What's up, guys? Welcome to Episode 160 of the Dropouts podcast. Jared is going to lead this podcast off by telling me a joke about a door. How fun is that?

I am. What did the door say to the window? Said, I'm always open.

Dude, that was hilarious. You should get in the comedy.

What.

The.

Was that?

A spit take, dude.

You just.

Spat.

All over me.

It's called spitters, first of all. That's disgusting. Don't tell a joke that's so comical. It's pretty easy on your end, buddy.

What the hell?

Okay, we're not going to bring the demonic place into this.

Oh, my God. Everything is soaked.

He's also my God.

I didn't even see him fill his mouth up. Me too. Either did I. When did.

That happen?

You were funny. What am I supposed to do? Not spit on me. How about that? It's called a spit take. There's not much I can do here. Just don't do a spit take. No? Don't say anything funny then.

It's all over the wall.

Ow did you get it up there?

That's crazy. I've had a very similar conversation about different fluids coming from my body before. Let's hear some intro music.

Oh, my God. What, man?

This is disgusting. Okay, I can agree on that. You have a real.

Problem with spitting on people. You glean on us all the time, and now you're freaking spitting a whole mouthful.

There's no way. Gleeking is different than spitting.

It's not. It's saliva that.

Is protruding from your mouth. Okay, saliva is coming out, but I'm not spitting on you. I'm gleeking on you.

That is, it's the same concept.

It's still gross. For our audio listeners, nothing is happening. He's making this all up. I think he has a touch of.

The skits. For everybody that's listening on Spotify, you guys have the video version. Oh.

He's gas lighting.

I'm not gas lighting.

Through CGI.

There's proof.

He's gas lighting through CGI. What the hell? I know how good you are on a computer.

I'm so cold now.

I'm freezing. Cold to our friendship or cold?

A little bit of both, like temperature and our friendship.

Oh, Alyssa thinks you can just laugh anytime she wants now that she's got a camera on her, huh? No. She's a little insecure, everyone, based on the angle. I wouldn't say.

A little. I would say a lot. I literally turn the camera on her and she goes, This is the worst angle because everyone can see my peak.

Okay, with no context, no one knows what that means.

It means her big ass nose.

Jared, she is so insecure about that sun dial on her face. So don't make fun of her, okay? I actually don't think you have a big nose. I'm actually the one few people... Actually, Jared speaks to me. Okay, let me lay the groundwork here. What else? Alyssa really wants a nose job. What do you...

No, go.

Continue. Alyssa really wants a nose job. And I have always said, Alyssa, your body is perfect the way it is.

I have also said that. You're leaving me out.

Of this equation. Okay, I concede to the argument. And you have always said that.

That she doesn't need a nose job?

That she doesn't need a nose job or anything else. Okay, thank you. In front of her face, he says it behind your back. And not only that, he types it out and emails it to me. Is that worse?

Why would that be worse?

Okay, imagine somebody's up to you and they say, I don't like that shirt. Now, imagine someone took the time to email that to you and then right since you're really at the bottom.

Yeah, that seems way more intentional and not just like a...

Yeah, because if you say it to someone, you can be like, I don't really like that shirt. But in text form, it's so much harsher.

I'm going to give you a compliment, and I don't want to. Okay, what the hell was that? And I don't want to, but I'm going to do it because I'm a good person. Your hair looks...

What? I feel like that takes you down a step from a good person. You just spit all over me.

Well, she's gushing right now after I already said something about her hair. She's like, I can't wait to hear the rest. Okay. Your hair? What?

It looks good.

Okay. That's a little presumptuous. That's a little presumptuous. You're right. I'm sorry. Yeah, I was going to throw a really in there. Don't sell yourself short. It does look really nice. Did you quaff it? It yourself?

I did.

Dice and a rap styler?

No, I just... What? For shushed it? Shushed it?

Whatever that... Will she do that to me? Are these technical? I'd like to hear it again slower in my ear.

Shush and quaff?

What?

Are these technical terms like a and a quaff?

I feel like somebody who's got spit all over and really wants to get technical, don't they? I knew it was spit. That's if I was playing Jared and he had a good comeback. Okay, damn.

A.

Lot of you guys don't know this. We're having a live show in New York City, July 27th. And if you need to get on a plane, if you need to get on a boat, if you need to spend your life savings to get there, I can promise you it is going to be worth it. Alyssa, stop looking at yourself in the monitor now that you have a camera. Please come. Again, this is not a threat. This is a promise. I will take a knife and I will put it to the temple of the person you love the most, and I will curb stomp it into their frontal lobe.

Legally, I'm going to say allegedly.

Legally, I'm going to double down.

Legally, I'm going to triple down on the allegedly.

Either way, we do need to be there. We have sold in approximately 150 tickets. And you might be thinking, Zeke, oh, wasn't the last venue only 200 seats? You guys are pretty close. This venue is bigger. And if this thing's not sold out, my mom's going to be there. My brother is going to be there. My brother is going to be there and my mom. So think.

About that. Well, my.

Parents aren't. That's because they don't love you. That's true. Alyssa, are your life choices? That's based on your life choices.

I'm not sure. They said that they might.

Okay, well, that's two tickets we could have sold.

Did your brother get the one prize? It was delivered.

Oh, yeah. Wait, which prize? Oh, we can't say it. If you come to the show, you guys are going to get some pretty fantastic prizes.

Yeah, pretty fantastic prizes.

Jared got mad of how much money I spent. He actually had a sit down conversation with me.

Yeah, because there's a thing, we always joke on this podcast, we don't make money. And then when we did the first.

We always what on this podcast?

In the first live show, we were joking that we lost money.

We're always joking, dude.

He.

Said joking. I'm straight up going to fucking punch.

You in the face. We're always what on this podcast, my man? Joking and that's right.

This is so out of line. It's not even.

Funny anymore. The couch looks like it has leprosy. I don't know if leprosy gives you spots. Maybe I was just thinking of a leopard in general.

This is beyond disgusting.

You've got to stop saying such hilarious things. I'm going to level with you here. There's nothing I can do about it.

What if I just... Okay. Don't fill up your.

Mouth again. Don't say anything funny.

You're telling me I can't make a joke for the rest of the podcast?

A what? I just said the word. I didn't even say the show. What word did you say?

It's so gross. It's so gross.

You, my man, need to get on the stage soon and stand up and talk into a mic because you are funny. This is so disgusting. Oh, my.

Fucking.

God.

Okay. I'm covered it in.

Your spit.

Sliva, man. It was a spit take. Yeah, that is spit.

Let me take the water.

Bottle away from that. That's what I tried to do and he spit on me again.

I didn't spit. It's a spit take.

It still spit.

Anyway, we spent a lot of money on prices. Was that the thesis?

Yeah. At the first show, we said we lost money. We actually broke even. At this show, we are genuinely losing money with the prices and travel and lodging.

And stuff like that. We can't whimper to the audience here. They're going to see us as weak. Do you want to see somebody weak on stage?

No, of course not.

We'll spend twice as much. Goddamn it. Don't say that. You know why I'm all listening to this podcast? I know she's going to get so mad at me. She does not like the Lord's.

Name in vain. I know. I'm sorry, Ms. Gina. It's like a habit. It's hard to break.

How about the man you offended?

I'm sorry, big man or woman or any d eity entity that you are.

Thank you. I think he heard you.

I think so.

Over to you, Alyssa. I want you to say something worthwhile. God, dude.

I.

Don't know.

So gross. Oh, I don't know. Nice. Over to me. Okay, so I've been merged with We've got merch.

Merch, it's cool. It's good quality shop dropouts.

Com. Listen, I've been having a hard time. I've been forgetting to promote recently.

Are you sure about that?

I feel like we spend the first 10 minutes of every podcast promoting because we can't.

Get through it. Is that a joke?

No, it's not a joke.

Okay, just let me know if it's a joke.

I'm never going.

To let you know if it's a joke. Okay, then I'll use my own mind. No, just don't use your intuition. No, I actually really want to talk about this. I thought I saw something really funny this week and it was our patron. We're trying to get to 10,000 subs on there and if we do, I'm going to do a drunk episode. Normally, we do drunk episodes. Here's a clip from it. I'm in couples therapy right now. I like to think you guys came in blitz with medieval times. It's the.

Most fun couples therapy I.

Could ever do. With medieval times hats on. Okay, guys, so how was this week?

It was fucking awesome until she called me short and fat.

I didn't call you.

Short and fat.

We had a great time at medieval times, but she was horned up over the green night.

You would be, too. You were also horned up over the green the queen.

Yeah, because she was hot and she wasn't.

A bitch. Remember, our words mean something.

Yeah, I fully mean it.

I understand, Mr. Bailey. Mrs. Alberti, does it hurt you when your husband says these things.

About you? Why does he have a different last name.

Than me? Did you guys come to the session drunk?

No, we're sober.

Sir, you have an open alcohol. How dare you? We're going to do an exercise. Can you tell me three things you like about your wife? I'm glad you guys can at least laugh together.

Yeah, that's one thing I like about her. She knows how to... You look.

Like a psychopath. You're crying, you're wearing medieval times. You have one shoe off, and you're drinking. And Jared is going to get a dropouts tattoo live on the podcast.

When we get there. The same episode that you're drunk?

They might be two different episodes. I don't know. Okay, imagine me and you both sauce off the liquor.

That would be so good. Much fun.

That would be fun. Fun is different than a joke, right?

Yeah, very different. But we also just did our first live Q&A.

We're done promoting, man.

Now we're done promoting.

Anyway.

We just.

Did our first live Q&A. No, stop promoting.

No, actually stop promoting. I'm going to beat the hell out of you. I'm going to beat the hell out of you because you spit on.

Me four.

Times this podcast. I'm not even going to bring it up. You've been hilarious. Okay, this is what I actually want to talk about.

Good. Let's hear this.

It's back cracking.

I love.

Back cracking. Specifically the Y strap. Are we plugged up to the TV? Of course not because she's not a do a job. And look now people can see your cluster on the camera.

This is what we pay you for?

No. I told her she was going to be on camera today.

Technically, it should be set up every week, if I'm being completely honest.

I told her she was going to be on camera this week, and she came out in the lowest cut shirt I've ever seen in my life.

And we had to tell her that we were going to get demonetized because of her.

Well, I actually respected a woman's body and said she could wear whatever she wants because society needs to learn that breasts are beautiful. And then you said, I want to cover them up. You said I'd cover her face if she could, and only men should be able to show their face. You said that. You said that out loud.

I don't know if that's ringing a bell. It doesn't sound like me.

That's what I thought when you said it. This is not him. But you had a caffeine like an hour.

I do get cranky.

Especially towards women's values.

No, that doesn't sound right.

Hey, Alyssa, how's the HDMI going? I don't know what's happening. Okay, let me talk about the Y strap. Have you seen these videos? No.

What is it? Okay. Well, no, sorry. I started thinking, I was like, Is it the thing that you bought a long time ago, but that's like an X?

No, that is a device that did not work. So this Y strap, it's essentially they're putting a rope around your neck as you're lying down. They're holding almost like a ski handle. Okay. And so you're lying on the table, he adjusts your neck where it's like a little bit stretched. And then at the perfect moment, just yanks your neck as hard as you can and your whole spine cracks.

This sounds like a grade A way to be internally decapitated.

The cracks that you hear are consuming my thoughts 90 % of the day. Really? I've done black tart heroine before. It felt good. And I recommend it to most. But this was 10 times better.

But do chiropractors not scare you? My mom used to take me to the chiropractor with her as a kid. And every single position that.

He put you in while she was out of the.

Room, he put.

Her in. Okay. Were you watching? Who's holding the camera?

Every single position just looked like I was like, This man is going to snap my mom's neck in half. And it scarred me. And I think that might be partially why I don't like massages now.

Because you saw your mom get ran through by a chiropractor?

God, she didn't get ran through.

Are you doing it right now?

I wish.

That means you got a problem. You're pretty drunk last night. How's it going, Elysa? You don't know?

Well, I got pretty drunk because we were going to a birthday party and we're going to this every every single event is at a really nice bar or restaurant. And I knew the drinks there were going to be ridiculously expensive. And sure enough, they were. But I pregame beforehand. Pregame a little too hard. And then I got there and they were making the drinks extra strong. I think for two drinks, it was like $65.

Parties in LA are very different. Or this is a birthday party for Vini Hacker, who I've met once, maybe twice. And it's very different than I feel like birthday parties anywhere else because everyone's there for themselves instead of... I didn't know if I was supposed to wish them a happy birthday.

Well, yeah, it's like you're going to somebody's birthday party who you basically don't know.

No. I've seen his abs on the internet. I've counted them. They're all there.

Do you know the abs personally? No.

I've never put peanut butter on them and licked them off. Not once.

Is that how you get to know somebody?

I don't know. You know a lot more about them.

Hey, Alex has got the...

Hey Alex has got the thing up. Okay, so this is what I'm talking about. This is the Y strap.

So this is the video you're talking about with the Y strap.

You can really hear it there.

You can really hear it. That just sounded like the table.

Yeah, that sounded like the table. Trust me, we'll get some good cracks. Ready? Let's do this. And blow it up. Now we're going to do one.

Didn't.

Hear it there. Gosh.

But you can see there, euphoria.

Oh, yeah. It looks like they got their Atlas and they got the weight of the world lifted off your shoulder.

So this is a chiropractor. Well, a ton of chiropractors do it and it looks exceptionally heavenly.

My heart was.

Like.

Oh, man.

It just let go. I felt that marble back.

Give me one more. Give me one more.

I can't tell what's their back and what the.

Table is. All right, man. I didn't know it was cynical city.

I'm not being cynical. I'm just being honest.

So there is a big fight between the chiropractors and I'd say traditional doctors. Is that a respectful term for the chiropractors? Yeah. To the chiropractors. Okay, so this is a neuroscientist speaking about the Y strap, and he has some opinions because I really wanted to get this done. I was like, might as well check out on the old regular doctor to see what they think. I just thought the opening line.

Says a lot.

It says a lot.

If this guy pulled any longer or harder, these people would be dead. But that's what I was saying.

He just goes into it. He goes, Basically, you are hanging them, and right before they die, you stop. The reason reason they get so euphoric is because your brain goes into fight or flight mode and you realize you've survived. So that's why you're so happy. He's like, The cracking is really not doing much. It's like cracking your fingers.

This chiropractor or.

These chiropractors. Don't call him out. He's just part of a trend.

They're just giving these people near death experiences.

And I did think about, I do not want to hang myself. I do want to see that directly to camera. So if you see... Well, okay, now I want to put this out there. I do not want to kill myself. If I kill myself, no, someone else did it. Anyway.

You got someone coming after you?

No, but people are dying these days. Yeah, you got to put these videos out. Okay, now that I said that, I don't want to hang myself. But man, that crack, that back crack you would get right before impending death would be phenomenal.

You make a good point.

Kick the chair and just feel like, oh, that's so nice. I'm going to die but like...

Like, if you don't break your neck and die instantly.

No, I mean, you're going to die.

Well, no, you're going to die. But if you hang yourself, you can either break your neck instantly and die, or a lot of people just.

They fall and you've got to find the good in everything.

Yeah, everything. I guess everything.

Has a silver lining. That's what chiropractor is taught to me. What did you say? Chiropractorists have taught to me. Did I hear you say a joke? No, you didn't. No, you didn't. I know you didn't. Okay.

That water better stay in your mouth.

Well, if it stayed in my mouth, it'd be easier for me to do a spit take. It has traveled down my throat. I zoom somewhere near my urethra now, and it's humming around.

Well, actually, this reminds me of this thing that I saw. There's a 14 year old boy.

I'm sure that's what you saw, buddy.

Goddamn.

It, dude. Did you do the binoculars record now? Let's cut to a clip.

Oh, my gosh. No, this kid's in Israel.

Okay. You've got a camera there. I don't know.

He's riding his bike and he gets hit by a car.

What videos are.

You watching? It's not a video. It was an article because it was this huge medical breakthrough where this kid, he gets hit by a car on his bike and he gets internally decapitated. And then doctors in Israel perform this extremely rare life saving surgery and reattached his head within his own body.

How do you reattach something that's already attached? Why am I getting to the semantics? What a beautiful thing that he's alive h?

Well, no, it was like everything inside the neck was detached. He was internally.

His skull and his spine.

Yeah. The only thing keeping his head on was his skin. But everything else was detached.

And when you read that article and you said, God, they could do anything nowadays.

There's also, speaking of doing anything nowadays, there's a study that came out, it's very preliminary, but they found six drug concoctions that induce deaging. And they've tested it in mice and in humans. And so far, it's been a huge success because before everything was gene editing, which cost millions of dollars and is completely unaffordable for most people. But you could solve aging by taking a single pill. What the.

Hell are you doing? You're welcome.

For what?

I figured it out.

Oh, you did this?

Yeah, it's peer reviewed. Why do you think I'm in my room all the time? Oh, because you're peer reviewing? I'm working on deaging. Are you? My mom's getting old and you want to know something about her? I don't want her to die. So why would I not devote my life to saving my mother and restoring her youth?

Explain to me where you got your education.

And self educated. Self educated? Yes.

What books did you read?

I've got a thing called the Internet dinosaur.

Okay, would you read on the Internet?

And I watch videos.

Okay, so you're a YouTube biologist?

And Vimeo. And Vimeo. Yeah. So I can break down the science for you, if you'd like.

Yeah, please do.

Yeah, it's simple. So we have developed this proprietary system for deaging people.

Go on.

To what? That sums it up.

That's almost exactly what I said, but actually with less details.

Yeah, I like to get to the point. You like to drag everything out and do it a little nasally. Well, I.

Feel okay. I'm a little.

Stuffed.

Up. Same. I can hear it and I'm self conscious.

About it. It doesn't seem like it or you blow your nose. I'm sorry for putting your insecurity on the internet. Okay? Alyssa has not stopped looking at herself on the monitor.

I'm looking at you guys.

But she's.

Actively facing away from the monitor to make sure.

She's not looking. She is Rocky Balboa ing her narcissism in her head right now. She's like, Yeah, I'm not going to look at you. Speaking of crazy stories, there was this woman who she lives with her husband, and one day he just came in and he just reeked to her. He smelled really, really bad. So she couldn't figure out why. And he kept smelling, kept smelling, scrubbed him in the tub. He took a shower. They did a bunch of things and she just kept smelling him and he smelled terrible. Well, about I think it was like 20 years later, actually, the smell just kept on getting worse and worse. They go in and he's diagnosed with Parkinson's. He goes to a group of people that also have it, like a coping group. And she walks in and the smell is stronger than anything she's ever smelled. She's like, That's that smell again, but it's like a 20 billion time stronger. And she's like, Wait, can I smell the Parkinson's? And she reached out to a lot of medical people that laughed in her face. And they didn't believe her until one doctor gave her a chance.

And she was given a big number of people that had Parkinson's and they tested to see if she could smell it. She got every single one right.

No.

Freaking way. But one. But one? And 10 years later, he was diagnosed with Parkinson's, so she could smell it before it fully mustard up. What the hell? And so they noticed, they did something where they figured out whatever that smell was, I guess by testing her scent, and they were able to create something where they can detect Parkinson's a lot sooner now just because she had this crazy superpower of being able to smell it.

No way. That's insane.

I thought it was pretty insane.

So she lived with that smell with her husband for 20 years before he was diagnosed.

I could be off on the timeline, but I.

Know it's a long time. But still, even smelling that for any amount of time before someone is diagnosed, at least until they degrade to the point where they do get diagnosed, that's insane.

Yeah. Well, because it's like... And what can your nose do? You can't even breathe. You can't even smell anything. Have we found a place for him to get his.

Nose surgery? Not yet. But can't dogs smell?

Things? Yeah.

Shut the hell up. What? No. Can't dogs smell illnesses or something like that?

I have no idea.

You weren't up to date on what dogs can smell and can't smell when.

It comes to terminal? I think they can sense things, but I don't think they can smell things.

Oh, yeah. Dogs can't smell at all. Melissa just said so.

That's like one of their number one uses in the field is... In the field. In most fields where they use dogs is their sense of smell. And I feel like they can smell. Can you look that up? Can they smell diseases?

Don't look it up, Melissa. He's tricking you.

Wait, so did they figure out what it allowed her to smell that, or they just figured out?

This was one TikTok that I watched.

Oh, okay.

I know I said it emphatically, like I had a lot of information, but that's where I got it from.

I was wondering if it was like a genetic mutation that allowed her to do it, or if she was just super sensitive to something.

I'll tell you what, women are super sensitive to stuff. Am I right?

Oh, my God.

Huh, L issa?

The answer is yes.

See?

Dogs have an incredible sense of smell. They can detect changes in human scent caused by diseases. They can smell illnesses such as cancer.

They can smell cancer? What do you think cancer would smell like?

Not like a tourist, I'll tell you that much.

That was a terrible what? That was a terrible sentence.

I've trained you. I've taken a word from you. How does that feel?

Is this a psychological case study right now or experiment that you're running?

Are you in control of your own mind?

I'd like to think so, but now I'm not so sure.

Then say the word.

I'm not going to say the word because I know the consequences.

Oh, are you conditioned?

Yeah. You just pamped off me.

I'll do anything to you. I'll pap smear you.

That's not possible.

Or is it?

I don't want to know. I don't want to find out.

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Thank you, Zocdoc. But if Jared were to kiss you, then you'd probably get something and then you have to go to Zocdoc to get it away.

What's the poorest you've ever been?

It is when we shared an apartment with 10 guys, 900 square feet, only two bedrooms, and I would try to go work out in the morning. I would do my workout, I'd be fully clothed, but I couldn't afford to wash the clothes afterwards. So I would find a local public pool and go take a swim and just let, hopefully, the chlorine do its job.

Just in your clothes?

I couldn't afford detergent. What am I supposed to do? It's better than stinky Nation population, me.

But why would you wash them in the sink just with water? Now your clothes just smell like sweat and chlorine.

I don't even know if we have could afford hand soap at the time.

Well, no, we couldn't. But at least just like washing it with water, we didn't have to pay for utilities at the time. We could use all the water that we wanted.

Yeah, but the chlorine isn't... Chlorine is a natural de stink a fire. I'm going to go and look.

That up. Chlorine is one of the smelliest chemicals out there.

But it's a chemical that strips other odors, so you're just left with a nice perfume.

It's not a nice perfume. A chlorine perfume.

Is a lot of people's best memories are at a pool, so I'd watch your mouth.

Yeah, but you don't want to go walking around.

Smelling like a pool. I don't want to go walking around people's best memories. Check and mate.

Damn.

I wish your name was Chuck because I'd mate. No, I wouldn't. Maybe.

I wouldn't let you mate.

Because we're two people who can't have a baby.

Yeah.

Pretty much. But you'd let me hit it if we could. No. And that's our job. Alyssa, are you looking up if chlorine is anything?

For pools, yes. See?

For pools, not people.

It's an alliteration.

It's a potent odor eliminating gas. Yes, sir. With strong oxidizing properties.

And do you want to say anything else?

Yeah, this.

Is for a pool. I'm scienced up.

Not people.

I'm not saying I do it anymore. I said, Oh, let's make fun of the poor because I was doing something out of necessity because I couldn't afford a nice set of laundry products.

I'm not making fun of you for being poor. It feels like I'm saying that.

You, in.

That situation, had better options. Come home, get in the shower with all your clothes.

Are you diminishing my feelings? It's also social embarrassment as well. If I come home and I say, I accidentally fell in the shower, f I'm in the pool again, people think I'm clunky. If I come in and I.

Shower every.

Day, yeah, a lot of people do things a lot every day. Brush their teeth, I fall in a pool. They're synonymous. But if I come home and I get in the shower fully clothed, the ridicule that I would have heard, Hey, shower clothes boy.

But no one would know you were going to be fully clothed in the shower because the.

Door's shut. Where would I put the clothes to dry?

You hang them up.

And how did they get wet?

You wash them in the shower. You didn't have to tell us you were wearing them. Am I the crazy one in this? He's the one that was swimming in a pool to clean his clothes.

Out of necessity. I'm saying it's not. How does it feel to be the 1 % and spit on all of us? I was in this. This is how I feel.

Same boat as you. We were no, no.

That's what you're.

Doing to the lower.

Fucking class. And that is for everyone in America who is hard working, who has a blue collar job, and who is just trying to put food on the table for their family. That is for America. That is for the United States. That is for our world. And that is for class systems. How does it feel to.

Be on that? There's no way you related spitting on me to pay patriateism.

The few, the proud, baby.

The dredged.

Something in a woman's never been around you. Oh, Zach, what a cheap joke. Oh, I get it. I can't make a woman joyfully discharge or whatever is going on down there. Is that what it is?

Joyfully discharge.

Let's cut you a good clip.

I might add that to the shit.

Zach says list. What did I say?

I'm just going to add, I can't make a woman joyfully discharge.

Yes, I can. I said, You can't. You better say you.

All right, fine. I'll say you can't.

What was the last thing that I had said in my entry?

The last thing you said, I think I'm gay. Whatever, though, I still got that dog in me.

God, that checks out.

And then the one before that, Wow, you have a discharge thing. Flick the discharge on it like red pepper.

I said that?

Yeah. You also said, I want to give you head at the Macy's Day Parade.

That is magical. Imagine Snoopy's above and you're out there getting that dome sloppy. Goodness. People act like I'm not a visionary. Aristotle had quotes. Why can't I?

Yeah, but I don't think Aristotle said, spit in my mouth and call me Keith Urban.

I don't know if anyone else has either.

I don't think so.

I stand by that one. What about long hair face?

Well, do you also stand by... I'm going to be honest, if I'm watching porn and there's a weird penis, I'm clicking off of it. Completely takes me out of it.

It doesn't take you out of it?

No, it does. It does take you.

Out of it.

Yeah. Actually, yeah. You also said, Girl, I'd pickpocket that uterus and steal your tampon, but only if I was a vampire.

The popsicles for vampires. I've said this my whole life. That Edward Cone special, baby. Spread them.

I can eat ahoe out and still talk to her.

About her poodle. Okay, that has layers.

Okay, explain the layers in that one.

It's like I can be intimate with a woman, but also talk to her about what's going on in her day, the things that she loves. And maybe that's the poodle.

You do always say that you're more interested in having a deep conversation with a significant other or a partner.

Than.

Having sex.

Yes.

This is just a less elegant way.

Of saying that.

Of saying that.

Poetic.

Is this poetic? Is it bad if I'm sexually attracted to tragedies?

I don't think you'd bring that one up.

Can't slop the top until the papers are signed Gina and you know that.

That one was directed to my mom, I assume?

Yeah.

But not us together. That was her and another man.

This one was also directed.

To your mom.

God, how many do you have? So many. Mom, you got to get your nipple game up. What was that one about?

Wow.

This thing ever. That's because when I was little, for whatever reason, she couldn't breastfeed me. There are complications. So I said, mom, you got to get your nipple game up. And I think she agreed. I'd be smarter. Oh, if you were I was bottle fed.

Formula or did she pump the breast milk?

Formula.

That explains so much of why you are the way you are.

Does it?

I think so.

Your mom titted you?

Yeah.

Isn't that a little strange?

No, that's completely natural.

Let's throw age out of this. You sucked on your mom's titties.

Okay, well, when you phrase it like that.

How else would you phrase it?

My mom her natural milk motherly duty.

To supply... Of getting artific insubmitted?

Of giving birth and procreating. And she supplied her child with nutrients. Thanks, mom.

How old are you? You stopped? I think your mom's at eight. Melissa, speaking of eight, you know what rounds with that? Date. How about you and me? I'm not trying to have a baby, but we could practice. What? So weird. Well, you didn't say stop.

And Frank was gas. Straight up literary tycoon.

Are you joking? Yes. I agree with me.

Speaking of dating, people send in dating profiles for us to go through. Are we doing Zero and review.

For audio listeners, sucks for you. We're looking at people's hinges. We did our live Q&A on the Patrion and people wanted to...

Yeah, someone suggested that we review other people's hinges after we had ours reviewed when we went on Wild until Nine. And so we're going to start now with Emily.

She says that she's sensitive, so maybe...

Oh, well, well, you should have sent it, Emily. Yeah, I shouldn't have sent it in. This is where you fucked up. We're about to probably smash her pass.

So this is the top of her profile?

This is the first picture, so I assume, yeah.

And she doesn't start off with a picture. Interesting. So she starts off with two truths and a lie prompt.

Emily, right now you're just an estrogen being. No one knows anything about you. Maybe throw up a picture.

I would definitely start with a picture.

A two truths and a lie. I'm allergic to coconut. Flo Rida follows me on Instagram. Flex. And my dad passed... Oh, I was going to say passed away. My dad passed out when I was born.

What do you think the two.

Truths and a lie is? I've already swipe left. Kidding, Emily. I exit it out because hange, that's what you do. No, I think the lies, obviously. Her dad's a strong guy, or he wasn't there.

I was going to say, I think I'm allergic to coconut. Next prompt, I won't shut up about being a worldwide girl for Big Time Rush.

No idea what that means.

I think it's a reference to one of.

Their songs. You don't know what a Worldwide Girl is?

Think of.

It as your world wide. Yeah, but it's like when Justin Bieber used to bring up a girl for, you're the only one?

What's the song? One less.

Lonely girl. They bring up four girls for a worldwide girl.

So she was brought up on stage. Yeah. Okay, so that was a big moment in her life.

That one's the lie.

Okay, 21, five, five.

All right. I want to see what she looks like. Here we go. Smash. Do you agree or disagree that Sky High is the greatest movie of all time? No, obviously. But I know that's for laughs.

It is a pretty good movie. I would say that that being your first picture, you are still fairly hidden. You're covering half your face. I would maybe go for one where you can see your whole face.

Nope, I'd go with the one where you can only see a quarter of her face.

Pick and choose whose advice you want to follow. Next. There you go. Smash. You could put that one at the top.

My favorite line from a movie, pure pressure. I'm far too sensitive from scream. All right. Well, she wasn't. Louisville, Kentucky. Oh. L is down, baby. Dbm for life. You know what it is. Kentucky Lexington.

Her being a worldwide girl.

Okay, so not the lie. Oh, wait. So that picture came before the picture, the first picture we saw of her.

Oh.

Great. I guess they're out of order.

I don't know. Alice's ruined it.

I just am going in.

Order from order.

No, it's okay. It's fine.

It's just ruined.

Maybe this is the first picture. All the photos are out of order. I don't know which.

One is first. I could have said Smash a long time ago. This is the second to last photo. And you took that away from me. I'm sorry. Look at her. She's a bubbly human being who is in front of... She's bubbly. Is that gas stone. It looks like it. You are in territory of possibly being a Disney adult that could scare the men away unless you're looking for that, and then they could be into it.

Yeah, because you might want to be going for someone with similar interests. I would say the picture where you were in the denim dress thing, I would put that at the top because you're very small in this top picture.

You got to think the phone is going to be close to your face and you can get it as close as you want. But she's still very small. Maybe she's a small person.

I mean, she is 5'5.

I mean, it's.

Pretty average. Yeah, you're right. That's pretty average. Yeah, I would make a few. How many freaking pictures does she have. All of a sudden she went from having none to all of them. Look at this cat's face.

Yeah, she's a Disney adult. That's a leopard. She's a Disney adult and the cat.

Scares the hell out of me. So she's a cat person and a Disney adult and a world wide girl.

Jared.

What?

Did you seriously just text me that?

Text you what?

I want to make her legs wide all over the world. Jesus, dude. That's exactly my thoughts when you sent it to me. I have some class. Smash.

She said to roast the F out of my hinge.

Okay, Valentina, I think you were part of the live stream. Okay, I want someone who isn't a piece of shit.

Oh, Jared's out. What? So am I. Liberal but spiritual. We're going to find her immediately. Oh, yeah. Do we need to bleep any of this out?

Maybe. Maybe I wouldn't say.

I mean... She's a vet. Am I right?

She's an Aquarius. She likes cats.

She likes getting drunk every night.

Okay, so you got a bit of a problem.

Guess where this photo was taken? I'm good.

I'm going to guess that was at a Harry Styles concert. Oh, yeah. I hear Harry Styles at the somebody with a pink cowboy hat on, and I don't know why, but that's giving Harry styles to me. Okay, me and my best friend. So we know.

We know the humans, other humans can like you.

Okay, dating me is like dating me.

Get rid of that one. Let me have something a little bit more personal.

Yeah, because it doesn't offer a lot of insight.

No, it's one of those cheap throw away jokes where it's like, okay, you didn't add any value. The whole thing, each little blurb group from the scroll has got to add some value of why I either want to.

Take you out on a nice, lovely date or swipe left. No, I wasn't going to go that way.

What? That's what men and women do if it's consensual. My cry in the car song is signs of the times, but Harry styles.

Now I feel like I nailed where that photo was taken then.

Okay, listen, if you want to stand out, you can't put probably the most famous Harry Styles song. Oh, yeah. That's your favorite Harry Styles song. What are we doing?

That's a good point. Are you a dog person because cat.

Okay, so you're going to alienate a lot of men because most men are dog people. And most cats are not guy people.

Yeah, I feel like you are really trying to find a needle in a haystack or a woman.

Make some changes, okay?

Here we go. Is this a guy right here?

His name's Zachary. I have that name.

Okay, Zach with a K.

He's a heroin addict. There's nobody on the other end. Let me have your number and we can change that. Why is his eyes? I think he did that. Got you.

Because they're blood out in all of them.

These are out of order again.

He's six one. Swipe right.

Okay, 6'1. He's an engineer.

Okay, no, Alyssa should say something about this.

Very nice. Okay, lowkey flex. I swear I was aiming for that exact spot. And it looks like he got a bull's eye. So it shows he's athletic.

It shows you the back of his head, which is girls.

And he can defend you with a battle axe.

And he's going to be very accurate with it. Oh, yeah.

Alyssa. I feel like all photos on dating apps should be your face.

But he's trying to show how much of a man he is by throwing.

An axe. I get it. Does that impress you? You can be honest. Okay, then.

Move on. So maybe that's just.

For the guys. We're helping.

People here. But maybe that impresses somebody else.

Or maybe it doesn't.

Okay, which do we have in common? You also feel obligated to vote in any poll you come across. You also prefer watching TV over movies. And your favorite song changes hourly based on 14 different variables.

Are we being brutally honest?

Yeah, be brutally honest.

I would not read through any. It's too long.

You got a little T LDR right there. Too long, didn't read. People are swiping left because of that.

At least your profile is essentially the thumbnail of a video. If the thumbnail is not good or eye catching, no one's going to click on it.

That was a great analogy.

I know. That's why I said it. I geek out on television mostly, we know. So you're not giving us any new information. Honorable mentions include tech, F1, and things I found out about 26 minutes ago. Can't forget about EA Nazir. Is that, I assume, a soccer player? Maybe. I don't keep up with soccer. It's probably a really good one.

I'm going to be honest. I don't know.

We got to throw this whole page away if we're going to be honest.

Kind of. I geek out on...

When.

You include all of those things, it's going very niche. I feel like this is all about casting a wide net and then finding the right fish that you're looking for in that net. Alyssa?

Yes. Would you care? No. Okay, then let's move on. I feel like it's...

Because it's something that you would talk about maybe on the first date more. And then this, it's just like, this should be more concise.

Yeah. My submission to national... Get rid of that.

I mean, it's cool if you were trying to impress me as Jared. Yeah. But Alyssa, do you care that he 3D prints?

I'm sorry, but no.

Okay. A random fact that I love is Roald Dahl was a spy during World War II.

Let's flip it around and put anything else there.

I will say the good thing about these things is that you're gearing it towards a specific person. So your interest might be history and.

Tech.

And stuff like that. So maybe a girl who's also interested in that.

That is true. So it's hard because you want to cast that wide net, but you also don't want to get a random person who's just going to waste your time.

Yeah. You want to get someone else to also 3D prints Viking octopuses?

P ussey? Pussey.

Octopie? Yeah, that are also rock stars.

Yeah. Some of the things that you could did on... I geek out on tech 3D printing history. There you go. And somebody responds like, Oh, what's your...

What's your 3D history?

I feel like, honestly, everything in this profile just needs to be more concise. This picture was taken for my mother as proof I went outside.

Good photo.

What?

It's.

Giving me.

Serial killer. Yeah.

And why do you have to prove your mom that you went outside at 26? You have just full shoes on at the beach?

I would maybe do some of these pictures just without captions.

As well. No, you can click on the caption. It's not on the top of the picture.

No, I know it's not on top of the picture. I'm just saying.

No one doesn't do it for me.

Okay. Zach, just concise it.

You have the same name as me. Expect more from you. Concise it up, buddy.

Please, Zach, with a K.

Oh, yeah, you've got a lost cause.

Should this be the last one? Yeah. All right, Tasha, last but not least. If this is your first picture. I like it. Same thing with Emily, you.

It. I wouldn't have liked it as her first picture. I don't know if this is her first picture or not. Just because it is. I think this is a cool picture. It's like, Oh, this is where I live. I don't know. But I would not have it at the top. At the top, I want to see the face.

That's what I'm saying. That's the same thing I said with Emily. I was like, You're very small in the picture. And it's not a bad picture. That is a good picture. It's very artsy. But yeah, you want to see face. Like Zak said, it's like a thumbnail. You need to capture people's attention.

The way to win a Me over is chocolate and concert tickets.

Zak, that's a great way to have a concise answer.

They're talking to me.

No, I was talking to previous.

He clipped off.

Okay, Ashley, spiritual, Buffalo, liberal, long term relationship. Good. You're setting the expectations early.

She's not here.

For hookups. Monogamy.

All right. Still haven't seen.

Your face. Yeah, your face is blocked in the second picture.

As well. Cute figure, though. I'm too far away to see your face on this one, but it might be close enough for people to see.

It might be close enough. But I'd also say maybe for this, you can use that photo. It looks like a great photo, but zoom in more on you because we're getting way more.

Get waist up.

Here, huh? Yeah, we're getting way more background than we are of you. Something that's a non sociable for me is.

You're not going to get many guys with that.

You have to like taking pictures together. I feel like that's something that you can get someone used to doing is.

Taking pictures. I just wouldn't have it. I would have something a little bit more flirty and open here. That doesn't make me think, Oh, she's like joking or fun. It doesn't add any.

Value to her. That seems a little too serious.

Yeah, that's fine.

Okay, that's a good picture.

Two pictures the same exact place. Can't do that.

Different outfits, though. Different outfit.

I would keep the green pants outfit.

Definitely. That looks cooler. I would replace the other one.

Dorky's thing about me is I still watch cartoons. That's totally fine. I'm on board for that.

That's cute and quirky.

Finally, we got a face picture.

Here we go. Well, I would put one maybe where you're smiling or looking at the camera or something because it's all about the eyes. I feel eyes really capture people's attention because those are the windows to the soul, possibly. And that's a very real possibility. And I'm sorry I didn't.

Consider that. Thanks a.

Lot, Jared. And she connected her Instagram.

No, she's looking at a camera in one of them. So what the hell are you looking down for?

That's a good point. Okay, so I like the connecting to Instagram because then that offers the opportunity to see even more photos of her and her whole aesthetic.

Listen, you're 50 % there. Let's make some changes. Let's go back to the drawing board, sit down and look at to a gal or a guy. If you got a guy friend, I think that's the best way to link it up. Or if you got a girlfriend that you're a guy, it's the best way to get your guys' going.

Did we also have some questions to the dropouts advice? Yeah, let's go through some of these real quick. All right, you want to read that off, E lissa?

Yeah, read it off now that you got a.

Camera on you. I recently had an interesting encounter with one of my bestest guy friends. We ended up having a great bonding moment and even ended up cuddling with each other to go to sleep. But the literal next day, he was super weird and distant. I didn't think anything was wrong in what happened. But why would a guy switch up? Or better yet, how should I address it?

I mean, if you guys went from friends to even just cuddling, I can his mind, he's like, Does she think we're going to start dating? Or if I really like her, did I just mess things up or things weird now? Or maybe he just doesn't know how to talk to someone after such an intimate moment. It's like that thing when you text someone you used to like late at night, a lot of your inhibitions go away. I think there's a science to it as well, where you're more free or willing to talk about whatever. And then you see them at school in the morning.

Oh, it is the.

Most awkward. And then you have to see each other and be like, Hi. And act like you just didn't get so emotionally or physically intimate last night.

Yeah, you didn't just let out all of your demons.

Or tell them that you liked them. Yeah. Because this is a big step.

I feel like that guy is just I feel like he's in panic overthinking mode right now. And I think the best way to just go about it is just be like, Hey, what's going on up here? And then just have a simple conversation.

About it. Or just joke about it and say, Where are my puddles?

Oh, yeah. If you want the cuttles...

I have a very serious question. Were my cuttles too bony? Was I just poking you the whole time? Did I spout into a porcupine when I felt like, ell, asleep because things have been weird ever since. But I don't want them to be because honestly, I really enjoy the cuttles.

See? That's good. Humor is going to.

Disarm him. Exactly.

Dude, there's no freaking way you just gleeked on me. Do you understand how gross it is? Yeah. What if I just started.

Gleeking on you? You don't know how. I'm the only person that can do it.

What if I learned?

You can't learn. It's just like an involuntary... Yeah, you don't know how. And you look like an idiot. You look like a snake who's defo fanged and still is trying to do something. I just fucking.

Rubbed your gleek.

You almost said another word. You're disgusting. Sorry, end with a C. Next question. Okay.

This question, needing some advice about weight loss. I'm currently 310, 63, relatively big guy, and I'm about to be a senior in high school. I know Jared has talked about his weight loss before, and I was needing some advice about how he was able to lose it and maintain.

Jared, I don't know anything about this, so you give it to him and I'm going to go to the bathroom. Okay.

The most important thing about weight loss and maintaining the weight loss is that it is a lifestyle change. It's not only just about getting to your goal weight and then going back to the way that you used to live. The only way that you're going to lose weight is by being in a calorie deficit. You can do that by consuming less calories that you need. But also exercising helps a lot. Cardio, that's a great fat burner. Weights and building muscle. Muscle takes more energy to function. And so that's going to help burn more calories just functioning throughout the day. So you want to do weight training and cardio at the same time. A simple way to do it is honestly, they recommend getting 10,000 steps a day. That's really difficult. But if you build a habit out of consistently doing that.

That.

Does more work than you realize. Something that I hate cardio. I hate running. It hurts, and I have a hard time breathing. So I like to do a steady incline on the treadmill. And you can hold on to the sides if you need to or if you want to power through whatever. There's alternatives to it. But being a calorie deficit, you don't have to give up the foods that you love and you don't have to put yourself on this like, insanely strict diet. It's all about moderation. Zach is hiding and peeking around the corner like a madman.

Yeah, you don't have to give up the foods you love and you don't have to put yourself on this extreme diet because that's going to make you miserable because I've been there and it's made me miserable and it's made me relapse back into the way that I used to be. But yeah, it's all about building healthy habits, being in a calorie deficit, doing cardio and building muscle and sticking with it. Consistency is king when it comes to losing weight. And you're going to see a lot of fast results at first, then you're going to hit a plateau that's going to feel really discouraging. That just means you have to push yourself a little harder and then you'll get over that plateau, you'll see.

Another big drop. What are you looking at me for?

She's.

So into me.

Oh, I know. She's been giving you looks this entire podcast.

That is a lie.

It's okay.

I get it. Hey, Zack. Sorry, I thought you were done.

That's pretty much it. I don't know. I hope that helps. I feel like it wasn't the most concise answer, but always feel free to DM me and I can help you more there.

Feel free to DM me and I'll send you over to Jared's DM. This is going to be our last one of this pod case. Hey, Zach, Jared and Alyssa. Let's jump right into it. I'm 26 year old female and I've never been in a committed relationship. I've been on many first dates that have been great, but it's also ends up with a guy asked me if I want to be friends with benefits or hook up. Sorry, she's scrolling. Sorry. I did not meet any of these men from dating apps. They've all been a friend of a friend or someone I met at work. I'm quite a reserved person, but I'll also admit that I have a pretty flirtatious personality, but I don't say or do anything during these dates that would suggest that I'm open to just hooking up or being friends with benefits. During these first dates, I keep up the convo pretty good, I assume.

I keep the convo PG.

I thought she was just like, I keep the convo pretty good. She put PG and I end the date with a hug, no kissing or hooking up. But a couple of days later, I get asked if I would be down to be friends with benefits. My answer is always no. That just ends up preventing everything for me and I can't continue the relationship knowing they just want to hook up with me and not actually date me. Most of these guys have told me that I'm wifey material, so why don't they want to date me? Is there anything I could do to change that or am I just undateable?

Why do you read that like a Disney channel original movie?

Love your podcast. Love you guys. I'm so proud of how much of you guys have accomplished. Well, I would like to know the quantity of how many times this has happened to you because if it's a two time occurrence, maybe that's just happenstance. But if this seems to happen every single time, either you're running down the wrong street with the wrong guys, maybe you're attracted to guys that have this look or have this type of personality. Sometimes the bad boys, you fall for them, but they only want one thing. Either that or maybe the flirtation. Maybe he's leaning into a sexual joke, and if you go along with it, maybe he thinks you're open to opening your legs. Does that mean anything to you, E lissa?

I don't know.

The guy, I guess, is usually first to open up about something sexual. So if you go too far down the rabbit hole, maybe obviously you're just trying to be funny and wholesome. But the guys have neanderthal brains where they're like, If you just say the word sex, it means you want to do that with me, right? And not talk about emotions.

The first date. So you're just trying to get along and have things go well. But maybe you're just looking in the wrong places for these guys.

Yeah.

Seems if it's a habit, then maybe your type isn't what you think your type is and you need to go in a different direction.

I also feel like the landscape of the dating world has changed so dramatically with dating apps and social media and stuff. And I feel like what you're experiencing is that there's just more people out there that are looking for fast, casual dating and not monogamous long term relationships. And so it very well also possibly could be that you're not doing anything wrong. You're not looking down the wrong path. It's just you're experiencing this new societal norm, and it just doesn't happen to line up with what you want.

There's also finding a partner is one of the best things and most influential positive or negative things you can do in your life. So say you're car shopping and you really want a car that's got four wheels and it's closed in and it blocks the wind, but you're only at a moped dealership, you're not going to find what you want. I say just keep testing and retesting and it's going to take some time, but it's probably worth it to go through the mud to get yourself some running water. So yeah, just keep at it. Unfortunately, it's a sucky game, but if you stop now, you're not going to find anybody worthwhile. I think now that you've got the traits of these people that you don't like, you can maybe spot that a little sooner on your dates. Maybe try some dating apps, go get to a hobby to be the type of guys that you'd want to be around. Maybe try to position yourself in those parts of town or those activities or whatever it is.

I would also like to add... Please don't. That you are not undateable.

Oh, yeah, you are. No. You're not on a triple down on your undateable. Actually, just yeah.

No, you just have to be yourself and the right person will come along.

Coming from someone who does not date.

It's funny because when I read this, I was like, it's a little close to home.

Alyssa actually just sent this question and she's like, Hey, let me jump right.

Into it. She would not want our advice. Well, cool. Well, that's a good one. Now, yeah, just keep fishing. Keep fishing. Keep fishing. We're about to go and have head into our after school special on the Patrion, so come join us over there.

Also, what? How about you not burp during.

The.

Promotion part? I almost threw up.

Also, New York City live show. It's going to be a really good time. We're going to do a free meet and greet afterwards. We've got some exciting surprises there that you do. Who knows? I can't say too much. Links are all in the description or the first comment of the video for the live show tickets. And absolutely, if you stayed to the end, send me a picture of the most attractive person in your family. Interesting. Everybody likes looking at pretty people. Thank you so much. And we will see you next time. Like, subscribe, and comment. It helps out a lot. If you stayed to the end, comment this. One time I saw a fish and it made me just slightly happy. But then I saw a bigger fish and it made me really happy. With six periods at the end.

Dude. What drugs are you on?

Ketamine. And that'll pretty much do the rest.

And hit.

The out. Yeah, hit. Bye. Listen, they're not saying bye. Bye. Bye. Bye more.

Bye the most.