Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at Deathsquad TV and now on Spotify and Apple podcasts. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliffe's website, go to tonyhinchcliffe.com. everything golden Pony, including his tour dates@tonyhinchcliffe.com. if you want to check out the sunset strip or get some death squad merch, go to Deathsquad TV.

And now here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony.

Hey, this is Redmond coming to you live from the comedy mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Daddy. Get up for Tony Itchlab.

Who's ready for literally the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh?

Oh, my goodness. We made it. Mixed noise for Brian Redband, ladies and gentlemen. Yay.

Fuck yeah. We are here kill Tony live at the mothership, brought to you by connect Mobile Health. How exciting. You guys pumped to be here tonight.

I love it. We have an absolutely ridiculously diabolical show ready for y'all tonight. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

Are you guys ready to start tonight's show or what?

You know, we've been doing this a very, very long time, and I book this show personally, myself, every single week. And I myself cannot believe who tonight's guest is. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the current, truly the real president of the United States of America. This is Joe Biden.

You can do better than that. Make some goddamn noise for your president.

No, Joe, this way. This is it. Over here, Joe. Joe. No, Joe, over here.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

Unbelievable. This. My fellow Americans, I want to thank you for allowing me to be the first black woman president to run this country. Quick shout out to the moderators in the back for keeping this debate going. There's no moderators, so you're on Kil Tony, huh?

Has anybody told you where you're at tonight?

Ryan Redbandhe, Brian Redband, everybody. How the hell do you know who Brian Redband is? I follow him on Facebook, post a lot of butthole pictures. All right. Oh, so.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Oh, here we go. How are we, America? We feeling good. How we feeling, America?

Mister President? Joe Biden here, doing some damage control right now. Obviously, shit is wild out there for you right now. Coming off of wild, wild times. We're doing it.

We're doing it, though. We're doing. We do what we did. What we did for the COVID What we did for Covid. That's right.

And we did it for. We beat. We beat. And that's why we do it. And that's what we did.

We beat Medicare. Wow. We took Medicare bus and Megatron and the rest of the GI Joe Bangerang hooked. Look, I'll tell you something. I was.

When I was ten years old, I used to ride a bike.

We had all sorts of bikes back then. We had water. How do you get this liquid death away? You already have enough on the edge or you're about to get fucking pranked. All right, good night. Thank you.I'm very scared. Oh, wow. Jacob Barr, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit. This is absolutely an incredible moment.Absolutely. You turned this place much like yourself, inside out. This is. I didn't realize the letter w could be so hilarious.I give it Wu Tang.I don't know what you said.I can't hear. My God. Jacob, welcome to the show. The show was built for you. Thank you.I'm very happy to be here. Thank you for having me, everybody. Thank you. God almighty. This is absolutely incredible.I give your set two thumbs up and two hands in. Oh, shit. Look at that. Absolutely. Joe, I think we found somebody you can actually beat up.All right. Wait. Hit me. Redband. Whoa, whoa.Oh, he can kick. Damn. Whoa, whoa. Red Band is not even on the right page of sound effects. Not even close to.We are hours away. Oh, there. Always already sitting back down. Good job, red band. So, Jacob, let's talk about it.How long you been doing stand up? About ten years. Ten years? Where at? Michigan.Oh, that makes sense. You've been drinking the flint water. Oh, yeah. Nice and metallic. Absolutely incredible.Now, what would we call that condition? Exactly. What is. I have vactral syndrome. It is an acronym for seven birth defects.Most people, perhaps in some way, was karma? Yeah. God knew that you were gonna make fun of special needs kids.So he's like, I'm gonna. Well, I think of it as more like justice. Like, God sent me here to punish the freaks, you know? I don't know. This is fucking dark.I'm sorry. I think you took the words right out of Trump's mouth. I'm gonna sit this one out. You guys are doing terrible now. You know, President Trump, I've always noticed that everybody, everybody in the left, fake news media, has always said that you have tiny hands and that Jacob Barr has normal hands.That joke didn't do what I thought it was going to do. Unfortunately, I actually have very small hands, so please don't bring that up, Tony. But compared to Jacobs, they are absolutely massive. Okay, here. Are we just going to skip over the fact that he got the jacket all the way on?I got it. I did it. That's a real american right there. Hey, take care. That's a cold blooded american.That getting that jacket on is a true feat. Speaking of feet, I do not want to see yours, J. I wanted to show you guys my fucked up thumb. I gotta. I got a dislocated thumb, if you want.Oh, your thumb? Hell, yeah. You want to touch it? It's pretty cool. Oh, yeah.I'd love to get my hands on that thumb.Oh, my God. What? It doesn't even do anything. Yeah, you can feel the bone. You can literally pick the bone.Oh, God, no. Fuck. I'm gonna fucking throw it. That's what my girlfriend did. She deals with a lot of the time, and she makes do.She gives it to head. She tries. She tries her best, she sucks that. And then it gets slightly hard. And I say, I'm ready, and I put it in there, and turns out I wasn't ready.I'm not hard. Guess what? If you vote for me this November, you'll be able to put that thumb in your very own pussy butt. You count on it. Unbelievable.Normally I throw the joke books at people. Can you catch this? All right, here we go. I'm a good thrower, so I'm gonna get it right in the middle there. Yo, Jacob, real quick, step back up to that mic.You live in Michigan. You live in Michigan full time. Well, how about this? From now on, every time that I do a theater, or perhaps who knows what, the future holds? A bigger venue in Michigan.You're gonna do a guest spot on those shows. Jacob Barr, everybody. There he goes. He caught the big joke book. He's in Michigan, and I'm sending him out on stage.I don't have anything on the books in Michigan, thank God. But when I do, never going to Michigan. Speaking of, here she is again. What an angel. What an absolute angel.Yeah. In memory of Jacob Barr, how about a little hand for Heidi?Heidi.Absolutely incredible. And believe it or not, we have one more special treat for you guys. I know the show is running long. This is an incredible time that we're having. But what better night to have a Kiltoni hall of famer, one of the greatest regular in the history of the show, famous for his incredible roasting skills.Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed the long awaited return of David Lucas.Yeah, it's so crazy. I got handcuffed the other night, and believe it or not, Tony was there to save my ass. But when I was handcuffed, it was so weird because my girlfriend was there, and she's like, baby, give me the code to your phone so I could call your lawyer. And I was like, officer, take me to jail.I'm not finna let you have fun in my phone, bitch, and block all my hoes. What the fuck?I don't know, bruh. I gotta fucking go see somebody, bro, because a lot of bad shit been following me lately. I was at LA, like, seven weeks ago, and the muslim community tried to come for me because there's fatin that 400 pound muslim lady was in the front row at my show in LA, and she had on the biggest hijab I've ever seen in my life. It was like, king size, you know what I'm saying? King bed size.But she was on her phone texting the whole time I was on stage. And I'm like, hey, bitch, what the f? What are you doing? And she's like, be funny. And I'm like, oh, really?So I'm like, uh, good thing you're not a terrorist, because if you were, it would take three phone calls to blow you up.And that bitch ran out of the room. And I'm like, a little more of that and you'll be all right, bitch. That's my time. Thank you, David Lucas. I can attest to the fact that everything in his set is true.Yeah, it is. Totally. Indeed. I got a call from a popular muslim comedian. Oh, yeah.About the very big muslim girl that you made fun of. That is true. And indeed, after a long day and tired and dumb.A fun fact about David Lucas, he's so black and fat that he eats gay chicken. What? Again? He's choking. Really?Maybe they are dumb and tired. If they been here for 3 hours, Tony, that's kind of like, you know, the niggas you hold hostage, they ready to get out. It's fucking 1040 at night. I don't know. The longest show in history.The guitarist, Matt Mewling, who never speaks, just said everybody's bombing right now. Yeah, everybody is. Fuck you, Matt Meehling. Yeah, David, you're like me. I lost the debate, but you're winning dubuffet.All right. Thought on the way up here. Yeah. I don't even know what to say to this motherfucker. I love you day here.And they killed Tony. Hall of Fame. Now it's a big deal. Yes, sir. Thank you.Congratulations. Did you celebrate? What'd you do? Did you go out to Red Robin or what'd you do? Did you Red Robert?You buy another coat? What'd you do? I got a white girl pregnant. That's what I did. Is white better than black?Be honest. It's different. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is a little bit. Now.That's the type of talk that's gonna get me a vote from a black guy I love. Racist blacks against their own people. What?The election is right around the corner. Who are you hoping gets nom nom? Nom nom nominated ain't Trump. Because he was giving us that money during the pandemic. That's why, sugar daddy.Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah. Trump 2024. Hey, I was sending everyone $15 on Venmo. You just didn't have the Internet.That's on you. Yeah, fuck that, bro. I'm voting for Trump. Y'all know who I'm voting for. It's not a secret.All right? Yeah, not you, Sleepy Joe. That's coming from a diabetic that sleeps 14 hours a day. Hey, you should. You should vote for me.I stood for BLM black large motherfuckers.That's funny. Fucking dope.I don't know. You can't get my vote? Fuck that. All right, well, that's your opinion. This is so weird, bro.Roche is. Am I supposed to say that? I don't know, bruh. This is crazy. It really looks like young trump from home alone, too, bro.That is.It's so crazy. You all got a home alone two reference and no one knew Jurassic park. What? A. A few years ago.Excuse me. Excuse me. A few years ago, everyone would have got the jurassic park. It was a jurassic world under my administration.David Lucas is a realistic prize. David Lucas is a Jurassic darken.Thank you. Thank you so much. What is that? That's not even Jurassic park music. It is.It's the theme of Jurassic park from John Williams. Oh, from back when you were a kid eating fruit loots.You ate boot loops. Okay, all right. Booty loops. Okay. Some kids are born without an asshole.Yo, bro, what does this show turn into a fucking. That was crazy. Let the record show that Donald Trump said, we're pulling out a bunch of retards. And. And I brought out a guy that looked like he spent his whole life in a straight jacket.Bro, when you birth a child with no asshole and fucking pterodactyl arms, you supposed to put that nigga on the grill. He ain't even supposed to live. Just go ahead and eat that motherfucker, bro. He's not a productive member to society. Oh, my.What can that motherfucker change in life? Nothing. He can't even. He can't even put lotion on his kneecap. That neither can you.No, I don't believe it. No, that's CGI. I got good ballast. Look at that. CGI.Biden put it on for me. What? You know Joe Biden likes to sniff niggas, Tony. He'll probably sniff your seat after you're done. Be like, was a woman sitting here?Oh, my God. She smells like a ph imbalance. Oh, how dare you? There's nothing fishy about my squish. Don't you dare say that, David.You're a fucking legend. You're a beast. We love you. Thank you. There he goes.The great David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. All right, God damn it. We're in super duper overtime. We're going to get this last comedian up. They're going to do 1 minute, and then we're going to finish this thing.Makes noise for your final bucket bowl of the night. She's been on this show before. Very funny. Sherry Vaseggi. Sherry Ghseji. Talking about guys coming.Incredible. President Trump, what do you say when you're about to come?I say, I'm about to come. I say I'm going to come. I say, hold on, watch out. Cause there's going to be a lot of it. And if there was ever a nasty woman like you underneath it, I'd say, move.Get out of the way. There's a lot of cum headed your way, bitch.Here's my. Here's my impression of you getting ready to come. Ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Oh, hey, have you seen Jurassic park three? Yeah, the one with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Yeah. No, the second.President Biden. What do you say when you're about to come? He says, hi, I'm Doctor Phil. See me on the road.It is a good time for me to mention that Joe Biden wanted me to say that Adam Ray's new special is out on YouTube. It's called like. And subscribe on Adam Thank you. Yeah, no, that was a hell of a Zen joke. I thought it would at least get something in the House of Dragons being sexier, I thought that was it. Least going to get something.And so you were smoking a cigarette while OJ was killing his wife, and then he's OJ Zinson? Yes. I asked. He said his name and it's OJ Simpson. Right.But Simpson is hard to say. That's where I messed up a little bit. He's in. That's why he told you to quit smoking? Tells me he said.He tells me I need to start doing Zen. Don't smoke. Right. That's where I was getting out with the joke, but it obviously didn't really work out. And I have like ten more at the Zen jokes I've been holding back, so this scares me.I've a bunch of zen jokes in the chamber right now, Tony. They actually fixed our air conditioner, but it's a horrible problem now because now it sounds like an airport in our apartment. It sounds like a jet engine going off in our apartment now. So it's really cold, luckily. But it's just so loud in there now.Wow. So what are you doing to block out the sound? I'm not doing shit, man. I'm fucking. That's why I was a little on edge tonight.Again, House of Dragons joke. I thought it was far funnier and it got no fucking love, so it almost makes me feel a little weird, Tony, even to be in front of these fucking idiots tonight. I swear to God, I wasn't even feeling it tonight. It's loud as fuck in my apartment and it's like all these pussies in the fucking audience. Well, at least you got to enjoy some peace and silence during your 62nd settlement.Are you going to clap at that, you nasty looking slut? Oh, my God, is that really your fucking wife, dude? Yikes.Holy shit. That is so William. It's like she wasn't clapping at any of my jokes and now she claps at the silence thing. It's bullshit.Who's that dinosaur on your arm? A fucking stegosaurus. A lot of dinosaur talk tonight. And you would think with all this talk they would understand Jurassic park. Nobody understood Jurassic park.History will look kindly on that joke, I have no doubt. Thank you, President Joe Biden. What do you think about William Montgomery? I love it. I love it, I love it.You were at January 6, right? Yes, I was there. I took a private jet with my family, my parents. Yes. Good for you.Good for you. Live was important. What's your favorite thing about this country, William? I know you're a patriot. Oh, my God.Probably just the good people over at Kellogg's. I recently tried something other than Aubrey and Budston. It's the kind that look like little shreds, and it's almost. I think it's even better and has a little less sugar because last time red band was telling me Aubrey and Buds has a little too much sugar and. Oh, my gosh.Redbin. Is that a haircut? It looks like. I could see that fucking fat roll on the back of your neck even better now. You nasty motherfucker.Wow. God. Do your head back a little bit. You got him to straighten his head. Your head back a little bit.Yeah. It's so sick. It does look a little bit like a pussy butt. Red, man. Shit, it's a hot.I like it, though. Yeah, it is. There you go. What are you talking about? No, tilt your head back.Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. You dirty bitch. Oh, God.Thanks, William.So, William, you're trying new cereal. The AC is working. It is cold and loud in your place. You're not doing anything to block the sound. You're on a low sugar cereal diet.What else is going on, William? Anything else that you're passionate about right now? Gosh. Stayed at the nicest hotel. There's some hotel called Hotel Cecilia.I had to stay there this past week. It was a wonderful pleasure.There's a table of women laughing at you. You seem mad at the laughter now. Seems like you. Seems like a weird place to laugh. Cause obviously nobody else is laughing.I shouldn't have even started telling that story. And it's like, why did you fucking. Why would you start? Oh, look at those girls. Is that what it's coming from right there?God, how long have you two been together? Are you implying that they're lesbians? Yeah, looks like it. Or y'all not both dikes. Is that what's going on there?It looks like a couple dikes at that I fucking table, Tony. I can't even sleep at night, it's so loud in the fucking apartment, dude. I'm really horribly on edge right now, I swear to God. And it's been a long episode. I'm just not feeling it, and it's like a couple fucking dikes.Fucking look at those fucking. If you need help sleeping, perhaps Joe Biden can give you some good advice. Joe. Sure, anytime. I try to.I have a tough time falling asleep, which is just about never. I lay in bed, and I think of. I think of this set.So, Joe Biden, I've been curious. Who's fucking calling the shots? We know you're the one not calling the shots. Who's calling the shots? Who's the puppet master behind the disaster?That's fucking Joe Biden right now. Seriously, let me know who's fucking controlling you right now, because we know it's not you.Are you done? I thought I broke my tooth. Did you break your tooth? That would be pretty awesome if you did. We would pay for it.Thank you. If it happened on the show, we would pay for it. We would. Well, I mean, yeah, we would take it out of the overall budget.Y'all heard it. He's gonna fix my teeth when I get reelected. William, what are you gonna. What are you gonna do with all the money? Because there's a lot more Covid money coming your way.Maybe some monkeypox money. Oh, my gosh. What would I do with that? What would you do with $50 tonight? $50 tonight?Other than pay for them to fucking scissor in a hammock.Are you guys really lesbians? No, you're not. All right, well, we just suck the energy out of the room. Million dollar question, William. I don't know.Probably get some earplugs. I have to get some sort of good earplugs or some, I don't know, noise canceling headphones. So I'd probably, probably do that. I mean, it's literally. It's not good right now, so.Million dollar question, William. Both candidates up here. Hootie, who are you voting for coming this November? Well, actually, when RFK Junior was at the shows in Los Angeles, he said I could be the press secretary. So I'm RFk junior all the way.He said I can literally be on his cabinet. So that's who I'm voting for. Wow. That is incredible. So I'm voting for.So. And I'm probably never gonna vote. Here you go. Okay. We're gonna put a ribbon on it.One of the longest episodes ever. My bad. What a great show. What an amazing show. A lot of people say this is one of the best shows that's ever happened.Probably the best show. I'm not tired or have to piss. Incredibly bad. I'll tell you what, when you have to pee, that guy's fucking screaming. It really hurts.So wrap it up, please. We grew.How about a hand for the president of the United States, Donald Trump? Everybody watch tires on Netflix. Shayna, Matt, secret pod, Patreon, all of it. One more time for Joe Biden, ladies and gentlemen. For the record, I can hold my pee for another 15 minutes.The new special and my comb. The new special on YouTube, Adam Ray's YouTube. It's called like and subscribe. Speaking of which, like and subscribe this show right now on this YouTube, our views outweigh our subscribers, so why not subscribe to the show? Are you okay?YouTube. Are you actually choking? That's not a character move. He's actually joking right now. The drawing from Ryan J.E. Belt is in. Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers. Oh, that is indeed Shane strong. That is Shane Gillis as Donald Trump.Surprise, surprise. It was Adam Ray and Shane Gillis tonight. How about a hand for them?One more time for the best damn band in the land. That's Matt Mewling, John Deez d Madness, Charles Reed on the drums tonight. We love you guys. Red band. Love you guys.Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. Good night, everyone. See you soon. Bye.Sadeena Beverage, the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

on the edge or you're about to get fucking pranked. All right, good night. Thank you.

I'm very scared. Oh, wow. Jacob Barr, ladies and gentlemen. Holy shit. This is absolutely an incredible moment.

Absolutely. You turned this place much like yourself, inside out. This is. I didn't realize the letter w could be so hilarious.

I give it Wu Tang.

I don't know what you said.

I can't hear. My God. Jacob, welcome to the show. The show was built for you. Thank you.

I'm very happy to be here. Thank you for having me, everybody. Thank you. God almighty. This is absolutely incredible.

I give your set two thumbs up and two hands in. Oh, shit. Look at that. Absolutely. Joe, I think we found somebody you can actually beat up.

All right. Wait. Hit me. Redband. Whoa, whoa.

Oh, he can kick. Damn. Whoa, whoa. Red Band is not even on the right page of sound effects. Not even close to.

We are hours away. Oh, there. Always already sitting back down. Good job, red band. So, Jacob, let's talk about it.

How long you been doing stand up? About ten years. Ten years? Where at? Michigan.

Oh, that makes sense. You've been drinking the flint water. Oh, yeah. Nice and metallic. Absolutely incredible.

Now, what would we call that condition? Exactly. What is. I have vactral syndrome. It is an acronym for seven birth defects.

Most people, perhaps in some way, was karma? Yeah. God knew that you were gonna make fun of special needs kids.So he's like, I'm gonna. Well, I think of it as more like justice. Like, God sent me here to punish the freaks, you know? I don't know. This is fucking dark.I'm sorry. I think you took the words right out of Trump's mouth. I'm gonna sit this one out. You guys are doing terrible now. You know, President Trump, I've always noticed that everybody, everybody in the left, fake news media, has always said that you have tiny hands and that Jacob Barr has normal hands.That joke didn't do what I thought it was going to do. Unfortunately, I actually have very small hands, so please don't bring that up, Tony. But compared to Jacobs, they are absolutely massive. Okay, here. Are we just going to skip over the fact that he got the jacket all the way on?I got it. I did it. That's a real american right there. Hey, take care. That's a cold blooded american.That getting that jacket on is a true feat. Speaking of feet, I do not want to see yours, J. I wanted to show you guys my fucked up thumb. I gotta. I got a dislocated thumb, if you want.Oh, your thumb? Hell, yeah. You want to touch it? It's pretty cool. Oh, yeah.I'd love to get my hands on that thumb.Oh, my God. What? It doesn't even do anything. Yeah, you can feel the bone. You can literally pick the bone.Oh, God, no. Fuck. I'm gonna fucking throw it. That's what my girlfriend did. She deals with a lot of the time, and she makes do.She gives it to head. She tries. She tries her best, she sucks that. And then it gets slightly hard. And I say, I'm ready, and I put it in there, and turns out I wasn't ready.I'm not hard. Guess what? If you vote for me this November, you'll be able to put that thumb in your very own pussy butt. You count on it. Unbelievable.Normally I throw the joke books at people. Can you catch this? All right, here we go. I'm a good thrower, so I'm gonna get it right in the middle there. Yo, Jacob, real quick, step back up to that mic.You live in Michigan. You live in Michigan full time. Well, how about this? From now on, every time that I do a theater, or perhaps who knows what, the future holds? A bigger venue in Michigan.You're gonna do a guest spot on those shows. Jacob Barr, everybody. There he goes. He caught the big joke book. He's in Michigan, and I'm sending him out on stage.I don't have anything on the books in Michigan, thank God. But when I do, never going to Michigan. Speaking of, here she is again. What an angel. What an absolute angel.Yeah. In memory of Jacob Barr, how about a little hand for Heidi?Heidi.Absolutely incredible. And believe it or not, we have one more special treat for you guys. I know the show is running long. This is an incredible time that we're having. But what better night to have a Kiltoni hall of famer, one of the greatest regular in the history of the show, famous for his incredible roasting skills.Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed the long awaited return of David Lucas.Yeah, it's so crazy. I got handcuffed the other night, and believe it or not, Tony was there to save my ass. But when I was handcuffed, it was so weird because my girlfriend was there, and she's like, baby, give me the code to your phone so I could call your lawyer. And I was like, officer, take me to jail.I'm not finna let you have fun in my phone, bitch, and block all my hoes. What the fuck?I don't know, bruh. I gotta fucking go see somebody, bro, because a lot of bad shit been following me lately. I was at LA, like, seven weeks ago, and the muslim community tried to come for me because there's fatin that 400 pound muslim lady was in the front row at my show in LA, and she had on the biggest hijab I've ever seen in my life. It was like, king size, you know what I'm saying? King bed size.But she was on her phone texting the whole time I was on stage. And I'm like, hey, bitch, what the f? What are you doing? And she's like, be funny. And I'm like, oh, really?So I'm like, uh, good thing you're not a terrorist, because if you were, it would take three phone calls to blow you up.And that bitch ran out of the room. And I'm like, a little more of that and you'll be all right, bitch. That's my time. Thank you, David Lucas. I can attest to the fact that everything in his set is true.Yeah, it is. Totally. Indeed. I got a call from a popular muslim comedian. Oh, yeah.About the very big muslim girl that you made fun of. That is true. And indeed, after a long day and tired and dumb.A fun fact about David Lucas, he's so black and fat that he eats gay chicken. What? Again? He's choking. Really?Maybe they are dumb and tired. If they been here for 3 hours, Tony, that's kind of like, you know, the niggas you hold hostage, they ready to get out. It's fucking 1040 at night. I don't know. The longest show in history.The guitarist, Matt Mewling, who never speaks, just said everybody's bombing right now. Yeah, everybody is. Fuck you, Matt Meehling. Yeah, David, you're like me. I lost the debate, but you're winning dubuffet.All right. Thought on the way up here. Yeah. I don't even know what to say to this motherfucker. I love you day here.And they killed Tony. Hall of Fame. Now it's a big deal. Yes, sir. Thank you.Congratulations. Did you celebrate? What'd you do? Did you go out to Red Robin or what'd you do? Did you Red Robert?You buy another coat? What'd you do? I got a white girl pregnant. That's what I did. Is white better than black?Be honest. It's different. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is a little bit. Now.That's the type of talk that's gonna get me a vote from a black guy I love. Racist blacks against their own people. What?The election is right around the corner. Who are you hoping gets nom nom? Nom nom nominated ain't Trump. Because he was giving us that money during the pandemic. That's why, sugar daddy.Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah. Trump 2024. Hey, I was sending everyone $15 on Venmo. You just didn't have the Internet.That's on you. Yeah, fuck that, bro. I'm voting for Trump. Y'all know who I'm voting for. It's not a secret.All right? Yeah, not you, Sleepy Joe. That's coming from a diabetic that sleeps 14 hours a day. Hey, you should. You should vote for me.I stood for BLM black large motherfuckers.That's funny. Fucking dope.I don't know. You can't get my vote? Fuck that. All right, well, that's your opinion. This is so weird, bro.Roche is. Am I supposed to say that? I don't know, bruh. This is crazy. It really looks like young trump from home alone, too, bro.That is.It's so crazy. You all got a home alone two reference and no one knew Jurassic park. What? A. A few years ago.Excuse me. Excuse me. A few years ago, everyone would have got the jurassic park. It was a jurassic world under my administration.David Lucas is a realistic prize. David Lucas is a Jurassic darken.Thank you. Thank you so much. What is that? That's not even Jurassic park music. It is.It's the theme of Jurassic park from John Williams. Oh, from back when you were a kid eating fruit loots.You ate boot loops. Okay, all right. Booty loops. Okay. Some kids are born without an asshole.Yo, bro, what does this show turn into a fucking. That was crazy. Let the record show that Donald Trump said, we're pulling out a bunch of retards. And. And I brought out a guy that looked like he spent his whole life in a straight jacket.Bro, when you birth a child with no asshole and fucking pterodactyl arms, you supposed to put that nigga on the grill. He ain't even supposed to live. Just go ahead and eat that motherfucker, bro. He's not a productive member to society. Oh, my.What can that motherfucker change in life? Nothing. He can't even. He can't even put lotion on his kneecap. That neither can you.No, I don't believe it. No, that's CGI. I got good ballast. Look at that. CGI.Biden put it on for me. What? You know Joe Biden likes to sniff niggas, Tony. He'll probably sniff your seat after you're done. Be like, was a woman sitting here?Oh, my God. She smells like a ph imbalance. Oh, how dare you? There's nothing fishy about my squish. Don't you dare say that, David.You're a fucking legend. You're a beast. We love you. Thank you. There he goes.The great David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. All right, God damn it. We're in super duper overtime. We're going to get this last comedian up. They're going to do 1 minute, and then we're going to finish this thing.Makes noise for your final bucket bowl of the night. She's been on this show before. Very funny. Sherry Vaseggi. Sherry Ghseji. Talking about guys coming.Incredible. President Trump, what do you say when you're about to come?I say, I'm about to come. I say I'm going to come. I say, hold on, watch out. Cause there's going to be a lot of it. And if there was ever a nasty woman like you underneath it, I'd say, move.Get out of the way. There's a lot of cum headed your way, bitch.Here's my. Here's my impression of you getting ready to come. Ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Oh, hey, have you seen Jurassic park three? Yeah, the one with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Yeah. No, the second.President Biden. What do you say when you're about to come? He says, hi, I'm Doctor Phil. See me on the road.It is a good time for me to mention that Joe Biden wanted me to say that Adam Ray's new special is out on YouTube. It's called like. And subscribe on Adam Thank you. Yeah, no, that was a hell of a Zen joke. I thought it would at least get something in the House of Dragons being sexier, I thought that was it. Least going to get something.And so you were smoking a cigarette while OJ was killing his wife, and then he's OJ Zinson? Yes. I asked. He said his name and it's OJ Simpson. Right.But Simpson is hard to say. That's where I messed up a little bit. He's in. That's why he told you to quit smoking? Tells me he said.He tells me I need to start doing Zen. Don't smoke. Right. That's where I was getting out with the joke, but it obviously didn't really work out. And I have like ten more at the Zen jokes I've been holding back, so this scares me.I've a bunch of zen jokes in the chamber right now, Tony. They actually fixed our air conditioner, but it's a horrible problem now because now it sounds like an airport in our apartment. It sounds like a jet engine going off in our apartment now. So it's really cold, luckily. But it's just so loud in there now.Wow. So what are you doing to block out the sound? I'm not doing shit, man. I'm fucking. That's why I was a little on edge tonight.Again, House of Dragons joke. I thought it was far funnier and it got no fucking love, so it almost makes me feel a little weird, Tony, even to be in front of these fucking idiots tonight. I swear to God, I wasn't even feeling it tonight. It's loud as fuck in my apartment and it's like all these pussies in the fucking audience. Well, at least you got to enjoy some peace and silence during your 62nd settlement.Are you going to clap at that, you nasty looking slut? Oh, my God, is that really your fucking wife, dude? Yikes.Holy shit. That is so William. It's like she wasn't clapping at any of my jokes and now she claps at the silence thing. It's bullshit.Who's that dinosaur on your arm? A fucking stegosaurus. A lot of dinosaur talk tonight. And you would think with all this talk they would understand Jurassic park. Nobody understood Jurassic park.History will look kindly on that joke, I have no doubt. Thank you, President Joe Biden. What do you think about William Montgomery? I love it. I love it, I love it.You were at January 6, right? Yes, I was there. I took a private jet with my family, my parents. Yes. Good for you.Good for you. Live was important. What's your favorite thing about this country, William? I know you're a patriot. Oh, my God.Probably just the good people over at Kellogg's. I recently tried something other than Aubrey and Budston. It's the kind that look like little shreds, and it's almost. I think it's even better and has a little less sugar because last time red band was telling me Aubrey and Buds has a little too much sugar and. Oh, my gosh.Redbin. Is that a haircut? It looks like. I could see that fucking fat roll on the back of your neck even better now. You nasty motherfucker.Wow. God. Do your head back a little bit. You got him to straighten his head. Your head back a little bit.Yeah. It's so sick. It does look a little bit like a pussy butt. Red, man. Shit, it's a hot.I like it, though. Yeah, it is. There you go. What are you talking about? No, tilt your head back.Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. You dirty bitch. Oh, God.Thanks, William.So, William, you're trying new cereal. The AC is working. It is cold and loud in your place. You're not doing anything to block the sound. You're on a low sugar cereal diet.What else is going on, William? Anything else that you're passionate about right now? Gosh. Stayed at the nicest hotel. There's some hotel called Hotel Cecilia.I had to stay there this past week. It was a wonderful pleasure.There's a table of women laughing at you. You seem mad at the laughter now. Seems like you. Seems like a weird place to laugh. Cause obviously nobody else is laughing.I shouldn't have even started telling that story. And it's like, why did you fucking. Why would you start? Oh, look at those girls. Is that what it's coming from right there?God, how long have you two been together? Are you implying that they're lesbians? Yeah, looks like it. Or y'all not both dikes. Is that what's going on there?It looks like a couple dikes at that I fucking table, Tony. I can't even sleep at night, it's so loud in the fucking apartment, dude. I'm really horribly on edge right now, I swear to God. And it's been a long episode. I'm just not feeling it, and it's like a couple fucking dikes.Fucking look at those fucking. If you need help sleeping, perhaps Joe Biden can give you some good advice. Joe. Sure, anytime. I try to.I have a tough time falling asleep, which is just about never. I lay in bed, and I think of. I think of this set.So, Joe Biden, I've been curious. Who's fucking calling the shots? We know you're the one not calling the shots. Who's calling the shots? Who's the puppet master behind the disaster?That's fucking Joe Biden right now. Seriously, let me know who's fucking controlling you right now, because we know it's not you.Are you done? I thought I broke my tooth. Did you break your tooth? That would be pretty awesome if you did. We would pay for it.Thank you. If it happened on the show, we would pay for it. We would. Well, I mean, yeah, we would take it out of the overall budget.Y'all heard it. He's gonna fix my teeth when I get reelected. William, what are you gonna. What are you gonna do with all the money? Because there's a lot more Covid money coming your way.Maybe some monkeypox money. Oh, my gosh. What would I do with that? What would you do with $50 tonight? $50 tonight?Other than pay for them to fucking scissor in a hammock.Are you guys really lesbians? No, you're not. All right, well, we just suck the energy out of the room. Million dollar question, William. I don't know.Probably get some earplugs. I have to get some sort of good earplugs or some, I don't know, noise canceling headphones. So I'd probably, probably do that. I mean, it's literally. It's not good right now, so.Million dollar question, William. Both candidates up here. Hootie, who are you voting for coming this November? Well, actually, when RFK Junior was at the shows in Los Angeles, he said I could be the press secretary. So I'm RFk junior all the way.He said I can literally be on his cabinet. So that's who I'm voting for. Wow. That is incredible. So I'm voting for.So. And I'm probably never gonna vote. Here you go. Okay. We're gonna put a ribbon on it.One of the longest episodes ever. My bad. What a great show. What an amazing show. A lot of people say this is one of the best shows that's ever happened.Probably the best show. I'm not tired or have to piss. Incredibly bad. I'll tell you what, when you have to pee, that guy's fucking screaming. It really hurts.So wrap it up, please. We grew.How about a hand for the president of the United States, Donald Trump? Everybody watch tires on Netflix. Shayna, Matt, secret pod, Patreon, all of it. One more time for Joe Biden, ladies and gentlemen. For the record, I can hold my pee for another 15 minutes.The new special and my comb. The new special on YouTube, Adam Ray's YouTube. It's called like and subscribe. Speaking of which, like and subscribe this show right now on this YouTube, our views outweigh our subscribers, so why not subscribe to the show? Are you okay?YouTube. Are you actually choking? That's not a character move. He's actually joking right now. The drawing from Ryan J.E. Belt is in. Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers. Oh, that is indeed Shane strong. That is Shane Gillis as Donald Trump.Surprise, surprise. It was Adam Ray and Shane Gillis tonight. How about a hand for them?One more time for the best damn band in the land. That's Matt Mewling, John Deez d Madness, Charles Reed on the drums tonight. We love you guys. Red band. Love you guys.Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. Good night, everyone. See you soon. Bye.Sadeena Beverage, the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

people, perhaps in some way, was karma? Yeah. God knew that you were gonna make fun of special needs kids.

So he's like, I'm gonna. Well, I think of it as more like justice. Like, God sent me here to punish the freaks, you know? I don't know. This is fucking dark.

I'm sorry. I think you took the words right out of Trump's mouth. I'm gonna sit this one out. You guys are doing terrible now. You know, President Trump, I've always noticed that everybody, everybody in the left, fake news media, has always said that you have tiny hands and that Jacob Barr has normal hands.

That joke didn't do what I thought it was going to do. Unfortunately, I actually have very small hands, so please don't bring that up, Tony. But compared to Jacobs, they are absolutely massive. Okay, here. Are we just going to skip over the fact that he got the jacket all the way on?

I got it. I did it. That's a real american right there. Hey, take care. That's a cold blooded american.

That getting that jacket on is a true feat. Speaking of feet, I do not want to see yours, J. I wanted to show you guys my fucked up thumb. I gotta. I got a dislocated thumb, if you want.

Oh, your thumb? Hell, yeah. You want to touch it? It's pretty cool. Oh, yeah.

I'd love to get my hands on that thumb.

Oh, my God. What? It doesn't even do anything. Yeah, you can feel the bone. You can literally pick the bone.

Oh, God, no. Fuck. I'm gonna fucking throw it. That's what my girlfriend did. She deals with a lot of the time, and she makes do.

She gives it to head. She tries. She tries her best, she sucks that. And then it gets slightly hard. And I say, I'm ready, and I put it in there, and turns out I wasn't ready.

I'm not hard. Guess what? If you vote for me this November, you'll be able to put that thumb in your very own pussy butt. You count on it. Unbelievable.

Normally I throw the joke books at people. Can you catch this? All right, here we go. I'm a good thrower, so I'm gonna get it right in the middle there. Yo, Jacob, real quick, step back up to that mic.

You live in Michigan. You live in Michigan full time. Well, how about this? From now on, every time that I do a theater, or perhaps who knows what, the future holds? A bigger venue in Michigan.

You're gonna do a guest spot on those shows. Jacob Barr, everybody. There he goes. He caught the big joke book. He's in Michigan, and I'm sending him out on stage.

I don't have anything on the books in Michigan, thank God. But when I do, never going to Michigan. Speaking of, here she is again. What an angel. What an absolute angel.

Yeah. In memory of Jacob Barr, how about a little hand for Heidi?

Heidi.

Absolutely incredible. And believe it or not, we have one more special treat for you guys. I know the show is running long. This is an incredible time that we're having. But what better night to have a Kiltoni hall of famer, one of the greatest regular in the history of the show, famous for his incredible roasting skills.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed the long awaited return of David Lucas.

Yeah, it's so crazy. I got handcuffed the other night, and believe it or not, Tony was there to save my ass. But when I was handcuffed, it was so weird because my girlfriend was there, and she's like, baby, give me the code to your phone so I could call your lawyer. And I was like, officer, take me to jail.

I'm not finna let you have fun in my phone, bitch, and block all my hoes. What the fuck?

I don't know, bruh. I gotta fucking go see somebody, bro, because a lot of bad shit been following me lately. I was at LA, like, seven weeks ago, and the muslim community tried to come for me because there's fatin that 400 pound muslim lady was in the front row at my show in LA, and she had on the biggest hijab I've ever seen in my life. It was like, king size, you know what I'm saying? King bed size.

But she was on her phone texting the whole time I was on stage. And I'm like, hey, bitch, what the f? What are you doing? And she's like, be funny. And I'm like, oh, really?

So I'm like, uh, good thing you're not a terrorist, because if you were, it would take three phone calls to blow you up.

And that bitch ran out of the room. And I'm like, a little more of that and you'll be all right, bitch. That's my time. Thank you, David Lucas. I can attest to the fact that everything in his set is true.

Yeah, it is. Totally. Indeed. I got a call from a popular muslim comedian. Oh, yeah.

About the very big muslim girl that you made fun of. That is true. And indeed, after a long day and tired and dumb.A fun fact about David Lucas, he's so black and fat that he eats gay chicken. What? Again? He's choking. Really?Maybe they are dumb and tired. If they been here for 3 hours, Tony, that's kind of like, you know, the niggas you hold hostage, they ready to get out. It's fucking 1040 at night. I don't know. The longest show in history.The guitarist, Matt Mewling, who never speaks, just said everybody's bombing right now. Yeah, everybody is. Fuck you, Matt Meehling. Yeah, David, you're like me. I lost the debate, but you're winning dubuffet.All right. Thought on the way up here. Yeah. I don't even know what to say to this motherfucker. I love you day here.And they killed Tony. Hall of Fame. Now it's a big deal. Yes, sir. Thank you.Congratulations. Did you celebrate? What'd you do? Did you go out to Red Robin or what'd you do? Did you Red Robert?You buy another coat? What'd you do? I got a white girl pregnant. That's what I did. Is white better than black?Be honest. It's different. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is a little bit. Now.That's the type of talk that's gonna get me a vote from a black guy I love. Racist blacks against their own people. What?The election is right around the corner. Who are you hoping gets nom nom? Nom nom nominated ain't Trump. Because he was giving us that money during the pandemic. That's why, sugar daddy.Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah. Trump 2024. Hey, I was sending everyone $15 on Venmo. You just didn't have the Internet.That's on you. Yeah, fuck that, bro. I'm voting for Trump. Y'all know who I'm voting for. It's not a secret.All right? Yeah, not you, Sleepy Joe. That's coming from a diabetic that sleeps 14 hours a day. Hey, you should. You should vote for me.I stood for BLM black large motherfuckers.That's funny. Fucking dope.I don't know. You can't get my vote? Fuck that. All right, well, that's your opinion. This is so weird, bro.Roche is. Am I supposed to say that? I don't know, bruh. This is crazy. It really looks like young trump from home alone, too, bro.That is.It's so crazy. You all got a home alone two reference and no one knew Jurassic park. What? A. A few years ago.Excuse me. Excuse me. A few years ago, everyone would have got the jurassic park. It was a jurassic world under my administration.David Lucas is a realistic prize. David Lucas is a Jurassic darken.Thank you. Thank you so much. What is that? That's not even Jurassic park music. It is.It's the theme of Jurassic park from John Williams. Oh, from back when you were a kid eating fruit loots.You ate boot loops. Okay, all right. Booty loops. Okay. Some kids are born without an asshole.Yo, bro, what does this show turn into a fucking. That was crazy. Let the record show that Donald Trump said, we're pulling out a bunch of retards. And. And I brought out a guy that looked like he spent his whole life in a straight jacket.Bro, when you birth a child with no asshole and fucking pterodactyl arms, you supposed to put that nigga on the grill. He ain't even supposed to live. Just go ahead and eat that motherfucker, bro. He's not a productive member to society. Oh, my.What can that motherfucker change in life? Nothing. He can't even. He can't even put lotion on his kneecap. That neither can you.No, I don't believe it. No, that's CGI. I got good ballast. Look at that. CGI.Biden put it on for me. What? You know Joe Biden likes to sniff niggas, Tony. He'll probably sniff your seat after you're done. Be like, was a woman sitting here?Oh, my God. She smells like a ph imbalance. Oh, how dare you? There's nothing fishy about my squish. Don't you dare say that, David.You're a fucking legend. You're a beast. We love you. Thank you. There he goes.The great David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. All right, God damn it. We're in super duper overtime. We're going to get this last comedian up. They're going to do 1 minute, and then we're going to finish this thing.Makes noise for your final bucket bowl of the night. She's been on this show before. Very funny. Sherry Vaseggi. Sherry Ghseji. Talking about guys coming.Incredible. President Trump, what do you say when you're about to come?I say, I'm about to come. I say I'm going to come. I say, hold on, watch out. Cause there's going to be a lot of it. And if there was ever a nasty woman like you underneath it, I'd say, move.Get out of the way. There's a lot of cum headed your way, bitch.Here's my. Here's my impression of you getting ready to come. Ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Oh, hey, have you seen Jurassic park three? Yeah, the one with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Yeah. No, the second.President Biden. What do you say when you're about to come? He says, hi, I'm Doctor Phil. See me on the road.It is a good time for me to mention that Joe Biden wanted me to say that Adam Ray's new special is out on YouTube. It's called like. And subscribe on Adam Thank you. Yeah, no, that was a hell of a Zen joke. I thought it would at least get something in the House of Dragons being sexier, I thought that was it. Least going to get something.And so you were smoking a cigarette while OJ was killing his wife, and then he's OJ Zinson? Yes. I asked. He said his name and it's OJ Simpson. Right.But Simpson is hard to say. That's where I messed up a little bit. He's in. That's why he told you to quit smoking? Tells me he said.He tells me I need to start doing Zen. Don't smoke. Right. That's where I was getting out with the joke, but it obviously didn't really work out. And I have like ten more at the Zen jokes I've been holding back, so this scares me.I've a bunch of zen jokes in the chamber right now, Tony. They actually fixed our air conditioner, but it's a horrible problem now because now it sounds like an airport in our apartment. It sounds like a jet engine going off in our apartment now. So it's really cold, luckily. But it's just so loud in there now.Wow. So what are you doing to block out the sound? I'm not doing shit, man. I'm fucking. That's why I was a little on edge tonight.Again, House of Dragons joke. I thought it was far funnier and it got no fucking love, so it almost makes me feel a little weird, Tony, even to be in front of these fucking idiots tonight. I swear to God, I wasn't even feeling it tonight. It's loud as fuck in my apartment and it's like all these pussies in the fucking audience. Well, at least you got to enjoy some peace and silence during your 62nd settlement.Are you going to clap at that, you nasty looking slut? Oh, my God, is that really your fucking wife, dude? Yikes.Holy shit. That is so William. It's like she wasn't clapping at any of my jokes and now she claps at the silence thing. It's bullshit.Who's that dinosaur on your arm? A fucking stegosaurus. A lot of dinosaur talk tonight. And you would think with all this talk they would understand Jurassic park. Nobody understood Jurassic park.History will look kindly on that joke, I have no doubt. Thank you, President Joe Biden. What do you think about William Montgomery? I love it. I love it, I love it.You were at January 6, right? Yes, I was there. I took a private jet with my family, my parents. Yes. Good for you.Good for you. Live was important. What's your favorite thing about this country, William? I know you're a patriot. Oh, my God.Probably just the good people over at Kellogg's. I recently tried something other than Aubrey and Budston. It's the kind that look like little shreds, and it's almost. I think it's even better and has a little less sugar because last time red band was telling me Aubrey and Buds has a little too much sugar and. Oh, my gosh.Redbin. Is that a haircut? It looks like. I could see that fucking fat roll on the back of your neck even better now. You nasty motherfucker.Wow. God. Do your head back a little bit. You got him to straighten his head. Your head back a little bit.Yeah. It's so sick. It does look a little bit like a pussy butt. Red, man. Shit, it's a hot.I like it, though. Yeah, it is. There you go. What are you talking about? No, tilt your head back.Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. You dirty bitch. Oh, God.Thanks, William.So, William, you're trying new cereal. The AC is working. It is cold and loud in your place. You're not doing anything to block the sound. You're on a low sugar cereal diet.What else is going on, William? Anything else that you're passionate about right now? Gosh. Stayed at the nicest hotel. There's some hotel called Hotel Cecilia.I had to stay there this past week. It was a wonderful pleasure.There's a table of women laughing at you. You seem mad at the laughter now. Seems like you. Seems like a weird place to laugh. Cause obviously nobody else is laughing.I shouldn't have even started telling that story. And it's like, why did you fucking. Why would you start? Oh, look at those girls. Is that what it's coming from right there?God, how long have you two been together? Are you implying that they're lesbians? Yeah, looks like it. Or y'all not both dikes. Is that what's going on there?It looks like a couple dikes at that I fucking table, Tony. I can't even sleep at night, it's so loud in the fucking apartment, dude. I'm really horribly on edge right now, I swear to God. And it's been a long episode. I'm just not feeling it, and it's like a couple fucking dikes.Fucking look at those fucking. If you need help sleeping, perhaps Joe Biden can give you some good advice. Joe. Sure, anytime. I try to.I have a tough time falling asleep, which is just about never. I lay in bed, and I think of. I think of this set.So, Joe Biden, I've been curious. Who's fucking calling the shots? We know you're the one not calling the shots. Who's calling the shots? Who's the puppet master behind the disaster?That's fucking Joe Biden right now. Seriously, let me know who's fucking controlling you right now, because we know it's not you.Are you done? I thought I broke my tooth. Did you break your tooth? That would be pretty awesome if you did. We would pay for it.Thank you. If it happened on the show, we would pay for it. We would. Well, I mean, yeah, we would take it out of the overall budget.Y'all heard it. He's gonna fix my teeth when I get reelected. William, what are you gonna. What are you gonna do with all the money? Because there's a lot more Covid money coming your way.Maybe some monkeypox money. Oh, my gosh. What would I do with that? What would you do with $50 tonight? $50 tonight?Other than pay for them to fucking scissor in a hammock.Are you guys really lesbians? No, you're not. All right, well, we just suck the energy out of the room. Million dollar question, William. I don't know.Probably get some earplugs. I have to get some sort of good earplugs or some, I don't know, noise canceling headphones. So I'd probably, probably do that. I mean, it's literally. It's not good right now, so.Million dollar question, William. Both candidates up here. Hootie, who are you voting for coming this November? Well, actually, when RFK Junior was at the shows in Los Angeles, he said I could be the press secretary. So I'm RFk junior all the way.He said I can literally be on his cabinet. So that's who I'm voting for. Wow. That is incredible. So I'm voting for.So. And I'm probably never gonna vote. Here you go. Okay. We're gonna put a ribbon on it.One of the longest episodes ever. My bad. What a great show. What an amazing show. A lot of people say this is one of the best shows that's ever happened.Probably the best show. I'm not tired or have to piss. Incredibly bad. I'll tell you what, when you have to pee, that guy's fucking screaming. It really hurts.So wrap it up, please. We grew.How about a hand for the president of the United States, Donald Trump? Everybody watch tires on Netflix. Shayna, Matt, secret pod, Patreon, all of it. One more time for Joe Biden, ladies and gentlemen. For the record, I can hold my pee for another 15 minutes.The new special and my comb. The new special on YouTube, Adam Ray's YouTube. It's called like and subscribe. Speaking of which, like and subscribe this show right now on this YouTube, our views outweigh our subscribers, so why not subscribe to the show? Are you okay?YouTube. Are you actually choking? That's not a character move. He's actually joking right now. The drawing from Ryan J.E. Belt is in. Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers. Oh, that is indeed Shane strong. That is Shane Gillis as Donald Trump.Surprise, surprise. It was Adam Ray and Shane Gillis tonight. How about a hand for them?One more time for the best damn band in the land. That's Matt Mewling, John Deez d Madness, Charles Reed on the drums tonight. We love you guys. Red band. Love you guys.Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. Good night, everyone. See you soon. Bye.Sadeena Beverage, the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

tired and dumb.

A fun fact about David Lucas, he's so black and fat that he eats gay chicken. What? Again? He's choking. Really?

Maybe they are dumb and tired. If they been here for 3 hours, Tony, that's kind of like, you know, the niggas you hold hostage, they ready to get out. It's fucking 1040 at night. I don't know. The longest show in history.

The guitarist, Matt Mewling, who never speaks, just said everybody's bombing right now. Yeah, everybody is. Fuck you, Matt Meehling. Yeah, David, you're like me. I lost the debate, but you're winning dubuffet.

All right. Thought on the way up here. Yeah. I don't even know what to say to this motherfucker. I love you day here.

And they killed Tony. Hall of Fame. Now it's a big deal. Yes, sir. Thank you.

Congratulations. Did you celebrate? What'd you do? Did you go out to Red Robin or what'd you do? Did you Red Robert?

You buy another coat? What'd you do? I got a white girl pregnant. That's what I did. Is white better than black?

Be honest. It's different. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is a little bit. Now.

That's the type of talk that's gonna get me a vote from a black guy I love. Racist blacks against their own people. What?

The election is right around the corner. Who are you hoping gets nom nom? Nom nom nominated ain't Trump. Because he was giving us that money during the pandemic. That's why, sugar daddy.

Hell, yeah. Oh, yeah. Trump 2024. Hey, I was sending everyone $15 on Venmo. You just didn't have the Internet.

That's on you. Yeah, fuck that, bro. I'm voting for Trump. Y'all know who I'm voting for. It's not a secret.

All right? Yeah, not you, Sleepy Joe. That's coming from a diabetic that sleeps 14 hours a day. Hey, you should. You should vote for me.

I stood for BLM black large motherfuckers.

That's funny. Fucking dope.

I don't know. You can't get my vote? Fuck that. All right, well, that's your opinion. This is so weird, bro.

Roche is. Am I supposed to say that? I don't know, bruh. This is crazy. It really looks like young trump from home alone, too, bro.

That is.

It's so crazy. You all got a home alone two reference and no one knew Jurassic park. What? A. A few years ago.

Excuse me. Excuse me. A few years ago, everyone would have got the jurassic park. It was a jurassic world under my administration.

David Lucas is a realistic prize. David Lucas is a Jurassic darken.

Thank you. Thank you so much. What is that? That's not even Jurassic park music. It is.

It's the theme of Jurassic park from John Williams. Oh, from back when you were a kid eating fruit loots.

You ate boot loops. Okay, all right. Booty loops. Okay. Some kids are born without an asshole.

Yo, bro, what does this show turn into a fucking. That was crazy. Let the record show that Donald Trump said, we're pulling out a bunch of retards. And. And I brought out a guy that looked like he spent his whole life in a straight jacket.

Bro, when you birth a child with no asshole and fucking pterodactyl arms, you supposed to put that nigga on the grill. He ain't even supposed to live. Just go ahead and eat that motherfucker, bro. He's not a productive member to society. Oh, my.

What can that motherfucker change in life? Nothing. He can't even. He can't even put lotion on his kneecap. That neither can you.

No, I don't believe it. No, that's CGI. I got good ballast. Look at that. CGI.

Biden put it on for me. What? You know Joe Biden likes to sniff niggas, Tony. He'll probably sniff your seat after you're done. Be like, was a woman sitting here?

Oh, my God. She smells like a ph imbalance. Oh, how dare you? There's nothing fishy about my squish. Don't you dare say that, David.

You're a fucking legend. You're a beast. We love you. Thank you. There he goes.

The great David Lucas, ladies and gentlemen. All right, God damn it. We're in super duper overtime. We're going to get this last comedian up. They're going to do 1 minute, and then we're going to finish this thing.

Makes noise for your final bucket bowl of the night. She's been on this show before. Very funny. Sherry Vaseggi. Sherry Ghseji. Talking about guys coming.Incredible. President Trump, what do you say when you're about to come?I say, I'm about to come. I say I'm going to come. I say, hold on, watch out. Cause there's going to be a lot of it. And if there was ever a nasty woman like you underneath it, I'd say, move.Get out of the way. There's a lot of cum headed your way, bitch.Here's my. Here's my impression of you getting ready to come. Ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.Oh, hey, have you seen Jurassic park three? Yeah, the one with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Yeah. No, the second.President Biden. What do you say when you're about to come? He says, hi, I'm Doctor Phil. See me on the road.It is a good time for me to mention that Joe Biden wanted me to say that Adam Ray's new special is out on YouTube. It's called like. And subscribe on Adam Thank you. Yeah, no, that was a hell of a Zen joke. I thought it would at least get something in the House of Dragons being sexier, I thought that was it. Least going to get something.And so you were smoking a cigarette while OJ was killing his wife, and then he's OJ Zinson? Yes. I asked. He said his name and it's OJ Simpson. Right.But Simpson is hard to say. That's where I messed up a little bit. He's in. That's why he told you to quit smoking? Tells me he said.He tells me I need to start doing Zen. Don't smoke. Right. That's where I was getting out with the joke, but it obviously didn't really work out. And I have like ten more at the Zen jokes I've been holding back, so this scares me.I've a bunch of zen jokes in the chamber right now, Tony. They actually fixed our air conditioner, but it's a horrible problem now because now it sounds like an airport in our apartment. It sounds like a jet engine going off in our apartment now. So it's really cold, luckily. But it's just so loud in there now.Wow. So what are you doing to block out the sound? I'm not doing shit, man. I'm fucking. That's why I was a little on edge tonight.Again, House of Dragons joke. I thought it was far funnier and it got no fucking love, so it almost makes me feel a little weird, Tony, even to be in front of these fucking idiots tonight. I swear to God, I wasn't even feeling it tonight. It's loud as fuck in my apartment and it's like all these pussies in the fucking audience. Well, at least you got to enjoy some peace and silence during your 62nd settlement.Are you going to clap at that, you nasty looking slut? Oh, my God, is that really your fucking wife, dude? Yikes.Holy shit. That is so William. It's like she wasn't clapping at any of my jokes and now she claps at the silence thing. It's bullshit.Who's that dinosaur on your arm? A fucking stegosaurus. A lot of dinosaur talk tonight. And you would think with all this talk they would understand Jurassic park. Nobody understood Jurassic park.History will look kindly on that joke, I have no doubt. Thank you, President Joe Biden. What do you think about William Montgomery? I love it. I love it, I love it.You were at January 6, right? Yes, I was there. I took a private jet with my family, my parents. Yes. Good for you.Good for you. Live was important. What's your favorite thing about this country, William? I know you're a patriot. Oh, my God.Probably just the good people over at Kellogg's. I recently tried something other than Aubrey and Budston. It's the kind that look like little shreds, and it's almost. I think it's even better and has a little less sugar because last time red band was telling me Aubrey and Buds has a little too much sugar and. Oh, my gosh.Redbin. Is that a haircut? It looks like. I could see that fucking fat roll on the back of your neck even better now. You nasty motherfucker.Wow. God. Do your head back a little bit. You got him to straighten his head. Your head back a little bit.Yeah. It's so sick. It does look a little bit like a pussy butt. Red, man. Shit, it's a hot.I like it, though. Yeah, it is. There you go. What are you talking about? No, tilt your head back.Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. You dirty bitch. Oh, God.Thanks, William.So, William, you're trying new cereal. The AC is working. It is cold and loud in your place. You're not doing anything to block the sound. You're on a low sugar cereal diet.What else is going on, William? Anything else that you're passionate about right now? Gosh. Stayed at the nicest hotel. There's some hotel called Hotel Cecilia.I had to stay there this past week. It was a wonderful pleasure.There's a table of women laughing at you. You seem mad at the laughter now. Seems like you. Seems like a weird place to laugh. Cause obviously nobody else is laughing.I shouldn't have even started telling that story. And it's like, why did you fucking. Why would you start? Oh, look at those girls. Is that what it's coming from right there?God, how long have you two been together? Are you implying that they're lesbians? Yeah, looks like it. Or y'all not both dikes. Is that what's going on there?It looks like a couple dikes at that I fucking table, Tony. I can't even sleep at night, it's so loud in the fucking apartment, dude. I'm really horribly on edge right now, I swear to God. And it's been a long episode. I'm just not feeling it, and it's like a couple fucking dikes.Fucking look at those fucking. If you need help sleeping, perhaps Joe Biden can give you some good advice. Joe. Sure, anytime. I try to.I have a tough time falling asleep, which is just about never. I lay in bed, and I think of. I think of this set.So, Joe Biden, I've been curious. Who's fucking calling the shots? We know you're the one not calling the shots. Who's calling the shots? Who's the puppet master behind the disaster?That's fucking Joe Biden right now. Seriously, let me know who's fucking controlling you right now, because we know it's not you.Are you done? I thought I broke my tooth. Did you break your tooth? That would be pretty awesome if you did. We would pay for it.Thank you. If it happened on the show, we would pay for it. We would. Well, I mean, yeah, we would take it out of the overall budget.Y'all heard it. He's gonna fix my teeth when I get reelected. William, what are you gonna. What are you gonna do with all the money? Because there's a lot more Covid money coming your way.Maybe some monkeypox money. Oh, my gosh. What would I do with that? What would you do with $50 tonight? $50 tonight?Other than pay for them to fucking scissor in a hammock.Are you guys really lesbians? No, you're not. All right, well, we just suck the energy out of the room. Million dollar question, William. I don't know.Probably get some earplugs. I have to get some sort of good earplugs or some, I don't know, noise canceling headphones. So I'd probably, probably do that. I mean, it's literally. It's not good right now, so.Million dollar question, William. Both candidates up here. Hootie, who are you voting for coming this November? Well, actually, when RFK Junior was at the shows in Los Angeles, he said I could be the press secretary. So I'm RFk junior all the way.He said I can literally be on his cabinet. So that's who I'm voting for. Wow. That is incredible. So I'm voting for.So. And I'm probably never gonna vote. Here you go. Okay. We're gonna put a ribbon on it.One of the longest episodes ever. My bad. What a great show. What an amazing show. A lot of people say this is one of the best shows that's ever happened.Probably the best show. I'm not tired or have to piss. Incredibly bad. I'll tell you what, when you have to pee, that guy's fucking screaming. It really hurts.So wrap it up, please. We grew.How about a hand for the president of the United States, Donald Trump? Everybody watch tires on Netflix. Shayna, Matt, secret pod, Patreon, all of it. One more time for Joe Biden, ladies and gentlemen. For the record, I can hold my pee for another 15 minutes.The new special and my comb. The new special on YouTube, Adam Ray's YouTube. It's called like and subscribe. Speaking of which, like and subscribe this show right now on this YouTube, our views outweigh our subscribers, so why not subscribe to the show? Are you okay?YouTube. Are you actually choking? That's not a character move. He's actually joking right now. The drawing from Ryan J.E. Belt is in. Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers. Oh, that is indeed Shane strong. That is Shane Gillis as Donald Trump.Surprise, surprise. It was Adam Ray and Shane Gillis tonight. How about a hand for them?One more time for the best damn band in the land. That's Matt Mewling, John Deez d Madness, Charles Reed on the drums tonight. We love you guys. Red band. Love you guys.Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. Good night, everyone. See you soon. Bye.Sadeena Beverage, the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

Vaseggi. Sherry Ghseji. Talking about guys coming.

Incredible. President Trump, what do you say when you're about to come?

I say, I'm about to come. I say I'm going to come. I say, hold on, watch out. Cause there's going to be a lot of it. And if there was ever a nasty woman like you underneath it, I'd say, move.

Get out of the way. There's a lot of cum headed your way, bitch.

Here's my. Here's my impression of you getting ready to come. Ready? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, hey, have you seen Jurassic park three? Yeah, the one with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Yeah. No, the second.

President Biden. What do you say when you're about to come? He says, hi, I'm Doctor Phil. See me on the road.

It is a good time for me to mention that Joe Biden wanted me to say that Adam Ray's new special is out on YouTube. It's called like. And subscribe on Adam Thank you. Yeah, no, that was a hell of a Zen joke. I thought it would at least get something in the House of Dragons being sexier, I thought that was it. Least going to get something.And so you were smoking a cigarette while OJ was killing his wife, and then he's OJ Zinson? Yes. I asked. He said his name and it's OJ Simpson. Right.But Simpson is hard to say. That's where I messed up a little bit. He's in. That's why he told you to quit smoking? Tells me he said.He tells me I need to start doing Zen. Don't smoke. Right. That's where I was getting out with the joke, but it obviously didn't really work out. And I have like ten more at the Zen jokes I've been holding back, so this scares me.I've a bunch of zen jokes in the chamber right now, Tony. They actually fixed our air conditioner, but it's a horrible problem now because now it sounds like an airport in our apartment. It sounds like a jet engine going off in our apartment now. So it's really cold, luckily. But it's just so loud in there now.Wow. So what are you doing to block out the sound? I'm not doing shit, man. I'm fucking. That's why I was a little on edge tonight.Again, House of Dragons joke. I thought it was far funnier and it got no fucking love, so it almost makes me feel a little weird, Tony, even to be in front of these fucking idiots tonight. I swear to God, I wasn't even feeling it tonight. It's loud as fuck in my apartment and it's like all these pussies in the fucking audience. Well, at least you got to enjoy some peace and silence during your 62nd settlement.Are you going to clap at that, you nasty looking slut? Oh, my God, is that really your fucking wife, dude? Yikes.Holy shit. That is so William. It's like she wasn't clapping at any of my jokes and now she claps at the silence thing. It's bullshit.Who's that dinosaur on your arm? A fucking stegosaurus. A lot of dinosaur talk tonight. And you would think with all this talk they would understand Jurassic park. Nobody understood Jurassic park.History will look kindly on that joke, I have no doubt. Thank you, President Joe Biden. What do you think about William Montgomery? I love it. I love it, I love it.You were at January 6, right? Yes, I was there. I took a private jet with my family, my parents. Yes. Good for you.Good for you. Live was important. What's your favorite thing about this country, William? I know you're a patriot. Oh, my God.Probably just the good people over at Kellogg's. I recently tried something other than Aubrey and Budston. It's the kind that look like little shreds, and it's almost. I think it's even better and has a little less sugar because last time red band was telling me Aubrey and Buds has a little too much sugar and. Oh, my gosh.Redbin. Is that a haircut? It looks like. I could see that fucking fat roll on the back of your neck even better now. You nasty motherfucker.Wow. God. Do your head back a little bit. You got him to straighten his head. Your head back a little bit.Yeah. It's so sick. It does look a little bit like a pussy butt. Red, man. Shit, it's a hot.I like it, though. Yeah, it is. There you go. What are you talking about? No, tilt your head back.Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. You dirty bitch. Oh, God.Thanks, William.So, William, you're trying new cereal. The AC is working. It is cold and loud in your place. You're not doing anything to block the sound. You're on a low sugar cereal diet.What else is going on, William? Anything else that you're passionate about right now? Gosh. Stayed at the nicest hotel. There's some hotel called Hotel Cecilia.I had to stay there this past week. It was a wonderful pleasure.There's a table of women laughing at you. You seem mad at the laughter now. Seems like you. Seems like a weird place to laugh. Cause obviously nobody else is laughing.I shouldn't have even started telling that story. And it's like, why did you fucking. Why would you start? Oh, look at those girls. Is that what it's coming from right there?God, how long have you two been together? Are you implying that they're lesbians? Yeah, looks like it. Or y'all not both dikes. Is that what's going on there?It looks like a couple dikes at that I fucking table, Tony. I can't even sleep at night, it's so loud in the fucking apartment, dude. I'm really horribly on edge right now, I swear to God. And it's been a long episode. I'm just not feeling it, and it's like a couple fucking dikes.Fucking look at those fucking. If you need help sleeping, perhaps Joe Biden can give you some good advice. Joe. Sure, anytime. I try to.I have a tough time falling asleep, which is just about never. I lay in bed, and I think of. I think of this set.So, Joe Biden, I've been curious. Who's fucking calling the shots? We know you're the one not calling the shots. Who's calling the shots? Who's the puppet master behind the disaster?That's fucking Joe Biden right now. Seriously, let me know who's fucking controlling you right now, because we know it's not you.Are you done? I thought I broke my tooth. Did you break your tooth? That would be pretty awesome if you did. We would pay for it.Thank you. If it happened on the show, we would pay for it. We would. Well, I mean, yeah, we would take it out of the overall budget.Y'all heard it. He's gonna fix my teeth when I get reelected. William, what are you gonna. What are you gonna do with all the money? Because there's a lot more Covid money coming your way.Maybe some monkeypox money. Oh, my gosh. What would I do with that? What would you do with $50 tonight? $50 tonight?Other than pay for them to fucking scissor in a hammock.Are you guys really lesbians? No, you're not. All right, well, we just suck the energy out of the room. Million dollar question, William. I don't know.Probably get some earplugs. I have to get some sort of good earplugs or some, I don't know, noise canceling headphones. So I'd probably, probably do that. I mean, it's literally. It's not good right now, so.Million dollar question, William. Both candidates up here. Hootie, who are you voting for coming this November? Well, actually, when RFK Junior was at the shows in Los Angeles, he said I could be the press secretary. So I'm RFk junior all the way.He said I can literally be on his cabinet. So that's who I'm voting for. Wow. That is incredible. So I'm voting for.So. And I'm probably never gonna vote. Here you go. Okay. We're gonna put a ribbon on it.One of the longest episodes ever. My bad. What a great show. What an amazing show. A lot of people say this is one of the best shows that's ever happened.Probably the best show. I'm not tired or have to piss. Incredibly bad. I'll tell you what, when you have to pee, that guy's fucking screaming. It really hurts.So wrap it up, please. We grew.How about a hand for the president of the United States, Donald Trump? Everybody watch tires on Netflix. Shayna, Matt, secret pod, Patreon, all of it. One more time for Joe Biden, ladies and gentlemen. For the record, I can hold my pee for another 15 minutes.The new special and my comb. The new special on YouTube, Adam Ray's YouTube. It's called like and subscribe. Speaking of which, like and subscribe this show right now on this YouTube, our views outweigh our subscribers, so why not subscribe to the show? Are you okay?YouTube. Are you actually choking? That's not a character move. He's actually joking right now. The drawing from Ryan J.E. Belt is in. Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers. Oh, that is indeed Shane strong. That is Shane Gillis as Donald Trump.Surprise, surprise. It was Adam Ray and Shane Gillis tonight. How about a hand for them?One more time for the best damn band in the land. That's Matt Mewling, John Deez d Madness, Charles Reed on the drums tonight. We love you guys. Red band. Love you guys.Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. Good night, everyone. See you soon. Bye.Sadeena Beverage, the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.

Thank you. Yeah, no, that was a hell of a Zen joke. I thought it would at least get something in the House of Dragons being sexier, I thought that was it. Least going to get something.

And so you were smoking a cigarette while OJ was killing his wife, and then he's OJ Zinson? Yes. I asked. He said his name and it's OJ Simpson. Right.

But Simpson is hard to say. That's where I messed up a little bit. He's in. That's why he told you to quit smoking? Tells me he said.

He tells me I need to start doing Zen. Don't smoke. Right. That's where I was getting out with the joke, but it obviously didn't really work out. And I have like ten more at the Zen jokes I've been holding back, so this scares me.

I've a bunch of zen jokes in the chamber right now, Tony. They actually fixed our air conditioner, but it's a horrible problem now because now it sounds like an airport in our apartment. It sounds like a jet engine going off in our apartment now. So it's really cold, luckily. But it's just so loud in there now.

Wow. So what are you doing to block out the sound? I'm not doing shit, man. I'm fucking. That's why I was a little on edge tonight.

Again, House of Dragons joke. I thought it was far funnier and it got no fucking love, so it almost makes me feel a little weird, Tony, even to be in front of these fucking idiots tonight. I swear to God, I wasn't even feeling it tonight. It's loud as fuck in my apartment and it's like all these pussies in the fucking audience. Well, at least you got to enjoy some peace and silence during your 62nd settlement.

Are you going to clap at that, you nasty looking slut? Oh, my God, is that really your fucking wife, dude? Yikes.

Holy shit. That is so William. It's like she wasn't clapping at any of my jokes and now she claps at the silence thing. It's bullshit.

Who's that dinosaur on your arm? A fucking stegosaurus. A lot of dinosaur talk tonight. And you would think with all this talk they would understand Jurassic park. Nobody understood Jurassic park.

History will look kindly on that joke, I have no doubt. Thank you, President Joe Biden. What do you think about William Montgomery? I love it. I love it, I love it.

You were at January 6, right? Yes, I was there. I took a private jet with my family, my parents. Yes. Good for you.

Good for you. Live was important. What's your favorite thing about this country, William? I know you're a patriot. Oh, my God.

Probably just the good people over at Kellogg's. I recently tried something other than Aubrey and Budston. It's the kind that look like little shreds, and it's almost. I think it's even better and has a little less sugar because last time red band was telling me Aubrey and Buds has a little too much sugar and. Oh, my gosh.

Redbin. Is that a haircut? It looks like. I could see that fucking fat roll on the back of your neck even better now. You nasty motherfucker.

Wow. God. Do your head back a little bit. You got him to straighten his head. Your head back a little bit.

Yeah. It's so sick. It does look a little bit like a pussy butt. Red, man. Shit, it's a hot.

I like it, though. Yeah, it is. There you go. What are you talking about? No, tilt your head back.

Oh, yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. You dirty bitch. Oh, God.

Thanks, William.

So, William, you're trying new cereal. The AC is working. It is cold and loud in your place. You're not doing anything to block the sound. You're on a low sugar cereal diet.

What else is going on, William? Anything else that you're passionate about right now? Gosh. Stayed at the nicest hotel. There's some hotel called Hotel Cecilia.

I had to stay there this past week. It was a wonderful pleasure.

There's a table of women laughing at you. You seem mad at the laughter now. Seems like you. Seems like a weird place to laugh. Cause obviously nobody else is laughing.

I shouldn't have even started telling that story. And it's like, why did you fucking. Why would you start? Oh, look at those girls. Is that what it's coming from right there?

God, how long have you two been together? Are you implying that they're lesbians? Yeah, looks like it. Or y'all not both dikes. Is that what's going on there?

It looks like a couple dikes at that I fucking table, Tony. I can't even sleep at night, it's so loud in the fucking apartment, dude. I'm really horribly on edge right now, I swear to God. And it's been a long episode. I'm just not feeling it, and it's like a couple fucking dikes.

Fucking look at those fucking. If you need help sleeping, perhaps Joe Biden can give you some good advice. Joe. Sure, anytime. I try to.

I have a tough time falling asleep, which is just about never. I lay in bed, and I think of. I think of this set.

So, Joe Biden, I've been curious. Who's fucking calling the shots? We know you're the one not calling the shots. Who's calling the shots? Who's the puppet master behind the disaster?

That's fucking Joe Biden right now. Seriously, let me know who's fucking controlling you right now, because we know it's not you.

Are you done? I thought I broke my tooth. Did you break your tooth? That would be pretty awesome if you did. We would pay for it.

Thank you. If it happened on the show, we would pay for it. We would. Well, I mean, yeah, we would take it out of the overall budget.

Y'all heard it. He's gonna fix my teeth when I get reelected. William, what are you gonna. What are you gonna do with all the money? Because there's a lot more Covid money coming your way.

Maybe some monkeypox money. Oh, my gosh. What would I do with that? What would you do with $50 tonight? $50 tonight?

Other than pay for them to fucking scissor in a hammock.

Are you guys really lesbians? No, you're not. All right, well, we just suck the energy out of the room. Million dollar question, William. I don't know.

Probably get some earplugs. I have to get some sort of good earplugs or some, I don't know, noise canceling headphones. So I'd probably, probably do that. I mean, it's literally. It's not good right now, so.

Million dollar question, William. Both candidates up here. Hootie, who are you voting for coming this November? Well, actually, when RFK Junior was at the shows in Los Angeles, he said I could be the press secretary. So I'm RFk junior all the way.

He said I can literally be on his cabinet. So that's who I'm voting for. Wow. That is incredible. So I'm voting for.

So. And I'm probably never gonna vote. Here you go. Okay. We're gonna put a ribbon on it.

One of the longest episodes ever. My bad. What a great show. What an amazing show. A lot of people say this is one of the best shows that's ever happened.

Probably the best show. I'm not tired or have to piss. Incredibly bad. I'll tell you what, when you have to pee, that guy's fucking screaming. It really hurts.

So wrap it up, please. We grew.

How about a hand for the president of the United States, Donald Trump? Everybody watch tires on Netflix. Shayna, Matt, secret pod, Patreon, all of it. One more time for Joe Biden, ladies and gentlemen. For the record, I can hold my pee for another 15 minutes.

The new special and my comb. The new special on YouTube, Adam Ray's YouTube. It's called like and subscribe. Speaking of which, like and subscribe this show right now on this YouTube, our views outweigh our subscribers, so why not subscribe to the show? Are you okay?

YouTube. Are you actually choking? That's not a character move. He's actually joking right now. The drawing from Ryan J.

E. Belt is in. Let's see the drawing from local artist Chris Rogers. Oh, that is indeed Shane strong. That is Shane Gillis as Donald Trump.

Surprise, surprise. It was Adam Ray and Shane Gillis tonight. How about a hand for them?

One more time for the best damn band in the land. That's Matt Mewling, John Deez d Madness, Charles Reed on the drums tonight. We love you guys. Red band. Love you guys.

Thank you so much. Thank you, everybody. Good night, everyone. See you soon. Bye.

Sadeena Beverage, the Sunset Strip comedy club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday day. Go to sunsetstripatx.com for tickets.