The thing about self-motivation is that it's something we all want, but it's something that we don't really understand. I'm sure that you may be thinking about things that you want to improve or change in your life. It's the time of year where everybody's doing it. It's the time of year where businesses are planning big changes. People are thinking about what they want in the next year. And so no matter when you're listening to this, I know that the story I'm about to tell you and the things I'm about to teach you about self-motivation are really going to help Because the fact is there are two truths about self-motivation that are essential for you to understand if you want to be able to hack motivation when you need it. Because here's the thing. When you're busy making plans or setting goals or deciding what you want to go do, you feel really motivated, don't you? But have you ever noticed that life has this funny way of taking the wind right out of the sails? As soon as you You really need the motivation? It's like, boom, no wind, you're not going anywhere. And I have a personal story to tell you because this is exactly what's happening in my life right now.

I got home a couple of days ago. We were down in Boston, taping a bunch of episodes down in our brand new studios. It's super cool. Right now, I am up above our garage in our little studio in Southern Vermont. And when I got home a couple of days ago, our son, Oakley, was about to hear back from his top choice for college. He, like so many kids, applied early decision, which means if the college accepts him, he is going to agree to go. It's like a binding contract. And this particular school that he had applied to was going to let all the kids who had applied early decision know by announcing the decision in an online portal at eight o'clock in the morning on a Saturday. So it's Friday night. I get home from week in Boston. Chris is home. We have a dinner with Oakley. He's so nervous. We're nervous. We're excited. And Chris and I set our alarm. Oakley sets his alarm. We say good night, excited for the morning. And for the first time, since I can remember, honestly. Oakley was awake and downstairs before Chris and I were because he couldn't sleep.

He was so nervous, and he was so excited to hear back from his dream school. And if I'm being honest with you, neither could I. I could barely sleep either. I was tossing, I was turning. And you've probably had this experience, right? Maybe you're waiting to hear back on a big job that you've been interviewing for, or you're waiting to hear back to see if you've got it into graduate school. Or maybe it's a moment where one of the kids that you love is about to find out, did they make the orchestra? Did they make the soccer team? And I got to tell you, I was so excited for him because I watched him pour himself into the application for this college over the last couple of months. I mean, he's been writing and rewriting essays. He's been gathering up the recommendations. He's been working hard to keep his GPA up. And you could tell he not only really wanted this, you could tell he was willing to pour himself into it, right? Because unlike his sister, Kendall, he wasn't going to be auditioning for anything. And unlike a lot of his friends who Excel in sports, he wasn't getting recruited by a school.

And this particular school doesn't do interviews. So his one shot was how he could present himself as an applicant on paper. And as somebody who is dyslexic, that's basically your worst nightmare. But he went for it. And that morning, standing there in my PJs, I wasn't really nervous. I mean, I was so excited. I was excited because it wasn't just about the college application, but I've seen how hard he's worked for four years straight. And I know that all these schools are now crazy competitive, but I said to myself, Look, you don't need to worry about this, Mel. He's put in the work. He's in the zone of what the school is looking for. When you see him on paper, he did a good job. He's got a sick GPA. He's the captain of two varsity sports, senior mentor, won these awards, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. If you've heard him on the podcast, he's a great kid and has awesome emotional intelligence. So here we are. His stomach is in knots. I'm really excited. We're gathered around the kitchen Chris places his hand on Oakley's back as he cracks open the laptop, logs into the portal, and then it's silent for about 10 seconds.

And Oakley pushes back from the island and goes, It's a no. I didn't make it. We sat there in silence. I don't know how much time went by. I honestly thought it was going to go a different way. I thought he was going to thread the needle on this one. And then Oakley said, They didn't even defer me. I mean, I was flat out rejected. The only thing that I could say was, That sucks, buddy. I'm really proud of the fact that you went for it. I'm really proud of how much work you put into it. He hung his head down low, and I said, Well, tell Tell me what you need me to do to support you today. Do you want me to make you your favorite Bolognese sauce for dinner? Do you need us to just leave you alone? And he said, Sure. Bolognese sounds great. And then he said, I just need some time. And he shrugged off the hugs we tried to give him, and he went right back up to his room and shut the door. I was standing there and I looked at Chris, and it was one of those moments in life where you're not quite sure what to do with yourself right now.

And in the context of college, I'm sure you've seen those videos that have gone viral online, where the kids are gathered around the laptop and their families are all around them, and all of a sudden, they get the news, and they scream and jump and shout, and the family starts crying. And I thought that was going to be us. I don't think I've ever seen a video online of the moment where somebody gets rejected from their dream school. And yet, life is full of rejections. It's full of setbacks. It's full of heartbreak. And you can know that intellectually, but boy, is it hard when it hits? And it's hard when it hits you, and it's also hard when it hits somebody that you love. Thankfully, I am smart enough at this point in my life that I knew that that was not Is that a moment to crank up the motivational pep talk, right? Because that's the last thing that you want to hear when your dream school says, No, you're not good enough for us. Or that job that you've been interviewing for says, Sorry, you don't have what it takes. And there's a lot of layoffs happening right now.

In fact, someone that is in my family just got laid off after working somewhere for 10 years, just completely out of nowhere. Their boss didn't even know it was coming. I'm sitting here talking about college applications conversations with Oak, and the fact is, you can pour years of your life into something, and all of a sudden you hear, I think we're going to go in a different direction. And when that happens, let's just not even mince words. It freaking sucks, and you do need to wallow in it. You do need to take some time. You do need to feel sad or frustrated. You do need to let all of that come up because you know what? Those are very appropriate emotions. In In fact, they prove that you're mentally healthy, because when you work hard for something and you don't get the result that you are working for, it does stay. So don't rush past that feeling. But now let's talk about what comes next. Because one of the hardest, yet most important skills in life is what you do after you've been rejected. Mm-hmm. That's what we're talking about today. How do you self-motivate?

How do you pick yourself back up? How do you motivate yourself again when you feel like life just punched you in the face? And that's exactly what's going on in our house right now. Oakley now has, as I'm talking to you, exactly 11 days to complete all the remaining applications and essays that he needs to work on in order to apply to other colleges. And It's because he was so motivated and excited about this one school that he figured, Oh, all the work that I'm doing for this, it'll help me get the other stuff done, and I'll wait until I hear, and hopefully I'll get in. And if not, then I'll complete the other ones later, right? It's easy to do that when everything's in front of you. But now here we are, 11 days to complete all this. And not only do you have to complete all this, but you have to do it in the wake of feeling like you're not good enough for the place you wanted to be. So let me ask you a question. On a scale of zero to 100, how motivated do you think he feels right now?

If you guess zero, you would be correct. He is the opposite of motivated. He is demoralized. He feels like he's not a smart kid. If I can't get it, why even bother? He's not the only one, because when you have a moment where you feel like nothing's working out, that That is the emotion of it, right? For example, if you happen to be single right now and everyone around you, oh, my God, everybody's getting engaged, everybody's getting married, and here you are, you're having to put yourself back out there again after a breakup, yet again, when is this ever going to be your turn? Or if you've ever had an issue getting pregnant, doesn't it seem like everybody around you is getting pregnant with ease? This is exactly the feeling. If you're in the financials industry and you've got to pass a huge exam for work, no matter how hard you study, if you don't pass it the first time, now you're going to be panic-stricken and you're going to feel demoralized, which what? Makes it so hard to get motivated. I'll give you another example. You started selling real estate, which seemed like a great idea, right?

You were super motivated in the beginning. But now it's been a year, and no matter how many networking meetings you have gone to, you can't get your own listing. And every time you look around, a new house is on the market, and they're listed by somebody else, and why is it that you can't get this? Then you don't feel that motivated. Why is it so easy for everybody else? Doesn't it feel like you're the only one who feels that way? But you're not, and you can do something about it. How do you self-motivate? How do you pick yourself back up? How do you motivate yourself again when you feel like life just punched you in the face?