Pushkin.

With NFL News happening around the clock, you'll never be left on the outside looking in on the Insiders podcast featuring myself, Tom Pelissero, along with Ian Rapaport, Mike Garofolo, Judy Batista, and NFL Network's team of experts, the insiders has you covered with up to the minute news from around the league, detailed team reports and analysis that only the insiders can deliver. Listen to the Insiders podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You may know Jackson Pollock, the painter famous for his iconic drip paintings, but what do you know about his wife, artist Lee Krasner on death of an artist Krasner and Pollock, the story of the artist who reset the market for american abstract painting. Just maybe not the one you're thinking of. Listen to death of an artist Krasner and Pollock on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Before we get to this episode, I want to let you know that you can binge the entire season right now, ad free, by becoming a Pushkin subscriber. Sign up for Pushkin on the Lost Hills Apple podcast show page or visit Pushkin FM. Now onto the episode when Maitrice Richardson disappeared in September 2009, investigators searched her car, the one that had been impounded by the sheriff's department after she couldn't pay her bill. At Joffrey's restaurant, they discovered several journals belonging to Maitrice. They were full of information about Maitrice's life, and they would ultimately shape the investigation into her death. Maitrice's dad, Michael Richardson, shared four of the journals with us. He encouraged us to use them so his daughter's voice could be heard. My producer, Hailey Fox, and I are reporting this season of Lost Hills. Together, we laid the journals out on a table in the office and started to scour them for clues about who Maitrice was and what became of her. This bright young woman, full of promise, whose life went wildly off course. The entries have been lightly edited for clarity, and they're being read by an actor.

February 25, 2009 my very first journal. Well, not diary or composition book, but my own journal, with the intent of reflection and bettering myself.

Maitrice's handwriting is neat and emphatic, full of omgs and smiley faces and exclamation points, which she punctuates with hearts.

First things first. I want to own my own home. I want to do this because it is an awesome investment and gives me something to do while I'm preparing to go back to school because, let's face it, I'm the type of girl who enjoys accomplishing everything I set out to do.

Her journal, she writes, is her best friend. She signs her entries Maitrice Richardson.

I like talking, dancing, telling jokes, debating, eating, analyzing sunshine, music, sports, cars, security. People don't like when people are wronged. Discrimination. Divas. Racist laziness. Cramped space, being monitored, neediness. Unmotivated people.

At 24, Maitrice is brimming with excitement about the world and her place in it. She's a recent graduate of Cal State Fullerton, where she majored in psychology and discovered an important part of her identity. After going out with boys in high school, she came out as gay in college, dating two women, desiree Black and Tessa Moon. Like a lot of people in their early twenties, shes still figuring things out, especially when it comes to her love life.

Between Des and Tessa, I get one perfect person, but I know this will never work. But right now its too good to let go of.

Shes an executive assistant at a freight company owned by Tessas family, and shes also dabbling in other fields. Shes trying to get into modeling and substitute teaching. She's taking motorcycle lessons and go go dancing at gay bars.

Man, have I been busy, busy, busy. Okay, so first things first. I don't think I mentioned it, but I had an audition for a go go position and yay, I got it. I even saw a few cuties, which made me want to dance. Woo hoo. So I go back again tonight. Okay, new topic. I've been taking motorcycle classes. It's actually really hard. Lmao. Yeah, so I'm still pretty dangerous.

Go go.

Wardrobe ideas. Small feathers outline under boob wiring. Use red strings for sides, many colors. Tie rag around boot. Furry red sock. Strappy heels.

But she's getting ready to realize an ambitious dream.

Today I'll just be reading and doing research on both, finding a home plan to start saving for and to start preparing for grad school.

She wants to be a therapist.

I want to be the gay and lesbian guru.

2009, she writes, is going to be a transformative year for her.

So here's to me and my progression forward. I refuse to let this year go to waste. And the new motto is zero nine is mine.

She's shedding an old identity, one that served her for many years. The identity of the beautiful, perfectly composed, perfectly presentable young lady. The beauty pageant contestant, the pleaser that's falling away. And in its place, someone new is being born.

I think the Lord has blessed me with a good head on my shoulders and a love for friendly debates. I've always loved a challenge. Well, if I'm going to start my career as a great gay therapist, I better get used to people being disgusted by me. So watch out, people. I'm about to make a name for myself. Let's go.

The real maitrice is emerging. She's done being a beauty queen. She's ready to be a voice. I'm Dana Goodyear, and this is lost Hills. Episode two, my light picture, Maitrice. She's vivacious and charismatic with almond shaped eyes and a dazzling smile. A person you can't help but notice. She makes sure of it.

Well, she was a bit of a show off. It started early on. Like, I remember she was in this private daycare when she was three, and, you know, she just did her part. And my treese is just like, this is me. This is the light. Even at three years old.

This is Maitrice's dad.

My name is Michael L. Richardson. I'm the proud father of my treece Richardson. One of my favorite pictures of her is a picture of her in her cheerleading uniform is called a roman kick that she taught me. And it's when you're standing straight up like this, and you just jump straight up and kick both legs out and your fingers touch your toes. And, you know, her mom caught that picture and it looked like her legs is just straight out like this.

My favorite picture, Michael is tall and heavy set with sparkling eyes and a boisterous laugh. He works in private security and owns a pair of poodles named Delta and Bentley. On sunny days, he likes to drive around LA in a 66 Chevy.

It looks like what they refer to as a lowrider. It's Pearl White. When the sun hits it, it sparkles. It has a mega sound system in it because she and I, on the.

Trunk, there's a portrait of maitrice in a white gown and tiara with angel wings.

She was in a pageant once, and she had this tiara on, and we took that and put it on the back of the car, and above it, it has the words, still riding with my daddy. It's pretty crazy because every time I drive it, you will look over at me and just see me with tears in my eyes, just bawling, you know, but I'm just steady cruising, you know? So, yeah, it's very sentimental to me.

Michael and Maitrice's mother, Lettice Sutton, were high school sweethearts.

We had Maitrice very young, I think we were 17 when her mother became pregnant and we finished high school. Maitrice was born in our senior year, and just always a good kid.

Uh, at the time, Lettice lived with her grandmother, Mildred Harris, in Willowbrook, a neighborhood in south LA.

Her mother, Lettice, was in debutante things and sophistication, and Miss Harris was just very regal. Just very regal.

When Matrice was about four years old, Michael went to prison for five years. He and Lettice split up, and she married a man named Larry Sutton, my trees's stepfather.

Larry came into the life, and he was an executive for southern California Edison.

Latisse and Larry moved my treece out of the city to the more affluent community of West Covina.

And I remember when I came to visit him, I looked like, wow, man, talk about the real life jeffersons here. You know, they moved on up, and.

It was there in the comfortable suburbs that my treece grew up.

I remember the very first day of school, there was this loud, beautiful black girl that was like, hey, you're the new black girl in school. Let's be friends. And that was my treece.

This is Jewell Moore. She was one of my Teresa's closest friends starting in the 8th grade.

And from that day forward, we kind of bonded and clicked and maintained a friendship. She enjoyed dance, I enjoyed dance. That was a passion that we shared together. We auditioned to be cheerleaders in high school together and then even took dance classes together in college.

Matrice was popular with good reason.

In junior high school and high school. Matrice is a firecracker. She was always, like, very vivacious. When she walked into a room, she lit it up. I mean, she would walk in and not knowing everybody, and then leave knowing everybody.

But there were high expectations riding on her too.

Her mom. Mom was very, very, very stickler about education. Latisse, push, like, if you're gonna do this, you gotta be the best. So she always wanted to be the best in everything that she did. So even in the relationship with her mom, it's being the best child I can be with also being my trees, which was, you know, her own person.

Once in a while, Matrice would slip up and get in trouble.

So here's like a fun my trees story. She would get in trouble, and so her mom would make her wear a uniform to school, although our school wasn't uniform. So then she would be, like the only girl at school in a uniform. I mean, this is back in like the two thousands, like late nineties, where fashion was important. So she's wearing these long plaid skirts with, like, high socks and ugly sweatshirts and, like, collared shirts and a, where, you know, everybody is trying to figure out the next, like, track suit or, you know, like, so that was her. She did what she wanted to do and suffered the consequences.

Growing up, matrice was sheltered.

She wasn't the street savvy kid. I mean, she was afraid of the dark. Even as an adult, latisse was like, I drive you everywhere. I need to know where you go. They were very strict about where she drove when she got her license. Like, Maitrice did not take public transportation. Wouldn't know how to if her life depended on it.

Michael was protective, too, in his own way. At one of the many proms matrice went to, he did something that became legendary among her friends.

My favorite prom story, which I tell Michael all the time, is Michael drove us to our prom and threatened our principal and told us, like, none of us better come back pregnant. And our principal was terrified, because if you've seen Michael, you do not want him coming to you, threatening him about your daughter. So that's, like, my favorite prom story.

Jewell says, from the time they were kids, Maitrice's favorite flower was the sunflower.

She just really loved them because they're just beautiful and, you know, like, they're different from all the other flowers and where they grow and their representation of, you know, growing towards the light and how, like, tall they can grow and what they can grow into.

That was my trees. Beautiful, original, and growing toward the light until suddenly she changed.

With NFL news happening around the clock, you'll never be left on the outside looking in on the Insiders podcast featuring me, Tom Pelissero, along with Ian Rapaport, Mike Garofolo, Judy Batista, and NFL Network's team of experts, the insiders has you.

Covered with up to the minute news.

From around the league.

Our team of insiders and reporters bring you daily, detailed team reports and analysis that only the insiders can deliver. It's the insiders. You're a loyal viewer of the show. Now you're on it.

How does it feel?

I am a loyal viewer, one of.

My very favorite shows.

We appreciate that greatly.

If you want a deeper dive into the inner workings of the NFL, look no further on the insiders. You'll hear from the league's top players, head coaches and teams, key decision makers.

The insiders will keep you informed and educated on everything NFL. Listen to the insiders on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

You may know Jackson Pollock, the painter famous for his iconic drip paintings, but what do you know about his wife, artist Lee Krasner on death of an artist, Krasner and Pollock, the story of the artist who reset the market for american abstract painting. Just maybe not the one you're thinking of. Listen to death of an artist, Krasner and Pollock on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

On June 26, 2009, Maitrese wrote a heartbroken journal entry about the death of Michael Jackson.

I'm writing today because yesterday a great man passed away. Michael Jackson. I wish it were a lie. Can't believe I'm crying. I loved him. I know I did. This pain I feel is real. I love you. Your fan inspired my treese Richardson.

She was devastated. She felt like she was one of the few people who truly understood him and it sent her into a funk she couldn't shake.

Okay, it's been a long time. I know, but it's because I've been feeling kind of worthless. You know how I made all these plans to get a new job and yada yada, boo boo. I finally realized I barely do my jobs as it is now. And I love my jobs.

It was right around then in July 2009 that she met and fell in love with a woman named Hannah Parks. Maitrice was performing at Deborah's, a ladies night at a gay club in Long beach. In walked Hannah, skinny blonde, covered in tattoos and wearing sunglasses.

Inside I found God and then I saw you. I saw you through the darkness of the club. You saw me through the shades of your glasses. And we never really saw one another's appearance until the light.

Hannah Parks is wary of attention. She was questioned by police about Maitrice's disappearance and Maitrice's family was pretty hostile toward her. We could tell from the journals that she and Matrice were spending a lot of time together in the weeks before Maitrice went missing. And we knew from law enforcement documents that Maitrice had told the valet at Joffrey's she was there to meet Hannah. Hailey and I tried calling and emailing but didn't get anywhere. We ended up driving down to Orange county to an address where we thought she lived and leaving a note on a car we thought belonged to her. A few days later, she invited us over. Her wife Kelsey answered the door.

Hi, I'm Kelsey.

Sorry, this is our doormat. No, you're fine.

It's because wipe them on the show.

Hi.

Oh, you're.

No, you're kidding.

Is this the vicious dog you were talking about?

No, no vicious ones.

At my mom's, Hannah was and is a serious Christian. But back in the summer of 2009, she was taking a little hiatus from piety.

So I, at the time, was going to a private christian university, but it was during the summer, so I was kind of wilding out a little bit. And a couple friends and I went to a club in Long beach called Debra's, I believe. And that evening, my Terese was there, like, go go dancing. And I spotted her.

My Terese was on stage dancing behind a partition while people threw money at her.

She wasn't wearing much. A lot of girls that would do like go go dancing weren't that talented, really, at dancing, but she was a really good dancer. And I don't know, she just had this energy about her that made me intrigued.

Part of what intrigued Hannah was that maitrice was staring straight at her while she danced. After the show, they started talking and then they started hanging out. And she had a nickname for you, which was PD or private dancer.

Is that right? Oh, my gosh, that's so funny. I forgot about that. Yeah. So my trees would do, like, private dances for me and asked me to dance for her. And so that was something we did. I totally forgot about that.

They had a physical attraction, but there.

Was more to it once we started talking. I think we just had a lot in common. She was very eager to grow, like, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, for sure.

Matrice was filling up journal after journal. And Hannah, she was a writer too.

I was. At that time, I was really into writing poetry, spoken word, that sort of thing. So it was definitely, we had a, a strong mental connection as well.

Maitrice wanted to read every book Hannah mentioned, listen to every band, dissect every song.

And so when I would share certain artists with her, or we would literally listen to a song or we would listen to a poetic artist or something like that, and we could sit and talk about it, one song or one poem for over an hour and just really dive into it. And what do you think about this.

With Hannah, Maitrice seemed to feel permission to stop performing, to stop being so perfect. She was tuning into a more soulful frequency. One of Hannah's tattoos. Read, look deeper. Maitrice loved that she wanted to do that.

I think what was happening is as she was sort of growing into herself because she was in her, what, mid twenties, I don't think that it was enough substantially for her to simply define herself as this beauty pageant. This is what matters type of woman. And although she was very beautiful, she was beautiful without the pageants. She was beautiful without all the makeup, and she was beautiful beyond physical. And so I think for her, she was sort of looking for something she could connect with herself and with others beyond that physical.

Part of that was she wasn't gonna stress so much over her appearance anymore.

I think my trace wanted to see herself how my trace wanted to see herself, not how other people wanted to see her.

She started wearing her hair natural and using less makeup.

I think she was getting tired of kind of straightening and gelling, and I think she'd been doing that for so long, so I encouraged her. Whatever. However you're comfortable, that's how you should wear your hair.

Hannah was going through her own identity stuff at the time, figuring out how to reconcile her faith with her sexuality.

I think in this really cool way, we were both at a similar place, but in different ways.

From the beginning, though, there was an imbalance.

Maitrice, I mean, she was intense, right? Maitrice felt intensely about me and I felt intensely about her, but not in the same way.

Matrice's feelings for Hannah went beyond a crush or even an infatuation.

I think that I just so happened to meet her at this time pretty close prior to when there was this mental decline that started happening. And I think that because I was there and because the feelings were already involved, I think that she clung to me and the relationship we had much more than maybe she would have otherwise.

In the summer of 2009, as Maitrice was looking deeper, she was also undergoing changes she couldn't control, changes that didn't make her feel like a more authentic version of herself, but like a stranger reading the journals, it's obvious that Maitrice was struggling. We thought at first that maybe she and Hannah were doing hard drugs together, and that's what explained the shift. Hannah says that wasn't it at all. She didn't use drugs, and Maitrice, to her knowledge, only smoked pot. Maitrice's behavior, she said, changed inexplicably, and she remembers the day it happened.

There used to be this restaurant by the apartment I used to live in, and we went there for brunch, and we would talk about the Bible a lot, and we would talk about my beliefs and she would share her beliefs. And there was this one particular conversation where she started saying very odd things about the Bible. They made no sense to me. I don't know that they made sense to her, but it seemed like they made sense to her, which is what scared me. And I don't, I don't remember the specifics, but she would say something like, if you replaced the word God with I or me or something to that effect. I was genuinely trying to understand where she was coming from and could not. And she. She would not let it go. And that was the first time I remember sitting in that restaurant looking at her like, oh, shit, something's going on.

Something in my treece was changing. Hannah could see it. My Treece could see it. And both of them knew that my treece needed help.

With NFL news happening around the clock, you'll never be left on the outside looking in on the Insiders podcast featuring me, Tom Pelissero, along with Ian Rapoport, Mike Garofolo, Judy Batista, and NFL Network's team of experts, the Insiders has you.

Covered with up to the minute news.

From around the league.

Our team of insiders and reporters bring you daily detailed team reports and analysis that only the insiders can deliver. It's the insiders. You're a loyal viewer of the show. Now you're on it.

How does it feel?

I am a loyal viewer, one of.

My very favorite shows.

We appreciate that greatly.

If you want a deeper dive into the inner workings of the NFL, look no further on the insiders. You'll hear from the league's top players, head coaches and coaches, key decision makers.

The insiders will keep you informed and educated on everything NFL. Listen to the insiders on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

You may know Jackson Pollock, the painter famous for his iconic drip paintings. But what do you know about his wife, artist Lee Krasner on death of an artist Krasner and Pollock, the story of the artist who reset the market for american abstract painting. Just maybe not the one you're thinking of. Listen to death of an artist Krasner and Pollock on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Maitrice had always been worried about her mental health. There was a history of mental illness on both sides of the family. In a self published memoir, her mother, Lettice, writes about suffering from, quote, major depression, rapid cycling, bipolar, PTSD and anxiety. Lettice didn't want to talk to me, her husband Larry said. It is too traumatic for her to talk about maitrice in her journals. Maitrice writes a lot about being concerned for lettice.

I would sell my right arm to know more about how and why the hell her mind flipped. Ever since I was little, my thoughts and lack of understanding about her has ran circles in my mind. I guess I'll never know, but I wonder if she knows that we all love her.

This family history. It's the reason Maitrice wanted to go to grad school for clinical psychology, the reason she wanted to become a therapist. She wanted to understand mental illness, she wanted to help people manage it, and she wanted to spot it if it ever came for her. In the weeks before her disappearance, Maitrese's journals change dramatically. She begins to write about losing her mind, finding her mind, hoping she gets her mind back. These entries are painful to read. She sounds desperate for someone to understand her, desperate for reassurance that she's making sense. But she knows she isn't.

I is a representative of me. That is important because if you look with two eyes, you will always see one eye standing alone. Or shall I say one eye. But if your two eyes have been opened, you will see that one eye is still two. Myself plus I, which I is unknown until I know me.

Her handwriting also changes. No more exclamation points with hearts. Now shes digging her pen into the page, underlining, crossing out, revising, correcting, as if shes at war with herself. You can still glimpse the ambitious young woman, but only in flashes. Everything else is arcane, references to the king of pop in the midst of a kaleidoscopic blur.

Michael J. Helped me find me because although he never met maitrice, I always knew him because before I saw him, he touched my soul. I am my treece L. Richardson and I am a big deal. I am my Teresa L. Richardson and I am a big deal. Ps. I love weed and one, there is three. I and you I will never know. Me a class. You are the world. Me. My voice is often silenced because oh my treece, you're so pretty. Yes, I am. Oh my treece. Oh my trees. Your eyes. Yes, I know, but oh my trees. Oh my God. Shut the fuck up and let me speak. But my trees, you're so pretty. You don't have anything important to say? But what if I I isn't big when it's small like me? That's why we I never inspired to be Miss Fullerton. I inspired to be Miss America because I knew me. But you couldn't. Mommy knew I could. I love her happy faces. They make her smile. I'm afraid to say. Oh, what is this entry about? Lol. I must have been high. Me and I are not me. Not me. My mouth is going to be death of me.

Be the death of me. More like I. More like I. What the fuck is going on? Where's my mind? It's lost. As soon as I found it, I disappeared just as fast. I feel like on the inside, I'm screaming and kicking, trying to get out of these fucking restraints. Holding down, I'm afraid to say. So.

Here'S Hannah Parks again.

I think she was scared about what was going on with her, and I don't know that she knew what to do. And I think she was looking to me for some answer that I didn't have.

Her interactions with maitrice were growing increasingly strange.

We went from having what I would call, like, this really intellectual, stimulating conversation to kind of like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about, and that's not normal for you. Like, I'm not understanding. I was much more gentle because I knew that something was going on. But now I can say to you what the fuck was going on.

Whatever it was, Hannah felt unequipped to deal with it.

But we would sit and talk, and I'd be like, dude, tell me. Like. Like, I would be crying because I could see it happening. Like, tell me what is going on. We need to get you help. I'm over here writing poetry and studying theology. I don't know how to help. So we would pray, we would talk. I encouraged her to go get help. She was skeptical of people judging her. She was skeptical of, I think, admitting. I think she was scared to say she was scared, and she was just struggling so bad internally.

According to Hannah, Maitrice resisted the idea of going to a clinic, getting a diagnosis, and going on medication. Instead, she started self medicating, smoking more and more pot.

My personal opinion, there's no factual evidence behind this, but my personal opinion is that she was trying to cope with what was going on with her internally, and she didn't know how. And I think her opinion was, well, I feel better when I smoke weed. But she didn't. But I think that's what she was hoping.

Maitrey stopped sleeping and eating regularly. She was supposed to be living with her great grandmother Mildred Harris in south LA. But she started staying in her car. She'd arrive at Hannah's place unshowered and unkempt.

She'd come over another day and be like, oh, I've been journaling in my car. But she would tell me, like, for days. And I'm like, my treece you need to sleep. Like, have you eaten? No. She wasn't eating a lot. She definitely wasn't sleeping. And I would tell her, like, dude, you cannot just sleep in your car. It's not safe. You're a single woman by yourself. You can't just sleep in your car. Come to my house if you're gonna. If you don't wanna go home, come to my house. Stop sleeping in your car. But she kept doing it.

Do you know where she would park?

I have no idea. I think sometimes she parked outside of my apartment, like on this, within the street parking.

Matrice had met Hannah sometime in July. Within weeks, it seemed to Hannah Maitrice was hanging onto her for dear life and they were both drowning.

It's like she would say one thing and then, oh, actually, no. Then say something completely opposite and then, well, doesn't that make sense? I'm like, what makes sense to you? I want to know what makes sense to you. Forget what makes sense to me, because at this point, nothing is really making sense to me. I genuinely started getting scared. The fear for me was like she, oh, it's so weird to even say this right now, but, like, that she would, like, disappear. That she would just, like, disappear and get lost, which is so crazy.

At the end of August, Hannah made plans to go to Las Vegas with some friends.

That was the last week in a summer. And I know that because I was like, well, shit, I'm gonna go out with a bang because I'm not drinking when I go back to school. So me and three friends went to Vegas. It was, like, for a friend's birthday and also kind of like, end of summer, let's go party in Vegas and then get back to reality. We went out there and my trees had asked me, like, well, I told her I was going and she was kind of like, oh, can I come? And for me, it was one of those drama free weekends. I'm just gonna hang out with my friends. And my Teresa at that point was already kind of like, not kind of. I mean, that's when she was, like, scaring me. Like, she was in and out of this mental state. And to be honest, I didn't want to be around it. I was like, I just want to go have fun and hang out with my friends. So we drove out to Vegas and she was texting me, like, where are you staying? Stuff like that. And I didn't tell her.

And I was just like, I don't know. I'm just hanging out.

Maitrice wasn't getting the message, though, in her journal, she writes that she woke up certain that Hannah actually did want her to come.

So somewhere around seven or eight this morning, I decided I'm going to Vegas. I love her so much now I want to show her. So 03:00 a.m. we're going to ease on down the road to a party.

She was going to drive to Vegas after finishing her shift. Go go dancing at Debra's.

God, keep my mind lol. I don't know what I'm going to see down there, but can't wait. Debra's tonight, Vegas. After.

Here's Hannah.

And all of a sudden, I don't even know if it was day or night. Cause you know when you're in a casino, it's like, I don't. I don't know. But I was, like, sitting at a slot machine or something, and my triste just, like, comes walking into the casino. You have to understand, I was freaked out because how can you find a singular person in Las Vegas in summertime? Like, it's crowded, there's a ton of casinos. There's so many places we could be. And in walks my trees. To this day, I have no idea how she found me. So she walks in, and I'm like, whoa. Like, what the hell are you doing here? Like, what is going on? And she's like, I wanted to come hang out with you. And I got all this alcohol. And I'm like, I don't need alcohol. We're in Vegas. So I walked with her outside, and my friends were looking at me like, dude, what? So I walk out with my trace, and she opens her trunk, and it was, like, so much vodka. Bottles and bottles and bottles of vodka. Nobody in their right mind could drink that much, like, ever in a lifetime.

It was so much. And I was like, dude, what are you doing driving with all that? That's crazy. And she's like, well, I know you like vodka. And I'm like, yeah, but that's a lot. So I didn't hang out with her. I was like, I gotta go. Like, I don't know why you came here. And there was a part of me that felt bad, but there was another part of me that was like. That was scared. I was scared. I don't know how she found me. I don't know why she's here. And I already told her I was gonna go with my friends. And then she brought all this vodka. And the whole time acting like everything she was doing was completely normal.

Vegas, Hannah says, was a turning point.

She just didn't really ever go back to the normal maitrice. And I think for me, it was really difficult because I didn't know her that long. And so all I had to base it off of was these few months. But even to me, it was so obvious that something changed and something was going on that even she knew, like, even she knew that it was going on. And we would talk about it, I think, until it, like, really didn't go back. We didn't even talk about it anymore. It's just like, that was the new normal.

Hannah started to pull away, and it.

Was really, really hard because how can you be so worried about a person and at the same time scared yourself to even be around them? I was in this place of truly not knowing what to do. And so, not that it was the right decision, but I just started really distancing myself because I didn't know what to do.

On September 12, four days before she was arrested in Malibu, Maitrice wrote in her journal, have you ever woke up.

In the morning and cried because you knew too much? Cried because everything finally came to light, and now you see all the lost people in the dark. It hurts. The true oxymoron of bittersweet and the suckiest part of all is being a normal 24 year old who likes to go to bed and dream and is now always awake, living visions that were once only in dreams.

This entry is one of the most crushing. Maitrice had been a person with big dreams. Now she felt like she was trapped inside a living vision, and all she wanted was to wake up. The day after writing it, she went to see Hannah one last time.

I was at my apartment, and it was the middle of the day, and my treece came over, and she was, like, pounding on my door. And she's like, hannah. Hannah, open the door. Hannah, I need to talk to you. Hannah. Because of course, she was texting and calling, and I wasn't responding. And so she's knocking on my door, and I didn't answer. I didn't answer. I don't know what she wanted. I don't know what was going on. I know that she really probably needed me in that moment. And it breaks my heart that I didn't answer the door, but I didn't. And that was the last time I saw her. I saw her through the blinds. She didn't see me, but I saw her.

What did she look like?

Disheveled. It's almost like, see, when you asked before about her, was her physical appearance deteriorating? And I mean, I guess during that time, maybe a little bit, yeah. But for me, it was really after Vegas that it all kind of started going downhill.

Soon the question of Maitrice's mental health would be at the center of an investigation into her disappearance and death. It would be the variable that determined so much of what law enforcement did and what they failed to do. But to Hannah, there is no question.

My trace changed in whole, like, wholly changed. And there was never any question in my mind that it was something mentally going on. She was very aware that she was struggling with mental illness. I saw it. It was obvious she just wasn't acting like her normal self. It changed. She changed. Something changed. And it wasn't from drugs.

On September 16, 2009, Maitrice went to Malibu in the midst of a severe mental health crisis, and she never came back. Next time on Lost Hills.

I think the only way I will come and get her tonight is if you guys are going to release her tonight. She definitely has no place. You know, I mean, she's not from that area, and I would hate to wake up to a morning report somewhere with her hand chopped off. So I guess I would have to come and get her. Oh my God.

That's next in episode three, call for help. Lost Hills is written and hosted by me, Dana Goodyear. It was reported by me and Hayley Fox, our senior producer. The show was created by me and Ben Adair. Lost Hills is a production of western sound and Pushkin industries. Subscribe to Pushkin and you can binge the whole season right now ad free. Find Pushkin on the Lost Hill show page in Apple Podcasts or at Pushkin FM. Plus.

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