The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is your space to explore mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday. Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care and we'll see you there. Something that makes me crazy is when people say, Well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes, that it's not a waste that everything you've done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them. Join me, Emily Tisch-Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much. Like easy listening, but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Katherine Nikolai, and I'm an architect of Cozy. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

I would like to start a service where retired basketball players can hold you like a baby. I asked Shaq, I said, Would you hold me like a baby and then burp me? And he was like, Girl, you crazy. You're so damn silly. We got a special guest in the building.

Ammy award-winning actress and comedian became the first black female comment to host S & Allen.

Please welcome Tiffany Hadish. I was like, Where are you? We When can I see you? I need to see you. I miss you.

Hey, everyone. I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last 90 days, 79.4% of our audience came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, healthier, and more healed. This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter content for you in the world. Subscribe right now.

The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty.

The one, the only Jay Shetty. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for tuning in to become happier, healthier, and more healed, which is the focus of this show. Now, today's is someone that I wanted to have on for a long, long time, and I'm so excited that she's finally in the studio. She's already brought so much joy, laughter, and enjoyment into this room just by her mere presence. Today's guest is none other than Tiffany Hadish, an Emmy, Grammy, NAACP, Image Award winner who's established herself as one of the most sought-after comedic actresses and performers worldwide. Tiffany is a New York Times best-selling author for her book, The The Last Black Unicorn, and a children's book, author of Leila, The Last Black Unicorn. Her latest book is called I Curse You With Joy. I want you to go and grab this book right now. It releases May seventh, and this is the book we're diving into today. Tiffany pours her heart out. She shares her story. She shares the incredible journey that she's been on, and she makes it funny and deeply fulfilling. I can't wait for you to read this book.

Go and grab it right now. Welcome to the show, Tiffany Hadish. Tiffany.

Thank you. And the cover is pretty.

The cover is beautiful.

The cover is beautiful. You can almost see all my ribs because I was sucking them in. And I wanted you to be able to see my heart. I was like, Can you all just show us three more ribs right there? And to Maybe you have my heart beat out. And they was like, That's unhealthy.

How long did it take to get that shot?

It didn't take long at all. It took all of maybe five minutes. Wow, that's impressive. But I asked them if they could show my ribs more. Yeah? Just because I wanted my heart to show. No, they did not. No, they They did not? They did not. But I did suck in my breath and flex. Flex. I learned how to flex. Flex your chest muscles because I don't have much breasts. So we flex the chest.

Got it.

That's a lot of padding right there.

I love it. It's brilliant. Tiffany, what is the best part about being Tiffany Hadish?

The best part about being Tiffany Hadish was the best part about being me, girl. I don't know. I have so much fun. I have a lot of fun. I can tell. I carry a lot, but I'm built for it. And I have a lot A lot of fun doing it. Sometimes I complain about it, sometimes I whine, but I'm built for it and I enjoy it.

When did you realize you were built for it?

Probably when I was like, '21, '22. I say '22 because at '21, I was like, I don't want to be here on this planet no more. This sucks. It feels like everybody's taking their pain out on me. But what I realized is like, oh, I love to hear people laughing. Maybe they're bringing me their pain and taking that because I'm supposed to transmute that into laughter. I'm supposed to take that and flip it for them. And once I learn how to do that and perfect it, then the easier it'll be for me. And it is easier in relationships for me now, But when it comes to other things, it's a lot more difficult, like cleaning my room. I am a hoarder. I think I'm an emotional hoarder, and it shows up. It manifestsates in my bedroom.

What things do you hoard?

Clothes, knickknacks, gadgets. I love gadgets. I don't know why I bring the gadget to the bed. It's going to do something magical in the bed, and it's not even for the bed. It's probably for the kitchen. But I'm like, Let me see how this gadget work. I'm big on experimenting, and I do a lot of it in my bedroom because that's my layer, and I don't let people in my room. I got a microscope in there. It's like half laboratory, half office, half closet, half what is all this over here.

If I walk into the... I'm not allowed, but if I was to walk into your bedroom, would I fall over and trip over and hurt myself?

You would trip over a A basket of clothes. And then you'll be like, What is that in the corner? Are you building something? What electronics is that? And then why is there clothes all over here? And then what's that on the bed? Are you making jewelry or are you sorting the jewelry? What is going on?

Wow.

Yeah, it's a lot going on.

You need to show me a picture later.

I'm not going to show you no picture. It's embarrassing. When I look at it, I'm like, Jeez, Tiffany, your brain is everywhere. That's what it feels like. Because I imagine that your bedroom is a reflection of your mind because it's where I do spend most of my time in the house. And all the rest of the house is pretty clean. It might be some little boxes in the corner here, like mail on the table. But I go through that, sort that out real quick. But my room, I don't know. It's like, I'll get to that when I feel like it. I'm going to play with this right now. Let me see how these sea monkeys are doing in the corner over here. Let me see what this is doing.

Do you have pets in your room, too?

I mean, no. It's some sea monkeys. Are those pets?

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't think those are pets. You No, that's an experiment. That's a shrimp. But my cat might come in there occasionally. And if I get really lonely or whatever, I'll bring the dog in. And then the dog is burying herself in my dirty clothes. I get her out of there because she likes to chew the crotch on my underwear. It's my dirty underwears. I don't like it.

And you like that chaos? You like waking up to that, sleeping in that? That gets you- It feels cozy.

I don't have a man. I don't have Nobody else is mine of sort but my own. When men do spend the night, I only let them sleep in the guest room. Got it. Because they're guests in my house. Until you pay bills, you can't come up in the main room. And when they start paying my bills, then I guess that's when I'll Clean up my room and make space for them.

I'm a classic Virgo, so everything for me has to be organized, tidy. Everything has to be in its place. I think I walk into a room and I can spot the one thing that's half a centimeter off and I need to put it back in this place.

That would be the guy I would like to date so that he can clean up after me. Got it. I understand. Then I'll make him laugh and stuff and bring him joy and have a venture for him. I have some adventures for you. Not too much drama. I'm not big on the drama, but I am big on adventure, experiences, But I'm messy.

Yeah, that's cool. You're allowed to be messy.

But I'm not dirty, but it's like- I get it.

I get it. I saw that you said you've been celibate for the past six months.

Who said that? Is that true? Okay, Okay. Is that true? I mean, does kissing count?

No. As in that's still celibate?

Yeah. Okay. I'm not being penetrated. That's for sure. No penetration.

Is that an intentional choice? Was that something you were trying to work up to and practice?

Has it been six months, though? I guess so.

You're the only person who can tell us that.

October does make it six months. Yeah. Because I just don't want to lay down with nobody, just anybody. I just feel like, I am the prize, and these two got to qualify When I think about my track record of who I lay down with, it takes a year or so for me to even warm up. It's a line. It's a line of dudes. Hey, Tiff. I love going to free dinners. I go on free dinner dates. I mean, not free dinner dates, but it's free for me. But it do cost me money to get cute and stuff and the gas in the car or whatever.

I asked because when I lived as a monk, I was celebrating for three years. So it was a big, big, big commitment in my life.

Did it make you feel like,.

In the beginning, yes, for sure. Really? For sure. It was hard. But then- I bet it was hard. Yeah, it was time went on. Tiffany, only you.

It feels easy. I don't know. I've been working out a lot. So I feel like I get my sexual frustrations out in a workout. And then, like I said, gadgets.

Did it take you a while to raise your standards? Where did this qualification, this language, this vocabulary you have right now around dating, was that something that has It's come with time? Is that something that was always there, that got lost?

No, it was definitely not always there. Definitely. If you read the book, you know that it was not always there. I just feel like it's like it's certain things that I want for myself, and I want to share the success. And what I've learned is when you're laying down with people that's not really as ambitious as you are or comfortable in their skin or confident with who they are, or not even necessarily confident, just know who they are, it becomes It's a problem. And I think when you lay down with somebody, you are sharing your soul, you are sharing a piece of yourself, you're giving a little piece of yourself up. And I think I only got so much soul left, and I don't want to necessarily just give it over to anybody. I don't know if the soul grows. I don't know if you can rejuvenate new soul like you do skin or hair, but it just feels like I don't want to subject myself to it. Also, now once I let you inside my body, I got to know you, got to learn you and all that stuff. And So scientifically, okay, now we're going to get into the science of it.

Some research on that. Yeah. So I did my scientific research. I was reading about how once you let somebody ejaculate their sperm, The uterus is very absorbent. So you absorb all of that into your bloodstream. So now you're attracted to them. So like when the Bible says, You will only desire your husband, this is part why? Because now he's in your blood. Like, in, like bonding with your DNA. And if you get pregnant by this person, it takes like six months or so for them to get out of your DNA. And if you decide to have a baby or get pregnant by this person, those stem cells from that baby is in you forever. So they are forever a part of you. Do I forever want to be a part of somebody who's mentally ill? Do I forever want this person to be in my eyeballs, in my brain, in my heart? The stem cells from them, and what we could have potentially made? Do I ever want that? Then I think about hos and why they be so crazy. It's because it's too many personalities, too much as I see it anyway. That's my science.

That's science from Tiffany Hadish.

When is the Tiffany Hadish sex ed masterclass coming?

Well, there's a short sex ed portion in the book. I think I would have been a great sex education teacher.

That's what I'm thinking listening to you right now.

Yeah, I think I would have been really good at that.

I think we need to get a national program.

Yeah, because I noticed females that I know that are really emotional and always the world is like an uproar. And then if you find out what's their body count, and especially if it's a high body count, a lot of them probably didn't have no condom on. And then you probably absorbed a lot of that stuff. And who's to say they might have been pregnant, didn't realize they were pregnant, and just thought, Oh, this is a hard period, but really they might have been having a miscarriage or it was just a pregnancy that didn't stay. Whatever. It's a lot.

It's a lot. It sounds like this has obviously been something that I know we're laughing, but at the same time we're learning. This has been something you've been learning about, thinking about, reflecting on, especially when you dive into your book, as we were talking about earlier, you make everything sound really funny, and there's this expression of the feeling, but then there's the deep pain and the stress that comes from it. Were there particular romantic experiences that were hard for you to get over? A lot of our audience is struggling with breakups, is struggling with missing their exes, struggling with trying to move on and find the right person. What have you been through that you could share with those people that may help you?

Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to be real clear with you. The people that I was missing, I probably shouldn't have been missing. The ones that inflicted a lot of physical pain on me, The ones that afflicted emotional pain on me. I think I talked about one of them in this book. I know I talked about the X in the other book. But this book, okay, so I had this homie, love a friend for a long time. A long, long, long, long, long time. He's very disrespectful to me, very messed up to me. But in my mind, we could get married. We have the most beautiful babies. He handsome. I'm pretty. It would be so cool. He's smart and intellectual. I'm smart. I think it would be fun. We have the best conversations. We have fun, but then he would treat me like crap. I would subject myself to that man, and I would be happy to be in his presence, but at the same time when he's not around, I'll be hurting so bad, hurting so bad, in feaning form. I don't know what it's like to do hard drugs, but I'm imagining that's the hard drug right there.

That D, that D, when we really like, that could be the hard drug. And breaking myself from that. And that would be like, okay, what else do you love? What else do you care about? Put your energy into something else. I've seen all online like, oh, Tiffany's feaning for her. She's still pining over this guy that she was dating. That was fun. That relationship was fun. The only thing I miss about that relationship is the fun. Everything else was like, cool. But we had a lot of fun. And people I have fun with. I I miss all of them. When I don't get to see them often, when I don't talk to them, I miss all of them, even if they were a bad influence. I miss them all. But I'm not like, Oh, God, I got to have them, or talk and mess about them. No, I genuinely love that person, wish them the best. I'm busy doing this now. They're busy doing that now. Cool. But was there a particular... That homie love a friend who was on and off for almost 20 years. Wow.

20 years.

Yes, I can be loyal. I can be loyal with the homie love of friends. So it's like, oh, we're on, but we're not in a relationship. But in my mind, I painted this. Yeah, we was married. I was cooking for him and doing all stuff. Make sure his telephone stayed on so I could talk to him. Stupid stuff. Just done. Just done. Then, oh, I realized, okay, this isn't going to go nowhere. So I'm going to go with this guy that likes me and that don't pan out because really, I'm still fiending over this, too. Then, okay, that didn't work out. I don't know. I'm going to get married. Somebody want to marry me? I'm going to get married. You don't want to marry me? Not you all are going to marry me. And then that didn't really pay out because I didn't want to get small. Yeah, I didn't want to be small. And then Then it was just free for all. What you're working with? What's up, baby? As long as you got a good credit score, what's your credit score? Because that means you're going to be responsible with my heart. At least I think you are.

I hope you are. But now I got a whole criteria.

What did you find that people had a good credit score? Did that have any correlation with?

I feel like it had a lot to do with how they treat me. Good credit score, they're more responsible. They show up on time. Really? You saw that? I It's a big mistake. Yeah, I saw that. I would ask, Hey, do you know your credit score? First of all, I think that's something you should know because that's your grown up report card. I just wanted to see how responsible they were. And most of them were very... I have yet to meet somebody with a pretty high credit score that wasn't reliable.

You didn't find that you met people who were arrogant or showboating?

No, they might have been arrogant. They might have been showboating, but they were responsible. I want somebody to be responsible with my heart. I got a big heart, got a lot I love to give and I'm very forgiving and all that, but don't abuse it. It's been abused enough. And I don't want to have to attack you. I don't want to have to be vicious with you. I would say the last five Five Relationships I've had, I really respect those dudes because they were kind with my heart for what they could. They were good with my heart. They didn't get up where I'm just like, F men. Bring on the pussies. I'm gay now. I think I'm still two or three heartbreak away from that. I don't even think that's a thing, though, for me. I really think I'm a gay man, but that's neither here nor there.

And what are your criteria now? You said that's a lot of information, Dibli.

I think I was a man in my past. You believe in past lives?

Yeah, we were talking. I think we were messaging about this.

I think I was a man in my past life, and I think I was a man that was messed up. I think I was like, maybe I had a really big penis and I was a womanizer. Maybe I was bisexual. Maybe I hurt a lot of hearts. And I feel like in this life, God said, okay, you're going to suffer some, but you're going to win, too. And I think that's why I got endometriosis. So I can really understand the pain of a woman and understand the value of the heart.

My wife jokes with me that she thinks we were married in our past life, but she was the guy and I was the girl. That's the trade-off because I'm the romantic one. I'm the one writing her notes and messages, and I want to do the grand gestures and stuff. I'm the one interior designing our home and doing all of that stuff, and she does not care.

No, she's like, Let's get money and go on a trip. Let's go for fun. Let's go do an adventure.

Yeah, I like adventure. But you were saying you have criteria now. What are the criteria to date Tiffany Eilish?

Okay, so now that I'm older, I can't have that criteria of like, oh, he can't have no kids because we're older now. I expect if he has kids, cool, but they need to be grown, 18 When I'm over, because I don't want to deal with baby mama drama. And I feel like I like communicating like an adult. Also, he needs to have his own career or some business. You know what I'm saying? He needs to have a EIN number. I think that's really important. He needs to know how to run something because I think men like to have control and power over women and want to run women and want to be the leader. How's your business? Does your business run well? Do Do you have long term employees? Is that doing well? Because if I'm going to give you access to me, I need to know that you know how to do that. Good credit score. Now, I will forgive. If maybe your credit score fell off for a minute because you had to go to the doctor or something happened, whatever. Okay, I might could forgive that. But then also I want you to be physically healthy and fit.

So you better be on top of your health because I'm trying my best with mine and I don't want to be changing nobody's diapers that's grown. If you have pubic hair, I don't think I should be changing your diaper.

I find that to be the biggest one. I find so many people don't grow up to so much later in life. I find so many of my friends are either with guys or girls or whoever it may be, that feel young. They feel like they are the person's parent. They're their partner's parent. I don't want that. They're cooking for them, cleaning for them, taking care of all of this stuff. It's bizarre to me that we're still living in that time.

I don't want to feel like I'm your I'm your parent. I don't want to feel like I'm your doctor. But if you got a cold or something, or you feel like you got a little back pain, I love to rub your back. And I come up with elixirs and stuff to make you feel better or whatever. Really? Yeah, but you need to come already showing up pretty healthy. I think it is like the military. What's in these elixirs? Oh, these elixirs. We got ginger, we got tumouric, we got the little vitamins, nutrients, Olivera, things from my garden. You grow some of this stuff? I grow this stuff. I grow food. And also I need a garden. It's not afraid to get a little dirty. Help me in the garden. Don't be afraid of bees and stuff because I got bees and I harvest honey.

Wait, do you have the full hazmat suit?

Yeah, I got the whole suit, but I don't know why you call it hazmat suit. What's it called? What is it? What's the name? The Beekeeper suit. The Beekeeper suit. The Beekeeper suit. Keep you from being stung. But also, most of the time I sit out there with no suit on. I just sit and talk to them, listen to them, sing to the bees.

How many bees will you have on you at one time?

I don't know. I'll be sitting there counting like, I got 100 bees. They don't sit on me. They be around me. I be singing, telling them stories, telling jokes, maybe complaining. I'm pretty sure my neighbors hear me. So maybe the neighbors feel like I'm crazy talking to myself or talking on the phone or whatever. I sing songs to them all the time. My favorite song is that. I know the bees are probably like, why she's singing this song to us? But if I come in here, you stand upon my hand, I will not harm you or never need to alarm you. I want to see your pretty wings. Tiny dainty colorful things. Orange and yellow, pretty fellow. And I change the colors every time. I sing that, and then I sing Skinny Mareenky Dinky Dinky to the songs that make me happy. I sing to them. Mostly when I'm stressed out, I go and sit out with the bees.

So when you're stressed out, you sing, sing to the bees, sit outdoors.

Yes, sit outdoors, laying the grass next to them. Sometimes I just I'm listening to them and I'm imagine they telling me stories. And I'm just really listening to the vive buzz. They say that there's the sea tone or there's a tone in a beehive that helps get rid of PTSD.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Wow. Yeah, that's what they say. When I was doing my research on bees, that was something like that. The noise of a vive helps with PTSD. So I like that noise.

Wow, that's fascinating. And that you learned while you were getting the bees or afterwards or before?

And once I got the bees, Bees. Yeah, once I got the bees, I learned that. I was like, Oh, I'm in a relationship now with thousands. Let's figure this out. How is this going to work? Are you a queen bee? There's a queen bee. I'm the master queen. I'm the friend of the bees. I feed them. I give them spirilina with some sugar water or some chlorophyll with sugar water and stuff like that.

You look really in touch with nature. Nature seems to be...

I love nature. That's where I can... You You can go sit in the trees, but I do be in the trees sometimes. You can go sit near the trees or in the trees, and you could cry in the trees and not going to be like, What's wrong with you? If anything, they'll blow the leaves and rub your shoulder or something.

Yeah. Wow.

In my mind, that's what I imagine. I have a very vivid imagination.

And has that always been like that since you were young?

Always been like that.

Did you have an imaginary friend growing up?

Yes, I did. I had two.

What were their names?

Carbolita and Cracker. Cracker was a bird, and I used to be like, Cracker went to Poly, and I would break crackers up on my shoulders and stuff. It was really the imaginary friends was to make real friends.

I mean, they were a coping mechanism for kids as well. For sure.

A coping mechanism. In my mind, they listened to everything I said. I know exactly what they looked like in my mind. I used to really rock them hard in junior high. And we used to be like, Cracker, what's I'm going to answer number seven? And they'd be like, Tiffany's being racist. I'm like, No, I'm not. I'm talking to my bird.

And Carbolita?

Carbolita, yeah. She's like a Puerto Rican mommy. Okay. Yeah.

What was her role?

Her role was to keep people away from me. So I'll be like, Oh, you can't sit here. Carbolita sitting there. You can't sit right there. It's her seat. Carbolita said that you're cute. She wanted to know if you want to share your coffee cake with her.

So she It was that in between, that go between. Who comes close, who stays far.

People would laugh. They'd be like, Girl, you silly as hell.

It's fascinating, isn't it? I feel like that whole idea of imaginary friends, it's like if you thought about that when you were young, you'd laugh at it. But now when you look back, you're like, Oh, wait, there was a role that that person played that I didn't have someone else play in my life. So I created someone.

Yeah, I would be like, my sister would be trying to play with me. I'd be like, You can't play. Carbolita says she's doing this one. You can't do that one. Carbolita, then really, I just didn't want my sister to be doing it, but I didn't want to tell her, I don't want you to do it. So I said Carbolita didn't want her. Yeah. Wow. But it was really me. Wow. I really didn't want her to. The Therapy for Black Girls podcast is an NAACP and Webby award-winning podcast dedicated to all things mental health, personal development, and all of the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. Here, we have the conversations that help Black women decipher how their past inform who they are today and use that information to to decide who they want to be moving forward. We chat about things like how to establish routines that center self-care, what burnout looks and feels like, and defining what aspects of our lives are making us happy and what parts are holding us back. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Harden-Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia, and I can't wait for you to join the conversation every Wednesday.

Listen to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast on the iHeartRadio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Take good care and we'll see you there.

Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much. Like easy listening, but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Katherine Nikolai, and you might know me from the Bedtime Story podcast, Nothing Much Happens. I'm an architect of Cozy, and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default. When you tune in, you'll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods, a favorite booth at the diner on a blustry autumn day, cats and dogs, unrescued goats and donkeys, old houses, bookshops, beaches where kites fly, and pretty stones are found. I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When you find at Bright Spot. To help you get through your day, it's powerful.

That's where The Bright Side comes in. A new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy. I'm Danielle Robé. And I'm Simone Bois.

Listen, Both Danielle and I are reporters. We've covered the news, and we know the world can feel heavy. But the Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new, and get into some friendly debates.

That's right. Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the Bright Side. We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you.

Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, we'll talk through it all together.

Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

You told us the best things about being Tiffany Hadish. Tiffany, what are the worst things about being Tiffany Hadish?

The worst thing about being Tiffany Hadish is Tiffany Hadish is always under attack and got to just let that happen, I guess. I guess that's just a part of being famous. But also, I just feel like that's been my whole life. It's always somebody's been hate and somebody's talking mess. But at least back in the You see hundreds of people did it to your face. But if they talked behind your back, if somebody told you they was talking behind your back, then you went up to approach them and say, You say this about me? They would either say yes or no. You could hold someone accountable for what they were saying. Even if there was a reporter, you could call up to the newspaper and say, I want to talk to this reporter. Why do you say this about me? And then they'll tell you why they said what they said. But now it's like everybody say whatever they want, and they think they can't be touched. But that's why I'm investing in technology. You are? Yeah. Allowing me to be able to call them. Okay. Why you feel like this? What did I do to you?

Did I sleep with your man and I don't know it? What's the issue with you? Why are you putting out such mean words? I think it's so crazy right now with social media because suicide with teenagers right now is at a... With children. All time high, higher than it's ever been in the history of humans. Because They can read and they're seeing what people say. I work with a lot of foster youth, and my kids, they be telling me they don't want me to be famous no more because they don't like what people saying about me, and it makes them cry. It hurts them. And I'm like, Don't worry. It doesn't bother me. I'm used to it. That's normal. It's normal. If I didn't have people talk and mess about me, then I wouldn't be doing good. Do you believe in Jesus? If you believe in Jesus, everybody was talking mess about him, too. And then look what happened. They're like, I don't want you to be assassinated like Jesus. I don't want you to die. I'm not going to die. Okay, I will die, but I'm not going to die that way. I'm pretty sure.

I hope I die during sex, but I'm not going to die in that way, I don't think. And I don't know. But we can't fester on that and just block that person. Just take those negative words off your thing. Block those words. But I would love to be able to just call these people because what I found is the people that be hate and usually they really love me. They study me super hard. They spend hours and hours making videos and just saying mean stuff and talking. But you spend hours of your life studying me. There's some love there. You got to really care about me to a certain extent. So I'm honored, but it sucks because you're not brave enough to say it to my face that I'm running to them at a party and they'll be like, Oh, can I get a picture? And I'm like, Why? Why do you want a picture with me? You did a horrible Probably mean video about me. Oh, you saw that? Yeah, I saw. You put my name in the title. You don't think the algorithm is going to shoot me things that got my name in it?

When Google first came out, playing all of them, when they first came out, what's the first thing you looked up? I looked up my name. And so the algorithm knows I care about me. So it's going to send me the stuff about me. So you were seen. I see you. And I'm going to tell you to your face. Because I'm not fake. I'm an actual human. And I wish it was in 1900s where you could slap somebody for talking shit. But now you can't even slap nobody no more. They want to sue you or whatever. Like punks.

So that's the worst part.

That's the hard part, yeah. Because I really want to fight, but I can't... It's not a battle worth fighting, right? Yeah. But on my period, I will use my fake little page and I will chime in a little bit. Oh, What is it? Take it back to the '19.

It's a finster.

Yeah, finster. That's what they call it, right? A fake Insta. Yeah, a fake Insta. But it's not an Insta, it's a Twitter.

Oh, it's a Twitter? Okay. Oh, an X. It's X, yeah.

Yeah. Sarah will be going in.

Okay. How does that help?

It feels good. It feels good? It's like a little release.

This is Sarah, like Carbalita, who's protecting Tiffany or no?

Sarah's my middle name. It's me. It's me. But I would love to develop an AI boyfriend that protects me and make him look really good and stuff. And he have the Instagram account and just program him to protect me and to shut down people. But I found out, I hired a forensic tech guy, and I found out 75% of the hate I get is bots. It's not even real people. And the other 25% is people responding to the bots or making videos because of what they read from the bots. Oh, my God. It's not Not even real. A lot of these articles be AI articles, not even real articles. No way. Yeah. But that's how powerful my name is. At least that's what they make me think. My name is so dope. They want those clicks. They want that. I did this. I got all these clicks now, all these followers, because I talk shit about Tiffany. It's dope. It's dope. It's dope. But Key, like hot words will bring in the bots. Yeah.

Wow. I'm learning a lot from you today. Yeah, you can hire- There's tech-ed, sex-ed.

Yeah, I'm multifaceted. I'm like a little onion.

It's great. It's amazing. I love how curious your mind is. I've already learned about bees. It's fascinating. I want to go backwards, Tiffany, because I feel like one of the things you do in this book is you really led us into some of the trauma, the challenges, the difficult experiences. And as I said to you before, what I find amazing about the way you communicate is that we feel what you felt even if we've not been there. And I think the way you write in this book is really powerful. Like you said earlier, you said, I think I'm smart. You're smart because the way you express yourself lands and resonates even if you just read one or two lines that just grab hold of you. And at the same time, you're making everyone laugh through the book, too. But I want to go backwards because you did have a really... You had many different challenging traumatic relationships in your life. I want to start with your mother because she went through something horrific herself, which when I read about that, I can't even believe what she's had to go through and then how it impact on you.

I was going to ask you, has that relationship ever had an Is it an opportunity to heal or improve?

Is it possible? It's getting better and better every day, better and better every day because I have a better understanding. I used to be really mad at her and really upset with her. Just take your meds. Just heal already. Just be back to my mommy, my everything. I always think about this time when I love that woman. I really, really, really love that woman. Immensely. That's my first love. This woman fed me, closed me, taught me. I love this woman. It's like she came back from that accident, somebody else, not the woman that I love. But that's her meat soup. That's her body. But that's not my mommy. I get glimpses of her, and as time has gone by, I've used my money to get her the best of the best and get her healthy and get her on track and get my sister to education. My sister's helping me. We help each other. We are working as a team. To see the progress is like, it's Which is like, okay, where is money? Is it the root of all evil. But if you know how to use it right, it's a tool. If you know how to use it right, you can help heal and get glimpses of what was and I remember when I was a little girl, I wanted to just make her happy.

That's all I wanted to do, make her happy. And she would work these graveyard hours at the post office, and I was three. I wanted to make her ex because would come in and make me eggs. And I used to always try to cook for her. I always put all the pots and pans and everything out. I'm going to cook for my mommy and I'm going to play music too. Waste all this food. I'll put oak meal, wish and share sauce, large season, all this stuff. And she'll be like, No, no, stop messing around in my stuff. And I get a spanking. There's one particular day, though, I was determined to make her some eggs. So I did everything I saw her do the day before. So I got the eggs out the refrigerator. I did all the eggs. I didn't take the shells off of them. I put all the eggs in this Tupperware bowl. I started all up. I put pepper, I put garlic salt, I put lari seasoned salt. Start them all up, start them all up, start them all up. And then I turned on the fire on the stuff, and I just put the Tupperware container on top of the fire.

And I was starting, I was like, Why is it not doing what it's supposed to do? And then it's like plastic, it's smoking, and it's burning. And my mom comes in there, and she had just got off work, right? So she's in the bathroom, whatever. My mom comes in, What are you doing? Oh, my goodness. She gives me a whipping. She turns off the fire, cleans it, gives me a spanking, says, You're not supposed to do this. You don't touch the stove. You don't this. And I was just like, I'm trying to make you breakfast. I'm trying to make you breakfast. And she stopped. And this is what I loved about my mommy. She's the best mommy. She was the best. What I loved about her, she stopped, right? And she was like, I'm going to teach you. If you're going to keep doing this, I got to teach She was how to do this. So we cleaned the stove and everything together. She went and got some more eggs because I had dead all the eggs. I had dead all the eggs. She got more eggs and stuff. We went to the grocery store.

She said, This is how you buy the eggs. This is how you this. This is how you that. We get home. She's like, Okay, I'm going to show you how to make this. And she got another Tupperware bowl. She said, This is just for mixing. Okay? You use this and you do a dash like that. And I do the dash and I do the dash. And she did this and the dash. I did the dash and did another dash. And She's stirring it up. She showed me how to stir it up. I stir it up and she said, okay, you see this skillet? There's a cast iron skillet. You put the eggs in here, always in the cast iron. And then you have to have butter, Tiffany, so the eggs can slide. And then she said, give me the butter. And then she let me scoop the butter and put the butter in there. And then she said, now you turn the fire on, but you don't turn it on super high. You turn it on medium because you don't want your eggs to burn, okay? I'm like, okay. I turned it on medium. And then she's like, very good.

Very good. Now, pour the eggs in there. And I'll pour it in. She said, Pour it in slow. You don't got to pour it fast. I'm like, Oh, oh, it's slow. And she said, Now take your spoon and stir it, stir it. This is scramble eggs. You're making scramble. I was like, Scramble, scramble. I was so happy. Now, I got my ass lit. I almost burned down the house, and now she's teaching me how to do it. And we did it and we ate the eggs together. I just remember I was in love with this woman for teaching me this. And then she's like, Now you have to clean up. When you cook, you got to clean. So then we cleaned the dishes together. And then after that, I was her dishwasher. I always washed the dishes. Whenever she cooked, I was in there trying to cook with her. I mean, I was cutting up vegetables and stuff at three and four years old. I was the sous chef. I was always like, I wanted to be her best friend, helper, everything. And she taught me a lot. I helped her with grocery shopping, all that.

When my sister was born, I'm I'm changing diapers. I'm making bottles. I'm her best helper. I'm her everything. I loved her. I still love her, but I miss that mommy. I miss that mommy, and I'm her helper now. I'm her helper now. She liked to fight me. So we got to be careful because I can't be shown up to work with a Black eye. Because she different now. I miss that mommy, though.

I can't imagine how hard it is to know someone that intimately, that closely, and then they're not that person because of a horrific accident that she had. So it was totally out of her control. Now, not only do you have to get to know this new person, you miss this person that you just so beautifully described. When did you start even letting yourself process that grief? Because I can imagine it's just sharp.

Processing that grief? I mean, I don't know. I think when my grandma passed, who's my first best friend who I still miss terribly, I think that's when I started really like, okay. Since she's been gone, it's been two years. I think it's been the hardest two years of my whole existence because that was my shield. That was my protector. I could tell her all my dreams. She would be like, Well, if you want to do that, you better figure this You better feel like she was a good sounding board for me. And that's my first best friend. And some days I don't even know how I get out the bed because I miss her so much. But then also I don't want to let her down, and She installed so much like, No, don't give up. Don't be a quitter. We're not quitters over here, so you can't quit. So figure it out. Even if you got a half ass, do it. Half ass, do it. Get it done. Figure it And so that's what I do. But I also had to learn it. I've been learning how to grieve. I've been learning how to sit in.

Some people tell me I shouldn't make jokes out of everything, but that's how I process. And I think you use the same muscles, the muscles that you use to cry, same muscles you use to laugh. It hurts so much when you cry. I mean, sometimes I cry so hard, I throw up. And it is Even though I could use the apps, but I don't want that. I'd rather have the apps from laughing so hard. I'll get to a point where I'm like, Oh, Ms. And Ms. And Grandma. And I'll try to remember something. I'll click on something that's in my brain, I'm clicking on opening files up in a library. Remember those index where you have to click on the index? I'm like, Okay, when we made a sweet potato pie, when we went to the fair together and left everybody behind, when we try to click to the good memories, to the fun stuff. There was a lot of hard stuff, but I still got her wigs. I'll be putting on her wig sometimes. I'm getting afraid because they're starting to lose her scent. But I still rest in the back of my memory.

It's in there. I've been grieving my mom. I guess I've been grieving her my whole life, my whole like, teens and 20s and 30s and all that, but not really focused on it so much as grieving because the flesh is still here. I know she in there somewhere and I could get a little, sometimes a little like a little fix. She in there somewhere. That's when you wish I had magical powers. I could just... Mommy's back. Oh, my God. That would be crazy though, because she was super thirsty for knowledge, too. She calls me sometimes. We got her a cell phone and she been using it, but she keep on trying to buy stuff. So we got to be careful. Don't put no credit card on it. Don't assign it to nothing because she wouldn't want to buy stuff. And she called me and said, I need to go to college. I'm trying to go to college. I need to go get certified in culinary arts. I need to go get certified in dog grooming. I need to get certified in my Demo Deluxe program. I'm like, Demo Deluxe? She's like, Yes. Samples, food samples and marketing in grocery stores.

I was like, Well, I'm building a grocery store, so then you could just do demos in the grocery store. You don't got to get certified. I got you. She's like, No, but I need to go to college. I need to go to school. Okay, I have to go to school. And I'm like, Okay, mama. And that makes me excited that she wants to learn, that she wants to go to school. But then I'm concerned, do I let her go to school? Do I send her to this community college where she potentially might have an episode and fight somebody, or she might disturb the class, start talking, or she starts seeing things and starts screaming at them? Or do I allow this? What if we give her too much medication And she falls asleep in the class and she starts snoring super loud and they put her out and then we can't find her. Do I hire a nurse to go to school with her? Do I be like, Okay, you're trying to go to school? Then you got to go to school with my mama and you all take the same classes? Do I pay for somebody else's school to go to school with my mom and protect my mom and make sure she don't eat too much candy and make sure she don't eat no junk food and stuff.

Because when she eats junk food or processed foods, that sends her over the edge. And now she's in another dimension. And am I blocking my mama from these dimensions? Because maybe her being in those other dimensions is really good material. And I need to be sitting with her when she's talking to these people that I don't see. And maybe that's like something I could use for a movie or something. I don't know. And maybe God gave her this brain injury to see over there. And maybe she really protected me, and I don't even know it. I'm blocking my protection because I feel like my grandma was my shield and my protection. But now that's gone, and I don't have the protector no more. So I got to figure out who's protecting me. His right now is just me and my prayers. I think my sister. My sister is definitely... We work well together.

And your faith?

My faith is definitely protected. That's why I say my prayers. God is like, That's my dad. I lost my actual biological, physical father. But I feel like God has been my dad all this time. I've always believed in God, always had a relationship, been very mad at him a lot. But it is what it is. I still love him very much.

As I'm listening to you, it's so challenging to think that you have someone in front of you, but you know that the person you love is inside of them. And like you said, you get the glimpses, but then at the same time, like you said, it can get abusive, it can be violent, it Because of the brain injury. And then when you look at your relationship with your father and you go in-depth in the book, and I want people to read the book, but I believe your father left when you were three or four.

Yeah.

And you always had this fixation of wanting to reconnect with him. And you talk about in the book how any back of the head you see that looked like your father, it's like you're like- You're like, Daddy, is that my dad?

Are you my dad? That book, Are you my mother? I'm like, Are you my daddy? Are you my daddy? So wanting a dad. I needed that. I think if I would have had him, I might not be who I am today for sure. I wouldn't be who I am today, and that would be a very just a tragedy. But maybe I wouldn't have slept with so many Maybe I wouldn't have been so thirsty for attention, or maybe I would have learned how to live with the man and be a better wife and be a better girlfriend and understand men better. But I think every Everything happens the way it's supposed to, even though I wish there was some male that was there that I felt safe with that could show me on a regular basis how to be around men and not how I learned how to be around men, which was like, I was a tomboy, and I was like, Oh, yeah, I could do that, too. Like, stupid.

You were figuring it out.

Yeah, I was figuring it out. But how much time would I have saved? My dad probably would have felt so much less guilt had he been around. But my mom was threatening to put him in jail, get him deported or whatever. So I get it. He didn't want to go back to no war. I get it.

But you were able to reconnect with him. Yeah. When you read about that, you're like, wow, because you'd think most people would have resentment and bitterness and have this angst against this person. But actually, you were just like, this is amazing.

Yeah. Well, see, I wanted to have that. I thought that's what I would have. I thought I would kick him in the balls and be like, Why'd you even have sex with my mama and make me and leave me behind? I thought I would be so mean to him and mad with him. But that's not what my soul was feeling. My soul was feeling like, Okay, this is our new adventure. This is amazing. He's weighing He's more handsomeer than mama said. He's actually way kinder than what she said. He's actually this... Everything that I was told was the opposite. And then everything my grandma told me was right on point, which I should have been listening to her. She was my best friend. I I listen to her for the purpose. But the love of my life is telling me these things, so I'm believing what she said. To be in his presence was like, the little girl, the three-year-old of me was so happy, and I was upset that I was too big for him to pick up. I wanted him to pick me up and hold me and put me on his hip.

And I still got this fixation with that where I would like to start a service where retired basketball players can hold you like a baby. That's amazing. You pay them $300 an hour and they just hold you like a baby and tell you it's going to be okay and pat you on the back and burp you. Why does nobody burp you anymore? I want somebody to burp me.

That's hilarious. I've just got this vision of Shaq.

I asked Shaq, Shaq said, Girl, you crazy. You're so damn silly.

You actually asked him?

Yeah, I asked him. He was like, Girl, you silly.

What did you ask him?

I said, Would you hold me like a baby and then burp me? And he was like, Girl, you crazy. You're so damn silly.

Have you asked any other players?

I have mentioned it, and they just laugh. I think they think I'm joking, but I'm dead serious. I don't even laugh when I say it. I'm like, Would you hold me like a baby and then put me over your shoulder and burp me and then maybe hold me on your hip like this? And just tell me it's going to be okay that I think I'm going to be all right. Would you do that for me? And they be like, You're crazy, girl. You're so stupid. You're stupid as hell, girl. You hear Tiffany show? You're a damn comedian. This is a comedian right here.

It's a real request, though. I can hear what you're saying. We all want this feeling of being embraced and just feeling like nothing else matters and that everything's taken care of and there's a safety that we're all craving, even if that's- When I see my mom now, I see her all the time, but it's I could tell when my cycle coming right before it comes because I see her and I just want her to hold me.

So I just hug her super tight. She'll be like, Get off, guy. Okay. All right, that's enough. And I'm like, No, mommy, hold me. She's like, That's enough. Clearly, my love language is touch, right? So then another time she was sitting on the couch in my house watching TV, and she's just like, This TV is so big. And I felt so proud of myself that she said, My TV is so big. So then I sat down next to her and then I just tried to crawl up in her lap. I tried to get in her lap and she's like, Girl, you're too big. Get off Get off of me. I'm just like, I want her to hold me in her lap like she used to when I was a baby, when I was little. I said, sit in her lap and watch TV, lean on her like this. We watch TV together. But I'm too big now. I'm too damn big.

Walk me through that phone call with your dad when it comes out of nowhere because you're so much... How old are you in that?

26. About to be 27.

We're talking about 3, 4 to 26, 27. It's like, walk me through.

Okay, so I talked to this man that's at some facility, said he knows my dad, whatever, and he's going to give him my dad the number and all that stuff. And I said, okay, cool. Then days go by and then I get the car and he's like, Hello, is this Tiffany? My whole soul knew instantly who he was. It's like DNA, like recognition or something. The little girl and me lit up. If I was laying on the couch, sleeping, it was like, Daddy? I was like, Wait, is that you? And I was like, yes. He was like, This is Thia, your father. I'm like, Daddy, where you been? Where you been? Are you showing me my dad? How are you? Wait, Are you sure you're my dad? How you know? Wait, are you sure you're my dad? And I was asking them questions about family members. He knew stuff that nobody else would know except him and my mama would know. And I was like, Where are you? When can I see you? I need to see you. I miss you. Where you been? Why you ain't come and get me? I just wanted him to keep talking.

That voice, man. I'm not very good at impersonating it, but I got a lot of voicemails. I always ask him, If I don't answer, please leave me a voice message. I got his voice messages, and I be listening to him, make me feel better. I'm missing him. I was missing him. I barely knew him, and I was missing him. I be loving people too much, I think. But I knew it was him immediately. I wanted to see him immediately. It set up a time for me to go and visit him, to drive up to Virginia, went up to Virginia. And I went to see him as soon as I saw him. It was like my whole soul rejoiced. So happy. He's very handsome. I'm glad I met him in that way instead of in some nightclub or something, because I probably would have tried to hit on him or something. I thought he was beautiful. And we just talked and talked and talked. And I was just trying to crawl in his lap, but I'm bigger than him. I was trying to get him to hold me. Trying to spend as much time with him as I could.

He was feeling a lot of guilt. He's like, I should have been there for this. I should have been there for that. And I'm like, Yeah, you should have. But you're here now. We got this now. And just getting to know him. And I was asking him all these questions like, Is it true that I'm Jewish? My grandma always said this. Is this true? He goes, Yes, this is true. This and this and this. And this is what happened. And I had to leave and I had to this. And I'm just like, wow. Asking him so many questions. What was it like for you when you was a little boy? Did you use a toilet in the hole? Did you use the toilet in the toilet? What did you have? And he was like, Yeah, we have money. We had a toilet. I had Italian clothes. I had this. I learned German. I learned this language. I know this. I know that. Eight languages. I just constantly... I feel like I was interrogating him all the time. And then he came to California, and then I would take him to go see my mom. But then I would snap at him and stuff because it would be part of me that's like, damn, I'm doing all this shit for you.

When are you going to do something for me? But then I had to check myself. Like, hey, he gave us life. Be nice. But sometimes I would be mean, especially And he would get the business. If I drank, sometimes I would get really lit and remorseful. Then I would call him and I just cuss him out. I just give him out. I'm like, That was all because you wasn't there. I was this because you didn't show up. You didn't teach me how to do this.

He did hear that.

Yeah, he did hear it. He heard it from the drunk side of me.

Were you funny when you were drunk like that or no, that was intense?

No, I was intense. I was sitting on the porch. I was like, I married this man. I shouldn't have married this man. I was like, Yeah, I was at home drinking, the man was on my nerves. I'm like, What did I do? I ruined my life. This isn't who I'm supposed to be with. But clearly, I was supposed to be there because I needed to learn some things, and I learned a lot from that relationship. I'm grateful for I had that relationship, but I would never go back. I remember sitting on the porch just crying to my daddy about how I made all these bad decisions and bad choices because I didn't have my daddy to guide me, and I need my dad. I need you. And he's like, I will get a place. You don't have to be with them. I will get a place. And you can have your own room and you can have your own this. And he never did do that. He never got to that level because he wasn't mentally odd where he needed to be. That man witnessed a war and then came here and witnessed a whole bunch of other horrible things that I could only imagine.

And then the guilt that he was feeling for abandoning his country, abandoning his daughter, doing that. He's feeling super, duper guilty. And then he's learning how to grieve, too. His mother died, his daddy died, his brothers are all dead. All he got is aunties. If they were doing to him anything like what they do to me, and they probably did it to him more, I pray for him. I pray for his soul. I feel like, oh, man, it's got to feel horrible. He got to probably felt like shit on a daily basis. And then the next day, I apologize so tough to him because going off on him like that. And I'm like, I should have never did that. He's like, No, it's okay. My friend's always like, How's your daughter so nice to you? And you didn't even raise her. I raised my daughters, and my daughter's so mean to me and evil to me, and your daughter's nice and kind to you. It loves you. Maybe I shouldn't have been there for my daughter. Maybe she would be nice to me because my daughter's mean to me. And then when I was mean to him, he's telling all his friends, She's falling in with mean to me.

She cussed me out. She was mean to me. He could fit in with his group of friends or whatever. But he's like, It's okay. You got to express yourself. You got to let that out. Express yourself. And I'm like, No, but it's wrong because I really do love you. I really do appreciate you giving me life, even though I hate this life a lot of days. A lot of days I hate even like, Man, why couldn't I have just been a tree? Why could just stay in one place and watch the world change around me? But then trees get abused, too.

Yeah, for sure. There's a great... Yeah, I mean, trees live through a lot, and they've seen a lot, and they've been through a lot.

And they live through a lot of abuse.

Yeah, for sure. But there's so much in what you're saying that I think resonates so deeply with me. This curiosity and context around how our parents became who they were is so huge. To actually have context of how your dad became your dad, how your mom became your mom. This isn't a matter of whose fault is it. It's all your fault. It's not that. It's let's understand people's stories. Yeah.

So I don't feel that- That it's your fault. Yeah, that it's not my fault. It's not your fault. You had these experiences. And I think I like to imagine that there's a contract that you signed with God before you got here that says, Hey, this is the stuff you're going to go through so you can accomplish these things. And maybe they're Their job was just to make me. Maybe their job was to be in certain people's lives and find this thing and to activate this person for that and activate this person for this. Maybe that was their job. Maybe that's the contract they signed. And I hope my mom has a whole bunch more stuff to do and lives a lot longer. And I hope I do get her into college and she doesn't fight the teachers or anything like that. I hope that it turns out great. And she does get her certification in culinary arts, and she's able to cook and do whatever it is she wants to do. Whatever her dream is, I want her to have her dream. And I would love to facilitate it, but also I want to protect the safety of others at the same time and the mental sanity of others You have to set up a private school.

Yeah, maybe it's set up a private. Maybe I have professors come to teach her, but she wants to go.

Yeah, she wants to attend.

Yeah, I get it. Maybe I set it up, hire some actors, see teachers. She's at You ask cool, you ask cool. And then maybe they are psychologists. Maybe she's a work study. Maybe she's a study. Maybe it's a study program where there's all therapists in the room, but they're studying culinary arts and they're seeing how someone with this type of damage in their brain operates in this type of environment. You know what? I should make some money off of that. That could contribute to the generation of wealth I'm trying to create for this family.

Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much. Like easy listening, but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Katherine Nikolai, and you might know me from the Bedtime Story podcast, Nothing Much Happens. I'm an architect of Cozy, and I invite you to come spend some time where everyone is welcome and kindness is the default. When you tune in, you'll hear stories about bakeries and walks in the woods, a favorite booth at the diner on a blustry autumn day, cats and dogs, and rescued goats and donkeys, old houses, bookshops, beaches where kites fly, and pretty stones are found. I have so many stories to tell you, and they are all designed to help you feel good and feel connected to what is good in the world. Listen, relax, enjoy. Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Get emotional with me, Radhi DiVluukia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to talk about and go through all the things that are sometimes difficult to process alone. We're going to go over how to regulate your emotions, diving deep into holistic personal development, and just building your mindset to have a happier, healthier life. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends.

I didn't know we were going to go there on this.

People that I admire. When we say, Listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors are books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy. Which is different than empathy, right? Basically, I have conversations that can help us get through this crazy thing we call life. I already believe in myself. I already see myself. When people give me an opportunity, I'm just like, Oh, great. You see me, too. We'll laugh together, we'll cry together, and find a way through all of our emotions. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to a really good cry with Radhi DiVlucia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Something that makes me crazy is when people say, Well, I had this career before, but it was a waste. And that's where the perspective shift comes, that it's not a waste that everything you've done has built you to where you are now. This is She Pivots, the podcast where we explore the inspiring pivots women have made and dig deeper into the personal reasons behind them. Join me, Emily Tisch-Sussman, every Wednesday on She Pivots, as I sit down with inspiring women like Misty Copeland, Brook Shields, Vanessa Hudgens, and so many more.

We dive into how these women made their pivot and their mindset shifts that happened as a result. It's a podcast about women their stories, and how their pivot became their success. Listen to She Pivots on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Did you always... Honestly, Tiffany, I think when people read this book, they're going to laugh as I'm laughing right now, and they're also going to feel... I'm not just saying this as flattering. I'm not just saying it because you're here. I really do mean this. It's very rare to meet someone who who's been through as much as you have and hear it in a processed, thoughtful way. Yes, it's hilarious, but it's also processed. What else, apart from comedy, was your therapy? What else has been part of this healing journey to help process The actual therapy, court order therapy.

I was ordered by the course to go to therapy. Eventually, that helped a lot. Some therapists were really good and some were horrible. I felt like I was sitting in a therapist's office just doing stand up for them because they're giggling and laughing and stuff. I'm like, heal me, heal me. Get the pain away. Give me where I can function. They would make suggestions, and those suggestions actually did make a difference. That one therapist that said, get back to doing stand up as a hobby. Just do it as a hobby. And that turned it to a full-blown living. I appreciate her for saying that. But actual therapy, actually reading books, actually reading different books about Like self care. Like self care stuff. And maybe there'd be like, you read this 300-page book and it'd be like one thing in it that I could take with me. Man, Louise Hayes. I love me some Louise Hayes. That lady, If she was still alive, I remember when she died, I cried for it. If she was still alive, I kiss her right on her third eye and say, thank you. Kiss her right on her third eye.

Louise Hayes was amazing. Yeah, because her mantra is the You can heal your body book. I don't know if those mantras really help. I do them anyways. Just distract my mind from whatever that's going on. I don't think the one for endometriosis works. I think we got to rewrite that one. But just those things, the self-care, self-care, being self-aware. It's a process. Look, I've been drinking. I've been drinking since I was 21 years old, on and off. I would go years without drinking. Drink, no drink, drink, no drink, whatever. Not really my bag. Have my incidence. And I'm just like, you know what? I ain't going to be drinking no more. I'm cool. And that was five months ago, by the way.

Congratulations.

Not six months, but we can roll with six. It'll be six months. It'll be six years. It'll be probably 16 years from now. And I'll have a big old mocktail company. I found this non-alcoholic rosade. It's bomb. Okay. What is it? It's bomb. I can't even tell you the name because they need to pay me. I don't spend so much money on the... Because when I would go to parties, I always bring whatever I like to drink to the party. I just went to Mgk's party, his birthday party, and I brought the non-alcoholic rosade. People were like, Oh, you're drinking? What is that? What you drinking? I'm like, Non-alcoholic rosé? You want to try something? Like, Oh, this is good. I was like, Yep. And my body's not going to hurt tomorrow. Yours will.

Nice.

It was like, so good.

Oh, my God. Well, drop the name here. They're going to come find you. I don't know.

I don't know. I feel like they won't. I feel like they won't. They won't. I feel like they got to come find. They're not. They're not. They're in Whole Foods.

Okay, they're in Whole Foods. All right. You're dropping the little clues, the little bread comes.

They're in Whole Foods, and it's a rosé. And it's the animal on the company. And it's the animal on the company.

I love it. All the hints are dropped.

No, the hints are dropped. I also like this non-alcohol vodka, too. I just imagine that it's rubbing alcohol, though. That's what it tastes like, but it doesn't get you. It tastes like what? Rubbing alcohol. It tastes like alcohol. It's alcohol. It is alcohol.

It's not alcohol.

It's not alcohol. It's not alcohol.

But that's good, though. No, it tastes exactly how you want it to taste. Oh, you don't like?

Okay. All right. Look, I never really liked the taste of vodka, but you put a little flavor, a little sugar in it. You drop a Jolly Ranch tree in there, you know what I'm saying? Or put some lemons, make it alkaline. That's what I would tell myself. Got it. But it takes the pain away. It would take the pain away from me.

Now you don't use that to take the pain away.

So you just sit in the pain. Which he got processed.

With your father, I felt like ultimately his guilt and shame made you feel like you lost him again because that was so heavy for him that he distanced himself, right?

Yeah, he distanced himself from me. I think he knew he was sick and that he didn't want me to see him like that. And he didn't want to have to depend on me because he knew I would take care of him.

He knew I would- And he never wanted money. You talk about how he didn't want money from you. He didn't want to be a part of your Fame. It wasn't that. No.

And I would still like, highly pay the light bill, send groceries to his house, and say, Don't do that. He wanted to take care of me, but he wasn't capable of taking care of me. He was sick, and I think he didn't want me to know that or have anything to do. I think he felt like this was his punishment or whatever for whatever. But he left a whole memorandum, what I need to do, how I need to do it. And I did it all. I'm obedient when it comes to my parents. At least I try to be. I definitely am obedient.

Did you end up organizing the funeral and attending?

He didn't want no funeral. Oh, wow. Okay. He didn't want me spending any money on him because he felt like he didn't spend nothing on me. But he did want to be buried with his mother. And it's against the tradition of cremate. He did not He's like, They're going to be mad at you, but I don't want you spending all that money to take me back. Go ahead and cremate me. Take me and put me with my mom. And I told him, If I cremate you, I'm going to put half of you with your mama and half of you in my garden because you never really fed me anyway, so you have to grow me some food. And I did that. Then I just read this thing last year that if you have a cemetery in your backyard, your property tax-free. If you got family members buried in your backyard. I was like, I wonder if ashes count because this property tax is killing me.

How did you come across all this interesting- I'm not always digging for information, especially when it comes to my money and my health.

So, yeah, I was just looking for tax breaks. Also, I saw that you You know, Trump buried his people on a golf course, and then now they don't have to pay no tax over there.

I think I did see that. Yeah. Yeah.

So I was like, Oh, what can I do here in South Central LA? I'm like, Wait, my daddy's over here near the collagreens. He got a chili pepper in the mint.

Let us know if that goes through. Let us know if you figure it out.

They told me no. You already asked. I already went to the city and tried it. I was like, My father's in the back All right. They was like, No, you need to exhume the body. I was like, Well, it's ashes. I can't really... I'm sure the plants ate him up two years ago. That was back in 2017. So I'm pretty sure he's gone.

You were talking about taking care of your money and your health, you were saying there was one point in time where you had a billboard up for your show, but then you still had an Obama phone, I think you called it. You've always tried to I figured that out. Even now, at one point, you lived homeless when you were growing up in your teens and living in a car, but now you still live in the area you grew up in. And that's to inspire others to see what's possible and see that you can still move because usually people make it and then they leave. But you really felt that that was important.

Yeah, I felt this is important to stay. Also, I like it over there. I feel safe over there. And I want to be where I'm wanted. I don't want to be where I'm tolerated. I want to be where I'm wanted. So it's staying in the hood. I just feel like I'm a great example to these other kids. Like, look, Tiffany couldn't read that good. Tiffany couldn't read it all for a minute. Tiffany couldn't this, Tiffany couldn't that. And look where she at. She on a billboard right on the corner from the house. She on that house right there and three other houses on the street. She also doing this, she doing that. She doing stuff in a community. I'm a firm believer of, Oh, if my community is messed I don't have to leave my community. I can stay right here and I can make it better. Now, if I was the gang member, maybe it'd be more difficult, but maybe I could be influencing the other people in the gang to like, Okay, we're going to do this now. This is what the gang is going to do now. This is what we're doing now.

Now, you the manager, you the security, you the this. You got to buy a house now. You have to buy a house now. It's funny when somebody buys a house, how their perspective changes on what type of activities they participate in. Oh, interesting. Yeah. That's what I've noticed anyways from my hood friends, people in the community. They were all about fighting, all about this, all about... But as soon as they bought a house, they're like, Oh, no, I can't be doing all that. I got to cut my grass. I got to this. I got to do this. I need to make my mortgage. I need to do this. I got to go to work. I got to do this. It changes the activity that you participate in. You might still be a thug and still be a gangster, but I got to go get my money. I don't have time to be fighting you. I don't have time to be potentially killing you and losing my house, even though the house could help me post bail. I also always be telling them, I can't imagine you saying, This is my block, this is my block, but you're on Section 8.

You don't own nothing on this block. You own nothing on this block, but this is your block. No, this block belongs to the Herrera's, the Zuzinski's. This block belongs to everybody that owns land over here. You don't own nothing. You're actually paying $12 a month in rent and selling dope. You're a rental storefront. You're You don't own nothing over here. Who in your crew owns something? To me, that's more like, Okay, this is our block. Your granny passed. Your granny didn't even... You sold it and still rent. Nobody owns anything on this block. But you're saying it's your block. It ain't your block, bro. You can't even inherit anything over here. So you look like an idiot. You're protecting all their stuff, and you're not even really protecting it. You're running it into the ground. How you expect anybody to really respect you? You don't even own anything. Will you own this old ass O'smobile with them rims? You own the rims? No, you're renting those rims. You don't even own the rims. Yeah, life is temporary, but you got four kids. They need to have something to inherit. What are they going to inherit from you?

Those rims? You could do better, bro. Do better.

Do you feel that you see things changing and people changing? Even if it's slow and patient.

Yeah, it's slowly changing, but also the demographic is changing, too. But they thought they was going to be in that Section 8 for I don't know how long they thought they was going to be in it. Now the landlord is like, Oh, no, I don't no longer want it to be Section 8, so you're going to have to pay the $4,000 a month for rent or you're going to have to move. And now they're in Section 8 out in Lancaster, Palmdale, Hemet. So now I barely even see them anymore, if at all. And they're like, Hey, I bought the house. I bought people buying that stuff. I had to go way out of LA to buy it, but I own something now. This is going better for me. This is going better for me. I see changes in the people that I grew up with, and I'm really happy for them. Yeah, that's beautiful. Really happy for them.

I mean, it's incredible that you've been able to make home in the community, and you talk about it as your community. It's a place where you feel safe, you feel comfortable.

Yeah. We'd be looking out for each other. And the Asian lady across the street be like, I saw the man in the car with a camera. I called the police. Thank you. The dude next door, he's a retired police officer. He'd be chewing people off. That's amazing. Everybody's like, You should be behind a gate. You should be behind the gate. I'm like, But behind this door is guns. No, I don't want to know. I don't want to smoke. Don't come up in here. I might make you clean my room up. It's amazing. Good luck finding anything of any value in there. It's amazing.

Tiffany, you've had such a genuinely... We've been talking about your personal life so much. You've had such an amazing professional journey as well when you're talking about your imagination and even your solutions for wanting a basketball player to hold you and make you feel like a baby. Just the way your imagination works to solve things. What is your imagination saying about creative, artistic, expressive projects? Where do you Not what's next, because I don't find that question interesting, but in the sense of, where do you let your imagination run free? And how do you allow it to do that so that you can explore this amazing world you have inside your head?

Yes. Tiffany land. I wish I wish it could be an amusement park.

Black Unicorn Island.

Yeah, Black Unicorn Island. Yes. Okay, that's the next book. Okay, so well, it's been running. So with music, I love creating music. Like I said, I like singing to the bees. I like singing. I've been preparing, I got a band. And so I've always been in love with the '40s, the '30s, the '20s, that jazzy era, the '50s, and singing in a supper club and Doing that. So I just performed that vibrato last month, and it was super dope. It was so much fun. No, that was this month, actually. It was super fun. I had this classic dress on and singing these songs. Now, I'm not the best I'm a singer. But you know what? If Bob Dylan can make a career out of it, I could, too. That's how I feel about it. It's not about how well you sing. It's about how entertaining you are. How do you make them feel? It's all about how you... That's what entertainment is. It's like, well, you contain these people and you make them feel a certain type of way. And is it a feeling that they want to walk away and say, Hey, I want other people to feel that, too.

That was great. That was amazing. Or that was an experience, right? So I'm very about that. So I'm singing old songs from the '30s and '20s and '40s and '50s. And then some of my original songs that I've made. And I've been working with Diane Warren, writing some really dope songs to empower women, empower people anyways. And then a really cool I'm going to break up song. It's my favorite. I want you, but I want you gone. I need you, but I need you out of my life. I fucking love it. That's so good. All the movies I want to make. Somebody was like, You said you want to make 80 movies by the time you're 50. You got a long way to go. And I'm like, I didn't say I want to be in all those movies. I want to create an opportunity for other people to tell their stories. And I'm just producing on it. I'm being a part of the creation process. We still haven't shot the Flowja movie. Got to get that script right. I could just imagine how dope that's going to be. The nails, the hair, me running off fast, my body like...

If I'm too old, okay, I'm too old. Give someone else the opportunity What? Ai is coming in real good. But tell that love story between her and her husband. I want to see the Eta James story. I want to see that because she grew up in foster care like me. She been through the Ringer, had to perform as a kid and all the different homes she was in. I want to see that story. Also, I want to do some a documentary or something about all these successful women. I have never met one successful woman that has not been through shit. Any woman that I have ever met or heard of that's successful has Like, being beat up in some way, physically, emotionally, mentally, something. Been beat up in some way and bounced back and stood strong, 10 toes down. I'm going to make this happen, and it happens. I want to do something about that because I think right now, too, there's so many young girls that I've talked to that seem to feel hopeless, feel like, what's the point? Nobody cares about me. And it's like, there are people that care about you. You just Just can't see them right now.

You haven't met them yet or you have met them and you just don't know how to identify what care is. So something about that. I wanted to do Who Framed Roger Rabbit, too. I feel like, oh, that would be so good. And I want to be the Detective and Jessica Rabbit. Maybe I'll be Rebecca Rabbit, Jessica's Sister, who marries Roger's Brother. I don't know. But I want to see that because that was a really good movie that was based off of some true stuff that happened in Los Angeles. That's why we have freeways now because of that judge that was in that movie, that's a real judge. So I would love to do something with that. I have so many ideas. I love it. I have animation. I want to open this grocery store. I could see it in my mind's eye. It's like I'm shopping in it every day. I know that's going to happen and create some really awesome human beings.

I love how there's no limits to creativity. There is no limit. And I think we I think we're now living in a time in the world where people can be multi-hyphenets. And what you just said, I think a lot of the time we've been like, Oh, you have to be talented. You have to be this. And what we realized is who can make people feel something in any way. And we resonate with that. We all connect with it. And I think if anyone who's listening and watching and wants to do something, things, I wish I started 10 years ago. I wish I started when I was younger. Oh, I didn't get that. I didn't have parents who were supporting it. It's almost like it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. The KFC dude started at what? 65, seven years old? I think so, yeah. He was old. And that thing is all over the world. Kfc is all over the world. Kentucky Fried Chicken, every single country.

And they had enough competition, too, like McDonald's and Wendy's and whatever else.

Wendy competition is all over the world. Now, he might not live long enough to see it be all over the world, but he started something. He's a visionary. And I feel like that's what I am at the end of the day. I'm a visionary and I'm an administrator of joy. That's all I am. And some people hate that. And that's okay. That's because you don't know how to process joy. You got a lot of hurt in your heart. Got a lot of hurt. You need to figure out how to process that. And if you want to learn, I'm down to show you a little bit. I'm still processing my hurt. But if you read this book- I curse you with joy. I curse you with joy. It might help you some. It might help you some. Maybe your breath won't stink so bad. I think people with a lot of hate in their heart got bad breath.

Oh, that's an interesting hypothesis. Wow, that's interesting. I'm going to start testing that out.

Just do my research. I mean, It's funny. People that talk really poorly and negative about other people, their breath usually stink.

That's fascinating.

If you think about it, do you ever sit around people that just talk negative all the time?

I don't usually. You don't?

You could be at a party or something and they just like, Did you know the bitch did this? He'll be like, Their breath is horrible. They are dying on the inside. Have you ever been in a car with somebody and they don't stop talking? And the whole car smell like their breath. It's just atrocious. And then When you start to realize everything they're saying is negative, it's not even anything positive. It's a lot of hate in their heart or they need a dentist because that tooth is dead. That tooth is hate in the rest of their body. They can end up having a heart attack from that. Did you know most heart attacks come from bad teeth?

I did not. That's not. Is that true? No, that's not true. I think so.

That's why I think so.

Because your heart- Now you start believing all your research. If you start making claims to me, I'm right?

The Dentist Association loves me for this. But just think about this. Just think Think about this. Every person that you know that's had a heart attack. Was her teeth nice?

I'll have to look into it. I have to look into it.

Think about it. Bad teeth, bad heart.

Tiffany, tell me what little Tiffani- Little T. If little T looked at you now, what would she be proud of?

Little T would be proud that we own so many homes. Little T would be proud that we're housing so many foster kids. Little T would be proud that we lived out our dreams of being on our senior hall show. And although we didn't get pregnant by our senior or anything, still happy that that's a friend that we could call on for advice. Little T would be really happy. Little T would be so happy about the car that we have now, even though it's a hoopty right now because somebody hit my other car. Little T is happy that I I got that car because it's like a transformer when the hood go down, even though it's old and raggedy. She loves that car. Little T would be super happy about the fact that we have enough money that we never have to be hungry again. Never hungry and never homeless again. Never. No matter what, Little T would be happy that we made enough friends that if something was to happen, it would be okay. It would be okay that we might not have our own home, but we would have a place to stay. And A little T would be very proud that we didn't go to prison.

But a little T is confident that if we went to prison, we would be doing just fine in there. Because we was definitely thinking of ways that could have ended us up in prison. Thinking of some really crazy stuff. And she will be proud that we can give jobs, that I'm capable of creating jobs. And every time I say yes to a job, that's 200 or 300 people that get to work immediately and thousands that get to work once it comes out. And Little T would be like, even she would be disappointed that we got a DUI, but even more proud that if you Google Black women with a DUI, Only I pop up. And Glorilla.

What would Little T?

And Josephine Baker. At first, before Glorilla got hers, it was just me and Josephine Baker. Wow. Google famous Black women with a DUI, see what come up.

Wow. What would Lil T look at you now and feel like?

She'll be like, You are international. We international. They talked about it on the Korean news, the news in Africa. It's international. You are world famous. She'll be so proud.

What would she wish that you did? What would she wish, if there was anything, that she was I wish we could get back to that. I wish we could do more of that. I wish we still did that.

Gymnastics.

Cool.

And the rhythmic dance. Cool. She wishes that I will I know she does wish we could have went to the Olympics and been a rhythmic dancer and stuck to that. Still possible. She's disappointed in me that my splits are not all the way to the ground anymore. They used to be? They used to be to the ground. They used to be coochy to the floor. Not no more. Not no more. She's very disappointed. Still possible, though. It's possible. With proper training, in discipline, this can be done. But she is disappointed also that we didn't become hula dancers. It's supposed to be a hula dancer. She's disappointed in that, too. But other than that, then that's possible. I took a few classes. I know how to work them hips. I'm just not a professional. We could create a movie where I end up being a hoola dancer. Everything is possible. Also, She's a little disappointed that we're not working in a Snicker factory or know how to make pantyhose from scratch. I'm supposed to know how to make pantyhose by now, but I don't. I love it. But I could sell some, but I don't know how to weave them and fix a run.

I'm supposed to know how to fix a run in a stocking. I know how to put the nail polish on there and stop the run. Hit it with the hairspray, stop the run. But I'm supposed to know how to weave, nylon, and stop it. That's what I'm supposed to know how to do. It's not too late to learn. I keep telling Loutee, it ain't too late. We never know. But she is proud that I did make my own beef jerky, even though we're supposed to work in a beef jerky factory. But I know how to make beef jerky. She's proud of that. We got a food dehydrator. And I talk about wheat, isn't me and Lil T. She's still alive. Of course. And she still be talking mess.

I love it.

Tiffany, you are- Who's up on the... Did you Google it?

It is only you. You are the only person that comes up. Legendary. Me. Did you hear that? We just checked it, verified.

I'm just saying that some people be like, You should be ashamed of that. But I know a lot of other famous Black women who have DUIs, but nobody knows because nobody cares. They care about me. That's how I look at it. Now, that might be a horrible thing. It might be horrible for me to think that way, but I did my community service, and I'm helping out in all these different places, and I've made new friends because of it. I might be going on dinner with this police now because of dinner. Everything happens for a reason.

Keep us updated on that.

Everything happens for a reason. If I get married in Beverly Hills, you know why. Everything happens for No reason. But that allowed me to know that Little T is like, Yo, it's a lot of people that care about us. Because if didn't nobody care about you, nobody would write about it. They wouldn't make videos about it. They wouldn't be like, Oh, God, she's having a whatever. They wouldn't be talking about it. I'm white girl famous. They're talking about it in Africa, all over Africa. They're talking about it in Asia. I didn't even know I was popping like that in Asia. In Korean news, these studios can now not say she's not international. You can't say that. This is the proof. This is the proof. Bbc talked about it. A DUI, and I blew a 0.03, I was sleep. Pulled over. Now, maybe I was parked wrong. It should have been a bad parking ticket. That's what it should have been. But you know what? It is what it is. Some things need to happen for... Can't no studio say, She's not international. That proves it right there. It might not be the best way to prove it, but God damn it, that proves it.

People care.

Tiffany, you a treat and a joy to spend time with. I don't think I've ever laughed as much on the show.

He wasn't even laughing. He was just giggling. I was laughing.

Honestly, I'm so happy that you put this book today. I'm so grateful that I got to hang out with you and do this with you. We've been talking for nearly two hours, and it's flown by. We end every episode of On Purpose with a fast five, a final five. Every question has to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum.

Okay, good luck.

Tiffany Hadish, these This is your final five. No, these are rules, Tiffany.

Okay, these are rules. We have to follow rules. You hear that? Little team, you hear that? You hear that?

So question one. Tiffany, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

Don't let nobody in your house that don't have nothing to lose.

I like that. We never had that. I love that. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

I'm just thinking of stupid stuff. I've heard men say to me that I've done this. Say it. No, because that's a statement. That's not necessarily advice.

That makes sense. So go and say it. If it's coming to your mind, I want to hear it. The look on your face means we have to hear it.

Girl, I don't got to put no condom on. You know I love you. That do not mean a man love you. It do not mean he love you.

That's brilliant.

That is not love.

That's brilliant.

That is not love. Every woman out there, just because he don't want to put a condom on, does not mean he love you. He is just trying to get wet. Spit on it.

Glad you shared that. Question of- Sorry. I'm glad you shared it. That's the worst. Question number three, what is your most repeated thought on a daily basis?

Clean your room. Clean your room. Clean your room. Clean your room. I got to clean my room. I'm going to make some time to clean this room. I'm going to clean my room. I love it. That's good. Okay, you can keep working on that one project, Clean the room.

That's great. Question number four, what's something that you used to value that you don't value anymore?

Something that I used to value that I don't value I don't think I need more. Saving checks. I used to save checks. Okay. Checks that people would write me. I put them in a photo album. Okay. I don't do that no more.

Because? Too many checks.

There's direct deposit. But if someone hands me a check today, I will take a picture of it, but I don't put it in a photo album anymore. It's in a folder, though, in my phone. That's beautiful. Because I thought it was so awesome when somebody handwrite me a check. They sign it. Even if it's a company, they mailed it to me and it's money. And then when you could take a picture of it in deposit, I have two photo albums full of checks.

I love that. Fifth and final question, Tiffany. We asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

Well, you have to hug someone every day.

I love that one.

I love a hug. A hug. Even if you don't like being hugged, you got to hug. If you don't get at least one hug in, you got to get a hug or make someone else laugh every day. Yeah, that would make the world better. It's a good law. A lot of people are angry because they don't get no hugs. Nobody touches them, and they need a hug. Yeah, but don't be just... People be randomly just hug me. Yesterday, I was in the airport. This lady just came up to me crying full tears. She said, Just thank you so much. Thank you so much. And I start crying. I was like, Why are we thinking about what's going on? And she just hug me. And then I was happy that she hug me. But then at the same time, I was mad because she had all them tears and it was all on my shoulder.

You set the law. You set the law. She just following the law.

She was following the law. And I appreciated the hug, but I did not like the tears on my shoulder. But I really wanted to know why she was I'm not crying. And I do not know why she was crying. I had to get on the plane. I still don't know exactly why. I think she was happy. Either she was happy that I cut all my hair off because all her hair was cut off, or she was happy that I went to Israel because I did see a star, David, on her. So I'm going to go with this because I went to Israel. Got it. Even though it could be because we all had it. Was that recently? Yeah, I went in February for Black History Month, and I went to find all the Black people, and I did.

What was that experience like?

It was amazing. It's just like California, bro. It felt like I was in America, but they speak Hebrew.

It's very interesting. Was this your first time?

First time.

Was that quite a powerful experience in terms of- It was very powerful because every religion is there.

Everybody's there. Everybody's there. I've been as well. I went in in 2017. You went in 2017. When I went to Jerusalem, maybe because there's a war going on, there was barely anybody in Jerusalem like that. So I didn't have to wait in no long lines. I could do all the activities, got to shop out freely. Nobody's bumping into me. Nobody's yelling at me. So it was beautiful because I had been doing my research and seeing like, oh, you might have to wait in line to go in here. You might have to wait in line, wait for this. I didn't have to wait to go in anything. I went into all the churches. I did not get to go into the mosque, probably because they knew who I was or whatever, and then I'm Jewish. But I looked, I was over here like this.

What made you want to go right now?

Well, I was supposed to go four years ago. I was supposed to go. I already was planning on going. I already had a ticket, trying to go. It's funny because people are saying, They paid you to go there. And I'm like, That check I would have took a picture of and posted. Nobody paid me to be anywhere. This was me wanting to... I'm super thirsty for knowledge. I read about these places in the Bible and the Torah and the Quran. I read about... I went to the Church of Scientology. They talked about Jerusalem. Everybody talks about this place. I need to see this. And this is where Jesus was, where this person was, Abraham. All the major players was in that area. So let me go see this. And I went. And it was I got to go in that tunnel, the underground tunnel where the Mikva is and learn about that. That's where baptism came from, from the Mikva and all that stuff. And people getting cleaned up, coming from all the other nations to come visit. And that's the trail that Jesus walked every year. And then he walked at that one particular year and got assassinated at the top of it.

And they built a church around where they had killed him and around where they say he was buried. It's something there. I don't know if it's aliens underneath the rock or if the rock is from Mars and it got some energetic music, like reboost, reset. On the soul, I felt like I was surrounded. I felt like I was surrounded by my ancestors. I could hear whispers. I was looking around to see, did they put some speakers in here or Something like, I was hearing like, Hey, this is what you need to do now. This is what you need. Like, guidance. This is where you go for guidance. I prayed at the wall, put a little few prayers in there. I prayed in the church. I was like, I'm going to pray everywhere. If God is here, if God is all throughout this, well then, jeez, let me get some. Let me pray everywhere. That's how I felt about it. I feel like we all praying to the same person. We just doing it in different ways because we come from different cultures because of Babylon. Was it Babylon? Where everybody got the different languages and stuff?

Where in the Bible where everybody was speaking one language at first and then Babel. Babel when they was building a tower of Babel in Babylon. And then everybody start babeling. Everybody is speaking different languages and they Start separating into different tribes, different whatever, because they didn't speak the same languages anymore. I'm not sure of the exact place. Come on, you a monk. You're supposed to know all these different things.

Different tradition.

Okay, so what are the How did a monk say how the different languages come about?

We never really talked about that. That wasn't part of the education.

So you didn't care about why people speak different languages?

No, I did. I care about that, but that wasn't part of our learning.

But you don't know why people speak different languages. Let's ask our researcher over there. Researcher, can you tell me? Because I'm pretty sure it's Babylon. What was the place? I'm pretty sure it's Babylon. What was the place? When God made people start speaking different languages. Because he was like, Oh, they keep talking amongst them, so they doing too much.

Got it.

Okay, well, you got to call it some confusion. That's my number one thing I hate is confusion. But my room looks like it's confused, but I know where everything at, but I hate confusion. The Tower of Babel. The Tower of Babel.

The Tower of Babel. There we go.

I know my research.

I just want to be sure.

I know my research.

I didn't want to say anything I didn't know.

I say all that to say, I don't know if it's aliens under that rock. I don't know if the rock is from Mars. I don't know if that's actually God is in the rock. I don't know if God is hanging out in the mosque, in the temple. I I don't know. But what I do know about Jerusalem is it is a very powerful place. There's definitely something spiritual going on. It taps into the spirit. I don't know if it's like heightened energy where all your chakras open up and you could get messages coming through or whatever. Something's going on there, and it's all the different races and religions are there and all throughout the country. And they're dealing with a lot of the same crap that we're dealing with amongst themselves. I was talking to the Black Jews. There's a very large African-American diaspora of Black Hebrew Jews up in Dimona, and they say Dimona is where the nuclear weapons are. But I think the nuclear weapons is then Black African-Americans, where the diaspora there, they're off the chain. But I could be wrong. I don't know. But I was hanging out with a lot of them, and I was learning a lot.

And I went to Masada, and that was absolutely gorgeous. I went to the Dead Sea. Do not pee when you're in the Dead Sea.

They don't have cuts before you go in.

They're going to heal. Oh, they're going to heal. They're going to burn. And they say, They're going to burn. It's going to heal. It's going to be disinfected. They said that nothing grows in the Dead Sea. But I beg to differ because I've seen them salt spikes growing on the poles over there. I think the salt grows. And then what else? I got so much to say. Hold on, I went to this other place called Sockne. It's like natural springs. And it's like the whole thing of 300 or whatever. The Spartans of 300 was not too far away from where SACNE is. And it's this natural experience. And I was all in there. I felt like I was getting younger or something. There was fish coming up, eating the dead skin off my feet. So I was experiencing a lot of the nature and the actual people. And I was talking with the Bedouwins. I talked with everybody. And there was Palestinians there, too. And I'm talking with them. And I got to go to a kibbutz, and I got to see... I could see Gaza from there. And it was horrible. It It's absolutely horrible.

I don't know why humans do this to each other. Maybe because they don't get enough hugs. I don't understand how anybody would want to eradicate any group of people. That part, I don't know. I don't have that in me. I can't understand it. I don't even want to make myself understand it. I just would like that to stop. I want peace. Everybody should have peace. Everybody Everybody deserves joy. So I curse the world with joy.

The book is called A Curse You with Joy. Tiffany Hadish. It's available right now. This conversation, I'm sure, has inspired you to go You're going to grab a copy of the book, dive deep into it. You are going to laugh. You're going to learn, you're going to cry, you're going to feel it all. Tiffany, thank you for being extraordinary. Genially, you're extraordinary. Thank you. I can't think of another word.

I thought you said I was extraordinary, and I got really excited because I want to be ordinary, but I know that I'm extraordinary.

You're right. Your presence is infectious. Your energy is magnetic. Honestly, just being around you is joy. Good. I want to thank you for sharing that with us and my on purpose community today.

I got some of that rock in my pocket. I love it.

That's what it is.

No, I don't have a rock in my pocket. But I did steal some dirt from that tunnel. That's beautiful. Two rocks from there. I want to become I'm an archeologist. That's going to be my next thing. There you go. I'm going to go over there and do archeology for three days.

I love it.

And go dig out some more stuff. I love it. Maybe open a dress shop in that tunnel. It felt like a mall.

Yeah. I know what you're talking about.

That trail looks like a mall.

Well, their malls probably copied that. Someone got the idea from there, probably. That's how they got it.

You're right. Yeah, that's how they got it. You're right. See, Jay, when I hang out with you, I learn stuff, too.

No, I just know. No, nothing at all.

I think our intentions were I met here today.

Without a doubt. And I want to tell everyone who's listening and watching, make sure you share what you learned from Tiffany. Tag both of us on X, on Instagram, on TikTok. Let us know what stayed with you, what resonated with you, what connected with you in the YouTube comments, let us know because I love to see what Tiffany shared that's helping you become happier, healthier, and healed.Thanks so much.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you. You are amazing. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Megan Trehner on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out.

My therapist told me, stand in the mirror naked for five minutes. It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch marks, now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked. But day three, when I did it, I was like, you know what? Her thighs are cute.

Tune in to the new podcast, Stories from the Village of Nothing Much. Like easy listening, but for fiction. If you've overdosed on bad news, we We invite you into a world where the glimmers of goodness in everyday life are all around you. I'm Katherine Nikolai, and I'm an architect of Cozy. Come spend some time where everyone is welcome and the default is kindness. Listen, relax, and joy. Listen to stories from the Village of Nothing Much on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Get emotional with me, Radhe DiVlucia, in my new podcast, A Really Good Cry. We're going to be talking with some of my best friends.

I didn't know we were going to go there on this.

People that I admire. When we say, Listen to your body, really tune in to what's going on. Authors of books that have changed my life. Now you're talking about sympathy, which is different than empathy. Never forget, it's okay to cry as long as you make it a really good one. Listen to a really good cry with Radhi DiVlucia on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, friends. I'm Danielle Robay. And I'm Simone Voice. And we're here to introduce you to The Bright Side, a new daily podcast that's guaranteed to light up your day.

Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more. We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you.

Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, big and small, we'll talk through it together. Listen to The Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.