Hey, guys, I need to ask you a question. I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show, we have Meet the Deforts, we have Papaganda, we have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www. At patreon. Com/dumblonpodcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every freaking month. I'm talking like signed stuff from Jay and I, lives. You just never know what surprise you're going to get. It's like a cracker jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member, I freaking love you, dude.

Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much, and that's a lot of kisses, actually. Got to go buy. Bunnyxo.

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And BunnyXo.

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Is this thing on? What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Today, I am so excited because I have been wanting this guest forever. Ever since your first album came out, I have been obsessed with you, and not to mention your dad was one of my childhood crushes.

Oh, my gosh.

L King is in the house, baby.

Wow.

I have been waiting for you to come because you do not know how obsessed I was with Deuce Bigelow.

No, I was in that. I did not know that. A little foreshadowing. You're like, We're going to be friends. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I was a little Girl Scout.

I love that. I never even knew that. But I've always been like John Candy and funny comedians were always my thing. And your dad, I knew he was the tiniest little thing ever. Oh my gosh.

But I was just like- If he finds this out, he's going to be like, I've still got it. Oh, no.

Dude, Rob Schneider. It was Rob Schneider, Drew Carey. I had a list of comedians that I loved as a child.

I always go for funny over anything. Me, too. I mean, I've dated all kinds of different people. But if you make me laugh, you get my heart and-My vagina. And my vagina.

I'm telling you, man, you make me laugh. My legs are spread wide open. Yeah.

And throwing a neck tat, like sold.

Oh, they have to have tattoos. Do you have to date a man with tattoos, or can you date a man who has bear skin?

I'll try anything twice. I love that. But I do tend to get along better with... I don't know. I like people who have tattoos.

It's the same.

If someone's covered in tattoos, they can withstand some things. Or they've been through things.

Or they have that rough around the edges thing. Yeah. I feel like if we're I'm flesh all a mesh, and I'm the only one with tattoos. I feel like one of these kids is doing its own thing, and I want you to be on my team. You need to be covered in tattoos, too.

Yeah, definitely.

Are you dating right now?

I am actually back with my baby daddy.

We're going to dive into this. Okay, hence the tour name, right?

Yes. We broke up for a year, and I was going through really, really insane postpartum. I don't even think that I realized I was going through it until I got out of it. And we were already broken up, and he just kept showing up, and we became best friends. And then through custody and everything and working together and a lot of therapy on my part, we restarted our communication, our respect for each other. And I never stopped being in love with him. Then finally, he was just like, I wore the right set of underwear, and she's like, locked in.

I love that.

We're doing really, really well.

I love that you're talking about postpartum, though, because I feel like a lot of women in the spotlight, you guys literally will have babies, and then you're thrust back into the spotlight. It's like, you don't have time to heal. You don't have time to nurture yourself. No. Then the world wants to be mad at you if you're not this picture-perfect human that they've put you on this pedestal.

Yeah. Honestly, it's fucked up because I really struggled to get pregnant in a lot of different relationships. And now I know God's timing is not up to us, and even our babies This timing is not up to us. And I think that the pandemic, everything was shut down, and I was able to rest. I sold my house in LA. I moved to New Mexico. I had donkeys and goats, and I got pregnant. And because I wasn't on the road, I didn't have all this pressure, I ballooned up. I got so heavy, and I got up to 284 pounds the day that I delivered my son.

It was happy weight, though.

Yeah. I mean, it was miserable weight, but it was also like my body did what it had to do. And then it took me three years to lose baby weight. And the thing that made me so mad is in this day and age, no No one gives any credit for anything. I don't care how anybody lose weight. If somebody takes charge of their own life, not that anyone has to, because I've been every single size. But I worked really hard because I was so depressed. I started working three months after I had my son. I was back on the road, and I was trying to... I already stopped breastfeeding. I was so stressed out. And then I just started working out to try and get my mind right because I was blue. I was really sad, really miserable. And then my song with Miranda, Drunk, really went crazy during my pregnancy. So many changes happened so quickly, so fast. And then, I don't know. You'd think anything that I know about or had known about postpartum was like, Oh, you could be sad for a couple of weeks, a couple of months after. And I'm looking down, it's two years after, and I'm getting ready to celebrate my son's second birthday, and I'm not with his dad.

And I feel so lost. I tried a lot of different therapies. I tried all kinds of different psychedelic stuff. I tried talk therapy. I tried everything. And ultimately, I had to go through certain experiences on my own, some of which I didn't want to go through.

Like life experiences?

Like life experiences. I don't want to say I'm sick of talking about what happened in January in the dolly incident. And I'm sure people are not going to like what I have to say about a lot of it. But I can already look back and be like, you know what? I have this good thing that came from it. This thing changed in my life. I was presented with an opportunity to grow. And I think that every experience is an opportunity for change. And change is inevitable. It's the blade that carves itself or sharpens itself, whatever that quote is. And I really I like that.

When that dolly incident happened, were you still going through postpartum? Was that part of it?

Honestly, I think I'd come out of postpartum, and then everything that had accumulated, everything that I had just sucked onto my life in my depression all just came to a head. I think it was probably just rock bottom, right? If it And then that, it was going to be something else. And I just took for the first time, when I was pregnant, I was like, okay, maybe I've got this time given to me. This year was the first time I was like, I'm stepping away from this. Everyone's telling me to kill myself. Everyone's telling me to surrender my child. And it was just so, so wrong. And if a man did it, it would have been a completely different story. But also, I've spoken to everybody And I've spoken to everyone at the Opry, and they said that I'm not banned.

Yeah, it's-Contre is forgiving. They are really forgiving people.

It is. And the saddest part about it is, and I don't even really want to use these words, but somebody is going to get arrested. Somebody is going to get something that happens. And some people might say it's good for you. But for me, I'm like, that's sad. The biggest thing I learned was Okay, take nothing that you read online for full-blown truth, because everything you never know. From my experience, especially what was going on then, I was going through some heavy, heavy, heavy shit, not even postpartum, not even my breakup, not even just that.

Can we touch on it?

I mean, it was a dark situation that I can't talk about, and I don't really want to. Like a relationship? Yeah, it was like bad shit that was going on. Because of that, no one knew what was really going on. And they just thought, God forbid, somebody looks and thinks, wow, what was going on with her that day? I played two shows that day. I played two fucking shows. The first show was great. It was perfect. But I hadn't eaten. I hadn't done anything. I hadn't slept in days. I had such bad anxiety and everything. And I just walked back on stage, and I'd taken one shot too many. We went through that alleyway and went to Robert's Western World, and a bunch of people were celebrating. And I took one shot of tequila when I had been drinking a martini. I was like the tiniest I'd ever been. And boom, I could come, too, and the curtains down. And it sucks. It's awful. But at the same time, I went home and I was like, I never want to cry like that in a car ride home. I never want to wake up feeling like that ever again.

I never I don't want to feel that shame. I never want to... Any time dolly partner calls you is cool, but I didn't want it to be under those circumstances. But she called me to make me feel better.

She's a sweet angel of a woman.

She's literally proof of angels. She truly is. I think what that taught... I learned so much from this experience. If I can come out of it, I'm literally anyone can. I've had so many experiences like that. I hope I have less of them in the future.

I'm with you, girl. I went through some shit this last week. I'm like, Lord, what are you trying to teach me?

Come on. My book of lessons is getting full.

But I don't know.

Do you believe in many lives?

Absolutely. I also believe in soul contracts, and I believe that. Me too. Tell me, what do you believe? Let me know. Okay.

I believe I did... Okay, this is wacky. No, I love it. I don't know if people believe in this stuff. No, we do. I'm so into it. I'm very spiritual. I'm very connected to spirit. I meditate. I've got guides. I studied with- I love you. Sister. Yes.

I read tarot. Where have you been? They're all over here laughing because this is me.

Okay, amazing. Okay, good.

Then I'm- You found your coven.

Okay, great. I did this one reading with a woman, and it was called a rose reading. I'd never done anything like that. And she went through some past lives. And because I'm clairvoyant and clairsentient, I also don't talk about this a lot, but I don't care. I have nothing high. Me too. And you are, too? Yes. Okay. I believe that. And I feel like that's why we're supposed to be connected. I love it. It was over the phone because it was during COVID. It was right before COVID when things were starting to get crazy. And she was explaining a couple of my past lives, and I was locked in with her, and I could see her. I could see everything that she was seeing. Everything lined up. And I asked her, I said, Have I ever had a child in a past life? And she said, No. And so she said, You're going to have to make a soul contract with someone to bring for this lifetime. And I've even had... Psychics, one time I was pregnant before I had a miscarriage, and he was like, Have you ever had a miscarriage? And I was like, No, not that I know of.

Boom, a week later, I had a miscarriage. And then the next pregnancy It's missed. I think that I had to have a soul contract with either my baby. I don't know how all of it works, but I know that my baby chose me, and I know that he's destined to be here. But to do that, I'm so into healing, and I'm all into a lot of spiritual stuff. I felt like it's true. I saw something online that was like, if you're ever feeling called to a place, you need to go because there's something that has to happen there. I'd never been to Bali, and I went probably, it was in January, and I had two back to back miscarriages in September, and Oh, yeah. End of August and into September and was still on the road three days after, bleeding on stage, everything. So sad and doomy gloomy.

It's easier now. No, but that's your childhood trauma is to push through any pain and not sit in it.

Yeah, because I can't. That's when I lose my mind. Me too.

I don't want to wallow.

No, I'm like, Okay, what job can I do? Okay, what can I do? Like, let's make another album. Let's do something. Then I lose my mind because I'm not actually taking the time. My new thing, I got to feel it to heal it. And so that's what I did. That's why I took time this year. I know I'm bouncing all over the place.

No, I love it. I'll draw you in. Okay, cool.

I felt this pull to Bali, and I looked up this healing ceremony in the middle of the jungle, and I dragged my best friend with me, and she was like, okay. Even though she's into metaphysical, spiritual stuff, she was like, this is a little much. And I'm meeting with this healer, and she says to me, I was like, I had a miscarriage, and all I want to be is a mother. And she said, well, the soul is a boy, and he'll come back to you. And I said, What do I have to do? She said, You have to make a sacrifice. And I was like, Quitting smoking? And she was like, just looked at me and got up and walked away and then did this crazy thing where they whip you with flowers. It was beautiful. And poured all this gorgeous water all over you. And then you scream. And then they paint flowers all over you, and they pray for you. And it's beautiful. It was so incredible. And that year is when I got pregnant, and I had a boy, and it was just beautiful. I believe it. There's something so, I think, important about just what your convictions are and what you believe in.

And it's so simple as the thoughts you tell yourself or the things that you say out loud. All of it is energy.

Words are spells. Yes. Yes.

I tell everybody that. It's everything that you... Like today, I had a doctor's appointment, and I was really scared about it.

And I didn't even-Me, too. I had one today, too. What was yours about? Can we ask?

I'll tell you after. Okay. But I didn't want to put negative. I was so freaked out about it that I refused to say, it's not going to be good. I'm nervous. Yes. And I felt like that was better.

I had one today, too, where I was finding out if I really had an aneurysm on my carotid artery. Oh, my gosh. I had just found out last week that I had one. Today, I got the news that I didn't have one. And I know exactly what you're saying because when I prayed, I wasn't like, God, please don't let me have this. I just said, whatever your will is and let me know what the lesson is here. I get that. I understand when you're so scared, your first thing is you want to be like, no, please don't let that. But I really was just like, surrender. It was my moment to actually learn how to have faith. It worked. I'm telling you right now, if you don't speak those things into your life, not saying that it doesn't happen for everybody, but if you don't speak those things into your life, you can definitely, I feel, change the energy or the trajectory of what's about to happen. Yes.

And you can create that. Absolutely. That's the whole thing about manifestation, which is something I learned about this year. And even just speaking it, I didn't realize what I was doing. When I took time off, I was thinking, Oh, fuck. I could go back to the world and I could have no fucking career. I could have no musical career. I could never play a show again. I could get dropped from my label. My management could drop me. And I started thinking, All right, bitch, what do you want to fucking do? What would be cool? What would excite you? Because I'm a very passionate person. I'm a very hard worker. And I thought, Wouldn't it be cool to play a bad guy in a movie? Because my dad's an actor, and I don't really feel like I get a lot of the nepotism stuff. And it makes me sad for the people who do because- That's One thing I've loved about you is that when I was researching your life story, you're a lot like me.

I didn't come from very much, but I always wanted to pave my own way, and you were just like, I want to make my own way. I respect.

I didn't really grow up with my dad. I grew up with my mom and my- Let's touch on that.

Let's go back and talk about that real quick. You are a daughter of Rob Schneider, Daddy Schneider. Every time I say that, she blushes. Oh, my And a beautiful Ms. London King, who was a supermodel, correct? She's the coolest. You are her twin. You guys are beautiful. You are her twin. I can see a little bit of your dad in you, but you are her just reincarnated. Take me on this journey with your childhood, because I don't think a lot of people don't know that your dad was not in your life growing up.

No, he really wasn't. It's interesting because, yeah, I was born in California, but my parents, they weren't married for very long. They didn't really know each other. And my mom had a son before me. My mom was a really, really young mom. My family comes from Southern Ohio, very close to West Virginia, and it's a super small town. I think it's like 1800 people, which is big for a small town. There's more than one stoplight. And it's a place that is and always has been my constant because my family moved around a lot. And my parents, they split. And I would spend time with my dad, but my mom raised me, always. My mom, single mom, until she met my stepdad, who also he's my dad. He totally raised me.

Shout out to the step parents. I'm a step parent.

Yes, you are. And they're so important. And I definitely wouldn't be a musician if it weren't for my stepdad. He taught me everything I know about music. I mean, I'm wearing... He's got his own label, Good Times Rock and Roll Club. I'm wearing his shirt. He's a screen printer.

I want one.

Yeah, definitely. They'll send you a whole care package and records and stuff. I would love that. So cool. And he's just the most badass person ever. And my mom, I saw her reinvent herself almost every 10 years because she was a fit model. She was a model. She did some acting, and then she became a fitness instructor, and she She was really, really, really into health. And then when we moved to New York, when I was about twelve years old, we left Ohio because my stepdad's from New York, and my mom became a doula, and she My mom's pretty crunchy, but she's the coolest. She encapsulated my placenta.

Okay, what is encapsulating placenta just for people at home who don't know what that is?

Okay, so the placenta is basically, it's like a filter, but it's also what gives all the nutrients and all the life from the uterus to the baby. And it's what's connected to the umbilical cord from the baby to the mama. Sometimes they call it the afterbirth, and it comes out after you have After you give birth. We are the only... I don't want fact checkers to come after me, but I'm going to try my best. We're the only mammals that don't instinctively or naturally eat our placenta or after birth because it's It's so full of nutrients. I don't know if anyone's ever seen a dog or a cat give birth, but they eat it.

They eat the membranes off their puppies and stuff.

I've seen that. Yes, because it helps them. Some people say that... Well, I mean, there's a lot of factual evidence behind it, but I don't want super Western medicine people to come after me about that. Because I believe it. Everybody gives grace here. Yeah. Okay, great. My mom cooks the placenta and then encapsulates it, and then the woman or the mother slowly eats it over time. Just like a vitamin.

What does it taste like? Anything?

Well, Dan, my boyfriend, He ate a piece of my placenta. It was cooked. It was cooked. He was like, this is the closest I could be to a cannibal. It's like guys with neck tattoos who are funny. I don't know.

What are you going to do? They're wild. You're like, Let's make another baby.

Yeah, exactly. But it made me feel... When I took it, it made me feel anxious. I don't know. I always feel like I'm letting my mom down because she's this angel, angelic. I was a V-back, so she had a C-section with my brother, and then she had a natural birth with me. She said it was an orgasmic birth. There's a- I love mom.

I know.

Oh, my God. I love mom.

She's right up my alley.

Yeah, It was wonderful. You guys would love each other. She literally made me and Dan watch this documentary called Orgasmicbirth. I was like, cool, mom.

Tell me about this, Orgasmicbirth. I've never heard of this.

Okay, great. Neither had I. No, actually, I've heard of it my whole life because my mom was like, I had an orgasmic birth with you. I was like, Mom, stop telling people that.

Words every kid wants to hear. Yes.

But it's basically the whole idea of it. From what I took from the documentary, I was like, I'm not having that. That's not me. I was like, Cut this puppy out. You get yourself into this state. I was just watching that show Too Hot to Handle, where they had energy orgasms. Yeah. Okay. I love that. I don't think it's that far off from that. So you get yourself into this state of relaxation, and you're connected with your partner. And then I guess you have this flush that's an orgasmic release of... I don't think it's a sexual pleasure, but watching that thing, you can learn a lot from reality TV. I can understand now how it could be this orgasmic feeling of, Oh, my gosh, combined with I did it, and, Wow, my baby's here.

Just pride and joy. It makes me think, Do I want to try for a V-back if I have another kid?

I don't know. There's a lot of things. Most likely, if I were, I would be like, Cut this fucker out. That's how I was in my pregnancy.

I still think it's a beautiful thing to think about. I'm scared to death of natural birth. That's why Jay and I are doing IVF, and we're going to get a surrogate, but because I also have issues, too. At this age, I don't have time for miscarriages and stuff like that. But yeah, women who give birth, man, you guys are fucking savages, dude. That is the most barbarically beautiful thing that a woman can do. I mean, you guys are literally just pushing a soul out of your body.

Yeah, it's pretty wild. I mean, I had a C-section. I flicked out on the table. I was screaming, I can't feel my legs. I was screaming for that. I was like, It's so me. They didn't even let my mom come up because it was during freaking COVID. I was like, Give me, literally, Give me drugs. Where is Dan? Screaming for him to come in there.

Poor Dan's in a corner somewhere. I know. He's like, What's going on, babe?

But it was cool. I feel like I won't do anything that my parents ever expect of me. I felt sad. I don't know. I'm just a different person, and I definitely have a very different destiny. But I also thought, because my pregnancy was so hard and intense, and before Dan and I back together, I wanted another child. And I asked my sister, I was like, because she's had three kids, she got her tubes tied, but she can still tote it. Yeah. And I was like, I love that. I was like, hey, would you carry maybe for me? It wasn't even Two seconds later, she's like, If you pay for a tummy tuck, it's like, That's good. That's cool. I love that. Yeah. I was looking up cryobanks and everything. And I think that surrogacy is so beautiful. And What a gift. I hate it when I see that people get anything negative about how they choose to be healthy, how they choose to welcome children into this world. It should only be... I have chill seeing it. It should only ever be celebrated. Because again, to bring it back, you have no fucking idea what someone had to go through to even get to that point to make that decision.

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When you went through the dolly situation, I remember it broke my heart, and I reached out to you because I was like, She doesn't fucking deserve I've met you. I've felt your energy. I'm like, She is the sweetest fucking soul. That's why I reached out to you because I wanted you to know you're not alone. But this online shit, man, it's bad. It is mob mentality, and it's millions of people mob mentality that just have a fucking-I feel like it's getting worse, too. It is because there's no recourse. No. If you say something, nothing happens. I thought after all the stuff from early 2000s with the Perez Hilton and all of that, just horrible, horrific bullying.

Then I thought maybe, Okay, no more bullying is a thing. No. The saddest part about it, which is the only way that I can still have a fucking Instagram, It's like, okay, that person who's saying that is hurting.

You have to post and ghost. That's what I do now. I mean, yes. I had to learn that in the last six months. Well, you can't look at it, right? No. I'll look at the first five, and then I leave it alone for a A few days when I'm feeling a little bit stronger, and then I'll go back in. By that time, I'm over that post, and it doesn't mean anything. So I'll just delete or block if I need to. But I just post and ghost. It's been a blessing for my mental health, dude.

You have to because most days, I'm like, I don't want to do Instagram. I used to love it. I used to love it because I actually interact with my fans. And then some people would comment like, Hey, you're getting 150 really be kind things, and you're only interacting with the person who said something mean.

I get that, too.

And it's weird because you know what? That's fucking true. That's so true. Why? And then people, they want that. They want to fight. It's so weird.

You can't win. You cannot win. It doesn't matter. They're always wittier. For some reason, they will come back and say some of the craziest shit, and you're just like, Son of a bitch.

It's really, really wild. I just go straight for your mom jokes because it's so- Me too.

I do that. I That's my whole thing. They'll be like, You're such a whore. I'll be like, That's not what your dad said about your mom. I'll say something fucking funny.

I said, That's not what your mom said last night. Okay. Because it's so stupid.

Yeah. No, seriously. Let's circle back to your childhood. You grew up in Ohio. I think a lot of people were like, when you did, and we'll get into your albums and stuff like that. But when you did cross over into country, did you get any pushback because people were like, Oh, you're not country, but really, you are. You grew up in a rural part of Ohio.

Yeah, I didn't actually get any pushback. I think because I connected with country fans. And the biggest pushback was that, okay, when I would get really drunk, if anyone were to ever meet my brother and see us together, we say the Billy comes out, like my Hillbilly comes out. And so when I'm drunk, I become this Ruta Tate and fucking Hillbilly.

Yosemite Sam.

Yes. Yeah. But no one ever takes the time to find out where someone's from. No one ever takes the time to find out their parents' history. It's like, all they see is she was born in LA, her My dad's Rob Schneider. She's like, God forbid, you find out that I'm also Filipino, and my family is hillbilly as fuck in a nice way.

Who's Filipino?

My dad's Filipino. Wow. I never know. I had two very different... I spent a A lot of time with my dad's mom, my grandmother. She's from Manila, and I had a really large Filipino family in Northern California. My dad would always be working, but my grandmother, she would fly at 60 something years old. She would fly from San Francisco to Columbus, Ohio, pick me up at four or five years old, fly me back to San Francisco to spend a weekend with me, fly me back to Columbus, and then she would fly back to San Francisco. That That's grandmother love right there. That is. She taught me a lot about family values. I love Filipino culture. I love the Filipino food. Me, too. Yeah, it's so good. So good. I had that, and then I had this very super American, Midwest country family life in Ohio. But I was a rebel. I got kicked out of school in second grade. I was always in trouble. I was friends with all the bad kids.

Where do you think that rebellious it came from? Do you think it was from your father's absence?

It could have had a lot of that. I think now that I'm a mom, if I hear of something with a child that is acting out, my first thought is, what needs are not being met of the child? Not, oh, that's a problem kid. Oh, that kid is a fuck up. And I was labeled as a really bad kid. But honestly, I didn't have a A massive amount of structure. My mom was a hustler. My mom was working. She always had three jobs. She was always traveling. My mom would go back and forth to Hong Kong. So we spent a lot of time with my grandparents in Southern Ohio.

Mom and papa. Mom and Papa, yeah. I did my research. Yes.

And so I don't know. And then if I would ever spend a summer with my dad, it would be on a movie set, and I would just get lost in the shuffle.

Did you ever feel like you guys could connect, or it was just more of like- Not till I was much, much older. I feel like, and this is not an excuse for dads at all, but I feel like dads have a hard time relating to younger kids. I think-Not all of them.

It's hard. I think dads who make the choice to connect with their kids do. My My dad and my relationship is a real big ebb and flow. Right now, we're not flowing. I disagree with a lot of the things that he says. I don't know. You can want someone to change so much. And ultimately, you can't control anyone else's actions. You can't control people's feelings. All you can control is how you react and what you do with your feelings. Absolutely. And sometimes I fucking boil up and I boil over and I fucking bust my lid. I'm trying so hard to not be that way because-I feel like that's how I'm wired the same way.

And my dad and I actually have the same had. He just passed away in May. I'm sorry. It's okay. He and I had the same type of relationship where I felt like I was always the one to give it to my dad because nobody else did. But I was always the one that was there to be like, No, you're wrong. No, you need to change this. No. Even in the end, it never got I thought through.

You try every different angle. I would try letters. I would try soft. I would try yelling. It's just like, well, see, look, you're yelling. You're yelling. Or like, you can't even stick up for yourself. It's like, what? It's psychotic.

It's that generation of men, for some reason, they're so fucking toxic, and they're cool being toxic. It's everybody else's fault.

Everyone else is the problem because they're perfect, and they write, and they're right.

They're so smooth in their delivery, too. You're just like, Oh, there's some fucking emotion.

That is sick. You are wrong for that. It's so fucking weird. Ultimately, it made me a very strong person, but I'm also an extremely anxious person, too. You grew up with OCD, correct?

Oh, yeah. When did that start? When did you start realizing, Hey, I have an issue here with this because I'm OCD myself.

Okay. My OCD comes out in very mild Tourette's, and And I twitch constantly. And oh, my gosh, I'm so embarrassed about it.

No, it's beautiful.

What do you mean? It makes me mad because people are like, she's tweaking online. It's like, motherfucker, I used to be fucking tweaking, and nobody said shit then. And now I'm fucking sober. And now my Tourette's are fucking coming out because I'm not even taking medications for it because I'm just trying to come into my womanhood and be myself. And it's like my hands twitch. And it's so that my facial ticks don't go crazy. But my OCD, I was diagnosed when I was in sixth grade because I had this whole number thing and this touching thing. I had to touch everything with two fingers, really intense stuff. I was a compulsive eater. So And that was something that a lot of people in my family had big issues with. And it's like, oh- It's got to be hard because your mom was a supermodel.

I'm sure your mom probably dealt with her own issues with eating, too, because being in that industry, there's no way that you can't. Cutthroat.

So cutthroat. And she had to stay a size six consistently, or she would not get work. But my mom, see, my mom spun it in a way where she took her struggles and all the pressures that she felt her whole life. She spun it into always telling me to love myself. She had a chubby daughter because I felt like both of my parents had their obsessions with eating. I'm probably going to get in so much over for talking about this, but I don't care. My mom will be proud.

I was going to I think that people need to hear this because not enough people do talk about it. My husband struggles with the same thing, and he's very open about it. I think that there's a large number of kids that need to hear this, too.

It's hard. It's so hard. You think about all the things that someone could get addicted to. And ultimately, one, I'm going to dig into all of them. Two, it started with food for me and compulsive eating because it was where I found comfort. And both of my grandmothers, they were huggable. They were heavier women, but they had so much trauma that they grew up with. And my grandmother saw her freaking brother get beheaded in the war in the Philippines.

Oh, my goodness.

She would eat and she would feed me. She would feed me lots of food. And then my grandmother-It's also a love language, too. 100%. My grandmother in Ohio, my mom all like, she could cook like nobody's business. And she was just like, Baby, you want more? Let me feed you. And it was just so good. I would put sweet cream corn on top of my mashed potatoes. And that's what I would eat. That's literally still to this day, my comfort food. Sounds so good. It's so delicious. Sounds so good. But maybe not good for you, but I guess, subjective, right? I was a really, really heavy child. My dad sent me to fat camp. I mean, yeah, it was rough. Then I got in trouble one year because I sprained my ankle and I didn't lose any weight. It was very toxic and very silly.

It's got to be rough. How old were you when you got sent to the fat camp? Is it okay to call it a fat camp?

Hey, I called it that, and that's when I I just want to.

I just want to make sure I don't insult anybody because I feel so bad. It's awful.

But the F word is so triggering for me.

For me, too, because of my husband. I've seen the effects of that word on people, and it's so hurtful. And so I just want to make sure we pronounce it.

It's so awful. But that's where he sent me to. I remember him. How old were you? I went two summers in a row. I was 11 and 12.

What do they do in these camps?

They literally You get a slice of turkey and steam vegetables for every meal, and they make you work out all day long.

That's not healthy, though. No. You need way more calories than that to make your metabolism.

Yeah. And also you need fucking therapy. You need to talk about it. There it is. And you need to figure out what is causing you to eat.

There's no therapy in those?

I never had therapy. They did things that were like... Adults went there, too. I think some people saw results. Because they were starving themselves. Yeah. There was a lot of other stars kids who went there. That was sad. It was just dark.

That's got to be traumatizing. That probably had to start your anger towards your father, too.

Oh, yeah, 100%. But it got to a point where I didn't want to spend the summer with him. I got kicked out of almost every school I went to. I got kicked out when the first school that I went to in New York City was a school called York Prep. I don't know. I was probably... I refuse to wear the uniform. I would like, yell back at teachers. I always had problems with authority.

Me, too. I got kicked out at every school Well, I went to, too. See? I get it.

But we're not dumb. We don't have a lack of intelligence. We probably just learn a different way than any box structure that most people can function in a one size fits all.

I think us as children, the types of women that we are, we also learned at a very young age that we were surrounded by people we did not want to be like. I know that my family, I looked around at everybody and I'm like, You toxic motherfuckers. Not saying I wasn't, but I was just like, Man, I am here to break a cycle. Yes. And I think that's even though we didn't know that's what we were doing at such a young age, we're like rebels without a cause. But really, we did have a cause. We were sent here to shake shit up and break some chains. Yeah.

Even if it hurts, because Unfortunately, we're also strong enough to be able to handle and carry that burden of hurt because in some dark, twisted knife way, it will continue to push us. And I believe it that God never gives us anything that we can't handle. Sometimes it feels like, Are you sure?

Yeah. Last week, that's how I felt. I was like, You mean we good? What's happening?

But I don't know. I think that now that I'm less destructive, I can see the blessings and the lessons in things much sooner. I mean, literally, as these words are leaving my mouth, I'm like, Listen to that, bitch.

Listen to it. Yes. When you're in it, it is so hard. Trust me, I get it. Like I said, I just went through it in it. But it is amazing what the mind can do because what the mind believes the body will follow. I always tell people that. Words are spells. It doesn't matter what you say. If you say, I feel like I'm going to die. I have a problem saying stuff like that. When I don't feel good, I'll be like, I feel like I'm going to die. Then I have to correct myself and be I don't know. I don't mean that. You have to really be careful with what you say and what you put in the world. Definitely. So going back, so you had said that you got to a point where you stopped wanting to go and spend summers with your dad. Yeah.

I mean, he was filming this one prison movie in Stockton, California, in a prison. I was going to say there's not very many cool hang spots in Stockton. Exactly.

Shout out the Dias brothers.

I had already started getting tattooed, and it was like 108 degrees every single day. So I was having to wear sweaters because my dad was very anti-tattoos or any form of self-expression that differed from what he wanted for me. Not that he ever even thought about me.

You're killing my fantasy of Robin. I'm so sorry. It's over. It's done. It's over with. I'm so sorry. I'm T-Mal all day. I'm so sorry. I'm T-Mal all day.

But yeah, I would get in so much trouble. And now, a massive part of I guess, little tease that have turned into massive paranoia. Wait, paranoia? Yes.

What's paranoia? I don't know. I was going to say, is that like ghosts or something?

I don't know. But it'd be a goal dog name. I'll spend one day in this witchy house. It's cool. I don't even remember what I was talking about.

Oh, dad, you had to wear sweaters, covering the tattoos.

I didn't want to be... Okay, my little teeth. So I would get in so much trouble if I ever, oh, my gosh, if I ever messed up a shot or if I ever was an arm in the camera or if I ever was talking, I would get in fucking trouble. I'm really putting shit out there right now. But my dad forgot about every single birthday. I spent my 18th birthday in a summer school class with Algebra 1, because if I didn't take it, I wouldn't graduate. They brought me cupcakes, and I came home. My dad forgot my birthday. It's okay. I read an entire- But that's hurtful. Yeah, it's totally hurtful. But you know what?

That shapes and molds you.

I put every ounce of my being into my son's birthday. Every birthday, even for my friends. Every birthday, because I know how it feels to be forgotten on your birthday. And that's so sad. It's like, come on, it's my one fucking day. It's my one day. Give me that. Yeah, give me that. I stopped wanting to go. And then I got kicked out of school in New York in sixth or seventh grade. And my mom was like, I am done with her. I was being bad. I got my tongue pierced. My mom walked in on me and a boy, and she was like, she's-Moms losing her shit. Yes. And my mom is tough. My mom, she doesn't give up on me ever. But my mom was like, She's fucking your problem. And he was like, what do you want me to do with her? And he was going to Amsterdam. So I was 14 and he took me to Amsterdam. And he...

Oh, no. I've not a recipe for disaster.

My dad hired this 21 year old sweet, sweet. She was an Indian young woman. She was a virgin, and her name was Ammon. And she was like, she was lovely. And every single day I'd say, let's go to the flower markets. And I I would be like, oh, yeah. Wow. Look at those tulips. And then I would dip back behind. I'd watch her freak out looking for me, and I'd go straight to the red light district. I still, to this day, roll the best joints ever. But I wanted culture. I wanted to see things, and I didn't want every single day I would ditch the nanny, and she didn't want to lose her job, so she never told my dad. So I basically just spent however many months we were there in Amsterdam. I would go to my homeschool teacher. I was learning some Dutch and French or something, but I never paid attention. I can always distract somebody. I had this one tutor. I'd be like, Oh, you're into Dungeons and Dragons? That's cool. I don't really want to learn about science, man. And then one time we went to... Any time my dad would have me on a trip, he would forget that he had me.

I know because he's not a great planner.

He's That's the least of his worries. Yeah.

And so he took me to Russia with him. Oh, no. I was probably 18. Actually, but the thing is, I refuse to waste a trip. Yeah.

I love that even at such a young age, you were like, motherfucker, I'm here to live. Yeah.

We were in Russia, and he was in a basement getting ready to do some TV show. He had two security guards, and I was like, Hey, we're in Moscow. I'm not sitting in this basement TV studio. I was like, I'm going to go out. And he always just be reading something like, whatever. Take one of the security guards with you. I was like, great. So this beautiful Russian tuxedo fucking wearing, young, handsome security guard. I was like, What do you do in Moscow? And he's like, Do you like to ride rides? And I was like, I fucking love rides. Takes me to an amusement park, rides all the fucking rides with me, is in photo booth pictures with me, takes me to get the big Russian hat. And then I had started to lose some of my teenage weight. And he was staying with this very... My dad was there for this really rich lady, and she let me buy this La Perla gown and heels because they had some fashion show. I'm such a tomboy. I don't know how to walk in heels. There was 25 steps down from this party, and the guy was like, Nikolai, he picked me up, walks me down the steps, opens the limo with me in his arms, and sets me down.

I was like, Yeah, thank you.

Did you and Nikolai ever hook up?

No, no, no. No, no, no. But I think of him fondly. It's just like that was my bodyguard moment.

What's Baby Daddy's name? Dan, you're not listening.

Dan, you're not listening right now. We're never going to Russia together. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. Fucking Dan. Dan's like, We're never going to Russia, babe. He's like, Damn it. Damn it, Nikolai. He didn't tell him that Nikolai story. That or he's going to be like, Next time we have sex, call me Nikolai. Okay, I love that.

I love that. Babe, just pick me up.

I love that. So circling back, though, you did say that your stepfather influenced your trajectory into music. Yes. Take me on that journey.

So my stepdad, his name is Justin, and he met my mom. He was the lead singer in this rock and roll band in Columbus called Bob City. Amazing rock and roll. And my mom started dating him, and her best friend was dating somebody else in the band. We love band boys around here.

Yes.

And I just had rock and roll people all around me. And he still, to this day, has the best record collection I've ever seen. And he came into our lives when I was, I don't know, maybe six or seven. And I I remember being so young, and he didn't care, sticky-fingered kids and all. Just like, he would let me go through all the records, and he'd be like, You like that? Listen to this. Some of my earliest memories of singing along to music is my first I'm singing into a hairbrush in the mirror is Captain and Tenille, Love Will Keep Us Together. It's because he had all these records. And he would say... He still makes new music Friday playlists that he sends out to all of his friends because he just has the coolest taste in music. And he just shaped me. And so when we moved to New York, my mom always had me... You always have to have some extracurricular because I think she knew academics were not going to be the foot that I lead with. I love that, the foot that I lead with. I was taking violin at four years old, or anytime I wanted to quit something, she'll be like, You can quit it, but you have to replace it something.

I tried ice-skating I'm like, I sports is not my thing. Summer water stuff, that's me. But frozen stuff, no. Or piano, vocal lessons. When we moved to New York, his best friend and one of his bandmates, Yoquim, super talented guitar player, He taught me how to play guitar, and it was just on from there. And the way he taught me, it was just like, I can't teach you how to read music, but I can teach you how to play all your favorite songs, and I can help you learn how to sing along to it. I think Because I studied Suzuki, which is an ear training method on violin, I think I'm more attuned to stringed instruments. I can pick up almost like a guitar, a bass, a violin, a mandolin, Banjo, anything, and find a way around it.

That's a talent, too, though. That's a talent. Not everybody can do that.

Jack of all traits, master of none. But that's fine. It's okay.

I feel like she's like my soul sister. It's It's so crazy. It's a talent, though, because I actually was taught how to read music, so I can read music, but if I hear something, I can't play it. So I've always been envious of people who can do that. I think that's such a beautiful thing.

Well, maybe we have to start a band.

I'll do it. I'll do it. And then we'll go on tour with Daddy Roll. Yes.

I mean, listen, I had fun on that tour. I loved it. We had a blast, dude. And you know what? Oh, my gosh. When I saw you guys at Stage Coach, he came During the show, came over and gave me a big hug. But that's who Jolly Roll is.

We love El, man. I love you guys. You're just a little light. You remind me of fairy energy, and don't take that the wrong way.

No, I don't. In one of my past lives. She was like, You were Fay in the beginning times of Earth. I love that.

No, you do. You just have this twinkle about you. It doesn't matter what you're going through. It's like you are always just trying to make everybody happy around you. I just love that about you.

I I feel like I saw a lot of things back in Hollywood where you didn't get in trouble for how you treated people. And I'll never forget seeing after someone got yelled at, for instance, how that made someone feel. And I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm sure there's a lot of people who have worked for me or be like, She's a fucking bitch. And I am not a perfect person. I have grown a lot, and And I've eaten shelves of humble pie. But I really do believe, especially just for where I'm at now, everything that has brought me to here, it's like all I can control is my reaction. And I've been a very reactive person my whole life. But if I continue to put out what I hope to receive, then I can feel the path of my life and the trajectory of my joy going to where I hope it lands. And that's just like waking up, making choices. I look at my son lucky. I say, We're choosing kindness today, buddy.

I love his name. Thank you. So cute.

We got lucky with him.

I love that. And I think as unforgiving as the world feels, they love to See Growth. I think them just hearing this podcast is going to change their entire perception of you.

Well, thank you for giving me the opportunity. And I'm obsessed with you.

Oh, girl, you come here anytime, baby. You can sit on my couch I do not care. I always have space for you.

We have to see the evolution of growth. We really do.

So see next year. Yeah, seriously. Take me on this journey of your first album that you dropped in 2015. What were the steps that led up to that? Because not everybody can just get an album and a record deal and all that stuff.

No, it's pretty crazy. I've been playing shows since I was 15 years old, and my mom was always super, super supportive. She would help me sneak into bars She knew that I had a fake ID. I had a talent for it. I started writing songs at 14 years old. Then once I started playing the Banjo, it was different. I stood out. I was playing country songs in New York, and I was getting residencies at 18, 19 years old. And then a manager found out about me, and I had already left New York, was living in LA, losing my mind, going crazy. Like, LA is not for me.

I always find that fascinating because it's like most people who grew up in New York can't handle LA, and most people who grew up in LA can't handle New York. I grew up in Vegas and LA. So when I go to New York, I'm over stimulated. Yeah.

No, it can be a lot. I romanticize about New York, and I really love going back to visit now because my mom and dad, my stepdad still live there, and my son loves going to New York. So it's always a really fun time now. I got very accustomed to having acreage, even if it's five. I have to have a four wheeler. Right now, I'm like, I cruise around the neighborhood. I don't have acreage, but we're buying another house. And I love four wheelers and golf carts. And I have a tractor in my East Nashville yard.

Come out this way.

You know what? We're looking, and it's 20 minutes away from here. So it's really, really beautiful. Mama needs a pool. So I got to swim.

Yes, ma'am. We were talking about you getting your first album, Music Journey.

I moved to LA, and I just was always playing shows. I wasn't signed, nothing. Then this manager, I started working with him.

Did your dad ever try to help you? Not to cut you off. No, no, no, no, no, no. You didn't want his help.

No. And honestly, I didn't talk to my dad. I go for four or five years without talking to my dad. So I got signed. I released my album, everything. Honestly, when I put out my record and people finally started to ask about my dad, my dad called me and was like, Don't fucking talk about me in the press. All right. Okay, great. But also it's like, Get fucked. I don't care. Hey, listen, people have asked me about your fucking ass for years. You're talking out your ass and you're talking shit about drag and fucking anti-gay rights. And it's like, get fucked.

Oh, no, I never heard that. I didn't know that.

He's just talking out his ass, and I want to use this opportunity to say, I disagree. I do not agree with what he says. I believe in all forms of love, and I just believe in anyone finding their happiness and their joy in whatever way, whatever capacity that is. There are no politics when it comes to love. Absolutely. That's it. Yeah, he never helped me. I never wanted his help. He also didn't have a very good reputation, so I didn't want... That was really it. It wasn't even a lot of like, I've got to pay my own way. I was like, I don't want to be associated with him. I'm going to get in trouble saying that, but I don't care.

Good reputation as in working with him?

He's just not nice. He's just not nice. I wanted to be nice. My whole thing is I always want people to want to work with me again. And not everyone can say that because I'm not perfect. And I've fucked up a lot.

We all learn and we all grow. Yeah.

But my label hasn't dropped me. So I went in. It was Christmas of probably 2014. I was maybe 22 years old, and I go into an empty office, and it was before Sony bought EMI. And this guy named Jake Otman, I just went in with my Banjo, and I played a song called Good to be a Man. And he signed me right on the spot. So I got a publishing deal. He sent that song to Peter Edge, who's the chairman of RCA. And I'd been talking to some labels, and everyone was dicking me around. And RCA was the first... I mean, mind you, they had Elvis, and they had so many bands that I really loved. And they were always full steady, always consistent, never made me feel like they were dicking me around or anything or like, weirdly courting me. They were just cool and great, and I felt like they truly believed in me.

Which is rare for record labels.

Yes, which is very rare. Even though I found out that men were getting $10 million deals, I didn't get a lot of money for mine, but I felt like they believed in me. My first album had great success.

It was a great album.

Thank you. Exes and O's was awesome.

Ain't nobody's baby, baby. That was my shit, girl. That and mean was Oh, thank you. My Shit, Mean is a great song, dude. Thank you so much. I love that.

Well, I'm trying to get back to that whole aspect of just writing. I don't know. It's hard. I think it was Bob Dylan. I don't know who said it, but you have your whole life to write your first album, and then a year to write your next one. It's just strange. I got a lot of nominations on that first album. I topped a lot of charts, and then I kept going. It makes me uncomfortable to say, but I'm also very proud. I've broken a lot of records. I think back to 11-year-old chubby me, Ellie, at fat camp. People always saying, you're not going to ever do anything.

It's like, You did it on your own, too.

Yes, I did. Eat it up.

Suck it while it's soft.

Yes. I'm very proud. I want my son to know that. Sometimes I think about, at what age do I tell my son, Son, don't Google me because stuff will come up.

What's he going to find out? A mom that speaks her mind and doesn't take shit? I don't know. That's respectable to me. I don't have a problem with a woman who stands her ground. Granted, there's a couple of situations that you've owned up to. But just because your mistakes happen online and in front of people doesn't mean that other people aren't making similar mistakes behind closed doors.

They just aren't on a fucking grand TikTok scale.

Exactly.

But America loves a comeback story. And I will say, if I didn't come back out the gate swinging and with my shit together and putting on great shows, I put a lot of effort I can't afford energy and money into this. I have an opportunity. I have an opportunity to show that I've grown, that I am better than ever, that that might be one facet. My mess-ups, they are part of me, and they are part of... Ultimately, I feel like I learn more. I always say expensive lessons are the best to learn because I can't afford to make that one again. And so they're a part of me. Where it hurts. Yeah. But I can look back and laugh and just be like, wow, that was so crazy. And it wasn't even that long ago that I was like, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to fucking be here. Maybe the world is better. Maybe it is better off without me. And to think Now I'm like, wow, that was pretty crazy. I was like, oh, probably should have eaten that day. I feel like it's very much behind me, and I feel so distanced from it.

And I feel like I'm happier.

Because you're not that same person. I'm not. And if Dolly can forgive you, the world can forgive you.

Totally. But I also think that there's such a massive part of that that helped me get to this point where I'm the happiest I've ever been. I'm not putting as much pressure on. I I was like, I had so much pressure that I was putting on myself to lose all my baby weight. I was going crazy. I was losing my mind. And now I'm like, You know what? I think I'm okay. I don't need to meet anybody's standards but mine. I'm healthier than I've ever been. You look beautiful. Thank you. My brain is good. I'm taking healthy medication. There's nothing wrong with antidepressants. In fact, they're great for you.

You are on medication. Were you taking it for your postpartum or did postpartum pause you to get on them?

I was refusing to take any antidepressants because I felt like there's all these weird things. I don't know if it's OCD or just obsessive thinking, But I didn't want to get on it. I don't know if maybe part of it was like, I don't want to gain weight. I don't want to be sleepy. I don't want to feel like I can't create because I've tried to take a lot of any depressions before in my life, and sometimes they made me feel like I couldn't create or anything. But I also thought that I had to be high off my fucking mind to make a record in a month in the studio with my friends. It's like, that's actually not conducive, and it's not good for anyone. And you're a mom now. And so I finally was like, all right, I reached this point of, give me anything that will make me not feel sad. Give me anything that will make me feel more confident and less anxious because I don't want to feel like this. I got to it, and I figured it out. I take it into presence, and I feel great, and I feel happy.

I don't know. I just think that when you- There's nothing wrong.

If you need it, you need it.

No, there's nothing wrong with it at all. In fact, I'm like, You should take therapy. And if you might need medication, you should take it. But I also love Eastern medicine. I love acupuncture. I think a massage goes a long fucking way. Talk therapy is incredible, even on the computer. And where I'm at now, I'm like, tell me what to do. And when it used to be like, I don't want to fucking hear it now. What works? Throw this noodle at this wall. And if it sticks, I'll take it. That's good. I just want to be happy. And I've learned that if I can be the best person for me, that actually makes me a better mother for my son. Because I can't be doing any of this For anybody else, I have to do it for me because then I can be firm, steady, and grounded. And then when my cup is full, that's when I can give to other people. I've just noticed that I could be so much more present, and I can just be, I don't know. I wasn't such a bitch to Dan, and he was like, he started to soften.

Let's talk about Dan and Lucky. Let's talk about that area of your life.

I love them so much.

I see you light up. I see you light up when you talk about them, your stepfather and your mom, you just get this twinkle in your eye.

Family is so important to me. Sometimes it's your chosen family.

Amen. I got my chosen family. Jay, Bayly, those are my chosen family. I don't know what I would do without them.

They just become our sturdy rock. I think I've been really selfish a lot in my life because I'm such a hard, hard worker. But I didn't want to make a lot of the same mistakes that I grew up seeing. And so, again, this thing that happened in January, it just changed me. And I faced a lot of stuff from my childhood that I felt I could put to bed. And now I'm starting I've been given this opportunity to meet me where I'm at now and start working on these issues in my adult life and all my unhealthy things. And you're only as sick as your secrets, right? And so I'm You have to tell on yourself, and you have to be honest and truthful. And like I said before, I started to treat Dan how I would just hope that he would treat me because we were fighting pretty bad, and neither of us... You can't be heard if you're not listening. And so our communication was really not in a great way. We were speaking different languages, and it was all rooted from a place of fear and all rooted from a place of hurt.Right.

Person, wrong time.Yeah..

And then once we started to like, Hey, we can't talk to each other like this. This is not okay. Lucky can't be around this. And We just started to respect each other. And I think maybe there is some of that missing even in our prior relationship. And so this doesn't feel like we got back together. He kept saying, it's a new relationship, babe. We have to take it slow. And I was like, let's get fucking married. Let's get married right now. And he's like, I want to take it slow. We owe it to ourselves. And I'm listening to him. And I want him to feel like a man And a strong man. And I think as someone who's a performer and someone who's... I don't really think of myself as a famous person, but I am. And you've earned it.

You've earned your alpha, babe.

But I know that it can It can be an emasculating thing to date or be partnered with someone who's a strong female, especially when I've got a reputation. It's like, oh, she's a badass, and she fucking can really go toe to toe with the boys. And while that's all true, I also I want to be a soft, feminine wife and loving partner and also have some love me. You can be both. Yes. Love me for both. And he does. And I need to love him. And I need to celebrate his masculine. And I also need to totally celebrate my favorite part, which is his soft, silly, sweet, because our funny neck tattooed guys are usually the sweetest Teddy bears. Yes, absolutely. That's what we love because we're tough as chics.

I had to learn that with Jay because I came into the situation with just so much baggage, and I was a fucking just a force to be reckoned with. I came in, and I just was so used to emasculating every man that I had ever been with. I make the money. I'm going to fight. I don't think it's said enough as couples, especially when you are having communication issues, to be able to sit down and look at each other and say, Hey, we can't talk to each other like that. That changes everything. My husband and I had to sit down and do that, and we've had the best relationship since. Communication is key. Comprehension is vital. It's like, you literally have to be in. You are fighting Dragons with this person every day. That is your fucking teammate, your fucking co-conspirator.

You guys are literally slaying this thing called life together, and you guys have to be on the same page. If not, that ship's not going to sail. It's a choice. I've struggled with, Okay, how do people get married? What is it? How do you really know? Do you just pick? Do you just choose? Because that's why when you're just talking about that, I'm like, hanging on every word.

I don't think Dan would be upset with me saying, We're doing couples therapy and we're trying everything.

No. Dan and I have done so much therapy. I just had a therapy appointment before you came in here. But that's beautiful. It makes your bond stronger. And honestly, I asked him. It was like such divine timing. This therapist who basically kicked us out because I asked if he would go to a couple's therapy with me, and we had gotten into a big fight.

That happened to Jay and us.

Because he liked this booty girl on Instagram, and I was mad. And so we walked in, we sat like, there could have been an ocean between us, and we were fighting, and she was like, I don't think that I can continue to see you guys, blah, blah, blah. It was not great. But then she emailed me, and we weren't We weren't together, but we were in a really great flow of things. She was like, Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I'm starting to take new patients again, and I didn't know where you guys were at in your journey. I was like, Oh, wow. We're actually doing really, really well. I asked him, I was like, Hey, do you think you want to go to couples therapy? He was like, Yeah. I said, Just as friends, just so we can help our communication? He was like, Yeah, I think I would like that a lot.

Then a week later, we were back together. All you guys needed was a A conversation. A conversation of two people actually wanting to listen to each other can change so much.

It's really crazy what happens when you put down the receipts and you put down the swords and you don't yell and you just take a second. That's not my strong suit. It is not my strong suit. I was made to fight. I grew up in a yelling family. That's just how we communicated. It wasn't even like, nobody wins in that. Not even the loudest person. Everyone just is in fight or flight and shaking with adrenaline. Looking like Ronan Stimpe. Yeah, it's crazy. It's not good. I think we both grew up with a lot of that because no one told anybody, no one told anyone that that's wrong until recently. Now everyone tells you that you're wrong for anything that you do. Sometimes I'm like, All right, enough. Yes, of course. But definitely the speaking softer to each other. We don't yell in our house. I think I've yelled at our daughter one time, and she really deserved it. Because I grew up in a screaming household also.

If you start yelling at me, I'm automatically shutting you out. I can't listen to it. But also, if you think about it, even going back to not toxic people, but you know who does win an argument? The calmest motherfucker. Because they'll piss you off even more.

Yeah, because they'll get you. I'm like, What the fuck are you doing? No. I just think about principals who talk like this. I'm like, You fucking asshole. But that's how I want to be.

But I also I want to be the mom.

It takes levels to get to that. Yes. And I'm not there. Me either. I'm peeling the layer back on maybe level one. I'm don't start, none, won't be none. Okay. I like that.

I just want to be the mom that my son comes to no matter what.

If he gets arrested, God forbid.

I'll let him sit.

I'll keep that tradition in my family. My mom said, You get arrested? I let you sit in there. But I've never been arrested. I know. Shocker. That is awesome. I've been arrested, so that's crazy. How have you never gotten arrested? I know. I've been handcuffed twice, but I'm very smooth with my words.

You make a love. You make a love. My husband's the same way. He can get out of handcuffs at any time.

I'm like, you motherfucker, dude. He's very charming. He is.

He is so fucking charming. I'm like, I hate you. He can get out of speeding tickets. I get them all. It doesn't matter. You would think it would be opposite because they always say, oh, cops let pretty girls off. I'm not saying I'm pretty, but just saying that it's like a myth. My husband gets off on every ticket. They fucking stick it to me every fucking time, man. I only got one speeding ticket. Also, shocker. I know. It was in my hometown I get why they gave it to you, though.

I know. She goes, I know who you are, but I still have to give you this ticket. I was like, damn it. Then she came to the show. She even comment because I took a video because I was like, Man, I never get pulled over. I took a video of like, Uh-oh. She commented on it. She was like, I was going to give you a ticket, but we loved your show, me and my girls.

I was like, $85. I love that. That is so funny. What's happening now with L? You are on your redemption tour.

What's it called? Ask the Baby. Baby Daddy's Weekend Tour. Baby Daddy's Weekend Tour. I am just playing lots of music. I'm about to finish my album. I have a lot of music coming out. I'm really excited about it. I always say this album is the most me, but I think anything that I'm working on is where I'm at in my life. I'm very proud of the music that I'm making. I started making a lot of it before I had a nervous breakdown this year. It's bringing me back to life, just creating again and having these seeds planted and then making this beautiful album. It's definitely going to be a little different than my last three albums, but I I think that even though all my records, they all sound like me, I don't think any of them have sounded exactly the same. But my music is a representation of where I'm at in my life. What is it more like? Is it country? Is it rock? Yeah, it's definitely a country album, but it's really beautiful, and it's what country is to me and everything that I've learned in the country world. I feel like these are going to be the songs.

I don't I play every song from every album at every show, but there's a lot of songs on this album that I'll play for the rest of my life. And that makes me really proud and excited. And I'm also sitting on an album that I made when I was pregnant before I went to country, and And Drunk and I Don't Want to Go Home, I wrote eight years before it ever came out. And so that song taught me so much about the life of music. And so I'm also sitting on an album that's really incredible. And I'm just waiting for the right time for that to come out because it's probably the best album I've ever made.Drop that shit.I know. What are we waiting for? I don't know. I think after that big eclipse, right? Yeah. Everything is supposed It should be all the seeds that we planted. I don't know if it's the same for every star sign, but a lot of things are coming to fruition from the last eight years. And so everything that I've been really working on is all coming to a head in a good way. And I think it's the same if you believe in that and if you believe in yourself, and if you are manifesting these good things that you're putting out in the universe, it makes so much sense if you're into, astronomy or astronomy or anything like that, how all this stuff can be coming.

Even the crazy lessons that I've learned this year. I feel like all these things are leading me to these manifestations of things that I've been maybe too afraid to try. And when I was thinking about I'm not doing... I want it be cool, man, to be a bad guy in a movie. I did a movie. I just did my first actual really cool movie. It's all things you just have to try and continue to put yourself out there. It's not the first movie that I've ever done, but this is the first time that I really prepared. I worked so hard to get it. All these things, all these good things that are like, Hey, wouldn't that be cool? Just thinking about it and putting it out and dreaming about it, that's manifesting. That's pulling it. That's inviting it. I always say you have to make- Visualizing that it's already yours. Yes. I say you have to make room in your life for greatness, and you have to clear things out. You have to cut things off.

You have to clip buds on roses sometimes, but that's how more roses- I'm not a great gardener, but I do have some roses.

That's been on I'm manifesting to learn how to fucking garden. It's hard. I know. I can't even fucking save a sunflower from the grocery store. Listen, I've tried twice. I've tried to mulch and I'm trying to like...

Because what? Like your house is a representation of your mind, right? So I was like, My house looks like shit. So I tried to garden, and now all the grass is growing up through the mulch, and it's like, Oh, my gosh.

That's why you need landscapers. It's so hard. You have to have people help you. I know. I'm really trying to fight this stubbornness. You can't do it all, El. I think your lesson this year is you can't do it all, baby.

Ask for help, El.

Allow people to help I'll help you, baby.

You need just... I get a fucking landscaper, okay? It'll make you feel better. El, thank you so much for this conversation. It was so sweet, and I can't wait to have you back, and I can't wait to see this tour. I can't wait for people to hear this podcast. I really feel it's going to touch a lot of their hearts, and they get to just see a glimpse inside of you, and I just... I love it. You're so beautiful, and you spread so much amazing positivity, and I appreciate you.

Thank you for having me on. I love you so much, Bunny. You're amazing. We're going to make out after this. Don't tell Dan.

Don't tell Dan. Don't tell Dan. But I will tell my mom.

Yeah. Shut up, mom. Shut up, mom.

We love you. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll see you guys next week. Bye.