Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at deathsquad. Tv, and now on Spotify and Apple podcast. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliff's website, go to tonyhinchcliff. Com. Everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliff. Com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to deathsquad. Tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Red Man coming to you live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for Tony.

It's Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives tonight, huh?

Yippie doo motherfucking day. You made it. Make some noise for Red Band, everybody.

Hey.

Oh, la, la. You're here. The number one live podcast in the world, Kill Tony, brought to you by Game Time and Zipper Grooter. How about one more time for the best damn band in the land, huh? Carlos Sosa, Raúl Valejo, Fernando Castillo. They are the Grooveline horns. They are here live in the flesh. How about a hand for the great Michael González on the drums? Matt Muling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys, and this is indeed the great and powerful D Madness on the bass guitar. Live in the flesh. A whole lot to get to tonight. Very exciting stuff. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible.

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You guys ready to start tonight's show or what? Every single week, I have two of the funniest comedians in the world on the show. These two guys literally have the two newest specials out Right now, the newest special on Amazon, the newest special on Netflix. Make some noise for two of the best in the world, Sam Morrell and Chad Daniels. Yes. Hallelujah. Come and see. Sam, Chad, we're here. Mama, we made it. Sam's been on this show before. You've changed on Amazon Prime. You haven't? No, this is my first time. Really? We tried to make it work a million times. It never worked. That's right. You always had to reschedule or something crazy happened. Well, welcome Sam. I'm a fucking cunt. They get me on the bed. He's like, This guy's difficult. We finally got big enough for you to grace us with your presence. You've changed on Amazon Prime. Out now, welcome another first-time guest, Chad Daniels, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much. The newest special on Netflix, Empty Nester. Out now, two of the most respected comedians in the game. Brand new Kill Tony blood. Let me explain to you guys how it works.

Over 250 comedians signed up for the chance, hoping, praying that they get a minute on this stage. Some of them inside the room, most of them at a bar across the street. If I pull their name out, we send a wrangler to go grab them from across the street. They drag them backstage, take the guns and knives out of their pockets, and then they come up, get 60 seconds uninterrupted. You know their time is up in the ear of the sound of a kitten. They have to wrap it up then, or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts them. And then I interview them and we have a bunch of fun. We figure out other things about them that make them interesting and what could possibly be funny about them. People can make it. They can have a huge career off of having a single great minute and interview on this show. But for the most part, people are retarded and get embarrassed. And their hopes and dreams come crumbling down because they didn't do enough preparation and they got in their heads behind the curtain listening to other people getting laughs and thinking, I don't think I can do that.

I fucked up. Then they panic and they fuck up in front of everybody, and it's amazing and organic and improvised, and anything can happen. You guys ready to start the show? Yeah. Well, I pull the name Out of the Bucket. They grabbed them from across the street. And in the meanwhile, we have one of our unbelievable golden ticket winners here rotating in to the opening regular position to start the show. You know him, you love him. He's a freak of nature. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for your first comedian tonight, the great Martin Phillips.

Hey, what's up? Hey, cool. Okay. Like he said, my name is Martin. You recognize me from my TV show, Martin. As you can see, a lot has changed over the years, but I can still say the N-word. That's a joke. That's a joke. Just clarify. Anyway, when I was in college, I took a class, Health in Vietnam War, and there was a little guy in the class who served in Vietnam. I was like, damn, talk about an easy A. I wasn't aware of this extra credit opportunity. It must sound like serving a war and I have to take a test about it, was it paying attention that day? Okay, Cool. Okay, one more quick one. Do you think if you say Jesus during sex, he looks down and goes, nice. Cool. Yeah.

Fuck, yeah. Martin Phillips always hits. Always. Another super strong minute. Chad, this is your first time seeing Martin, right?

It is. Same. I'm just taking it in, baby. It's a lot to take in. That was great. I loved your show. He has cerebral palsy.

It's not an act. He's trying to hide it tonight.

A lot of hands in the pocket.

He's trying to pretend.

I thought he was chilled.

It's probably weirder to hide it. You might as well just fucking let it rip so that it doesn't look like you're hiding.

I thought He's like, Relax. I'm not even relaxed. I'm not even relaxed. I'm not even on a fucking silly art guy. Holy shit.

Look at him go. He's like one of those car dealership things.

I just said that. I just said that. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

You're trying to okay your way out of this situation.

That's my go-to. I'm just like, Cool.

I love it. I love it. Hands back in the pocket.

It's It's a chill, relaxed look.

You're the most unrelaced guy with hands in pockets I've ever seen.

I'm trying to be relaxed.

I just realized it's really hard to look relaxed with your condition. That's going to be tough.

Something we can do about that. Yeah, I guess. Sorry. Okay, what about my hands back in the back?

Oh, that's actually...

I like doing this. Although it looks like I'm being like, I'm Tied up. You got friki pants. Hostage up here.

We love you, Martin. How's life been going?

It's good. It's cool. Been traveling around for shows. Been in Florida, hot as shit. Being in Phoenix, hot as shit. I want to go somewhere cool.

Yeah. Does the heat affect your condition at all?

No, it just sucks. It's It's just hot. I don't think it does.

Chad?

You were driving around to shows? Okay, first of all, go fuck yourself. I fucking hate no. That's such a... Everyone who says that is the fucking piece of shit gets inside. Dude, it's 2024. We had self-driving cars. You think I can drive a car?

Who the fuck is pressing the buttons on your self-driving car.

I'm just saying it's not that big. It's not that monumental that I can drive. However, I will say if I have another license, a pilot license or a motorcycle, then that would be pretty concerning. I get that part. I think a car is okay. I got to say a car is still fucking concerning. Okay, you want to take a ride, buddy? You're Listen. I got it. I'm not good. I don't want to fight you. I like you. I just asked a fucking yes or no question. I think it's a lame-ass question when people ask that. It's a lame question to ask you if you drive a fucking car? Yeah. They're assuming I can't because I'm crippled. That's why I asked. Yeah, but that's very condescending. I don't. It was a real question. It's like you It's like certain etiquette, you wouldn't go up to people and be like, Oh, you'd climb stairs. It's like, Can you get there?

Do you climb stairs?

Yeah, I climb stairs. I can do so much shit. To be fair, I didn't walk up to you on the street and go, Hey, man, do you drive cars? You fucking said, I was driving around the show. Which means I drive a car. If I didn't drive a car, I would say somebody was driving I just don't think it's that big of a deal. I'm getting heated tonight.

Yeah, you are. You're fired up. I like this.

I just think, I don't know, you shouldn't. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Well, I have good news for you. You just won a brand new Harley Davidson. One of the great people in Harley Davidson, you have a motorcycle now. It is not self-driving, but because you had such a fucking attitude about how good of a driver you are, you're going to have to figure it out, Mr. Able, Body guy.

That's a different vehicle. It's not the same as a car. Also, doesn't have training wheels because I'm for it. If I can get some… I can't balance.

They should make motor cycles with training wheels. They do. They do? Oh, they do? Really? You have one? Is that what you have?

No, but you've seen the ones with the wheels on the side? It's almost like two wheels in the back and a wheel on the front. They call them like, Vectors or Viper.

Have you ever thought about that? A big-Yeah, I've seen those.

I have thought about that, actually.

Have you ever thought about just riding dirty out there in an electric tricycle or something?

Yeah. Well, then we'll see how good of a driver I am with that. Then you can ask that.

If it was-We will ask that at your funeral for sure. We will always go, I wonder what would have happened.

Get in the eulogy.

At your funeral, Jesus is going to look down and be like, Cool. Martin, you're a monster. We fucking love you. You did it again. You started the show with a huge boom. The great Martin Phillips, ladies and gentlemen, he's the man. It has begun. And to the bucket we go, ladies and gentlemen. This is where shit gets wild. Anything can happen. Sixty seconds uninterrupted for your first bucket pool of the night. Jack Horner, everybody. Here we go. Oh, shit. It's another one. Oh, my God.

You beautiful fucks. You beautiful fucks. Make some noise. You guys ready for a good time? Yeah, come on. Yeah. Oh, man. Who's partying? Who likes drugs? Yeah, drugs. Yeah. My favorite drug is cocaine because it makes me psychic. Yeah. I had a premonition the other day that three days from now, I'm going to lose my job. If you laughed at that joke, that means you've done cocaine. How do I know? Because I'm psychic. Oh, man, guys, I was joking about that, but I have been to prison. I've been to the big house. The hard part about being incarcerated was explaining to everyone that the teardrop tattoos were actually semen drops. No, guys, I'm sorry. That was a little cringe. I'm going through a hard time right now. I just got out of a long-term relationship. It was with my cellmate, Larry. We broke up because I was always the little spoon. The big spoon was America's opiate epidemic. Fuck, man. This crowd, what's up? It's not a party crowd tonight. What the fuck? What the fuck's going on? Anyway, no. Okay, wow. Okay. Hi, Samarrel.

Oh, okay. Straight to your own hello there. All right. Yeah.

What was wrong with... Did I do something wrong?

No, you were fine. Is it my posture? You did a cute little opioid spoon thing there at the end. You turned on the audience very quickly.

Well, it's hard for me to turn, Tony. You know that. Oh, yeah.

What is your mission?That's impressive. Position again? That's impressive. We went for... Did we just got two.