I just pulled into the house that we raised our kids in. We have lived here since 1997. Three different renovation projects. I love this place. And this is the last night that Chris and I are going to spend here. Kind of surreal. It's amazing how a house really is like a container for a period of time and memories. There's our fire pit. This an old barn foundation that I always dreamt of putting a pool in. Well, that never happened. And this is the field I've looked out on forever. Over there is a tree that my parents gave Chris when he turned 30. Oh, wow. And down there, this copper beach that Chris and I planted. It's really taken off after 25 years. So Chris and I are spending the night here. I'll look at those. Those are the Annabelle hydringes that I planted about 10 years ago. We're spending the night here, and it's the last night. I've been thinking a lot about lasts and firsts and how your life is full of last moments and first moments. And when our daughter was a senior in high school, I remember one of the moms that had older kids warning me.

Hold on, because senior year, all you're going to hear is, Oh, it's the last. It's the last year of school. It's the last homecoming. It's the last of the season of me being a high school athlete. It's the last school play. It's the last prom. It's the last time I'm going to see my friends. Then all summer long, she's like, And all summer, it's going to be, But this is the last time I'm seeing so-and-so on the last fourth of July, and the last, this is my high school friend. Then it was really funny. She said, And then all of a sudden, they come home from college, and it's all the first. But this is the first time I'm seeing my friends. It's the first time I'm home for Thanksgiving. It's the first time, my first summer. I think your whole life is like that. It's waves of first experiences and last experiences. And what I'm going to do tonight is I'm going to think about what I need and what moment I want to have. Oh, man. As I spend the last night here in this place that I love so much. I think I'm going to make a drink.

These are all my Home Depot and Lowe's hydringes that I've planted over the years. They look amazing. I think what I'm going to do is I'm going to make a cocktail. I'm going to walk around the garden.

Look at this. That's cool.

I'm going to, for my last evening, just take it all in. I love hydringes because I love all the different that happen based on the acidity of the soil. One of the things I used to love to do here is walk around the property at night, like my dad and mom do at home in Michigan. Oh, look at these, Annabelle. This is the best of the year. I mean, these have just exploded. Aren't they amazing, these Annabel hydrages? And just, I'll take my gin and tonic, and I will walk around. Oh my God. Maybe I should take my last outdoor shower in that shower. Oh, wow. This was a tree that Chris and I planted when we first... The day we closed on the house. This guy right here. Yeah. First and last. Look at this. Oh, wow. These are This is great. I love that. Oh, these need some water. Oh, wow. Look at the, look at the sunflowers. This is a time of year where there are a lot of lasts. So whether you're packing up a place that you used to live, or you're packing up a kid, and this is the last time you're going to have kids at home, or where you're moving out of a house like we are, and this is the last summer or whenever you're going to spend.

Don't race past this moment. Isn't this cool? I love this place. So many incredible memories. Don't race past this moment. I think a lot of times when we feel sad or we're ending something, we want to just rush right through it. There's something really profound about completing a chapter, about closing something out with a bit of ceremony, and really being in the moment. Every time that you experience a moment that's the last time you're going to do something, you are spiritually, emotionally, and mentally ending something. I want you to really savor that moment. I'm going to show you what I'm going to do. See this bench here? I bought this at Brimfield Antique Market, and it is holding on by a thread, everybody. I mean, look at this. This bench has seen better days right here. And look at how this is split. See that? You can literally see my hand in there. This is probably not the safest place to sit. But one thing that I'm going do on my last night is I'm going to first make my drink. I'm going to come out our front door, and I'm going to sit on this bench after I wipe all the pollen off of it.

And I'm just going to take in the moment. And by then, the peepers will be peeping. And, wow. I think when When I take time to truly be in that moment of completion, you create an intentional opening for something new. It's literally like opening and closing a door. Because the last time I open this up, look at her knocker. Isn't this guy cool? The last time I close this for good, I'm going to be opening up. Hi bud. Look at this, everybody. Wow. This is exciting. I don't feel sad. Wow. I feel really excited. I expected to start crying. Wow. Look at this, everybody. The jackets are gone. Holy smox. I expected to be bawling my eyes out right now. I'm actually really excited. It feels like the last time, and it feels right. I didn't think I wanted to see it empty, but I'm glad I did. Look, the paintings are off the wall. Even the big painting from... I don't think this is suppressing at all, Chris. I think it's actually really exciting. Holy shit. We got a lot of packing to do. I think it's really exciting. Wow. What do you think?

I'm pumped, man. I'm pumped, I'm not sad at all. We had an incredible life here. Hey, Instagram. We had an incredible life here. That we did. And now we're going to launch a new chapter, people. And somebody else is going to get to enjoy this. Yeah. You enjoy this, guys. How are you going to spend and mark the last moment you stand in this house? Because you're about to walk out the door. I'm about to walk out the door. No, come here. Be with me. What am I going to do? Probably walk around and look at every room, take some photos.

I don't know.

It's weird.

We've been in this house and we've left so many times, but I guess this time feels real because there's nothing in I don't have any room anymore.

So I don't know. I think there's... At the end of the day, you can only hold on to something for so long. And I have held on to this place.

(your phone.

) I've held on to this place for a pretty long time, and I feel ready to leave because I have a place waiting for me. Yeah, up in Vermont.

And now this place is awesome, and I will miss it.

And I look around, and I don't feel like I need to stay. I feel that way, too. I feel sad. Why do you feel sad? Because I'm leaving a comfortable place, leaving a familiar home and a familiar feeling.

But I really feel that I don't need to be here, and that even though I'm sad to leave it- It's time.

It had its time. It's time. Yeah, it had its time. It did its job. It did its job. It gave us what it was supposed to give us. And now it's time to give this house to someone else and let them enjoy it and be here and hopefully have an incredible life here like we have. I love this room. I think this might be my favorite room in the house. What? It's not sad? I'm really proud of myself. I'm not sad, you guys.

Are you going to sleep here tonight?

Yes, I'm going to sleep here. Close it off. Close it off. Close it off.

I have sage. I'm going to sage in my room.

Okay. Yeah, we have sage. Hope he's going to sage his room. I'm going to sage myself. Yeah. Okay. Let me see. Whoa, the paintings are off the wall. See, my bedroom doesn't look... Oh, shit. I got you in my closet. I got to take care of this is Overwhelming people. Overwhelming. Okay. Wow, look at this, everybody. Wow. Okay, I'm walking around. Outdoor shower. That's going in the living room in Vermont. Wow, look at this. It's pretty wild. But I'm sharing this with you because whatever it is that is going to be the last for you, I want you to take time. I want you to think about what you need to do for yourself. Now I'm starting to get emotional. Whoa, look at this. Wow. Look at those awards, guys. Those are the YouTube awards. Wow. Starting to feel a little overwhelmed. Not sad, but just like, wow, does stuff mark time? I think that's why we hold on to it. Wow. Hey, Steve. It's me. It's me. You know what it is? Okay. All right. Well, let me Can we focus on spending some time alone at the house with Chris and Oak? And whatever it is that you're completing in your life, whatever chapter, take a moment, enjoy that last moment, because there's a whole, whole lifetime of firsts coming your way when you do.

You know, I know this is cheesy, but it's true. When you close a door that didn't work right, a brand new one opens up for you. And that's what's going to happen in my life as we leave this awesome, awesome place we called home for 25 years. All right. Next chapter. Let's go. It's a let's go, actually. I talked about this this morning, and I was so blown away by the response that I thought I would jump on here and I would tell you this story. It's very personal. I think I might need some Kleenex. So today in the United States is Mother's Day, and it feels really different, very, very emotional because it is the last mother's day that I'm going to be spending in this house. I know. I've spent 24 years in this house. My husband and I raised our family here. I've spent almost half my life in this house. Last weekend, after almost two years of thinking about it and debating it and wondering if we should do it and going back and forth, my husband and I decided that we would put the house on the market. One of our daughters has graduated from college, and she has launched her life.

Our other daughter is entering her senior year of college out in Los Angeles, and she's going to stay out in Los Angeles for a couple of years to pursue her music career. Our son is going to high school in Vermont, and I had been just holding on to this house. And so we finally decided that we would put it on the market last weekend because I'm basically the only one that's here. My husband and our son and our pets are up in up in Vermont. I've been working here because we've been under construction. And so we put our house on the market. And guys, it was gone within 48 hours. Completely gone. Like, just sold No turning back. The offers were so wonderful that it just... That was it. And so it's been really emotional. I've never packed up a family home. Have you? I When I think about the fact that my parents still live in the house that my brother and I grew up in, in Western Michigan. My mom always jokes that, You're going to have to pull me out of here with a crane. I'm going to die here. And that's exactly what my grandparents did.

See, my mom grew up on a farm in upstate New York, and my grandparents died in the house that my mother was raised in. In fact, my grandfather was born in the house that they raised all five kids in. I've actually never been through this before. I know I talk a lot about starting new chapters, but holy shit is this emotional. I honestly as much as I can navigate the ups and downs of life, I was not expecting the waves of emotion that I had been feeling. I think that for 24 For years, we've loved this house as much as you can love a thing. When Chris and I bought it in 1997, the property was totally overgrown. We didn't have any kids yet. The house had been empty for years. Let's see, I think I have a photo of it. Hold on, let me get you a photo. It had been empty for years. We actually bought it from the estate. You know how they always say, you should try to find the best The best house you can in the best neighborhood. If that means the cheapest house that you can afford, which for us, this was literally the least expensive house that we could find in this really great town.

When we first bought it, the paint was chipping. You can't quite see in this window, but a ton of the windows are broken because the only thing that was in this house were raccoons. Here we are. We are so young. Oh, my God. This was after about a year of us working on it. You can see the garden beds coming in. We had moved this couch out onto the front porch because we had no furniture. We were cooking on a Coleman. I don't know if you can see it here, but we had a Coleman two burner camping stone because camping stove on the front porch, our neighbors thought we were crazy because we couldn't afford to do much to the house and we had to rip out the kitchen and all the lead paint. We basically camped in and out. This was a photo that was taken in 1998. It took us a while because windows were broken, there was lead paint inside, the septic system failed the inspection. But to us, it was love at first sight. We knew we wanted to raise our family there, and we did. And there are just so many memories here.

Chris and I and our parents, my God, we painted every room. We nailed so many nails, we assembled Cribs. We disassembled Cribs. Over the years, were able, as we got more successful, to be able to add on a little bit. So many memories. So much love. And yet, it is time to move on. It's time to figure out what comes next. And have you ever noticed when you're struggling with a decision, your heart often knows the right decision before your mind is ready to accept it? Can you relate to that? That when you're struggling to make a big decision, your heart knows your heart knows before your mind is ready to accept it. And even though we have accepted an offer, we've signed the Pns, we have a closing date, we know we're going to be in this house until the beginning of August, we have plenty of time to enjoy it, plenty of time to say goodbye, do all that stuff, pack it up. Wow, my mind is like, did we really just do this? It's in denial that this is happening. And And I know, I know, I know that this is the right thing, and I know it's been the right thing for a while, actually.

And here's another thing I know. I know from experience that it hurts a hell of a lot more to hold on to something that's no no longer meant to you than the pain of letting it go. I'm going to say that again. That I know, based on experience, that it hurts way more to grip tightly to something or someone or some chapter of your life that's no longer meant for you. Yes, it's painful to let go, but not as painful as gripping tightly to something that you have outgrown. Even though I know that this is still hard. When things are hard or when I feel uncertain about some big decision or when I am having trouble navigating the up and down waves of stepping into something, that is brand new and uncertain, I always reach out to people. I don't like to go through change alone. Why on earth everybody we would want to change on our own is beyond me. There are so many people that have gone that have sold a family home, packed up a family home, whatever change it is that you are struggling to make or that you are longing to make.

Because I have been longing for a new chapter. I have felt stuck out here in suburbia. I have felt isolated. I have felt like I need to shake things up and do something really different, that there needs to be a new path of purpose for me as our kids are on their paths of purpose. But I've been struggling with it. And so I've been reaching out for help. I'm surprised by how much I have struggled now that we have sold the house and how emotional I've been. And it's so important that you understand that you don't have to change alone. If you're struggling, reach out for help, get guidance and support. Don't do it on your own. Yeah, you can, but it is so much scarier and harder when you isolate. And so I've been reaching out a lot this past week. So I called my mom and I was crying the other day and crying and crying and, Oh, my God, is this the right decision? I know it's like I'm just going on and on. She listened and she paused, and then she said, Mel, the fact that you're so sad, and grieving, and processing this, and you have so many beautiful memories is a good thing because it just means you loved that chapter of your life, and so did your kids.

They had an incredible childhood growing up in this house. It's true. It's true. And that made me laugh and say, You're right, mom. You're right. And then she said, And when you're done crying, you need to pull up your big girl panties and freaking go launch that next chapter because that's going to be filled with memories, too. Remember how you had no idea whether or not you were going to like living in that house when you bought it? I remember how you cried after you bought it, that you were in over your head. And think of all the wonderful memories that you created in those 24 years. And now you're sitting here crying like crazy, and you're wondering if this was the right decision or this next chapter is going to be a good one, would you freaking just pull up your big girl panties? You are going to create new memories. And so she's right. I then heard from my friend Agnes, and Agnes is the mom of one of my daughter's best friends from college. Right before their graduation last year, they sold the family home. When I saw her at college graduation for our daughters, she had just moved out into a house down the street that was a rental.

She was seeing the new family in it. Everybody was discombobulated. I knew that Agnes would have incredible guidance. I reached out to her and I'm going to tell you what she told me, and it's really good. You ready? She said, First of all, it's just a house. It's walls. It's concrete. The home you built continues to live in your heart and mind. That is true about all your memories, everybody. We tend to attach those good feelings to a person or to a to a job or to a place when really your memories go with you. There's a reason why 30% of people have a tendency that's on the hoarding spectrum, believe it or not. It's because we attach meaning to things, and then we hold on to the things very, very tightly, when really the meaning and the memories are all here and in here with you. You take those with you wherever you go. As long as you grip tightly to something that's no longer meant for you, or you grip tightly to a place or a person or whatever that you have either outgrown or that's not going to be a part of this next chapter, you're going to be in a lot of hurt because you're going to continue to live in that old chapter instead of opening the door to the rest of your life.

Do you hear what I just said? Opening the door to the rest of your life. She then said, allow yourself to go through the morning process, and that's what this up and is. She said, Have a huge goodbye party with old friends and family, which we are doing near the end of June. She said, Let every single kid react how they're going to react. She said, Because they will react very differently. Let them. And then she said, Use lots of Akeia bags. Remember those big blue bags from Akeia? She's like, Those things are cheap and they're awesome. And then she said, Most importantly, keep focusing and envisioning this bright new chapter and anticipate all of the incredible memories that are coming in the rest of your life. That by opening the door to something new, as scary and as emotional as it is, that you are creating brand new memories, a very bright future. And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm not only envisioning a new chapter, I'm doing the step by step every day to create it. Now, does that mean that every day is a good day? No. Does that mean I'm completely certain that spending time between Vermont and downtown Boston is going to make me happy?

I don't know. But I do know that there's a lot of possibility that has been closed off to me because I have refused to let go. I have gripped tightly to the chapter where all of our children were home and where life was a little bit different. And if I want to open the door to the rest of my life, to all those new memories that I want to create, the stuff that I want to feel and experience in my life, I have got to let go of where I am, and I've got to turn toward the unknown I've got to look into my heart, and I've got to say, what do I actually want? And I'm not going to lie to you. There are days that I wake up in the place that we've been renovating in Southern Vermont, and I literally... My My heart sinks because I think, Is this the right decision? Is this where I'm going to be happy? Is this something that was smart to do right now? And then I take a deep breath and I remind myself that every single day when I'm waking up and taking a tiny step forward, I am creating the rest of my life.

I am making room for new memories. Now, the unknown is still scary. I really hope I'm very happy where we are living and with the new office that we're getting. Here's the other thing. If I'm not, after I give it time, you can change things. That's the thing. That's the coolest thing about life. You can change it. This is what I'm telling myself. It really helps me to also say it's not going to happen overnight. Just like when in 1997, Chris and I bought this house with the Amityville Horror, Broken windows and raccoons inside. We had no kids. We had no idea what we were doing. We just knew that this was a great suburb. We didn't know anybody in the town. We didn't know anything. We didn't know anybody our age that was anywhere near us. We didn't know anybody other than Chris's cousins that lived on the other side of this town. We had never renovated a house. We just knew that there was something about this beaten-up abandoned old house that called to us, and we stepped toward it and into the rest of our lives. We did not know that we would stay here for 24 years.

We did not know how happy we would be. We would not know all the struggles that we would have in this house and all the bad memories that would be here, too. But we took a leap of faith, and that's what I'm doing right now. Just like the... God, guys, I was 30 years old. No, 29 years old right here. 29 years old. No idea what I'm doing. I just knew I needed a change. We had moved from New York City. We knew we wanted to renovate a house at some point, and we just took a leap of faith. And that's what I'm doing right now. And the final thing that she said after telling me that Akeia bags are awesome is she said, Mel, it was really helpful to try to truly envision yourself happy in a bright new chapter. It's really important for you to realize where you are right now, two, three, four years from now, things are going to look very different. And you're preparing for that. You're laying the path toward that. And so when you finally have the courage to let go, to what you know in your heart, but maybe you're not ready to accept, is no longer meant for you.

You are opening the door to the rest of your life. You are creating a brand new container for all these new memories to become flooding in and all these new amazing people and relationships. And I know, for one, that this next chapter of my life, it's going to have a lot more fun. I'm going to spend a lot more time with friends. I am going to really focus on enjoying myself and allowing myself to be happy. Because the last few years, whether it was the pandemic or the stress of running a business through it all or various mental health crises that our family members, myself included, my husband struggled with depression, our kids are still reverberating with anxiety. It's been a grind. I know I want to open the door to the rest of my life in this next chapter and create space to be happier and have more ease and more joy and be intentional about it. I want to see my friends more, and I haven't been making time for it. And so that is what I'm going to create. I want to I want you, I want to invite you to envision a brand new future, too.

I want to invite you to let go of that thing that you've been gripping so tightly. I want to invite you to listen to what your heart is pulling you to do. I want you to find the courage to open the door to something new. So that's all I got. I can hear the kids rumbling around in the kitchen. They're preparing an awesome Mother's Day dinner, and it's going to be my last in this beautiful house that we have raised our kids in for 24 years. And so, celebrate people, not things, right? And so wherever you are, I hope you go today and you celebrate with the people that you love. And if you are called to want to open the door to the rest of your life with me, celebrating people also means celebrating you. So let me be a part of the group that is celebrating you as you let go of what you've been gripping tightly to, and you open the door to the rest of your life. All right. I love you. I believe in you, and I will see you. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm here with my friends and colleagues, Lynn and Amy, and we are talking about not just going through these seasons of change.

It's a huge drop off, back to school, new job season as we're recording this right now. But this is a topic that is pertinent any moment in your life. And I didn't realize how deep this was going to go, because I thought we were just going to talk about tips for college drop off. Or back to school anxiety. And now I'm like, I never went home after I went to college. Stirring up all this shit about not living close to my parents, and I mess up. And you just asked me, would I handle it differently? First, I have a confession. I secretly hope Kendall doesn't end up in LA. And I notice I'm a bit of an asshole. And anytime she does any griping about the LA scene, I'm like, Yeah, you really are just like an East Coast person. And I realized that I am doing this because I desperately want her to move back to the East Coast. You're allowed to do that, I think. That's okay. Yes. And she was saying that when her friends said goodbye this weekend, they were here for her birthday, and a bunch of them were moving to New York, she got really sad and was like, I wish I was going to be in New York with all of them.

And I'm like, Eventually, you will. You could live in LA for a year, then you don't move back. So I'm being an asshole because I'm starting to plant that stuff, so I got to stop doing that. I could absolutely have a ball moving her in. I would get very teary when I said goodbye. And I think part of it is because instead of holding the confidence that this is going to be one of the best years of your life, and you're about to do the thing that you've been wanting to do forever, and I can't wait to see what you produce this year in terms of your music career, I think about all the shit that impacts me. God, I'm getting older. Wow, these kids are sprouting their wings. Yeah. Wow. Like, time flying. Holy cow. How did this... I start going there and get very self-reflective, and I'm going to use what we've talked about today to stay in the space because I have a choice. I don't have to torture myself. I don't have to make everything so deep. That's what Kendall always says to me. Not everything's that deep, mom. Just because you're moving me into an apartment doesn't mean you need to get that deep.

You could just stand in confidence and go, Go get them. Good luck paying your bills because this is it. This is the moment we've been waiting for. And I think what you both have said about flip the switch, know your role in that moment. Don't let it get too deep. Be confident about what's about to happen for them and exude it so that they can borrow it from you. That fucking helps me. Thank you. Does anything else come up for you guys in terms of those moments? And then I'm going to share one story quickly that is super important that I think everyone will get a lot of value out of. I had something come up, but I totally forgot what it was. I just think that what you just said is great. And you might get emotional, but that's okay. You can get emotional with them and tell them you've got this. This is what you want and really ask them questions because maybe she does want to go to New York, but maybe she doesn't, right? She does. She talks about. She does want to go. Come on, come on, come on.

But I think that would be music to your ears if she wanted to change her mind. But You don't want her to give up on her dream either. So it's like really being the one, the voice, to ask those probing questions, even when we might want something. And it's really up to us to say, well, what would your path look like? And just make sure that They are making the decision not to please us because I could get really comfortable with that. I could totally lead that. You're okay with causing that much guilt trip for people, right? I could. But would I be serving my kids and their futures? No, I wouldn't. You know what else this makes me think of? Is those phone calls I got from our daughters when they were first at school sitting alone, crying. I'll tell you what really helped is this idea of narrowing their focus. Acknowledge that it's hard. Say you're not the only one, but you got to narrow their focus. Let me tell you what I mean by that. My friend, Kari Lorenz, who's the first female F-14 fighter pilot, wrote a book called Span of Control.

In an emergency situation, there are only three dials that matter in a fighter jet. That's it. And you got to narrow your focus so that you can gain control. And so if you are going to get that teary phone call, I don't think I can do this. Somebody's crying from the bathroom stall at a new job, or after a big sports practice at a new team that one of your kids has made, they're really upset. I don't think I can narrow their focus. What can you do in the next hour? What can you do in the next What could you focus on? Because part of what happens, I think, in these moments of change, whether you're at a new job or you're sitting in your dorm room alone, is you're like, I don't know what to do. I'm in a new neighborhood. What do I do? I feel like a dork. I feel like the only one. I don't know anybody at work. I don't know what people are talking about. You have to get out of your office. You have to get out of your cubicle. You have to get out of your room, and you have to force yourself to start walking around and talking to people.

That'll make you feel better. It's the same thing when we moved here. I wasn't going to meet anybody if I sat in my house and cried. I had to get to the coffee shop. I had to push myself out of that freeze mode and through my discomfort and keep reminding myself, Mel, this feeling is normal. You're going through a big change. It's going to pass, but, bitch, you got to do something about it. You want friends? You get your butt out there. The same is true with you, and the same is true with the people you love. Another thing that's really helpful is that if somebody is overwhelmed by going through change, a lot of times the response to it is to freeze. As you've been learning in a lot of episodes, freezing and procrastinating is a anxiety or even a trauma response to something very overwhelming. Change is always overwhelming. It's just part of the duality of it. We were learning this today. Is coach the people in your life to put some things in their calendar. Take a look at what's going on this week. What could you plan to do? Who could you reach out to that you've met in the DMs and set up a lunch?

Who could you ask to go to the cafeteria with you? Those breadcrumbling of dates with people or things to do or sign up for this event so that when you look at your calendar, you see forward motion. I got a call from a gal that I consider to be like one of my daughters. You know who you are. She had pulled over on the side of a road and was calling me because she was having a panic attack. And I asked her, okay, well, first of all, tell me, what do you see around you? So I used that grounding technique where you go, tell me one thing that you can see. Tell me something that you can hear right now. And then we started breathing together, and I told her to put her hand on her heart. And so we helped her drop into the moment and really ground into her body. And the dogs are barking right now. It's Okay, we're going to just keep on rolling because this is one of those hot on the mic episodes. We started talking, and she was explaining all the stuff that was going on. She had just graduated.

The job that she was starting had been delayed. The family has just moved. Mom has a big job. Her grandfather's sick. And what I said to her was this. I said, The fact that you're upset and panicking right now tells me that you're mentally healthy. Because anybody going through this level of change and that much transition, you should feel completely turned around. And so the fact that this is bothering you tells me you're well. Yeah. And I also want to remind you that it's temporary. And the most important thing that you could do is to remind yourself this is temporary. The fact that I'm bothered by all of this change, and I'm upset about it, and I feel out of sorts is a sign that I'm doing well because I should feel out of sorts. I'm in a new environment. There's a lot of change going on. And the same is true when you move back to school, or you start a new grade, or you start that new job. It's a sign that you're mentally well if you're turned upside down, because everything is new. And your body needs time to process the new environment and the new rhythm and the new people around you and the new space that you're living or working in and the new commute and the new everything.

And it's really a good sign that But even though you're excited, you're nervous and you feel activated. That's because there's so much new stuff for you to learn and absorb right now. And so if you can remind yourself that it's temporary, and if you can take a deep breath and tell yourself that the fact that I'm upset about this change doesn't mean that it's going to be bad. It just means I'm going through change. This is my process. And I want to personally say to you two, thank you, because when I am not dropping off Kendall, but Metafork Historically, I'm going to think when I say goodbye to her on Sunday night and she and Chris drive down, I'm going to put my hands on her beautiful cheeks, and I'm going to look her straight in the eye, and I'm going to say, I know that this is going to be hard, but it's only going to be hard for a little bit. And I believe in you. And remember, this is how you do change. It sucks for two weeks. Just get into a good rhythm. And before you know it, you're going to be better than you ever imagined.

I love you. Go I get them. And then I'm going to turn around, I'm going to pull my shoulders back, and I'm going to stomp away from her like I meant it because I do. And as soon as I turn the coronal, I will collapse and have one of the dogs start crying because she's leaving. Sounds right. That That's right. And that's how we do change here on the Mel Robbins podcast. That's right. I love it. Some fucking powerful bitches. That's how we do it. Yeah. Fantastic. My biggest takeaway today is just this idea of being a surrogate of confidence for somebody else. Just because somebody that you love is upset, you don't have to cry with them. In fact, it's better if you just acknowledge that this is hard and then say, Now, pull up your big girl panties and get your ass out there and go make some friends. So one of the things that I've struggled with over the course of the past year is how to come to terms with our new reality, our COVID reality, if you will. And no matter what your living situation is like, this pandemic has turned our lives upside down in the sense that we no longer have distinctions between certain aspects of our life, such as work, working out, socializing, since it's all happening under one roof and sometimes within one room.

So I would love your advice about how can we not only accept this new reality, but how do we focus on our productivity and our happiness when every day feels like Groundhog Day. So Becca has said the million dollar question, how do you accept this new reality? And that word accept is The single most powerful word that I want you to hold on to whenever you're going through any change that has been forced upon you. And look, there isn't a human being on the planet who didn't have their life turned upside down when the pandemic hit. The secret is when life goes upside down, having the emotional resilience and the self-awareness tools to make sure you don't go upside down with it. So how do you do that when the change is hitting you and you don't like the change? Well, as hard as it is, accepting that this is happening is one of the most powerful things that you can do. It's like surrendering to a situation that is outside of your control because resisting what's happening, bitching about what's happening, complaining about what was happening, wishing it would be different, all of those are forms of resisting, pushing against something, not wanting it to happen.

And when you resist something, it persists. It sticks around by talking and complaining and wishing that it were different and griping about the pandemic, and I'm so done. You make it bigger. And so a super powerful move is to accept the thing that has happened, because lowering your mental resistance creates an expanded level of room for you to then respond to what's happening. And that's where the power is. It's in choosing how you're going to show up and choosing how you're going to respond to this thing. And so number one, accept. Stop resisting, stop bitching. Just accept. Number two, there's this tool that has really helped me through the pandemic in particular. It's also helped me in other moments of my life where there has been something going on that's been incredibly painful. I or that's been heartbreaking or where I've been grieving. And this is a simple mindset tool, and it is remind yourself that this moment is temporary. Remind yourself yourself that this pain is temporary. Remind yourself that this heartbreak is temporary. Remind yourself that even in the case of grieving, the acute all-consuming grieving and hurt that you feel in the very beginning over time, that levels out.

And so that acute pain is temporary. And there's a little thing that I want you to steal from me. It's what we call an environmental trigger. It is a positive way to cause a mindset switch. And this is the one that I've been using during the pandemic because it'd be easy to think about the pandemic every day. It'd be easy to feel like you just can't take it anymore. It'd be easy to allow yourself to slip into a depression or to just throw in the towel on your habits and just really let it go in terms of your attitude and your emotional state. Don't do that. You're stronger than that. Remind yourself, Hey, I didn't choose this, but I can ride this wave, and this wave is temporary. And so I want you to... In order to leverage this environmental trigger, here's what you're going to do. I want you to fast forward a year. Okay, whatever it is that you're facing right now in your life, the divorce that just got announced, the pandemic that you're in the middle of, the grieving that you're feeling. A year from now, all of that pain is going to be in the rear view mirror.

You're going to be stronger, better version of yourself. What is it that you're excited to do a year from now when you're through this moment? And pick something that's realistic that makes you excited. Don't pick the Maldives unless you live next to them. I want you to pick something that you're actually going to do because being realistic is really important. For me, when I think about this pandemic and when I get weary, I say, Well, this is temporary. And when this is in the rear view mirror, I'm going to go here. This is a image of the State Park in Western Michigan, where I grew up. There's a little lighthouse. We used to climb this stone break wall all the way out to the end when I was little. And when it's really safe to travel, and when my parents have gotten their vaccine, guess what? I'm going to go home to where I grew up in Western Michigan, and I'm going to go swim in Lake Michigan. And this hangs in my office. And all day long, I glance at it. And when I glance at it, it's a subconscious reminder, a positive environmental trigger.

It's something in the environment I'm working in that reminds me, oh, yeah, this is temporary. And here's the final thing about going through a challenge. You've accepted it, so you've stopped resisting it. You're reminding yourself that it's a temporary. You are putting an environmental trigger that cues you subconsciously that better days are ahead. And the final thing is, allow yourself to experience some joy right now, because you're not going to remember the specifics of this moment in your time, but you're going to remember what it felt like. And even if you're suffering, even if You're going through an enormous challenge, a tremendous loss. Even if you're afraid, you can still access joy. You can still step outside and stare at the stars and allow your sofa just a moment to be reminded of the beautiful universe that's around you. You can turn on music, and you can have a dance party in your kitchen, even if you're grieving. You can take time out of your day to take care of yourself. You can pull yourself into this moment and notice something that you really love. Like, look at these. You want to see something amazing? Look at these freaking roses.

I bought these at the Super Are they not extraordinary? Look at the pink and the green on the edges. Isn't that fabulous? That brings me so much... They don't smell like anything, but the sight of them brings me so much joy. And I can tap into that joy on demand when I want to, even when I'm going through a challenge, even when I'm grieving, even when I'm scared. And being able to tap into that joy on demand like that is what will help you build the resilience to stop resisting what's happening, to remind yourself that this is temporary, to print out some environmental trigger, and to stop and smell the roses. Have you to consider that the best place to make a change is by letting go of things, of projects, of thinking patterns, of relationships that no longer serve you? The big question is, how? How do you know when it's time? And I have got not only a fantastic visual metaphor to help you understand this concept, but I also have a really interesting way to approach this. We're going I want to talk about the fact that your energy and your intuition is always there to tell you when it's time to let something go because it no longer serves you.

So to get into this topic, I want to introduce the metaphor, and it was the metaphor I had started talking about as we were on that hike together. Here in the United States, anyways, it is autumn. It is the fall season. We are all about Humphons. We are in harvest time. There are corn stalks everywhere. We're getting ready for orange and red and all those amazing colors and carrot cake. I mean, I love this time of year, and I realize it may not be fall where you are. If you're part of our global fan base halfway around the world, it's summertime. Don't get hung up on the fact that I'm using Fall as a metaphor. I personally believe whenever it is that you are listening to this episode, even if it's two years from now, you're listening to this right now because you are meant to hear it right now, because there is a new season that needs to start in your life, and that's going to require you to let go of things that no longer serve you. And so let's talk about the metaphor of what happens to a tree when the fall season hits.

And in researching this for you, because know, it's one thing to just tell you a metaphor. It's another thing to really understand it and explain it. This was fascinating. I know we learned about chlorophyll in fall and the life cycle of a tree in elementary school, but I had forgotten most of this stuff. So check this out. The reason why a tree has leaves is because the tree needs energy to survive. It needs energy to grow. And the leaves have a very particular purpose. The leaves are there to take the sunlight and convert it to energy so that the tree can grow. And in exchange, the tree gives a ton of water back to these leaves. I mean, this process of the leaves sprouting and the leaves growing and the leaves taking its surface area and converting the sun into energy so the tree can go from a tiny little acorn to a mighty oak, that is a lot energy. And there's this reciprocal nature to the relationship that a tree has to its leaves, because the tree has to bring in tons of water in order to fuel this energy exchange. And here's the reason why leaves fall off a tree.

In the middle of winter, at least here in the United States, when the ground is frozen and snowpack is on top, there is no water for the tree. And if those leaves with their big flat surface were to stay on that tree through winter, the leaves would kill the tree. It would suck the tree dry of all the water that it needs. An interesting thing about fall is that We look at the leaves turning, and we look at the leaves turning, and we look at the leaves dropping gently and falling down to the ground as this beautiful thing that happens, this natural thing that happens. It's It's so lovely. It's just wonderful. Isn't this delightful? Do you want to know that this is almost like a violent act? That the trees are pushing those leaves off its branches. The tree is basically going, Yo, if you are hanging around on my branches through the wintertime, you are going to suck me dry of all my energy. I am going to die if you don't get off my freaking branches. The tree literally pushes them, ejects kicks them out of their life. Why? Because there is no reciprocal energy exchange that can happen during the winter.

The tree has to conserve its energy to survive. And after the winter season, once those leaves are gone and the tree can conserve its energy instead of giving it all to that leaf while killing itself. I bet you got areas of your life where you're given all your energy into a relationship or into your work or into some stupid thinking pattern that you've been doing for years. It makes you feel bad. You put all your energy in one direction. You get nothing in return. That's what fall is for a tree. The fall season for a tree is, thank you very much for spring and summer. You were amazing. This relationship between the leaf and the tree, this was reciprocal. You got energy from me. I got energy from you. Bada bing, bada boom. And then all of a sudden, boom. This is a one-way thing. And if I hold onto these leaves, I'm going to die. I'm going to die. And I'm bringing that metaphor and that visual and that documented point of view, that this isn't just some lovely thing where the leaves change colors and it's so beautiful, and now we all drink a pumpkin spice latte.

That's not what this is. This is a tree's survival. This is about energy. This is about the fact that in order to grow, In order to be strong, to be the best you, you got to surround yourself with relationships, and work, and projects, and friendships, and habits, where there is an equal, reciprocal exchange that you give, and you get, and return. And that's where we're going to start when it comes to how I want you to think about this concept of letting go. We're going to talk about how to identify identify that moment when there is no longer that energy exchange, that there is something that has become a complete energy suck. And when you realize, whether it's a friendship, relationship, or a romantic relationship or a job or some habit or a place that you live, when you realize that something has become an energy suck on you, that's when you know it's time to let go. That's when you know, like that tree, that you better kick that thing off your branches because it's hanging on to you or you're holding on to it. And if you keep doing that, what will happen?

And you've had this happen in your life, where you've held on to things for too long, where you refuse to let things go. And what did it do? It sucked you dry. It sucked you dry of your energy. It sucked you dry of your vitality. It made you feel depleted. Instead of those leaves or that project or that person withering going away and falling to the ground so that you could regain your strength so that you could step into a new season of your life? No, you gave it all to them. You held on for too long. Well, guess what? That's not happening anymore. Because what We're going to talk about when we come back from a short word from our sponsors, which I want you to listen to, because by the way, our sponsors, they're the reason why I can show up twice a week. There is a reciprocal exchange between us. They literally pay for this show, which is why I'm so enthusiastic about it, so we can put this out there around the world for free. So I want to give an energy exchange back to the amazing sponsors of the Mel Robbins podcast.

Take a listen. We're going to be right back because we're going to now talk about in detail, what do I mean by reciprocal energy exchange? And where are the major areas in your life where you tend to start to have this be a one-way thing, where you're given all the energy and you're the one that's depleted and dry. All right, I'll be right back. You hang on to my branches. We're not done yet. Really green right now, which means these trees are holding on to it. Chlorophyll. That Chlorophyll is coming through, but in literally a matter of days, the green is going to leave those leaves. Yellow, orange, red, brown, purple. It's going to take over, and those leaves will have served their purpose, and they will all of a sudden wither away and fall to the ground. That was Mel Robbins, your friend who has a degree in Botany. No, just kidding. I want to touch on one point from what I said on the trail before we get into this energy exchange and how you're going to use your intuition and the fact that you deserve to have an exchange, a reciprocal nature to what you give and what you receive back from it, I want to talk about one thing that I said, which is the leaves served their purpose.

When the leaves are green, the leaves are bringing energy to the tree, and the tree is returning energy in the form of water. The reason why the leaves start to change is because the tree starts to pull back. The tree starts pulling back on the amount of water that it is sending to the leaves. The tree is starting to let go. The leaf no longer serves a purpose, and this is an important thing to say. Because so often we have trouble letting go of friendships, of habits, of jobs, of for me, where I lived and raised our kids for 26 years. We recently sold our home, and by God, I held on to that for probably two years longer than we needed to because I had trouble letting go. But what I want you to focus on is that when something has a purpose in your life, that's an amazing thing. And it's also normal for something to serve a purpose during a specific period of time time, and to no longer serve a purpose in your life now or in the life you want to create. And so when you honor that a friendship served a purpose, and a really good example of this is, you know how whenever you have a new job, or you move an apartment, or you move to a city, that all of a sudden the patterns in your life change, and your friendships change.

And your friendships change because now you're doing different things. You're bumping into different people. It doesn't mean that you're no longer friends with the people that you used to hang out with at work. But the friends that you had at work served a particular important purpose during that period of your life. There was an equal exchange back and forth. What you gave, you received back. It's why you ate lunch with the same people every day. You enjoyed them, and they enjoyed you. But now that you live somewhere else, putting a ton of energy back into that relationship when you're not going to get the same back, it doesn't serve the same purpose. And that's why when you let go of friendships, you also need to let go of the judgment on yourself, like there's something wrong with me, and am I doing something wrong, and do I have any? Of course, you have friends. The patterns of your life have changed. You're putting energy somewhere else because you're getting energy from somewhere else. This is the natural cycle of life. It's the natural cycle of relationships. I find that when you really honor the things that you need to let go of, whether it's a job you no longer like, or a house you no longer want to live in, or a friendship you don't see very often, or maybe it's some habit.

Maybe it's some habit that you used to have. So when you say something serves a purpose, you actually honor. You honor the energy it used to give you. You honor the fact that you put something into it. And you also honor the fact that not everything is going to be in your life forever. And that's what allows you to let go. You start to let go when you realize that holding on to things is holding you back. And in particular, holding on to the guilt and the judgment that you layer onto yourself, that you should, but I feel guilty, but this, but that. That is definitely holding you back from creating a new life and from creating space for something new to happen. And see, that's one of the reasons why you have to learn how to let go. Because when you continue to pour your energy into things that no longer give you energy back, it's going to kill you. It's going to kill your happiness. It's going to kill your vitality. It destroys your motivation. It makes you feel depleted. It makes you feel like you're the last on your list. And so that's reason number one.

And the second reason why you have to start to let go of what doesn't serve you is because as long as you are holding on to the old stuff, you have no time, no space, and no motivation to create anything new. Period. And you know this. So let's now jump into how. How do I use this energy exchange and my intuition to spot the things that are draining me dry and to Let them go. Push them off the branches. Get them out of my life. Thank them for their purpose and their service. But then get out of here because you need to make room for something new and better and energizing. Doesn't that sound good? Yeah, you better believe it sounds good. So let's do it. And one of the reasons why I want you to really focus on energy is because your energy doesn't lie. Just for a second with me, just take a second. Whether you're You're out there walking the dog, or you're driving around in your car, or you're working from home, or you're busy doing a bunch of stuff, I want you to just stop for a second. And I want you to assess right now.

What's your energy level? Think about a fuel gage in a car. Empty to full. Empty in a human being means you feel depleted, you feel burnt out, you feel checked out, you feel like your whole life is basically pouring energy into everything else. Full in a human being basically means that you're energized, you're excited, you feel like the things that you're pouring yourself into your habits, your routine, the people you're surrounded with, the projects you're working on. It may be difficult, but it's bringing energy back into your life, too. Your energy never lies. We are energetic human beings. I know that sounds woo- woo. We can get into the neuroscience on that on a totally different episode. But let me prove it to you. Have you ever walked into, say, a coffee shop? And the person that is behind the counter is having the world's worst day They are super grumpy. It doesn't matter how big your smile is. It doesn't matter how nice you are. They are like,. That energy actually impacts you, just like your positive energy can impact somebody else. Energy is contagious. And most importantly, when you hang out with your friend Mel Robbins, I'm going to teach you to start to pay attention to it, and I'm going to teach you to trust it.

Because energy is also tied to intuition. And we're going to get into this tool of how do you assess, is something giving me positive energy? Is something giving me negative energy? Is this a relationship that is one way? Or is this something that gives me something in return? That is the tool we're going to talk about today. And what if the very next morning, you walk into the coffee shop and you're having a bad day? Like one of your pets is really sick and it just is really bumming you out, you're feeling really low. And the person behind the counter is just the nicest person on the planet. And they look you in the eyes and they give you a big smile, and they are really cheery and they compliment you. And they maybe even ask you, Hey, how are you doing? You're like, I'm not doing so great. Oh, I'm really sorry. Coffee's on me. How do you feel? You feel better because they poured their positive energy into you, and that lifted you up. Energy is contagious. It also always tells the truth. It's like a compass. In fact, a compass runs on magnetic energy.

That's why a compass always points true north. It never lies. Your energy doesn't lie either. It's why you feel off around certain people. It's why if somebody texts you and you don't like them, you're like, egh. But if you like the person, you're like, oh, yeah, cool. Energy never lies. So let's talk about how we're going to use it, okay? So I'm going to break the topic of letting go into two different types of situations. And in each one, I'm going to explain how to use energy and paying attention to the energy inside you, both that you're giving, that you're feeling, and that you're receiving back, in order to know when it's time to let go. So, situation number one is super easy. And this is typically when it has to do with things or projects, or a job or somebody who's really, really engaging in toxic behavior. Okay? This is the easy stuff. This is when you have a flood of negativity around something. And I'm going to give you a bunch of examples of this. We all have a pair of pants that we're holding onto from high school or before we were pregnant or whenever that we can't freaking fit into.

When you stare at those things, you're reminded that you can't fit in them. When you try to wiggle them on, especially after a shower, you feel terrible about yourself. That is something that is an example. You need to let go of that. That job that you walk into where there is a pit in your stomach and you gripe about it to your friends and you spend all this energy pouring into why you hate it and resist it. You need to find another job. That friend that does nothing but gossip and roll their eyes and drag you down and literally is such a bad influence on you, you need to let them go. And what does that mean? Well, that depends on you. Donate the pants for sure. Start redirecting your energy from complaining about your job to to directing energy to looking for a new one. I mean, just imagine. That's the other thing about this. Do you know how much energy and time and effort you waste focusing on resistance and complaining? If you were to just stop complaining for a day about something that gives you negative energy, like your job, or your parents, or your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, or your roommates, what if you stopped complaining?

Because that's negative energy pouring out, and you direct Did that same effort towards something positive, like fixing it, or letting it go, and creating something new that makes you feel good. I relate to that because I think I've spent a lot of my life pouring negative energy at things that I didn't really like, instead of realizing, I needed to complete this. I needed to let this go. The roommate served a purpose two years ago. Not a fit right now, and that's okay. Time to kick the leaves off the branches. You know what I'm saying? Time to save myself instead of pouring everything into either another person or my energy into being upset and frustrated and disappointed. So when you have things that are for sure 100% zapping your energy, or you find yourself complaining, griping, resisting, let go. And you can do that in two ways. Obviously, donate, throw out, delete is one. The other one is take all that negative resistance that you feel in you that churns and pour it into something positive. If you can't quit your job, for example, because you need to pay the bills, no problem. Instead of complaining, instead of feeling resistant, spend 30 minutes every morning before you go to work looking for a new one.

Or spend 30 minutes every morning pouring positive energy into a hobby or project or a side hustle that brings you positive energy. And when you start to do that, you start to lift yourself up because you are now getting this reciprocal exchange by pouring energy and attention into something new and something positive. And that's going to lift you up. And by the way, that will also change your experience of that current job that you hate. I know this because I've done it. I remember being right out of, let's see, how old I was 30 years old. I was pregnant with our daughter, who's now 23. And we had moved to Boston from New York City, where I had been a public defender, and I love that job working for legal aid. And so we moved to Boston. I do not have a license to practice in Massachusetts, so I could not work for the public defender's office. I have to take the bar, but I've got bills to pay, so I get a job in this huge law firm. Working in a law firm is the exact opposite of being a public defender. When I worked in New York City for legal I was in court five days a week from 8:00 in the morning till 5:00 in the afternoon.

That was my job. I was on my feet. I was negotiating plea deals. I was talking to witnesses and police officers and judges, going to clients, going to Rikers, all of it. When you get a job in a large law firm, you literally go into a high rise and sit in an office and write all day. It was the exact opposite of what I am wired to do. I knew the moment I got that job that I was going it. And for a year, I would get on the commuter rail, and I would commute in for 45 minutes, and then I would get off the commuter rail, and I would clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, over to the building, and then I would get in the elevator, and then I would take the elevator up to whatever, the 23rd floor, and then I'd clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp. I'd go into my office and shut the door. And from the moment I woke up every morning, I felt depleted. The closer I got to that office as that train, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, down the tracks towards Boston, the more resistance I felt. I got nothing in return from that job.

Yes, I got a paycheck, and I needed it, so it served a purpose. But I was getting nothing of value back. Because when I looked at the partners in the law firm, I knew damn well that's not the life I wanted. I knew that this was not a fit for me. But I'll tell I made the mistake that everybody makes. Instead of recognizing that that's how I felt, instead of channeling all of that angst and resistance and uch into looking for something else, I sat there miserable, and I felt depleted, and I felt awful. I'm going to confess this to you. I didn't even take the advice then. You know what happened to me? I got pregnant, and I had a baby, and I went on maternity leave. And when I was on maternity leave, that's when, with distance from it, I was like, Okay, there is no way I'm going back there. No way. Now that I have escaped, there is no way I'm going back. And we've all had Xs like that, right? Where you're in it for so long, you finally let it go and break off. And they're like, what the hell was I thinking now that I'm on the other side and I'm away from that energy suck?

I don't want to go back to the energy sucker vampire thing. What the hell? But when you're in it, that negative Negativity Vortex can keep you spinning and stuck. You convince yourself, But I need the money, but I can't do this, but I don't have it. Then you're so depleted from your complaining and the outpouring of energy and the wrong thing that you're just stuck, stuck. That was me. I get pregnant, I go on maternity leave. Holy cow, I am free from the vortex of negativity. I've been let go, but now I got to go back. And so my husband Chris says to me, Look, I know you don't want to go back, but here's the problem, Mel. We have a mortgage, and we have a baby, and And you will go crazy being home. And so here's the thing. You need to find a job. Your maternity leave ends in exactly three months. So that means you have 12 weeks to find a job, and you have to make $60,000 a year. That's it. And you know what's interesting? If you give a human being a problem to solve, we get pretty creative. And I'll tell you what, the night before my maternity leave, I not only landed a job, it wasn't for 60 grand, it was for 55, but that was enough.

And I walked in the next day and I let go. What do you say? I guess I quit, but they didn't let me go. I quit. But so what I'm trying to say is do not make the mistake that 30-year-old Mel Robbins made. Do not do that to yourself. Do not waste a year of your life spinning in that negativity energy vortex. Your body knows. Your spirit knows. Get rid of those pants. Push that project to the side that you don't feel inspired to work on anymore. Let it go because it is sucking your vitality dry. I just had this moment, Mandy, where I felt, holy cow, we are about to take this to the next level. It's super exciting. But when you're at that moment, when it gets real and when stuff's about to happen, the thing that I'm really thinking about is in order to seize the complete opportunity when the momentum starts to kick in, it's going to require you to change your habits. It is going to to acquire something more of you. What it took for me to build a multimillion dollar speaking business, that took a certain set of habits.

What it's going to take for me to now successfully launch this show, continue the speaking business, we now have a publishing imprint, we have a book that we're working on about kick-ass confidence and curing anxiety. I realized that I need to have a level of focus and a level of intentionality that I have not yet cultivated in my life. That there's still that I do that I put in the way that was fine when I was operating and achieving at this level, but now I want to go to this level. What are those things? Getting up earlier, being a complete hawk about how I'm spending my time and attention. That in the mornings when I'm with my family, literally being hyper-focused on just them so that I'm present with them. And then confession, I'll literally work for 25 minutes, and then the ADD in, and then I'll find myself holding laundry for 20 minutes because I allow myself to get distracted. See, that's the thing about habits and the levels of success that you get to, that when you recognize that jumping to the next level that you want to get to is nothing more than just tweaking your habits a little bit, that it's really that simple, you will start to be able to have quantum leaps.

I'm realizing that I have amazing habits, but they have gotten me to hear. If I want to get to the next level, it's going to require a level of focus and intentionality that I haven't demanded of myself before. No drinking during the week, being super, super focused on the stuff that's really important, probably hiring somebody full-time to be a full-time assistant to help me stay organized and focused in terms of scheduling and weeding through all the incoming requests. I think it's just about that, about this maniacal focus on things that are important. Now is the time. What's cool is you can make it happen anytime in your life. If there's some jump that you want to Look, I'm an extraordinarily productive person. I've accomplished a tremendous amount in the last three years. But what it's going to take for me to get to the next level and not destroy the people around me with my stress and be an amazing leader and be an amazing mother and be an awesome wife and actually be an incredible businesswoman is a level of focus that I have never required of myself. What's it going to require of you?

I would say that the biggest thing that I'm... Well, moving to the West Coast and being three hours behind the entire team has already started to make me do the little things. Sometimes you have to force in place. If you want to work out more, you need a gym buddy that's going to meet you there at 6:30 AM, and you're going to let them down. That's how I operate. I just need to be forced to make those changes. But Definitely it's consistency for me because I notice when I do my first-What's the best that you do? Same exact things you do, literally. They are not waking up early enough, going to bed at the same time every single night, being mindful of what I'm putting into my body because that does affect how operate. I mean, if you put a bunch of junk in, you're going to be slower. You're going to be drinking is another one of those things. For me, it's overall health, just being mindful of how I'm treating myself so that I'm actually setting myself up for success, and I can focus for that long because part of it-What would be the next level of managing a team?

Because You manage our team. We are a lean team. We're ridiculously efficient. I mean, what we have going on in May is insane. We have a new course launching. We have, by the way, one of the busiest speaking schedules of professional speakers around. I mean, if you're at the top of your game, professional speaking-wise, you're doing anywhere from 75 to 100 speeches a year, that's us. We have the 5-Second Journal that is back in stock. We have a new book that we're launching in the fall on anxiety and confidence. We have the show launching, a new website launching.

The team management for me. Team management. Team management is all about setting everyone up on Monday. What we used to do is we used to have these big macro conversations. We would be like, Okay, we have this big and this big project and this big project. Everyone just check in. Now we're starting to do micro Monday morning kick-offs. I think meetings are the reason why corporate America gets stuck. I don't believe in them. I think that when you need something to get done, you pick up the phone and you talk to the person that needs to get it done, and then you collaborate where necessary. But on Monday mornings, an hour with each team and having everyone talk about what they're actually working on, making sure that we're on the same page is huge. I have a question. Yes.

We have decided, because we own the company together, The Confidence Project, that we are taking our personal accountability to the next level, that we are demanding more of ourselves because we see the importance in weeding out the little bullshit that's there. Trust me, it's a little bit. When I look at how I've transformed myself over the last three years, I'm an extremely focused and accomplished and successful person, but there's still a little bit better that I can do. Doing a a little bit better based on where I'm at is the secret to enjoying what we've created for ourselves. But here's the question, how do we also inspire and support that same level of intentionality bump in our team? Because we're the owners. We know how to inspire people. We know how to make people know that they matter. But given that we're going to demand more of ourselves, what do we need to do in order to have our team feel that they need to do that for themselves, too?

I've even noticed a in the team's productivity with just two weeks of Monday morning meetings where we talk about what are we going to accomplish this week. For the two weeks that we've been doing that, I've felt the entire team elevate their own game even just because we all know what we're working on. When people know what and why, the intentionality automatically increases rather than, Oh, I could do this. I mean, we're very lucky in that everyone on our team is really autonomous.

Well, then maybe what we should do. I got an idea. Maybe what we should do is on next Monday's call, we do what we're going to do in this video, which is I want you to think about the areas of your life and your work where you're productive in your own action. That's fantastic. Keep going. What's the BS? The one or two things. What are the one or two things that you need to change? Whether it's getting up a little bit earlier or like me, not drinking during the week.

I have one that I didn't say. I didn't have Wi-Fi on a five-hour flight the other day, and I actually got the project stuff done because I didn't have access to social media. I didn't have access to text message. I realized how much happier I felt by not mindlessly scrolling through social media and pretending I'm on a strategy hunt. I got to be done.

What are you doing? What is the commitment? It's one thing sitting in sight. What's the commitment? What are you changing? You are a lot younger than me, so you're socially native, but I do see you all day long working and checking social, working, checking social. What if you were to say, During this three-hour period, every day, 12:00 to 3:00, I turn off social? You pick that's the thing that's going to be hard, but what would it be for you? Because this is the thing. We can identify what we need to do, but unless you make it specific, you're not doing it. I don't drink Monday through Thursday. It's not going to do it because that's during the week. What I need to get up a half an hour earlier. Instead of 6:15, I need to get up at 5:45. Those two things will make a big difference because they will have a big effect on the rest of my day. What is it for you?

Get up at 6 instead of 7:00. I would say no social from 10:30 to 3:30 because that's hyper productivity mode for the whole team. Everyone's on. I need to get way back into a workout routine that is essential for my personal accountability for mental health, for physical health. It makes me When I go to the gym, I'm like, I am unstable, and I can do anything. Those are the three things that I could tweak about what I'm doing right now. Got you.

Back to you. If you were to take your business or your life to the next level, what is one or two things that you need to remove, the BS that you do, the small tweak that you could make that would increase your focus on actually being able to work on the important stuff. I want you to put it in the comments below. Tell me and tag us. We're doing it. We're going to be documenting it and showing it to you in hopes that it inspires you and helps you make the changes that you need. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for checking this video out. And if you like this one, I have a feeling you're going to like this one, too. I'll see you there.