Hi, my name is Suzy Essman, and I feel tickled pink about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

All right, I'm not buying that for a second.

Fall is here hear the yell back.

To school ring the bell brand the shoes walk and loose climb the fence books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends I can tell that we are gonna be friends hey, there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend and I am hanging here with Sona Mulsessian. Hey, Sona.

Hi, Conan.

And Mister Matt Gorley. Hi, Conan.

I don't know why I did that.

Hello, mister president. And I'm just happy to see you guys.

I have something I want to bring up to you. Actually, that sounds something this weekend that I realized.

Okay. Did you hear?

He just said he was happy.

I know, I know, and I want to because there's always.

I really was. I haven't seen you guys in, like, I don't know, ten days or something, and I was happy to see you, so there you go. So anyway, let's hear your thing. What is it? What's up now?

You just threw me off. No, no, no.

What is it? What's wrong?

I hate this. Okay, all right. Well, okay. So my kids go to an armenian school. I don't know if you knew this. I'm armenian. And then we. They learn about notable Armenians, and one of the most notable armenian composers is Aram Khachaturian, who he's, like, well known. Everyone has heard of something.

Like, what kind of stuff does he compose?

Well, I will tell you. I will tell you. I'm sorry, I'm coming in hot, because I just realized something this weekend that upset me. You took his most famous composition, the saber dance, and you made it the theme for the masturbating bear. And I. When I figured that out, you asshole, that was our guy. And you made him the masturbating bear thing?

Well, because that's what I used to hum when I masturbated as a teenager.

Out of respect for the armenian culture.

I just loved him. I think he's one of the great armenian composers. But you gotta admit, it works really well with a bear masturbating. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dunny.

It's just, I think there's a generation of people who think that was made specifically for the masturbation, and they don't realize it's part of a bigger, beautiful thing.

Well, first of all, don't you think that however they hear the music, it's introducing them to a great armenian artist. And then they can go and appreciate the music in its own right by singing bear jizz.

Bear jizz.

It's also, it starts right as he grabs his junk and starts jerking it.

Yeah, that's when you would. I mean, in comedy, that's when you would hit the music.

But it's not even like, hey, here's the intro for the masturbation. It's like, that's the theme song for him. Him jerking it. Okay, well, is this work by this armenian composer?

First of all, we didn't say what armenian song would work well with a bear masturbating. It just happened to be that. That was the best song. And I think that speaks to this man's creativity also.

Saber could be a euphemism, and maybe he wrote it for masturbating.

No, it's a saber dance. The people dance with sabers in it.

Yeah, that's a euphemism. Like, I danced with my saber last night.

The dick dance.

Yeah, no, it's masturbating.

But I remember he's in there dancing with his saber.

Everyone said to Matt, you know, how'd it go last night? He said, oh, wife's out of town. I did the old saber dance last night. That's right. And I remember. Remember who said that? Yeah.

So bad I couldn't sit down.

Yeah, it's the grown man in a bear costume jerking it.

No, no, he was real. He was a real bear. But anyway, I don't know why you're upset about this. Honestly, I don't know why you're upset about it. Because what? Because so many young kids know that song, or some over the years. Because of the masturbating bear, which was a very popular character. And I mean, Eduardo, you would never have heard of the saber dance unless you had seen masturbating bear.

I would have been honored if you.

Did like, mariachi loco to it. So I don't know why you're upset.

That's not true.

No, you wouldn't.

Yes, he would.

We have so very little, and I'm not.

You took one of the.

What are you talking about? You have Cher. You have. You have the Kardashians. You have Doctor Kevorkian Lando Calrissian. Lando Calrissian. No, no. You have all kinds of dried fruits and apricots.

Oh, my God.

No, seriously, you have a beautiful culture. Don't say we have so little. You have so much.

No, I think. I think that you. I. You could have used it for any other bit. And then you used it for the masturbating bear. And now people, like, when we were listening to it playing for the boys in the car, tag was like, isn't this the song for the masturbating bear? And I was like, no way. And then I googled it, and it was.

What do you mean, no way? You work for me. This was one of my biggest cultural achievements. And you didn't know that this was the music that went with the masturbating bear?

I have a bigger question written. Is this guy getting royalties from the masturbating bear?

Or is it like, oh, this isn't. This was a long time ago. How long ago? You don't know anything about him.

He was during the soviet era.

I know.

So I think he was, like, in the, you know, late sixties.

Wait a minute. He was under Stalin's thumb when he wrote this. He was under the iron jackboot.

What difference does that make, though?

Well, I'm just saying, you know, now I have different implications with that song.

Can you change it?

No. It's been done. It's happened. It's over. And gather. Can I say something? His estate. I'm sure he's not around. I'm sure he's passed. Yeah. Stalin took care of him. But I want to assure you that his estate has made a lot of money off of that. That they can use towards all kinds of cool projects to further armenian culture. So you have no right to be angry with me. None whatsoever. And as the judge here, I find you. I find. I throw this. None of the. Do I throw this case out. But I fine you for bringing it.

Who made you the judge? I think you owe my entire community an apology.

Isn't it? Conan O'Brien needs a. Okay.

You should just apologize.

No, how much am I. I went to Armenia with. No, I went to Armenia with you. I have done everything I can to uplift and uphold. I married you. No, that's not true. Wait, no, no. I christened your children in the armenian church. Okay. I learned lines in Armenian. Yeah. I have performed an armenian wedding. Didn't I do that?

No.

Well, yeah. You married my friend Christina piss and her husband.

Don't call her piss. Yeah, okay, so you're thinking I'm disrespecting people. Your good armenian friend is named piss.

Yeah, but you took our. One of our most famous composers, took his music and put it for the masturbating pair, because I knew that that.

Would spread joy every. Yes. I was going to say, just think of all the joy that that song has given people. Also, I will say, we've had many musicians on this podcast. Not to go against you, son. I'm sorry, but. And they've always said they create a song and it goes out into the world, and then people bring their own meanings to that song. In this example, that meaning is a bear masturbating. But I'm just saying, you know, it's. People bring their own. Their own meanings to the song.

The song doesn't belong to burning in his grave. He's turning in his grave from what you've done.

Grave. Stalin didn't. When he shot people in a basement, they just went away. There was no grave. I'm sorry. You know, I'm fine using the music.

This is going too far.

Okay, well, anyway, Sona, I'll apologize off Mike. Or will I? You'll never know. Apologize. You'll never know. Apologize. We gotta get into today's show. My guest today played Susie Green for twelve seasons in the hit HBO series curb your enthusiasm and very excited that she's here today because she's absolutely lovely and hilarious. Susie Essman. Welcome.

Are we friends, really?

Well, I'd like to think we are.

Or are we just showbiz friends?

We're showbiz friends. If you ever try to speak to me outside of a showbiz setting.

Here we go. I make clearance.

You'll get. It's funny. The reach of the curb your enthusiasm is incredible because, I mean, ever since I did that episode, which was, I think, third from last or something episode of the. Of the run of the show, Larry needs Conan clearance. So many people come up and say, I know I don't have clearance.

Yeah, yeah.

But would you like some french fries with your, you know, burger? So that's been going on this point.

It's obvious.

I like it.

Okay. I mean, you know what I love that you did in that episode. You allowed yourself to be an asshole.

Oh, trust me.

Oh, wow.

That's true.

Was it a stretch?

No, it was not. Well, this is. I'm constantly riffing with different people in the office or writers or other comics. My go to is this antagonistic guy. And it's so funny because I was raised to be so polite, and I do really want people to be happy. I mean, I'm a people pleaser. But one of the things I love about the job is that when there are moments when it's comedically necessary, you can go to town and.

Who are you talking to?

I know. Exactly. No Susie, I don't think you get it. Let me explain. It's really fun to vent as a comedy. God. Susie doesn't get it. But anyway, when I went into that episode, my thought was, because I've done a lot of improv, was, oh, I get it. This show is whatever Larry wants. Don't give it to him. So Larry sees me and he's trying to establish a connection. And I know my job is not to let him have it. And then he wants to have maybe get together, and I will not let it happen, which is, I would never do that in real life. But it was so much fun.

It's cold acting Conan.

No, it's not. In my part. I don't think I can act my way out of a paper bag. But it was really fun to do that. Yeah, so much fun.

But, you know, some people would not allow themselves to be that character because they want to be likable, and, you know, they don't. It was funny with Ted Danson. Ted didn't know for a very long time that he was the cad.

Yeah.

You know, because that's not his character in real. I mean, everybody loves Ted Danson. And Larry made him the asshole, you know, and he was not aware of it in the beginning that he was the asshole.

But then he's really good at it.

Yeah, he's great at it.

I don't know if you agree with this, but you seem to me like somebody who, the question obviously, you probably get all the time is, where does Susie Essman start and Susie Green begin? Because you've been so brilliant at being so vulgar and being so angry at Jeff Garland's character and Larry David and just furious with everyone and letting it fly. And sometimes when someone's that good at it, I think that's because they don't get to be that way in their everyday life. So this is a release?

Yeah, it is. I mean, I don't walk around treating people that way and talking about people pleasing. I see when people stop me in the street because I live in New York, so I'm in the street, and I actually ran it to you in New York.

I was going to talk about this.

Yeah. When they stop me in the street, I see that they're visibly disappointed when I'm gracious. I see their faces just fall. They're just so disappointed when I'm gracious and kind.

Because they want you to call them a fuck face.

Yeah, exactly. And I actually don't do that in real life. Surprise, surprise. It's called acting. It's a character, but, yeah, it's tremendously releasing. And I would go home after a screaming scene, which is almost all of them, and I would just. I would sleep really well that night. Cause it was like a primal scream.

Yes. It's funny because I know that your parents, your dad an oncologist? My dad's a microbiologist. Your mom taught at Sarah Lawrence? My mom's a lawyer. Very well educated people. And we weren't even show business adjacent. We were a million miles from show business. And it was very important that everybody hide their anger. Do you know what I mean? So you could use guilt and you could use sarcasm, but there was a lot of attempts to hide anger and displeasure. And then I found, when I got into comedy, that being able to just. If I shared an office with, you know, Bob Odenkirk, and I could just go to town on him.

Yeah, it was. It's so much fun.

It was fun. And it's this miraculous thing where you're playing so no one gets hurt.

No one gets hurt. And then, you know, I'll scream and yell at Larry and whatever. Jeff. Whoever. And then it's cut, and it's like, all right, where do you want to have dinner? You know, it's just completely. Nobody gets hurt. That's the beauty of it. I say that all the time. You scream, you yell, fuck you, and you're an asshole, and nobody gets hurt.

No, I think that's something that's kind of magical. We do this all the time where I'll go back and forth with Sona, and if I ever thought for a second if someone later on said Sona's feelings got a little bit hurt, I would not sleep, probably for five days.

Right, right.

You're so good at it, though. That's why it might be who you really are.

I think it's who I am.

This is the facade.

This is the facade.

But I have to take issue with something you just said. This. I'm not an actor.

It's bullshit, okay?

Because you were on every day you did a tv show.

Oh, that's true.

And, you know, you're delivering monologs, you're doing sketches. It's, you know. What do you think it is? It's not like, you know, well, you're not Meryl Streep.

Well, God damn it, neither is she, Susie. I was certain. Wow. Meryl Streep isn't Meryl Streep. She'll be crushed.

I would say to Larry all the time, I think Larry's a great actor. And I think he's just gotten better and better over the years. And I would tell him that and he was. I'm not an actor. I don't act. Yes, he is acting. That's not who he is in real life.

Right. You know, I guess what I'm saying is I know that if I had to go out on stage and have a very emotionally raw moment with somebody and weep and tell them I love.

Them or, well, that's masturbatory. That kind of acting, that's not acting.

How did you know? I cry when I masturbate. When I masturbate, I'm just like, oh, God, I love you.

I think everybody probably assumed that about.

You, but, I mean, that's one kind of acting, right?

No, no, I understand. I think you're right. It's not good to say, I'm not this. I'm not that. All those years, almost three decades of doing the talk show, I do think the one thing I got very good at was sometimes, because you're doing a volume business, you're interviewing someone who you're not. You're talking to three people a night, five nights a week.

There's some dullards in there.

There's some dullards and there's some people who maybe you didn't really excited to talk to, I would work on. No, no. Everybody's.

You'd fake it.

Fake it. And also convince myself, I am interested in this 26 year old actor from the WB show that I've never watched.

Nothing to say of interest.

I'm sorry.

There's always a 26 year old actor from a WB.

I'm thinking of one person.

No, so you could say, well, you were a performer, but you were acting. Acting is pretending it's what it is.

I'm going to tell you that I don't think these guys know this, but not long ago, I'm in New York City and I sit down and I'm in an outdoor cafe, I think on the upper west side.

No, it was east side.

Upper east side. I'm no longer allowed in the upper west until the charges are dropped. But. What? No, it's a long story. Sona, please.

Zabars has banned him.

I stole an everything bagel, and they don't mind if you steal an onion bagel. But when you steal an everything bagel, that's like crossing the line.

There's a lot of stuff.

But I was sitting there and we ran into each other and this was my visceral response was, God, I love Suzy Essman. She's such a real person. You are a real person. Some people in the business calcify a little bit. You are so emotionally available. You were so nice. And so we part company, and I immediately text Paula Davis who you were hanging out with beforehand, and I said, we have to get Susie Essman on the podcast. And of course, she texts right back. I love Susie Essman, but that is the effect I think you have on people. That's nice, but it's so funny that you've what most people know you from, even you've been successful and you've been in comedy, and, I mean, you did Carson in 1989.

It was not good, by the way.

It didn't go well.

No, it didn't go.

What happened? Tell me about it.

Well, you know, I went on. I was on a series on NBC called Baby Boom. It was a takeoff of the movie that had been with Diane Keaton, only Kate Jackson was playing the main character. I was her secretary. So they had me on as, like, the young NBC ingenue, and I was a comic, and he didn't know I was a comic. And I think I was a little bit too blue for him or too. I looked in his eye and I grew up on Carson. I mean, you know, I'm older than all of you combined, I think. Maybe not Aaron, but.

That'S true. That's very true. Aaron Blair.

How old are you, David?

32.

32.

He grew up on Carson Daly. Carson Daley. Yeah.

I mean, but this is, you know, like, when I was a kid, I used to set the alarm to wake up. Cause we didn't have VHS or DVR or any of that crap. And just, you know, I would set the alarm if it was Jonathan Winters or Rickles or, you know, that was. It was so, to be on the show, and yet he was nothing like. I looked at his eyes and it was just ice cold.

Yeah.

And I had no rapport with him. And David Steinberg was the guest that night next to me, who then became my friend because he directed so many curbs. But he was incredibly kind and gracious to me. But it was. I was never so scared in my life. I remember going on, there was no moisture in my life, in my, in my life, in my mouth, and it was just incredible. Really scary, and it didn't go well.

I've always heard that he was and got to meet him a couple of times that he was quite different from what you saw on television. And some people are very good at projecting warmth, and then they're quite shy off camera. And then I've talked about this before, because you can go through show business and say, it's almost like there are two types of comedian. Steve Martin. When you meet Steve Martin, I love him, and I've become very friendly with him. But when I first met him when I was a writer at SNL, I was expecting the Steve Martin that I idolized when I was in grade school. And he's guarded high school. He's quiet, he's guarded. He's very serious, and he's like a surgeon who's going to get ready to do a very big operation. And then you meet Marty Short, and Marty Short will do 45 minutes. So I very quickly realized, oh, I'm the Marty short type. But also I will say in my defense, I'm what's better than making people laugh? I love it. And I'll leave. Sometimes I'll leave and I'll say to my wife Liza, I'll say, man, I really killed in there.

And she will say, it was a room full of third graders. You were there to read a book. That's all you had to do was read them a book.

Does your wife laugh at you?

She does, yes. Thank God. Because I think there are times where definitely she's looking at me and I think she knows California is a 50 50 state. She knows she's financially set.

We remind her all the time.

Yeah, they're always reminding her. But then I'll say something and she'll laugh and I'll think, okay, I think we're good for another day.

Is she funny?

Yes, she's very funny and very. She can be very funny on her own, but also very dry and kind of like. Uh huh. That's great. Yeah, that's really funny. Let's wrap it up. Let's go. I saw Bob Newhart and Jenny, his wife, came to our house once. She's since passed, but she was so funny on her own, but also so great with Bob Newhart. And then Bob was telling a story, and it was getting late, and then she just said, all right, new heart, let's wrap it up. And I thought, wow, she's like, Liza, I love this. This is what we need. We need partners who, who know how to control you.

Control bound boundaries.

Shut it down. What about your Jimmy? Yeah, Jimmy.

Jimmy has a great sense of humor and can make me laugh, but he's not funny. He's funny in a different way. Yeah, like what you were saying.

Right.

And, you know, I mean, I never understand these two comic couples.

Oh, God, no.

Oh, please. I never dated a comic. To me, that would be a nightmare.

Right?

I've seen them. They exist.

They are out there. Does it work? Have you seen a couple, a comedy.

Couple, where it works? I stay away from them because they scare me. Yeah, I'm not that close, but people will say to my husband all the time, is she funny at home? Or they'll ask, does she scream and yell at you? It was. What kind of stupid question is that? Like, I walk around acting like Susie Green and dressed like her and screaming at him and kicking him the fuck out of the house. What kind of marriage would that be? It's fiction.

You know what I love? I love you yelling at Larry. But I think because I came up with Jeff Garland, and we shared an apartment back in Chicago in the day.

That whole concept, we've known each other forever.

So I took particular joy when you would go after Jeff, you fat fuck.

Yeah.

And I was. I would just be. I would be crying, laughing.

But, you know, Larry kind of saved me as these seasons went on. He would save me more and more for him.

Right.

Less and less for Jeff.

Right.

He would like, you know, relish that. The man loves to be yelled and screamed at. I mean, loves it. He, like, lives for it.

Well, also, he knows there's this great secret. I mean, who did it better than. We're going way back there. But I talk about this sometimes. Jack Benny and even. And Carson did it so well. But I learned a long time ago, you can get big laughs by just the milk, right? Reacting and looking a little sad and downtrodden when it's appropriate. And so Larry's so good at when he's being eviscerated, the way his face falls and the way he just tested. And I think also Jeff Garland would just look, oh, God, I'm just. I just have to take it. Cause I just got downtrodden. I got busted. Susie knows.

Well, they did such stupid shit, too, you know? It's like, people would ask me questions. Is it hard to get that angry? No, he's. He's stealing my kid's doll's head. He's stealing my kid's dog. He's getting her drunk. He's getting us kicked out of a country club. He's stealing a salad dressing. It's not that. It's not like a big method acting thing I gotta do. You just have to be in the scene. And it's like, look what these fucking.

Did you. I talked about how your parents are, you know, academics and intellectuals, professionals, intellectuals and I know you had a great grandfather who was like, is this right? A grandfather, a great grandfather who was a very respected silent film actor. Is that right?

Yes, he was my great grandfather. He was actually the impresario of the russian grand Opera company.

Oh, my God.

There's a whole story. But they were crazy. They were like these crazy. And then he was in yiddish theater when he came to New York, and he was in silent films with Lon Chani. He was in a few silent films, yeah.

I'm curious, but I never knew him.

He died before I was born.

Or was murdered.

Yeah, well, he was murdered. He was hit by young.

What? I just threw that out there.

Well, he wasn't murdered, but he was. He was hit by a car of drunk drivers.

Oh, that's terrible.

Yeah.

You know, I have to say, I always, reflexively, if someone says, and then they died, I always said, or was murdered.

Or was murdered.

But some people murdered, like, a third of the time. I get more after that. They were.

I guess that was involuntary manslaughter, not murder.

Well, we're not judges here. We don't have to.

I think that's what it is.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, judge.

Oh, yes, you're welcome.

I'm an intellectual.

Oh, yes, I know. But did your parents accept your career? Did they accept. No, no. What was their attitude?

Well, they, first of all, I was, I suffered from benign neglect. They never really knew. They didn't really have that much hope for me in any way, shape or form or interest. And I had, my older brother and sister were, you know, problem children. So I just kind of flew under the radar and did whatever I want. And when I told them I was going to be a comic, they were just, you know. But then once I was successful, it wasn't once their friends recognized that I was successful, then they were okay with it.

So it's interesting you were doing stand up comedy in this time where notoriously, I mean, things have changed so much for the better, but notoriously difficult for women.

Yes.

I mean, difficult isn't even the word, but almost a societal sense of. It's really funny when a guy gets up there, but there's almost a different lens that goes up when a woman gets on stage, which is, I mean, I even saw it with my, my own mother, who, wonderful person. But the generation she came from, if I was behaving like a fool and being a wise guy, she thought it was really funny. And if my sister started to do it, she would. I could see her tense, not ladylike, that's not ladylike.

Yeah. And especially the anger. I mean, not that my stand up wasn't angry, but the Susie green character, you know, I mean, I don't. You're much younger, Sona, so I don't know if you were brought up this way. I was brought up. You do not show anger as a female. You have to be a nice little lady, you know? So I have women who feel. I feel as though Susie gives them permission to embrace their anger in a certain way. But stand up in the eighties was very, very difficult, and I kind of was breaking a little bit of a mold there. The women who came before me, which you could name on one hand, you know, Joan, Phyllis, Toady, couple of others, Jean Carroll. I felt as though they all had to be self deprecating or the audience would not accept them.

Right.

You know, Phyllis dressed up in the crazy outfits. Toady was obese. Joan was just talking about how you're my thighs and I'm so ugly, and she wasn't. She was adorable, but it was almost as though they had to be that way, and I didn't connect to that. I didn't want to do that at all, that kind of material.

Were you doing stand up at the same time as Joy behar?

Well, yeah, Joy and I came up together.

You guys came up together so you could bond over that?

Yes. And she was actually very influential to me. I just got off the phone with her. She's still my bestie, because I saw what she was doing on stage, which she was just exactly like. She was offstage, but on, you know, heightened. Of course. It's always heightened, but she was just like. First time I saw was like, oh, I see. It's just like I'm sitting around the kitchen table with my girlfriends and women at that time, I don't know if it's still the case. Would be funny around their girlfriends, but not around the boys, you know?

Right.

I remember my father telling me that, you know, when you're around men, you know, just listen to them. Don't talk too much and have so many opinions. Just listen to what they're saying. And I was like, what? Are you fucking kidding me? You gotta do that.

I'm sorry, but your father's describing a golden era. Oh, no, no.

You know, and then. And then I.

I am sorry. I have not experienced that. I've never seen that. I want to go back to that time and have someone listen to me.

It's not gonna happen.

It's not gonna happen.

I would talk about, you know, I was talking about sex. I was talking about whatever was going on in my life. I was dating younger guys, and, you know, now women talk about that all the time, but it was not really happening when I was talking about it. And what I would find with, you know, at the time the Friars club existed, and I would do all these benefits with. With the old guys, the old starkers, the Alan Kings and those guys. And I was so confusing to them because they would, you know, I was cute and, you know, and they would look at me, and they didn't know whether they wanted to fuck me or laugh at me. They were so confused by it, these old guys, right? One time I did a show with Alan King in Atlantic City, and he was the host, and this is how he introduced me, because in my day, all the broads who were funny had something wrong with them. Martha Ray had a big mouth. Toady Fields was fat. But this broad is pretty and funny. Please welcome Susie Esmond.

Jesus.

That was the intro. That was the intro.

Oh, my God.

It was a different generation.

Get this. Call Ripley's believe it or not. She's funny, and you don't want to throw up when you look at her.

This broad, you know, you have to make your bones with those guys.

Yeah, but, I mean, God bless you. What do you think gave you the. I'm just gonna say it. The nerve. For anyone to get up on stage and do that is one thing, but for a woman at that time, what's driving you, do you think? What made you. What gave you the chutzpah, to use an old irish term?

I still don't know what. All I know is I was coming out of a very dark place in my life. I had no other alternatives. I was unhappy. I was lost, and I. There was, like, this woman I needed to become that. I didn't know what it was, but I knew that there was. She was there. And I started doing stand up, which was. Friends kind of forced me to do it because I was funny. And after about a month, I was like, okay, this is what I was born to do. And then I just was, you know, just focused and just moved forward. But it wasn't easy. You know, they wouldn't put more than one woman on a lineup in those days. It would just be male, male, male, one woman. You couldn't have two. So you tried not to be competitive with the other women. Cause you were always fighting for spots, right? But, you know, it was hard.

This is more of a process question, but were you someone who sat down and worked out what your routine was gonna be. No. You went up there. Did you find it on stage?

Yes. I would find it in the most terrifying way, you know, premises and ideas, but I would find the punchline with the gun to my head on stage.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it be, you know, it's one of the reasons I don't do it anymore. It's too terrifying. But that's how I would work. And then I would try to do it.

The.

I would try to do it. The Jerry Seinfeld way of sitting and writing bits. And then I would try to do it. Okay, I'm going to start with this material and set up a whole. And it was so boring to me. I had to be all over the place, which ended up serving me well because I became an improviser. And then I got the part on curb to improvise. But after I would set a routine, I was able to do it that way, but to write it, I would have to find it on stage.

Yeah.

Which is terrifying.

Yeah. I think. I guess I'm comfortable in this middle ground where I love to prepare. I need to prepare especially for. There are certain things where you really have to prepare.

Well, you would do a monolog every.

Night, but I always found that I enjoyed the fucking around between the jokes more than the jokes. I'll do the jokes, but the jokes were just a lily pad to get me to. I could jump off the lily pad and then swim around. I loved if a joke didn't work. I loved acknowledging what just happened. I can hear my own heart beating right now. And then the crowd would be like, oh, my God, he noticed.

I mean, but this is why I always liked doing your show, because there was that, you know, I mean, you do certain talk shows and they pre interview you and what big do you want to do it? I don't like working. I like to just show up and we, you know, it's good to have. Unless you're a WB star that's 26.

Years old and you know who you are. He waited on me three days ago. He did.

Does the WB still exist?

No, it was the CW now and then it doesn't exist.

Yeah. Could you guys clarify exactly what, how this whole transition happened? I mean, that was pretty much it.

What was that? Are you doing a joke?

Yeah, I was doing a little bit of. A bit about how I don't care. Yeah, no, so it's giving me. Suzy's giving me the strength to really shout at both.

I know, I know.

Fuckers, fuck faces.

But, yeah. Because. But you're by nature an improviser. But when you're doing a television show, you have to have the material.

Yes. Yeah. You'd have to have the material. But I guess what I've found over the years is I like to have ideas and I go out there, but then when we do these live podcasts, when we get to the end, I just talk to the audience, and sometimes that'll go on for like 40 minutes.

Yeah.

And they're the biggest laughs of the night because I'm having so much fun, and I'm, you know, there's a seat empty next to somebody, and I'm like, well, wait a minute. What happened to this? So she couldn't make it. Well, where is she? Call her. And it's just. I love that.

Yeah. It's called creativity.

I call it desperation to fill time.

Yeah.

And also natural curiosity about how the. Who's on the other end of the phone.

It's why when I used to do stand up, I used to work the room.

Yeah.

Because it was much more interesting than what I had to say.

Right.

People will tell you the most intimate details of their life, too, which is fascinating.

I've always been fascinated, I want to say, I think 95% of my close friends are jewish and always have been. And I grew up so irish catholic, but I've always gravitated.

You're the 12th tribe, you know.

Well, exactly. I'm trying to figure out, I feel such a kinship with jewish people. The thing I'm most envious of is the food. Cause I think.

Really?

Yeah. I'm not.

Not the Italians.

No, no. I'm talking about the Irish. The Italians have amazing food.

Yeah.

But let's leave the Italians out of.

This for right now.

Cause, man, do they get my goat. I'm talking about, like, the Irish. We have a. We have.

Nobody says, let's get takeout Irish.

No. Yeah, that's a potato in a bag.

Although Conan, I was in Ireland for the first time this past fall, last September, and the food was fantastic in Dublin. A lot of great food.

Well, it changed. There was a culinary boom, and a lot of the great chefs started going to Dublin, I think in the late eighties, nineties. And so they have amazing restaurants. But all I ever want to do is go to a deli.

Yeah.

And my favorite meals are, you know, corned beef sandwich, just all of it. Potato pan latkes, potato pancakes.

Here's the test.

Cream soda.

Here's the test. Do you like gefilte fish?

I'm okay. With gefilte fish.

All right, there you go. Then you are a jew.

I'm a jew.

I have now anointed you.

Thank you.

When I was in Ireland, I felt an incredibly. And I loved being. I just loved it. It was one of my favorite places I've ever been. I felt an incredible affinity with the Irish.

Yeah.

And I think it's. It's an oppressed group. I mean, I felt that about them. They had been so oppressed by the Brits for so many years, and I just felt that sense of being a part of an oppressed group.

I always thought it was interesting when I started to learn more about irish history and that there was literally getting conquered and conquered and conquered and conquered and not having a say in your own life. Like, you're going to work this land, you don't own the land. And because there's no agency, what you do is you find these different ways to rebel. And I think it's true of a lot of oppressed groups. They figure out this other way, and they figure out whether through music or comedy writing, the Irish, you know, bent and twisted the language. You get James Joyce, because it's almost this, like, fuck you, we're going to do it this way.

Right? But the Irish, there's a lot of irish poets as well, and playwrights. I think that they also have that in common with the Jews is the use of language. It's a very verbal culture.

It's very fascinating to me. I know a lot of people have talked about this sort of similarity, but I've always found that that's the way I gravitated and, well, we'll accept you as long as I get the food. As long as I get the food. Did you have these, I want to say, stereotypical jewish cuisine growing.

My mother was like the worst cook in the entire world. Oh, God, she was so bad. She was horrible. And my mother was also hygienically not, you know, up to par.

What?

You know, so none of us ever wanted to eat her. I always felt like she was doing Munchausen by proxy and trying to kill us all, you know? Cause that's what it felt like. But, yeah, she was not. You didn't want to eat her food?

Okay, so you didn't grow up around the giant great meals that, you know.

No, no. But my father used to take us down to the lower east side all the time. We would go to Ratner's Deli and Katz's deli, and we would go to the Epstein's in the Bronx and get fresh bagels and all of that stuff.

My friend, when I was in. Well, you know him well, Sona, but when I was in college, met this guy, would become really great friends, Rodman Flender. And he would take me. He grew up in Hell's Kitchen, and he would just always take me to. There was, like, 35 delis that were great, and he knew where they all were, and he would take me there and tell me what to get. And he made me matzah Brie once.

And I was like, oh, matzah Brie. Yeah, I love Matzah Brie.

Yeah.

I live for matzo bry.

Well, you gotta have Rodman Flenders matzah bry.

Okay, write me over.

Shout out to Rodman.

I want some. What is it?

Matzah Bry is. It's matzah that's egged. It's like matzah french toast.

Oh, that's cool.

It's so delicious.

What's up? Can you tell Rodman to come make some?

Where is Rodman now?

Rodman right now is in New York, but he'll be back here soon. He goes, he's sort of bi coastal now.

What does he do?

And, I mean, just, he's a brilliant guy. Very funny. But mostly directing. He's directed a lot of television. He's directed film, directed documentaries. I'm glad he's getting a shout out.

Yeah.

You love Rodman.

I do. I just do.

I told you you love him. I didn't ask you. I told him.

I know you just said it, but I do. But I don't like you forcing it on me.

And you're gonna love his matzo braai whether you want to or not.

Now I'm not gonna like it.

No, you won't.

No. You're telling me to like it.

Okay, there's no way not to like matzah bry. Okay, there you go.

And I love matzah.

Although it's a win win.

I had a matzah the other day that was so devoid of moisture that I thought my head was gonna implode. Someone handed me a matzah, and I like matzah, but this matzah, for some reason, it had no nothing, and I put it in my mouth, and it sucked the marrow out of my bones. Oh, my God. What was this? It was like a death matzah cookie.

I don't know.

I'm just saying, have you ever had a matzah that really just.

I've never had a death matzah I'm not denying your experience, but I've never had it.

I'm convinced it's out there now. It's become my messy. I swear I saw it, and everyone's like, there's no. No, we've never seen it.

You know, my father used to eat, like, in the morning, he would have, like, herring. Like, pickled herring. Ugh. That's great. Gross to me. Gross.

My dad, I don't know. I mean, such an irish guy. But he would have borscht. Really, little cured fishes and stuff that really. I mean, borscht just looked disgusting to me. It looked like he was having a bowl of blood and then, you know, chewing on some oily fish. And then he'd. You know. And he was always very fussy about it. You can imagine my dad just having. And then a little cup of something else. That was gross. Some liver. Yeah, sorry. I'll have a little minced liver, and then I'll put a little oily fish in my mouth, and he'll drink this blood juice.

He's just eating. Borscht is good, too. Sorry.

It is so quiet.

I know it is. I'm sorry. It's delicious.

Adam, how do you feel about borscht? Just bringing him into the conversation.

I do love matzo Brae, though.

Oh, there you go.

Everybody loves matzo bry. And I was thinking, when you said that you had the dry matzah isn't, by definition, it's dry. There's no moisture in the. But this was something else in it. There was something that sucked moisture out. It deprived me of moisture. I went blind. Cause all of the. All of the liquid in my eye went down into the matzah, and I couldn't see for three days. But I wrote beautiful music.

Come on, man.

I'm an idiot.

You're so this group. Why?

I know.

We're so stupid.

Susie. Suzie regrets coming. So.

Conan O'Brien.

Conan O'Brien. So curb's over now. You're gonna miss that.

Yeah, I will. But, you know, I mean, everything's gotta come to an end. I mean, it's just. We had an amazing run for 24 years. But I'll miss it. I won't ever. Larry would tell me this all the time. You never do anything this funny again. Well, he was right.

He can't say that.

Well, yeah, he can.

You can't say it if your name's in the show.

And he could say it.

I guess he can. But it seems. It doesn't seem right. I'm gonna have a bone to pick with Larry. Now, you know what? You'll never do anything as funny as this Conan podcast.

Never.

Good luck to you.

But the reason why he's right is because I can't imagine anything else that I would do that I would have as much creative input.

Yes.

You know, when you're given a script, and, you know, how many times have I gotten a script, they're like, make it funny when it's not. But if Larry wrote it, it would have been. But, you know, I got to write all my own lines. I got to create the character I got so just. And being in a creative collaboration with him.

Yes.

You know, I'll never have anything like that again.

I also think that between when the pilot for that show was made and now, comedy changed a lot. In a good way. We got away from proscenium comedy sitcoms, and we got away from laugh tracks, and we got away from some of the phoniness. And so the comedy that you guys were doing in the early curbs, there's nothing to indicate. I mean, the office was doing this, too. You know, the british office and then the american office, they were letting awkward moments play as awkward and let them sit. Let them sit. And they were establishing natural rhythms. And I think there's a whole generation that now looks at that as, that's what comedy is supposed to be. So if you now show a 22 year old, you know, a person walks in and, you know, hey, what's going on? Oh, you know, laugh track, you know, and, uh, oh, who's this kooky guy? And then a kid puts his little kid puts his fists on his. Something witty, says, like, well, if you two get a divorce, I'll be the one that gets custody. We now all know no one will accept that.

Yeah. Nor should they.

No, no.

And it was of its time. I'm not criticizing that. It was, you know, it's what we grew up on.

Right.

And some of them, some of them were brilliant.

Right?

You know, we, I mean, I grew up on with some brilliant sitcoms out there, some crap, but some brilliant ones, too. But, yeah, I mean, look, comedy is, is a reflection, as it should be, of the culture.

Yes.

One of the things that that curb has done, which I think is remarkable. It is not given into any kind of political correctness in any way. And how we get away with it on that show is remarkable, given the environment that we're in.

Something that occurred to me is there's just this general knowledge that no one's getting an apology from Larry David. Yeah, in a good way. Meaning he is going to irritate everyone.

Equal opportunity.

Equal opportunity, irritate her. And that he's not going to be caught in a moment where he has to then go in on camera and say, you know, we did a thing, and I apologize, because he was, first of all, he always put himself down.

That's right.

So his character was always the one.

Who sticks his finger in his own eye.

He sticks his finger in his own eye. And also, so there's not malice there. And then there's also a genuine, let's explore why these different tropes freak people out so much and do it in an equal way. And I think that's why there was this general acceptance of. Of, yes, this show can do that.

And he's also saying what people want to say, but they can't. You know, like, I was looking at a scene the other day where he goes up to a couple that have an adopted chinese baby, and he says, does the kid have a proclivity for chopsticks?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, who else is going to do that but Larry?

Right.

And it's hilarious.

And he's not saying it's right. Right.

He's not saying it's right. Right. But, you know, you kind of wonder.

Yeah, he's. I do think it's healthy when great things come to an end.

You know, it can't last forever.

Yeah. And also, it needs to. It needs to, whatever, transmogrify, transform. You need to go do the next thing right. You know? So it's very liberating, people. And the episodes are there. Everyone can watch and rewatch.

There's a lot of them. There's 121 of them. And, you know, we're all getting old. You know, it's like, I think what Larry felt like he's going to be 77 in July. How long could he act like this ridiculousness that he acts in that character, you know? I mean, I think he just felt that it just. Especially after Richard died, too, it really felt like it was just over. I can't imagine doing this show without Lois. I just can't imagine it. But it feels. It doesn't feel sad to me as much as I feel. And not to be Pollyanna. I just feel so grateful to have done it.

Yes. I feel that way about so many things.

Well, you just finished something huge, you know, you. How many 30 years you did?

Yeah, I think I was 28 years. We did the show, did one show or another. But I did late night over and over, and then I have loved the last three years because I love doing the podcast. I love doing the travel shows. I'm a male model now. It all gives me. Well, it's possible. It's not true, though. Well, I know, but it's. There's a possibility.

Gives a shit. David, David.

Once you shut. Thank you.

The voice of reason. Yeah, that's why I shut up.

Yeah, fuck. Hey, Susie, go after, go after David hopping. Yeah, you fuck.

Yeah, fuck you, David.

Yeah. Happy to be here.

No, but it's.

You sit in so rarely and you sit in and suddenly you're just getting blasted. Susie Essman turns to you. What? Shut up.

But things do come to an end.

Yes.

And everything is not forever. Marriages and whatever. People die.

No, no more people die. No, I'm not gonna die. Can't die. Not gonna happen. I'm. Till my ego's too big.

There's such quiet in the room. I don't care that. Okay.

Nothing. I'm not going anywhere.

See, you're a ticking time bomb. Honestly, it's a shocking.

Keep meeting the deli, Conan. Keep eating the jewish deli food.

I'll meet you at the deli. Happy that I ran into you in the city. And I meant what I said. You're a lovely person and so much. It's effortless to talk to you. And you're hilarious, as you know.

As are you.

Well, thank you. And I, we have to have Suzy back. You have to come back.

Yes.

Can I just say on behalf, being a jews, I am welcoming you into the tribe.

Thank you.

You will probably the oil will be over next week.

Got a lot of. I've been to many brisks and my favorite joke to do was to say because they always cater them to go like this. Calamari is terrific. And the person running it would go, we don't have calamari. And I go, ooh, it was the schtick I did that I accidentally ate the foreskin. I know Sona looked at me with horror, but I did that shtick at nine different brisses. It killed every time.

I can't believe I looked at you with horror about an eating foreskin joke. Okay.

Oh, come on.

Sorry. And there's a single one.

What?

Cause the calamari. Is there one? There's one.

The guy just got confused. He picked, yeah, or the guy didn't get enough the first chop.

Oh, he did multiple chops.

The Moyle didn't get enough on the first chop, so he had to keep going back.

It's so barbaric. When you think about it, and then.

We'Re all there, and then you hear a baby shrieking.

We eat white fish.

Suddenly, we're eating white fish. And then the occasional calamari. All right, Suzy Essman, go with God. Thank you for being here, and I love you.

Pleasure.

Anytime. Here's football legend Jamie Redknapp for new hands free Skechers slip ins footwear. As a football player, I'm used to not using my hands. So when sketchers came out with hands free shoes, it was a match made in heaven, because with new sketcher slip ins, I just step in and go without bending down or touching my shoes. Find your perfect pair at the newly opened Skechers in brace Central.

Hey, I heard you met someone special.

What? Yep, I did. I'm leaving my wife, and I'm moving in with Monica. That's your intro to this?

Yeah, and I'm sticking by it.

Okay. A couple of. Not that long ago, like two and a half, three weeks ago, I believe I'm in New York, and I get a text message from the very funny comedian Jim Gaffigan. And it says, can I call you? Which, you know, I know, Jim, but it's not like we talk a lot or anything, so that I was a little freaked out in the moment. You thought you were in trouble. I thought he said, can I call you? And then your mind races, and I thought, maybe Jim needs money. What's going on? Did I do something? So I call him, and he basically says that the Vatican is interested in inviting a bunch of comedians to meet with the pope. So Jim Gaffigan was one of the point people, because he is a good catholic fellow. Stephen Colbert also was calling people. So the next thing I know, I think, well, you have this chance to go to the Vatican, meet the pope. This sounds cool. So I say, well, I'm in. We got to do this. Let's go.

How much advance notice did you have?

Not a lot. A couple of weeks, but not much. So maybe two and a half, maybe three weeks. Maybe three weeks.

You don't need to prep. You just show up.

Yeah, exactly. Every time I've met the pope, I haven't prepared, and so. So, anyway, we get ourselves to Rome. My wife and I. My son came along as well. It was fun because we all had kind of a dinner the night before. We got to hang out. A bunch of us. Not all of us, but a bunch of us, which was just nice to get to hang with some of these people and talk about what is going to happen. But then the next day we show up, and they said, be there really early. And I'm mentioning things that I'm sure Steven will have talked about this, but my experience was the first thing they said is, be at the Vatican at 645. And I'm like, 06:00 a.m. and I said, 645? No. And also, I think the sense I got is that this pope gets up really early. And that's immediately because I've toyed with the idea of being pope, but this killed it immediately.

He works out probably in the morning.

I think he works out. I think he's writing his bicycle all around Rome. He goes to the market to see which fish is in his pope hat. Yeah. And so he's, you know, whatever. He's up really early. And I think we were not the first thing in his day. Other stuff had already happened. So we all show up, they take us into the Vatican. And, I mean, I think people know this by now, but Whoopi Goldberg, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Stephen Colbert, Tig Nataro, David Sedaris, Jimmy Fallon, myself, Chris Rock, Mike Birbiglia, Steven Merchant, who's hilarious. Stephen Merchant was there, and I identify with him. Cause he's like six, seven and mostly leg. And so we fought each other with our legs, which is fun. And then the pope broke it up. Knock it off with the legs. Got it out, you two. So they bring us into this room, and then.

Is he even italian?

Yeah. No. You know what it is? He's from Argentina, but he speaks Italian because I think he grew up speaking Italian. So it's okay. It sounds.

It's okay to slander him that way.

I'm not slandering him. I'm doing an impression of what he sounds like. He was like, I'm making a pizza pie in Argentina. And so anyway, it's a me, Mario. It's a me, Mario. And I was born in Buenos Aires. But anyway, the swiss guards come in. That was the craziest thing. Swiss guards come in wearing these multicolored uniforms that you've seen, yellow and purple. And they do this whole choreographed thing, which I don't think was taped or anything, where they have these long. And, of course, Colbert knew the name. He's so calf.

Was it a Halberd or a pike?

Yes. Halbert.

Yeah.

I didn't know the name. And he was like, well, of course they've got their halberts. And I was like, how did you know that? I thought a Halbert was a nut you could eat. And that's a Filbert. Anyway, they come in and they start, they do this whole choreographed thing with their Halberts, these basically long sticks that have, like an ax head at the end. And then all these dignitaries come in, and you're looking at. Some people are wearing these really elaborate costumes, and there are people with vestments, and there are people that are wearing all kinds of metallic. There's all these chains around their neck. One guy looked like a sommelier. He wasn't a sommelier, but he has, you know that thing where they have a spoon around there. You just see all these people coming in and out. And then the pope comes in and sits down. And he spoke to us in Italian, but they gave us the text of it. It was really quite lovely, what he said. He talked about how humor brings people together and the importance of it. And it was very well written and very thoughtful, and I thought, kind of interesting.

And then you get in a line and you shake the pope's hand. That is very brief, I have to tell you. And there's no moment. I never had any illusions about this, but there might have been the occasional celebrity there, comedian who thought the pope would go, like, now you. He might know Whoopi, I think, from sister. Oh, right. But it's not. Yeah.

Just because she was a nun, I think.

No, and also Whoopi's. I mean, Whoopi's so iconic. She's been around for a long time, but I don't think I had. No, not for a second that I ever think. He's gonna go like Conan. It's a good to see you. You know, you come out and you did the thing with the strings on your hips.

Do it now.

Do it now. Yeah, yeah, that's it. I never thought. And so it's a quick handshake.

What, did you guys exchange any words? I thought I saw footage of you saying something.

Yeah. I said to him, it's called Conan O'Brien needs a friend, and you can get it. You're gonna love Matt and Sono. Yeah.

I'm already a fan of them.

Yeah. And, oh, and I. Yeah. And I said, you know, if it's not Miller lite.

Nice.

Yeah, I did. I mentioned Miller lite really quickly, and he went, you know, it is. It's good. It's not so filling, but it tastes great.

74 calories or 94? 94 calories.

Yeah. He said, is it 94 calories? I said, yeah, that's all it is. And then the pope said. And I. This is a quote. You can see he's talking he gets really animated. At one point, he goes, you know, and I'm hanging out with my fellas, you know, my guys, and we're sitting around and we're shooting the shit, you know? And I went, yeah. And people were saying, uh. And he said, your holiness, maybe you should move. And he's like, no, no, no. It's finally talking to a guy about miladyne, but I'm hitting with my guys. You know, you crack open a cold one, and it's like. It's like, what is it, 90? I'm gonna guess it's like 94 calories. And I went, Jesus, that's really it. If it's not me, then I don't want it. It's a lot of shit. What, am I gonna have some other competing beer? No. And I'm like, you're starting to sound like triumph, the inside comic dog. Yes. Yes.

Cool.

You suck. So anyway, then you move on. And then this. I'm. I hope he doesn't get mad at me for saying this, but I thought it was just a very cool moment. We all. We sit down, but there's comics from all over the world, and there's a lot of people still filing up. And it, like, our moment's over, and there's a long line. And so we're all sitting there, and Chris Rock is sitting right in front of me, and I notice that he has these little earbuds in, and I'm like, he's listening to something. What's he listening to? Something. And I lean over his shoulder, and we're in this beautiful, like, gorgeous space with this. I don't know if it's from the 15 hundreds or this 16. And it's just, like, filled with these gorgeous murals. And it's very. Everyone's wearing these elaborate costumes. And we've just had this. We're meeting this man who's the leader of this very massive church all over the world, and you're thinking about all the significance of it. And I lean over, and I look at Chris is holding his iPhone in his lap, and I see that he's listening to the soundtrack just straight out of Compton.

I'm not kidding. And so I nudge him, and he looks at me, and I point down really? Like, really? And he takes one earbud out, and he goes, I like the juxtaposition. I do, too, between being here and listening to the straight out of Compton soundtrack. And I'm like, that's cool. I like that.

How do you think that they chose? Was there 100 precisely or how many people got to go, how many comics? Was there a committee that decided who to, I think.

I don't know how it all worked. I don't know much. I know that. I believe when they looked at the final list from America, I don't know how many of us there were, but maybe 15 from America, something like that. You look at the list, and I don't know how they came up with those names, but you look at the list and then you'd be like, oh, I mean, England. It was only Stephen Merchant, I believe. And you're like, huh? So there were people who weren't there. I don't know if it's because they were asked but couldn't come or who knows? I don't know. But then you look at the different countries, and there were people from Germany. I know this is a comedian from Switzerland, and this is a comedian from. And then Italy, tons of comics from Italy. But I have to say, I was raised very catholic, and my parents are very catholic, and so there was a lot of meaning in going to the Vatican. And I did get, you get, they give you a rosary that's blessed by the pope, which I'm going to give to my mom. Well, I won't give her the actual one.

She's going to sell it to me.

Yeah, I'm going to sell it. No, what I was going to do is I'm going to keep the real one and say, this was blessed by the pope. And so I'll give that to my mom. But I have to say, one of the most, most meaningful things to me was meeting all these comedians from around the world. Some of them are stand up, some of them are talk show hosts, some of them are improvisers. And I loved that because there was something sweet about it. Like, we're all in this kooky, I don't know, we're all in this weird profession. We've all got something wrong with us, I'm sure. And we were all together in this beautiful room. And so I took a lot of selfies with people from different countries, met a lot of comedians from all over the globe. And I thought, oh, this might be the part of this that is getting to me the most, you know, which I thought that was, I thought that was really neat. And I did. I mean, there were people that were saying, like, say hi to Sona and Matt. I'm like, what? You know, because I'm always the pope.

No, not the pope. No, the pope was like, tell son and Matt, it's mirror time. I'm like, please, pontiff, can we let this go? No, no. It's just that it doesn't fill you up. Well, I'm sitting with my bishops and we've had a hard day, and I want to relax. I like to crackle. Hey, we gotta get paid for this now. I did a riff, man. They're getting this for free. But anyway, it was. It was remarkable. It was kind of a remarkable thing. And I have to say, in my career, my favorite thing is when I just pop up places I shouldn't be. And this was definitely a place I shouldn't be. And I'm always looking for those moments where, you know, there's like, a couple years ago when I was asked to be at the. Do something for the Nobel committee, like some kind of show. And then they said, and you can come to the Nobel Peace prize. It was just done in a very small room. And I sat there with James and other guys from my camera crew, and we quickly put suits on them. And these guys, I don't think James had ever been in a suit before.

And we're all sitting there, like, practically in the front row watching someone get the Nobel Peace Prize. And people watching it on C SPAN, wherever they watch these things, it would be like, panning across the room. And I had people say, like, what? Why are you there?

You're the forest gump.

Yeah, I know. That's my favorite thing, is to be the. A goofy forest gump that's showing up places I shouldn't be. But anyway, my thanks to the Vatican for having me, and that was quite an experience. And, yeah, that's all I got.

God bless you.

You know what? That now means more to me than anything that happened. Thank you. Thank you. A blessing from this satanist right here.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, sonam of session and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burens. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.