Hey, Club Randam fans. Guess what I did? I wrote a damn book. It's called What This Comedian Said Will Shock You, and it's available for pre-order now where you get your books or at simonandchooster. Com.

When I first saw Monty Python, when I was a kid, I lost my mind. Like, this is everything that I want. If I could have just been a pure stand-up and never done anything-But you're already known as the purest of the pure stand-ups.

Club Randam. I must tell you, I got up this morning. I was like, Christmas morning. No, really. I have felt that Christmas morning vibe because like, Jerry Seinfeld is going to be here.

I am excited, too. I got excited, too. I've been excited for a couple of days.

It looks odd that we're talking about being excited in this position with each other. Sit down. There's a stripper ball right there. I see. But you'll never guess who just called me. Lena.

I just talked to him, too.

But I said, I haven't seen him in a while. I really would love to get together. Maybe the three of us when you're-That'd be amazing.

That's what's good about these shows, though, which I'm sure you've already discovered. I discovered with the comedians in cars, people I can't... I'm not calling people up and hanging out. But if you do a show-I said it every week.

In Both people who I know, like you, who are like, Exactly, why are we here? Because we're forced to... We're not. It's just this crazy force of thing that makes us we don't need the money. You don't need the promotion, although we'll certainly do what we can. Thank you.

But the other thing is, I don't know how you feel. I think you might be a little different this way, but I don't like to be around people not working. The working is this... It's like a baseline current. It's like a beat. It's I can hang out with almost any comic if we're here to do a gig. If I'm here just to enjoy your company, that's not good.

To me, no, the art.

It's not going to be good enough.

Your company.

I can get a set in and chat and screw around.

And get some new material. I mean, I could take that the wrong way, but I'm not going to. Yes, I can really see the point about and said it to about work, but also to while you are working, do exactly what you would be if you were not working. In other words, if we were-Let's go over that again. If we were just here and we weren't working, I want this conversation to be zero different.

Oh, that won't happen. That can't happen. Because I'm a savvy professional. Do you think I don't know that if I say something stupid, it won't-Okay, I can do it. No, even you are savvy. You are also the savviest professional. What are you way right now, Bill? What are you way?

Why is that a relevant question?

What's the name of the show? Club Random.

You're right. Okay.

What are you way?

I think probably 152 today. What?

Today.

Today, it varies.

Yeah, me too. I weigh 166 today.

What were you in 1979?

'79, I was probably 150, probably the same. But I think you're slightly smaller.

I don't know. Over time or you mean compared to you? Yes, it's a frame. You're a little bigger.

A little bit, yeah.

Also ego. Yes.

Well, I don't know. That's a close race.

Well, listen, before I forget, what can I get Jerry for his birthday? I mean, the man, you have everything. You're a great star.

Never get tired of it. Do you ever get tired of that? No. No one else ever said those words. But Dawn, you're a great star.

I know. I only said it to you. I love it. No one else. I love it.

I want you so bad.

But she took the necklace off and the head hits the sink. Some of those things, they made no sense. Drop your pants and fire a rocket.

Well, Well, he didn't want to say, fire a rocket out of my ass. That's what he wanted to say. But he was very clean, which is interesting because he had those little... What do we call them? He would just bend the rules, let's say, for television. Oh, yes. But yeah, drop my pants and fire a rocket out of my ass. That's what you're supposed to... You're supposed to finish it in your head.

I didn't even know that was a thing.

Oh, sure.

Well, I loved it as a kid, no matter what he did. He certainly would be eminently cancelable today.

Let's not.

Oh, I promise you. I saw him- You can't move him from then to now without him. Modulating? He wouldn't have.

You don't know that. He's going to want to work. I think the man likes to work.

Okay, but I saw him doing it like later than it should have. But I saw him opening.

Yeah, that was a miscalculation.

Anyway. Anyway. I wanted...

This is so... Bill, I'm so touched.

You don't even know what it is yet.

Don't worry, I'm not really touched.

What it is. Well, I hope you were touched by what I gave you at your 60th.

I was. I put it very prominently in my little den. The metal wrap, but I love it. I look at it and I think of you and it's too much because you Really?

Well, and it's true. And let me tell the people.

Oh, gosh. Do we have to? Oh, really? Are you going to tell them? You don't want to. All right, go ahead. It's okay.

It's not a big deal.

It was very sweet.

It was very nice. But it limbs, I think for an audience who you really are to us, the comedians. I had a rabbit made. By the way, they don't make rabbits. I had to have it made because you can get a bunny on Amazon. Bunny's are all over, but not like the rabbit in motion. The idea was Jerry was always the rabbit among the comedians. He was the leader of the pack. We were all chasing, and it was inscribed the Rabbit We Never Caught. You don't remember that? Of course I remember. You said it like, Oh.

I don't think I read it. Does it say that on there? It does. Oh, I never read it. I'll go home right after this and read it.

You just remember me saying it at this point?

Yes.

That's interesting. Wow. Well, anyway, that's exactly who you are. Always were. You've also been a great friend. You were there when I did the first week of Politically Incorrect. You didn't have to. You flew to Washington on your wife's birthday in 2014 when I needed a guest on when we did our special show in DC.

That's right. When you did the standup special.

And I certainly have vivid memories of I remember one time I got off stage at the comic strip and I had tried all this new material. It was my first year. I remember you, I looked back and I think you must have been thinking, you fucking idiot. But you were nice enough to be like, you should just try one or two of those things. And it was advice I needed to get and probably did not follow for another three years. But I went through all my file from 1979 because I thought, where can I get the person? I Everything got the amazing career, the perfect wife, the great family, the adoration of a grateful nation. The only thing that could get you is to amuse you and give you a memory or bring back a memory. Here's my show in Pal box. Look at this from 1979. What is it?

Comedy Hour, Biltmore & Company.

I don't know why I'm in company. It's my first year in comedy. But look at the time.

12:30 to 1:30.

12:30 to 1:30.

Well, you can't give me this.

I'm not giving it to you. There is something I do want to give you. Okay. That I've treasured for 50 years, 60 years. But I60? Yeah. Yeah, it's 1964, but 12:30. The fact that we were doing shows.

All the time.

Well, 12:30 would be a bad time to do the show, AM or PM, but this was noon. This was a nooner. Okay. All right. Here's the thing I want to have framed if you like it for you. See if you can see what this is. I bet you you are here.

I'm a pack rat.

You're not.

Oh, my God. Do you know what that is? Of course, I know what it is. Really? I love this more than anything. Yes.

Were you there?

I lived for it. I went many, many times, and I have quite a bit of memorabilia myself. Anything blue and orange that says World's Fair on it, I have it.

Not anything. Well, that is the map that told you where all the pavilions and everything was at the 1964 World's Fair.

Which... Let's be honest, Bill. What? And say there's a sadness to what the world seemed like to us at this time, what we thought it was, what everybody wanted it to be, right?

I was looking at this the other day, and I see the GM Pavilion. I thought, nobody bitched about every fucking thing back then. Now, every pavilion would have somebody in front of it like, you're making oil and you can't. Nobody would just enjoy the fucking-Well, it's Jimmy Brogan's great heckler line that he used to do.

When people would start to heckle, he would always say, I'm sorry, we don't have microphones for everyone. Remember that line? No, I don't. Unfortunately, that's what happened. That's what happened. And yes, it ruined everything. But how do you have this?

By the way-Because I'm a packerad. I'm the opposite of you.

Is this a map of the World's Fair? It looks like an architectural rendering.

No, I think they gave it to you so that you could know where... Hey, I'm here at the Finland Pavilion. No, really. We want to get to Muriel's Cigars before lunch. We want to get to Muriel cigars? I remember walking around here and at one point being very tired and my feet were hurting. Yes.

Remember how boring the countries were? I don't want to see any countries. Let's go to the world.

Well, the Caribbean, you'll see that was on there. That was a good one.

Do you remember the stories of the kids that got lost in there and their parents left them there and they were living off the coins in the fountain to eat corn dogs?

I don't remember that, but I do remember kids getting lost there.

You're going to give this to me?

I want to have it framed and then give it to you.

Yes, I would love it, and I'll put it up on my wall because this means a lot to me.

You can look at it endlessly. It's so intricate, and they have all the... Incredible.

Thank you, Billy. That's lovely.

See, you can't get that at Sears.

No.

So funny that you mentioned Jimmy Brogan. This is what I took out of TV Guide in 1979, the year I met you at the Clubs. I kept every one of the fall preview issues of TV Guide that had all the news shows. You know what I'm talking about? Of course. And that was That was a big event for me when I was a kid.

The fall shows, yeah.

This one I do not remember, but this is a man called Sloan, Robert Conrad. I loved him. I wanted to be him. Yeah. What a stud. Stars as Thomas Remington Sloan III, a stylish cosmopolitan and unnervingly effective globe-circling secret agent, not unlike James Bond, who reports directly to the President of the United States. But look who's at the bottom.

Out of the Blue with Jimmy Brogan.

And I cut that out because it was like, wow, I know a guy in TV God. Right. Like, That really... See, like I said, like there was nobody else here.

I read for Trapper John so many times. What? I don't know why they kept reading me. They never put me on the show. I was desperate to get on in the '80s. So here it is.

Trapper John?

Trapper John.

I didn't know you read for guest starring on- A couple of times, yeah. I know you did The Benson. You were a regular.

Yes. Well, I did three I thought it was seven. No, it was three, and they fired me. Mercifully.

That's very close to the guy who didn't sign the Beatles. Yeah. Sorry. That's all right. By the way, drink? You don't drink? Or you just have coffee?

I drink, but it's a little early, and I'm driving.

You're driving. You drove yourself. Yeah. What a stud. But we know how you feel about cars.

Yeah. I drove an old Mercedes Benz It's diesel here.

I mean, that level of car, I mean, I guess Jay has it, too.

Level of car enthusiasm. Yeah. I don't want to talk about that. I don't either. I don't like to. I know it's not of any interest.

But To your credit, you made it interesting to me on the show, like when you did those Accua commercials. A little bit.

You got a little interested.

Well, not enough to pursue it, but I was interested in the connection you had between the person and the car, why you felt that. That, I thought, was elegant.

Yeah, people like that.

I never understood the one you picked me up in. It was a German police.

It was for one joke, which is it was a VW police car because you're someone who seems to have a lot of power and has none. I thought that's what that car is, a VW police car. You're police, but you can't catch anybody.

Well, yeah, I guess. I noticed that in that show, though, in your own Seinfeldian way, you did become such a truth teller. Obviously not political the way I do it, but you just used your political capital from the first show. I felt the popularity that you would accrued to go, Well, I'm just going to say what the fuck I want. And it's not always going to be that pleasing to everybody. And that's, to me, the most refreshing thing in show business.

Yeah, but it wasn't. It was nothing really... I suppose it was a little more revealing than what people had known prior, but not that much. Really? I don't know. What have you...

That's what I think.

Oh, okay.

I mean, just because you weren't playing from a script like in the show. I mean, that's a character, first of all, obviously close, but the situations were so absurd. Right. They were ridiculous. There was a show about nothing. Nothing. It was about everything. All those. That's not. And then now you're just talking to somebody and they're saying, What do you think? Oh, your kid's nothing. Right. You just You said things about family and stuff like that. That was like, oh, wow.

Well, that's what this show is, what you've accomplished with this show, because I thought nobody has always been more I don't want to use the word transparent, but we probably know more about your opinions than any other celebrity out there. And yet on this show, there was a whole other world of stuff that I can't believe. I still can't believe. When you were on with, I think it was Mammet, and you got into a thing about the battery shortage in Germany, that they were trying to go electric when they over Shot it. I'm going, How does this guy stop at that article in the paper? They're like, Yeah, I need to know more about the German power grid.

Stop. You don't think you know about many things?

No, I don't. Not like you. Really? No, I watched the show to see what does Bill know that I didn't know he knew, and I'm always blown away. Wow. That one was amazing. Then you talk with that other guy about the Bible, and you know all about the Bible.

I'm old.

I know, but your brain is worthy of all the attention it gets.

We'll finish your thought, Jerry. Yes.

No, I think you're amazing. I'm enjoying you as much now.

You're such a sphings. I didn't even know you ever saw this show.

I watch every one.

How do I know these things? I texted you about doing this. You never texted me back. I texted you back.

No. I love to. I'm a fan of the show.

Oh, yes, that originally. Then I texted you about a month ago and said, What about when you're promoting the Pop Tart movie? And I didn't hear back. Your people got back and said, Yeah, he's going to do it. I was thrilled. Because I already told you I want to do it. I know, but most people are not quite... See, again, I'm a rat pack. You are the guy who is... There's no extra. No extra.

I do like that. I love no extra.

I think, to quote one more thing that I quoted before about the Paul Simon song that I always think that is you. It's such an amazing song, One-Trick Pony. You are anything but a One-Trick Pony because you've been successful. When You did reinvent the talk show. You had your series and you've done movies. But there's that middle part. He makes it look so easy, look so clean. He moves like God's immaculate machine. He makes me think about all these moves I make and all this herky-jerky motion and the bag of tricks it takes to get me through my working day. I feel like I'm the herky-jerky guy.

Well, you're not.

And you're the guy who's just gliding through with no extra and no No Bagage and no stupid mistakes.

That song, by the way, hit me like that, too. I thought, That's everything I want to be, what he's describing. I go, that's it. You don't think you are that? I don't I'm trying.

I don't know. You're always more mature than the rest of us, like back in the day.

What did you do that was immature, professionally speaking? We all knocked around.

Professionally and personally, many things.

Not professionally.

Yeah, absolutely professional. I used to piss off the crowd, so they hated me so much. No matter what joke I told them, no matter how funny it was, they would never laugh. That's the most unprofessional thing you can do. I remember once at the Comedy Cellar, the emcee getting after me and saying to the audience, Okay, that bad man is gone now.

That is absolutely...

We'll run fast. I think it was. That bad man is gone now. I was very...

Okay. I consider that just Growth. No. Creative experimentation that you needed.

No. It was not an experiment. No. It was totally a function of a bad attitude.

Your bad attitude has matured into-Yes, I hope. Totally. You're one of the most successful people in the history of television and stand-up comedy.

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Yeah, my esthetic role model was Mike Tyson. When I saw Mike Tyson in his prime, when he cut the hole in the hotel towel and had no socks and no stool and black shorts with nothing on them, I thought, that's what I want to be. Oh, my God. And recently, just a few years ago, I don't know what it was, I said, Why do I have these different colored ties and suits? I go, I'm just wearing a black suit and a black tie from now on. It just felt so calm. We visited Japan last December. I was so happy there. I connected so strongly with that ethic of their culture of just focus and simplicity and singularity of purpose. I do like that. I have done these other things, and I have to say it's all with a component of reluctance. I do It's hard to think, I think I could do that, like the movie. I think I could do that, or let's do a different type of talk. I think I might be able to do that. But it's not really what I wanted. If I could have just been a pure stand-up and never done Anything else.

But you're already known as the purest of the pure stand-ups. That is like your... And it's real. And by the way, this leads me to something I feel nervous about telling you. I feel like you're the professor to this, but after this year, I'm going to stop doing it.

Really?

I could go back. I don't want to make a big announcement or something. Go ahead. Well, I'm doing a special at the end of the year. It'll be my 13th for HBO. That's a lot. That's a lot. I just feel like you got to... I don't know. First of all, I put a lot of time and effort into it because as you know, standup is like playing the I love it. You can't just walk up there. You have to stay in practice, and I do. I've always loved it, and I'm always working on it. But I have a show. I don't know how you kept it up during the show, or frankly, why.

But you did.

Because they fed each other. First of all, it was so great. And also because I love it. The show is great, but there's constrictures there. This is looser. But what's looser than just you people paid to see me? Even if you don't like it, you have to laugh. To get your money's worth. The way you stay in a movie, even if it sucks. I don't want to walk out. My father would pay $2 to see a movie and would hate it and wouldn't leave. God damn mother's great. He waited till it came to the theater. There was one theater in Bergen County where the movies would come late, and so they'd be like two bucks.

Yeah. All right. Let's get back to it.

Yeah. But If I don't have to practice the cello 8 hours a day, I might want to do some of these things live. That's an interesting option that people do know. Oh, right. Then it's an event. Interesting.

Yeah, it's not crazy.

It's not crazy. It's not crazy. It's not crazy.

The landscape of the business, which is one of the things I love about the business, is everybody's like, What What's going on? What do we do? What are we supposed to do? What's so-and-so doing? Why is he doing that? Should I do that? I love that endless grind. Everybody's always on the phone.

You mean like what's happening?

Yeah. Did you see what so and so did? What did you think of that?

Right. Streaming. And I think perhaps for you, for whatever feels right for you at this point is what's right. But after 40 years, that's why I don't want to make an announcement. This is my final because I might change my mind. It might be like cutting off a limb, and I have to go back to it.

How do you view the show? How do you view real-time? How old are you now? 60-something?

Derry, I'm always hot on your heels.Okay.Mores a year and a half behind you.Whatever it is.

Do you ever look forward or do you stay focused?

Only forward.

But I mean, do you think maybe another five? No, I can't. Every other long, Michael's line, I ask him, How much longer you think you'll do SNL? He says, I think it'll get to the point that I'll feel like I'm slowing down and I don't have the same edge. I don't have the same enthusiasm as in for it. He says, When I get to that point, I'll do five more years. I love that answer. I love that answer. I would love for us to compare notes who is more addicted to show business, you or me, because I love it to death today as much as even more. Everything else in life for me has fallen away, has gone gray. I mean, I loved having kids, and that whole side of my life has been great. But you always have to say that. But if you're just talking about work, let's just talk about work.

We can kairon it, Joe.

I love show business as much today as ever, if not more, because I tried every other goddamn thing.

But you say you don't love show business, you love stand-up. That's show business. I know, but it's that one aspect. Again, you're such a minimalist. You're so direct with everything. Everything peels away, no extra things. That's you. That's why I think you will do it till you drop. I will. And maybe I will, too. I don't know. It's a tough decision. But I also feel like it's easy as you get older to not do new things, and that's what keeps you young. I think that's part of the reason I want to do this. Definitely. Because look, we're doing podcast. If you said to me 10 years ago, even, the big thing in show business is going to be basically AM radio. I would have said you're crazy. And yet, you talk about too many people at the beginning of the marathon clogging the road. I mean, there's like four million podcasts in America.

But no one's doing this one.

I know. But it would be like if Johnny Carson, when we watched him, had four a million late night shows that people had that they maybe only 500 watched this one and a thousand watched this one. But his rating, cumulatively, all those tiny ants sucking a little bit away would have left him not with 17 million, which he had at his height, but something much more modest. That's the problem with so many podcasts.

No. Why? First of all, you're doing the thing that you hate the which is moving people around in chronology. If Johnny Carson was... Forget that. We're here now. You're you. We're here now. It doesn't matter what he would have done or what matters is This makes...

Go ahead. Finish your point.

Oh, my God. What year is that?

1979. Oh. Carson Mustay. What a baller he was, right? I mean, just to Have the headlines about what you... But you're right. He would not... I mean, as great as he was, he would not survive today. He was just... That show breathed way too much for the current audience. Right. I know.

Yes. Who cares? The world wouldn't make him today. They don't make those guys anymore. They don't make George C. Scott anymore.

You know what loomed large in our world, even the latest, before because it was 20 years after. But World War II was like my childhood. I looked back, it was like everything. My parents were in it. Tv shows were about it. Hogan's Heroes and Mikael's Navy and combat.

And then you get it feel also as a kid, I just missed it.

When I played Army, I played World War II, and there was no nuance to it. We were good. They were bad.

It was like a A Big Hug musical. That's what World War II was. Here's a musical for everyone.

Yeah, and everyone was involved in it. Nobody was ever like, I'm just doing something different these days. World War II.

But anyway, I'm still not quite to the essence of why it feels right to you to not do it anymore. I don't Because it's the cello. Travel and- Travel. Writing. Travel. How much time? No, I love it. How do you do a TV show and do any stand-up stuff?

I mean, I'm not married, no kids. All my time is mine. Right. So that's one way. I like that. I mean, you know me, I think we're very similar to this. I love the tinkering. I love the... I put that word in front of this thing and I move this over here. It's like putting together a Rubik's Cube.

Yes, exactly.

And I move this here, and now it all fits. For six months, it was good, but now it's great because I feel bad for those audiences that last six months. But it's the same way in a relationship. I always felt like, oh, if I only knew what I learned on her with you, it would have been a lot better with you. But we can't It's a reverse time.

But you didn't answer my question about real-time.

What was that?

Which is, do you think of... First of all, you're at it, how many? 25 years? Starting with politically incorrect?

Well, it's 31.

Okay, 31. That counts.

Oh, I know.

So what do you think?

Well, I certainly wouldn't want to quit now because I feel like I'm at the top of my game.

Absolutely.

And lots of people tell me that, and That's why I put out this book, Jerry. I signed it to you also. How did you do that?

The Strike. With the same glasses, even. It's amazing.

The Strike. I had five months, and it's all the editorials we do at the end that I put together in a way that made sense. Of course you did. No, I put a lot of work into this. I'm sure you did. Shut up. But I I think what stand up is for you is what writing that editorial at the end of the show is for me.

Okay. That's what-Well, that piece I never, ever miss. Oh, thank you. For the writing, for the flow of it. The consistency is shocking. Your level of consistency is shocking. It's the best comedy monolog every week that anyone does. You even make a point on top of being funny, which is Usually, your point no one else is making.

It's very easy. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. I mean, this is Christmas morning for me now. But I mean, other shows I feel like are partisan one way or the other. I'd rather hear a thought that I haven't heard anywhere else. They will amplify it, but their audience doesn't want to. The audience today just mostly wants to hear what they already believe. And they weren't, yes, Trump's I'm an asshole, and Trump is an asshole. And I certainly have done my share of jokes about that. But I'm always trying to say something that's not breaking a news story, but breaking a new way of looking at a news story. Right. And consider this.

It's just fantastic. Thank you.

It's fantastic.

Well, I appreciate it. You know what? I don't know. When you would go on Larry King, that was always so great.

Yeah, I loved that.

It was great. That show, don't you think I think, yeah. There's a hole for that show?

I think it's Joe Rogan. I think Joe... What? You just put your hands up.

No, what I'm getting at is what I thought special about that show was that was nine o'clock. Every night at nine o'clock, Larry King was going to be sitting with someone who could probably be of interest. Yes. And that was a great TV. That was great TV. The set I thought, I love the multicolour dots, the blackness. Not like he was the greatest interview in the world, but he was good.

Well, but that's why I compared him to Joe Rogan, because they're both minimalists. Both of them do zero research by their own admission. I think Joe would say the same thing Larry said, I want to be the audience. I want to be the guy who knows nothing about you.

I know, but he's on for three and a half hours. Larry King is on at You're wondering around the house, you're looking for something to do. Who's on Larry King? That was a great thing. I can't believe they haven't tried to replace that. I don't know who would do it.

Well, they did. Piers Morgan did it for a minute. Yeah, he wasn't, right. I don't think it's the fact that there's nobody right for it. I think it's the fact that the audience is different. I mean, we don't have... That was one of the last shows. Well, it wasn't really a Harth show, but like in our- It was.

It was a Harth show.

Okay, so So like in our youth, but not to the level like in our youth, like when there was three channels and all the new shows were in that issue of TV Guide. The family had a communal experience with television. Don Rickles. Remember, it was an event when he was on the Tonight Show, especially in the summer when we could stay up. The famous one where he threw him in the Japanese bath. Remember, he was getting them aside.

It was amazing that throw, by the way, that he was able to do that.

Why are you saying it was faith?

It was quite a jiu-jitsu that he- Johnny threw him. Yeah, when Johnny threw him in that.

Johnny was a mean bastard. Don't fuck with Johnny. I mean, that's the other thing about Johnny. I mean, he could be terrible to people.

Everyone at that level should be terrible to people.

You don't mean that. I don't really mean that. You're not terrible to people.

I'm not. But when you hear someone is, I can't believe anybody thinks anything of it.

I I think there's levels to it, and I don't think everybody is. I think he was just... Especially when he drank, he just had a really mean side to him. He could close off. I read that biography by Bushken, remember? Bombastic Bushken. And I felt it was so true. I don't know it's true, but everything I know about Johnny, and it wasn't kissing his ass, and it wasn't covering anything up. He said he was just as cold as that. His mother was very cold to him. But in a way, it made it easier to watch him.

I can't watch people that want me to fill that need for them. I can't do it. I agree. They're exhausting.

I totally agree.

Just a bombastic Bushkin. Don't you think that that joke was his intense jealousy of Dr. Vinnie Boombats? Rodney's great doctor. I think Carson loved that joke so much. He wanted his own. And of course, he would steal when it suited him.

I'm telling you, that's what I mean. He was just a badass. He broke into his wife's apartment. You know that? I don't know. That's in the book. It's like when they were going through the divorce. Yeah. I mean, did really badass things.

I don't know if that's badass. It's just bad.

Yeah. Well, I'm just saying you didn't fuck around with him. And yes, I do remember. What did you say?

What did he do? That Bombastic Pushkin was... I wish I had... He was a thief. He loved Dr. Vinnie Boombats.

But he stole the answer man from Steve Allen.

And he stole Maud Frickert from Winters. Yeah, we know. It was horrible. And then he would have them on the show.

Yeah. What they could do. He was the King. Yeah. No, I'm not saying it was admirable, but I guess that persona He was gracious. That was what was Johnny's calling card. But boy, when that red light went off, I don't think he was that guy.

Did you have little interactions with him in the hallway ever?

Of course.

Wasn't that the most exciting thing in the world when you would see him coming down the hall with the tie down?

Didn't have to tell you the story, but when I saw him the last time I did it and Lena was about to take over and I'm walking out and he's in his car, he had a Corvette.

Yeah, the Corvette.

And it wouldn't start. I said, boy, I bet you Leno knows everything about cars. I bet you he'd know what to do. And he looked up and he went, we'll see how much he knows about television. I'm telling you, he was a bad man. Yeah.

Well, these guys, it's not a coincidence that they're there. All these guys, whether politically, entertainment industry, corporate world. A lot of people are there for a reason.

I feel like a late night host is always a reflection of the society that we live in better than a lot of other signposts. I mean, that's why Lena was right for his era and Johnny was right for his era.

What do we have now? We have Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Fallon.

I think are right for their era.

In that Why?

Look at this. Here's a...

Oh, New Breed of Standup comics. What's that?

Oh, these are the two articles that were in the New York Times.

Am I in any of those?

You Probably are. Here's Adrian Tosh with a Catch a Rising Star T-shirt.

I have a Catch a Rising Star T-shirt that I wear all the time.

It still fits?

It's a new one.

Because I hear when you wash them, they make lovely handpuppets for the children.

Oh, my God, Bill. I know. Calvin Fussman.

Calvin Fussman? Who's that?

He's the writer of this ridiculous thing. Why are you keeping this? Just because it's comedy in the day? You know what?

Every year of my life, I make a file where I just put stuff in because I like to be a good caveman. If I want to go back and excavate and see who I was, it's one good thing I did. I make so many dumb errors, but that was pretty smart. I saved... Look at that Mad magazine cover.

I love that. I saw that car.

Aren't you glad I saved this from the Supreme's album?

No. No, you don't think that's- I wasn't missing that. You don't think that's cool? It's okay.

Be honest, Jerry. Come on. Come out of your show.

I went through all of my stuff recently. The new breeders. And threw out almost all of it.

Of course you did because that's you and I'm mean.

And I thought, my kids don't care what I did. I even thought that.

Aren't you glad I kept the World's Fair thing?

Yeah. You never know which is going to be the one, right? I think these are all good. No. Some of them were good.

What about This is from Richard Belzer? I love that. First of all, it's Daily Planet from the desk of super comic Richard Belzer.

Oh, wow. It's a great shot of him, by the way. It's just too much. When I play the Beacon, I always ask the audience. I Well, talk about how I started in New York at a club called Catch a Rising Star. How many of you remember it? And that moment, Bill, there's about 10% of the audience will applaud. It's a great moment. I just love that. Remember how cool that joint was? It's so much fun to just share that for a second.

But isn't it a little sad that... Well, and look what he wrote. A little, no.

To potentially- Tremendously sad.

To potentially one of the great- That's funny.

Between Belzer. That's funny.

I think he was talking about himself. But I think it's said that only 10% of the people were, Well, you know what? Come on. You're right.

Let it all go.

I do like them. But I must say bad memories Do not make me sad. Good memories make me sad. Bad memories, it's like, great, it's over. Good memories, it's like, shit, I'll never have that again. Right. No. I don't know.

You never have anything again.

You seem more at peace with that.

I am. You know what I came to the other day? Because I'm going through this thing with the movie, and you're doing a lot of press, and they're watching the movie, and they're responding to it. And I hit me the other morning An insincere compliment is absolutely of equal value as a totally genuine compliment. There is no difference in value. They're both utterly meaningless and just as nice. An insincere compliment is just as nice. I don't care if they're lying to my face. It doesn't matter what they think anyway.

What the fuck are you talking about? This is ridiculous. I gave you a very wonderful compliment, I think, and it came from me, and it's very sincere, and it's true about you. That's got to mean more than an insincere compliment.

Not in that situation where you're meeting strangers and they're saying, Oh, I loved your Great. That's great. That's just as great. I don't have to know. Really? Did you really?

Give me that rabbit thing back.

A compliment from you who knows me. That's what I'm saying. That's different.

Oh, okay.

That's different. I hope so. I'm talking about 90% of the things people tell you in show business are not true and not sincere.Of course.That's okay.

Even when they... I shouldn't even admit this. It makes me It's not going to sound petty, but I think all show people are the same. Sometimes people will give you a compliment and you still don't like it because it's like, Yeah, but you noticed the wrong thing. Yeah. You liked the show, but you thought that was the best part of it? Yes. It's like, you can't.

Petty doesn't even describe how small-minded that is. I don't know. It's what's below petty. Whatever that additive would be.

You never felt that way?

No.

Really?

No. Take what you like, whatever you like. What do I care what you like?

All right. Then why do you keep arguing when I say you're more mature than- It's fine.

I like to argue. I know. Good. I don't even believe the positions I'm taking.

We're not even arguing. But yeah, no, that's true. I feel like I've evolved a long way, but I started really far back.

Way far back. Yeah.

It's true. I didn't want to talk about that. Oh, here. Look at this. No, I always thought...

This is so It's funny all this crap you brought out here.

Tell me you're not enjoying this.

I'm not.

No, you said to tell me.

It gets much. Look at this.

My father was in radio.

I know.

Right? Mutual broadcasting system. This is when the media was respected by this country because these were mutual men.

Mutual men. Where's your dad? Is he in here? Right here.

Look, right here.

Bill Maher.Your.

Dad is Bill Maher?Mutual men.

Of course. Well, that explains a lot. I think we've cracked this case wide open right here.

Mutual men of conviction. Isn't that awesome?

It doesn't resemble you much. Look at... You can't see from that. It's a drawing. So that's not what he looked like? He did look like that, but you know. You're very handsome. He looks... I don't know. Are we looking at him?

It's a drawing from this creeps who made this thing.

Men of Conviction. So were these guys-Staff advertisers. But they weren't journalists.

Well, I think they were considered consider themselves journalists, Jerry. They had deep voices, and they were on the radio.

Did your dad have a deep voice? You have a deep voice. Of course. Yeah.

Of course, he did. When he took me to the radio station once in a while, I'd be scared. They shit out of me because they all, Hello, young man. Neil Sharbert. I mean, look at some of these names. Whitney Belton, Charles Charles Batchelder, Bill Costello was good, as was Jack Allen and Martin Edwards.

I did a little shtick. We made a couple of little video promotion pieces for the movie, and one is where I'm called into the office of the President of Pop Tarts. So I needed a name for who would be the President of Pop Tarts, and we came up with Kalman P. Gasworth. I He says, I'm Kalman P. Gasworth, the President of Pop Tarts. I'm sitting at the end of this long conference table and I go, Oh, I just made a whole movie about pop drives. He goes, Well, did you now?

I can't wait to see this movie. It's fun. It comes out on Friday. It's funny because when I read about this, I thought, it's both you making a movie about pop charts, it's both inscrutable And inevitable.

That is a great line. That's a great line.

Really, you were going... And I just want to know before I see it, or maybe you don't want to say this, then just don't. But what is the metaphor? I mean, plainly, it can't just be about pop talk.

Oh, my gosh, no. No, it's quite a deep story, Bill.

But it has to be a metaphor for I think.

You got me. Really? Yeah. What?

Again, we're not like the serial killer and the detective. We're not really like.

No. I like important seeming men in suits like those names you're talking about puffs and flakes and sprinkles in a very serious way. That, to me, was funny. I like It's about... It really is about a childhood fantasy and wanting to hang on to your childhood and that time and that product. To make this movie, I get to I get to go back there. I get to go back to when the only thing I cared about was the Stingray and my cereal and the TV shows that I liked. And that was like a little soap bubble that I got to get inside for a few weeks.

Yeah, I mean, I have that inclination, but our childhood is now just so long ago.

Yeah.

I mean...

But the fun of it is still there.

Yeah, I know.

With a movie, you get to recreate it.

But you don't...

You don't get to really go there. No.

But you don't have intimations of mortality when you dwell on the distant past like that, that it reminds you that you're closer to the end.

I'm not that in love with... You really love life.

Don't you?

You love it. It's okay.

Oh, come on now.

Your life Because I knew this was your birthday, and I was like, I bet you he's the same place with birthdays that I am, which is like, I had a big party here right in this room at 60.

You had one at 65. After that, Like, yeah, it's happening, but we don't need to go and do it at all. No. Absolutely. Sometimes people, mine's in January. Sometimes people say to me a couple of weeks after this year, Oh, didn't you just have a birthday? And I go, Maybe. I don't know. I might have. I didn't check my calendar. I didn't check my calendar. It's just like it's happening. I can't deny it, but let's just ignore it. It's at a certain point because you'd still look generically late middle age, which is great. You don't read old. No, neither do you. Like Biden.

Yeah.

Like reads old and Trump reads crazy, but not old. Yeah, okay. He just reads differently.

Well, he's got a lot of makeup on. A lot. And the hair color and all that.

Yeah, I always say he's like, Kiss. He puts on the face paint and the wig, and it's always 1976.

That is fantastic. That is a great joke. It is true. That is a great joke. He's like, kiss. It's all funny.

But yeah, so we could probably... I mean, Mick Jagger is doing it at 80, doing rock shows.

Okay. It's amazing.

But I'm saying if a guy can do rock and roll at 80, certainly, comedy.

What do you think you'll be doing at 80?

I hope very similar to what I'm doing now. Really? Yes. I would love to... I only in my 60s came to realize how right my mother was when she once said to me, Yeah, I really like my '50s and '60s the best of all the decades. I said, That's crazy. '60s? What are you fucking nuts?

Yeah, but their '60s is our '80s, physically. I don't do anything different now than I did in my '40s. I could do any number of shows. I could go-Exactly. I haven't made any adjustments.

I The same way.

But I imagine-I mean, there's a diminishment to everything.

Yes. I mean, I can still play basketball.

Yeah, that's amazing. That's amazing. But yeah, I think you maybe have a little tighter grip on this lifetime than I do.

It is what it is. All you can ever be is good for your age. But as far as how far you can go, I feel like I'm, and you are, too, for a somewhat different reason, uniquely suited to another decade because I never was selling, I can dance, I can jump around. I was selling wisdom and sophistication. And that's why HBO has been such a good home for me. It's a sophisticated audience. It's a sophisticated show. I mean, that word, maybe I'm not putting that on myself, but yeah, that is what I strive for. And the audience is a sophisticated And there's precious little left for people who are sophisticated. That's a genre. That's a niche.

But it's always been a small niche.

Yes, always. Yes. That's what I'm saying. You have a much broader-Somwhat broader. Majorly broader. Another reason why I'm probably not going to do any more stand-up is because, first of all, when you're on TV every week, it's very hard for people to come out. It's harder to get that. You're less unique. And also they tend to think I'm a political comic, which is limiting. So there's guys who are like, not half as funny as me selling twice as many tickets. I'm a little sick of it. Not that I can't do nice shows in theaters, but I've always been fighting a little uphill on those things.

I think your standup is my editorial.

That's what I want to do until they put me in the grave. Is every week come up with that one thing because it's almost Seinfeldian because it's building one very small, limited, but trying to perfectly craft it, and then it's over. Next week, there's a new one. On Monday, we nailed down the premise before the weekend. Then on Monday, I read all the passes and put it together, my own version, and then sew it together. Each day, first it gets fatter, then it gets smaller. There's a method to it to show you that's by Friday.

Now, that would be a vacation that for me, if I would just sit with you and not contribute, but just watch you do that, that would entertain me more than any trip to anywhere in the world. Because I think, I don't know how you do it, but the end result is so elegant. Thank you. That is what I love and appreciate more than anything. It's simplicity and in writing.

Thank you.

Me too. Of course, getting the job done comedically. We got to do all those three things in the piece. When that is executed, I mean, I just feel full of music. I just love it. We're so lucky that... I do think sometimes I watch great pictures, great athletes, and I think, Oh, this guy is only going to get 12 years of this to be able to play this music. It's a huge career for a pitcher, right? But for us, if they told us, you can only do this 12 years, it's ridiculous. Musicians, does it bother you? You're very sophisticated musically, and You had all those Paul Simon lyrics in your head. It was amazing. But what's your theory, and I know you have one, on why these great, great, great songwriters are not able to find find that thing in their later years?

Too many drugs.

Come on.

No, with too many drugs, partly. But also, I just think it's innate. Music is something that flowers in youth.

I mean-Don't you think Music is sexual. Of course. If you're not horny, you can't write a great song.

Well, oh, that's ridiculous.

That's ridiculous.

Yeah.

Because not all songs are about sex. Yes, they are. Everyone-oh, stop it. But what is your theory on older songwriters struggling to find that same magic?

I couldn't agree more. First of all, it's rare, and I'm not going to name names. No. There are exceptions to that, but they are rare. I thought the Eagles 2007 album was really good. Yeah. It was a double album. If you made it into just one kick-ass album, it would fit in there, Irvra, pretty well.

But there are people that we love, desperately love. Desperately. That write stuff now that is-And have for 25 years not been good.

Because part of it, I think is you get too ahead of the parade. You always want to be a little ahead of the audience. Otherwise, you're over. But not so far ahead. They're like, what? And I think sometimes you're so good that, oh, I've done that, and this would be different. It's like, yeah, but I just want to... You got to hit that sweet spot where it's striking me as something a little different, but not so alien that me, just the young man in the 22nd row, can't appreciate it because I'm not a musician. I just appreciate what you do. It's, I guess, the equivalent of being a comics comic who makes the other comics laugh. I always felt like that was what you... I always felt you would catch. You always had an attitude about catch. Like, this is a shiny object because it was the hot club, right? Yes. You weren't the man at the Hot Club. You were at the comics of the Hot Club. The Hot Club was Belzer, and it was the Hot Club because that's where the stars went and the celebrities went and the Mafia was there. It was just the singers and Belzer.

I think you were just like, Okay, enjoy your shiny object because I'm going to just do what I do, which isn't quite as flamboyant as some of this other stuff going on. I will be the bigger star because I'm going to be on television, which is a cool medium perfectly suited to me. I read that on you.

You can read it, but I never thought it or felt it.

But it turned out to be true.

Yeah, well, you have an amazing eye for those kinds of things. In those days, Bill, I wasn't.

But I just felt like the fact that it was ill suited to your exact persona was to your credit because, again, that wasn't what was going to make you a star. Do you jumping around on the piano and all that. Same as the Comedy Store out here, a lot of stuff that looks great in a small club. But you had your eye on the prize.

I did. When I would see those, sometimes they would come the comic strip and struggle, and I would realize, Oh, they're out of context and it's not working. That's not what this game is about. This game is about, put me in any context and I'll make it work. That's the bigger game to play.

Yes. You and I had an argument many times about, is there such a thing as a bad crowd?

Oh, yeah.

I, of course, took the position, yes. When they don't like me, they're bad.

And you took the position, again, more mature, goofish and gallant, always.

That gallant believes, and you're right.

There's no right. It's just a sport. You're playing-It's a better attitude to have.

You were like-But you're also right. Of course, there's bad crap. Yes, but you once said, Of course, they're in a bad mood. Why do you think they're at a comedy club? You're the doctor. They don't come to the doctor when they-When they feel well. Right. That's funny. It's another piece of advice I remembered and put into practice a mere 17 years later. No, I got around everything. It just It's just... Some people just takes a long time.

What about... I mean, everybody's, who cares?

See, this is not why you're not afraid of dying. Everything that comes into your head is, who cares? I mean, don't you Can you feel that changing?

I mean, I'm 70, and I really feel things changing in my perspective. Names I have. Who is this singer? All these things, even politics, even social movements. I'm reading a lot of Marcus Aurelius. Have you ever read that?

In college? Absolutely.

You should pick it up again. It's really great.

Meditations?

What's it called? Meditations. He was the Roman Emperor in 180 AD.

150 AD.

He is a fantastic guy to get you to zoom out and go all these things you're worried about, all these things that you see happening. They've all happened before. They're all going to happen again. Everything that you're worried about is much smaller than it is that you make it in your head. That's his basic message. Being told that by the Emperor of Rome in 150 AD is a very nice daily... I read it almost every day. I'll read a page or two. I love to imagine him in his bedroom there, the leader of the entire world, an Emperor, a Roman Emperor, and say, yes, are you going to talk to a lot of annoying people today? That's what every day is like, why are you surprised? People are annoying.

I like to imagine the peasants of 150 AD. Hey, did you hear the Emperor has a new tract of treaties out? Great. I can't wait to pick it up. It was like the Sam Harris of his day. He had the morning meditation. By the way, if people want to have an image of who Marcus Aurelius is, think of the movie Gladiator. Yeah. And he was played by Peter O.

I thought it was Waukeem Phoenix.

He played the son. Oh, this grew up son. Marcus Aurelius, who kills his father. Who kills Marcus Aurelius in the beginning.

Well, not in real life, I think he did. No, no, no. No? No. He died of natural causes in his 50s.

You know a lot about Marcus Aurelius.

I'm into him these days. That's amazing.

I didn't think I'd ever hear that from you. Why? Well, just because he didn't seem like a history buff.

I'm not really, but I love philosophy, and I love his philosophy, and I just find it helpful. I like shrinking things down. Yes, you do.

Yes, you do. And you do it better than anybody. Oh, I mean, I always said that about you. The act that every single person can love and the most intelligent person in the room is also not insulted by it. I feel like excellence is always Getting to that golden mean of the two things that are in opposition, but somehow you bring them together.

Well, that's what I think you might find that in unfrosted, the pop chart movie. It's a silly idea for a movie, and the jokes are silly. But as we know, there are no silly jokes. They're either good or they're not. And you'll find there's a level of sophistication in the silliness. That is my ultimate. When I first saw Monty Python, when I was a kid on CBS in the early '70s, I lost my mind. The sophisticated silliness that they were doing absolutely He lit me up like, this is everything that I want, everything that I love. I think Get Smart had that. I think Peter Sellers had that. He's acting dumb, but there is such a sophistication to it. Because as we know, as comedians, acting dumb is really not... Laurel and Hardy are not stupid.

No, no.

I wasn't a Stooges guy, but Laurel and Hardy is elegant and sophisticated.

You were not a Stooges guy? No.

No, I didn't like Mo. I don't think he's funny. Currently, he was carrying the whole damn show.

But we were five.

No, I wasn't. I watched comedians when I was five years old going, This guy's got enough.

Did you watch Officer Joe Bolton? Of course. Okay. Didn't he introduce the Three Stooges? Wasn't that his?

Yeah, he had the Stooges. I watched it.

And Superman also?

No, they didn't have Superman. They had those movie shorts.

Superman just stood by itself. Yeah, that was a real series. Oh, I remember. Yeah.

And still pretty good, by the way. I've been watching that lately. To me, George Reeves is the greatest of Superman of all time. His sophistication and those double-breasted suits. That's another reason I wanted to do unfrosted. I wanted to look like George Reeves. Did you like that show when they would close the door and the show would shake?

What? I lived for it. You know this. Really? When I was a kid. I remember in high school, I wish I found... I probably have that somewhere in my rat pack file, but we made a list of every episode that we could remember. There was probably 100 episodes. I remember all the episodes. We've talked about it, Camboreum X.

I got to do a commercial with Jack Larson and Noel Neil in, I think.

Yes, I remember it. Yes. The American Express. Yeah, I know. That was a gigantic threat. And your bit was one of your first ones. It was a brilliant disguise. It was like, that is so you. And then somebody else had a great bit about, it's a bird, it's a plane. Who mistakes a bird with a bird? Whose joke is that?

I don't know, but I heard that. That's a good one, too.

It's a perfect example of that bit. It was laying there on the ground. Yeah. Anybody could have seen it. Yeah.

I have a Frankenstein bit I'm doing now about the sport jacket. Why is he wearing a sport jacket? That's great. It's an AI bit. It's a part of an AI bit about making fake brains is risky. We can see that from Frankenstein.

That's funny. That's a great joke. Yeah, exactly.

And he goes, Well, I thought maybe we'd go someplace nice afterwards. No, it's Romania in 1820. There's no place nice. No one's going to say to you, I'm sorry, Mr. Stein. It's Jackets Only this evening.

That's hysterical. That's funny. I talk about monsters now with the toxic masculinity that they're always talking about. It's true. Men aren't toxic.

What are we talking about?

When you say lacking- I think men have been ruined by the phone and pornography. It's rapey. It's It's domineering. It's not... It's just... And this is what young men see. When we were kids, if you had a playboy, that was huge. Now they see horrible things. Yeah, I can't imagine. Choking and spanking.

Oh, God.

What? That's horrible. I know. When you think about how innocent our childhood was, the level of is just from a different...

What? Yeah, absolutely. We can't fix it, Bill. They broke it.

Why do you think I'm always trying to fix it? There's a difference between trying to remedy something and just being amazed by it. I talk like age fascinates me, and people say, Oh, don't worry about it. I'm not worried about it. I'm just fascinated by it. I'm fascinated by different generations. I'm fascinated by how different... The difference is that I could see in my lifetime. Right.

Yes, I know. I said to my mother one time who passed about 10 years ago at the age of 99, and I remember asking her one time, Do you remember when cars suddenly became popular? She said, Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

My mother, when she When my mother was born, there was no cars around.

When my mother was born, women couldn't vote. Right. 1919. Women got the vote in 1920. Right.

I say to my kids, Your kids are going to say to you, You mean they let people just get in cars and go as fast as they wanted? Yeah, for the most part. I mean, there were laws, but people did pretty much whatever they want.

My grandma-Didn't they crash and die all the time? Yeah. Well, and children died often. They were kicked by a horse on the farm. That's why they had a lot of kids. They expected a few of them to-So better or worse, the way we value life today or the way we were so much more casual about it in the years past. I mean, it's so easy to say, oh, please. We are so seduced by, and I am as much as anyone, by creature comforts and convenience. No, I don't. With all the bullshit going on, we live in the most amazing fucking times. Yes. I mean, the climate change is probably going to get us at some point, but it hasn't yet. We walked out here today. We weren't evaporated by the rays of the sun or something. I mean, it was a beautiful day. The grass is green, the sky is blue. I know it's really not. There's lots of things going on behind the scenes that are horrible, blah, blah, blah. But we're still living in that time where we're basically, yes, health, certainly, Lincoln River, it's ugly head, and there's lots of poisons everywhere and lots of terrible things.

And Trump could do this and democracy and nuclear war. But for the moment, I've sent dinner with people, and they're like, the world's ending. Look around you, you fuck, you dumb ass. We're at this fucking awesome restaurant. They're bringing you this food. This dinner is going to cost $700. I'm not even going to fucking blink and paying the check. Shut the fuck up about how terrible things are. I'm not going to lose my nervous system about Trump again. If he ends the world, he's going to end the world. I'm not going to fucking go nuts again if he wins another term. I just can't.

I hope you have that wherewithal.

Well, what are you going to do? I don't know.

I'm trying to stay right there.

Yes. I'm trying to stay right there. Or are you going to get anxious like a millenn? Yeah, right.

Exactly. I mean, that generation, especially the Z generation.

But your kids are Great.Thank you.

I think with great parenting, you can still make great kids. Sure.

Well, you don't really make them. You have a hand in it.

You're like the manager.

Yeah, you're the manager. You give them advice, they take it, they don't take it.

Like the manager of a team. Yes, that's right. They say a good manager can affect like 6-8 games a year.

That's right.

Do you think that's all a parent can do?

I have no idea.

But wait, you raise three kids.

It's mostly what you didn't do wrong. Really bad stuff. But mostly the way we were raised, you were left to your own devices, and you're in a fairly healthy environment, and hopefully you make decent choices. And the same is true today.

I remember that night, you and Chris Rock were in my dressing room before the show, and I asked them something, you guys, something like, Oh, your kids, did they play together? And you both went, Bill, the wives handle that. I I got. Okay, I see.

Yeah, I have the most amazing wife. I really love my wife. I know you do. I got to a point with my wife now that I can't believe how great she is because I I can't really say that. But in the single world, it always runs out of gas. I found a woman where it never runs out. I'm always excited to see her. That's great. We always have fun. I love talking with her. It's fun. But again, it's a little bit of luck, or maybe it's instinct. I don't know.

But are you an empty nester now?

Not yet. My son is finishing high school. But you will be. I will be in a few months.

And is that a big changeover? That's what people say.

But Justin and I, we feel more good.

It's got to be a big difference without the sound of children proloking. It is.

But, Bill, all these things.

I feel like you're going back to thinking that I'm somehow ruing the passage of time, and I'm just remarking and I'm fascinated by it.

Yeah, I'm fascinated, and I enjoy that that's over, and now we're doing this. And anything else in life-Okay, well, you just characterize what I think about maybe quitting stand-up.

Okay. I've enjoyed it, but maybe-That's cool.

That's very cool of you to let your mind be that free. That's cool.

I mean, I think it's always great to stretch. It is. To put yourself out of your comfort zone.

Just change the menu. Change It's changed. We're doing this now.

Yeah, exactly. Because at our age, it's an ageist country. They're always going to try to move you out. I mean, it's the nature of what?

Not an odd thing. Nobody cares how old you are.

Well, that's another reason why I would add it to the hopper about me maybe getting out of it. I do think there is a generational element to stand up because humor is not something that transforms translates through the ages that well. And the humor of today is a lot more about feelings, nothing more than feelings. And people want to see someone of their own generation.

I get it. Of course. But they also want to see people that can really do it.

I understand that.

Some can and some can't, and it's irrespective of age or anything.

Yes, that's true, too. But you're an icon.Thank you.I didn't mean it like...

I'm going to be nicer when you give a comment. I need to be nicer.

I didn't mean it like that. Okay. I meant all you have to do is put your name in the paper and it'll sell out.

Right.

Maybe if I was there, I would still do it. That would be an element that would influence me. Probably not. I think I'd still make this decision. But yeah, it makes it a lot easier. The audience that comes is certainly a great... I mean, look, it's a love affair because-Yes.anytime they're paying a hard money ticket to see you, they want you to do what you do very specifically. And I just want to do it for them so well.

I'm getting sad, Bill, that this show is almost over. I really was looking forward to this as much as you were because it's you. And I also just love the vibe of this show. Well, I have one more thing to show you from my thing.

This was my father's.

How I Met Hollywood's Biggest Stars by Bill Maher. This is amazing. What in the world? What is this?

It's some gag gif somebody gave my father in 1961, whatever.

It's great. It's all Chinese, folks. See? Show and tell with Phil Mar.

We were so innocent. Yeah. Well, as a great man once said, It's so nice when it happens good.

Oh, God, Bill, you did it again. Freddy DeCordiva, after my first Tonight show, put his arm around me as we walked off the set, and he said, It's so nice when it happens good.

If you don't know you're in show business at that moment when somebody says something like that.

All right, pal.Thank you.Thank you.

This was what I thought it would be. I'm going to have this frame and send to you.

Okay, thank you. Yeah, I'm in a World's Fair obsessive.

I didn't know that.