Hey, guys, we're back for another podcast, 182. These guys have been edging me all week about some mysterious story. They're like, We're going to save for the podcast. It's going to blow your mind. This is going to be a story that could change your thought process for generations to come. You're going to tell your grandkids about this story. I've been chomping at the bit. I've been like, Let's get in the chair. Let's start talking about it. They keep moving the timeline, moving the timeline. But we're finally here to speak about the big, big story, guys, coming from these two. I'm ready. I'm primed. Give it to my ears. Also, hit some intro music we'll do after that. Yo, subscribe to the patron. We actually just did a hilarious drunk episode with Tara yummy that we're not allowed to put on the internet, obviously, because let's just say nefarious things took place.

Very.

Nefarious. I don't want to say kisses might have been had, but kisses might.

Have been had.

Kisses might have been had. Anyway, subscribe to the patron. It'll be linked in the description or the first comment. Also, we're going to do a Christmas giveaway for any paid subscription or patron members, Xbox, Nintendo.

Switch, Airpods, gift cards, whatever. Honestly, keep commenting what you guys want us.

To give away. What do you guys want? How about that? Anyway, so patron is great. Anyway, let's get into the business. Okay, I want to hear about it.

Here's the thing.

We almost died.

You guys almost deceased?

Yeah, we almost...

Actually, are you hyping it up? Let me hear the story and I'll see if you guys almost died.

Okay. I don't know. We're definitely haunted by.

A ghost. Who? Or something. In the home? In the home.

There's something nefarious afoot.

There is something very nefarious.

You want to go? You want me to go?

I don't know. Do you want to tag team this?

We can tag team it. So we were.

Upstairs the other-It was like last Tuesday.

We were upstairs the other day. It was just me and Jared in the house. I was playing a video game. Jared wanted to come see what it looked like. So we came in there and we were just hanging out. And then Jared heard a noise first. You want to describe what was.

Going on? Yeah. So he's playing a video game. It's quiet. I'm just watching him, whatever. And then I hear the traditional telephone ringing, whatever like the (ding.

Ding, ding, ding, ding). No, no, no.

Go ahead. I already made the sound effect. Okay, they get the idea. Got you. So I hear that and it rings a couple of times. You hear.

Like a (ring, ring, ring, ring. Yeah.

But when you hear like (ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, and then you hear it, you have a.

Call from. And then its like it goes muffled after that, right? And so we're a 21st century household. We don't have a traditional home phone in here. And so I look at Schuyler, because I think I'm going crazy right now. I look at him, I'm like, Did you hear that? He's like, No, I definitely heard that. And it sounded.

Like-okay, so first I thought that maybe, Alyssa... Because sometimes if you have your noise on your computer or something turned on, you get a phone call, it'll tell you if you're getting a phone call. I thought maybe Alyssa was in the house downstairs, years, and she was.

Getting a phone. Where did you think the ominous phone call came from? Where did it sound like?

It sound like it was from either Alyssa's room, but like up.

So it wasn't my room.

No, it definitely wasn't your room. I was sitting on the edge of Schuyler's bed, which Alyssa's room is to the left of that. So it sounded like it was coming left.

I wouldn't tell you guys she's of the devil, but anyway, go on.

It sounded like it was coming left and up, right? And we're on the second floor of our house. Of our.

Four-storey house.

Shut up. No, our two-storey house. So that was the real creepy part. Then we take a moment, we wait to hear it again, and it doesn't ring again. And so we go outside of his room and we start calling for Alyssa. We're like, Alyssa, were you here? Nothing. Dead silence, right? Then we call her and she's like, yeah, I haven't been home in 30 minutes.

Then I was like, okay, well, maybe… I was like, is there anything in your room when you get a phone call? Something would play? Do you have a computer out or something? She's like, I don't know. I was like, I don't know. I was like, Okay, well, I'm going to call your phone, don't answer it. See if this happens again. Called, nothing happened. Then we're like, What the fuck could it be? Then Jared was like, It sounds.

Like- We go downstairs, right? We're talking, we're like, What the fuck could it be? It's so weird. Maybe there's just a phone in here somewhere that our landlord left when he used to live here. But why would it still be charged? We've been here for a year. And so we have a moment of silence. We're down in the kitchen making food. There's a moment of silence. I go.

Fuck, do.

You think that's coming from our crawl space? Like our attic up there? And he goes, We have a fucking.

Attic, and it is spacious. Do you think there's a guy up there?

We went up there.

Okay, we went up there. Okay, keep going.

Or a woman in 2024.

Skyler is like, We have a fucking attic? I was like, Yeah. The entrance is right by my room. He's like, We got to go check it out now. And so we go upstairs.

Also, Jared, we get the ladder upstairs, and I'm like, Let's say there is somebody in the code.

He's got a marker. He's got a marker.

We're trying to figure out what we're going to do if we go up there and there is actually.

Something wrong. I have something nefarious.

Jared, again, we don't have any good weapons in this house. No. Jared hands me his fucking knife again.

The one that's shaped like a...

The Bowie knife.

I thought you meant your secret one that's Oh, the.

Shape like the Eiffel Tower.

You know he has an Eiffel Tower secret knife next to his bed stand? Yeah.

It's very strange. Why do he have so many knives?

I think we should be worried about him. It's a lot easier to get knives than it is guns out here, okay? Not America.

In California, yeah. We're going to get four guns.

Okay, keep going. -brother, damn it. Handsome? No.

Now is not the time, handsome.

Handsome. I know that you are not mentally stimulated right now, so you'd appreciate some fun play time. We're currently working so we can buy you treats.

Okay, so yeah, I hand Schuyler the knife.

Why didn't you have the knife?

Because I went.

To that. Well, okay, so.

Here's the doctor. Oh, this was a big man.

Well, here's the thing. I opened it first, and originally we were just using a two-step-stool, so we couldn't actually get in there at first. But man, when I tell you, I was on the verge of crying and going to shit my pants if it was one of those scary movie moments where you have the phone flashlight and you peer around.

Oh, it was pitch.

Black in there? Oh, my God, Zach. It is.

Pitch black. I guess you're turning the light.

Well, we couldn't reach it because you have to be in there to turn on the light. So then we go down and get the actual ladder and Schuyler volunteers to be.

The one to go up there. That's trippy. Why did you feel such bravery in this moment?

I just thought let's do it. Yeah, you just thought let's do it. If we're going to die, let's die.

You can protect the family.

Yeah.

Protect family. Schuyler had a very fuck it moment. He goes, he legitimately said, if we die, we die. I don't.

How fast he just ran in the air. Yeah.

For our audio listeners, our English Bulldog is getting feral right now, and I think he is attempting to show aggression at some point.

I go up there, we get the ladder, we get the light on. I crawl up there, and I get to the first little stop of plywood, and there are empty water bottles.

Here's.

The thing- And dirty napkins.

But the way that he says it, he goes up there. In my head, I'm hearing that creepy, eerie, droning music and horror movies and stuff. I'm just waiting for him to say anything.

So in your guys' mind, do you think there might be a stow away?

Yeah.

Here's the thing. Jared starts pitching me. He's like, Dude, you know this happened in Florida. A guy lived in the crawl space for five years or something.

It was like Florida or Texas or something. Where this family was noticing that at night or the next morning or whatever, a lot of their food would be missing.

We never have food.

That's where all the Incrustables went.

Exactly. We've been low on our crustables as.

Of recent. Then I started thinking.

About- We.

Blamed you. No, that time when you were like, My protein shakes keep disappearing.

You think this guy's bulking up up there?

Well, I just think it's quick, easy, grab it. You might lose count. It's not like he's eating a full meal. It's just like, boom, he's got 42 grams of protein right there. He's good. But there's a family that, I forget where it was, but they set up cameras. They noticed food missing. They set up cameras in their kitchen, and they saw the guy come down through the crawl space, go into the kitchen, grab what he needed, and go back up.

That'd be terrifying.

That's what I'm thinking in my head, right? And Schuyler, I'm waiting for him. It's quiet. He's like moving in there. The first thing he goes, he says, he's like, Jared, I don't mean to.

Concern you. But there is a man looking me in the eyes.

That's fully what I expected him to say. But then he goes, he's like, There's empty water bottles and used napkins up here. I think I almost just had a heart attack because we're going to find somebody up there. What does he have now?

He got scared. He got scared of the Christmas tree. He went under it. His collar got caught a little bit on a branch and he sprinted. And now you've got...

What is this?

He's got sawdust on the back of him now. Handsome. Just chill for a second. We're trying to podcast, brother. Grab a mic or sit down.

Yeah, I crawled.

You're looking around. Okay, you're getting me to the climax. What are we... Keep going. What?

Well, that's pretty much the climax.

No, no, no.

So there.

Is nothing. No, no, no. I crawl back. Hey, can you stop? So we crawl back. I crawl back as far as I can get. We determined it was probably maybe right before the start of the rooms.

Yeah, around there.

There's a huge area back there that's pitch black. I can't see a big fucking thing.

So you go.

In there? I can't get back there. There's not a way to get.

Back there. There still could be someone back there.

That's what I'm thinking.

Okay, because-There's also another really viable option, and that would be that the people that came in and put the fan in.

Oh, 100 % the whole time I wasn't trying to kill you guys... I know we're in a bad flow, but I gave the guys some waters that put the fan in, and they were up there.

I think they left their phone up there.

I think they left their phone up there and maybe some waters.

Yeah, but that wouldn't make it a.

Good story. That wouldn't make.

It a good story. We deduced that very early on too. I was.

Like, Fuck, it could be the-It knew when you said you heard a ringing that we think it was definitely that. But a.

Fun story in my head, okay? You fucked us with the build-up.

I'm thinking, yeah, you really messed up with the build-up. No, you fucked us. Why did I?

That's just like the other day when you got mad at me for guessing too high of a number. You over-pitched this.

You guys were leading me down a path where I thought we were about to reach the golden city of your... Hey!

Here's my thing, right? Because you didn't make it all the way back there, I still think somebody could be hiding in the darkness.

Hiding in the dark.

A Golem.

Smeagal. What's the guy from Lord of the Rings? Is that Golem?

Yeah, Golem. I think Golem or Smeagal.

No, or maybe both. I've never really seen them.

I fall asleep every time, if I'm.

Being completely honest. I've tried watching Lord of the Rings. And the first movie, they have a big, I guess it's not a monolog. There's a bunch of writing on the screen, and it's telling some backstory.

Oh, it's like Star Wars.

I fall asleep every time. I've never seen Star Wars either.

Oh, fuck, that's right. I've tried. I'm going to be honest. Okay, Star Wars for me is just like a nostalgia thing. If you go back and look at the movies now, I don't feel the same way watching them as I did the first time when I was a kid. Now I look at it more critically and more analytically. It just doesn't have the same. I'm like, These aren't the best movies ever made. They were fantastic for their time.

I come back to you just throwing Star Wars under the bus?

No, I'm not.

Throwing it. I have such a face of somebody that wants- Shut up.

Crusty shirt.

What did you say? Crusty shirt. Why would you say that? Because you got a crusty shirt. Where? Show me where the crust is.

Turn around.

I've got crust on my shirt?

You definitely got crust on your shirt.

How much crust? We've talked about this already.

Based on the percentage, what percentage of the shirt has crust on it?

I would say maybe one % of the shirt has crust.

On it. Then why are we bringing it up, man?

Two.

Percent. Okay, show the bottom of your shirt. You soaked it in water before this part. It dried. God, did it dry? Look at your shoes. They look like you ran them through mud and then ran them through it again because they didn't get muddy enough.

No, they came like that. That's designer. What you were.

Working hard? What were you doing?

Probably chasing somebody down an alleyway.

To save?

No, I get him in a van.

I mean, you were doing hard work, but you were doing not good work. You could still do hard work, but not good work. There's a cereal cow out there that is the best.

He really.

Works hard. He's a blue-collar guy. Well, his victims have red collars now because he's their next, obviously. But he's a blue-collar guy. I wonder who the hottest bad person is.

The hottest bad person?

Let's think.

About it.

Well, people went absolutely apeshit over like Domber and the Night Killer.

Everyone always said that Ted Bundy.

Ted Bundy, not Domber, Ted Bundy.

They would let like... Let's say if Ted Bundy run through them any day of the week, I have seen some images and videos of the original OG Ted. Not the Zach Efron. I mean, we don't let Zach Efron hit, obviously. That's the thing.

He had such a reputation for being hot, they cast Zach Efron as.

Ted Bundy. But he was, I mean, dare I say, homely.

His teeth were gnarly, if I remember correctly.

I wonder why they thought he was so attractive. Who out of us do you think would be the best serial killer?

You.

Why? Can I do that? Can I follow up with a why?

You're methodical.

Persistent. You have swingly arms. How do.

You think I would do it?

You have killer eyes.

I could choke people.

Really? I don't think I'd be into that.

You do it one time and you get hooked. I don't see you stabbing somebody. It's too much blood. You don't have to deal with.

All that. Yeah, definitely choking of some sort. Maybe not like.

Strangle-maybe I was in the crawl space.

I think you would choke them and sing them a soft song. What song? You know that softened version of Pia and Colada's?

Oh, that is my thing. If you like Pia and Kallada's...

You said Pia and Colada's.

You're.

Seeing the life leave.

Their eyes. What's the next line?

If you're not into yoga.

If you're not into yoga...

If you have half a brain... But then on this line, if you like making love at midnight, you.

Come inthey die. If you like it, you're a living night. I got them.

-just as the light is leaving their eyes.

Wait, no, I created... Okay, we can get back to me being a senior killer if we need to. But before this podcast, I might maybe create a song of a generation. Remember I.

Told you the lyrics? Yeah, and I think it's a song already. Go ahead and.

Sing it. I forgot the….

What was it? My reflection is You.

Oh, okay. Okay, so this is like the… I know your music at this. Can I pitch this for you? This is my manager right here.

Yeah, but just from that line alone, I'm already hearing a song that I think is already made.

My Reflection. Wait, no, that's.

Not the… He started.

Singing the.

Fucking Piña.

Colada.

Song. I know. It was in a Backstreet Boy.

We had a cadence to a Backstreet Boy. My reflection is you.

No. Oh, no.

That was high school musical.

Zach Effron.

Wait, I sang the song after the fact too. What was the.?

Dude, this was... This was a chart-topper. My reflection is you. Yeah.

Am I the only one? Yeah.

Okay.

So do it.

To that. And that's what it is. My reflection's you. Oh, wait a minute. My reflection's you. Oh, oh. But wait, no.

Is that the song of the generation?

No, I'm moving up to it. But listen, put your phone down, man. No, I'm.

Looking up the song.

He's got a video he wants to show you. It's my big song, I'm meeting. Okay, but it's like essentially I can't even... Okay, so this is the way I got in my head. We can work on the lyrics a little bit, but I can't even look in the mirror anymore because my other half is you. I don't want to see where mymy reflection because my reflection is you.

Okay.

Yeah. I don't even want to look in the mirror because my reflection's you.

I feel like it should be more of a ballad, not so poppy. What?

Pop's great.

No, I do enjoy pop, but that just.

Seems like… Okay, try it with me. We're going to do it all together. Ready? Three, two, one. My reflection's you. Kind of fun, huh?

That could be the remix.

It's definitely, I'm not the only one?

Am I sexual?

Am I anything you want? You're a rock, you're.

Body now?

Oh, the song I was thinking of when the first way you sang it, there was more ballad-y, was the song that's like, Everything I do, I do it for you. That's what I was... I thought you were saying like, My reflection's you.

And breaking news, three birds to a home in L. A.

God.

Damn. Why?

Bad song.

Oh, they died from hearing it. They heard it and died. Okay, this is my other song. I don't know if I pitched this to Alex Benjamin when he was on, Alex Benjamin, but it's a country song. But it's essentially people in country music, they really love their hometown. They really love just being in something they're familiar with, the trees, the gravel, all that. But when you become famous or when you leave your hometown, you miss everything. You're on tour. You're doing all this, you're in the big cities. Imagine, again, I don't have full lyrics. I've got more of just.

A phrase. A concept.

A concept. But he's just walking essentially, I don't know where I should be. I'm in the city. But I got home in my right-hand. Because he's holding his woman.

Yeah, I remember you talking about that. I feel like you're trying to tell me about that.

I do like that. Can we workshop it a little bit? Thank you, Rocket Money, for sponsoring this episode. Listen up, you little tworks. If you don't have Rocket Money, you're losing out on cash money. There aren't many services that give you your money back, and then some. Do you understand? This is how it works. We are in a subscription-filled world. Most of us don't even understand how many subscriptions we have. Rocket Money itemizes all the subscriptions you have so you can easily cancel with the tap of a button. Do you understand how much money the average person that uses Rocket Money saves a year? A billion. Don't over shoot it, man. It's $720, which is still a lot, okay? $720 is the average that someone saves on a year just to sign up and use Rocket Money. If you're not using Rocket Money, you're wasting money, literally. Okay, when I got on there, and a lot of times there'll be a price hike in your subscription and it just goes unnoticed. You go on Rocket Money, you can see how much you're losing. Click of a button, you can get out of there. I've been subscribed to things for years that I haven't used for years, and I saved money.

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Too, right? Love steak. Can't get.

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Any steak. Oh, my gosh. Any type of meat that I could put in my mouth is in steak form. I absolutely adore.

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I have a song done. I've been trying to write.

Yeah? What is it?

Oh, you got notes. I have some of them. Oh, I also have a rap lyrics.

Okay.

Yo, you all laughing at me saying I'm the funny man. I guess I should start wrapping my stacks and silly bands.

Yeah. That's actually the best thing you've.

Done with them. Really? That's impressive. I like that.

Because people just take me, and I'm just a big joke to people, and I'm never going to be a true rapper, but I thought you'd like that.

No, I do like that. Thank you. That's a good one. That would kill in a double-XL cipher.

Thank you. Yeah. Do you think they'll call?

I think so. I think you're going to be the next class of 2024.

Give me a word. I feel like a Freestyle. I'm the Wazoo.

Right now.

Present. Yo, it's almost Christmas time, but my present is the presents. I never think about the past because it is the present. How many times can this guy wrap the present? You don't even know because I'm the next present. And we lost that.

I was looking into- I thought you had a song. Oh, yeah.

You may not like it. Okay. I'm going to make a change for.

Once in my...

Wow. Do you know my words to this song?

I just wrote this. No, it was so catchy that it was just coming to my head. Wait, go again. I apologize for cutting you off.

I'm going to make a change for once in my life.

It's so prolific because you've been struggling for so long to make a change. And it's like you finally keep going. Yeah.

It's.

Going to.

Feel real good. Of course it was. I'm going to make a difference. I'm going to make it right.

This is a hit, man.

That's all I've got. That's all I've got. But I'm thinking the hook to be something like that. Can I try like...

Okay, no, you go ahead. Do you have something? Can I just offer a cadence? Yeah. I want to make a change. You know?

Yeah. It's almost like a real Michael Jackson-esque thing.

It does have a Michael Jackson-esque thing. Like if he was alive, you could hear him singing it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, he's got the toe tap. Yeah, that's great, man. Once in my life.

Okay, don't get that.

Fucking look. Dude, it's not a look. You know when your brain process-That was.

The same exact tone you had.

It just felt like you microwaved my inner ear canal with, You're singing. The boys are hanging out. It's a boy's day. The boys are hanging out. It's a boy's day. We got Jared over there, Scoward to my right because the boys are hanging out. It's a boy's day.

I think it should just be a strictly musical podcast.

I know, dude, yeah. Can we have one where we started off just we just go into it? Would it be, You're here for the fun. You're here for the laughs. This week we have Zach Braff. In case we ever have Zach Braff, we'll write that.

One down. I'm Zach Braff and I'm here to say hello all come watch my play.

That was Zach Braff.

That was Zach Braff.

Yeah, we should write a whole...

Yeah. Can I.

Show you a - He's such a bad podcast.

Wait, I just... Huh?

We let it off with a shitty story.

The story really let me down.

I'm going to be honest with you. Well, yeah, you fucking hyped it to the fucking moon.

What? You guys hyped.

It up to the moon. Listen, we got to add something to fix that story.

What if we show video? Actually, we have video of the crawl space, but they can maybe even see it a little bit. Wait, was there actually something there? But we didn't catch it.

Oh, wait, but we'll cut this part. We can gas like the hell out of them. Could we do the thing? We could have a POV of us going up there and crawling up. When we get to the black part, I can put my phone out, and then we could add in a jump scare. Could we do that? Just scare the shit out of them? Like that old car scene, do you remember the car going away?

Yeah.

We could put on the old Grinch mask that was cut out. That thing's terrifying. We threw it away. Okay, we can get off music. But, Schuyler, can I show you? I don't know if I have shown you the song that Jared and I made. No, I.

Don't think so. Oh, shit. He's got fucking rock in his mouth.

Dude, where did you get a rock? You are not the highest paid actor and you don't get to put it in your mouth.

Oh, man, you want to talk about abrasive to the ears. The song that he's about to show you, over the mics might make your.

Ears bleed. What do you mean? Again, it's only a four-minute snippet. -four minutes? -it's four-second, I meant. Okay. Handsome. Look. How many butterfly do you see my little angel? I know. Run it again. How many butterfly do you see my little angel?

Can I be completely honest? I have no clue what any of those words are.

He said, How many butterflies do you see my little Who.

Is that singing?

Me. Sound good?

I mean, it doesn't sound like you.

Well, I was singing in a falseto. Actually, I don't want a falseto. Oh, he tried to. He's going under. No! Get under there, Hansom.

I don't want my feet here.

He's smart.

What does everyone's plans for Christmas.

That was pretty impressive of him to slide under there. He does.

That when.

He's- Oh, he's coming for your feet. Get him. Oh, God.

Did you say, Oh, God, like that? Is that piss or shit?

Hey, guys, he's working on it.

What is that?

No, Hansom. I was so pissed right by my booth. I don't know when.

I was with him. He's mad at you.

Is it.

Just now?

No. You just put your foot all the way through it. Oh, dude.

God, that is so gross.

It looks like there's stuff in it.

I think it's just congealed.

Oh, Jesus. Don't say congealed when we're talking about urine. You do have a urine heal. Do I? Yeah, you dance through that. P like-What? Because he was going to.

Attack me. He was coming.

For my feet. Okay, but you didn't wipe off the P. Now you're just pea foot. I didn't. And that could last a lifetime. Hey, guys, if you see the comments, call Jared Peafoot from here on out. Why wouldn't you not want to be that?

Why would I not want to be called Peafoot?

Yeah, little Peafoot.

I think it plays. It does play. I can think of several reasons why I.

Would-you do seem like the personification of a deep yellow urine.

A deep.

Yellow urine. It smells like I ate a bunch of asparagas.

Yes, you look like asparagas urine.

I actually enjoy asparagas urine.

Yeah, do you? Yeah. A nice aroma. We could start calling.

You-what reminds me that I've been doing things right.

We could start calling you Silver. What about that? Why Silver? Asparagas urine. This is the letters AU. Is that Silver?

I think, I don't know. It might.

Be gold. I think that's gold.

Golden shower. Fuck. Got you. I made you think they're ding and then you said it.

So, Jared, have you all talked about Christmas plans?

Oh, I don't think so. Not yet.

Hold on. I want to do this because we butchered this the other day when we did on the podcast. But I want to do the thing where we can see if we can say the same word at the same time, and we want to see who can get in less. We're going to see which pair is the best.

You all go first and then I'll go with Jared because I'm going to grab my Zem pouch. They'll be.

Right back. Dude, you don't have to.

Nicotine right now. I need it.

To live. Yeah, he does.

Have you seen the trailers for that new Civil War movie?

Abraham Lincoln 2? The Revenge of Lincoln? Basically. I like how he always puts the mic right in front.

Of my face. Oh yeah, can you push that? Yeah, no, it's a new movie. I forget when it comes out, but it's a Civil War movie. So essentially.

The.

Us is in.

Like-united States for our audio listeners.

Okay, yes. The United States. So the US is in three different or four different factions. So California and Texas want to secede and become their own thing, republics.

What's it called?

It's called Civil War. So they want to become their own things. And then the Northwestern states want to become their own thing, like Oregon all the way over to Minnesota. And then some of the Southern states to the east of Texas want to become like the Florida faction or something.

What do they want to do with-I.

Think I stepped in the piss.

Oh, God, man.

That is-Is it still like a- -strong. Is it a slavery thing?

No, I think it's like a commentary on the political divide in our country right now. And I think the whole setup for it.

Is that-I think it's following journalists.

Is it following journalists?

I think so. I think Kirsten Dunts is in it. Yeah. I think she's a journalist, and they're going into one of.

The facts. Well, when the hell does it come out? Are we getting paid to promote this? No, I just.

Think it's interesting. I guess I heard recently that the President of the US at that point in the story is on his third term. What? Yeah.

He's about to have the kid then.

-it's a trimester.

-trimester. Sorry.

Hold on, let me look up.

We saw Poor Things, the movie. One of the best movies I've seen in a long time.

So.

Funny. So funny.

So good. What is that movie about?

Don't want to I don't want to spoil it.

Because it's like-Just saying what it was about.

Was a spoil. We'll say this. Yeah, it's about a woman finding herself.

Yeah, it's Emma Stone trying.

To find herself. Coming of age story.

I love Emma Stone.

Literally coming of.

Age story. Well, the good thing about you loving Emma Stone is she's got a lot of time on camera with.

Well, I'd assume so she's the main character.

She's fully nude.

That's.

Not.

To sell.

No, I think.

It's-that sounds like a pretty good sell.

I think it's so pervert. I think it's so funny. She was great in it. Mark Ruffalo. It's so funny.

-mark Ruffalo. -mark Ruffalo is in it? Mark Ruffalo gave the performance of a lifetime. -william DeFoe is in it as well. -really? William DeFoe is always a fantastic actor. Yeah. Wow.

Anyway, this is a great cast. And just the way it was shot, just the way everything looked, it was just super cool.

All right, guys, welcome back to Same Word.

Wait, real quick. It comes out April 26, 2024.

You told me so early.

I did tell you so early. I thought it was going to be like a.

February movie. That's like wearing lingerie on the first date and saying we can't have sex till three months in. Until marriage. Okay, Jared and I are up first. We are going to attempt to say the same word at the same time. You know how the game goes. Here we are. Can I get a three, two, one from Schuyler?

Three, two, one.

O-s-h. That's a tough one.

Christmas Ocean, the wonderful Christmas Ocean.

Yeah, five seconds here. Five, four, three, two, one.

-water. -nimo.

It's close. Water and nemo. Is that what.

You said? Okay, we're good. Yeah.

Three, two, one.

Fish. What is wrong with you?

I thought, Nimo and water.

I thought, Fish.

That you can't get mad at me. -i just said another character.

What do you mean? I don't know that that's-Nimo, fish? Yeah, we're going to go to that- No, Nemo and water. Yeah, Nemo and water. So we're going to go to the next best thing. Okay, Fish. So now we've got what? Dorey and Fish.

Dorey and Fish. I don't know where you're going to go.

With this. Okay, I'm going to go... We're not going to get on this one, but we're going to get it on the next one.

Okay.

Three, two, one.

Marlin.

Okay, we got it. How many was that?

Okay, so we had Christmas, or so mine were Christmas, Water, Fish, Marlin.

That's pretty good. That's pretty solid.

He's going to.

Beat us. No, you guys.

Can go now. Okay, so me and you.

Okay, ready? Three, two, one. -bengles. -celtix. Celtix and Bengles. Fuck.

No, this is easy.

This is a super easy one. Three, two, one. -sports. -sports. Yeah.

Fuck, yeah. I love how we went for each other's teams.

I was going to get us to Cincinnati, but yeah, that's good. Okay, fuck. We got to get this on one.

Do you think we can do it?

No, I don't think so. I doubt it. I have no clue. I've gotten in my head about it now too.

Well, we can count down whenever.

I'm going to do five so you get a little extra time, all right? Five, four, three, two.

One, phone. No! No fucking way. We got it. No fucking way. Because he was talking about getting his phone replaced today. What? I just was like, Oh, for whatever reason, I knew we were.

Going to do that. I promised.

There's no- Wait, did you get your phone replaced today? No, I need to. Oh, okay. I was like, That looks new.

My last text to Zach was, What the hell is your dog barking at? That was late last night.

Yeah, that makes sense.

How does it make you feel? Because it woke me up.

That's fucking insane. I thought we nailed that. I mean, in.

Two- We did. You did. But some people are close and some people are closer and you'll find out in life.

Do you guys believe in that twin telepathy thing?

No, I believe in Hive Mind, which twin telepathy, I think, is the highest extent of that. So if you're with a twin, you're with them 24-7, experiencing the same things, you have the same looks. So people are expressing themselves in the same way towards you, I think. So I think, yeah, you guys just obviously you're living almost the same life, but maybe a.

Foot apart. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. I thought when you said Hive Mind at first, I thought you meant like a legitimate Hive Mind, like something out of the science fiction movie or something. I didn't.

Okay, decently common term.

Well, yeah, I was thinking in sci-fi terms like telepathy. Got you.

I.

Apologize for it. Yeah, you should because that was confusing as hell for me. Sorry. I went through a.

Roller coaster there. Well, keep things more literal. Thank you. I think twins think the same because they're around each other a lot. That's perfect. Yep, dumbed down.

See how I understood that completely?

I guess so.

Keeping things literal. I've been rewatching Arrested Development. Have you ever seen it?

Just the first episode.

Oh, have you ever watched it?

Just one random episode.

There's a doctor on there, and it's—and I don't know his name, but he's so literal. So they'll come in and they'll be like, Doctor, how is he? I was like, Oh, he's all right. And I was like, Oh, yes. And he's like, No. And the doctor was like, Why are you reacting like that? He can't use the left side of his body. It's just about the whole show. Every time we go to this stupid doctor, he.

Just, No! They got us again.

And the mother, she's always like, I'm going to fucking kill you. I hate this doctor.

I did just see a sit-down interview between Jason Bateman and David Cross, and they were talking about their first scene together on that show. And Jason was saying, so I guess when they first meet, he goes, Oh, how's the job search going? And David Cross is like, It's good. It's good. It's going to be good. And Jason Bateman, he was talking, he was like, His character is so dead-pan, straightforward that after they did that first take, he went up to the director and was like, Is David the character the way that you want it to be played? Because I don't know how I'm supposed to react to that. And he's like, No, just do your thing. Just the weirder, the better. He's like, okay. And then from there on, it became a hit show.

Yeah, that show is hilarious. There's also a point where David Cross, in the show, he was a behavioral analytics guy at one point or something, I don't know. Then he was a therapist. And so he had business cards that said he was an owl rapist, but it was spelled out like anal rapist.

Yeah.

He was handing them out to everybody.

We.

Went back to the musical thing.

Where are we? We just like to sing? I think.

We're just- I love a little show tune. Yeah, we just got.

Little songbirds in our hearts. I don't.

Think any of.

It-and Alyssa doesn't let us sing when she's singing.

Oh, that's so true. That is true. That's the thing about women. They hate fun. Don't clip that joke, dude. I know women love fun.

Oh, yeah. If you guys are wondering where Alyssa is, we have Keith and Mariah's engagement.

Party today. I choked her out while singing Pine Clata.

Alyssa and Mariah are setting up for that as part of their Aldente Occasions Company. That's where she is right now.

Add it to the portfolio.

Exactly, add it to the portfolio.

Yeah, Alyssa might not be with us very longer.

She has a booming.

Event planning company is starting to go very well. So if she wants to spread her wings.

Guys-and.

Fly, fly away. -don't yell at her, okay?

Actually, well, do whatever you want, really.

Yell at her?

If.

They want. Yeah, we'll give you her new address of her business and you can come in there and you can scream at her. Bring a knife if you want. Huh?

What did you say?

Bring a knife to cut the cake for the celebration of the new business.

I said shoot her a promo.

Shoot her a promo.

Yeah, for her business. For her business. So the name gets out there.

Yes. Hanger.

Hanger? Yes.

Yeah.

Hanger, obviously. Hanger, hanger up a big banner that says, Congrats on your new business.

Oh, God, for a second there I thought-Killer. -killer?

Yeah, killer with compliments.

You are doing so good with your company. Take her family out back with a shotgun, put her to the back of all their heads, and blow them out while she watches.

I can't really do that.

For the company. For the company.

Sorry. -for the company?

-for the company. That reminds me of the office. One of my favorite things is when he goes to hit and throw of classes and he won't stop bringing out a gun. -he whispers to him. -it was a hidden gun.

You know what? You can't bring guns anymore. He whispers to the guy and the guy's like, Oh, fuck. What did he say? He said he has a gun.

It's such a funny show. My absolute dream would be on a show like that. Just to have fun, whistles and.

-just improv. -and all day. Improv, just the whole time.

Yeah, I was watching this thing on Step Brothers and they said 90 % of the movie was improv or something. I could be wrong.

That's just insane to me.

Similar with this is the end. I think the script was like 30 pages or something.

That's also with Emperor's New Groove.

Oh, I saw that.

Did you see that? Yeah. Okay, so for Emperor's New Groove, it went through so many iterations until it finally became what it was.

Originally, it wasn't supposed to be like a comedy movie. I think it was called The Last Golden Empire, Empire of the Sun, or something like that. And it was supposed to be this big drama, animated drama for Disney.

But the actors didn't even have a script. So afterwards, after they shot it, they did so much improv the movie, the entire movie was improv, that the studio came to get the script for The Vault. They're like, What script? The only real first script was produced after the film was already out, which is hilarious.

Yeah, it's crazy.

It's one of my favorite Disney movies.

It's my favorite kids' movie. I love that one.

About Surf's Up?

Surf's Up is good too. I actually rewatched that a long ago. Very funny.

I was going to say the same thing.

It's so funny. I love anything mockumentary style. Yeah.

Which doing that for an animated movie. Chicken George? -chicken Joe. -chicken Joe.

Oh, shit. Chicken Joe, dude. I love Chicken Joe.

They cooked, he's like, They got me this nice bath with all.

These like, morales. And they're just cooking him. We should do that to Alyssa.

-for the business.

-for the business. For the business. We're in the hot tub. This is really hot. Yeah, I bet it is. Is that an onion? Put more bubbles. She's eating the onions. Okay, if we were all on an island, I mean, honestly, we would eat her, right? First?

Yeah. Well, just so the boys could actually get a plan to get off the island.

Exactly. This isn't anything against her. She's 4'10. She's small. I feel like we have a better chance of survival.

You all can eat me next. How about that? Okay. Just to make.

It fair. So when we tell her we're going to eat her, you're going to bring that up. I'm probably going to be next. I'm going to be next, and I get that. But we did have a vote. Yeah, right. What will we start with? For people that don't know, Alyssa is our assistant.

What do you mean what will we.

Start with? What's the best part to eat on a human? Can you google that?

Wow.

Yeah, go ahead and get your name on a list.

Google that really fast. What part of a human tastes the best? Can you just google?

I would think probably the ribs, maybe.

See, I was going based on what I know with chicken, I was going to go with the thigh.

The thigh, you think?

Wow.

The fact that-What's like the rib eye of the human? Ia nice marbled area. The clitters. This says, it.

Just.

Says he. The clitter is like a little gusher.

This just says he. I don't know who they're talking to, but it's just a cannibal. He said he's spoken at length about what human meat tastes like and has said that the buttocks melted on his tongue like raw tuna and that his favorite meat was the thighs, which he described as wonderful. However, he also said that he didn't like the breast because they were too greasy.

I may be wrong. There's a documentary on Netflix about each episode follows different serial killers. There was a guy, I think he was killing and eating people in Canada.

Did he speak about the taste?

Yeah, well, I think they caught him on a message or something because he was trying to get people. People could sign up. I might be mixing three stories, but people could sign up to go to basically consenting for this guy to kill you and eat you.

What the fuck? What was the plus side in there?

I guess they get to die. Yeah.

But maybe it's dying in the most humane way possible because you're giving back.

You're nourishing someone else. Yeah. That's humans. I think we should start eating all of our loved ones after they die. Put them back into us.

If we were all stuck on an island.

Together-would you eat me? I don't know if I'd have good meat.

No, but I would hate you. I think you might get banished from the tribe. I would hate you. I think you might get banished from the tribe.

Why the hell would you banish me? What? It's three.

Of us. Yeah, but you got to think about it's a numbers game. The more of us, the more likely we are to survive.

Dead wrong. Because what if we need to build something or we have.

To Yes, you need more people.

Yeah, you need more people.

Sure, you do need more people. But what's worse? Like going to catch food?

I'm a.

Fantastic builder. Buddy, I could picture you being like, Guys, we need to do this. And then and you're like-I mean, Jare would be doing it. And you'd be like, Guys, no, you got to build me a separate bedroom over there.

Oh, yeah.

I would want a separate bedroom. Exactly.

But you wouldn't be contributing to the building.

I 100 % would be contributing.

We come back with a catch of.

Fish or whatever.

No, 100 % with our.

Bare hands.

We can't get our slave it all day in.

The water. Yeah.

Some burnt to hell. Stop in slaving fish. And listen to me. If we were on the island, I would take leadership swiftly, and I would be a leader from the front of the pack. I'd be out there getting the fish.

You guys, all the time you say that the lead.

Wolf leads from the pack. We're not wolves, we're on an island. We're three humans. I know, but.

That's the excuse you always use to not do shit.

Have you guys.

Ever watched that? I'm protecting the pack from the back from Polar Bear on an island. If we.

Really did it somewhere it would be just a nightmare. We die so fast.

No, I would survive. I have such a will about it.

Have you watched a loan? They put people... Have you seen that?

Oh, no, you were telling me.

About that. They put people on an island or not an island. They put them in some part. Sometimes it's an island. Sometimes it's like freezing cold in Antarctica. Not Antarctica, like Alaska. And they get 10 items and they see who can last the longest, whoever wins, wins like 500,000. One of the funniest things, the first season, they get dropped off. And this guy walks to the shore in Alaska and he sees all these dead fish, and he's like, Oh, God, there's bears in the area. He turns around and he sees a bear up in a tree, and he's like, I'm done.

Smart. What is better? Five hundredth grand or.

Being alive? I think the same season, it might have been the next season. A guy went to bed at night and a bunch of wolves were around. They were just howling and stuff. He got out of there. He said, I'm not doing this.

So is there potential for them to die?

Yeah, well, there is potential for them to get attacked by something and get killed. Health-wise, they bring in medics every three weeks or something, or a week maybe. The longer in, they come more often. They check to see how skinny you are, and they'll pull you if you're super dehydrated or super emaciated. That's why that's the worst.

Wars and bears can't.

Do shit. A woman has never won it. A lot of it is, though. In one of the seasons-Here he goes. -the girl was killing it, but she just got... She lost weight at such a faster rate than the guy, and the guy had more to lose. They pulled her and the guy ended up lasting three more days and he won. But a guy did a guy killed a fucking, he killed one guy killed a moose, and then he killed a wolfereen that kept fucking with the moose fat.

How did he kill the moose? Those things are fucking huge. Huge.

You're allowed to bring, you can bring a bow and an arrow if you want. And he shot it. Between the eyes. It's not like a compound bow. It's like a drawback bow.

Damn. This is an obscure reference, but what were the books that we used to read when we were a kid about the like the boy. Hatchet.

I love those books. It was so good. I think everyone had to read those back in the day. I think it was part of the curriculum. If you.

Read Hatchet, you never read Hatchet, you never lived, man. Why are you dressed like Fabio?

I didn't know if the party were going to-Yeah, he's showing me up right now. The first thing Schuyler says to me this morning when I saw him, he goes, Jared, you look handsome.

I know he yelled downstairs, and he said, Zach, I don't know why Jared looks handsome.

It's scaring me. I didn't say scaring. I said you look handsome. You look handsome. Thank you. Put together.

Thank you. I didn't know- Better than you, crusty. I didn't know if the engagement party was like a nice.

Thing or not. Schuyler said he's not going. No, I'm not going. Why? He was literally invited.

I'm not going. Yeah, you are. No, I'm not.

Why?

What? It's a day of celebration.

Yeah, tell me I don't really know these people.

I don't know these people. You're coming. No, it's fine. No, it's.

Not a year. It's not a.

Fine sky. I don't feel like I have an ear infection. That's why I'm having this off because my ear's hurting. I think I have a chronic ear infection that's been going on for years.

Chronic?

They have a plate ready for you. No, they don't. Yes, they do.

It's not a plate situation.

Yes, it is.

It's a plate situation.

I told you.

You're already coming.

I told you many moons ago.

I wasn't going. You didn't ever said this on another moon. Yes, I did. You did not speak of it on another moon.

We've spoken about it several times. I said, I don't want to go. I think that's more of an intimate thing. Let them have fun.

I don't know them. I told you, no, it's not an intimate thing. It's everybody coming over and hanging out, celebrating two beautiful humans, getting engaged.

I'm sure, well, it's going to be that. I just don't know them. It's fine.

You do know them.

-i've met them once.

We pet emus together.

Yeah.

We've.

Shared life experiences together.

I get it.

We hugged a cow with them.

-you can't hug a cow.

With -Hug a cow.

With them. I thought you said, held a cow.

We also held a cow with them.

You can't hold a cow with somebody and then not go to their.

Engagement party. We're not turning this into something, it's not.

You know how I get nervous in social settings?

No, you don't. Yes, I do.

You never do. I don't know how to talk to people. I've said this before. I feel like you're my Dwayne. Dwayne. You're my rock. Oh, okay. I need my rock today.

No, you don't. I know you're going to be prancing around, small talking your ass.

Who would have thought when you mess with the cable that it would go out?

No, listen, I need- Back maybe into.

A corner a bit. I need to hook this anchor up to a big, steady rock that's not going.

To go anywhere. Mr.

Cincinnati. That is, at best, a piece of seaweed.

No, look at him. This guy is dressed.

Like that. But he's not a rock. Look at your hat. You're covered in Moss.

I have a date today. I can't go to the date.

Oh, you have a date with an ear infection?

I got you there.

I can't go today. Yes, you can.

Come on, man.

I really can't. I have to crotchet.

Speaking of this, we got to go. All right, guys, thank you for staying. Remember, if you want to see our new Drunk episode, it is on the patron. Ready to get hot and ready. Do we have a seven-day free trial?

We do have a seven-day.

Free trial. Oh, yeah, get on there for the free trial. It's not going to last long. You can also get in there to win the Xbox, the bunch of prizes for Christmas. It's honestly great. And if you stay at the end, make sure to put in the comments your favorite holiday movie and your favorite... That's it. I don't care about anything else, to be completely honest. We got to go celebrate love. Scarry is coming with us and we'll see you guys. Love you. Kiss me if you see me in public. Bye. Bye.