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Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix your wifi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Other gig was gonna match my freak. That song is so stuck in my head.

It's so freaking catchy. I don't know what it's from though.

I don't know. But also, I have to admit, so is karma by Jojo Siwa. It's still stuck in my head.

Yeah.

If anyone has any advice on how to get karma by Jojo Siwa out of your head, please dm me.

I thought you were gonna say, if anyone has any advice for Joe Joshua.

Bitch, put some crack cocaine in that because I'm like, yeah, it's so funny.

You bring up crack cocaine because I was gonna bring up crack cocaine. So I saw this girl make a TikTok being like, Gen Z is freaked out by Jojo Siwa, but millennials aren't because, like, we lived through Charlie Sheen and, like, that was a fun time for us, and nobody was freaked out. Yeah, we were just like, charlie Sheen's on drugs.

Also, Jojo siwa, like, do you think she's ever done cocaine?

Absolutely not.

Yeah, so leave Jojo Siwa alone.

I don't even think she really gets drunk.

I think she, like, someone was, like, someone did a meme. Like, when you're a kid and you have some Peniella vodka and you're like, uh oh, today's gonna be crazy.

Wait, do you remember the first thing you ever got drunk off of and, like, where, like, where you were the first time you got drunk?

Yeah, I was in, like, a Upper west side, like, house party and had, like, two beers.

Wait, it's so funny to think about, like, that type, that kind of party. I was fully 17 in high school.

I didn't drink till I was 17.

Yeah, I didn't. Dr. I'm trying to think, how old was I? I think I was 16 the first time I got drunk. And I was at this girl Nikki's house, which just sounds like a girl. You would get drunk.

I would never let my daughter go to Nikki's house.

Go to a girl named Nikki's house. And she was on my cheerleading.

Yeah, the hpv is rampant.

Rampant. And I got drunk off of something called hypnotic.

Oh, my. With a key blue. Yeah, that's all. Like, the rappers had it in the music videos back in the day. You're a little.

Remember what it tasted like? I. If I could have been a video vic.

I was so scared of getting drunk. I don't think I got fully drunk till college. My brother, famous. My brother famously. Him and his friends once we had this cool, like, absolute bottle that had, like, Brooklyn designs on it. And my parents just, like, had it, like, you know, those absolute art was so good, whatever the fuck it was. My brother and his three friends, two friends, like, drank it one night and they just, like, all passed out, throwing up. And they filled it up with water. And they were like, don't tell mom. And I was like, I won't tell mom. Like, I was downstairs. I don't know what the fuck they were doing.

Yeah.

And my mom walks in, she, like, smells, and she goes, did you drink the absolute vodka like, moms? I mean, know everything.

No. Not only do they know everything, but also, like, they're not idiots. Like, anyone walking into a room, like, you can tell when people smell like alcohol. And then, like, she probably saw the bottle and just put two and two together. Like, in high school, I thought my mom was so smart, like, figuring things out, but really it was just like, oh, she has two eyes.

Yeah. Her brain is fully formed and ours isn't. We're like, how?

Like, she's just not stupid.

You have that sense, spidey sense. Real quick, up top. I have to make a special announcement.

No pun intended.

And I wanted to til the giggles first, obviously, my sketch. Oh, my God. I'm nervous. My special is officially dropping July 9.

Oh, my God. And I feel like I just got a wave and I feel like that's gonna be like a lucky day. July 9 sounds like a solid.

It does, right?

Doesn't it?

Yeah. And, you know, at first it was gonna be September, and then I guess, like, we started getting the editing process going and Netflix was like, you wanna just fucking do summer? And I was like, yeah, why not? So July 9, it's happening. And it's gonna be titled we ride at dawn.

Which you went back and forth, but I think it's. I think it's a great title. I think it's perfect.

I had a running list of like 4000 special names on my phone. Because when you're doing your hour, you're not thinking like, what's the title of this? Like, you're just performing it, seeing what works and what's funniest. But I feel like we ride at dawn is, like, kind of a shout out to the gigglers. Cause, like, we've all, like, rode so hard for each other, and I want it to just be this feeling of, like, we're officially riding at dawn. July 9. We ride at dawn. Let's fucking go. And I do feel like if. Yeah, if Giggly Squad's ever made you laugh or you feel connected to us in any way, play the special. Play it all the way through. Tell your friends, tell your. Your frenemies, tell your exes, tell your grandma. Put it on.

Send it in an email to your office by accident. Like an all in all employee email. Sorry, that was supposed to go to my friend, but you guys might like it too. I just want to say something really superficial. You've never looked better than in the special. Like, you literally, you just looked like. I. I was like, oh, my God, who is she?

It was insane because I've never been more nervous about, like, the pressure of choosing an outfit and getting my hair right and getting my spray tan right. But, like, I do have to say special thanks to my spray tan artist.

Thank you.

You nailed it. And then the team, like, they did my makeup really natural. I felt like myself on stage, and that was my most important thing.

You looked like yourself. You looked like a fancy version of yourself.

It's like, you know, your wedding day. Oh, you wouldn't know. But, like, if.

No, I actually was gonna say that, but I didn't want it to be rude. But I was like, hannah, I feel like, didn't give a fuck what she looked like on her wedding day. And, like, I feel like we didn't even talk about it.

Like, so much harder on my special day than my wedding.

And, like, I know. Like, I feel like we're treating your special, like, when I tell you, oh, my God.

I had zero nerves for my wedding and my special. I was like, this is the biggest day of my life. Which, like, part of it is cute and feminist, and then part of it is like, are you okay? Like. But, I mean, yeah. I got my wedding dress at a strip mall in Long island for $1,700.

And it was the first dress I tried. First place you went.

Cause I was like, look, I don't wanna deal with this bullshit. I look good in it. Bye. Goodnight. And then I didn't wanna look like. I was like, do my hair and my makeup how I normally do it. I don't wanna fucking be weird and that was that.

I've changed my wedding esthetic, like, seven times. Like, I can't. I'm actually really stressed.

Wait, can you tell me what it is right now?

Right now, I'm really into watching lebanese weddings on TikTok. I don't know how I've gotten there.

Hailey's Lebanese. Her wedding was so lit. They were, like, throwing dollar bills at her, and she was, like, belly dancing.

No, it's there. They look so good. I've never been to a lebanese wedding, and I don't know how. I've been to indian weddings. I've been to a lot of persian weddings. I've been to a lot of jewish weddings all equally. I went to, like, a legitimate, crazy rich asian wedding. Like, it was one of the most insane weddings. Never been to a lebanese wedding and loved the vibe. But their weddings are so gorgeous. I went to an indian wedding, and the bride, like, her flowers were so insane. And I asked someone like, oh, my God, like, what florist did she go to? Like, who did this? And she had them all flown in from India as she should.

And you were like, that's rich. It's so funny you brought up flowers. Cause I randomly had this question that I wrote down in our notes. At what time in your life are you supposed to learn flowers?

Like, the names?

Like, you know how every mom is like, oh, that's a geranium. And, like, oh, that's a felicity of some. And, oh, I love the chrysanthemum. When did you learn that? Did I miss the day in school? Does it just happen when you hit, like, 36? You suddenly know every, like, is it just a gardening thing? And we haven't hit that level of peace in our life where we can garden?

I think it's right now. Like, we would be hitting it right now. Cause I only know peonies and hydrangeas.

But, like, guns in my head. If you were like, pick the peony, I'm out.

You couldn't.

I know. A hydrangea.

No, that's a very. That's a niche but very relatable situation.

Because maybe on your wedding day is when you're supposed to learn, which we all know. I wasn't. I wasn't.

What were your flowers for? Your bouquet.

I wanted, like, garden vibe. Like, I literally wanted to look like wildflowers.

Oh, yes. I do remember that. It actually looked so good when we took pictures with the girls because we all randomly were in those colors.

That was crazy. People thought that the bridesmaid dresses I chose. I mean, clearly, I did not choose Sierra Leone.

You didn't have bridesmaids dress.

So I technically didn't have bridesmaids.

I will literally never get old.

I was literally so traumatized by just, like, friend drama that I was like, I'm not doing bridesmaids. And then naturally, all the women in my life who I love came together and was like, we're doing a bachelorette. We're showing up and getting ready with you. We're having a text thread. So I did it all, but I somehow gaslit everyone to believe that, like, I didn't choose them. They chose me. So there was, like, no drama. So if anyone wasn't involved, I was like, oh, well, dad's on you, bitch.

That's, like, the time I had a surprise party, and I told everyone it was a surprise party, but it wasn't. I just didn't want to invite certain people, and I was like, sorry, I didn't plan it.

When did this happen?

A couple years ago.

Was I there?

No, you weren't. You were invited, though.

Wait, was it at the italian restaurant?

Yeah, Perry planned it for.

Planned it quotations. I totally remember that. Yeah. And you wanted to jewel, but we had to go to the bathroom because you told him you didn't jewel anymore, so we had a jewel in the bathroom, and it was. That was, like, the only thing you cared about that night. I was like, let's go to the bathroom. And I was like, this is a restaurant.

So true. So, Drew, you were like, I don't know if this is the guy for you. Speaking of, Craig gets to Italy tomorrow, and I'm so excited. I've been here for a couple days now, and let me just say, you're so right. Traveling is hard.

People don't talk about. You don't just land somewhere and then become a new version of yourself. You're still the same stressed out person, but now dealing with foreign country logistics.

Yeah. And it's like, oh, no, but be the most relaxed you've ever been. And it's like, I don't know what time it is. I'm having a really tough time with the jet lag this trip. I don't know what it is, but I can't sleep at night. I, like, feel like this is blasphemy to say, but I haven't been eating that much because, like, I feel like my body clock is off. So, like, when I'm not hungry, when I'm supposed to be eating, and then, like, in the middle of the night, I'm like, I should have, like, wrapped that fucking well.

This is the problem with these euro summers. People don't talk about the trauma of, like, pull an all nighter, basically, and then, like, try to function and then have the pressure of being like, am I having fun? Am I having fun? This is so expensive. Am I having fun? Is this worth the money? Am I having fun? And you're. You're with your family, and, like, obviously you have a very close family, but, like, some people, that's their nightmare, to have, like, their family.

I know. I feel bad. Yeah, that, like, that's one thing that, like, doesn't ever stress me out. Like, being with my family, like, multiple days in a row. Like, I don't like that. But I've been getting yelled at a lot.

By who? Gary? I'll beat his ass.

No, just, like, the people of Italy. Literally, the people that live here. Because when you go. When you eat at a restaurant in Italy, like, I'm not kidding. If you don't eat everything.

Yeah, that's.

They're offended. So, like, there have been a few times where. And I love the food, but I literally just can't. I can't eat as much as I used to be able to. Like, even a couple months ago, once I went on those vitamins that, like, fixed my hormones, I gen, like, a couple pounds. No, but manjuro. But. But I think, like, because I lost some weight when I went on them, like, my. I can't eat as much as I do. You know?

That is actually the worst feeling when, like, your eyes are like, I'm about to beat up this meal, and then your stomach's, like, you're done.

Yeah, I have, like, three bites, and I'm like, okay. And because, like, my time clock is off, I'm just, like, not hungry. When it's dinner time, do you ask.

To take it to go?

No, because I think that's actually more insulting. Yeah, insulting in Europe. I know, like, you're not supposed to do it in France. So, like, I haven't asked in Italy. And I, like, haven't been finishing, like, my plates, and the waiters have been coming over after and been being like, the chef wants to know if something's wrong here. It's happened, like, three times, and my dad has to chime in and goes, no, no, no, nothing's wrong. It's amazing. She eats like, a burger.

I was gonna say she eats like a bird. Wait, but I do not till I.

Can'T bring her anywhere.

Call out your dad. But, like, my dad's job is to eat everyone's leftover food at the end of the meal. Like, he's a trash can. Like, can your brother not do it? Like, can someone step up?

Okay, so literally no one in my family is stepping up for me. I'm like, I need, like, an ally. You guys are supposed to be my blood. And it's just, like, I'm feeling really betrayed right now, and everyone should just stab Caesar. And that's how I'm feeling. I'm like, you guys are leaving me for dead. And that's why I'm really excited for Craig to get here, because I realized last summer I didn't have this problem.

I've been waiting all year to eat bread in Europe. He's ready to fucking go.

Yeah, he's always picking up my leftovers, and so I'm hoping that he comes with an appetite, because I'm sick of getting yelled at. And this is one place I'm not combative. Page. Standing up for myself. I completely cower. Like, if a waiter is coming over who can't speak English, obviously, and is yelling at me, I'm on their side. I'm like, I should leave.

Are you picking up any italian words?

Fungal. That means fucks? No, but it's so funny, because my dad is just so delusional, and I don't know if he knows what we do or anything that's going on. He knows that I'm really busy, and he knows that I get anxious, but that's about it.

He thinks you're a drug dealer. I think.

No. Like, he just thinks I, like, play pretend, and I'm just, like, taking pictures. Like, he just thinks I'm, like, girly. And so he said to me the other day, he was like, you know, like, in your spare time, you should really learn Italian. And I look at him, and I go, yeah, in my spare extra minutes, let me just pick up another language. I go, do you know how fucking hard it is to just learn another language? And you think, in my. In my what? In what spare time do I have to pick up a language?

Like, I will choke on my own saliva when I try to speak. I'm not learning a new language. And then I have des. They're making me look bad. Like, the other day, when anyone starts speaking mandarin, he pipes up. And then they don't just say, like, oh, I speak Mandarin. I speak Mandarin. They have a full, like, 30 minutes conversation. I just stand there and I know some words now, because he's done it.

Well, because what else are you supposed to do.

And I know when they're like, he's, like, referencing me and I'm like, okay, so they're talking shit.

Yeah. And then if you do try and say something in Italian, like, obviously, like, when you walk in somewhere, you say like, buena sera. That's like morning. And you sit like you do greetings. But sometimes I feel like when you greet them in Italian and then they talk English back to you, I immediately get humble. I'm like, okay, thank you. Sorry, I. But I'm like, oh, is it offensive if I don't go in trying to, like, speak the language? And I'm just like, hi.

See, I was obsessed with when I was in France going, um, how do you say hello? Oh, it's bonjour. What'd you say?

Bonjour.

Yeah, well, I already fucking failed. No, I walk in, I say bonjour. So I. Cuz I can copy. Like, that's what. That's how the French. I go, bonjour. So I go, bonjour.

Yeah, they don't, like, finish.

Yeah, like, I basically bonjour. And then they would speak back in French to me and at first I'd be really happy, and then I'd feel like a liar. I feel like I lied to them, and then I'd have to be like, I'm sorry, I'm fucking stupid, but I have fun with that stuff. Are the men really good looking?

Okay, literally, I was thinking, I was like, oh, my God. Never get hit on. I'm like, I never get hit on anymore because, like, I'm just like, everybody knows I have a boyfriend. Like, I'm always with him. Like, no one's, like, in my DM's, no one's, like, trying to hit on me in the street, you know? And I'm like, I wonder if I'll get hit on in Italy. Like, that would be really good. I need it. I need someone to hit on me in Italy. So last night, my parents, my parents go to bed, and my brother wanted to, like, go and watch one of the soccer games. So I'm, like, sitting there having a drink with my brother, and I'm thinking, I'm like, oh, people probably think this is my boyfriend. I'm definitely not gonna get head on, like, in this moment. So then, like, 30 minutes later, I'm like, okay, gary, like, I have to go back to the room. Like, I'm so tired. So I'm walking back to my hotel, and it's literally like, where we are to where the hotel is is like 20ft like, it's not. I'm not, like, walking far, and I hear this man, like, coming up behind me.

Like, I can sense two men coming up behind me, but not in, like, a scary feeling. But not. It wasn't in, like, yeah, it wasn't in, like, the initial feeling.

I could just feel, like, challengers.

It felt like challengers. And I just heard someone say, like, hey. But it was. They had. It wasn't an italian accent. And then later I found out that they were brazilian. But this guy was just like, hey, I just wanted to let you know you're really beautiful. And I was like, thank you so much. And he was like, who are you here with? And I was like, my family and my boyfriend. And he was like, ah. Like, that's so, like, sad to hear. If you ever want to come to Brazil, let me know. And I was like, oh, thank you so much.

You almost got traffic.

No. Then I went back to tell my family, like, a bitch still has it. And my brother was like, my brother was like, sounds like they wanted to abduct you, but you literally got to the hotel.

But you literally just took it as a compliment and said thank you and walked away.

Yeah, I said, thank you so much.

I do feel like me and you are different types of beauty. And when I say that, I mean, I feel like when someone calls you beautiful, you're like, thank you. Yeah, but I feel like when someone calls me beautiful, I think it's creepy and weird.

Wow.

I'm not giving off that energy.

But you have a beautiful face, so, like, okay, you might not give off energy of, like, tell me I'm beautiful. See, I feel like I give off energy. Like, you better fucking compliment me. Yeah.

So when they do where you don't give off. So when a guy says, if a guy gets to the point where he tells me, I think you're beautiful, I'm like, ew. Like, I literally been, like, farting this whole walk, and you are saying I'm beautiful. Like, that is disgusting on you. So it's so funny when you said I got, like, cringey, but I'm wondering what a guy can call me that I won't be weirded out.

Yeah, I think you're. I think that's something. That's something.

That's some internal shit that I have to work on.

That's something internal. Yeah.

I just never like being sexualized unless if it's like a girlfriend who's like, your ass looks good and then hits your butt, and I'm like, thanks, do.

You have a tough time taking compliments in general?

I know I love a compliment, but I don't.

Oh, okay.

Speaking of, I love a compliment, maybe just not on my physical appearance from men.

Okay. Those are the only ones I want.

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Talk about people asking you stuff. What a good transition. This is going to be a little controversial, but I feel like a giggly squad. That's what we do. We have to speak out about all the nuances of life. You know, everyone's like, stop asking me, like, when am I gonna have a baby? When am I gonna have a baby? Like, a lot of people talk about that in the media.

Yeah. Mm hmm.

Not one person has asked me, what? Are you gonna have a baby? I had this, like, moment. I was just walking, and I was, like, thinking about, like, feminism and, like, women being asked to have baby. I was thinking about, like, people asking you to move and stuff, and I was like, yeah. And then people asking women have. Wait a second.

Wait, Hannah. That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

Women literally be like, stop asking married women when they're gonna have kids. And I'm like, yeah, but no one's asking. And then you have to go another layer and ask yourself, why?

Why?

So I'm out here trying to get. And then I go, do people think I'm not capable of motherhood? And then it got dark. Then I was like, am I putting out an energy that people are just like, don't have? Please don't have kids.

This is why they say women are complicated, because we get something, and then we're like.

I'm like, call me pretty. Actually, like, I prefer a guy to call me pretty than beautiful.

I. Beautiful. Okay, I'm gonna be honest. Beautiful is, like, a little bit cringy.

But he's european.

Yeah, but he's european, so they're different. I prefer, like, a gorgeous or, like, stunning. Like, breathtaking.

I think if an american guy calls you beautiful, I'm like, call the police.

Yeah. Like, only, like, my mom and dad. I feel like, say, like, beautiful.

My nan will be like, you look beautiful today.

Beautiful. Yeah. Like, it's a very. I don't want it from a man. Wait, speaking of beautiful. Pretty. Gorgeous. Stunning. So love Island UK started? Yes, obviously. I downloaded my VPN. I'm, like, watching live real time. All, have you seen any of the discourse on TikTok?

No.

Okay, so obviously all of the contestants have always been early twenties, like 22 to 26. Like, there's rarely anyone ever this about the fillers. Oh, my God. So they're doing this whole thing on, like, why? Why do the girls look so much old? Like, all the girls are very pretty. Like, all very gorgeous. But they do. They do not look.

But they look like funnies. Like, step mom pretty.

No way at all. Yes, they look like, oh, my God, she has two kids and she bounced to the fuck back like she got a mommy makeover. She's hot as shit. And so they were doing all these tiktoks and, like, all these plastic surgeons were saying, like, if you get bad, obviously if you get bad plastic surgery, like, it can make you look older. But then I follow this one british girl, and she was like, here's what people in America don't understand. I saw this. If you're getting fillers and plastic surgery in the US, there are certain standards, like, your injections have to be done by a doctor or a nurse. Yeah. Someone who's, like, gone to school for this. In the UK, I could literally sign up for a two, like, and get certified in two days. And then I could inject you with Botox. And so it's so much cheaper. So girls are going to these, like, they're not even med spas. They're basically going to, like, your hairstylist could fucking do it. And it's paying like, $40 to get fillers and they're just bad. And so that's why they look so old.

And it actually makes me feel so, so bad for them because I feel like that generation was so, like, like our generation, obviously. Like, when you turn 30, everyone thinks, like, you're dead, you've died. If you, like, don't, aren't married with children. And so I feel like the younger generation heard that so much of, like, you can't age. You can't age. So they started doing things so much earlier, which just made them look so much older. Like, the fact that I look ten times younger than all of them is insane because I'm like a full ten years old. Yeah.

And I do think at some point, if people can tell that you have filler, it immediately becomes real housewivesque because, like, filler represents that age group kind of thing. And it's funny because I saw that and I remember, like, I've definitely, I've googled before. Like, okay, if I did want to get Botox or if I did want some filler, like, I would love to go into one of these places because, like, I don't, I don't look at my face that much, but I'm like, I wonder what a professional would say. But then, like, you, right?

Like, what would they tweet?

And I was looking at all this stuff and, like, first of all, I hate, this is fucked up, but I hate when the practitioner looks crazy themselves.

And I've seen it a lot, and.

I'm like, why would I let you touch my face when, like, you went too hard?

I've had so many girls be like, oh, my God, my friend Jessica, she can do, she can do your botox. And I'm like, jessica looks insane.

So, like, I want you to look. But then it's like, then there's some people where, like, they're just naturally gorgeous, and I'm like, are they good at their job? Are they just naturally gorgeous and have, like, a little lip filler? And, and then I was looking at some of the before and afters, and I have to say, so when people get, like, filler in their under eyes or, like, filler in their cheeks, I'll look at the two before and after. And sometimes I'm like, is it prettier, though? Like, sometimes, yeah.

Is it better?

It's not. It's like, yeah, so your face is fuller, but, like, who says that's better? And sometimes I feel like, and I'm all for now, like, if you want to do stuff, I'm afraid to do stuff to my face because it's like, I like the devil that I know, you know? Like, I can live with whatever imperfection of my jaw or whatever, but if you were to do something else, that I guess it goes away, but, like, I, I don't know, that kind of ugly.

Right, right.

And, no, I, this thing going viral about, like, have you seen eyebrow blindness? They're calling it.

Yeah.

Which is so true. Where with your own face, you get blindness. And filler blindness is a thing, too. Like, lip filler blindness. And for people who don't know what it means, it basically means, like, you stop being able to see how it really looks. And that's why you'll see a girl with, like, insane eyebrows, but, like, she's just been filling it in every year for, like, six years. And eventually, eventually it's gotten darker and darker and now she's, like, a blonde with, like, caterpillars. And then she'll. Someone will finally, like, sit her down, and that's a real friend. A real friend.

I am really happy that I never did, like, the lamination. I definitely had a few makeup looks where, like, my eyebrows were too straight up, but I could never. I never could bring myself to do, like, the actual lamination because I was like, I feel like this looks crazy town. But it's funny too, because on TikTok, I've been seeing things where, like, if you ask your guy friends, like, if you show a picture of a girl to your guy friends and you're like, do you think she's pretty? And they're like, not really, but, like, if you show that same picture of the same girl to your girlfriends, like, they're gonna think she's gorgeous. That, like, we see a totally different kind of pretty. Like, same with makeup.

Like, such a good point.

Guys, like, are attracted to a different kind of makeup, but we do ours. Like, four girls.

Like, a guy will never be like, wait, her blush looks so good.

Yeah, they'll never be like, oh, my God, that's a siren cat eye. And she fucking nailed it. And if a guy does, like, he's gay, so make him your best friend. Don't worry if he wants your lip.

Color or, like, what you used on your lips. It's so funny you said that because I was talking with Des.

Oh, my God. Imagine. Wait. Imagine if Des was like, oh, my God. Great lip combo. What is it?

Oh, my God. Divorce. Divorce, divorce, divorce. He actually said something interesting and obviously does has a type of, like, who he's attracted to.

Yeah. What is does this type, like, I've never seen anyone does has dated.

He's never dated anyone before me, obviously, but he basically was like, somehow thigh gap got brought up. We were talking about thigh gaps, and he goes, thigh gaps are for girls. No guys ever been like, like, I guess, like, a guy will, like, maybe a certain, like, body type, but no guys ever been like, where's the thigh gap?

I went through a phase in college where all I could think about for two months was. And it was a really dark no.

And it's invented by girls. Like, no guys, like, let me see the little, like, sun going through right below your pussy.

It's invented by girls. And do you want to know what's snapped me the fuck out of it? I'll never forget this. I was in college. I was a freshman in college. Maybe I was a sophomore in college, and for whatever reason, I was. I had just started, like, birth control. I had gained some weight, and I, like, got really obsessed with my thigh gap. And I remember it was Halloween. I'm, like, out with my boyfriend, and there's a mirror in, like, the dorm hallways or something. And I'm standing in front of it waiting for him. And I'm, like, leaning down, looking at, like, to see if I have a thigh gap. And these two girls, like, walk by me and, like, look at me and, like, give me, like, a weird look. Like, what is she doing? And in that moment, I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, who gives a flying fuck? Like, this looks weirder than not having a thigh gap.

Thigh gaps are for girls. And also, some people's, like, hips are just, like, a little more wide set, so, like, they just have more space in between. Yeah, but it.

It's literally how your hips are. It has nothing to do with, like, your thighs being 100%.

Also, like, when I would play tennis, my thighs would rub against each other and actually start a fire. So, like, that was annoying. But it also, like, I had. They called me quadzilla. I had the strongest thighs, and I was the fastest. The fastest girl in the 8th grade. Before Paige.

No, I was the fastest girl in the fourth grade.

I do have to say I'm on my TikTok algorithm right now. I'm obsessed. Oh, my God. I fucking forgot his name. But I think there might be a couple of them. I'm obsessed with, like, grumpy gay guys judging fashion at events. Have you seen this? It'll just be, like, a gay guy's face in the corner, and it'll be, like, an event, and he's going through the Getty Images, and he'll just be like, hate, love. Never do that again. Obsessed with that. She never.

No. Gaming can do so much because, like.

I'm at the point where I'll see a fit, and I'm like, I don't know if he's gonna. And he'll be like, this is the worst thing I've ever seen. And I'm like, what? And then he'll be like, this sleigh is so hard. And I'm like, but I love seeing these gay guys just rip apart.

You know? It's funny. Is like, if you want to say something to your. Like, there have been times where I'm like, oh, my God, I should say that to her because, like, she needs to hear it. And then I'm like, I can't say that. Like, that's so fucking bitchy. But I. But, like, to, like, my gay guy friend. I'm like, but you could say it. Like. Like, I just feel like gay men can say certain things and it not be taken as if a woman said it because at the end of the day, they're still.

They're not. They're not, like, competing with you, right?

And so, like, I feel like women take it more like, oh, he's just trying to help you out because, like, he sees it where, like, if a woman were to say it, it's like she's jealous or like, she's fucking bitch.

So, like, it's so funny yet mean to me at all. They come off as, like, hilarious. And he's just, like, stating fat.

Like, they're helping.

Yeah, he's just helping the community. And gay guys have taste, obviously. And then I don't know what's been going on, but, like, more gay guys have been recognizing me on the street. Like, more gay glares. Like, two gay guys recognized me yesterday. Like, and one of them, and they're, like, younger, too, so it's like a double cool factor. Like, so I'm. My head is really big right now. This one, like, like, hot 22 year old gay guy just stopped and was like, wait, I'm fangirling right now. But they'll. They'll say it, but they'll never get as excited as, like, a girl, but they'll be like, wait, I'm fangirling right now. Wait, stop. I'm freaking out right now.

Yes. No, I love that. That's my favorite kind of energy. Like, they have a straight face and they can say anything.

They're like, wait, I will tear your skin off and wear it. I love your podcast. And then they, like, won't even get a picture. They'll just keep walking. I'm like, oh, can I take a picture with you? Like, you seem really cool. Yeah.

I'm like, I feel like I met you.

Speaking of fangirling, I got a celebrity DM. This is probably more exciting for me than you, craytail. And I don't want to be weird, but I do have to say, he's my Zaddy. My football zaddy. I got a wait.

Football. Can you give me some? I'd like to guess.

Oh, okay, fine. So we talked about him once on.

The pod, and I know who you're talking about. The guy, the Tom Brady. The guy. The older man that you bloodso drew him. He dm'd you.

So this is not weird in any way.

Not weird in any way. He asked me out on a date.

We are together.

We are in a.

He sent the cutest supporting women in the arts message. Wait, why can't I find him? Did he block me? Okay, found him. How awkward would that have been? He goes, I don't know where he goes. My daughter and her friend played me the clip from your podcast. I think it's a clip where I called him Azadi. Let's just say I have some serious street cred and they can't talk shit to dad for a while. They love you gals, btw. I'll give it a listen.

No, that actually is gonna make me tear up. Freaking love when dads are, like, so obsessed with their daughters and, like, want to be cool for them. And two, the fact that he's, like, getting the vibe, like, women in the arts and, like, being supportive.

He also. He said, like, they can't talk shit to dad for a while. Exclamation mark. And with shit he wrote s. And then two, like, asterisks and then t.

No, I love him so much. He's also. I also agree. I think he's, like, way hotter than Tom Brady.

Way hotter. And he has this low voice. But this is the thing about him that's so great. He had such a, like, difficult experience with, like, an injury, and then Tom Brady taking a starting position when he was the quarterback that was getting paid to be the starter. Like, he dealt with so much shit, and he's just dealt with it with so much humbleness and, like, grace, and it's just. It's like I said, like, tom Brady winning seven super bowls. Like, you're kind of try hard.

Yeah. Like.

Like, be more Drew Bledsoe.

So daughter listens for the rest of us.

We fucking love you, Drew Bledsoe's daughter. Tell me your first name so I don't call you Drew Bledsoe's daughter. Wait, I got their names. Healy and Callie. Shout out to my gigglers. You guys are the best. Healy and Callie, what's up? But I just want to shout out, because it was father's day, I want to do a shout out to my dad, who I do have to say. I know, like, women's sports is now popular. This man. This man has been fighting for women's sports since day one. My dad and I, like, he got obsessed with women's sports because he loves sports. And then he obviously got immersion it with me, and I posted this blurry photo. There was a tournament going on. It was a father son doubles tournament. 18 and under kids. And my dad was like, we have to play. And I was like, okay, it's father son. And he's like, there's no father daughter tournament and this isn't fair. So he, like, reached out and he was like, can me and my daughter, who's a nationally ranked tennis player, play at. It was like. It was at the US Open in the father's.

Cause he's like, title nine means if there isn't a girls team, she has to have the opportunity to play on the boys team if she can qualify. So they were like, yeah, so I was 14 years old, too. So we're playing all these older guys and we end up winning the whole tournament.

No. Oh, my God.

How would.

I never told this story.

I don't know. It's just like, it's. My dad is always like, I've. He also has never made it, like, it's a big deal that I'm a girl. It was always just like, this is my, you know, child and we love sports and we are gonna compete and try to win. And the fa. My favorite part about it is we play the boys and the dad would keep hitting it to me. And at one point the son who we're playing against looks his dad and goes, dad, stop hitting it to the girl. And my dad lost his mind and, like, to this day, he'll quote and be like, dad, stop hitting it to the girl.

Wait.

Cause when I was twelve years old was when I beat my dad for the first time in tennis, which was like a big, like, deal in the family because, like, my dad, you know, right, was a tennis player and my dad said he was like, it was the craziest moment where he's like, I've never had more joy, like, seeing my own kid get to a point where she was like, mastering a sport that I introduced her to.

No, Hannah. I was shopping today and I literally only thought about my daughter. I was like, I can buy that because she'll wear it in 20 years.

Wait, why does no one think I'm gonna be a mom?

I think you're gonna be a mom.

I literally think. Why do you think no one's at. Is it cuz is it cuz they know I'm traveling so much?

I think it's because people just respect you more. People. I think people just know you're capable of, like, so much. So they're like, she can do whatever she wants, whereas me, they're like, well, maybe you should just. Pagoda.

I do have to say, because I feel so connected to you. And, like, we joke that we're so opposites, but in terms of a lot of our work ethic. And me and you are very similar in a lot of ways. So I get fucking furious when I feel like you get all the questions, like, when are you gonna move to the south and have children? And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No one's even like, people don't even acknowledge that I'm married.

I mean, my dad thinks I have time to learn another language. So if my own father can't figure it out, I really. I don't have faith for the rest of humanity.

Sorry to interrupt your podcast enjoyment, but something's coming that can interrupt life even more.

Your babies poom, hammy at night.

A monstrous, snappy leak destroying sleep. Or there's pampers konami proof pants. The clever back pocket stops the horror of messy leaks at night. Don't fear the poonami with pampers poonami proof pants.

I have a hot take.

I have a hot take, too, on something. Okay, give me yours.

Oh, no, you go first. Cause I won't forget mine.

Okay. My hot take is I keep seeing people. Not really. I saw, like, maybe one person, but it, like, annoyed me. And that's when you should, like, think about if you have anger issues. Another side note, my mom has been calling me my dad this whole entire trip. She's like, you're fucking psycho. You are your dad. Anywho, I saw this. I saw this person on TikTok, and she was talking about, like, I don't know, she had, like, broken up with her boyfriend or something, like, a couple years prior or whatever, but they still shared a dog, okay. Mm hmm. That annoyed me because in what world am I sharing a. Sharing an animal with someone that I now loathe? If we have an animal together, dog's mine. Dog's mine. Sorry, dog.

Should they do, like, a prenup? When you get an animal in any situation of, like, if this ends, who gets it?

So the dog.

And that's.

And also, like, I feel like I'm a very sensitive, empathetic, sympathetic person.

Maybe I'm an empath.

Here's the other thing. If I'm. If I'm dating someone and we break up and he's, like, being such a fucking asshole about the dog. Dog's yours. Great, fine. Dog is yours. I never want to see either of you again. Then, like, I could do that.

Co parenting a dog is the next level of, like, stress in your life that I just. I don't think it's worth it. And I know you're like, I love the dog. I love the dog. Get a new dog and you'll love the dog. That's how I feel about men. That's how I feel about men. You're upset, you're fighting for it. Get another man.

Whenever I love anything, but then I get a new one of that, I love it even more.

If you love something, let it go.

And buy a new one.

Also, like, if I met a guy and he was like, oh, yeah, I'm co parenting my Labrador retriever, my ex, I go, ew.

Yeah. I'd be like, ew. Really? You guys?

She's gonna show up at the door and you guys are gonna hand off the fucking pug named Romeo? Like. And then like, no. What part of me is like, you guys still wanna fuck?

And then it's like, people live in different states, and it's like, I haven't seen the dog, and I need to visit with the fuck off. Literally. Fuck off.

I would just argue, unless you're married, don't get a pet with someone. Is that fucked up?

No, I don't think. Okay, say you're living together. You've been living together for a couple of years. You think you're gonna get engaged, or you've talked about it, you get a dog, and maybe you don't get engaged. I understand getting a dog in that situation or getting any type of animal, but, like, I just know for myself, I could never. I'm not co parenting an animal. I feel like I would try and take the children for myself.

So, like, you know what it is? A lot of people lived together before marriage, so you're right. I think it's more like, if you're gonna get a pet, have a pet for each person. Be like, this is my dog.

When you're. But, yeah, when you're getting the animal, like, I feel like it should be established, hey, whose dog is this? Yeah, in this moment, like.

Like, Des and I, like, butters, my cat.

Yeah.

And, like, when Des fosters dogs, I'm supportive, but I'm not waking up at 03:00 a.m. to walk the dog. It's his dog.

Like, if I get a cat, it's my cat.

Yes.

Are you getting me a cat?

I've been waiting my whole life for you to ask me this question, but I just wanted you to settle down. I honestly feel like September might be the time.

Oh, I was gonna say when you get back. Yeah. I feel like I need an animal.

I would love to give you an animal.

I just feel like I'm at the stage where, like, I need.

Yeah, something.

I'm feeling very, like, maternal and, like, I don't want to have a baby.

Yes.

But I need to, like, take care of something.

I do want to say external things are not gonna help the internal. But I will fully support this decision.

Yeah, but this, I think also, like, for my anxiety, I need.

So butter saved my life. Like, butter. Butter literally saved my fucking life. Cause when you wake up and you're just like, in your own head, it sucks. And I've been through, like, the some. You know when you're going through your fucked up twenties hard times and then you wake up and you just have this baby that just wants to lay on you and cuddle with you all day and you're just like, I have something that loves me and is peaceful. And cats. The thing that makes cats so great, which I read, is that dogs are trained to love humans. Like, they've been domesticated over the years to love humans. That's why, like, I can meet someone's dog and take their dog and the next day the dog loves me.

And, like, that's the other thing. The dog. You. You could give your dog to anyone and, like, they're gonna love them. You don't need to co parent.

If someone else took butter, she would take a knife, stab herself in the heart and be like, get back to my mama. Which. And that's the kind of love I want. But this is the thing with cats. They're fucking feral and they choose to be with you, and then they become obsessed with you, and then you become this, like, root you routine together where you, like. And all cats do is sleep next to you. Like, people don't talk about that. Like, they just want to sleep all day next to you. So when you're in bed, like, bedrotting the cat is like, show me your.

Time.

Where dogs will be like, what are we doing? Are we playing? Are we going outside? The cat is like, no one fucking move. And then someone duck. If you do, like, move your arm, they're like, what the. Don't fucking move your arm.

Energy I need because that's the energy I give. Like, if someone moves from the bed, I'm like, why did you do that? Like, we were in a great position.

Like, and I. I've dealt with, like, my friend Michelle cheats shout out. Like, she has loves dogs and I love dogs too. She got this cat. I kind of convinced her the cat's name is Diplo. It's iconic. She loves this cat more than anything. Like, I just love seeing dog people get converted to cat people when they don't think they will, and then they're like, where have cats been all my life? My friend called me and she was like, wait, all. All they want to do is sleep on you? I'm like, that's the fucking point.

That's what I need. I need someone to just sleep on me. Wow.

I haven't had a cat rant in a minute. Thank you, guys. Oh, my God. You sent me the funniest TikTok.

Did I?

This guy said, if a girl tells you. This is a big segue. If a girl tells you during sex, I want you to come. You fucked up. You're not killing it. Wait. Smashing that pussy.

I feel like she said that, like, literally only the girls know.

And it's such a niche thing. Cause also, like, they love when you say it.

I love when you say it. This guy was doing a TikTok and he was like, yeah. If a girl is like, oh, my God, I really want you to come, that doesn't mean she's really into it. It means you're doing a bad job. But I actually. There are multiple times where you're not doing a bad job. But I'm over it now.

Like, you're not fucking up. We're done here.

We're done here.

Let's wrap it up.

Yeah, I'm especially done here. I'm either, like, sore or, like, I'm uninterested or, like, I have things to do. Like, I gotta go. So he was saying how, like, girls will start talking crazy. Nothing has hit home harder than that. Because I will when I'm done, like, because when I'm in person, like, if I'm at a place and, like, something comes over me and then I have to leave, like, I'm not kidding. I literally have to leave. And Craig gets so mad because he's like, you have to give me, like, a five minute warning. Like, we can't just, like, go. Even when I'm, like, getting off the phone with him, I'm like, okay, I gotta go by. He's like, what the fuck? So, like, I already have that in me. So, like, during sex, when I'm ready, I go, I will say some of the most insane things ever, and he'll be like, what the fuck?

If a girl tells you your dick is big, like, more than five times, she is begging you to wrap it up.

If she starts bringing up threesomes, in the 9th hour, she's sore and she has to pee. Okay. She literally is feeling a UTi coming on in that moment. Okay. So know that she doesn't actually want to do that, you sicko.

Okay.

If I had a buggy nickel.

And also, cuz a lot of time we've already like, come. So it's like obviously if. And we realize like, we're not coming again cuz that's not his goal. And.

Yeah, and they're like, I feel like you could. It's like, shut the fuck up.

And it's like, I feel like we've missed the boat on me at this point and I'm mentally and not here. So let's physically, let's physically also move. But it's so I never thought about like guys because guys like it because they like, you know what? Also I think Des has this funny joke where during sex girls are trying to come and guys are trying not to come.

That's so true.

So like, he's fighting, you know, he's fighting not to. And you're like, hey, let it go.

You know, they think that you genuinely want what comes from them.

Yeah.

And it's like, I couldn't want it further away from me. Like, not on my sheets, certainly not inside of me, not on my body. Like, I'm not a human toaster strudel. I want you to come in your hand and I want you to leave me out of it. And I want it to be right now.

I also would say I'm never not feeling good about myself when a guy comes fast. Like, I've never left the experience being like, that was bad. I'm always like, I feel good about myself.

Okay, that's so funny you say that because guys get so, like, embarrassed about it. And what they don't realize is, like, we love that. We love that.

I got ghosted by a potential love in my life because he was like, humping me in bed and goes, oh, no, I nutted and then I had to leave. I think I've told I had to leave because I got in a pickle with something, but I was like, obsessed with him. Like, I I didn't. I was so into him. And then I left early, like, I just had to leave. And I think he felt rejected.

And then he, like, never talked to you again.

Never talked to me. And I think I saw him like years later and he was like, yo, super embarrassed. I was like, you couldn't what? Like, that was such a pleasant experience for me.

No, so pleasant. Like, I'll never get mad. When a guy can't get hard. Like, oh, you drank too much. Can't get hard. I don't give a shit. I am happier. Like, this is actually more enjoyable. What the fuck is on Netflix? Like, I will never get mad at that.

But also, if you can't get hard, like, let's admit it and let's not play the whole, like, pushing your al dente dick in my pussy.

I feel like we've passed that threshold. Like, we're in our thirties now. Like, no one could even come near me with a green stays. I'd be like, what? What are you, 17? Get the fuck out of my face.

Either you're ready or you're not. Okay? Yeah.

Like, I pay taxes. You're ready or you're not.

Okay, final hot take.

Yeah.

Every skirt should be a skort.

No, Hannah. No. I'm against that one.

Why? Like, I need to understand why. I'm not leaving this conversation until I have some fucking data.

Okay. Okay. A mini. Every mini skirt should be a score. Cuz not every maxi skirt can't be. Oh, well, okay.

Not a max ski.

I just want built in underwear.

The thing is also, as a tennis player, every skirt you wear has these little, tiny, like, shorts. So, like, you put the ball in it. But it's like, I feel so naked if I'm just wearing a skirt with my. And I wear granny panties.

Yeah.

So, like, I'm wearing granny panties and a skirt, and I'm just like, I don't like it. Like, why can't all of them protect you?

It's so funny. I wear a skirt today and just, like, a. And a thong, and I don't ever think of it.

That's crazy behavior to me. That's crazy. I, like, whenever that happens, I immediately think, like, at any time, the air will just, like, get my skirt over my head, and I'm like, I can't tell you my perennium is out there.

I can't tell you the last time both of my butt cheeks have been covered by anything. Do you know? Like, I'm always wearing a thong and so, like, if I'm wearing a skirt or a dress, she's right there. She's right there. At any moment.

Do you think you have thong blindness?

No, wait. Oh, my God. I didn't even say this because. Fucking shout out to thanks. The period underwear. Yeah, they sent me a ton of them. We had talked about it probably, like, a year ago. Honestly, they had sent me a ton. And obviously, I could never use them because I never got my period, but I used them the first time. Hannah, talk about telling your period. You're not here anymore. I'm not wearing a tampon. It was insane. It was the best thing I've ever used. Like, I'll never not wear them. When I.

When you go to the bathroom, it's not, like, gooey?

No, like, on the first. Okay. Like, the first day, I didn't wear it, but, like, after day, like, on day, like, three, because I typically have it for, like, a full seven days. That is, like, my normal. Yeah.

You know, I have it for three days, period.

Really?

I have, like, two insane days of, like, murder scene shit.

Yeah. You could do it your second and third day where I, like, since high school, I was. My regular was always, like, a full seven days. So, like, day four, I was like, okay, I'm done with tampons now. And I just think st my way through, and I loved it.

In an alternate universe, I would love to know if men got their periods, what technology they would have at this point.

Hannah, you are chat GBJ. Because that's a great question.

Like, I would just love to see how things, like, even. There's just so much technology for pussies that I like menopause. If they just addressed it was a thing, like, five years ago, I might have.

No, literally. That's why I went to the White House. It was all about the women's health initiative. If men had periods every month, it would be. It wouldn't even be the technology. We'd live in a different society.

Do you think they'd get the week off?

Yeah, they'd get the full week off, and then they'd be able to claim, like, sorry, period. So, like, not liable. They could literally go in, shoot up anything, and say, sorry, it was on my period. And they'd get off.

Not liable.

Not liable.

I did hear one thing about how women are natural born leaders and men aren't.

I saw it, too. I saw it, too.

It was funny. Cause we were talking about Lois, and des brought up. He's like, she is in charge, and she's assertive. And so I was like that. I pretended I was teacher. Everyone sit down. I'm teaching you. And the boys are, like, fucking eating worms in the backyard. And the girls are literally organizing stuff. But those are the people that don't become the leaders. Make it make sense.

No. This girl literally did a whole video on how men like to be told what to do. That's why they sign up for the military. Like, to have, like, someone giving them orders.

Men are literally dogs, girls, or cats.

And once they have orders, like, then they can do it where women are so much better at, like, coming up with, okay, this is what we have to do, blah, blah, blah. That's why, like, there's, like, this whole debate, too. I feel like, on TikTok of, like, women, men not knowing where anything in the home is or, like, not knowing how anything works in the house, and it's like. Like, okay. Because you have to be told what to do. No one told women how shit works. And we just do it. Like, we just know this has x, y, and z has to get done before we go to work. Or we do that. Like, men don't even have that, which is absolutely insane. And I love it so much because every time Craig says he's going to become a CIA agent and be recruited, I'm like, you can never find the scissors in your own kitchen. You can. You don't know where the scissors are.

In your kitchen, but you're gonna find Osama bin Laden. You're gonna be.

They're gonna recruit you to be a CIA operative. I've told you where the scissors are. You've opened that drawer, you've stared at the scissors, and you've continued to say, where are the scissors? So let's not get crazy and outlandish here, honey.

Any man who tries to, like, hide or be sneaky, I'm like, you left your socks on the floor, right by your hiding place.

No, it's just like, you literally left your phone open, you idiot.

Oh, my God. I can't breathe. Anyway, you guys, we love you so much. Thank you for giggling. Paige has one more week or so in Italy, so we'll continue the Italy saga and put in your calendars July 9, because it's time to write a dawn.

We love it. Thanks for giving with us. Bye.