Sorry to interrupt your podcast enjoyment, but something's coming that can interrupt life even more.

Your baby's Poonami at night. A monstrous nappy leak, destroying sleep.

Or there's Pamper's Poonami proof pants. The clever back pocket stops the horror of messy leaks at night. Don't fear the Poonami. With Pamper's Poonami proof pants. What's up, gigglers?

Gary, fix the WiFi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my greasy Italian gigglers? We're allowed to say that because we're Italian?

We're allowed to say that because we're Italian, but Craig's not allowed to say that, and he's the person who said it to me. Oh. So. Oh.

No. His career is over. See you, Craig. Also, we're going to drop some news. I know you guys, we keep dropping stuff. We got the Netflix special, we dropped Page's Amazon show, In Bed With Page, we dropped The Tour, and we have more to drop.

This is our real... These were our Easter eggs. When we were dropping Easter eggs, they had nothing to do with what we were actually dropping because we don't know how to do- What an Easter egg is. So it made no sense. So we didn't think anyone would get it.

I do have to say, what we're about to drop-No one's expecting it. What we're about to drop, you guys aren't ready. It's not-You're not ready for this smoke. You're not going to be able to handle this heat.

We ourselves aren't fully grasping it.

Let's just say the admin was so beyond what we could even wrap our head around. I'm speechless.

I mean, we... Yeah. So we're very excited.

We're so very excited.

Hannah, I miss you so freaking much. I literally... Okay, at our hotel. I have so many things to say. First of all, the whole island lost water. That's a side note. We'll literally dive into it.

The whole island of Italy?

The whole island of Capri lost water. The whole boot? Oh, Capri. Everything. All of it. Our hotel was fine.

Good thing I don't drink water. I was like, this is the thing. You're like, Does anyone have a Diet Coke?

I was like, I'm literally three Coca Colas deep, and it's not even 11:00 AM. I'm totally fine. I've been peeing brown, so I'm good. People are stopping me in the street like, What are you doing for water? I'm like, This is an admin that I legitimately did not sign up for. Ask my mom. I don't know. Do you have to change hotels? I don't know. Ask my mom.

Oh, my God. That was when the lights went out in one of our hotels and we were like, Well, we've been sleeping, so I'll go right back to sleep.

Don't test me. Yeah, I can... If there's a bed, I'm fine. But anyway, so everything that I do in Italy, I think, oh, my God, Hannah would freaking love this. And so I didn't realize that our hotel has a villa that you can rent out separate from the hotel. But obviously, You can use all the hotel amenities. So I went up to the... It's probably so expensive, but I went up to the front desk and I was like, Hey, guys, I really want to see the villa just to see inside of it. They took me into it. It's gorgeous. But if you had a big family or you had kids or something, it would just be so perfect. I was walking out and I turned to my mom and I was like, If I get this villa, I want Hannah and Dez to come next year. She was like, They don't want to come on your family vacation. But all I could think of was, How fucking funny would it be if we were in a villa? And then I found a tennis court in Positano.

In Positano?

Yeah. I'm just scouting for when we move here.

Wait, I love you so much. Also, I'm sending you memes like you're living normal life right now. And then I'm like, oh, yeah, she's on the beach glowing in her flowery ass dresses. Making a lot of high-quality TikToks with Craig. I don't want to compliment a man, but...

I don't want to say that I'm really identifying with Gen Z, but it's so much easier to post on TikTok recently than Instagram. Tiktok is just like, who cares? Whatever. Who cares?

See you. It's free. Well, Instagram, it's so permanent. It's so like, That's on your grid.

Yeah, I can't do my grid anymore.

You didn't do that to yourself, though. You put so much grid pressure on yourself.

I'm under a lot of grid pressure. Then I can't do... Then sometimes I get in moods where I'm just like, I can't do anything.

But I like that you'll go days without posting, and then you'll post every day for four days, and then you'll go four months, no posting. I think it keeps everyone on their toes. Especially me, because I'm ready to comment. I'm ready for the comment.

It's just like, Where is she? What is she doing? Highlight, though, today. We're on a boat. We're doing boat stuff. We're doing boat things. We pull up to this restaurant. There's a bunch of yachts. My dad says, Wow, isn't that a nice yacht? I'm like, Wow, I wonder who's on that yacht? It looks like it would be so fun. So fun. Look at all those pool toys. We get up to the restaurant. We're walking. All of a sudden, I'm about to sit down. I turn to my right, and I go, Pardon? I see Derek G. Your space staring right at me.

No, say what his real name is.

Hannah Berner's ex-boyfriend.

I thought you were fucking ex.

Hannah We are so sick.

Do you think he was there on purpose because he knew that you would see him and tell me?

We are so sick in the head because legitimately, I went to the other side of the table so that I could sit and face him. I was like, I'm not putting my back to my friend's ex. I need to watch.

I need to watch every move he makes. Make sure he's not talking about her.

I'm literally staring at him the whole lunch, and I I would never go up to him because I feel like he's not the type of celeb that you ever go up to.

First of all- Because you respect him.

Yeah, I respect him way too much to ever put my- Energy? Personality in his orbit. He is I would never do that to him. I'm like, You don't deserve that. It is dark over here.

Live in love and light on your yacht. He's going to take a shower if you go up to him.

I'm like, You don't want any of this. His wife, 12 years old.

Her name's Hannah.

She looks like she's 12. She's so gorgeous.

They've also had multiple children, the two of them. It's not that I know. I just happened to know all this information. I didn't stalk them or anything. The thing about Derek Diora, too, as I was thinking about it, at this point, it's not even sexual with him. It's more like I quoted him for my elementary school graduation speech.

I respect him.

He's my Roger Federer. Him and Roger Federer. Also, you're a family of Yankee fans, so I love that you were like, Dad, I know you love the Yankees. I need to watch them for Hannah right now. But were they not freaking out?

The whole place was freaking out. Every single person in there was freaking out. Everyone was American, I feel like, too. There was a table of people definitely from Texas because I could just hear their accents, and I was like, They're a Texas family. Right when the dad noticed in such a Texas way, immediately got up, turned around to stare at him. I feel like we were being very chill because we were at the table right next to them.

Was Derek pretending he didn't know the whole restaurant knew who he was?

No, he was being cool. There was a boat that pulled by, and they all screamed his name, and he waved. And then a couple of kids went up to him, and he would take pictures with kids. But I feel like he gives off the vibe, and I respect it. He gives off the vibe of, I don't fuck with fans, really. Which if it was a woman, I feel like we wouldn't be saying this. Here's me just being misogynistic again on the pod.

Saying that it's cool that he's like, I'm not really fucking with fans. But if a girl did it, you'd be like, She's a monster.

Yeah. Wait, I just caught myself. Fuck you, Derek Sheeter. I'm not cute. This is no longer a sports podcast. No, but I was so fucking star struck when I saw him, and Craig had the audacity to turn to me and say, He's just a person, too.

He was getting jelly. He was getting jelly.

He's actually not just a person. He's actually not.

He's actually a saint. He's actually otherworldly. He's actually... He has blue eyes and he has- And dark hair.

And dark hair. He's our Lord and savior. And he's number two. He single-handedly saved the island of Manhattan. I'm sure spread some diseases while he was at it, but it was literally fine.

The man sends gift baskets, okay? He's an angel. Craig, how many gift baskets have you sent?

Yeah. So anywho, that was the highlight of my life. I went to a Yankee game and I wrote a sign in a pink card. It was cut out in a pink heart shape, and it said, Nobody's sweeter than my man, Jeter. I still have that sign in my basement. So he's not just a man to me.

Wait, you flirt with my ex.

Yeah, I did. I mean, I was 12.

You waited this whole time to tell... This whole time, you played dumb. You didn't give it a try when you knew how I felt about him.

Wait, speaking of flirting with your ex... That's actually not speaking of flirting with your ex, but speaking of flirting, two observations. One, being on vacation, I feel like you just see a lot of older men and younger women. And I don't live under a rock. I've seen it before. I'm out and about. I'm in the streets. Something about this particular island of Italy, the age difference is a bit extreme. It's a bit drastic.

Are these people married, or is it people are getting flown out?

I can't really tell. And you know I'm doing the work in observing. I got one real wrong the one night. I genuinely thought that this woman was this man's daughter. I was like, There's absolutely no way. And I will call the authorities if I'm proven wrong because I'm uncomfortable. And then I was on Instagram. Have you been seeing all the Bill Belichick stuff with him dating the 23-year-old?

Yeah.

Here's where I'm POed about it. I went into the comments of one of the videos, and I was like, I wonder what people are saying about this age gap. And it's a lot of people against her being like, wow, what a gold digger. Wow, she knows exactly what she's doing. And in my head, I'm like, but she's a child, okay? And this man could have said literally anything, and you can manipulate and put a trance on someone, of course. She's, of course, 20 years younger than you. I mean, she's like 30 years younger than, 40 years younger than him.

Has no one ever had a daddy issue before?

No, I'm like, how is- Let's paint some dads. So she's 23, and she's also a mastermind manipulator to get all of his money, but yet this man who's won multiple Super Bowl, isn't manipulating this girl to have sex with him?

Also, this girl just being beautiful is not manipulation. Okay? And we don't know. Right.

You're literally born that way.

We can't help it. That we're stunning. And look, I do have to say she's probably doing it for the story. I think it's hilarious. I think the stories he must have. Also, he was pretty funny at the roast. Do your thing. Don't be judgmental. If anything, you're so right. There is a power dynamic, and Bill Belichick has the money. He has the power.

Yeah, he's the upper hand. That's what it is. He has the upper hand, and I don't know why people are like, Oh, she's getting after it. She doesn't have the upper hand in anything. She literally goes where he says.

Well, there's a whole thing about... Do you think he's dumb? It's called, Men want to pay for certain things. And why are other men who probably are living in their mom's basement getting mad when Bill Belichick pays for dinner for a girl? Let's calm down. No girl is putting a gun to a guy's head and being like, Pay for everything. I mean, maybe they are.

I wish I could. I wish I could. I've done finger guns. I'm like, you're going to freaking buy this right now.

Boom, boom. But I do. I wrote an article once, literally once, about Zadies. It was about basically under 26, your brain's not fully formed. You're still figuring out your career. You're not making money. Be careful if you're with an older man just because there's a reason older women are not falling for him sometimes. It's easy to go with these younger girls who don't know any better. I mean, the amount of trash that you'd go for in your early 20s because you don't know who you are, you don't know what you deserve. You don't understand what's going on. We're flailing, we're scared, we're You're going to be crying. Yeah.

It's not the girl's fault. Yeah. And then write out a flow chart on how to steal your money. We don't even know what our periods are. Are you kidding? We have high cortisol right now. We're dealing with it.

Also, maybe he took her to Capri. She's getting life experiences.

No, literally. I have another gripe.

Oh, yeah. You're on it today. Let's fucking go.

I have another gripe. I don't know if you guys have seen the discourse online, but have you come across that that Limited 2 is coming back?

Okay, so people have been tagging that up left and right. Is it verified or is someone fucking with us?

I think it's verified. I think it's real because they invited me to their launch party, okay?

See, that's my first problem. Why are you not the face of the magazine of the launch party I'm going to put some respect where respect is due.

I think so many people tagged them in it, that then they were like, Oh, we should invite this girl. Here's my gripe. I'm not asking to be the face of it. I'm not asking to even be acknowledged.

You want a discount code?

One, I want a discount code. But I want to talk to the marketing PR team because are they coming back for 12-year-old girls? Or are they coming back... Because I'm going to break it to you. They don't give a shit. 12, 13, 14, they don't care who you are. I thought they were coming back for 26 to 34-year-old women, and they were going to make Capries, and they were going to make little sets.

A poncho.

Some of us are married, have children. I thought they were going to give us dresses, give us outfits. Little skorts. I thought we were going to get a skort. I'm not mad. If that's not the case, if that's the case, then I'm mad.

I'm not mad. I'm disappointed.

I'm disappointed. If they're coming back for tweens, it's not going to... I don't get it.

You should be the creative consultant of Limited Two.

We could have redone me stepping into a locker I mean, hello.

Coming out? Yeah.

I mean, the possibilities were on Liz. I don't know if it's the time zone difference, but I'm POed over here.

I'm POed. I do have to say I'm very tired right now. Yes, I've been traveling and all this shit, but I also... You know when you're like, I should go to bed right now? Yeah. And you're even falling asleep, but you're going to fight. You're going to fight it because you finally found something good on TV.

What is it?

This is better than the Dance Cult documentary.

Well, then I'm actually going to write it down.

Write it down? Oh, you're going to love this one. It's on Hulu. It's called The Perfect Wife.

They basically- It's already Are you getting me going.

They're like, This is gone, girl, but better. And it's so well done. The way this kept me on my toes.

Wait, it's documentary or it's a show? It's real shit.

You know I only mess with real stuff because I really want to feel hurt. Alive. Exactly. I want to feel something. Anything. I go, Fuck me, ITV. Give me the news. So at 2:30 AM, I find It turned off. I don't even have the last episode yet, but it kept me up literally all night. It was so good. Everyone has to watch it.

Give us a little...

I know.

I'm trying to- Give us a two-sentence blurb.

It's about this beautiful girl who got married to this man, and then she disappears out of nowhere.

I mean, if we had a nickel. If we had a nickel.

And the possibilities are endless with what happened. And you do find out what And the characters, I mean, they're not characters. They're real people because it's-Time here?

Is this recent?

This is fucking recent. And it was over seven years up until 2021, '22. So This is for real. It's crazy shit. Also, I'm dropping this on you now because I wanted to surprise you for the pod, but I think you might know. I hung out with my other best friend.

No, I I'm literally... Here's the thing about time differences. I think I'm dreaming when I wake up and I open a text. I open a text to just a picture of you and Haley, and you're... You know what? This is what pissed me off about it.

What's your gripe? What's your gripe?

No, my gripe is, you try to include me as much as you can, and I'm so appreciative of it. But I'm like, this little bitch sending me a picture of her and Haley being like, Oh, she wants to come on the pod. And I'm like, you know what? I know you two have a friendship behind my back. I'm dealing with it. Wow, she looks so good in this picture. So do you. You literally look like...

No, the lighting was lighting.

No, Hannah, you're in the Illuminati in this picture. I don't know.

Okay, the funniest part about me trying to get you involved is that I actually blacked out the whole time. You know when you don't know what's going on, you're talking, you're talking, you're talking. I finally I'm like, bye. We walk outside and Grace goes Oh, my God. Did you hear what she asked? And I was like, I didn't hear the whole entire interview.

I didn't talk to her.

I wasn't there. And she was like, she asked if she could go on your podcast. And I was like, no, she didn't. And she's like, yes, she did. I'm like, what did I say? And she was like, you literally didn't respond. And I was like, what was I doing? And she was like, you were like, I don't know what you were doing. And I was like, and that happened to me once with literally my biggest crush during college.

Want to come on our No.

Wait, this is a sidebar, and I will get back to the Haley stuff. I don't know if I ever told this story. I was obsessed with this guy, one of my biggest crushes, and we're hanging out for a long time. I like crushes where you don't hook up. I like the game because it was forbidden fruit.

He was always saying so I...

We played the game for a long time.

You liked the sexual attention.

Yeah. And then finally, he was We had mutual friends, and he was like, Come visit, and we're going to hang out. And it was like a campfire or something. This is college? This is during college. It was like a campfire or something. And the whole day, it's like, We're flirt, we're flirt. We're flirting. And then he gets so drunk at the campfire. He's rolling around. He's almost like, fallen in the fire. His friends have to put him to bed. I'm like, What the fuck? And then my friend's like, Why didn't you go on a walk with him? And I was like, What? And she's like, he literally looked at you and was like, Want to go on a walk? And you just didn't respond. And then you got blackout. And then he proceeded to get so... And I was like, He didn't ask me that. And they were like, He literally asked it to you and I didn't hear him. And I was like, Did I reach? I'm like, I literally came all the way here to hook up with this man. And you're telling me that... I think I have so many voices in my head that sometimes I just...

Sorry. I just picture this man going to AA and being like, Hi, this is because of Hannah Burner.

There's eight other guys there, and they're like, Oh. I was going to say, if you've never put a guy in AA, you're not living life.

You're certainly not.

You're not living life hard enough. Anyway, it is that thing, you're so in your own head that you actually miss the moment that you're waiting for.

Yeah. Grace is going to have to send so many emails of like, Hey, I know we said we don't do guests, but check out our next episode with Hailey Bieber. I mean, we've told a thousand people. We're like, We don't do guests, but we will make an exception.

The crazy... Yeah, we don't do guests, except for when we do do guests.

Except if it's a girl we really, really, really like.

Let's be really want to be a friend. Do you want us to like us? Or if you're Trevor Wallace, because he's a girls girl.

What is his accent? Everyone always brings up Trevor Wallace. They're like, You have Trevor I'm like, What's on the pod. We're like, Okay, it was one time.

He actually tricked us. We didn't know it was Trevor Wallace.

No, he literally just showed up.

I think he showed up. We also didn't ask him one question. So does it even count?

No, we didn't learn one thing about him.

So it was fucked up because I'm starting to promote the Netflix special. So they were like, You got to go to LA and do a bunch of podcasts. And I was like, Okay, put me on the flights. I'm in LA, I'm doing podcast. We get an email. Haley would love to do another interview because she's launching her new blush. I said, Well, that's perfect because I'm in LA. And they go, Oh, she's actually in New York. And I'm like, When? And they're like, Tomorrow.

That's crazy because I'm getting on a flight.

So I'm like, The one time I'm not in New York City. So then I'm not going to fucking take a red eye to go back to see Haley. Obviously, I played a cool like I didn't take a red eye to see her.

Have you ever literally even thought to take a red eye to see me?

I would always take a red eye to see you. I mean, not if I'm tired. Or if I have a headache.

Or my phone's on 10 %.

If my phone is on less than 50 %, I probably can't go.

And if I have to have a talk to my mom in a couple of days. If I'm just feeling a little bloated.

No, if you're a little bloated before the flight, it's a disaster.

You don't have to go. You literally can call in sick.

So when you're about to... It's like seeing a crush where you're playing out how you should act when obviously you're not going to know what the vibes are, but I was trying to come up with first lines. We're all just waiting for it to come in. I'm like, What do we say? Like,. It's you again. Like, what do we say? I'm such a creep. I felt so creepy. She walks in and everyone was playing a little too cool because it was just people who worked for Road, and they're all these cool girls. They're so beautiful and nice. She walks in and everyone's just too chill. No, wait.

That's such a real thing. Sometimes I feel like some people don't the respect they deserve. I feel like I was somewhere and there was a celebrity, and I was like, Hello, it's fucking... And I can't even remember.

Well, there's a middle ground. You don't want to freak them out, but then you also don't want to be so cool that you're disrespecting their art.

That's what it is. I would never disrespect another woman's art.

So we're all waiting for her, and then she walks in in this gorgeous full nude blazer fit with her belly out.

As an accessory?

Yes, full accessory. She basically dresses like she's not pregnant and then happens to have a belly accessory.

It's an accessory.

We were doing the interview in the front, and they were like, Hannah, you should probably go to the front. She's going to be here soon. I looked at the girl and I said, I am not about to be the first person she sees walking in. I'm not about to be like, Hey, I'm speaking to you. I took a red eye. I made it. I'm like, I am going to look like I was busy. I was busy in the back doing something, forgot that she was coming, ran into her. I was preparing. I just happened to run into her. So I'm in the back. And then she walks in and no one's saying anything. And finally she sees me and I'm just like, I don't know what I said. Something stupid. And I go, You look great. And we give a little hug because we're acting like we've known each other for years at this point, which we have. And she just looks at me like, How are you doing? Because I tried to be like, How are you? These people don't get you. I get you. Really? How are you? How are you really doing?

And she goes, I'm so fucking pregnant right now. And I was like, That was so cunty. That was so cunty.

She looks so good pregnant.

It's like, it's insane. She looks so good. And then, I mean, look, I will say it. The problem with our friendship, everything's better in our friendship than me and you, our friendship, except that we have the same good side, me and Haley.

You and Haley. It'll never work.

Long term, It'll never work.

You'll never- At certain points. Long term, it's not going to be cohesive.

Even though there's so many things that are better about our friendship than me and you. And obviously, the clout is insane.

So wait. So question, you give her your good side?

A hundred %. I said, I will look like a... But this is the thing. Her bad side is not the level of monster that my bad side is. So I was like, Do you want me to ruin the fucking video?

Maybe if you... I feel like she's an understanding person. Maybe if you were just- We're not there yet.

We're not there yet. I said... But I was very aware of it. I was like, What side does she want? They're like, Oh, she'll take the left side. And I was like, Perfect. Perfect. That was actually the side I wanted.

Perfect.

I was like, Cancel the interview. Cancel. So we finally get to the interview. And at one point, I guess my hair was crazy because I don't brush it. And she just stops and she starts moving my hair for me. And then we almost made out. And then she said something about me being beautiful, and she liked my hair color. And then the room got shaky. The room got blurry.

Do you know when she's due? She's I mean, what if she names her Hannah?

I think she will. Based on the vibe she was giving me, I don't know. It was like a little... It was giving like, They don't love you, like I love you. It was just like when she It makes me feel like I'm the only person in the room.

Where was this interview?

Where did you do it? This was on Green Street in Soho, and it was in her pop-up. She said she liked my salmon dress. Again, I was like, You could punch me in the fucking jaw, and I would say, Thank you. Then at one point, I was like, Oh, my God, your belly's so cute. Then I was like, I should do the giggly squad joke that we were talking about. I was like, I dress like I'm pregnant all the time, but I'm just bloated. She laughed. Then I was like, look. And I took my stomach and I put it against her stomach.

It's a classic. It's your pregnant bits are some of my favorite. I have a photo of you literally with one of the best bloats ever. I will never be able to get this photo out of my head. You're glowing so much in this pregnancy photo.

People were jealous of that photo. People were like, Okay, someone's found happiness in a future. People stay jealous of that photo of you.

It's so freaking good.

So it's honestly so weird, our friendship. I could talk about it all day. And I feel like- Was Justin there? No, but I had that moment with her where I was like, Isn't it fucking crazy that the outfits you guys wore that day became the most viral thing of the century? And she was like, Nose crazy.

And then you realize- That people dressed up as it for Halloween.

Yeah, that it was the most viral shit ever. And then you realize she's literally- That must be so surreal.

Imagine seeing that and just being like, Am I a joke to everyone? Am I a joke to you?

She's literally a normal girl who happened to marry Justin Bieber.

Yeah.

And that's why I think she's so relatable to people because she just wants to do her makeup cute, have cute outfits, have good vibes. She really is just like that, but she just- Yeah.

She's just a girl.

And I feel like she does hold him down in a way. She does have calm energy. I think she sees me and she probably sees Justin Bieber, that wild creative star quality. And that's probably why.

I mean, how could you not?

She was like, You're clearly a creative I don't want to say genius, but with your interview questions about tampons, I've never seen something like this before. Anyway, we hung out, and then there was a party after I had to leave. I did comedy spots last night. How was It was really hot.

In New York City?

Yeah, it was really hot. It's too hot in New York City.

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Sorry to interrupt your podcast enjoyment, but something's coming that can interrupt life even more.

Your baby's pre-manly at night. A monstrous nappy leak destroying sleep.

Or there's Pamper's Poonami proof pants. The clever back pocket stops the horror of messy leaks at night. Don't fear the Poonami. With Pamper's Toonami proof pants.

Also, you've been gone for seven weeks. When are you getting back?

No, Hannah. I actually feel like I don't... You're not coming back. No, I don't feel Are you crying? Are you crying?

Oh, do you feel like you've taken a hiatus?

I feel so disconnected from the world. I literally haven't posted on Instagram solely because I haven't taken any photos.

Oh, so you're actually having a good time on vacation?

I'm literally just vibing. I've been eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm so stuffed. I can't I think. That's why.

Wait, because you were making me nervous the last week. You were like, I couldn't finish my pasta. Everyone's yelling at me. But I feel like you've settled in. Also, if I look at someone, I have to say it, I'm going to say it, and people are going to get mad. If I look at your Instagram and you're on vacation and you have 4,000 Insta stories, you want either a guy to pick you.

Are you talking to anyone? Is anyone talking?

But I'm saying you're trying to show someone something, and no one's clicking through all that. I could really read a caption, no one's clicking through.

No, more than 10, I can't click through.

I can't click. And I get it if you're an influencer, you're trying to show, inspire people.

But that's why I like TikTok because I'm like, Oh, I want to show the girls my outfit, but I can't pose for a photo right now. I'm just like, I can't take 10 photos. And the only people- Also, we all can tell that you just took one try at the video.

Everyone can tell. No one was reshooting. Yeah, I'm like, was reshooting. Yeah.

No reshoots. We don't have the budget nor the time for a reshoot. It's one and done, and that's it. And so that's what's happening.

It'll be like 30 seconds into the video, and I'm like, She could have... Okay. She's still going.

She could have edited that part, probably. But I'm like, No. Take it as you go. Because on TikTok, I feel like this is me, love it or hate it. Either swipe left or you swipe right.

As Jennifer Lopez would say, this is me now. This is me now.

This is me now.

Side note, gigglers have been asking me, and I think they're asking me to ask you, what are the gigglers wearing this summer?

Oh, my God. It's just a freaking loaded and a lot of drop-waste things.

Yeah. Drop-waste dresses I love.

Drop-waste dresses, which I really am loving because for a short, torso girly, I really shouldn't be wearing anything high-waisted, but it just feels more comfortable when you're bloated, but really a drop waist and a low rise.

But a drop waist when you're bloated is one fucking sniff away from pregnancy-looking.

You have to find the right fabric, one, and the right style for you. I've had this one drop waist dress from, I think it's LPA is the brand, but it poofs out a little bit on the side. Not a big poof, but gives you a little hip. I feel like that helps the overall structure.

Did you see the blue dress I wore this weekend?

I did.

That blue dress caused a lot of drama in the DM's. I could surmise that.

And what was the overall take?

The overall take was so wild because normally I post something and either I'm trolling the gigglers and they know it and they're like... I did like, Page did not prove this out, but they're all like, We know. I actually like that, too.

It was... It was fun. I like when you wear baggy pants and a baggy T-shirt. It's very...

It was hot out. I didn't want my crotch to sweat. But this blue dress, it was a combination of people being like, You fucking nailed it. This color on you is amazing. This is so cool. Like, Alice in Wonderland would give it cunt. And then people were like, Burn it. No. But everyone just I had such opposite reactions. I wanted to screenshot to show people everyone is having different experiences.

The internet's crazy. I thought it was extremely editorial. What was it for? You can't say.

It was for this judging show I was doing that had to do with...

It was on- It was on brand.

It was on theme. There was a theme. It was on theme. It's funny when sometimes the gigglers have opposite opinions, and I'm like, The gigglers are in a fight. They're fighting each other.

Honestly, all I love It's a conversation. It doesn't matter. You can love it, you can hate it. It's just a conversation. I will say that I gaslit myself into gaslighting myself when I was like, Oh, I hate all my outfits. Because every time I step Out of the hotel room, I'm waiting for my dad to be like, It's amazing. It's stunning. It's never been. And he's literally my own personal Lady Gaga. He's like, I've just never seen anything like this outfit. And I'm like, No, you get it. You so freaking get it.

Our dads are so opposite. I literally put a little blush on the other day, and my dad was like, You look like a clown.

No, I walked out last night. I had my hair in a slickback bun and gold earrings and this white little dress. And my dad literally started to tear up. He was like, I just can't even look at you.

You're so stunning. I'll wear a skirt and my dad in front of everyone go, Where's the rest of your dress? Did you pay for the whole dress? I hope you got your money back for the rest of the dress. Where is it?

Listen to what this man did. I'm strategic when it comes to vacation shopping. The first two days- By strategic, you mean you buy everything? Yes. But I also have a plan. I go through everything the first day. I just do a walkthrough. It's basically just a look-see. Just what are we offering? What's going on? What's the vibe? And then there's one specific day where she's charging the card. She's taking the card out, and she's double-checking the balance.

When you leave a place, do you say, I'll be back if the salespeople were all over you? Do you go, I'll be back. Don't worry. Because I'm a people pleaser. I'll be like, I'm going to buy this when I come back.

Oh, absolutely. If I'm like, I am not buying this. I'm like, oh, my God, I have to run and get my mom. I'm like, I'm 31 years old. Wait a minute, Mom. My My name on the card. I'm like, I got to see if my mom likes it. I will say me and one particular sales associate at Prada have become besties. I don't know what's going on, but he's bringing things from the basement. We lock eyes. I'm not even in the store. He's locked eyes with me from the street. He's like, I got something. I'm like, I can't. Stop. So a lot's happening. My dad, there was this window display, no store. It was just a window display of this bathing suit. And I was like, I need to find this bathing suit. What store is this in? But I wasn't super serious about it. But if I walked by, I wanted that bathing suit. My dad went to the front desk, said, There's a window display down the street. My daughter wants the bathing suit in the window display. What store has it? Now, reminder, these people speak barely any English, so I have no idea how that conversation transpired.

I'm getting the second-hand. He makes one of the hotel people go and see what he's talking about. They find what the store that sells it. And then my dad has them tell him where the store is located. He wakes me up, and he's like, I know the store. We'll go after lunch.

Where's Craig during all this?

Asleep. I'm like, this is... Everyone's like, Why aren't you engaged? Why aren't you engaged? I'm like, Because my father tracked down an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny bathing suit that I said I just happened to like. And now it's in my possession. I own it.

It is so funny because whenever I wear anything that isn't a tennis workout outfit. If I wear a little bit of makeup, my dad's like, Hey, can I talk to you for a second? I think you look better when you're natural and you just be yourself because I feel like you're trying to be something and just be... You're naturally beautiful. Just be you. Just do that. Just put on a T-shirt. That's when you're your most beautiful.

Okay, well, I would like to argue that that's probably actually more endearing because when I had my wisdom teeth out, my dad wouldn't let me sit at the kitchen table because he said he couldn't look at me not looking gorgeous. Okay, so a lot of pressure has been put on my face.

I feel like whenever my dad said, You look beautiful, I'm like, Okay. Okay.

Okay, it's enough. But I will say, we do not a lot of activities, but we do a boat day, and we go different places for lunch, and we do pool clubs. My dad, at the end of the trip, if you ask him what his favorite day is, it's the day I go shopping because he likes carrying my bags. He likes watching me find something I love, buy it, and he likes when I hand him the bag to hold it.

Have you told him that he's hurting your future relationships because of how adorable he is?

He literally will say to Craig, Don't worry, I'll take care of her the rest of your life. We don't really... You can come, but I got... She's mine.

You could be there.

You can be around, but I will always carry her bags. And so that's nice to know.

I do have to say on Burner phone, we had an episode about like, flirting and stuff and finding a guy. And I want to give her credit But it's anonymous. But she called in with what she likes to DM guys because not a lot of girls will slide into DM's. And I think you have to do it in a way that's funny because it's funny. You're sliding to a DM. It's hilarious.

You just say something random and insane.

She said that she writes into guys DMs. She just goes, God sent me. I think it's hilarious because if he doesn't answer, it's like, Okay, so you don't believe in God?

You are an atheist.

Okay, good to know. You just don't believe in the universe's purpose of everything. It's just funny. I thought the giggler should know. If there's really a dude you want to slide in, you should do it now.

This is your I want to know what some of the gigglers do say.

What's their move? Because I think girls... I mean, obviously, we would always text for our friends because you're the less nervous ones. You could think more clearly. So it's like, let's share what What do the Genzis call it? When you have schmitz. What's it called? Schmutz? No. Riz.

Riz. You were going to say schmutz?

I was like, schmeg Schmegma? What's that thing in your eye? When you wake up and there's some Riz in your... Wait, what is that?

I've heard that word before, but I... Wait, I feel like you're the only person I've heard it from before, though. Schmegma?

Schmegmas, I thought was the thing in your eye when you wake up in the morning, but apparently it's stuff on penises, which honestly, I don't know if you want to get into because that's not the energy we want on our pod.

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Also, one more thing about fashion. Did you see what Crocs sent me?

Yeah. And I think it's funny that I've had no communication with them. I honestly feel like they hate me. They obviously hear me speaking trash about them, but I feel like I should almost send them an apology.

I do have to do a shout out. They went fucking hard with the jibbits. They had bows and pearls.

No, they freaking love a jibbit.

They love a jibbit. I do have to say one thing, shout out to Crocs. Their heels with a certain vibe, with a jean, with a certain vibe I've seen very cool girls on the Lower East Side pull it off. Their heels are the most comfortable heels I've ever walked in.

I'm getting offended by the word heel.

Their Chunky platform shoe.

Because Crocs can't make heels.

I'll show you. It's a heel.

It's a full heel. Yeah, but it's...

It's a Crock heel. It's a Creel.

I can't support it.

I think that they love that you don't love them. I think they love you more than they love me. I'm like, I love you, Crocs. They're like, Can you send us a page?

No, I think we have a mutual respect for each other. It's like, you- Agree to disagree. Agree to disagree. That's your art. This is my art. I'm happy for you guys, and you're happy for me, but we don't... It's like two girls in high school that do not fuck with each other, but they don't actively pursue each other. They're just like, We don't vibe.

You don't I have online beef with Crocs, but you also don't put my name next to your name anyway.

Keep my name out of your mouth for sure. But I'm not going to start a rumor about you.

I'm not going to start a rumor about myself. I had a gray eyebrow hair.

Hannah, I've plucked three gray hairs on this trip alone.

But on your head?

And I don't care what the people say. I'm plucking them.

Honestly, Now I'm starting to think that that was an old wives' tale. They said, If you pluck them, they come and grow weirdly. But I think gray hair grow like main characters, period, because they have different textures. They're always going to grow straight up.

They're really aggressive. You actually...

gray would be so cute. You're going to be the cuteest old lady.

You'll never see it. You'll never see it. Are you kidding? I come from a long line of women who literally dye their hair to their deathbed. A long line of women who laid in hospice with hair dye.

You know I can't wait to be gray. You know.

I know you can't. I know you can't.

I want to be a witch. I want to scare people.

I want to be like, I'll never do it. You'll literally never see me with a gray hair.

No, I think it'll be chic. It's fucked, though.

I just think it's like...

A little gray bob?

Oh, my God. Here's the thing. I do think there are certain type of people that can absolutely I think there are a lot of people that rock it that shouldn't. Oh.

I did not think you were going... Did you just attack an old lady? Sorry.

Here's the thing. Also, I feel like being in Italy, I'm really connecting to my roots, and I'm just Frank. Let me be 100% Benjamin Franklin. I have no tolerance.

Some women have really beautiful textures of the gray hair, and when you see that, you're like, That's the most beautiful hair I've ever seen. Have you ever seen someone's hair? I'm trying.

No, I'm genuinely trying to... Okay, a perfect example, Meryl Streep can rock a gray bob like nobody's business. Absolutely. Amazing. But it leans toward blonde on the blonde-er side. Now, my computer teacher in the second grade absolutely could not.

Imagine this poor computer She just got a divorce. She's fighting for her life. She has to deal with these annoying kids. And fucking little page the soreboat was like, I really think your hair looks stupid gray.

I literally tortured my teachers all through middle school.

And that's why you got an F in computers.

That's a crazy shoe to put with that outfit. And you want me to trust you teaching me science? I don't think so.

With those brows? With those brows?

Not me, not now. My mom told me about this, and I am not coming with you to any type of room. No, not with those brows. Oh, my God.

I have one other documentary.

That's so off track. Yes.

I have a documentary. Bring us back. I have a documentary that Is it really bringing us back? This is about to bring us out of control, even more.

Wait, before you say this, speaking of TV, did you see Freaky Friday, too?

I saw that Lindsay is in... She was taking photos with Jamie Lee Curtis, and it's one of my favorite movies of All Time.

No, I would literally die.

I downloaded the soundtrack.

I would die for Lindsay Lohan. If she said, Take this bullet for me, I would. I would say, You've done so much for our economy. Yes.

It made you want to be in a rock band, right?

You know what? It did. It made me want to wear a chunky boot. I'll say that. I definitely wanted. I was like, I could get into something like this.

You wanted your hair to just be in front of your eye a little bit. Yeah. Wait, if we were in a band, which position would we play? Is that what they call Which role would we be?

I feel like you would 1,000% be the lead singer.

Oh, my God.

Thank you. There's no other position you'd feel comfortable being.

Because I'm not musically... I can fake a singing. I can't fake having playing an instrument.

I think I'm low-key, the random saxophone player. Cowbell? She does a random thing, then she just gets this killer solo, and then you leave the show and you're like, What about that killer solo from that random person who came out for only five minutes?

You at a bravo reunion, you don't say much, but when you do, you really nail it.

She's small, but she's mighty.

But also, if you played guitar, people would be very distracted by how long and beautiful your fingers are. And honestly, I think your fingers are too long that it might actually inhibit your performance on an electric guitar. They could get tangled.

I walked by a piano not too long a couple of days, and I turned back to my mom and I said, You're a horrible mother for not making me play the piano. Have you seen... Look at my fingers. This is Mozart somewhere rolling in his grave.

I think there is a side of you That could have been the drummer because you're in the back just being badass and you're not making eye contact with anyone. Sitting? I need to sit. Not making eye contact? You know the drummers? I'm like, Did they even know what song everyone else is? They're just in their own way. Every now and then, you spin it around your little finger.

You don't know if the drummer messes up, and that's what I need.

Yeah. And then the drummer doesn't even know when the song's over. They're just doing their thing, and then eventually they're like, Oh, okay.

I just need one solo.

You could probably take a nap, too, because it's in the back.

I could also put it on a track.

Actually, let's be honest, you would be one of those DJs that just plays their Spotify.

Yeah.

I'm like, I don't think this is- We support women in the arts and men in the arts. Who's more likely to become a DJ? Me or you.

Honestly, probably you, because I don't really even... We already went over this. I don't give a shit about music.

I don't want to stay up late ever. I'm so happy. I can't sing because if I could sing...

No. Oh my God. No, I'm so happy you can't sing.

Hannah, you. I'm so happy for the world. The world has been saved by my lack I would literally... Oh, my God. I'd be Ariana, though. Ariana Grande, I feel like, but not successful. She's that friend who would be like, when it's like...

You would have a really intense Jojo Siwa phase with your dance moves, and I'd have to come over and be like, It's enough.

You'd have to get out of bed.

You have to stop going on Good Morning, America, and singing your little heart out.

Wait, honestly, I still have a little empathy for Jojo Siwa.

Just let her dance.

Let her dance.

Wait, my last gripe, my final gripe.

No, you can have unlimited gripes. There's no limit to your gripes on this pod.

The Internet started to gaslight me yet again, and they said, Love Island UK, it's trash this year. It's horrible. Now, I'm keeping up with Love Island UK. I don't think that it's trash. I don't think that it's horrible. I think it's slow to start, but some seasons are, but I'm very into it. Usa is where it's fucking at.

Yeah, that's what people are saying. I literally told some Gen Z girls yesterday. I was like, I heard US is the best. And they were like, We don't watch US. And I'm like, No, I saw tweets saying US is good this year.

Take your tweets and put them in the toilet because- Are they bots? So I start the first episode. First of all, Ariana She looks absolutely stunning. Amazing. I mean, the girl, she looks phenomenal.

It makes me mad she hasn't worn extensions more. She looks so good with extensions.

Every outfit, she just looks so freaking cute. You look forward to her coming on the episode. But as a Love Island connoisseur for the past 6-7 years, I would say, I've seen every episode.

I've seen every- You're giving your resume.

No. I am qualified to be Notating this. Usa is not good at Love Island because American women were nuts. Were freaking nuts. First of all, I will say that the series has gotten better because they took the Love Island narrator from UK, and they brought him over to the USA. He's quippy. He's funny.

So he's British?

He's British.

So it's 15% UK?

It's 15% UK. They even have a British guy. Now, granted, I've only seen the first episode, but it was an hour and a half. On UK, when they first get coupled up with someone and they've known someone for a day, even two days, even three days, they're normal about it, and they're like, I've only known this person for a day, so I'm not going to get so invested. Also, the Brits, they're not emotional the way Americans are emotional. They're cold. I feel comfortable at the pace that they go because it's a normal pace. America, the girls are crying after 24 hours. They're scheming, they're plotting I'm like, This is Love Island. You're getting to know someone. It's so dramatic and so heightened between the cast. I can't.

Because at least the Brits, there's a little... You know what it is? What I've heard about Europe culture versus American culture, not to overly generalize, but Americans are like, We will be very emotional and show all of our emotions on our sleeve. They say that Americans smile a lot. We pretend to be happy when we're not. We say hi a lot. Where Brits are like, they're not smiling. They're not pretending to say hi when they don't want to.

If the chat's not good, the chat's not good. If they don't vibe, they don't vibe.

And also, yeah, Americans, the chat could be shit, and you're like, That's the love of my life. If that's not me. If I haven't done that hundreds of times- Hundreds.

I mean, countless. I'm an American girl to my fucking core.

When I met British Dave and he told me we had good chat, he was like, Yeah, it's important that you have a good conversation with your partner. I was like, Whoa, I'm like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, than full on three-year relationships.

I'm like, get the fuck out of here. I'm crazy, too. I identify with it. I can't watch it. It's just this one girl, she had two conversations with a guy, two. And then he had another conversation with another girl, one conversation with another girl. She's crying hysterically. I can't bring myself to do it.

Not to defend her, but there is a thing that when a camera is in your face, you can just You feel emotions 10 times stronger. I've cried before, and I'd never cry. Paige, how many times have I cried not on TV?

Wait, Hannah, have you ever cried around me not on TV?

Literally never. In the 400 years of knowledge, I don't cry. I'm the person that's like, I would never cry.

I feel like I'm offended that you've never cried in front of me.

Oh, God. Now you're like, Okay, I need to make a bitch cry.

Because I know for a fact I've cried multiple times.

No, yeah, you've cried way more. You're so cute when you cry because then your big long finger nail comes up to your eye and you're like,.

No, every boyfriend's like, you're so fucking hot when you cry.

Anyway, That's crazy. My boyfriends have never said that. Oh, yeah. So I was defending them. Yeah, because when a camera's on you, you feel like your whole life flashed by and you feel like you're in a documentary and suddenly you're like, this moment represents everything that's gone wrong in my life, and now it's on TV. So I do have empathy, but you're right. I agree. You don't want to watch people cry after 10 minutes.

But I wonder why it's like that in America, and it's not like that in It's almost like in the UK version, they let them breathe for a minute. They let them almost settle in. Everything in America feels very fast, very like, We need drama. Are the girls fighting? Is there a fight breaking out? Are you going to make out with that? It all seems very performative where UK feels like, Oh, we are watching a surveillance of them just genuinely getting to know each other and interacting, and it feels more authentic.

I think it's definitely a cultural difference, but I would love see if they switched production teams, if it was American producers on the show in England, and see if it affected it, because there's a lot of factors into what they're showing.

I'm really against American producers.

I mean, girl, Duncan May.

Duncan May. I mean, they are some of the scariest people I've ever bring them back.

So my final shout out of a dope documentary you guys have to watch. This is dark. It's called 6 Schizophrenic Brothers.

Oh, that poor mother.

No, seriously. And they were trying to blame the mom. And the mom was like, they were like, she's parented them too tough. And she's like, don't fucking blame me. I'm trying to keep it together.

They came out like those. All six of them?

Well, this, so I'm not telling you, this Irish Catholic mom. And they were in a very... The dad was a high important in the army or something. They They were friends with famous people. They had a lot of clout. They have 12 children. No. And the fucked up thing about schizophrenia is that you're not born with schizophrenia. It's like a gene that's in you. And if you're traumatized a certain way, it can get triggered. So they kept calling it when people got ill. And the first guy, he was this gorgeous, gorgeous guy, the oldest one. He marries this girl. She says, I don't want to have kids I'm out. Divorces him, comes home, and he starts getting very religious. He starts getting very grandiose thoughts. He starts getting violent. He starts losing his mind. And then the second brother starts falling ill. Third brother, completely normal. Fourth brother, this is going to be intense. He murder suicides him and his girlfriend. And he was fine.

Out of nowhere.

Out of nowhere.

Where did these people live? Where did these people live?

This was California, I believe. And then you're like, Okay, that must be enough. Fifth brother's okay. Sixth brother starts losing his mind. It's the most insane thing. And then the scariest part is that there's two daughters at the end who don't get sick, and one of the daughters has a kid, and they're interviewing two of the guys that are still alive that are in a mental hospital now, so years later. And the son of the girl says, I know my uncles have schizophrenia, and I know that it got triggered by stuff. And they said between 17 and 24 is when it gets triggered. And the kid's like, I have so much anxiety that any day I'm going to wake up and lose my mind, and I just can't wait till I turn 24. And it's just like...

Wait, that's so sad.

It's so sad. So they're using the family for research for DNA and all that stuff. But anyway, it's not for a light fun afternoon. It's not for the week.

What is this on? What is the stream?

Max. Yes, streaming. It's pretty intense. Also, shout out. I've been watching Hacks. It's so good. I got behind, and now I'm getting back up on it. It's so fucking good. We love you guys so much. Thanks for giggling with us, and we'll talk to you later. Bye.