Solo Stove and Whistlepig Whisky have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock, a limited edition wheat whiskey. It's aged in barrels, toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite firepit. On the Rocks, neat or in a Smoors old fashioned, Camp Stock wheat whiskey, with its notes of Graham cracker, baking spices in vanilla, is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights. Cheers to whiskey flavored by the flame and savored by the flame.

Please remember to pig out responsibly.

This This episode of Conor O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by L. L. Bean. Summer's all about getting outside. For quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories, turn to L. L. Bean, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, coolers. Plus, get the stylish, yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather, including their famous bean boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit llbean. Com/conan. Outside together since 1912.

Summer Smoors with Konan and the Chill Chums. A six-part series with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsassian, and Matt Gourley. Let's get started. Episode 4, Summer Smoors, Altadina. It's hot dog time.

All right.

We're going to roast some weanies, I think they're called. Yeah. These are, by the way, handsome roasting. Tongs. What are they called? Spears? Tines? Skewer? Skewer? Yeah, skewer. That's the word. Here, take this guy. Okay, thank you. Thank you. Roasting some hot dogs here, and we're roasting them over.

I've never wasted a hot dog over a fire.

You haven't? No. And you don't get a real Christmas tree?

Okay.

She's roast fake hot dogs. Now, the principle, correct me if I'm wrong, a hot dog is already cooked, right? Right. So this is all, is it just esthetic or is it for flavor?

That's a good question. I guess it's just for flavor.

Why is this fun for people who are listening?

Sona, you clearly don't understand what podcasts are all about. My life has been podcasting. I think people love hearing us have experiences.

I think they like having a glimpse of the real life of us getting real.

Is this us getting real?

Yeah, we're getting real.

What about what's that? Ssr? What is it when noises? Asmr? Asmr. I was thinking of a supersonic jet. Yes, people may like hearing us eat a hot dog.

I don't I don't think- Might be essential experience. I don't think very many people hearing others eat stuff. No, not at all. I think they like... I watched a video today of someone with long nails touching some food.

Here. Like Muck bang?

I'm going to toast my bun a bit.

Why are you laughing so hard? Tanish, what did I say? Because it was so random. Because I took a long time to just think of the word food. That's dumb. Are you guys done already?

I'm trying to cook my I have now put the whole hot dog and bun. It's going to catch fire.

Will it?

I just wanted to toast up a bit. I'm with you. I like a toasty bun.

I'm with you. I want to toast my bun.

I think what I'm doing is actually innovative. Let me explain. At home, I think I've taken the two prongs of the skewer and I wedged the hot dog in between.

Yes. The hot dog fell right out.

Oh, yes.

Couldn't have timed it better.

Please explain what happened, sir.

The hot dog slipped right into the flames as I was congratulating myself. Oh, my God. That was amazing. You know what my favorite thing is? My favorite thing is for things to go awry as someone is congratulating themselves. It's the best. Oh, look, The rest of the bun just fell apart. Oh my God.

You want condiments?

Oh, my God. Yeah, I do. I'm just going to toast up what's left of my bun. Just going to toast that up. Well, God, I love a hot dog. I could try again.

Do you guys like hot dogs?

You know what I like? Those Those street dogs that you can get when you're coming out of a bar or a club and they're out there with the... Yeah, Eduardo's nodding. He gets it.

What's the street dog? I don't know what that is.

They're out there. They have onions. They're out there.

This is nice. Now, I'm going to get a little sentimental here. But what year were we in your backyard, Gourly? Was that last year or two years ago? Two years ago, right?

Yeah.

That was nice. Now we're in Sona's backyard, which makes me think we'll be in in my backyard someday.

Will you let us go there?

Well, I'll have to clear it with security in the area.

We're going to have to zoom in. Whatever.

I'll take care of it. This is so hard. I'll have to make calls because I have some pretty big deal names live in my neighborhood. If you guys just drove in without clearance, that'd be a whole disaster. You know what I mean? Would it? Yeah. I got to make sure that Joseph Gordon-Levitt is cool with you guys being in the neighborhood. Chad Michael Murray. Chad Michael Murray. Sol Esposito. I guess got to make sure that everybody knows that you're coming. He's more of a sound technician, but very well known. Do you need these?

The ketchup and the mustard?

Just a little mustard, please.

Oh, you want me to put it on there? Fuck.

Jesus.

It's like you guys have never handled food before.

Sonal, what's your problem? This is hard to do it this way.

You're such a train wreck with everything. Oh, my God. No, just in life. I didn't mean it personally. I meant just every time you try to do anything, it's just a big mess and it's awful. Oh my God. Right there. That's good. Thank you. Thanks, Gerts.

You want some ketchup?

No, you don't do ketchup on a hot dog. That's for sure. Not on my watch. What? No, no ketchup on a hot dog. What? That's crazy. That goes against the German tradition.

Why are you guys nodding? That's not right. It is right. That's not normal.

Hot dogs aren't German. You're thinking like, Bratwurst. Hot dogs are American. You put ketchup on hot dogs in America, you call me.

Usa, USA, USA.

I don't think we're in the USA right now. I think we left the borders of the United States about four hours ago. I do love it here, and I'm going to make it my mission to learn more about this place they call Altadina, this magical land. It's lovely out here, by the way.

What are you going to learn about? Like the history and stuff?

Yeah, and just like, When are you going to get a postal service, that stuff. I'm just curious. At some point, the government has to provide postal service here. It's what you pay taxes for. Do you pay taxes? How does it work here?

Do I pay?

Yeah. Okay. All right. I just didn't know it. I mean, we're really out here. But you should look into it because you have a right. You have a right as a citizen to have a postal truck. Why are you laughing?

Maybe I'm close and you're far. Maybe you're far. Oh, for God's sake, no. You're maybe you're far.

No, I can roll on- I'm close. No, I can lean out my window and eat some of the best sushi in town. You just admitted pretty much that the only grocery store in Altadina closed three years ago. You guys have to get... If Just a portage a canoe to go and get basic goods.

I did forget. I just told you that.

I actually did tell you that. What's the name of the Baha? Is it Baha what?

Baha Ranch Market, which was the closest market to us closed.

Well, really the only market.

You can drive far and go to another market.

Yes, many people can say that. You can be anywhere on the continent and say you can drive far and there will be a market. So your defense of Altadina is crumbling left and right. What I'm trying to I am your advocate. I am telling you that you have the right to postal service. You should have a working phone. You should have irrigation. Those are things that you should have. You're entitled to them.

You don't think we have irrigation up here?

Well, what's that thing going on down the road? When we were driving up the road to get here, we passed over something that looked like an abandoned gully. What's that? What's going on there?

I don't know. I think that's just a reservoir.

No, it's not a reservoir because reservoirs have water in them. This looks like... Does anyone know what I'm talking about? On the way up here- Are you talking about the Arroyo? I've seen a lot of nodding. On the way up here, David, would you get to a microphone, please? Do you remember when I commented on it as we passed in that tiny car that you call a car?

God, did I risk my life in riding with you, sick.

Okay, David, what did we see on the way up here? Just before we got to Sona's house. What was it? Describe it. I don't know what it was. It was like a big... Remember if you watch Parks and Rec whenever they fall down into that thing? It was like that. It looks like you're going to be walking and you're just going to fall into this. You're just going to go down, down, down. I love your generation. If you need to describe something, you name a random TV show and say, remember that thing in that TV show? It's like that thing.

This is the guy that was talking about Jack Lord's hair from Hawaii 5:0.

Using specifics.

I wanted to look like Jack Lord.

Specifics. They didn't say, You know that thing that was in that show with the thing?

Why do you act like you had it? You had a choice about what your hair would look like.

I don't think I cook this hot dog enough. The center, it just doesn't taste right.

Are there more hot dogs?

You know what? It's important. We're not doing ads for the hot dogs, right? No. This is just a great ambiance. I don't like these hot dogs.

This one's weak as- These are LL Well-being hot dogs.

Yeah, who got the hot dogs? No, who got the hot dogs? Did you get these from the closed Baja Fresh supermarket? Because you know what? When they close the supermarket, sometimes they don't throw out all the food. I have a suspicion that Chalemi broke into a window and went into the long, unrefrigerated, refrigerated section and took hot dogs from the Eisenhower administration.

That one looks less… Is that what they always look like?

No, this looks different. What happened?

Did you change the wieners on us?

The first three were microwaved a little bit just to get a precook going. Where were they microwaved?

I don't have a microwave.

Oh, Rao cooked them in the kitchen. He did something. I don't have a microwave. He cooked them in the kitchen. You know what I love? They said we microwaved them in Sona's kitchen, and Sona just said, I don't have a microwave. That means that Rao put them in a shoe box, waited 30 seconds, and then took them out of the shoe box. But these are not. These are just straight from the package. I would just cook them more. I'll do something else. No, I can't eat another one. Are these really good grade A hot dogs? This is the real deal.

This is like a ballpark.

I think you need another wood.

These are the real deal. It's real deal hot dogs. You just want to make sure it's cooked all the way through. Really? Why? Could I get sick? No, you're fine. I mean, they're cooked. Hot dogs are cooked already. Yeah, that's what I thought. This doesn't taste right on the inside. But you're still eating them. There's a piece of jewelry in this.

I love that you're complaining about it, but you're still eating it.

Hey. That's the fun of a hot dog.

I grew up in the depression, meaning my mom was depressed.

Everyone's laughing at that. That's terrible.

It was bad at the time, but it's funny now.

You need more on that, don't you? I don't know. You did it so quickly. I was roasting for a while.

I like it the way I like it.

You like a raw winner.

I think we have to go back to what did Rao think he was doing when he put the hot dog in a box in your house and waited. How do you reheat things in your house?

We put him in the toaster oven. That's what he did. But you got to put him in there for a while. He was in there for a while. It's not like you zapp it for a minute. He was in there for a while.

Why don't you guys have a microwave?

But the ones I just gave you right here are not reheated.

We don't do microwaves.

Microwaves are not good. Wait, no. Do you think microwaves are unhealthy?

I think they don't taste good when you reheat stuff with microwaves. They get mushy. What's worse than a mushy pizza from No, you reheat in a microwave.

You can't put a pizza in the microwave. That's true. But there are many things you can put in a microwave.

You could also just reheat it normally, and it takes a minute longer.

Okay, I guess you win this argument.

I do because you had no response. One point for Sona. I won that one.

Yeah. Take that one point and put it in that big empty jar of points.

Big empty jar of points? Yeah. So the jar has a lot of points in it. No. Because you said it has a jar of points. Yeah. How is it empty if it's got a whole jar of points. When that one again, put another one in my jar.

Clang, echo, echo, echo, echo, points that I have because all I do is win, win, win, no matter what. I have aqueducts. I have points that are just in aqueducts, and there's run offs and channels, and it's points are just flowing everywhere. There's so many points.

Your points never count because you give yourself points, and those aren't real points, but the world gives me points. Society gives me points. No, society has given you. Everybody here gave me those points.

They didn't give you any points. I didn't see any point transaction. I have just waterfalls. There's an electric plant that's completely powered. Turbines are turning because my points are shooting through it all the time.

All of Altadina is built with my points. This entire city didn't exist before I moved.

Talk about building a castle upon sand. I mean, this is biblical. If Altadina is built on your points, everyone should flee this jurisdiction immediately. Everyone is living comfortably.

That's a terrible place to live. My neighbors are here. They live comfortably. I live comfortably.

You won't get home insurance the minute they find out your house is built on your points.

I have so many points. You got no points. You're so I'm jealous. I win all the time. Sometimes I'm just like, I'm so tired of winning all the time. You can see my points from space.

How do I lose? If you're in an orbiter, you can see my points from space. They're often mistaken for the city of Las Vegas because they're so bright and so shiny and so mast.

You know what? I just talked to an astronaut and they're like, Those aren't real points. But Sona's points are real points. My points are real points. Your points are fake points you give yourself. It's like when you say something that you think it's a joke and you're like, That was real funny because no one laughed. And then you're like, That was real When I say something's really funny, I'm a professional.

That means that's like 11 points right there.

No, I think you're just sad because nobody's laughing and you're like, I'm just going to make myself feel better.

I've never said something and not heard laughter, and I don't know what that would sound like. You know what I mean? If I ever say something and there's no laughter, I would probably kill myself immediately. That's how used to laughter I am. I'm so used to laughter that the absence of it would probably cause my heart to liqueify and then explode. I have not laughed so many times. I'm not going to say explode and then liqueify.

I not laugh.

When I not laugh, I I get more points. When I not laugh. Listen, Hulk. It's Hulk. I like you, Hulk. You're good. Hulk good. But Hulk wrong about points. Konan right about points. Hulk wrong. That's a nice sweater you're wearing. I'm going to change the subject just for a second. Points, points, points. But you have- No points.

That was so many points. But that's very nice. Gourley left a long time ago. Nobody even noticed because we were having this stupid argument.

Well, Gourley took a break.

Okay. Wait, my sweater, you were complimenting.

Yeah, I was saying it. It looks nice. We're outside. It's getting a little chilly. It would be chillier, except we're being warmed by this solo stove, which is very nice. And also these lights, they have these bank lights here because we're also being filmed. It looks a little like when there's a crime scene and they're investigating it at night. You know the way they put those big lights up? I know. So that the guys can do the forensics during the night time. Do you have a little stroll there?

Yeah, I went home and took a nap and dreamt I was happy.

And had that go.

This episode of Conor O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by L.

L. Bean. Summer's all about getting outside. For quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories, turn to L. L. Beane, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, coolers. Plus, got the stylish, yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather, including their famous Beane boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit LLbeane. Com/conin. Outside together since 1912. Solo Stove and Whistlepig Whisky have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock. A limited edition wheat whiskey. It's aged in barrels, toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite firepit. On the Rocks, neat or in a Smoors old fashioned, Camp Stock wheat whiskey. With its notes of Graham cracker, baking spices and vanilla is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights. Cheers to whiskey flavored by the flame and savored by the flame.

Please remember to pig out responsibly. We've brought back Solo Stove as a sponsor this year because it still feels incredible sitting around a smokeless fire. I really do love these Solo Stoves. I really do, too.

They're very pretty.

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This is an exciting evening.

We're here in Altadina. Sona's neighbors from down the street. Yeah. They're not your next door neighbors.

No, they're two houses down.

And they came by. Were these the ones that you told me heard you talking?

Yes, they've heard us before, especially when the boys are crying and stuff. They can hear because we're a loud people. Sometimes our neighbors can hear us. Sometimes when I'm outside, I hear my family members, like when I'm down the street talking.

Who's the loudest person in your family?

I would say my mom. Between me and my mom. My mom.

If you two, let's say, I'm sure it doesn't happen often, but let's say you two were to have an argument.

It happens all the time.

I know. I was being funny. When you two argue, how loud does it get?

It gets loud. I mean, imagine how I normally talk and imagine it amplified.

I can't imagine it getting louder than what I've heard. But It probably does.

Oh, yeah, it does. I can amplify. So it gets loud. You can get loud, probably.

Not really. Kind of a quiet mouse. Quiet mouse.

Oh, my God. Everyone's laughing.

You're not a quiet person.

Just a guy that keeps to himself. Neighbors are always going to say he kept to himself. He was a good neighbor. We never knew he was going to snap. He kept his yard real neat. Didn't come to any of the social things in the neighborhood, but he's a fine neighbor. That's me. That's the guy I'd be.

When you first moved into your place, did you want to make sure everybody knew they were living next door to you?

Yeah. First of all, I complained because I was not on the map of the Star's Homes. I'm the only celebrity to ever do that.

You called them and you were like, Guys- I went there because I have a stand on Sunset Boulevard.

I said, Gentlemen, I think there's a mistake here. I showed them where I lived.

You have a huge cone inside outside your house, like a car dealership. I said, and I told them, I said, You have the other celebrities that live in my neighborhood, but I'm not represented.

I told them exactly where I lived, and then I expected to see the bus at least five times a day. Yeah. Did you wait outside? Well, they, first of all, kept saying, And what is it you do? And stuff like that. They said, Are you still on TV? I said, That's not the point. I said, That is an irrelevant point, young man. You're not to speak back to me. They were wondering why I was wearing a tuxedo. Yeah, I was upset. I thought I should be part of the tour.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Other stars were on the tour.

What's that sound?

That sounds like a horse. That's a horse. That's a horse.

A horse just went on. We have horses that-But wait, who's riding a horse? The horse people.

Okay. God, you're good.

Wait, does that mean a person on a horse or people people that are horse people? Like a Minnator.

Minnator. Minnator. Centaur. Yeah.

Wait, you have centaurs?

No. Do people regularly ride horses up and down the street?

Regularly, they ride. There's an equestrian center, not that far. Okay, that makes sense. They ride Horses just chill up and down the street. That makes sense. Then a couple of times there was horse poop in front of my house.

If you get horses, you're going to occasionally get horse poop. They go hand in hand.

But why isn't it like dogs? Why do we have to clean up dog poop? You don't have to clean up horse poop.

It's a funny For some reason, horse manure is less offensive. I don't know why. That's true. People just feel like, Yep, that's just some horse manure or whatever. Big deal. It's poop. It's on the street.

Pick it up.

Shovel it. No, you can't. Put it in a bag. Have you seen them? They're huge. You'd have to have a truck driving behind you. No, it's just not feasible. All right. Work on getting a mail system first, and then we'll get the poop off the streets. Okay? Fair? Good deal?

No, I'm not going to agree with you.

High five?

Thank you for the high five. No high five. I did not high five you. Yes, you did. For the record, there was no high five. Don't do that. High five. Thank you, Sona. That's not how my hand would sound if I high five. Anyway. I would sound different.

Sona, it looks like we had a pretty good time. I'm leaving again. No, stay.

Are we filming this just so we can put out a clip of Konan high fiving himself?

Can we do something? I don't know how much it's going to cost, but I'll pay for it. When I mean I'll pay for it, I'll get it out of the company somehow. But it's not going to touch my part. Do some cheap animation where it looks like Sona and I high fived over this. I don't care how cheap it is. Just make look in a very crude way like Sona high-fived me. Can I ask for another thing? Use that. Her hand in the air right now.

No, no, no, no, no, Like a dork.

No.

Like an absolute dork. No. Just high-fiving yourself.

I run this show. No, look, my phone.

No one likes you.

Everyone loves me. Loved everywhere.

Everyone likes to make you look foolish.

Don't be fuel-ish. You remember that from the '70s? You weren't alive yet.

Not at all.

During the energy crisis.

Stop bringing me into this. Leave me alone.

Don't be fuel-ish. Remember, Don't be fuel-ish?

Leave me alone, both of you. What does that even mean? During the energy crisis, they didn't want people to waste gasoline. I remembered there was a thing that said, Don't be fuel, F. It spelled out fuel. F-u-e-l. F-u-e-l-ish. They said, Don't be fuel-ish. For some reason, that just popped out of my head, too. I don't know why. I think I'm having a major occlusion in the mind. It's the altitude. It is the altitude. We're up here.

Do you notice our breath? You can see our breath.

Yeah, but why? I thought that was the fire.

No, it's the temperature.

No, it's not that cold.

You know what? I can see my breath. I think it may be the vapor in the air. Oh, the vapor? Or also, Sona had garlic. You know what's really funny? When I was in your kitchen, oh, man, this killed me. You heard my voice and you said, Do you want garlic? I said, Do you have any? You wouldn't have garlic. Yeah, that was really funny. We had a good laugh. Let's high five.

Nobody had a good...

Thanks, Sona. Take it. And do that, too.

No, no, no. Clip it out. No, no, no. We got it. The three times he's done it and do it again.

Nope, okay. Loop it. Well, with cool terminology like that, there's no way they won't listen to you.

Man, I have seriously been questioning how my life has brought me to this point.

I know. I'm so sorry, girls. I think it's because he's in my space and it's making me very- It is.

There's a different energy here. You're feeling invaded.

Yeah. You're shitting on out to Dina.

Hey, no, I'm not at all. I'm just marking it. In a shitty way. It's a very different thing. Hey, I have a question. How weird would it be if, let's say we weren't doing this tonight, okay? This was never happening, and you were getting ready for bed and kids are asleep, tax turned in, and you look out the window and you see something and you look closer and I'm in your yard right where I am sitting in this chair in the dark for no reason. Wait, no. How freaked out would you be? Why is that? Why do you think about those things? It's like Why do you think about those things?

It's like Michael Myers.

Mike Myers, yeah. I'm just sitting here like this. That's harrowing. Why are you sitting there? That's the weird thing is, I don't know. I'm just sitting here and you're like, What the? You freak out, you wake up Tack, He's like,. English, English tack. He's like, What? He rushes to the window and there's no chair and I'm not here. You're gone, yeah. Then he goes back to sleep. You check one more time. No, that's really creepy. Then I'm here smiling just like this. That's so scary. Isn't that scary?

That's really scary. What if we didn't know it was you, and then he took his sword and he stabbed you with it?

What sword?

Tak has a sword. You know who else brought a sword today? Blade brought a gigantic sword that he got from the Renaissance Fair. Can we please talk about that for a second? Why, Jesus? He went to the Renaissance Fair and he bought a sword.

Yeah, he was afraid he one day may have sex. So he quickly went to the Renaissance No one's fair. What? To make sure that his celibacy would be insured for all time. Why did you bring a sword? Tak is the only other person I know who loves swords as much as I do. I bought this cool sword. I wanted to show Tack my cool sword.

No one else likes swords.

No, wait. It's not that we don't. First of all, it's just not much use for them in the modern world. That's all. I think once you have a sword, you find a lot of uses for it. It's like when you have a tool, you're like, Oh, yeah, I could tighten this up. I could tighten this up. Slice things. Yeah.

Instead of using a normal knife, you could use a sword.

What sword does tack have?

Tak has a more Japanese style sword. I don't know if it's a katana. I don't know what they're called. I don't know what it's called. He's inside, and I could ask him. A katana? I don't know. I don't know, guys. I don't know what sort it is.

It's okay. Let it go.

But it's not like blaze sort. Blaze sort is like- That's right here. Do you want me to get tack?

No. Yours is a medieval... That's a King Arthur sword.

Jesus Christ. And it's sharp.

It's really sharp. You brought that You brought that just to show... It's okay. I can see it. It's good. Why didn't we roast a weaning with that? You know what I mean? Do you mind me asking how much you paid for that? How much did you pay for How much did you pay for it? It was a deal. How much did you pay for it? I paid $380 for it. You're fired because you waste your money on shit.

Good luck at the pond shop. I'm Sorry, Blai. I just need to deflect. You were there with a sword.

He didn't mean to shame you.

But what if we stabbed you because we thought you were an intruder? That's what I'm talking about.

No, this is just one of those things where I sometimes wonder. Just picture you looking out the window. No one's here. There's no reason for me to be here. I'm just sitting in this chair and I have just a slight enigmatic smile.

I don't like that. Are you lit up like this?

Well, I have my natural pale skin that shines like a moon.

I don't even know why you think of these things.

I think of these things all the time. Wouldn't that be weird? Things like that are much scarier to me than someone jumping out, hacking at you. Just a cone in your backyard, sitting in a chair, smiling in the night when you don't think you're going to see them. What's more terrifying than that?

There honestly is not anything I can think of that it's more terrifying than you just sitting in my yard. I really do think that is really terrifying. But I get what you mean when you think about weird things. There was the the Solo Stove lighter fluid, and it said, Do not drink highly flammable. And I was like, What if I just drink it? Saying it out loud.

That's a death wish.

I know. I hear it. It's not the same as what you were thinking at all.

It's not at all what I was saying. It's terrible. Don't do that. Don't drink that. You're the mother of two beautiful boys. Got your whole life ahead of you. Don't do that.

But what if it's also like when you're on a rooftop bar or something and you're I'm just going to jump off.

No, she's so not.

No.

Holy shit. Am I the only one? Am I the only one who thinks these things?

The worst I ever do is if I'm watching a play, I go, there's nothing stopping me from walking up on that stage and giving them all veggies right now.

Well, I think your physical strength would stop you. What do you mean? I don't care who was in that play. This was children's theater. If it was a play of old women, they would beat the shit out of you.

You know when we do live shows, sometimes I'm like, I'm going to say something really bad. Yeah, What do you usually do when people laugh.

You mean mistakenly or you want to do it purposefully?

No, seriously bad words. I don't know, racist or something. What? I know.

I think about this all the time. But you're not a racist person.

I'm not, but I'm just saying there's so much at stake. What if I say something that's so bad. My life is over.

He does it all the time on him. No one takes you seriously. People just think like, Oh, that goofy persona. You know what I mean?

You think they won't take me seriously?

Yeah, I think you're safe.

I'm trying to find. Try some right now.

Because I'm not a serious No, I don't want to. That's the point.

You have a good heart.

No one thinks it comes- But I'm just saying things that I shouldn't be thinking about. I think about a lot sometimes. I thought everybody be like, Oh, yeah, I think about jumping off a roof sometimes when I'm at a restaurant. But The fact that no one else thinks that really makes me uncomfortable right now, and I'm feeling a little awkward and vulnerable. I'm feeling very vulnerable.

Child services is on the way. Yeah. It makes me worry. You just admitted your children are sleeping upstairs, and you admitted you want to drink lighter fluid, and then you want to jump off a roof. Oh, my God. I think you're going to spend a couple of days. They're just going to be away from your kids. That's all.

I really thought you guys would help me out with that.

I don't know what to say. I'm sitting with a guy who wants to sit in a backyard all night to scare someone. A woman who wants to jump off a building and a guy who spent $380 on a sword. I don't feel like a normal person, but you guys make me feel so sane.

You're very sane. You're not sane. Yeah, he is.

No, he's not. You're not a sane person.

He's a little eccentric, but he's sane.

But compared to you people, I'm just John Doe, the guy next door. You people?

Who's racist now? Listen. That's it. That's it. Oh, my God. So what are they killing?

Who knows? It could be anything.

What are those?

That's a pack of coyotes. That's coyotes attacking an old game show host. They're tearing apart Wink Martindale right now. What do you think they're getting?

A It could be a cat. It could be a possum. It could be a racoon.

Don't list all animals in the world. Jesus, you're like the coat check at Noah's Ark. A horse?

A horse? No, it wouldn't be a horse.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

That is so chilling. Did you hear that, ladies and gentlemen? That was crazy. I hope our mics picked that up. That was fantastic. I don't know. Do we have ambient mics that would pick that up? Yeah.

We have ambient mics?

It probably picked it up. I would imagine. That was pretty loud.

It was pretty loud. That was pretty That's crazy. You hear that all the time, huh?

All the time.

Where's Tak?

Is he around when this is happening?

Have you ever seen him? What if you find out that Tak was doing it? That's what I mean.

Oh, Tak's the guy?

What if Tak's a werewolf? What if when he says he's- A Wampier?

What if when he says he's going to karate, he's really just going to kill creatures.

I think that's an exotic excuse for I'm going to go out. You just say, I got to go to work and check on a few things. No one says, I'm going to Karate, and that does something weird because Karate in and of itself is out there. Well, I'm going to go chop at the air while wearing pajamas. Really, I'm up to something cookey. Do you know what I mean? It makes no sense.

That martial art is hundreds of years old, and you just tore it down to chopping the air while wearing pajamas.

Well, anyway, I'm sorry. My apologies to an entire way of life. Yes. Listen, I think it's time. What better way... My God, you can't hear this at home because these are directional mics. These mics have been set up by Eduardo. He had no idea that something that dramatic was going to happen. But the sound was absolutely thrilling. This is like a real nature special. It's nighttime. We're here in Altadina. And what sounded like maybe 15 or 20 coyotes just surrounded some animal, started shrieking, and tore it asunder. Incredible.

Then it just gets quiet.

Listen, how quiet it gets.

Little moment of silence for that gone animal.

Now they're fightingover.

The carcass.

No, also the bill. I only had one pa. Why do I have to pay as much? He had two pa's in the tail. I'll get the tail. He had two pa's in the tail, and I had one pa. I didn't drink any of the blood. He drank all the blood. Now they're fighting about that, just going at it. Man, incredible riffs.

That might be a new one. No, This is a new one.

No, now they're fighting about the tax. I can't believe there's a food tax. We're in Altadina. We don't even have mail service. Well, anyway, let's wrap it up. It's been another good episode of Gugu Golly in the Gum Gum tree. I think it's called Chill Chums for reasons I don't even remember anymore. It's called Fan Service. That's what Adam tells me. Adam Sacks says, This is Fan Service.

This is an all-timer episode. Is this the same episode where you guys argued about points?

That was four hours ago.

That was this episode, right?

Was that this episode? Holy Christ. It's amazing. You left and you built a house from scratch. I did.

I went out and trained 15 wild coyotes.

All right. Well, thanks for listening to this episode of Chumaroonies. Chilled Chumaroo. I'm a guy that, well, this is where my career has brought me.

We can end We can actually end this episode.

I keep trying to, but no one helps me.

It's you. You do the end. You do the ending.

Okay.

You do the end.

Take it easy. Finish it. The more you try to talk, the less you can talk. It's hilarious. You do the end. And you do.. Oh, God.

The more you try to end it, the less you end it.

Ladies and gentlemen from Altadina, this is Conor O'Brien saying it's been nice. Oh, my God. With ice.

I'm so close to my house, and I feel so far away.

You did this for 30 years. Just end it.

Okay, well, that was easy. I go like, Well, that's our time. Good night, everybody. You can do that. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Stay tuned for last call with Carson Daily. I'm going to go spend 40 minutes wiping the makeup off my face in my tiny dressing room. Get out of it, buddy. But I would do boom, but I would do boom. But I would do boom, but I would do boom. But it... Chips. Oh, my God, they're back.It's.

Another one. Got to make sure. God, this is...

You live in a... You live in a horror show. Oh, my God. God.

That boy is intense. It's intense.

Summer Smoors with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Obsessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Coco, and Colin Anderson, and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in Association with EarWolf..