Hold primates listening. It is I, numator 479. According to our studies of your puny mammalian race, we discovered you like very good coffee. And while it is our evolutionary purpose to cause you psychic torment, we want you awake in vivacious. Forgive it. So try our new blend from spring heeled jack coffee reptilian. In the morning, our proprietary blend of lightly roasted cocao. Husband will have you immediately energized upon emerging from the pain coacca, with all your slippery new eggs. Thanks. Habit.

Hot out.

I'm cold blooded. Hmm. Thanks to spring heeled Jack and last podcast on the left, I'm ready to get out there and eat some babies. Get out of the way, Hillary Clinton. There's no place to escape to.

This is the last podcast on the left. Side stories.

That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes. Just preparing.

Just preparing.

It's important. I was trained to speak.

Kim, Kim, Kim, Kim.

Fuck. Kim and fuck. Fuck. Today is the day that we were.

Your headphones in, by the way.

Yes, I hope they were. I hope they were. So today is the day after the day that this whole country came together not 20 years ago.

Man, this is crazy to watch a.

Man by the name of.

So many of us have talked to you.

Marvin Hemeyer, a difficult man. Yes. Was he fined by the us government? And then he, in his most patriotic fashion, did he write, paid to the order of cowards into it? When he paid for his fines for not having a septic tank? Yes.

I bet they fucking cashed it.

Is that something we can learn from? Unfortunately, no. But the years Marvin Hemeyers spent not.

Letting me overflow my shit container, that's.

A brave stance for a man to want to sit in his piles and piles of his own shit.

Let me guess. Unwived?

No. Couldn't be wived if he wanted to. Marvin Hemeyer, 20 years ago on June 4, the year 2004, he, people say, terrorized. Some people say, you say, alternatively, celebrated, the town of Granbury, Colorado, with what the oldest Watt team can only call his unpregnantable machine, the kill Dozer. He did over $5 million in damage. I have been told you would know, is between is. It's big. It's a lot. Mm hmm. It's a lot. He committed. He gave himself the Ow. Inside of his own kill Dozer.

That means he shot himself in the mouth. People didn't know what Henry was talking about.

And yes, he did not call. He again, he did not murder anyone. But it's not like it was. For lack of trying. I will say that I will.

Attempted murder for sure.

He tried to kill a town.

A town. He tried to kill an entire town.

But in the process of that. No, I'm just saying. But in the process of that, he taught us all that sometimes a reasonable person is driven to do unreasonable things.

Yeah.

That's all. Sometimes it's the only excuse you can give.

Dozer be killed.

Yes. Thank you, Eddie. Welcome to side stories. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larsen.

Yes. Brought to you by.

No.

Does.

They have yet to be brought.

On Colorado and what he was on?

Yes, and they have yet to bring. We have yet to bring them on as a sponsor. And they seem to still be vaguely hesitant with our pitch of pairing no dose with the ironic celebration of the kill dozer. And they said that they. They're not ready for that. Even though technically, they almost killed Jesse Spano.

Jessie Spano. No doze.

You remember that? I'm so excited.

Oh, excuse me. Was that no dose? I thought those were diet pills.

It's something.

It was diet pills.

We took a lot of no dose when we were kids.

I did.

You know, I loved it.

I was trying to get Henry to jam a sudafed at him before the show today, but he wouldn't do it.

No, because I have to go to sleep later on tonight. It's too late in the day. And I have just showed them how not cool I am anymore, all right? And I can't do this. I can't pull back the veil anymore, especially after we just came back trying.

To give Henry a sudafed, and he's like, I couldn't possibly.

I just have to go to sleep. I have to go to sleep tonight. Okay. It's a 24 hours active, powerful suit of fan. All right.

Yes.

My nose is running because there are seasonable. There's seasonal allergies. Okay, I can't do this. We just came back from contact in the desert. You just cod. God, you just sandbagged that by showing people how physically weak I am by having allergies. They're not supposed to know that. I was cured by the wall of flame of knowledge.

I take Claritin every morning. It's fine.

I know. But apparently, I don't know, buddy, I think you're weak now. So I went to contact in the.

Desert myself to make myself stronger.

Yes, but we just came back. We should not need this anymore. We met many, many powerful healers at contact in the desert.

Oh, yeah.

You guys gotta go check it out. Next year, hopefully we'll be back and see.

I would love to go back.

We did well enough. They were. It was illuminating. Did you know 911 was done by space lasers? By aliens?

Yeah, there was. We learned about that.

I did not know that. I did not.

It's so interesting you go into one of these lectures. Cause you think it's to be so crazy. It's hilarious. And then you leave wanting to fight the person.

That's called ufology. Welcome, Eddie. It's your first lesson. This was. It really was. They did a good job. Contact in the desert. Like, they left like one or two truly insane people left in there, which is great.

I think it kind of has to be there. Of course, even though I hated the man, I think that he should have been there.

Yeah, of course. That was his right. It's contact in the desert is his home. He is supposed to go and do a stage show. This is completely real. Where he plays on an electric guitar a song called the New American Anthem. That was all talking about how Rudy Giuliani failed building seven in order to hide the evidence of the jewish mafia.

Yeah, that was one of the parts that bothered.

It was a big moment. And then when he set fire to the effigy of the World Trade center with his own homemade 3d printed laser, that's when you got me back, man.

So I saw the twin towers on his, like, display.

Oh, he had it. He was proud.

And I went over to him because he defaced a bunch of our hail Satan stickers.

We had guys, one of my favorite parts. Entire weekend, we developed an enemy. Each one. Each one of us. Honestly, it's kind of. You did not have people like.

Everyone liked me.

Well, because you know what it is about you. You're obviously neutral.

Yeah.

Like, you did not. You were wearing several sports jerseys at contact in the desert. Yeah. And represent. People were dressed up unironically as full Starfleet. Like they had Starfleet costumes on. Walking around, they would only speak in character. It was wonderful. It was exactly what I wanted. But the truth is, everybody was looking for some kind of agitation. There were people getting up in people's faces. Rob had a weird enemy.

Yeah.

An old man who kept, like, insinuating Rob was moving too fast. He was so insulted by Rob's youthful. Rob's youthful speed and then haunted him the rest of the time. And then there was a man in a neon green hat, and me and him literally had a religious war over stickers between. Between our two tables. And it was wonderful. I've never felt so edified. Satan won. We definitely won the weekend.

Oh man, it was cool. So he didn't know I was a part of the hail Satan table. And I went over to go talk to him. Cause I was just, I'm like, I knew he was the guy who was doing it, so I was just curious and shit. And I go over, I'm like, oh, so this is what's this world trade center you got built here? He's like, oh, I'm gonna burn it down with this. And he like literally pulls out like a handgun laser. And I was like, what's that? It's like a laser gun. And I was like, oh yeah, it's a laser gun. I was like, where'd you get it? He's like, I made it with a 3d printer. I was like, oh, cool, man. He's like, yeah, and I'm gonna burn the twin towers down with it later. And I was like, oh, these, these paper ones? He's like, yeah, but what are they made out of? And he's like, flash paper.

He's like, oh, wow, very good. He had a tank. I mean, this outside of the venue, he had his car that was like decorated with all of his. He had a wrap of his like weird business. I don't want to talk about what his business was. Like, he can't completely nail down who this guy is. But so on one side of it, it had a sexy gray alien in a bikini laying there, like honestly asking for an invitation to fuck it. Yeah, like very strange, very sexy. But then on top of it, he had his own self fashioned laser gun turret cannon. Like huge, like not an exaggeration.

Four and a half 5ft.

He had an assault rifle. Four aliens and alien.

It looked like a 50 cow, but laser do.

He said it was a laser gun because that was the first thing we were asking was like, there's a man who has a mounted machine gun.

Yeah.

In the.

Resort. Yeah, it's not a motel.

Sex. We're not in the middle of the fucking renaissance.

You know, I use my bonvoy point.

But that just shows just how high the stakes are.

I was like, I was like, so what's that? You know, you got a laser cannon on your truck? And he was like, yeah. I was like, what's it for? He's like, protection.

From what?

I literally said from what? He's like, whatever comes up the IR's.

That's what that means. And that I understand, but yeah, that.

Was just 1 second it would take him.

I mean it. We used to have a demonstration when he had the flashbang paper World Trade center, and he used a laser on it. The minutes that went past were some of my favorite minutes I've ever experienced with us as a group. We all bonded. Every one of us were sitting in this room because people were taking it deadly seriously, sitting in silence. And we're all like, I'm trying not to laugh. He's going like my.

Well. Cause he's just sitting there talking about how he learned calculus too.

Click, click, click. Yeah. Cause then he's the only person who's smart enough to reason with the aliens. He invented drones. He's a pilot. He invented certain types of missiles. He's psychic, he's a mathematician.

Then he was like, do not ask me any math questions.

He did that. He said specifically at the end of it, he's like, you'll notice in my Q and A, because of my abrahamic knowledge and how the ashtarak diaries were downloaded into my brain, I can answer any question that you have. I have unlimited omnipotent intelligence, but don't ask me to do multiplication because I cannot do it. It was just like, we're all like.

Yeah, yeah, he was super funny, but remember, not to. An audience member had to help him put out the fire.

Oh, my God. Yeah. When the guy came up and the fighting finally burns on Burton. Fire, it's finally lit up, which is. It's flashbang paper. And so he shot the laser at it for several minutes. I mean, it, two minutes. I started filming it with my phone to try to get, and then I was told to put my phone down, but just to see how long it was. And just the first chunk of him struggling was 45 seconds. So it's like in silence in a conference room in the middle of the afternoon. There is nothing like that. Silence. And so we're sitting there. Yeah. So while he's doing it, and then it finally catches fire and then he can't put it out because, remember, it also started because they were like, oh, apparently he's got a lot of props. All the volunteers came out. They were like, he brought, oh, no, unfortunately, he asked us to go find a flame resistant table. Like, what? So the thing bursts into flames and then he can't put it out. And then two guys rush up from the audience and they're all like, pat in the World Trade center.

Poured his coffee on it.

That's right. He poured all over the burning traits. The best time we're gonna, our panel was great.

You met Russell Targ.

All right, so this is also one of my favorite. This is another good story. So everybody was really patient with us. I went around, I talked to everybody. There's a lot of people that we were told to stay away from. There were actually extremely friendly and end up being fine. We have a bunch of interviews that are coming out of this that I love it, that are legit. Good. I got to meet Dave Foley. I can't believe it. We got to do an entire podcast with Dave Foley. He was fucking amazing.

Much fun.

So funny. I can't wait to have people hear that.

We.

It was like, it really was an amazing trip, and we can't wait to go back. But. So my. One of my main missions was to meet Russell Targ. And for those of you that don't remember, Russell Targ was a part of Project Stargate, and he was the part of the. Essentially the lead researcher and head of what was Project Stargate, which was our psychic spy program that we had made. It's the book who men who stood. The man who stared goats is based off of this whole story. That was one thing Russell Targ did, but the number one thing that Russell Targ did that I was trying to get in touch with him was that he was one of the OG ot eight's that worked with LRH. He was a guy that was hand trained by LRH. He also then would he work for Knids, for Robert Bigelow. He worked on Skinwalker ranch. He also then worked for Project Stargate. He also then got purchased by Tom Delong to work for to the Stars Academy. And I was ready, right. Because I was told that he wasn't doing. I was so excited.

He was. I rarely see you nervous.

I wanted to talk to. I was just like, I know that I wasn't allowed to corner him, but I just thought, like, maybe if I go and, like, you bought a book. Yeah. And hung out, like, maybe he'll tell me something. Cause, like, I just wanted to ask questions about L. Ron Hubbard. And as we were talking, so, of course, like, everybody at the festival, which was really nice to feel at home, it's the info dump capital of the face of the planet. It was. There was more people info dumping in other people's faces. I felt really at home as a person with ADHD, OCD, whatever I have. But it's nice to watch a lot of people yell at each other unironically. And so I was doing the same thing to Russell Targ. I walked up first thing. I'm sort of being like, I've been following your work a long time. I work for a thing called last podcast on the left. We've pretty far reach. I've actually talked about your work for years and years and years. I've read the, your diagram about remote viewing. I know that you teach it I want. And I was like learning up to do it.

And then finally, as I'm talking about it, he's staring. They're like, let's just say he didn't look 100% fresh, right? But I was like, oh, but this is Ota, right? This is a guy that technically, according to L. Ron Hubbard, he can fly. He's definitely not gay.

Oh, he's 90.

He's 90. He's a, he's a rough shot. And so he was like, this is a man that literally should be able to walk through walls. He should have psychic powers beyond all belief. And he's sitting there, he's sort of looking at me, I'm talking, and finally his handler goes.

Stops me dead.

Sentence. He's like, who should he make out the book to? And I was like, henry. And he's like, his name is Henry if you quit. And he's like, it's like his Henry H a. Like screaming in his face, like three inches from his face. And I was like, okay, this is.

We definitely had to pay in cash.

Oh, yeah.

They wouldn't accept cards.

Totally fine with it. Fine with my experience. I'm going to take a picture of the signature and I'll show you guys because it's history. Rough. He's just. But yeah. Russell Targ. What a special angel. We're going to miss him, man.

I'm in five weeks. I wonder who's going to live longer, Rambo or Russell.

Rambo's looking great. Rambo's looking great. Saw Travis Walton. He is also tired, but wonderful.

I loved him.

He's great.

I saw his speech. You missed that one. I went and saw him. He was great. He was. I didn't realize like the logging community like that he was in, how much they were kind of crazy.

I love this. I love how Eddie gets introduced. A little factoids, but yeah, no, apparently.

Like when it gets.

So.

He got out of the truck. If you ever seen fire in the sky, he was abducted by aliens.

Yes.

And he gets out of the truck and he's basically like drunk and trying to fight the alien. Yeah, it's pretty good. Like, he gets out of trunk, he's like, hey, you fucking aliens sons of bitches. You come down, alien. Suddenly he's yelling they, like, fucking beam him. But, like, turns out the week before, he tried to fight a bear.

Yeah, that's true.

That came out, which is great.

That came out in his talk, which we didn't hear on the episodes. Apparently, he'd be pretty aggressive with non human entities for a long time.

Jumping out of trucks, trying to random shit forever.

He's fucking nuts.

And then he claimed that the aliens, they brought him up after they kicked the shit out of him. They healed them. Yeah. And he hadn't been sick since.

But we know he wasn't feeling well last week. We know that he wasn't available to communicate, which, because we were trying to get an interview with him, but we couldn't hear back. And there was a lot of people that were worried. And I was just praying to God if he arrived at his panel naked, covered in jail.

Oh, my God. It would have been unbelievable.

Fucking.

It would have been perfect. I mean, that's an entrance.

That's an entrance. But he.

He spoke very slowly.

Yes, he did.

It was. It was like, oh, how are you making this story boring?

Yes. This is an incredibly fascinating story. Again, welcome to Ufology.

None of his slides were even close to lining up to what he was talking about.

This is your first one, buddy.

This is your first one.

I'm so excited.

He was playing guitar by the drum circle all night, dude. He fucking closed out the bar just playing on his guitar.

That was also the hang is just the dumbest thing on the face of the planet. You just look around.

So approachable at the bar till two in the morning.

All the UFO guys are just getting hammered, singing a song. Rob got some coverage. I couldn't be happier with this year's contact in the desert. And hopefully we will be back next year, because that was so. That was a wonderful experience. Everybody's insane.

I had no idea what to expect. And the moment we walked in, there was guy. Jimmy Church is on stage, like, MC ing just like a welcome party. And then he brought some guy up. I don't know who it was, but the first thing I heard was him interviewing someone. He's like, I'm just here to find out that if aliens don't believe in Jesus, do they go to heaven?

Yeah, dude, this is fucking. I was like, these are very specific questions. I got, like, material for at least three other episodes because I want to talk about the concept of.

You bought a bunch of books and you walked out of there with, like, 20 dvd's.

Oh, yeah, dude, you are going to.

Be filled with nonsense full of it.

And new shit, too. I love this concept. There was a, this thing called, I believe it was Steven Schwartz working on a project about teaching AI how to remote view and how it comes down to the concept, if. If the future is what they call broken or fixed. So if the future is fixed, if it is on a track, and if there's no such thing as. How do you put it? So if linear time is real, okay, and the future is happening no matter what, and the events that happen, the future are going to happen no matter what. And they're probably, on some level, might be a way to get some look into the future, whether it's a. Some kind of machine or some kind of travel. Because then you're saying, like, okay, so things move forward. We just have to figure out how to properly move or look forward. And they say they have the various intellectual property, the intellectual technology using remote viewing, like teaching methods, which I gotta. I'm gonna be so psychic at the end of the summer. I got three different dvd's that are gonna teach me how to be psychic.

A psychic told me I was psychic.

That's the first thing, you know that she's clicked on. That's all I said with Russell Targ, you don't know my name. I had a lanyard on with my name. Like you're the fucking psychic spike. But then it's the concept that if the future is broken, which means every single action we take affects what's going to happen in the future. So there is. There is that side, which then they believe there's no way you could train. There's no way you can really do it. Because then there was one guy that said, like, I'm going to dial all this in for when we do the episode, but that they believe that you can accurately use remote viewing to look into the future. Nine months.

Nine months.

And that's as far as you can go.

It's like you're pregnant. I know. You're gonna have a kid in nine months. That's it.

Well, that's. If you're right about she being pregnant. You better be. If you're just guessing as a psychic.

That's right. At nine months, it's hard to know.

Yeah, you would know. I guess today's the day you just about to have a baby. Child. That's fun. Well, that was our update from contact in the desert.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Eddie, you got a gift from Rob.

I got a gift.

Was this from Rob? A fan sent it in.

All right, what do we got here?

Oh.

It'S a tortoise.

Yeah, I know. It's the only tortoise that you should probably.

Oh, it's so.

Did you see the.

It's a completely recycled tortoise.

What do you mean? It's been out of tortoise shells.

No, no, it's the. It's got a recycle symbol on there.

So there's a note in the thing. Oh, that's great. That's a very nice thing. And honestly, I think that's the only tortoise that you should have, because. Did you see that footage of the tortoise busting through a fence?

Oh. Oh, yeah. That thing's fine. Well, they got to put the concrete up. Everyone knows that. Hey, and I listen to side stories, and you said you wanted a tortoise. I hope this. Now this for now, this plushie will temporarily fill you with tortoise love. Thank you so much. Ham, ham, ham. Red Martinson. You're the best, Red.

Good work.

Thank you for. You know what? This is gonna sound weird as I get older. I like stuffed animals more.

Moving on. It's not a good. I don't know. I don't want to be here.

I've been into them.

You're turning into John Wayne Gacy.

Well, this guy's showing. This guy's gonna have a good spot in the house.

He's good. That's good. No, we just, like. Like tchotchkes. Yeah, I like tchotchkes, but I don't like stuffed animals.

I've been in stuffed animals. I don't know why that's room.

Well, we got some updates. Let's take a look at this.

I got a grogu.

Fuck him. And I'm gonna. No, I was told not to illegally. I can't. So last week was a pretty slow newsweek, so a lot of stuff didn't happen. So there's really not a heck of a lot to talk about. Oh, that's wrong. Chad day Bill was found guilty and sent to death. That guy. Done.

Boom. Bye.

He's not gonna get anywhere. He might appeal. I don't think anything's gonna happen.

No, he's.

I'm sad that Lori Vallow, it's not happening to her, too. But I'm also. Honestly, I am against the death penalty. I'm against the death penalty as a whole, so I'm not. I don't know if the feeling is that I am happy, but it's more just. I'm glad that the story is over. I am glad that the grandparents of JJ and Tylee or feel they have some form of closure and fuck him. And I hope that. I can't wait for him to go to jail forever. And he can appeal and appeal and appeal, and that's great. The one thing, though, that blew my fucking mind. Blew your mind after we did that update episode with Jeff Gwynn talking about the. Talking about Waco and talking about the Dave Koresh. I really do think so. You're not fully caught up to date with Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow. They are two doomsday cultists that killed, basically, they created a whole d and d world where they created soul points of light and dark, and they made people like people were light. And then they go dark, and then.

They try to kill this ex wife's new family.

You see, you're saying it like it's just a normal crime, which is what happened. You're just saying, like, I think that's the thing that happened. Yeah, they said that the kids and all the people that died turned into soulless zombies and they had to kill their bodies to save their souls. So that was the idea. But then, of course not. They just went to go, fuck. It's the first time Chad day Bill had ever gotten a blowjob. He got it from Lori Vallow, who was in what we've said before. She's in Idaho. Eleven. So he was so excited to meet it, it blew his mind. No, actually, in the end, weirdly, that his first wife was also in the cold a little bit. And then she got found out that she wasn't gonna be wife to the prophet pretty soon, which is why she was murdered. Everybody else was murdered. They're all going to jail. Fuck them. But I do wish that they stayed alive. I'm mad that they're getting the death penalty, but I have a concept now.

Only one guy got the death penalty.

Only one Chad. But the thing I'm realizing now is that you're watching both of them have the way they. One of the big pieces of evidence in the trial was Chad Daybell talking on the phone to Lori Vallow in quote unquote code. And they kept talking about the blueprints for their so called contracting job, and that they were waiting for these blueprints to come through. And she kept saying stuff like, you said this job was only going to be this amount of time, and you only said that this job would get us maybe have a 3% chance of us getting into trouble. But now you're saying he's just like, it's all going to the plan, just follow the blueprint print. And I'm realizing what that meant. Jeff Gwinn was talking about how David Koresh. One theory he had, it is fascinating, is that the fires inside of the compound at Waco were set as, like, utterly. This is the. This is a tertiary. It's sort of like. It is a full on capital t theory. So because, like, the. Jeff Gwynne was broken down, there was three different things that could possibly be. One was that the fires were accidentally started or purposely started by the ATF.

Right. That that happened during that. Number two, they were purposely started by the Branch Davidians to fuck themselves up in a suicide. Like, basically in a suicide.

Yeah.

Right.

Well, he was probably dying anyway.

That's what they're saying, that they were coming in, and this is it. This is the time to go. But Jeff Gwin had a really interesting theory that he, that one of David Koresh's favorite transcripts or sections of the Bible was talking about walking through fire on her. His flames were going to purify us. And the word fire was in a lot of the stuff, which is like, it does come up with a lot of pentecostal religions that's in the Bible. Fire is a very important image and symbology, but he used it quite a bit. And there's a little bit of his thought process is that David Koresh and them set the fires at this moment when the doomsday prophecy was coming to pass, thinking the fires are going to go. We're just going to walk through the flames and we're not going to be hurt. And so there's a little part of me that thinks that Chad Daybell and Lori Vallow still have this thought that God's going to spring us out. It's all going to happen. They're got the whole. All of the catastrophes that Satan's supposed to bring are going to happen, and they're just going to be raptured out of jail because they're the bosses.

They're going to be Aryans in an hour.

They are going to be fucking. Lori Ballow is going to be fucking selling her own version of, like, a jade pussy egg soon from jail. So good riddance. Bye bye. Next one. Robert Pickton dead.

See you later.

Jesus fucking Christ also happened. It is not our fault. Side story on Tuesday. This is the schedule. Yes, I understand big news does come out on Wednesday. For the sake of fucking Christ. It's just fucking one thing happened. Just when it is mad. I know I'm not gonna bitch. All right, just happens.

Yeah. Picton. Why couldn't you die on Tuesday, you puss?

That's what I needed from you, dude. You fucking rat face bitch.

Could have done one thing for this world.

One thing is to give me the conclusion to the story on the minute that I needed it. But he's fucking dead. He went, he was uh, gotta broom up the nose, which you gotta remember that people were asking, how is that possible? Is because the broom was sharpened.

It was sharpened, yeah. And then, you know, enough force, it works.

Oh, you just jam it up in there, man.

Yeah, it gets up in.

You'd be surprised what I could do with the spoon. Mmm. Get me angry enough.

Yeah. Good put. Coming back soon.

Yep. And also, uh, Trump got arrested. Now the.

And the end. Um, the other guy died.

Which guy?

The slingshot guy died.

One of the honestly, truly where I want to really focus on is that we talked about a local, again, probably similar, Prince King, similar to Marvin Hemeyer. A man that's a local hero. This is a local hero. He was terrorizing Azusa, California with a slingshot. We covered him last week and he was 81 years old.

A regular fart Simpson.

He was a fart Simpson. I don't actually. He's actually extremely lucky again that he didn't kill anybody, but he was doing it all from his backyard. Yeah, which is kind of hilarious. Like the idea of sitting in your backyard just shooting it, obviously to crime. I'm just saying, like in the most innocent way, fashion. Yeah, it's a fucking crime. But it's like him firing him off into the sky just from a seat in his fucking backyard. I totally understand my drunken stays.

You know, I'd light up a roman candle and just walk outside and shoot it.

Yeah, but a roman candle is fun.

So you think slingshots aren't fun?

Well, he made them not fun, but unfortunately, I guess he was bad. So he pleaded on guilty Tuesday to several counts of vandalism and was released on his own recognizance. He was ordered to stay 200 yards away from effective homes and not contact any alleged victims. He was in his own house, so he wasn't even. He. Don't worry, he didn't want to visit his neighbors. Yeah, because he was just attacking them. He does not. He looks like a man that would hold a one man war against the neighborhood because I didn't get the picture of him the last time. But that definitely looks like a reasonable man driven to do unreasonable things, quote unquote.

Yeah. Oh, he does look like a nasty son of a bitch.

He looks like a difficult man.

I didn't see his face. I didn't get to judge him. Judge him like a piece of shit.

Yeah. I mean, he had a lot of problems. He's got, you know, of course, whatever. Our attorney said that he suffered from a number of medical ailments, including a heart condition and nerve issues. And his legs and his back, which is why, obviously, why he wasn't jumping over the fence. He was allowed to go home and pick up medications. Isn't that nice? And then he just fucking died.

Yeah.

And you know why that is stressful. Maybe you know why he died. You know, I put this way, the slingshot was keeping him alive.

Oh, yeah.

My dad smokes three packs of cigarettes a day.

If someone takes his cigarettes a day, he's gone.

That is literally what a doctor said to me.

Yeah.

Which is not true. I don't think that's true. But the doctor was like, you know, if you take. I mean, it's a Florida doctor. So the Florida literally was like, cigarettes is his whole life. He take away his most of his life. And what else is he going to do? Like, not smoke cigarettes. Yeah, but, yeah, withdrawals would be pretty.

Tough on him if he stopped.

That's the thing. I don't know if he could make it through the withdrawals. And so think about this, how dependent this man came upon his slingshot as a way to engage.

Yeah. Blow off some steam.

That was his way of getting out there, you know? And I just.

Do you think he even knew that he was actually doing any harm?

Yeah, I think he's. I think that iron. I think, satire aside, I do think that he was a huge fucking asshole.

Right.

But I understand the impulse, you know, because he still. But I don't want to hurt people. They don't deserve to get hurt. Yeah. My revenge is exact. Let's move on. The.

The last update is the orcas. Turns out it's not malicious.

No, well, it's not. It's not not malicious. Well, they're playing. They think that they're playing.

They are.

They think the orcas have developed a.

Game where they're just really like the game.

We don't like the game.

They are playing a game.

They're very similar to Princess and they're saying from Azusa, they're very similar to this idea of the slingshot guys. You're like, oh, this is funny for us. Yeah, but they're killing people. But, you know.

But killed anybody.

I've killed anybody.

No, they just sink boats.

That's it.

Everyone's lived. No one's been killed.

Do we know that for sure?

Yes, I know that for sure. No one has ever been killed in the wild by an orca. Only in captivity.

What? Yeah. Really? Yeah.

They're not violent, I thought. They're cold or humans. They kill the fuck out of some others. And they love trends. That's the other thing. Orcas love trends. And so this is like a trend that they're doing by ripping apart these boats.

Weird. Like tick tock.

Yeah, exactly. And then, so they're saying that this trend will actually. Wow.

They're really. There are no documented reports of wild orcas killing humans.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And that. Crazy. But anyway, so they're saying that there's a trend that these orcas are doing. That's why it's only in Europe. And so they'll eventually get bored of it and stop doing it. And it's only done by teenage orcas.

Yeah.

They said ones won't do it.

It's fascinating.

Yeah. And, like, they know that orcas like trends and, like, you know, there's, like, more popular ones. Like, because they found there was this one orca that started wearing salmon on her head, like a hat. And then all of her friends started doing it too, and then eventually, after a couple years, they stopped.

Whoa. Like pogs?

Yeah. Yeah.

Wow, that's crazy.

Whoa.

Yeah, it does have a salmon on its head.

What? Yeah.

Things with salmons on their heads.

Yeah, it's like a hat. It's an orca hat. What? They don't have access to the bats like we do. They don't got heads.

That one's got it, though.

Yeah. Whoa.

It's got a salmon on his head?

Yeah. They put salmon on their heads.

That's fast. Whoa.

They found one. They usually. That trend ended, but they did spot one recently.

Well, that you just find so much about whales. Just trying to find out more about yourself.

What are you talking about? First of all, they're not whales. They're porpoises, okay? So go fuck yourself. Killer whale is a fucking racist stigma. They're orcas.

You know, hey, this is your fight. You're in the whale. You're in the whale community. So is your fight. All right, let's get to some actual news stories. Mm hmm. Again, I have a sister.

Oh, yeah.

You know, I have a sister and I cherish her. I cherish her and I do anything to protect her.

Mm hmm. I.

Sometimes this is this guy, but some people go too far.

Yeah.

Cuz my thing is, is that your sister's your sister. And I think that we talked a little bit. You know, this is a common theme that's come up on last podcast and left talking about this sort of these family issue based documentaries where stepsisters and step brothers get to know each other in an intimate fashion.

I think that it. This is the first time we're seeing that shit lead to something horrible.

It's not helping. I don't think it's helping, but here we go. Who knows?

That's us being accused or.

Yes, because some people. Again, I don't.

People could separate art from the artist.

All right, so this guy, Jack Joseph Ball, what a protective brother. He's charged with two counts of second degree murder. Second degree. Which I don't even know how that's possible. Of the slaying of his sister, Bethany Israel, 30, and her unborn child. Now, what he's saying is that this guy loved his sister too much. She went to dinner with him, I guess, to tell him she's pregnant. And then the sister never came back. And so when they went to go get her, essentially, from balls house, guy named Jack Joseph Ball, when they went to go back to his house to get her, saw him mysteriously running away from the home, covered in blood. When they went inside, whole place smeared with blood, they saw a bunch of cut off body parts. And then he was just leaving pieces of his sister in front of neighbors homes around the neighborhood. Now, he was eventually found bloodied, covered in blood in the backyard, attempting to kill himself with the knife. He had him hit a wound in his knife. We showed he didn't have the courage to go all the way through it. When they went through his bullshit after the fact, they found several rage filled journals talking about his sister's lost purity, saying that she's no longer innocent because she got bagged up full of cum.

Yeah.

Now that is.

But she's also seven years older than him and married.

And as I think, it's just a hell of whole life. And so, yeah, I think he went too far. And I think that you want your sister. Yeah, I understand. It is always kind of weird for me when people tell me they're trying for a baby because that means. I know this active cum. Yeah, here. You know, like, it's here. But, yeah, you shouldn't go this far.

You know, I mean. Yeah, no, his is obviously incredibly upsetting.

I think there's so many things. Because I think you're right that there. There is a sexualization. He had some kind of fashion fascination, definitely with his sister. I don't think the documentaries are helping, because the thing about the documentaries, which I want them understand, is that I've seen plenty of things lead to lovemaking, and they're completely, totally rational. Like, yeah, you could probably get your dick sucked by a real estate state investor. You probably. Some people might have had sex with a gynecologist or two. I don't know.

I am going to step in real quick. Yeah, I know a lot of realtors. Please don't try and fuck them.

Don't try unless they offer first. You want to be in a place, the key is you get them on the couch. You get them on the couch, you start talking about their ex boyfriend. They say it's so hot in the house because they haven't been able to possibly do it. Do you help them to get their jacket off? You say, oh, man, you must work so hard as a realtor, yada, yada, yada. And then. So there's that thing you got. There's a lot of professions to lead. The lovemaking.

Yes.

The family masseuse. There's just so many. Oh, my God. Masseuse. That's what I got to do. That's what I do, Natalie. So, yeah, of course there's a masseuse angle.

New, specifically normal masseuses. Don't try and fuck them either.

No, I'm just saying you probably shouldn't.

Try and fuck anyone who's currently working.

No, no, I'm just saying they got an offer it. They gotta offer it. I'm just saying there's a lot of opportunities for sex. Even unhired the bus driver. All right. Or who's not a position.

Taxicab driver.

All right. That's a job.

That's a bad one.

What's another? What's not a job? What's just hanging out? We're just hanging out. Office co workers.

Sex worker.

Ew. That's so base. So. No, I'm talking about in the scenario, buddy, they're all sex workers.

Plumber their ass.

I'm talking about the jobs that they're playing in the shows.

In the documentary challenge, people try to put their finger in plumbers butts.

Oh, yeah, that'll go well. That'll fucking go well.

Rob, you're a plumber. Anyone try to stick a finger in your ass?

Never. Rob, just. I wish. I don't think you wanted it, because anybody who's willing to do it is gonna look like Mario. All right. From the Mario brothers.

Hey, look like there's an opening over here. I'm gonna get in your tubes and go to another world.

Oh, no, you're making the gooper on me.

Just me and my turtles.

Yeah, that really does help. You know what, honestly, leave all the people that come in your home to work alone again. Let them offer sex if you want it. There should be like a. You should wear like, a lanyard. It's like homeworkers. It's okay to workers. It's okay to fuck.

Dude, postmates totally ruined people. Fucking pizza boys.

Yes. That's how I say pizza boys is another great example.

I know, but they don't exist anymore because of fucking postmates.

There's still just people you can call which pizza for a lot of places.

Yeah. You can call the place directly.

Yeah, you can still do. If I wanted to. I just don't.

They don't have a guy who works there anymore doing deliveries.

Old school pizza guys.

Do you think so?

Yeah.

All right.

That's me. That's my. That's my opinion. But some people may question it, but I feel like when it comes time to delivery pizzas, I might know fly from York. Ray. All right, so this next story, again, leave your sisters alone. Second one is. This is very fascinating. This concept is interesting.

Okay.

The UK is running out of goats. The UK is running out of ghosts.

Oh, ghosts.

Yes.

Yes.

You're taking it back. I'm just taking this. I'm just gonna. We'll edit it. UK is running out of goats. UK is running out of ghosts. Okay. All the spirits are dying off. This is according to the paranormal expert, Doctor Paul Lee. Um, I honestly, I wonder. I do think it's interesting.

I believe this.

He's saying that since 2020, this is called. This is according to doctor Paul Lee, since January 2020, I've been contacting all the reportedly haunted locations on my app and asking if the residents, owners or staff have experienced any unexplained activity. So far, I've had almost 800 replies, and even some supposedly highly haunted places like Cornerstone bra Castle in South Yorkshire. The Eddington park hotel in Stratford tend to be one of the most haunted hotels in the UK. And for Mason and Piccadilly, say they haven't experienced anything in the last few years. He has a theory that the energy, like a battery or something like, is running out. Like, these ghosts are essentially, like, dying on the vine. Sort of like the chandelier and the. And the duster and the. And the clock from beauty and the beast.

Oh, yeah.

Where they're not.

The last metal's about to drop.

Yes. And that they they're doing. He's saying that, but he also believes that ghosts can be recharged, which I actually do believe that's true. It seems what he's saying.

How do they get recharged by someone being scared of him?

I think that what he's saying is that, which I also believe the new kirks talk about, which is that, again, we're part of the haunting process. These people are saying that nothing, they haven't seen anything haunted in a long time. Yeah, that might be because at this point, it's kind of old fashioned. There is no fresh body in there that actually does believe what's happening. Or it also sort of sounds like these are places where not many people visit as often.

But also ghosts do go dormant for sometimes decades before reappearing.

They talk about it all the time. And then new kirks talk about the idea that maybe that if there was more ghost hunts in earnest, that's sort of what helps prop up these ghosts. Like you showing up with the machines, researching it, actively pumping like psychic energy into this room, that it's real. Yeah, that's what fuels it. So who knows? They're just saying that, like, I think this is more of a push of, like, please come on my tour. Yeah, like, why are you not on my tour? Like, if you don't come on my tour, it. He's using the use it or lose it tactic, saying, do you want these ghosts to die?

This is a cool thing. Thing. Now it's a ghost tour guy who lives in London and he has to kill people all the time to create new ghosts for his tour.

That's our show. Cut it out. You're gonna air lift this up and out. We can't give it to them. They can't give it to the British. We can't let him have this because I love this idea. I think that he's, he's. Well, look at him. Yeah, he can end up killing people to try to get on his ghost store. Well, unfortunately. Unfortunately, yeah. I'm not saying that he seems, he just seems like maybe get some point if you're saying that ghosts are scared.

Of anyone wearing a millennium falcon shirt.

According to turbo lol. This on the comments highly recommend they talk to a person who actually sees earthbound spirits, that there are still a plenty of ghosts.

Thanks, Torbo.

Spirits always be rounded us. That's according to cute boy Hereford. Spiritual spirits always be around us.

America still has plenty of ghosts, though.

So don't worry about that. We're chock full. Come visit. Come visit some of our best cities. You're gonna love, uh, Charleston. No, you're not.

You might not.

It's fine. You're gonna love St. Augustine.

No, they're not. I mean, they got good food, seafood.

St. Augustine.

Yeah, seafood.

You've been to St. Augustine?

Yeah, I love St. Augustine.

Really?

Yeah, it's really cool.

I thought it was just, like, a place where, like, old ladies go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you think I went?

You won't go to six more months. That's sad. You shouldn't lie to an old woman.

Oh, man.

Do you want to tell us your story?

Yes. This one's been. This one's my favorite story of the week. There was a city of Morea in Mexico. Had an interesting street fight this week.

I love a street fight. I love a street fight.

It was amongst the. The street performers. There was a mariachi band and a fire breather. And I think it seems like it was a dispute over territory, because you know how these guys, they, like, you know, this is my corner. Get off of here. You can't bust here. Yes. So there was a fight, but then the fire breather decided to breathe fire on them.

Ah, cool.

Yeah, man.

That's what happens if you pick with a guy whose mouth is dangerous.

Yeah, there's. So here is a video. A video.

Whoa.

Yeah. So here, check this out, Henry.

Whoo.

But then one of the mariachi guys gets him in a headlock, but he lit a couple of them on fire.

Oh, holy fucking shit. That's crazy. What the fuck?

Yeah, man. Yeah.

Whoa. It's just music, man. Yeah. Whoa. He would full me lie on them.

Yeah, man.

Why do that?

Because, you know, why develop a skill if you're never gonna use it? Yes, but there is. There's often fights between these guys, between buskers, and sometimes they prove to be fatal, even though in this time they were not.

Yeah, that is. So they're not dead?

No, they're not that.

I mean, they're not.

Well, they're not doing great.

No, man. I can't even believe, man. Mexico's a fun place. Do you have, like, a full on fire breather as a busker? I've never seen a fire breather as a busker.

I think they're not allowed in America. I think you need to have. Let me look this up. Can I be a flame fire breather as a busker?

Yeah. It does seem. It does seem like, difficult to control. Like, it's hard to have in a public space.

This happened outside of a taco restaurant. Called Elle Inferno.

Does that actually help? I think that actually helps. It sounds like they were like, this is gonna be the funniest idea ever.

Oh, can I breather was the only one who went to the hospital, but because he got his ass kicked, the mariachi members were fine. But even though they were burnt. Oh.

Saying here that. Oh. Oh, yeah. You could do fire breathing.

You can.

You just have to have a permit.

Okay, good. Yeah.

Wow. It's cool. I've ever done it fire bright. I've put fire in my mouth.

I think I tried once and it lit my hand on fire, if I remember correctly.

Yep. That's why you don't do it.

Yeah.

That's a good lesson to learn early. That's the only thing. It was just a turf war.

Yeah, it was just a turf war over a busking area.

God, that's sad, dude. Means people got to come together because they could have been playing the mariachi while you fire breathe.

Yeah, but they had you, you know. Know, how do you split up the money later?

You give him his little slot.

Well, he doesn't want one fourth. That's the thing. If there's three mariachis and him, I say they split it evenly.

Can I say he gets 50%?

They get 50%.

I'm kind of surprised that he did as well against three mariachis. A lot of those guys are hardcore.

Well, he's still. They still kicked the shit out of him. Yeah. And he had to go to the hospital.

But you did set him on fire.

Yes.

Yeah.

They're not going to fight him again, that's for sure.

No, no, no. We've all learned a lesson.

And by the way, he's. He probably should get the Elle Inferno territory.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He won.

He should change his name to Elle Inferno.

Oh, then he can talk about this forever. He could literally be like, this is what I do.

Yeah.

Bring me to places you don't want people to be. Mm hmm. And I will get rid of them.

Oh, yeah. There's.

He's very, very first.

Them tuning them up. Yeah, they got him good.

Yeah, it really is bad. Gotta be careful, man. Everyone's just. That guy's just watch it. No one's stopping it. All right. There are some people who step in towards the end, kinda.

Yeah. But, you know, he just lit them on fire. Like, you know, that. That, you know, that's gotta be worth something as far as fights go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta let him get a couple in if he let them on fire.

Yeah, yeah. He lit them on fire. So. Yeah. That's a great video. I can't wait to see that again. I don't always like seeing people get on sudden fire, but when they live. Fun.

Yeah. No, exactly. If we didn't live, I probably would have only talked about it. And I made you watch it.

Yeah, but that's cool. Thanks, Eddie.

No problem.

Really good story. And here's another story that's actually pretty short. It's once in a lifetime man finds heavy mysterious object in North Carolina mountains. That's funny, because Ed was here the whole time.

No, I'm sorry.

I'm doing this to you, honestly. Look great. I'm the. I'm fat. I'm the one who's produced.

Come on.

I'm doing it to you. I gain weight and I'm saying things about your body and it shouldn't be saying it.

You can borrow my t shirts again.

That's insulting. So, in a surprising turn of events, a North Carolina man has found himself at the center of a local mystery after discovering an unusual object that some people believe may have originated from outer space.

I don't think there's any way it came from outer space.

No, absolutely not. But it is mysterious.

It's definitely mysterious. Yes.

Because according to clowns, he said that. Now, Justin clowns, that's the man who found it.

Right.

And I'm just shocked as to what it was. He says, in each once in a lifetime, you know, you don't happen every day, which I don't really know what that means. Means, yeah. So him and his coworkers stumbled upon the object along a remote trail in Canton. The object was covered in burnt carbon fire and heavy duty metal plates held together by thick bolts. The only way to describe it is that it looks like a prop. It looks like something's from the outside of a set. Or it looks like a. Some. Something that would go on the chariot of something. It's got, like, soot on it. It sort of looks like a bunch of bullshit was burnt on top of it, but it just looks like it's art directed.

Yeah.

It has giant lug nuts on it. It looks like a steampunk door to an evil train.

Yeah, I don't think aliens have bolts.

They don't actually. Every single time you see a UFO, one of the main things they talk about is how they are seamless for the most part. So this is a. So they just found this very heavy. It's got, like a two to three inch piece of metal. It's a giant two to three inch piece of steel. It's several hundred pounds. This guy claunce, who said, no, we don't know what it is, is we just know it's not from up there. The object was so large, they had to pull it out with the. With his truck. Oh, no, with his lawnmower.

Yeah, with his lawn mower pulled out.

With his riding mower. Yeah. And so he's like, you wouldn't even believe. It's 1 million chance I'd even find it. All right. Because he landed near the trail. And if it hadn't, I wouldn't have seen it.

But it didn't land there because none of the trees were fucked up or none of the. And there was no burn marks or anything.

Yes. There were no signs of fire or damage. I looked up in the trees, according to Claus, and it just landed perfectly in the trail and threw an opening in the woods.

Yeah.

It's just a big, heavy object.

It's just a big, weird thing.

A big weird thing.

Someone was testing how to use these bolts through different materials.

Did you ever see back in the day where someone was doing the, like, the metal obelisks? They were like. There was an art project where people think things that look like from 2001, they were hiding these obelisks and, like, difficult to get to places. Were finding them on Google Maps and Earth. Google Earth and shit like that.

I'm gonna stop you real quick. What's an obolus?

The Washington monument is an obelisk.

Okay.

That's an obelisk.

Okay.

Yes. So it's like. It's. It's like a pointy dick.

Okay, great. A monolith.

These are the monoliths.

I remember the monolith.

These are monoliths. The obelisks have it. I believe that's the difference. An obelisk has a top. Maybe I'm. Yeah. Correct. I don't care. I don't care what shapes. And so this thing was a list. I feel like this heavy object, if this was revealed, this. These monoliths, as an art project, and a bunch guy said they've been doing this for a long time, and just funny that people have caught up to it now. And so I feel like this is. Someone's gonna come out in the next two days and say what this is.

You think so?

Yeah, I think that this is gonna be. I think there's gonna have an unfortunately extremely prosaic answer to what this is. Yeah.

Why would it be all the way out in the middle of the woods.

Guys that people fuck around everywhere. It's on a trail.

It seems like it was just trash.

It was just on a trail.

Yeah.

So. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, I'm glad they got rid of it so nobody trips.

It's big also, like, what are we gonna do now? Look at it now? Who's looking at it now?

I don't fucking care about this.

Yeah, we don't. It's fine. You don't have to. You don't have to. This is not essentially the. The word is. This is not interesting. But at the same time, it is in many ways, for this.

It's amazing what news finds you.

Yes.

Because it's like some dude found a piece of metal in the woods in North Carolina.

You got to me now.

It made it to this show.

Yes. Yep. Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm done.

Any. Any mail we want to get to?

Yeah, let's look at some mail. All right. So we got a lot of feedback on the meat. On the meat.

Yeah.

So we had a bunch of things, obviously, last week, I was having fun with it, and I said, throw meat everywhere. Yeah. And it's. Apparently, it is. It is litter. Food waste is litter. I used to work for my state's DNR department of natural Resources, the nature cops. I was told by one of the leading officers that even throwing out an apple core from your car while driving down the highway is not allowed. The plant material may not be native to the landscape. And basically throwing any material, even plant, animal byproduct is a fine offense.

So apple cores or litter? Is that what we're trying to do?

That's what they're saying. Anything that is not totally not foreign to the environment.

All right, so what. How about this? How about an orange peel and an orange grove? Is that litter?

Buddy, I have no fucking idea. Buddy. I have no idea. All right? And that's why what I'm gonna do from now on. And bringing little baggies with me.

Yeah.

Tying them my belts and be covered.

Wasted plastic.

I don't. Fuck the plastic. All right? Too late. It's one of the other.

Course.

With my two hands, I'll walk back and forth. I'll wait till. Can we dump them in the ocean?

Apple cores? Yeah. Absolutely not.

Now everyone's saying no.

Absolutely. Toss apple core in the ocean.

Fuck this. I want to talk about this.

You get up a handful of apple cores, you start throwing them in deer.

I'm already mad. Now, here is literally probably the best explanation we received. Now, we did get. People said straight up that the H vac theory does hold weight. Yeah, H Vac company might have done something like this with some giant walk in fridge that failed, right? They dumped it out somewhere in the middle of nowhere. But this, I think, is actually very interesting. I was listening to this week's episode about the piles of meat left on the side of the road. I wish this wasn't my area of expertise, but here we go. My dad's entire livelihood has always been based on collecting and distributing stolen meats off the back of trucks. From hearing the story, it seems like a deal went bad where the police were on to those operating this quote unquote business. Whenever meat is stolen from the back of trucks. Trucks. The first job is always to remove all packaging, making it impossible to identify where it came from. From there, it can be repackaged or sold, however, to whoever the fuck buys stolen meats. So I'm guessing someone had a large amount of stolen meat and needed to get rid of it quickly, and that's why he was dumped.

Something similar actually happened to my dad a couple of years ago. I returned home from work one day to find him at my house with dozens of frozen hams outside of their packaging. He wanted to use my dogs as a disposal method. Safe to say I I said no. So don't worry. Dads could be pieces of shit.

Those poor dogs.

I still want to hear now. Now. I am so hard. For a proper meat heist movie, we got to do it.

Hasn't happened.

The idea of a meat heist is such a fun idea. This whole thing. Obviously, there's this mafia, people getting hurt or whatever.

Definitely need an h vac guy.

Very much so. Need an h vac guy, truck guy, and then the guy who's got the meat. Mm hmm.

Instead of oceans eleven, it could be obese eleven.

We're working on the title. We'll get to it. Let me do this one last story.

All right.

It's poltergeist. When I was eight years old, I experienced a poltergeist. I remember it vividly. My family just moved into a rented house in Bigfoot, Texas.

Oh, that's cool.

Anywho, my mom left me at home one day for the first time ever. Bear with me as I explain how the scenario came to be. My two siblings had been sick the Friday before, and my mom gave me the option to stay home with them. But I had tested. I was in the production cats, and I simply could not miss my chance to crawl across the stage silently.

Did you test it for rabies?

I didn't have any lines, but that's neither here nor there. Monday rolled around and my siblings felt better, but my mom gave me the option to stay home with her while the other two went to school because she had caught whatever us germ pods were passing around. Of course, I opted to stay home. The only caveat was that my mom needed to drive my brother and sister 30 minutes and back to drop them off at school in Lytle, Texas. Being my first time staying home alone, she looked at me dead in the eyes and said I was not allowed to go outside for any reason. I had to stay inside the house or else. I agreed. Soon as my mom left, I plopped on the couch and turned on Jerry Springer, as any any eight year old kid would. Yes, absolutely.

Of course.

I remember this now for context. To my left was the front door, straight ahead my brother's room, and to the right was the remainder of the house, kitchen, parents room, bathroom, and my room that I shared with my sister. Now, it's important to know two things before explaining what happened next. First, my three year old brother had a noisemaker in his room. The sounds ranged from a creepy heartbeat for newborns to ocean rain. Second, my mom had two tacky plastic pigs that stood right outside the front door. One would oink if the light switched on her off. I can still see its red eyes. The other was motion censored, oaking if anyone walked in front of it. Moving on. The speed and veracity of the incident still puzzles me. I know the order of things, but it all happened so quickly, it almost felt simultaneous. First, the tv flipped off. Next, both pigs started oinking. Then my brother's noisemaker turned on and started switching slowly from sound to sound. Heartbeat. Ocean rain. Boom. I finally, suddenly jolted up from the couch and ran out the front door when I heard an extremely loud sound coming from the direction of my room.

The best way I can describe it is that it sounded like a hairdryer turning on directly in your ear unexpectedly, I knew it was coming from my room, but the noise totally encompassed me and I blacked out. The next thing I remember, I was huddled outside by the coals of a bonfire we had the night before. I saw my mom's suburban pull up quickly and her hopping out, visibly angry and concerned. I remember her asking why I was outside. I remember her demanding an answer, but I don't remember responding. I shared what happened to me with my mom. Years later, she still insists that she would have never left me alone, and that's where the conversation always ends and it's how moms do it.

Oh, yeah. They lie about what they did to you always.

Yeah, I would never do that.

Yeah, well, you did.

I've been talking about it for weeks of therapy, mom.

Yeah.

Well, God bless.

God bless.

What a day. Lot of news.

Bigfoot, Texas, by the way, is very small place.

Very small.

Says they had about 450 people there and it's a bare. Yeah, it's barely a place.

Hey, you know, you know, good for them. That's cool name. Which is amazing. All right, guys. What incredible day. Wow. Live every day knowing that the truth is out there.

Here. Right out here.

It's out here. Yeah. It's the west coast, unfortunately. So you're just gonna have the to laugh knowing that at least you don't have to deal with some of the difficult people. I had to deal with this this weekend. But if you spent some time around them, you'd learn to love them because they keep their hearts on their sleeve. And yeah, maybe sometimes they might go completely, totally, utterly insane, but they're entertaining for a couple months before they do something really fucked up. Isn't that nice?

That is a nice little way to wrap up this. Your little thoughts with Henry like Springer.

At the end really works out. So go to patreon.com lastpodcast on the left to see us talk. Hear us talk to help us. Go to TikTok at LP on the left. Help the china. They love. They love us on there. And go to lastpodcast on the left.com to buy concert tickets. Yeah, us we are going to go to. We have already the side stories are selling.

You better get it if you want to come to these side story shows when we got two this year.

Yes.

They're selling us. Yeah.

So far.

I would love to do more.

Yeah, we're gonna try probably before.

Yeah, September 3.

But not in the cities that we've already booked them.

Yes.

So we're gonna be out. We're so fucking excited. Honestly, some of the work that we've just done that we just put together, cool new panel that I think is gonna be another good traveling stage show. We're just. I'm just having more fun on stage than ever with you, Eddie. Yeah.

So funny, dude. We've been, it's been blast.

We're just having a blast. And last week was hilarious. So fun. Come see the show. Show. Come check us out.

September 13, Chicago Park west. The day before sold out show in Chicago for last podcast and a left. So you missed that one. But you can still catch side stories on the day before in the 13th of Chicago. And on December 6, we'll be in Philadelphia at the Theater of the Living Arts. That's the day before the. Our show in Brooklyn at King's Theater.

Can't wait.

It's going to be amazing. The Philly show is, like, close to being sold out.

Yes.

The Chicago one's got a little more seats left.

Yeah, but come. Come check it out. It's going to go.

Yeah, yeah.

We can't wait.

And come see us in Iceland. If you're listening to us in Iceland.

Yeah, dude, please come out to the Reykjavik show. We have no idea what's happening with that.

I think it's gonna be. I'm so excited for that.

I can't wait. I've never been to I Reykjavik. I can't wait to go.

Yeah.

And Marcus is like the William Randolph Hearst of Reykjavik.

Very, very excited with that volcano, everybody.

Yeah. Please be careful with volcano. If you could. If you stop that up, that'd be great. Yeah, I'll say. Anybody got to, that's your freedom.

Yeah, I guess. Yeah.

That's what boys died overseas.

Hail Prince King.

You don't know. He's an asshole.

I like him.

You know, we just all want. We just get it, you know, mean. I get it.

You're the Nehemiah guy.

I'm just saying. I get it.

I like a swing slingshot guy. You give me shit. You like a guy who built an entire kill Dozer?

It's cause I like you root for. I like the willpower.

I ball bearings that he shoots off once a fucking month.

But he came closer to killing people than Marvin E. Meyer did.

No, he did.

Yeah, he did.

No, he didn't. Did he drive into city hall?

Hey, listen.

With a bunch of kids in there.

No. I mean, they should have been in there. Get your it.

Was he shooting a gun at cast?

He was shooting a gun at the gas station. Yes, but again, it shows the bullets bounce off all the gas meters. That's the power of american manufacturing. All right. Because that shows it's hard to blow up a bunch of gas ass tankers. Isn't that nice?

Yeah, well, how about the fire breather?

Yeah, hail the fire breath. No, he maimed three guys.

Well, they kicked his ass.

How about the. You know, we didn't cover, but we'll just do it right now. The dog who accidentally ate the meth that was running around like a crazy person, but then he was fine. That's a dog.

You can like, fucking hail that dog.

Yep.

Until it starts smoking its own teeth.

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