Oh, holy goddamn. We got a big show. Happy Saturday, and welcome back to America's Cable News Keg Party. As you can see, I busted out another fine jacket from my overweight figure skater collection because we are going for the gold with a hot panel. Here it comes. Say hello to a woman who is far too classy for this show, but what can I say? She needs a better agent. Tv's Kim Douglas is in the house, and I'm trying not to get emotional. He is a fantastic comedian making his debut on this show, although you'll probably recognize him from his other TV work on Datelines to Catch a Predator. Kenny Kranz is here for the full hour, as long as you're not within 500 feet of the school, there you are. She is another phenomenal comic who's a fan favorite on this show, and every show I am talking about South America's Sweetheart, the loveliest Latina Gina Briona is back. I'm excited about it. Gina. Thank you. Gina and I, you and I met at an open mic on 45th Street called Hamburger Harry's, which is sadly not in business. I believe the current conditions of Times Square, it's now called Heroin Harry's.

But do you remember those? And I still go there. You remember those? There it is. Kim and I also met on 45th street. I'll never forget our first conversation. She was like, You're not a cop, are you? I was like, What deal is this? And Kenny, you and I know each other a long time. So I was thinking about this the other day. I've actually blocked your number on three different iPhone. And I only actually bring up iPhone. We're obviously great friends because when I first met you, you told an iPhone joke that I love. Tell me this joke.

Oh, about how... Your nephew? Yes, my My nephew called me once to say, Uncle Kenny, I made you a picture. I was like, All right, but some kid in China the exact same age as you made me this iPhone I'm talking to you on.

Oh, no. Take that, Xi Jinping, in your cheap labor. Well, one person who's got plenty of extra time to mess with her phone this week is Nikki Haley. The former South Carolina governor dropped out of the race after losing every state but Vermont on Super Tuesday. Vermont's a weird place. Last time I was there, a cop stopped me for driving without a Subaru. Nikki ran a classy campaign, and I do want to congratulate her on fighting all the way to the end, which happened a month ago. The bad news is she's not going to be the next President. The good news is, with zero public events on her schedule, she now knows what it's like to be the current President. Don't get me wrong, Joe Biden gave a State of the Union speech on Thursday. If we're being honest, the big headline is the fact that he stayed up past 10:00 PM. I guess they finally found some use for all that cocaine in the White I don't know. We mock Biden. But the guy, to his credit, did spend time this week with major world leaders.

I'll tell you who did notice, the Cookie Monster. He pointed out his cookies are getting smaller, paying the same price.

Now, there's a weird combo, Joe Biden and Cookie Monster. One speaks in garbled words, and the other is Cookie Monster. Biden was speaking about shrink Inflation, which is when a manufacturer charges you for a full bag of cookies, but you open it up and find a lot less cookies than you expected. It's basically like dating a girl who wears a Wonderbra. Am I right? You get it off and you're like, Hey, wait a minute. Question for the panel, and maybe for you, Kenny. If we can sue manufacturers for tricking us into thinking we got more cookies, shouldn't men get money back from women who tricked us into thinking they had bigger boobs?

Yes. Oh, yeah. That's something I could get behind.

How many times in our single days did you and I go out with women that we had bigger boobs then? Where's the man boob reparations is all I'm saying. No wonder brawn me and Kenny here. Anyway, of course, we're not the only ones talking about sex this week. Check out Jake Tapper, who's getting a little too excited talking about Donald Trump's legal troubles. Explanation was not they didn't like Donald Trump. They said he participated in an erection. Well, first there was January sixth. Now there's January sixth inches. But you'd think Jake Tapper would know an erection when he sees one because the guy worked with Jeffrey Toubin. If you're not familiar, Toubin was a legal analyst who was fired for religious purposes. He kept celebrating Paul Mom Sunday. But alas, he's back on the air proving that he really does have a lot of pull. Well, whoever our next president is, he'll need a driver for his limo. And this week's auditions got off to a rough start. Georgia Woman was rescued after driving into a pool. I hate when that happens. If you think about it, it's actually a really good advertisement for the pool cover.

Some people are worried about their cat falling in and drowning. This thing was strong enough to support a Toyota. Ken, have you ever Have you ever gotten so drunk that you drove and hit a pool?

No, not drunk.

But you've done it under other circumstances. I respect that. Have you ever had your party literally crashed?

I mean, I'm not I'm not going to claim that I'm the best driver because I see nothing wrong with what happened in that picture. So my parties don't get crashed by cars. They get crashed by INS. I think we both know that.

Oh, no. It's always better Can the guests tell the immigration jokes before the Fox hosts do? You know we have them. Build a wall. Anyway, this is an equal opportunity show, so let's acknowledge the fact that male drivers weren't any better this week, especially this guy who did crash the party at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Check it That is one of Elon Musk's $100,000 Tesla cyberbeasts. Like Twitter, it's now worth a lot less than when it was purchased. The owner reportedly claimed the valet parking attendant wrecked it, but the hotel has confirmed it was not being driven by an employee at the time of the crash. Luckily, the driver's okay. Like all people who hang out at the Beverly Hills Hotel, the truck is now off to the body shop to get a lot of work done. With all these crashes, the safest way for the next president to get around might be using in the same vehicle Mitch McDonald used in high school. These horses got loose on I-90. Police horses loose on I-90 just outside of Cleveland, Ohio, which is actually where I met my wife. She was hitchhiking on I-90. Cops are still unsure how the horse has escaped, which has to make you feel better about their ability to guard criminals.

Am I right? They don't even know. Of course, if someone did commit a crime, a judge could give them the stiffest penalty under Cleveland law, which is season tickets to the brands. All right, panel, let's talk about it, but you should know the yellow jacket is on the line. It was given to the driver in my taxi garage who had the best shift. Tonight, we'll give it to the panelist who has the best night. Gina trying to become the first two-time yellow jacket winner, but Don't underestimate Kenny, who was two-times by his ex-wife. I am sorry. I didn't know you guys were married when I met her. I kid, I'm being silly.

Not the first friend to date her.

No, no. Do you remember the movie, Better Off Dead? Do you mind if I take out Beth? This is not good. Kimmy D, good to see you again, Beth. Hi, Kimmy. Back on the East Coast where you belong. Exactly. I love that. That jacket looks like something I would get in trouble for wearing. Exactly. It's from your Skater, an ice skater collection. It's two things. I dress like either a male figure skater or an affordable male stripper. You dig? It's not Magic Mike, it's his cousin Tragic Mike. You know what I'm saying? I was the one who got fat during the pandemic. We used to go together. Now, I'm not quite a Chippendale, I'm more of a Chips and Dip, but you get it. It's nice to see you. But I want to start at the titty top of this thing. You get a Biden State of the Union, you get Trump clenching the nomination. We're eight months from election day. We have so far to go that I'm bringing on my 10th grader at the end of this show to find a creative way to talk about politics, because don't you feel like we got a lot of time to fill between now and election, David?

It's these two, Kenny. How are you going to do it besides weed, obviously?

Well, mostly just weed. But I don't know. Honestly, I feel like there's a pretty good chance they're both going to be dead in natural causes before November.

This is a problem, though. We have two presidents in their late hundreds. I was saying this to somebody the other day. You always see these campaign commercials and they're like, America needs new blood. They mean new blood. They actually mean transfusions. Gina, when do you, as a comic, because you're not super political, we love that about you, when do you, as a comic, actually start paying attention to this?

Never.

You not even doing the thing like the week before the election.

A little bit, but not even. If it doesn't show up on my TikTok feed, I know nothing about it.

You're not doing it. If the President of China doesn't feed this to your phone. The who now?

With the what now, Jimmy?

She's like, China, we don't own any fancy dishes. I don't know what you're talking about. All right, but stick with me because I think we're setting a good example. You know how I try to do this show apolitically? We don't really do a lot of politics. Don't you feel like as comics, we would help more by being in that comedy lane? You dig? Yeah, totally. Because it's more of a uniter, and it takes the edge out of things if you go to the Comedy Club to unplug as opposed to get yelled at. In a roundabout way, aren't we the world's heroes?

Totally. I cosign that completely.

Which is ironic Because we get paid in heroes.

Wings, drinks, or weed.

Wings, drinks, weed. I'm not even kidding. Just not money. Now, Kenny, you're in a different lane because you're obviously a huge Trump supporter. I get. Kenny is actually, this is worth noting, I want Fox to get credit for this because this happens to me all the time. Would you not agree because we have been steadfast in our support of Israel, that we're getting a lot of new Jewish viewers? Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Yes. Because we had Israel's back before it was cool, even now where it's not trendy on the other channels. On some level, you have to appreciate that.

I never thought that I would be tuning in the Fox News to decompress. To feel better about things.

It's to take the edge off. But here you are. And of course, Kimmy D, this comedy does bring people together because she's as pro-Hamas as they come. I kid. Shalom. But are you surprised in this day and age? You know how we live in this place where if you say one thing, you could lose your job. That was the whole cancel culture, outrage era. Isn't it weird how the people who are canceling us, really a lot of them come from that circle that is supporting Hamas? It went full circle, did it not? It's so crazy. Then the stuff that happened with AOC, she was all like, Oh, and then she gets attacked It's a whole different story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I missed the good old days when Congresswomen were just groping guys like Lauren Bobert back in the day. Can we get back to that? See, that's a joke for each party, everybody. Jimmy's a uniter, and we're going to make Saturday night an absolute banger. It's going to get wet and wild as we kick off spring break celebrations. We're going Hollywood in our game Pitch Slap. My maniac son Lincoln Fala is here, and if I'm still employed after that, we'll have my interview with Saturday Night Live legend Dennis Miller.

All that and a whole lot more. No shrinkflation here. It's Fox News Saturday Night with Jimmy Fala. Let's go. Hey, Sean Hannity here. Hey, click here to subscribe to Fox News YouTube page and catch our hottest interviews and most compelling analysis. You will not get it anywhere else.