This is exactly right. You guys were excited, so excited to present Episode one of the brand new podcast from our friend Bajur Weininger. I said no gifts with special guest Matt Engebretson. You might know him from Comedy Central's corporate or stand up comedy. You can listen to episode two right afterwards with special guest Jessica Gow. It's available in the I Said No Gifts feed, follow the show on Twitter and Instagram. And I said no gifts. And there's lots of pictures of the gifts, the stuff that's happening on the show.

Listen, like subscribe to I said no gifts now on Apple podcast, on Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts go by.

I made myself perfectly clear, but you're a guest in my home. I said, no, girls, your presence is presence in. Welcome to the show. This is I said no gifts, and I'm Breacher Weininger, and I'm so happy you're here. I hope you're feeling nice. Maybe washing some dishes, driving to work and kind of just collecting yourself before a big day. Whatever it is, we're going to get it, get through it.

And I've got a friend here. I've got a friend. He's a writer. He's a comedian. He is a director. He is the star of a television show called Corporate Matonga Bretz.

Hello, Bridger. Man, I'm so happy you're here. Bridger what are we doing here? Look, I invited you here and you're already started a podcast. Who told you to do this? I was visited in the night and had this little idea. Yes. And then you came along and told me I should do it.

And so now I'm directing your first. You know, I will take credit for this very. You said Bajour, you should do that if someone will give you a microphone. And I said that sounds if someone made that mistake and somebody has made a huge mistake and we're just going to have to move through it. And this is your first one. How do you feel so far? I'm going to interview you or this one interview. Take over. I'm the host here, you parasite.

You call me on a big week.

Why? You caught me on a big weekend so well, where do you want me to start with? The week started out big with me going to none other than the Korean spa. Oh. Which one do we spa. Yes I have. We talked about we spa.

I don't know if we have we spa for me is Disneyland is truly the feel. The best possible feeling. Yes.

You get to go in the sense that you dress up as a Disney princess when you because I'm in my bel gown, I've got a full wig and I'm wet.

OK, we spa for the Korean spa for people who don't know. Should we explain it. Yeah, I think that's worth talking about. This is the only Korean spot I've ever been to. We is kind of Los Angeles's premier Korean multistorey spa. You go and you put on a little costume. You.

Well, sure, it's a costume. It's the least. You see, it's like oversized shorts. Yes. And a boxy t shirt. Yes. Everyone looks bad. Well, you're given a little watch at the beginning, a little watch you wrap around your wrist. That gives you access to your locker. That's right. You go in there and this for me was huge, getting naked in front of strangers. Me too. What I enormous. Yes.

But also excellent for my for me mentally. Because your self esteem. Oh, my self-esteem is through the roof.

Everyone looks to look at me. Everyone wanted to look at me and I showed them people are hooting and hollering, oh no. You see, you get naked then you walk over. Oh but they do give you the shorts and the t shirt. Yes, but that's for later. That's right. Because I mean, at least I'm speaking from my personal. Did you start with the bath stuff? I always start with the bath stuff. I don't end with the bath stuff.

Oh, that's probably the move. Yes.

I go do well because I feel like I get ultimately a little dirty in the sonus.

Oh yes. Maybe I'm like lying around. Maybe that's time you're lying and gravel. Yeah. It's funny like describing this. It doesn't sound appealing at all. No. You go to the spot, you lie down in gravel, you roll around, you're wearing shorts and then you leave. Yes. OK, so that makes sense to me.

Actually this time I began in the bathroom. Yes, I went to the dry spa, went back to the baths.

The next day my hair was as dry as a bone. I it was like I had shampoo to 18 times. But the reason I started in the spa or the baths this time was I scheduled the body scrub. OK, have you done the body scrub. No, I have not, but I've been tempted to. It is an insane experience because it seems painful. It's not pain, it's not painful basic, but it is invasive. Yeah, it's the most invasive thing that has ever happened to me.

Even more than sex. One hundred percent. Oh absolutely. Because I mean, you lie down on it essentially just a metal table and you're fully naked and a man for the next half an hour scrubs your body to the bone.

Yes.

I mean, it occurred to me while I was lying there, it was as close as it feels like cadaver training because you're just in this kind of unpleasant atmosphere. It's like you're waiting for someone to come and identify your body room.

No, I mean, there's sometimes there will be another person on another bed. They're OK.

You're and it's bit but it's very relaxed. It's borderline prison camp. Well, it's a crazy thing that you're making another human being. Somebody is they're being paid less to truly touch your entire body. I like that, I suppose. Or I also. Usually are Korean people, I feel like most cultures don't have the horror body shame that Americans do. Yes, that's right. So maybe it's not as big of a deal. If I was scrubbing down someone whose body I don't know, I'd be apologizing most of the time after the scrub.

What do you feel?

Feel invigorated. You feel like a whole new you all of your skin is gone. Your body has been desecrated by a stranger. I am at that point hot pink because my skin is usually just white as a sheet. And then I march around back into the sauna. And yes, people are very excited to see me. Do you use the toilet trees that they provide for you? The lotions? Oh my God, I can't tell you this time.

I went all the way. I used the toothbrush. Good God. For a free toothbrush. You're out of control. I was like, you know, I'm here. I'm going to brush my teeth. Yes. So I did the body scrub. I mean, this this trip.

And I'm so sorry that we're just talking all spa, but this trip to the spa felt calculated to really pinpoint my anxiety because in the bath area, there was a man with a ponytail who was diving into the tubs the entire time. Yes. And these are you know, they're not you know, it's not a swimming pool.

There are signs that say do not dive into the tub, diving, literally diving every time. Yes.

So fortunately, not into the tubs that I was in, but as someone who is just annoyed by most people, that just was on my mind. While I'm trying to relax. Yes, I move on to the scrub. Halfway through the scrub, the guy starts coughing. So not the sound you want to hear while you're trying to just be scrubbed.

That reminds me of a massage I once got, actually, that actually, I believe I talked to you on the phone right before I got it. Wait, was this an hour in the neighborhood you used to live in, which is currently my neighborhood? That you I feel like you told me there's a Thai massage to avoid was. No. Well, there is one to avoid, but there's another one. Probably a lot of massage just to avoid.

This was in I don't know, I got to a show a couple hours early and I had some time to kill. So I was at first I was sitting outside on the curb outside of a McDonald's and actually the perfect intro to a massage. A couple of Mormon missionaries came up and I did. This clearly looked terrible because they tried to bring me into their faith. Then I was like, you know what? I'm going to get a massage.

I'll treat myself. So I just in Google Maps, I just put in Thai massage. OK, I looked up. No information. Oh, no, I walked in. The smell was highly questionable, in which way it smelled like a restaurant, smelled like meat, but it was an exclusively massage place as far as I could tell. I walked in the moment I walked in, I was like, I made a mistake and I should leave.

But they were already like, hello? So I was like, well, I'm about to drop fifty bucks and just do this. I pay money. It's one of the most painful massages I ever got that culminated in her. You know, when they walk on your back and they usually have straps that they hold and I'm not from I know that they walk on your back, but I wasn't aware of these straps. OK, gymnasium. That's right off and on the ceiling.

Something to help them balance. They didn't have those.

Instead, when it was time to walk on my back, she pulled out a senior citizens like Walker, OK, and straddled me with this and walked up and down was like, oh, no, I was in pain for weeks after that. It really decimated me. Did it feel like whatever she was doing, she was actually doing it correctly? It's just not something that you want to done to you. Or was she just a mad man? She was out of control.

That's what it was about, who I was, pain. I hurt for weeks out. Was there any part of it that was enjoyable? No. And massages are tricky because they are that balance between like pain and pleasure. So you wanted to hurt a little bit, but I like it.

She, like, sprained a muscle in me even I have never really had a professional massage. Now that I think about it, the closest I come is the scrub scrub. But maybe it's time for me to look into a massage. I just don't know who to trust. You get into Yelp and of course, Yelp reviews now.

I mean nothing. I know. So who and then I, I don't know. I don't want to.

I've been thinking about a facial. Oh, I've never gotten one. You should try a facial. How do you do that. You have a beard so half of your face is covered. I'm not getting my money's worth. You're not your. But you should get a spot. Yeah I should. What would you want a facial for.

Well you got nice skin this is all. Thank you for joining us. This is Phrygia. You don't have to let me describe your face. No, listen, but go ahead. Mets face right now is bathed in a very soft light. So smooth, not a blemish on it. Maybe under the beard there's horrible scarring. But from what I can tell, that's got a perfect face.

So keep that in mind while he talks about giving himself, well, a facial. So I've heard and this is slightly disgusting, but I've heard that they, like, dig out blackheads that they like in there.

And I. I like that I think whether people want to admit it or not, most people love that I love a black head coming out of their face.

You know, my only regret is that I won't be able to see it. I want to. Yeah. Happen. Do you?

I remember pretty clearly when I discovered I could squeeze like a black head out of my nose and. Yes, that's disgusting. But it's also. But I want it. Yeah, I want it to happen. And I think I've been told you shouldn't do that. So I don't think you should. But maybe if you have a professional, how are they doing with little needle or something?

Yes. Does that hurt? I think it does. Excavating your face. Hillary got one risk and said that it was painful, but like an interesting experience. I wonder what level of pain.

I don't know.

How did she look after. Could you tell that she had just had her face? She was covered in blood.

But I've become she talked to me about it. Now, I'm intrigued, although I don't even know if I need one, because, again, I can't accept the horrid scar.

And I feel like maybe you want like a relaxing facial, something that's not going to do a lot of work. That's more just like they're putting the cucumbers on your face. There's slime on it. Well, another thing I do I do know what I enjoy and I don't really watch as some more videos, but I do like personal attention. Like whenever a doctor, like does like checks. Oh, sure, sure. I like that a lot.

And if I could just pay, I guess I could just go to the doctor more just constantly.

I kind of share a doctor.

He is a bit of a joke writer. He listen, I have heard probably more of his comedy than yours at this point. I think that's true. And it is truly like written comedy. It's just it is like old school monologue. Like it was topical. Yeah. Yes, yeah. And that's the first ten minutes of your appointment.

This is you are the audience.

It's I mean I've had a lot of experiences with the doctor this year because I early August, as you know, got strep throat. Yes. Which was absolutely horrifying.

And I just I scheduled one appointment with him. It was fine. I went second time I was at his office was I just showed up. It was like, yes. What about Bob's style? Because I was so desperate for help.

Yeah, you should be accommodating. You didn't go to an urgent care. Well, I'll tell you, I was deeply sick. I went to an urgent care without looking at my insurance. And you don't want to be an urgent care on a deeply sick uninsured. Right. I walk up to the counter. They turned me away. I owe nearly two years. Well, they told me that I was going to be hundreds of dollars. And of course, I'm not spending a dime on myself.

So, Bridgers, I know I'm a cheapskate. I turned around and just went home. Yes. Then you say, OK, so I mean, this is a lot. But the strep throat eventually went away. I fall asleep. The day that it's going away on my couch, I wake up, I've got shingles.

Oh, like I had finally gotten out of a case and got immediately hit by a car.

This was a dark time, Bridgers Shingles. I don't know. I didn't see much of him joining.

This study has had well, I hope nobody did shingles for five weeks right on my face, which was so this all this was, of course, more trips to the doctor and this and there was some diagnosis then some treatments that were probably not correct. What are you saying to me right now? I'm saying that I well, I initially, after being turned away from the urgent care, I was on the cell phone. Have you done this yet?

The cell phone DOCTYPE app or the sort of like video conference? Yes, I did. What did you do it for? I got food poisoning recently.

Oh. And I was I was vomiting so much and I couldn't keep any liquid down that I was severely dehydrated and I got on and he was like, go to the emergency room. OK, so yes, that feels worthless. What caused this food poisoning?

Well, Hillary and I are all the same thing. She didn't get it, but she has more of an iron stomach than I do. But we did eat Trader Joe's lobster ravioli. That's right. I'm sorry, but you have a thousand percent. No, I say I don't know. I don't say that all over me. I was in the ravioli department at Trader Joe's and I'm typically a butternut squash golf course. You know this about me. Bridgers says everyone should be the lobster is no one's buying that.

Well, I did. And to be honest, it wasn't even that good. No, of course. No offense to the chefs at Trader Joe's. I don't want to bring that upon you, but could it's not your finest work. So we had I woke up the next day. I was like, this is something is wrong. I couldn't keep any liquids down. I was like shaking. I was so dehydrated. I went to the emergency room.

By the way, you turn into a monster, the emergency room, because they're all hell. There was like an hour wait, of course. And I was pissed off everyone else there. I was like, I don't care if you're dying. I wanted people. Leading are you sitting there with people bleeding, nobody else was bleeding. As far as I can tell, unless they were concealing it, I, I walked in, though, and I was like I just told them I was like, I have the flu and I need help.

So at that point, you still felt it was not food poisoning? I didn't know.

OK, but I'm pretty sure it was. My big food poisoning event was another fish product. It was a salmon, fish and chips. But at the restaurant, of course, I had it coming. But at the same time, at that restaurant, I also ate ravioli, weirdly. And so I can't to this day can't eat our listeners.

If you have you take anything away from this podcast, stop eating, ravioli them with a fish, cross it off. The list is done, OK? It's like there's too much in there. There's just a chance part of it's going to get points. You don't need to pastas enough. You need to put stuff inside. Exactly. Just pour something over. Just settle down, eat it dry. One more food poisoning story elsewhere. Let's hear it from in Montreal for a comedy festival.

The night last night I was there, everyone stayed up like having a fun time partying and stuff. At two thirty in the morning, I head back to my hotel on the way back to my hotel. There was a true TV sponsored statue that was handing out bagels and lox. As we all know, true TV is facing some money for the finest bagels and lox from true TV. We eat fish from true TV out of a cooler at two thirty in the morning.

Oh no, I scarfed it down. Were you drunk? I was a little bit. OK, that makes a little more sense. Yeah, I was impaired. I then which honestly they shouldn't have been serving me locks. That was on who is serving locks at two thirty in the morning. That is not a middle of the night food. I hope somebody hears this intuitively. I should get some money for this. So the next morning I get a whole series out of this.

Yeah. The next morning I wake up at nine a.m. and I'm like, something is terribly wrong. My flight leaves in two and a half hours from Montreal. So I then I call lift. I'm like, I need to go get medicine. I walk downstairs. I feel terrible. I haven't thrown up yet. I get in the lift. I tell them to take me to a pharmacy. Within two minutes I have the car door open and a bottle on the side with Grease yelling at me.

Understandably so, because I just got into his car and immediately started throwing up. And he probably just thinks you're hungover and an irresponsible jerk. So I then he doesn't take me all the way to the for me, like drops me off a couple of blocks later and is like get out of my car. So then I stumble my way to the pharmacy.

The idea of being food poisoned and then getting on a plane, it was I would I would move to Montreal at that.

It was one of the most out of body experiences I've had in my life. This is a big time for you because I know your birthday is also coming up. That's right. When your birthday is coming up, when the holidays are coming up, the gifts, the gift, the word gift is right there in the title of this podcast. What do you like to do? You have any gifts you like to get for your birthday?

Well, I my goal, because it's always essentially I was trying to trick people into getting things for me that I don't want surprise gifts.

I'm OK, but I like to, like, carefully guide without directly to. That's exactly right.

Sure. So I'm looking for things that I want but might not buy myself. So like clothes from a clothing store that typically I might be like, I don't need that expensive of a shirt or something like that. What store are we talking about here? Well, do you want to get free plugs? Well, I just want to know because I don't know where to buy clothes anymore. I haven't. But I was looking in my closet the other day.

I'm like, most of my shirts are truly fifteen years. Well, and this is something we've talked about this before because you you are simultaneously a fashionable man, but almost by no clothes for years. I buy almost this is my most recent purchase. I bought this at a place called The Rat's Nest in North Carolina. It's nice. Thank you. It's lovely. Of course, you should be doing more because bridgen listeners, you can't say he's a spell.

He's a handsome, but he's been. Let me describe Bridgers.

We've got to talk about my body as much as possible on this podcast. Bridger is has an extremely symmetrical face. He has, I'd say, cute forehead wrinkles. He has a great jawline, great hair. He's got a real look at my hair. I will say today I'm pretty happy with how my hair looks.

I'm unhappy without my help. My hair looks I feel like your hair always looks good. Well, I've just picked a look where it's like it's all over.

Do you want to. That's right. There's no wrong answers. So you should be very happy. I was going to ask you and I know we're trying to get to the next part of the podcast or maybe we're not. We're doing whatever we want. OK, great. I was going to ask you, how many times a week are you shampooing, Zeira?

Well, I would say once why I jumped to zero zero.

I was shocked to hear that I don't wash my hands. I haven't washed my hair since I was ten. No, I.

I would say one every week and a half, every week and a half. So that's because probably too much.

I really. I probably do twice a week where you're washing your hair twice a week. I've heard you're supposed to wash it at all. Well, where's the science on shampoo? I don't think there is any. It's all hearsay. Wait till it stinks.

Well, that's my I sweat when I exercise, I sweat. So that is my concern is I don't want. Now, here's the thing is it's like how many? I'm six foot four. So not many people are getting a whiff of my true.

This is for the birds. This is exclusively for birds. That's right. So I'm but it's a concern of mine where, like, I sweat it out like, well, I guess I need to wash it now. Often what I'll do is conditioner. No shampoo.

Oh, interesting. What sort of conditioner. Well, OK, I've been experimenting. So my sister, I have two older sisters and they've guided me through life in terms of hair products or facial products and clothing. About a year ago she got me a shampoo and conditioner called Davina's. OK, are you familiar? It's expensive. Of course not. It's like thirty five bucks worth of conditioner for me.

Now, I'll tell you what, it's incredible what it does make a difference. What is the difference you're saying when you do it your hair. I was like, oh, my hair was never got clean from the other. It feels actually like, oh, I can run my hands through it. Let me see if I can run my hands. Yes. You know, my hand is stuck getting stuck. I'll just keep it here till the end of the podcast and go to the hospital or something I have done in the last year.

Every few months is a deep conditioning with coconut oil.

Is that where I'll put it in at night, throw a shower cap on? Oh, go to bed like your grandmother. That's what I was about to ask because I once made the mistake.

I read that you should put coconut oil in your hair. Oh, I showed it in in the shower. Tried to rent it out. It didn't all come out then. I'm just have greasy hair all night. I didn't have a shower cap so that I ruined the pillow. Right. Of course. How was the pillow ruined. Was it just like not ruined, but it was like probably smell coconut oil all over it? Yeah, it's just a greasy pillow at that point.

Well, the thing with the deep conditioning for me is I didn't notice any difference. It was just annoying. And then I woke up and then I was like, I guess it was a little shinier. So my hair's already like an annoying color. And I'm like, I don't need to draw any more attention to this all.

Guess work with when it comes to hair and the beauty industry, because it's like the beauty industry's propaganda. So it's really difficult to discern what is actually working and what is just marketing and getting honest answers for. Yes, it's like so I don't know.

I largely rely on my sister. She recently just gave me some new face moisturizer that I've been putting on. Oh, are you moisturizing your face.

I'm doing look, everyone knows about me. I'm a Jennifer Aniston type.

I, I've been doing a vino for years.

I mean, aveeno OK, on your face face arms. Now do you have a specific face when you're putting normal lotion on your face. I'm putting on all those reja.

It's a very mild lotion. I don't know.

I mean I, I don't, I'm looking at Steven, I'm looking at the other people in the room to see if that is OK. It's an oatmeal. Dana grimace and and somebody and Steven is shaking. It's an oatmeal. Miss Jen Aniston's putting it on like he's making the big bucks is absolutely juice. That has never touched her face. Like gorgeous. Right, exactly. Because she's not using a veto.

I feel like a veto is I mean, I'm sure it's fine. Bridger, but you should consider I moved to a new thing. Is my I've been doing this literally since I was probably twelve years old because I'm very dry skin. Oh yes. Well, and that's actually that's when we all should have started using heavy face moisturizer is. Yes. Because you know. Yes. We don't want that youthful. Ah you put on that Jen Aniston sunscreen on your face every day.

I'm again I have an aveeno with an SPF. That's fine. OK, that's the main thing you must be doing. And Listeners' sunscreen on your.

Let's all but look I wish I had known, but you know when you're a teenager in Utah in the nineties, everybody wants to be tan.

I wish somebody had just taken me aside and said it's never going to happen for you. Stay out of the sun, you idiot. Your mother's gotten redder, right? Oh, my God. I've been absolutely. I would well, I've been hospitalized with the sunshine in Venezuela. That was a whole other experience. We'll leave that for another. Yeah. Too much time on the beach and then back into the hospital. But look, there's been something on the table this entire time.

You know, there's very few rules about this podcast. Yes.

Each episode should be eight hours long. Well, and I said no gifts. Well, Bridger, I'm sorry, but I felt that I felt awkward not bringing something there.

Currently, Matt has brought I'm just going to describe what seems to be probably a foot and a half long by a foot box in a beautiful floral wrapping. Yes. With a card on top. Is that for me?

Phrygia that I said, no, I couldn't help myself, OK, I felt like I needed to do something.

This feels like a strange way to draw attention to yourself on my podcast.

Well, OK. Well, now you're making this about. Oh, I just felt it was the right thing to do and it doesn't have to be about me. And I honestly resent a little bit about that. You're. Well, do I should I open it, please? OK, well, I just let me open the card first for me with a card. I never know if I should save it for later or open the clay will sitting as you just showed up with a gift.

Yes, I read it aloud on the podcast.

OK, it's like I'm going to describe this is literally just a piece of paper that is folded on half. It's cardstock. It's cardstock. Or did you get cardstock? Well, I make custom.

You know, I put I didn't put a ton of work into this picture, but this is what we have been friends for close to a decade, gone through life's ups and downs. And I finally feel close enough to you to ask, how do you pronounce your last name? Sincerely, Matt. Matt, I really appreciate that.

I mean, I know you know how to pronounce my name, but I'm going to say ballpark, 80 percent of the people in my life don't pronounce my last name. I wanted to give them a chance to learn without having to confront you face. Yes. This podcast ultimately for me was just to teach people how to pronounce my last words, right?

Yes. Winoker, Winoker. It looks like vinegar. Yes.

Which I understand people would want to say Winnunga, but there are people in my life and I'm not going to name names who should have figured this out by now.

It's Winoker. But you also interesting that you have a last name that I imagine a lot of people struggle with. Yes, although which is crazy to me because your name to me really tells you how to pronounce it. It's like it's phonetic. Yeah. Ritson And what pronunciations are you getting? Engebretson, Engebretson, inj Bretts and changes in Gulbransen Engl Berts and. Oh my God. And then just blank stares. People are putting in a lot of work to mispronounce names.

I know Engebretson that feels so. It's one that feels like it's like on a Pogo's. I like your last name being vinegar is adds something Bridger vinegar richer vinegar sort of like your alter ego. That's like My Poison is a crime fiction writer. I'm talking to the Shadows Bridge or vinegar's. Well OK. OK, I'm going to open the gate please.

Let's get some nice.

Are you a a lot of people. I think we'll just dive into ripping open a gift. I try to be a little more careful with the wrapping paper. I don't although this is nice, right. Yeah. This is like a wallpaper almost now to tear it up. I don't because I just know, you know, what's underneath. You could damage something. You're you're right about that. This you're safe. Now, I will say just before you get your hopes up, the box that it's in is not what the gift is.

So this is not a Sega Genesis.

That's okay. Yeah. So I just I will just adjust my expectations. Now, this is very nice wrapping paper, actually, but it's a little bit inconvenient because it didn't come in a roll. It came in two rectangles. That's the new thing which seems crazy. It doesn't make just give me a roll like the rectangles. It's I think it's a new way to overcharge. I think so. Although this is like a hardy paper, it's not the thin dollar store.

You just tore it up. It'll never be used again. Never again. It's it looks like you've got you've recently ordered from an online retailer. I won't mention, but. That's right. You should be able to. Yeah. It probably fits in there actually.

Oh look at this. What is this. It's a t shirt. A beautiful t shirt. Yes. What is happening here. So you've sent me where you've given me. Oh my.

Oh, good grief. What I initially thought was just a white t shirt with a pocket, which would have been terrific. A great gift. Of course, everyone likes to just get a nice t shirt. Yes. I turn it around. Matt has I have to explain something and I'll have to share this at some point for the last. Oh, well, let's see about 2012. I don't know what did this to me, but I was Google image searching Sisler.

Yes. And I found the highest resolution photo maybe on the Internet of none other than the owner of Sisler.

Is that who that is for? I looked into this recently.

I don't know why Carry Cramp was the owner of Sizzler.

This is just a photo of him standing.

That man's name is Kari Cranbury cramp standing in front of a salad bar at Sizzler. I'm telling you, this photo was beyond for a resolution. It was you could put it on a billboard and it would be crystal clear. You could see the blackheads on his face. Yes. So I eventually switched it to my can I see to this day has been my desktop wallpaper. Incredible I. I saw you tweet that I didn't know if it was a lie or not, that wasn't true.

Really, I was trying to share with the world this has been my photo since I bought this computer, I believe, seven, six, seven years ago. I also should probably get a new computer. But yes, when I do get the new computer, I will be putting Harry right back on. Yes. Although now I can wear it on a T-shirt.

So it's a tell me about this. OK, well, I one of my favorite gifts to give people actually is a custom T-shirt. You've done this for me before. That's right. I could name you've given me a T-shirt that says which I wear frequently when I'm working out proud mommy blogger.

Oh, you know what?

And you've given me a horse symfony T-shirt. That's right. Just very stylish, actually. That's probably my dress. Say the sleeves are a little long. I might not have them trimmed or something. My arms are too short trim. Can you get a T-shirt trimmed coat if you're out of taking spirally yourself. Maybe I go sleeveless. Yeah. Turn into a muscle. Is that my personality? Absolutely not. But I think you could do it. OK, so this is something you do custom pieces.

I like to make custom T-shirts for people. I use a website which I will plug because I use them all the time. I think they're great called custom ink custom. They are great because the squid. Yes, I tried to make a wavery 60 for T-shirt on that, but I couldn't pull the trigger because it was twenty five dollars.

Well, and again, going back to the fact that you're a cheapskate, what do you pay, what is your in your mind, what should a T-shirt cost?

This is a problem for me because I haven't bought it usually. I mean the majority of my clothing was bought over a decade ago.

I feel like you're living in the year nineteen ninety seven. Yeah. So if I see a T-shirt that's over ten dollars. Oh that's a splurge. That's a big splurge for me. Over ten, over ten dollars. It feels like I have to, I truly and I also I, I can say I recognize this as a mental floss at this point. Yes. I have to think it over and I frequently think it over it to the point that it vanishes and then I just don't buy it.

You have to readjust now listen attentively. T-shirt, obviously a great deal. I'd say t shirts on average these days you have to expect twenty dollars. What was the last teacher you bought for yourself?

Well, I just actually recently this is not a good example of this because they're cheap. But I bought a five pack of plain white Hanes shirts. Those are that Celestis just like an undershirt situation or an undershirt. I've also I mean, I continue to dress more and more like my father did in the mid 90s. Sure. And so as most people do jeans with a tucked in white t shirt that's sort of around the house, look for me.

Or maybe a Sunday afternoon, I'm stopping by the hardware store. OK, that makes sense. That's a good look for that. Yes. I do feel like you just recently tweeted about t shirts being softer than ever. That's right. And I think I I mean, I think I agree.

OK, now they've always like a vintage t shirt has always of course, it's been through the wash. That's right.

But a new t shirt at this point in history, we're reaching new levels.

So we are though. I agree. But what's doing it and who's driving this movement? Well, nobody really asks for it. I mean, like, we were all hoping for that. And, you know, somebody responded to that tweet a good point, which is that the durability level has plummeted on these. Oh, interesting fashion. That's right. They're softer. By the way, a clip I recommend this is fast fashion made me think of it.

There's a clip of Kim Kardashian at this speech thinking, oh, shit, maybe cut this button and leave it at.

No, I want to I mean, regardless, I need you to continue it. OK, Kim Kardashian, she's being interviewed and she is she has a funny story. She's like, oh, funny story. I have to tell you, I was I was offered a million dollars to post a fast fashion Instagram post. And I thought, why don't why don't I do it? But then Kanye told me that I shouldn't do it because they rip off designs from Yeezus.

And I was like, OK, Kanye won't do it just for you. And she she sets us up is like a cute story. She's OK. So then she's like, so I didn't do it for Kanye. I didn't make a million dollars. My birthday comes around and he gives me an envelope and inside is a cheque for one million dollars a lot and a contract to be a partner in the Yeezus.

How is this a marriage that is the most psychotic these people like you does that each of their skulls contains a human brain is so bizarre to me.

Yes, I know. Well, not so fast fashion.

You made me think of the OK, back to T-shirts, back to t shirts. They're softer than if they're softer than ever. Less durable, certainly. And I feel like a lot of them. I've bought some very I mean, granted cheap t shirts and after one wash I have to iron them. I don't want to buy a t shirt.

Absolutely not. I want it to just fit my body and look casual. I have been my. Sister, speaking of my sister, again, I thought, OK, actually this is before those Hanes white t shirts, a couple other T T-shirts I bought. It's funny that I tweeted that T-shirt thing because I bought some not soft t shirts recently. OK, I bought a couple of names. I bought another couple, Heinz Heinz. And this company has no consistency.

Heinz like a blue. I just like I just want plain T-shirts. Sure. But a blue and a green t shirt off of Amazon. I'm sorry for supporting that company. I know they're destroying the environment, but I bought them and they shamed me because of how not soft they were. Oh, interesting. They've since sent me a new T-shirt that is very soft in response to them not being soft. Yes, the plane would wait.

I didn't complain. They were like, Matt, you can't be wearing t shirts like this anymore. You're an adult man. This t shirt isn't soft. This is this says a lot about who I am, is that my older sisters have shamed me. My your life, your fashion and. But why not?

I mean, at least put those t shirts to work running through the wash a few times I've been I've been working on that. I think they're getting a little soft. Let's be honest. You just moved into a new home. You have your own washing machine. I do use that thing to just beat the hell out of some t shirts and turn them into the S t shirts you desire.

They're luxurious. My thing with t shirts is I feel like we made some enormous progress from about 2003 to 2013 of t shirts that fit men's bodies. Yeah. As a small person, this is something I've really struggled with my entire life, finding a t shirt that just fits in a fit of way.

We're now forgetting all of those lessons and moving directly towards t shirts that go to your knees. Yes.

What's happening? I don't know.

I feel like I'm just I was trying to grasp on to this. I was in heaven for a minute, too, because I'm in a slightly different position, tall, tall and thin. And typically t shirt company is in the past, the taller each size up. They assumed you got longer and wider. Oh, yeah, of course. So I was wearing shirts that fit me were baggy. So then for many years I wore shorts that were too small for me but fit me around the torso the way that I wanted to be a medium sized man.

That's the dream I know somewhere between you and I is the perfect T-shirt wearer. Yes, that's exactly right. That's a real shame. How tall are you again? I'm five six. And you're six two four six four. That is tall.

You're a tall, human, tall man. I'm right on there. Almost a foot taller than me. I'm right on the verge of being like a problem. And and people would stare if I was any taller. Yeah.

Was there pressure on you to play basketball? Yes. But do you feel like Dad was mad that you didn't become a professional? I think it's probably mad at himself.

He's also a tall man. I know he was six three. My grandpa was six. For decent basketball player.

I can toss the pigskin.

OK, hold. If there's a hole, I'll toss a ball at it. Well, it sounds like you give it a try. I gave it a try. You know, I will. What happened was when I was in seventh grade, I was pretty good. I was on the team at my school, then eighth grade rolled around. A couple other guys got their growth spurts before I showed up above me. I got moved down to the B team and I became resentful and I quit after that.

But as we know, neither of those guys went on to professional basketball, so it didn't matter for anybody.

One of their names was Daniel. I won't even say his last name. He was a school bully. Oh, really ruined. Well, he's probably dead.

I mean, if you don't make it into the NBA, I don't know. Yes, we haven't heard from him since. So did you play any sports growing up?

I played basketball. I was on the everyone's advice. Unfortunately, no one gave me any advice about this. I was on the junior jazz ice in Utah. And my parents I don't know what was going on.

It was very apparent from minute one I was not a basketball player.

They let me do this for years, would have been thrilled for one of them to step in and say, learn the piano. This instrument there was the piano, which I also just was actively fighting against. So I didn't learn that skill either.

But if they had just stepped in and said, let's find something for you to do. Yes. Well, you're not embarrassing yourself. I was the kid on the team that was like, let's get Bridger the ball so he can at least throw it once. It was not good. I guess I was having a good time. I was on a very good team. Well, you were stupid. I was very little. You weren't aware of your surroundings.

Something was going on.

I was a lot of assists, a lot of assisting, giving the ball to men that I or I guess at the time, boys who I knew would be able to make a basket. That's right. Never scored a single point.

Humiliating. Oh, I think I took one shot and it was from half court.

So you never made a basket. And how many years did you play? At least three. You say, oh, I mean, God bless the team for letting me stick around, which is heartbreak.

That is truly because as someone in my first year of playing basketball, I got to the point where I was pretty good, but in my first year, I didn't make many baskets or feels bad. Oh, yeah, it does not. But, you know, I guess I got to a point where I was like, well, I guess this just isn't part of my basketball experience. I'm more just somebody who's running up and down the court. That's right.

I was probably three feet tall. Yes. Mouth full of braces, just this disgusting little creature. My parents, I don't know what they were thinking, but, you know, maybe I don't know. I do. They try to force you to play piano. Oh, they I mean, they definitely took me to lessons every single week. I don't know if forcing or not, but, uh, my piano teacher, teacher Carol tried her best.

I played the friends theme song at a recital that was made. I think that was kind of the climax for me. And that's the only thing I can remember how to play on the piano. The first like doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

That's not what you want to be playing. I know nobody everyone's upset with you. If you know peace, I'll be there for you. Did you take piano?

No, I did not. My parents tried making both of my older sisters play. They both hated it, fought like were so upset that they didn't try to make me play. And then I ended up playing drums. I took.

Oh sure. That sounds like I would have been a good drummer. I think. I think so. I feel like I've got a decent rhythm.

I always think of you as a I think you could have been a front man to a band.

Well, you know, there's still I've got seven decades. Well, I don't know if I don't know there's a guitar now. By the time I'm sixty, I'm ready to go.

And everyone's excited to see you up there cheering you on the way your parents did. Well, you're running up and down the basketball court. I just need somebody to write and record the music. Yes. And then I need to be able to sing and then someone else will dress you and then someone cares. You want to just be kind of a manufactured maybe secretly joined beats or something. Yes, that's maybe I'm the leader of Beats at this point and beats if you're listening.

And I have to assume that you of course, all four hundred of you, I really would encourage you to consider Bridger as a band mate.

I think he maybe even a friend as a friend, the very least as a friend take you can he'll just be around. What does beats stand for.

It's not behind the scenes.

He can be, but that is what I think of every time. I didn't even know there were band for boys to sing. We need fifty boys to sing. Where are they. Where those boys going to be destroyed by the boys band mates. You are in this box. I should just get my address out now before I just give it up. Fucks by millions of fans. Well there's T-shirts. Amazing. I mean, at some point should I put it on?

Is that something you think it will fit? I got you a small of course a small is my size. Here's the thing. It does look fairly small. Is that going to be like maybe shuls harassment thing if I take my shirt off and not at all? Right now it's just all the listeners will be jealous. Let's see it. I would love to see it on you. I'm ask everyone in the room, is it OK if everybody close your eyes, close our eyes.

I sure can say. I mean, that's also. Yes, Bridgers been to Korean spies and he this is a yes or no body. No, I OK, I don't want to. And now on the first spy. Yes, but if you're going to listen to a podcast, I think you should know Bruja is a fit man.

He has abs and he looks great. OK, that's going to fit. This fits now. Probably needs one shrink and that's good because it will shrink whether you like it or two or not. It's immediately soft though. So. That's right. I've got Carrie cramp on the back of my shirt. People are going to be so comfy. Is that jolly man in front of a salad bar?

And obviously no pressure to wear it in public. But I think it was something I love to wear because on the front, it's a it's unassuming. It just has a little surprise. I take the sticker off. I feel a little ridiculous. This is still on me.

Yeah. Oh, jeez. This I just want to tell the listeners that this company puts a terrible sticker on their t shirt. It feels confusing and unnecessary from an online retailer accustoming.

If you're listening, that's something you could work on. Yeah.

Come on, give me a break. Matt, I have a game called Gift Master to play. I need you to give me a number between two and 10 because I love to count.

And are you about to go count off? Is this another race or a few? You're about to go even is going to earn his keep editing me count. Steven, leave these moments. And I think this is really where we say different numbers. OK, mumble numbers. The number I will choose is four four. OK, I'll go into the calculating machine you calculate. I'll talk. We'll see if it's worth keeping. And Steven, feel free to edit this out.

Let's see if I can think about and this is I don't know if this will be the first episode or not, but a little introduction to Bridger.

For those of you who don't know him, he's a tiny man who is very strong, muscle wise and weak mentally.

But he is smart and funny and a nice man overall, although honestly can be quite vicious, which is how he earned his nickname Bridger Vinegar.

Matt, the counting has been done. The gift master is about to I'm about to push the button on the gift master.

Let me give you the I can't believe you've done this. I can't believe we're here doing this. This is out of control. This is how the game works. This is we're going to judge how good of a gift giver you are. OK, I'm going to give you three gifts. Yes. Three things that you could possibly give.

Then I'm going to give you three names of celebrities, actors, this sort of thing. Yes. You're going to determine which of these people you're going to give each of the items. Does that make sense to you? I think it makes sense.

OK, the gifts are a restaurant grade blender, a leaf blower. Oh, and surgery. What kind of surgery?

Well, when you determine who you're giving it to, maybe you can decide, OK, the people you have to give these to. Margo Martindale, famed character actress Margo Martindale. OK, if you need to look her up, she's fantastic. Of course, she's kind of blends into every role and just does a dynamite performance.

OK, the next person, the members of Haim, all three sisters.

OK, so that's a lot to put, but it's only one gift, so they have to split it.

Yeah. And then Elijah Wood, most recently seen in the Lord of the Rings. All right. So we have a leaf blower, restaurant, restaurant, great blender and surgery to Margo Martindale, Haim and Elijah Wood.

So let's start with Margo. What are you going to give Marc? Can you tell me a little bit about Margo?

Margo, you know, she's just kind of been this character actress. She did a terrific job on the Americans, most recently as kind of a diabolical Russian.

But she kind of plays. Yeah, she she does it. Oh, I don't know what to tell you. She can be maternal. She can be sadistic.

I have her pulled up. I recognize her. Oh, yes. She's an usher in the movie Paris. I'm sure she plays a character who goes on a little trip by herself to Paris. I want to say it's a Coen brothers directed. Sure. Everyone should look it up. It's heartbreaking.

Do you know French? Because your pronunciations have felt very genuine.

And I know I do. Well, I took a lot of French and then I went to Paris with Jim, my boyfriend, and he harassed me the entire time about my pronunciation. But it's just because he thinks he does everything better than me.

And I think I know for a healthy relationship is when one person thinks they're fundamentally better than the other.

OK, Margo Martindale will receive a leaf blower. OK, why? When I'm I picture Margot. No, it was a tough call. It was a tough call because when I picture Margot, I either picture the blender was the other thing I was considering, but I ultimately gave her the leaf blower because she's no spring chicken anymore. Sure. If you're doing yard work and you need to you need to clean up. You don't want to. I don't want Margot out there making sure I want to course let them go where she deserves to do it simply and efficiently.

OK, interesting for me, I probably would give Margot surgery, just, you know, give cert for surgery.

Yes. Because as you know, she's a middle aged volunteer, middle aged person. I feel like I'm headed towards endless surgery after 50.

And for somebody to pick up the bill on one of these surgeries, maybe she wants to get LASIK eye surgery. Maybe she needs a new knee. OK. I feel like for me, I would. I mean, I'm not saying you're wrong. I think a leaf blower is an excellent gift for Margaux. And she would probably be thrilled. And I feel like she's probably out in the yard a lot.

That's what I'm picturing. I'm picturing her gardening. I'm picturing her in a beautifully picturesque house with a green front yard. And I want her blowing leaves.

And I mean, if she was doing that with 20, 20 vision from my surgery.

Good grief. That's OK.

So, Margot, in a leaf blower, OK, you've got a restaurant. Great blender. That's more than a home blender that's going to be able to throw rocks in there. That's right up. And then we've got surgery. That's right. For either we've got the Haim sisters know. Is that their last name? I don't know. Yes, that is. So I'm sisters.

If you're listening, reach out to me and let me know your last name.

I'm not going to look it up. And then Elijah Wood. So I'm sisters. What are you giving him?

The Haim sisters are getting surgery.

OK, so what sort of surgery are the sisters getting? I have trouble. Keep keeping them apart. I feel like if if any of them showed up on my doorstep individually, I wouldn't know who they were. I would like sutured together. There we go. Become the Haim sister. That's right. That's exactly right. That way, no more confusion. There's the trio is together at all times. I feel like we're headed this way anyway.

They're doing all of these choreographed dances. Yes. Why not just become one person at this?

So it's surgery, but it's specifically you can only use a gift card to get surgery to suture yourselves.

Your body's is kind of a singing monster. I think it would work.

I think I think I it's a new hook. And fortunately, I use mine on Margaux. But I think you're making a good choice. And as a pop star, you have to learn to reinvent yourself. Of course, the same is putting your bodies together and sewing them well, and they're splitting the royalties right now.

That's why not have all of that money go to one creature. That's exactly right. Like that. OK, well, I was going to say give the gals a blender. Seem to like to party. I feel like one of them's mixing drinks. Well, I have a reason to give the blender to Alija. Oh, well, let's just get in. Alija, how tall would you say it is?

Well, probably four eleven for eleven alike on us.

I'm worried about his the amount of nutrition he is receiving. He is skeletal. I think Alija needs a blender so he can make a dense nutritional smoothie for himself with protein and calcium supplements. OK, so that he does not hurt himself because I think he is headed, he's away. He's a waif. And Elijah, you need to start bulking up, buddy.

Look, I've started making protein shakes at home. Yes, I can share a recipe. Alija, reach out to me. What kind of protein are you using? I'm using whey protein, OK? It's like my brother knows these things. I reached out to him, he told me and I blindly agreed. It's a chocolate flavored protein fun fact. I ran I ran a up comedy show in Los Angeles called Good Heroin. It's Stories, Books and cafe.

Excellent show. There's a man who comes regularly who is an ex cop, shows up on his motorcycle. He's the oldest person who ever comes to good heroin. He's probably in his late sixties. Right. He has started making it a habit of giving me hemp protein. Oh, once a month. This is made entirely out of hemp hemp protein. I haven't touched it yet. I haven't used homemade. No, well, I don't know.

I haven't asked him a ton of questions because I find it to be a little odd. And if you're listening, he also this is a man he's an ex cop. He told me that I would make a great interrogator. Oh. And which I don't know why.

I mean, I think you would be like the good cop. I could be the good cop. I think I like I can I could warm people up, but I don't think I could break people down.

And this protein is like bordering on lobster ravioli. To me, it's like, well, that's like something's going to happen. Yes. Yes. Or I mean, is it is it like in a bag, it's just loose.

He just looks he's pulling it out of his pockets like say it just falls everywhere. I scoop it up. No, it's in a container and it is branded so it seems sealed but I'm just. It's the only time in my life I've been given hemp protein by a stranger, and so I'm a little wary of it happens to me CBD qualities.

It was it just just straight hemp. I wonder if I don't even maybe I just don't know enough. But that feels like a weird I should send it to Elijah honestly, because he needs it. He needs a starter pack. Yes. Get him a blender and some have protein and get some meat on that boy. Maybe you could, you know, stop seeing him as a hobbit. Yes. OK, well, that's a look. I guess my final thing, I guess I'm giving all Elijah the leaf blower.

And but I feel like a few years ago I read that he had bought a house in Austin or something. And so, you know, he's got a property that's got to blow some leaves around, you know, by by this time that Lord of the Rings money is run. Run. Oh, he's no, he's been living big the entire time. He's out. Yeah. He's got to he can't afford for somebody to blow the leaves, you know, or he could sell it on Craigslist.

That's and now that's desperate for cash. What was the last thing you sold on Craigslist. Last thing I sold on Craigslist, I tried to sell my bed, didn't work out your mattress, the entire thing.

I consider it illegal to sell your mattress.

Oh, give me a break. People are selling mattresses. If the feds want to bust my door down because I'm trying to sell a mattress that come get me blow my brains out. Yes, I tried to sell the bed.

You got a few nibbles nobody wanted. It's a California king. And I think I've told you this, and I. I almost just want to use this platform to tell people the California king is not the bed you want. No, you want a king. You want a king. California king sounds fancier and bigger. It's longer. Longer. You know what? He needs a longer bed. I'm six four. I don't even need the. Thank you.

You should be the spokesperson. I've been telling people all I need is a matchbox.

That's right. You should be on the floor. Yeah. California King. But I guess unless you have like what? Nobody sleeps straight line straight everybody. I mean, most people I'm speaking now for everyone, but I think this is kind of judgmental coming from your eyes. I do. I sleep in a corpse position. Oh, okay. But you're on a king bed and you're fine. I'm fine. OK, and then unless you're seven feet tall, you don't need the caliphate.

That's exactly right. And you want the width, especially when is a dream with a partner. You want the option to be close. You also want the option to abandon them in the night. Yes. You want to forget that they even exist. You don't want to feel them. You don't want to touch them. Yeah. Yes. You wake up the next and you're like, oh, there was somebody else in the bed. Wonderful. I'm alarmed.

I had no idea. I'm calling the police. Yeah, that's what I recently tried to sell and it didn't work out. Did you end up getting a new bed? No, I gave up sleeping on that bed and probably will until I move or something.

I listeners, this is going to be an ongoing thing with Bridgen. I would encourage you to badger him. He doesn't spend money on himself and he deserves to have a bed that he likes. So please know whatever.

Please write it, please. Any one he will slip up until you his address one day, I guarantee you that. And when he does, I want letters going to his house non stop. At some point I'll get a new bed. For now. I'm on the California stuff. All right, I'll let it go. Matt, we've come to the part of the podcast where we're going to try to help some listeners.

OK, look, I could call this gift bag. You could, but where it's a mail bag about gifts.

OK, why not call it. I said no questions.

OK, where I'm getting I'm I want you know, listeners have written in asking me because I know a lot about gifts. Yes. And just general advice, you know, I'm good at people want to hear what they should give people for various things.

But you didn't want to do this segment. Of course I didn't know. But I'm going to because people wrote in it's the first podcast and somehow there's that little bit of me that wants to help. Yes. And so we've gotten some letters and I'm going to read them and you're going to help me help others. I'd be happy to.

First up, Highbridge, I have a hard time getting gifts for my wife before she buys anything. She spends hours online learning about the product, reading about every possible competitor, and looking for the best deal. I'm more of an impulse buyer and worry that my gifts won't seem thoughtful enough. Can you give us some advice? Thank you. Jordan in Denton, Denton, Texas.

I know you're from Texas. I grew up in Texas, so you probably have some real powerful insight here. I can help you, Jordan. I mean, you have two options here, in my opinion. One, you either completely submit to your wife and just get her things with the receipt, knowing she will return it and get the things she wants. Sure. And that will just be the way it goes with you. And you'll be sort of a boring couple.

And that's completely fine. That's fine. I mean, you can have other surprises. The other option you can do is you have to go completely outside of the box of the. She asked for a gift, you cannot get her that gift, you have to get her something completely original that she did not ask for. That way, it's not something that she can shop around for. It's just purely something. Now that's very difficult to do, though, something that is like something she would want but doesn't know that she wants.

OK, sure.

I mean, the key word I see here is I'm more of an impulse buyer, which to me that worries me, you know.

OK, you've identified that about yourself. Yes. It's time to move on when you're buying gifts. Your wife has given you some very excuse me, some very clear examples of how to buy things. She's going too far in the other direction. Yes. Why not follow her lead and do a little research on your wife? Is this the way to go? Because I do. I found myself the other day. I was there. I needed some new socks, OK?

I found myself typing into Google. Best socks, best socks.

This is what's happening to him best. It's inexcusable. And I was suddenly looking at lists of socks and I felt a deep level of shame. But I mean, I did buy. Did you find the best socks? One of the top parents tried them. Yes. I love new socks, by the way. Give me to yourself at any point some new socks. My sister signed me up for some sock club for a year.

I'm still wearing them, but I feel great.

And every pair new socks, one of the best feelings you can experience. So I do. I'm hesitant to tell him to just fully give in to this new culture we have of ratings and lists of best every day. Sure. But I understand where you're coming from.

Let's just like move a little bit away from the impulse. Right? Let's just think of something. And I think a good gift is something that's maybe not that exciting, but is like a high quality version of something the person wouldn't buy themselves. That's maybe it's just a shirt that she finds too expensive.

That's right. Or it's an experience no one pays about eleven dollars T-shirt, it's probably ten dollars. But an experience is another thing most people won't buy for themselves. That's exactly right.

And even if it's not something they would want to do, it's a new thing, a memory you're buying to look into that Jordan experiences are good.

And I've read or I dreamt to get I can tell if I read or articles any more, if they just kind of appear in my head is, as you know, sort of remnants of a vision of a past. That's exactly right. But that people don't that experiences are much more valuable thing to have than an object. Yes. Yes, I you have an object. It will lose its meaning very quickly and experience. It's a memory. You'll have an experience with someone.

It'll create it sort of shifts who you are as a person. So the way fully agreed. Sure. To look into some experiences, maybe a whitewater rafting trip. Take your wife to Arkansas. She'll be shocked.

Is Arkansas how much of a drive from Denton? That's your car you're looking at? I'd say 15 to 20 hour drive. Take the 20 hour drive to Arkansas. Just tell her tell her you're going out to eat. And then suddenly you're on an extremely long trip to a state where you have no interest in and you don't pull over for five hours. You're going to remember it by the time she says by the time you finally pull over, it's too late to turn back well into divorce proceedings.

Yes. OK, moving on.

Hello, Bridger. And I assume guest, they're probably talking about you. I would assume I'd love recommendations for gift for gifts for gardeners. Any insights into upcoming upcoming gardening trends would also be great. Thanks in advance. Elizabeth in Cornwall. Now we've got an international audience. Where? Cornwall, England.

Oh, OK. I actually have a great gift for a gardener. I mean, this feels I hope it's good because I feel like Cornwall. I mean, the English are all about a garden they love because it's the garden country. It's kind of their main thing is they love roses taking over countries and there's such a beautiful garden and God bless them for doing it.

What are you thinking then? My girlfriend, Hilary, we recently moved to a place and there's a garden. There's a couple of garden plots. Sure. She's begun gardening. My mom, Peggy, who will. We will.

Yeah, everybody OmniPod knows. Yes, Peggy. She sent for my girlfriend's birthday a box of gardening and stuff. OK, in that box, what I thought to be the most useful thing was a cushy pad that I believe you can buy. Oh, I see where this is headed. And so when you kneel down, you have a pad for your knees, your knees. Margot which I think Margo Ah, well, she's got the leaf blower.

She's not getting on our knees. Well, and you gave her surgery, so maybe she's brand new. That's true. Peggy does, by the way, both of her knees, mechanical or whatever. They're both replace Peggy if you're listening. I'm thrilled about your knees. Yes.

This pad, I think it's a great gardening gift because I never would have thought of it. But you can save your genes. You're not. Maybe then you're not messing up your genes. You're not you're putting on your good genes to guard and. Well, you want to look stay. That's true. You don't want to be. Shamed in front of other gardeners. So that's my that's a gardening gift that I can recommend. That's a good guy.

You know, this is what I'm going to say as someone who has killed every plant that's come into his apartment. Yes. I say get your gardening friend or whoever it is, a High-Risk plant, something that they would never buy.

Yes, it could very well die. But it's a gamble for them because what if it doesn't die? They've got a plant that they never would have bought themselves.

But I would argue that you're giving them just a stressful something, that they're giving them something that they're going to witness die in front of them slowly over a long period. You're looking at this in the wrong way. I think you're saying you're saying to the person you're up for the challenge and your garden is ready to be new.

You're in England.

Everything survives. That's true. I mean, if you're, you know, in southern California, in a north facing apartment. That's right. Just prepare for it to die and enjoy it while it's I have been over to Bridgers apartment and.

But isn't there's one that's hung on. Right. Look, I recently found a plant that I think it was designed to be in malls.

Yes. And that lives with truly no care, no water, no lights. I can't remember what it's called. I would love to be able to recommend it to people, but I think it's very good looking. And I also recently bought two rosemary bushes at Home Depot the other night whose berry bushes, rosemary bushes. They smell beautiful. You put these inside, you know, these are outside.

This are out on my whatever the thing is hanging on the outside of my apartment. Trellis No, it's a patio or what do you call that? A balcony. What remind me what a trellises trellis is like a fence.

Yes. It's like a thing for plants to grow on. Cut that out. I don't I don't want them to know that I didn't know what a trillion that is about to be canceled for not knowing what a trellis is. I promised myself by the end of this podcast you would be canceled. And I promise you, yes, I said lure him in and cancel him.

OK, next up, Dear Bridger, I have to get a gift for my brother in law he hates. And now this person put things in quotes. He hates things. And one time when I got him a book about World War One, he wasn't as excited as I thought he'd be. Michelle in Los Angeles, that's all the information we have. Yeah.

This guy, he so he doesn't like something. He doesn't like material objects. Is that what's happening here or is he just a jerk? But also, I'm just going to say right up front, Michelle, a World War One boy. Good Lord, no, that's a real bummer. That's a chore. That's just giving anybody a book is you might. It's a risk. Oh, yeah. You're giving them an assignment. Yeah. And you have to.

It's happened to me before I found myself reading books that somebody gave me and I resented them for it. Of course, I also enjoy it just it's a high risk. Yeah.

You have to know everything about the process to me. I mean, not to shortchange you, Michelle, but we've already talked about this. Give them an experience. He doesn't like things.

White water around flying, water rafting only got some experience I to experience. Most people like to kidnap or a trip to Arkansas, which from Los Angeles is a few more hours. Maybe you throw them in the trunk of your car. OK, take them whitewater rafting. That's two experiences in one oh, whitewater like about halfway to Arkansas. Well, the first experience is being kidnapped in a trunk, of course, one that we've all wanted to join.

Michelle, give him an experience. Don't please stop giving people World War One books. That's all I can ask you. If you gave me one of those, I would try to go through the rules. I would go through I'd burn it in front of you. I would absolutely tear each page out and drop it into a fire.

OK, final question. I think we've been very helpful here and hopefully we can talk some sense into these idiots. Bridger And they didn't mention you, but I assume they also want advice from you. I, I need to get a gift for my sister, who is almost fifteen years younger than me. OK, why don't you girls her age want. Well, first of all, well, this is from Craig and OK, Layton, Utah. OK, Craig, we don't know how old you are.

Craig. What. So are you a fan? I think it's safe to assume you're any age. He's listening to a podcast.

Yes. He's also like. So, OK, I'm going to guess he's not in his 60s. He's not in his 60s. Let's say.

Let's ballpark it. Thirty eight. Thirty eight. Now, let's say thirty. Let's say a cool thirty. So, so we can talk about what tween or not teens like his parents made a mistake fifteen years after that feels like a huge gap.

That's about that person is almost not your sibling. That's a new spouse or just whoopsie daisy.

Just I would look at that person is like a like is it a cousin that's a cousin.

Like, I think there should be like a legal thing if somebody is that far apart from you as a sibling. Cousin, I think so, because they're they've been raised in a whole new world, this is a 15 year old, 15 year old girl who has a brother who doesn't provide a lot of information.

So that's what sort of gifts she want.

Does she want an experience? Does she want a 20 hour car ride with her 15 year old? I mean, are 15 years old. What do teen girls like these days?

Well, I recently I have a friend who has a daughter around this issue, and I had a chance to to speak with her. And I often when I'm speaking to a person of this age, I'm just quizzing them. I want to show me a peek into whatever's happened. What are you thinking about? I'm lost. First of all, she was an egomaniac. Didn't ask me a single question about myself. Well, that's a teenager. Yeah, I guess so.

And I'm by far the more interesting person in the conversation because I had so much to offer her and she didn't want to hear any of it. She told she like SoundCloud, SoundCloud, OK, not a gift. Do you? I guess you can subscribe to it or something. Yeah, it might. I actually think SoundCloud is free, so. OK, maybe I should listen. Concert. OK, actually experience isn't a bad gift.

It's a little bit of a risk because kind of an assignment. You need a little you need to know, you need to do some research on who she's in. Do so getting her depending on how much you want to spend. Like if it was let's say she's into Billy Ilesha, OK. And these days I'm sure Billy Eilish tickets are going for a lot of money. That's at least a hundred dollars. That's at least hundred dollars. So that's not a bad gift to get her because it's something that she might not do herself.

But she'll certainly she's going to end up on drugs at the Billy Eilish concert. Listen, like that's Billy's brand.

I think that's just what's happening at a Billy Idol concert or not. I think this 15 year old girl is doing she's probably on hard drugs.

I'd recommend maybe she needs help. So maybe Billy Ilitch concert or rehab. OK, so maybe or she could be the explorer, say, hey, get in the car. We're going to Billy.

You see, Billy. Just kidding. I'll go to rehab in Arkansas.

Yeah. And they do a whitewater rafting. Yeah, of course. That's I feel like that is a rehab experience for teens. That's something that would help them get off drugs. Yeah. OK, well, I don't know. I think we've been mostly helpful here.

Good work here. I you're welcome.

If all else fails, buy a gift card, which I think have been kind of unfairly maligned. And I suppose I like getting it. I don't mind a gift card at all, but I value them more than money.

Yeah, I'm not kidding. I'll give you a gift card. It's going to be probably a year before I actually use it because I'm thinking about what I should buy with us because you have to make it count. Yeah. Now, if you get a gift card, let's say you get a twenty five dollar gift card to the Gap, The Gap, your favorite store, what would you then consider a more expensive tee shirt at The Gap?

I mean, I can tell you right now, no, because the gap makes boxy t shirts. So I would at the Gap I would get socks. Yes, a belt. That's right. A belt, maybe. Like a beanie. Yes. But I don't think I've ever seen you would have been. Well, no one ever will. The gap if again, if you're listening corporations the gap, you need to narrow the t shirts down a little bit.

It's a little like who is this for? I know. I don't know. It's the Old Navy cursive, just like this is built for someone who is a rectangle or something. And listen, no offense to the people out there who are shaped like rectangles. Of course, there's not kind of body shape. I just I mean, a literal rectangle actually seek surgery. I would just I would counsel you to know that you are lobed despite what this maniac across.

If I ever come across a rectangle shape person, that is going to be hell to pay.

I'm going to give him a hug. I don't know if I'll be able to reach out for you. Do OK, because these rectangle freaks are out there. You are. You know who's canceled now? You you come on, I'll cancel myself. All right. Bring your mind. It goes canceled. Matt Bridge. God bless. God bless. I'm in your t shirt. I'm so cozy. An absolute honor. I forgot that you are wearing the T.

Yeah, well, of course I'm doing it very natural topless on your first. But people are thinking about my body and all kinds of ways on this podcast, and that's fine.

Yeah, well, I think that's the end of the show. I'm honored to be here.

Bridget, I said, look, if you brought a gift and we ended up talking about it and so much more, this is how life goes. All right.

Well. I hope you have a nice rest of your washing the dishes if you've been doing it for an hour and a half. Yes. Kind of lost your mind. Put the dishes away. Right when it's done, you'll feel better about yourself.

OK, I've got to eat dinner. I am very I ate a blueberry muffin before I came, but it's wearing off. I had a taco. All right. I said no gifts isn't exactly right. Production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Steven Rae Morris. The theme song is by Miracle Worker Aimee Mann. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter at I said no gifts. And if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at.

I said no gifts at Gmail dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcast stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a room for you while you're at it? I made myself perfectly clear. I said, no girl, Shubra.