When is Zach's birthday? I don't know. How would I know that? Oh, no, I do know. I do know. I do know. Hold on. September, August.

There's only one month I was born in.

When's my birthday? July 31st.

Yeah. You think I didn't know the whole time, you idiot. How did you know that? Because I listened. Because this friendship is one-sided. I'm a piece of shit.

Wait, that made me so happy I want to cry.

What? It made you happy that this friendship is one-sided?

Now that you remember my birthday. Yeah, of course. I actually teared up a little bit.