Today's topic is the three lessons that I have learned from one of the hardest years of my life. And I wanted to do a episode about the lessons that I've learned recently, because this has been a really freaking hard year for me. And there are so many of you that listen to this podcast that are new friends of mine that have met me after the podcast has launched. And you may find it surprising to hear that this has been a really I'm talking if I had to rate 0-10, how hard it was, 0 being this was a cakewalk, 10 being this sucked sour eggs, this year would be about a 97 on a scale from zero to 10. And if you listen to me today, you think, well, how could that possibly be? You've got one of the top-ranking podcasts in the world. You've come out of nowhere and are just crushing it, Mel. You seem to have it all going on. You're clearly a very positive person. How could this possibly have been the hardest year of your life? Well, you're seeing me after the hardest year. When you think about a lot of the cheesy metaphors in life, it's always the darkest right before dawn.

It's always hard right before it gets easy. I think one of the things that's true about life is that life requires you to get lost right before you find yourself again. I'm not going to lie to you, it sucks when you feel lost. It sucks when life is hard. There is nothing fun about it. I do not wish it on anybody. And I also know that it is unavoidable, that there are going to be years of your life that are absolutely amazing and delicious and easy, and they're going to just flow like water flows out of a faucet. And then there are going to be years, like the year I just had, that nearly suck you dry. It's like the hits just keep coming. And so I'm going to just, at a top level, tell you some of the reasons why this year was super hard for me. And even preparing to talk to you about this, Thinking about what life looked like just over a year ago, I started to get emotionally triggered. Just talking about how hard it's been makes me feel stressed out again. So let me just go back, boy, about a year.

So a year from now, I was so burnt out. I had been running on adrenaline for years. The more successful I became, the more unhappy I was. For two years, I had been living separately from my husband and our son because we had raised our kids in Boston, and that's where where my business was. During the pandemic, remember that? During the pandemic, our son made this decision that he wanted to go to school in Southern Vermont. My husband and our son were living with my mother-in-law, and he was going to the public school three hours away from me in Southern Vermont, and I was down in Boston working. I was living alone. I was not near my husband and son. I would see them on the weekends. I was driving back and forth, and it was just beating me up. On top of that, there was some stuff going down at work that was super painful. I had somebody very close to me that betrayed me. I mean, they stole from me, they lied to me, and it had been going on for a while, and it all blew up a year ago. And so here I am, feeling lonely, feeling burnt out.

I'm looking at a A massive betrayal, and I don't know if any of you have ever had that experience where somebody deeply in your inner circle steals from you, lies to you, does something to you like that. But it just takes you to your knees. I was super just unhealthy. I had not been exercising consistently. I was grabbing the alcohol to relieve the stress and loneliness. In preparing to talk to you about this today, I went back through my camera roll and back through my calendar. And it's a wake-up call because you forget how bad things are once you get through it. When you're in the soup of it, you feel like you're drowning in sludge. But when you get through it, it's almost like after you have a baby, you forget the pain of labor. Looking back at my photos from last year, seeing me so worn down. I looked so pale. I looked like a dolphin. You know how dolphins have gray skin? I had no brightness to my face. The life force was just drained out of me. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I was in therapy, I was trying to sort stuff out, but I was just miserable.

If I'm being honest, I had been miserable for a while. I I had just been pushing through. Life felt very hard, and I knew deep down that something had to give. I knew that I could not continue to go on living separate from Chris and Oak going back and forth, feeling so burnt out, surrounding myself with friendships or relationships where I wasn't feeling supported, I was actually getting betrayed. And I knew I had to do something. It may surprise you to hear me say, I just felt stuck. And I had all these excuses for why I had to keep going, and all these excuses for why I couldn't change things. And I also felt like this was getting done to me. I don't know if you've ever heard that quote that, Oh, life is happening for you. I hate that quote because I'm like, No, it's not. Life is happening to me. Don't tell me when my life isn't working, that this is happening for me. Screw you. Well, then something happened. What happened is, in December, I had a conversation with a really good friend of mine, and my friend's name is Pete Sheehan, and he's known me for a long time.

And he said, Mel, you are more miserable than I have ever heard you. I think that it's time that you truly get control of this. That you focus on your happiness, that you make some serious changes. And this brings me to lesson number one. You ready? Lesson number one from the hardest year of my life is that your life is always trying to teach you something. You may not want to learn what it's trying to teach you, but your life is always trying to teach you something. Whether life is going easy, it's trying to teach you something. You know what life is teaching you when life is easy? It's teaching you what works. It's teaching you the habits and the kinds of people that make you feel good. It's teaching you what life working looks like. And you know what life is teaching you when life is hard? It's teaching you what is broken. It's trying to wake you up. And what I've learned the hard way, do not do what I did. I am so damn stubborn. If you think about life as a giant school, life is the greatest school you will ever attend.

You can enjoy it, you can hate it, but life is always going to be school because life is always teaching you something. And do not make the mistake that Mel Robbins makes, because I'm a very stubborn student. And what happens is if you don't get the lesson that life is trying to teach you, life just brings out the sledgehammer. And that's what happened to me. It just hit me over the head with a freaking sledgehammer. And so I want you to stop for a second right now, and I want you to think, what is my life trying to teach me right now? And here's a simple exercise that my friend Pete gave me. It's so dead simple. It's nuts. You're going to take out a piece of paper. He said, Mel, take out a piece of paper. And I have my journal here. You can hear me like, flipping it open right now because this is like, what actually happened? December 21st, last year, I was speaking with my friend, Pete Chan. I got to find the page here. I should have put a little... Oh, here it is right here. And he said, of support on the administrative side of my life. I hate feeling overwhelmed. I hate having to set up technology. I hate never seeing my friends. I hate not knowing what's going on. I hate having nobody to handle things I hate that I feel like everything is a broken process. I hate working remote. I hate not knowing how everything I'm working toward is going to connect to something bigger. Wow, that's a lot of stuff that I hate. I hate my negative thought. It goes on and on and on. My list of things that were causing friction.I hate that I don't live with Chris and my husband. I hate that I don't see my friends. I hate that I'm constantly traveling in order to work. I hate the feeling of loneliness. It just goes on and on and on. Now, here's what's interesting. Life is trying to teach me something. And what my life was teaching me with a gigantic sledgehammer is that it's not working. It's not working. Wherever you have friction, there is either a broken process or a broken set of relationships, or there is something that is no longer aligned with you, or there are the wrong people around you. That's all that it is. And see, we get so attached to the way that things are that we don't get the lessons. And when you don't get the lessons, you close off what could be. And I'm here to tell you that you deserve to have a life where you don't feel friction every day. You're not wired to to live a life where you feel that intense. And I can give you some other examples. When our son was in the fourth grade, he would just explode when we had to sit down and do homework at night, like full on temper tantrums.You know what that is? That is friction in a young person's body. That is him feeling this deep sense that something's off. And when that happened for our son, and he would pound his head against the kitchen island, and he would cry before he had to go to school, he didn't know what was wrong, but he was trying to teach us something. Life was trying to teach us something. His body intrinsically knew that something was off. And what turned out to be off is that the kid had profound dyslexia, profound dysgrapia, executive functioning, attention stuff going on, and he couldn't sit in the classroom and neurologically do what was being asked of him to do. And so I'm here to tell you, when you make this list of things that you hate, the areas of your life that create friction for you right now, that's where the lessons are. And those lessons will repeat until you learn them. Do not be stubborn. Do not look at the friction as if something's wrong. Look at the friction in your life as an opportunity to create alignment, as an opportunity to pull your life back into the other column, which is things that I love.And there was so much that I loved in my life. There was the therapy that I was doing. There was the time that I was spending with Chris and our son and building a house. There was all the new things we were working on. There was the podcast that was out in the future. All of this stuff. You got to walk toward the things. You got to do more of what's in alignment. But I'm telling you right now, the lessons are in the hard stuff. The lessons are in the friction. So that's lesson number one. Your life is trying to teach you something. It always is. Stop resisting the lesson. Because I have found in personal experience that if you refuse to learn the lesson, life will show up with a sledgehammer. When I look backwards now, I can see that I've been addicted to being busy for a long time. I can see that I needed to deal with this friction for a long time. It's just got louder and louder and louder to the point where I could no longer ignore it. I could also see, looking backwards, that I had often had people in my inner circle that were doing things like lying and betraying me.And I had ignored it, and I had made excuses for people. And so Guess what? Those betrayals just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it was so painful that I had to finally learn the lesson. And so friction in your life is a good thing because friction wakes you up. Friction puts a spotlight on what's not working. And friction only builds everyone until you learn the lesson and you make a decision to turn toward it. All right, that's number one. Lesson number two: your excuses are bullshit. That's right. All those excuses you got, they're just fear. They are just fear. When When you learn the lesson, when you turn toward the friction in your life, and you look for either the process or the people or the place that you're living, or the place that you work, all of the things, the thinking patterns that you have, the behavior patterns. When you start to identify everybody, all of the areas of friction in your life, and you go to work to learn the lesson, here's what I want you to know. You are capable of changing it. You You are 100 % capable of learning the lesson and making anything in your life better.I know that is true about you. And that means that the only thing that is keeping you from identifying the things that aren't working and doing the work to move your life into alignment with who you're meant to be and the things that truly make you come alive, the only thing that's preventing you from doing that is you. And There are fears. Any excuse that you have is just fear. You're afraid to try, you're afraid to fail, you're afraid you're too late, you're afraid of this, you're afraid of that. Now is not the right time. I don't have this, I don't have that. This person would be upset with me. All of it is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of it not working out, fear of being disappointed, fear of disappointing others. That's what an excuse is. You're just managing fear, and it's all baloney. And I say that because I do the same thing. I do the same thing. I want to take you back just over a year ago. This was shocking when I started to prepare for this conversation with you, because when I went back through my camera roll and I looked at my calendar, I realized that it was just over a year ago that I published my last book, The High Five Habit.I spent 20% of that book sharing about this big dream that I had about launching a podcast. Over a year ago, a year ago today, I did not have a podcast. I was still making excuses about a podcast. I was scared about launching a podcast. In fact, I wrote about it in this book. Just over a year ago, as I was promoting this book, I was making videos begging some of the biggest podcast hosts in the world to have me on their podcast to talk about my book, The High Five Habit. So I made videos, literally, for the biggest, biggest, biggest, the people that I admire. These custom videos. I put myself out there. I was all afraid about doing it. I sent these videos off to people that I love. I sent them off crickets. Nobody even responded. And I took that to mean, I will never make it in the podcast business because the people I admire the most, they don't even want to talk to me. They don't even respond. I mean, that's how big my excuses were. I'm going to read to you a little bit about what I wrote. And this is just over a year old, you guys.I want to put this in perspective as you're listening to me. As you listen to me right now, we are one of the top podcasts in the entire world because of you. We are the number one education podcast in the world, on every platform because of you. A year ago, I was questioning whether or not I should even start this at all. And I'm going to read to you what I believed and felt in my heart. And I'm going to do this because there is something that you want to do. I had been thinking about launching a podcast for years. I had come up with so many excuses, so many reasons not to do it. There is something that is on your heart, that is on your mind. Some change that you want to make, some art that you want to pursue, something that you want to do with your life. You know it. You feel it. You think about it. That was me with this podcast. And a year ago, I was busy talking myself out of it. I was busy looking for all kinds of reasons and excuses for why... It was too late, everybody.I missed the window. I should have done it years ago. See? Don't even bother. When I think about the excuses that I had, they're the same excuses you had. And see, you're seeing me now, you're seeing this success. So you're sitting there going, Well, it's easy for Mel Robbins. She already had an audiobook. Are you kidding me? I had the same excuse. I almost didn't do this. What a shame that would have been. And there's something that you're busy convincing yourself not to do. And that's why, lesson number two, is that excuse is bullshit. It's just fear. I had the same thing. Let me read to you from the high five habit, because this is what I put out in the world just over a year ago. You're seeing now what happens when you push through that stupid excuse. But I want you to understand, I get this. It's on page 111. Oh, yeah, I love this. Here's Here's the title. I'm not giving this advice to you. I'm giving it to myself. So this is a chapter about jealousy, and it's about excuses, and how I used to let self-doubt and jealousy eat me up inside.But here's the thing about jealousy. It's just blocked desire. It's a normal emotion. And the truth is, there's not a day that goes by when I don't feel a pang of jealousy. It happens every time I scroll through social media. And here's an example that I write about in this book, because remember, when I published The High Five Habit just over a year ago, I didn't have a podcast. I didn't have a plan for launching a podcast. I was just writing about how jealousy was stopping me from pursuing it. It was eating me alive. So let me tell you about that jealousy I was feeling just a year ago. Right now, my career, when I look ahead of me, the people I'm most jealous of are the ones who have already started podcasts. For example, my friend Louis Howes. He's been hosting the School of Greatness podcast for seven years. I'm extremely jealous of my friend Louis. In fact, I got a bunch of friends gone through a value shift in this pandemic.How so?Because the values that worked before the pandemic no longer fit for most people. We hear people talking about they want more flexibility in their job. They want to work from home. Why? Because they realized the family mattered, and it was being compromised by the way they worked and did their family time. But most people haven't had the privilege of what you have, of being able to pause and reflect. A lot of people are still in the treadmill of life. That's what I see in my office. People call me, and they're still trying to fit their old values to this post-pandemic life. It needs a realignment. And how do you find your values is your question. So I talked about pain. The other way to find values, which I think is what happened to you is this. Lean into the moments that you feel your best. Okay? What about the moments? What's so important? You talked about being with your family. The way you said, My three kids and my husband, you lightened up. I could just see you in your living room with them during the pandemic, and if I went behind your brain, I could see just Mel being content, connected, and present.Yes. Versus Mel on the stage was impacting a bunch of people, but then you're in that plane, and you're craving that connection, that real connection with family. And so in those moments of flow, in those moments of quietness, ask yourself, What matters in this moment? Why is this moment important to me? Why do I feel good? Our values are right there. I know this. I do dinner with my family every day. And connection and family are two of the values for me, are super important. So much so that I came to see you, and I'm flying to Miami this week, and I'll be gone for my son for five days. My husband looked at me and said, You know what? I think we should come with you because you need that connection before you're away from him. It's not going to feel good to be away from him Sunday and Monday, and then the rest of the week. And so pulled him out of school. They came with me. And this morning, he said to me, Can we stay an extra day? I really like it here. And just that made me feel so connected with him.And so those moments allow us to be connected.When your life blows up and When you find yourself in the ocean with pieces of the boat all around, look for a fucking life preserver or a raft. Okay? So I want to applaud you for doing what needed to be done when the you know what hit the fan. That same instinct is what is going to make you successful. The second thing that I want to tell you is once you get a hold of that life raft, you want to grab something else as it floats, right? And get yourself out of that water. And so I am glad to hear that you're looking for a job. And what I would recommend is I would recommend not pretending about the situation that you're in. There is no shame in going to a job interview and at the end of it saying, And I'm asking you for this job. And the reason why I'm asking you for this job is not only because I am going to be incredible at it, and you're I'm never going to regret it, but I actually need it. I'm in a really tight jam. I had a life crisis happen. I never thought at the age of 55, I'd be in this situation, and I need the work, and I want the work, which means I am going to show up here every single day, and I am going to work the heck out of this job.I've never wanted a job more than I want a job right now. And you should tell your friends that this is what you're going through, and that you need help, and that you need a recommendation, or you need a place to stay. And you should not do what I did, which was hide what was going on because I was so ashamed. And I'm also going to tell you, it will take time. Five years ago, I still had the leans on this house. Five years ago, guys. And so it will take time. So for you to climb out of this, but you will climb out of this. When you're in a shit storm and when the lights go out in your life and things feel really dark and really heavy, there has always been one thing that helps me get through those moments. And it's reminding myself that this moment, like every painful moment of my life, was temporary. It passed. And when you can keep telling yourself, this moment is it's going to pass, and it's leading me somewhere, when you can trust in that, you create your own light in that dark tunnel. And it allows you to look up.And one of the things about learning something new, like how to make money online, is that it acts like a beacon for where you're freaking going. It's not not going to be the power boat that gets you there right now.I know. You know what I mean?Because you need to find another freaking life jacket, which means you need to get a job. I know. Which means you need to just keep going on these interviews. And there's no need... If you've gone on all these interviews and people are like, you're amazing, and then you don't get it, you think it's because you're too old or you're too desperate, they say you're a consultant. There's no shame in writing back and saying, I'm not sure if you filled the position, but I didn't mention that I actually I need a job. My pride got in the way. And so if you haven't filled that position, or maybe you are looking for more people, I want to make sure you know I'm not looking to be a consultant. I've never wanted to find a great job more than ever in this moment. There's no shame in that. What's the worst thing I'm going to say? Yeah, we filled the job.Yeah, I get that. I've been really even just struggling to even get interviews, too. And it's just a funny thing. And it's like, I did have a really great- What did you do before? Well, I was a rock star visual researcher with directors back in the day. And I took an How does he out of that? When I had my kid in Europe and I had a company doing that. And recently hooked up with my old team through B-School, we're starting a Pinterest collective. So I'm reactivating this whole visual research space.Great. Let me tell you what you could do tomorrow.Yeah.Project management.I don't know, girl. I'm like the worst project manager. Bullshit.Bullshit. You can't manage your own life. You can manage somebody else's project. Maybe. 1,000 %. 1,000 %. Do not look for a job in what you used to do.Okay.Look for a job, manage managing projects in any company because you just need structure and a place to go every day and a paycheck. That's like the rows on the boat rowing your head. If you're scrappy enough, I can tell, that you'll get annoyed with that job. And then you'll start hustling even more than you are, and you'll get up in the other things. But you need the structure, you need to get out of the house, you need a simple paycheck, you need to do that routine You're waiting for a couple of months. I am telling you, it is the best job market in four years. I don't give a shit how old you are.No, I love to hearing that, and I get so frustrated by that because I do... It's like I... You're looking for the wrong job.You're trying to find a You're not going to hate me. You have skills. Stop looking at industries. You have skills. You can manage things. The woman that I just hired who's going to come on board as my executive assistant meant like organized now. She was a graphic designer. She worked in a branding agency. She had a dog walking. She's never been an executive assistant. Why? Because I just need somebody who can organize shit who's an adult that I trust, who's not going to steal from me. That's what I need. And who can boss me around. Right.Yeah, I do. I understand. I do think I do have the adult quality. And I- Of course. I honestly, though, Mel, I would ruin your flights. I'm the worst. I'm not a project, it's administrative.I like- Don't take that job. You're not hearing me. You have skills that you can market. Do not look for a visual organizer needle in the haystack job. Forget that. Get your skills at the top of your resume. Linkedin has an entire learning platform, and there is so much on there about marketing skills. That's what people are hiring right now. It's A lot about the industry.Yeah, I do see that. I have eight recruiters working for me that can't place me because it's like, I'm an email marketer. Everything is one skill, parsed out. Trust me, look For project management, account services, anything, honestly.That's just what you need. You need something. At this point, don't be picky. Just a job. I'm not picky.I just feel like I don't get any traction with it. It's weird. It's just weird. I'm not.Okay. So let me tell you something else. You ready?Yeah.Because I can tell you don't like the advice, which means you know it's exactly what you need to do. I don't know.I'm open to doing anything, but I just wish I was good at that. I've worked with project managers and I value that.Then don't be a project manager. You're missing the point.Okay.If you're working with recruiters, they're not going to place you in a job that's general. Right. Eighty % of jobs are not even marketed. They are filled by referral. You need to be talking to your friends. You need to be looking at the job boards on LinkedIn, and you need to be lowering your standards because you are in a lifeboat right now.Right.That's what you need to do. Okay. And as you lower your standards on the job front, and as you start rowing in a direction because you now have a paycheck, you're able to get out of your ex-husband's apartment every day. I'm dead serious. Yeah. Let's just be honest about where you're at. And You have a rhythm to your week. That structure from that job is going to give you what you need to get going in a different direction. You can't organize your thoughts because you're all over the place because you're in an emergency. Okay? And the last thing I want to tell you is you are capable of figuring this out, and you will get a job, and you will launch a new business, and you will make these things happen, and you will look back on this moment, and you will see exactly why this happened and how it helped you get somewhere awesome.I believe that.Excellent. I totally believe that.Yeah.Excellent.Thanks, Mel.You're welcome. Being tough because I want to see you pull yourself up out of this. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.

of support on the administrative side of my life. I hate feeling overwhelmed. I hate having to set up technology. I hate never seeing my friends. I hate not knowing what's going on. I hate having nobody to handle things I hate that I feel like everything is a broken process. I hate working remote. I hate not knowing how everything I'm working toward is going to connect to something bigger. Wow, that's a lot of stuff that I hate. I hate my negative thought. It goes on and on and on. My list of things that were causing friction.

I hate that I don't live with Chris and my husband. I hate that I don't see my friends. I hate that I'm constantly traveling in order to work. I hate the feeling of loneliness. It just goes on and on and on. Now, here's what's interesting. Life is trying to teach me something. And what my life was teaching me with a gigantic sledgehammer is that it's not working. It's not working. Wherever you have friction, there is either a broken process or a broken set of relationships, or there is something that is no longer aligned with you, or there are the wrong people around you. That's all that it is. And see, we get so attached to the way that things are that we don't get the lessons. And when you don't get the lessons, you close off what could be. And I'm here to tell you that you deserve to have a life where you don't feel friction every day. You're not wired to to live a life where you feel that intense. And I can give you some other examples. When our son was in the fourth grade, he would just explode when we had to sit down and do homework at night, like full on temper tantrums.

You know what that is? That is friction in a young person's body. That is him feeling this deep sense that something's off. And when that happened for our son, and he would pound his head against the kitchen island, and he would cry before he had to go to school, he didn't know what was wrong, but he was trying to teach us something. Life was trying to teach us something. His body intrinsically knew that something was off. And what turned out to be off is that the kid had profound dyslexia, profound dysgrapia, executive functioning, attention stuff going on, and he couldn't sit in the classroom and neurologically do what was being asked of him to do. And so I'm here to tell you, when you make this list of things that you hate, the areas of your life that create friction for you right now, that's where the lessons are. And those lessons will repeat until you learn them. Do not be stubborn. Do not look at the friction as if something's wrong. Look at the friction in your life as an opportunity to create alignment, as an opportunity to pull your life back into the other column, which is things that I love.

And there was so much that I loved in my life. There was the therapy that I was doing. There was the time that I was spending with Chris and our son and building a house. There was all the new things we were working on. There was the podcast that was out in the future. All of this stuff. You got to walk toward the things. You got to do more of what's in alignment. But I'm telling you right now, the lessons are in the hard stuff. The lessons are in the friction. So that's lesson number one. Your life is trying to teach you something. It always is. Stop resisting the lesson. Because I have found in personal experience that if you refuse to learn the lesson, life will show up with a sledgehammer. When I look backwards now, I can see that I've been addicted to being busy for a long time. I can see that I needed to deal with this friction for a long time. It's just got louder and louder and louder to the point where I could no longer ignore it. I could also see, looking backwards, that I had often had people in my inner circle that were doing things like lying and betraying me.

And I had ignored it, and I had made excuses for people. And so Guess what? Those betrayals just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it was so painful that I had to finally learn the lesson. And so friction in your life is a good thing because friction wakes you up. Friction puts a spotlight on what's not working. And friction only builds everyone until you learn the lesson and you make a decision to turn toward it. All right, that's number one. Lesson number two: your excuses are bullshit. That's right. All those excuses you got, they're just fear. They are just fear. When When you learn the lesson, when you turn toward the friction in your life, and you look for either the process or the people or the place that you're living, or the place that you work, all of the things, the thinking patterns that you have, the behavior patterns. When you start to identify everybody, all of the areas of friction in your life, and you go to work to learn the lesson, here's what I want you to know. You are capable of changing it. You You are 100 % capable of learning the lesson and making anything in your life better.

I know that is true about you. And that means that the only thing that is keeping you from identifying the things that aren't working and doing the work to move your life into alignment with who you're meant to be and the things that truly make you come alive, the only thing that's preventing you from doing that is you. And There are fears. Any excuse that you have is just fear. You're afraid to try, you're afraid to fail, you're afraid you're too late, you're afraid of this, you're afraid of that. Now is not the right time. I don't have this, I don't have that. This person would be upset with me. All of it is fear. Fear of rejection, fear of it not working out, fear of being disappointed, fear of disappointing others. That's what an excuse is. You're just managing fear, and it's all baloney. And I say that because I do the same thing. I do the same thing. I want to take you back just over a year ago. This was shocking when I started to prepare for this conversation with you, because when I went back through my camera roll and I looked at my calendar, I realized that it was just over a year ago that I published my last book, The High Five Habit.

I spent 20% of that book sharing about this big dream that I had about launching a podcast. Over a year ago, a year ago today, I did not have a podcast. I was still making excuses about a podcast. I was scared about launching a podcast. In fact, I wrote about it in this book. Just over a year ago, as I was promoting this book, I was making videos begging some of the biggest podcast hosts in the world to have me on their podcast to talk about my book, The High Five Habit. So I made videos, literally, for the biggest, biggest, biggest, the people that I admire. These custom videos. I put myself out there. I was all afraid about doing it. I sent these videos off to people that I love. I sent them off crickets. Nobody even responded. And I took that to mean, I will never make it in the podcast business because the people I admire the most, they don't even want to talk to me. They don't even respond. I mean, that's how big my excuses were. I'm going to read to you a little bit about what I wrote. And this is just over a year old, you guys.

I want to put this in perspective as you're listening to me. As you listen to me right now, we are one of the top podcasts in the entire world because of you. We are the number one education podcast in the world, on every platform because of you. A year ago, I was questioning whether or not I should even start this at all. And I'm going to read to you what I believed and felt in my heart. And I'm going to do this because there is something that you want to do. I had been thinking about launching a podcast for years. I had come up with so many excuses, so many reasons not to do it. There is something that is on your heart, that is on your mind. Some change that you want to make, some art that you want to pursue, something that you want to do with your life. You know it. You feel it. You think about it. That was me with this podcast. And a year ago, I was busy talking myself out of it. I was busy looking for all kinds of reasons and excuses for why... It was too late, everybody.

I missed the window. I should have done it years ago. See? Don't even bother. When I think about the excuses that I had, they're the same excuses you had. And see, you're seeing me now, you're seeing this success. So you're sitting there going, Well, it's easy for Mel Robbins. She already had an audiobook. Are you kidding me? I had the same excuse. I almost didn't do this. What a shame that would have been. And there's something that you're busy convincing yourself not to do. And that's why, lesson number two, is that excuse is bullshit. It's just fear. I had the same thing. Let me read to you from the high five habit, because this is what I put out in the world just over a year ago. You're seeing now what happens when you push through that stupid excuse. But I want you to understand, I get this. It's on page 111. Oh, yeah, I love this. Here's Here's the title. I'm not giving this advice to you. I'm giving it to myself. So this is a chapter about jealousy, and it's about excuses, and how I used to let self-doubt and jealousy eat me up inside.

But here's the thing about jealousy. It's just blocked desire. It's a normal emotion. And the truth is, there's not a day that goes by when I don't feel a pang of jealousy. It happens every time I scroll through social media. And here's an example that I write about in this book, because remember, when I published The High Five Habit just over a year ago, I didn't have a podcast. I didn't have a plan for launching a podcast. I was just writing about how jealousy was stopping me from pursuing it. It was eating me alive. So let me tell you about that jealousy I was feeling just a year ago. Right now, my career, when I look ahead of me, the people I'm most jealous of are the ones who have already started podcasts. For example, my friend Louis Howes. He's been hosting the School of Greatness podcast for seven years. I'm extremely jealous of my friend Louis. In fact, I got a bunch of friends gone through a value shift in this pandemic.How so?Because the values that worked before the pandemic no longer fit for most people. We hear people talking about they want more flexibility in their job. They want to work from home. Why? Because they realized the family mattered, and it was being compromised by the way they worked and did their family time. But most people haven't had the privilege of what you have, of being able to pause and reflect. A lot of people are still in the treadmill of life. That's what I see in my office. People call me, and they're still trying to fit their old values to this post-pandemic life. It needs a realignment. And how do you find your values is your question. So I talked about pain. The other way to find values, which I think is what happened to you is this. Lean into the moments that you feel your best. Okay? What about the moments? What's so important? You talked about being with your family. The way you said, My three kids and my husband, you lightened up. I could just see you in your living room with them during the pandemic, and if I went behind your brain, I could see just Mel being content, connected, and present.Yes. Versus Mel on the stage was impacting a bunch of people, but then you're in that plane, and you're craving that connection, that real connection with family. And so in those moments of flow, in those moments of quietness, ask yourself, What matters in this moment? Why is this moment important to me? Why do I feel good? Our values are right there. I know this. I do dinner with my family every day. And connection and family are two of the values for me, are super important. So much so that I came to see you, and I'm flying to Miami this week, and I'll be gone for my son for five days. My husband looked at me and said, You know what? I think we should come with you because you need that connection before you're away from him. It's not going to feel good to be away from him Sunday and Monday, and then the rest of the week. And so pulled him out of school. They came with me. And this morning, he said to me, Can we stay an extra day? I really like it here. And just that made me feel so connected with him.And so those moments allow us to be connected.When your life blows up and When you find yourself in the ocean with pieces of the boat all around, look for a fucking life preserver or a raft. Okay? So I want to applaud you for doing what needed to be done when the you know what hit the fan. That same instinct is what is going to make you successful. The second thing that I want to tell you is once you get a hold of that life raft, you want to grab something else as it floats, right? And get yourself out of that water. And so I am glad to hear that you're looking for a job. And what I would recommend is I would recommend not pretending about the situation that you're in. There is no shame in going to a job interview and at the end of it saying, And I'm asking you for this job. And the reason why I'm asking you for this job is not only because I am going to be incredible at it, and you're I'm never going to regret it, but I actually need it. I'm in a really tight jam. I had a life crisis happen. I never thought at the age of 55, I'd be in this situation, and I need the work, and I want the work, which means I am going to show up here every single day, and I am going to work the heck out of this job.I've never wanted a job more than I want a job right now. And you should tell your friends that this is what you're going through, and that you need help, and that you need a recommendation, or you need a place to stay. And you should not do what I did, which was hide what was going on because I was so ashamed. And I'm also going to tell you, it will take time. Five years ago, I still had the leans on this house. Five years ago, guys. And so it will take time. So for you to climb out of this, but you will climb out of this. When you're in a shit storm and when the lights go out in your life and things feel really dark and really heavy, there has always been one thing that helps me get through those moments. And it's reminding myself that this moment, like every painful moment of my life, was temporary. It passed. And when you can keep telling yourself, this moment is it's going to pass, and it's leading me somewhere, when you can trust in that, you create your own light in that dark tunnel. And it allows you to look up.And one of the things about learning something new, like how to make money online, is that it acts like a beacon for where you're freaking going. It's not not going to be the power boat that gets you there right now.I know. You know what I mean?Because you need to find another freaking life jacket, which means you need to get a job. I know. Which means you need to just keep going on these interviews. And there's no need... If you've gone on all these interviews and people are like, you're amazing, and then you don't get it, you think it's because you're too old or you're too desperate, they say you're a consultant. There's no shame in writing back and saying, I'm not sure if you filled the position, but I didn't mention that I actually I need a job. My pride got in the way. And so if you haven't filled that position, or maybe you are looking for more people, I want to make sure you know I'm not looking to be a consultant. I've never wanted to find a great job more than ever in this moment. There's no shame in that. What's the worst thing I'm going to say? Yeah, we filled the job.Yeah, I get that. I've been really even just struggling to even get interviews, too. And it's just a funny thing. And it's like, I did have a really great- What did you do before? Well, I was a rock star visual researcher with directors back in the day. And I took an How does he out of that? When I had my kid in Europe and I had a company doing that. And recently hooked up with my old team through B-School, we're starting a Pinterest collective. So I'm reactivating this whole visual research space.Great. Let me tell you what you could do tomorrow.Yeah.Project management.I don't know, girl. I'm like the worst project manager. Bullshit.Bullshit. You can't manage your own life. You can manage somebody else's project. Maybe. 1,000 %. 1,000 %. Do not look for a job in what you used to do.Okay.Look for a job, manage managing projects in any company because you just need structure and a place to go every day and a paycheck. That's like the rows on the boat rowing your head. If you're scrappy enough, I can tell, that you'll get annoyed with that job. And then you'll start hustling even more than you are, and you'll get up in the other things. But you need the structure, you need to get out of the house, you need a simple paycheck, you need to do that routine You're waiting for a couple of months. I am telling you, it is the best job market in four years. I don't give a shit how old you are.No, I love to hearing that, and I get so frustrated by that because I do... It's like I... You're looking for the wrong job.You're trying to find a You're not going to hate me. You have skills. Stop looking at industries. You have skills. You can manage things. The woman that I just hired who's going to come on board as my executive assistant meant like organized now. She was a graphic designer. She worked in a branding agency. She had a dog walking. She's never been an executive assistant. Why? Because I just need somebody who can organize shit who's an adult that I trust, who's not going to steal from me. That's what I need. And who can boss me around. Right.Yeah, I do. I understand. I do think I do have the adult quality. And I- Of course. I honestly, though, Mel, I would ruin your flights. I'm the worst. I'm not a project, it's administrative.I like- Don't take that job. You're not hearing me. You have skills that you can market. Do not look for a visual organizer needle in the haystack job. Forget that. Get your skills at the top of your resume. Linkedin has an entire learning platform, and there is so much on there about marketing skills. That's what people are hiring right now. It's A lot about the industry.Yeah, I do see that. I have eight recruiters working for me that can't place me because it's like, I'm an email marketer. Everything is one skill, parsed out. Trust me, look For project management, account services, anything, honestly.That's just what you need. You need something. At this point, don't be picky. Just a job. I'm not picky.I just feel like I don't get any traction with it. It's weird. It's just weird. I'm not.Okay. So let me tell you something else. You ready?Yeah.Because I can tell you don't like the advice, which means you know it's exactly what you need to do. I don't know.I'm open to doing anything, but I just wish I was good at that. I've worked with project managers and I value that.Then don't be a project manager. You're missing the point.Okay.If you're working with recruiters, they're not going to place you in a job that's general. Right. Eighty % of jobs are not even marketed. They are filled by referral. You need to be talking to your friends. You need to be looking at the job boards on LinkedIn, and you need to be lowering your standards because you are in a lifeboat right now.Right.That's what you need to do. Okay. And as you lower your standards on the job front, and as you start rowing in a direction because you now have a paycheck, you're able to get out of your ex-husband's apartment every day. I'm dead serious. Yeah. Let's just be honest about where you're at. And You have a rhythm to your week. That structure from that job is going to give you what you need to get going in a different direction. You can't organize your thoughts because you're all over the place because you're in an emergency. Okay? And the last thing I want to tell you is you are capable of figuring this out, and you will get a job, and you will launch a new business, and you will make these things happen, and you will look back on this moment, and you will see exactly why this happened and how it helped you get somewhere awesome.I believe that.Excellent. I totally believe that.Yeah.Excellent.Thanks, Mel.You're welcome. Being tough because I want to see you pull yourself up out of this. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.

gone through a value shift in this pandemic.

How so?

Because the values that worked before the pandemic no longer fit for most people. We hear people talking about they want more flexibility in their job. They want to work from home. Why? Because they realized the family mattered, and it was being compromised by the way they worked and did their family time. But most people haven't had the privilege of what you have, of being able to pause and reflect. A lot of people are still in the treadmill of life. That's what I see in my office. People call me, and they're still trying to fit their old values to this post-pandemic life. It needs a realignment. And how do you find your values is your question. So I talked about pain. The other way to find values, which I think is what happened to you is this. Lean into the moments that you feel your best. Okay? What about the moments? What's so important? You talked about being with your family. The way you said, My three kids and my husband, you lightened up. I could just see you in your living room with them during the pandemic, and if I went behind your brain, I could see just Mel being content, connected, and present.

Yes. Versus Mel on the stage was impacting a bunch of people, but then you're in that plane, and you're craving that connection, that real connection with family. And so in those moments of flow, in those moments of quietness, ask yourself, What matters in this moment? Why is this moment important to me? Why do I feel good? Our values are right there. I know this. I do dinner with my family every day. And connection and family are two of the values for me, are super important. So much so that I came to see you, and I'm flying to Miami this week, and I'll be gone for my son for five days. My husband looked at me and said, You know what? I think we should come with you because you need that connection before you're away from him. It's not going to feel good to be away from him Sunday and Monday, and then the rest of the week. And so pulled him out of school. They came with me. And this morning, he said to me, Can we stay an extra day? I really like it here. And just that made me feel so connected with him.

And so those moments allow us to be connected.

When your life blows up and When you find yourself in the ocean with pieces of the boat all around, look for a fucking life preserver or a raft. Okay? So I want to applaud you for doing what needed to be done when the you know what hit the fan. That same instinct is what is going to make you successful. The second thing that I want to tell you is once you get a hold of that life raft, you want to grab something else as it floats, right? And get yourself out of that water. And so I am glad to hear that you're looking for a job. And what I would recommend is I would recommend not pretending about the situation that you're in. There is no shame in going to a job interview and at the end of it saying, And I'm asking you for this job. And the reason why I'm asking you for this job is not only because I am going to be incredible at it, and you're I'm never going to regret it, but I actually need it. I'm in a really tight jam. I had a life crisis happen. I never thought at the age of 55, I'd be in this situation, and I need the work, and I want the work, which means I am going to show up here every single day, and I am going to work the heck out of this job.

I've never wanted a job more than I want a job right now. And you should tell your friends that this is what you're going through, and that you need help, and that you need a recommendation, or you need a place to stay. And you should not do what I did, which was hide what was going on because I was so ashamed. And I'm also going to tell you, it will take time. Five years ago, I still had the leans on this house. Five years ago, guys. And so it will take time. So for you to climb out of this, but you will climb out of this. When you're in a shit storm and when the lights go out in your life and things feel really dark and really heavy, there has always been one thing that helps me get through those moments. And it's reminding myself that this moment, like every painful moment of my life, was temporary. It passed. And when you can keep telling yourself, this moment is it's going to pass, and it's leading me somewhere, when you can trust in that, you create your own light in that dark tunnel. And it allows you to look up.

And one of the things about learning something new, like how to make money online, is that it acts like a beacon for where you're freaking going. It's not not going to be the power boat that gets you there right now.

I know. You know what I mean?

Because you need to find another freaking life jacket, which means you need to get a job. I know. Which means you need to just keep going on these interviews. And there's no need... If you've gone on all these interviews and people are like, you're amazing, and then you don't get it, you think it's because you're too old or you're too desperate, they say you're a consultant. There's no shame in writing back and saying, I'm not sure if you filled the position, but I didn't mention that I actually I need a job. My pride got in the way. And so if you haven't filled that position, or maybe you are looking for more people, I want to make sure you know I'm not looking to be a consultant. I've never wanted to find a great job more than ever in this moment. There's no shame in that. What's the worst thing I'm going to say? Yeah, we filled the job.

Yeah, I get that. I've been really even just struggling to even get interviews, too. And it's just a funny thing. And it's like, I did have a really great- What did you do before? Well, I was a rock star visual researcher with directors back in the day. And I took an How does he out of that? When I had my kid in Europe and I had a company doing that. And recently hooked up with my old team through B-School, we're starting a Pinterest collective. So I'm reactivating this whole visual research space.

Great. Let me tell you what you could do tomorrow.

Yeah.

Project management.

I don't know, girl. I'm like the worst project manager. Bullshit.

Bullshit. You can't manage your own life. You can manage somebody else's project. Maybe. 1,000 %. 1,000 %. Do not look for a job in what you used to do.

Okay.

Look for a job, manage managing projects in any company because you just need structure and a place to go every day and a paycheck. That's like the rows on the boat rowing your head. If you're scrappy enough, I can tell, that you'll get annoyed with that job. And then you'll start hustling even more than you are, and you'll get up in the other things. But you need the structure, you need to get out of the house, you need a simple paycheck, you need to do that routine You're waiting for a couple of months. I am telling you, it is the best job market in four years. I don't give a shit how old you are.

No, I love to hearing that, and I get so frustrated by that because I do... It's like I... You're looking for the wrong job.

You're trying to find a You're not going to hate me. You have skills. Stop looking at industries. You have skills. You can manage things. The woman that I just hired who's going to come on board as my executive assistant meant like organized now. She was a graphic designer. She worked in a branding agency. She had a dog walking. She's never been an executive assistant. Why? Because I just need somebody who can organize shit who's an adult that I trust, who's not going to steal from me. That's what I need. And who can boss me around. Right.

Yeah, I do. I understand. I do think I do have the adult quality. And I- Of course. I honestly, though, Mel, I would ruin your flights. I'm the worst. I'm not a project, it's administrative.

I like- Don't take that job. You're not hearing me. You have skills that you can market. Do not look for a visual organizer needle in the haystack job. Forget that. Get your skills at the top of your resume. Linkedin has an entire learning platform, and there is so much on there about marketing skills. That's what people are hiring right now. It's A lot about the industry.

Yeah, I do see that. I have eight recruiters working for me that can't place me because it's like, I'm an email marketer. Everything is one skill, parsed out. Trust me, look For project management, account services, anything, honestly.

That's just what you need. You need something. At this point, don't be picky. Just a job. I'm not picky.

I just feel like I don't get any traction with it. It's weird. It's just weird. I'm not.

Okay. So let me tell you something else. You ready?

Yeah.

Because I can tell you don't like the advice, which means you know it's exactly what you need to do. I don't know.

I'm open to doing anything, but I just wish I was good at that. I've worked with project managers and I value that.

Then don't be a project manager. You're missing the point.

Okay.

If you're working with recruiters, they're not going to place you in a job that's general. Right. Eighty % of jobs are not even marketed. They are filled by referral. You need to be talking to your friends. You need to be looking at the job boards on LinkedIn, and you need to be lowering your standards because you are in a lifeboat right now.

Right.

That's what you need to do. Okay. And as you lower your standards on the job front, and as you start rowing in a direction because you now have a paycheck, you're able to get out of your ex-husband's apartment every day. I'm dead serious. Yeah. Let's just be honest about where you're at. And You have a rhythm to your week. That structure from that job is going to give you what you need to get going in a different direction. You can't organize your thoughts because you're all over the place because you're in an emergency. Okay? And the last thing I want to tell you is you are capable of figuring this out, and you will get a job, and you will launch a new business, and you will make these things happen, and you will look back on this moment, and you will see exactly why this happened and how it helped you get somewhere awesome.

I believe that.

Excellent. I totally believe that.

Yeah.

Excellent.

Thanks, Mel.

You're welcome. Being tough because I want to see you pull yourself up out of this. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.