When the irritating person in your life gets what you want, 90% of the time, it's because they are showing up every day and they're putting in what I call the reps. That's what you do at the gym. You just put in the reps and then the muscle builds over time. And yeah, I will acknowledge that there's probably 10% of the people that are triggering and irritating that just showed up. The trust fund babies, like half the influencers in in their 20s on social media these days where the grandparents did the work and now they're living off the money from the grandparents, and they're posting all these fancy photos traveling around the world. That's not who I'm talking about. I'm talking about the 90% of the time when someone irritating is triggering you because they have something that you want and you don't like that it's them, but what they're there to show you and what you're probably not seeing is all the little things that they've been chipping away at, the boring, the hard stuff, the things they've been doing in the dark while you weren't watching over and over and over and over again.

And you know what you're angry about? You're angry at yourself because you didn't start doing it 10 years ago. You're angry that you keep making excuses. You're angry that you didn't turn it into a project and prioritize it. And so you needed to learn from them that this matters. And what I'm here to do is to help you recognize that when it happens, that this type of trigger is number one, natural and normal. But number two, it's a gift. It's a very painful gift. You can imagine it's handed to you in this disgusting, sticky, gross paper, and you got to tear through it. And what you're going to find inside when you really unwrap this gift is you're going to find fuel to motivate yourself. What fuel? Anger. Anger is a very important motivator, and you need to use it. Talk is cheap. You know you need to do something. And you also know, because you listen to this podcast, that thinking about something is not the same thing as doing it. And inspiration is not enough to get you motivated to do something. So inspiration is cheap. And as I've already explained to you, one of the reasons why it can be really demoralizing to stare at so many people that are successful ahead of you is because you're present to the gap.

I mean, why do you think it took me so long to start this podcast? Because I saw all these incredible, successful people in front of me, and I felt like I'm never going to get there. So as much as it is inspiring to see that it's possible to get something done, it is inspiring to see that that's where I want to head. You can't stay there because all you see is the gap. And that's going to be hard to keep yourself motivated to try to close. And that's why anger is really important because it's a very different emotion. That's why your triggers are your teachers. That's why that person on social media or the irritating one in the mom's group, or all if you're serious about being successful, you have no time and you do not have the right to be upset if you have not been doing the tedious, boring stuff that leads you to the thing that you want. And so that is trigger number one. Really important, really painful. It's going to happen a lot in your life, so get ready for it, welcome it, learn how to use it. The second type of trigger, holy smokes, This one was a doosy for me, and this was a extremely painful experience. And it's about being in a situation where you have no idea what you're All right, so there's a difference between imposter syndrome and literally having no idea what you're doing. And that's what this story is about. So I'm going to try to make a long story short, but I once talked myself into a job that I had no idea how to do.Even in telling you this story, I'm sitting here so embarrassed by this. But I had left the practice of law back in 1999 and jumped into the first com startup boom here in Boston. I had this extraordinary experience working for a startup here in Boston, number four person in the door. I had a front row seat to building a We had a company that was in the content space. We put up all kinds of online tests. It was absolutely amazing. But what happened is that company got this funding from a venture capital firm in San Francisco, and they were requiring the company to move. Now, I had a baby I had a baby inside me. I was pregnant. My employer did not know, and so I needed to get a job. And I started to go out for interviews, and I ended up talking my way into a job to be, get I was the Senior Vice President of Content for a Company that was building a platform. We're talking back in the day, 2001, that was connecting creators like graphic designers and video editors and people that did all kinds of creative services with anybody that need those kinds of services.Now, this was before Facebook. And so they were building this marketplace online, and I was all excited. And the reason why I got the job is because I could talk a big game, because I had had a front row seat to watching this incredible startup get built. But here's the thing. I didn't do any of the things that I could talk about. So I could talk about what I had seen, but I couldn't actually execute it. And so I land this job, I get a great salary, I'm all excited. We're in a beautiful startup space, and it's full of engineers, and I show up for my first day, and I realize as I'm sitting there, I don't have a clue what I'm freaking doing. Not clue. And I didn't say anything. I sat there, I went to that job, Every single day, I'm laughing, for six months. I sat there at my desk, and I typed my little emails, and I pretended to look busy because I didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing? And eventually, the people that ran the company figured it out. And one day, sure enough, every day I would go in there.It was so triggering because I knew it's not just that I felt like a fraud. I knew I was so out over the tips of my skis. I knew I had no idea what was going on. And talk about being a dummy. I didn't spend my time trying to figure it out. I spent my time hiding, just pretending, just being there, just doing the best that I could. I never said a thing. And then there was one day where the two founders called me very publicly. It was an open floor plan. So I'm sitting in this loft space, and And I get called in, and I'm feeling funky like, Oh, my God, they're going to ask me a question. I don't know the answer. I'm going to have to fake it again. And they sat me down and they said, Mel, I said, Yes. And they said, We think you're awesome as a person, but you don't have a clue about what you're doing, do you? And I said, No, I don't. Silence. I mean, complete... You want to talk about being triggered? Completely called out on my BS. At work by the founders in a glass conference room, I was told that my things were being packed up as I was sitting in there.Anddo in this job. I just pretended. And I walked out looking at my feet. I didn't even look straight ahead. Just like, Look down, look down, get out. And as I walked through the door, and that door closed behind me, it was one of those doors that when it swings shut, it sends us at your back and your hair flies forward. And I'll tell you something. Having someone call you out on your BS is one of the most triggering things that could ever happen to you. When somebody says, You're cheating, aren't you? Or you're drinking You're drinking again, aren't you? Or, You spent that money I gave you, didn't you? Or, You didn't get the job, and you've been pretending you did.Or, You don't know what you're doing. Here's the thing I want to tell you about that extraordinarily triggering thing, because I'm not going to lie to you, it was so embarrassing. I felt so ashamed. I felt mortified. I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself not just for lying I was thinking about my capability, but then pretending for so long. But I was also mad that while I was sitting there, I didn't do anything to actually learn any skills. I didn't do anything to try to ask for help. And so as painful as it was to sit for six months in a job that I was royally screwing up, pretending everything's cool. This was a key to my success. Let me tell you why. Without that trigger, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. Without the trigger of someone calling me out on being a liar, on not saying, I don't know what I'm doing, I would have never have learned what a superpower it is to say at any moment, I don't know what I'm doing, to say, I I don't know the answer, to say, I've never done that before, or to say, This is way out of my comfort level, but can I hire someone to help, or can I take a class on this?And what I've come to learn that I wouldn't have known without that triggering moment of somebody else calling me to the mat is the power of just being honest. In fact, you guys constantly write in and you're like, Oh, gosh, Mel, you're so authentic. You're so this. It's because I I'm the first person to say, and in fact, you hear it on the podcast all the time, don't you? And I'm like, That's a big word. What does that mean? Where I said, Well, I don't even know what you just said. Can you explain that in a way that I could understand? I don't have any embarrassment about that. In fact, I think it's a sign of intelligence. And it also, based on the research, get this, when somebody says, I don't know, it creates tremendous trust. Because when somebody tells you they don't know, you go, Oh, I can trust this person to tell me when they don't know. And that is a massive teacher in my life. I have zero fear about not knowing something. I have zero fear about asking for help. I have zero fear about telling somebody that I need support in something.And that has led to me taking major risks. That's led to me being honest. It's led to me solving problems faster. And it will lead to the same thing for you. So wherever it is that you're hiding out, someone's coming, someone's coming, someone's coming, and it's going to be painful. So you might as well learn this lesson from me today and start speaking up. My mission today is to trigger you, to make you annoyed, whether it's at me or somebody else, so that you start to go, Yeah, I'm mad. I'm mad that I'm not doing the thing that I need to be doing. I'm mad at myself for sitting around. I'm mad at myself for being scared about whatever it is I think instead of doing the thing I need to do. Or I'm mad that I am holding myself back.

if you're serious about being successful, you have no time and you do not have the right to be upset if you have not been doing the tedious, boring stuff that leads you to the thing that you want. And so that is trigger number one. Really important, really painful. It's going to happen a lot in your life, so get ready for it, welcome it, learn how to use it. The second type of trigger, holy smokes, This one was a doosy for me, and this was a extremely painful experience. And it's about being in a situation where you have no idea what you're All right, so there's a difference between imposter syndrome and literally having no idea what you're doing. And that's what this story is about. So I'm going to try to make a long story short, but I once talked myself into a job that I had no idea how to do.

Even in telling you this story, I'm sitting here so embarrassed by this. But I had left the practice of law back in 1999 and jumped into the first com startup boom here in Boston. I had this extraordinary experience working for a startup here in Boston, number four person in the door. I had a front row seat to building a We had a company that was in the content space. We put up all kinds of online tests. It was absolutely amazing. But what happened is that company got this funding from a venture capital firm in San Francisco, and they were requiring the company to move. Now, I had a baby I had a baby inside me. I was pregnant. My employer did not know, and so I needed to get a job. And I started to go out for interviews, and I ended up talking my way into a job to be, get I was the Senior Vice President of Content for a Company that was building a platform. We're talking back in the day, 2001, that was connecting creators like graphic designers and video editors and people that did all kinds of creative services with anybody that need those kinds of services.

Now, this was before Facebook. And so they were building this marketplace online, and I was all excited. And the reason why I got the job is because I could talk a big game, because I had had a front row seat to watching this incredible startup get built. But here's the thing. I didn't do any of the things that I could talk about. So I could talk about what I had seen, but I couldn't actually execute it. And so I land this job, I get a great salary, I'm all excited. We're in a beautiful startup space, and it's full of engineers, and I show up for my first day, and I realize as I'm sitting there, I don't have a clue what I'm freaking doing. Not clue. And I didn't say anything. I sat there, I went to that job, Every single day, I'm laughing, for six months. I sat there at my desk, and I typed my little emails, and I pretended to look busy because I didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing? And eventually, the people that ran the company figured it out. And one day, sure enough, every day I would go in there.

It was so triggering because I knew it's not just that I felt like a fraud. I knew I was so out over the tips of my skis. I knew I had no idea what was going on. And talk about being a dummy. I didn't spend my time trying to figure it out. I spent my time hiding, just pretending, just being there, just doing the best that I could. I never said a thing. And then there was one day where the two founders called me very publicly. It was an open floor plan. So I'm sitting in this loft space, and And I get called in, and I'm feeling funky like, Oh, my God, they're going to ask me a question. I don't know the answer. I'm going to have to fake it again. And they sat me down and they said, Mel, I said, Yes. And they said, We think you're awesome as a person, but you don't have a clue about what you're doing, do you? And I said, No, I don't. Silence. I mean, complete... You want to talk about being triggered? Completely called out on my BS. At work by the founders in a glass conference room, I was told that my things were being packed up as I was sitting in there.

Anddo in this job. I just pretended. And I walked out looking at my feet. I didn't even look straight ahead. Just like, Look down, look down, get out. And as I walked through the door, and that door closed behind me, it was one of those doors that when it swings shut, it sends us at your back and your hair flies forward. And I'll tell you something. Having someone call you out on your BS is one of the most triggering things that could ever happen to you. When somebody says, You're cheating, aren't you? Or you're drinking You're drinking again, aren't you? Or, You spent that money I gave you, didn't you? Or, You didn't get the job, and you've been pretending you did.

Or, You don't know what you're doing. Here's the thing I want to tell you about that extraordinarily triggering thing, because I'm not going to lie to you, it was so embarrassing. I felt so ashamed. I felt mortified. I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself not just for lying I was thinking about my capability, but then pretending for so long. But I was also mad that while I was sitting there, I didn't do anything to actually learn any skills. I didn't do anything to try to ask for help. And so as painful as it was to sit for six months in a job that I was royally screwing up, pretending everything's cool. This was a key to my success. Let me tell you why. Without that trigger, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. Without the trigger of someone calling me out on being a liar, on not saying, I don't know what I'm doing, I would have never have learned what a superpower it is to say at any moment, I don't know what I'm doing, to say, I I don't know the answer, to say, I've never done that before, or to say, This is way out of my comfort level, but can I hire someone to help, or can I take a class on this?

And what I've come to learn that I wouldn't have known without that triggering moment of somebody else calling me to the mat is the power of just being honest. In fact, you guys constantly write in and you're like, Oh, gosh, Mel, you're so authentic. You're so this. It's because I I'm the first person to say, and in fact, you hear it on the podcast all the time, don't you? And I'm like, That's a big word. What does that mean? Where I said, Well, I don't even know what you just said. Can you explain that in a way that I could understand? I don't have any embarrassment about that. In fact, I think it's a sign of intelligence. And it also, based on the research, get this, when somebody says, I don't know, it creates tremendous trust. Because when somebody tells you they don't know, you go, Oh, I can trust this person to tell me when they don't know. And that is a massive teacher in my life. I have zero fear about not knowing something. I have zero fear about asking for help. I have zero fear about telling somebody that I need support in something.

And that has led to me taking major risks. That's led to me being honest. It's led to me solving problems faster. And it will lead to the same thing for you. So wherever it is that you're hiding out, someone's coming, someone's coming, someone's coming, and it's going to be painful. So you might as well learn this lesson from me today and start speaking up. My mission today is to trigger you, to make you annoyed, whether it's at me or somebody else, so that you start to go, Yeah, I'm mad. I'm mad that I'm not doing the thing that I need to be doing. I'm mad at myself for sitting around. I'm mad at myself for being scared about whatever it is I think instead of doing the thing I need to do. Or I'm mad that I am holding myself back.