This is how you know I respect women more. I order Hooters to go.

I drink food coloring once a month just so my pea is also red.

Their pea is not red. Is it not? That means you don't understand women. Anytime I'm intimate with a woman, I print out a picture of Harry Style's face and tape it over mine because if you're with any other man than him, then obviously you're just settling, and I know that.

I exclusively watch professional women's sports.

I change my religion and I only pray to the Dyson Airwrap styler. Oh, yeah?

I shove a tampon up my.