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Ie. What's up, gigglers? Gary, fix your WiFi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my great US Open gigglers? I don't know.

That was random. We're about to be US Open gigglers.

We're going to the US Open tomorrow. We're so excited. Paige, is there anything you think the gigglers should know about the US Open? Like, What questions do you think the gigglers would have? I feel like everyone wants to be obsessed with tennis, but they watch Challenges, so they're thrown. They don't know what's going on.

Well, I keep seeing on TikTok that one girl went to something that was the week before the US Open, and she was really disappointed that no one was as dressed up as she thought they would be. And then all of these girls were doing TikToks of what to wear to the US Open because it's so much more casual.

Well, the night matches are more like...

I feel like they're a little bit dressy.

And if you're on Arthur Asch, there's two big stadiums, Arthur Asch and Louis Armstrong. But the secret is you go the week before during qualifying if you want to see the top people warm up, all those matches. Look, I'm feeling very territorial.

I know. Okay, the way you feel about tennis, the way you feel about tennis is the way I feel about Love Island. I thought you were going to say fashion.

Love Island. Oh, because you liked it before.

Because I feel like I was watching Love Island way before even Americans were watching UK. So I was way before Americans watching USA. Look, we have taste. We have very good taste. Yeah. I was just like, I've been watching this show before COVID.

Dm me if you have any questions about tennis, but did you see I finally watched Challenges?

I did see your very extensive I go through... Okay, here's the thing. When I watch your Instagram stories, I am just so happy that you're my friend and that you get to read my thoughts about your Instagram stories, because I truly do go through such a journey. It's such a mini movie, your Instagram stories, because sometimes I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm obsessed with you. Then I'm like, I'm so grossed out by you. And then I'm like...

My other DMs are the gigglers guessing how you feel about my Insta stories. They're like, Page is upset. Page is going to be upset. When did you see? Check on Page.

Something really upset me this weekend that you had posted.

Well, I posted that in my... No, you laughed because I posted that I found my Invisalign in my Mue Mue. And you thought that was funny. But then I took it one step too far and I posted a photo of my toenail that the pedicure had grown out. It looked like I had a French manicure because the pedicure grew out so much. And that was violence that I chose that day to post that.

No, that was violence. And also because I feel like you're so hard on your feet, I feel like.

Okay, I That was the meanest thing you've ever said to me. What the fuck does that even mean?

No, I feel like you're always running, working out. You're in sneakers. You're sweating.

Running from the patriarchy.

You're falling. I feel like You do fast walking sometimes. I don't know. I always feel like your feet must hurt more than the average person, that you would need a pedicure more to just...

No, I've lost many a toenail.

Yeah, I feel like your toes have had trauma.

Well, you know what? I don't love myself enough to give myself a pedicure. It's funny. Some girls were like, First of all, we believe you this is on brand. We're fine with this. And then some people were like, It's one hour of your fucking day, bitch. Take care of your nails.

No, it's just I can't go... I get pedicures all winter long, too. I've also never identified with the girls that are like, Oh, it's winter, so not getting a pedicure. Yes, I go longer than I do in the summer, but I'm still getting pedicures in the winter.

Because you think you're better than me?

No, I don't think I'm better than you. I'm not even comparing myself to you. I'm just saying I'm different.

You said I had big, heavy feet. No, I didn't. You know what I realized is the meanest thing someone said to me, and it wasn't recent. It was in general over the last couple of years. Has no nerve... Someone called me photogenic? I feel like that's the meanest thing you could say to someone.

No, I think that's one of the nicest compliments.

No, when people see me in person and they go, You're photogenic. Or we take a photo and like, Oh, my God, you're so photogenic. I'm like, So you're saying that you're surprised that my ugly ass looks decent in a photo?

No, I think you're reading too much into it. You're being a little too sensitive in this situation, I think.

I feel like today I'm in a sensitive place. I think I'm a Missing.

Wait, did I tell you that I grabbed a crawling iron?

Your enemies are out to get you. Someone is praying on your downfall. No. Wait, that's my biggest fear.

I was actually more mad at myself I was like, There's no way I just did that. That is not a thing that I do. I don't consider myself a clumsy person or- It was just off-brand. Yeah, it was really off-brand for me. So that's why I was so mad about it.

You're Her head was in the clouds.

Also, it's 2024. What hair tools don't go off automatically after a certain amount of time? Are we kidding? What year is it? That's what I was most mad about. Another thing I'll bring up to the mayor. That's a ridiculous hazard.

That needs to be changed. The President needs to talk to someone about that.

No, the laws should definitely be changed in that. I mean, simple house fires.

Yeah, because you know how many girls their days ruined because they know that they left their flat iron on or whatever.

Yeah, and it ruins your counter I feel like I've ruined a lot of things with my irons getting too hot. Whatever. So I went to grab it on the correct end, and when I touched it, it was so hot that I was like, Oh, my God, that was the wrong end. So then I grabbed the other end, but that was the wrong end.

Why was the right end hot?

Because it was on for so long. It was on for hours. I mean, I touched something that was legitimately 500 degrees. I got a second degree burn on my middle finger.

Wait, and your finger is already so tiny to begin with. Is it okay? Did it shrivel up?

Okay, so all that night, I couldn't sleep because my hand was throbbing, and ice actually made it way worse, which I didn't know was a fucking thing.

You have to put it in milk. I'm just kidding. I just made that up.

No, because everything I was googling was like, put butter on it. I was like, I'm not fucking putting butter on open wounds. This is insane.

It needs to blister, I guess.

It blistered, and then the blisters popped on their own, and I just kept it wrapped with a bandaid. And you loved that the blisters popped. My skin absorbed. I fucking loved it. You thought that was fun. I loved squeezing it out a little bit.

So Sometimes when I'm on the road with Dez, we're getting ready together. Obviously, I have my routine, which is me putting everything all over the place. Now, as someone with ADHD, I burn myself every single day, so suck it up. But Dez accidentally touched it because he was moving it, and he didn't know, and he didn't deserve that. Then I realized how women, we have so many weapons around us.

Well, what made me mad was I'm I'm usually the person being like, Watch the straightener. It's on. Don't step here. They're crawling irons on. I'm very aware of the hot tools.

He's like, Why would you put it there? I'm like, Where am I supposed to put it?

It's on the counter.

Yeah, it's on the counter. Anyway, guys, keep an eye out.

No, it's dangerous out there in your own home.

Also, I was at a Labor Day weekend party, and I was feeling myself. But I put on these nipple pads things. What are those nipple covers that I highly recommend everyone gets? So they just cover your nipples. But then I just felt like my my boobs were just not hitting the way I wanted them to. So I went to my mom's house because I was in Shelter Island and switched to her bra. And just put my nipple things in my mumio. In the middle of the party, I see my nipple pads on the ground. It's on grass. It's these big tan nipple And I'm like, Nobody point this out. How do I pick this up? And then my fucking friend is like, Whose nipples are those? And it was like a family party, and I had to lean in. No, I'm dead. And I was like, My nipple is sorry, guys. Ha ha. And then all the older guys were like, How does it even work? And I'm like, Okay, you don't have to get into it.

It must have been stuck to your phone and you pulled your phone out of your bag or something.

A hundred %. Also, last week, I left my passport on the plane, Which is like, that is diabolical. That is the worst thing you could possibly do.

That's literally.

I think I was holding my passport. I put it down. I sat on it. I was one of those people in the bathroom where they're like, Hannah Werner, please come to Gate 47. And I was like, maybe a giggler is working at the gate and wants to say hi.

I've never been called... Two things in my life that I'm like, interesting. I've never been on a Jumbotron for anything. I've never been on a Jumbotron at any single game, whether it's professional or not. And I just find that- I think it's because you don't go to any games. I mean, I feel like I've been at- Like a couple. Enough to at some point be on a Jumbotron. Okay. Okay. So I've never been on a Jumbotron, and I've never had my name on a loudspeaker, anywhere. Even school? No.

You're never in trouble?

I was never called to- You were never that level of in trouble.

See, I feel like my name's always being called, but in bad ways. And I'm like, Motherfogger. So I walk all the way back to the gate, and I'm like, I didn't forget anything. So I'm like, What do these people want? And it's this adorable gay guy, and he's like, You left your passport, honey. And I was like, I am so embarrassed right now. Let's pretend this never happened. You don't know me. I don't know you. And I turned around and he was dying laughing. But I'm such a fucking idiot. But anyway, it was that flight that I watched Challenges. And I guess some people had thought I've watched it before. I haven't. And I want the last four hours of my fucking life back. I didn't finish it because the flight wasn't long enough. It's Lord of the Fucking Rings.

Yeah, it's long. It's bad. Well, it's hard not being on your phone during it. I was on my phone for the whole time.

But the writing is bad. I know some... No, I don't care if people liked it. I have to stick to my guns. Yeah. You don't care about her. You could have cared so much about this girl who works so hard. Instead, she's just helping men's dreams come true. One of them was cute, but no, not enough.

No, it very much... There's something about artsy movies recently where I'm feeling like they're making the main guys, the lead guys, very- Ratt-like. But dare I say pubescent?

Yeah. Or are we just getting old? No, I don't know. I don't know. No, well, the guy was talking about retiring, and I was like, he can't even grow chin hair, and this guy's about to retire.

I felt like there was no character development in that show.

No character development. In that show. Yeah, so when she's picking between the Because you're like, I don't give a fuck.

Because I don't know them.

I don't know them, and I don't know you. So I don't even know if I'm rooting for your happiness or your downfall. So it was just super bad. Because my thing is, I'm fine with the tennis being shitty as long as the plot and the characters are really good.

But it was bad. I love Zendaya so much that I'll watch anything she's in. I just like her being on my screen. There's just something about... There's a few actresses like that where I'm just like, I don't even care if it's bad. I'm going to watch it.

And I think that's why the movie was made because they were like, Zendaya's in it. And my final thought because people were like, Oh, good. I'm not going to watch it, is I think because Zendaya's in it, watch it, but just know it's terrible. So I'm not saying don't watch it.

I couldn't tell you what it's Yeah, no.

No, it's real. It pissed me the fuck off. Oh, God.

I could see that.

I also have been seeing Have you seen these trends on TikTok? Have you seen the girls being like, me leaving the house knowing men will hate my outfit? Have you seen those? Do you know how they make me feel? These girls look fucking adorable. I'm like, you guys have no idea what it's like to wear an outfit that a man actually hates. They're wearing something that's slightly baggy in the shirt. I'm like, I wear jorts. I'm not here wearing jorts. That's what a man will hate. I'm wearing my dad's T-shirt and jorts.

No, it's the same idea of those TikToks that are like, what girls find attractive or pretty is very opposite from what guys find attractive or pretty.

Yeah, but the girls are putting on outfits that I know that guys are like, She looks cute. They're like, Guys are going to hate this set. And I'm like, If you're wearing a set, a guy will like it.

Yeah, I don't think guys would hate a baggy pant either.

No. So all those girls-I feel like they don't know. It's a cute trend. You don't know what it's like to wear an outfit that a guy will actually hate. I'll show you a fucking outfit. Wear a fucking croc. Wear a croc and then talk to me.

See, you do it in a different way than I do it. Sometimes I know a guy will hate my outfit if it's so girly. But he'll still be attracted to you. If it's just a massive bow across my chest or something.

He'll still be attracted to you. He'll still be like, That's cute. Yeah, it's not like you're dressing like Megan Fox with a wet T-shirt contest. But just because you're wearing something that isn't like that doesn't mean a man's going to hate it. I'll wear some outfits where it does is like, You have to change. It's going to be a problem. He's like, you got to try A little bit. This is a nice dinner.

Yeah. No, I hate being in those situations. There's nothing worse than having to get ready when you don't want to go. That's a modern form of torture.

When you don't know what you're going to wear?

When you just don't want to go to where you have to get ready for. Yeah. And when you don't know what you're going to wear, and you're like, I don't even want to be doing this in the first place. When you don't know what to wear, but you want to go to the function, very different.

That's a high. That is a pressure high that I live for. I'm like, Who's she going to be tonight? Where it's like, What do I want to dress in while I'm miserable tonight? I actually was talking to my therapist. Oh, I forgot you were back in therapy. Since the special, I was back in therapy. The special put me back into therapy, which, thank God, it all worked out. But we were talking about... I was like, I wish I wanted to be more social. I was like, Me and my best friend, Paige, we joke about it, but I wish I enjoyed things that other people enjoyed, like simple stuff. And she was like, Well, community is a big part of happiness. And I was like, Send me an article on that. That sounds important. I'm not going to read. And she's like, I'm going to send you the article. And I was like, Yes. And then I was like, I do have a pretty big community. It's called the Giggly Squad. And she's like, that's not the same. And I was like, they're all my best friends. And she was like, no.

Like human to human interaction.

I did say I had a community of fantasy football.

And she paused. But that's not in person.

She was like, I don't know what that is. And I was like, I also did. We'd go to the bar and watch the games, but I have multiple times left because I was upset. I didn't let people know I was upset, but my team is fucking losing. So I'd leave. I'd leave to do laundry. I'd say I have laundry. I'm not sitting there watching my team be decimated.

Wait, when was this? When was this?

I mean- Recently?

In the past year.

In my early 20s. But there's definitely been days last year that my day was low-key ruined because of fantasy football.

Wow. I didn't know you were that into it.

I can get into anything. So anyway, I told her that, and she straight up- That's comforting. She straight up was like, You're an interesting person. She said that to me. So I think I won.

Wow. Your therapist hitting you with, You're an interesting person? I think that It could be a compliment, though, too.

No, I fully took it as a compliment. Because she was laughing. And then I was like, I think she likes me too much.

Well, here's the thing, too. I think that women get more societal advice than men do. And I feel like women get contradictory advice because I feel like you always hear things of, Oh, when you have a smaller circle, it's because you're working harder, you're doing Y, and Z. But then it's also like girls are expected to have this girl group of friends, and if they don't, is that a red flag? I don't know. I feel like me not wanting to go out recently, or not even recently, but me not wanting to socialize is because you're so busy. You're so busy during the week, and it's like, I only have a couple hours.

Male friendships are a made-up thing.

No, right. When men are hanging out, they're not diving into it the way we are. I could never go sit with you. I could never go sit with you with something looming on my brain and just be like, Yeah, dude, we're probably not going to talk about it today. It's all we're going to fucking talk about it. We're going to look at it from 65 angles.

Also, even if something's not looming over your head, we'll find something. We're not leaving this conversation until we figure something out. No, I told you, it was like when one of our friends, he broke up with his girlfriend and we went to dinner, didn't bring it up till the fucking dessert. And I was like, I don't... This is not what I signed up for. I came here for the gossip. I wanted the drama. Right. But it's funny because with my therapy, and I probably shouldn't be talking about this, but I think it might be relatable. Why? I think I podcast too much because we start talking about stuff and next thing you know, I'm ripping. I'm ripping, I'm ripping, I'm ripping. She's laughing. And then She's like, No, talk deeper about that. It becomes a podcast.

Yeah. You're like, Hey, are you available every Tuesday? For something totally subreddit, I'll bring... You just show up to your next appointment with microphones. Hey, can you send me this file after we're done? No. Also part of not wanting to socialize, certain things don't excite me the way they used to excite me. It's just, I think, getting older. It used to really excite me to think about going to a club on Saturday night.

Yeah. College, for me, I would get excited about that.

And that just doesn't excite me anymore.

I get anxiety over social things. And then once I do it, I'm fine. But it's the beforehand that I'm like, This is bad. This is going to be bad. I don't want to do this. I'd rather... I feel like everything's taking time out of my time alone, and I need to lean to know community is where happiness is. But sometimes it's not.

That's where we need to live next door to each other.

I know. I would rather have three to five really fucking close people in my life who get me, who I could be myself with, than a huge group of people who don't give a fuck about me.

Well, also, you meet friends in different stages of your life. At some point in our life, we're going to be going out to dinner with our kids, friends, parents. In certain situations.

Why did I just get stressed? I was like, Do we invite her? No, I actually also just got a...

I'm scared for that. Wait, people don't talk enough about their kids becoming friends with other kids and you hating the parents.

I feel like that's what makes the drama of being a parent. Or what if you like the parents, but you hate the I feel like there's so much untapped gossip for our future that I'm so excited about. No, the moms, they're not only busy raising children, they're busy dealing with all the new friendships of mommy-dom. We talk about being a mom so often. I mean, we both are moms.

We really are.

We really are.

We don't socialize our children, though.

Yeah. No.

And we like it that way.

But also, not to be dramatic, but all I need is you. Why do I need two of you?

No, that would be too much. A lot of the time, the more people, the more opportunity for messiness.

Yes.

And also, as you get older, you just care less about shit.

Yeah. Also, I don't have a MySpace top eight. I'm a fucking grown up. But it is funny when you're going to hang out with someone, you're excited, then they're like, Oh, I'm bringing so and so. And you're like, And they're always like, You're going to love them.

And you're like, and it just- No, I know. No, I know. I literally did that to you this week. I was like, We're going to the US Open, and I'm bringing my friend. You were like, Wait a minute.

And I had to explain. No, this is my thing that I've never fucking heard of this friend before. And then it made me feel...

No, you have.

Is this the one friend that I always say I've never heard of before? Have I met her? I feel like at some birthday, you would have had to have. Wait, I think I have. You have. You haven't mentioned her a while, and I just felt... No, I haven't. I felt blindsided. Yeah, you felt bamboozled.

It was in text. Yeah, it was over text. It was like... Yeah. It's okay, though. It is hard watching your friends have other friends, though. You do a lot of videos with other people.

Wait, that made me laugh so hard.

You have a whole community of comedian friends that I'm not really tapped into, but I know who they are.

How does it make How does it feel?

It makes me feel a little bit on the outside. But also, here's where being non-social plays a great part. You're not hanging out with them. So I'm not getting... There's just so much jealousy I can have. I'm like, Okay, what is she sending them a few text? Whatever. She talks to me every week, bitch.

It is funny. I feel like me and you would get more jealous if you started posting with another girl everywhere and you were loving her outfits.

No, I would never.

Or she said something and you started dying laughing uncontrollably, and I had to watch a clip of that.

Okay, this is a really funny thing that I brought up the other night to Cierra, actually. I was watching a TikTok and it was two girls, and they were obviously friends, and they were like, hugging each other in the TikTok and doing... They were doing some type of sexual dance that went along with some song, and the caption was about a guy. But they were dancing sexually with each other, but it was clearly a joke. I was like, I've never been that type of friend. I've never had a friendship with another female where it was like, we hugged all the time. When people talk about cuddling with their friend could not be me. I've never even been in the situation where I'm cuddling with my friend. No.

Not to go there, but you know how there were always those friends who in some guy be like, You two should kiss, and they are so excited to kiss?

Absolutely.

I was so scared. I was never that girl.

I was never that girl. I was always like, You want me to do what?

Well, also, I think from a young age, I knew I didn't want to ever bring men too much happiness. Yeah. So I was like, If I'm not going to be into it... But there were always girls who were just so comfortable.

Well, I feel like you also always had friends where you were like, Are they? Like, Hooking up with each other. I feel like at some point in my life, I was like, They might be...

I just felt like I wasn't girly enough. If I was girlier, the girly girls would be hanging on each other and holding each other, whatever. I was like, What's up?

No. Okay. See, I was really girly girl, and I wasn't like that. But you know what? My best friend growing up was very similar to you. She played sports. So we were very opposite. I don't know. I think I like having a friend that's opposite of me in certain things.

Yeah, because you're fucking sick of yourself. I don't want to talk to myself every day.

So sick of myself.

I have a hot take Wait, this is- If you called me with a legitimate outfit crisis and we're like, I need to come over and borrow something, I'd be like, Shut up. See, I'll be having a crisis and you'll be like, Hey, let me get you a blazer or something. And I'll be like, No, no, no, no, no. And you're like, Please. And I'm like, No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And you're like, This is going to be really bad. And I'm like, It's okay. I'd rather it be bad than you have to leave your apartment.

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Barden, recruitment, but better. Did you see the Charlie XCX Lord song where they're like, So you think I might hate you and you can hate me to be it. And then I thought you could fuck her. And then you hate me to save it, and I knew you could hate me, but I hate you to be it.

First of all, what's going on? First and foremost, what's happening? And secondly, is that English? Because not one person knows one word you just said. The accent went too good.

Charlie XX, and Lord, people thought they were fighting, and then they wrote a song together being like, I thought you were jealous, and I thought that it was because of you, and then I was mad at you, but you really love me, and I loved you, but you should... And I really thought that I did a good impression of it. And I wanted to do a TikTok with you of it, but then I realized we would fumble it really bad.

No, we would fumble that so bad. So were they fighting?

It was basically like they both were fighting. Actually, I couldn't understand the song, but they both thought each other hated each other, and they were both jealous of each other a little.

Wait, this just made me think of it. Okay, first of all, everyone freaking out about Sabrina Carpenter and her album and all that stuff. For whatever reason, it just did not register in my mind that Olivia Rodrigo, when she became really famous, her songs were about Sabrina Carpenter.

The lore.

Did you not register that either? No.

Has it been confirmed?

Yeah. When she wrote driver's license and it was the blonde who's older than me, it was Sabrina Carpenter that she was singing about. And I was like, That's so interesting. Because then Sabrina Carpenter made a whole song about Camilla Cabello and how Sean Mendez got back together with her. And I found this really interesting, too. It's always a brunette jealous of a blonde, and then a blonde jealous of a brunette, and we put ourselves in a vicious cycle. It literally went brunette blonde, brunette.

And this is Women on Women crime, and we have to grow from this.

It's Women on Women crime, and it's the men to blame. No, it's always the men to be. And how interesting they're all really great singers. And I could not tell you, I don't even know the guy that Olivia Rodrigo is singing about.

Yeah, but Sean Mendez, is he in a cult?

I think something is going on.

Instead of singing about a fight we had three years ago, can someone get him out of the cult? Check on him. No, check on him. They're busy getting who's number one, two, billboard. Someone save Sean Mendes. If you really fucking love him so much. Someone shoot him a text.

We didn't even talk about your best friend giving birth. Haley Bieber.

Wait, because it's a personal thing.

I did want to know, though, did you send a message, congratulations, or any type of interaction?

Well, it's holidays with me and you. It's too obvious. I'm not going to say congrats. She knows I'm happy for her. She knows me. She knows how I feel about these things. She knows I support her. I don't have to double down. Her phone probably had so many text messages. I also don't have her number.

I love that we've normalized not wishing each other a happy holiday. It's unnecessary.

I think if... Imagine if you're If your dude texted you, Merry Christmas, and he's in the house with you, you're like, You cheated on me.

Merry Christmas. No, I would be uncomfortable. Just shut up.

I have a really hot take, but I'm going to ask you first, who do you think should play Brittany in the biopic? Because I have the hottest take.

Oh, my God. I can't wait for your hot take. Who do I think? Honestly, I No one famous right now is coming to mind. I'm almost like, I think it should be someone that is on the come up or Tate McCrey.

Actually, Tate McRay could be great. Can she act? I have no idea. I think she can. She could sing, she could dance. Isn't that like- Yeah.

I feel like all the kids can do all of it now. Yeah.

The Tate McCrey video when she brought up Kid Leroy. Did you see that?

No.

Who? She's dating Kid Leroy. Who the heck is that? You're such a millennial. Okay. Actually, I don't fucking know who he is, but he's a singer.

I still don't even know his name.

What is it? He sing like, Girls just want to have fun. Girls just want to dance. I've heard the song. So her boyfriend cheated on her, and now she's with him. She's a hockey guy, which it's a canon event. Okay. And then now they were on stage singing together. Oh, wow. And it was really cute.

I love- That gives me Ariana Grande, Mac Miller vibe.

I know. And I posted that it's like when me, when Dez comes on stage after my show and- Very cute. Makes fun of me and says that he's not as old as I'm trying to make him seem. My hot take is, one, I totally agree, someone that we don't know who looks just like her and is supremely talented, or Chaperone.

Chaperone? That's so interesting. Could she act, though?

I feel like she's going through this-How old is she? Good question. I feel like she's mid-20s. She's going through an interesting time.

Because I thought she was going to be 22 or 23.

She's 26.

Oh, okay.

She's going through this time of basically being famous, horrible, and even I don't like it.

Well, I feel like she got famous so quick. Not that she hasn't been doing it for years, but it was all of a sudden, one day she performed one place, and then it was just chapel her own forever.

It was intense, yeah. But I feel like Because of that drama, it could be interesting to see her in that place. Oh, my God. What if they put Ariana? Because Ariana does a good Brittany impression.

Ariana Grande? Grande.

She's blonde.

I saw a TikTok about Chapel Roon saying how she hates being famous and basically that she reserves the right to be rude to fans, which is just so crazy. But it was even crazier was that I saw a TikTok of a guy that was in a nationwide commercial, and he was talking about how many people come up and ask him for pictures when the commercial was on TV. So he was like, I can't even imagine how Chapel Roon feels. And he was making a valid point, but I was like, get out of here, dude.

Wait, is this Jake from State Farm?

No. No, I would never speak of Jake from State Farm.

We love Jake from State Farm. No, I love Jake. We don't understand her level of Fame. We don't understand. But you just have to change your lifestyle a little bit, which sucks. But it's because you're making so much money. Taylor Swift was like, Oh, I can't go to the nail salon anymore. Okay, would you rather trade being able to go to the nail salon or being a billionaire?

I actively found somebody to come and do my nails at my apartment, and I'm not a billionaire. So Taylor, don't even start with me.

But Taylor wasn't even complaining. She was just like, I do my own nails because I don't go I can't go to the nail salon. Just as a fact, it's just a fact. But it's like, yeah, there's trade offs.

There's 100% trade offs.

And granted, yes, stalking, not cool.

Harassing, not cool. But I feel like every famous person deals with that. Right. I just feel like sometimes I'm just like, okay, if taking a couple pictures at dinner is the worst thing to ever happen to you, I think you're okay. But also in moderation and people not being weird about it. I mean, I'm sure she gets a ton of weirdos, though.

Right? Yeah, but it's like you just- Well, kids, people in their 20s are nuts.

They're nuts. Yeah.

But I also have to say I love her shit, and she's doing great, and I hope that this doesn't make her stop making music.

Did you see Adele is taking a break?

Adele?

She said she's been working for seven years straight to build a life, and now she's going to go live that life she's built.

I feel like when people announced they're leaving, they always come back.

Yeah. Talk about someone who literally, revenge was the top thing on her list.

Yeah. Well, she's been it touring nonstop, which is going to be us soon.

No, I can't believe it. I literally I need to buckle down and take my vitamins.

What vitamins are you taking? What's in right now?

I don't even know what I'm taking, honestly.

Sprinkle some meth.

It's so hard to keep a regimen, but I really try.

I know. If you could take your supplements, even if they're not working, it gives a weird placebo.

I've been putting a vitamin C packet in my Stanley's every morning, my symbiotica. I'm like, Okay, that's at least going to do something. It has to- It's that equivalent to 10 oranges. So I was like, Okay.

I met Eliza Slesinger.

No way.

When I went to this outdoor festival. It's called Outdoors something. I didn't realize it was actually outdoors. I thought it She was just outdoorsy because it was in Canada.

And I showed up- But you were in an amphitheater?

Yeah, fully trees, outdoors. And I said, Are we... Wait, I didn't know it was outdoors. Trees? Yeah. And then at the end, I was featuring for her, so I had to announce her. And I go- Oh, my God. So it was like, shout out to Liza Slesinger. I love her so much. She's about to burn this forest to the ground.

Hannah Burner. Hannah Burner. You made a forest fire joke in Canada? I came for a forest fire job. In Canada? People were like, oh.

And then I started dying laughing. And I was like, oh, was that too much? The gigglers are messaging me because not everyone was a giggler there. The gigglers were like, oh, my God, you made a joke about burning the forest to the ground.

That's one of the craziest things I think I've ever heard someone do.

I wanted to say she's about to bring the house down, but we weren't in a house. So I was like, She's going to light this shit on fire.

She's going to start a small forest fire.

That could be hard to tame.

Yeah. No, that's insane. How was it, though?

Well, it was fun because she asked me to go to her hotel room before to get ready with her. Oh, my God. I was so nervous because she's done so many specials. She's so iconic. And all I want is respect from other female comedians. That's when I get weird. I'm like, Hey. I walk in and I'm wearing a- It's like being a freshman in high school. I feel like an eighth grader, and I'm meeting the senior, and she's smoking a cigarette, and she's like, You want to learn the biz? I walked in, she was so fucking nice, so normal. She could have literally punched me in the face, and I've been like, I love you, Eliza. But she was wearing, like, leggingss and a T-shirt. And I came in with a skirt and a good American off the shoulder thing in my boots. And she was like, Oh, my God, you're dressed so nice. And I was like, first of all, no one's ever told me that. Second of all, I'm used to being the one that dresses trash. This is crazy. And she's like, I only dress up when I shoot my special.

Stop.

I dress in just loungewear, like pajamas for the rest of it. I was like, That's iconic.

Paige would be- Did you tell her you were so stressed picking your special outfit?

Oh, we talked about that. It was a whole thing. But then she goes, or maybe I brought it up. Someone brought it up. They're like, Wouldn't it be funny if we switched outfits right now? I was like, We were filming. It was It was us alone in the room like, Wouldn't it be crazy?

I thought I knew where this story was going, but I'm actually at a crossroads, and I'm really... I'm fully unclear. Filming for what? We were filming like a get ready with me video.

Who suggested? I think I did.

Oh, because in my head, it's like some creepy guy being like, this would be cool if you guys switch clothes on camera. But basically- It's like, wait, what?

I I was telling her, I was like, You would look so cute in these high boots and off the shoulder. And we decided we should switch clothes. And I thought that was going to be so funny and cute. I didn't realize I'm a sweaty, disgusting pig.

No, you're a sweating, disgusting pig.

And I was outdoors getting to her. And then, I get nervous when I talk to people. So I'm like, I'm full sweat mode. And I take it off and I give it to her. And she's like, this is soaking wet.

No, Hannah, Lucy.

And I was like, I'm so sorry, we don't have to do this. And she was like, no, we're doing this. And I'm like, no, no, no. I didn't realize I was... You don't know you're sweating until you take it off. And you're like, that's...

Oh my God.

It's like, soaked, dripping. And she was like, no, we're doing it. And I'm like, Eliza, no, please don't do this. She puts it on. She's like, This is disgusting. And I'm literally like, I just feel... I feel like it was a bonding for us, but I also feel like she didn't deserve that. And I shouldn't have put her through that.

As someone You who's probably interacted with your sweat, I would say probably second to your husband, but I don't even know because I've been sweated on. I've stuck my foot in things that your foot's been in. I've fully also put your clothes on. It's a weird position to be in. I feel for Eliza.

And then she looked at me because I was wearing her clothes. I'm wearing her leggings.

Wait, here's one thing I will say, and I think this is really important. For as much as we talk about you, how much you sweat, never once in my life have I been like, Hannah, you smell. You don't smell.

People don't talk about that enough. I literally have no smell.

People don't talk about that enough because it's actually adds to the lure of your sweat. Because I'm like, what is it, though? Because it's not your typical, oh, my God, she's sweating so much. She just worked out. She has You don't smell. So it almost takes you off guard that you've even sweat so much because I haven't smelt a thing.

It's aquafina. It's aquafina coming out of my pores.

No, it's insane.

But you're so right. I don't smell, and people don't talk about that ever. No one knows it, and it's very important.

You, sweating is very intimate and personal with you. It doesn't involve other people.

No.

Unless they're trying to take your clothes.

But I'm standing there and I'm wearing her leggings, and she's like, Oh, no. Are you going to sweat in my leggings? I can't control my pussy sweat. Because I do sweat in my creases, in my thigh creases. It's bad. I was like, I need to get this off me immediately, Because it's one thing for... I don't want to hurt her.

So now you're nervous sweating, obviously.

I'm nervous sweating. I take it off and then we're like, Everything's okay. But it was one of those girlhood moments where we did bond, which was nice. And then I got to perform, and I introduced her, and it just was very fun and cool. And even though I was really upset about Challenges, seeing her made me feel a lot better.

I hope Zendaya didn't see your rant about Challenges.

I ended my rant saying, Watch it for Zendaya. Do not approve of the script. Do not approve of the characters.

Do not approve of the writing, the producing.

Technomusik the whole time.

I just couldn't follow.

Because there was nothing to follow.

There was nothing to follow. And there was really no big... I kept waiting, I think, for some big, epic sex scene. I think the movie on Amazon, what was it? The one that Sabrina's ex-boyfriend was in. The one Jacob Al-Lord he was in.

Yeah. Saltburn.

Saltburn. Which I love. I was expecting it to turn to some crazy sex scene, a la Saltburn. I don't know. I just thought it was going to have that vibe. And it wasn't. And And I... Also, something is to be said about movies thinking they're so artsy.

No, but like, I actually...

You can't be too artsy.

Yeah. You know those movies that they're like, they don't give a fuck if we know what the plot is. This is their own cultural experiment. And I'm like, Don't use me as a guinea pig in your fucking weird art project.

Yeah. And it's like your movies too, like Minimalist. I don't even know what their names are.

The point of movies is to feel something. And if all I'm seeing is weird shit that confuses me, It's like, no, thank you. But that's so funny because when they started their kissing scenes, I'm sitting next to a dude. I'm like, oh, my God, I hope there's no P in the V because that's so awkward that I'm watching porn next to a stranger.

No, it's so awkward when that happens on a plane.

I watch the Frida movie and her boobs are out. I don't want to stop watching, but I'm also like, this is too much.

I always skip. I'm like, I can't. What if someone's behind and it's like a trial.

But they never got to any fun, crazy fucking scenes. Then they kept changing the timeline. The only way you'd know she was younger was from how long her hair was. Yes. That was so fucking stupid.

Yeah. I hate when movies switch back and forth because it's a different time and they don't tell you and it's like, okay, I didn't sign up for this.

I don't need the switching back in time stuff. And also, let's be honest, I was into storying the time, rage into storying.

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Barden, recruitment, but better. Something I do think people should watch. There's a documentary out called Gary on Peacock. Oh. About Gary Coleman.

No way.

Did you watch it? I knew nothing about Gary Coleman.

Who knows anything about Gary Coleman? What was the What was the name of that show again?

What was the name of the show? Flying Colors or something? Let me see. This was before our time, guys. Yeah. Gary Coleman. Different Strokes. Different Strokes. Different Strokes. So he basically was like a cute genius, hysterical, amazing. But he did have some problems with his kidney. So he was sick all the time, and he ended up having that stunted growth. But he was the biggest fucking star from 1978 to 1986 in different strokes. And then his life got fucking crazy. People stealing his money, huge beef with his parents, and falling in love with people who were just using him. And they're interviewing everyone. So you don't know who's side to take. And then he dies, and it's a little mysterious how he died. Has he died? He apparently fell at home with his wife. I know.

No, no, no, no, no, I truly, truly couldn't imagine it.

But I understand why people say that when you get famous, things stop because you actually stop living life. You just become a character. You're not learning who you are. You literally just become a brand.

How old was he when he died?

I think in his 40s, he basically lived-Oh my God.

I didn't realize he was that young.

42. But they said they didn't know if he was even going live past 12 because of his diseases. But he was a very interesting guy.

How long is the documentary?

I think an hour thirty.

Oh, Okay, so it's not multiple parts?

No, it was just a Peacock thing about Gary, and he was so cute and smart and funny.

Did you watch the Netflix document, The Worst Ex or something?

I haven't watched it.

Sometimes- Okay, because I don't click on documentaries because I'm like, Oh, Hannah might watch this.

You're like, I could save seven hours.

I'm like, She'll just tell me.

When they do the ones, Crazy Exes or Roomates, they're good, but it takes me more to get into it because it just seems like there's just so many different stories.

Yeah, you like one big story where the characters are all the same and they're investigating something.

I'm obsessed with people's huge downfalls, and then I'm I'm obsessed with people's huge rising ups.

Yes.

And it could be cultish, it could be murder, it could be music.

Yeah, you're like a real roller coaster.

I want a fucking story. But I do think for Manifesting, I will watch the Taylor Swift documentary, I'll just put it on sometimes as my comfort thing. There's something about it that I just like that- That gets you in the mood. I'm in the mood to be like, let's take over the world, and I'm going to manifest with watching Taylor Swift's documentary.

I've been journaling.

Oh, you're not okay. That's next level. That's next level. Who told you you have to journal? Because no one does it on their own. No one's like, I'm going to journal. Who told you to journal?

I just found my brain feeling very messy. And I felt like it was going to calm certain... I sometimes find it hard to compart compartmentalize certain things. I'll be thinking about something all day that doesn't really matter that I don't need to be thinking about all day. I felt like journaling...

Helps you process the emotion?

Yeah. Helps me process certain things and then compartmentalize things. Or it also helps you- I'm very into, this might sound a little bit woo-woo, but when I want to manifest something, I find it really important to be so grateful of my life. So when I'm journaling, also, I like to write out things that I love about my life. And I think that helps me manifest things.

Gratefulness is super important. One of my friends was saying he was dating a girl who she would text him every morning 10 things she was grateful for. Okay, that's- And he broke up with her. Insane. Yeah. He broke up with her. But I was like, Wait, that's so fucking sweet, though.

If If that happened to me in real life, if I rolled over every day and my partner told me 10 things they were grateful for, I would shoot them in the face.

Wait. Okay, gun violence. Okay, gun violence. I didn't say with what.

It could be a literal Nerf gun. You would bedazzle your gun. But I would be so fucking angry.

You would bedazzle your gun like sidekicks in the 2000s.

I'd have a Juicy Coutour gun.

Wait, but the gratefulness makes so much sense because if you think of your life in scarcity where you're like, I don't have anything. I'm not happy. I need this. And you're forcing stuff, that's not when things come to you. That's dating. That's in meetings. But when you're grateful, you have this overwhelming, everything is available to me. Everything is possible. I have everything. I don't need anything. And things just start falling in your lap. The abundance. You just have an abundance.

No, I really believe in that.

To quote the great Serena Williams, she actually said something that really hit home to me because Coco Goff was playing and Coco was having a lot of trouble with her forehand, which I've had trouble with in the past.

Can we talk about Naomi, Oaxaca's-Outfit.

Outfit? What do you think?

I love the bow. I love the bow's... I just think it's so cute. Some of them, I feel like that's hard to play in. I mean, she's in full I feel like she's got to be hot.

She's doing what Serena would do, where you'd watch Serena and you're like, There's no way she's comfortable in that. Or she probably would have won that match if she didn't have denim on.

She's got crinolin under her skirt. I mean, it's insane.

But it's so good for the game of tennis. And honestly, the reason why you would have loved tennis is you realize every tournament, you could wear whatever you want. No, that's the thing. There's no jerseys. I would pick... And it's all set. So a Reebok set or a Nike set or a dress.

I will have a small, unpopular opinion. I'm rarely impressed by the female tennis outfits. I don't get why Chanel hasn't done a full exclusive line for one tennis girl. No, you're right.

I don't get it. I think Wilson is doing good stuff. I think FP Movement is doing good stuff, but these are all- Why isn't Tori Birch in there, like, whipping things out. Tori Birch Sport, I want to see more because they're so good. You're so fucking right. I think what happens is Nike and Adidas dominate, and they have their stuff. But occasionally the top girls, like Sherapova would do this. She'd be like, I want to design my own dress for Roland Garros. And she would sit down with the designer. That's what Serena would do, which is really cool. Yeah, that is cool. But I do like what Naomi is doing. It's fun and cool.

No, it's fun. I feel like the US is an easy one to do that at because it's not as up tight and fancy as Wimbleton.

Do you know what's so cunty, too? They have different dresses for their day and their night matches. If they're in the day, they wear the lighter color. Like white. And at night they wear their black, sparkly, whatever outfit.

No, I think that's half the fun because sometimes the men's outfits look better. Sometimes the men look more put together. I guess some of the girls, their outfit is really not something they're prioritizing.

They're trying to win the match. And they want to be comfortable. But also it's like there are designers that could lean in more.

Yeah, and make them comfy.

But Serena's quote, they were like, Do you think Coco should change her forehand? And Serena is the greatest of all time. So I'm listening, what is she going to say? And Serena goes, Everyone hits the forehand differently. Everyone goes about their life differently. But the one thing you need to have is confidence. She's like, I don't care how she's hitting it. Hit it with a belief in yourself. And not to go all sports mode, but the relationship you have with tennis is similar to your relationship with life. And it's so true where so many times you're like, Am I doing this right? Does this look perfect? Is this perfect? Am I going about the right way? Just fucking do it with confidence. And you're so ahead of the pack. And that's where delusion comes in.

You know what I feel It used to give me a lot of confidence in my early 20s, and this is so random, but I used to go to so many workout classes, and I used to get so insecure about other people watching you in the workout class. Then I realized that every other person is also worried about that. They're not even taking the time to watch you because they think you're watching them. That twist gave me more more confidence. I was like, no one's even watching me. They're worried about themselves.

I went to yoga class recently, a hip hop yoga class, and this girl next to me was like... She was like grunting, and then she was doing weird extra stuff. She was just going off on her own doing her weird stuff. And I was like, That girl's awesome.

Back in the day- That girl has so much confidence.

Literally. She was like grunting and big breaths. And maybe back in the day, you'd be like, Why is she doing that? I was like, That girl doesn't give a fuck, and I want to be her friend.

She's getting her $25 worth out of this freaking class.

I literally was like, She's an icon, and she's probably really successful, is what I thought. She does her and doesn't give a fuck. Serena is so right. We're all imperfect, but do stuff with confidence.

Not to bring it full circle, but I think that's also why we don't care about socializing anymore, because you get to an age where you're like, I don't need to go out to talk. I'm not going to talk about myself. I don't need to impress you. So it's like, I'm just going to stay home.

I also think we bond because we do have similar mental illness.

I agree.

And we tell people like, Oh, we're best friends because we have the same sense of humor, which means Demons say mental illness. Sorry.

Our depression and anxiety line up perfectly.

Our demons fucking love each other. Right before we end, I also have one other hot take. Cookie dough croissants.

From where?

There's chocolate chip croissants going around.

The French are laughing right in our face.

I'm saying no. I'm saying we've gone too far. Let's Stop. People are dying.

I would try it, but to me, I'm not seeing how it would be a croissant. How are they making it flaky?

It's flaky around. I just don't. We don't need it. We don't need it. We don't need it. People are going to die from it.

No, we don't need it.

It's too much. It's excessive, and I don't think it's fun.

I know I'm really getting old when I'm like, That should be banned. I'm like, That is so bad for you. That should literally be banned. That has red dye 40 ban it. I never thought I would be that person. I love candy, and I love sugar, and I'm like, ban it.

No, it makes me upset because Then where is happiness? If you can put all your favorite things together into one thing, it's like, what is life? Let me chase something. Let me try to find something. Don't just give me fucking cookie dough croissants on a platter. I don't know how to process it. I don't like it. Daphné is being so cute, by the way.

No, she's being so cute.

We're on Zoom, and she's just loving hanging, hearing your voice.

She just jumped down. She doesn't like being talked about.

So this weekend, I know she knew I was talking about her, and she's like, Don't monetize me.

She's like, Keep my name out of your mouth.

1-800, try me. Oh, yeah, we launched the merch.

Finally. Finally. Finally, we have new merch.

And we also launched a tie Which was...

The tie went crazy.

My idea. And then the bow is so cute. The bow is adorable. It's so cute. We brought back voice rest. So anyway, if you missed the merch drop, we've dropped merch. We haven't dropped merch for a long time because we were dealing with some admin stuff. Stuff. But now we're back on track. And then this weekend, do you know where we're going?

Yes, we're going downtown.

We're going to Charlotte, North Carolina.

Charlotte, Durham, Atlanta, Charleston.

I'm so excited to see the gigglers. Any advice for them?

Just come ready to giggle. I can't wait to see everyone's outfits.

Just get ready to fuck around and find out. I can't wait to see everyone's outfits. The show is completely different.

It's our version of socializing when you hate socializing.

No, that's the only socialize I want to do with my community.

My community. Tell your therapist about this.

I was like, How dare you? How dare you talk about giddly spell like that?

We're about to socialize all weekend.

No, it's going to be fucking crazy. We love you guys so much. Thank you for giddling, and we'll talk to you later. Bye.