When I'm not hosting this podcast, I am writing books, but it is really hard for me to write when I'm at home, so I like to find remote cabins in the middle of nowhere to just hang out and write. But I hate the idea of my house just sitting empty, doing nothing but collecting dust and definitely not collecting checks. And that's why I'm an Airbnb host. It's one of my all-time favorite side hustles. Other popular side hustles are awesome, too, don't get me wrong, but they often involve big startup costs. By hosting your space, you're monetizing what you already have access to. It It doesn't get easier than that. And if you're new to the side hustle game and you're anxious about getting started, don't worry, because you're not in this alone. Airbnb makes it super easy to host. I mean, if I could do it, you could do it. And your home might be worth a lot more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb. Com/host. I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. It is time for another Funny Money episode.

These are the episodes where I give bizarre headlines from the worlds of business and finance, and a comedian gives their famously non-expert insight on the topic. Today, my guest is the hilarious Gareth Reynolds. Gareth is a stand-up comedian and co-host of two awesome podcasts, The Dollet podcast, and we're here to help. And boy, do we have some doosies that I need help with today. We talk about the truly odd decision some brands have made for April Fool's Day, the rise of the AI girlfriend industry, and private jets for dogs. Seriously. Here's Gareth. Gareth Reynolds, welcome to Money Rehab.

Hi, Nicole. Thanks for having me. Hi. You've got a much better set than I do, is what I'm realizing now.

But you have a serious broadcaster voice. He came in so hot. I like it.

Oh, do I? Oh, that's strange. Well, I guess that works for me. If we could combine our powers, we would just be atop the business.

It would be illegal. Have you ever needed money rehab?

Yes. My career in entertainment. So when I started out, it was peaks and valleys. It was feast or famine. And I really needed someone at some point to be like, Don't listen to people saying that you're succeeding because of right now. Probably when I was 26, I made six figures for the first time ever. My mind was blown, and I just bought everyone drinks for a year. And then when I did my taxes, my guy was like, All right, well, what did you buy? And I was like, Shots. And he was like, That's terrible. And I was like, Oh. And then I lost all the money I had. So yes.

But maybe they could have been Shots with business associates.

They weren't. They were degenerate friends of mine who, when they then got successful, I was like, Hey, Shots? And they were like, No, man, you got to think long term strategy. I was like, Cool. That's great that you learned that.

Tax strategy. I learned the hard way. If anybody got hold of your bank statements, if they were leaked publicly, what charge would you be most embarrassed by or have the hardest time explaining?

It would either be kombucha, which literally last week my bank was like, Hey, we put a freeze on your account because obviously no one's buying this much kombucha. Because my kombucha used to be in Target, and then Target stopped selling it. Or, and probably this one, stuff for my cat. People would be like, What's going on with you and your cat? It's bad.

Is it the cat that is on the wall behind you?

I'm not here to answer questions like that, Nicole. But yes, you could argue that it is the cat who is atop me in a painting or the one to the right of my wall.

Allegedly.

Allegedly. My home is basically a museum of my cat. It's sad.

If you had a money lesson that you would go back and teach your younger self, cat related or otherwise, what might that be, Gareth?

It would be buy less shots. We come back again to the shots. It would be recognize that don't buy so many shots. I really loved shots in my and if I'm honest, 30s, and it just was not a long term strategy. I didn't have a savings account for far too long. That to me didn't exist. I was a checkings boy. And then when that ran dry, I was like, well, I guess now we just eat microwaveable pizzas for months.

How old were you when you got a savings account?

It's going to be a pathetic age. I would think probably around 33 is when I started. Someone was like, That's a good thing to have. And I was like, That's money. I I should be spending that on shots. I'm not sure what's going on here.

You're never as young as you are today, Gareth.

It's tough to hear.

Today is as good a day as any.

Yeah. I'm doing another show called Rehab Rehab, so that's a story for that.

Excellent. All right. It's time for some funny money. It is a game.

Are we talking Shots?

It's like a Shots game, but without the Shots.

It doesn't sound like a Shots game. Okay.

Still down?

Yes, I'm down. Okay.

I'll throw some bizarre business and finance headlines at you. I'll be the money part of this discussion. You be the funny expert here. And because one of the podcasts you co-host is an advice pod called We're Here to Help, I'm going to be asking you for advice now. Are you ready?

I'm ready. I should say on our show, it's normally weird advice, we're here to Help. We're not great at it, but money advice, if you're coming here for that, let's wing it.

No, you're the chief weird officer of this segment.

Okay. All right. The CWL.

Okay. Here's the first one. A dog toy company, Bark, known for their Bark Box subscription, will launch a new jet charter service called Bark Air that promises white pie service. It will cost as much as 16 grand for a round trip ticket for a dog and its owner. If your best friend asked whether or not they should drop five figures on a private jet ride for them and their dog, what advice would you give them?

Well, you'd think due to my previous answer that I would be like, go. But I also, don't forget, I'm a touring traveling comedian who sits on a lot of planes. I would tell them to have a minute and get there. I got my cat certified as a service animal, way cheaper, and then put that money towards something valuable like Like, Shots.

Or S&P 500 index funds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shots and pot. Exactly. The S&P. It's always shocking to me when dogs eat better than humans, when dogs have better houses than humans, and now that dogs are going to be flying better than I am, it's tough to hear.

Yeah. Have you been to a restaurant where there's a dog menu?

Yeah. And it's shocking, especially in LA. Where do you live? Are you out here? You are, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. When you walk the streets and it's like, Tent town, and then you're like, My dog will have the California roll. You're like, I don't know if this is right.

But to be clear, your cat is a legit service animal. You're not suggesting service animal shenanigans.

Walk me through what you're pitching here lately, Nicole, because I don't think I can make that leap, just to be... I don't want to overstep by thinking I'm grasping your insinuation when I'm not.

You're not suggesting people to get service animal certifications when they're not an actual service animal. You're not a proponent of service animal fraud. If they're a legit service animal- I am.

Which camera should I look? I am. It says easy system to cheat and defraud it.

Okay, moving on. A tech exec went viral on AXA after saying that he predicts AI Girlfriends will create a billion-dollar business, and that he met a man in Miami who spends $10,000 a month on AI girlfriends. If the CEO of an AI girlfriend business came to you for advice on how to build the perfect AI girlfriend, what features would you recommend?

Well, let's just start by saying that the first sentence you read is basically Elon's X in a total nutshell. It checks a lot of the boxes. Ai, billion, AI girlfriend. I would say the best thing to put in an AI girlfriend is a feature where she talks you out of spending thousands of dollars on an AI girlfriend like a real woman would. I find it so bizarre, in many ways, our comfortable dip into dystopian AI. But the idea of men banging these things and feeling like, you know what I mean? Like part of the joy of having a girlfriend or a partner is the friction, the pushback, rather than just some weird rubber thing that sits there and allows everything. So I would say an argumentative feature telling you to put your money towards something better, like Shots.

Or S&P 500 Index Funds.

Shots and pot, exactly. So the S&P. So you save your money for your cat and your Shots.

Okay, so you want features for AI girlfriends that would include being argumentative and financially savvy. That's great. I love this financially savvy characteristic.

And being like, Don't buy me. I was a waste of money, you idiot.

Okay, so what would you have the AI program to tell the guy who spends 10K a month.

This is what it would be like. I'll do a lady voice. Wait, what? That's so stupid. You can use that money for something better, Darren. No, spending it on me is literally the dumbest thing ever. Why don't you get off your ass every now and You could start a small business. You could get a nest egg going for us. You are pathetic lately.

Okay, but honestly, there are some people that are into that. We did a whole episode on Findom, and there are guys who get off on the argument.

Shit, I can't win.

There's a fetish for everything.

I don't kink shame, but I feel comfortable saying, Let's have blood in the thing you're banging.

Okay, moving on. A cow in Brazil Brazil recently became the most expensive cow to sell at auction. First of all, can you guess how much it sold for?

I don't think I want to know, but I'll guess. I mean, Brazil is a real weird country as far as the economy. I'll guess $8,000.

Oh, my God. 4.8 million.

What is going on? What are you talking about?

Why? I know.

That's a million girlfriends.

It's a lot of red-blooded girlfriends. So it looks like this. It's the white special breed of cow that has really delicious meat that has high heat.

Stop it. You can't even represent this. You're trying.

How much do you think a steak would go for from a $4.8 million cow?

I don't eat cow, but it's got to be $200,000 a steak.

How many steaks come from a cow?

This is where you're losing me. I don't have that butcher breakdown map near me.

If you were the buyer's financial advisor, how would you recommend they diversify their portfolio? So if they bought a $5 million cow, what else should they buy?

Listen, I have thought about this a lot as someone who doesn't eat meat often. I would eat lab-grown meat. So I would see if you could get some lab-grown dinosaur meat and just live like a Flintstone. I feel like that plays into this lunatic billionaire headspace a little bit. Or we should just, I'm going to use some difficult terms here, kill this man and eat him. Because people that rich should not exist.

I think the dinosaur meat, the caveman vibe, you could be onto something.

Well, we live in the liver king era. We're two ticks away from, I don't know what we are anymore. Cave men with It's not a functioning society.

Speaking of, shares of Donald Trump's social media company have fallen 60 % since it first went public. The company took a particular big hit once it was announced that Trump might be selling his entire stake. What should the company do to help correct the stock price?

Well, the whole thing with the actual value of Truth Social, it's as inflated as the Hindenburg, essentially. So this was bound to happen. But this is for the Trump locker room people. These are the people who want the locker room talk lifestyle. So I think we just move in the OnlyFans direction, and let's start seeing some of that pudgy orange flesh on this man. And I think if he starts sharing little zones, I mean, I would love to see a nipple. That, I think, plays well into the hand of what these people are after.

So turn the company around. He sold his whole steak, but show a little... I can't even I don't say it.

You say he sold his whole steak. I say show the whole steak. Let's party. Yes.

Hold on to your wallet. Money Rehab will be right back. Do you ever get FOMO Oh, fear of missing out? Well, do you ever get FOMO-Tupita, fear of missing out on the perfect higher? If so, I have the antidote. It's LinkedIn jobs. Linkedin jobs helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else. Even those who aren't actively searching for a new job but might be open to the perfect role. In any given month, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other leading job sites, and that adds up to a serious squad of awesome candidates. Linkedin has over a billion professionals on the platform, and these candidates are super qualified, so much so that 86 % of small businesses get a qualified candidate within just 24 hours. I work with LinkedIn jobs for all of my dream team needs, so they're hooking up money rehabbers at linkedin. Com/mnen. Go there and you can post your job for free. That's linkedin. Com/mnen, as in Money News Network. To post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. Money Rehabbers, you have money hidden in your house. Yeah, just hiding there in plain sight. Okay, so I don't mean you have gold bars hidden somewhere in walls, treasure map style, but you do have a money-making opportunity that you're just leaving on the table if you're not hosting on Airbnb.

It's one of my all-time favorite side hustles. By hosting your space, you are monetizing what you already own. It doesn't get easier than that. For me, hosting on Airbnb has always been a no-brainer. When I first signed up, I remember thinking to myself, self, you pay a lot of money for your house. It is time that house return the favor. And to get real with you for a sec, I felt so much guilt before treating myself on vacation because traveling can be so expensive. But since hosting on Airbnb, I feel zero stress for treating myself to a much-needed vacation because having Airbnb guests stay at my house when I'm traveling helps offset the cost of my travel. So it's such a win-win. I mean, if I could do it, you could do it. And your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb. Com/host. And now for some more money rehab. Universal Music Group, Gareth, has been going toe to toe with TikTok around renewing their licensing agreement. As a result, UMG Artists' music are off the platform except for one. Taylor Swift's music has mysteriously reappeared on TikTok one week ahead of her highly anticipated album, The Tortured Poets Department.

Taylor Swift, obviously, can do anything. If you were her manager, what problem would you have her tackle next?

Well, you're not allowed to talk negatively about Taylor Swift, but I would say climate change. I think if she just flew commercial for a year, the private plane stuff, there's the Taylor tracker that she's almost gotten taken down. I'm not sure if it's down yet. But if she were to start doing something like that, I think that could be a great 180 for Taylor to start saying that flying private is a no. She could even take that dog airline you talked about earlier. But she has a cat. Well, listen, I can't thread every needle, Nicole. I'm trying. But I think if she were to come out and say she's going to tackle climate change, that would be powerful. Maybe there's a cat airline. Yes, I agree. It could be... I'm working on a pun here that's not coming together, but Pawnam? I'll think it.

Miaouair? I don't know.

Not bad.

All right. Also, speaking of Taylor Swift, Ticketmaster's parent company, Live Nation, is facing an antitrust lawsuit from the Department of Justice. Ticketmaster famously botched the sale of Taylor Swift's Aera store. Should Taylor write a song- What an error.

I'm so sorry.

Should she write a song about the lawsuit?

I think she should. I mean, as someone who performs often, the amount of people who are I was like, Dude, look, I like you, but you're not worth $320. And I'm like, First of all, I don't need to hear that soft criticism. But also, that's not me. My tickets are not like that. So to me, that would be perfect. She could even start Swicket Master. Just pitching here, Nicole.

No, this is great.

This is a safe space.

I mean, if she's in a happy relationship, she doesn't have a lot of breakup songs.

No, I do worry about that for her. Pearl Jam tried to do it a while ago. I'm probably older than you, but Pearl Jam tried to do it a while ago to take over Ticketmaster. So Taylor could win a lot of us people who are like, Yeah, you're burning fuel all over the world. That's not great. She could win me back with this real easy.

All right. April Fool's Day has come and gone. Some brands decided to play along. Amtrak used the holiday to introduce an emotional baggage train car and encourage followers on X to tag a friend who needs a lift. We can handle it. Did they go too far?

Well, I don't know who's in charge of marketing at these terrible companies, but yes, it's not great. I mean, I think it's a bad look. All they want is money. We're getting to the desperate part of capitalism. They're now trying to lean into the depression that they've been at the helm of. I mean, I'll say I've gone on a lot of Amtrak, and the last couple of years when I've gone on Amtrak, I've left worse than I got on there. I have PTSD from writing an Amtrak Coach Cards. I don't know if you've ever gone to the bathroom on an Amtrak, but I'd never served, but it is my Vietnam. So I would say, yeah, I think they crossed the line. They're always trying to do this thing where they're like, We're cute. Yeah, and you're like, No, you're part of the problem. I think they've crossed a line or a rail.

Here's another one. Tinder linked to a job posting for its vice President of Ghost hunting, a role designated to address and reduce overall Ghosting behavior with skill requirements including a proven track record of being ghosted in a previous relationship and references who will actually text back. It was a joke. I don't know if you think it's a good one, but should Tinder actually hire a person for this position?

I mean, isn't ghosting just part of what this whole thing... It's not ghosting if you've never met up with someone, in my opinion. You can't be a ghost if you've never been in the house. So So first of all, I want to start a dating app called Let's Not Meet, which is just right off the top, letting us know exactly what you're getting into. This is purely just a few back and forth, but I think they should.

It's like a little dopamine hit.

Yes, that's That's why we have AI girlfriends, because look, we don't need much anymore. But I think they should hire that person, and then I think that person should just never show up for the job and never reply to any human.

It was so funny. Do you know Magic for Human? He's from Justin Willman, the magician.

Oh, yeah. Justin's my buddy. Yeah, I know Justin. Okay.

He's hilarious. I would like him to do a magic trick for me, please and thank you. But his new show has magic trick for a woman who was trying to get her mother to stop ghosting men. So he went on a fake date with her, but then made it as if she was on a date with a ghost. They took a picture and he wasn't in the picture, and she was like, What the fuck? I'm on a date with a ghost. And so...

That is brilliant. I went to college with him, and I will say that guy was successful in college, and I was like, Well, this is some bullshit.

Because he wasn't buying people shots. You know what? Sorry. I thought we were at that point.

I feel like we are. I should have thicker skin. Okay, cool.

Oreo also jumped on the bandwagon for April Fool's and announced that the cream and the cookie are getting divorced. The stock of Oreo's parent company dipped on April Fool's which, according to Forbes, was probably not because of the joke. What do you think?

Well, I think, first of all, what an empty threat. The idea that you're going to divorce those two things, that's the divorce that everyone would be fine with having. The cookie is just a device to get the cream into you. That's all it is. That didn't come out great. It's a vehicle. Yeah, it's a vehicle. It's like a chip that you don't want to eat. The emptyest threat in the world is Cookie being being like, I'm out of here. I'm single. I'm going to go out there and figure it out. Cream is the one that everyone wants. It's like Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. It's like, All right, Tom, you go off to your little cabin and hold scientologist women hostage while Nicole will go out there and just be an actress and kills it. Fabulous. Yeah, fabulous. Lastly- What does that sigh mean? It feels loaded. It feels like I've exhausted you.

No, I was thinking about the time that I actually did enjoy the cookies, but I was drunk.

It's like lucky Charms. The pieces are there to make you appreciate the marshmallows because you can't just have all marshmallows.

Yeah, it's the juxtaposition You can't appreciate the sun without the rain.

We got it. And we got it.

Lastly, 7Eleven joked about rolling out a new product on April full day, a hot dog sparkling water. I have no question.

Believe me, they're asking the question. They're asking, should we just end it? Are we done here?

Would you try it?

No. I mean, I would try it only in the sense that- Try it for the story. Try it for the story. And one thing I enjoy about our slow slide into wherever we're headed is that there's a lot of comedy on the way down. George Carlin said that being a human, you're at the circus, and being an American, you have a front row ticket. And And so I really feel like I would try it only to just be like, wow, this is ending. Because every time I've been in a 7-Eleven, I'm in line behind someone who's deciding to eat there. All I can think is you can just do better so easily. For the same price within this shopping area, you can find bigger wins. I one time looked at a churro on a little rotator or a hot dog on it, and it was purple and mouth kill me. So I I don't think we really need all these benchmarks on the way down, but by the same token, we may as well embrace it. It's like being on the Titanic and just deciding to grab a handful of caviar.

Or do they just really know their audience? If they are targeting people who are questioning their lives choices, feels right.

Maybe. I mean, look, we all are familiar with hot dog water. By the way, I'm pretty sure that's what Trump's sweat tastes like, just to circle back to the- I love a call bag. Who doesn't? I haven't had a lot of them in my business, but I'll take them.

So do you do stuff for the story?

What do you mean?

You have to get more material.

Would you try it? That's the question, because you're more professional. So I feel like you trying it would maybe be, you don't need that as much as I do. Like, I'm a sad man. You're not a sad man. You mean that? It's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

You're not a sad man, Gary.

Thank you. Would you try it?

You're a weird man.

I am a weird man.

With the cat thing. But it's cool. You're a good man.

Thank you. But don't dodge the question.

I've done weirder things for the story, so yeah.

Such as?

Oh, Gary. The tables don't turn like this It's a different podcast.

I get you. This is it. Yeah, we'll do it on Rehab Rehab when you're my guest.

Okay, deal. All right, we end our episodes by asking our guests for one money tip a listeners can take straight to the bank. Do you have one from your day's pre-savings account?

Don't forget that the memo line on every check you write is available for comedy. So don't be afraid to take advantage of the memo line. Nobody cares about it. It isn't important. Literally, you could just start writing 711 Hot Dog Water on there, and people are going to cash that check. There's nothing they can do. There's little pockets where we can find comedy, and that might be a winner.

That example more in present day financial system would be the note that you when you send somebody a Venmo.

Exactly. When you send someone that, and yes, you just go like, Thanks for the waxing. I also don't understand the people who are very comfortable with the public Venmo feature. That to me seems insane.

It's Very confusing. We did a whole episode about that, too. Wait, can you open your Venmo app really quick? Can you read to me some of your-They're insane. Some of the memos?

Sure. Yeah.

Maybe I can guess what they're for.

Well, I also do this sometimes. I don't think you'll be able to. This one is just a friend of mine and I go back and forth requesting a lot of money from each other for stupid things. I requested 696,000 dollars, 696, I've never read money before. 696, 969,000. And I said it was for damages during this exchange to be used to train for the bun eating championship. But trauma caused by previous request, I do a lot of those. This one was for taco Bell breakfast gorditas, but that's not at all what it was.

Oh, what was it?

I don't think I'm legally allowed to say it, but it was for a tank of gas. One of them I did was great lunch, but it wasn't for lunch. That's just how she gets it off the grid. Another one said, miss you to my friend Tom, and I actually sent him $2.

Oh, you use Venmo like... It's like a poke. Like a little greeting card.

Sometimes. I see. Most times it's very, very stupid. But I do a lot of trauma. You've hurt me by not sending me $700,000. So now you owe me $900,000. I do a lot of those. But that's one of those things where... It's like my theory when I used to be out taking shots would be that if you ask 15 women for their phone number, you'll be hurt 14 times, but one will cave. So you just keep asking.

Don't lie. How many of those requests have a 69 in it? I mean, come on, you can do better than that. Gareth, how old are you?

I'm 69. How about that? Okay. How does that feel? You're laughing. And that's why we do that joke, Nicole.

That's amazing. Why are you not sponsored by an alcohol company? I don't know.

I don't know. I'm so malleable when it comes to alcohol.

Get that monetized content.

Well, I will say my podcast, The Dollop, just got sponsored by a wine company, and I ordered wine. And having to go through their, what taste do you have? Was a hilarious experience because I literally was just like, feed me. Don't feed me anything. And they were like, Do you like almond? I was like, Let's go. Enough of this survey crap.

Was it bronzia?

No, but boy, I like that you know your stuff. You know the trash. Have you ever heard of Peter Vela?

No. Is that what it is?

No, thank God. Peter Vela is the worst wine maybe on the market. It's boxed wine, but it's horrible. It's like a bag of hangover. It's an anti-IV. But when you buy it, it's got this man in this Indiana Jones hat studying grapes on the front. You're like, Oh, for sure. Yeah, I'd love to tour the Vela Vineyards without question.

Is there any boxed wine that is good? I think that's like an oxymoron.

There's canned wine wine that's okay, which is weird, but it's gotten to that point. But I don't think so. I think there maybe are a couple. But for the most part, anywhere where people like me go for alcohol, the box wine is there. It's there to make you feel okay about how much you're drinking. The sad part about drinking a lot of wine is the amount of times you're opening a bottle. The box wine, you just pull that weird spout out of that cardboard and nobody's judging anybody.

Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, money rehab @moneynewsnetwork. Com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.