If you went on a road trip and you didn't stop for a Big Mac or drop a crispy fry between the car seats or use your McDonald's bag as a placemat, then that wasn't a road trip. It was just a really long drive.

But participating McDonald's.

Konan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Konan? Visit teamcoco. Com/callkonan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Oh, my God.

Hello. Wow. Let me quickly describe to our listeners- That's awesome. That the gentleman who's just appeared on screen is wearing a protective helmet, a bright orange. It looks like a construction jersey, and your shirt is covered in dirt. So, sir, your name is Brad, I'm told. Is that right?

Yes. I'm calling you from Manitoulan Island, Gorbay, Manitoulan Island, Canada.

Okay. And so you're on a... Is this a large island a fairly small island?

It'd be about a two-hour drive across. It's about 12,000 residents.

Okay. I'm going to say it's larger than Gilligan's Island, but smaller than, say, the big island of Hawaii. Okay. I'm just trying to get my bearings here. Are you a crossing guard who just fell down a hill? I'm just curious. I'm trying to judge. You've got this big white safety helmet It's a good moment, which, by the way, I think is a good idea for anyone calling into this podcast. I agree. Yeah, absolutely. You should be wearing protective gear. Tell us, what is it you do? Because you are literally wearing your profession on your sleeve. I just can't tell what it is.

I work in mining. Currently, I work on capital projects, so building new mines. But in the past, I used to work underground as a shaft miner or helping with the.

You are the classic, you are a miner, a who goes down beneath the earth, deep beneath the earth, to extract ore. Is that correct?

Yes. My role isn't specifically mining, but I help him with I started with mine design, and now I do scheduling and project controls. But for a period of five years, I did work underground.

Yeah, Brad, you keep saying, I don't go underground anymore, but look at your shirt. Now, either you just got into a terrible bar fight. I mean, you were covered in what looks like coal dust, frankly. So you've been down underground recently, have you not?

Yeah, these are my coveralls, and I go down about once every two weeks. I move from home primarily now. Okay. All right. But I work on projects in Sudbury and also some in America.

Okay. Well, you can throw those in the wash if you want. Okay. I'm just saying that's your business, not mine.

Do you have a lunch box?

I used to have a metal lunch box. That's a famous thing. They made a metal so you could sit on it while you're waiting for the cage.

I didn't know that. I didn't either. That's a good question, Sona. No, it is a good- I don't like what you just did. No, it is a good question because I have never had a profession where I needed a lunch box. I I think it's... I've always been a little envious. I haven't had a lunch box since I was a kid, but I bet this lunch box you had is badass. It's like you could sit on it. What food did you have there in your lunch box?

I just bring a sandwich. Nothing too extravagant. It depends where you're working. I've worked in conditions where it's constantly raining on you. It's not like you're setting out to eat a nice meal.

Raining on you. What about when you're... Did you ever have a meal when you were deep, deep, deep underground?

Yeah. One of the projects I'm working on, the mine's 8,500 feet underground, so about 1.6 miles. What?

What? Hard path.

Okay. No one was asking.

Hey, you want to go down in a 1.6 mile? I'm good.

What lunch can you have? How many miles underground? 6 miles or 0.6?

1.6.

Miles underground. Okay, so in the middle. 1.6 miles underground. That's not good math. 1.6 miles underground, and you crack open your lunch box. Can you eat when you're that far down?

What? Usually, when you're that deep, the rock itself is about 123 degrees Fahrenheit. You go to a place called a Refuge Station, which is air condition, and it's like an office space where you can have a lunch. There's branches in it. Oh, come on.

No, that's wimping out. If I were you, I'd bring eggs down and crack them on the rock and fry up, literally Earth's heat.

Make fajitas fajitas.

Yeah, make fajitas down there, sizzle them up on a rock. That's so cool. To be eating a fajita that was cooked by Earth's mountain core. That's an amazing thing. You could then send them to the surface and have people say, Hey, do you want a mountain core fajita? People would buy those, don't you think?

I think so. It might taste a little different, a little metallic.

I don't want that. When you're deep, deep, deep down in the Earth, beneath the Earth's crust.

Why are you making that sexual?

I know.

I'm not at all. It is.

You're like, Deep, deep, deep.

Adam is shaking his head. No, he didn't think it was sexual, and Eduardo didn't think it was sexual. So I think that's you.

We did, but we were closer to you. Maybe we could sense the musk.

When you are just driving that shaft, I still don't know what you guys are talking about, but you are pounding away, pounding away at the rich loam that is the fecund Earth. But no, seriously, when you are down there, do you have any insights? Does anything ever come to you when you're 1.6 miles beneath the surface of the Earth? I've never had that experience. Does it ever give you any profound thoughts about, I don't know, the whole thing?

It is really neat when you take a fresh blast, so excavating the tunnel a little bit further, that you're the first person that stood in that place. That is cool. So you're on the... So yeah, it is pretty fascinating what mining does, and there's a lot of people that work to make that happen.

I have to admit that the idea of having that much Earth above me, I don't think I'm claustrophobic, but that might get to me. Have you ever had anybody, and I'm going to use a term that Matt Gourley uses a lot, have you ever had anyone wig out, just flip their wig down there?

That is you. You say that all That's the way he talks.

But anyway, have you ever had anybody just go, and this is another Mattism, Coco Gabana Crazy down there. Coco Gabana Crazy. That one I do. But do you have people ever just lose it down there because they can't handle it?

Yeah, it does happen. When you're traveling in the cage, which would be like the elevator shaft, a lot of times people just have to go back to surface. They handle the darkness and or the thought of it. I'd say it's quite rare. A lot of people are fine with it. But yeah, and there are challenging conditions for sure.

Now, Let me ask you a question, Brad.

There's a lot of effort to make it very safe.

Brad, you're clearly a fan because you called in, unless this is a wrong number, which only happens about 20% of the time. But Brad- Can actually call in. Let's say, please. I'm using the old term.

Yeah, you sure are.

Anyway, Brad, when you picked up the phone and hit the old rotary dial.

Oh, it was sexual again.

Brad, let's say that I was going down on the mine with you and you were like, Oh, we know each other now. We're friends. I come by your island. What's the name of the island again?

Manitoulan Island.

Okay. Manitula Island. Okay, I come by- It's in Lake Huron. Okay, well, that's not helping at all. It helps a bit. No, I see no Lake Huron here on my map of the world. But anyway, now you're going to say it's of the great lakes. Whatever. We'll get into that. The greatest one. Let's say I'm going down the cage with you because we're friends. I say, Hey, Brad, it's me, Konan, from the podcast. You're like, Oh, cool. Nice to see you. I go, Oh, wow, it's still pretty dusty. You could clean that thing once in a while and you go like, Yeah, I know. Then we get in the shaft and we start to go down, down, down in the cage. If I started to freak out, would you immediately take me back up? Or was there some part of you that would maybe... Is it possible that you would slap me in the face and say, Get a hold of yourself?

We'd let you work down there for a while. Just work it out, sweat it out.

I'd sweat it out pretty fast if it's 123 degrees. I'll tell you that much right now.

I would love to slap you in the face and go, Get it together, man.

Listen, and you've said that before when In your words, I flipped my wig. But yes, in the old days, it was acceptable if someone was wigging out or getting crazy to slap them, to bring them around. But you can't do that anymore. We're not allowed to slap people, which I think is... That's true. We live in terrible times.

Tell me about…

Is this for the area where you grew up?

I grew up in Sudbury, which is where a lot of mining happens for nickel and copper. An asteroid actually hit there 2 billion years ago, roughly, and that's what created all that metal in the ground. Are you kidding? I grew up in the crater.

You grew up in In an asteroid crater?

Yeah.

Wow. You're like Superman. Yeah. I was going to say you might have abilities that others don't have because you grew up in an asteroid crater. It's got to have some effect on you. I mean, that's got to just be packed with all kinds of metallic, various structures and ores, if you will. I don't quite know what I'm saying, but you have to admit that you grew up in a crater that was formed by an asteroid, you might have... Can you read my mind right now?

That's a song from Superman.

I can, but I'm scared of what I'm reading.

There's nothing in there.

Listen, those killings were self defense. Oh, no. What do you mean?

I would say if you grew up in an asteroid crater, there's a good chance you won't get hit again. So statistically speaking, you're safest from an asteroid.

That's a great point.

No?

Okay. No, no, that's true.

I think- How many times can an asteroid hit one place?

Well, I think it resets every time.

What do you mean?

It's randomly flying.

No, I think what Matt is saying, if you're really getting into hardcore statistics, is correct, that when something like that happens, it does reset so that the chances of it happening there, again, are the same as the chances of it ever happening in the first place.

Or any other place. Yeah. I think actually, you should go.

That's a little extreme. Okay, but sure.

Hey, so, Brad, I'm curious about something. I sometimes, when my kids were littler, I would play Minecraft with them. Does that give me the same amount of technical skill in mining as what you possess?

Pretty close. Yeah, it's right there.

How about Dig Dug? What's Dig Dug?

What do you mean what's Dig Dug? What's a Dig Dug? It's a video game from the '80s.

Anyone here know it? I knew it. Oh, Eduardo knew it. What's Dig I got a- Adam did a thumbs down. Adam just gave it a vicious thumbs down.

I got to get with some people that know culture.

I was disgusted you brought it up.

Where my Dig Dug has at. Brad, you're saying that if I've done Minecraft with my kids, I'm not the same amount of knowledge as you, but I have a similar amount of knowledge.

Yes, you're right up there. Hey, you could start tomorrow if you want.

I have a question. When you dig a mine, let's say you dig a really deep shaft that goes two miles down. Oh, yeah. Take it easy. It's a really deep shaft. Do you ever get down there and there's just- Don't stop. And there's just nothing? Just don't stop. You know what I mean? Just a little bit more.

Too much, Matt.

Matt, too much. Do you ever get down and you've spent a lot of money and you went two miles down and there's nothing. And you think to yourself, whose fucking idea was it to dig a mine here? And then everyone looks at you because you were the one that said, I'm pretty sure there's going to be some good copper down there. Let's go for it, fellows. Has that ever happened?

There's certainly cases where it hasn't happened to that degree, where the amount of ore is not as much as they thought. So they drill a bunch of holes in the ground before they would do that. But Yeah. There's cases where a mine that they thought was going to happen economically couldn't make it work.

It's just a stinker. Now, are you the one that takes the heat for that? Or can you- Oh, definitely not. Oh, good. Well, I bring it up for a reason. I bring it up for a reason, which is this happens in comedy, too, where I'll think there's a funny area, and I'll convince some of my friends over the years, We should write a sketch about this, and we really spend a lot of time digging down, mining this area. Then we read it at Readthrough at Saturday Night Live or The Simpson or whatever, or my show, and it just doesn't work. Apples to oranges. This feels to me like you and I understand what that's like, meaning I know what it's like to be a manly miner because of- No, I'm a manly miner. No, you don't.

You know what it's like to be in a superfluous career.

It's not superfluous. I have found many a magic coin in my comedy diggings. That's all I'm going to say right now.

Does it smell bad down there?

It does near the washroom, but for the most part, it's- What do you mean?

Because of a pooping? There's no odor down towards the center of the earth, You don't smell sulfur or anything like that?

Not in a hard rock mine. If you're in coal mines, there might be gasses that you would smell. But for nickel and copper mines, it's pretty standard. We pump air underground, so it's constantly circulating from underground back up to surface.

I'm learning a lot about mining. You design mines?

I have helped design them, yes.

But I don't understand. Don't you just go straight down and then you have some shafts that come off the side, or is it more complicated than that?

It's pretty complex. You spend years going through different stages to figure out the best path to access the ore. So lots of people involved. Takes probably about 10 years to build a mine. What?

Before you even- I didn't realize there was that much thought that went into it. Hey.

It's just like a sketch.

What is like a sketch? I've spent 10 years on a sketch. I've spent 10 years on a sketch, so Listen, don't belittle what I do. I think what I do and what Brad does is exactly the same. We both risk our lives digging deep to try and find something of value. I often get quite dusty. Yeah. I'll say.

Criticizing the dirt on his- I wasn't criticizing.

I'm just saying, esthetically, before you go to a cocktail party, you're going to be a little wash room. That's all I'm saying. Hey, Brad, do you have a question? Oh, No, you're not getting me off this quickly. Brad, I have a question for you, which is, this idea just occurred to me. It's standard for people to be buried 6 feet underground. Is it possible? Is it legal? Could you see to it that when my time comes, and I hope that's not for at least three years, is it possible that I could be buried 1.6 miles underground?

Technically, yeah.

Thank you. I accept your offer.

Are you talking about for a cave-in or something?

No, I just want me They take me down in the cage and they dig out a little area and they put me there. Then I'm 1.6 miles underground.

They're not going to build a cage. They're just going to dig a hole and then throw your body in there. Why would they put that much work into your- No.

Take the cage that exists down, go down 1.6 miles, and then, Hey, over there to the left, there's a nice spot. Dig, dig, dig, dig. They shove my- You want to be buried in a mine that already exists?

One that's going to fry your body?

Yeah. It'll cook it slowly over time.

No, then that'll smell awful.

No, it'll smell like roasting ham, trust me. That's what happens when I go to the beach. People say, Who's cooking bacon? See, Brad, I dug a shaft and I hit gold. Did you have a question for me, Brad?

Yes. If you worked in mining, what mining position would you work in? Here we go. These are real names. Here we go. What do you mean? A shaft miner. A clam operator.

Oh, boy.

A scoop operator, boom truck driver, that's the stuff, jack leg driller, or a jumbo driller.

Well, okay. All right. I'm a Jack leg driller, if anything. I would like to be known like, Hey, what's Kona do? He's a Jack leg driller. I'd like to say that in a bar. Hey, friend, what do you do in the mind? Jack leg driller. I think it sounds cool. I don't know what it does. What does it mean?

That's probably the toughest job in the mind, Jack leg driller.

Yeah, that's probably why I'm drawn to it. I'm not afraid of a little hard work. What does a Jack leg driller do?

Jack leg is a handheld drill. It's about 100 pounds.

It's metal.

You're drilling holes about 8 feet long into the rock to either blast or put in ground support so the rock doesn't collapse.

Hey, who's the guy that blows stuff up? Ralph.

What does Ralph- There'll be a loader I would love to blow stuff up, and I would love to be the guy that likes to fuse and then starts running but trips and then notices that my leg is stuck.

I'm looking back and I'm going, trying to blow the fuse out, but it's getting closer and closer. Does that ever happen or is that just something I saw in a cartoon?

Definitely more cartoon than real life.

I prefer cartoons. Hey, Brad, it was nice talking to you. You are the first miner that I've spoken to, I believe. I I'm glad you're doing that work. That's good work. You're bringing us the precious metals. You're bringing us everything we need to build a better tomorrow. I thank you for it.

Well, thank you. If it's not grown, it's mined. There's lots that mining contributes. I also want to... I know you don't like compliments.

No, no, no. But it's such an honor. I'm dying for one right now.

Thank you. Such an honor to speak to a comedic legend, Mr. Gourly.

Direct hit.

And Sona.

That's great.

You hit.

Brad, you hit the mother load. So congratulations. Well, thank you so much, and I'm sure they thank you as well. They don't get a lot of compliments, so that's a huge thing for them. That's true. Really, it's few and far between, I suppose. Get a lot. Not sure why.

I don't. I often listen to the podcast, driving to Sudbury, get up early, so it brings a lot of laughs, a lot of joy. So thanks for everyone that's involved.

Well, Brad, we're happy to be a part of your life, and thank you very much for contacting us. It was cool talking to you.

Great to meet you all.

Take care. Thanks so much. Be safe.

Bye. Bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent Booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. If you haven't already, please subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. Has been a Team Coco production in association with EarWolf.