You and I are talking about the fact that a rock solid evening routine truly is the way to set yourself up for a super successful morning, a better life, and a much more enjoyable and restorative evening. And before I break down the four simple steps based on the research, there is one thing that you have to do before we jump into the four steps. I mean it. This is the foundational piece that most people miss. And once you do it once, you don't have to do it again. And as I explain this foundational piece that everybody misses, you're going to literally go, Well, this is super obvious, Mel. But as I unpack it, you'll be like, Oh, this is not so obvious. And no wonder everybody misses a step. Here is the step that will help you not only have a relaxing, blissful, amazing, productive, restorative evening tonight, but it will also help you make tomorrow morning fabulous. You ready? Foundational step. Pick your bedtime. I'm going to say it Pick your bedtime. I know, I know. Sounds stupid. But this really, really works. Because if you were picking your bedtime, which I know you're not, you wouldn't be up at 11:00 at night wishing that you had gone to bed earlier because you would know your bedtime.

So what time do you need to be asleep in order to get eight hours of sleep every night? That's how we're going to work around this question, pick your bedtime. And And here's the thing. When I say, Pick your bedtime, you probably went, Oh, my bedtime should be 10. Not so fast. This is actually a very complicated question, and I'm going to explain why. In order to determine what time You need to be asleep. You have to know what time you need to wake up. This is where you are sabotaging yourself. This is where you're shooting yourself in the foot. This is where your days and your evenings go off the rails, because you don't even know what What time you truly need to wake up and get out of bed in order to set yourself up for success tomorrow morning. And figuring this out changed my life, because I was the person that used to think, I can just roll out of bed at 07:00 AM, and I can do my entire morning routine, which involves making my bed, getting the exercise in, getting journaling done, making breakfast, walking the dogs, getting the kids out the door.

Does this sound familiar? Oh, and I can do it all in about 15 minutes. Sounds like a lot of fake math, right? My daughters call it girl math. Christopher, my husband Someone calls it Mel time. And so here I would be going like, Oh, I could just wake up at seven o'clock and do 150,000 things, and the alarm would go off. And as soon as I woke up and I got up, I was already behind the ball. I don't have time to do any of this. Exercise, out the window. Dogs don't get a walk. I don't have time for journaling. And so I need you to be honest with yourself. What time do you need to wake up for real in order to be able to do all the things that you need to do in the morning to truly start your day off on the right foot. And if you're being honest about what you really need to set yourself up, I bet that the time that you need to wake up is probably half an hour or an hour earlier than you are currently waking up. So for me, waking up at 7:00 AM is what I felt like doing.

It's what I thought I could do. But it's not what I needed to do. And what I've come to realize is that when I really think about what I need to do in the morning for myself to set myself up to have a great day, I need to get up and out of bed between 5:45 and 6:15, if I want to have enough time in the morning to do what I need to do. And if you're not even honest with yourself about what time you need to get up to give yourself the runway that you need of time, then before you've even laid your head on the pillow tonight, you've already just screwed up your morning routine. So when I ask you the question, Pick your bedtime, what I'm actually saying is not, When do you need to fall asleep? I'm saying, When do you need to climb into your bed? And I'm going to keep on breaking the math down. Here's how you're going to do it. You're going to start by picking the time that you need to wake up using real time, not fake time. The time that you need to give yourself the runway, the time that would really allow you to do everything that you would like to do.

And I want you to really just think about Let me wrap that for a second. If you were to just imagine the time that you need to wake up and get out of bed so that you had all the time that you need tomorrow morning to do everything that makes you feel like a million bucks, that makes you feel set up for success and taken care of, what time would that Do you have that time in mind? Great. So for me, I have to be out of bed by 6:00 AM. And I know it sounds pretty early, but it is what it is. And then once you have that time, and I'm just going to use 6:00 AM, you got to roll the clock back eight hours. So you get eight hours of sleep. And I realize I'm talking to you like a toddler, but it is what it is, and everybody misses this part. And that takes me to 10:00 PM. And that's not your bedtime, by the way. Ten 10:00 PM is when you need to be asleep by. So if you need to be asleep by 10:00 PM, now let's get to answering the real question.

When are you actually climbing into bed? I don't know. I can't answer that for you. How long does it take you to fall asleep? Are you the person that can basically send a text at 9:35 PM and you're asleep at 9:37? Or are you the person that needs to get in that bed at 9:00? Because it takes you an hour of reading a book, or laying there, or meditating, or whatever Whatever it is that you need to do in order to drift off to sleep. So when I say to you, Pick a bedtime, I'm not talking about when you feel like going to bed. I'm not talking about when you need to fall asleep. I'm talking about when do you need to crawl in between those sheets and start that wind down process. And that is personal to you. My husband, for example, that man, literally, as he is laying his head on the pillow, I think the man is snoring and sawing logs right as his head is hitting the pillow. That's how fast the man falls asleep. For me, it takes somewhere between 5 and 25 minutes to go from climbing into bed and getting all settled in and getting my book out.

There are some nights I'm so tired I can barely read. I turn off the light, I go to sleep. There are other nights I read a little bit longer. And so what does this mean? This means that in order for me to be out of bed by 6:00 AM and get the sleep that I need and that you need to, it means my Bedtime is not 10:00 PM. My bedtime is somewhere between 9:15 and 9:30. And the reason why I'm getting granular, and maybe a little irritating, is because if you don't get this right, if you don't pick the right bedtime for crawling into your sheets, you will never actually be able to build a rock solid evening routine. Because everything that I'm about to explain to you now builds to this point. Falling asleep is critical to you getting great sleep and understanding Finding what it takes to fall asleep and then giving yourself that amount of time and building an evening routine that leads up to that and builds momentum to it. That's essential. And there's more research here. This comes from Dr. Rebecca Robbins. She's a scientist at Harvard Medical School in the Division of Sleep Medicine and Cercidian Rhythm Disorders.

Her research shows that by having a consistent bedtime, for me, 9:15, and a consistent wake-up time, for me, 6:00 AM, will help you get better sleep, and it will also help you fall asleep faster. This is so important from the standpoint of training your brain to help you be a better sleeper. And being a better sleeper helps you have a better morning and a better life. So picking a bedtime when you crawl in between the sheets that truly supports you, critical element, foundational to your rock solid evening routine and to setting yourself up for an amazing morning, too. All right, now that you know when you need to be climbing into the sheets and when your body needs to be in that bed, 9:15 for me, that's my target. Now you are ready to talk about the four super easy steps that you will take every single night to make the night amazing and tomorrow morning fabulous. And step one, clean up the mess so your morning is fresh. What does that mean? Well, let me bring in a visual that's disgusting. Okay? You're ready for step one? Just imagine a toilet bowl. Seriously, you're in the bathroom, you're sitting on the toilet.

As soon as you're done doing your business in the bathroom, what do you do? Well, you stand up, you turn around, you flush the toilet. Of course, you flush the toilet. Why Why don't you flush the toilet? I'll tell you why. Because you don't want to leave that mess in there for someone else or for yourself when you come back in. I mean, that would be disgusting. You clean up the mess so the bowl is fresh. You want to do the same thing every evening. You want to clean up today's mess so tomorrow morning is fresh. And we are literally going to, in step one, flush the day down the toilet so that when you wake up tomorrow morning, you don't have a mess waiting for you to clean up. And so I'm going to give you a list of the things that you can do so you can wake up fresh. And it doesn't take long. I mean, I'm talking five minutes. And that's what I love about this evening routine. It is so easy. It takes almost no time. What are you going to do to clean up the mess? Simple. Empty the dish, load the dishwasher, take out the trash, clean off the counters.

If you have kids or a roommate or a really sloppy partner where their stuff is all over the place, Create those little piles that we create. Put them at the staircase or outside their door so that they can take them up in the morning. Just get them out of your line of sight. Turn off the lights. Charge your computer. Clean up the things from today. Create a fresh start for yourself tomorrow because you don't want to saddle yourself tomorrow morning with all the crap that you could do tonight. I'm talking five lousy minutes. And you want to know why I love cleaning up the mess at night? Let me tell you why. Because you're freaking tired. So you don't have to be a perfectionist. Good is good enough. Just get it done. And the other reason why I love this is because when you wake up in the morning and you see an empty sink and clear counters and no piles, you know what you're going to say? Thank you. Thank you. Because I don't have to do it right now. And you know what? If you had a guest staying over at your house tonight, you would do that when they went up to bed.

Why? Because you want them to wake up and see a clean-looking place. So do this for yourself as a way to take care of yourself. That's step one. See how easy this is? Clean up the mess and start tomorrow fresh. You know what I feel like? I feel like we should have a toilet bowl sound flush right here. And given that we just flushed the toilet on the day, I feel like this is a great time to take a quick break and hear a word from our sponsor. And when we come back, the mess is clear, and it's going to be fresh for you and me to I'm going to talk about step number two. Don't go anywhere. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel, and you and I are breaking down the four steps on how you create a rock solid evening routine and set yourself up for success. And the reason why this matters is because it will improve your health. It'll make you feel more successful. It'll change how you feel. It'll make you wake up and feel more in control. And it will also help you have an evening where you make the best use of the time while you're tired, and you You also find time for yourself.

And I'm going to explain more of that as we keep going. We've already covered this foundational question, Have you got to pick a bedtime? And that is when you are crawling into those sheets, okay? We've also covered the first step, which is cleaning up the mess from tonight in order to set yourself up for a fresh start tomorrow morning. Now, let's talk about the second step in this evening routine. Once you've cleaned up the mess, I just want you to take five minutes and make it easier easier for yourself in the morning. What do I mean by that? I mean, set yourself up. If you're going to exercise in the morning, lay out your exercise clothes. If you're going to walk the dog, leave the leash by the door. If you're going to try to drink more water, fill up the water bottle and put it in front of the coffee maker so it's waiting there for you like a little gift. If you take supplements or vitamins in the morning, set them out in the morning for yourself. Just make it easier. If you're trying to eat healthy, pack your lunch so it's done.

Why does this work? Let me tell you why this works. There's a term that you may have heard called decision fatigue. Decision fatigue is this concept that basically explains that the more decisions that you have to make, the harder it is to make decisions. It's almost like the decisions build up this resistance inside of you. And over the course of the Today, it becomes worse and worse, and the decisions get harder and harder, and your resistance to them becomes bigger and bigger. One of the reasons why, just taking five minutes at night to make things easier. While you're at half capacity, You're tired. I mean, heck, you can be doing this stuff while you're scrolling on social media. If you do some simple things to make tomorrow easier, it removes a ton of decisions that you have to make in the morning. And what we know, based on habit research, is if you are trying to make a new habit stick, like drinking more water, by filling up the water the night before and putting it in place where it's right there in front of your face, it is visual, the more likely you will drink it in the morning.

Why? Because you don't have to remember to do it, and you don't have to make a decision to do it. It's right there for you. You bump right into it. It's like you've set a trap for yourself. And you know why else this makes so much sense? Is because you took five minutes last night while you were exhausted to just clean up the mess and to set things out so that you set yourself up for success and made it all easier. And now you got all this time because you don't walk into the kitchen and go, Oh, my God, the dishes. Oh, my gosh, the lunches. Where's my backpack? Where's my keys? I don't know what to do. I'm running out of time because what happens when you're running out of time in the morning because you didn't set yourself up last night? What goes out the window? Oh, no time to exercise, no time to walk the dogs, no time to do the gratitude practice. I'm now so stressed out and overwhelmed, I forgot to drink my water. Not anymore. Because while you were exhausted last night, you took five minutes to clean up the mess and start the day fresh.

And then you took five minutes, little steps to make your morning easier. And I love this. And there's so many examples of how you can do this. You can put your keys on the counter so you don't have to spend 10 minutes searching for them. I mean, that used to be me. I used to burn through 15 minutes every morning just searching for my keys. Not anymore. Pack your gym bag. Why? Because it sucks to pack your gym bag at 5:45 in the morning. But if you did it while you were half asleep texting your sister, it's already waiting for you by the door in the morning. You just made it easier, and now you're leveraging doing research to make that habit of going to the gym stick. And what I also love is that you can use half your brainpower to do something like this. In fact, last night, I'm here in our Boston studios, and I was staying in a hotel. And as I was brushing my teeth, I'm in my pajamas, I It was laying out my exercise clothes on the back of the chair. Why? Because it made it easier when I got up at 5:45 AM this morning to get out of bed, just pull them on, and get out the door and go to the gym.

I set myself up. And And one of the things that's so cool about this, and this is where I want you to really just consider the argument I'm making, what is your most precious commodity in the morning? I can say this another way. What are you in short supply of in the morning, every morning? Time. You never have You don't have time in the morning, do you? So by taking just a couple of minutes at night without a lot of brainpower, and making the mess go away, and setting things out to make things easier for you tomorrow, it's like a double gift. You're not only making it easier, you're making it more likely that you're going to do the things that you want to do, and you also have found time. I think that's so cool. You've taken time away from the evening so you can start fresh tomorrow, and you've taken steps to make it easier, and you've protected your time. At the time at the time of day that matters most in the morning, when you never have enough time. So we just gave you time. How cool is that? And so now you're going to have the time to do the things that you want to do.

And that brings me to the third step, which is take five minutes for yourself. Five minutes. When was the last time you took five minutes for yourself? You and I get 1,440 minutes a day. You deserve five minutes at night. Right after you clean up the mess and start tomorrow fresh, and you make a couple to make tomorrow a little easier. Set yourself up. Take five minutes for yourself. Before you give it to the television, before you give it to social media, before you just waste it, I want you to give it to yourself. And it could be doing whatever you want. You could use it to do something. I mean, if you're the person that feels like every evening, this used to be me, I didn't find the time for myself. I have no time for myself. I didn't find the time to work on the thing that I care about. Whether it's a side hustle, or maybe you're trying to make progress on a creative project, or you're working on a creative gift for somebody, or a grant application, or you're filling out student loan forms, you could use that five minutes to make a little progress there.

And by the way, you don't have to do anything. This is just time for yourself. You could just sit and be quiet. Imagine that. You could have a cup of tea. You could read a book. And if you didn't get to it this morning, you could do your skincare routine. I see a lot of people doing skincare I think I missed the memo on this one. I don't have a big skincare routine, like 57 steps at night. But you know what I do have at night? I love a bath. So oftentimes for me, my take five is to just linger in the bath and do nothing. And you know what? Here's how I make it so easy. As I am brain dead, and I'm cleaning up the mess, and I'm making my mornings easier, I'm packing my bag, I'm laying out my exercise clothes, you know what's happening? The bath is running. I freaking love that. And you know what else I use this time to do? To read or to listen to audiobooks. I want to just underscore this is time for you. And one of the things that I've noticed as I've looked at the data, is that so many of you around the world are listening to the Mel Robbins podcast at night.

I think that's cool because you know what that tells me? That tells me that you're taking time at night for yourself, and you're choosing to listen to something that is going to help you improve your life or make you feel better. And that's a perfect example of what I'm talking about. So you could listen to another episode of the Mel Robbins podcast as a way to take five for yourself. I'm saying this as the third step of a rock solid evening routine, because I don't want you to just give that time away. That's what you've been doing. You have been giving the time away to social media or to the television or to whatever, which is why you can't remember what you do most evenings. I want you, after you pick your bedtime, which is when you crawl into your sheets and you clean up the mess from tonight so you can start You're tomorrow fresh, and you take a few steps to make tomorrow morning easier. Just set yourself up. Take five. Take this time to be kind to yourself. And for me, my take five usually hits somewhere between 7:45 and 9:15. And I'm saying that because what you'll notice is the more that you fall into this four steps, the more it becomes a rhythm.

And in the beginning, it's just five minutes, right? But what happens is as you take five for yourself, and You don't just flop on the couch and turn on the TV. You don't just zone out into your cell phone. Every single night that you take five for yourself, you break the habit of doing that. You break the habit of cracking open your laptop and putting it on your lap and checking email or scrolling on the phone as you're wasting the evening in front of the TV, and you stop giving that time, time that could be yours, away to something that really doesn't It doesn't matter. And look, I know why you're doing it. Same reason I was doing it, because you're exhausted and you just want to zone out. But here's what I want to challenge you on. Taking this five minutes before you do what you normally do, it's actually extraordinarily restorative. And what I noticed is that it starts with just taking five minutes, but it quickly expands because it feels so good. And next thing you know, it's not five minutes, it's 45 minutes. And you're reading more books, or you've started stretching and doing a hatha yoga practice at night.

And you probably find that as time starts to expand, you realize, Oh my gosh, I've just been giving this time away. Hey, not anymore. And that brings me to the fourth step, and the last part of a rock solid evening routine. This is right before you slip into that bed and you get into those silky amazing sheets. And by the way, one of One of my favorite sponsors of Mel Robbins podcast is Cozy Earth. I want to give them a huge shout out because I love their sheets. But the final thing I want you to do before you tuck yourself in is this. Tuck in your phone. What does that mean? That means I want your phone to have its own little bed. I want you to tuck your phone in somewhere other than your bedside table or in bed with you. And don't even deny, you sleep with your phone. Your phone is right within reach. I know it's true. Mine used to be, too. It's really, really, really important that you stop doing this. And I am going to do an An entire episode on this topic about why the phone, even just near you, is horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible.

And there's a bazillion reasons why. I can tell you one of the main reasons is blue light. The research is so scary. The blue light from your phone suppresses the production of melatonin. In fact, one study related to kids shows that kids exposed to bright light an hour before bed, their melatonin levels were suppressed by 98%. For adults, 50% suppression. It creates fragmented sleep, which It hacks your ability to fall asleep, to stay asleep, to be in deep sleep. I mean, this is a really big thing. And I'm just talking about the light. Don't even get me started about all the notifications and the bings and the booms and the this and the that. Just stop. My standard rule is this. I don't tuck myself in between those cozy air sheets until I've tucked my phone in the bathroom because I don't trust myself. I'm addicted to it. I will reach for it. And if I don't tuck my phone in that bathroom before I crawl into bed, I will be scrolling on Instagram in bed, buying things at 11:00 at night instead of falling asleep by 10:00. In fact, just the last time, a couple of weeks ago, I didn't do this.

I was in bed on my phone. I know I'm not supposed to be, and I was doing it anyway. And I saw these little outdoor lights that looked so incredible. They were like these lantern things. One click, shop. They arrived. They're like four inches tall. They looked nothing like they did online. And it's funny because I'm sitting here teaching you the science and the research, but I cannot be trusted with my phone. And this is a problem. And that's why I've solved it by not having it near me. I've removed the temptation. And that is why step number four, you have to tuck your phone in before you tuck yourself in. See how this all works together? And this only works if you are willing to not only be honest with yourself, but also to really take a look and truly know yourself. And this is a critical component, because if you're not honest with yourself, you will be trapped in a cycle that I trapped in for a very long time, which is you spend all day exhausted, trying to get through your day, wondering why you keep waking up every morning in a mess, and why you can't get out of that trap, and why you're so tired at night, and then why you keep wasting evenings on social media and on TV.

Well, I just gave you the secret because you weren't getting intentional. Pick your bedtime and be very serious about it and experiment with it until you settle into this consistent bedtime where you crawl in between the sheets and give Give yourself enough of a runway that works most nights for you, and that gives you the eight hours of sleep that you deserve. So let me just run through this again. After you cook dinner, clean up the mess so that you can step into something fresh tomorrow. Now, remember that toilet bowl? Let's clear that day out so you got a fresh new day, and you wake up with a lot more time because you don't have to be cleaning up the mess. The second step, just take five minutes and set yourself up for success. It's such a nice thing to do. It It also helps you have more time in the morning, which I know you need. The third step, take five for yourself. Before you give the time that you have, before you climb into your sheets to your phone or Netflix, take five for you. Do something that makes you feel good, that's restorative.

And what you'll find is that five will slowly turn into 15, and then 25, and then 35, and then the next thing you know, you'll find an hour of time that really is time for you, and it becomes a very important part of your life and a way to give back to yourself. Yourself. And finally, you're going to tuck your phone in somewhere else before you tuck yourself in. Go ahead and try it. Try these four simple steps for four days this week, and let me know what you think. And please share this episode because these are simple steps based on research that will help you or someone you love make tonight be the most relaxing, happy, blissful, or productive night that you've had in ages, and it will absolutely set you up to wake up tomorrow morning and feel supported, refreshed, and awesome. I promise to share the five simple steps that I've put into action in my own life, and here they are. Step number one, use the three, two, one rule. The three, two, one rule is very simple. Here it is. Three hours before bedtime, stop eating and drinking alcohol. Two hours before bedtime, stop working.

And one hour before bedtime, shut down the screens. You do the three, two, one rule, you're going to get a great night's sleep, and you're not going to be so stressed. I'm going to repeat it one more time. This is the three, two, one rule, and it taps into all kinds of research about getting a better night's sleep, about stress, about your mind being able to be calmer so you can get a better night's sleep, and about the impact on screens and blue light on your ability to get a good night's sleep. Here it is. Three hours before bedtime, you're going to stop eating and drinking alcohol. For me, because I go to bed early, that meant we had to move the dinner time a little bit earlier. Second, two hours before bedtime, stop working. Stop working. One of the reasons why you may have trouble sleeping or relaxing or stopping racing thoughts, or you may be waking up in the middle of the night, is because you're working too close to your bedtime. So your thoughts are spinning and your stress level is high. So 2 hours before bed, stop working. And finally, one hour before bed, you got to shut down the screen time.

The blue light on your screen, your laptop, your phone, it is interfering with your brain's ability to shut down and sleep. So the three, two, one rule will make a huge difference in your life. Second, this rule I call, how can you make things easier for yourself? Let me unpack this. When I look back on periods of my life where it was a real struggle to stick to habits or to stay calm and confident, it was because I was making my life harder. I was relying on willpower or discipline or remembering to do things. And when it dawned on me, Hey, there are simple things that you could do, Mel, that would make your life a hell of a lot easier, especially in the morning. There are decisions that you could make at night. There are simple things that you could do in order to take a step in order to move the ball down the field at night. So when you wake up in the morning, you don't have to do so much thinking. So let me give you some examples of this. One way that I make my life easier in the morning is every single night, I lay my exercise clothes out on the floor in my bedroom, or heck, even in the hotel.

So I've been on a business trip now. This is day 15 of a business trip, hitting six different cities. And I move my body every day. I know if I'm going to get up at 6:00 in the morning in a hotel, I don't want to be fumbling around in the dark looking for the pair of tights that are actually clean, instead of having to turn the clothes inside out to figure out what I could put on my body. Do not do that in the morning. You're creating too much resistance. It requires too much energy and thinking. Make it easier. The night before, as you're walking around your hotel room, brushing your teeth or you're washing your face or whatever. Just lay your exercise clothes out on the floor. Make it easier. That way they're there for you in the morning. You don't even have to think about it. Isn't that fantastic? And if you've raised kids, how do you make mornings easier with kids? You pack their lunches the night before. You assemble their backpacks by the door. You put their hockey sticks or their tennis rackets or their cleats, the things that they need to remember right there.

For you and me, here's how you can do that for yourself. Yourself as an adult. Let's say you have a commitment every single morning as part of your morning routine to journal more or to drink more water. Here's a great idea. Put the water bottle filled up by the coffee pot. Put the journal where you're going to do your journaling exercises. Buy the coffee pot. Why? Well, because you're going to make a cup of coffee tomorrow morning. So have it ready there so you don't have to make the A cup of coffee and then go, Oh, wait a minute. Where did I put that journal? Where's the backpack? No, it's right there. Have your things by the door. Put healthy foods in the front of the fridge. Have a little dish that you always put your car keys in. We talked about this concept of make it easier in the episode that we did all about habits. That episode was called Five Essential Hacks I'm Using to Make New Habits Stick. You guys ate that episode up. We will put a link to it in the show notes here. But this make it easier for yourself.

Do it the night before. It's all about something called activation energy. When you lay your exercise clothes out, when you put your water bottle by the coffee maker. When you pack lunches the night before, it takes less energy than having to do it when you're stressed out in the morning. You don't even have to think about it. You've set yourself up for success, and that means you're going to be less stressed. And it means the thing that you might blow off if it's hard in the morning, like exercise, you're more likely to get it done. Why? Because you've made it easier for you. You have supported the new you. How cool is this? This is like a little gift that you're giving yourself. The third rule is give yourself a clean slate. I also like to call this flushing the toilet. When you go to bed at night, you flush the toilet when you use Use it. Why? Because you do not want the mess from last night there to greet you in the morning. Why on earth would you do that in your kitchen? Empty the sink, load the dishwasher, clear off the counters, wipe them down.

Why? Well, logic. Tomorrow morning, after you wake up and you go to the bathroom, where's the first place we all go in our apartment or our home? We go to the kitchen. Would you rather see a A kitchen that has last night's dishes, pots soaking in the sink, and stuff scattered all over the place from yesterday, all of which is unfinished business from yesterday, Or would you feel more empowered if you walked into the kitchen and the counters were clear and things were organized and there was nothing that you needed to clean up? The answer is obvious. Do not take today's messes into tomorrow. Do not saddle the future you with crap that the you today should be doing tonight. And that's always been a huge thing for me, because if I walk into the kitchen in the morning and I see a ton of dirty dishes or I see stuff all over the island, it's a trigger. And my day It goes downhill because I'm immediately distracted. I'm immediately feeling like everybody's made. I'm immediately feeling like I should have done this last night. I should have put these dishes. Now this pot that has been soaking in the sink with all of the suds in it, the suds are gone and the water is ice cold and disgusting and oily.

I don't want to put my hands in that. And half the stuff hasn't soaked off anyway. I didn't make it easier. I actually made it harder and grosser and more disgusting. And now it takes even more time. So this idea for me of clearing the counters, no dishes in the sink, nothing on the counters. It means I am waking up to a brand new clean slate today, both metaphorically Visually, everything. And so how can you do this? Think about this as part of the non-negotiables when you turn off the lights and lock the front door. Do a quick loop through the kitchen and take five lousy minutes to pull it together. Clear off the counters, get everything in the dishwasher, or finish the dishes. Get it done. Because I promise you, psychologically, walking into a physically clean slate helps you mentally feel like you've been given the gift of one when you wake up in the morning. Now, the fourth rule. You're going to get intentional about setting your alarm. Here's how you do There is no old Mel Robbins going on here. There is no five alarms that you're setting as you coax yourself out of bed.

There is no backup plan here. Get intentional. What freaking time do you need to get up? Like, for real? Let's not do the fake math that a lot of us do where we think that we can brush our teeth, commute to work, pack three lunches, and finish last night's homework in a matter of 10 minutes. You can't do that. Okay? Okay? You just can't. So tonight, when you set your alarm, I want you to make a decision about the person you are becoming. I'm going to say that again. Tonight, when you set your alarm, make a decision about the person you are becoming. Tonight, be very intentional about what you truly need to start your day feeling supported, confident, at ease. How much time do you need to truly put yourself first? Take care of your health and put a little bit of time into something that matters to you. Now, I want to just pause on this for just a second, okay? I think this is where most of us get it wrong, that your alarm has probably been set for the same time for years, and you haven't stopped to truly think about the person that you're becoming.

When you think about the person that you want to become in this next chapter of your life, what does that person's morning routine look like? How much time do you truly want? And look, I get it. You might have to wake up 45 minutes earlier. I get it. You might not be a morning person. I'm going to prove to you as we get to know each that you don't have to be. You don't have to be a morning person, and you can still create a rock solid evening routine and a rock solid morning routine. You don't have to be a morning person, and you can learn and support yourself in getting up 30 minutes earlier, because that is how much time you need in order to set your day up for success. See, I think a lot of us really lose the opportunity of a fresh start and a new morning and the structure of that because we're not intentional and honest with ourselves about what we actually need. What I've come to learn, the more intentional that I get with myself is I need a lot of time in the morning. I need more time than the old Mel Robbins was giving herself.

Because I not only need time to roll out of bed and to brush my teeth and to high five the mirror and to move my body and to set my intention and to make some progress and to do all that before I help Chris or the kids or the dogs or anybody else that works for me or anybody else that follows me or anything else that might be on my phone that I need, actually, if I'm being honest, I need about 90 minutes. I can get it done in 30, in a pinch. But I need about 90 if I don't want to be rushed, if I don't want to be resentful, if I don't want the things that I really need to do so that I can start my day feeling powerful and empowered. That's truly what I need. You may be thinking, Well, that's a luxury. We're not even talking about the morning. I want you to be honest with yourself, and I want you to ask yourself, Ask this question, what time do you truly need to wake up? To make it easier, to support yourself, what would the future you say? If you can't think of a time, I'll give you one.

Set your alarm 1 hour earlier than you normally do. Because this is more than a wake-up call. This is more than setting an alarm. What I'm asking you to do is I'm asking you to make a promise. Because when you set the alarm clock tonight, what you're really doing is you're making a promise to yourself. You're making a promise that you, when that alarm rings, you're going to wake up, you're going to get up, and you're going to get going. And this is why it's important for you to be intentional, not casual. Not always about setting that alarm, but intentional. Because tonight, when you set that alarm clock, you're making a promise. When you look at it that way, when that alarm rings tomorrow morning, it's about keeping that promise to yourself. That's what the act of waking up becomes. That the evening you set up the future you, the tomorrow you, the person you're becoming, coming with a clean slate and a promise for how much time it is that you truly need and deserve every morning. If you can start to flip how you think about that alarm, how you set it, and what it signals when it sounds in the morning, that future you is here, a promise is there to be kept, it will shift what you think about the opportunities of the morning and the time that you need to truly honor yourself and put yourself first.

Now, before we get to the final rule, which is a beautiful rule that you're going to hate like crazy, but it's the most powerful one of all. I need to take a quick break. We're going to hear a word from our sponsors, and then we'll be right back. So don't go anywhere. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and we are talking today about the singular hack that helped me create a rock solid million dollar morning routine. And that singular hack, as you now know, is you got to have a rock solid evening routine. And so we've covered four of the five things that I do. We've talked about the three, two, one rule. We've talked about this mindset flip of how can I make things easier for myself? We've also talked about the importance of giving yourself a physical clean slate so you can have a mental clean slate. Finally, we just covered the importance of getting super intentional about setting your arm and considering it a promise that you are making and keeping with your future self. And finally, number 5, before you tuck yourself in, tuck your phone into the bathroom. That's No phone in the bedroom.

I want it in the bathroom, in the closet, in the kitchen. Once everything else is handled, the only thing that is allowed on that clear counter in the kitchen is your phone plugged in. Because I have one rule that has changed my life, and that rule is something I do every single evening. It is a critical part of my evening routine, and that is there is no phone in the bedroom, period. Starting tonight, I want you to try this. It's a lot harder than it seems. You You are about to realize how addicted you are to your phone. You are also going to see firsthand how it interferes with your ability to have a powerful evening routine. You're also going to see firsthand how it is likely interfering with your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. Before you tuck yourself in, tuck that phone in anywhere but the bedroom. Here's how this is going to work. All you're going to do is just pick a spot that you're going to charge your phone overnight. For those of you that have kids that need to reach you or a job that needs to reach you, I totally get that.

I'm the same. Here's how you deal with that. You turn the Ringer on and you tell everybody in your life, I don't sleep with my phone, but the Ringer is on. If you have an emergency, call me. You will hear the phone ringing in the middle of the night. What's really interesting, ever since I've done this, and I've now done this for years, is that people don't call you in the middle of the night unless it's truly an It's an emergency. But they will text and Snapchat you all night long, and that'll keep you awake. Don't tell me that it doesn't. This way you know that you can fall asleep and that somebody can reach you, but you're not going to be distracted by it because it's not going to be near you. That's number one. If you use your phone as an alarm, excellent. I do, too. The good news about that is that if your phone is outside of the bedroom and it's also your alarm, when it goes off in the morning, you have choice but to get out of bed. I like that hack, even though in the moment, I hate that hack when I hear the alarm going off.

But you could also just buy a cheap alarm clock or use a watch or something else if you're no longer using your phone as an alarm. Why do I feel this way? I feel so strongly about this because you've just spent your entire day letting the whole world have access to you. Because that's what you're doing when you're watching the news or responding to email or sitting on Zoom calls, or you're just scrolling mindlessly through social You are allowing the world to steal your attention, to choke your brainpower with things that really don't matter. And honestly, there is nothing on your phone that is going to help you sleep tonight. The stuff that's on your phone is going to get you stressed out. It's going to get you worked up. It's going to make you stay awake. That's why you can't have it near you. You can't trust yourself. In order to properly wind down and get a great night's sleep, which you need to do, I won't even get into the research about why you need to start becoming a better sleeper, is we have to get the one thing that's been robbing you of your attention and energy all day away from you.

Do not let people have access to you once you get into your bedroom. Do not let the thing that you gave your attention to all day long be the thing that is distracting you at night. You deserve a great night's sleep, and you are just not going to get it if that phone is sitting next to you on the bedside table. And don't lie to me. We're friends at this point. The majority of us sleep with our phones. I shouldn't even say us because I do not. But the majority of people, including you, have that phone in your bed. It's right there. You look at it and you want to know something disgusting. A third of people check email in the middle of the night. What are you doing? Email in the middle of the night? Even if you can't sleep, what are you doing? This is sick. And what I will tell you is if that phone is not in that bed with you and it's not on the bedside table, and you can't just reach for it because it's a habit for you to reach for it when it buzzes a notification Because you can't sleep, I'll just look at my phone.

What a stupid idea. Because it's not there, you're not going to do it. There's a reason why you're having trouble sleeping. There's a reason why you wake up stressed out. There's a reason why you never have time for yourself. It's because you have shot yourself in the foot before you've even closed your eyes by having that phone there. I think you can tell I'm getting a little worked up. I'm getting a little worked up because I didn't have to make my life so hard. I didn't have to stress my kids out every day before they climbed on that bus. I didn't have to start my day by yelling at Chris or screaming at the dogs or getting stuck in traffic or starting the day feeling frustrated. I didn't have to do that. The solution to an empowering morning and to feeling supported starts with how you show up for yourself the night before. It is really that simple. I'm frustrated because I wasted so many years of my life by making things way more difficult than they needed to be. If I had just gotten serious about these five simple things that I do now, I I would have felt more in control.

I would have been a lot more calm. I would have felt like I was a good mom and a supportive partner. I wouldn't have felt so much frustration. There's just so much available to you if you get serious tonight. I love all of these changes, whether you're going to implement the three, two, one rule. One way that you could do that is to put an alarm on your phone. That counts you down. You could put Post-it notes on the fridge to remind you about this stuff. But I want you to try it. Thinking about taking care of yourself tonight is not going to be the same as trying a new evening routine. As a PhD MD, what's the first thing you do when you wake up?

I literally do live my life in the way of everything that we've been discussing, so I'm just going to tell you the truth. Please. As soon as I am aware that I'm awake, I snuggle my face against my silk pillowcase and I say, I love my silk pillowcase. And then I say, And I love my side sleeping pillow. And I love my wall mattress toffer. And I love... I've created a bit of a haven in my bedroom.

I love this. I'm right there with you. So what else do you love?

Let's keep going. I'm so grateful for my silk duvet. I'm grateful for my mattress. I'm grateful for my bedding. Usually, that's the minimum. I might do the temperature in the room or how quiet it is.

Do you say it out loud or do you say it to yourself?

I say it in my mind. Okay. Then I just do some deep breathing in every direction of my chest, like it's a barrel, and just have a feel for if there's any areas of tension. Then to actually get out of bed, I start thinking about how much I'm going to save on my cup of tea. Then I go downstairs and I take my probiotic because I have to wait 10 minutes until I have my cup of tea. I do my oil pulling, and then I make my cup of English breakfast tea or matcha like a complete ritual and sit and really savor it and enjoy it. Then I pick up my phone and look at my messages.

How does this help you? How does this help your brain?

I think the thing about this gratitude practice that's to do with the tangible things that around me is that it stops what usually happens to people is that you start thinking, what do I have to do today? What time is it? What am I going to wear today? And because obviously I don't keep my phone in my bedroom, I can't reach for that and start getting bombarded by the outside world before I've had a chance to set myself up how I want to. There's a lot of scientific evidence for the benefits on your mental health and your health and your longevity of gratitude. Basically, I'm not letting my brain kick in. I'm going straight to the gratitude, so I can't even think about anything else. Of course, then that makes me feel good already.

What are other What are the key habits that you have as a neuroscientist throughout the day that continue to help your brain to thrive like this?

I'm going to be really honest with you and say I'd prefer to start by going to the end of the day because those are the real key anchors for me. I just want to keep it really real and say that there are days where I don't do anything else consciously in the rest of the day. I just live, just do my day. But I will come back to... There are some things, so I will come back to them. But I would say second in importance is is the fact that I have my vision board next to my bed, so it's the last thing I look at at night.

Let's talk about the vision board because you called it an action board. Yeah. Why does a vision board work?

I've been doing them for 15 years, and I've manifested a lot of things through my vision board.

What? What have you manifested through a vision board? I'm saying- Dr. Tara.

I started when I quit my job as a medical doctor and I started my coaching practice. I I really had no money, no clients, got to the point where I wouldn't be able to pay my rent and my bills. At that stage, I did include an actual amount of money that I needed to earn. For the first three years of running my business, I doubled that figure each year. Then after that, I just put symbols of abundance because I didn't need it to be a specific amount. I've manifested a lot of travel, but sometimes spooky. I saw a picture of a tanned girl snorkeling, and I love snorkeling. I put her on my vision board just to have a vacation that was that vacation. At this point, I was single, and I used to go on Christmas vacation holidays with my best friend who lived in Australia. We would often choose where to go because I would see how many air miles I had and say, Oh, I can get a flight to this place. The year that we decided we would meet in Rio, to De Janeiro, was because that was the only flight that I could get with my points.

I suddenly had this inkling that I hadn't been aware of. I went and looked at my vision board, and in tiny writing under the Snorkeling Girl, it said Rio de Janeiro. I have so many more examples of things like that as well.

What I also love about this is that you take it a step further and you don't say, What a cool accident. You say, I manifested that. How does a vision board, which you call an action board, program your brain for thriving?

It is a vision board in the sense that most people will know what a vision board is. But the difference is, like I said about quantum physics before I wrote it through cognitive science, did give an idea that you should create this vision, either in your mind or on a board. Often it was quite fantastical compared to what the person's life was actually like. I do believe it's got to be somewhat realistic statistic, and then sit at home on the couch and wait for it to come true. Wait for the check to come in the post, wait for the dream partner to bang your door down. I just don't believe that that's possible. I believe that you have to be out there doing things to move yourself of towards those goals so that the board is simply a reminder to do the selective filtering, selective attention, and value tagging to your brain to keep those things at the front of your mind and not let life get in the way. Because it's so easy to just get busy with kids and work and forget. Not every day, remember what are the things that you want.

But if you're seeing the board every day, then it does just help to bring it back to the front of your mind. Also, Also, some people can't do visualization. So especially for them, actually having the visual images ready to look at allows you to get into that next step, which is visualize it being true. So close your eyes after looking at the board and immerse yourself in the feeling of those things actually being true. You're in Rio de Janeiro, you're with your loving partner, you're doing really well at work. Feel that through your five senses and then give gratitude for the fact, for that feeling of like, wow, with my eyes closed, I can feel that I'm holding my partner's hand and our feet are in the sand in Rio, and we could afford this vacation because we're both doing really well at work.

Because what you're really summing is that magnetic energy that you talked about. Like, what's actually happening in your body and in your mind when you go through this process of creating a vision board and then visualizing it and allowing the wave of gratitude associated with that happening to your body? What happens in your brain?

So when you visualize something really strongly and you integrate your senses, your brain can hardly tell the difference between that being true and that being a created feeling by you. Because anything new is the biggest threat to the brain, uncertainty and novelty are the biggest threats to the brain, the more you visualize and embody the thing that you want, The more likely you are to take healthy risks to get it when it appears around you in the real world. When you're feeling fear or shame or sadness, your blood is circulating a lot more of the stress hormone, cortisol. When you're feeling love and trust and gratitude, you're circulating a lot more of the bonding hormone, oxytocin. Those hormones are on a seesaw. If you're giving gratitude, then you're improving the release of oxytocin, and that's relatively reducing the stress hormone. Basically, love or gratitude, trust, those sorts of things, can't coexist with fear and shame and sadness. The more you push your brain into those emotions which correlate with that hormone, the less you're living in that state of fright, flight, and scarcity.

Simply visualizing and feeling that wave of emotion that comes from being grateful for or the visualization of something that hasn't happened yet coming true changes the chemical balance in your body.

When you are immersed in that feeling, and think of a couple of the things that you'd like to happen right now and how good it would feel if they were true, you'll release dopamine, the reward chemical. So that has a really strong impact on your body. Then when you move it into, and now I'm giving gratitude for that, then you're also releasing oxytocin. So you've got this cocktail of really feel good hormones.

What is one mistake that people make when they are making a vision board?

I have now learned to leave a lot of space on my board because I don't believe that my brain is capable of knowing how much I could manifest in this world. So I love to leave a bit of room for magic. In the book where I do the chapter on actually how to make the board, I say, get the board, lay the images onto it, really ask yourself, do I want everything that's an image on there? If there's something that you thought you wanted, but it doesn't resonate, remove it. Have another flick through the magazines. If there's an image that isn't something that you thought you wanted, but it really speaks to you, try fitting that in. Leave it overnight. And I specifically said in a windproof, childproof, pet proof place, and then come back the next day after having slept on it. And if you're sure that it's correct, then glue it into place. And then I start speaking to people who say to me, Yeah, I've done all that, but I just haven't glued it yet. And so I said, Oh, did you do it yesterday? No, months ago. I just can't bring myself to glue it down.

I don't understand why. Having been an experienced coach now for 15 years, the answer to that just came into my mind through my gut. It was, You don't want to glue it down because you don't really believe that you deserve it. And the tears just came, and it It was the truth. So it was, These are the things that I want, but if I glue them down, I'm saying that I actually think I should get them. And deep down, I don't believe that, and that's why I haven't glued them down. So you might be listening now and think, Oh, yeah, I've done that, too, but I didn't really know why. So hopefully it will help.

What does the act of gluing signal to your brain in terms about what you want? And would you do that gratitude wash as you're doing it as a way to tap into magnetic energy? Because that's probably very thick old wiring. I actually said that to somebody recently where I was like, I don't even want to tell you that because I feel scared to say I want that thing. Yeah.

I feel like if you're gluing it down, you really mean It's hard, right? And so if there's hesitation, that could be hard. I have never thought of this before, but your idea is brilliant. If you do it whilst giving gratitude, it'll probably make it feel much easier. It's a bit more like, I'll just be so grateful if this comes true, and I'm happy to partially put it out there and partially make the effort to do it. When I had my first one, when I was really broke, I was living in a studio apartment, and it was in the bathroom, which meant that anyone that came to my studio would see it, and it had a specific amount of money on it. It's very unbritish to talk about money.

How much money was on it?

Thirty-five thousand pounds, so really not very much. So I thought, Okay, this is a bit embarrassing. But then I thought, Well, anyone that I actually invite into my apartment who then uses my bathroom has got to be a close friend. So that just has to be okay. And I got so much positive feedback from people saying, Oh, yeah, I looked at your vision board and, I can help you with that thing that I saw. And it was so sweet.

I can hear everybody now moving their vision boards from their bedside table to the bathroom. Okay, we're going to put this right in the bathroom. What are some of the other habits that you have every day that keep you resilient, that keep your brain wired for thriving.

Okay, so I would say my next one, which is like a ritual, too, but also very good for your stress levels, is that I bathe in magnesium flakes.

Why is that good for stress?

Because when you're stressed, your body leaches itself with magnesium. So magnesium helps you deal with stress, but it also gets used up in stress. And the best way to take magnesium is through your skin rather than through a capsule or a tablet. Oh, really? I find the easiest way with English weather is to bathe. There are also gels and sprays and lotions that you can use, but I like the ritual of bathing. So a little bit like when you're training for a marathon and you would eat more protein, when you're stressed, you need more magnesium. And the best way to check if you need more magnesium is if you ever get that twitchy eyelid.

Yes, I've had that. Yeah.

Well, some people get tiny twitches in their fingers or their toes as well, but the eyelid is quite a good sign that you probably need to top up with magnesium.

Because it's a sign that you're stressed.

Well, the twitching is an actual sign of magnesium deficiency, but the reason you would be deficient is probably stress. Wow.

Nobody's ever told me that before. And it happens quite a lot.

Try the... You can do a foot bath if you don't like a bath.

Oh, I take a bath every night. Okay. I love a bath, but I've never done the magnesium Flakes. I am doing it. So you take a bath with magnesium. What's something else that you do?

So by this time, it's getting close to the time that I would eat because I do time-restricted eating. So I only eat between 12:00, noon, and 08:00 PM. So I would obviously deal with any work admin or home admin that I have to, but then I would cook.

While we're on the topic of food, what are the four foods that you eat for better brain health?

Yeah. So the first One thing I would say is that I make all of my dietary choices based on brain health. If you think about it, people choose what they might eat based on it's delicious or I'm trying to lose weight, or I'm trying to build muscle. But I feel quite strongly that if you make your choices based on brain health, then it's actually good for your skin, your hair, your gut, the rest of your body. On that, I would say the dark skinned foods I've already mentioned, hydrating foods, because you actually keep in more hydration from food than you do from drinking water. So your leafy greens and your salads thing, and maybe fruits like melon. And Then the good fats. This is probably the largest part of my dietary intake. So oily fish, eggs, avocado, nuts, seeds. And the fourth category is fermented foods like kimchi, sauerkraut, kefir, and kombucha.

What I love is that at the very beginning of our conversation, you talked about the fact that our brain really was wired for survival and mating, and that you are teaching us strategies based on cognitive science, based on neuroscience science, based on all of this research about how to program your mind for thriving, for longevity, for happiness. Every one of these examples, whether you're talking about the ways in which which you can use this magnetic energy and these deliberate practices to wire your mind for thriving and attracting and spotting what you want, or whether you're now talking about the deliberate things you say to yourself and the deliberate practices and actions that you are creating in the morning, you are showing us exactly what you're doing to make your brain function in a way that helps you thrive. I'm teaching you three ways to brainwash your sofa greater success and a more meaningful life. I'm using the research from Dr. Bernard Bightman at the University of Virginia, who is the number one researcher on the science of synchronicities. I'm using that research to teach you three skills that you can master. These are skills I use every single day.

And you better believe I also use this to build momentum and to create massive success. Now, before we went to the break, I asked you to think about some area of your life where you would love to see a sign, some confirmation that you're on the right track, or about a decision that you're making, that it's the right decision. And as we continue I'm going to start with you talking. I want you to hold on to that, okay? So that you can make what you're learning today deeply personal and relevant to something that matters to you. Okay? Awesome. So let's start with the first skill. And the Her skill is you have to state it and then claim it when it happens. Got to state it and then claim it when it happens. And as simple as it sounds to state something that you want, it's not that simple. Because you also have to claim it when it happens. And by claim it, I mean you have to be able to silently say to yourself, Check that out. I made that happen. Yes, maybe I do have a superpower. This is pretty cool. Based on the research, let's go to the research.

The reason why this is the important skill to state it and claim it is because people who experience synchronicities are higher in what is called referential thinking, which means you have a belief that things happening around you have to do with you, meaning you're responsible for it. I want to give you a super simple example of what I'm talking about This is something you can start practicing today to state it and claim it. So let's just take an example that you can relate to. Let's say that you're at the store, you're at the supermarket, and holy cow, it's a long line. I mean, really long line. And you're standing at this supermarket in line, and boy, you wish another line would just open up. Here's how you're going to use this first skill. You're going to state what you want. So as you're standing in this long line, and I want you to just put yourself there. I mean, you got a cart full of stuff. There are probably seven people in front of you. You're thinking to yourself, Oh, my gosh, why are they have so few people working? When are they going, Hey, hey, hey.

Stop. You have a superpower. State what you want. Stand there and say to yourself, I want a line to open up. It's really that simple. I want a line to open up. And then when it happens, don't just shrug your shoulders and go, That's a coincidence. I guess I'm lucky. No. Claim it. Put a smirk on your face and say to yourself, Check that out. I made that happen. That's pretty cool. That's not a coincidence. Claim ownership. For creating the energy shift and creating that magic. And this is hard. But here's what I want you to understand about the unexplainable or quantum nature of all this. See, when you're standing there with your cart full of and there's seven people in front of you, and the line is snaking all the way back down into the aisles, and everybody else around you is getting agitated and starting to complain, and you have the guts and the clarity and the confidence to state with intention? I want a line to open up. You set something in motion. See, right now, you're not using this power correctly. I want you to start stating what you want before it What happens?

I have this story to share with you. So 24 years ago, my mom and I went to the world's largest antique market. It's in Western Massachusetts. It's called Brimfield Antique Market. It is so freaking cool. It happens, I think, the second Tuesday through Sunday of every May, July, and September. It's like six football fields of stuff. And so my mom and I go to this, and our daughter Sawyer was a baby. And I had her in the baby, Bjorn. Before we walked in to Brimfield, I stated what I wanted. I said, I want to find a red and white quilt in the traditional Shaker style, like an antique quilt. And if you don't know what a Shaker style quilt is, it's like one of those old-fashioned traditional quilts that are in big white squares and triangles, very geometric. And as I stated it, I want to find a red and white quilt in the traditional Shaker style. I could picture it in my mind. I knew exactly where I wanted it to go in my house. And as I started to walk toward the market, I kept stating to myself, I'm going to find that quilt today.

Not I want it. I'm going to find a red and white antique Shaker style quilt. And by stating it, I am setting something powerful in motion. Now, I looked all day. I mean, we must have walked 40,000 steps. I looked at vendor after vendor and quilt after quilt, and there were lots of Shaker quilts, lots of red and white ones. But nothing really hit me. But I kept saying, I am going to find the perfect red and white antique Shaker quilt. I I just knew it. I stated it. I kept stating it. And we were getting near the end of the day, and we're heading back to the car, and we're passing some of the final stalls as people are packing things up. And all of a sudden, I notice, wait a minute. There's a quilt. I see it folded up underneath those cutting boards over there. Let's go check that out. So we walk over, we remove the cutting boards off the top this thing, and my mom and I start to unfold it. And it was really cool. But here's the thing. It had some stains on it. It was tattered, like some of the squares were pulling off.

And the person that was working the booth walks up and said, Now, this is a very rare antique quilt because this is considered a wedding quilt. And I said, Well, what is that? And they said, Well, in this town, It was the tradition that everybody in the town, when somebody got married, would sign the names of all the people that were attending the wedding for the young couple that was getting married. And so here I am, my mom and I, we You've got the quilt all unfolded, and we're looking at it, and I'm looking past the stains and the tears, and you could notice all this handwriting on the white squares. And it literally, I'm not kidding, looked like, you know that handwriting from the Declaration of Independence, that super scripty thing that looks like somebody wrote it with a feather? My mom's going, Oh, my God, look at this old-fashioned cursive. This is just so cool. And I'm like, Yeah, look at some of the names. And all of a sudden, as I started looking closer, holy cow, the last names on the quilt over and over and over. Sawyer, Sawyer, Joseph Sawyer, Emily Sawyer, Sarah Sawyer, Frederick Sawyer.

The hair on my arm stood straight up. My mom was like, Oh, my gosh, Sawyer's name is all over this quilt. We have to buy this thing. This is unbelievable. I'm sure the quilt dealer doubled the price in his mind in that moment. But there is zero doubt that I was meant to find that quilt. I mean, here's the thing. Is it a coincidence that I look all day, and underneath cutting boards, heading to the car, I spot a quilt out of the corner of my eye. We unfold it, and I look past the tears and the stains after rejecting quilts all day long, only to find out that my daughter's name, Sawyer, is the last name of half the people who have signed this quilt as a wedding gift 200 years ago for somebody? That is not a coincidence. I made that happen. I stated what I wanted when I got out of that car eight hours before. I kept stating what I wanted all day long, even though it wasn't happening. I kept stating what I wanted even when the quilt was in my hands, and I believed with every ounce in my body that it was going to happen.

And I made it happen. I was meant to find this this exact quilt at this exact time while I was with my mom, visiting from Michigan, wearing my daughter, whose name is Sawyer, which is half of the names that were on this 200-year-old quilt. That stating it set this in motion. And here is how you can start to apply step one. Before you go shopping anywhere, And you're pulling up to some place and you don't know exactly what they have in stock. So let's say you're pulling up to like a Marshall's or a TJ Max or a flea market or garage sale. I want you to take a beat and create a little scavenger hunt for yourself. This is how you tap into the superpower, okay? First, you're going to state to yourself without knowing what's actually in there. What are you going to find? What are you going to find? Are you in front of a garage sale and you want to find an antique compass? Are you sitting at a flea market and you want to find an old, I don't know, ladder? Are you sitting in front of TJ Max and there's a particular something you would love to find?

I want you to play this game where you start to state it to yourself, I'm going to find X. And then I want you to visualize this moment where you do. In fact, my colleague Amy just did this, I kid you not, with her daughter Jane last night. So last night, they pulled into TJ Max, and Amy was already stating what she wanted. She wanted her daughter Jane to find a dress for this dance that's coming up at the high school. So she turns to her daughter Jane and says, So what do you want to find? And Jane says, Well, I need a dress for the winter formal. And I love the dress that I have, but it's a summer dress. So I would love a dress just like that one, but only in a different material, so that I have something for the winter formal. Amy's like, Great. She starts stating it to herself, We are going to find that dress. The perfect dress is going to be in there. So they walk into the store. She's set this in motion, and they can't find anything. You know how sometimes T. J. Max, it's hit or miss, right?

That's the fauna going in there. You don't know what you're going to get. It was like they had stopped selling dresses. But Amy was doubling down. And she is saying to herself, We're going to We're going to find a dress. We're going to find the perfect dress. We're going to find the perfect dress. And then all of a sudden, Jane calls to her from clear across the store and says, Mom, Mom, I found the rack. Amy heads over to her. She gets there. It's like a pathetic, sad rack. But Amy was setting things in motion. We're going to find this dress. I just have this feeling. This is going to happen. We're going to do this. They go through the whole rack. Absolutely nothing. Amy was even trying to sell Jane on a few of them. Jane's like, No, no, no, no, no. Amy's not given up. We're going to find that dress. And all of a sudden, she looks out of the corner of her eye. Couple of racks over. There's a bunch of pajamas. Guess what she spots in the middle of the pajamas? That's right. There was a dress there that someone had randomly stuck on the pajama rack.

So Amy darts on over, and it was as if the dress that Jane had at home, the one that she loved. It was as if all of the little birds and mice and Cinderella came in with their bows and their ribbons and made it even better. Just like that? Is this halter dress with a circle at the top, and it was black. And Jane was like, Oh, I don't know. And Amy said, We got to try it on. And now Amy's like, We found the dress. We found the dress. The dressing room was closed. Coincidence? I don't think so. Not when you set something in motion. She can't try it on, which means what? The universe is telling her, This is your dress. Trust. Take it home and try it on. And sure enough, when they got home and Jane put on the dress, it was exactly what she had wanted. So did Amy create all that? Of course she did. She set that in motion. And this is way more than a story about buying a dress. This is way more than a story about how you create a successful shopping trip. Did you hear the meaning in the story?

Like, how much richer that scavenger hunt became when you walk in with this spirit that everything is working out for you? Without the skill of stating what you want and then knowing that you're setting something powerful in motion. Not only would this not have happened, because they wouldn't have seen the dress over on the PJ rack, but it opens you up up to experience life at a completely different way. Right now, you're walking by opportunities that you're not even open to seeing, and they're all around you. That's why this is so cool. Here's another way that you can start practicing using it. So anytime you go to a networking event, or a party, or any place where you're going to meet new people, I want you to practice stating what you want before you walk in. I'm going to meet somebody really cool tonight. I'm going to meet somebody that can help me with this job search. I'm going to meet somebody who can help me raise money for this company I'm starting. I'm going to meet somebody that needs to buy a house, and I'm a real estate agent who is looking for customers.

Set it in motion. Set it in motion by stating what's going to happen before it happens. And then when it happens, claim it. I made that happen. I made that happen. The point here is to brainwash your mind, to believe that something good is going to happen before it does. Because when you do that, your mind conspires to help you. That's how you unlock the power of it. Your mind spots the dress on the pajama rack. It spots the quilt underneath the cutting boards. It zeros in on the one person standing in the corner who has this And you have an interesting vibe about them, and you don't know why it is, but for some reason you feel pulled to walk over to them, and you've said you're going to meet the person that you need to meet, and they turn out to be the exact person that you needed to meet. And you sell them the house, or they introduce you to the person at the company that you've always wanted to interview at. And look, do you always find the dress? No. Do you always meet somebody who happens to know somebody that you needed to...

Maybe not. But going into these situations believing that something good is going to happen, it changes your entire experience of it. And let me tell you this, how does expecting the How does expecting the worst help you? How does expecting, I'm never going to find anything. They never have a lot of addresses. How does that help you find a dress? How does walking into some event saying, This is a waste of time. I'm shy. I'm introverted. I never meet anybody. This thing. How is that going to help you? Meet people that could change the course of your career or your business or your life? I think you're so afraid to want something and not have it turn out, that you stop yourself from setting it in motion. You won't even allow yourself to state and declare that it's going to happen. And when you don't do that, you close yourself off everything that's possible. See, I'm teaching you right now how to stand in the present moment and start to connect dots forward, to see the path, to see that the world and the universe and the powers that be have your back and are conspiring to guide you.

Another cool thing about learning how to do this is you can also do this in reverse. If you really look back on your past with an honest look, you will see how all the dots of your life connect you to this moment. For example, you can see now in this moment why that painful breakup had to happen. Why that school you got rejected from had to happen. If that breakup hadn't happened, you would never have met the love of your life. You would never have faced the things that you needed to heal in yourself if that relationship had not ended. And you can also look backwards and find these moments where you now realize, Oh, my God. Even back then. Even back then, my life was trying to guide me. Because I just knew that that relationship had to end six months before it did. I just knew I was making the right decision. You know those moments where you can look in the past and you're like, oh, my God, I just know it in my bones. That's a moment of synchronicity. Because when you just know it's true, you are finding meaning in something where nobody else does.

Like that moment, you just knew it was the right school. Do you know it was a just know it moment that brought us to Southern Vermont? Our son, Oakley, didn't want to go to the public high school outside of Boston, where his sisters went. And he just campaigned and campaigned to tour the public high school up here in Southern Vermont, where his grandmother lived. And when he stepped on that campus, he just knew this was where he was supposed to be. He knew it. He couldn't explain it, but he knew it was true. And he stated it, I'm going to school here. And by doing that, he set something in motion. He did that at the beginning of eighth grade. And for an entire year, his father and I were like, No, you're not. No, you're not. No, you're not. But guess what? The universe had other plans because Oakley Robbins had set this sucker in motion, and he was willing it to happen. And we find ourselves here, trying it out, freshman year, giving it a whirl. He set that in motion. Without him stating it, without him having that just knew, he felt something.

And he gave the feeling he felt when he walked on that campus, meaning, This is the place for me. You have had those experiences in your life. Maybe you just knew that a certain person was the right person. They were your person. Or you just knew, Oh my God, I got to get out of this situation. You left and found another job, and next thing you know, the company folds. You didn't get on the train, and everybody got sick on the train. And you didn't know why. You couldn't explain why, but you just knew. See, when you stand in this moment and you look backwards and you see these just no moments, that's also evidence of deep synchronicity happening in your life. That your life is telling you something, that When things aren't a coincidence. And when you state it and then you claim it, that's skill number one. Whether you're practicing this before you walk into a store, or a meeting, or you're just going through your day-to-day life saying, I'm going to get confirmation today about this decision. I'm going to see a sign, whether it's a number, or an animal, or a song, or I'm going to see a tattoo, or somebody's going to say something.

Something's going to happen. And the reason why it happens is because you set it in motion by saying, I'm going to get confirmation. Now, the second skill of this positive brainwashing, now that you understand that you got to state it, and then you got to claim it when it happens, is mastering your energy and using it to your advantage. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.