What happened? I got hate comments. Four hundred pound feet, not into blobs, too chunky, too big and unhealthy, little fatty feet, doubt anybody wants. I'm going to stop it.

Wait, was that one person?

No, it was multiple. Then somebody said, What's her at? Somebody added me, and they're like, Are you sure that's her page? She looks too skinny too. Their username was like, well, one of their usernames.

Was like….

Dude, there's no way.

No fat people. Okay, welcome to Episode 181 of Dropouts. We have had some very damaging comments about us as a group and as individuals that have made certain individuals not leave their room for a couple of days and have made us cry excessively. I'm speaking about this in a joking way, but it's more of a... You get to get sad and we apologize. That's going to be later on in the podcast as we're filming the outro Last. So shout out to you, girly. Let's hit some intro music. I did not do well with that. I don't know why I didn't do that. The Christmas patron, Extravaganza, baby. If you're missing out on this, you are missing out on prizes that could literally change your entire life. You're missing out on amazing content that people with brains actually get to see because they're subscribed to it. It is less than a cup of coffee a month, literally forgettable amount of money. You throw five dollars down, you get a bonus drunk episode where we get blitzed blacked out and we talk about things we can't talk about the internet. Here's a little clip. Hey, Ava. I can't open it.

No.

God, I'm going to have to throw up. That was so gross. It's the same reason I don't like my balls played with because.

It tickles. You hoes getting your tits out when it's about to be a plot. You got to see a plot point in a movie. What the fuck did you just say?

He or her? Her. Yeah, she called you a lightweight.

I heard that. No, I don't want to do a shot either. I want to throw up.

Either way. Two shots versus one shotgun.

What? How is that any better?

I don't know how we got here either.

This Christmas, you get a chance to win that Xbox, that Nintendo Switch. You get some AirPods, some gift card, some merch. You get literally all these things just for being a patron member. Also, you get to talk to us one on one, DM us. We're going to DM you back, baby boy. Also, you get 20 to 30 minutes of extra footage every podcast. You get the podcast early. You get a live Q and A every month. You get so many thanks for being a patron member. Sign up now and then DM me @zackjustice that you signed up. Put a little proof for maybe a little surprise. Who knows? It is what it is. But anyway, into the show. Who is that wonderful girl? Could she be any cuter?

That's probably with you, Jerry. You've never had a fun day in your life.

What are you.

Talking about? I was over here. We've got fun times.

Best days of my life I've had.

I've got fun days all.

The time. Name the last time you had a fun day.

Hey, man, this is-Saturday.

Saturday was a fun day.

What did you do Saturday?

We went and watched the Georgia football game.

Oh, damn. Okay, can I tell you something? The last time you had a fun day was with us because.

We're the fun guys. I was going to say those don't count. Yeah, it's tough. But then you brought up, we have much fun day because it was a bad day. It was a sad day. The dogs lost.

It was a.

Sad day. On some bullshit.

I think for.

Audio listeners, Georgia Bulldogs lost. That's a football team in college.

That needed to be stated for the audio listeners for a.

Video post. The Georgia Bulldogs lost to the Alabama. He treats me fuck.

Dude.

Your dad listens to this.

I know, I want that. Mr. Dean Horn.

Okay.

That's my favorite thing. Put the beef on it. Mr. Dean Horne, I need to speak to you about the way that your son's been acting recently because it's been nefarious.

What do you mean?

You can't just come up here and say swear words, and.

Your dad-I've been come up here and say swear words, or my son has.

I thought we.

Were.

Running a bit. I'm talking directly to camera to your father, and you can't be saying the P word. That's the one you're talking about. Which word is that?

That's the one you get mad about. Presbyterian? Yes.

Hey, that's what I am.

My dad does.

Not like that. You are not a Presbyterian.

I was confirmed Presbyterian.

What does that even mean?

I went through.

Confirmation class. No, that was conversion camp.

Shut.

Up. Didn't work. No, okay, back to you having a good day. You haven't had a good day without us. That's not true. Name a good day that you've had where one of us wasn't involved. Thank you.

Well, the problem is that we're together all the time.

So you've had a lot of good days. I get it.

No, but before that, there had to be a time back in your old... Do you remember a fun memory from your past?

Oh, but you were just mostly bullied in school and beat up.

The best day ever. What was the.

Best day ever? You didn't have good days.

I had good days.

You can't think of one.

I would go to the amusement park with my friends and family. Sounds like a fun day. Sounds like a great day.

What friends?

I had friends.

Growing up. I don't ever see you talking or hanging out with them.

Well, yeah, we lost contact with most of them.

We? I wasn't.

Part of it. I lost contact with most of them.

Were they really your friends? Now that you look back at the memory and you're like-No, they were my friends. -and you see them leaving your life in the future, did you really have that good of a day?

All those times at Kings Island, it was a blast.

That.

Sounds made up. It's like, Oh, what's a theme park? You're probably just racking your brain. Kings Island? Kings Island? Kings Island is a.

Great road coaster. King Xyland used to be owned by Paramount. And so all the rides were named after Paramount.

People used to own people, but we don't like to brag about that. Or talk about it. Or talk about it. So you need to chill out over there.

Okay. Zach, what's your favorite memory as a child? Do you have one?

I have several.

All right, let's hear them.

When- Your.

Dad.

Leaving? My dad didn't leave. He cheated on my mother.

And flew off.

And flew off to fight in a war. Five tours.

Your stepdad leaving?

He didn't leave either.

Your mom left in these situations? Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, she's a girl boss. No, but what I was about to say was a memory that I like as a kid is... What's the Leprechaun Day? What is it? St. Patrick's Day.

St. Patrick's Day, Green Hawk Day. During Green Hawk Day.

Dark Greenhawk Day. My mom, well, she would get my little woody toy and she would paint the bottom of his feet green and she'd go around the house and put steps around. So I thought little gremlins would like to.

You're actually very sweet.

It sounds like you're having a pop culture stroke right now.

That's all I'm saying. But the funny thing, Yolanda used to live with us. That was my mom's best friend in college. She lived with us for a little bit. For whatever reason, she just liked the ruining things for me.

Sounds like a great roommate for a child.

She was pretty hilarious. Well, we would get in battles. I would put as much furniture in front of her room so she couldn't get out. She would look me in the eyes and go, Lepicons aren't real.

One thing is a little more damaging than the other.

Yeah, she couldn't get out of her room. There's a fire. That one was the more damaging one.

Do you guys remember your first memory?

No, I try to think about it all the time, and.

It's- It's.

A shock in you. -shockingly late.

How late? Shockingly late. Probably four.

That's not super late. There are some times where I can't think what off the top of my head, but I'd be like, Mom, do you remember that time that we did this, that, that? She goes, Yeah, but how do you? You were two or three. I'm like, Fuck, I don't know.

I don't know.

It was a good day. That could also be someone telling me the story.

Oh, and then you making it up in your head.

Yeah, it could be that too. I don't know.

I've talked about this before, but I apologize. One of my earliest memories is I watched on TV someone turn in their head when they kissed. Like they're significant other.

Like they did the tilt?

Tilted to kiss. I was like, Give me a kiss goodbye. I tilted. She's like, What was that? What the fuck? I was like, That was on TV. She's like, Don't do that. I think my mom thought I was hitting on her, but I was just like, Oh, I guess that's how you do it.

Yeah, that's how you were learning. I do.

Want to call out my father because any time I'd see him when I was little, the first thing we'd do, he would shave my head bald.

Give you a little military haircut.

I like your buzz cut.

You ever thought about that?

You've never thought about that. You've never thought about that. You've never thought about that. I've seen it.

Yeah, I have. I've had very short hair before, but I didn't have a buzz cut.

-like borderline.

Buzz cut? -yeah, like a small fade, like a low top, whatever it would.

Be called. I was hanging out with different people back then, okay? And they were a lot nicer than you two. Yeah, I would get off the plane. I see my dad like once, maybe twice a year, depending on if he's fighting for this country or not. I get on the military base. We'd have three senses before I'm just in the veteran chair. What's it called? The commissary? The barber shop. And what are we going to do for him? They only serve one haircut there. I knew what I was getting. And yeah, he would just shave all of my head off. And it would make me so sad.

Well, yeah, no, that's traumatizing.

Why didn't he just look me in the eyes and be like, This kid likes his hair. Why can't we just keep it? Apparently, I didn't look like a young man. I've heard that. Then my mom struck a deal with him that if I got all A's. You could keep your hair. I could keep my hair.

You could keep your hair.

Good job. I did get A's. That's a.

Great motivation. That's a great motivation. My uncle did that to me one time.

Did you guys ever have lice? Oh, sorry.

No, I've never had lice.

You never had lice? Mm-mm. Did you? Yeah. It means you have really clean hair, so don't come at me with any jokes.

Until they're infested.

With animals. They're not animals. They're insects. They're little tiny tigers just running around in the forest of your follicles.

Were you patient zero or was it part of a widespread? Cantage in at your school?

You thought the Adam and Eve. What? You thought the Adam and Eve of Headbugs started with me?

I don't know. What do you mean? Apparently you had crystal clean hair. Yes. So maybe they.

Found a nice home. When you go to school and you're hanging out with other kids and you rub your head together like the double noogie, sometimes.

You get it. Have you guys ever seen that?

We've never had friendships, so you don't understand what a double nookie is. Then my mom made me shave my head, and I looked at myself in the mirror really sad because I was ugly. Then she goes, You look like Brad Pitt. I just didn't trust her after that. I was like, You're a big fat liar. First of all, I'm like seven. There's no way I can look like that. No, I'm not a sexual depiction of a woman's fantasy right now.

Did.

You- I'm a pedophile's nightmare.

Before she cut it short, did she do anything like... Because people sometimes do like a Mayona scrub on your head to get.

Rid of it. Oh, God.

She didn't BLT me, man.

I'm just saying, man, I think that's a remedy.

No, you go to the.

Store- Brother, there are a lot of things you can do. Or it might be.

Peanut butter. I've heard peanut butter before.

I've had to do peanut butter when I got gum in my hair.

That gets that the gum out?

Hey, Siri.

Call mom. How does it get.

It out? Wait, dude, it's midnight.

Oh, shit.

She's going to call back and think you're dying.

I don't think it ringed.

That's not how you treat your mother. No.

It didn't call.

It didn't go through. No, you get this formula and then you get this special comb and you run it through it, and then you can see the little guys just like running around as you murder them.

Really? Some people don't have wealth to go to the... They have to do home remedies. Like mayonaise. Like mayonaise.

You guys get sad when you have to defeat a bug, like under your feet or say there's a fly, you swat him and kill him.

It does? No. Well, it depends on how scary the bug is, right? Like if it's a.

Fly-god, this feels like-What?

Just if.

You're walking that thin line-You're walking that.

Thin line.

It feels racist. No, if the bug is.

Scary, if you're an old white guy, and it all depends on how scary the person is.

Well, if the bug is poisonous, okay?

And I kill it. Your Rittenhouse tattoo is looking weird. I'm just saying.

If the bug is poisonous, I feel like I'm defending the homestead. That's fine, man. If it's a fly.

That's harmless. -that's harmless. -i'll kill them all.

I feel a little bad because it's crazy how fast their life ends.

Yeah, and it's crazy how fast they have millions of kids.

Oh, my gosh. I've got a thing to talk about. -what? -termites.

You know about them? Why are you so passionate about termites all this time?

I'm not passionate about termites. I'm fired up in fear. Why? Okay, I'm going to give you a guess. How long do you think the Queen termite lives? Go ahead. You're on a game show.

A month?

50 years.

50.

Years. Guess how many eggs. Wait, hold on.

What? I don't think I remember any of these answers, so I'm trying to answer them again. Okay, how.

Many eggs do you think she produces in that 50 years?

In 50 years? I'll say 50,000.

Two billion.

I hate you. You're such an asshole. You went too high, and now the number that I put out there, isn't that the worst when somebody does that? God, that is just the worst. Oh, guess how many car crashes I got in my life. And so he's like, Eight. And it was like, those three. And then you just ruined it. No, a quarter of a billion. Now I have to put a quarter of a billion? I can't do 250 million because this doesn't seem like anything. Yeah, you have to get a billion involved. Okay, so this is essentially what she looks like. She's a termite. She's she's got her head and she looks just like a used condom filled with maggots. There's one king, and his only job is to lay pipe to that massive slug of a being.

How big is? Did he say like queen?

I would.

Guess this big. No way.

There's no way. Termites are tiny. They hide in the walls.

You're telling me there's a rat insect running around all these other bitches?

Dude, this guy is throwing… Look.

Up a picture of the queen next to a ruler or something.

Okay, we're not… Come on, man. I got one next to my I don't know. Queen termite.

How long does the king live?

Oh, here it is.

In this community is under her control.

Everything in the community is under her control. She can live for 50 years.

Longer than any other insect in the world.

Okay, so she lives for that long. Then based on the chemicals that she releases to every individual baby she has, that's the jobs that they have. Sometimes some of the workers' jobs are for their entire lives to carry babies from here to a more adaptable environment for them to become full adult termites. Then I'll ask questions. Humans, we want to do too much. I want to be a painter. Well, yeah. Just go to work, man. Start a podcast. That's all we do. We're nothing.

It is crazy how animals are so... Well, not that they don't have sentience, but they're so just controlled by their nature. The thought of us being born and not doing anything other than what we need to to survive sounds miserable. Sounds like a dream.

They're pretty hardwired to just survive.

Yeah. And it's crazy that it's just in their brain. It's in their like-.

I mean, it's in our brains too.

The dog keeps yelling at us.

Bitch ass dog.

Oh, wait. Speaking of being hardwired in our brains, I learned babies, like newborns, aren't allowed to drink water.

This is a recent occurrence that I didn't know.

It kills them dead.

I had no idea. Well, I mean, they drink milk.

Yeah, they drink milk.

Different liquid. Look at me.

Different liquid. No, I know that, but that's all they consume. Why would you give them water?

Well, because I just think humans, everybody says hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

The milk is hydrating them. It's hydrating them.

Yeah, but if I drank nothing but milk, Schuyler.

I would end up dehydrating. You did at one point, and you were 100 pounds heavier and you got beat up for it. And people called you a little boy lesbian. And that's all true. Yeah, one of those things I said.

If that happened, I'm.

Really sorry, Jared. It did happen.

I apologize. I'll give you a hug.

I just thought water is such an essential part of life.

I'm not giving it to you. Wait, I have a fun comment.

To read. But then people were saying, they're like, Now that I'm thinking about it, I've never even pictured a baby drinking water. And they're like, I think that's part of our natural evolution is that we don't even think about it because deep down we know that we're not supposed to give it to them. I thought it was mind-blowing.

So this was the most recent post on our Reddit thread? We didn't start the.

Reddit thread. Oh, the dropout subredit.

Honest question here, who still watches dropouts? I feel like they're struggling to get over 100,000 views and this podcast is slowly dying.

Why would you bring that up?

Screw you, man. We got to fight these people. We got to geolocate and knock their teeth out. Or we become better at podcasting. Or, yeah. But there's no in-between.

There's no.

And that's not an option.

That's not an option.

What if we do both? Knock their teeth out and become better.

We knock their teeth out on camera. We're killing two birds with one stone. Great podcast. One of my favorite jokes ever is there's two birds hanging out and there's like a little kid with a stone. And the first bird goes, Oh, no, he's got a stone. And the second bird is like, Well, thank goodness he doesn't have two of them. Why are you giggling at me? That was a fun little quip. You didn't laugh. I was laughing. But when I say that's one of my favorite things I've heard, you've got to give me a belly laugh, even if it's fake. You want to run it back? Okay, I'm going to run it back. And both of you are going to laugh, like I said, something worth some prize that was funny.

Are you going to rank if the genuineness of it? What do you mean? If it.

Sounds fake or even a piece of shit. Oh, dude, I suck at fake laughing.

I'm just.

Wondering because-And we're going to go one to two. Whoever has the worst fake laugh has to do 10 pushups. Okay, can we all agree to that? Uh-uh. What do you mean?

He's going to.

Get robbed again. Then just have a better laugh. Okay, so essentially I've heard this joke in the past, and there... Sorry.

That was a genuine laugh just out of nervousness. I'm not nervous of preparing for the fake laugh.

The joke.

Hasn't happened yet. No, I know. I was explaining why I laughed.

I don't like the way he's... Okay, ready? Okay, so essentially there's these two birds on a branch having the best day, I'd assume. They're going back and forth about worms, eggs, the whole bird thing. Feathers, who knows? Flying. They're probably talking about flying because that's like a huge... Oh, look at these little humans can't fly. Anyway, they're sitting on a branch together. Best of friends, couldn't be better friends. This rascal of child comes, a bully. Usually, he bullies people around his school, but this is a Saturday, so he has to bully animals around his area. He picks up a stone and the birds think, Oh, I hope he doesn't throw that stone at us. That's what they're thinking in their minds. They verbally say to each other, the first bird says to the second bird, his best friend, Well, don't worry, he's only got one stone. Right, guys? Right, guys?

That was good.

That was worse than the first time.

I can't remember to tell my mom that one.

You both should have to do pushups.

Why? His was so much more forced.

Yours was more forced.

No.

It was. I could almost see your molars. You smiled so big. That's a disrespectful laugh. I was.

Laughing through the.

Whole joke. I know, and that but you psyched yourself out.

Are we getting each other Christmas presents? I sure hope not.

It's the most wonderful kind. I'm fine with not doing it.

You just don't want to spend money on me. You don't want to make me.

Happy or something. Except we all had already pitched in the 500 for Alyssa's birthday present that we haven't told her about yet, right?

Well, yeah.

Other than that. That was just a down payment, right? We have to come up with some more. It's like four more payments of that.

As long as we're not getting the boys- I.

Didn't do anything about that.

You said what? As long as the boys make a pact to not get each other presents, then we can actually afford that.

We're getting our assistant a present?

Yes, the really expensive one that we already all pitched the money for.

The really giant, expensive one? Yeah. The Dyson Airwrap style.

Well, that's just part.

Of it.

That's the opening day. What can tell her that one?

Because that's an appetizer for the.

Rest of your present. That's like a.

Stalking stuffer. And that's why we can't do any other presents for each other.

Correct. Because we're spending so much money on her. Yes. And I.

Don't have time because of all the crocheting.

Oh, yeah. You took on this wild move.

He's picked up crocheting. Now he's doing it with a wire for his headphones. This guy can't stop crocheting.

My sister had a child not long ago, and I thought it would be -Not mine. -not mine either, for the record.

I saw your sister's boob.

Yeah, I'm sure.

But what's up with that?

She was breastfeeding.

Okay. She announced that she was breastfeeding, and I've never seen Zach's eyes lock on faster.

His mouth was watering. I was sick. You're a pervert. Like that, that's exactly what you were doing. She was confused.

Too while you were doing that. No, this is all I got to say. I grew up with your sister. Obviously, I've known her for- Kind of like your sister. -almost 20 years. I've seen your sister more than I've seen either of my sisters. Fact. Never even crossed my mind that I'd ever see her, Ariel.

Never-my mother's as well.

Okay, did your mom know of you've seen.

Her boob? You've seen too many of his family members' boob.

You've seen my dad's too, probably.

I've probably seen your dad's, but that's a little different because of the whole misogyny thing in this country where women can't show their tits off. I'm going to be honest. If you're over 18 and you want to fight the patriarchy, send me a picture of your tits. How about that? Snapchat Zach Justice.

Dude, you just opened a whirlwind for your Snapchat.

Of what? Feminism? You've seen G-Babies too. You have seen the whole family.

We have talked about your brother, me walking in on him, masturbating.

Oh, yeah, we've talked about that a couple of times.

Yeah, but let's not.

Do it. No, we're not going to do it. We're not going to do it. But does your dad know that happened?

I guess not.

Probably not. Well, I guess he doesn't know.

I'm sure he doesn't want to-He's going to hate that I brought that up.

He's going to talk to me.

No, they won't care. Your dad?

Jack and all is a thing of life.

That was one of the wild things that I've seen. No, back to your sister's breast. Yes. I only saw the left one, and.

She was- On my mom's right.

Your mom? Okay, so this is what happened. I walked in. I was inviting your mom to go out to dinner with us because you had already been somewhere. For whatever reason, I'm at your house by myself with just your mom. With her boobs out. But can I say this? She didn't shut the door. The door was, I'd say, 40 % open. I assume that's fine for coming in. I say if.

It's 40 % open- You were going to her bathroom or to her room?

No, I was going to pop into her room and be like, Hey, we're going to go eat if you like to come with us. But I don't think you knock on a 40 % open room, right? Because I can see most of the room anyway.

She might not have known you were there.

She knew I was there. Trust me, brother. I think she got him out. I go, Hey, we were going to... I back out and I didn't tell her. But yeah, I saw it. It was to the side. They were hanging nice, obviously. Thank you.

Very complimentative.

Your sisters, everything was in place too.

Gina. Yeah, I have to send me a boob pic to even the.

Score here a little bit. That's my mother. I'd appreciate if she didn't.

And.

Mr. Larry as well. But my mom was a little bit more wholesome.

Than-duran then.

No, not my granny. She's 80-something.

It's not for any other. It's not for that. It's just for us to be even. Hey, Jared.

How about you get off your phone while we're talking to each other, man?

I was looking up stuff to talk about.

Just in case. We're having a jovial, beautiful, I was about to say a word that didn't mean what I was meaning to say, and it would have been bad. We're having a great conversation. You can't stop looking at your phone, man.

I was just looking- Put it away.

You were looking at.

Bingle's tweet. I was not looking at Bingle's tweet, but that.

Was- You were looking at traditional Indian bracelets tweet.

That's I think. Don't quote me on that.

-my bangles are like the little...

Oh, oh, oh.

People are not happy with me bullying you.

That's fine.

But I think you should try to come back at me because it is getting a little one-sided.

I just don't know how. We've been over this.

A lot of people, I saw a lot of comments saying this podcast is just turning into an hour each week of watching a man get bullied.

Well, we've talked about this before. You had very different friend groups growing up where you.

Guys- You guys carried and loved each other?

Well, not like that. It wasn't just like a Kumbaya, like growing up. Did you not slurp so much?

Sorry, Jared, did me interrupt. He was slurping.

But it was just like you guys just have different banter than we did growing up. And so sometimes I don't know how to.

Could I imagine what you and your friends used to do? All right, so we're all sitting at a McDonald's.

Oh, are.

We doing it? Yeah, we're all pretending to be like Jared's old friends sitting talking at a McDonald's. Dude, the math test was crazy, right?

Yeah, it was really hard. I studied really hard for it. But yeah, like 16, 17, 18, 19, they were all tricky. Did you get the Big Mac today?

Yeah, I got the Big Mac 10 piece. That's awesome. Yeah, that makes sense. You just didn't say anything in your friend group?

I didn't know I was supposed to say something there.

That is exactly how he acted in his friend group. He just sat a table over and he saw kids from his school were also there. So you just be like, Yeah, I hung out with the coolest kids today.

Wait, hey, Jared, how.

Are you? I'm good.

How are you? Oh, Jared. Dude, from... You went to our school last year, right?

No, he's in art with us.

Where do you sit?

I sit at the table with you.

There's no way.

I sat there all semester. It's Jared.

From our class.

Remember you bumped into me when I was taking my pottery to the kiln and I dropped it and I had to start all over again? Wait, are you the kid? You didn't say, I'm sorry. You were the.

One that pushed over this pastel the other day, isn't that what the device is called?

The.

What? Pastel?

Yeah, pastel is a thing.

Or easel. Are you the kid who the teacher had to say, close your mouth, because they opened the window and the sun was coming in and you were smiling and it was hitting everybody in the eyes? Yeah.

The sun? I mean. Yeah, that's Jared.

That was me. That was me.

That was me. Yeah, man.

Good to see you.

Yeah, good.

You really ruined the whole bit there. Why? Because that's not how his friend group would have acted.

Because he didn't have a friend group.

I did have.

A friend group. What did you guys do? It was a fun day with the Jared friend group.

I mean, we would play split-screen Call of Duty in my friend's basement, or we would go out.

Oh, that you were hanging out in basements.

We would go out into the woods or we would go... Our football field is open, so sometimes we'd go play there. I don't know. It was normal kid.

Stuff, I guess. Name one friend.

Eric.

When's the last time you talked to Eric?

Fairly.

Recently. What did you guys.

Talk about? He lives in Colorado, and so I was just talking to him about how it's going there.

Interesting you guys both move to marijuana legal states, you drugies.

I don't think that was.

The-oh, you can't hang out in your own brain because it's too scary. You've got to get high.

I think he's just a.

Nature guy. Did you schedule a plan to go hang out with Eric?

No.

Good friends.

That's a nick against. How was your friend group in high school?

Fantastic. Couldn't get enough of them. I know. A lot of text of you come in here at night, you go in there, had to make a lot of decisions. Usually I went with the one I was getting along with the best, which was usually over here anytime I went. Wow, thanks. -yeah, we were a coup of sorts. We were the double duo. We were 2Ps in a singular pod. Have you ever been on the hunt for a new doctor? And you just think in your brain, I'm never going to find one good because every time I go to the doctor, they don't seem to care about me. Then I'm trying to talk to my friends about my ailments, and they're not doctors because they don't have a PhD. They didn't go to a nice medical school to know what ailments I have to properly get me in the right health condition. Boy, do I have the service for you, Zach? Doc? Download this amazing app, and it's like Tinder for doctors mixed with Yelp. You get peer-reviewed doctors along with a wide array. And the best part is, you get to search through a bunch of doctors is what I'm trying to say, but the best part is it also filters for your insurance.

Because you know how many times I've gone to the doctor and been like, Hi, I am missing a certain part of my body and I'd love to get that fixed. And then they say, Great, are you going to be paying out of pocket today? I say, No, that's a lot of money. And they're like, Great, do you have insurance? I'm like, Yes. They're like, Perfect. That means you have to pay out of pocket today. And then I give them my insurance and they go, We don't accept that here. And then I get angry and I still have my ailments. And then I've got to go parade around town calling people. I'm just taking up my whole day and say you are bleeding out. Well, you don't got much time left. You can't be taking up all day. I'm going to be honest with you there. So the best thing to do is get to the ZatcDoc app and get a really well-reviewed doctor who also takes your insurance. That way you know you're in proper care, to be completely honest.

So like Zach was saying in a very long-winded explanation, ZatcDoc is the free app where you can find and book appointments with top rated doctors today. We're talking about booking appointments with thousands of patient-reviewed doctors and specialists.

One thousand.

Well, thousands. Plus more. You can filter specifically for ones who take your insurance, like Zach was saying with that anecdote, and that are located near you. You can find a doctor that treats almost any condition under the sun.

Or far away in case you like to drive.

In order to download the Zatdoc app today, go to zatdoc. Com/dropouts and download the Zatdoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's zatdoc.

Com/dropouts. Zatdoc. Com/dropouts. Find your doctor. Get in the best mental and physical state you possibly can.

Thank you.

Doc Dog. Thank you, Doc Dog. More from me, not from Jared because he doesn't like us, but just me. No, I'm not in school. Why aren't you in school? Because I guess you could say with my shady rays on, I'm too cool for school, Dog. I wouldn't be in school with these shades on because I'm too cool for it. But if you happen to be a person of education who wants to further themselves in that route, feel free to wear your shady rays in a school or around a campus. It won't deter you from being cool. This is just a bit, and it'll actually make you cooler among your peers and nothing's better than education and friendship. Am I right, guys?

You're so right, Zach. The best part about Shady Rays is that they've got tons of styles and colors to pick from, so finding the perfect shades is a breeze. Plus, if you're into winter sports.

Because it is the season. I'm into women, and these glasses help me get them, brother.

Plus, if you're into winter sports.

The girls are too covered up. Appropriately covered up because of the sport.

Shady Ray also has an assortment of snow goggles so that you can keep the pace with the day.

Thanks for repeating that, man. Hold on, dude. Let me just do this.

Shady Rays also has an assortment of snow goggles so you can keep the pace any day with their quick swap lenses.

If you lose or break your pair of shades, they'll replace them without questions asked.

And if you don't love your Shady Rays, you can.

Exchange for a new-How could you not?

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You better be glad I'm not into grappling. Exclusively for our listeners, shady rays is giving out a very merry deal for the season. Go to shadyrays. Com and use code dropouts for 50 % off two plus pairs of whole of the rise sunglasses. Try for yourself to change the rate of five stars by over 250,000 people. I'll tell you what, if one person bought a pair of glasses and they gave it a bad review, I would never put them on. But if 250,000 gave it a five-car as ready as it uses. I would put them on. Go to shadyraze. Com and use code dropouts for 50 % off two or more pairs of polarized sunglasses. Do not mention the word free. Did I mention it? I don't know. I'll keep that in.

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Hi, guys. I want to get serious with you today. A lot of you guys don't have websites. To me, that makes you think that you're not living in a 21st century world. You're not fully equipped to, say, you're a photographer, to show off your portfolio. Say you're in e-commerce where you sell things online and it's the holidays and people are buying a lot of stuff online and you don't have a website to do it. You might think, Zach, I don't know how to code. Trust me, I can barely even use the computer. How am I supposed to learn how to code? Listen, all right? The one beautiful thing about Squarespace is they have built-in easy-to-use templates. Built-in easy-to-use templates, drag-and-drop features. I'm not even allowed to actually put this out there but for you guys. You can get a website up and running in minutes. Minutes completely change your life in minutes. A lot of people thinks it takes years to make a website. Months added on to those years. No sorry, Bob. Maybe an early part of the day, a middle part of the day, and then part of the day you could work on something.

It's fun to work on because you're putting your identity on the internet in a way that brings you joy. For e-commerce people, profit. That makes me happy. Profit.

So head to squarespace. Com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch your website, go to squarespace. Com/dropouts to save 10 % off your first website or domain.

Kind of meta. You go to a website to get a website?

Again, go to squarespace. Com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace. Com/dropouts to get 10 % off your first purchase of a website or domain. Nailed it. Thank you, Squarespace. Wait, I did make plans to see somebody that I was friends with in high school when I go home for Christmas.

Nice. What are you guys going to do besides small talk until you want to kill yourselves?

We're just going to go hang out, probably grab some dinner or something. What's their name? Sophie.

Oh, it's a girl. Wait, is that Buggirl?

Yeah, it's Buggirl.

This girl, what did she do? Like maturbate to-No, dude. -prang Mantises or something? If there was a decent ant hill on the side of the road and you guys were going down, would she pull up to look at it?

She's not obsessed with bugs like that.

Okay, does she hang bugs on the wall?

Yeah, she has a couple cases of bugs on the wall. Like frames.

Yeah. What type of bugs?

Butterflies and beetles and praying Mantises.

And this is your woman?

This is not my woman. This is just my friend.

Jared's driving four hours to see this broad.

I'm driving.

40 minutes. She's staking on bugs like they're posters of Harry Stiles under a wall.

I bet you had to rent a car for it too.

No, I'm just going to use my parents' car.

So that's your one friend?

That's not my one friend, but you just said, Think of a friend that you're going to see, and that was a friend that I'm going to see.

Do you think if you guys put on a movie, it'd be anything else besides Bugs Life? Actually, I'm very excited. I like to riff and raff, but I'm excited that you have somebody that you talk to once a year when you go home. You guys say you're close. That means a lot to me that you have someone in your corner.

Well, it's like one of those friendships that you don't see or talk to each other for a long time. But the moment that you're together, it's just like no time has passed.

Does your ex come home? Which one? No, the one that we all-Yeah.

She'll probably come home.

For Christmas. Do you think it's been long enough where you guys could hang out and not be weird? No. Okay, cool. We're going to move right.

Past that then. Do you have a friend that you don't talk to or see on a pretty regular basis?

That would call my friend? Yeah. No.

Yeah, me either. Such a funny term, that word friend.

Friend. Friend. Okay, so you know someone in Cincinnati.

I'm friends with them.

I'm sure, okay. Our friends we talk to and hang out with and have relationships with.

Yeah, now that's the south.

Yeah, I assume it's much different.

Because most people stay near each other.

Yeah, of course. Where do we live right now? You want to know me? Okay. I have friends, nine years old. We live in Los Angeles, California, about 2, 3,000 miles from where we grew up.

Correct.

My mom, she keeps.

Sending me - swearing the same words.

Every other day. She sends me.

Bible reels. Your mom sends me Air pod.

Reels about - About how they're going to give you cancer.

Yeah. She doesn't send me anything.

That's a good thing.

You're lucking out.

You do put your ears through some considerable damage, I would assume. I don't think so. When's the last time that you went to sleep without listening to Air pods the entire night?

My brother does that too. That's a psycho move.

Technically, the other night because I fell asleep drunk.

You know.

What I mean though. I don't know. It's been a long time. Years. There was a while where I was using the Alexa that's next to my bed as the speaker, but it's just not the same.

But can I also say this? You fall asleep, I would guess within four minutes of putting your head on the pillow.

Every time. Yeah, because I have the headphones in my head.

I just don't want to get ear cancer.

I don't think I'm going to get ear cancer. All the.

Things—and if you do, who's going to end this podcast?

All the things that your mom.

Sends me. Did you just knock on the table? No. I'm sick and tired of your superstitions. You're superstitious too, though.

All the TikToks that your mom sends me, they are saying that AirPods use the exact same frequencies as the microwave in there. I keep trying to tell her that if that were the case, my head would explode within the first 15 seconds of me listening to a song.

It has been getting bigger a little bit recently, so I think it's expanding. It's a slow burn because it's like tiny little microwave. Every little night it's going to pop and you're going to have a little popcorn kernel. I'm going to walk into a bloody mess and I don't want to clean that up. I'm going to have to hire somebody. Then my money goes down the drain right before Christmas, right before I have to provide for my family. Not cool. What are we going to do about it? I didn't think about that. You didn't think about it at all. We got to get into.

Your superstitions. I'll try.

Using the Alexa. Where did it stem from?

My mom.

You said I was superstitious.

You told me you were.

I'm.

Like- A little stitious.

Yeah, I can't really say that. But about some stuff when it comes to bedding or if you get hot and bet and you want to sit in the same spot. -is this funny? -even that's without betting, that's probably root and football.

You pour water on my blanket before I sat down? So people think I'm sweating.

Through my shirt. Are you.

Wearing an undershirt? No, he's not even wearing his armpit patch.

Oh, I do have armpit patches. -bom ass. -dude, I only wear them when I wear suits. God, you're a bitch. I have to go in. Why?

Sweat.

Like a man. Yeah, you're freaking pre Madonna.

Okay, he's trying. And then he like-That was good. No, but in his voice, he has no confidence in being mean. Pre-medana. But his eyes are saying, I love you so much. I've never hurt you.

I don't have a conscious capacity to be mean. I'm not saying I can't.

Be mean. No, it's not even about being mean. We're just.

Riffing and rap it. No, I know, but even mean in a fun way. All right.

Let's do this. Every day, you either see me or Zach, you have to say one mean thing and smack our head, smack our cat.

Why does this have to be.

Physical involved? It's just about what are they saying? My bruise easily. Or whatever. Just this quick tap on the hat and call us like, You fake ass bitch, and we'll get hardened.

Okay, feed them lines. Just say.

To me. Long-neck, bitch-faced fuck. Just say it stern, get in.

Now I'm just hanging out. Man, I can't wait to see my friend.

You're-long-neck, bitch-faced fuck.

Who is?

You are. You are?

What?

Why would you say that? You're a.

Swindly arm. You're a swindly arm.

Ial looking piece of cock.

Ial looking piece of cock.

Dude.

Shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch. Come over here.

What?

Come.

Over here now. Come over here. Do what? What? Come over here now. I don't want to.

You're going to suck it.

I don't want to say that.

Say it, Jared.

I'm not going to say that. Say it.

You're going to suck it. No, I'm.

Not going to say that. Tell me to suck it.

I'm not. Why are you.

Trying to turn on? I'm not, dude. Cut the cameras. You said the camera's about to die.

Hot swap the cards. Okay, we're keeping this train rolling.

A couple of uncrustables for the boys. It's a drug deal. Dude, dude. This is what he did. See what? Okay, this is how you do a drug exchange. Hey, what up man? Hey, good to see you, man.

Yeah, that's how you do it. You fucking nailed that one.

I was looking away, though. Frozen.

Yeah, it's a little fun hat.

Tough heat? It's no cool. I'll put this under my.

Thigh, warm it up. It's in my pot back pocket.

I'm sitting on it. Smart.

You got to get the suckers warm, dude. Smart.

I didn't get a lot of uncrustables when I was a young child.

I didn't either.

They were too expensive.

I just got.

Regular PB and Js. And my mom would be like, We got bread. We've got everything to make it. You just wanted a factory to cut off your crust? You little twat.

Yeah, growing up, were you all ever like, poor a little bit?

Yeah, I mean, not like poor, poorer, but like single income family.

I remember you almost had to give away your summer home.

I never had a summer home. We couldn't even afford to go on vacation most years. I would have to go with my cousins.

Oh, the rich redheads?

Do you remember a meal that you always had that you were like, Yeah, we're eating this night. You didn't really think about that. I was like, Oh, it was.

Probably like... Oh, buttered noodles all the time. Buttered noodles? Yeah.

Zach, what.

About you? Our cheat meal was definitely spaghetti tacos.

Spagetti tacos. I remember.

Those too. Where's the taco spaghetti?

I don't know. It was so confusing because what was...

No, this is like... Okay, so on I-Carly, they used to make spaghetti tacos.

On a stick.

I didn't know that part. Yeah, it's on a stick. But I remember that. Then you would tell people at school, Man, they're eating spaghetti tacos. I was like too old. Don't you fucking do this. Yes, and I was too old to eat anything that was off a show from I-Carly. It sounded like I was suggesting my mom make this meal from this kid show that I was still watching, when in reality, all she did was just make mince meat, noodles, put it together and then put taco season on it. That was dinner.

I've never had spaghetti tacos. That sounds terrible, though. What?

It can't be that bad. Noodles is just a transport system for taco.

It's just a different car, brother.

Yeah. It's just like a.

Taco shell. Coming from someone who makes tabasco spaghetti. That was.

One.

Time. Noodles and tabasco, and that's it. That's a while ago.

That was one time during the pandemic.

One time he spruced it up and threw four spinach leaves on it.

Growing up, we had salmon paties.

That's-so you were rich. -it just doesn't sound like a poor meal.

-no, they were likeFar... -sammon? Was it from the Piggly-Wiggly?

Yeah, they were like frozen-ish type.

Oh, sometimes we'd have spam.

We had Sloppy Joe's, but they weren't with spam. They were just with...

The first time I was brought into the culture of being like, What foofoo mess are you guys on? Was in your home. What did I do? I walked in and I think I was staying the night. Everybody's like, Oh, Kayla's cooking tonight. Kayla's cooking tonight. The first time I ever had quinoa.

Oh, she banged us.

What in the whole foods is going on in that house? And in.

South Georgia, I was like.

The fuck?

If we're going to have something to put next to our meat, let's put rice, potatoes, some American.

Yeah, that wasn't good. He said.

Rice.

And potatoes. She came in with a comacaze of starches.

Did you ever go to Mimi's house for lunch on Sunday? Did you ever go over there for that?

No, I wasn't invited.

I'm sure you were. We would do the biggest spreads every Sunday. It was the best.

Every Sunday?

Every Sunday.

After church. You had a big spread every Sunday money?

She would do whatever it would be fried chicken or pork chops or whatever. It wasn't like we weren't doing.

Crazy shit.

I remember.

Some story of her, Mimi, like walking in on somebody pooping on a wall. What the fuck?

What a true story? -goes on in your childhood.

Wait, no, what happened? What was your aunt or something? She maybe looked down her pants. What was that about? I'm in his home. How old was your-.

It was when my grandmother passed. It was 2017.

2017. And it was like your aunt, how old is she? She's probably- '70s?

No, '60s, '70s. Yeah, I was.

Supposed to say '70s. '70s. And I'm milling around the house like I do, popping in and out of conversation. We had.

Just gotten back from getting these tattoos.

Okay. So his actual grandmother had died the day before. So we're all just sitting at the house. And then I'd just hear. I'm like, Come here, Zach, come here. I walk up to, is your aunt?

She was asking us about the tattoos. Zach was like, So, Aunt so and so, do you have any tattoos? And she goes, Oh, yeah, I have one right here. She lifts up her shirt and she starts showing like her...

Like her thighs. Her pants. She pulled her pants down a little bit. She was like.

Come here, look down here. She was like, Yeah, I have a little picture of a mouse. And so she was like- Above her cooter? Well, in that area, she wasn't showing her coter, but she was showing her upper thigh. So Zach was like, I don't really see it. She was like, No, you got to get closer. Then he got a little bit closer. She was like, Oh, sorry, my pussy ate it.

A day after his grandmother passed away and we were talking about the tattoos that they got a memory of her.

She.

Hit us with that. Yeah, she.

Got us. Oh, sorry, my pussy ate it.

Never saw the mouse.

I.

Just-tried hard.

To see the mouse. Yeah, I was looking for that mouse.

I've just never been left.

Speechless like that. I had to get in there. I found the mouse. A lot of cheese, too. A lot of cheese. There's a trap down there. Oh, God. Different mouse trap, actually. This one snaps back.

It's a wild move.

They're funny. My mom's side of the family, all those older women are hilarious.

-real wild cards. -that is a great joke, to be honest.

Yeah, especially when you're in.

Not great timing.

Or it could be the best timing.

You're not expecting it. Laught is the best medicine.

Helps you heal. We'll tell that to grandma, come on.

In the trying time.

She was laughing.

She was.

Laughing from above. You think an aneurysm? You can laugh through that, huh? What monster.

Did that to me? Tell your Mimi, I'm sorry.

How would you expect me to do that, Jared? Do you think you got a phone?

I assume that she's watching over you and she can hear any prayers you send up there.

Okay, I'll send a prayer, Jared. It also sounded like you were making a joke that she wasn't alive to.

Talk to me. No, that was a genuine tell your Mimi. I'm sorry.

Oh, cripple you.

He's.

Speechless. Oh, cripple you.

I'm speaking now. He's speaking. He's pretty vocal.

I had to carry that woman out after she deceased.

No, I know, but it wasn't asleep.

Are you saying she wasn't light?

God damn it.

She lost a lot of weight because she couldn't eat food anymore after the brain aneurysm of size of a golf ball tumor on her brain stem. Thanks, man. Thanks, buddy.

I heard a story about a woman that was lying about brain cancer. Don't bring up a.

Random story.

Wait, are you saying she was lying about having a softball size tumor?

No, I was just trying to transition.

Why are you trying to transition from life to death? We had different things.

That we said. I know. Yours got political, and we're sorry. It's not political.

See, this is you, man. I'm having a whimsicalal time. I'm just talking about humans being humans.

Life, death, love, happiness.

You got to come in and say, His fat grandma died of nothing. Rude. The comment is, I got to understand. I like bullying you, and I'm not going to stop.

Yeah, I know you like bullying.

We're going to see how my mom likes that last segment.

We're going to get some calls. Does she watch this?

Listen, if you all watching this mom, Mimi would have loved that.

That is the one thing. Whenever I say a joke and Mimi is involved, I do know that she was the biggest jokester of all time.

The biggest jokester? The best.

Sometimes she would fart.

What are you saying, Jared? Why are.

You-no, Zach's neck flexed, and it looked like he was going to say something he shouldn't in a second.

Dude, the way.

That you analyze my body-Everything's on the table with jokes. You can say it.

Your grandma did used to just fart and then wait for us to walk into it.

She did all sorts of things.

Oh, she was crop.

Dust and you guys. Yeah, she was doing domestic terrorism.

Yeah, there was a lot.

I used to want to kill her because she would do... She have to get medicine put into her feeding tube at night, and I would sleep on the couch so I could hear her waking up so I could go to help her. She had this fucking bike horn that she would squeeze to wake me up. She couldn't just say, or her, or her. She'd get in my ear with it, and I'd wake up. You know I could put seven too many pills in here, right? You know.

That, right? That's terrible. He could have Michael Jackson or at any point. That's how we passed away, I'm pretty sure. Topical, Jared. You see how you can loop in some topical without being devious? I don't.

Know if that was topical. Why? I feel like that's almost two decades old, isn't it?

Oh, is it? You want to pull up a timeline of the Earth and tell me if that's.

Not topical? Are you saying.

That children-Anything in the human race is topical based on the timeline of the universes and existence. How is everybody's on Crustable doing? Wait, wait.

Let it sit there.

For a second. How long do I have to have it? How long do I have to have it?

I can't feel that it's still cold on my thigh.

Let it marinate, let it cook. Okay. Can we have at some point? I've never had beef, Wellington.

Are you going to make it?

No, I want to go somewhere. No, God, no.

I'll let someone do it. There's a beef. I mean, there's a beef. There's a Gordon Ramsey restaurant in Vegas, Hell's Kitchen, not.

Too far away. I'm sure they do the beef, Wellington. I think that's one of the staples.

We'll save up. It can't be that bad. We'll cut our assistant's salary and we'll use it for fine dining.

What if that's part of her gift.

That we were talking about? Are we taking her there? Yeah. But we can't have her get something expensive because then we can't afford the beef, Wellington.

Wait, we can say we're going to take her. Then before we say, Sorry, something that the plans have changed where no one can go actually. Then we're going to say we have to go do something very important and we go by ourselves. It's a good plan. Then she thought we got her Christmas present that we-.

Took for ourselves.

She won't think that. She'll think that something came up. We were just nice enough to think about her and getting her this gift.

Oh, yeah.

Trick the tricksters. I tried to trip the women.

I saw a video from one.

Of-your life is just watching videos. Go outside, touch grass.

God damn. I saw a video from one of the Square Game guys.

Flip your uncrushable, warm it up. Nice flip. Flip it over. Yours is the flattest thing I've ever seen. Why is yours so flat?

I got.

Thick legs. Brother, I guess when a tree falls in a podcast studio, you don't hear it, but it'll sure crush your uncrustable. My goodness, those tree trunks of legs you got over there.

You know the Mother-son duo on Square Games? The challenge? Yes. I saw a video from him on TikTok today. He was talking about the glass bridge. Did you know they didn't actually fall through the glass. He said that they would jump on it. The producers would tell them if it was a good or bad piece of glass, and then they would replace them with a stunt double.

Oh, man.

Why do you tell me things that ruin my day? The fuck, Jared. That's the thing about friendship. I know you're new to it, but we say things in light in our day. Watch this. Nice hat.

Me? Yeah. Oh, my God. Thanks, dude.

Try it sometime, man. You just come out here with negative stuff.

I just thought it was interesting.

You know what else is interesting? World War I, but also had some really damaging sight. Okay? Yeah. I don't think I could bring it up a lot. No matter how relevant it is in the universal timeline, and it is very relevant, we're in a speck of time space continuum right here. We could talk about things that are... Sorry, I'm on two different arguments.

Yeah, I don't know where the hell you're going with that.

Just know you need to be nicer to us.

I thought I was just giving.

You some-You've been quite tackatory as of late.

What the hell? I thought I was giving some useful information or some interesting information.

You actively told us something that made us sad.

I didn't think it was going to make you guys sad. We got to watch episode nine though because the finale is coming out soon.

Why don't we watch it on the day the finale comes out? We can do that. Yeah, it'd be nice to have two. When you guys were little, what were the biggest things that your mom or parents would get mad at you for? I'm just going to say mine to get it out there so you can continue thinking. I would take the bottle caps off and always chew them like they were bubble gum. That's just gross. Now why? You put your lips to this?

Yeah, but I'm not chewing on the plastic.

Gross, though? Yeah. No, when you pop it in there, it feels good on the teeth. It's like you're strengthening your jaw, too. Anyway, I think I'd be judged when I bought it out there.

My mom would, too, do the laundry for all our clothes for us. Oh, wow.

Mine's very similar.

I wouldn't put them in the drawer properly. You think you'd be having a good Saturday just.

Chilling with the boys. It's just, hey!

No, you don't hear that. It's like something triggers. She knows, she's like, he's done it again. She'll come sprinting into the room, snatch open on my drawers. What is this, Schuyler? The drawers will be out. Everything will be on the floor. I'm having to refold.

Why don't you just do it right the first time? Is what I assume she asks?

Yeah, I fold them, I wash them. The least you can do is put them in the drawer properly. And then I would always say, Mom, I don't know if you know, this is my room. This is my pad. These are my drawers. And I should be able to put things in there how I see fit.

And shes a bitch.

And she'd take all the stuff out of the drawers, throw them in the floor, get really pissed.

So you would put them back in.

The throw. I'd throw them again. But back to the first thing, why I couldn't do it the right way the first time. It's just you're so excited. You're in the middle of doing something, you're hanging with the boys. You're here, hey, let's go play hide and seek. And your mom hands you a load of clothes at the same time. What do you do? You just tuck them away and run.

You hide from your problem. You hide from your chores.

And seek fun.

You guys' parents did your laundry for you?

Yeah, for a little bit.

Why not? My mom did not.

Well, my mom did. My dad didn't because my parents got divorced. Well, my dad must have too. I'm saying that because I don't know if my dad's going to get mad. I don't know.

April was very strict with the way that she wanted laundry to be done, but she would get mad at me. I wouldn't put them away. I would just have my laundry basket with the clothes folded in there, and then I would take from it. But naturally, as you're sifting through it, they would get wrinkled. It got to the point where they were so mad that I would have to sit in front of the dryer and watch the dryer and wait for them to be done for 40 minutes an hour, however long it takes, and then take the clothes and fold it before I could do anything else when she was doing laundry.

You would sit in front of the dryer and watch it? Yeah. Why don't you set.

A Timer? No, because that was like the punishment. It was like time-out.

It was punishment because you didn't do it right. Yeah. Oh, okay. I thought she just did that.

No, no, no, no. That was my punishment for it was I had to sit there and do nothing. Did you get spanked growing up? Oh, yeah. Spanked, wooden spoon, belt, all the above.

I would get spanked by my dad. My mom, she would throw just the nearest thing at me that she was in her hand. What? Never hit me.

Terrible aim.

She threw a broom. She threw chat. She did hit me one time with chat. She pelted me with it.

The same one that we put.

Our balls on? No, it was a different one. She did all sorts. She would just throw it. I'm like, You're a psychopath.

That is a wild move to just throw anything. There's always that joke about parents that throw their shoes or something, like the slippers, that I get. But anything, like a broom is a wild thing to just throw at.

Your kid. You've seen both of our mothers, right? Yeah. Which one?

Your mom seems more fun, Schuyler.

Thank you. My mom is more fun.

Oh, you better be glad my mom's asleep. You're about to get an earful.

Your mom would back that up.

No, it depends on the day. My mom gets a little dicey with jokes sometimes. Some days she'd be like, Oh, let's duck off the water's back.

Wait, did you say duck off the water's back?

Yeah, I messed it up, man. And you're the first to call it out. See, Friendship over here heard it, knew I messed up, didn't say anything because he knew what I meant. You over there, mis-judgmental.

Mis-judgmental?

A mister would never do this to me.

I'm a surgeon. So judgmental.

He tried. Look at me. You tried. No, that was good. You didn't...

I'm not a big laugher.

You are, though.

Yeah, you are. You are. That's how I knew it wasn't funny.

I was trying to look good for the.

People out there. Are our Uncrossables ready?

Check them. I don't know. I'll check them.

Mine seemed.

Pretty ready. Not terrible. Should we pop these boys open? It's so flat. No, mine's.

Flat too.

Oh, my jelly. I want to apologize for calling you fat thighs or whatever I said because mine is considerably flat.

It feels like there's a single cool spot in the middle. But other than that, I think we could have a really nice time right here. We should cheer to these.

Yeah, we should definitely cheer to these.

Of course, you already started friendship.

Brotherhood. For our audio listeners, we're not going to be talking for a second.

So I'm high right now, and I might choke on I.

Would suck if you died right here.

If I died from an Uncrustable, don't resuscitate. I got to put that into my medical.

You got to write that down for the doctor. Do you guys do the same thing with sandwiches where you eat around and then you save the middle for last?

Sometimes.

I like the crust of the sauce. This, you can eat however you want, but like being a BLT.

All the sauce moves to the middle because you're moving it.

Brother, I love it.

I love the last bite. The juiciest part of the meat is right there in the middle. That's how you got to eat it. I agree.

With Zach.

What else do we want to eat? Right now? I want a crab cake.

Right now, we've got crab cakes.

I want crab cakes so bad, Gussom.

I could destroy a crab cake right now.

Or just crabs and gins, like a crab boil with some Cajun seasoning in a bag with butter and.

Shake it up. That's too.

Much work. Hot take. I don't really care for them. What? It's just getting into them.

-it's.

Too much work. I've got a weak wrist. But you know what would be good?

To be wealthy enough for it to have somebody else crack.

It for you? Peeling each shrimp with some butter and.

A buffalo. They've got it at.

That place. What place?

There's a crab place very near to us. You and I went there.

Wait, there's a real crab place nearby? Yeah. They got crab cakes? . What are we doing here?

Eating on crustables.

Living.

Life. We're at work right now. I want to apologize to educators, troops, anyone with a blue-collar job, teachers.

No, fuck.

The teachers. Could you imagine if you took that stance?

All of our- My mom and dad would kill me. One time when I was like 20 or something, there was bill that was coming down to the state when we voted for president, that it was on there. I kept reading it. It was something to do with schools. I was like, Mom, dad, I really think this position is smart. They were like, If you vote that, I'm going to punch you in the fucking face. What was it? I don't remember. It was something to do with school.

Spending and like... Oh, were they going to cut it? Yeah. Yeah, big time. Almost in half.

It might have been like making the school performance base for how much money they can get or something.

The whore is here. Come sit down.

We started recording an after-school special, and then we're having so much fun. And it turned into a podcast. We just decided to have a full episode. Where were you?

Zane's house. What? Smashing. How long have you guys have been-No.

I was with Mariah.

Kari. Beautiful time for Christmas. I'm sure she's making a lot of money off her albums.

And we decorated their set.

How long did that take? Like an hour.

You left at six o'clock.

You were gone for four hours. Went for a drive, maybe. To look at Christmas lights because that's your favorite, correct?

I do.

Enjoy that. Schuyler is- not high?

Yeah. Me? Yeah, I am high.

Yeah, we didn't think it was going to turn in that, but sometimes life gets.

You that way. But I just had something. What are we talking about?

But now you can be part of it. I got hate comments. Oh, that's what I'm going to talk about.

I don't know if I've been crying about it all day.

Were you crying about it today? Okay. Wait, set the precedent. What happened?

This can be cut if you don't want to talk about it.

On here. She brought it up.

I did bring it up. I screenshot them. Four hundred pound feet, not into blobs, too chunky, too big and unhealthy, little fatty feet, doubt anybody wants. Okay, I'm going to stop it.

It's really- Wait, but listen, that guy.

And somebody said, What's.

Her at? Wait, was that one person? No, it was multiple.

Oh, I thought you were saying- I thought it was one person. I thought it.

Was one big paragraph.

And then somebody said, What's her at? Somebody added me, and they're like, Are you sure that's her page? She looks too skinny.

To- Listen, you got to understand those people are fucking morons.

I know, but also my whole mental, whatever, has stemmed from my weight when I was younger, so that.

Just has been-That is pretty messed up. We weren't laughing because of laughing at you. It was just like wild what they said.

I'm just like, this.

Guy keep going. Why do you think I wear a blanket every time I sit there? It's like, I.

Don't know. What video is this on?

I want to comment to some of these people. Shut the fuck up. Jared, we're.

Going to start practicing with them.

Dude, I would-We're going to start practicing with them. You cockatill-looking-Bitch-maid. Keep it going. Parrot head. Meal worm. There we go.

Ass hat.

Yeah. Pitch tits. You know what we should do? We should print out, like we should find out who did it, print out the comments, and then send it as a fake Christmas card to their mothers.

Wait, that's a good one. That reminds me of-He will find you and fucking kill you. Wait, have you seen the guy on TikTok that does... He does like this you, where they'll comment something mean or something racist or something like that. And then he'll go deep and find dirt in their past and use it to like, cancels the wrong word because they're not popular. They're not like-.

He just docs them, basically.

Yeah, he docs them.

What is no fat people.

What did you say?

What?

Wait, I missed it. What did you say?

Oh, no.

Their username was like... Well, one of their usernames was.

Like- Dude.

There's no way.

-no fat people. Wait, can I- Can you hear what their username was? Yeah, can I change my position? Because this guy might be the greatest guy alive. That's pretty funny. It's not funny that.

You're getting made fun of me. It's not.

A real thing. But it's so funny that this guy is like, I know what I have to do.

He also said because I was bigger, which I didn't, I don't know. He said, I probably smelled bad. I was hairy.

You smell lovely.

My God. Wait, wait, Zach, twist them like- We.

Don't wash themselves.

What app was it on?

Mainly TikTok, I think.

Yeah, those people are psych. They're all psycho-paths. But the thing.

Is, too, those videos were posted so long ago, and I don't know, one just came up, and I was like- What video? What was it? All the feet ones.

That's what we weren't checking.

We weren't checking my TikTok. We were checking the dropouts TikToks.

Oh, no, they were on yours.

Oh, you bastard.

Son of a bitch.

You rat bastard.

I let the fat person... What is his name? Fatpeople. Com? Nofatpeople. Com. Well, to that guy or a woman, don't do that.

Don't do it ever.

I saw a video of this girl.

Explaining, How many videos have you seen in your life? I'm sick of it, man. Your whole personality is the internet. Well, no, it's just-Tell me something that happened to you, Jared. What do you like?

I liked this video that I saw. This girl, she was explaining she went on a few hinge dates with this guy, right? Then he sent her this long text message, and he's absolutely gushing over. You saw this? He's absolutely gushing over her. He's like, You're beautiful. You're funny. You don't take yourself too seriously, blah, blah, blah. He's like, I could see myself marrying you, but I'm not going to because fitness is a really big part of my lifestyle and you just don't have the body type for me. I think six months to a year- Did this guy say this to you? No, no, no, no. He's like, I think six months to a.

Year- You didn't.

Have to move by the way. -of training. I think we could come back and I'd propose to you. I was like, That is the craziest shit.

I've ever heard. That's wild. Now she's got a workout plan. It's wild. You don't have to cry. I really don't know if I have anything left anymore. You can just feel your own emotions. Well, we didn't see you all yesterday. We were all a little concerned, but we didn't.

Want to- We were concerned. You know how we talked about how good friends we were. Yeah, we are good friends. We are very good friends, and I don't want you to get mad at me. I took an extra crust of blood for myself.

You double-crusted you.

I don't have it in there in the kitchen, but I did take two out.

This is going downhill fast. Make sure to subscribe to our patron. Don't tell me about another video, man.

No, while I was trying to find the comments and somebody comments on one of them. What's the @? I want to see them, barkers, up close so I can sniff them.

That's good. That's positive. But keep that in.