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This episode of Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend is sponsored by L. L. Bean. Summer's all about getting outside. For quality outdoor clothing, gear, and accessories, turn to L. L. Bean, the expert for over a century. They got camp chairs, campsite organizers, blankets, coolers. Plus, got the stylish, yet durable clothes you need for all types of weather, including their famous bean boots. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit llbean. Com/conan. Outside together since 1912. Solo Stove and Whistlepig Whisky have joined forces to introduce Camp Stock, a limited edition wheat whiskey. It's aged in barrels, toasted by Solo Stove, the world's favorite firepit. On the Rocks, neat or in a smore's old fashioned, Camp Stock wheat whiskey, with its notes of Graham cracker, baking spices in vanilla is the perfect fireside drink for summer nights. Cheers to whiskey flavors by the flame and savored by the flame.

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Please remember to pig out responsibly.

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Summer Smoors with Konan and the Chill Chums. A six-part series with Konan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsassian, and Matt Gourley. Let's get started. Okay, Summer Smoors, episode 5. Last one, Outdoors.

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We're going to light up our-Oh, man, this is cool.

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Oh, that is so cool.

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We have to explain what's happening. Matt Gourley made these amazing drinks. Is this an old fashioned?

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Chocolate, old fashioned.

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It's a chocolate, old fashioned. I believe it's made with Whistlepig whiskey, which is good stuff. Then you put a little smore. That's a cute little smore in there.

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I had to literally drill these golden grams with an actual drill. Oh my God. To get this match to go through. Or else they'd break.

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I'm going to blow this out before. That's cute as shit.

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I've never tested this. I'm going to let mine toast my shit a little.

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It's not going to toast. It's just going to... You'll see. It's burning. It's on fire. It's a little smore. That's a cute little smore there. These are two golden grams.

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Two golden grams, yeah.

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And a mini marshmallow. I'm going to eat that because I'm not a fan of smores, but size makes all the difference. This is a mini. Mine's burnt. What'd you say?

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Mine's burnt. Mine is burnt.

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Glad I asked what you were saying. That's good. You know what? That is a smore I find acceptable.

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Because there's not a lot of marshmallow.

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It's just the amount that I want. I agree. It's just a little bite.

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When we talked What about doing a Smoors cocktail, I didn't want any marshmallow taste in this drink. Oh, my God.

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You okay? You didn't even have anything to drink yet. You're a stumbling, bumbling mess.

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I'm just holding it. I went Can I throw my match in the solo stove?

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That's good. Let's talk about this drink. This is a good drink. What's going on here, Gourley? You are quite the mixologist.

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No, I'm just a hobbyist. I figure these things out as needed.

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Well, tell me what went into this concoction.

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This is Whistlepig, that campstock whiskey that they sent us. That's apparently was roast over a solo stove or something. Talk about brand fusion.

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This is a camp stove wheat whiskey, and it's called the smokeless toast because it was...

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I guess they used a solo stove, so there was no smoke. It's actually a very cool bottle. That's a cool bottle. I want to just lick.

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There's chocolate on the rim. Can I just lick it?

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It's lickable.

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Can I ask a question? Was it a strategic... Was there a meeting that took place where everybody was like, Let's do the alcohol in the fifth episode? Yes.

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Okay. It wasn't just you.

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Then guess what? Sona, basically, it's a version of an intervention.

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We're inching towards an intervention.

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What intervention gives me alcohol at some point?

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Next summer is going to be a full-on intervention.

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That's so- Next summer, we're going to show you a photograph of liquor an hour after the final act, the episode.

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You guys are terrible at interventions. But I am curious if it was like, Guys, last year, the year before and the year before was a mess. Yes.

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Wasn't a mess. Why am I not in those meetings? Well, let's just say sober heads prevailed.

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This one got drunk.

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I agree. I was part of the one saying, I don't want to do that again. It wasn't you. This is my house.

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I thought we were going to get fucked up.

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We still can. It's the last episode.

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You can go for it.

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It's the last episode. I'm downing this. This This is really good.

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It's very good. It's very tasty. Now, again, what are the flavors in here? You said you use the whistle stop.

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Whistle pig.

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He's already drunk. Sorry. It's not... Hey, I'm curious. I'd like to know the ingredients. We got the whistle pig. We've established that.

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I like how you retook that as if I'm going to edit that out.

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You know what? I trust you to make me look good. We got the whistle pig, wheat whiskey.

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What else is in here? There's some Aztec chocolate bitters, some Trader Vicks chocolate liqueur, a little bit of Angostura bitter, some simple syrup, and then one of those Loxardo cherries, but it comes with a little bit of the cherry slime. Sure.

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That's pretty good. Sona, just go a little slower. I did not understand a single ingredient that you just mentioned. Because you just keep guzzling it. You know why I think I like- It's a sipping drink. This is a dessert drink.

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But there's so much chocolate in it. There's so much. I'm already almost done with this. Do you need more? I can make another. Yeah.

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Oh, hell, yeah. There's a whole decanter on the counter.

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When you make a drink and it has this much sugar in it.

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It's pretty sweet. Yeah. I'm not one for... I like sweet fruity drinks, but I don't love sweet chocolatey drinks. This is good. I tried to mild it up a little.

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This is like... What's going on, Sona?

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It's so good. This is my favorite drink of all time.

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Oh, my God. Sona? Yes.

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Wow. You We're like an alcoholic. That's really saying something. That's like, it's true. It's like Ted Bunny saying, Now this murder tops them all. You know what I mean?

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Oh, wait, I have a whole stack here. Oh, my God. You made me snot.

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Wait, what's the cherry? What's special about the cherry? The cherry looks like it's had some experience. What is it? What happened to the cherry? What did the cherry go through? The cherry was an emotionally abusive relationship prior to this drink.

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Then lost a bunch of money at the track. Good. It's just a Luxardo cocktail cherry.

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I don't know what that means.

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It's just these cherries that they make that come in this really thick cherry syrup. When you put one in, it The Syrup goes with it.

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Here's my question, Matt. How do you even know this stuff? Do you look it up online?

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I drink a lot.

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But when you said, Oh, it's just a Luxardo gom gom cherry, that's all it is. I don't even know where you would get that.

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At Total Wine and Spirits, any like Bevmo something. Okay.

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You want some more? Yeah, fill me up. Hell, yeah. Give me some more of that.

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I don't know. Jeez. Okay.

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Hey, we had this crazy idea, and I didn't know whether we should bring it up, but- Key party.

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Key for you. Everyone gets your keys in the...

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It's only going to be your keys in the bowl.

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Yeah. I'm going to put my keys in the bowl and then put on a blindfold and reach in. You're going to see me not know that it's my keys. I'm going to pull them out and Then you're going to see me go off in the woods and then the coyotes will attack me, attack my excited body.

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Go ahead. When you guys were at camp, did you ever play Chubby Bunny?

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I don't know what that is. You don't?

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I don't know what that is. Okay, we don't have to do this, but this was just an idea that came up when we were discussing this season. What happens is everybody takes a marshmallow, you put it in your mouth, and you say the words Chubby Bunny. Then we take turns adding a marshmallow each time until someone can't say Chubby Bunny and they're out.

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All right. Okay? Can we eat the marshmallow?

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You have to keep it in your mouth.

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All right.

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This is the game Marwyn Brando was playing when he secured the role for the godfather.

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Can I keep drinking? Yeah. Will it dissolve the blood?

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Oh, no, you can't drink. All right.

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So Sona's out. Chubby Bunny.

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You can't swallow it. You can't chew it. You have to keep it in your mouth. Let me just hold on. That's all does a little.

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Let me stock up. Never, ever heard of this. You've never heard of this? No. God, you grew up in a in a strange way.

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I did.

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Yeah. No, I have strange tales and stuff, but there was no Chubby Bunny in my background.

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Who's played Chubby Bunny?

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Every hand goes up. Oh, my God. No, Eduardo is giving me the thumbs down.

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Never heard of it.

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Never played it? Never.

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Okay. All right.

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Chubby Bunny.

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Wait, does that count as you sing Chubby Bunny? It didn't sound like Chubby Bunny. She's out. She's First of all, you can't articulate things when you're- You're not coming in. Chubby Bunny.

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You should go in a snake order.

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Yeah, think about it.

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Oh, my God.

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You all right, Phil? Phil, I got to help you guys. I was going to throw up. You're out. Okay, wrong. This game brought you by Dr. Heimlich.

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I was going to throw up. I was actually going to throw up. These are the biggest marshmallows of all time. Come on, girl.

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Stop it in your mouth, girly. These marshmallows- Stop it funny, bitch. Stop it funny. Something is burning. Oh, no. Wait.

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Oh, God. There's so much spit there, girls. Oh, my God. There's so much spit there, girls. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A giant mouth.

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Something is burning.

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It's so stupid. This is so dumb. This is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of.

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Four, four. And this is I just love it.

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I just love that you can't talk.

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I wasn't that close to the screen.

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What is coming up? It's so grotesque.

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Oh, God, it's so Are you doing the Gettysburg address? Yes, I am. This means I win. Okay, that's it. Oh, God.

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More napkins.

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How'd you guys do more than one?

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There's no winners in Chubby Bunny, only losers.

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I don't know why. I have one question. I developed this fastidious way of talking. I was going, a cha be, a Bunny, and I wasn't even trying to. But in my effort to over-enunciate, it came out as, a cha be, a Bunny, and I wasn't trying to do that. It's just what happened. Could you tell it was the Gettysburg Address?

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Yeah, I could. Oh, yeah, definitely.

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There you go. That's how Linka did it.

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Also, if there's anything you're reciting, it's usually the Gettysburg Address.

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That's true. No. Oh, God. I can do... There's so many things I recite. That was That's a game that you played in camp? Yeah. Okay. Did you guys tell stories, like ghost stories?

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Yeah, but I never went to camp.

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Oh, for God's sake. Wait, what? Wait, you- Why did you play camp? When you just said you never played this in camp, what were you basing it on? Well, you're a sad little boy.

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I was a sad little boy. It's a true story.

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How come you didn't go to camp?

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I think it was never offered to me.

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Wait, what? Your parents were never like, We want to send you away?

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No, I bet they knew that this kid's not going to make it through camp.

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You'd miss your family too much?

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Yeah, because here's why. Because when I was- I think the others would set on him.

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I think you're right.

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It's like Lord of the Flies.

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When I was an adult in When I was in my 20s, I went to teach at an improv theater camp, and I called home the first day going, I want to come home.

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When you were in your 20s? Matt, you were in your 20s?

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I get so homesick. It's ridiculous.

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You called home homesick?

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I called my girlfriend at the time going like, I wanted to come. I don't know. I don't take to camp. Oh. Yeah.

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Okay. This was in your 20s, and it wasn't even camp. It was an improv class, probably in an urban setting.

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It was prison.

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Yeah.

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I loved camp. Really? They did. I had fun at camp.

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Anyway, that's where I learned about Chubby Bunny when I was in 20s, teaching at camp.

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When you were in 20s.

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Chubby Bunny. It wasn't a camp. It was not a camp that you went That's the sad part.

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I know.

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I was a counselor at camp once, and my little cousin came, and I lost him at the beach for like, 45 minutes.

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Where? What?

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I thought the ocean took him. I was really as both a counselor and as a family member. I was like, I really should the bed here. You said counselor first.

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But wait a minute. What did you do? Did you start looking for him?

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Or did you immediately- Everybody started looking for It became like an all hands on. He was only seven, and it was an all hands on deck situation. I was like, Guys, he was there. He's not there. I don't know where he is. And then everyone started looking for him.

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Not at all. Do you know where you went wrong? Why did you take your eye off of him? What happened? I don't know.

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There were two kids I had to watch. They were both the youngest kids.

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You only had two?

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I had two kids because they were like, They're the youngest. They need attention, especially if they're by the beach. I turned my head away for a second to look the other kid, and while I turned around, my cousin was gone.

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They always say that I turned away for a second when I turned back. But I know that if we could go back and look at you, you started talking to some dude and doing that face you always used to do when you were single, when you liked somebody. I'm not even going to argue. You'd make your eyes would get real bright.

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Making a spliff?

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Rolling up a spliff. No.

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She used to do this face when she thought a waiter was cute.

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What's the face?

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She would do this big, and She would ask a lot of questions, and her chin would be way up in the air. That's pretty good. Yeah. She would... Yeah. You always had a couple of drinks in at that point.

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Where was the child?

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He was playing in the sand underneath He was underneath a lifeguard tower. There were two areas. There was the area where everybody was, and then we all would go down to the beach, and there were just two areas. He wasn't in any of them.

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He was seven. You just turned your head for a second, so how could you have gotten that far? The ocean took him. I thought it. I thought the ocean took But the ocean didn't take him.

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No, but it could have. Then because he was out in the sun for so long, he got heat stroke. Then so he was like a disaster.

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What a great camp this was. How did you... Did you have to have any qualifications?

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No, we were 17, 18 years old. We were kids in charge of other kids. You were a kid.

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I had a flashback. I was a camp counselor in Dedham, Massachusetts, at the Dedham Community Center. I'm having a strong moment right now because very recently, I was with my brother Neil, and we were driving around, and we were driving through Dedham, and I realized, Hey, I think we're near where I used to be a camp counselor. We drove by the Dedham Community Center. It's been years. I don't know if it's been 45 years or something since I've been there.

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This got quiet like you're telling us a ghost story.

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No, it's true. But I'm serious. I had this moment just now thinking, Oh, right. I just did this. I passed and I looked at the place and I remembered that the guy who ran the camp thought I was a counselor, and I was in charge of these eight-year-olds. I remember this one guy that ran the camp was like, You're pretty funny. You're pretty funny. Then I remembered one year, he said, I got this funny... It's the fourth of July. You're a funny guy. You just always make people laugh. I have an Uncle Sam costume I bought. Put it on and I'll have you perform for all the kids. I wasn't thinking. I don't know what I was. I was 16, 17, and someone's telling me to do this. I was reluctant, but I put on this Uncle Sam costume, and he had assembled all the kids in camp. I came out and I was like, Hey, everybody, I'm Uncle Sam. I bombed like you cannot imagine.

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No, I could easily.

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I was dressed as Uncle Sam. I'll never forget, I'm in this, standing next to this big dead lawn in Dedham, right near the courthouse where Sokoh and Vanzetti were tried. I'm dressed as Uncle Sam in a shitty Uncle Sam costume. It probably costs $2. The beard's coming off. The kids, I had put no thought into it because the counselor just thought, You're funny, so go be funny. It was a disaster.

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Konan, two things. This is first why I never went to camp, something like that. It's a war crime. Two, do you realize you have two Uncle Sam sad stories? I know. Remember we covered this and we got that Halloween costume that your mom got you. I know.

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My mom got me that uncle Sam costume. I know. And yet I love my country. America has done you wrong. No, but I love my country, but I do. That was the second. Also, what was he thinking that a guy with no preparation who's 16 years old, who's, yeah, it's funny, can just put on an Uncle Sam costume impromptu and got up in front of a bunch of kids at a low-rent day camp and make them laugh?

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You knew you bombed because even sometimes at that age, you talk yourself into thinking like, Oh, well, that was fun. I got to perform.

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Oh, no. I'm quite aware when something I've done has not worked. This was an absolute bomb. I remembered even the guy was like, What the fuck was that? I'm like, You just told me you found- Like he paid you.

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Yeah. Like he hired you.

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Yeah. You double as a cab driver when you're not running this decrepit camp. You're a cab driver. You found this costume in a trunk. You made me wear it, which is...

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I did, and it was awful.

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I just was there. Oh, my God. Now here I am in Altadina drinking a chocolate whistlepig, whistle whiskey drink and recounting this terrible memory from my childhood. Solo Stove is back as a sponsor for their third year in a row. And yes, there's still no smoke with a Solo Stove firepit. People don't think a if a smokeless fire was possible, but Solo Stove did think it was possible. That's why it's the world's favorite fire pit. All Solo Stove fire pits are so easy to light, portable, come in variety of sizes and colors to fit any and all fire pit situations and tastes, and come with a lifetime warranty. At Solo Stove, the future fire is smokeless. Head to solostove. Com and use promo code CONIN20 to get $20 off your order of $200 or more. Big pig news. We've got Whistlepig whiskey Whisple Pig is a sponsor. Whistle Pig transformed an off-the-grid Vermont dairy farm into one of the world's leading whiskey distilleries. Whistle Pig is famous for their award-winning whiskees that are aged longer than any other American whiskey, some waiting in the barrel for decades. They're also known for pushing the boundaries of bold flavor with wildly experimental whiskey making, like their new Whistle Pig Camp Stock wheat whiskey, aged in barrels, toasted by solo stoves.

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Good Lord. Product integration. There's nothing better than a bottle of great whiskey around the campfire in the summer. We'll be sipping it with smores in hand. Here's a toast to Whistlepig, the whiskey of the summer. Find Whistlepig Whisky at shop. Whistlepigwhisky. Com or at your local bar or liquor store. Please remember to always pig out responsibly.

[00:20:47]

L.

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L. Beans clothing and accessories are staples all year round, like the classic L. L. Beans boat and tote bag. You can monogram that, by the way. But this summer, there's so much use that can come out of their outdoor gear, like L. L. Beans' Campsite Organizer. You ever use one of those?

[00:21:07]

It's great. You're sitting next to one.

[00:21:09]

Yeah, you're using one right now. That's the organizer. That's amazing.

[00:21:11]

I know I'm pointing to it. This portable organizer features three shelves for storing camping or picnic gear, camping tonsils, drilling tools, and more. It's perfect anywhere you want to keep gear in order because I need my gear in order, and, Gourly, I'm guessing you do, too.

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I like a good gear order. I need gear. No, okay. Take it easy.

[00:21:27]

It comes with a carry bag so you can just Throw it into the car with all the rest of your campsite. Accoutrement. Just don't forget the LLBean insulated camp tumbler. It's a great choice for hot or cold drinks. I got a cold one in here right now. When you're sitting around the campsite, you want to keep the hot, hot, and the cold, cold.

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I like it because it's a nice size.

[00:21:47]

It's a nice size. Perfect. The double wall vacuum insulation keeps beverages hot or cold for hours. When I'm out in the woods or Altadina, no, I like to have First of all, L. L. Bean clothing is great. I like the clothes they have. I do, too. But I like all their stuff. As you know, I'm a New Englander, so I grew up with L. L. Bean. You hear that bird in the background? The bird's going, L. L. Bean. L. L. Bean. The bird's going, L. L. Bean, L. Bean. The bird's going, L. L. Bean. L. Bean. L. Bean. L. Bean. Llbean. Llbean. Even the birds are into it here. For the best outdoor products, tips, and inspiration, visit L. L. Bean. Com/conan. Outside together since 1912.

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Here's my question, because you always talk about how you were a counselor at camp.

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Were you ever a camper at camp?

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Mm-hmm.

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Okay.

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Remember he got his legs fried by the metal boat?

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No, but that was when you were a counselor, I thought.

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No, no, that was when I was a camper.

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Were you the cool counselor or were you the rules guy?

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Were you like, Guys, we have to light up. No, I was not. It's time to light up, everybody. Lights out, everyone. Hey, guys. Lites out. The sunscreen was not. 8:00 PM, everyone.

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I would say I was neither or neither, whichever you prefer. I really didn't like it, but it's a job. But I'm not one of those guys that just realized I loved it. Seven and eight-year-olds, that's a tough age. Oh, yeah. I remember sending them out in the ocean on a raft. I love the end of that story is probably we never found him. It's okay. We found him. He's cool. My cousin. I don't think I was either one. I was not a cool... I know what a cool counselor's like, and I was not one. But I don't think I was a bad one either. I just think I was a guy who was doing time, trying to move up the rung.

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Did you ever have a kid want to be your... Have you as a mentor that attached it themselves to you, like in Meathballs?

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No. I mean, I think of you that way, man.

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That I attach myself to you?

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Yeah, I think of you as my young liege.

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I'm fucked.

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No, I don't. I never had that. No.

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I could see some little squirt just coming up and going, Hey, this is my guy. I'm going to learn from him.

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Yeah. No? I don't think so. You're barking up the wrong tree. This is just getting sad now. Hey, Konan, didn't you ever throw a pass and win the big game? No, I didn't. Konan, didn't someone ever tell you they loved you unconditionally? No, no, no, they didn't. Hey, Konan, did you ever have a moment where you just felt real bliss and at ease with yourself? No, no, I didn't. Hey, Konan, did you ever just think your life's been worthwhile? No, I didn't. Hey, Konan, did you ever just look around and think it's good that I was born? No, I haven't.

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There we go.

[00:24:41]

Konan. I hit the mic. Did you ever look at yourself in the mirror and think he's not so bad looking? No, I haven't.

[00:24:46]

This is really good.

[00:24:48]

I am nursing this like you wouldn't believe. Why are you nursing it? Because I have half a lung.

[00:24:56]

People can go to two coo-coo socials.

[00:24:59]

Already? Already. Me too, though, a little bit. If you guys had your meetings and you thought, Oh, we're going to stop ourselves this year from Sona being so drunk. Well, fuck all of you.

[00:25:13]

Because guess what? Sona and I got together in pre-gamed.

[00:25:15]

I am wasted already. It's because I know what to do when there's a thing in my cup. Fuck all of you guys for having meetings behind my back.

[00:25:28]

You know what? Next time, I would like to be- You know what I love best of all? You're sitting on a half-eaten marshmallow.

[00:25:32]

It stuck to my... Look at that. It stuck to my...

[00:25:36]

Look at her. Oh, my God. It stuck to my pants.

[00:25:40]

Yeah. You've got marshmallow on your pants, too, buddy.

[00:25:44]

That's not marshmallow. Tent pitched.

[00:25:49]

What was I supposed to say?

[00:25:51]

Will you say it? You say it. Ru.

[00:25:54]

I can do it. I'm sober as a judge.

[00:25:57]

Go to Team Coco Socials for the recipe.

[00:26:00]

For this drink?

[00:26:01]

Yeah. Check out Team Coco on Instagram.

[00:26:03]

Okay. This is a great drink. You should check it out. You should drink it a little more responsibly than Sona.

[00:26:08]

I'm at my house.

[00:26:10]

I improvised this one a little. I'm going to have to get the formula down.

[00:26:14]

Okay, you're going to know this. Because you're a Bond guy. Why wouldn't I know it? In Casino Royale, what's the drink he improvises? What's the recipe?

[00:26:25]

It's Gordon's Gin, vodka, Quina Lele, which they don't make anymore, and a little twist of lemon.

[00:26:32]

I knew he'd know that. Now ask me something you know I'm going to know. Okay. What's my favorite thing Konan ever did?

[00:26:40]

What year was Richard Nixon born in?

[00:26:43]

That's a good one. I actually don't. Well, I'm going to work here. Nixon is, I think, a little older. Jfk is born in 1917. Nixon's a little older than JFK, I believe. That's a good one.

[00:27:00]

Earlier, you knew exactly when Ronald Reagan was born.

[00:27:03]

Yeah, some dates- Why do you know some and some who don't know some? You know, Hattie, I can't say.

[00:27:09]

What caliber of bullet was Lincoln shot with?

[00:27:13]

Hold on. I'm going to say 1914. Eduardo. No, I didn't see him.

[00:27:20]

I'm going to say 1913. It's 1913. January ninth.

[00:27:23]

I was going to say 1913. That's what I was going to say.

[00:27:28]

Yeah, this It's got to come out. I was going to say he's a year old. Not because anyone was wrong, just because it's just awful.

[00:27:34]

No, because you didn't know it and you don't want people to know. You didn't know it.

[00:27:38]

You saw Eduardo give you the answer. I didn't see that.

[00:27:41]

Goral's asked what caliber bullet Lincoln was shot with.

[00:27:45]

It's not really a caliber. He just made bullets out of a mold. Rather large bullet by today's standards. It's not really rifled at all. It didn't have to be because it was shot in three inches from the left here. I have a quick question. Yeah, what's up?

[00:27:58]

How's the end of summer smores series going this year.

[00:28:03]

This is the last year we're doing this, I think.

[00:28:06]

I don't think so. What are you talking about? We got to go to his backyard. Yeah, we do. You know what we're going to do next year? Gummies.

[00:28:11]

Oh, hell, yeah. I've been waiting for the gummy.

[00:28:14]

Come on, we should. Then we all sleep there and do a slumber party.

[00:28:18]

I'm going to embarrass you when we go to your house.

[00:28:21]

Well, you have. It's called your engagement party. That was fun. We had a good time, right?

[00:28:28]

We did. That was really nice. People still We'll talk about that.

[00:28:30]

That was a good party.

[00:28:31]

That was really nice of you to do.

[00:28:32]

I loved that.

[00:28:33]

Well, I don't think you're in the picture yet.

[00:28:35]

No, but you could have pre-invited me.

[00:28:38]

You're right. It's true. I don't think you were alive yet. It was a long time ago. No, we should do it. Will we do it in my backyard next year? Again, I just have to clear it with various celebrities and various potentates, CEOs, CFOs. It's a very...

[00:28:54]

We'll wear disguises when we come in.

[00:28:57]

No, it's not going to work.

[00:28:57]

I'm going to go to your house. I'm going to talk about how hard it was to get there. I'm going to be like, Oh, my God, I take this free way, that free way, and I have to change my currency. You're going to be like, Hey, this is where I go all the time. This isn't that far. That's my life.

[00:29:13]

No, no, no. Listen, if we do it in my backyard, I'm not going to be there. It's going to be a lookalike, a cone and lookalike. I love that. He's going to be wearing an earpiece and saying what I tell him to say, and I'm going to be up in my room getting a rub down. Okay? No, legit.

[00:29:29]

Okay. You said, no, who says rub down? No, I'm not going to...

[00:29:32]

The only person that says rubbed down- That's sexual. Is a real Epstein.

[00:29:36]

Oh, Jesus.

[00:29:38]

Matthew. He means Theo Epstein, the former general manager of the Red Sox.

[00:29:43]

The sweat You only get better when you drink.

[00:29:46]

Epstein.

[00:29:47]

Is Epstein the... No, that's Horschack.

[00:29:50]

Oh, that's Horschack.

[00:29:51]

Guys. Which one was Epstein?

[00:29:53]

The Jacket. Yeah.

[00:29:56]

Okay, you brought up Ron Polillo on a podcast recently, so.

[00:30:00]

I hate it when you take this position of like- I know this small high ground. Yeah, you brought up the fucking Lord guy from that old show. Yeah, the Lord guy. Old show. Jack Lord. Hawaii 5:0.

[00:30:10]

No, that was okay.

[00:30:13]

No one talks about that guy anymore. I'm going to Google him.

[00:30:17]

I don't think you're going to do anything. I don't think you can find your phone. That's a bar of soap. That's not your phone. Listen, I'm going to try and clear up some of that. I want to say there's some dry brush here that needs clearing out. Okay. Okay? Let's close on this. I think we've had a wonderful time here. What I was trying to paint a picture of is next year we do this in my yard. It might be a funny bit if I'm not there with you guys. We get an actor. Listen, he's wearing an earpiece and I'm up in my room and I'm getting a massage. That's what I was going for. I said rub down, but I'm not some guy that goes to a rub and tug joint.

[00:30:56]

You stutter like maybe you have.

[00:30:58]

I just love the phrase rub and tug joint. But I'm upstairs in my room, and I'm occasionally telling the actor things to say. I have all these delicacies and things up in my room. Isn't that a funny idea?

[00:31:11]

I think the better idea is we do it at your house. It's the three of us, but you're in an Uncle Sam costume.

[00:31:16]

Oh, no.

[00:31:17]

Can I also say, listen, I'm being very serious. When we go to your house, can we go to where you know famous people live? Can we knock on the door and say, Hey, my pillow that flew over in your yard. Can I go grab it? Because there's so many famous people that live near you. So I just want to make sure it's cool.

[00:31:38]

The level of security they had when you went to get, when you retrieved the pillow, it would be riddled with bullet holes. It's a minute a pillow blows into one of those yards, it's immediately set upon by dogs and then shot. So, yeah, I don't know.

[00:31:52]

Isn't it sad that we got to wrap this up?

[00:31:54]

I actually- I'm having fun.

[00:31:57]

Me, too. I just started having fun.

[00:31:58]

That's called alcohol.

[00:31:59]

I know. Why did we wait till this late? Why?

[00:32:02]

I think you're right. Because I think it's smart. Because when you go back and look at the tape, you will understand why we waited till the last episode.

[00:32:09]

Let me rewind. Let's rewind it. Yeah. Let's rewind the tape and then…

[00:32:15]

You know what you are? You're my Chill Chum.

[00:32:18]

You're my Chill Chum. E.

[00:32:20]

T. Fingers. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Expulsion from Paradise. God, I'm Adam.

[00:32:25]

Friends forever.

[00:32:30]

Turn on your hot light. Do you remember that Neil Diamond song?

[00:32:34]

My question is this, did I bring you guys up to my level or did I go down to your level? You came down. I came down. You came down to the basement. I came way down. You were waiting for us. I came down to the basement and then dug a hole.

[00:32:45]

Remember when we heard those coyotes? Oh, yeah.

[00:32:48]

That was scary.

[00:32:48]

Kill that animal?

[00:32:49]

Yeah. That was insane. If it was an animal. That's nature. We don't know what they found. And nurture. Come on. We'll take a break. We'll be right. Sometimes if you say something like that, if people aren't really thinking people think you said something profound, I mean, I just blew it. But if I had said, and nurture, well, that's our time. There'd be some people listening to be like, Man, Konan nailed it.

[00:33:10]

Not a single person, I don't think. I don't think a single person would think that was profound. I think they would see right through that. Do you miss saying, We'll be right back?

[00:33:21]

I do. I do it in just normal conversations all the time now. That's so weird. I do it with my wife. I do it with Liza. No. I do.

[00:33:27]

Yeah. What do you mean?

[00:33:28]

She says, We're going to empty nesters next year. She says, I don't know. It's bringing up a lot of feelings. I say, Yeah, we'll take a break. We'll be right back. No, Ronan.

[00:33:35]

That's abuse.

[00:33:37]

That's a real feeling she's saying. I know, but I don't want to deal with it. It's really weird. A commercial starts to come on in my head, and Usually for not a great product. Usually because the program in my mind isn't selling for that much, it's usually not a good... It's like, if you think you have mesotheliomia...

[00:33:58]

That's a daytime What is it?

[00:34:00]

What is it? What is it? It's a daytime thing.

[00:34:01]

What's the deal? I know we should have wrapped hours ago, but let's talk about mesotheliomia.

[00:34:06]

What is with the people who have that? I'm sorry, but what is the settlement that's going to happen? Maybe I have misothelioma?

[00:34:16]

No. Okay. They get it from asbestos?

[00:34:18]

Is it?

[00:34:19]

You okay? Is it? Is it? Yes. You don't even have to drive home. I've had a wonderful time. That's why I downed it. You're in Altadina. It should be it for you. There are goggles. Then I think maybe you should go night-night time.

[00:34:32]

Yeah, I'm going to go night-night time. I'm trying to get this cherry.

[00:34:35]

You're going to sleep in that chair. Try that cherry.

[00:34:37]

I think Tak is going to look out his window and see a figure in a chair tonight, but it's going to be Sona. I'm going to be like this. Yeah. He's going to be like, Again? Well, that was this year's episode of Chill Chums. Will there be one next year? Will there be a next year? There's so much we don't know. But what we do know is that real friendships last, whether you're gathered in Altadena or Pasadena or a place that's closer to civilization. As long as you have a good drink and good friends, good memories of having to wear an Uncle Sam costume, entertaining an entire camp with no preparation and totally bombing.

[00:35:21]

I hope that if there's a heaven that I get to die and go up and just see 16 millimeter footage of that.

[00:35:28]

I'm with girls. I will say you put so much thought and effort into all the events that you do. I have never seen you bomb, bomb. I would love to see you bomb and just be so uncomfortable. I think that's a good character building thing, I think, for you.

[00:35:45]

Have you bombed since then? Because I imagine that that scarred you so much that you found a way to preternaturally avoid bombing. You have a mind.

[00:35:55]

Anybody's always 30 seconds away from bombing, potentially. What a What a way to live. What a way to live.

[00:36:01]

I will say my favorite thing is when you make a joke you're proud of and no one laughs.

[00:36:06]

I know it's funny because it never happens. It's like saying, I love seeing a Humphaluffelos. Who? A Humphalumphalus.

[00:36:14]

You You mean snuffle up?

[00:36:16]

No, I just made up an animal that doesn't exist. No, you didn't. You messed up an animal. No, I didn't try to say snuffle up. You sure did.

[00:36:21]

You tried to say snuffle up. No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

[00:36:24]

I did not try to say snuffle up. What is a huffle up? I just tried to make up an animal.

[00:36:28]

No, that's not a thing. You didn't try to do that. You would never do that because you would go with something that works, and you didn't go with anything that worked. You bombed.

[00:36:38]

You bombed. You bombed. You bombed.

[00:36:39]

You bombed, local Sam.

[00:36:42]

You bombed, local Sam. Democracy's over.

[00:36:44]

I'm going to say something about five minutes ago, I cast my gaze around the room and I saw Ruthie checking out. Ruthie is the biggest fan of what we do. Ruthie was looking like, Okay, it's time to... Let's call it. That was five minutes ago. You guys are drunkenly saying, You meant snuffle off against not Humphalumphalus. We got you this time. You just cracked the biggest case of all time.

[00:37:11]

We pair amazing you.

[00:37:12]

This has to stop, and I'm going to stop it. Good night, Chill Chums. It was good seeing you. Thanks for having us to your home. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, well, not inside in the yard. You've been inside. Didn't really offer me anything to eat. And thank you all.

[00:37:28]

Do not do that. Thank you all. There's so So much food there.

[00:37:30]

Thank you, Eduardo. Thank you. Ruthie, Sam, the whole team, Bley, Chils, I know you're out there somewhere. Adam, figuring out a way to have this all work for marketing. Our devoted team. Eduardo, of course, always has my back. David drove me here in a car that's... I can't describe to you how small this car is. If you imagine a container for one Oreo cookie and then Ruthie- Ruthie is literally looking at Can we finish this?

[00:38:01]

There's Tanesha.

[00:38:01]

There's Josh, there's Mikey, and then there's John Rau.

[00:38:07]

Yoder. Oh, wait, Mikey is right there. Yoder, Rachel Yoder. There's a cool crew here.

[00:38:12]

Good night, everybody. Remember, if you love us, we love you more. Take it to the next level. Two-pack out.

[00:38:20]

Summer Smoors with Konan O'Brien, Sonam Ofsessian, and Matt Gourley.

[00:38:26]

Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks nick Liao, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at EarWolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our Associate Talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Brit Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Konan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Konan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a Team Coco production in Association with EarWolf.