What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy. Do you want me to introduce you as Dave Bird or Lil Dicky?

You know, probably Dave Bird.

Really? Yeah. Because I had in my mind Lil Dicky, but I get it because your name is Dave Bird.

I'm a man right here in front of you named Dave Bird.

Right. Your name's not Lil Dicky. That's your rap name. Of course.

Okay. I should save all this for the thing, right?

We're in. Okay. So Dave Bird. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Thanks for having me.

Also known as Lil Dicky. How are you feeling today?

Great. I love the colors.

It's our new studio. We're still trying to figure it out. I would say- I love it. I'm having a panic attack because I'm a little OCD. So I know everything that's wrong with this studio. I was actually just having a meltdown before you came here.

What's wrong with it right now?

So I am really frustrated with the close-up shots because the- Is that the close-up? You can see the close-up shot. What I'm not loving right now is the wide shot is phenomenal. You get to see the different textures and the colors. But the close-up shot of you and I, we're not there yet.

I think my close-up is better than yours. Would you agree?

I think it's because you got the nice hair.

What's this? Is that a pink book?

It's We're going to replace that pink book, though, with a pink Call Her Daddy book. But we put it in there because I wanted to find something that I want to look basically exactly like that. But just say Call Her Daddy. Placeholder. Placeholder. We're still trying to figure out. I would say the lighting is still off. The Call Her Daddy sign isn't lit. We could go on and on. The camera angle is maybe a little tilted. It's not perfectly centered.

I'm honored to be a part of the figuring it out stage of this.

But you, from just a complete outsider coming in, you were like, This is good. Yes. Does it make you want to spill your life's secrets?

Not inherently, but it just if I had to repaint my kitchen, I would repaint it like this mauve. Would you say this is mauve?

Yeah. It's a very, very neutrally pinkish, beiges.

I don't fuck that. That's one of my favorite colors Really? Yeah. I love this. Like I said, if I was buying a new house and I had it, and this is not just me saying it to you because I'm here in your mauve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would really like, I think that is the right color.

I can give you the color from my designer. Okay, great. It took me a long time because actually this studio is the exact color of my closet. And I wanted to feel like we were in my house while not being in my house.

Yeah.

Okay, so how did you pick your outfit today?

Very little thought went into it. It's It's comfortable. This is a matching top and bottom, so they're meant to be worn together. It's so comfortable. And I just like the way I look in it, genuinely. I feel good. I think I look good right now in the sweatsuit. I agree. I like your outfit a lot, too.

Thank you. I can give you my merch.

Oh, is that merch?

It's my merch, yeah. Unwell University. That's not an actual college. Got it.

It should be, though. Yeah, I didn't even read the words, but it's really well-designed.

You just like the look. You didn't even hone in on.

I just like the green. I like that we're both independently wearing solid- I agree.

Suits of comfort. I agree. So I want you to give a little intro bio to your sofa the listeners at home, the viewers at home that are like, Dave.

Who is this guy?

Who is this guy? Give us a little elevator pitch.

Yeah. I was born in a town called Cheltenham, Pennsylvania. It's a suburb outside of Philadelphia. Yeah. Like a nice man, love sports, love rapping, music, music. I guess I'm a comedian at heart and professionally. I always love making people laugh. Probably my favorite thing to do in the world is to make people laugh. And I've really tried to take that attitude and create a lifestyle out of it, which I guess I have. And yeah, I could go on and on. Is that a reasonable intro?

That was perfect because we're going to get into it. But I wanted you to be able to tell me first. So I have an interest in where you went with it. You are a comedian. You We have a show called Dave, which is out now. Yeah.

Third season. Yeah. Yes.

You know, guys, let's give him a little behind the scenes. We're recording this a little before it comes out, but right now we're like, It is out. Go watch season three.

It's out. It's the best season yet.

So the show is loosely based off of your life.

That's right.

How do you describe the show to people that haven't watched it?

Like I said, I've always been a comedian at heart. So my whole life, I've been the guy that's trying to make all their friends laugh. And just I feel like conversationally being funny is where thrive more than the way Will Farrell can do all these really dynamic personas. I'm trying to be funny in the moment. I feel as though my show tries to capture that realism of a coming-of-age guy and his group of friends as they're trying to achieve their dreams in life, mine, which in the show and reality is being a professional rapper. I've lived this life. I am a rapper. And for a while, I was only a rapper. I didn't have this show. And as that was happening, I was able to observe and be like, this life I'm living is so inherently funny. The setting couldn't be more fruitful for a comedy TV show.

It's interesting to hear you say that, too, because I feel like a rapper, most rappers are not also comedians.

Right. Yeah. It's cool that I do both. I think that's cool of me.

Which one do you like more?

I love them both evenly. Truly. Even as a rapper, I inject my comedy. And even in my comedy, I inject my rap. So it's like they go hand in hand. That being said, rap is certainly like a young man's game. Am I going to be a rapper when I'm 50? I don't know. But will I still be making really funny content? Definitely.

Oh, so you've got longevity.

I don't want to rule out rapping when I'm 60. I feel like if I can do that, that's awesome. Yeah.

You could be bringing it in your 60s. You could be figuring it out. So your name is Dave.

That's right.

And we're talking about your show, Dave. But now let's talk about you, Dave. You grew up in Pennsylvania. Tell me about your childhood. What was it like?

Amazing. Incredible. Had the best parents, still have the best parents, felt so unconditionally loved, had the best group of friends. The only adversity trauma was penis-related.

Let's talk about that.

Yeah.

Your rap name, Lil Dicky, stems from the fact that you had a medical issue.

Yeah. Well, exactly. Lil Dicky, when I think of as a rap name, I think of small penis, which really isn't... But I think the spirit of the rap name was based off of the bleak truth of growing up and immediately having to get operated on my dick.

Why did you have to get operated on?

It's called Hypospadius, which is... First off, there were several operations. And I don't even know all the facts at hand because I was so young.

How young?

I just told my sister, and I said, Hey, can we look into my medical records from the birth and all that? Because even my parents, they And only they're like, I think it was that. And then I'm just trying to get the actual true facts. How young, newborn. Newborn baby has to get surgery on his dick. My urethra was so tangled. My mom says it was like a corkscrew.

Oh, my. That's so interesting.

So I couldn't piss right. I mean, they're projecting I wouldn't be able to come right. They're projecting that for me.

And so you know it's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah. So you went basically... Because normal little boys are Maybe, I guess, in the United States, you're getting circumcised. You had to get multiple surgeries.

I was overly circumcised. I did get circumcised, too. But yes, they had to fix the tangled urethra. On top of that, there was this condition called like, Bospadeus that isn't necessarily... It's really a mislocated pea hole.

Oh, interesting. Is it actually not at the tip? Is your pea hole on the side of your penis? Do you want to give it? Yeah, let's give a little example. Here you go. Yeah. Okay. Let's just keep it real.

So this is a boner. Yep, that is a boner. Or any dick. This looks like a boner more than a soft.

Celsius is like, thanks.

Right here in the middle is where most guys' pea holes are. Mine is there.

So if a girl is giving you head or a guy is giving you head, sometimes there's a little swirly thing you can do with your tongue, go in the pea hole. Okay. So they would have to go down and- Whatever swirly thing you would do to the underside of the head would be where my pee hole is. Got it.

I've never had another- So you're thinking about- Yeah, here.

The whole rest of the interview, you're just holding the shaft.

I've never had another dick, so I don't know what getting heads is supposed to feel like. I do think that I have less sensitivity in my dick because of the surgeries that I've had.

So you don't like blow jobs?

I like blow jobs, but I'm not... Honestly, I prefer a lubed hand job to a blow job. And I couldn't tell you why. I assume it's probably because I think I just feel head less as opposed to the tight grip.

The tight grip gets you going more than the sloppy toppy delight situation. Would you like both? A little handy and a blowy?

Maybe, sure. Okay. All I can tell you is I have a surprising affinity for the lubed hand job. I love it.

I think sometimes, at least I feel like as women, we get nervous to do the hand job because it's like, how am I going to do that better than you can do it yourself?

It's a third party. You know what I mean? It's just like any third party touching a human feels like if I scratch my own head, that's not going to feel better than even my hairdresser scratching my head.

Because you know what's coming. When you're doing it yourself, you're like, I know where I'm going to go next with my fingers. The third party, it's like, where are we going to go with it? Okay, so your childhood, aside from the penis surgeries, was pretty great. It was great. Tell me about your parents.

They're They're great. They're Jewish parents that... My mom is a therapist. Same. Really? The same?

I think we have a lot of similarities in terms of growing up in Pennsylvania. My parents are still so in love. I was like, well, you guys fucked me up because I'm never going to find someone as good as dad. And it's just like, I had a pretty normal childhood for then, I think, relatively where we are now. But the Jewish... I'm dating a Jewish guy.

Good for you.

How's that going? It's as if I wish my mother would have sat me down at a young age and said, Listen to me, date a Jewish man and only date a Jewish man. I don't know how I didn't have this energy in my life prior. It's just so much better. Everything is better. Everything is bigger and better, and happier, and just like, he's amazing. So your parents, were they strict? Oh, yeah.

Tell us about it. I thought of them as strict, but I never... When I look back at the facts at I mean, I never drank or smoked at all in high school. Okay. In part because of the rules and regulations that were applied to the household. First off, I had the earliest curfew of all my friends every time by default. It's just is what it is. But even independent of that, I had to come home. When I was junior senior in high school, I had to wake my parents up, blow in their nose if my mouth smelled like, obviously alcohol done, but if it even smelled like mint or gum done. If there was any... Yeah. So it's like, I couldn't... Isn't that Wait, what did they think was happening with mint or gum? They thought I was drinking and then trying to cover it up with the mint or gum. So I never even drank. But I also, I think deep down, was relieved by these rules because I wasn't even socially ready. I was fearful of drinking.

Why do you think that was?

I don't know. I honestly think... I don't know. I think truly, the reason I bring up my dick is because it created this layer of insecurity that was ever present socially, especially once people And started dating and hooking up. And now they're playing spin the bottle. And it's so stressful. And I just associated, I think, drinking with romance and romance with, oh, my God, but does my dick even function? And so I was just pretty avoidant of... Even though I was popular and I was cool. I was so cool.

Okay. There's so many things on track here. Hold on. Rewind. Number one, do you have siblings?

I have one older brother. Interesting. But I carry myself like an only child, don't I?

You do. It almost feels like you just popped out of the ground and you're here. I get, though, the concept of... I had that a little bit also just because I was a very competitive athlete of drinking when you're at that age is scary because all of your inhibitions go away and you're completely out of control of yourself. And at that point, you have no fucking tolerance. So you're one beer in and you're like, let's do some crazy shit. And if you were insecure about your penis, then obviously I could see you being like, I want to be aware of how to navigate these situations and not be inebriated and then go do something and I'm embarrassed the next day. When do you think you realized, though, you were embarrassed about your penis? Because no one knew about it.

I can't remember a time where I wasn't. It's the earliest core thought. Yeah. But I can tell you when I felt unembarrassed for the first time, which is- Oh, please share. I start my whole series of my show at the Urologist office, revealing all this It was just a true cathartic moment for me to like, because I don't know. I think I had this image in my brain, for better or for worse, of what I am as far as my legacy on this Earth. And I think it was really largely tied to this show being created. And so I feel like by becoming who I always thought I was with this show, I was able to put behind my insecurities. Do you know what I'm saying?

I totally get what you're saying of sometimes Is the best way to deal with insecurity is to just go at it face first, address it, acknowledge it, be the first one in the room to laugh at yourself. I had really bad acne in high school and in middle school. But high school got so bad. Accutane?

Oh, four rounds. I was on it last year. That recently. I just got off. Like three months ago, I got off.

You look great. Was your acne on your face? Body.

Body. Insane body. My back looks like Vietnam.

Let's talk about that Vietnam situation because I had it on my face. You had it on your back. I'm sure people listening are like, thank God, normalize it because it's so fucking awful. You hate it. You're embarrassed. I remember that obviously affected me with my sexuality a little bit because I was so nervous. I wanted to sleep at a guy's place. I wanted to go and be there, but I was too afraid to wake up with no makeup in the morning. So I would literally, if I did sleep over, I'd be like, so fucking move an inch because I didn't bring makeup and I can't fuck it up because I had such bad acne. How do you remember trying to compensate for an insecurity and going out of your way so people wouldn't know about something you were insecure about?

Well, with the body acne, literally, first off, when I'm alone, I sleep shirtless. But anytime I was with a girl, I would wear a T-shirt, and I'd be like, Oh, yeah. I always sleep with a T-shirt. And then if it was after we had sex, I don't have sex in a T-shirt. But I remember walking to the... It was really my back, not my front. And I would walk out of the room backwards and be like, I'll see you in a minute. And then we'd back out of the room. But even in high school, when I had more facial acne, this is one thing that I don't even think I I don't hold anybody. You get the exclusive. I used to go into my mom's makeup area, take little cotton swaps, and scrape out her Laura Mariscier or whatever the fuck. And I I would scrape fucking makeup, and then I would have... And then so every morning I'd wake up and I'd have these Q-tips that at the end of it had makeup on it. And then I would apply it to the spots. And then if I brushed my face, I'd be like, holy shit.

And I'd be panicked, and I have to go to the bathroom and reapply it. And I never told anybody. And it was a big secret. I used to always have these little Q-tips on me all the time.

I appreciate you sharing that with me because what I don't think is fair is for the fact that I had the ability to put makeup on. Then socially, it's like, you're wearing fucking makeup, Dave. But it's like, yeah, I have a breakout. And it's like how red it gets, and it's fucking awful. So I appreciate you sharing that because ever since I've just been opened up about it, I hate using that word, opened up about the struggles. But it's true because when you're in those dynamics, you are so self-conscious. People are staring at it. You feel so embarrassed. You feel gross. And I think when it's also on your face, you're like, oh, my God, are they listening to what I'm saying? Are they staring at me? I used to hold drinks just like when I'd be talking, if I had... I would just be like this. The old drink trick. Yeah. And it's not a great way to live. So I appreciate you sharing that. Back to you didn't drink, when do you remember what was the first time you got drunk?

College. Where did you go? University of Richmond.

That's a fun school, right?

Yeah. So all of a sudden, thrust into the world of full on binge drinking. You know what I mean? Having never even gotten buzzed and really stressful. Like totally in over my head. The thing that saved me was I had... You know how some shot glasses are taller? So I had this tall, thin shot glass that I was told or was under the assumption that it was a double shot. So I would go out and think I would... All my friends would take six to eight shots and go out. And I would only take three or four of the doubles thinking I was taking eight. And thank God because I- And you're like, Guys, I'm fine.

I've got the double. I don't need another one. I'm over here having doubles.

But man, At Richmond, it's so fraternity and sorority-based, and I'm not that guy. I'm not a... I felt... And so I was like, one of my roommates was pledging a frat, and I'm seeing this guy get woken up at 2:00 AM with no planning or any idea to get blacked out drunk. They're not like, I have no clue what this guy schedules the next day. He could have a huge exam. It doesn't matter. And I'm like, I can't play this game. They're waking me up and I'm getting blacked out. I can't do that. I'm trying to get a great GPA.

So you were very socially popular, you said, in high school, but you're not drinking. Did you play sports?

I played tennis. I was a tennis team captain, one of the most successful tennis team in the history of our high school. But that didn't really give us any social cache. No one cared about that.

I was going to say, I don't think I would have given a fuck.

I was just funny. I was just funny. So I was like, I'm class clown. And I was friends with all the popular kids or whatever. But I was never the guy that was like, the girls wanted.

Okay, so tell me, when did you lose your virginity?

19. So it was like, after a freshman year of college, the summer between freshman and sophomore year of college.

Okay, bring us there. Where were you? Who was this person? I don't- Give the names.

I'm not going to give the names. But all I can tell you is I just remember my main thought being like, oh, my God, it functions. My dick functions. And it was such a relief in that sense. I was so nervous that it wouldn't be big enough or be the right angle when a girl comes on top. You know what I mean?

Had you never jerkt off?

Oh, my God. No one jerked off more. No. I was setting land speed records for masturbation in the tri-state area. I jerked off so much. No one horny or no one coming more. But Not with any woman.

So for your whole middle school, high school experience, do you remember the first time you jerked off?

Yeah.

Tell me.

Brittany Spears, the music video where she's It's like she's in the red suit on Mars. Lucky. I don't think it's lucky. I think it's like, Oops, I did it again. Is it? What's the... Not the schoolgirl one. What was that one called? Is that, Oops, I did it again? I don't think it is.

I know what you're talking about. She's in the red fucking lay tack.

There's not even a piece of skin showing. It's a bizarre choice. She's never been more covered. But yeah, it was Britney Spears. First off, so I was jerking off, felt the feeling of I was about to come and was so scared by... It was so different that I stopped and I didn't come. And then I didn't revisit it until six months later at summer camp, and then I creamed.

You edged your sofa six fucking months.

And then, man, was deep in it.

A new man was born.

Every day, at least once. The women were blossoming, and I was like, just the music videos that were out, TRL. Are you kidding? How are you going to watch TRL without jerking off at least one time?

Thank you for sharing that. Because I thought you were going to say you splooged to Brittany Spears, but to know you started and you were just too afraid because of your dick or because of shame or whatever.

I don't think it was dick or shame. It was just an overwhelming feeling. I was like, whoa, like a new feeling in life. I'm risk averse, not You know how people like to be out of their comfort zone? Don't like that at all. I hate the feeling of being out of my comfort zone. So when I felt that sensation of pre-come- You're like, not. Not ready. I wasn't ready.

Not ready. Yeah. When was the first time a woman touched you sexually, was it the first time you lost your virginity?

No.

Okay, well, tell us that.

I said I wasn't the guy that got girls, but I was certainly best friends with every... And so I was hanging out with all the hot, cool girls in my school. And then one day... First off, let me tell the story of my first kiss, just so you're aware of the climate. Bring us through the timeline. I'm the last guy to everyone... I don't know if they used to call it deeprooting. Did you ever hear that?

Yeah. You're so fucking prudent.

Let's deeprood you. Yeah. So everyone in my entire circle had kissed someone except me. I was the last one. And I'm sitting in my friend's basement, and they're like, Please, someone's got to just kiss him. And And I'm just sitting there, and then one of the girls is like, Just do it. And she was like, Really? And then she went and had a... She was like, Hold it. Let me... And then the girls went in the bathroom and had a 10-minute convo while I'm waiting to see how it netded out. And then she came out and she was like, okay. And I did it. And it was really over. It was like this feeling of saliva, like tongue to tongue. I'm a germaphobe. It's weird. But I was thankful that I was given the opportunity.

Did you feel in that moment embarrassed so that everyone was just I can do it for him.

Yes, but it was so my default state of how I was socially and that it didn't feel new. It felt like this was just the state of life. It felt unremarkable. But when I think back to it, I'm like, that's interesting. That is. Yeah. But So that was relieved to now have... That was more of a relief, I think, than losing my... Although that was a big relief as well. I was in college.

Well, we're going to go through all the reliefs today.

Then I had this opportunity one time where I was hanging out with two girls, and they were just like, Do you want to feel our boobs at the first... But this was before I even kissed a girl. Actually, this is before that. Okay, Dave. So I actually felt breasts before ever kissing a girl. And my rep around town was like, I was really good at tickling the breast and making the nipple hard. And I was like, I felt pride.

Did you have any technique when you actually did it?

No, just instinctive touch. Just like, I think I have a good touch. I have a good, delicate touch. Me as a lover is not an aggressor. I'm really gentle and sweet and delicate. And I applied that even back then. But for example, I felt both their breasts at the same time. And they were like, now let us feel your dick. And it was like a siren. It was like as if a bomb got dropped, and all I heard was the white noise. And I had to make up an excuse as to why I wasn't ready. My dick was so small and fucking scarred, and I just couldn't even deal with it. So I made up and I was like, no, and made up some excuse that I can't even recall. And then I'm telling my friend about this experience. I'm like, Man, I just felt their boobs at the same time, and they wanted to feel my dick. And then my mom was on the other end of it, and she was like, Hang up the phone right now. And then I had to go up there and be lectured by my loving, wonderful parents about how the crowd I was moving with was too fast.

And I was literally like, What does it even matter? Because I'll never show anyone my dick anyways. And I started crying. That's what was going on. I was crying in front of my parents about my dick sucking.

And what did your parents say?

They were so sweet, and they were very empathetic. They didn't realize it was still bothering me. But very awkward conversations to be having. I wanted no part of that.

Totally. I love how your mom is like, this crowd is moving too fast. You're like, I've been the last to get kids. I don't drink. I literally give you my breath every fucking night I come home. Exactly.

I couldn't be moving slower. I'm literally.

Would you have conversations with girls that you start? It can't. It's okay. You're like a contortionist. It's going to get better. You're going to come back on for season four, and we'll have it all figured out.

Ergonomically sound set up.

What's the youngest you got a girlfriend?

Senior year of high school.

Okay. So when you had your girlfriend senior year of high school, are you telling girls? No. No.

Oh, my God, no.

So you're really good at avoiding. Yeah. And coming up with, Can't right now because I got up. My mom's over there. How would you avoid it?

I mean, I control the lighting whenever for years, really, up until maybe 2018. Really, daytime. We don't do this stuff in the daylight. I have a funny... That I can disarm with the comedy, I guess. But yeah, no, I was very avoidant. But I will say this, in my My experience, there was a point in time where I was just like, Fuck it. Let the light occur. And I feel as though, for the most part, a lot of women might not exactly know exactly what a dick is supposed to look like. And so when I realized that... Because it's not that crazy.

What's crazy about it?

I don't know when they appear, but I had these little black dots on my dick.

Okay. Like a freckle.

Bigger? I'd It's like a poppy seed.

A poppy seed.

Like three-dimensional. And I was like, Mom, I got to have these black dots removed from my dick. So I got them removed. One of the black dots got, I guess... And this is all my theory. Right. That's why I'm asking for the medical records. All I know is I had black dots, got them removed. Then after I got one of them removed, all of a sudden, where one of the black dots was, pee now shoots out of that spot. So when I pee, I actually have a This main hole that's mislocated to begin with this main hole, as if I didn't have enough problems, a new hole. It's like a pin prick. You wouldn't even be able to really see it. You would if I stretched my dick out and said, look right in this spot. So when I When I pee, it's two holes. When I pee in a urinal, I take my finger, my pointer finger, and I clog it, and I just piss on my finger every time I pee. Or if I'm by myself, I'll pee sitting down to avoid that, and it'll trickle all over my balls.

I was I'm going to say, you could sit down.

That's always a better- I sit down every time I pee, but in a public setting. I mean, a men's room in the stall is the most atrocious place on earth.

I get it. Okay, first of all, I just want to say, I do, because I know there's a lot of joking that goes around this, I actually really do appreciate you being so open about it because one, I know we said, deal with your insecurities head on. However, I think that something that is your dick or for women, it's your tits or what does your labia look like? It is a huge thing that can affect your self-worth and how you feel about yourself. And so I appreciate you being honest because I can imagine there's so many fucking people that are so insecure about a body part. And I think, especially for men, it's like, that is what gives you your manhood. And so I can imagine as much as you've now turned it into you've joked about it and you've made it your own. And it's like, That shit is fucking scarring. No pun intended. It is.

I don't think anything has informed the DNA of my personality more than... I'm not bringing it up because I think it's like, this is so funny. It's not like a low brow thing. I actually think It's interesting how this has totally shaped my personality.

I think any time you have an insecurity, and we talked about, you avoid, you deflect, you become so good at avoiding just accepting yourself, which is really what it is. Now that you've been so open about it in your career, has it alleviated in terms of when you meet... Do you have a girlfriend right now? Yes. Okay, so we'll get there. But before even meeting your girlfriend or your girlfriend now because you're so public, my name's a little dicky. I'm owning all this, does it alleviate the pressure now of when you meet a potential romantic partner that you are like, Yeah, it's my bit. My dick has got What's up?

Yeah, pretty much. I would say I also was like, man, am I just putting such a bullseye on? Pay attention to this. If you weren't paying attention before, now, maybe I'll really... Luckily, I met my girlfriend right when the show came out. So there's one episode of season one of my show that's deeply about this exact topic. I remember the second date I had with her, she was at my house, and I showed her the episode that wasn't even out yet because I just wanted her to know all the facts at hand and feel that relief.

What was her reaction?

Cool. Great. She's like, This woman's my soulmate. Yeah. So I think I got a lot more confident when I became a successful rapper. And still, Lil Dicky was my shtick, but I wasn't announcing the true details. I was like, I have a small dick, but it wasn't like, I have a small several times operated on dick with mislocated holes and extra holes. It wasn't all the details. And I just think I had enough sexual encounters pre those details, but post Lil Dicky that went favorably. I was creating an orgasm from the woman, and I just felt like a competent lover. And so I think I just I was able to... I think it's more about how you work it and just being sweet and... I don't know. A gentle lover. A gentle, genuine. To the tits.

I had a gentle touch. I guess I'll Another last question to wrap that up is, how did you take me to the moment when you decided you were going to have your rap name be Lil Dicky?

I don't know how I came up with the idea, but I had the idea, and then I was like, well, I wanted to do... I felt like, especially initially, I was like, my whole thing is going to be that I'm the opposite of what you expect a rapper to be like. So I was like, what is a name that totally encapsulates that vibe? So to me, rap is very hyper-masculine, very like, I'm the man. So I thought, I'm very self-deprecating in all ways. So I thought, I want my rap name to be totally self-deprecating. Thought of Lil Dicky. And then made a whole list of names for months, trying to beat Lil Dicky. And I never beat it. And I was just like, okay, I think the second best one to me was, and it is a good one. Sometimes I ask myself, would I have been as successful with this rap name? Young Man. Hearing that- Young man's dope.

Young man's great. Yeah.

Someone should be young man.

Someone out there should be young man. However, there's no personal- Yeah, it doesn't have that zing. It's like, who the fuck is Lil Dicky? What?

I know. So I do my rap name. Honestly, truthfully, I hate my rap name, but I also love it. Why do you hate it? Because it's just like when I see people on the street, they're like, Yo, Dicky. I just don't see myself as Dicky. I go a little bit cringy when people are like, Yo, Dicky. I never grew up people calling me Dicky.

It had to been Lil Dick. Would you like that? Hey, Dick.

I think I might... But Lil Dick is too, I don't know, too overt. With Lil Dicky, I think it was perfect because you're thinking, is it? Is that what it is?

But now that you've been so open, you could get rid of the why. You could leave this room today and say, It's Lil Dick.

I love Lil Dicky. It's my curse and my blessing, and I bear it, and I bear it proudly.

Yeah. It's interesting to meet you in person.

Am I not what you thought I would be?

No. I think you're way more sensitive, and normal, and grounded, and you're really funny. But I can tell that now knowing more about you, where you came from, of course, you're funny, but you're a How do I say this? You're a really sweet guy. That is in a very flashy world that can get a little bit misinterpreted, especially because you're playing a version of yourself on a show. But naturally, I felt it sometimes with my show where I'm like, I don't talk every minute of the day. So in the past shows, I never shut the fuck up. And I was talking about sex and dating and relationships. But it's like, I'm not doing that all the time. So I'm relating to a little bit in the sense of who you're portraying online and a character, even you just being a rapper. Let's just start there. Rappers- Have a certain persona. You know what I mean? Especially me.

The show really, I think, helped for anyone who was like, I don't know about that little dicky guy. Seeing the show is like, even if I'm not the same exact, it's way more than just seeing a music video of a guy, like, rhyming. And everything's rhyming. Good point. Talking in a rap voice. And I think with the show, I want to come. I don't want to be an unlikable character, and I think I'm not.

You said that the writers room for your show, Dave, is like a group therapy session, except it's one where the sole focus focus is on you, which is fucking interesting. What is a hard truth that you've been hit with in the writer's room? Because everyone's focusing on you. Dave, what are we doing?

What are your flaws? How do they manifest themselves?

Is there anything that you've in a writer's room been like, fuck, I need to think about that more?

I'm pretty self-aware. I've never felt like, and I guess the writers do a good... I can tell that they all genuinely like me. I'm friends with a lot of them. I think I've told them I'll tell them stories of my selfishness, but it's like, I've always known I was selfish. So it's like, I just, by default, have always lived life. And it's a privileged perspective to have, but trying to maximize my self-interest. And for example, just dating. I never got girls growing up. Like, oh, now I'm a famous rapper and I have social leverage. I have my pick of the litter. I think that's an abuse of power, especially the way gender dynamics are by default in current society. It's not an even playing field to begin with. So then for me to be like, this is my competitive advantage. You're not thinking about the other person as a human being. You're trying to be like, oh, I deserve the best girl. I'm waiting till I have perfection in a woman, and no one's ever going to be perfect. And that's a flawed way to date. That's really a privileged way to think about things in general, because we're operating as men under the skewed power structure.

I went on so many dates. No No one has dated more than me. And I feel like the main thing I would learn as I talk to the women that I was dating was how shitty guys are. And I think that it's just a current climate where I think by default, it's like the norm is where the man has... Think about the way even proposing works. A woman has to just wait until the man decides they're worthy enough to then... It's all so baked in. It's Just having those with my girlfriend or having the conversations with the women in the writers room and not ever realizing that... I never think to myself, I'm not a shitty guy with girls. I really don't feel that way. But I don't think I realized that just even by default, by just allowing the status quo to be what it is, I am being shitty in a way. And I think that's something where I was like, huh? It wasn't more like, oh, man, I feel so bad about myself. It's more, I'm so happy that I'm in a position where I get to have these conversations and learn and then make art that can portray that.

And then so some other guy who's watching it could be like, do I behave that way? And make them ask them those questions. Thoughts?

Dave, I'm really impressed. You said it and you didn't need to say it because as I've been sitting here with you, and I guess it's because we both have therapist mothers. But you are very self-aware. And I think it's really refreshing to hear a white hetero man with money and, yes, power just be like, oh, yeah. I think it's so obvious to me that this is the dynamic. And I think on top of it, having Fame, it makes it even harder, I think, for women to look objectively at a situation if they're on a date with you and feel like, I have an equal say in this. They're just happy to be there sometimes because the power dynamic is so off. That I think it's interesting to hear you talk about coming to the realization And then when... So when did you meet your girlfriend?

2020.

So you were already famous?

Yeah.

How did that go? How did you meet?

One of the writers on my show, Vanessa, a woman I love, I kept saying, you got to set me up. I'm a hopeless romantic, for sure. I wasn't going on all these dates to, fuck, I was going to meet my wife. I worked so hard that simply having a date set up in the week was my beacon I have hope that I would work towards. I was like, I can't wait till Thursday when I meet Lauren. We're just making a name up. Maybe Lauren's my wife. And then I'd meet Lauren, and I'd be like, I don't know. And then I would be like, On to the next one, which is an unfair way to approach it. I knew that I would always have, in theory, I know that my personality, I really am nice. And for the most part, I'm going to be able to get the second date. And I think I went into every date being like, is this my wife? Am I blown away? Am I fully blown away to the point where I can't even think about... No, okay, then it's not right for me.

Okay, wait. Before we move forward from that, that's so interesting. So you went on on these dates, and did you... How vulnerable do you get on these dates? Because I thought it was interesting that you said all these women, the common theme was them talking about how shitty guys are. But I feel like it's because you're such a good guy that they immediately like, why aren't guys like this treating women like this? Were you being overly sweet to these people?

Well, I think I'm being... I think I just by default am sweet. I definitely like, if I'm on a date, I'm trying to be charming. I would be super...

Did you have any things you would do on dates that was your go-to?

Oh, yeah.

Tell us.

First off, my go-to pickup line every time was, Excuse me, what's your availability as far as being hit on right now? Are you open-minded to that type of thing or not even remotely?

It's good.

Yeah. And it's just It's like, what else? I'm not going to be like, Hey, how's your night going?

I don't even know you. Has anyone ever been like, Fuck off?

They've been like, Oh, I'm not open. I have a boyfriend. But that was nice. That was good. Yeah. Great feedback with that line.

That's fucking great.

Thank you. It's all such bullshit. Just be like, hey, are you down to get hit on by me in this moment? Or not? You have to be transparent. Yeah. I met my girlfriend at the right time for sure because it was COVID. And it allowed me to slow down and give love a shot. And my current girlfriend is my soulmate. I'm just obsessed with her. When she met me, she was fresh off of a long breakup. So she wasn't trying to get into a relationship either. So I think for her, it was like, oh, cool. Rapper, funny guy. This is an exciting thing for me. I never thought this was going to be the next guy I dated. And I think it was good for her to have something to really look forward to. Her whole life just changed due to her last breakup. You know what I mean? Yeah. And then I think we just fell in love with each other.

We're going to talk a little bit more about that. I do have one more question about your penis. Yeah. Two questions, because then I want to go more into the relationship side of things and sex. What is your relationship with your penis now at this very moment?

I love it. I love it the way you love a flawed Pixar character. It's this charming Pixar character that's a little bit misshapen. I, for example, talk about my dick all the time. And the guys who made the score for the first two seasons of the show are I love these men. They're one of my best friends in LA, and I love hanging out with them, but they had never seen my dick. And they were obviously... They were like, Just show us your dick. And I showed it to them, and they were just like, Man, you couldn't... I was worried that it was going to be overhyped, but I've never thought something was smaller and bigger at the same... It's so small, yet it's so big. It's so fucked up, but so beautiful. They were like, It's this perfect contradicting thing. They really were blown away. And every now and then, when we're struggling to come up with score, I can tell they need motivation. I'll show them my dick And they'll be like, all right, I'm ready to lock in.

Picturing you standing there in that room just pulling your pants out and then like, okay.

There are scenes that we've scored for the show where literally two men are playing the keyboard and I'm just butt naked sitting there.

Because it just gives them such motivation.

It's just funny. It's a funny thing. I don't know if you've seen season two where me and Benny do that. Have you seen that I haven't seen that. Okay. Yeah, good. You'd have a lot of questions, I think. But there's a certain Jewish... There are times where I've jerked off and other guys were in the room as a kid and we're all just jerking off at the same time in the same room.

Is that a Jewish thing?

I don't know if it's a Jewish thing, but it might be a suburban Pennsylvania fucked up kid thing.

I'm going to ask my friends if they ever jerkt off in the same room in a Pennsylvania basement.

I'd love to know the stats.

Yeah, I'll let you know. If you could tell your 10-year-old penis something, what would you say to him?

Girls don't know what it's supposed to look like. It's all going to be okay. It functions. It works. It will develop. Really, it's like it's a nice weight. There was one time, I remember, where I expressed insecurity about the length of my dick. And a woman said, there's such girth. And that there's nothing better than a well-weighted dick, she said. And that stuck with me. So I would say, hey, man, you got a weird dick, but it's going to work. It's going to work out well, and you're going to be able to create the female orgasm.

And that's all that matters. I will say a smaller penis is better for... I personally think a smaller penis is better for allowing a girl to have an orgasm. Cool. Because you can just hit a little bit more near that area where a large penis, I'm like, you're more near my belly button. That's not where the G-Spot area is. Let's back it out. So I put half of it in there. But for you, you can enjoy yourself going all in.

I get all in, and then I'm in, and now I'm wiggling. I'm in, and I'm slow grinding. I'm not doing that. No.

We're in. We're marinating. Oh, my God. Your girlfriend is like, Why were you doing it on that show? Speaking of your girlfriend, you guys live together. Yeah.

We just got a puppy.

What kind?

A Cockapo. Reggie. Reggie. He's the cuteest.

You should have called him Young Man.

Maybe I will. There's still time. Okay. I could be his nickname.

What is something that you learned about the opposite sex by living with your girlfriend?

I feel like there's no friction whatsoever as far as us living together. We're very similar. I've actually never met anybody from a personality perspective more similar to me than my girlfriend. So it's bizarre. And I didn't know who I was going to end up with as far as... I always thought, whoever I'm going to end up with is going to be the opposite of me to like that. But it's actually great to be on the same page about everything in life. I agree.

Do you want to get married?

Yeah.

Have you talked about it?

Yeah. I talk about it all the time.

That's great.

It's going to go down. Yeah.

Have you thought about how you're going to propose?

A little bit, but not... Basically, it It'd be like the way I am with my show right now, I can't even believe I'm here. I can't believe how hard it is to finish this show, the post schedule. This show is getting worked on in real-time all the way. So it's like, if I hit my head on the way out of here and went to the hospital for two weeks, I think we'd miss air dates. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. So it's like every day is game seven right now. So for me, I don't want to even think about that type of thing until I'm actually... I want to be able to focus on her. It's It's hard to date me in the sense that I'm always distracted with the task at hand.

Are you neglecting your girlfriend?

I don't think so.

Maybe.

In a sense, but not in a way that's surprising. Because I think working from home is so nice because now that she's not going in or not, we're both always there. We're overlapping. I think what's most important is that when I'm with her and I'm not, it's like, don't neglect there. Be present in that moment.

And I'm sure, I think to be with someone Obviously, like you. I'm sure you guys have a good balance of she knows what you're doing, and you're grinding it out right now, and you're at such a great point in your career that there's moments in relationships where you have to be there for your partner while they're going through it. And then all of a sudden, the show could be done one day. And then it's like, you got to be there for her with whatever she's going through.

She couldn't be more supportive. And it's so nice to have that. So good. I couldn't appreciate her more or love her more.

What is your taste in porn?

Super HD. If there's anything non-HD, I'm not interested. I like things that feel real. Have you ever heard of X art, X No. Go Google or PornHub, search X-Art, and you'll see it's very slice of life, handheld, well-lit, well-shot. It feels so real. It's not like... It's like sweet. On a tryy pod. Yeah, it's on a tripod. I don't like when the dick is too big. Scary. Yeah, I can't relate. I love watching head more than actually getting head.

That's so interesting. Well, because maybe you like jerking yourself off more than you like getting head. So you can jerk off while you're watching someone get head. But you're like, but I don't have to get head. I can just jerk myself off. What is the best skill you have to offer in the bedroom?

I'd say truly my touch, my sense of touch. When the hand is drifting up the thigh. You've got the hand. I got the hand. I got the touch, a great tickle.

A tickle? So are you good at fingering? Yeah. Have you been given that note?

I think so, yeah. Okay. I feel better about the way I get my hands on someone than I do necessarily going down on them. Okay. Not that I think I'm like... I think I look at myself as an artist with the touch. Going down, I don't know. I'm like, it's like a free for all, and I'm not even sure what's going on.

I love the self-awareness because some men need to recognize that. If you don't know you're great at it, to every man listening, don't eat a girl out If you really don't think you know what you're doing, because it's actually so sad for us because we're like, how do I tell them just to come up and fuck me? Let's just stop. Just stop. Fingering is 10 times better because sometimes the guy doesn't know how to use the It's hung. So it's like, let's just cut to the chase. You're not even rubbing my clit. You're on a random patch of skin that's not even my labia. We're not in the region for you to stay down there for more than 30 seconds. Just get up here. So you're good with the touch? Yeah. Okay. Touch guy. Have you ever made a sex tape?

No.

If you ever did, what would the tone of the sex tape be and how would you produce it?

I do think that I could have been a porn star because of that, like Pixar-like quality that I think would be for the people to see such a flawed dick in porn. But I don't know. I don't know. This is tough. I don't send dick pics.

You've never sent a dick pic in your life? Never. I think that's smart. No one needs a dick pic anyways.

No. My My dick is too...

No. I don't care how good a dick is or about it. It doesn't matter. No one needs a dick pick, really.

I think Pam and Tommy style, vintage camera, feeling like fly on the wall. There's a special moment between the two people. If I had to make one.

What is something unusual that turns you on?

One of my favorite phases of sexuality is the moment where my dick is being touched over my underwear. I'll be hooking up, and I'm not speaking about my sexual vision with my girlfriend, so I'm just saying my past experiences. And a girl will be trying to take the underwear off, and I'll keep it on. I'll wait because it's my favorite phase is the over-underwear touching of the boner. It's my favorite part of the whole thing.

But do girls ever be like, Oh, does he not want me to go down?

I probably. Just because... Yes. Because I- They're like, Oh, sorry. So clearly love the... They're like,.

And they're like, Well, Dicky. Oh, maybe. Maybe that's almost... It's a little lingering from your past of you used to actually be like, No, don't go down there. And you hiked them up.

It could be. It could be like, think about my underwear on. That's the thing.

And now it gets you off that you actually will eventually, you'll let them take it off. But let's linger in the- Yeah. Don't take them off in the foreplay.

Yeah. I'm a big... I like foreplay.

What do you want people to know about you? As we wrap up this episode, what is something you feel like is a little like, misconception? You wish people got more about you?

I don't know. I think I'm an open book, but I feel as though if I had to answer that question, I would say for the people out there who might see a Lil Dicky rap video and think that's a satirical-based joke that requires a tongue-and-cheek, asshole-y, adjacent perspective to know that there's probably thought behind it. And I really value the joke. I love making jokes, and I honor the joke. And as a human being, I feel like I am a good man.

A young man.

Yeah.

Young man. Lil Dicky. Thank you so much for coming on. This was so fun. I really had no idea what to expect. And I had a great time talking to you today. Great. Did you have a good time? Yeah. Nothing too offensive.

No, I thought time flew. It was short.