So here's the first truth about being your most authentic self. When you start putting yourself first, you're going to disappoint other people. It is inevitable. You have to learn how to be okay with it. Because if someone's going to be disappointed by the way that you're living your life, it better not be you. And I'm going to say that again. Someone is always going to be disappointed by the choices that you're making. But starting today, if you want to live a life that is true to you, it better not be you that is disappointed by the decisions that you're making. And there is no faster way to be disappointed with your life than living it in a way that makes other people happy, but you miserable. Somebody will always be disappointed. And I can give you a bazillion examples from my own life. For example, when I met my husband Chris, I grew up in the Midwest. Chris's family is from the Northeast. My parents were not that thrilled. I mean, they liked Chris, but they had always hoped hoped that I would marry somebody that would bring me back to the Midwest. And now, of course, that I'm a parent, I secretly hope that my three kids, that their partners, keep them close to me.

I get it. So they were really disappointed that I married somebody that had me build a life with him far away. But the truth is, it doesn't matter that they're disappointed, because it's my life. I've got to learn, if I want to live a life that is authentic to me, how to make decisions that make me happy and hold space for the people in my life that might be disappointed about it. And so are you. So if you plan to leave that corporate job and you want to take a risk and do that startup business or you want to do something in the health space, guess who's going to question you? Everybody. Your partner might question you because they're worried about whether or not you're going to be successful. Your parents might question you because they're in a generation where you stayed in the corporate You're going to be in a separate job forever. Your kids might be questioning you because they're worried about whether or not you're going to be traveling too much for this new thing that you're doing and whether or not you're going to be around. It's okay that people question you.

Just don't let their questioning make you Question the decisions that are the best decisions for you. Here's another one. Let's say you want to start a new chapter, and part of that new chapter is that you're going to move across country. Are there going to be people in your life that are disappointed that you're leaving where you live now? Of course. They love you. Your friends don't want you to leave because they love being around you. Hold space for them to be disappointed. But don't you dare, don't you dare let that stop you from doing what's authentic to you. And another one that you may struggle with, especially if you're a people pleaser, and you being you is something that is going to require a lot of boundaries. When you start standing in your no, and you're no longer a doormat, You better believe people are going to be disappointed because they are so used to taking advantage of you, that this is a whole new you. They're not going to like the new you because the old you was a person that they got a lot of mileage out of, whether they realized it or not.

And so I am here to tell you, to give you permission, right here and now, to say, no. I am here to tell you that being the true you means that your mom might not like what you do, you're Your roommates may be upset about it, your significant other, your boss, all of it. But you got to learn how to start speaking up for yourself. You got to learn to say, It's not my budget. I can't go on the girls trip. I'm not interested in another date. I'm not staying out late tonight. No, you're not borrowing that thing. All of these things are not only reasonable to say, they are necessary for you because you got to learn how to let other people down to pick yourself up and to put yourself first. You're not responsible for somebody else's reactions to what you're doing. You're responsible for making decisions that make you proud and make you happy. And the fact is, if taking care of yourself means you got to let someone down, then let someone down. And I get it. This is going to be hard. This is hard for everybody. It's one of the reasons why being the most authentic version of yourself is one of the bravest things in the world to do, because you do have to learn how to let other people down.

You do have to learn how to hold space for somebody to be disappointed or upset with the decisions that you're making when you know that these decisions actually are the right ones for you. Right now, your comfort zone is not doing you any favors because People are walking all over you, and you're pretending to like things you don't like, and you're not speaking up for yourself. When you push yourself in this regard and you feel that discomfort, you're building resilience. And here's the really important part. It strengthens your sense of self. Because when you're a doormat, or when you stay silent, or when you make decisions because you're scared of disappointing people, you lose your sense of self, don't you? There's a little part of you that dies a little bit. And so I want you to reframe the discomfort that you feel when you start to make decisions that feel good for you, and you also hold space Space for knowing that someone's going to be let down, someone's going to be disappointed when you say no. Somebody is going to have a little reaction. You can hold space for that and still be true to yourself.

Reframe this tension that you feel as a sign of growth. It's not a sign of failure. You're not failing anybody. You're actually succeeding in becoming yourself. Honor your feelings. Hold space for someone else's reaction. It's not your responsibility to manage it. They're an adult. Let them to sit with their feelings. Your responsibility is to stay true to yourself. And there will always be somebody who is let down by the decisions that you're making. But starting today, it better not be you That's let down by the way that you're living your life. Because to be your true self, you are going to disappoint someone. Period. Learn to live with it. Here's the second truth about living your most authentic life and being your your most authentic self. Being yourself is so energizing. And we forget that because it's easy to live a life where you're just going through the motions and you feel super depleted. And you know that this is true, that being yourself is energizing. Because when you're pretending to be someone that you're not, it's exhausting. It's exhausting. And it's It's important to really highlight what I'm talking about here, because I know that you're going to be listening, you're like, But how do I know what's true?

How do I know to trust my instincts? How do I know to trust my gut? Yes, you do. You know exactly who you are. I'm going to repeat that. You know exactly who you are. And let me explain why. There is an energy that is associated with your true, authentic self. Okay? An energy. You literally feel expanded when you are living in your truth. And oftentimes, simply knowing that the people that you're around, the life that you're leading, it is depleting your energy, that's how you know you're not being true to yourself. And I want to really I'll highlight something here. It takes courage to recognize that you're in a chapter of your life where you're not being true to yourself, where the people that you're around, where the time It's the money that you're spending, it's draining you. And I want to dive deeper into this and make sure that you have a very clear picture of what being authentic means and how empowering and energizing it is. And that term authentic self, what does that even mean? Well, let's I'm hearing in one of the world's leading experts, a psychologist by the name of Dr.

Ramani Diversula. She's appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast a number of times. I want you to hear what she says about what it truly takes to be the most authentic you.

The hardest thing in the world is to be authentic, because to be authentic is to be unpopular. To be authentic is to blaze your own trail, even when other people are cluck-clucking at you and stigmatizing you and looking, giving you with a side eye. What are you doing? People don't do that. You're supposed to do the missionary position, follow the rules life. And authentic people say, No, that's not who I am. That's not what I'm about. Authentic people are very clear on their values, what they stand for, what matters for them. And so I'm not saying that authentic people don't feel guilt. They'll feel tremendous guilt, but they'll also feel committed to the potential within them and the people they care about. And to say, ultimately, giving into this person's abuse is not doing, honestly, me any favors for sure. It's not doing my kids any favors. It's not doing the people I care about any favors. It's actually not doing them any favors because it's reinforcing them in this sick cycle, and I don't want to be part of this. We've got to get away from the idea that authenticity is easy. Authentic people, actually, often have smaller social networks than other people because they've called away all the dead weight.

They've cleared away all the branches that are dead. They said, No, I will not have people around that are unhealthy, that are invalidating. I mean, it is a brave stand, and it's not an easy stand. Some people say authentic people are selfish, they're cold, they're uppity, they'll really paint them in like, Oh, who do you think you are that you get to do that? All the authentic person is doing is trying to draw a boundary against unhealthy people.

I want to repeat a few things that really struck me about what Dr. Romani said, that Being authentic is one of the hardest things in the world. The reason why that's true is because you got to be willing to disappoint people, and you got to be willing to put yourself first. I love that she kept using the words brave and courageous, and that authentic people know what they stand for, and they have a healthy circle surrounding them. And oftentimes, it's a small circle. And that was a huge takeaway for me. Because I think what happens when you start to put yourself first and you are willing to disappoint people, and you You start to pay attention to your energy. Where is it that you feel energized? Where do you feel depleted in your life? Your energy is telling you who's draining you and who's not. When you start putting yourself first, you are going to disappoint people, and that's okay. If you start making decisions that put you first and that make you happier in your life and someone else can't handle their own disappointment over it, that's their problem, not yours. Today, you and I are going to rule book on how to live life according to everyone else, because you will never, ever, ever live a life that you're meant to live if you're constantly worried about what other people are thinking.