Dr. Tara is a medical doctor, neuroscientist, psychiatrist, and senior lecturer at MIT Sloan School of Management, and she runs the Neuroscience for Business Online program for MIT. She's also a best-selling author of the book The Source, and the host of the podcast Reinvent Yourself with Dr. Tara. I love her because she's a scientist who used to be a skeptic when it comes to things like intuition and manifestation. But today, she She's here to teach you that, yes, you can change your brain. You can become the person that you want to become. You can train your brain to help you spot opportunities. You can learn how to make your thinking more positive. You can learn how to lead a company. You can become more agile and happy and successful in life. Dr. Tara is here to give you the very tactical things that you can start doing immediately based on the best research in the world. We're going to cover how to change your brain in three different ways. You'll learn the real science behind manifestation and the neuroscience that explains intuition. Are you ready? I know I am. Please help me welcome Dr. Tara Swart-Beaver to the Mel Robbins podcast.

Mel, it's so amazing to finally be here in person with you. I've been looking forward to this for so long.

Well, thank you so much for jumping on a plane and flying all the way from London and spending time with us in person I am so excited, and I guess I want to start by having you speak directly to the person who is listening to us right now. Could you share with them how their brain or their life might change based on what you are about to teach them today?

Yeah. So one of the things we're going to be speaking about is neuroplasticity, which is the fact that the brain can grow and change throughout life. Unlike the fact that we used to think that by the time you physically stop growing around the age of 18, that your brain is fixed, that your personality is fixed, your IQ is fixed. We now know that those things are very fluid depending on what you do. But I want to bring that down to the here and now just to make it feel really real, which is that by the end of our conversation, because the brain is being molded and shaped constantly by what you're listening to, who you're meeting, what you're recalling in your memory, the emotions that you're feeling, our listeners' brains are actually going to be different at the of this podcast than they are right now.

How does that happen?

Well, so neuroplasticity means that the brain is taking in information through the five senses, so everything we see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and in real-time thinking, How do I need to be to survive in this world? It usually comes down to survival. And what I think I'd love to do today is help people move from the brain reacting for basic survival to what else What can you make your brain do to thrive in this world?

I know we're going to go deep on this, but can you just, at a high level, tick off a couple of things that you can train your brain to do that you might not know that you can train your brain to do?

Yeah. So things like manifestation, visualization, looking at vision boards, which I actually call action boards, but we'll come to that, affirmations. These are all things that prime the brain more towards thriving than just surviving, because if you leave your brain to its own devices, all it wants you to do is live long enough to reproduce. What's it going to do to make that happen? Make sure you put food on the table. That means pretty much that you need to turn up to your job daily and not get fired. You need to keep a good relationship with your boss. You need to keep a good relationship with the person that you'll potentially reproduce with. That's not enough for most people. We want more than that out of life. So if your brain is taking care of that anyway, what do you want to put front of mind to to make your brain look out for opportunities for the things that you dream of that you really, really want with what I call magnetic desire.

Magnetic desire. How do you define magnetic desire?

Well, the way that neuroplasticity works in the brain is through repetition and emotional intensity. So let me take it back to the survival things we were just speaking about. If you think, I want to get married and have a family because that's what all my friends are doing, there may not be a huge emotional intensity behind that. That may be more to do with societal, parental, peer group expectation. If when you were a kid, you dreamt of being an actor, then if you actually try to start doing that, even if it's hard, that was your dream. That was what you feel you were put on this Earth to do. You will endure barriers and obstacles and refusals and difficulty and keep going. Whereas for other things, you might not. We know that idea of giving up just before you dig up the gold, right? If you've got magnetic desire, you won't give up. That's where the motivation piece comes in. All of these are the science behind what contributes to manifesting what you want.

Let's talk about manifesting. Have you always believed in manifesting?

Looking back, I actually think I did it as a kid naturally. It's so chicken and egg for me whether I got drawn to neuroscience and manifestation because that was innate in me from a child, or whether I now live my life in that way because I've done so much research on it. I honestly don't know the answer to that. The more I do the research, the more I consciously bring these things into my life, I look back and think, that's what I was like as a kid. That's what I was interested in as a kid. But I would say that once I studied the sciences in high school and then went to medical school, it worked slightly differently in the UK, and did my PhD in neuroscience. And certainly, by the time I got my faculty position at MIT, I was a complete skeptic about manifestation. Those two things could not exist in the same world as far as I was concerned. And that's partly down to how I had to live my life as a child, because my parents were first-generation immigrants from India to the UK. And I went to school in London, and I just wanted to be like all my friends and do the same things as them.

But I would come home, my mother would be in a headstand, and there would be incense in the house. There was meditation and chanting and things like that. I thought, Okay, that happens at home, this happens at school. I learned very well to separate those things. Then I became a medical doctor specializing in psychiatry. You were diagnosing people with magical thinking and delusions and hallucinations. You couldn't really say, Oh, but I believe in manifestation. So again, I had to keep those things really separate. It wasn't really until I started doing my research to write the source that I realized how together these things could be.

Was there a moment where you remember going, Oh, my gosh, this is real?

Yeah, there are a few because I think these things build up, don't they? In 2017, I was the world's first neuroscientist in residence at a five our hotel in London. So I was already doing quirky things with my career. And because it was unusual, there was a lot of press, and I was approached by Penguin Random House to write a book. And they said, We've had really amazing books, one on meditation, one on diet, one on sleep, one on exercise. And we think as a neuroscientist, you could bring all of those together. And without thinking, I said, I could do that, but I've got an idea about the cognitive science behind manifestation and vision boards. And they just said yes straight away. So I think their response made me think that could be a thing, but I wasn't convinced myself. So before I started writing, I went on a summer vacation with my laptop, which is unusual for me. And I just started looking into the laws of attraction and trying to figure out, is there cognitive science that can explain these things?

And for somebody listening who does not know what the law of attraction or manifestation is, Could you give us your definition?

They're basically all about the fact that if there's something that you really want in life, then if you think positively about it or you believe in certain vibrations of attraction in the universe, then you can bring that thing into your life. Manifestation is bringing into reality something that you want. But until I started looking into the cognitive science behind it, all the explanations so far had been to do with quantum physics. For me, as an empirical scientist, that wasn't enough for me to believe in those things. Equally, I felt very disempowered by the fact that it was happening because of something outside of me. I wanted to feel like it was happening because of my brainpower and that I had some autonomy over it.

Do you believe, based on the research that you've done, that you attract things into your life because of your brainpower?

I believe 100%. When the book came out, people that I knew personally who were not scientists at all said, I've always been interested in this, but I've never actually acted upon it because I couldn't understand how it worked. But now that you've explained the science, I'm actually doing the steps that I've heard of before, actually, but that you've repeated in your book. The writing process did bring it together for me quite a lot, but it was actually the response from other people. It started with people I knew, and then it started on social media just being thousands of people that I will probably never meet in my life, saying, Because you've put the science to it, it's completely changed my view of these topics.

What are the steps to manifesting based on the research so you attract what you want in life?

It starts with abundance. Now, in the brain, we have the strongest gearing that we have in our brain is called loss aversion or loss avoidance. That was the survival mechanism from when we lived in the cave, which was that if you saw a juicy apple on a tree and you really wanted it, but you ignored the fact that there was a sabre-tooth tiger standing next to you, you would die. So we had to want to avoid loss more than we wanted to get reward.

So you've got to avoid the tiger more than wanting the apple. Exactly. And so we're wired toward, as you mentioned earlier, survival.

Absolutely.

And through manifesting, you're about to teach us how to rewire our brain and train it toward abundance and thriving.

I'm not going to completely wire it the other way because we still need to be safe. Even in the modern world where the threats aren't so much physical predators, there are psychological threats to our safety, like job loss, relationship loss, et cetera. But it doesn't serve us to be that strongly geared to loss of confidence. What we want to do is balance that out a bit more or in a safe situation, understand that we absolutely can take healthy risks and believe that there's enough for everyone and not live from that scarcity mindset. That's the first piece. The second piece is magnetic desire, which we've already somewhat discussed. But once you're feeling abundant, then if you can be really aligned in your head, your heart, and your gut about what it is that you want, then that desire, that motivation will keep you going and help you get the things that you want that you might have given up on. There is an element of patience required because this process of neuroplasticity involves neurons wiring together to form new strong pathways that are stronger than the pathways that you had before. That means that it feels like a lot of hard work is going on.

Psychological work is physical work going on in the pathways in your brain, but that nothing's changing in the real world. There's a real tipping point where there's enough neurons in a pathway that certain new habits and behaviors or being patient becomes easier. It feels like nothing, nothing, nothing, and then suddenly, oh, things are happening, things are changing. I'm getting the things that I want. If you put those three behind manifestation, then that is about priming your brain to notice and grasp opportunities in the real world that can bring you closer to the things that you want. It's exactly the same process as if you buy a new car, you suddenly notice that car all over. It's the same. It's a brain priming process.

Oh, well, that makes sense. It's why you suddenly see Jeeps everywhere when you are looking at buying a Jeep. Can you explain the neuroscientific... I don't even know what the right word is. What is the scientific explanation for why you see cars when you're interested in buying a car or how the new neuropathways are changing your brain in real-time? What is actually happening when you tap into magnetic desire?

Basically, we're overloaded with information constantly, and the brain has a natural filtering mechanism called selective filtering. This relates back to what I was saying about if you leave your brain to its job of just making sure you survive, it will filter out all those other things that you actually really want, but they're not essential to your survival. That's why you have to make a list or make the vision board or remind yourself every day of what it is that you truly, magnetically desire to put that to the top of the list for your brain. Because after selective filtering, it does selective attention, and that is noticing the red car or the Tesla or whatever it is that you're noticing. So once you've filtered out the things that you don't want to notice, Then you narrow it down to the things that you do want to notice. And then the third part is called value tagging, which is the brain actually tags those things in order of importance. And it does that in two lists. So it does it in a logical list, and it does it in an emotional list, and that's where the magnetic desire is important.

That's where you say, No brain. I don't want it in that logical order. I want it in this order. This is what is really important to me. This is what makes me feel alive. This is what makes me understand that I have a purpose for my life. It's not just put food on the table, stay in your job, stay in your relationship. It's so much more than that. A classic example is, I really want to find a partner and settle down and get pregnant. Yes.

How could you go through the steps of manifestation to help you achieve that?

I would explain the process of manifestation that's underpinned by neuroplasticity, which is a four-step process. Raise Use your awareness, focus your attention, do deliberate practice, and hold yourself accountable. It starts with raised awareness. I always say that's 50% of the battle because sometimes we don't really know why we're not doing the things we know we should be doing or why potentially we're self-sabotaging those behaviors. But instead of taking the supplements that would set my body up for good fertility, I'm going out partying because that's the way I think I'll meet a new partner. The awareness piece comes very much from journaling or not so much speaking with friends sometimes, because if they're in the same place or everyone has an agenda for your single friend's I might want you to say single, that thing. But maybe talking to a therapist or a coach or doing some proper soul searching and trying to understand why you're not doing the things that you could be doing, why identify some of the things that you're doing really easily, why are they so easy, how do they fit into your lifestyle so well, and really what it is that you actually want.

Do you actually want to settle down and have a family? Or fine, if you actually want to be out partying, fine, just say that and do it and be aligned and don't do the thing that you want, but pretend that you want something else. It's all about that.

That's step one. Step one, and let's just stay with your example, somebody who is single, who really wants to meet a life partner and be in a committed relationship relationship and start a family. That the first step is for you to take the time to get very clear with yourself about what you want and why.

A wonderful exercise for that is to place your hands on your forehead and ask yourself, Logically, is this what I really want and why? Then write that down. Then take five deep breaths and put your hands on your heart and ask yourself, Emotionally, why do I really I want this? Then write down the answers. Another five deep breaths and then hands on your belly. Intuitively, do I really want this? Again, write the answers down. If they're all aligned, happy days. If they're not, we might have a little bit of rethinking to do. When I've done this with clients, one of the things that's come up is, I really, really want a baby, but actually, I don't really need a partner to get there. That could change the, I need to meet someone and be in a loving relationship it and have a baby. Could just be, actually, what I've always really wanted as a child. I'm getting to a certain age where waiting to have a partner be part of that might mean that I don't end up with what I really want. Got it. That's the most important step.

Okay, so let's say you've gone through step one and your mind, your heart, and your gut, your soul, your intuition is all aligned. Yes, I want this.

The second step is focused attention. So that is at least a month of just noticing what you're doing, what you're not doing in regards to moving in that direction.

What are you noticing?

Depending on what your goal is, it might be yourself, it might be your interaction with others, it might be feedback from others. But it's a data collection period because what won't work very well in a manifestation underpinned by neuroplasticity is just jumping into doing without being first. Raising that awareness might have brought up things that you've never consciously known in the past. You can't suddenly then say, Okay, I'm on all the dating apps. You need to sit back and see, What is it? Are there patterns of behavior that I'm doing that are leading to a bad result? Is there something that's holding me back from taking the first step that I really need to take? So taking longer than a month, if you need, to get to the point where you feel like I have enough data about myself that when I act now, I'll be able to give myself really good feedback. The third part is deliberate practice, and that is doing the things that you know you need to do to bring the goal into your life. Whether that's taking certain supplements, whether that's going to sleep earlier than you usually do, whether it's being more socially active than you used to be, and then practicing.

That's an experimental phase. You might still make mistakes in that phase, but course-correcting as you go on, because at this third stage, this is where people could give up.

Yes.

The fourth part isn't really a stage. It's something like a theme or an umbrella over all of this, which is accountability. How are you going to hold yourself accountable that you will actually see this through? Now, the easiest way to do that is with an external party, like a coach or a therapist. But ways to do that yourself are by recording it in your journal and reading back over your journal and continually reinforcing why I did this, why I didn't do it, what happened it went wrong. I use an app called Habit Share because what I learned for myself, and this won't be for everyone, but it's quite a good one for a lot of people, is that it's easier to build up microhabits than to start the year or your birthday or whatever it is, with one big, this year, I'm going to meet the person that I'm going to get married to. I set out 12 microhabits at the beginning of the year, and I pick three to focus on for the first quarter of the year. Okay. I track them on this app until they become so habitual that I don't need them on the app anymore, and then I move to the next three.

When I've done that, instead of setting big goals at the start of the year, I've come to the end of the year and found that I have 10 habits that I'm no longer even conscious of that I'm doing all the time that are leading me towards that bigger goal or those bigger goals that I really want.

Why are there only 10 if you start with 12?

Well, they don't all stick. Sick. I find that along the way, I just didn't actually make one or two of them into a habit. It's still a bit of a struggle. I either decide that I'm going to drop it or I'll carry it on into next year.

How would you recommend you make microhabits, or where would you start? Because I know we're going to get flooded with questions about this.

I'm going to talk really directly to you like I would as if you were my client. Great. Which is that the habit that you're working on is not the other person in the relationship, it's yourself. So If the goal is a partnership with someone else, the habits are all around your self-worth, your deservingness, what you have to offer in a relationship, what boundaries you will have about somebody treating you in a certain way, and I'm sure a lot more, but those are the first ones that come to mind. For example, a lot of people cast a list of what they want in a partner, and there's two things around that. One is make a list of what you have to offer in a relationship, compare it to the list of what you want in a partner, and where all the gaps are, make those your microhabits.

Through manifesting, you're about to teach us how to rewire our brain and train it toward abundance.