I'm boarding a plane momentarily to fly home to Boston. It's like a four and a half hour flight. Guarantee we're going to hit some turbulence. I'm going to take you on this plane and walk you step by step how you can use some simple tools to beat your fear of flying once and for all. All right. Step number one, and you have to do this before you get on the plane. You have to come up with an anchor thought. Here's how you do it. I want you to think about where you're flying to. Now ask yourself, what are you really excited to do once you get there? That thing that you're excited to do, that is your anchor thought. So in my case, I'm flying from Las Vegas from a speech home to in Massachusetts. My anchor thought is going to be walking in the front door and seeing my dog Amigo and how excited I am going to feel when I finally get home from this business trip. So before I get on the plane, I have an anchor thought, which is what I'm excited to do when I get home to Boston. And then when we get on the plane, I'm going to explain to you how the anchor thoughts works and how you're going to use it to fight your fear of flying.

All right, let's go. As you get closer to the airplane, you might start to feel nervous. This is where the anchor thought comes in. Start thinking about how excited you are to get to the place that you're going and be visualizing very specifically what it's going to feel like in my case to walk in the So you're going to walk in the front door, see the dog, finally be home. You're going to use your anchor thought- Where's your anchor coming off?

Yes.

You're going to use your anchor thought to stabilize your thoughts and not let worry hijack you, and that's going to keep your body stabilized and your physiology won't start getting all jacked up. So again, I keep thinking about walking in the front door and seeing Amigo. So when I used to be afraid of flying, the second that I got on the plane and I started to buckle in, I immediately started feeling really trapped. And this is why it's so important for you to practice this idea of the anchor thought, because what the Anchor Thought does is it basically anchors your mind on something super positive that's related to the flight that you're on. And by anchoring your mind on thoughts that are really positive, you have the ability to stabilize your body. And so as you're sitting in the seat, go back to your Anchor thought and think about how excited you are to get to where you're going. We're flying to Boston today, and there may be turbulence, there may be weird noises, there may be things that make me nervous. But if I always come back to the anchor thought as we're flying, and my anchor thought being walking in the front door seeing Amigo.

What's amazing is you have the ability to trick your brain, because by thinking about Amigo and walking in the front door, my mind gets tricked because it goes, oh, wait a minute.

Mel's not worried about flying.

She's actually just excited to get home. And so you use your anchor thought literally before you get on the plane, as you're getting on the plane, as you're sitting on the plane, and certainly through takeoff, through turbulence, you're going to keep coming back to it. And what your mind does is your mind basically says, Holy cow, if Mel actually walks in the front door of her house and sees the dog, the flight made it. So there's nothing to worry about. Again, that's why it's so important to pick the thought related to the flight, to pick it before you get on, and to keep coming back to it, because your mind will start defaulting to, well, there's nothing to worry about because she's going to see her dog tonight. So of course, the play makes it. Number two, you have to be on the alert for your mind hijacking you. Now, the pilot just came on the air and welcomed everyone on and then said, the faster we get on board, the faster we make it to Long Beach. And the whole plane just went to Long Beach because, of course, we're going to Boston. Now, what's interesting is if you're somebody that's afraid of flying, you will look for every single reason to justify being nervous.

And so if you're somebody that's afraid of flying and the pilot says we're going to Long Beach by mistake, which is probably where they came from, instead of Boston, which is where we're going, your mind, if you're not in of it will go, Oh, my God. He said, Long Beach. Holy cow. This is a sign that the plane is going to go down. This is a warning that I need to get off right now. This is a sign from God that telling me that the plane is not going to make it to Boston. Oh, my God. And within 10 seconds, you've just lost control of your thinking. And so be very mindful when you're on the plane, when you get triggered. And it could be something as subtle as a pilot misspeaking the destination. It could be turbulence. It could be a loud noise. It could be a passenger that's waging you out. But you got to be mindful of how quickly your brain will hijack you and will make you think crazy stuff. The fact that he mistakenly said we're going to Long Beach instead of Boston has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

And the fact that I know that I'm going to be going in my front door and hugging my dog Amigo tonight means that intellectually, I'm aware that this plane actually makes it to Boston. So there is absolutely nothing to be worried about. So really pay attention to how many things trigger you that don't need to trigger you and fight to keep control of what you're thinking about, which is actually making it to the destination and doing something really exciting once you get there. Number three, remember, everything is a good sign, not a bad one, but a good sign because it means you're one step closer to getting to where you're going and doing the thing that excites you. In my case, hugging my dog and finally being home. Whether it's the door closing on the airplane, you're not trapped in some death tune.

You're actually going home and you're going to see somebody that you love.

Or whether it's the gate pulling away. That's good news. It's not bad news. You're not trapped. You're actually one step closer to getting home and doing something that you're excited about. So remember, everything that happens is a really good sign because you're closer to doing the thing that excites you and getting where you're going. See, that's a good sign.

We're one step closer.

We can't get to Boston and hug my dog without the door closing. And we can't get to Boston and hug Amigo without us pulling away from the gate. Bye, Vegas. Hello, Boston and Amigo. All right, number four, make sure that before you get on the plane, you set yourself up for success by either creating a playlist of songs that you love or get something ready that you can watch. This is where I catch up on stranger things. And the reason why this is important is because if you're busy watching TV or listening to music that you love, the sounds are not going to freak you out. And so between tuning into something that you really love, whether it's television show like Stranger Things or a playlist that you love to listen to, you're going to distract your mind, and you're also going to tune out the noises that might otherwise trigger you. And heck, I mean, why not listen to something that you love? After all, you're going to make it, and you're going to do something exciting that you once you get there, so you might as well set yourself up to sit back and relax and actually enjoy yourself.

Number five, of course, you want to use the five second roll. So the second your thoughts drift, I mean, this is a four and a half hour flight. So chances are we're going to hit turbulence. We're getting a little bumps right now. Chances are there'll be a sound that I don't like. When my thoughts drift to something scary or nervous, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You got to count backwards to interrupt your habit of being afraid of flying and your habit of being worried. And you're going to go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and then drop in the anchor thought. Mine, of course, is walking in the front door, giving my dog a hug, seeing my husband, being home, and then tell yourself, I'm so excited to get to Boston, or I'm so excited to get where I'm going. And that's it. That's the five steps to actually curing your fear of flying. They sound stupid. They're extremely simple. They're backed by science. They are proven to work. They've worked for me. They've worked for thousands of people around the world, and they will work for you.

Here's what I'm going to tell you. You can control it. You can't control what the plane does, but you can control what it's like to be in your body, in your head, while you're on that plane. And you can control-How? How? I'm going to teach you how. Yeah, how? I'm going to teach you how. Because I used to be... Here was Mel Robin's old strategy. You're ready for Nervous Flyer Mel, circa 1990s, early 2000s. First of all, when I woke up... We're just going to talk day of because I don't want to... I could spend five hours telling you all the stupid stuff I would do leading up to getting the airport and the way that I played roulette with which airline I would pick and what seat I needed to be in and all that stuff. If it were a beautiful day when I woke up on the day that I flew, I would have a 50% decrease in nerves compared to a day where it was cloudy, raining, or snowing. If we got bad weather, windy, wind shears, birds flying, we're in danger zone and the nervousness spikes. The closer we're getting to the airport, Cameron, I'm starting to lose my sense of taste.

I'm starting to get dry mouth. I'm starting to get sweaty palms. I get to the airport, and I am literally the nicest person you've ever met in your entire life. I am like sugar on a donut with every single airport employee because I figure that if I have good karma, God is watching, and that will help me. I then go through a baggage claim. I get to the gate very early. And when I get to the gate, Cameron, I am looking across the gate area, and I'm looking for three particular types of passengers. The passengers I'm looking for in my gate area, I'm looking for somebody, a man or a woman in uniform, right? So we want somebody in the military on the plane. I'm looking for somebody in a wheelchair. I'm looking for somebody with a baby. And boy, if we have a priest, a nun, a monk, anybody that is of religious nature, boom, I'm feeling better. The nervousness has gone down a little bit because I can say to myself, if these folks are getting on my plane, God is not going to let this plane go down. Then that gets me on the plane.

I get on the plane, I take a look to the left as we're boarding. I want to see a crew cut. I want to see a crew cut on one of the pilots because I want Air Force or Navy cut. If I know that I can see military up front on one of those pilots, I can take another deep breath, so I'm ratcheting it down. Then I get in my seat and I start firing off the text to everybody that I know and love in case this sucker goes down, and that's when the hyperventilating starts. I basically am starting to go from nervousness to anxiety and toward panic as the plane is now taking off. As we're taking off, I'm holding my breath, right? And I'm trying not to defecate my And then the plane does that thing after it takes off, where it goes... And then all of a sudden, you know where it goes to level off, and it makes that weird sound? It's like... And it sounds like it's going to fall out of the air. That's where I lose my shit. I literally start Panic texting, Chris. I grab the hand of the stranger next to me.

I start hyperventilating. That's where all bets are off. And I'm basically in a freaked out state. The poor person next to me is going, Oh, my God. How did I I get seated next to this freak. And I'm slowly trying to calm myself down. And I'm basically in that state until either the seat belt sign goes off or the beverage cart comes out. Because I figure once the captain has told us the seat belt sign is off or the beverage cart is out in the aisle, we're good. They would not release the seat belts or release the beverage cart, right? If we weren't good. So that's how I used to deal with flying. That's what my life was. And then one day, something very cruel happened. I was on a plane. It was a beautiful day. I was traveling with my family. Very short flight. That's another bonus when it comes to being nervous. If it's a short flight, a new plane, we're really good. Beautiful day. Got all those. We took off with my family hanging out, and the beverage cart was in the aisle. The seat belt signs were off, and the plane hit an air pocket, and it all of a sudden dropped.

And then the airbags dropped out. And I literally had a freaking heart attack. And you know what's interesting? Is I had spent so much time in my life panicking, Cameron, that when the you know what hit the fan, there was no panic left. Everybody else on the plane panicked. I was like, Oh, this is how this ends? I actually got mad. And luckily, nothing happened. I mean, the captain just came on and was like, We just hit an air pocket. Everything's fine. We're going to just go a a little lower. We don't need to wear the oxygen mask. Of course, then like complete idiots, everybody starts taking photos of themselves with the oxygen masks, and we land safely. But here's the problem with that. All of the little superstitious bargaining stuff If it's a good plane, oh, if the beverage cart, oh, if there's a crew cut, oh, if this happens, then I'm safe. I had all those things, and something happened. It was in that moment that I was like, I have to I want to figure out how to change this because I want to fly a lot. I want to see the world.

I don't want to spend five weeks before a test or a big athletic meet or a flight I have to take or some presentation that's important, wrapped with nerves. I don't want to sabotage my own potential. I don't want to torture myself with all these stupid fears. And that's basically what you and I are doing when we allow the nerves, which are normal. It is normal to be nervous. What I'm here to teach you, Cameron, is you don't have to let those nerves control your life or stop you from doing what you want to do with your life. We can flip the script on your own brain and your own nervous system. We're going to take a short break. And when we come back, I'm going to walk you step by step by step through how you do it. And I'm going to teach you this based on research from Harvard Business School. All right. So, Cameron, I'm really excited. I'm going to teach you how to create and use what I call a confidence anchor, not only when you're about to fly and you're nervous, but for any single situation where you're nervous to do something.

Okay, are you ready?

Yeah.

Awesome. It's super cool. And for you listening, I want you to just hold that situation that you're nervous about. So maybe you're nervous to give a presentation at work, or maybe you have a son or a daughter who is getting recruited for a sport, and now there's all these big team matches coming up, and they're starting to get nervous. This confidence anchor is exactly what you need. So step number one is you're going to think about this situation that makes you nervous, okay? And we've already talked about that, Cameron. It's this flight to Portugal. Step number two is come up with something about this situation that actually makes you excited. So describe for me, Cameron, what are you excited to do when you get to Portugal?

I think the thing that I'm most excited for is to see my sister. I haven't seen her in a couple of months. She's been in London. I don't know. When I think about Portugal, there's a lot of things I'm excited for, but probably the biggest thing is just to spend time with her. I love it. Yeah.

That's perfect.

Okay, great. So you now have something related to the situation that makes you nervous that you're actually excited about, okay? Now, number three is the most important part. Number three is now that you have something that you're excited about, I want you to close your eyes, and we're going to bring it to life. I want you Can you imagine the moment that you lay eyes on your sister for the first time in several months? And I'm imagining... Are you imagining the airport or a cobblestone street? What is the scene? Describe with your eyes closed. What is she wearing? What happens? Describe it for us.

Well, first of all, she's probably... I don't know. She's probably I'm mad that we're late about something. But when I think about it, we're in probably Lisbon, where we're going to land, and probably right outside, the first glance of a new city, something that is always really exciting when you leave an airport. I think that's the best part about flying is getting to somewhere you're anticipating seeing. So So I picture that. I picture her standing there, probably in some black sweater, because that's usually what she's wearing. And I think seeing her her face, reacting to my mom, me and my brother, that's going to be the best part, because I know even if she won't admit it, she does miss us a lot.

Awesome. And who is she going to hug first?

A hundred % my mom.

Okay, awesome. And how amazing.

I'll probably be last.

And as you stand there and watch her in her black sweater with Lisvin in the background, hugging your mom, what are you feeling?

Like a sense of comfort, a sense of wholeness, and just a really good feeling to have us all together during a really hard time of the year. It's going to be really special.

Yeah. And that's your confidence anchor. That moment that you just described in detail, the black sweater, Lisbon in the background, her reaction as she sees you, her hugging your mother first, the wholeness, the comfort, all of that that you just felt in your body, that is your confidence anchor. Now, here's how you're going to use it. From now Until that moment happens, the millisecond that you feel any nerves or any fear or any negative thought come up related to this thought, you're going to close your eyes. You can use my five-second rule to interrupt the worries. Just count backwards with me.

Five, four, three, two, one.

That is a starting ritual that will signal to your brain that you're not going to think about a plane crash. You are starting to think about something else. And then you are going to bring to the forefront of your mind that image, that feeling that you just described. And that is how you drop a confidence anchor on these bullshit nerves and worries that that have been hijacking your life. That's what a confidence anchor is. You're using your own excitement about something that normally makes you nervous to shatter the grip that fear and nerves has on your body and your mind. That's what you're going to do. And when you head to the airport on the way to the plane, you are going to use this same confidence anchor. And when you get on that plane and your thoughts go, Uh-oh. You're going to go, Nope. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and you're going to drop that confidence anchor. And when you take off in the middle of the night and the pilot says, We might experience a little bit of turbulence, because pilots often say that, you're going to drop that confidence anchor, and you're going to come back over and over and over again to this image of your sister and the black sweater and Lisbon behind her and her hugging your mother.

That's exactly what you're going to do. You're going to be shocked because this is a technique that they studied at Harvard Business School called Reframing Performance Anxiety was the name of the study, Reframing Performance Anxiety. It's a way to flip moments that make you nervous into moments that make you excited and to keep control of your mind, body, and spirit so that your fears don't hijack and torture you.

Wow.

What do you think?

I mean, it makes sense because I think in the moments of panic, the last thing I'm doing is thinking about anything that brings me happiness. It's always the darkest feelings, the heaviest emotions, versus even just closing my eyes just now. I feel so different sitting here. I feel like Even thinking about that moment makes me happy. And I'm excited to use it because I know I'm going to be anxious all next week, week after.

So you want to know why this works?

I do. It seems too good to be true, honestly. It seems too good to be true.

Well, the reason why it works is because it taps into your body's automatic systems. If you look into the neuro neuroscience on this. Scientists call this an autonomic response, that basically your nervous system has a autonomic response to stressful situations. If you're a normal person like me, you just say, Oh, yeah. If we're in a stressful situation, we automatically feel all kinds of things, right? And so what I want you to understand is that when we're in situations that make us nervous, everybody, whether you're giving a speech, or you're going into an interview interview, or you're on a first date, or you're running a track meet, or you're getting on a plane, or you're breaking up with somebody, or you're going in for a job interview, it is going to be automatic that your nerves take over because you're about to do something that makes you stressed out a little bit. It's requiring you to feel... It makes you feel a little bit vulnerable. But here's the cool thing. Even though you have this automatic response, because you're right, there's no way over the next In five weeks, you're not going to feel anxious because that's the autonomic response that your body has to this stressful thing.

But here's the cool thing, Cameron, you can control this. So here's the secret. The secret is understanding that your body's reactions to fear, so your automatic reaction to a fearful situation, is the exact same as your body's automatic response to an exciting situation. We're going to use this truth that your body's automatic reaction to fear is the same as your body's automatic reaction to excitement to your advantage. So tell me about a situation that makes you excited, like just something in your day to day life, okay? Give me a situation that makes you excited.

In my day to day life, that makes me excited.

Well, how about this?

Who's your favorite musician?

I really like the Lumineers.

Okay, great.

Guess what?

The Lumineers are playing a private concert at the new private venue at the Fenway Park. You, my friend, not only have front row seats, you're going to meet them before the show.

Okay.

It's five weeks out. How do you feel?

Jittery a little bit. Like, the same feeling I would have if I was playing a big soccer game or running an important race when I was younger. Like the clammy hands, the pit in your stomach.

We're walking into this venue. You're walking up to the front row. How are you feeling?

My heart's beating I'm going a million miles an hour. I don't know. Probably feeling really on edge.

Yeah. The usher is coming up to be like, Okay, they're ready to meet you. How are you feeling?

I'll be like, Okay, Okay, okay. Let me collect myself. Yeah, probably really flustered, and I don't know. A little bit anxious, probably.

So it sounds like as A situation like that where you're about to meet your favorite band, which I would say, is that a positive or a negative experience?

Yeah, that'd be amazing. I mean, a positive one, obviously.

Well, it sounds very similar to the way that you experience the thought of flying to Portugal.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

Yeah. You want to know the only difference? When you're in the situation that's positive, that makes you excited, and you're about to meet the lumineers, your brain is telling you you're excited. Your brain is telling you the jitters in your stomach are butterflies, and that's a good thing. Your brain is telling you your hands are clammy and your heart is racing because something good is about to happen. The only difference between that and what you experience as you think about flying to Portugal is what your brain is saying about the flight. When you start to experience butterflies in your stomach as you are about to board before the flight, your brain's going, Uh-oh, there's something wrong. This is negative. The plane is going to crash. You're experiencing in your body, Cameron, the exact same physical and physiological symptoms when you meet the lumineers as when you board a plane. And the only difference is what your brain is saying about it. And so the reason why a confidence anchor works is we are going to shut your negative brain down and drop Stop this confidence anchor right on it like a sledgehammer, and we're going to replace your narrative that something's wrong with, Holy shit, I'm about to see my sister.

This is so exciting. It's as exciting as meeting the lumineers. And when your brain starts to say the butterflies are positive, you won't escalate into a panic attack. You will have taken control. How cool is that?

That's pretty cool.

So do you have any questions about the confidence anchor and how you're going to use it?

It just honestly seems still a little bit too good to be true. I don't know. I can just conquer all my fears just by flipping the way I'm thinking.

There's a scientific reason why this works. They research this at Harvard Business School, and what they did is they put people in control groups and put them in situations that made them nervous. They put one group into a control group where they had to run a track meet, another One had to sing karaoke. Another one was in a debating competition. They taught one group of people to use this reframing tool where you think about something related to the track meet or the debating competition or karaoke that you're excited about. This group was taught to say, I'm excited. I'm excited to run this meet. I'm excited to get up there on the stage and conquer my fears. I'm excited to go and debate because I've prepared. The people who use this simple refirming tool outperformed the people who didn't. They felt less nervous, and there's a scientific reason why. Earlier, we talked about the fact that there are these automatic responses that our body has to situations that are exciting or stressful. And in our case, Cameron, we talked about the lumineers and how that's exciting meeting the lumineers and getting on a plane to Portugal, which used to make you nervous.

Just talking about those two situations created an automatic response in your body, didn't it?

Yeah.

That automatic response is nothing more than a series of chemicals firing and messages firing between your brain and your nervous system. The reason why you and I get butterflies is because when the brain sends a message down to your nervous system that, Holy cow, we got to get on a plane, or, Holy cow, the lumineers are about to walk in, your nervous system goes, Oh, Got it. And immediately starts changing up the chemicals in your body. Adrenaline fires. The blood races to your head and to your heart. That's why your heart starts pounding. That's why your thoughts start to race. Now you get butterflies because The signal in your brain going to your gut just changed the chemicals in your digestive tract.

That's why we all get butterflies. That's it.

And so in the situation with the lumineers, you flipped your thoughts. I'm excited to meet them. And so that explains all the reasons why you have all these changes going on in your body, why your heart is racing, why your butterflies are in your stomach. This automatic response doesn't scare you because you're thinking positive thoughts when it comes to the lumineers. Now, when you get on the plane and your brain signals to your stomach that something's up and your heart starts to race because the blood goes to your heart and the butterflies start to flutter in your stomach because the chemical structure just changed in your digestive tract. If you have negative thoughts about the plane, a couple of things happen. You start to get scared of the automatic response in your body. And more cortisol starts to flood your brain, which is the stress hormone. And once that happens, what they found at the Harvard Business School study is that the cortisol interferes with your brain's ability to do whatever you had prepared to do. This is why most of us, when we stand on a stage, go blank. It's because we have an automatic response.

Our brain goes, Oh, shit. We get scared of our racing heart because we think it means that the plane is about to crash or about to screw something up. The cortisol floods our brain, and we forget what we prepared. When the cortisol all floods your brain, you forget about seeing your sister. You forget about all the exciting things. You forget about all the research that you did that shows that traveling by commercial airplane is the safest way to travel.

Period.

That's why this matters. And it's more than just thinking positive thoughts. It's critical that you come up with the thing you're excited about before you get into the situation, because once your thoughts start to race and you're like, Oh, my God, I'm going to screw up this test, or, oh, my God, I'm going to screw up this interview, or, oh, no, the plane, you've already lost control. You have to come up with this exciting anchor and this confidence anchor before you start to get nervous. Got it?

Yeah.

Any other questions?

It just makes so much sense. I always have taken the approach of confidence Calm down, Cam, making myself to be the bad guy and not really reframing it in any way, just letting myself soak in all the stress and anxiety. And just reprimand myself being like, what the heck? Why are you not just calming down? There's a six-year-old that's bouncing around, and it's like, oh, I love when the plane goes up and down. And it's like, why can't I be like that six-year-old?

Let me tell you why. This is excellent, Cameron. Let me tell you why you can't buy that six-year-old, because I love this analogy. The six-year-old's brain is not attaching negative thoughts to the plane bouncing up and down. As far as the six-year-old is concerned, this is exciting. That's why they're not panicking. And so the reason why in the history of telling yourself to calm down, you have never been able to calm down, is because you are dealing with an automatic response in your body. So let's go back to the science. When you get into a situation that makes you nervous, or that makes you stressed out, or makes you afraid, or that makes you excited, those are states in your body of high agitation. Those are states of alertness. Those are states when your blood starts pumping and your brain starts paying attention and everything aligns because you're about to do something that makes you excited or fun or nervous or afraid. And so you go into a state of being hyper alert. That state of high agitation is one that you can't calm down like that. So what we're doing when we teach you to create a confidence anchor and to use excitement to reframe what you're feeling is we're taking a state of high high agitation from the negative to a state of high agitation in the positive.

We're actually using the automatic response in our body to our advantage, and we're just tricking our brain to believe that we're actually excited because our brain doesn't know the difference. Your brain is like the six-year-old. Your brain actually doesn't know the difference between excitement and fear. That baby that's bouncing is feeling the heart racing and the bubbles in her stomach. It's just that your brain is framing it in the negative. Because your brain knows that excitement and that fear feels the same, that lumineers, that meeting the lumineers and being on an airplane feels the same, you can use that to your advantage and trick your brain in a moment where you would normally be nervous to actually think you're excited. And the The reason why this matters, Cameron, is because when you're on that plane, if you can come back over and over and over to your confidence anchor, and if you can close your eyes in a moment of turbulence, and you can imagine your sister, and you can start to say out loud, and this is important, you've got to say to yourself, I'm so excited to see... What's your sister's name?

Siena.

I am so excited to see Siena. I'm so excited to see Siena. I cannot wait for Siena to hug my mom. I cannot wait for this. If you come back to that confidence anchor, you are going to flip your brain into believing that you're excited about that moment, and you will no longer be afraid. It's a way to gain control. You want to do something really cool? Because your confidence anchor is related to what you're doing, it's really believable. Because when you are there, hugging your sister, it means the plane made it, and there's nothing to be worried about. That's why this works. When you imagine before a test, yourself walking out of there going, yes. It actually makes you excited to take it. When you imagine yourself nailing the interview, it makes you excited to walk into it because your brain doesn't know the difference between a state of fear or a state of excitement. And now you know a simple trick, backed by research from Harvard, to take control of your mind and take control in situations where nerves normally derail you.

Yeah, that's amazing. I think that was always in the back of my head during our conversation was if I'm still I feel fear in a lot of different areas of my life, not when I'm just in the air. So when I'm on the ground, how can I use this tool to ground myself, even if I'm not sure What is the outcome of it?

I love this. Okay, great question. I want you to take out a notebook, and you're going to write down any single thing that makes you nervous. Could be anything. I mean, what Give me a couple.

There's a long list, probably. But off the top of my head, something that I don't know, I really wish that I could beat the fear on I recently moved, not that far, but there's a really nice yoga studio on my street that I pass every day. And I just always think I need to be a part of a community of 20 somethings that are like minded. I've always loved yoga. I've loved the community it brings, but I cannot bring myself to sign up, and I can't bring myself I just constantly think about the day I have to show up for my first class, and it makes me way too anxious to even go.

This is an excellent example, and by the way, incredibly common and very relatable. So I'm really glad you shared it. So you're going to do the exact same thing. We're going to create a confidence anchor. Because what I hear is I hear you want to do it. I hear it pulling you, and the nerves are keeping you back. So name something you're excited about. So can you pick a coffee shop in your neighborhood that you love to go to, and it's going to be your treat to get a nice latte when you're done?

Yeah.

Do you want me to name it?

Yeah, I do.

It's called Thinking Cup.

I love Thinking Cup. Now, you're going to close your eyes. What color yoga tights are you wearing?

Oh, God. Maybe like, I have this really nice light blue ones that I always like to wear.

I love it. And as a treat, because you went to this relaxing yoga class in your light blue tights, sweatshirt tied around your waist, yoga bag over your shoulder, standing at Thinking Cup. What did you order?

Probably aniced Milk milk latte. Love it.

How do you feel as you're walking out of the Thinking Cup, having just completed that class and treating yourself to that?

How do you feel right now?

Like, proud of myself for doing it.

Awesome. There's your confidence anchor. Anytime you feel nervous, you're going to count backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, to interrupt the nerves and create Take that starting ritual, and you're going to drop that confidence anchor. And what's going to happen is it's going to slowly retrain your mind that you're not nervous about joining that yoga studio. You're actually excited. And when you start to practice this confidence anchor, at some point, you're going to find yourself walking down the street and there's the studio. And as that wave... Because remember, it's automatic. That automatic response comes up because you're about to do something new.

I've heard a lot of experts say that fear isn't real. That is such a bunch of baloney.

Fear is so real.

In fact, there are probably things that you're afraid of doing right now in your life, in your relationships, at work. The fact that you're afraid, that's robbing you of all of the experiences that you want to have in your life. I mean, if you're afraid to fly, that's going to limit your ability to travel and see the world or go visit friends. If you're afraid of public speaking, that's going to really limit your ability to express yourself and share your ideas. If you're afraid of talking to your boss or asking for a raise, that directly impacts how much money you make. Or what if you are dreaming of starting a business or you've already started a new business, but you're afraid to talk to people and you're afraid share your business with people. I mean, fear is something that stops us all. And that's why I'm here to talk to you, because it doesn't have to. Fear is real, but I am going to share a secret weapon that I have used for years to beat every single fear that used to stop me. Now, first, before we get into this secret weapon, I just want to cover a few facts about fear, what it is, what it isn't, and some things that you may not know about fear.

So first thing, fear is a physical state in your body that is exactly the same as excitement. Let me say that again. Fear and excitement are the exact same physical state. Your heart races, you might sweat a little bit, you might feel tightening in your chest, you might feel a pit in your stomach, you have a surge of cortisol. It's basically the way that your body goes into a It's a hyper-aware state because it's readying for action. Now, what's the difference between fear and excitement? Really simple. The only difference between fear and excitement is what your brain is doing as your body is all agitated. If you're excited, your brain's going, Oh, wow, this is going to be so cool to ride this roller coaster. If you're afraid, your brain's going, Oh, no way. There's no way I'm doing that. This is dangerous. Get out of there. Don't do that. It's saying something different. What's critical about understanding this is that we're going to use the fact that your mind is either working for you for excitement or against you with fear to your advantage. I'll tell you about it in just a minute how you're going to do that.

Second thing I want you to understand is that you may have heard the advice, feel the fear and do it anyway. You may have heard the advice, Oh, just try to calm down. Think positive thoughts. It doesn't work, does it? And there's a reason why it doesn't work. So let's go back to fact number one. When you're afraid, your body's in a state of arousal and agitation and your heart is racing and you're all amped up and you're hyper aware of what's going on, and you're freaking out a little bit. What is it like when you're calm? You just chill, right? You got this low arousal state. Very, very difficult to to go from a state of agitation and being all jacked up and excited and weirded out to a... Kind of state. It doesn't work. It's like trying to stop a train by throwing a folder on the tracks. It's going to make the train jump off the tracks. It's going to cause a disaster. In fact, they've proven in research that when you try to ignore your fears, it actually makes them worse. They've also proven in research that positive thinking alone also can make your fears worse.

So what do you do?

What do you What do you do when you're about to go talk to your boss and you feel afraid? What do you do when you have to get on a plane and you're actually terrified of flying? What do you do if you got to give a presentation and you are afraid of public speaking? Here's what you're going to do. You're going to use a strategy the same one that I use, that has helped me beat every single fear and turned me into somebody that is terrific when it comes to a high stress situation. This is how you do it. You're going to use my five-second rule in combination with what I call an anchor thought, and that is going to reframe what your mind is doing so that your mind goes from feeling agitation and making you afraid to reframing it from agitation to excitement. It works like magic. Now, I have used this technique for years, literally for years. And one of the ways that I want to introduce you to it is I want to take you backstage. I want to take you backstage to a speech that I delivered this year. And what you're going to see is you're going to see me behind the major set.

I'm about to walk out. You can hear the crowd roaring. My introductory video is playing. My body is in a state of arousal. I am literally... My heart is racing, my arms are sweating. You're going to see this. I'm going to tell you about it. And you're going to watch me use this same technique I'm going to teach you to reframe my nerves into excitement. Check this out. All right, I'm about to go on stage. There are 7,000 people out there, and it's so exciting because what they don't know is they're about to learn the five-second rule, and their lives will never be the same again. Now, I got to tell you, my heart is racing. My armpits are sweating.

I have the exact same physiological feeling as when I'm afraid, but I'm not afraid.

I'm excited. Excitement and fear is the exact same thing in your body. It's just what your brain calls it. Here's a trick that's proven by science that I use every time I speak. When I start to sweat, when I start to have butterflies, when I start to have my heart rate, I say, I'm excited. I'm excited to get out there. I'm excited to talk to these people. I'm excited to share the five-second rule. And what that does is it sends a message to my brain that tells my brain why my body's all agitated and excited.

And that way, I don't feel afraid.

Remember, excitement and fear, exact same thing in your body. The only difference is what your brain calls it.

That's why you want those orders.

Go get them. Now, I want to give you one more example just to make sure that you really get how you can use this. So a lot A lot of you have written to me about your fear of flying, and I can really relate to that fear because I used to have the exact same fear. But I use this same strategy to conquer it. Here's how you're going to do it. So first things first. If you've got to something that really makes you nervous or that you're afraid to do, before you're about to do it, come up with an anchor thought. What's an anchor thought? Well, an anchor thought is something that's going to anchor you so that you don't escalate any situation into a full-blown panic attack or into a situation where you screw things up. It's a way for you to anchor yourself so you maintain control over what you're thinking and how you behave. So here's an example with flying. It's It's important when you're creating an anchor thought to pick something that is in the proper context of what you're afraid to do. So for flying, pick an anchor thought that has to do with the trip that you're taking.

So if I'm boarding a plane to fly back home to Michigan, an anchor thought might be a picture in my mind of my mom and I walking on the shores of Lake Michigan where I grew up. That's a thought that makes me happy. It makes me excited. And it's also related to the trip that I'm taking. If you have a conversation that you need to have with your boss, pick an anchor thought about how you feel after having that conversation. Maybe it's you picking up the phone and calling somebody that you love and saying, Oh, my gosh, it went so well. Or you walking out of the meeting and feeling like, Yeah, I survived that conversation. I feel pretty good about myself. So now that you have your anchor thought, you're ready to beat the fear. How you're going to do it is this. So let's go back to the example of the plane. I'm on the plane, I'm flying to Michigan. We hit turbulence. My body's going to start getting agitated, right? I'm starting to get nervous. My heart starts to race. One of two things can happen. I can't control how my body might feel, but I can always, always control what I'm thinking about, and I can always control how I act, and so can you.

So when I'm on a plane and the turbulence hits, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, that's step one, and it's essential. And the reason why using the The five-second rule, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is essential is because that is how you switch the gears in your mind, you awakeen your prefrontal cortex, and you trigger your brain that you're now in control of your thoughts. You've interrupted the fear, you've settled your thoughts, and now your brain is ready for that anchor thought. So then what I do after I go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is I insert the anchor thought that I've already come up with before the flight. I start thinking about walking on the beach and being with my mom and my dad. And I start telling myself, I'm so excited to walk on the shores of Lake Michigan. I'm so excited to see my parents. Now, something remarkable is going to What's going to happen in your brain. Because you've interrupted the fear and because you've used the five-second rule to assert control and awake in your prefrontal cortex, and because you have an image that contextually makes sense to your brain because you're flying to Michigan, you know what your brain does?

Your brain goes, Huh. Mel is excited to go to Michigan because my body is in a state. Remember the first fact? Fear and excitement, exact same thing. What's the difference between fear and excitement? What your brain is saying. Using the five-second rule in an anchor thought, you can actually switch the gears in your mind and reframe the thoughts of fear into thoughts of excitement. Because you have a vision that makes sense based on what you're doing, your brain buys it. You just tricked your brain. Now, Dana used this technique. She says she's never been so calm when she's been flying, and Sarah used it, too. Now, Sarah wrote, she was petrified of flying, but utilizing the five-second rule and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 with an anchor thought, check out this photo of her on a helicopter tour in Hawaii. Not only was the tour amazing, but here's what's really amazing. If fear stops you, this will change your life. For those of you that are afraid of public speaking, check out this photo of Carol. She also had a fear of public speaking. By using this technique that I've just explained to you, five-second rule, anchor thought, reframe your thoughts from fear to excitement, something incredible happened.

She was able to beat her fear and give a speech to her nursing colleagues. That was something that was a life goal and also something she checked off her bucket list. Fear is real. You can't control the feelings that are going to rise up in your body when you're on a plane or when you're talking to your boss or when you see somebody that's attractive and you really want to go over and talk to that person. But you can always control what you think, and you can always make a decision about the actions you're going to take. So the next time you feel afraid, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go to that anchor thought Tell yourself you're excited. And that, my friend, is the power of how you beat fear in five seconds left.

Look, I want to also say one thing to you. This stuff is heady. So I'm doing my best to keep this like Fun and visual, because when you get lost in thought, it's going to be hard to apply this. And so first of all, I want to commend you for sticking with this, because now we're going to dig into the exercise. I wanted you to have the understanding, because oftentimes I personally find that if somebody just throws a science-back tip or exercise or tool or tactic or strategy at me, it sounds so dumb on the surface that without the underlying research and mechanics and science that explains why this simple thing works, you will literally roll your eyes and not do it. So now that you have that background, I'm going to reward you with the exercise that I want you to practice. And this one is simple. So if you're cynical, if you're really smart, if you're analytical, it will sound stupid. But I want you to hang in there because there is a really powerful thing going on in your NeuroPathways when you try this. And it's also an incredibly cool and fun thing to do with your family, with your friends.

In fact, I get texts from people all over the world who are doing it, and my kids who do not live with us, our two adult daughters, they constantly text me pictures of what I'm about to ask you to do. I promise you, it's trying. This is an exercise called Looking for Hearts, and this is how you play it. Every single day when you wake up, you are going to go on a scavenger hunt in your day-to-day life, and you are going to try to find a naturally occurring heart shape somewhere in the world. It could be a cloud that shaped like a heart. You could look at your coffee and see that the foam on top has made the shape of a heart. You might get out of your car and you'll see I see a stain on the floor or a leaf that's the shape of a heart. I constantly, constantly see rocks. I see heart shapes in the top of mountain ranges. I see the shape of hearts in brick buildings all the time in terms of the different colors of bricks. Here's what's interesting about this. What you'll realize is that there are probably 10,000 heart shapes that are around you in your day-to-day life.

The stain on the carpet, the spot on your dog's back, the tear in a pair of pants, the shape of a leaf. They're everywhere. They're absolutely everywhere. Right now, you walk right by them.

Why?

Well, because they're not important to you. You have not told the bouncer of your brain to let the hearts in to the nightclub. So you are walking right past all these things, and they are actively being blocked out. It is not in your conscious mind. The second you start you're playing this game, Find a Heart, you will experience something amazing. You will experience your brain going to work for you. And so here's how I want you to play this, because I do want you to play this every single day. This is truly not a game about finding hearts. This is about training your mind. This is a game where you are telling your mind, I am the freaking boss, bouncer of the mind, I pay your salary. You are going to do what I tell you to do. You are going to find me a heart. And if you want to get paid, you are going to find me a heart. That is your job today. Find me a heart. So get intentional about that. And then I want you to go through your life and just let a heart shape in. And when you see it, here's what I want you to do.

And if you're really analytical, you're going to think this is the cheesiest damn thing you've ever heard. But I want you to do this because there's neuroscience involved. When you see that heart, I want you to pause, and I want you to really stare at it for a minute. You can take a photo of it. If it's a rock, you can pick it up or a leaf and take it with you. Because I want you to reward your brain for being flexible and for trying to help you. I want you to take that moment, for real, as cheesy as this sounds, the foam on the top of your coffee the shadow on the floor. I want you to take a minute and really savor it and literally just go, holy shit. There it is. That's pretty cool. Yesterday, I walked right past this and I didn't even see it. Thank you, mind. Wow. You just changed in real-time. You just let something in that I asked you to let that in. And if you really want to supersize this, if you're somebody that's really struggling with a sense of self-worth or hope or really believing that you can turn things around, I want you to look at that and tell yourself that that was placed there for you to find.

This was placed there because you needed to see evidence that it is in fact possible to change the way you think. It is in fact possible to tell your mind what you want to see more evidence of and for your mind to work for you. And once you see one heart, you will start seeing hearts everywhere. The more hearts that you see, the more that you are connecting into magic, the more that you realize that your brain is trying very hard to help you, it is going to point out hearts in the moss. It's going to point out hearts on the sidewalk. You're going to see hearts on people's clothing. You're going to see them in paintings. It's weird. They're like everywhere. It's as if there is this entire world that you and I live in, and we walk by it every single day. And I think that's true about everything that you want, that there is evidence all around you that things are working out, that people are trying to help you, if you're willing to see it. At the end of the day, finding hearts is not about finding hearts. It is about something so much bigger because it's proof that you can change the wiring in your mind.

You can manipulate and program this filter, the RAS, to make it work for you. And every time you see a heart, it is evidence that it is true. And so it's important because this is the first step of a mindset reset. Because if you didn't think, my mind can change. It can allow me to see the world differently. If I can't get you to see and experience that, you will never even buy rather trying thought substitution. And I will say there is something that some of you may experience. So this comes from Nadie in Germany. And she wrote, Mel, I loved what you said about looking for hearts, and I've been trying it. And I even saw two hearts within an hour. But then I got nervous and was almost afraid to find them. So how do you overcome the fear of making things better. I relate to this because we're used to the way that things are. We're used to the default programming in our minds, even if it makes us miserable. And when you start to catch a glimpse of how things could be different, I think sometimes if you've experienced a tremendous amount of heartache, or you've tried so many times Is to put yourself out there, the idea of believing again, that it's worth trying again, that is what's scary.

Here's what I have to say to you. This is not about hope. This is hard science. Because you're living with programming right now. I am here to tell you, it's outdated. In fact, when you When you start to really play around with this next piece of how you change the way that you think, you're going to realize that you're not even listening to your voice. You're listening to someone else's voice. It's probably your mom's or your dad's or in other caregivers. Because that negativity that's in your mind that chips away at you, that That default programming that you don't even really hear. For me, I call it my campaign of misery. I did not create this when I was six or seven or eight. I was taught this. And so you're going to start to realize that not only do you have the power to change the filter, yes, you can see reasons to be happy. Yes, you can spot wins instead of reasons why you're a loser. Yeah, you can pay more attention to the people in your life that make you feel great instead of chasing the ones that make you feel like crap.

You can change all of this. You can make your mind work for you. But what you're going to realize very quickly is, holy cow, there's this default thing in my mind that's fighting my desire to be happy. It's fighting my desire to win. And so that That's where we're going to go next, because there is an entirely different reality. One of the reasons why I always say to you is, I love you. I believe in you. I believe in your ability to create a better life. The reason why I say say that to you all the freaking time, and I mean it, is because I know you don't say that to yourself. And I didn't say that to myself for a long time either. And I don't need to meet you to say, I love you. Because love is a verb. Love is how you show up in the world. This podcast is an act of love for me. It is a way to connect with you. It's a way for me to support you and empower you. And I show I grew up here because I do believe in you. I don't care what's happened to you.

You cannot convince me that you cannot change. I have way too much evidence on my side. You only have your experience. I've got an army of a million people that I've seen change. And so I know you can change. Because I know you can take the actions to make your mind a better place. You can take the actions to make your life feel better. You can take the actions to improve your relationship relationship with yourself. And this is the most exciting part. This is the thing I am working on myself day in and day out. You can take the actions that reclaim your brain, that reprogram your mind, and that make your mindset and your thoughts work for you. I mean, all this shit is made up that we're saying anyway. So if you can think bad thoughts, why not think good ones? Does it actually make you happy to tell yourself that you suck and that there's something wrong with you? And is it even true? So if you can make that crap up, if you can adopt what somebody else says about it, can't you make up your own? Of course you can.

And so let's get to that substitution diet. This is the Mel Robin's way to describe what researchers call cognitive bias modification. It's literally catching default thoughts and substituting something better. And one of the best example of this is the next time that you start obsessing, obsessing over what could go wrong. What if I don't like it? What if it doesn't work? What if I get rejected? What if it does it? What if I look stupid? What if they judge me? What if this way? Say this. What if it works out? What if it works out? The more you say out loud, What if it works out? You substitute the negative bullshit with something positive. What if it works out? I mean, can you argue with me on that one? What if it works out? I didn't say it will work out. I said, What if it does? Because you don't know whether it's going to work out or not, do you? And When you allow your default wiring to filter the world with the belief and the thought that, What if it doesn't work out? What if I fail? What if this? What if that?

Those thoughts filter the world a certain The thought, What if it doesn't work out? Makes you not apply. It makes you not write that book. It makes you not go to the gym. It makes you sit home alone. Those thoughts are filtering your experience of life a particular way, and because the filter in your brain is paying attention to what you care about, it believes that's what you want. So as you scan the world around you, you see reasons why it's not going to work out. Didn't happen last time. It's a weird world after the pandemic. I don't want to embarrass myself. I feel uncomfortable. When you start to engage in thought substitution, what if it all works out? What if leaving my house is the best decision I've made in a decade? What if I meet the person that I was destined to meet? What if going to 90 meetings in 90 days at AA changes my life? What if it all works out? See how that mindset switch, cognitive bias modification. See how that leads you to feeling more encouraged? What if I make these 10 cold calls and nobody takes the call, but I'm okay?

What if I walk up to this house that I think is going to go on the market and I knock on the door. And it turns out I buy it before it comes on the market? What if I get into my dream school? You're more likely to apply if you're like, Well, what if it does work out. And this is why this is so important, because your brain is paying attention to what's important to you. And I don't think any of us have a clue how much air time we give to negative thinking, to beating ourselves down, to assuming that life is going against you, to thinking something's wrong, to beating yourself up, to comparing yourself to other people. And when you start to pay attention to two facts, number one, your mind is trying to help you, and number two, when you figure out what's important to you and you make it a priority, your mind will adjust in real-time and help you see an entirely new world. And when you see that it's possible that you could get into your dream school, that's a whole new world. When you see that it's possible that you'll make the best friends of your life in the next year of your life, a whole new world is possible.

When you see that you can not only get your dream job, but you can land your dream job, and it has a bonus, a whole new world is possible. It begins with two simple things I want you to do. Look for hearts so you experience that a whole new world is possible, that there's a world that you're walking by every day. This is critical. I do this every single day. It sounds like such a dumb thing. I often think about this moment where a reporter is like, so what's your secret to success? I'm like, look, I look for a heart every day. I mean, it sounds so stupid, doesn't it? But what What I'm actually saying is I am actively engaged in the process of training my brain. Just like you would lift weights or resist weights or whatever it is that you do if you want biceps, you are training your body to be strong. I'm training my mind every single day to work for me. And every time I see a heart, it's a reminder. Oh, yeah. My brain will tell me what I want it to tell me. And so I can either let the campaign of misery take control of my RAS, or I can tell my brain, no, it is important to be happy.

It is important to feel like I'm winning. It's important to put myself out there in life. I need some help with this brain. And so the hearts for me is a simple way to explain this profound amount of research out there and put it into practical use. And this idea of a substitution diet for the shit you've been thinking forever that no longer serves you. That's a simple way for me to explain to you. You're not stuck with the thoughts that you think. That idea right there, that's the whole thing. That's everything. You are not stuck with the thoughts that you think. You can let them rise up, but you don't have to grab them and grip onto them and wrestle them to the ground. You'll be like, Oh, there's that That's a stupid thought that my dad taught me to think. Bye, dad. I choose to think something else because I know what cognitive bias modification is. And that horse shit that you said that I was a failure or didn't mount up to something or wasn't wanted. I don't believe that shit anymore. Because it's important to me to not only see hearts, but it's important to me to encourage myself, to believe in myself, to believe in my life and my effort and my ability.

Because that's what I believe. That's why I'm here. You can do this. If I can do this shit, you can do this stuff. You have no idea how screwed up I was. If you wanted If you're going to go toe to toe with somebody that had the darkest thoughts in the world, Mel Robbins will go toe to toe with you any day. And you cannot get rid of it entirely. But thought by thought, you can learn how to not get hooked by it, and you can learn how to start to reprogram your mind. And I'm also going to tell you something. I said at the very beginning, it's not one and done. This is not toxic positivity. I'm not here to sell you a pill to make your problems go away. I'm here to tell you that there will be times in your life where the negativity comes back and the default comes back and things get overwhelmed, Tell me, that happened to me just six months ago. When big things happen in your life, it can take you down for a little bit. But coming back to this stuff, over and looking for hearts, there's the confirmation.

I still, even though life sucks, my brain is still trying to help me. And really, I'm telling you, I call it hand-to-hand combat with your mind because that's what you're engaged in. Those negative thoughts either hook you and take you down or you're like, that's interesting. I My grandmother's still bitching at me and she's dead. I don't really need this in my default program anymore. You know? That's what's available to you. So I mentioned earlier that this cognitive bias modification tools that we're talking about today work because not only have I used them in my own life, but also because we've had 250,000 students that I've taught a course about reframing your mindset, resetting your mindset to. And we do these extensive surveys afterwards. And one of the things that I know from our data is that the number one negative thought that people struggle with is, I'm not good enough. And I believe that everybody struggles with this. There are two reasons why. Number one, many of you grew up in a household where your lived experience was that you were told you weren't good enough, or you felt like you weren't good enough.

Even if you grew up in a household where you didn't feel that way, you felt safe, you felt secure, you went to an elementary school or a middle school, and you went through the period of human development called adolescence and teenage years, where you separate from your family, and your number one objective, developmentally, is to bond with friends. It It's during that horrendous period of time that we call middle school, that most of us start to size ourselves up in relation to other groups of people. Oh, they're the theater kids. I'm not good enough for them. Oh, the sports kids. I'm not good enough for them. Oh, the rich kids. I'm not good enough for them. It's a protection mechanism because you don't want to get hurt by approaching a group that you think is going to reject you. This is totally normal. We all have it. And ironically, what we do is we tell ourselves we're not good enough for certain groups or certain people. But our brains pay attention. Our brains at that little age, and the filter in our brain starts to change and starts to scan the world for all the places you don't belong.

That's my opinion about where it begins. It is part of everybody's development to go through this period where life is a sorting hat and you're trying to figure out where you fit in. I wish that our brains did the opposite and basically scanned the world and we're like, Oh, let's just scan and see all the opportunities to fit in so that you amplify your strengths. But instead, we focus on our lack, and we do it as little kids. And because we've been doing it for so long, whether it began inside your home because of how you were treated or in your community because of how you were treated, it definitely was an experience that you had when you were younger of trying to fit in. It happens to all of us. And the opportunity of your adult life and the rest of the time that you have is to reclaim your experience of life, to see all the places, not where you don't fit in, but all the places where you can go, all the places where you could be, all the wins that you have, all the strengths that you have, all the magic you have to give.

That's the opportunity when it comes to changing your mindset and changing your brain. And when you take that on, because I believe that's true. I believe you fit in. I believe you belong. I believe you have incredible gifts to share with the world. I believe that you deserve happiness. I believe that you have huge wins every single day, and that I want you to give yourself credit for them. I believe that you've I've survived a ton of crap, and you don't even give yourself credit for that. I believe that you're pretty awesome. And I want you to start to have a brain that filters the world in that direction. And so that's why I'm telling you this. We all struggle with it to some extent, and in moments of weakness, it's going to be there again. But that's okay, because you can search for hearts, and you can tell yourself, what if it all works out? You can remind yourself that we're all a work in progress. You can look for wins every day instead of the things that went wrong. You can spend more time with people that make you feel good instead of chasing places you really don't like.

All this is possible. And I want this for you, which is why I hope you'll I'm going to try this. And simple reframes, if you don't feel good enough, is you can be like, I'm a work in progress. I can figure it out. The people who love me are the people who I need in my life. This is important. I really hope You take this on, and this is the work that you'll do for the rest of your life. And it's worth it because the happiest days of our lives are the road ahead of us. Truly, I want that for both of us. I've spent far too much time beating myself up and looking for what's wrong and searching for reasons to feel tortured or lonely and to stop myself. It's just horse shit. I'm so sick of it, and I'm sure you're sick of it, I'm sharing all this because even though I teach this stuff, it's easy stuff to listen to or talk about. You got to put it into practice, and so do I. You got to catch yourself when the negativity starts. You got to cut off the voice in your head that is not your own.

You got to knock this middle school shit off and start claiming your adult life because you do deserve to be happy. And even if you don't love yourself, I'll tell you what, I love you. Even Even if you don't believe in yourself, that's okay. I believe in you. And I'm going to keep on saying it until you catch up with me. Because I do believe that you can take the steps to reprogram your mind. You can take the steps to shut up that negativity in your head. You can take the steps to filter the world in an entirely new way and see how it's working to help you. And it doesn't take a whole lot of time to create a better life. Now, go find a heart. I love you. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.