I'm Shinada Moore, and you're listening to everyone on the podcast, supported by water types who are proven to be fewer than cotton wool and water and now biodegradable.

From fertilises birth pandemic parenting to taking care of ourselves here, we talk to women about their own unique experiences of motherhood, the insane joy and anxious to face the love, the laughs, the tears and the moments that we don't talk enough about.

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This week I talked to Janet Cavener, creator of the BU's Truth, about her positive mental attitude, her family priorities, and how after being diagnosed with cervical and then thyroid cancer, she found herself motivated to do something for her setting up a blog. Overcovering gave her a purpose each day, and she built a community of like minded people to connect with. It's now given her more financial security and freedom to spend more time with her children.

And for so many of us right now, that's what we need.

This past year has wildly shifted our priorities and what we want to get out of life. So whether it's a new home, a new job, getting your health checked, another baby or a new passion, start today.

Do it for you. Sneads, thank you so much for joining me on everyone on the podcast, and it is so lovely to see you. I wish we were in person.

But again, another episode via Zoom.

And thanks to this forever doctor and what I'm excited to talk to you tonight, because I'm really gravitated towards with your story is is you've been through. All of these, like we'll talk through them, which you've been through challenges with some one line on your on your page on your blog really stood out to me in that like where there is challenge, there can be good. And once you've gone through something, you can turn it into a positive, and that to me just radiated to just jumped off the page and I was like, that is the message we need to be focusing on right now.

Yeah, not something I really, really believe in. Thanks so much for having me on. I am very much a believer in when things are bad or when you're on the low. The only real way is to come up. Sometimes it takes a while to come up and sometimes the low kind of plateaus. But we can often for me anyway, I've been able to find ways out of these things and turn negatives into some sort of positives. And I think it's definitely helped me over the last number of years when I have been through kind of hard things.

You spoke there about some lows. Do you want to take us back and try and explain to us what was going on for you?

So in 2013, I hadn't been feeling very well, hadn't been feeling well for about 18 months, and I was in and out of the GP. I just wasn't feeling right. And one of the big things was I was vomiting an awful lot like every day I was not nauseous or getting sick. So I went to the GP and I kept on pushing it. I just something not right. And after a whole heap of testing, that's mutual aid.

Maybe it's your mind playing tricks on you. No, no. And I happened to be in Beaumont at an allergy specialist and I have a lot of allergies and and I had found a lump in my throat just right in the center of my throat. And I said to the specialist, I wouldn't have a feel of that, would you? And she says, yeah, it's still there. And two weeks go back to the GP. And I kind of I rolled anyway.

Long story short, she rang me about 45 minutes later and said she didn't like the feel of us and I needed to have an ultrasound. I went for an ultrasound the next day. I had a fine needle aspiration within a week and I was told I had cancer within two weeks I had thyroid cancer. So that was 2013, diagnosed with cancer. And I went through two operations, followed a treatment and just a year or so of feeling very well, but.

When I was just about to start my second or just after my second operation, it was when I decided to start the beautiful truth and give myself a distraction, and I turned what would have been a very tough year at home on my own into a positive with the blog. I made lots connections. It was really good distraction for me and just something I really enjoy doing.

So had, you know, kind of just had that spontaneous like being in that appointment and just saying, hey, look, can you have a look at this? Like that could have been a completely different situation. Yeah, I was told I was very lucky how they caught it. It was a couple of different forms of thyroid cancer, like there isn't most cancers, and this was called a follicular carcinoma. But the thing with it was the middle of it was quite aggressive and it had begun to escape the capsule.

Have you ever seen the fault in their stars or read the book? That girl's story is about aggressive thyroid cancer. My God, I am. And and we will go on as well.

In season one, she spoke of her experience of thyroid cancer.

And I remember when I was diagnosed reading off on Sheila's story and I just found it a real positive story to read, because unfortunately, when you're diagnosed with something, when you go online, all you ever see is like the bad stories. And I think we have to remind ourselves of that, that it's very rare, even with reviews of things, it's very rare. People go to a restaurant and they have a really good experience, go up and write the good review.

They're gonna write the bad review. And the same happens when you're going through something bad. Health wise, it's usually people searching for answers that are in a bad way going, oh my God, this has happened to me. This is the bad stuff that's going on. And that's all you end up reading and seeing. Whereas when I was diagnosed and I saw or I read Sheila's story, I was like, OK, this is what I'm going to focus on.

This is a woman who's come out the other side. It's going to be OK. How long does it take you to get there, because no doubt there was definitely a period of time where that news was a bit shocking to you when you had to get your head around the fact, you know, even hearing the words you've got cancer. And I see the start of my journey was quite up and down, and it wasn't until I was diagnosed in the May, but it wasn't until the August where I got the consultant told me straight out that you have cancer.

They were kind of skirting around the issue for a while. It took it took a good few weeks. And I allowed myself and I think this is a really important part of my journey. I allowed myself feel I let myself have my bad days. I allowed myself cry and be annoyed and feel hard done by. But I never let or try not to let one bad day roll into the next. So if I'd had a bad day the next day, I'd set myself one task and my task might just be a wash and blow dry my hair today.

Or it might be I'm going to clean out my car. Or it was a simple task. It wasn't like I've going to change the world in the day and that is what I do. And it would help me get out of the funk somewhat like if you're not going to get from the bottom of the hole to the top of the hole feeling great in 24 hours. But if you start climbing, it's a start. And if you slip, you allow yourself the little slip and then you pull yourself back up somewhat again.

But that definitely helped me.

I think that's such a brilliant way of looking at us, because I think the way a lot of people are feeling right now and everything that's been going on is, you know, a lot of people do feel like they're at the bottom of that hole. And how can we possibly get back to where we were before the rug was pulled from Honduras? And I think you're so right. If we just give and also I'm listen to that even from the perspective of of having a newborn and a baby at home and some days are absolutely glorious and you think you're the luckiest human on earth.

And then other days you feel like an absolute failure. And you can't you know, even brushing your teeth is like, just give me a second to myself.

And can you tell I've had one of those days today, but I'm listening to you and I'm like, tomorrow I am having a shower.

I am looking in the mirror and feeling just that little bit brighter, or I am just going to do something small that makes me feel like I'm not as useless as often. Those days can make you feel, I think, as mothers as well.

We also have to put aside, you know, guilt for allowing ourselves half time because, you know, we are the forest who are the glue that holds our family together. And if if we're not functioning well, then everything falls apart. So I do think it's really important to take time, be a ten minutes even to just have a cup of tea and close the doors and say, deal with them.

I am kind of disappeared or having a shower or for me it's all and going upstairs and put makeup on them, you know, getting dressed and something I found in the pandemic that really helped me and it's so bizarre is putting shoes on and not putting my slippers on the table. I put my shoes on are the Dave I'm more productive. I'll go for a walk. Whereas if I just put my slippers on, I'm going to end up on the couch.

You had challenges as well when it came to to birth and pregnancy and anxieties in that. And you said earlier about how, you know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But going into those kind of health challenges, having come out of what you'd faced before, did you did you look at things differently? Did you have a new appreciation for, you know, your own body and what it was capable of? Oh, yeah.

Like one thing, my husband my husband is fantastic. And he always says to me, OK, let's look at what's in front of us. Don't look down the line. And one step at a time.

And when I fell pregnant with Connor, I had had the previous and let's procedures, I think fems pre cancer cells in my cervix. And after the second let my consultant had told me that I had very little cervix left. So the likelihood is when I got pregnant, I would need to have some sort of a stitch put in place. So it kind of turned out that I needed a bit more than that. And when I was 12 weeks pregnant, I got put out under general anaesthetic.

I got called hip to hip and they showed my cervix shut. And that having been through everything with cancer and all that was the most challenging thing I've ever experienced. Because when I couldn't take many painkillers because I was pregnant both, the main thing for me was I wasn't worrying just about myself as I previously done. I was worrying about my baby. I was worrying. Oh, my goodness. You know, is everything going to be OK? And at 16 weeks, I had a major bleed.

And I remember just I got in a taxi and I was just all a bit of a blur and I just landed in the rotunda sobbing I'm losing my baby. And like, they were just miraculous in there. And they knew my history and everything. They had my. Ireland knew what was going on, and once I got over that and I saw what the body could do and how strong, I think it's women, we often underestimate how strong we actually are.

And I think society we're often portrayed as kind of the weaker species. By God, we are strong, like when you think of what women go through and what we put our bodies through. And I think haven't been sick before. I knew just right. OK, in my head I was like, right now get to twenty four weeks, get twenty eight weeks, get to thirty two weeks. And I kept thinking science is there, the doctors are great, this is going to be OK.

And yeah, thankfully I had a very lovely baby boy, a healthy baby boy born and then another one a couple of years later.

But that's a mental challenge because it's so out of your control. And I think the minute you you see those two blue lines, you start putting yourself first. You start thinking about your health first, and you start thinking about the survival of of that little baby.

The minute you get a positive test, you become a mother completely. And to to to go through what is something that is wrong. You're being told that there's something wrong with you, but you're you're paralyzed and worrying as to how to take care of the baby that's growing in you. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I think personally I can face most things being thrown at me. Like my health wouldn't be amazing at the moment. I'm undergoing tests and I'm just like I nearly forgot. I have to put in my phone today. I have, like, you know, tests and things like that. Whereas if it was my children, if they cut their finger or, you know, like anything, I go into panic mode and I can take anything being thrown at me.

But when it comes to my kids, it's just, you know, it's it can be a challenge. And that when I when that all happened and I was just worried for Conor and for myself, it's that relief not just because a baby is born, but because both of you were.

Well, absolutely. That would have taken a lot of recovery and postpartum when even with the most straightforward of births and pregnancies like you do, you feel you feel like you've really been hit by a bus? Absolutely.

So I can only imagine I I struggled I definitely struggled with post natal anxiety and mine was around all the time to something wrong with the baby.

And I probably did stem from the fact that I spent my whole pregnancy thinking, OK, if I do something wrong, is everything OK? And what I got through it, you know, I got help. I talked to people. I have the most wonderful husband now, right now after spending nearly a year still.

And because he is just he's fantastic and he's so supportive and like, you know, I've definitely been able to come through things, but he has helped me massively with stuff. He's just he is fantastic.

What age were you when the second time that those words were over to you?

Oh, God, I was thirty three when I was told by thyroid cancer am I remember when I had my first kind of experience of us. It was 2000 and 2006 and a consultant told me, you know, you've got quite advanced free cancer cells day or whatever the wording you put on it was. And I was smoking at the time and he says to me, she said, if you continue smoking. Not, you know, because it's not going to be a case of if it will be when I remember going, holy God, I haven't been told I was only have to start teaching at that stage, I think was like twenty four maybe am.

And he did the first procedure and then he told me I had to stop smoking and stop smoking. And then I think it was two years later when they came back. I will be watched quite regularly with my cervical screening in there and they came back again and I had to go under general anesthetic both times because it was quite an awful lot of them.

And then, yeah, it was 2013 that I got thyroid cancer. So I just I feel there can be times and I mean that at the moment. I'm I'm going through, you know, tests because they have no idea what's wrong with the abdomen.

It's like I've I've got a heap of different symptoms and they stop in the order that's going on. That could end up being absolutely nothing.

But every so often I get this. Oh, my God, is this is this going to get me is it going to eventually, like, you know, it was with the cervix and then it was at the thyroid. Are they going to come back and it's going to hit me with something? But I have to pull myself out of that kind of task because it's not going to benefit me. Like, you know, worry is like a rocking chair.

You go forward and backwards and you get absolutely nowhere. So you know your best to get off that kind of chair and just park it until you have facts in front of you. And then you can deal with things. And that's kind of my big thing. I try not to deal with something until I have all the facts in front of me because it's just wasted energy.

If I if I keep worrying, having gone through it, how do you feel when there's so much in the media now about the cervical check? And, you know. You were fortunate, you know, your test came back and directed you towards treatment. Yeah, as somebody who's gone through that, I'd imagine it's very difficult when when it is being talked about. And there are so many cases coming forward now of women who were not who were not followed up with appropriately.

It's awful. It's absolutely awful for those four or women what they've gone through and like for something that could have been caught so easily and needlessly in this situation. And young women like that woman Lindsay, I'm not sure if her second name was on the late, late recently.

I was just looking at her with two young children that didn't need to happen.

And it annoys me because I would have been probably around the same era of when I was getting the testing. It makes me angry. It makes me angry because if this was men's health, we would not be going through this. I and it goes back to the points that she said about how, you know, women have often been seen as the weaker, you know, our bodies create life. And if men's bodies created life, can you imagine the amount of medical science and knowledge that would be around their cervix?

Absolutely. Now, we probably have a much smaller population if they knew the actual trauma you have to go through.

But if you look at men's health like there's I don't know, like I just feel that this wouldn't be the situation if it was a men's health thing. I just feel that female health is often like we have to fight for so much. The fact that, you know, cervical checks were taken off the table at the start of the pandemic and everything, it just with everything that went on and the fact that stuff still isn't being acknowledged and these women are still having to jump through hoops, it's a it's an absolute scandal.

So having gone through, you know, your own physical challenges, you know, and now as you say, you're you're listening to your body, you're recognizing that you're feeling different symptoms and you're trying to seek out a diagnosis for whatever it is, you know. How important is this that we are listening to our bodies that we are if we're sitting in those in those checkups that we're just saying, hey, would you ever feel this like I feel like too often.

At a fair and we can. We can really suppress and we can really hope that nothing's going on in the end, it catches up with us and if we can stay ahead of us. Then that gives us such a fighting chance. Absolutely not a thing that we do as Irish women, men, if we go. Look, I don't want to bother you, but we feel like we're really being a hindrance.

But I'm Grant. Oh, yeah, we're in. Oh, no, I'm Grump's. Sure. I don't have time to be sick, you know. But I definitely think if there's anything if there's anything at all, talk to somebody. You know, now an awful lot of our health insurance, even even my union, you can do a free call with a GP's online that, you know, the financial side of it can be kind of because I know trying to find six euro to go to the doctor.

Sometimes people are like political elite go. But my advice would be try and find the 60 or go to the doctor, no matter how small you think it is because of it is does end up being something serious illness. You've caught it early and also the worry and the stress you're putting yourself through, wondering if it's something, Googling, if it's something all of that can be put to divide if you go and talk to your GP and having a good GP is worth its weight in gold.

You're so right. Except, I mean, there's something in here I have my of my outside lessons on and then I've my of my loungewear on that I wouldn't wear it outside. And even that difference does make you feel like, OK, if if the moment came where actually there is an opportunity to just stand up and walk outside for a walk, there's a greater chance if you have to do that.

Yeah, absolutely. It's just being somewhat prepared. And like being prepared doesn't mean having everything ready to rock and roll. Like, let's be honest, if we get a break in the weather and we get wet, it's still an absolute nightmare trying to get kids out the door and, you know yourself and everything, but it's just having one step in the routine ready to go because it means that you're on step to when you do start your cancer diagnosis and recovery was before you became a mother.

Do you think that faced that challenge, do you think, altered your perception or how you would treat yourself going into the phase of motherhood?

I think it did, yeah. Like, I hate when people say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but there is some truth in that. And I think beforehand I, I probably would have been it made me less lazy. I thought I knew the lady then what things I do for myself. I knew the importance of finding time to try and make myself feel good. And I knew what it meant, feeling to feel low. And I suppose when I became a mother, I found it very challenging from my first child.

I had, you know, first couple of weeks, like any new mom or most new moms, I was like, what?

In the name of God it's going on here, you know, how am I meant to cope? I've never held a baby before.

I had a baby. But I when I had Conor my first, I got up most days and I washed my hair, brushed my hair or wash my hair, wash my teeth, maybe even just put a bit of mascara on. And I allowed a bit of time for myself. And I think that kept my head above water.

So must I have to like and I know it sounds so trivial or it might sound like I know vain, but the days where I do put some makeup on and I'm not talking full face here, I'm talking like a bit of glow and just something to take the exhaustion off. It brightens all of me, it gives me more energy if it if I'm passing a mirror. I feel like I don't I don't look tired. I my feet on the inside.

And that kind of changes the perception of it. The days where I feel like I look terrible, my confidence plummets.

Yeah. It's like kind of sometimes when you see yourself all dolled up and you go like, I look OK, you nearly fool yourself into thinking, OK, I'm able to do this. But like, it sounds very fickle. And I know when I started my blog first and I told people, especially when work, you know, what were you what it was about, what kind of God she's talking about makeup, what she's talking about clothes. And I'm like, it's really important for me.

That's something that gives me a boost. That's something that helps my mental health is getting up, getting dressed, even even just mascara or buying a nice lipstick. You know, it helped me. And when I look at myself in the mirror like that, on the days where my hair stuck to my head and I have dark circles for days under my eyes, it does reflect that does affect my mood. Definitely. So for me, it gave me that little bit of a lift.

It's a lift and it's a boost. And I've even noticed one little thing that we've brought in here at home is on a Saturday night, we like myself and my three year old, but we pretend as though we're going to a party unless we get dressed. She asks, can she wear my lipstick? And she picks out a dress for me, which is tough because nothing fits or she picks out a dress. She's a librarian. My lipstick, we get fancy upstairs.

I put perfume on the other night and I was like, oh my God, perfume. Like I just hadn't worn perfume because I hadn't gone anywhere. And the scent reminded me of who I used to feel like. Yeah, it's amazing what scent can do.

It was incredible. And I came downstairs and, you know, we we've been doing it since New Year's Eve and we turn on loud music. Now it's Disney, but we turn on loud music and we dance. And my husband will have like a fancy glass for her with some, like, water and just lemon or something.

And then, you know, gin and tonic for me and it's changes everything. Yeah. And it's maybe an hour and a half changes everything. Just feeling like, okay, we're all done up and obviously we're not going anywhere. She's in bed by half seven. It's it's not the days of old, but it's remarkable how those little things can really pick you up.

Absolutely. And not only are you getting mood lift there, you're making memories.

And they're the things like I mean, as adults, we're going to look back on this pandemic and we're probably going to look at the highs and the lows. But a lot of the time, an awful lot of children and especially young children like that are going to see their mom and dad were around a lot. Mom and dad did different things with us. And a lot of us have created new routines just like that. Are you your party on a Saturday night?

And this is what they will remember. And it's not a lovely thing for to come out of, you know, the dark and the studies, the pandemic.

What are you doing? Is there anything going on for you in your new routines?

We've we've done a few different things. Myself and my eldest, Connor. We go on dates when we could go to coffee shops. We used to go off to a coffee shop just across the road and we go over for a few minutes and get a hot chocolate. And the latest one is Saturday evening when the youngest goes to bed. We were watching the masked singer and he looks down and he looks forward to it, or we've been watching like a lot of movies on the couch.

But these are little things that he's with. I've baked and I am not a baker, but I baked and we've made cookies and just little things like that that we've put into our it's not it's not like regular routine. It's little changes that we've done. So take us back then to the process of kind of coming out of it and as you said, you turn you turn these challenges into something that has been incredibly positive for you in your life, which was something as simple as starting a blog, starting to write down things, starting to talk about things that you were interested in, starting to just build a passion around something that, as you said, it was eye rolls here.

So what? It was something for you?

It is probably the most positive thing I've done for myself am before the blog I like I've always had an interest in hair and makeup, but before the blog I probably was a little bit more insecure, less confident in myself.

And the blog has allowed me to have a space to chat about things that I like and interact with women and for men that are into the same thing that I'm into.

And actually, one thing it really gave me when I was sick was company. And because, like, my husband was working, even when we weren't even engaged at point four, he was working all day. I was on my own all day. And it's very long time during the day being on your own and your mind goes busy. And it was a blog at that point. Now it's mainly social media, but it gave my day focus. I got off, I wrote a blog post, I put it on social media, and I chatted with people that liked the same thing.

And I've made really good friends out of it. Like I've I've had some fantastic friends that I've made out of the blog. But yeah, people did I old. But now it like even down to the fact that this is might give me income and it has allowed me to take time off and let me have a job, share and spend more time with my boys that you know, people can. I wrote all they want. But what this has given me is just you could never put a price on what the blog has done for my life.

How do you feel about those that then find a negative in that had to do with those that feel like, you know, that kind of want to bring people down when they see that there they are earning an income from their hobby?

I do struggle with that side of things because, I mean, we can say it all we want, but we do care. A lot of us do care what other people think about us. Like my mom said to me, Shade, what people think about you is none of your business. And she is right. And I've gotten a much thicker skin, but it's hard to see things written about a comment on my weight a lot. Or, you know, people comment like one person just keeps coming on saying, I blink too much.

Like, I just you have to wonder how much time somebody has on their hands if that's what they worry about. But, you know, the thing I say to people that hate bloggers getting paid or earning money, I would ask them, would they say no to it? Would they if they had an opportunity to earn money that would give them a better, you know, better life? Would they say? No, because I doubt many would.

And I'm very picky in how I earn on my blog. I'm very picky about who I work with and everything. But you still get still get people given what I have to lead them off, because as I said, it's allowed me spend time with my boys. And I think any parent would jump through hoops to try and spend a little bit extra time off work with their kids, something I feel strongly about as I reply to almost every message I get in, because I think without your following, you have absolutely nothing.

So you need to respect them.

And, um, but yeah, there is like I mean, I think I'm very lucky. The people that follow me are like minded people. Like while I do get negativity, I don't get it in the volume that some people get us. And I do think sometimes it's a case of I just it's how I put myself forward. And I'm no different on social media than I am when I'm at home or when I'm out with my friends.

And I think people have seen that something that you said there about the company. I think that is something that definitely for a lot of listeners when it comes to new motherhood, that is something that like thank God for the Internet, just like because it is a lonely road especially.

No, like there is no woman baby groups. There is no meat, no free yoga in your coffee after and all those things. But like that, it's just passing on hints and tips and. Mine's not sleeping either. How's your sleep and nice. And did you try this or to try that? How are you getting on? Even. Having somebody remark on, oh, she's actually getting so big when, you know, no one in the world has seen that child, the reality and I just think that there are so many brilliant communities because of this really positive movement of women coming together collectively.

Whether it is to talk about mascara or whether it is to talk about a solution to to a postpartum problem, yeah. Oh, fantastic. And we are so delighted that women do that now because I just think it would be such a lonely world if that wasn't the case. Absolutely.

Especially as a new mom when everything is so it's frightening. You know, you're you second guess yourself an awful lot that to have a support group or to have even even if it's a friend on a WhatsApp, somebody to turn to, but to have the technology to be able to do that, like, I think one of my oldest friends had her first baby baby before Christmas. And I laugh because she just she she wouldn't be have been a baby person, you know, beforehand.

And now we're in WhatsApp and it's kind of reignited our friendship again, because, you know, I was she was out partying when I was having kids and now she's in the zone and just reaching out.

And you get a voice note, you can have a voice note that ten minutes long and oh, my God, this is going to be a good one.

Cloudland. Yeah, there is.

Sometimes when I save the voice notes till it's nap time and I get a tea and maybe a vickki and I listen to it and it's just it's a have that support.

But we are lucky that even though the pandemic has caught off an awful lot of avenues for new moms, there is still out there. And people shouldn't be afraid. Just seek them out because I don't know, like sometimes people think, oh, what will somebody take or whatever, whatever they take, at least it'll give you some sort of a support, you know, find something, find like like minded people and connect where you can.

I have made the absolute best friendships in the last few years since I've become a mother. And I was yeah, I was so lonely on my first when I was on maternity leave with my first daughter. She's three and a half. I was so lonely because I hadn't learned how to make those new connections yet. But as you said, like one of your best friends, you just wasn't in the same place. So it's really hard to relate over the things that and even when you're a mom, you need you almost need to talk to the person who's who's also got a 16 week old, because you're all talking about the four month sleep progression.

You know, if you're if you're five and a half months old, is sleeping through the night, you're passed out again. So it's is it has been a serious learning curve for me. There's a warmth in us and there's a connective connectivity in us. And I'm just really I love that you're speaking about it because it's from a blog, but I'm hearing it from my experience. And it's so similar.

You know, I just I feel so grateful for the people that have interacted through my blog. I'm like, there's people there's and I I don't really like the word followers because it's just it makes people sound like sheep. You know what the people that do follow the blog, the people that messaged me, I I've known about pregnancy's before. People's family have known, you know, because they needed someone to ask questions to didn't know them in real life.

And the joy that I have gotten from that page is just it's it is it's fantastic. And for any loans to come, they're far outweighed by the good and the amount of joy that you've given back.

I mean, if I'm trapped feeling all day, thank God that there are women like you that have put something that's going to entertain me and just cheer me up and make me feel like, you know, I'm still the old me again because I love being told. Right. This this Kinsela is going to make you look like you've slept in the last four months, you know, or do this and this. And you know what? Your hair will be transformed.

I need that. I need those really smart, you know, women's support that we just want.

Yeah, like I think people say social media can be so negative, but like, that's all depends on who you're following. Like, I have my feed that I only follow people that give me joy. People get three strikes at me and if they annoy me three times, I eat amusia. I don't follow because it's nothing on them. It's, you know, there could be people. For example, there was one woman said to me that when I fell pregnant, she had to follow me because she was struggling to get pregnant.

And if she found it really difficult to see me go through all this, I totally understood that I like her unfollowing. Following me was probably the best thing she could have done because she there's no point in continuing to watch me talk about pregnancy if it's making you feel bad. And that's what I think about all sorts of social media. If somebody isn't making me feel joy, cut them loose. It's not worth it. It's you're better off feeling positive about something you'd see rather than hate watching somebody, because there is some fantastic people online that will literally make you her laughing or to some that make it cry.

It the story they're going through and these are the people that you follow. It's not the ones that make you feel bad about yourself. Do you feel pressure to have to share honest things going on in your life that you don't necessarily want to? Yeah, I think I'm kind of going through where do I put it? I'm trying to think about what way to share things on my page at the moment. I would have probably overshared a lot at the start and people knew a lot about me.

But I think I've pulled back an awful lot from that because I see that the people, I suppose when they've shared lots of stuff, it's gotten thrown back at them and it's not nice.

And I've seen people go through hard times that that it has made me think about what I put up online and lately especially true to a pandemic, I think mainly because there's nothing really going on in my life. I have resorted to mainly keeping my focus to beauty and fashion with a little bit going on, whereas before I would have gone on big feels about what was going on. This is what I'm thinking. This is what I'm doing. Whereas I've just had to pull back because I was OK with oversharing.

I definitely was. And I think it affected reallife friendship. So I remember one in particular that I picked up on something I said up online, twisted it, turned it, and turned an awful lot of people against me over something that was very, very innocent. So, yeah, I have definitely. Cut back a little bit on how much a share of my personal life, what I do feel a pressure to share, because those that share their personal life seem to be those that people follow.

People want to see drama. People want to see scandal.

And they want to see somebody like that's not coping. And they're going through a hard time. And that's what people follow, like a lot of the time. But, you know, I'm I'm happy to be where I am and I'm happy to keep going. And as I said, I've built a lovely community that, you know, interacts with me.

And it is it's it's rewarding.

And I've caught myself, you know, looking at something. And then it could have been called me on the third time. I'm only here and I'm I'm like, oh, my God. And I was just looking at something silly where I should have been given my time to the kids.

But at the same time, I cut myself a break because sometimes that is the only escape, I guess, in the day when we've been stuck for months looking at the four same walls. And yeah, I do worry. I do worry that I'm on too much. I do try to take time away from it and put it down. I'm not always successful at that, but I do my best. My husband and me have gone through these phases where he gets annoyed at me that I'm on the phone too much money, says Mission Aid.

You have to remember the people in front of you, no matter who the people on the phone are, even if it's my family, the people in front of you are most important and who deserve your time and your attention more. And he is right and I have to check myself on these things.

It's it's that balance between stepping in as I as I described it, stepping into the room with those women that you want to talk to because you're so bored and lonely. And as much as I love and adore my children, I need female company. I need adult company. And so it's the balance between that and the balance between. I'm honored at a Habis, I would be surprised if anybody had found the perfect balance. But it is something overall, as you said, there's been so many more highs and lows, as you know, without us.

How would you feel if you hadn't have started this?

I think if I hadn't started the blog when I did, I would have had a very difficult year being sick because I was quite sick. And I know I would have fallen into lows and found it hard to get myself out again. And I would say that for a number of experiences to my life, even, you know, my dad's quite a while as a mom. My dad has a brain tumor and I allowed myself to be distracted by the blog.

And I think if I didn't have it, I definitely would have had more lows in the tougher times of my life. Whereas I can say those times that were hard, I have managed to stay positive. Most of the time I have managed to get through them. I have learned through my experiences and I definitely think that obviously the people around me helped me hugely for my blog, my page. It gave me focus on it, gave me something for me, something to keep me going.

And it gives the people that watch it something to keep going. So, so. Well, I hope that you do keep going because I think you're an absolute ray of sunshine. And for people right now that feel as if confidence has been rocked and the world has kind of closed off and I think that loneliness can set in. And for somebody like you who find yourself in that situation long before. covid or anything that we've experienced now. But it's an inspiration to see that you turn that into something really positive, and I'm not suggesting everyone listening here feeling that way, like start a blog or whatever.

It's about embarking on something that requires a little bit of bravery, but ultimately will bring so much more joy and confidence and happiness to you.

Yeah, it's about finding something that you like and allowing yourself the time to pursue us and parking on a guilt you feel for spending time on yourself or being away from the kids or being away from work and just allowing the time for yourself to give your attention to this focus that you enjoy. Because I don't know, I think we just need to find enjoyment where we can because it's an awful lot of doom and gloom around us. We might as well find a little bit of light somewhere.

And to switch off that voice in your head that says, but why would I why would I do that? Why should I start that? I won't be any good at this. But why not?

Why not? Like I mean, there's lots of memes that go around that say, you know, if you fall well, you'll fall from the stars or I don't know what they are. But at the same time, it is true. Like, what have you got to lose?

I mean, people will take something off you regardless of what you do anyway. So you might give them something to talk about. You're dead.

Right. Listen, thank you so much for joining us. And as I said, I think you're an absolute ray of light. You've picked me up tonight and I'm going to sit down tonight and I'm going to think right. What one of the things that I need to do tomorrow that are burning in the back of my head that I know I need to start, that I know will ultimately bring me more joy. But there's something holding me back and nothing that I hope.

Matthew Moore, thank you so much for having me.

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