I'm going to go home, honey. What are you talking about? Yeah. None of these people look like.

I'm the anime studio. You pitch me the show.

Okay, check this out. Well.

Hold on, tell me about the characters.

Okay, so the character you're going to love. Yeah, yeah. So? So the show is called One Piece.

One piece is what they look.

Who is this? Shut up. This is my assistant. Sorry. It's my driver. You are.

You have to fire her because she's sorry. Loudmouth. So it's called. Thanks for coming here. Thank you. It's called. Tell me about one called One Piece. What is your.

Ball? And there's five pirates. Six pirates?

Okay, I and six six Pirates.

506161. One of them is the leader and he's got a big.

Let me ask. He's got a big. I love the photo.

Thank you.

The little guy right there. What is that?

That's you sir.

It's a reindeer.

Oh. Got me. Yeah. We did. Thank you for colluding me.

Yeah, we incorporated you.

Thank you.

Time out. That's a reindeer.

And he also ate the devil fruit so he can go half. Who is this animal? Who?

This your.

Assistant? My driver?

Yeah. Tell. Shut up!

You can't.

Please shut up. But I know one piece.

You don't know the show.

Hold secret.

She's crazy. No.

She created.

She's crazy.

Oh she's crazy. Oh, I see anyway. Continue. And so?

So you see the woman on the right with a big tits.

Which one? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The orange, the redhead I got you.

I knew you'd get it. That's me. That's who I really want.

Yeah I see, and.

Two, two.

Can I ask this thing? Yeah. Just do the transition. Why create a show?

If we sell the show, I'm going to have the money to do it.

Oh, just like it was brought. That's right.

Yeah. And two people to the right is you, sir. And the yellow there, that is a depiction of you.

The little. I thought the little one was me.

Well, that's just for that's that's you in the game, but you in our brain is the guy on the far right. Oh.

Thank you. And then who is the gay guy in the Greek? Can we cut him out in the green in the grill I don't like at all.

That's Zozo or.

Zora.

Zozo.

That's Zozo.

I prefer Zozo.

It's Zozo.

Because Zorro is.

Hacky, right? Zorro is a guy that exists, right? Stealing? Yeah, yeah.

What about the woman that's looking like my mom?

She's an archeologist.

Yeah. Fucking right. Yeah. You really? You think that woman's digging up shit?

Yeah.

She wore a fucking big tinted top and a grass skirt to dig up the earth.

Yeah, yeah.

No tools.

Not. What did she.

She used a titty the fucking day.

But she has powers where she can create more limbs.

I'm so sick of this.

What the devil? This is.

Pissing me!

Explain me. Devil fruit.

It's. It's what all the Filipinos call their private parts.

Oh, yeah. Devil fruit. Yeah, I've eaten double fruit.

I know you have.

Tastes like balut. And then what is rubber man? What? Explain me, rubber man.

Oh, well, what is a rubber man?

Well, you said he ate the devil fruit and the rubber man.

The rubber man? Yeah, a rubber man. Do you have any friends that are into, like, glory holes?

Oh, I have a one friend in my company. We have a we have a janitor. Okay. Your name is Carlos. Oh, yeah. Years ago, he used to work for a better friend company. All right. Yeah, but then he said there were so many times he did. Yeah, yeah, and he did so many glory. Glory whore. Yeah.

I do, I know them, I've never seen one, but I. Yeah, but this guy.

This guy loves living there. So that.

Guy. What. That guy Carlos, he's a rubber man.

Oh.

Now it makes sense, right?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

What's a glory hole?

Oh, fun you ask? Well, we have something here.

Let's see it.

This is a true story that happened this week. A girl? Yeah, girl. In Amsterdam, a British girl was sucking a dick in a glory hole. And when she turned on some sort of light at this really fancy glory hole, it was revealed that it was her dad. And and we have a voice note from one of the friends.

I want to hear it.

Okay. Go ahead.

All right. It's pretty good.

To have a story because I'm literally telling everyone it's so horrific. So my friend Amelia, who as of yesterday, she's got a mate called Ellie who's in a house share in London and Ellie shares with, like, a bunch of girls. And one of the girls was telling her she's just been on a Hindu to Amsterdam, where the stag and the hen went at the same time. I think they were just like a mixed social group who kind of like, knew each other. But then the stag went one day in the hen one way and the hens went the other.

For people that don't know stag do and Hindu are bachelor and bachelorette party. That's what that means.

Do you got super drunk and went into one of these booths with like a glory hole? And so a guy on the other side stuck his dick through. So the girl was just drunk and started sucking him off. But it was one of these ones, apparently, where like if, like she pushes a button and the guy pushes the button on the other side, they can kind of see who's on the other side, like it makes it like transparent, like a window so they can see. And so being drunk, she thought it would be hilarious to push his button just to see who she been sucking off.

Uh huh.

And so she pushes the button and looks up and it's her dad on the other side.

I'll tell you how that makes. I'll tell you where it could have been worse.

Imagine if you went to a glory hole. Imagine a penis comes through, right? It's your dad. Dad?

It's my dad. Dad! He's dead. He's dead. So before it was cold. Then you know, your tongue gets stuck to it like.

It's a pole.

Yeah. Do you really.

Think this happened?

I don't know this girl. But if I was the.

Do I know this girl? No, a glory hole is just a place where adults go and they put their genitals through a little hole in the wall, and they don't know who's on the other side, and they get pleasure. What?

Somebody else sucks it from the other side. Yeah. In this scenario, there was a door like a window thing. Yeah. And then they got to see each other.

That's just scary.

Carlos does it all the time.

All the time.

She found the hole at a place called Cuckold Place. Com I guess that's like the name of a.

Oh, Carlos. Play dumb. I guess that's a website that you've literally been to. One. Yeah.

How did you get the story, fuckface? Yeah.

That's the story. What would you.

Do?

I mean, it was your daughter, okay, I miss you. Would I kill myself on the site or.

You make a deal?

Yeah. I mean, to deal with the devil. Just that moment when I put my dad.

No, no, no, no, you make a deal with your dad.

Don't ever tell anybody. No.

Let's just. Dad. Very good, by the way. Nice penis. But don't tell mom. Let's. Not even. This never happened, okay? And then at the. You know, Christmas is weird.

He's going to be drunk at a party, and you're going to fucking beat him in a game of Scrabble. And you remember that time you suck my dick?

Oh, yeah.

He's going to do that every time. Yes, that's what dads do.

That's true.

They hold that stuff. That was what they do. Yeah.

Like what would happen I.

I bleach my tongue and then kill myself.

Yeah. You want to get it off the tongue first. Oh you got to get the.

Yeah yeah yeah.

Gargle it.

What does it say on your shirt. Property. Property of.

It's another anime.

Show.

Hey, so are you, aren't you? Are you going to outgrow anime at some point?

I don't think so.

No. You'll do it forever. Forever.

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I've been taking a birth control and I've been going crazy.

What the.

What is going on? You've been taking a birth control.

Yeah, and I'm, like, going crazy. I'm like mad. I want to kill someone.

Why did you start taking birth control at 22?

Because my acne. I don't even care about sex. It's just my acne that Tito Bobby bullies me every time. You don't.

Have acne. He's the one with the pimple patch on right now.

Because I've been taking the first.

She doesn't have acne. Don't bully.

You.

You bully me every time you see me.

I go Rocky Mountain High. When I look at your face, I know that I do that, but this is a toe. It's a.

Joke. Wait a minute. You mean so you're 22 years old now, right? You want. Okay, 21 when you turn 22 next month. Yeah. You're 22. Shut up.

You're 22. I can't believe it. I remember you were in high school. I know it was insane.

Started the show when she was in high.

It's incredible.

So you're 22 and you just started taking birth control. Who told you to do this? Your doctor? Yeah. Why?

Because of my acne. And then she said, oh, just take the nuvaring. It's like a small.

They're always just shoving medications. Isn't that funny how quick they are to just prescribe stuff? Why would you take it? Don't take it.

Wait. It's this big. What are you talking about?

The circle. And you just put.

It put in your butthole.

Widen the butthole.

That's where I put mine. Oh, I.

Put mine there.

Yeah, you put my nuvaring up my butthole.

Yeah.

So you put it in there. Yeah.

And it just stays there for three weeks, and then I'm just.

And you're. Are you? I don't want to. Are you still seeing that guy?

Yeah.

How's that going? How's that.

Going? Fine. We haven't. We haven't done it, but in like four months, so it's fine.

Why?

Cause I don't know. I'm just not.

For months. That is at Twitter. At 21 years old, I was spewing with semen. Yeah, I was dripping out of my eyeballs. I was.

Look at what.

Your guy.

She is waiting for. Sorrow. Sorrow?

Well, if he died, his hair green, would it be?

Yeah. Tell your guy to dye his head.

No, I need the real sorrow. No.

But why? For really four months?

Yeah. I just don't like sex right now.

Yeah. That's okay. I'm actually better off with that side. No, I like this.

Yeah.

I mean, I like it. I like that you're not. But it's like.

Save yourself for marriage. Marriage? Whatever. No. Okay.

I just right now. I'm not. No. I mean.

Save the save it for someone that you want to. Obviously, it sounds like you're going to break up. Really? Yeah. What 21 year old is.

It's over.

How are you hooking up with someone once every four months that you're dating? It's over. It doesn't make sense.

You know it's over, right? Yeah.

I still like him. I like it like. Yeah.

You like hanging out with him as a friend?

No, not a friend.

You're not a friend.

Do you guys kiss?

Still peck.

Oh, but no tongue.

No, I don't like it.

This guy goes home and cries at night. Is that a generational thing? No. Some people don't want tongues in their mouth.

Do you like tongue?

Your tongue?

No. You've tongued my tongue. Yeah I have, yeah, I kind of like it. Yeah. So my point. My point is you do do. And your wife still tongue when.

You get married. Yeah. There is moments for tongue kissing, but during the course of the day.

Oh you know. No, not during the day. No.

But there's moments when tongue kissing is. Yeah, but it's it's not as frequent as it was when you're young and but you.

Still you're still not opposed to it.

No, I like it, but exactly. But it's situation dependent. She doesn't.

Like it.

Okay. But it's the same thing as I don't like, you know, touching and like.

Oh, intimacy.

Like the key ingredients to having a relationship.

Yeah. You're like, you don't like physical affirmation.

No.

You don't want him to touch you even, like, hug. You don't like. No.

Even when he does that, I'm.

Yeah. That's not good. It's dead. It's a dead thing. That's. What are you doing this with your eyes? I got.

I'm sweaty.

I'm. I'm being honest. Yeah? Yeah.

Do you think I'm not making a joke? Do you think maybe you don't like boys?

I'm lesbian.

I didn't say it.

It's okay if you were.

But do you think maybe you don't like boys?

I don't know either. Thinks I'm a lesbian.

That's because she's a lesbian.

Like she keeps I.

Really she is.

She dated you for the longest time.

Well, Sarah, when I dated as soon as I.

You flipped so many women. Yes.

Sarah Hyland, I was dating for years. And then when we broke up, she went with. And she never won. Back to men. Am I the fucking last?

What was that movie where.

Nobody can compare? What was the movie.

Where every woman slept with a guy so they could get married? Finally. What was that called? Dane Cook movie. Yeah. What was that called? Good luck. Chuck. Yeah, you're you're Dane Cook. You're good. You're good luck, Chuck. But for women. Wow. You made two girls go to the other team.

I know.

Maybe, honestly, maybe you don't like boys. Or maybe you don't like this boy. But maybe you don't like boys.

Maybe.

Maybe you don't like anybody. You could be what is asexual, right? Or no. Is that right? Yeah.

Yeah, maybe, I don't know.

Yeah. Maybe people don't interest you sexually and you're just want to.

I just like being, like, in their company, but not, like, touching or, like, physical.

You sound like you don't cuddle.

Ever. Like we're watching a movie. You don't go like.

I'm just like that. And then he's there. And then when he tries, I'm just like, no.

Okay, wow.

That must be heartbreaking.

It's so hard. Yeah. He's got to leave you.

How old is he?

Oh, God.

Yeah, he's got to get off this idiot. What an idiot.

He's got to be heartbroken.

But I'm nice.

It's just. Yeah. We know. Hey, guy. You know who I'm talking to? Break it up. Break. It's not. It's not.

Working. It's not working.

Yeah. Find somebody else. So you.

Think I.

Why don't you just be single? Why are you in a relationship if you don't really like this guy so much?

It's your family, dude. My family? Yeah, it's in the blood, dude, I've dated your family.

Staying with someone for too long.

No, they're just like. Yeah. No. Yeah, I get it. Get out.

Get out.

Yeah, it's it's weird, man.

I'll think about.

It. Talk, talk. You got to get out.

Talk, dog.

Let me tell you how much I love Filipinos. My physical therapist is Filipino. Love this guy. Love. He uses all those Filipino tricks of the trade that you guys have back there.

Like what?

He hits me in the back with the little tiny, like, little sticks with bugs all over them, he says. That's from the home country. That's what he says. And it's getting all the impurities out of my back. He likes my feet, which I think he said is a thing that they do in the Philippines. You lick feet.

Well, I had a cousin that he he they said that he had she had like healing saliva. She would just like everyone and it would kill everything.

So I did make my part up. But it.

Is so.

Beautiful that yours was real. You had someone who? She. She's like the Filipino Theo Von.

I know, yeah, like.

My someone in my village. I would lick the sickness right out of you.

It's insane. That's. I've never heard anything like that.

That's crazy. You're saying the saliva was had magical powers?

Everyone thought that she had magical powers. Because every time she would like something, would, like.

Heal, right?

Yeah, it would heal.

Wow. It was like their Wolverine. Just close. Right up. Yeah. That's insane.

So get it? Everyone was like a broken arm. Yeah. Come over here like broke.

Yeah. Whoa.

That's what she did.

And you saw it first.

Yeah. Have you been healed by her? Um.

No.

No, no.

We got to see this.

Later. My sister was, like, had a fever, and she licked her forehead.

There's no way.

Yeah, no, there's a way. She did that.

She did it.

And the girl got healed from embarrassment. She was like, I'm okay now.

Yeah.

She could have died that night. She wouldn't have told anybody. She was so embarrassed.

Yeah, maybe it's psychological.

Well, everyone thought so I believed it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. My grandmother.

Yeah. How many people in your village had magical powers?

My Lola, my grandma. Like you said, with your physical therapist, he would hit me.

With bug sticks.

Not he. She didn't use.

And I made that up, but.

She used, like, leaves and stuff, and she would, like, put it on, like the moon.

Yeah. Palm front, like palm fronds. Yeah. That's. That's not magical. That's not magical. That's ancient Chinese tech. Yeah.

There was this old lady who we thought was like a uncle. Oh.

Well, we've had three of those that growing up. Yeah, it's like I had three modern gals growing up.

I used to have a man and a girl underneath my balls. Like a year and a half. Yeah, I had to.

Get it removed. It's so expensive, though. They're like $3,000 a month. Yeah, to rent one. It's a.

Mythical creature.

Exactly. And they're hard to find.

Yeah, they really are.

Yeah, yeah.

So you thought you were someone in your village? Was a man an angle?

Yeah. And then you.

You know where you can find a on an angle in the taint of a Bigfoot? That's right, that's right. Yeah, yeah. They cling on. Right. You know how, like, sometimes sharks, they have other fishes that that clean their skin. That's what I'm long gone. Does it to a Bigfoot. So that's how I got mine. And the Loch Ness monster, if you can find one.

Okay, I have another one.

Yeah, I have another one.

So they said that. Okay, so there was like, a bunch of, like, pregnant women in my village. Yeah. And then they said that there was this lady, an old lady that would come at night, and then she had, like, a really long tongue, and then she would go to their room and would lick the baby.

Baby would die. What? What?

Wait a.

Minute. Wait.

So were these women getting an abortion? And they blamed it on a long tongued woman?

Yeah, yeah.

They were just shoving hangers up there, and we're just.

Like, there's, like a Planned Parenthood fucking walk.

That's what my grandma told me.

So that's what your grandma said.

She would go down on women.

Maybe she was related to the other lady with the tongue.

Yeah, the lick lady.

The lick they lick family. The lick.

Family? Yeah, yeah.

One kills, one heals.

I'm bing bang lick lick. Yeah.

That's insane. Yeah.

So she the the myth that I really. This is why I love the Philippines. They have they believe. They all believe that perhaps this woman tongue could go inside of another woman and kill the baby. Yeah, and they believe that? Yeah. Everybody believes that. Yeah.

We were scared.

Yeah, I was scared. I'm scared now I'm scared. Scared now. You know?

That's insane. Yeah.

And my mom was pregnant. And that I kept, like I was so scared for her.

You're thinking that the long tongue was going to come? Yeah. Yeah. Was now was the woman's name long tongue? Is that a Filipino name? Long tongue?

No, I don't know. I forgot her name. Something stick out your tongue.

Is your tongue long? Whoa! That is a long time.

That's a long tongue, dude.

You could be it. You could have the thing.

I'd do that.

You'd kill babies with your tongue.

So lunatic. Yeah.

Like a baby. You lunatic.

She blows a gun. He's like.

Hey!

You're killing it. Yeah, but I think what.

We're learning is that Rudy needs to go through a serious, unfortunate breakup, and we can be there for you. But I do think you need to get. You need to break up.

How are you going to do it?

No, I can't do it. All right.

Yeah, yeah. Bobby is the kid. Whatever his name is. Bobby. Sam, break up with him now.

Hey, Joe. How are you going doing?

Don't do the.

Accent. That's what it sounds like.

You want it to be real or not.

Yo, ju, what are you doing?

Uh.

Did he call her Ju?

I don't know, okay.

Hey, Joey.

Yeah, yeah. What's up? It's me. You want to go watch a movie?

No. Let's talk.

Oh, shit. What do you want to talk about? Okay, well, first of all, can I say something to you? Okay. The first time I ever saw you, it was like I seeing myself and being shipped off to LA.

Me first. Me first. Me first. Look, can.

I say something first, though? No no no no, me first. I'm going to tell you just something. I never felt love. No, no, no, I never I never thought love in my life. I didn't even know what love was until I met you. And then once I met you, I felt like I was at home.

Okay, done. Okay.

Done. Hold on. Let me finish. Let me finish, because I have. I wrote this down and I want to get this off my chest.

Why are you seeing it now?

Because. Because I don't know just. What a beautiful day. What a beautiful day. And today I have the courage to do it. All right, so I also want to say. Can I tell you something? It's like, um, I would do anything for you. I would lay my life down for you and it's so weird because we're not family or nothing like that. You know, I wouldn't even do that with my own dad. But with you, I would die for you. Do you know why I love you? Your soul.

Hey, guys. I made you a pizza, rose.

Oh, thank you so much. We love it. You love the rose. What?

What do you guys talk about?

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, tell me what you were going to say to me.

I'm your mom.

I don't know, mom. You love. You make the best pizza. Pizza? Pizza in the world. What did you want to say.

To my son?

Oh, see, this is private. You can go.

Okay, I can stay. Because remember I told you last night? Yeah. About how her. Yeah.

You don't. She doesn't give you a head.

I know, aside from that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah okay. I said yeah, I know tongue work. No tongue. I was okay anyway. Is it. Yeah. What is it?

You want to watch a movie?

No, no.

I'm okay here.

Yeah. Mom. Stay here I will. Yeah, tell me what you are about to say to me.

Okay. Joey?

Yes? Love of my life supreme. He really does love you, I love you. Whoa! So rude. That's my mom. Don't know. Yeah, just my mom.

Oh. I'm sorry. Sorry. Oh it's okay. Joey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen.

I'm listening. Love.

Okay.

Sweet love call. 0000. So sexy. Don't say that to my son.

He will come when you tell him to shut up.

Okay? Joey. Joey.

Joey, I'm about.

To come right now.

Joey, let's be serious, I don't. I don't like you anymore. I think. Mom.

Mom, mom.

Do you have a mirror? Do you have a mirror at home? Have you seen what your face look like?

No.

Out of my house.

Mom, go get the shotgun. Mom! He's gonna kill you! No, no no no! Mom! I thought I.

Was the love of your life.

No. You are. Give me the gun, mom. You got it. Thank you.

Oh, yeah. A confetti. You broke up with him? Yeah, and that's what's going to happen.

You want to do it, though, I can tell. Yeah.

No, I don't want. I feel like I just want my own space right now.

You guys don't live together. How many times a week do you see him?

No, because we're classmates. So I see him every day at school.

Every day I.

See. Yeah, that's what fucks it up.

What class?

Biology and chemistry.

And you're not excited to see him?

No, because I just hate school. And so I hate him because I hate school. So. Yeah.

How much?

When you drive, you have one year left.

Yeah.

One year, one lit year left. One. Oh, wow.

When you drive, then you park. Is it, is it? Are you depressed?

Not excited about everything. Anything.

Nothing is making you happy right now.

Except one piece.

Oh my God.

Zorro.

Zorro is the only thing that makes you happy.

Yeah, I've been binging it, and I watch it, like, until 4 a.m..

Oh, my God.

That's all I like. Enjoy right now.

She needs medicine.

I have a question. Do you guys have road rage?

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Friends I shot and killed a guy on the PCH. Yeah, I remember that was hard.

That was hard. How hard?

Hot hard. And I and I got acquitted because it was self defense.

Self defense or not.

He tried to hit my car and I.

They pulled over pull over. They got on the one on one.

Yeah. Yeah.

And then um.

It was tragic. But it wasn't.

Even. You didn't even kill him though. You hit him over the pipe.

Two any three times. Something like that. Yeah. 23, 24 times. But I got to quit it. Yeah. So no, not really. I don't think I have it anymore.

Because you know why? Because it was his pipe. The other guy's pipe.

That says he was out.

He he got it out of his hand. And I self defense. He was swinging like this.

What pipe. What's pipe?

A metal pipe.

Where did you get the pipe?

It's on the side of the road. How did they get the pipe? Really? No, honestly, how did they pipe?

My friend, my super good friend, Mario. My super friend Mario always has pipes on him.

Okay. And then you hit it 22 times. 2323.

The sound of a pipe on someone's head is skull. Skull? I'd say.

Skull. Ping. Yeah, yeah.

Ping ping ping.

Ping crack crack. Yeah, it's okay, dude, but you know what was crazy? What? What you were wearing in trial?

That skirt.

Yeah. The skirt. It was crazy that you would wear.

To show my.

Legs. Well, I think you were trying to. You're trying to do the trans empathy thing.

Well, there was a jury filled with Lgbtq+ people, so I figured I wanted so smart. Yeah. You got to play to your crowd.

Yeah. You dyed your hair purple, right? It was incredible.

We should dye my hair at least once. Yeah.

Do I have road rage? You know, what I do is I used to scream, right? But then I realized there's nothing I can do if we pull over. So what I do is I'll put my head down and I'll look at my jeans or my pants and I'll. So they can't see my face. You motherfucker!

You scream down. Yeah. Yeah, that's I mean, that's at least better than doing something. Yeah.

I don't do anything. I just scream downward so they don't see me. Do you.

Have road rage.

I developed one.

Why?

Why? Because I've been driving a lot. So I've been screaming. And like whenever something happens, I just. I just do that?

What? Where are you driving to? School.

School? Work. And I'm just like, fuck you.

Do you never get recognized? No. From friends at.

School. Sometimes. Like. Like when I walk after work, sometimes there's, like, film students who say, oh, are you Rudy?

Yeah.

What do you.

Say? It's like.

Oh, yeah.

And then.

What? They say and they say.

Oh, can I take a picture? I said, yeah, sure.

And then I just run.

You run away, you take.

Photos with.

Them. Yeah. Because they ask.

Wow, are there any hot guys that do it?

No, no.

If you are fans, I know our fans. No, they're great people.

Students, he said. She said film students, they're serious.

But she said, hot guy. There's only like, what? Hot, hot people don't like regular people like our show.

Yeah, but they're all beautiful.

No, they're beautiful in their own way. Yeah, yeah, but they're not supermodels. We don't get supermodels.

That's true. But you have anyone that's that you are attracted to that doesn't. Know any girls that probably know girls?

No.

No girls. It's all boys that recognize me.

Yeah, yeah. It's always boys, toys.

Boys.

Yeah, it's always boys.

And does it. How does it feel, though when I happen? Be real I.

Always get shy. And I always look so ugly at school. Yeah, they asked for a picture and I'm just like.

Oh, but do you feel popular though, or. No.

No.

Do you ever dress up or is this kind of always it.

This is it.

Yeah, I dig it. You're allowed to do whatever you want. Yeah, yeah. Feel free. The next generation. I don't think people I don't think like. Do you think people will wear suits in like, 20 years? Do you think suits will still be a thing?

Well, suits was a thing. For hundreds of years.

Not hundreds.

Oh, yeah, in the early 1800s. That suits their own versions of it.

Yeah. Different styles. Right. There's been different styles of stuff. Yeah.

I mean.

But I don't think suits will keep going. I think we're at the end of the suit.

You think so? I think.

So. I mean.

Are we in the age of the sweats? Look, we're in the age of the sweat, the age.

Of sweats, the end of suit. Finish off menswear.

That's an American thing, though.

What do you mean?

That's where people dress the worst. What?

Have you seen European jeans with all the little sparkles and little fucking. It's fucking stupid. Classy. The fuck are you talking about?

We dress the worst. We're the epicenter of fashion. The fuck are you talking about? Yeah, but, yeah, everything that. Everything that the world likes. We did.

Yeah, but you don't wear it.

Yeah. We make it for you losers to buy. Well, you know, we tell our Chinese friends to make it for all you idiots to buy, right?

Could. Could I say that America has the best restaurants? No. I could say that France probably has the best in terms of the best restaurants in the world. I don't know, I'd.

Say we probably have the.

Same boat, but we still we could. We can compete. But with fashion, we beat everyone. We do all the shit. Because we're multicultural, so we have different kinds of fashion.

Yeah. But here, for example, kids dress so bad at school, you know, like that's the stylist. What do you make kids wearing?

Spain. Yeah, I don't know.

People just dress up a little more here like they were there because.

Because going to school is a big deal for you. Yeah.

It's like the crocs and the pajama. Yeah, but it's not.

A big deal for us, right?

No.

Also, they can't afford to dress up. She just spent 100 grand on school. I think he has a skewed idea.

Can I ask you about. I was at therapy yesterday. Yeah, and we were talking about high school, and I asked her, I go like, how do you feel about peer counselor, not peer closet career counseling. So when I was a freshman. And so every year actually I would go in and every year we would have to see this career counselor. And every year they would go, yeah, just take woodshop.

Oh, that's a good to.

Me, right?

It's actually good because.

My grades were terrible. I have no skill set. Right.

That's not true.

No. At the time. Right. I knew that I had these, you know, powers, you know, not the licking powers to heal the sick, but, like, you know, real human powers. Right? And so all through high school, I thought, oh, I'm a loser. I have no other options because all these other kids are like, oh, yeah, my career counselor said I should be an attorney or an engineer or whatever, right. And I got woodshop and steel shop every fucking.

Did you ever take wood?

No, I refuse to, but I also my parents were like, no, no wood, you can't do that. Koreans are.

Scared of.

Scared of wood. Right? Driftwood. Are you crazy? We have fucking PTSD from nightmares about driftwood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway.

Following a tree that just.

Oh, my God, I can't sleep now for a week. My point is, for a tree, if a tree falls in.

My dreams will kill my whole family. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Can you make anything by hand? Did you learn to make anything by hand? Can you.

So I would make. I mean, how can you.

So I can.

Make, like, little sculptures with scabs.

Ooh.

I used to get these meth scabs when I used in math. Do you know.

Do you know how to sew? No. I feel like that's in your blood a little bit. Yeah, if.

I'm sure I could fuck it up. Right.

I put you out in front of a singer sewing machine. I bet you can. Fuck it. Yeah.

You want some Nike, dude?

Okay, I got it.

But. But you know what sucks is they don't they don't give you the other options in high school in America, right? They don't go. Okay, so you're funny. Like, if they said, you know, I heard you're funny, what.

Direction would would they point you.

In? And they're like, what about improv or comedy? But that's not even a it's not an option, right? When anything artistic is an option in American schools. Yeah. They don't go like, well, they just say.

Wait till you're done. You'll you'll be better off.

But they never even said that. They're like woodshop. What does woodshop mean.

Making stuff out of wood.

I know, but it's like, that's my only future. There's a billion other things you can do, but they don't fucking Bobby.

Lee, the carpenter. How fucking. Oh, I would.

Make the fucking furniture better than Jesus.

He actually wasn't good at all. Some of his pieces are really bad.

Oh, yeah, they're like Ikea. Ikea from back then.

They're always missing one knob. Yeah, like, where's the Corgan screws here. Why is that gone? Yes. Um, no, I get that I high school's tough because it's it's placing you in a very broad box of shit when you're like, I don't like any of that stuff.

Yeah, I like if Asakura Akira, they said, oh, you like to fuck, huh? You should be a porn star. Yeah.

Yeah, but now they might do that in schools. They might be like, look, OnlyFans is right for you.

Dude, that be. But that's the thing. But I probably don't do it. Well, we should just like in my high school Poway High. They don't view my fucking oh they don't view what I do as a talent. That's why I'm not in the Hall of Fame. Right.

And I agree with them.

In what way? Because are you in the Hall of Fame in your school?

No. Why would I be? I'm a fucking dick. Okay.

What's your school?

I'm not in the Hall of Fame now.

What's your school? What's the school? What's your school? What high school?

Bartholomew.

Boys, are you being real?

Bartholomew boys?

If you're not, I sort of got Bartholomew. Barthel. Bartholomew. Bartholomew.

Bartholomew boys school boys.

You went to an all boys school?

Yes.

In what? Chicago. Chicago. Saint Bartholomew school. That's where you want. While you're not lying. Okay. And then Andrew Santino. What high school did Anderson Santino go to? He went to Naperville North high school.

That's right.

You fucking lying piece of shit, dude. Hall of fame. I can't wait.

Yeah, there's no Hall of Fame. Yes, you.

Do. Right here. Uh, okay. North Athletics with the fuck?

See athletes. It's all athletes.

It's all athletics.

Yeah. Yeah. Again, what we do is in special.

Okay? No. If you go to North Naperville, North High School, is that what it is? And you go to, um, it'll have it. Athletics. Notable alumni. Yeah.

You're a notable. And I'm like, there we go. So are you. You're a notable alumni. You're not.

Let me ask you if you know any of these guys. Adrian Holovaty.

Oh, God, I love Holovaty. What do you do? He's a rocket scientist. No.

James Holzhauer, James.

Towers was the jeopardy champion.

Fuck yeah.

Dude. Well, everybody knows that. He was fucking, like, one of the best champions of all time. Yeah.

Let's go to S. There we go. You're in it. Well, yeah, it just says stand up comedian.

Yeah, but that's it. I'm in like a Hall of Fame. I'm just a guy that went to school there.

How does that feel? To be honest, Bob Odenkirk, what's your school?

Yeah. The odenkirk's. Yeah.

Whoa, dude. That's cool. Yeah.

Pretty rad. Yeah.

His is long comedian, actor, writer, director and producer. A lot of a lot of stuff. He deserves.

It. Yeah, he's very talented.

Okay, let me ask you who this is. Um. Lavelle Brown.

Played football.

Whoa, dude, that's fucking good.

No, this is not that hard.

Did you know?

No, I mean no, no, no.

Can we go more? Try Paul Britton.

He was on SNL. Yeah. Can I ask you why this? Did you put on a pimple patch? On the pimple? On your chin?

So what happened this last night? I put a pimple patch on, and then when I was driving here, it looks worse. I know when I was driving here.

Just leave it as a pimple.

When I was driving here.

Yeah.

I took off the patch and it looks.

More noticeable because of the stop.

Stop.

Sweater is yellow. Your skin is yellow. Let me finish. The pimple is yellow and red. It's me and you on your face, I know.

Let me just.

Finish. Yeah.

So I was driving here. Had the pimple patch from last night.

Well, you left it on. You can't. You're not supposed to leave it on for a whole day, but I did. Good. You slept in it? Yeah.

And I looked in the in the rear. The rear view window.

Mirror mirror, mirror. Imagine if it was a window.

Yeah.

Right. And I saw a white head.

Me just poking up. Yeah.

So I fucking peeled it. Yeah, I popped it and it was oozing blood. So I took the fucking patch and I put it back on.

No, idiot. That's you. You're supposed to do it when it's dry and not bleed.

Yeah. And it. Damn it. Did it do the damn effect that I thought I was going to do? Let me see.

I mean, it just looks it looks like a flooded pimple patch, like it's a full diaper on your chin.

Why do you still have pimples? Bobby, you're 52.

And you know what, dude? That kind of taught me you're going to get a lot of shit sprayed on the toilets this week.

Yeah, well, you want sprays? Hold on. Stop.

Oh, it looks hilarious. Now. Now it's leaking.

How much money? Stop! Can I put this on?

You know.

Please, can I put this on? You know, ten grand.

Oh, stop. Stop. I'll have.

Pimples. What? Stop it, stop it!

Just put it on your face. Yeah. What?

No, no. Lick it. All right, eat it.

No.

What if I ate this?

Well, it's your shit that's not going to. That's not going to bother anybody. Can I tell you these pants? What? These pants are fucking fun. Your pants. Go up to the front there. Show off your pants. Empty your pockets. Empty your pockets first. Look at these slacks. These are sexy. They're so tight. Let me see. Go forward a little bit so I can see more. We. You spin around for the camera. Just since you are a little sex machine. Are these. These are soccer pants, aren't they?

Not. Okay, I got them. We're on the road one day, but I like them. I want to wear them tomorrow to go to Denver.

I really like them. I like when you were tight stuff. It turns me on. I had a panic attack in line the other day. Like a full on panic attack. What happened? I was going to order a salad, and I. And I was on the phone with the wife, and she didn't know what she wanted. But it was already my turn. And I was doing a build your own salad. And I was freaking out because she would change the order as I'm ordering it. And the guy's like, no, no.

Chickpeas, everyone. Huh? Where were you? Everyone. No no no no no.

Everyone. I walked in there once, I walked out.

Oh, hang out there all day long.

I know you do. So people that don't know Erewhon is like an overtly pretentious, overpriced market.

I bought that $50 water.

Oh, you got that one.

I still get it. Now I get this little bottle like this, $50 water.

Why? What is in it? I want to try water.

Oxygen.

Tap water.

Oh, it's oxygenated water.

So good.

No, it's tap water. It's like it's not tap water.

No.

It's real.

I drink it and my, my, I get fizzy.

I'd let me see. What is Erewhon? $50 water.

Don't make fun of me. I'm just saying.

I know I'm gonna. That's insane. It's 50 American dollars.

Exactly the same as the woman who licks babies.

And she probably started that company.

That's not that. Not Mountain Valley. No, I love it's $26. Zoom in. I'll tell you what the brand is.

Oh, that's $40.

That's that bottle. The first bottle. Yeah. That's it.

Offeror.

Yeah, $30.

A $30 bottle of just a regular bottle of water. Yeah. What is it?

It's oxygenated water. It's from the heavens.

But it's Warby. You have a filtered.

Shut the fuck up with the film. Shut the fuck up with the filter. Every time you fucking shut the fuck up with the filter.

All right, wait. Go up, go up. This says nano pure. Go up. This says Nano pure. It's not a pure hyper oxygenated and restructured.

Do they restructure the water for your mouth? I can feel it in my body. It's like it's going down different channel.

What's H2O? What is H2O? Oxygen, hydrogen and water.

An aqua. Aqua dude.

Okay. What could be re-engineered? Infused with an unmatched level of bioavailable dissolved oxygen 40 plus pre pre.

Humans get re-engineered.

Now what.

Yeti do I want to be a woman now.

Trans people who trans.

Yeah that's it's trans water.

It's soaking it now do you can soak in it and drink it. Do you drink it after you soak in it. They have a wellness spa.

Dude, you need that.

I need that so bad.

Yeah. Get a quote.

I didn't mean $30,000. Probably for that little.

All right.

Whoa, a pool.

Oh my God. Oh, for your pool.

Organically fresh sanitizer. All right. Totally saltwater.

All right. Can I say something? Can I say something? Okay. Why did we why did we get a for our water?

To be.

No, no, but we had guests on. We had. Are you garbage on.

Oh, and you got them to water.

No no, no.

And we go. We want you to see there's a difference between the two waters. And we did a taste test.

And did they?

We all said a for as number one. There's something about it. When you drink it I'm your mouth goes ah it's it's a Christmas.

A breath of relief. Yeah.

It's the best water. Dude.

I don't believe that water can be that much better.

Look at the Mexicans, the Mexicans, Mexicans.

Well, if they like that.

Mexicans make it.

Just like everything else. It turns out the Mexicans are making it. You like good sushi? It's not made. It's great water. It's Mexicans. Yeah, yeah. You like good water? It's Mexican. Will you.

Try it, though.

By the way, will you try it? It's Mexicans.

I love Mexicans.

No, I know they make everything. Will you try.

It?

No, I'm not buying it.

I'm going to buy you.

I don't want $30 water.

This good reviews?

Yeah. Give me the.

Oh there's good.

Let me read.

Carlos.

Oh, let me read Ashley. White and white people know their shit. Do not trust white people. Love water, dude, do they.

Not I don't. Do we trust white people?

No.

In terms of water. Yes.

No.

Yeah. So here this is. What do you.

Mean white people?

White forest. Simply the best water I've ever tasted. I am healing arts practitioner. The consumption of clean, pure, structured water is one of the most critical components of health.

What is structured water?

If you haven't tasted it, you don't even know. But when you drink it, you go, oh my God, that's structured.

I would recommend it all day long.

I drink so much that it's like drinking dirt water now.

This she goes. I drink so much that 10 pounds melted away. But but this is not. This is generated. It's not just.

Fake. That's real people. Yeah.

They she lost 10 pounds.

What's her name. What's her name. What's her name. What's her name?

Deb. No one's been named Deb. In 100 fucking years, every Deb is dead.

Give me more reviews. Only two. Yeah.

Six total reviews of this bullshit go down to the bottom. This is the biggest crock of shit on earth. Go down to the way. Bottom. Yeah. Right there. Yeah.

Dr. Jeff, let me zoom in. I'm going to say what he says, and I'm going to say virtual flora.

My family's been drinking oxygenated water for the past year. My nine year olds hardly ever get sick.

Now, this is cockamamie bullshit. It's so crazy. This guy is trying to pitch you that your water fucking makes you not get crazy.

You say that because I go.

Suck on a doorknob. I had.

Covid.

Like the licking lady is the same thing.

Lady, you guys are so stupid. You know what I hate about you guys right now? Doing what?

What do you not.

Like about.

Us? I'll tell you what you don't like. When Coke one came out. Coke one when they did Coke.

Coke zero. No.

Original Coke. Oh, yeah. No coke. What was it? What was it called when they reinvented coke? New coke, new Coke.

That's not. There was no new Coke. Yeah.

Yeah.

What? In the 80s?

In the 80s.

You weren't even alive.

You fucking 80s. They got rid of old coke and they go, I'm new. It was just. And then people went, we don't like it, but a lot of people didn't try it. Did you know that? A lot of people didn't try it.

We bottled a big pan of shit. We bottled human poop, and a lot of people didn't like it, but they didn't try it.

What I'm saying you're.

A great boy. Is you.

Try it.

You're such a marketing major, dude.

I'm the best you are.

I'll try it.

I'm telling you that water. I'm going to give everyone a bottle of fucking $30 water, please.

You buy it.

I'll buy it. Bring it in here and then put it in your fridge. Let it chill. And in the morning, wake up, take a shot of it. And then you see.

I'll tell you what I like. I like crystal clear Pepsi. When it came out, what was that? And no one liked it. No one liked it. And it got pulled off the shelves. And you know why? Nobody liked it, right?

They didn't try it. And I hate crystal clear Pepsi. And you never had it.

Look it, look at it. It was clear. It was literally clear. Pepsi. You can still buy it on the internet today. It was so good. I don't know why I liked it so much. So here's the deal for next week.

We'll go back to the story. What you're in. You're in line with the the salad.

Oh yeah. And I couldn't get it right. And they kept dumping out the ingredients. I kept going back and forth. And I had such a, I had such a moment of fear that I.

Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend. Perfect. Oh, nomination. Yeah, I.

Literally did say amalgamation it. Is it.

Yeah.

That's what you got. The woods wood shop.

Yeah. That's why you couldn't do wood shop. And because Bobby gave all he can in that one. Let me tell you something. We're giving you guys a higher discount.

Woo! Woo! Who?