So let's go to that moment, Jamie. You're three years in. You've burned through the money. You have been told no by everybody. And even though you have leveraged all of the steps that were ordered along the way and like an amazing Denny's waitress, you can talk to anybody, you can hustle, you can figure it out. You have nothing but closed doors in front of you and a ton of product and no money. What is the turning point? Yes. Why did you not give up?

Two big things happened. The first was in the form of a crazy painful rejection. I thought Mel. We got a call from a big potential investor and very famous for launching all these unknown brands and making them big products we all buy in grocery stores. And I thought, and they got in hold of our product. And I thought like, Oh, if they invest in A, I'm not going to go bankrupt, B, we can leverage their clout to get in these stores that keep telling me no. I had this whole scenario planned out that was like this pretty woman moment, where I was like, Oh, he's going to save the day. And so we started taking meeting after meeting, and it got down to the final meeting with this huge investment firm. It was in person. My husband and I actually flew to the meeting and the head guy was about three feet from me. His whole team was there who was awesome. I just presented our whole future product pipeline. He says, You should be so proud of this product you've created. It's really good, but it's a no we're going to pass on investing in cosmetics.

I was like, Okay, can you tell me why? Because I'm so used to hearing no, and I was like, Okay. Even though really I was devastated.

Well, yeah, because they just led you on and you just went through it. This was supposed to be the meeting where they're like.

Let's do this. I was so hopeful and I was so desperate. He got very quiet and he says to me, Do you want to know? I said, Can you tell me why? He says to me, Do you want me to be really honest with you? I said, Yes, please. He got really quiet. He's like 3 feet from me in person. He says, I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight. When he said that to me, and this is why it was such a big moment for me, when he said that to me, first of all, a lifetime of body doubt and self-doubt. I remember it flooding my body all at once. When I looked at him, I actually felt no anger toward him. I felt like I was almost staring my own fear straight in the eye. But when he said those words to me, Mel—and this is when we talk about purpose and intuition—he said, I just don't think women will buy makeup for someone who looks like you with your body and your weight. The second he said that, I felt this feeling in my gut.

I can remember it like it was yesterday, this strong feeling that said, He's wrong. I felt it. I didn't know how I was going to prove it, but I felt that feeling. What I realized later, when I look back at that moment, this guy, this dude gave me a no, but God gave me a knowing in that moment. In that moment. I believe every one of us has had someone tell us we're not the right fit or no or you don't have what it takes. Sometimes we're the ones telling.

Ourselves that. I don't love you anymore. Yes.

But if you get still and you learn to hear your knowing, I believe which one you listen to? If you listen to the no, all the nos, all the rejections, all the self-doubt, or you get still and listen to your knowing, whether that's from your own intuition, from your creator, from the universe, whatever speaks to you, but we all have it. We all have it. I believe our life and our purpose and our entire destiny comes down to which one we listen to. Do you listen to the no or do you listen to the knowing?

I promised a masterclass. That right there is worth a billion dollars. In life, are you going to listen to the no? Or are you going to listen to the knowing inside of you? That's it. Yeah. As somebody who loves you and as your friend, when you shared that story with me and hearing you tell it again right now, I literally go, I'm going to kill that motherfucker. I have that my knowing goes, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You think, Okay. Let me show you. I get that mojo thing going when somebody says no like that at a moment like that. It's like, I'll show you. I guess I just got in this moment, this wake-up call that my knowing often feels like I'll show you. You missed out. You'll be sorry. What does yours sound like?

It's almost always true. That's almost always true, right?

What does yours sound like? Is yours like, or is it more of.

Like- I mean, in that case, I was devastated and at the same time had the strong... It was just a piece. Honestly, in that moment, it was a piece. He's wrong. That didn't make sense in my head. Why? Because I had had three years of hundreds of rejections. This is the thing, right? Jay Z says, The genius thing we did was we didn't give up. That's one of my favorite quotes of his. In that moment, everything told me to give up, Mel. I mean, it was hundreds of rejections. Now, it felt like my last hope of desperation told me something totally different. No, because not only do I not believe in anything you're doing necessarily, but I actually just think you're personally not the right fit. Women just won't buy makeup from you. It was just like, Oh, my gosh. It was like, all of these nos everywhere. I want to share that because it's easy for someone to go, Oh, wow, she built a billion dollar company. She must have just got lucky, or maybe she just had so many connections. We always think... But really what it comes down to sometimes in this case, that big moment for me, do you listen to the nos or do you listen to the knowing?

I made that decision that day to trust the knowing, to trust myself. I kept feeling like I was supposed to keep going. I didn't know how. What do you do.

When you don't even know the next step? You got this jerk who's like, Yeah, they're not going to buy it because of your body type and this and the other thing. You're like, Yeah, you're wrong, motherfucker. But what do you do next?

The next right step, the next thing that feels right when you can't even see how that gets you to.

Work out. How do you even determine what the next right.

Step is? Yeah, for me, I just get still. I pray. I pray. You know that. I pray. But whether for you listening, it's prayer or it's the universe or your intuition, when you get still, all you can do is try to listen and try to live that answer, whatever it is, and take that next step. I just felt. I just had this knowing I was supposed to keep going. Even when it didn't make sense. I remember crying myself to sleep. I remember writing in my journal, Know your why then fly, girl, fly. I read those words every day till I didn't need the reminder. I would google stories of people that had gone through thousands of rejections who no one would know that they went through them because they're so successful today. Or when I just kept trying to build this toolbox with things I could lean on. But I- How.

Did QVC come about? Because you built it, Cosmetics, and it became, because of you, the most successful beauty brand on all of QVC. You did over a thousand appearances. How did you even get on to QVC? Because that, in and of itself is no small feat.

Yeah, well, their head guy of beauty, who's like a legend, had said no to me many times, No, you're not the right fit. And I happened to be at this big beauty expo.

And was this before or after this guy was like, no, we're not investing? After. After? So she has now gotten three years of noes. They're almost out of money. Her intuition is knowing that she's going to fly, girl, fly. So she is still showing up to a beauty expo where I want you to understand in the business world, it's like going to a convention where everybody that you have ever fooled around with who has then broken up with you is attended. So everybody that has said no to her, she walks in and it's like, Oh, here's this chick again. The it chick, right? The it cosmetics person that has been sending me the stuff and calling me. And we have told her no. Do not make eye contact. So you are now at this thing. I love this thing.

This describes it exactly. You fold around with who broke up with you, and they're like, Oh, don't make eye contact.

It's that. Oh, God, this chick again with the skin. So you're at this thing. You've been told no by the big, big, big, big, big, big person. It's been three years. We're talking like 2011, 2012-ish. What do.

You do? You get this three-foot table, right? It's a huge convention. There's 6,000 women at this convention. They're walking up and down, and it's every beauty brand.

In the world. Are they buying it for their stores?

No. What it is? It was this big cosmetic executive women awards show. Why you're there is you get a three-foot table, you're demonstrating your product. You're hoping that someone who walks by either wants to carry your product in their stores or all the presses there, they cover your product, or there's also you could win some big award. I'm there, and then all the brands you can imagine are there, and there's 6,000 women walking. When I got there, I saw QVC had this huge booth in the background, and you're not allowed to leave your table. I couldn't afford to get kicked out. But I just kept having this feeling like, Okay, I've called them a million times. They've told me no forever, but I've never met anyone in person. I kept trying to sneak away from my table. Every time I got over there, the buyers would be mobbed with people. I eventually got over there, made my way to one of the buyers, introduced myself, poured my heart out. I remember sweat just dripping through my clothes because I was freaking out down to no money. I'll cut a real long story short, but she gave me her card.

It's like when someone says, Oh, DM me on Instagram. Come, you don't know if they really mean it. Then you're on your Instagram checking your DMs, and you're like, Oh, they still haven't replied. I thought, Is that what it's going to be like? But she actually meant it. I flew out, had a meeting with her. We got a yes, my first big yes for one shot on QVC. And what it meant, Mel, was I was going to get this 10-minute segment live on the air, live in front of 100 million homes. I either had to sell enough product to hit their sales goal or not come back. We were only doing one to two orders a day on our website. Okay.

One to two orders a day, everybody. After almost three years of this.

Yeah. How- And barely keeping the lights on.

Now you get your shot. There are those moments in life.

Yes.

You're at bat.

Yeah.

You got to be ready for those. And so put us right there with you. What happened?

Yeah. What happened was I was about to learn one of the greatest life lessons I've ever learned to this day. And here's what I mean by that. I found that I get one shot and then I learn it's consignment, which means first of all, I had to sell over 6,000 units of our concealer in this 10-minute window to hit their sales goal or not come back, which was about like $130,000 or $140,000 of product in a 10-minute window.

I also want to point out to everybody that's 10 years of sales on her website at the current amount. So in 10 minutes, everybody, she, on live television, has to move 10 years worth of volume she was selling on her website at that time.

In one shot.

In one shot. And she'd never done this before. I realized you were a television anchor, but this is a totally different thing.

Well, QVC, it's unlike stores where you can walk in and there's thousands of products in one space, their one minute air time can get one product. So you're competing with the volume of Apple iPhone or Dyson vacuum. You have to hit these highest sales goals. And what I quickly learned was the offer was an assignment, which meant I wasn't guaranteed to be paid for it. I had to figure out how to get a loan to cover the cost of manufacturing 6,000 units of product, shipping it in, going through legal, going through QC, going through all of it. And then I learned if I go on air and it doesn't sell, I have to take it all back. Oh, my God. And therefore, I go out of business. You should never, ever, ever accept a purchase order. You can't afford to lose, ever. But at this point, it was like, I think I'm... I don't know what else to do. This is it. This is the shot. This is it. Here's what happened. We went to 22 banks that all said no, and they probably should have. The 23rd bank, which was California Bank and Trust, gave us a loan that covered our very first purchase order and a little bit more.

I took the little bit more. We hired third-party consultants. I'm like, I'm going all in. I want to do the best 10 minutes I could possibly do. I want to have no regrets. They all told me the same thing. Which is? Which is, if you want a chance at making it, here's what you need to do. You need to use this type of model to demonstrate your product, which is flawless skin, early 20s, all the same skin tone. I'm like, Okay, but that's inauthentic. That's not why I'm building this brand. I'm like, What if I put models in their 70s and then someone with hyperpigmentation and someone with acne? What if I take my own makeup off on national TV and I could prove live how the product works? And they were mortified. Here's the thing, Mel. They wanted me to win. They were giving me the best advice that they know how.

This had never been done. Is this 2011?

This is 2010.

So 2010, everybody. So this was not something people did. We're talking about the person who changed the industry right here, and this is the moment you're hearing it. And everybody that were the, quote, experts were saying no. And this goes back to one of the major takeaways that you're learning from our professor of purpose, Jamie Kurn-Lema, and that is there's a huge difference between a know and a knowing.

And.

If you're the only you that will ever exist, your knowing is the unique difference that you're going to make in this world. And in this moment, with one shot to go, everything on the line, alone from one out of 23 banks that was willing she said, No way to the fricking experts. And she listened to her knowing. So when you walked into QVC with normal human beings, no flawless models, no one with perfect skin, all ages, all body types. Did people say, Wait, you can't take them on the air? Or was there any... Were people like, Oh, this is just going to be terrible. What was that like? When you walked in, did they even know you were going to take your makeup off?

I let them know I wanted to. Qvc was great. Here's the thing about QVC is they want everyone to be their authentic selves. It's just this has never been done this way before. I wish I could say it was easy for me to just go, I'm just going to go with... I'm trying to know. But the truth is I flew out there a week early, Mel. I sat in a rental car in the parking lot, cried every day. I actually second-guessed myself. I'm like, If I do it, maybe I'll do it their way first. Then I'll make money. Then I'll do it my way. But I know that authenticity, you can't fake authenticity. And authenticity alone doesn't automatically guarantee success. But what I do know is inauthenticity guarantees failure.

Every time. Okay, everybody stop the professor classes and session. Do you hear that? That in authenticity, being fake, trying to do something everybody else's way because that's just you're too insecure to do it your way, that never guarantees success. Authenticity, your knowing your special spin on things, that is the pathway to purpose and success. There is no other way. And so after a week of crying in your rental car in the parking lot at QVC, you were like, I'm going with the knowing.

I'm going with the knowing.

And so tell us about that first appearance. You're standing there on a television set. There's a gazillion cameras. The lights are bright. You got your models there. You're taking the risk of your lifetime on live television in front of 100 million homes. You are doing something that has never been done on television before.

Yeah, I remember literally I wore two pairs of Spank's Mel. Not because I cared how I look, but I was so freaked out. My hands were shaking and I was sweating through my clothes. So I had on double spanks under my dress. I remember the moment the camera went live. There's a big countdown clock on the floor that started at 10 minutes. By the way, a minute or two before I went onto the set, I learned you're not guaranteed your 10 minutes. Why? If you are a minute or two into yourself and you're not hitting numbers, they know by the second. Your clock, you might think you have eight minutes still to go, and your clock will jump to one or jump to two minutes left.

Because your product's a flop. Yes, exactly. And you're a flop. You literally are racing against the clock to be successful out of the gate. What did you do to hook everybody? Did you take your makeup off right away? What did.

You do? First of all, I go live. I remember it was like, 9:59, 9:58. I'm like... I remember I had practiced in my bathroom mirror so many times. If I had known the high five habit then, I would have been way more confident. But I was practicing in the bathroom mirror this demonstration a million times on my wrist, how our concealer doesn't crease and the best two-selling sunscelers crease. I've done this demonstration like this where I show it and they all start to crease. I'm holding my wrist up, trying to do this as we go live to show that... But my hands like this now. And it was never shaking when I was doing it a million times.

It wouldn't bend everybody. She was so anxiety-ridden that she's sweating through her two pairs of spanks, and her wrist will not bend. So she cannot demonstrate that her product.

Won't crease. Yes. And the host grabbed my wrist and was like, Thank you, Sugar. And she took over. And then I remember my bright red, bare-faced before shot coming up on national television. I remember walking over to our models, real women, all shapes, sizes, skin tones, skin challenges, calling them beautiful, meaning it. I remember-.

Did you take? When did you take your makeup off? When she grabbed her hand and said, Thank you, Sugar? Yeah. Did that wake you up? Or were.

You like- Mel, it was out of my body. I was just praying.

Did you just then take your.

Makeup off? They did a whole bare face before shot of me for that show. I've taken it off live a million times since. That first show was bare face before shot and then the after. I remember walking over to the... I remember we were, gosh, six or seven minutes in. I didn't know how we were doing, but I knew we weren't cut yet. Then it got down to a minute left and the host said, The deep shades, almost gone. The tan shades almost sold out. I was freaking out. I remember literally right at the 10-minute mark, this giant sold out sign came up across the screen, and I start crying on national television. I love you. They cut from me and went to like, Dysun vacuum or something. I remember my husband came rushing through the double doors of the studio, and he has his arms up and I'm just sobbing and I'm like, real women have spoken. I'm just crying. I thought he was going to give me a hug or be all excited. He just looked at me and he's like, We're not going bankrupt. I was like... That one airing, which was September of 2010, became five more that year, then 101 the next year.

Then I did 250 live shows a year myself, direct live on KBC year after year. We built the biggest beauty brand in KBC's history. The only reason that I share that is because it was years of no and you're not the right fit. What I love for anyone listening who needs to hear this is no one can tell you you're not the right fit. No one. You can get all the nos in the world, but you have your knowing. By the way, I believe this Mel, I believe even when you trust your knowing and then it seems like it was wrong and things don't go your way over and over and over, I look back at those moments. I really wanted that investor to invest in us. Thank God he didn't. When I say everything's happening for us, what I mean is like, I was so desperate that if he would have invested in us then, I probably would have given him the majority of the company for probably almost no money. By the time, many years, six years later, after that day, six years later, when LorieL now bought this little company and started in my living room for 1.2 billion cash, it was still like I was the largest shareholder.

Paula and I were the largest shareholders. I look back and it's like, Oh, gosh, thank God. All the noes happened when they did, even when they sucked, even when it felt like it wasn't fair. I can look at that in many scenarios. Sometimes we don't have some big positive outcome, but we learn a purpose through a no.

We.

Learn a calling through a no. We learn a lesson. We build strength. We build resiliency. We appreciate the beautiful moments so much more when we've gone through the tough ones.

Have you ever seen that investor sense?

I have not seen him. The day that.

We- Of course, I asked the petty question. I'm like, Have you ever seen him to twist the little knife in their.

Own mouth? I heard from him one time, ever again. It was six years later, the day that L'Oréal announced the deal. Because they're a public company, they announced that they had acquired it, Cosmetics, made me the first woman to hold a CEO title of a brand. In their 107 year history, they did the big press release.

That's surprising. 107 years L'Oréal, a makeup company. It took them that long to have the first female CEO of a brand?

I hope they have many more now. That is my prayer.

You were the trailblazer there, too.

It's been so many things. It's been a journey. Here's the thing, Mel. It was another woman inside L'Oréal. It was Carol Hamilton, who was head of luxury for North America. She'd been there, gosh, 30-plus years, and she championed for me to keep my CEO title, all the things. It was another woman saying, Oh, and it's funny because I actually think she should have been the first woman. You know what I mean? I think, again, there's an example, by the way, of I believe, I'm not going to speak for her, I believe she knows. This is my opinionme, and I think she probably knows she should be the first female CEO. But look how she used what she went through to then, boom, be of purpose and of service and help make sure that I kept my CEO title. Everything we go through. They announced it. All of a sudden, it was a homepage Wall Street Journal, the press everywhere. That was the first time and only time since that I heard from that potential investor.

What did.

He say? He said, Congratulations on the L'Oréal deal. I was wrong. That's what he said. He said, and wish me the best of luck.

That's a big deal to admit you're wrong.

It is. When you speak about petty, what I did say to him was thank you, but what I wanted to say... What did you want to say? In that moment, here's what I thought about... I thought about, do you remember the movie Pretty Woman where she goes in the store and they wouldn't help her? Then she goes back. Remember when she goes back? Yes. I wanted to say to him, big mistake. Huge. I could give you 1.2 billion reasons why it was a huge mistake. But I didn't. I wouldn't have wanted to be him in that situation. We probably would have been one of the most successful investments in this firm's history. Listen, it wasn't... I always say, rejection is God's protection, so often.

There's another one, everybody. Rejection is God's protection. It's a good way to frame it. I think when you look in the rearview mirror, you know that all the rejections you've faced, especially in relationships, were there to protect you. I think the true thing that you've taught me through your story and through the example that you continue to set, Jamie, is that true power and grace and grit and belief is about seeing that in front of you, not behind you. That the rejections that you're facing right now that you can look ahead and realize it's protecting you in this moment. I got that my sister is very kind. No jokes. No jokes. I'm being serious. No, I want you to talk about you. Okay. You have to just go for it and- Here's the thing. -be messy and not focus so much on what.

You're.

Afraid of and being comfortable, but.

Just do.

The thing that scares you. It's even bigger than that. Okay. If you wish to be happier, do you know what life gives you? Things that make you sad. Then you have to figure out how to be sad or happy when things are sad. You know what happens when you say that you want peace in your life? You want things to be easier? Oh, you know what? Bubbles of the surface? Oh, the stuff is broken. Then you have to bring and figure out how to bring peace to this. For you, there is something that you needed to do in Florida. Yeah. So you would get serious about doing the work back here. And that there was something in the breakdown and whatever it is that you want to call it that was meant for you because you clearly needed it to come back here and actually do what you're meant to do. And look, it might take 30 years, but it'll be the best damn Netflix special I have ever seen in my entire life.

One of the things that I'll never forget is that when I started arguing for her dreams, that's when she got really emotional. You probably heard her choking up when I said, You're moving back and you're going for it, and it's going to be the next best damn Netflix special you've ever had. It may take.

30.

Years. That's what's available to you, too. Because the bottom line is don't you dare listen to this and spend your time writing to me or DMing me about your excuses, about how old you are or how late you are or how much you've screwed up your life. Do you understand you are listening to a 54-year-old woman who had been thinking about launching a podcast since 2011, and I'm just four weeks into this, if I can reinvent my life and clear out the bullshit that I am doing to argue against my dreams, if I can get in touch with what is truly calling me and claim it and be honest and turn toward it and figure out how to make it a reality, so can you. The fact is absolutely everything that has sucked about your life or where you are right now, you need it because you needed to experience unhappiness to realize, I want to be happy. You needed to feel small to realize that's not what's meant for you. I thought that I was going to be a daytime talk show host. I thought that was my big dream. I would follow the giants like Ellen and Oprah and all these incredible people.

And you know what happened? I did that job at CBS Broadcast Center with Sony Pictures for a year, and then I got fired from that job when COVID hit, literally.

And I.

Was lost. And you know what I learned from that experience? I learned that that's not what I wanted to do. I didn't actually like it at all. I love the people. I love the machine. I did not like the product at all. There was something that was off. Every single thing.

That is.

Happening to you is happening for those dreams of yours. And see, maybe you needed the breakdown that you're in in order to realize you deserve to be happy. Maybe you needed that job you didn't like to realize you better get serious about creating what you want. Maybe you needed to apply to law school and get there and go, not for me, to realize something else was meant for you and you should stop denying the fact that you wanted to go into a creative field. So do not let the fact.

That you have.

Spent a certain amount of time, or you're a certain age, or you're too early, or you're too late, or all of that crap to invalidate.

The truth. The truth is.

You're right on time. If you're having the wake-up call that I intend for you to have, as you listen to this, as you're realizing that your dreams are as alive as they have ever been, if you are starting to go, Oh, my God, I've been against myself. I'm going to be for myself. If you're starting to say, Wow! I really have put the lid on. I really have stopped allowing myself or giving myself permission to have something incredible happen in my life. If you're having the wake-up call that I intended, good.

Now, let me tell you something else. There is no deadline on your dreams and there is no age at which you're supposed to do this. You can start a business at 18. You can quit the job you had out of college at 24. You can go back to technical school after getting a master's at 31. You can literally.

Adopt a child.

At the age of 39 when you're single. You can go to nursing school after you've raised your kids and you're 42 years old. You can learn how to teach your first online course at the age of 48. You could become a podcast host at the age of 54.

You could get married.

For the first time at 63. You could skydive at 71. You could run your first marathon at 82. Your dreams do not disappear. There is no age at when you can't do something or when you're too early. It's complete bullshit.

Your dreams are something you were born with. They are your responsibility, and they are also the life force inside of you. So stop running away from them and turn toward them. Run toward your dreams. Stop arguing against them and be the loudest voice for them. And for crying out loud.

Stop.

Extinguishing that flame that's burning inside you. Enough with the excuses, enough with the jokes and the downplaying, enough with this fear. Your job is to turn toward that flame, turn toward that flame and freaking fan it. Fan it with all your might. That flame inside you is supposed to burn bright. And the only way that that's going to happen is when you are honest with yourself about that thing you've been denying, about that calling that you feel, about the fact that you're meant for more than where you're at right now, that you deserve to be happy that those dreams are real and you have within you the ability to chip away at them, and that when you wake up every single day and you write down those five dreams and you see and you hear and you feel the fact that your life has clues. Your life is trying to help you. Your life is trying to help you become who you're destined to become. I want you to know something. You're going to wake up happier every day. You're going to wake up feeling more alive and more self-expressed and more connected and energized when you wake up for your dreams.

And I also want you to know that your friend Mel Robbins, I'm going to be right.

Here beside you.

I'm going to be here every single step of the way because I see you. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams, and I believe in your ability to make them come true. And so that's why I'm here. And I just feel as we...

Whatever.

Season of your life that you're in, whenever you hear this episode, this is when you're meant to hear this, there are no mistakes. And those dreams of yours are no joke. They are serious business, and they're your responsibility. So five, four, three, two, one, stop fucking arguing and joking and making excuses and get your ass out there and fan the flame and start.

Working on it. A couple of days ago, we flew from Nashville to Chicago. And when we got to the airport, the gentleman who was picking us up at the airport and driving us to the hotel was named Ernest. And when we got off the plane and found his car, he had the biggest smile and just radiated positive energy. You know people like this? That it's just hard to be in a bad mood around someone like that, they fight you on it with their energy. It's almost like they're a Jedi knight with their positive, just life force energy is what I call it. And so he's standing there with a big old smile. And even though this has been a really long stretch of work travel, and even though I have been, like you, so overwhelmed and sad and horrified by the news that is dominating the headlines right now, there is something about his spirit that just lifted us all up. And so we're driving into Chicago, and he's at the wheel, and I'm in the back of the car and we're just chatting up a storm. And in addition to his positive energy, Ernest has one of those voices, these like, Deep, soulful, smooth voices.

So smooth it was as if it was a liquid butterscotch. And I'm just soaking up every word. And if that's not enough, he also spoke in poetry, the person that can just string together a sentence and you find yourself closing your eyes and just nodding along as he is dropping just one beautiful truth bomb after another. And all of a sudden, I got this feeling inside me, and I thought, Hmm, I wonder if Ernest is a minister. And so I said, Ernest, any chance you're a minister? And he just just started laughing like, You got me, Mel. You got me. Yes, I'm a minister. Yes, I'm a minister. And then he went on to explain that in his opinion, the difference between a pastor and a minister is that a pastor is somebody who is responsible for a church and for the congregation of the church. But a minister is a person who spreads light and spreads positive energy, who ministers by lifting people up. Now, we were not talking about any particular religion. We were just talking about spreading light, positive energy, lifting people up. And so I said to Ernest, you know, Ernest, I am here in town because I have to give a speech tomorrow morning.

And I believe that when I am standing on that stage and I'm looking out into that audience, I am spreading light. I am showing people a different way to look at the situation that they're in or the things that they want in life, that I, too, am in the business of positive energy and lifting people up. And it would be an honor to have you come and to have you experience me doing what I do because I've been experiencing what you do. And he said, yes. He said, yes. And it was one of those moments where I just love when you say to yourself, I am sitting right here with this person for a reason. And as we got closer and closer to downtown Chicago, and as Ernest kept on ministering to the three of us in his car as he was spreading his light and talking all kinds of positivity, I sat there and thought to myself, I am supposed to be sitting here, and he is supposed to be in the driver's seat, and we are supposed to meet. It is just one of those moments. And I want to open you up to a really important idea that sometimes the light or the connection or the support or the love that you need, it's not going to come from the people you know.

Rather, the universe will put a stranger in your path to give you exactly what you need in that moment, even though you didn't know you needed it. And what I didn't know is I had gotten off that plane in Chicago feeling exhausted by my work schedule and feeling so heartbroken over the news right now. I didn't realize how much I needed a little light. And I want you to remain open to the fact that there are going to be strangers that cross your path today, this week, this month, this year, that can give you the connection, the love, the light, the support, the help, whatever it is that you need without you even realizing it. And you are also that stranger for somebody else. That you can, without even realizing that you're doing it, because Ernest did not step in that driver's seat and go, I'm just going to lift these women up. He was just being earnest. He was just shining his light. And the interesting thing about strangers is think about this. Absolutely everybody that you love was once a stranger to you. And all it takes to turn a stranger into a friend or to somebody who supports you or to the love of your life is taking a moment to connect with the light in one another.

And so Ernest did come, and he was so cute. He arrived bright and early, and I was so proud to have him there. And we sat him right upfront in the audience of thousands of people next to our corporate client. And he just soaked it in. And then when it was over, we had some time in what they call the back of the house, behind the front of the house at a hotel. We were standing back there, and I said, Ernest, what did you think? What did you think? And he said some of the most beautiful things to me. He said, Mel, it was so amazing to sit there and watch you do what you do. And there is no doubt that you are a minister. In fact, everybody, Mel, is a minister because everybody has the power to spread light and positive energy. Everybody has the power to lift people up. But as you were standing on that stage and you were pouring your heart into every single person there, did you notice? Thousands of people and every single person was quiet as a church mouse. They were reflecting. They were considering what you were saying.

And I want you to know, Mel, it was so much more than positive energy, because what you do is you make a way out of no way. You were reminding people of their power. You were reminding them of what they really want out of life, that they don't want to be stuck, that they want to feel more. And then he said this. He said, Mel, do you know what you are? And I said, No. He said, You're a Lighthouse. And when he said that word, lighthouse, it immediately brought me back to a really incredible childhood memory. I mean, Lighthouses hold a lot of importance for me. I grew up in Western Michigan in a tiny little town right on the shores of Lake Michigan. And if you don't know the Great Lakes, if you're listening in one of the 194 countries where this show is syndicated around the world and you've never seen the Great Lakes, they're just like an ocean. You cannot see across them. They are huge waves. They are enormous. And so I grew up in a tiny little town that was surrounded by lakes that all fed into the Great Lake called Lake Michigan.

And one of my dad's favorite things to do on the weekends, if he wasn't on call and he didn't have to work, was to get up really early and jump in the boat and drive out from the little lake we lived on through the channel into the bigger lake, Muskegan Lake, and then out the big channel, Muskegan Lake, and out into the wide, open, and vast Lake Michigan. And what he loved to do is he loved to fish for Steelhead. And I would often go with him. Now here's the thing. Being a little bit of a worry ward as a kid, I was deathly afraid that we would get out there to the big, open, vast ocean like Lake Michigan, and we would be swept away. I had a really active imagination. So my dad would be having the time of his life with a cigar in his mouth, and he's got all kinds of lures in the water, and he's fishing the steelhead run. And my mind would be of spinning. What if the engine doesn't start? What if a storm rolls over? What if one of those big, dark thunderstorms comes in, and all of a sudden the wind picks up and the waves start going and the boat gets flipped over and dad and I find ourselves lost at sea.

And there would be times that my dad would try to start the engine up after we'd been out there for a while, way offshore, and it would go... And then it wouldn't start. It wouldn't start. And then I'd start to panic and my dad would be like, Would you calm down? Just calm down. And then he would say, Mel, we are not going to get lost. Just look. And he'd turn around and point at the shoreline. And there off in the distance was the Lighthouse. And the Lighthouse that was on Muskegan channel is a Lighthouse called Muskegan South, Purehead Lighthouse. And what my dad would say is he said, Mel, that Lighthouse is always there, and that lighthouse is there so you don't get lost. See, it doesn't matter, Mel, how fogy it is or how dark it's going to get or if a storm blows in, we're going to be fine, because the Lighthouse has one job. The Lighthouse is always shining its light so that it can bring you home. It lets you know that you're never alone and you're never lost. And when I would look at that Lighthouse, even though it was far away, I got to be honest with you, it made me feel a little safer.

And it made me feel like my dad and I were not alone out there in that big old Great Lake, Lake Michigan, but that we were connected to somebody who could and who would help. And if you've ever been lost, if you ever had that experience where you've been lost, whether you're driving around and all of a sudden you have to pull over because you don't know where you are, or maybe you're in a new city and you're walking around in circles and you can't find your way, or heck, I remember being a freshman in college and I was so lost at Dartmouth College. I didn't know where my classroom was. So when you're feeling lost, it's really scary. But then there is that moment when either somebody stops and says, Are you lost? Or you say to somebody else, Excuse me, I'm a little lost. And the person says to you, You're not lost. I know exactly where you are. And I also know how to get where you're going. And that right there is such an amazing feeling to have someone say to you, You're not lost. I know exactly where you are.

And I know how to get you where you want to go. And so today, that's exactly what I want to talk to you about. This feeling that I think is really universal right now of feeling lost, especially when the world feels like very dark. And when you're feeling lost, how can you navigate this? How can you move forward again? And I know that that's exactly how I felt this week. As I've been watching the news unfold, it feels like a huge dark storm has blown in, that the fog is here, that we're spinning around. It's scary. And I don't know about you, but whenever I feel like things are really or I feel very lost and I'm not sure what to do, I start to feel paralyzed. That's my initial reaction, that I get stuck, I get angry, I feel uncertain, my energy starts to drain from me. I feel so sad. And I'm sharing that with you because if that's how you felt recently, I want you to know you're not alone in feeling that way. And it might not even be that you feel lost, maybe right now because of what's happening in your personal life or because you live in a part of the world that is in conflict and crisis, that you do feel like you're holding on for dear life, that you are trying not to drown.

And I also want you to know, if that's how you feel as you hear my voice or you're watching this video, that you're not alone. There are so many people, unfortunately, hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people that feel that way right now, too. And so today, I'm thinking about our conversation not like this is a podcast episode. I'm thinking about our conversation as me sharing with you how I'm feeling. And what I really want to do, because I've been thinking a lot about this, especially since Ernest and this metaphor of a lighthouse, is I want to speak to the situation that we're in right now. And in particular, I'm going to try to shine a light, a light so bright that I hope it reaches you. Because we can't allow ourselves to get so caught up in the darkness that is in the world around us that we forget to love one another. We cannot forget to appreciate the small things or the moments that we have, even when the world around us feels like it's spiraling in chaos. We can't forget to help someone in need. And we can't forget that we, even if we're just watching this all unfold in the news, that we are just one step away from being the one who needs the help.

And if you can hear my words right now or you can watch this on YouTube, I want you to consider something. Yes, you may feel deeply afraid and you may feel lost, but you're not lost. You have you. You're not alone. You're not by yourself. You're with yourself. And there are so many people around the globe who care about you. And you're also not paralyzed. That's our first response, right? When something scary happens that we disconnect from ourselves, we disconnect from everybody else, we start to hunker down, we feel stuck, we start to get paralyzed. I am here to shine a light on the fact that there are small things that you can do right now. First, to weather the storm, and second, to start to see yourself and what you can do in a different light. My hope is that by the time you and I are done talking today, that you're not going to feel so stuck, that you're not going to feel so hopeless, but that you will feel reconnected to your strength. And you will feel empowered by some very simple things that you can do right now to help yourself and perhaps help somebody else who needs you.

I am going to show up today and be a Lighthouse. And I'm going to shine a light so bright because I want to illuminate a path forward for you that will help you navigate this moment. A Lighthouse is not actually interested in who gets the light. A Lighthouse is blinking in a rotation so that the light is there for all to see. It doesn't select or discriminate which ships get to see it. It shows its light for anyone within its reach. I love that. I absolutely love that because that brings me back to you and to this moment and to the awesome, amazing power that you have. See, when I landed in Chicago, I saw the light inside of Ernest. He was just standing there, beaming it for anybody who cared to be basking in it, and that light lifted me up. And then the next morning, Ernest saw the light in me as I was just beaming it out for anybody in that audience who cared to allow it to lighten the way. And you, you have a light inside of you. What is the light? The light is your humanity. It's your compassion.

It's your ability to laugh, to love, to hug somebody, to listen, to care. It's what you feel in your heart. And that's why your heart is breaking right now. Your heart is breaking because you're seeing innocent people that you see suffering due to war or natural disasters or senseless hatred and violence. And I don't know about you, but when I watch the news, I have to remind myself because it's easy to forget this fact that these innocent people are victims. They are not their governments. And that's why so many people around the world need your light right now. And I want to talk to you about how you can tap into that light. And I'm also going to share with you some of the things that I am doing that are making me stay connected to my light and keeping me grounded and keeping me in a place where I am not getting sucked into this darkness. I'm staying above it so that I can help and so that I can stay connected to my power. See, even when nothing seems to make sense, there's always something that you can do. And what you can do right now is to be a lighthouse for other people, to cast your light into this dark storm for anybody who needs it to see it.

And what does that even mean, Mel? Well, let me talk about that for a minute. First of all, whenever I feel really low, I find that the fastest way for me to lift my own spirits is to help somebody else. So in whatever way that you can, try to find ways to help other people, to connect, to volunteer, to serve others. However you can do that when you lift somebody else up, you are being a lighthouse, and it always does come back to you. Help somebody else out. Find ways to be part of the force for good. I know what you're already thinking. Mel, are you kidding me? I am sad and scared and horrified, and I can barely get out of bed, and I'm mainlining the news, you want me to help other people? Now, I can barely function myself. Well, here's what I have to say. Well, then helping someone else is exactly what you should do. If you can't help yourself, research has found over and over again that helping somebody else not only feels good, but it does you good. And there are a number of reasons why. First of all, it distracts you from the sorrow, grief, fear, and worries that can become this echo chamber in your own brain that starts to make you feel isolated and paralyzed and stuck and full of despair.

And by supporting somebody else in need, there are so many interesting things that happen with your perspective. When you're supporting somebody else, you realize you have more power than you think. I'm talking little stuff. You could run errands for somebody. You could work hotlines. You could check in on friends and family. By supporting somebody else in need, you gain a new perspective about your own situation. And there's something magical that happens when you start giving back because you realize that you do have more power than you think you do. When you sit alone and you tell yourself there's nothing that you can do, you will start to spiral. You will feel more depressed. And I know you know this is true. I mean, just think about the times that somebody has done something nice for you. In those moments when somebody else helps you, you feel seen, you feel lifted up. And the second thing that I want you to do is to be soft with yourself right now because the world is suffering, it is impacting you, too. In fact, Dr. Tama Bryant, who's been featured on the last two episodes that we published, has this saying that whatever is happening out there is happening in here, too.

And what she means by that is that you are absorbing the energy and the stress around you. Everybody on the planet right now is impacted by this. And even if you're not vibrating with a lot of stress, people around you are. They are worried. They are watching the news. They may not be able to turn it off. They are worried about loved ones. They're worried about what might happen. And this energy is impacting you. And if you are watching the news, yeah, you can turn that off, but you can't turn it off in your body. And so if you are having a hard time concentrating or falling asleep or procrastination has ticked up or you feel like you're on edge or you're starting to slip into feeling like nothing matters and life is horrible, that is an example of how this is impacting you. And so it is critical that you take steps to take care of yourself right now because you deserve it. And in order to lift other people up, you got to make sure that you start by lifting yourself up first. And so I thought a lot about this. How am I doing that for myself?

And I came up with five things that I'm doing right now that are helping me to stop the overwhelm and stop the despair and to stay connected to my light, to the power that I do have, and to a connection to something greater than this very scary moment. And so the first thing is spiritual practices. I am a very spiritual person. But since this news began a week ago, I have really become intentional about making sure it is part of my daily and sometimes several times a daily thing that I'm doing. And you know that spiritual practices work. One of the things I'm doing right now is praying. I'm praying for each and every single human being who has lost their lives or their loved ones. I'm praying for people who are in harm's way, who are fearing for their lives. I'm praying for those of you that are struggling right now with anxiety and fear and grief. And I'm praying for compassion. I'm praying for healing. And I'm praying for peace. And you want to know what else I'm praying for? I am praying for our collective light to shine brighter than this terrifying darkness that is rolled into the world right now.

Since the beginning of time, spiritual practices have helped people through some of the most tragic experiences. So whether for you that means prayer or meditation or journaling or gathering with other people of a similar faith, or even for me, just taking a walk outside, like getting outside, getting off my phone, taking a walk in the woods. Or here's what I did this morning. I was driving down the road, and I have a friend that I've talked about on this podcast that is a flower farmer. She's the owner of Fleur Farm. And she has all these dalia fields. And I pulled over because I saw her working in one, and I left my car running. And I just silently walked through the rows in her flower field. And as I walked, I took in each individual flower. And I would stop and look at it. And I would look at the bumblebee that was laying there in the center, all drunk on pollen. And I got lost in the beauty of nature. And I'll tell you what, being able to connect to something greater than this scary moment that's going on in the world, it really helps me.

It helps me to stay grounded. It helps me to be calm. And that helps me to show up in a very different way during this moment. And if you're listening to my voice or you're watching this video and you're in a part of the world where you can't get outside, just not an option for you. I want you to try visualizing yourself outside in your favorite place or visualize yourself with people that you love. If you close your eyes and allow your imagination to take you there, it might just really help. The second thing that I'm doing is I am using the 10-5 rule. Now this is something I do in my day to day life, but I have 10-Xed it at this moment. And here's what the 10-5 rule is. It's a simple way to connect with people that you know or that you don't know. And every time I share this, I always get people that write in and say, Well, this isn't safe for me to do where I live. If you're comfortable, try this. But it is really fantastic. You can use this in a grocery store. You can use this on a college campus.

You can use this at work. You can use this on a sidewalk. You can use this at a stoplight. It's wonderful. And here's how it works. Whenever you're 10 feet away from another human being, just look him in the eyes and smile. That's it. Look him in the eyes and smile. And try to hold the smile and your eye contact for three seconds or more, because a funny thing happens when you do that. When you look at somebody else in the eyes and you smile, a big toothy smile, you are signaling to somebody else's mirror neurons in their brain that you are friendly, that you are a safe connection. And somebody else's mirror neurons can't help but then mirror your response. And so if you look at somebody in the eyes, and they look back and you smile, and you hold that smile for more than three seconds, you watch, they'll grit right back because they can't help it. We are wired for connection. Then when you get five feet away, smile again and say hello. And the reason why this 10-5 rule is so great is because it's a simple and instant way to connect with somebody.

The fact is we are not strangers when we are all suffering around the globe. And we are all in this right now, even though we show it very differently from one another. I do not want us to turn away from one another, because when we do that, we buy into the darkness. I want us to turn toward one another. I want us to lead with our humanity, and I want us to let the light in from one another again. The third thing that I am doing that is helping a lot is advice that I got from Dr. Tama Bryant, where she says, There's a big difference between staying informed and not inundating yourself with the news. Because how much time you spend watching the news does not equal how much you care. You can care deeply about what's happening with other people and not watch the news at all. I personally do not watch or listen to the news. I read the news. Why? Because I want to stay informed, but I want to protect my mental health. This is a way I can be soft with myself, remember? Because if I let my mental health tank and if I let my mood and my mindset and all of that go with it, I'm not going to be able to show up in this moment and navigate it in a different way.

And so please try not to stress yourself out by staring at traumatic imagery to the extent that you can. In fact, my husband and I have also required that all three of our kids delete TikTok because the imagery on that platform right now is way too much for your nervous system and your heart to process. And so please do not look at it. Focus on showing how much you care by your actions rather than the content that you're consuming. It's going to be way better for you, okay? Next, this is the fourth thing that I'm doing that makes me feel a little bit better. I'm reaching out to people. And in particular, I am checking in on my Jewish and my Muslim friends. See, these recent events, they have sent shockwaves through both global communities. Please let your friends know that you care about them, that you're thinking about them. Please let them know that they are not alone in this. And another thing that I love to do is that when I am reaching out to a friend of mine who is really going through something, whether it's this situation that we are witnessing right now, or it's somebody that just lost a loved one or got a scary diagnosis or is dealing with something very traumatic, I always reach out and I check in and I tell them how much I love them, and then I end it with this, You do not need to respond.

I just wanted you to know that I'm here and you're not going to go through this alone. And the reason why I love this is because when you reach out to somebody unexpectedly, it feels so good. I mean, think about the times when somebody texts to you unexpectedly, you're like, Oh, my God, that's so nice of them. And when you send the text, you create that light inside somebody else. That's the first gift. The second gift is when you don't need to respond, because if somebody's going through something very traumatic, they do not have the energy to check in with you. And so you give them this beautiful gift when you relieve them of the burden and the guilt of having to and not being able to. And finally, I have been thinking about this metaphor of a Lighthouse over and over and over again. And I find it so empowering to think about the role that you can play as an individual in this dark storm, that somehow thinking about shining that light inside of you in a 360 fashion for anyone around you to see or feel what a gift that is to give other people.

And by thinking about that metaphor, it allows me to rise out of the individual emotion or heaviness that I feel so that I can take action and feel like I'm doing something. And the ways that I do that is when I see despair, I respond with hope. When I see sorrow, I respond with love. I'm meeting agitation with kindness, and I'm inviting you to do the same. Do not get pulled into the darkness. As I said earlier, the words that Ernest said to me, We cannot allow ourselves to get caught up in the darkness in the world and forget to love one another and to help one another in need. Do what you can to help yourself and to help somebody else see the good in you and in them. And if you really don't know what to do, just smile at people. Just say hello. Just reach out to your friends. A little bit of goodness goes a very long way right now. So I have something pretty amazing that I want to give you today. It's exactly what you need to hear. It is not just a pep talk. It is the message that a really dear friend who's fed up with you delivers straight between the eyes.

What am I talking about? I'm talking about your dreams. You're the person, just like me, that every single year you write down the things that you want in your life. And I would imagine that as each year rolls on and the new list gets written, you move the thing that you didn't work on this year to the list that you do for the next year and on and on and on. I mean, how many years have you been thinking about writing a book or changing your job or changing where you live or healing some aspect of your past or finding love or learning how to love yourself or starting that business? These things that you hold in your heart, they are meant to be out in the world. And today I'm on a mission to get you to stop waiting. Stop waiting for the perfect time. Stop waiting to feel ready. Stop waiting for the money. Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting to feel like somebody's going to care about this. The only person that needs to care enough is you, because today is the day that you're going to pick up the pen, you're going to start the research, you're going to commit to taking action.

Why? Because that's what you're meant to do with your life. You're meant to create a bigger vision for yourself. And the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this today is because I know you need to hear it. See, a couple of weeks ago, we did a episode on imposter syndrome. And imposter syndrome is just self-doubt. It's just when you intellectualize your self-doubt and you talk yourself out of doing what you want to do. You tell yourself, Oh, my God, I want to be a singer. I want to be a writer. I want to travel more. I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to do the other thing. And then you tell yourself that you're not ready, that you're not worthy, that it's not going to happen to you. That episode was called The Four Words at Silence: Self-Doubt. So the day we released that episode, two really interesting things happened. And it made me realize, I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you about how you're holding yourself back from pursuing the goals that you want to pursue in your life. And so here's what made me realize we got to talk about this.

First of all, on the morning that the episode aired, number one, I woke up and there was already a voice memo from a friend of mine. She was only halfway through the episode. She was already starting to tear up because the episode made her think about this dream of writing a book, publishing a book, and how she's been putting it off because of her self-doubt and feeling like an imposter, it has kept her from picking up the pen. Here's that memo. Hi, Mel.

I'm partially through Kindel's imposter commentary, and I had.

To stop it.

Right in my misty.

Moment to.

Tell her and you, as a woman who's soon going to be 60, I feel the imposter, imposter syndrome too.

Why?

I've had have a book deal sitting on my desk since 2006.

Too self-doubting to take the risk of judgment.

Oh, I'm not a.

Respected writer.

Oh, it isn't that interesting to.

Actually pin it. It's been on.

The top of.

My annual goal list for almost 20 years now.

Yet.

Remains.

Just a dream due to every imposter, imposter excuse to not follow through. I teared up when I got to that part of your message, which is actually the most powerful awareness.

Talk about a double.

Barrel of self-doubt that I too share. I just want to thank you, Kindel, for being raw and real.

And I want you to.

Go for it.

You got this. Imagine how.

Far you will be in 20 years. And thank you, Mel. You just don't know who you might be touching. And I appreciate all your kindness and love to the universe. You know.

What strikes me about that? This is what hit me. Time. Twenty years. Time. That for 20 years, she would put on her annual list of goals. Write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book. I bet you make a list of dreams and goals, don't you? I do. Every single year, I write them all down. And when the next year rolls around, there's usually one or two that I move from one page to the other page. For me, it was always, start a podcast, start a podcast, start a podcast. And so much fucking time went by, where I carried this dream from one page to the next. Why did you waste so many years thinking about this podcast and doing nothing about it? Well, I'm sure for the same reasons that you're wasting time. To begin with, I didn't know how to do it. Plus, I had so much going on from the little things like, I got to get dinner on the table. Somebody else has already done it. I got college tours this weekend. What if I do it and it's a disaster.

It's embarrassing how bad it does. By the way, who am I to compete with the people that are already doing it, that have already said everything, like Joe Regan and Alex Cooper and NPR and everybody else? By the way, all the good ideas, they're already out there. There's no room for me. I don't even know how to get started at this. I mean, the excuses are endless, but time isn't. Just think about that. Your excuses are endless, but time isn't. Think about all the time that passed. Not only was this something that my friend had written on her annual goal list, she actually wrote a book proposal, and she got an offer, and it was sitting on her desk since 2006. That's 18 years. What a shame. You know, when you hear somebody's got a goal and they've just been pushing it off for a week or two or a month, you're like, Oh, come on, get over yourself. Come on, get your ass working on it. Let's go. But when you think about how much time you've wasted, that's a lot. And look, I don't want to scare you, but I want to take my hands right now and put them on your cheeks or your shoulders and shake you, because I want to wake you up.

I need you to realize that your life, it's a melting ice cube. I think we all believe that we have time, that at some point, it'll be the right time that someday you'll feel ready, that someday it'll be perfect, that someday you'll be a legitimate writer, that someday you'll have something to say. I'm here to tell you right now that today is that someday. You will waste your whole life and you will watch that ice cube melt. You will watch time tick by waiting for some day to come. And you are listening to this right now because you needed to hear this. You have on that secret list that you either have on a piece of paper or you have tucked into your heart a dream, a goal, something that you want to change that you are too fucking scared to get started on. And today that ends. Today you're going to stop waiting. You're going to stop wishing. You're going to stop waiting for the right time, waiting for this to happen, waiting for the other thing to happen, waiting for you to feel ready, waiting for this, waiting for that. That ice cube is going to be a puddle that will evaporate if you keep doing that.

And I am not going to let 20 years go by. No way. Not in your life, not in my life, not in my friend's life. Today, we make a commitment to ourselves that we are going to get started. And I know you need to hear this from me today because the second thing that happened after we released that episode is that within 24 hours of it going live, Kathy was only the first person to reach out to me. But within hours, there were over 700 messages from listeners of this podcast from around the world talking about their dreams and how imposter syndrome had taken them down to, how they felt paralyzed and awkward. How many times have you looked back on your life and thought, I wish I had started something sooner. I wish I had done this thing. I wish I had done that thing. I'm going to tell you something. The biggest regret that you will ever have in your entire life is you didn't push through the fear. You didn't push through the bullshit, imposter syndrome. You didn't push through the self-doubt and get started on the dreams that you have, on the life you want to create.

And so today, this conversation is dedicated to your dreams. It's dedicated to the courage and the fire inside you and your capability of moving from thinking and wishing and wanting things in your life to finding the courage to take action and make them happen. And is it going to be easy? No. Nope. Is it worth it? Always. I think it's important that everybody just be on the same page about how scary it is to want something and how frustrating it is. When you want something, but you're too scared to get started and work for it. And my mission today is to kick you in the ass so that you push through the fear and the insecurity and the imposter syndrome and the sadness and the regret or whatever it is that's holding you back from taking the actions that you are capable of taking over time to chip away at this dream and this vision of a bigger life. I want you to start to see something bigger for yourself. And more importantly, I want you to start working on it. And what does that look like? What does it look like? Well, I'm going to boil it down.

It's very simple. It's about time and energy. That's all that this is about. You do not have to write that book overnight. You have to pick up the fucking pen. You do not have to become a physician overnight. You have to research schools, and then you have to apply. Today, we are going to begin the process of moving from the dream world and the doubt world into the real world. We are going to get physical. And I'm going to bring in a metaphor that I think is really important, and it's a metaphor that I used in a project that we did with Audible called Reinvent Your Life. I like to think about life as one long road trip. Every year of your life is a mile marker on the road of life. And the thing about this road trip is it's a solo journey. You started at Mile Zero and you were alone. That's how you came into this world. And wherever the road of your life leads you, when you leave this world, you're going to be alone. When you leave, yes, you'll be surrounded by family and friends. But when you actually pass over, you are on your own.

And the truth is, it is a solo journey. Yes, you're going to drive parallel with some people. Yes, you're going to intersect with some people. Yep, you're going to travel in packs, but you are driving alone. And look, I'm not telling you this to make you feel isolated or unsupported. That's the last thing that I want you to feel. The reason why I'm telling you this is because I want you to understand the power that you have to make these dreams part of your day to day life as you pursue them. I mean, maybe you've been so worried about what everybody else is going to think, and that's what's kept you from starting your YouTube channel or writing that screenplay or making a career change. I'm here to tell you, no one gives a shit about what you do. You want to know why? Because everybody else is driving their own car on their own solo journey, and they're busy trying to figure out their own life. When you realize that the only person who is truly judging you right now is you, when you embrace that you're the one in your way, it can spark a fire in your gut.

Yes, it sucks that my friend has been telling herself for 20 years that she's not a real writer, that she's not a respected writer, that it's not that interesting. Yeah, that sucks to wake up and realize that you're the one that's been dragging yourself down. But you want to know it sucks more spending another 20 years never writing it. So step one, you have to acknowledge the thing that's on your list and that's in your heart. And then step two is take responsibility for doing whatever you can, however you're capable in whatever big or small way to move toward it. Get serious about looking ahead instead of looking back. Looking out the window in front of you at the road ahead and where you want to go, you can inch your way day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year to creating a whole new life for yourself. And that's not to say there's anything wrong with your life right now. It's to say that there are directions that you want to head in that you deserve to start paying attention to. And I'm going to come back to how you do it.

It's time and it's energy. Every single day when you wake up, you can find five minutes or 10 minutes or 15 minutes to move from thinking about what you want to take taking action on what you want. Picking up the pen, writing a sentence, sending an email, doing the research, taking a class. All of these actions are how you move towards what you want while you're still in the life that you have. That's how you do it. And the other thing that you're going to have to pay attention to is energy. Because just like you are wasting precious time on shit that doesn't really matter to you, you are also wasting your precious energy spending time with people who are draining it from you, who are not giving it back to you. And so every single day when you wake up, I want you to pay attention to where you're putting your time and where you're putting your energy. And I want you to find five measly minutes to start working on what you want in the physical world instead of keeping it a secret in your heart and in your mind. Wait till you hear what your fellow listeners from 194 countries have to say about the dreams that they're holding on to, that they're afraid to pursue, how they're talking themselves out of it.

And when I do this, I want you to pay attention to how much energy and time we put into talking ourselves out of stuff. How much energy and time you put into doing things that you don't want to be doing instead of carving out and fighting for small amounts of time and energy to propel yourself forward. You will start to see when you get serious about this, what an active participant you are in your own demise. How much time you waste, how much energy you pour into things that really aren't what you want. And when you wake up and realize that time and energy is a secret and taking it seriously from this moment forward, that's the answer. Not in big moves, but in the small daily rhythms that you can insert in little ways to just start honoring what you want in your life. And if I had to really bubble up why this really matters is I personally believe that working on your dreams and taking what you want in life seriously enough that you do the work to make it a reality, I personally think this is the greatest act of love that you could ever give to yourself.

That is the engine that fuels the joy and the fulfillment that you're going to feel in your life. Let me share some of the things that fellow listeners wrote to us about as soon as that episode aired. Mel, I dream about being a motivational speaker, but I lack the experience and I lack the plan. Let me just stop right there. Let's just stop right there. Of course, you lack the experience. You've never done this before. That's why you doubt yourself. That's why you feel like an imposter. If you've never written a book, of course, you lack the experience. You haven't done it before. And so the first thing that I want to tell you is that this is good news. It's good news because it doesn't mean you're not going to do it. It's good news because it just means you're beginning. And being a beginner is so cool because you're going to learn so much. We talked about this exact point in that episode I told you about earlier, the one that got Kathy crying about the book that she hadn't written, and that got so many of you to pour in the stories about how you've got dreams that you've been putting off because you lack experience.

So I need to drive this point home about embracing the fact that you don't lack experience. You're just a beginner. And I want you to embrace this idea that you're just a beginner. So let me play you a moment from that original episode with my daughter, where she's describing this I'm a beginner epiphany to you. Check this out. You can diffuse the imposter syndrome if you just.

Accept where you're at.

I think once I owned where I'm at, which is a beginner, I'm not an imposter as a beginner because that's what I am. Wait, say that again. I'm not an imposter if.

I'm a beginner because that's what I am.

Yeah.

Then.

The imposter syndrome disappears. You're not an imposter. You're just a beginner. Did you hear that? So that dream that you have, that thing that you've never done, great. Great. You are a beginner. And that's amazing because everybody starts as a beginner. But as long as you refuse to drive forward, to step into the physical world, and to start walking and driving and moving toward the things you want to create, you're standing still in your life, and time is passing you by. And we're not going to let that happen, because when it comes to the things that we all want to create in our lives, we're all beginners. I'm going to read you a few more that have come in from listeners. I want to pursue a career as a fashion editor, but I'm afraid at 34 of making a huge career change. Let me tell you what's more scary than making a career change at 34. It's spending the next 34 years of your life in a career you didn't like and being at the mile marker at the age of 68 and looking back at this moment when you were 34 or 31 or 18 or 54 or 39 and wishing you had made the career change.

Do not waste your life doing things that don't fulfill you. You have the ability, starting today, to change the direction that you're driving in. Now, are you going to arrive at this new career overnight as a fashion editor? No. But you won't arrive there ever if you don't take the wheel on the car that you're driving and turn it in the direction that you want to go and start inching toward it. This is what I'm talking about. Here's another one. I want to design clothes. I'm 31 and I haven't achieved anything, though. Well, of course you haven't. How are you supposed to design clothes if you're not designing clothes? How are you supposed to make that change if you are only thinking about it or writing it on a list? When I say that I want you to start driving toward your dreams, I want you to start taking action, what that means is it means that you need to start to take your time and your energy, and in whatever way you can, in whatever capacity that you can, you need to start to direct your time and energy at the things that you want, not at the things that you have.

And look, I know so many of you have really full lives right now. You're a single parent, you're caring for aging parents, you're underwater with your bills. You've got 10 minutes a day. You've got five minutes a day. You've got 15 minutes a day. And that's what I want to inspire you to start doing. And I feel so adamant about this because time keeps going, even if you don't. Because when you're so in it, you're so busy in your day to day life as it is right now that you can't see the bigger picture. Time is passing. It's always passing. I think a lot about this moment where after we sold our house where we raised our kids outside of Boston, where we spent 26 years, I always thought when I lived there, I would live there forever. I just took it for granted. And over a year ago, I drove down the street that I had been driving up and down for 26 years for the very last time. And I saw the house that I had raised my kids in disappearing in the rearview mirror for the last time. And I say that because eventually you're going to look back on this moment, too, and you're going to think, My God, I wish I had begun back then.

I wish I had started. I wish I had said, Fuck it. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I'm not going to let my entire life go by just thinking about this thing that I want to create. I'm going to try. I'm going to step out of the thinking and I'm going to step into the doing because it's never going to feel like the right time. It's never going to feel perfect. You're not going to feel worthy until you actually start taking the actions. Again, I want you to stop waiting to create what you want in your life. If you want to make art, make art. If you want to write, write. If you want to travel, you got to figure out how you can travel. You are missing out on everything because you're waiting for someday. You're waiting for someday to feel ready, someday for it to be perfect, someday. Well, I'll tell you what, today is that someday. And my mission today is to light a fire under your ass and have it burn so bright that that fire inside you becomes the engine that drives you. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here.

If you enjoyed that video by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.