Hey, Bad Friends. We got new merch. Okay, guys, check out these beanie. These beanie is high quality.

Very high quality.

Yeah, I love them. I love the way they turned out, too. You're not cool if you don't have one.

You're not cool if you don't have one. We're back to the old school, our OG faces on here. It says Bad Friends on the back. Turn around and show them what it looks like on the back. The shirts are so high quality. These are so comfortable. Look at that, dude. The OG is back. Go to badfriendsmerch. Com. Badfriendsmerch. Com. You two are bad friends. Who are these.

Two, idiots?

A white dude and an.

Asian dude. You two are disgusting.

A you two are something. We're bad friends. First of all, I have to say some great things have happened in the last week. Wow. And what I want to say is what's happened? Congress is back in session. They've been in session. What? It's great when they are. Never left. It's great when they are because I want them to keep going.

Why are you.

Doing political? No, I'm just telling you the good things are happening this last week.

What's good about that? Who cares?

I couldn't think of something good, so.

I just said that. The lizard people were back? Yeah. The Lizard people are back licking each other in the room. The strike is over. What strike? Weren't we in one? The actor's strike? Yeah. It's over? It's over, man. I've been out there every day. I know.

You're by yourself. I should have said something. I drove by you the other day. You're by yourself.

I've been.

Sitting out there. At Paramount. It's so sad.

What is your sign say?

What? I mooned like four executives today. What does my sign say? Bring back two and a half men.

It also says, Red Lives Matter. I don't know what that means.

I said, Red Life Matter.

Oh, Red.

Life Matters. I was attacked by a security guard outside of Warner Brothers. Anyway. It was racially charged. There's no doubt in my mind.

What else is going on? This last week.

What- This week was huge. I just got back from Vegas.

Yeah, you did, right?

Vegas.

Was insane. Dude, can I just say this? That video you had with Bert and at that party?

Sucking on his titties? Was it the.

Best party? Sucking on your titties like you wanted me, calling me.

Yeah, Peaches, dude, I love her. Also, that party I'll never be invited to.

This is my favorite. What are you talking about? I love it.

This is my favorite. I'm going to be a part of the party. I'm going to Tim Dylan's party, Sunday. Are you going to go?

Yeah, I'm going.

Let's go.

I'm going. What else happened? Hold on. I need to be-.

A lot of butterfly has hatched this week. Where? From cocoons.

I need to call. Is it a Hollywood thing?

I need to call someone.

I need to call someone. I have people I can call, too, then.

It's not competition.

Yeah, I have cool people I can call. No. Yeah, I want to call.

Somebody cool, too. I have someone cool, too.

I have someone cool.

It just made me mad because what you just said was such a...

Yeah, who said that? Who are you calling?

I was calling LeAnne, Christer, because I literally said at the party, I go, Bobby would love this. This is so fun. She goes, Yeah. He got all upset about the Bert. They offered you to go on the tour or something like that. You're saying you never get invited. You get invited to stuff all the time. You just say no.

Yeah, but no means yes in my-.

Not to people in the business, no means no.

No means yes for me, dude. No is no.

Hey, yeah. No never.

Means no. What? No means no? But I'm just saying me personally, no means yes.

Anyway. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. But how cute though? I did mention LeAnne, how much I wish you at the party you would have liked it.

I love her. I love her. It was.

So much fun. Bert was doing his Bert thing, holding down the fort.

If Bert ever leaves her, I'm going to slide in.

You're going to slide in on LeAnne?

Yeah. She's motherly, dude.

Well, yeah.

She's a mom. Nurturing mother, she's cool. House is clean.

House is beautiful.

Leanne.

Leanne. Bert, watch out dog.

It's just me, LeAnne.

What.

If she would have a Southern and Asian accent? She's like, It's just me, LeAnne.

Well, do the southern and Asian got the same... Watch out, man. You can't do an Asian and Southern.

At the same time?

It's so hard to do. Hey-ho, man. I'm Chang Williams, man.

Chang Williams, man. From the Deep South.

I'm from the Deep South.

You all want to go to Cracker Barrel? Let's go to Cracker Barrel. That's it.

You just nailed it, dude. What else happened this week? Oh, yeah.

What? No, nothing else. Oh, yeah. Nothing really important. Jet ski got passed at the comedy store. Let's give it up for the big jet ski.

We were there at your showcase.

We were there.

We were there. You told us to leave.

Yeah, you did. You were.

Like, Get the fuck out of here.

Usually, you guys do your spots and bounce. The timing of it was an hour, hour and a half until I go up. I didn't want any pressure on you.

To stay. Pressure on us to stay? Yeah.

We're American citizens, and we make decisions. I pay my taxes sometimes. I was.

Also worried that I go up there and everyone in the room is just going to be like, Bobby and Andrew are here. Bobby and Andrew are here.

Yeah.

They did. They did. They kept turning around. Should we laugh? We're like, Laugh.

Right before we got on stage, he went like this. He went.

Fucking laugh. Then they would turn to me and I go, They go, You know what I mean? They would laugh at places they weren't supposed to laugh because they didn't really know. That's okay. In your act, you know what I mean? But I would go, No, not then. That's a set up. Chill. Chill. Chill. We directed them.

You guys were my stage moms.

Neil Brennan made fun of us.

Neil.

Brennan ripped us apart.

Yeah, so what? I'm not afraid of you, Neil. Make fun of us. He was. We did get made fun of. We got made fun. Yeah, that we were a little stage mommy because we were standing by the booth and we were both smiling and we were holding each other. We were cuddling a.

Little bit.

There was no more room. All the seats were sold out. You went up there to a packed room, sold out house, standing room only. Literally, people were standing in.

The back. It was just standing in the back. Yeah, it was incredible. What a.

Magical night. You had to follow a tough run because it went- Ali-Wong? Ali-wong, Neil... I'm sorry.

Rick and Grimour?

No, Ali-Wong. No, no, no. Before Ron, someone went on before Ron.

And ripped. Oh, I know. Fee He Manwar. Fee He.

Then.

Ron G. Ali-wong, Fee He Manwar, Ron G, three killers.

You.

Walked up. Really, really was doing well. You didn't do as good.

As good? Oh, thank you. What did you say?

As good as the other people? No, dude.

I.

Felt great about it. She's a girl. Of course, she's not going to do well.

She's a girl.

I'm honest with you?

You did so great. Not just great. You did better than Ron G.

Well.

We don't need to- That's because you're racist, dude. That's so.

Fucking helpful. You did better than Fahim. I really do believe that. Racist again. The laughs you were getting, dude, were real. I teared.

Up, dude. I was proud of our little girl. You guys are going to make me cry. Proud of my kid. You ripped and now you're a regular you get to call in. The best part is now you're going to get really late night spots. That's my favorite.

Well, last.

Night what happened? Last night my first spot in the main room, guess who brought me up? Who did?

The Bob. You brought her on? Yeah. What time was your spot?

He gave me the most beautiful intro, and he.

Said-let me say something to you right now. I give the best intros in L. A. History, dude.

I know I was waiting.

For-of all.

The comics. Of all the comics. Ask anybody. I give the best interest of the world. I'm bringing you up, Carlos. Just give me your name. I know your name. I forgot for a second, right? This next guy.

Dude-hold on. Hold on. This guy's a regular at our club?

Oh, no, he's showcasing.

Oh.

Okay, good.

Can you make sure you... Yeah, is this at the Oh, Hot Dog venue? Yeah, this is the Oh, Hot Dog. Can you make sure that you say that while you're doing the intro with him?

We're also in Lancaster. Where are we at?

Monterey.

Park? Modesto.

We're in Modesto.

The Oh, Hot Dog Comedy Club.

The Oh, Hot Dog Comedy Club in Modesto, California.

Opening weekend. That's how bad.

We are.

Let's hear it. We get Carlos. Let's hear it. As our first opening weekend, Headlander. Thanks, guys. Guys, next guy coming to stage, man. Dude, in terms of the King of all holes, glory holes, this guy, top three, dude. Number two, dude, he's not even the brown Mexican. But in terms of the Upper, Snoody.

Mexican.

Right? Yeah. He's top of the line, dude. Wow.

This guy sounds like he's going to be great.

Right. He's like the CEO of Baja Fresh, that Mexican.

Here he is?

No, I'm not that. He's also a dude. He's only had warts twice. Wow. Yeah, right? He's had warts twice. Then also on top of it, dude, he's like a dude in terms of drug addict and alcohol. He should be the president of all that. President of drug addict. Of drug addictness.

Ladies and gentlemen.

And alcoholism. Carlos and I'd go, Last name? I would say the side. Herero. Herero!

First joke out of the gate.

They come out. Herero! They come out.

First joke out of the gate.

Go. I would just throw my hat up.

Hat off?

That's it?

Oh, a physical joke. No, we want a joke, a stand-up joke. Go ahead. What's your opening joke? You're 45 minutes.

I'd have to do an opening joke. I would literally take my hat off.

That's not a joke. It's not a joke.

Now I walk off.

That's what I would do. Well, then I'm going to call you into the office. I'm the manager. Hey, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah, man. What's going on? Hey, Andrew.

How are you? Hey, man. Don't call me Mr. Santino, if you don't mind.

I'm Mr.

Lee. Thank you.

Let me just, can I ask you something? Mr. Lee, yes. I know the way he did that. I know.

Mr. Lee, yes.

What's his name?

Mr.

Santino. He said Sit down. Sit down.

You called us and said, May I headline?

We agreed. Well, and begrugingly. It was only because Earthquake fell out.

Yeah, Earthquake. We tried to get Hurricane Tunami.

Both of them out of town.

Out of town.

All natural disaster comics are out of town.

-are out of town. Then we try to get hamburger, right? We're the old hot dog. Obviously, we need to get hamburger.

Then you know the client. Shucky Ducky. Shucky Ducky couldn't do it. You know shrimp and Grits, you know him.

Shrimp and Grits? Yeah, he couldn't do it. He couldn't do it. He was busy.

Naturally, as we fell down the list, we got to you.

Which I'm grateful.

I'm on that list. By the way, why did your email say you want to be called the Mexican rexican? What does that.

Even mean? What does that even mean?

It was just a signature.

I had on Gmail. Mexican rexican is your signature on your email?

Yeah, on Gmail. But I just want you to recognize me as that.

I don't think.

So, buddy. Your writer is crazy. It says you want parachute pants, but from '89?

We're not.

Going to get that. 1989 parachute pants? What does that even mean?

I need to fly down from something and I'm hoping the.

Pants will-What is this? On the rider, this says you wanted a Sibian? What's a Sibian?

It's a vibrating thing. You sit on it and it energizes.

Your areas. Is that for pre-performance stuff?

Yeah, it's just so I can loosen up.

What's this Llama that happens to have scoliosis. I don't even know where to find a Llama, specifically, scooliosis?

It's a sexual thing. I don't want.

To talk about it.

With you. What is this thing on here that says you need one of the staff members to read you Jack and the Beanstalking when you're done with your set? Yeah. Is that like a comfort thing?

What is that? I have to be naked.

If that happens.

I was hoping Mr. Lee could do that part. Yeah. Mr. Lee is not telling you, Mr. Santino, that we talked.

Earlier and he was totally on board. We didn't actually talk. This is what he said to me. I forgot to tell you.

Because.

It feels like a lie. It is a lie. This is what he said. He goes, Yo. He said, Yo, by the way. I'm like, What's up, dude? Anyway, what's up, Wayne's? Sean Wayne's? Yeah, I have a writer. Everyone in Hollywood is a writer. Anyway, he said, I don't need an opener. I'm going to go up cold.

Really? He went up. He threw his hat down then he said, Good night. The show was 45-second long.

You thought 45 minutes, 45 seconds.

You thought 45 seconds. Wait.

Yeah. No, it said seconds on the thing. On the writer, I was looking for a 45-second show.

Did we screw up?

Because she's our secretary, it could be a clerical. Have you ever been to a stand-up show? Have you ever been to a stand-up show? And the show was 45 seconds long.

Yeah, I saw you perform at the comedy store.

Oh, my God. Go fuck him up. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You know what, dude? That bit's funny, so I'm going to let it go. But holy.

Shit, dude. That was.

So funny. You're a fucking jerk. Why wasn't that in the show? That could have been your opening thing. I brought you what?

Fuckface. But I saved the funny for backstage with Mr. Lee and Mr.

Chanky. Yeah, you sure did. You should. Okay. This is juicy. Everyone wants their.

Money back. Everybody's going to get their money back. Here's how we're going to make you pay it back. Here's the deal. We're all going to my mom and dad's house for Thanksgiving. Everyone's going to be there.

What day is that?

Thanksgiving is almost always on a Thursday. Almost.

Let me ask you something. Is Halloween always on a specific day?

The 31st. Yeah, it's the 31st.

But is it a Monday, Tuesday? Is 31st always a certain day?

You're conflating two different things. Thanksgiving is always on the Thursday.

Third Thursday.

The third Thursday of November.

But the dates change.

The date does change, unfortunately.

Are you being real? Yeah. Okay, well, that's what I was.

Confused about. But you've never known that in 52 years.

Spinning on the shirt?

I swear to God, I haven't. All the time you're sitting on the shirt that it spins around? No.

Are we going on a- I always thought it was the 26th or something. I never did it. Well, you're about to do it this year. I literally Sunday because Tim Dylan has having a Thanksgiving party, so I go, Oh, I've never been invited on Thanksgiving at the dinner. He's like, It's.

Not Thanksgiving. You were invited last year.

I was going to.

Last year, yeah. You were invited with me last year and you didn't come.

I'm going now.

You're really going to go this Sunday? Yeah. Good.

Are you going to be?

Do you want to go together?

No, because I'm bringing somebody. Who are.

You bringing, bad boy? Who are you bringing?

A friend.

What I would really like is you and I go to a comics party as each other's dates, but you dress up like the woman, and I dress up like a man in a suit, and I take you on a nice little date. Would you have to be in character all night long? Sure.

But it has to be like a Halloween party, right or no?

Why? I want it to be real.

I just randomly show up to Tim Dylan's birthday party as a woman. I'm going to pick you up as a woman. I'm going to pick you up as a woman. No, why don't you be the woman?

But you're the woman.

How come.

I always be the woman? Listen to the way you said it. You sound like a woman.

Yeah, all right.

What?

I always have to.

Be a woman. You sound like just a...

Oh, damn it.

Deep voice woman.

Yeah. How did you do last night?

It was hard work, but it was good.

What do you mean? The crowd was a little thin or something.

Well, last night was who? Marin, Billber, Elizabeth.

Fucking me, bitch.

Well, yeah, we already know you.

Went up. Sorry, my bad. I thought you were leaving.

Me out. When he introed me, he gave me this beautiful intro, and he says, So some of you guys know- Repeat it.

-i'm on this podcast. -repeat the intro. Introdu, repeat it. What an.

Amazing show we've seen tonight.

I said that?

Yeah. Okay. Then you said, It's going to get better.

I don't remember what I just said. Just what you think I said.

You said, I am going to bring up somebody very special. Some of you guys might know that I have a podcast already. Murmurs in the crowd, Oh, my God. Is it him? Is it him? I think it's- She has been such a wonderful addition to our podcast.

Then they think, is it fancy?

I heard in Audible, Oh.

No.

That's not true.

No real. And then he said- Oh, my God.

You're going to make me so fucking mad right now.

But then he said that she is the newest paid regular.

That is what happened. Now, can I tell you what happened? Okay, you tell me. Okay, first of all I said we have something special coming up. Yes. Okay, as you know that I have a podcast called Bad Friends.

They all thought it was Andrew.

No, three people stood up, right? I said, In order to do this stage, you have to get passed as a paid regular. It's a very difficult thing to do. It's a big deal. It's a big deal, right? This girl is our sidekick on Bad Friends. She opens first on the road or something like that. I go, This is her first spot as a paid regular. I'm so proud of her, right? That's what I fucking said.

It made me so happy. It sounds like.

That's what you said. But it was for real. Literally, there were people in the audience I could hear from back stage going, Oh.

No one said that. You're a fucking.

Idiot, dude.

Why would I be that up? Because you're delusional. No. You're influenced by them.

Can't you see how that could... Then I walked on stage and I said, Thank you. Give it up for Bobby. That was such a nice idea. Sorry, I'm not Andrew. A bunch of people left.

Yeah, that's nice.

They.

Left, right?

Yeah, they.

Got in.

Well, the reason-I.

Thought they left. It was an all-stars lineup. They were thinking Santino is coming up.

Well, I was originally on the lineup, and I had to not be on it.

Then what did you call yourself at Backstage? I never heard of that before.

A.

Riffraff.

A.

Riffreff, yeah. After Bobby, I said this is where the.

Riffraff starts.

I didn't-Who was after you?

Bruce and Quincy. All great comics.

But we just don't have any. Because when we were new as a paid regular, we never called.

Ourselves riffreff. What did you call yourself?

We just thought we were part of the lineup. People are at different levels, but it made me sad that you would say that about yourself. Really?

I was just being self-aware that people come to the comedy store to see stars. There's a divide in the show where it's like-.

Yeah, but you're a peer. You're a regular now, so you're a peer. Even more so that you get passed. Your name is going to be written in cursive on that wall.

It feels so crazy.

Isn't that cool to be on that wall?

Yeah. That's a cool- What part are you in the wall?

I've seen urine on my name no less than a dozen times. At what part? I'm not kidding. Where? I'm by the back entrance and I'm low to the ground. People have pissed all over the bottom wall. Drunk guys peed all over the wall there. Can you move yours? I've asked to move it multiple times. You don't mind this. Where? Upfront.

You're upfront. Not just upfront, above the main room. Oh, you are? Yeah, next to Eddie Murphy.

Your headshot is also right by the original room.

Yeah, I mean, you've been there.

For 50,000 years. I don't have a headshot in the original room.

In the main room, I do. In the hallway, leading to the original room.

I don't have a headshot in the hallway in.

The original room. You want to bet?

I swear to God, I don't. I've never seen a headshot there.

Better money.

Bet me a.

Hundred.

Bucks.

I'm going to go there tonight. Airshake.

I'm texting the door, guys, because I don't want you moving it.

Oh, that's smart.

It's somebody that put it in there accidentally?

I saw it last night.

Because I was like, Where's mine? It's got to be new then.

It's got to be new. No, it's an old headshot.

Okay.

But they put it up new maybe. Maybe they just re-put it up.

Maybe.

But your headshot, and I got a little mad, I'm sorry, but your headshot at the improv, it's in a very nice place. Mine is not.

They're moving it next to mine.

Are they, really?

I'll be honest. I talked to him. He said, They're moving them right. He goes, Do you want Bobby right next to you? I said, Yeah.

Because mine's in the back.

Somewhere weird. You're in the hall, but you're going to come up to.

You and- No, I'm not in the hall. I'm in the same hall. I have three up.

I.

Have one in the hall, one where the bathroom is, and one tiny one upstairs.

Yeah, I have one upstairs. You're going to be right next to me in that entrance.

Thank you so much for moving me up.

I want you there.

Thank you so much.

It's not moving you up. It's moving you.

Where you're- No, you're moving where all the cool people are. Thank you so much.

There are a lot of cool.

People coming. Yeah, the best. It is. It's the highest level of... I'm up with Whitney in the corner of some...

I did say that at the party. That was the first club that passed me. The store didn't pass me. The improv passed me first. I still have the email.

It's a great club.

I have the email from the day I got passed on my birthday. You know the chances of that? Isn't that insane? I got an email from Eric Abrams at the improv say, Congratulations from the improv. You're now allowed to call in for spots.

I have something to share with you. It's going to make you mad.

Go ahead.

Ellie told me not to say anything.

Who did these guys did?

No, the improv. What is it? What? I don't know why I do this.

What is it? Vroom. I got my.

Brother a car, and the only way I would go to it is if I went through Vroom because Vroom is the most reliable, easiest way to get a car.

It's so simple because you know what? Getting a car these days, it's hassling. It's a nightmare. You spend so much time driving around from dealership to dealership, trying to find the perfect car, negotiating. Thanks to Vroom, there is a better way to buy and sell used cars. It's so simple.

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Come on, man. You can also sell or trade in your current car on Vroom and they'll pick it up for free. They're going to get it for free. Just answer a few questions about your car on the Vroom website. You're going to get an offer in as little as two minutes. You got two minutes? Get an offer on your car. You got no obligation to sell, so there's nothing to lose.

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Bad friends. Tough.

What? I just got a pay bump.

They're paying you more money to do spots?

Yeah, and I go, Am I making more than...

They go, Yeah. They said don't tell him.

It's great. I will not play in this room unless I always get more. They go, Okay.

Than me.

How much more?

It's got to be at least 100.

That's funny because I just do it for the art. It's so not true. I don't go for the money. Yeah, but anyway.

You don't go to the. Thank you, I'm glad.

You're a paid regular at The Comedy Store. Let's also say congratulations to our love, our sweet juice, the jet ski herself. Congratulations on getting- Thank you. That's a big deal, man.

You want to tell her the bad news?

You're fired from the show. Sorry, we did say we made a pact, and we said as soon as you get past the story, you're fired from the show. That was literally a pack and everybody knows. It's a bummer that we didn't tell you earlier, but we're telling you, right? This is how you're telling me? Yes.

Are you for real?

Yeah. This is how you know.

Are you hurt, though?

Well, I feel weird, this public firing.

I know. If we're being honest, make sure you don't wiggle in too much into the chair. We'd like someone else's butt to be able to be fitting.

You guys are crazy. I don't believe you.

I can't imagine never doing shows with you.

Oh, my God.

We're.

Probably- Clip it. No, no, no, no, no, delete it. Because I went through some hard times and stuff eight months ago or whatever. I had the right person to go on the road with. All of you. But you are involved in that. Big time. Your temperament, your support. Positivity. Positivity was just something I needed at the time. Unmatched. Unmatched. But now I think your attitude is insane. What? Take that back. But I really can't imagine not ever knowing you. Oh, my God. I don't think that you would betray me.

Never. I would never betray you.

People have betrayed.

People betrayed, dude. People betrayed, dude. Nobody in this room.

No, no one in this room. But if someone were going to betray, it would go Carlos and then McCone.

I think McCone first, for sure. Yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't betray you. Look what I did for you, Bob.

You didn't do that for me. You did that for Last. Also, I'll tell you why you would. No fries.

Yeah, no fries.

You get a burger. This is not even a lie, dude. Ever since I saw that hamburger with no fries, that right there was worse than not getting it. I'd rather get not a hamburger. I can't.

Let this go on any longer. That was my.

No, no, no. You're eating- What? You're a part-.

I was with McCone in the car and I told him not to.

Get fries. Why? What's your logic? You waited a whole week to tell us this?

I was projecting because I wouldn't want fries because I'm trying to stay trim.

So you get a double-double cheeseburg from fucking in and out and that's how you're staying trim?

Well, protein style half.

The time and no fries. He didn't get protein style.

Yeah, but he doesn't need the extra fries and.

Salt and something. Oh, my God. You're saying he's fat?

Yeah.

You're saying he's fat.

But I'm saying.

He's not a kid. It's McCone's responsibility to go, No, dude. Thank you, Bob. I'm going to get the fries.

That's.

His.

Challenge. Carlos, you're not exempt, you fuckhead. No, Bob got me out. He's saying you both fucked up. Mccone should have been like, No, I bet you he wants fries. Your dumb ass shouldn't have stepped in the way of projecting about his weight because you think he's overweight, which is your overweight.

No, you're not. Allie said it the other day. Who? In front of you, Allie Wang.

Because she weighs.

About nine pounds. I know, but she goes, this is what she said, We're.

In the kitchen. Yeah, I know.

She looks at you. She goes, What are you doing? You look so good. You're like, I'm doing this and this. Yeah, but why is he.

Shaped like that? Why are you still.

Shaped like that? Yeah. I looked at her. I'm like- But.

At least you're retained. That means you're retained. You stayed the same. She sees you the same. You're not overweight.

I know. I am a little. No, you're not. I'm fine. I love it. I feel great. I do have arthritis, but yeah, I'm fine.

Dude, we're falling apart. We're not falling apart. I went to the doctor and I'm on fucking... I'm on Lovet. What's it called? Levitra? Levitra? No, I've said it wrong three times. Levitral.

Did you talk about what happened in the hotel room?

What is this for?

That's.

For erectile dysfunction. Oh, yeah. No, I'm on Lipitor. Lipitor. Lovetra is Bona pills. I'm not on those.

Why?

I don't need them. Honestly, I'm not against Bona pills, but I don't need them. I am still very blessed. One day when I was fucking 16 years old, I remember an ad came on about Bona pills, and my dadmy dad, my dad really slyly was smoking a cigarette, and he's like, You're never going to need those. I was like, What? He's like, Runs in the family. He got strong blood. You said that? Yeah, I was like, Holy shit. My dad.

Still gets Bonas? Your dad's Clint Eastwood?

Yeah, he is. Wow. I'm hard right now. Then he said-.

Just the way.

He smokes. Then he said something about it. He was like, Get out of here, Cole Reans. He got real, Clint.

Eastwood- Oh, he got.

Real.

Right. -yeah.

I'm on Lipitor right now. High cholesterol, high triglyceride levels. My doctor put me on this. My young Asian doctor.

Put me on this. What is that supposed to do?

Lipitor? Make it so I don't have a stroke or heart attack. I already have a bad ticker, as everybody knows. My heart's bad. I've got a fucking murmur. I have a hole in my heart. He said, My cholesterol levels were high. He said, Have you experiencing any semblance of high stress traveling a lot being near a Korean for an extended period of time? Dude. I said, no, not that I can remember.

I had a dream that you died.

Don't. Why are you doing that? Why would.

You do that? Can I just say something? No, it's good.

It's good that I die.

No, how I did it.

You killed her.

What the fuck? You kill me in your dream.

No, let me explain.

Well, get through it.

I don't know how you died. You don't know the details. But I remember me making decisions of leaving the country. I remember just living in a cottage. My complete life changed.

When I die, that's your eat, pray, love moment? When I die, you get to go on a journey and find yourself?

No, that's where I die, in a cottage by myself in France, eating cheese and wine. What the fuck are.

You talking about? I die, so you go kill yourself?

You slowly eat yourself. I'm just saying I love you so much and if you died. It would just devastate me.

It sounds like a happy story. How is this happening? It sounds like you quit the pod, you took the money, you moved away. What money? From my death.

Are me your will?

Not anymore. Not if you're having dreams about it. You're on my life insurance. Do you have a will?

I do. I have a will, too.

You're on my will.

You're not on mine. I want to put it on. I'm not on your will. I just didn't consider it until now.

I'm going to call my guy. I said if any revenue from this company in the event of my death would all go to you.

Well, no, in your death, half of it would go to your family and I would keep.

The other half. No, I cut my family out. You think I want those pigs with.

My money?

They're going to spend it on bad stuff.

I.

Want it to go to you.

Yeah.

My family? Yeah.

Do you get family members? I get cousins.

Asking for money?

Yeah, I've been getting it this week a lot.

I had-.

Out of nowhere. A guy I haven't talked to in 30 years. Yo, man, I need 15 grand. I go.

Are you out of your fucking- Start with one. $15,000? Are you out of your.

Fucking mind?

That's so much money, dude.

I could get it if it was like my mom, she needed surgery.

Anything for your mom? Yeah. I wouldI.

Would pick in for your mom. You know, my titty?

What's wrong?

My titty gone.

Your titties gone? Yeah, it died. Well, let me taste them. I'll find out if.

They're okay. I would not taste my mom's titty.

It's gone. Let me taste your mom's titties. It's getting weird. How do you say good boy in Korean?

I don't know. It's so funny.

How do you not know how to say good boy?

Because they never.

Called him that way. That's right.

Oh, Jess. No, Jess. God, you're so quick.

You fuck off. How do you say good boy in Korean? Imagine me kissing on your mom's boobs while she says.

That to you. I would say yamjanae.

What is that?

It's a nice guy. Nice.

Cakhan Sonyan.

That's Cakhan? Cakhan Sonyan. Cakhan Sonyan. Yeah, Cakhan is nice.

That's me. I'm kissing on your mom's booby. She's Chakhan Sonyun. Chakhan Sonyun. Chakhan Sonyun. By the way, my new nickname?

With your mom today, I don't need to do that.

Because I just-Chakhan Sonyun. Chakhan Sonyun.

Oh, my God.

Cakhan Sonyan.

Please don't stop.

Here, look, I'm your mom.

Cakhan Sonyan. Cakhan Sonyan. Cakhan Sonyan. Cakhan Sonyan. Cakhan Sonyan. All right. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Now there's going to be fucking T-shirts with Chakhan Sonyun. I got to deal with it.

We had somebody make a T-shirt of with her titties and be sucking out of this. Chuck on them. No, no. I don't deal with it.

Please. No more.

No more about my mom.

If I die, what would you do?

Oh, my God. Please don't ever- No, but just let's consider. I want to know. I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I already- What.

Would you do?

I'd have a charity event at the.

Comedy store. Yeah, I'd raise money and she'd take it off. Should we quit this thing and start a band and be happy without Hollywood?

A lot of my fears and my sadness comes from Hollywood. Yeah, maybe.

We should quit it. I don't want to do it anymore.

Hollywood is scary, and I watched just to change subjects of it, but that movie you're in. What movie? Fool's Paradise. I didn't even know you were in it and you opened it up, small scene, but that's all about Hollywood and the industry.

Yeah, Charlie Day. My buddy Charlie Day did a movie called Food's Paradise. It was great.

I loved your cameo.

In it. You liked the movie?

Yeah, I liked it a lot. I thought it was really funny.

It was me and actually I get tagged in it. People say it's me and you.

Yeah, I also thought it was going to.

Be Bobby. It should have been.

No, it's fine. I love Ken.

I thought it was you about halfway.

Through the movie. What are you laughing at? What are you laughing at, dude? I'm not laughing. Yeah, you are.

How come you keep picking roles with other Koreans.

That aren't Bobby. They hand it to me. They ask me to do it with other Koreans, and I keep fighting to do it with Bobby. But if I'm going to make an announcement, and here I will, I'll say it. I'll say it even though it's not done yet. But Bob and I are doing an animated series right now. We're working on it literally right now. We just had a call about it a couple of hours ago. We're going to be doing a little animation.

You're not going to replace him.

What.

Do you mean by that?

Because he keeps working with all these other Koreans.

Do you know how Hollywood works?

No, I don't.

This is what we do together. And when it comes to everything else, it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine.

Everything's fine. I know my place in the world, and I'm very happy.

It's a good place.

I enjoy my life.

What are you going to do for Christmas, by the way? You can tell myself. Robb. I kill myself. So you're getting me a gift?

Yeah.

Finally. Are you going to go back to Arizona and see your mom for Christmas?

I might have to, yeah. I need something. You really just bummed me out just now, man. I did? Yeah.

Wait, because I reminded you about all the other Korean Sandry works with besides you.

I love it. I love what you're doing right now.

Well, you can rest easy. I won't be in beef season two.

Why?

I died. You never watched it. They shot me in the head. They shot me in.

The I don't know. I think they might bring you back.

Two good friends of mine are now riding on that show.

Really?

Oh, yeah. Dumb Found in this?

Yeah. And Jean? Jean, yeah. That's right. Yeah. It's rad.

It's great.

Rad. Well, I had a fun little week in Vegas. I'm sad that I came back early because I didn't go to go to F1, but boy, oh, boy, did I have fun out there.

F1? Tell me about it.

I didn't get to see F1, but I got to hang out with some of the other people that were in it. It was wild to like- Give me a name. No, you don't know F1, do you?

No, but there are celebrities there.

Hanging out with? No. I mean, F1 guys are celebrities in the F1 world.

But if you don't know who- The drivers?

Yeah. Do you know who Lando Norris is? I know the Bush guy. Carlos Sands. Bush? Yeah. But that's NASCAR. Kyle Bush? Yeah. Wrong game. He's a.

Machine, though. You're driving around a machine.

F1, it's-.

Different level. It's this, dude. All right, all right, I learned.

I love it. Did you know that?

I don't know anything.

You didn't tell me about it. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

No, those guys, it's just impressive to watch them operate. But the NASCAR drivers, you guys are also very talented.

I mean, is cock fighting like that? Is there.

Different levels? Oh, yeah. Top cock.

Oh, Top cock is different than just regular street. Top cock.

On Netflix. It's one of the best shows out there. Oh, really?

Topcock. What's the best Who has the best cock fighting skills?

You have no idea who Top cock is right now? Orlando Flandro won Top cock this season.

Is that a real guy? Are you joking?

Orlando Philandro won Top cock.

Orlando.

Fernando? He won top cock this year.

Really? Where is he from?

Spain? He's a Cuban guy that lives in fucking Miami.

His cock.

He comes out with his cock and he goes, Cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck to intimidate the other top cock. Really? Yeah. Wow! He says, Flalando is here. Cock, cock, cock, cock.

Everyone.

Hates it. Are there's cock? What are their names?

What's his cock's name?

His cock must retire. I mean, how many fights can they do?

Buddy, you don't know anything about cock fighting. They retire when they die. They fight to the death.

His main cock, what's his name?

Orlando's cock. The name of it's called Orlando's cock. That's the joke.

Oh, really? I saw Orlando's cock. I go, Hey, Orlando's cock.

You'd go, Hey, nice cock.

Not Jimmy.

No, Orlando's cock.

Hi, Jimmy.

He walks out, he goes, Who wants to see Orlando's cock? That's what he does. Really? That comes out, yeah.

Wow, I had no idea. That's his little bit. It's Top Cock on Netflix.

Topcock on Netflix. Download it.

Right now. Is it all about him or are there other cockfighters?

Well, he's featured because he won this season.

But give me another guy that's maybe his nemesis.

Orlando's nemesis? Yeah. Miami Jabin.

They're.

All from- They're all.

Cubans that live in Florida. Miami Jabin-.

Miami Jabin- Jabin- -lives in.

Miami, too.

What did you say? Miami-jabin. Miami-jabin. Yeah, he's one of the other ones.

Right. Then does.

He have a cock? Oh, he's got a real nice cock.

What's it called?

Marcus. That's what he calls it. Marcus.

Does Marcus and- Orlando's cock.

Fight before? They fought in season one or 2.

But I thought they fight to the death.

Yeah, they fought in season one or two.

You.

Know who I'm rooting for? One of them no longer exists. Marcus. Marcus died.

Marcus is gone. There's an undercard, though. Susan Smith.

Susan Smith is.

Pretty good. She lives in Florida, but her cock is crazy. Crazy bitch.

Susan Smith's.

Cock is really nice.

Is it nice?

Yeah. This cock can knit. It knits right before a fight. She may be one of the nicest cocks I've ever seen.

She's from Connecticut, but she moved for the competition.

Whoa. They have the little the knives. Razors. Razors.

Razors.

Dude. They don't have hands.

To hold them. Honestly, if you're going to talk about stuff like that, at least see the fucking show.

I know. But do they have the little Razors?

Yeah, Susan's cock.

Is shredding. Is there a company that makes that? Is there dueling companies? Because in F1, we have the dueling car companies and that and brands. Does the Razors have their own?

Oh, companies that make the Razor? Yeah. I mean, Cockcutters that's out of Dallas, Texas probably think some of the best. They're the best?

Yeah, Cockcutters. Anything from different lands or different country?

Well, well-You think the.

Philippines probably.

Did that? I don't know if I should mention this now given what's going on in the world right now, but-Israel.

Israel probably made some of the best cockcutting tools of all time. Wow. I mean, Israel probably made some of the best cock-cutting tools, but they're not using them right now because of what's going on over there. I see.

But you could still probably get stuff from Black Market. If I had a cock I was raising and I want the best Israeli-Cock cutter. -cock cutter. I could probably get in the Black Market.

Honestly, the Black Market has the best cocks.

Yeah, some would argue that the black market has the best cocks.

The black market has the best cock cutters.

And cocks. But people are so afraid to use them.

Well, they're probably going to be heavy.

I tell you, when they hit you, they hurt.

I.

Bet.

Yeah. Just lugging that around.

It's just bigger than normal. It's bigger.

Than usual. I want lightweight, like NASA shit. If I had a cock, I would have lightweight, like a small.

Little Asian one. You want a tiny little Asian cock?

Yeah, maybe from China. Well- A little tiny, lightweight one.

You know what I mean? There's different leagues. You get to the Yellow League. There's a Yellow Card League. There is? Yeah.

I tell you what, the ones you get one of those black cock, you never turn it back.

Once you get a black cock, you never turn it back. Once you let that in the arena.

Right. You'll never go back.

-never, ever.

You'll never get a little Asian one.

Well, why would you? It's just once you've graduated. You don't go from a four door car down to a fucking smart car. You already have a - I.

Can't let you know. I didn't know that was - You got to stay up there. What's it called?

Top Cok on Netflix. I think season three or four. Carlos, what is it? We watch it together. We're on four now. Season four.

We're.

Binging it together. Wow. What's the origin of cock fighting? I don't know anything.

About it. Where did it start? This is a history piece, if you're a history buff out there. People that were coming to South Florida from Cuba or the DR, mostly from Cuba.

Oh.

Dominican Republic. Yeah. When they're floating over here, when they're rafting here, what ends up happening is you have to bring food and provisions and also pets and friends, and they all bring a cock with them, at least one cock. When you bump into another raft, you have to go head to head, otherwise you get sacrificed your rations on the way in. They can basically deflate.

I heard that one story in 30 years ago where a cock still had this little inflated.

Deflated-.

Deflated one of the other raffins. -and they all drowned.

I remember-I know that.

That's partially where it started. I was like, take them off and put it in the thing. But he went. And they sank.

And they was like, Your cock popped my left. And that was.

The beginning of everything. I remember that story. Yeah. I know a.

Little bit about it. Your cock sunk my battleship is basically what happened.

Right, a little bit.

That's interesting. You got to watch Topcoc on Netflix right now.

Yeah, it's great.

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I was going to say Andrew, I've been to a real cockfight before. In Bali, there's blood everywhere I had to get out.

From the Cox? There's cock blood all over the place?

Yeah, it was crazy.

Do they have a guy that comes up and cleans the cock blood? Because that sounds like a job for McCone.

No, as soon as there's blood, I was like.

I got to roll. It's so funny because we took a comedy bit and riffed on it, and then you brought reality into the game, which fucked up the momentum now.

It was really bad.

I mean, it's like, What are you doing? It was fun. I went to a one, it was bloody. A lot of fucking birds died.

It was gnarly.

Yeah.

We get it. It was intense.

Get the fuck out of there.

It is disgusting. Well, I'll tell you what's more disgusting. What? Dog fighting.

Oh, I can't even. Don't even. Don't even.

Okay, you want to hear.

Something then? No, I don't want to know. I hate it.

No, we're about to-Anything? No, listen, we're about to get another dog. One of the dogs we're rescuing was part of one of these train kill shelters.

Oh, I thought you were training me. A pit bull?

It has pit in it.

It's mixed. But is he nice?

Well, I haven't met him yet. We want to go get him.

Okay, make sure.

No, dude, they train them from their puppy. You can reverse it, yeah. But also this is their puppies. They're puppies.

Oh, they're puppies. Okay, good.

I'd love to meet it. We're trying to save them because it's crazy to think people fucking see a puppy and they're like, I'm going to make it a killing machine.

Yeah.

It's insane. A puppy? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with people on earth? I think if you fuck with dogs and fuck up and hurt dogs, I think that should be a higher penalty than when you murder a human. Am I wrong?

They're babies.

They're defenseless is the thing. A human can fight back. If you killed a human, but you had a reason for someone killing someone, like a gang that hates another gang, there's reasoning and a human has defense. A dog has no defense.

What about Cox?

Cox are very defensive.

Okay.

Their mood swings are insane. Sometimes they're buckled in. Sometimes they're really showing off.

You know what else videos I don't like? When their dog or cat is passing, where they had the music. They have some.

I've never seen those videos.

Your algorithm is different.

Than mine. It's too white.

Why is it white?

Because we care? No, because they want to show off the grief. Let's be real.

Yeah, because when Asia-.

They're like, Okay, and go.

They're not crying beforehand.

They're not crying beforehand. They do it, and they cut it off. They're like, Okay, well, let's go. Bye. Bye. Okay. Bye. You can keep it. But I don't like it. It makes me so sad. I'm so sensitive to it. I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it either. Anything with animals I don't like. Here's another thing I fucking hate. It makes me so fucking angry, dude. I saw a video once where this guy had his dog, they're running by a swamp, and an alligator just comes on the road and eats the dog. I saw that. Yeah, and it's like, Bro, Leece it. Leece the fucking puppy. You know there's alligators in that shit. What are you doing, dude? Dude. Lee shit.

There's a piece of me that... God. Maybe that guy did that on purpose. Everybody who lives in Florida knows there's alligators all in those.

Fucking-you think he.

Purposely did this? I think he was fucking ir... A poodle.

It was a.

Poodle, I think. Well, maybe he was getting on his fucking nerves.

Do you think when the alligator burped for just...

What if the dog's running around and it was a Chinese guy that came out? That'd be a switch. Crocadile.

Crocadile. He's just.

Wearing a crocadile vest.

Yeah. A full blown crocadile.

Amazing guy in a.

Crocadile vest. That'd be so funny. Anyway, yeah, that drives me crazy.

What is this? What is this thing? What was you adamant to show us?

This July, a Portuguese man in Turkey was in prison for three weeks for looking gay.

Go up to the top. A man was arrested for looking gay and wearing crop top and turkey in prison for three weeks. Is he gay?

No, I believe that he just.

Looks gay. European.

He's European.

Oh, Stolen Valor.

Yeah, Stolen Valor. Dude, that's a little too.

Gay for me. That's the guy they got arrested for, quote-unquote, not being gay?

I mean, he's guilty.

He's fucking gay shit. Lock him up. Carlos, he's guilty. Yeah, lock him up.

Somebody put a ring on that. If he's gay, I'm gay. Fuck it.

Let's do it. Somebody put a ring and handcuffs on this guy. Lock him up.

It's so cute, though.

When the cops arrested him, he was like... First of all, in Turkey, it's not illegal to be gay. What's going on here?

Is this your Thanksgiving stories for us?

Right. So what, is it because he was wearing inappropriate clothing?

Yeah, it's not.

Illegal, but- -remains problematic despite certain legal advancements. Although homosexuality is decriminalized, well, thanks. It's like weed. It's decriminalized. You can have homos on you, but you can't be using them when we catch you.

You can't do it in public.

Yeah, you can't do that in public. Well, in some African terms. You can do that in private. You can do that stuff. You can do gay stuff in private, like weed, but you.

Can't-well, there's some African countries that's death penalty.

What do you mean?

If you're gay.

There's some Middle Eastern countries where it's fucking death penalty. You go get caught in Middle East and half the places they'll fucking kill you.

That's insane to me. Is it insane to you?

Yeah. What the fuck? I don't think it's even an argument.

Wait, those are the countries?

Where it's illegal to.

Be gay? Why they make them pink?

That's such a gay crowd. There's one little pink area in South America. Where's that?

What country is that? Yeah. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Gayana. Life in prison.

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? Gayana. Gayana. And gay is in it. Yeah. Guyana. Let's see how gay all these countries sound. Go over the name of that.

Let's see if it sounds gay.

Chad. I used to fuck a guy named Chad.

I ambad. What else?

Well, you get fined 500,000 West African CFA franc.

That's three dollars. That's like $30 bucks. That's $3, $30 bucks. Indonesia, I do know that. Yeah, it is criminal to be gay there. Uzbekistan. Stan.

That's pretty.

Like-.

Murta-mari. Death by stoning. Where? Stoning. Right there. In Maritana. Maritania? Oh, that's sad. You know why they do that? They're trying to get attention. I've never heard of this fucking country in my life. Where the fuck is that?

-for Italian Africa.

On the Horn of Africa.

Stoning. Jesus Christ.

God. Imagine the guy that's got to go get the stones. That's even more insane. You got to go get stones to hurt people.

If you're getting stone, can you cover your face with your hands or no?

No, they tie you up.

It's a crazy shit. You can't do this.

No, you can, but it's like- No, you can't. No, they tie their hands behind their back. 40 people. No, no.

Well, you've been to a couple?

I've seen them. Spain. I'm sure by the way, you guys have invented gay. Let's not do a picture of it, bud.

What's that?

That's a stoning.

Oh, my God. I actually went to the.

Stoning one. Yeah, there was blood everywhere. What's that right there? That is a stoning. That's insane.

Is that? I would go to one just to see.

A stoning?

Yeah. You're fucking disgusting.

He had a stoning this morning.

A cockfight versus a stoning of a human being?

Well, the animals still fight to the death.

Yeah, but at least they have a fair shot.

Yeah, the person that's getting stone isn't throwing.

Rocks himself. By the way, if you do get stone and they just give you a few bags to throw back, they're like, All right, let's go.

Oh.

Yeah, that'd be fair. Fight back? Yeah. Well, it still wouldn't be fair.

That guy threw a first stone when he sucked that dig, though.

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ. I just got back from Texas.

Yeah. People in well decorated interior houses should not be throwing stones.

It is unbelievable how some parts of the world is just not the same. I mean, it's like they're not... They just haven't caught up or they have these old traditions and rules. It's weird. Because we're so connected through the internet that I just can't see how it's possible.

What do you mean?

Did people have these weird rules?

Well, these are based on thousands of years of them being indoctrinated with an idea of their most 99% of that is religious based, that homosexuality is against their religious practice.

Yeah, but as a kid, I'm not kidding you, my dad would be like, If you are still gay, everybody's going to die. I'm going to kill everybody. He would say stuff like that. Yeah, thank God. Everybody, yeah, your friend Charlie, Franku, they all die.

That's insane. That's insane, right? He was just.

Joking around. No, he was saying, You know what? If you met a Vietnamese woman.

Don't call her. Well, that I understand.

Yeah. I won't call then. Fuck you. But even as a kid, you listen to that. You're six years old at dinner. You know what I mean? Yeah. If you gay, everybodyI'd be eating my Korean food, I'd be like, That's insane.

That doesn't make any sense. What did your mom say?

She said, Okay, okay. You know what I mean? I try to play it off, but you hear all these things. Even as a kid living in that house, I was able to go, You know what? That just sounds like insane. It doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, it just doesn't seem right.

It doesn't seem right. I'm just saying these countries, there's not a kid they're going, Yeah, this seems weird. You would think they're going to be a bunch of kids.

But I think if everybody around you is speaking the same language, it'd be hard to learn another one.

Really? I just don't-.

I just think if everyone, dude, if you're only shown one thing, and particularly if you're shown that Western culture is bullshit, if they're talked about that we're bullshit, that we're disgusting and against what they believe in their religious beliefs, then of course they fucking hate us.

Or you see a group being oppressed and you're doing the oppressed. I would in my mind be like, No, this seems-.

You would think so, but that's only because you've gotten what you've got. No, I.

Think that maybe I'm wrong and I don't know, but maybe I'm wrong. But I feel like no matter what society that I'm in, I would look at the circumstances and go, That doesn't make any sense.

That's if you're lucky enough to be educated.

No, I think it's just.

A thing. No, but I'm saying if you're young and you're uneducated, Bob, you don't have these-.

I was uneducated. I've never read a.

Book in my life. You grew up in America. Okay. You know what I mean?

But do you guys understand what.

I'm saying? Uneducated and if your needs are not met, then you're thinking of other things like survival and food.

There's always a group of people that think like that.

In every country. Yeah, there's people that think- You.

See how those women march in Iran by the.

Fact that they were -This has also helped because of the internet and knowledge. For a long time, no one had knowledge of any other way. They would live sheltered off. They would shelter people from learning about Western ideology and culture about our freedom of sex and religion and blah, blah, blah. I think a lot of that was like, That's an evil shit when they do read about it. But now with the internet, they're privy to seeing way more. That's why fucking North Korea doesn't have the fucking internet. He doesn't want them to learn what the fuck is going on in the world. Because they'll all go, What?

Yeah.

We should leave. We would get the fuck out.

Yeah, it's like for me, like my dad beating me and my brother, in my mind, I'm like, Oh, I'm never going to do this to another human being. But there are some kids that perpetuate that cycle and they do it to their own children. I guess I was just have this weird way.

Of thinking. Maybe you're lucky that it turned out that way because you could be an abusive lunatic, too. I think it's- Now? Yeah, I think it's luck. It was traumatized into you.

No, I just think that some... I don't know.

No, I.

Think you're lucky.

You could have turned out the.

Other way. I think it's also like... This is a... I don't know, forget it. It's not a comedy, but I just want to argue this fact that I see this when people get sober. Last week, some guy just got sober that we know. He was able to go inside himself and go, I think I have a problem. I'm no longer in denial. I think that if I keep doing this, I can see down the road that I'm going to lose everything, so I'll stop here. I've always been like that where I'm like, I haven't lost anything. Every time I get sober, I haven't lost anything. But I can feel in a year or two if this behavior continues that I will, so I stop it here. Some people don't have that ability. They just go all the way to the end. They can't help it. I don't know why that is. But some people just have that.

That's right. Some people just can't help the way they react to how their inner demons or shortcomings or addictions or things control them. That's my point. Some people have traumatic things when they were a kid, and it's almost like this deep rooted thing they can't get rid of. You're very blessed that you're able to.

Shift that. I don't think it's a gift. I just don't understand it myself.

That's why it must be a gift. It's not you. If it's not you, it's something else.

It's the Lord.

It's the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Lord Jesus Christ, I knew who it was.

Our Lord and savior. Yeah. Our Lord and savior. I'm sorry for that guy who got arrested for being gay in Turkey. You come over here to West Hollywood, and we'll open our arms and our buttholes to you. Even if you're not gay. I know he said he's not gay.

He looks gay, though.

He.

Does? Yeah. I mean, I feel like he's lying.

Have you been to the Abbey?

I went years and years ago. I used to go to Abbey. It was a little underrated. I got hit on twice, and I was a little let down. I was like, twice.

I.

Was wearing a crop top and everything. Really? No, that guy was.

I went to the Abbey with some straight guys, and they met with some other gay friends, and we're added at a table. One of the guys put his hand on my knee from across the table. I go, Oh, no. He goes, Oh, I'm sorry. I read it wrong. I just remember that. What do you mean? I think Iefore people knew who I was or whatever, I think I exuded it. What do you mean?

Oh, yeah, one big time. You do big time, yeah. If I take you to a gay.

Bar- No, no, no. What does that mean?

If I took you to a gay bar, they'd look at me and be like, What is he doing here? Then go, Just leave that one. Get out of here. Leave him and get out of here. They think I was dropping you off.

Really? Yeah. I think I would have been one of Domer's guys.

No.

Yeah, because he loved Asians.

He would have taken you back and been like, This one's too crazy.

Too crazy, yeah. No, but he really fit, tiny little in-shape Asians, like little twinkie boys. He liked twinks.

You're saying I wouldn't fit in the drum?

Yeah, you wouldn't fit in the drum. Imagine him like...

He's like a suitcase.

He's sitting on it. Yeah. He's got 15 drums of... Bobby Lee.

15 drums of Bobby Lee.

This eggroll just won't go down.

This eggroll just won't go down. This eggroll just won't go down. This eggroll. Yeah, I think that I would, because if you watched the show, I think once I saw his hallway and his house, I would have been.

Like, Ah. Yeah, but they were enamored with this guy. They thought he was just like a.

Hot, cool guy. Yeah, right. He was cute. He was.

A charmer. He wore workman's boots.

Remember that thing we used to listen to on Spotify? No, the...

No, the Moth. But the Moth, yeah, the Moth. There's a great story on the Moth about this about a guy who had an interaction with Damer.

Yeah, so he's basically, you guys know about this?

Yeah, we were in the car.

For anyone that's listening to explain it to us, it's basically a guy that was talking about something that happened to him in the '80s. He didn't really come out and somebody suggested you should go to this gay bar. So he went to this gay bar in Wisconsin and this guy should come in. When you're listening to the thing, you don't think it's about Domer. He's like, I started dressing like him. He's like, Why won't he hit on me? He was always leaving with other guys. Then a couple of years later, he was teaching in New York and he saw the news.

Insane. How would say it as that? He was coming into a sexual revolution as a college man who is becoming coming out of.

The class. Yeah, it's a great moth story. I was wondering how many brushes of death I evade? I evade. I don't know that. I've never know that. How many serial killers have I walked by? Not even knowing. Maybe not.

Well, also just moments in life you could have died.

Yeah, like seconds away from it. I took a left instead of a right.

You don't really hear about serial killers no more, huh?

Yeah, they've got-There's one that's active now. There's one.

Right now. Really? Who? What's his name? The guy that's out there, he's doing his thing. Look at this. There's a, what's it called? Gilgo Beach serial killer suspect, Rex Howardman. Texas serial killer pleads guilty tomorrow morning.

There's so many, juice. There's so many. There's too many, that's why.

I thought there was none. You think it was a fad? I liked my reality 10 seconds ago.

No, they're not there.

I thought.

They solved it. Well, I think the problem is there's a mistake of thinking that a serial killer has to be this famous, notorious, and killed hundreds or whatever. But a lot of these guys, they just kill dozens of people.

They're not.

As talented. Yeah, they're not as good.

They're getting caught fast. I mean, let's be honest. Are they not as good or are they getting.

Caught fast? They're not F1 drivers.

They're the NASCAR.

Of serial. They're the NASCAR of serial Killing.

It's dark. It's dark. But there are ones that are... You could see.

They got potential?

No, they got potential. They just have their own thing going.

I mean, you got to be really good.

Right now. Yeah, John Wayne-Gasey, the clown stuff. So good. Hiding the bodies inside his mom's house.

In the walls of.

Her home. In the walls of her home. Underneath.

Very good. You can't do that anymore, though.

Well, there's the forensics.

I know.

It's too hard. The cameras. We talked about it like we were going to try.

Do you think if the Zodiac, because they have never caught him, the Zodiac. You think if it happened now that we'd be able to catch him? Yeah. I think so. With the fucking phones and-.

I think sometimes simple shit can get away. One of the dealers at the casino, a guy that was sitting at my table made a joke. He goes, What if I just grabbed that whole tray and just ran out of here? He goes, Yeah, I'd get tackled or shot right away. She goes, Yeah, but we had a guy not too long ago grabbed a whole tray, ran outside into a car that was waiting in one of the turnarounds and actually got away. But at the place where he was sitting, because he was sitting faking, playing card for a while, he left his ID. I'm just fucked. That's so funny. She was like, even the cop was like...

He's like the joker leaving his calling card.

Well, that's happened before. A killer is leaving their license or wallet at the fucking crime scene. What are you doing? Don't bring it.

Yeah, don't bring it. Why do you have your.

Actual ID? Yeah.

You're not going to get carded. You're 40. Yeah. You're fine. You imagine a killer goes into a place, but he gets carded and he's like, I forgot. It's like, Why? He's like, We're going in there to kill somebody. I don't want to leave any evidence.

He's the honest killer.

The bouts are like, All right, get in there, man. You're not going to kill anybody. I don't like the fact that I've been in groups of people where everybody gets carded. Then they look at me and they go, Go ahead, man. Why? Just card me anyway.

No. I'm in line. No, but they probably.

Recognize you.

Because you're famous. No, because I have an old face. I got an old, weathered face. I still get.

Carded.

Sometimes. That's because they want to make sure it's you. They're like, Is this that guy? Because all Asians look alike. They're like, This just could be another Asian.

All right.

Tell me I'm wrong. They literally go, Is.

That a- Touche. Is that a.

Yeah, they were.

Checking there. All I'm going to say is touché. That's interesting. Maybe you're right.

I think you're one of those guys.

I went to a cocaine party on Saturday night. Wait, come on. I don't know how interesting it is, though.

No, cocaine parties are always interesting.

It might end nowhere. But yeah, I went to a billionaire's house and partied.

Wait, on Saturday night? I smoked a bullet. In Austin?

I didn't do cocaine.

In Austin?

In Austin, yeah.

You went to Joe Regan's house and did cocaine?

No, no. You did a show.

I'm hanging out with Tony Henshcliff. He's got a billionaire friend. He takes me and a bunch of comics. We go to this beautiful house. Elon Musk.

How many people are there?

Fifty.

Hot chicks?

Yeah. Hot dudes? All the chicks are hot. They're all from different countries. They're looking at me like, What is it? But then they get.

To talk. Why is the servant in street clothes?

But then by conversation, they're all like.

I love her. Is that Ellen Be Generous?

I.

Was dancing for her. You were dancing? Oh, yeah. They all thought I was Ellen.

I was just a.

Joke, okay? No, but I leaned in.

Be honest. Did you go skiing?

No, but it was everywhere.

You didn't hit the slopes?

No. Jess, you can be honest. I used to do it. I'm all-.

No Coke near you. No, I can't.

Honestly, if you ever did it and you died from fentanyl, overdose, or whatever, I would be so mad at you.

I know. Don't do it.

What about Ketamine? Just test it.

Ketamine? Oh, yeah, you can test it.

You can test it and get Narcan. You're fine. Go do Coke.

I can't. It's too addictive. I used to do so much of it. That's why I can't do it. Even when I saw it at the party, I had to.

Hold my body. Were all the hot model chicks doing Coke?

I didn't actually see people doing the Coke. It was just on the table.

It was just obvious.

Conversations were there. If I was there and I was using, do I have to ask or can I just do it? If you were to do, Who is this?

No, it was.

Like- Excuse me.

Yeah. Whose Coke.

Is this?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Is this your Coke? Yeah. Can I-Is.

That cool? Okay.

That's what I would do. No. You wouldn't do.

They'd.

Go, What are you doing? Hey, dude, that's my Coke.

Well, then you go like that and you just put it right back out. Sorry, my bad. If you showed up to a party and they knew you were using again, everybody would be giving you Coke. You would leave with extra Coke.

Could I shoot heroin right there or not? At a Coke party, can you shoot heroin?

No. It's a little fau pas.

It is? That's what I thought. Probably going to go with other drugs like ice.

What's ice? Everybody wants to smoke ice, meth.

That cocaine was out like a bowl of chips. Anyone could go in.

There.

Was a DJ who played guitar and DJed and sing.

He was on cocaine. Yeah. Any guy that's.

Doing that much. I think in a couple of weeks I'm going to Austin. I'm going to ask-.

You are? Go at the end of the.

Year, Tony. I'm going to ask. Go at theto the year. I want to ask Tony if he's going to take me to a cocaine party. No. No, just hang up. I'm not.

Going to do it. Don't go to that house.

What? I just want to see.

What it's like. Too much there. Too much available. Carlos is nodding his head. He knows.

Yeah, don't hang out with fucking Tony in Austin.

Why? He's fun to hangout with you.

No, I'm saying don't go to the Coke House is what I'm saying. I'm saying.

Don't go to the Coke House. Was William Montgomery there?

No, no. William is sober. He has skin cancer. He went and got it removed, though.

Oh, God, thank God.

Jesus Christ. Melanoma.

Yeah, but he's.

Doing- Love that guy. Yeah. Melanoma has been hunting me down for years. Really? What do you mean? What the fuck?

Do you have cancer?

I have a.

Blump in my armpit. Let me see your blump. Right here. Is it a bump-lump? It's a big lump in my armpit. It's a blump, yeah. Underneath, inside your skin? You got to go get it checkedout. Why? Bobby. Take a guess why. What if you have lymphatic cancer or something like that? That's where your lymph nodes are underneath your armpits.

It's dying down on that.

Oh, it's gone down? A little bit. Oh, you're fine. Don't worry about it. You go get it checked out. I went to the doctor. I had to go get. You know how hard it was for him to call. He called me and was like, Oh, man, your levels are elevated. I was like, What?

It's such.

A bummer to hear it. He's like, I had to put you on cholesterol medication. I'm sorry. He said your sugars were high. I was like, I don't even eat sugar.

I.

Don't even eat sugar. Carbs. Huh? Carbs. I don't eat that many carbs. Skinier than you, fat ass.

But can I be honest with you? I think I need you guys to really push me into getting healthier.

Really?

I'm at the level.

Hike with me.

No, he's not going.

To do that. No, I'm not at a level.

Well, let's find.

Something that- I can feel my body. I don't feel right.

Hot yoga. You said you want to do that. That'll make you feel so good.

You'll.

Sweat out. I don't.

Feel good. Let's start a program. We'll start a program.

I really don't feel good. Like, neck hurts.

I'm groggy. I'm weak. Let's start a program.

What should it be? The Bobby Healthy Lee.

The Uh-oh Hot Dog workout program.

I just did Dylan Francis' music video and had a dance in it, and it was like- Exhausting.

-i almost died.

Well, how about this? If you are bad friends out there and you have health tips for Bobby, please let us know about your health tips. I need help. We really need to know how we can get him back to square one. I have one idea. What?

Give Andrew full control of your DoorDash account and any food delivery account.

It's actually very interesting.

Anytime you're hungry, you will order food.

You hit me up and I'll order for you. It's actually fucking brilliant.

What?

That's actually fucking brilliant.

I have to get my pink berry.

Well, you work out to deal with him.

You might be the only guy in L. A. That still eats pink berry.

No, Jean, too.

We're addicted to it. It's you two.

We love it.

It's dog shit. What?

I.

Beg to differ. I think the market share showed how bad it was. They opened 1,000, they have four left.

It's a nostalgia.

Yeah, it's dog shit.

Is it ice cream?

No, it's a shame.

It's disgusting. It's not disgusting. You get the malt crunch with it?

What is it?

Pinkberry.

With malt crunch. It's frozen yogurt. It was a tart frozen yogurt.

There.

Was a hype for it. When I first moved to L. A, it became a big thing. They opened the billion and they shut.

It down. I love it. Because Starbucks bought it.

No, it's because everyone realized it was shit. They were like, Fuck this. Let's just have ice cream.

Anyway.

I'll give you my- Ice cream for life.

What would you order? For life. You get a salad every once.

In a while. I'm going to get you, yeah.

I think it'd be more of a.

Restricting- Jersey Mike is going to get that? No. No, no. I'm going to read you what I get.

You can get sub in the tub.

No, that's.

So disgusting. You can get sub in the tub.

What's a sub in the tub? It's literally like all the ingredients for the sub, but in a plastic tin instead of a- No bread. -no bread.

Okay.

There's sub in the tub right there. It's actually delicious.

It looks so.

Gross, though. It's just a salad. That's sub in a tub. What's wrong with that? Sub in.

A tub. Sweetgreen salad is way better than that.

It's just the ingredients without bread.

Okay.

Look at the second one. That's sub in the tub. That's traditional how they do it. It's like a turkey one.

Okay, I'll get sub in.

The top. I've gotten it before. It's not that big. It's actually great.

All right. Okay. Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend.