Hi, my name is Alex Edelman. And I feel apprehensive about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are going to be friends.

I can tell Hey there.

Welcome to Konan O'Brien Needs a friend. I am the forementioned Konan, Konan O'Brien. Aries. Okay. Brooklyn, Massachusetts. Quite a life. Quite a life I've had. I guess it's drawing to a close now. I'm being joined by Sonam Of Session. Sona, how are you?

Can I ask a question? Go for it. This has been a while. Can we change the name of the podcast to Konan O'Brien, Sonam Of Session, and Matt Gourley, Need A Friend?

You know what? I think that's a really good idea. Matt Gourley is here as well. Gemini. Yeah, Gemini. Libra. I enjoy pasta and long walks on the beach with pasta. Your question, Sona, no, the answer is no. It's not even up to me at this point. I think the great Adam Sacks, who's in the room at all times, our Overlord, our Overseer, he would say, A terrible idea to change the branding at this point. It would diffuse, and he's nodding vigorously.

It's also false because we don't need friends because we have each other.

That's I'm just saying maybe, Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Matt Gourley and Sonam Obsesion.

Yeah. No, it dilutes the brand, and it's bad for merch. Listen, what if we just lose your name and it's just the two of us? Yeah. Okay, good luck with that. Meets a friend. I would say, Enjoy the poor house, but this isn't Dikenzie in London. I wish there were poor houses still. What? Yeah. They used to throw you into the poor house, and then it's in every Dicken's novel. Someone gets thrown to the poor house and you can't get out of the poor house unless you give the money back, but you can't make the money back if you're in the poor house.

Because you've stolen something? Is that how?

No, not even. Someone will just get into debt and they would come by and they would say, We're taking you to the poor house, and they would throw you in, and then you couldn't get out for the longest time. I've heard that term. I never thought about what it was. Yes, it goes back to... It's all over Dicken's. There's so many things in Dicken's I wish would come back. Poorhouse, Pickpockets. Where are all the Pickpockets, by the way? Street Urchents. Street Urchents. There's so much good stuff.

Old hags.

Old hags wearing tattered wedding dresses. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I just... That thing.

Just bowls of porridge and gruel.

Yeah, may I have Please, sir, may I have some more? More porridge, more gruel. No, I don't think he even says he just may have some more. Sorry.

Sorry, sir. Are you guys doing the same person? You're both doing Oliver?

My guy's Australian. Okay. Yeah, I'm doing Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. I'll call you with me close. It's all fucked up what I'm doing right now. It doesn't make any sense. Hello, dead pool.

I'm doing Schwartz D. I'm doing Schwarz D. Get to the chopper.

Get to the chopper.

I'll be right back. Uzi 9 millimeter.

Okay. I'll be back.

It's like a Dickens-Wilverine crossover? Yeah. Okay, good.

Yeah. Man, that Deadpool movie, I really did enjoy it. I'm going to just say that. We're not getting paid to say that. I saw that with my son Becket, we had a blast. It was really fun. It brought me back to the time. I know I've mentioned this before, but I always think about it when I was in a gym and I was really proud of myself. I've told you this, right? I was working out in a hotel gym in Atlanta, and I was really like, Hey, I think I'm working out really hard. Then on my peripheral vision, I saw someone without a shirt doing an insane workout where they were pulling up their whole body effortlessly. I looked over Hugh Jackman, and he looks at me and he winked and was like, Hey, mate, whatever. I just thought, Jesus, my penis went up inside my body. It craw up into my lung. It's never come out. I keep trying to lure it out with a little bit of cheese. Yeah. Your penis eats cheese.

Yeah.

I'm sorry. Some penises are lactose-intolerant. Mine's a real cheese-eater. A real cheese-eater. Every time when I was dating, I dropped my pants and we would say, Oh, a cheese-eater, right? That's very Dickens. Yeah. A cheese-eater, right? And my penis to be holding a piece of Gouda with its tiny little hand.

Well, I've never more emphatically put up a rap sign, so let's go ahead.

To review, a Dikenzian woman would see me drop my pants and go, Cheese Eater, E. Cork likes its Gouda, E.

You got a real milk sipper, right? You got a cream gusler, governor.

Well, I'm so glad. This is why CBS won't underwrite our podcast. I always wanted to say supported by Foundation for the Arts. But no, they listen to my cock-eating cheese bits, and then we don't get the funding that I think we deserve.

Yeah, public funding.

Yes, from the Angela Lansbury Foundation. The country should pay for this. I think- Oh, they're paying for it. Listen, yeah, they are paying in their own way. People are paying all Man, I really want to keep applying for grants. We should. Let's start applying for grants so that the money would come, would be taken away from programs in schools. Like Nova. And programs like Nova, and I would get it, and then people would be outraged, and they would listen to the podcast like, Why is he? Well, let's check it out. Maybe it's educational. You got a real good of eating a cockro.

Brought to you by a generous grand from the WM Keck Foundation.

Oh, 50 Senate hearings. Sir, are you aware?

Brought to you by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.

They're not together. There's no transition here.

Is it just the Gates Foundation? Is it?

Yeah. Good cul-de-sac there, Sona. Good instinct, just as I get into the intro. Really good. Well, time to get into the intro. But are Bill and Melinda still together? My guest today doesn't give a shit about Bill and Melinda Gates. He's a hilarious comedian who's Emmy nominated a Comedy Special Just For Us, is now streaming on Max. I'm I'm excited to talk to him today. Alex Edelman, welcome. I've come in hot today. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I have scores to settle. Then you just happen to be here when I'm in this mood.

I'm excited. I'm a fellow Brooklynian, so it's like...

We should explain what that is because people probably think it's a weird cult.

We both sleep on Brooklyn in Sheets. I'm sorry if that's a competitor to one of your sponsors. It doesn't matter.

We lose sponsors left and right. I'll explain, first of all, much to talk about, and I want to start by saying before anything else that I saw your special of your show, Just For Us, spectacular. Absolutely amazing. I know that it is Emmy nominated, and that's why I wanted to get you in here to talk. We're going to talk about this special because I have a lot of questions for you. But I think before we begin to move on to, I think, more important areas, we should discuss the fact that you and I have a lot in common, which I found out the first time you were on my show. You leaned over and you was like, I'm from Brooklyn, Massachusetts, and my dad's a doctor and knows your dad. I'm from Brooklyn, Mass. My dad's a doctor. We both fled that legitimate profession.

My father called me the next day and he went, Oh, you were in Dr. O'brien's Son show the other day. What? He went, Yeah, Dr. O'brien's Son is also a comedian. I went, This is a criminal misuse of the word also. He went, You know he's a good doctor. I was like, Well, his son's a good comic. He went, Yeah, I would expect that because the dad's such a good doctor.

I love this struggle over what our true identities are.

It was truly that, though. He was like, he still practices. It really comes in. It's a different... My dad was as if it was... He's in a different grade at the school. He was like, It's a different department, but he's got a lot of respect. My dad's a cardiologist.

My dad is a microbiologist. I think my dad, the way I've heard it, my dad's first day working at Brigham Women's Hospital in Boston was, I think, 1954.

Wow.

My dad is, I just saw him two days ago.

I hear that was two days before they let the women in. It was just Brigham's. It was just Brigham's before that. Exactly, yeah.

It was the Peter Bent Brigham then, then they changed it to Brigham Women's. The whole world went to hell. But yeah, he worked there from... I think he worked there for something like 65 years, something crazy. But it's cool because every now and then I bump into people who, obviously, they know my father and they respect my father, and they're not that interested in talking to me.

I get the same thing where he will come up to me on the street with a crazed look in their eyes. I'll be like, Hi. They're like, Your father saved my life. I'm like, Oh, cool.

Check out my special.

How'd you like the show? My father, by the way, if I ever referred to it growing up, I would say, Brigham. This is where my father would go, and women's. I'm like, What's the difference? He went, Well, Brigham's is an ice cream parlor, and Brigham's and women's is the finest medical institution in the United States. He was very serious about it. But my dad's been practicing there for a long time, not nearly as long as your father, but feels great affinity for it.

It's funny because all my memories are our family, there are six kids, and my dad drove this really rusting out Chevrolet Impala four-door with a squeaky steering wheel. My childhood memories are my dad getting us in the car to run a quick errand, me and a couple of my brothers, maybe. What he would do is he'd go to the laundromat, he'd go to this place, and then he'd say, I'm just going to... He abbreviated minute. He'd say, I'm just going to take a min and pop into the Brigham. He would park the car and he would go into the Brigham Women's Hospital to check on his bacteria, see what they were up to. He would leave us in the car, and sometimes 45 minutes to an hour would go by, and then he'd come back, and we'd be pissed. But you couldn't complain because he was saving lives.

You said it was going to take a min, but it took an ur.

It took an ur, yeah. It took an ur.

That was a full ur.

But that was my memory of it. I was thinking, you wouldn't leave a dog in a car that long these days.

I have this memory of my father shaving in the car on the way to work with an electric razor, but with both hands in the mirror while we're going down Route 9. I was like, Dad, road. He'd be like, I'm my niece. I got it. But he's shaving like this. Always so busy. I think my dad has been on call for 32 years. I don't think my father has never... My father had a beeper until-Yes.

My father had a beeper, and I thought... I remember as a kid, in the '70s, my father had a beeper because he was on call, and I thought, technology will never advance any further than that box on his hip that makes a noise so he can go to a pay phone.

We were growing up in synagogue. I went to an Orthodox Jewish synagogue, and my father's beeper would go off in synagogue, and you could tell who was new based on who turned out to be like, what is that very electronic noise in the no electronic day time frame? Some people would turn around, and my brother's been like, He's a doctor. He's a doctor. Don't worry about it.

Chill.

Just chill. He's saving lives.

Reby, chill. Reby.

He gets stuck. Shut the fuck up.

I had an interesting experience because I'm obviously super I'm Irish Catholic. I'm growing up in Brooklyn, Mass, and the different public schools, they had real identities. The one I was supposed to go to, Heath School, was very Irish Catholic. All the kids played hockey. It was where I was supposed to go. I don't know why. I think my mother had gotten to a fight with someone at the PTA. Something happened, and it started with my brother Luke. He was sent to the Driskill School. The Driskill School in Brooklyn was surrounded by literally on four sides there are four temples. It was predominantly Jewish, and I was the, Oh, look, there's this orange-haired kid named O'Brien. Isn't this funny? He's Catholic. I was suddenly, I was invited to, I think I went to definitely many, many, many more bar mitzvahs than any other confirmation or anything like that. The parents all thought it was hilarious that I was there. They would my cheeks and go, Look at this. He's here. This is crazy. Look at his hair. I don't know. The whole thing was... I remember feeling very exotic in a town where there are plenty of Irish Catholic kids, but all my friends were Jewish kids.

It was so funny because you went to BHS? Yeah. We're going to high school. It was two minutes and a whole world away from me because I was raised Orthodox. I remember watching the show when I was 9, 10 years old, being like, He went to BHS? I I was so jealous of the kids who went to BHS because in my mind, not only did they not have to pray three times a day, they also let you host a talk show on national television. That was my conception of everyone who went to BHS. I'm like, Eventually, they get to either general manager Red Sox or have their own television show.

Pretty much the entire class.

Yeah. It was like, Wait, does everyone take a turn? Because there were hundreds of kids in that school.

No, we all got... It was guaranteed if you went to Brooklyn High. But that was a great It was a great lucky thing for me because I, I think, very early on, got very comfortable around Jewish kids and really- Which helped with Jeff Ross and stuff like that. Exactly. Because you knew They run show business with an iron hand.

I've got to make a phone call real quick.

Our producer, yes. No, but it was a nice accident for me that I went to Driskill School, I think, and then just became more involved in going to bar mitzvahs, things like that. This may sound strange to you, but it all felt so much more relaxed than Catholicism. It felt a little more I don't know what... You may not feel that way, but it felt more- I definitely don't.

But I totally... It's so funny. Brooklyn does feel like... Sometimes people say that New Yorkers seem Jewish, even if they're not Jewish or something about the milieu of it. I always felt similarly about Brooklyn, which is that if you were from Brooklyn, you were both Jewish and a little bit Boston Irish Catholic at the same time. Because you go to synagogue and you have these thick Boston accents. Why about a fervent memory of being in synagogue? There's a pardon on Friday night services where you turn around and they open the door in the back of the synagogue and everyone says a brief prayer towards the back of the door and then you turn back. But I just remember someone hesitated getting the door and someone in the in the middle of very, very distinct Hebrew prayers. I went, Stephen, get the dough off. I was like, How? Someone with the voice of a Father O'Leary, Stephen, get the dough Like six sillables in door. Get the doah.

How did this guy get into the temple?

I was like, Wait, that's the rabbi? Yeah, it's the rabbi.

It's the rabbi, Sean. Sean I'm like, Man, what hand?

Oh, my God.

I just love the idea that the rabbi is going on and on about the Bruins.

He's like, All right, kid. So Hashem has this problem.

But first, he's got to go to Duncan. What? Duncan?

There was a kosher Duncan down the street, and when it opened up, it was like, oh, my God. The headline in the synagogue newsletter was Man lands on the moon. Like, kosher Duncan opens on route nine.

There's a kosher Duncan?

There's a kosher Duncan on route nine, and we were just blown up. By the way, everyone was excited. I was like, Wait, what's not kosher about Duncan Dunks? I know.

Finally, someone got the shellfish out of the donut.

It's lard. Apparently, it's lard. It's lard and the donuts.

I've gone to that, Duncan's. I think I know which one you're talking about. I know which one. I've enjoyed the donuts not knowing that they were kosher.

The first time I was lucky enough to do the show, the TV show, I did stand up and then you were like, Come over and sit on the couch, by the way, blew my mind. I remember being like, Don't cry, don't throw up, just do the thing. I sit down and we're sitting there talking about little Brooklyn landmarks and stuff like that. I'm like, Oh, the house with the yellow roof. He's like, Yeah, the house with the yellow roof. And afterwards, I came off with my friend Morgan, who came with me and was like, What were you guys talking about? If I told you, you'd either be upset or think I was lying to you or just wouldn't make sense. Like little tiny places in Brooklyn. There's such a neighborhood. It's such a thing. It's such a thing.

I still get sentimental. As I said, I was just there this weekend and still driving around and stopping off and going to the old spots. It's very powerful. But I don't know if you had this experience. It's a wonderful place to be from. But when I was 16 years old-Couldn't wait to leave. All I did was, and I actually said to people, I can't wait to get out of this dump. It was because I was very ambitious in 16, 17, like, I got to get out of this shit I'm from some- Which you immediately accomplish by going to Harvard.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, boy, you really fled the coop.

I sure did. You know what I did? I hopped on a train like a hobo. I got to spread- And I went six miles to Cambridge.

I got to spread my wings and take the 60 bus, seven sobs. Literally, I know how they... Do you know, by the way, Boston, that was a great place for me to grow up because I think maybe it's a specific I grew up in. But people, my parents genuinely were just like, they gave me a pair of roller blades and let me go. When I was 11 years old, they were just roller blade around and take the train and take the bus. If I was interested in comedy, I would sneak into the Lampoon archives because those kids were always drunk, guarding the door. I would sneak into, go to the county library and see Sergeant Shriver and Doris Kerrins Goodwin speaking. It was that time. I was at the Red Sox all the time because I got a job there. That was the perfect time. The city was just medium-sized enough that you could eat almost all of it if you were curious enough. I worry that, I don't know, there aren't many cities where parents give their 11-year-olds a pair of roller blades because nobody roller blades anymore anyway. That one homophobic Joe killed it.

Then you just be like, Get out of here. Go find something that you're interested in.

I don't think it's the city, though. I think it's the time because I was just driving down Route 9 two, three days ago. My brother Neil's in the car and we this little shed. I said, Oh, I used to wait for the bus there when school was over in third grade. Myself, Virginia Chapman and Isabel Zimmerman, we were this little tiny third graders would walk down to this little shed and wait for a city bus to come by, not a school bus, a regular bus, and get on it and then take it down to the stop that dropped me off at my house and then them at their houses. I thought, My wife would never let our or kids in third grade. When your day at third grade is up, wander down to the highway and get the bus that goes into Boston and just make sure you get off on your stop.

Yeah, see if you can hitchhike if it doesn't work. If there's a van, just get in it.

Maybe he's got candy.

I hitchhiked home all the time, genuinely. The tea would stop at 12:15. If I wanted to stay, I'd be like, Yeah, just hitchhike. I'm like, 16-year-old, 15-year-old at a comedy show at a Dick Dority's Comedy Vault or something like that and be like, Hey. The show's going to 12:30. I'll just be like, Anyone here want to take me, a nubile young teen home?

I'll make it worth your while. Oh, no. Well, come on. It's the way to get a ride.

He was the actual predator in this situation. Yeah, that's the name. Okay.

For the people from Brooklyn listening, this has been a thoroughly enjoyable-Yeah, sorry.

Can we put this at the end and everything else? No.

This episode is actually just going out regionally.

Yeah. Now for Newton.

What do you think of Wellesley and Sharon?

We're going to work our way slowly out until we get through the entire United States. I think you came on the show twice to do stand-up comedy, and obviously, I thought you were terrific. You have flourished. Then you do this show, Just For Us. It is quite spectacular. One-man show where you really tell this amazing story. I encourage everyone listening to watch it. It's quite brilliant. What amazed me is that the heart of the story, without, I don't think, giving too much away. It's there you are. Okay, is you decide to attend a meeting that you found out about on Twitter, I think. It's in... Is it... It's in Queens. It's in Queens. It's a group of people who are trying to preserve Yeah, pride and white identity. White identity, yeah. They're not crazy about Jews.

Not to spoil too much.

You guys preserve white identity. You're being so kind about it.

They're white nationalists. I know.

They're white nationalists. Yeah, they're nazis sons of bitches.

I know, but listen, we have a lot of people listening right now, and I don't want to offend anyone. Okay, and this is Brooklyn. We've got to keep everybody under the tent.

You know what Michael Jordan said, White nationalists buy sneakers, too. You know what I'm Some of our response...

Who knows? I just got to be careful.

White nationalists sleep on Brooklyn in, too. They wear it over their heads.

I'm sure white nationalists are eating up the better help.

Now look, if you're a white nationalist and you're listening, you're welcome, too.

If you want sheets to cut holes in Brooklyn in.

Here's what's amazing to me. You go to this. It's a true story of you in 2018, I I think, going to this meeting, you don't really announce your full identity, and you're accepted into the group, although one guy has his eye on you. But you act this whole thing out, and there's lots of terrific wonderful asides and cul-de-sac. It's not all just about this one night. But to me, the feat, which really blew my mind, is that the show is very funny and it is not angry. You know what I mean? No. There's something about it, which is you go and you experience these people and you bring them to life. I disagree with their beliefs violently, but you give them their humanity and you're not ranting and raving about them. You're experiencing them as human beings, and it's very funny and delightful and not toxic.

Empathetic. Empathetic, yeah. What I did when I started, I started writing the show and I had help, my a lovely man named Adam Brace. We were talking once, my best friend for a long time, Adam. Adam would always reference what the worst version of the joke would be. One day, I was bored on a train to a tour stop for this show early on, literally February of 2020, right before the pandemic. I started writing the worst version of the show I was already doing. I was like, What would be the worst and dumbest version of these jokes? One that was like, Desirus of victimhood and really angry and really tacky and really earnest or really cynical. I wrote this like, shitty version of the show, like the dark side crap version of it. Every so often when the show would change, because the show would change every day, I would compare against the shit version. Sorry to curse.

No, we lost our deal with Nickelodeon. I know. You know who doesn't like cursing is the white nationalist.

Yeah. Well, fuck you guys. No, I'm not going to say it.

Hey, phone lines lighting up. Said, Konan, not understanding podcast.

Wait, don't you have a podcast where you talk to the fans on the phone?

That's another one.

Okay, fine. I would compare this thing. But yeah, I wanted a show that wasn't going to be about... Do you know Pauline Kael? Yes. Pauline Kael, for anyone listening.

One of the great film critics of all time. Yeah.

I was reading a book of her reviews, and there was little snippets of things she had only done a paragraph on. She gave a review to this movie about the Nuremberg trials called Judgment at Nuremberg. Yes, Judgment Nuremberg. She says, I hate this movie because it takes a brave stance against being a Nazi. I wanted to make sure that I never did a show about neo-nazis that took a brave stance against being a neo-nazi because I assume that most people watching my show are aware that it's not amazing to be a neo-nazi. Instead of being like, what does a version of this look like? Where instead of being like where instead of being like the Daily Show when I was in high school and college, did this tremendous of being got you comedy with exposing the hypocrisy of people. Powerful figures, politicians. Exactly. Even regular people who were supporting those folks sycophantically. I was watching some of those clips, and I was like, wow, they've really lost their zing because we know it now. We know there's no surprise being like, oh, a Trump supporter has double standards on morality? Kills shock. I wanted to ask more interesting questions with that unique opportunity.

Also, I want to reckon with the difficult truth there, which is that I am in some ways like some of those people or share a point of view on one or two of the things that they're saying or think that… I I thought that would be a more interesting show and a more humane show, especially given the rankerous present that we live in.

I think it's also that comedy to me is more durable. That's, I always think, is the prize to be shooting for. I thought this was really nicely done. There was a bunch of things that I noticed, which is your physicality on stage, you have a lot of energy, and you're running around, and you have a comedic way of moving around the stage that was really making me laugh. Do you know what I mean? That's really nice. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's this... I mean, I don't even know what's...

It's called ADHD, Konan. Is that it? Sorry. But yeah, you know... There it is. Yeah. But the funny thing is that I realized Some of that's intentional and some of that's a bad habit. I don't know any other way to bring this up, but Adam Brace, who was- I know it's coming because he helped you bring this to life. Yeah, he's my director. Like I said, my closest pal, we worked together on three solo shows, and he passed away right before we started on Broadway. That sucked.

He passed away. Very suddenly, it was a Yeah, it was very surprising.

I think actually very inconsiderate of him given he had work to do, but it's okay. Really not commencert with his theatrical responsibilities. But Brace, he told me when it was okay to move and when it was okay not to move. There are moments in this show that are very anchored and still. Then there are moments where you run around and it's good because it puts a contrast on the moments where you're still because they're like, Oh, wow, that guy sure moves a lot. Then like, Oh, wait, he's really standing still for this. I guess this part's important. But I've always had help from other people and I've always wanted... Also, that's the other thing. The show was socialized with a million comedians. Every comedian who came, I would interrogate them for notes. Seinfeld came and I was like, Give me a note.

All of these things- Was Seinfeld's note, bass notes in between the scenes? Yeah. Because I found that to be off-putting.

Yeah. The Michael Richard's cameo doesn't really fit, but We did have to cut around it.

I realized they were all anti-Semites. They're all anti-Semites.

Although, I remember when Seinfeld came, I remember thinking, How did anyone ever kill Abe Lincoln? Because the whole time the crowd wasn't watching me, they were watching Seinfeld. I was like, Wasn't there most of the people at the play were like, Is Lincoln enjoying the show? Yeah. What does Lincoln think of our American cousin? Oh, no, but look out.

The weird thing is most of them would have known John Wilkes Booth, so they would have just been like… I think about that all the time. They would have literally thought like, Oh, there's the President, and there's George Clooney behind him.

Hey, what did George Clooney just do? That's genuinely... I think about a concept, but the thing is, it's his brother. It was like his brother was Edwin Booth.

Yeah, he was a huge star.

There was a theater on still named after Edwin Booth, which is like, How talented does that guy have to be? It's like,. Welcome to the Mark Bin Laden Theater.

And afterwards, we'll all hit Oswald's for a steak. Damn, I hate what his brother did, but this is fantastic.

It's so funny you say that about your about physicality because other people, Morgan, the person who came with me to Konan, said, Are you worried that if you move around on stage, Konan will see that you're just doing him? That's a different friendship I have with Morgan. I was like, stood right there because I also think you are your influences. You're like, I'm a little bit like Brian Regan. I'm a little bit like, not to give, a little bit like you, a little bit like Gary Goldman, who's another great comic. I have stolen from the diffuse It's that.

But the thing is, I just think it's... I grew up watching Bob Newhart and Johnny Carson, and both of them were so good at this deadpan comedy, and they got it directly from Jack Benny. They were like, Oh, no. What we're doing is Jack Benny. Jack Benny was doing someone that he saw when he was a kid, probably on the vaudeville circuit, he saw someone else do that, and that person saw someone do it in the Civil War. We're all ripping off of each other, and we even think we're doing that person, but we're not, because I keep saying it's her failure to be our idols that makes us come up with our own thing.

You know Tom Tom Lahrer.

Yeah.

Tom Lahrer is 90... Please, if you're listening to this, don't drop in on Tom Lahrer. But he lives in Boston. A couple of months ago, I guess a year ago now, he was in Boston, and I drove by his house, and I was like, You know what? I'll knock on Tom Lahrer's door. Do you know who he is?

No, but it's such as... Do you know him?

No. Okay. He's in his 90s.

Did you have a weapon?

Come with me, Tom.

He was like, It's the 1920s, and you're insane. We're allowed to use butterfly nets to take people away.

He was Kennedy's favorite comedian. It's like I knocked on his door, he didn't answer, and I came back a couple of days later.

That's when you got to really lean into it with your shoulder. Give it a kick. If the door won't go, Hey, listen, Listen, if Tom wear his door, I won't give right away, just really give it a kick.

Yeah. Got him in a cage in the back. I'm 92. Next to the last mother's brother. Tom, you will write for me. But yeah, eventually, he was at home and he's a curmudgeon, but he's nice in his way. We sat and talked, and next time he was in town, he was like, Email if you feel like coming by. He's saying prior notice. Yeah, prior notice is key. He thought it was the mailman, which is why he opened the door. It is really...

Of course, the mailman outfit you were wearing. Yeah. Helped with that illusion.

Special delivery.

I know how to get in. Packaged for you, Lara.

It's chloroform.

You need to smell it to make sure it's yours. Go to sleep, Tom Lara.

Sleep. What's more irritating than just some millennial being like, Hi, I've I got some questions about your songs about Werner von Braun. But it was really... Also, comedy is such a young art form. It's amazing when you think about it. Carol Burnet knew Lucille Ball, and Lucille Ball knew Mark Twain. It's fucking crazy. They all knew each other. It's like if all of painting's history was in a hundred years. It's like if you showed up at the studio and someone's like, Van Gogh wants to try some new pieces. Is that okay? Van Gogh is going to try some new pieces. You're like, Wait, do you know I'm still like, No, but I worked a couple of months ago with this guy. He knows Picasso. He used to paint with Picasso back in the '70s of the improv. Now, it's crazy. It's really cool. They're all still around. In the case of Bob Newhart, who I never met but always revered, they just passed away. We get to breathe the same air as these folks.

Bob was everything you would want him to be times 10. Wow. Literally, just you'd want someone that brilliant and that thoughtful and disciplined about to be an amazing person, and he was that a thousand times over.

It's so cool this still. I wonder what the right balance of fan and professional is, but now I try not to pathologize it anymore. I'm not asking for autographs and stuff like that, but I'd be lying if I said it's like, I met Elaine May. Elaine May is still... Elaine May didn't just perform for Katie. She and Mike Nichols went on before Marilyn Monroe at his birthday party.

Yeah, where she sang Happy birthday, Mr. President. They I went on before that in Madison Square Garden. Yes.

By the way, I didn't realize that was at Madison Square. I thought that was in private and got out as a rumor. I didn't realize it was on national TV. No, she sang that in front of JFK and JFK's wife. Jfk the entire time is like, No, dude. Please. She's sitting right. Tone it down. She's right.

Tone it down. I can always- Maybe a little less with the cleavage. We could tone it down. She was actually not there. That ruins the joke. Is that true? Yeah, she wasn't there.

What? I was always convinced that that was the thing.

No, she was not there.

Was it a special for NBC, though? Wasn't it a special?

I don't know that if it was a special, I mean, I've seen the footage a million times, but it was actually a tour. A million times. Yes. It's Mala Monroe in a tight dress going.

Starting when I was 13 and ending when I was 17. I saw it a million times.

No, not ending when I was 17. By the way, can you imagine the organizers? I orgasmed this morning. Well, I'm sorry. It does seem very on brand for you, though.

It does. You would.

That is my porn. Yes. Well, time to watch Meryl again. Sing Happy birthday to the President.

Poster of Hedy Lamar is behind. I have a question, which is, you've done this show.

This was years in the making, huge stage success. Then you bring it to television and it's nominated for an Emmy. Then there's got to be this feeling of, well, I'm saying goodbye to this now because I'm moving on. It's such a Titanic piece of work. Do you have an idea of what the next thing is?

Do you know what it is? I'm doing it. It's touring. It's not got a title yet. The funny thing is that I decided that it was going to end because 11 months after Adam died, because that's all you said, Shiva in Judaism. Also, it was the weirdest thing because it was the best thing that's ever happened to me, but it was braided with the saddest thing that's ever happened to me. Because I can't stress how close I was with this guy. He was my only significant collaborator for a decade, and he understood me. It was like a very personal relationship. And so the funny thing is I just couldn't do it anymore. But now I'm in this weird position of I'm doing this new show. I'm doing an hour and a half, new hour and a half of stand-up. And I feel his loss even more keenly because this is the part of the creative process where he'd be involved every single day listening to sets, giving notes, offering provocations. I don't really have that anymore. So the short answer to your question is, I'm doing the new show, so it's got to do with Israel and Palestine.

Very easy topic. I also like hard comedy.

You sold out. Now you're just going for big laughs. Yeah, he comes.

I told my agent, he's like, Are you really going to do that Israel-Palestine thing? He's threatening He used the phrase threatening. He's like, Keep threatening and do the show. Are you going to do it? I was like, Oh, yeah, I'm doing it. He's like, Great. Do you want to call it career suicide? He's like, That's a really good title. This could be at the risk of sounding whatever.

Not superficial, but Polyana, There's one way to look at it, which is that Adam Brace is going to be with you. I think he was such a part of your collaboration. It sounds to me like he's going to be part of everything you do in the way that all these other people are as well.

But I don't know if that's true. I hope that's true. I think about that all the time because he's not AI. The thing that made him special to me, beyond the fact that he was deep, we were in sync in our performance, morals and had lots of different... But beyond the particulars that made us such good friends and collaborators, he surprised me constantly. Anything that comes now from Adam, even if I have it, will be entirely within the realm of my own understanding. But also, it is comforting, I think. But I also wish I'd listened more. I wish I'd paid close. I never thought it was running at a time. It was 42. It's like if two people made an album together, and then one of them died, and the album went bananas, and the person who's leftover kept having to do it, and it was changing their life completely. What What a weird, crazed experience to have. Someone called me three days after he died. I was like, Are you looking for a new director? No, I was like, buddy. He was like, I'd love to throw my hat in the ring. It was such a nice thing to feel.

I said, You're so wrong for it. I said, It'd be like hiring a pig to fly an airplane. You can't do it. There's no way. This was Seinfeld. Yeah, Jerry was like, We got to put the bass in. Newman. You know what I wanted to ask you.

Yeah, Newman shows up halfway through. Newman shows up as one of the white supremacists.

Newman.

I did want to ask you about, you say it in the special, and I believe you actually do it, which is you say in the special, I'm available to talk to everybody in the lobby after the show. No one does that. The reason I brought it up, why it struck me is that it seemed like an impulse I would have, which is I would want to talk to everybody afterwards. I don't know where my thing comes from. Where does yours come from?

I think it comes from you. No, I'm serious. I think it comes from the comics that I love, it felt like there was a person-to-person aspect to it. The comedy Voices that I... There was a mystique in their utter accessibility as as if getting to where their consciousness lay was a collective responsibility where everyone's job is to figure out what's wrong with me. I always like that. Also, by the way, this show is truly something I believe. I really believe that we need to have less rancorous conversations. I do think that we live in this really toxic time where people with profound and fundamental differences aren't speaking to each other. There are members of my family who will not talk to me over Israel and Palestine. They just won't. I think that there is something to being able to have a conversation with anyone, no matter what they believe. I thought that, well, if I believe that, then I should talk to anyone in the crowd who... When I started doing the show, it was actually very charged. People were fascinated with one of the questions at the center of the show, which is whether or not Jews are white.

They were very strong opinions about it. Jews have strong opinions about it, non-Jews have strong opinions about it. White people have strong opinions about it, people of color of strong opinions about it. For a while, people wanted to talk to me about it afterwards or confront me until, by the way, I figured out things in the show where I totally explained myself and those questions died down somewhat. But I made myself available to stand by or argue with anything. Also, it was informing things in the show, which is so crazy, which is It's such a gift that you don't get in narrative, usually. It's like if you're watching Titanic, and at some point, Leonardo Cabriolet looks into the camera and is like, People get really sad here where we hit the iceberg. When we hit the iceberg, people are like, Oh, my God. Or he looks in, he's like, Look, I know the door is big enough. I know. I know you think the door is big enough, but this is more powerful. Yeah, this is more powerful. We have to. Getting that live feedback is really good. What are you laughing at systemically?

The door is big enough. I agree.

I think part of him knew this relationship, we hit a high. We're going to move into a walkup in New York. He wanted to die? I just think he knew, get out on a high note. That's a high take. I don't know about that. I don't know about that. We just did it in an antique car.

Rose. Where are my shoes, Rose? Where are my shoes? I got to go to the office. You're right. When you lost them.

Oh, I should have stayed the same.

Yeah, that's right. I could have lived a life of luxury. You could have held onto the necklace, too.

His drawings aren't selling. You want to go, Hey, there's an empty car. We could go in the back and we could... No, I don't want to.

She made him give up the art to go into insurance. I could have been Picasso. Picasso my ass.

We live in New Rochelle.

Oh, man. But it was an amazing thing. Also, I had never done anything where people were coming up to me afterwards. After a while, it got a little intense where people were like, they really want to talk about this thing that I couldn't find people to talk about with. Talk about identity and the vicissitudes of whiteness and what does identity look like if you take victimhood completely out of the equation. People would have really good conversations with me and they would factor into the show. By the way, people said to me they were upset about something. I always found negative feedback really helpful, too, because I'm like, well, I'm not quite connecting something, though. I need to explain it a little bit. Adam and I would have these big discussions, huge discussions about what goes into the show, what doesn't go in the show. I thought the... Although the Q&A, sometimes I would do Q&A's if people asked, and they were insane. People especially after October seventh. We were on tour when October seventh happened, and my next shows were in San Francisco October 25th, and people were just crazy on the internet after that.

Someone was like, I'm going to Someone sent me an Instagram DM, or I left a comment that was like, I'm going to come to San Francisco on October 26th and behead you in front of your Zionist buddies. I was like, Well, we have shows on the 25th and the 27th. I'm not going to show up just for the beheading. Also, it's like a teenager in Tunisia. He's fucking not going to get his freaking flyer miles together and come and do it. Yeah, sure. But it was just... And by the way, that's not a real threat, but I'm just saying the volume was so high. Then it was a little bit cathartic to do that show. It was a little bit cathartic to do a show about the requirement for the need for empathy in a... Although it didn't make me shut down comments on that specific post. But the need for empathy in that time. I'm doing stand-up now, but I don't know if it's a solo show yet because I don't know if there's a thing that I feel this desperate need to say that is both timely and timeless. I've been doing this show for five years.

Everyone's always like, What a timely show. I'm like, Well, I guess how we speak to each other is something that we're always going to be concerned with. It really... I'm sorry, the point of... I don't know. I feel like it would be nice to figure out a another way to talk about how we speak to each other and how we listen to each other without being very po-face and idealistic in a way that's not pragmatic. It's a really- Or also, as we think we use this word before, there's term self-righteous.

I think that's the part is when in our anger, especially, and I see it a lot in comedy, people are like, I inhabit the right, but I don't mean politically right, left. I inhabit the true vision. I see it, and If you don't, then damn you. I think now that's not what we're here to do.

It also is boring. I think we're there, politically. I think we're there where no one... Things that are brave believe in things that are right might not be the same thing, which is interesting. I have this joke that I've been working on about, and the joke is nowhere near ready, but it's about how the only brave people left in New York City are Republicans because it's so easy to be liberal. We're It takes no balls to say all the stuff that a normal person would say. It takes balls just to look at all the easy stuff to believe and be like, No, I hate homeless people. Let them die. You're like, Why? Taxes. It's a really interesting... I know. But I think that's a Jewish upbringing, by the way. It's like a love of great areas, a love of nuance past the point where it's useful.

And dialog. Yeah. Dialog is a whole thing. You talk about this, too. Arguing. My Benj calls it productive overlapping.

I brought a girlfriend home once and she was like, Oh, my God, are you guys going to be okay after that fight? I was like, What? That was dinner. She was like, Wait, are you guys still... Do you need to apologize? I was like, No. I was like, That's how we figure out how we feel. We scream at each other and someone make a good point. We're like, Good point. It's really fun.

That's where you and I part, company. Because in my house, no one ever openly with someone else. You swallow it and you turn it into a cancer inside your body.

Yeah, that's Irish Catholicism right there.

Then you eat a lot of ham, and the ham neutralizes the cancer. That's the ICI stuff. That's what we did. I think we got to call this one because we've been going for a while.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. We've just been talking about. That's what you're here for.

It's called a podcast. This is great. No, I love it. Yeah, you're being an insane person. This has been a fantastic conversation. I I've said it before, but Just For Us is really special, and it's on... Max.

It's on Max, which I should- You're familiar with.

I'm familiar with Max. Just For Us is really a must see, and it's on Max, and best of luck at the Emmies. This is all the gravy part, like the Emmys, those award shows, they work out, they don't work out, but you did the work, and it's really brilliant. Then the next, I 1,000% confident, you'll find the next thing, and you'll figure that out because, good Lord, you have the goods. It's really been a pleasure getting to know you a little better.

Can I say one thing, which is that the first time I got to do standup on television was your show, and it still is one of the best moments of my entire life. It was such a confidence boost in a time when I really needed it, and you were so nice about it. Even though I'm apprehensive about being your friend, I really do. This is really cool for me. I've got a cue card framed. It meant the world to me. I'd like that back. No, no, no.

We don't give those away.

No, it's mine. Guys, thanks so much for having me.

Hey, Alex, a real pleasure and best of luck to you.

Hey, we haven't done review the reviewers in quite some time. This is where I comb through the Apple podcast reviews, and we comment on the comments that they've made about this show.

Yeah, it's payback time. Is that what you're saying?

And by the way, you have to rate five stars for us to even consider these things.

You know what I'm saying? I think that's a very good way to keep me in my bubble so that I think it's only five stars. It is.

It's only five stars. As far as you know, it's only five stars. Out of 100. Okay, this one, I just feel like we need to discuss. It's submitted by BMKLHKDLD. Bmklhkdld.

I think a cat walked across the keyboard. The subject is yippie, and the body of the comment is simply this, Yo, get moist on. Yeah, fuck to us. What does it mean?

That was my initial reaction.

They're saying this is something to get moist to.

This is background music for fucking. That's- The thing. We do fucking stuff.

What is happening with you? I feel like someone just hit you with nine Novocaine blow darts. You're saying that- Get moist on.

What are you... Moist is sexual.

I think that we are a prophylactic. I think that the birth rate drops when my voice is heard?

I don't know. I go back and forth. I think it goes up when my voice is heard.

You think so, huh? Yeah. People are out there.

They're fucking.

Fucking to your voice.

They're cutting you two out.

What happens is they start going at it and then I cut in and go, Well, another thing, and they go, and they stop immediately.

It's constantly getting erect and getting flabbed during the conversation.

Well, you do that fast enough.

That's pleasurable for certain people.

The way you acted it out with your finger acts like the penis It goes out and then retract. Yeah, you also, what's with the red rum?

Bling, bling, bling. Shining boy. This is the penis.

It comes out and then it goes back inside.

Another day of winter.

Okay, I'm done. Well, okay, so that was the comment.

That was my interpretation. That's all. That's all we got from that.

What a horrible country we live in.

I can give you another one if you like.

Yeah, give me another one because that person's perverted.

That comment is not a comment to get moist on.

No.

Okay. This is from K-E-R San Fran. Subject is, Peeing is in my future. Oh, boy. Thanks, Konan and team, for being too funny, so much so that sometimes I'm laughing so hard, I pee a little. This is your fault. It was never something that happened before, and only is an issue when listening to your pod. I hope it happens to you all someday soon. Great show, by the way.

That's really nice. First of all, I don't think it's our fault. This person may have a problem with their urethra. It's important that whoever you are, you get checked out because our show, I think, is funny, but it's not pee your pants funny. I want to say right now, if you've peed your pants while listening to this podcast, you need to see a urologist immediately.

What if you've peed your pants while recording this podcast?

Well, that is something maybe you and I should talk about a little more. I think that's- Do you think he's a woman or she's a girl?

Because if she's a woman, then maybe it's her pelvic floor.

Oh, a weak pelvic floor. Can a man have a weak pelvic floor?

I don't know enough about men stuff.

Well, all the better. Then just hold forth. Keep talking. I love it when most of the media is people talking who have no idea what they're talking about.

All I know is from a woman's... I don't know. Do you know? I know about the pelvic floor when it comes to a woman stuff- I think for a man, it's the prostate or the bladder, and it's nothing to do with floors or ceilings.

But when people say this was pee your pants funny, I've laughed very hard in my life. Never come close to that. I always thought it was just a phrase, but not something anyone could actually do. I think it can be done. It can happen?

Definitely almost peed, and sometimes even peed a little when I laughed.

That would be around me because I'm the funniest person you know.

No, she's marking her territory as stay away.

I don't think I've ever even come close to peeing with you around.

You've laughed really hard, hard enough to pee, but not around me? Probably. Oh, come on. I'm in the history books of funny, and you're talking, what How did you laugh?

You probably watched- I actually think I remember a time when I peed, and obviously, I was a little high. Then this was years and years ago. This was before I even had kids. My friend Christina and I were watching something, and we were playing with the DVD player, and I pressed Eject, and then the DVD player thing ejected. Then I walked up, and the whole time I was like, Why is there even an Eject button on the remote? We laughed so hard. I peed my pants.

Wait a minute. That's what made you laugh so hard? Oh, my God.

She's saying you're not as funny as that.

I've never risen to that level. I've never risen to, Why isn't there an Eject button on the remote?

Why is there an Eject button? You have to get up and go to the machine anyway.

What's the point of the eject button? But that's not funny. That's more just a question of like, I wonder. I think you're confusing humor with- A sign-cell routine. How does the moon affect tides? I'm just curious. Oh, no. I peed myself. I'm curious. Maybe it was the tide.

But why is there an eject button? It's just you have to go to the machine.

It's like, what's the point? Please don't ask one more interesting question because I might shit myself. Do you think science will ever be able to maybe register when a tectonic plate shift is going to happen? Oh, no. I just filled my jeans. That wasn't comedy. Those are questions. No, you don't have to be there. You know what I would love? If she was one of Socrates's students. Because Socrates used to just ask questions. What is it? Is the soul given to us at birth? Or is it Socrates, I got to leave. Why is that, Theodolus? I just filled my toga. Stop asking questions. You know what?

That's What a great garment to pee in, though. A toga?

You can't fill a toga.

No, it's just that's out there.

It's like everywhere's a toilet.

You know what you do? You ring it out and then you just shift it around a little bit. Come on. You do. So that the wet spot moves up the back. That's what I'd do. I'm not saying anything that's... Listen, what I just said is probably what a lot of Romans and Greeks were thinking. Were they- Probably doing. I think they were changing. Just had a little accident. Ring, ring, slide, slide. Hey, you're Your shoulder looks moist. Yeah, couldn't have been pea. What are we talking about? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Don't enable this. Why are we talking about this? It's beneath us. No, it's not. Although if you move the toga, it won't be beneath you. What's that?

It's his rap.

Sometimes I rap for time, sometimes I rap for content.

I can't believe that German Umpa-pa band just came in and played to celebrate my great quip about urine-soaked toga shifting. Okay, let's get into it.

No, this is a segment where it just ended.

Oh, there is no getting into it. We're ending the episode. Someone recently asked me, they said, I really love the podcast. They said, I really love the podcast. They're telling me how much they like it. They said, One question, are you really that confused all the time?

Stop, I'm going to pee.

Well, God bless you all. There, that's the ending.

We were all waiting for a peace out Tupac.

Good, good, good. Conan O'Brien Man Needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Cessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brenda Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXm when you sign up at siriusxm. Com/konan. If you haven't already, please subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.