Hey, pardon my take, listeners. You can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon music. Hey, this is Fran from chicks in the office. I'm extra excited for football season this year thanks to NFL by Abercrombie. I have always loved Abercrombie's tees and hoodies and now I can rep my team in their most comfortable pieces.

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Football is a game, Inch.

It was, it was a sloppy game. It was the classic NFL. We have a new rule that we don't tell anyone about that we're going to, you know, strictly enforce, kind of only for one side of the Ravens and make the game as clunky as possible. But the game persevered and we had an all time ending with the Ravens almost winning or almost tying, or they were going to go for two. Uh, but Isaiah likely, who is a dog, absolute dog, thought his shoulder was separated on two plays before.

I think what happened was he landed on it. I think it dislocated. They popped it back in, and he was like, let me back in the game, dog.

Cause he was killing people in blocks over 100 yards receiving. But his toe is just a little bit too big. And the Chiefs, they did it again. They start the season, they're one and o. They looked good.

Xavier Worthy, that's the thing is they've got. They got a guy. That's going to be a problem for everybody, buddy.

I'm gonna.

We said it on draft night. We were like, how did the bills let this happen?

Yeah, I'm Keon Coleman better be really good.

He better be better.

He better score three touchdowns because Xavier Worthy is incredible. And they just have so much speed yet again, and it feels like. And Pacheco and Pacheco, who never gives up.

He never gives up tackling. It's like tackling a pillowcase filled with elbows. Yeah, it's just like he doesn't stop running. He'll just hit you. He doesn't appear to be the biggest guy in the world. He doesn't get tired. They do a good job of, of saving him, too. Like first half a lot. They won't run Pacheco that much. And then that's Pacheco time.

Yeah, he was, he was a monster. And, yeah, the Chiefs, I mean, they, it looks like what we thought going into the season, but it proved true tonight. And I, the Ravens made a ton of mistakes, but it looks like the Chiefs might like that was better than what we saw regular season chiefs in terms of their offensive weapons. Yeah. Like, remember last year when the first three months of the season, it was like, does Patrick Holmes have anyone to throw to?

Does he, does he like anybody in the locker room? It was, it's crazy thinking that they upgraded. They went from Kaderius Tony to Xavier Worthy. It's like they played all last season with the lead batting donut and now they're up at the plate and they can actually swing. It's nuts.

I was some good coward right there.

You like that?

Yeah.

Like that analogy?

Yeah.

Yeah. I think it's true, though.

Yeah, no, you're right.

They're on expert mode last year and now they're like, okay, I'm just going to chill. I'm going to smoke a little weed and let's just put it on like rookie.

Yeah. We proved to everyone we can win the hard way. Let's just go back to do it the easy way. Now. I do think the Ravens, I mean, that was as sloppy as sloppy gets for the Ravens because they look like they hadn't practiced. They were getting delay again every single time they were getting. I don't know if the calls were coming in late, but the Lamar was snapping the ball with 1 second left. He was missing big throws.

They ran their field goal team out on the field, then brought him back out.

They also, they also did last year, AFC championship game. Like, hey, if the Ravens just run the ball, they win this game. They come out first quarter, they ran it a little and then it felt like it was just for that. The middle two quarters was just a flurry of ze flowers, like three yard screens. Yeah, well, having their offensive line never get to go forward and start like, trying to lean on the Chiefs.

What happened was they, they found out pretty early on that they couldn't run the ball up the middle that well. And so after that, they tried some stuff on the outside, some, like, pitches, some reverses, and tried to work the outside edges on them, and then that worked a little bit, and then they just never went back to even trying. You got to establish the run, and Lamar was great.

I mean, Lamar was great running the ball. He. He missed like a couple. There was a. I mean, he missed the guy before the likely out of bounds play, the second last play, I don't know who that was in the middle of the field. He missed. There was that back to back plays where he missed someone deep and then missed him on the sideline. I just. Yeah, it was, it was a great. It was a great game. It was a crazy game.

There's two things to know about football. One, you have to establish the run. And two, you have to run the damn ball.

And three, and you gotta lean on either.

And then, yeah, lean on them. Get your boys going down.

But it was one of those situations where it felt like the, the offensive line for the Ravens had no chance to go forward for a good portion of the game where it was just, they were blocking forever for Lamar or they were trying to block in space on the outside.

It's also hard to go forward when you line up like a yard off the line scrimmage, which, again, we saw in this exact game. Or it was the Lions last year, but it was Lions Chiefs in week one. You saw guys lined up way deeper at tackle that they weren't flagging at all.

Yeah.

This was a secret point of emphasis to call illegal formation. And now I don't even think that the reps are going to have to call it for the rest of the world. Like, sometimes they call it week one for everybody. They set such a tone calling the illegal formation that I don't think they're going to have to call it down the line. And there was, I felt like three quarters of the time that they showed harbor on the sidelines. He had that look on his face, the look that he gets with. It's like he found out that his son got, like, locked up in jail. He's like, what the.

What?

Yeah.

Going on. It was just like he was. He seemed like he was befuddled. The Ravens.

The Ravens. They were. Yeah, the ravens were, like, discombobulated. Pretty much it. Yeah. Every single offensive possession, even the ones that worked, felt like they never were. There was never smoothness to him. I guess their first drive was nice, but there's never a smoothness to their offense. It always felt erratic and weird and plate, like I said, plays coming in late.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lamar did look faster, though, now that he's -20 pounds. And I was trying to think how Lamar lost 20 pounds. It was right in front of her face this entire time. He just had diarrhea.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

That's just. That's his butt weight that he got rid of.

Yeah. Yeah. So still, like, as. As much as some of that game was frustrating to watch because it did feel right off the bat that the refs were like, hey, we're. Everyone's here to watch us. Still the best.

It's awesome.

Still the best. I mean, that end of the game was. Was electric.

I was so happy watching football tonight. I tell myself that, like, I can get through the off season and that I enjoy watching these other sports a lot, which I do. But then when football hits, it's like daddy's own.

It's a drug.

Yeah, daddy's home.

I need it. And we get more tomorrow, and we get more all weekend. Also, Taylor Swift looked good.

Yeah, I thought so. Liked her boots.

Yep.

Like, those are good boots.

Really good boots.

Said boots with a t. Yeah. B o o t s. Look good.

Yeah. Travis has the mustache. Looking good.

Haircut.

A lot of people looking good.

Yeah, everyone.

A lot of guys looking good. A lot of girls looking good.

Harrison Bucker looked good.

Yeah, he looked good. He was hitting bombs. Justin Tucker might be washed.

Yeah.

Can't hit 50 yarders anymore.

Bucker is making some good points.

Yeah, listen, he was hitting some. Some bombs.

I don't think we've ever done it. Should we do a Thursday night game ball? I have somebody that I would like to give the Thursday night game ball to.

Taylor Swift.

No.

Crocky J. Yeah.

Crocky J. I knew that we knew Carson Steele was going to be a star. I didn't think that they were going to put him, like, front and center in the week one broadcast, but God damn, I love Crocky J. Yeah. What's not to love?

Mac legend and maybe the cool.

Well, it was funny. He went from the Mac to UCLA Ball State.

UCLA.

He should have gone UCLA to Ball state.

Yeah.

That would have made him a lot cooler.

Yeah. He's got an all time football guy name.

Yeah.

Owns a crocodile.

He is by far the coolest Carson on that team.

Who's the other Carson?

We don't want to talk.

Oh, yeah. Carson Wentz is on that team. Carson once is on that team.

Yeah, I saw the side of his face tonight. It should have been rated TVMA. He should have warned me before they should blur out his face on the sideline.

I also learned something tonight. I think I knew it, but I just didn't ever really piece it together. But that woman with the puppets, she. She's like a 30 year legend. I had some Chiefs fans being like, you don't know balls. Like, yeah, I don't know your celebrity fans, but she rocks.

I know once I like her. I know one celebrity fan of the Chiefs.

Chiefs, unfortunately, 17 years.

17 and a half years in prison. Federal prison.

Do you think he watched tonight?

What's in Kansas? So it's the same place that Mike Vic went for the Leavenworth puppy issue. Yeah.

It's really bad when you know the names of the town where the federal prison is.

Yeah, there's Leavenworth and then there's one in the Rockies. I'm trying to remember. It's the one that's the maximum. Super Max Chapo and the Unabomber.

Yeah. Leavenworth is not Carson.

When should go to.

Yeah, when you know Leavenworth.

But he's. Chiefs of Hulk is requesting to be transferred to Illinois.

Oh.

To whatever federal prisons up here. Maybe Chief Saholic was the magic behind the chiefs run and maybe he moves to Illinois and then the bears go on a little run.

That would be nice. That would be nice. But, yeah, 17 years. Okay, anything else before we do our game preview? So we taped that earlier. Let's kick it to ourselves for the weekend preview. Okay. Before we get to the weekend preview, we're brought to you by our friends at game time. The new game time picks feature is awesome and football season is here and we can't wait to get out to some games this fall with the help of game time, the official ticketing partner, Barstool Sports. You know how much we love game time. Now with their brand new game time picks feature, they're making it even easier to get to a game. Game time picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats. So you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. We're looking at tickets for this weekend. There's so many good football games. I'll be in Ann Arbor for Michigan, Texas. We got NFL all Sunday. So just pull up your chosen event and turn on the GT picks setting at the top of the screen. Or browse the best local game time picks deals near you on your game time app homepage.

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Yes. I love the order that comes along the football season. It really puts your life into a routine.

Correct.

The routine is watch the news and read articles on Monday. If your team wins on Tuesday, that's when you watch the sports clips and all the debate shows. Read the articles. If your team loses, then on Wednesday you think about what's going to happen on Thursday, what your bets going to be. Then on Thursday you forget to update your fantasy team. Then on Friday you make plans for Saturday. Saturday you make plans for Sunday. Sunday, watch football and then Monday, the cycle repeats itself.

I was going to say it's as simple to me as that. Just every week has a just big dangling carrot at the end.

Yeah.

I'm just excited about every single weekend. And for someone who doesn't really have a social life, father three, all that shit every weekend now has importance to me.

Well, you know what else happens during football season? Thursday becomes Friday. You got a new Friday. Every week is basically a 40.

And when maxing comes back, Tuesday is Friday and.

Yeah, and already you've got Monday, which is already Friday. No, Monday's Sunday now.

Monday is. Monday is just like a beautiful come down that you just. I love Monday night football. Just a reminder for any new listeners. Max doesn't watch Monday night football. I love Monday night, that's all. Yeah, no, you do. You don't watch Monday football. Remember that, Max?

I forgot about that.

Yeah.

Max does not watch Monday football because he says there's just too much football and he doesn't. He's like. He's like a porn star that won't have sex.

Can you imagine that, Hank? Can you imagine they would skip an entire day of football?

It's crazy.

Crazy.

It's nuts.

Not us, but yeah, we watch every.

Second of Thursday becomes Friday. Friday. Still Friday. Saturday is Friday. Sunday becomes Saturday. Monday becomes Sunday.

Mm hmm.

It's such a beautiful time of year.

And we're back. All right, so, like, every year, we're gonna go through every single game. Little preview. Then we're gonna do our picks. All five of us. Oh, hey, sorry, dreading the.

No, no, no back in there.

So what's the. What's. What's the punishment this year?

I don't know. We gotta figure it out. It should be Super Bowl New Orleans related.

Yeah.

It's a perfect game pitch.

A perfect game in what?

MLB.

MLB. Okay. It should be Super Bowl New Orleans related. New Orleans known for their MLB baseball? Yep.

70 yard field goal.

70 yard field goal. Okay, you're just spitballing here.

You're about the nine darter.

Yeah, he's upset about the nine daughter. But you could lose this too, Hank.

Yeah, so I'm trying to. Yeah, equal expect.

You're also the one that said that you were gonna set yourself up to be able to dunk, so you're really making impossible challenges for yourself too.

I will dunk.

What's harder dunking for? You are throwing a nine darter.

The nine darter. That's impossible. Dunking is how I think you'll be.

Able to do the nine darter within three days dunking. It's taken three years. Still not there.

Still not there. All right, well, maybe AWS can help us out. We need a punishment for last place. And are we doing second place? It's a little bit different now because there's only five of us. So second place, I feel like it's just be a last place punishment.

What about last place? And then second to last gets the equivalent of what the second place was, where it's like, the punishment, but just, like, kind of half of it.

Or what about last place? In second place gets a prize.

First place doesn't.

Yeah, cuz. Cuz then it keeps it competitive.

What if. What if it's some sort of a hat situation, but it's not a hat. First place gets to pick which punishment last place has to do or second place does. No. No. First place gets to choose punishment last place has to do based off of, like, four options.

Hmm.

Depending on who it is.

But second place gets nothing. I like the second place just because.

It keeps steak knives.

Well, keeps everyone in it, because, you know, like, if someone runs away with it and someone falls really behind, there's nothing left. Second place. The odds are if you have a second and fifth place, there will always be content coming at the end.

First place gets to determine which event the second place person has to do and which person. Which event the last place person has to do.

Okay. Okay. And we need. We need the punishment. So. Aw els, let us know. Maybe something we can stream in New Orleans. Wrestling in alligator.

Yeah, wrestling alligators. Not bad.

Oh, no, Max.

Spending an entire week with Mincey in New Orleans. Shadowing Mincy.

24 hours on Bourbon street.

Shadowing Mincey for five days.

24 hours on Bourbon street.

Can't go to sleep, just go homeless for a day.

That sounds.

Get drunk. Yeah, but it would fuck you up for.

Yeah.

Super Bowl.

I like the idea of staying in, like, an Airbnb with Minty and, like, eating all your meals with them, but yeah.

Oh, my.

Like, hour by hour reporting on what mince he does. Yours understudy for a week. That's. I think that's a good one.

That is not a bad Orleans second place. I think only jambalaya all week.

I could tell big cat didn't like it because he just. He moved on from it. But no.

I don't know.

No, but that's just because you really don't want to do it.

No, it has nothing to do that. It's more that I don't want to pay for Mincey to go to, like, we're basically giving.

You don't think he's gonna be there?

He's gonna know he's gonna be there on his own dime. But, like, we're basically giving him, like, his best content idea ever, and he doesn't have to do anything. We just gets a free.

That is his best content.

I know, but I've been trying to wean myself off that.

Well, how about we do none of that during the season's good content? Yeah, it's a good point, Hank.

Yeah.

Listen, it's gonna be you, Hank.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah.

I lose this last year, but Hank's.

Just gonna go to sleep the whole time.

Yeah, you did. Seriously, Hank?

Are you serious? Stand up.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

You just. Memory. Hold that.

Well, no, I just love. I have lost so many of these, I forget which thing is for which thing. Yeah, but I assumed it was. Yeah.

Yeah. You're also. You're on a sugar rush right now from uncrustables.

Yeah.

Your brain. You're overdosing on uncross.

I will figure it out. Show. Send us any ideas, anything fun we can do, but we'll figure it out. We'll have something fun. Okay, we ready to get into it, boys?

What about get a cat? We haven't done that one in a while.

Yeah, that's true.

I'm allergic to cats, so that's better content.

That's just life.

Yeah.

I mean, it would be funny if you had to get a cat, Max, and you're allergic. Hyper.

Would you get a cat?

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure my kids would like a cat. It would ruin my life, but I.

Would get a cat.

I just put. It. Just.

I put in a room with Blake.

And lumped about it.

See what happens.

I don't know. Would you get a cat?

I. I'm a man of my word with all this stuff.

How about no golfing for last place for an entire year? Oh, no, that would be brutal for me.

Yeah.

That'S the thing.

You don't. But then it's like once I. Once I actually want to work. You hate that, too.

What are you talking about? I've enjoyed you today. You do? I came in, you're taking a nap, and you had a couple incrustables. You said that you were mad that mister pear was waking you up. Turn.

I didn't say that. You said, he's making noise. I said, no.

You can hit your. The whole time. Power through. How is that?

It was good. I was longer than I expected, so I woke up kind of in a funk.

Oh, no, he sliced too much.

It was 60. It was 60 minutes. Relax.

60 minutes. Actually a bad nap time.

That's what I'm saying. I've been here since 09:00 a.m. we're gonna be here till 12:00 p.m. i had 3 hours of nothingness.

You need that. You need the. Like, that's the.

I thought I would it.

Yeah.

I thought, someone's gonna come in and, you know, wake me up, but it just never happened.

I like that. Like, now. Now he's mad at us for not waking him up early enough.

Now, I've never said that. I hate it when you guys do this so much.

Okay. All right. We'll figure out a punishment, but we will do the picks after we preview every game. Let's start. Packers Eagles. So Mister pair is going to pick this game. Mister Pair is going to pick all standalone games this year, and we'll see how he does from that. Packers at Eagles in Brazil. Eagles or minus two and a half over under is 49 and a half. Two new defensive coordinators in this game. I kind of like the over for that reason. I also think they're all, like, trapped in their hotels, right?

Yeah, it's a lot of travel, and it's weird. There's weird security protocols in place down there. They just don't want anything bad to happen.

Did you see Darius Slayton? Had to clarify online that he's Darius Slay ton. Because Darius Slay, I guess, on a podcast was like, fuck Brazil.

Yeah, not him. Different guys.

So they're both there.

This guy's way.

Just so you guys know, I'm slate on.

This guy's a thousand pounds heavier.

Yeah.

Slay.

Yeah. So I don't know. I guess we'll ask Max. Are you worried about this losing streak? Because you guys are on a bad streak.

I don't care about.

I mean, seven games in a row.

They'Ve lost, but they don't. They don't count from last year.

If they lose this game, there's eight games.

Zero and zero. If they lose this game, they're owing.

Eight games in a row.

That would be Owen one.

How do you think big, big Dom is going to be able to handle the favelas down there?

Yeah, big Dom can handle anything.

What if they throw a bunch of big, fat asses at him?

What?

Oh.

What?

In Brazil, they got Brazil.

They got big, fat asses. You know that.

I know that.

But what say? Quan is going to right in.

Yeah. What if they throw a bunch of.

Those, Adam, big Dom can handle anything.

All right, so I was talking to Mark Titus about this yesterday. It seems like this is a good bet for Jalen hurts to score a touchdown, and instead the tush push. Call it the brazilian butt lift.

I like that. Although they don't have Jason Kelsey, but.

They'Ve got Saquon with a big ass.

That's true. Yeah, that's true. I'm going to take the Eagles in this game just because I hate the packers, but I'm worried about the packers.

I'm probably going to do the exact opposite. I'm going to take the packers because I hate the Eagles.

That's fair.

But I'm worried about the Eagles.

Yeah.

Although if one of these teams has the ability to fall apart easy and which one would be funnier to see it fall apart, you can at least admit watching the Eagles just disintegrate was funny.

I would prefer the packers.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I. I think, I know we're going to get to our touchdown picks later, but I do think that Jalen Hurts might have a big game. Jeff Halfley, like, there was. I was seeing a stat that, that new defensive coordinators, especially against good offenses, like, it takes a little bit of time. It's, it's good. It's a little bit, which you could say for both teams here, but Jeff Halfley, the former coach of Boston College, he likes, he likes a little press man on the outside, maybe. Maybe get some guys running right down the field. You got some fast guys. Max. Jalen hurts. Feeling okay? Yeah, Max is, is. I think he's what he's doing. He's trying to stay removed from any Eagles discourse this year. Are you going to overreact?

No, I, you know, that's like, the football starts. Everyone asks each other, like, how you feeling about the team this year? How you feeling about the team this year? How you feeling about the game tonight? I feel about the game tomorrow. I just keep telling myself, tomorrow's a weird game. It's in Brazil. They can't leave their hotels. Everyone is, like, not happy to be there. So I think that's on, like, both sides. So, like, if the Eagles play really well and they dominate them, like, I don't want to overreact is a weird game if they play really bad and get smoked. I don't want to overreact because it's a weird game. But I'm gonna overreact the second that that clock hits zero one way or the other. But I'm trying to tell myself it's a weird game and that it won't show what's gonna happen for the rest of the season.

That's a fair point. It is a weird game. It's a game in Brazil on a Friday night. So you can. You have. It's easier to write that one off if it doesn't go your way. Then it would be like a home game on a Sunday.

Yeah, right.

I agree with that mentality.

I'm trying to tell myself that, but it. But my brain is saying that. But my heart is telling me you're not.

You're gonna.

That I'm going to guess.

I think the safe money is on Max overreacting. Despite telling himself not to overreact.

You know what?

History has taught us anything.

Why don't you just embrace overreacting? It's one of the best things you can do as a fan. I like to overreact because I like to feel something.

It's not good for my health.

I understand. Listen, at least I overreact a lot. I overreact as much as you do. I'm at 39, so you can maybe at least make it twelve more years. Yeah. That would be crazy, though, if I dropped dead from overreacting, like week two. Would you. Would you guys change? You'd change your whole life, Max. You'd have to.

I see. I tried to, but I don't think I would.

Like, I'm gonna die.

It's in like. It would be the same thing, like, going after that. I would tell my brain to be like, you can't eat. You gotta calm down. You can't care so much.

One day that's gonna be me.

And then Jalen hurts would fumble on inside his own territory. And again. Right. Right away, I would overreact.

I hope that doesn't happen again.

Yeah. Okay. Okay. Next game. We're now into Sunday. What was the, what's the split? We got how many games? I think.

I think it's a pretty good split. And they made a rule this year where it's going to be a good split every week, I think. Right.

It looks like eight and four, I believe, if I'm reading it correctly. So good split. First game I have on the list is Steelers, Falcons, Arthur Smith revenge game.

Yeah. I mean, the big question is, how do you stop Bijon Robinson? And nobody knows how to do that better than Arthur Smith.

That's true.

Spent all last year doing.

Mike Tomlin is a dog.

Mike Tomlin has a dog. I don't know if it's a Mike Tomlin game yet, though, because it's week one.

I just. Anytime it's Mike Tomlin as a dog. I did see that Russie has got a flare up in his calf.

His calf is tight. Sierra's been pegging him too. Good. Okay, ramp that thing right up.

So the problem is Russell Wilson already has limited mobility and now he might have if you could actually. Oh, man. If you had to do a bionic quarterback for every team. So you had to pick like one top half, bottom half of each. Of each guy. Yeah. Like their quarterback room. I think the Steelers might have the best room.

So if you were to take like Justin Fields legs.

Yes.

And Russell Wilson's arm.

So Russell Wilson had his like mobility of a better mobility than a young Russell Wilson when that was like a big part of his game. Yeah, that would be, that'd be a good quarterback.

If you put Russell Wilson's brain inside Justin Fields.

Yeah.

That'd be a good player.

Yeah. Or his confidence. Yeah. But then he throwing over the middle. Russell Wilson doesn't like to do that. Hmm. We'll, we'll workshop this. Okay.

We'll figure out which workshop has the best one.

Yeah. But I just. Mike Tomlin, that's all. Three and a half. It's, it's Atlanta minus three and a half right now.

I'm excited to watch these falcons. It feels like it's been a long time since I've been excited to watch the Falcons play football.

I think they're going to be better.

I think they will be.

I have no idea what to expect from Kirk Cousins or Kyle Pitts or. Well, no, I do.

What do you expect from Kyle Pitts?

Not a lot.

Okay. I expect more than that. I think.

I don't know. I think I'll. Pitts might just be in theory.

Yeah, he's really good.

Right?

In theory he's great in theory. But also in theory, he doesn't have Desmond Ritter throwing the ball this year.

Correct? In theory.

In theory.

In theory.

Theoretically he should. A man his size and speed should be good.

Will we, if he doesn't have a good year, will we still be making excuses for him next year?

A hundred percent.

Yeah. Yeah, that was, that's kind of where I'm at.

Some team is going to give up way too much if they try to like do a trade for him. Is he, is this the last year or. He's good. He's on year three right now, right? I think so.

Year four.

Is he year four already?

Believe so. I feel like has been in the league for. We've been doing the Kyle Pitts thing.

They'll have to make a choice about his contract soon. I'm pretty sure it's your three.

It might be your or to bethe be right. Yeah.

So have to make a choice about year five on this contract soon. But a team could trade.

I was right. Your four.

Oh, is it?

Yep.

Okay, well, we'll see what happens. In theory, Kyle Pitt should have a breakout year.

In theory.

Yep.

In theory. Okay. Cardinals bills, very excited for this game. I think the Cardinals offense is going to be very good this year. And also, we have Demar Hamlin back. Starting.

He's starting.

Yeah.

Not just. Not just running fake punts anymore.

He's starting. But I think the Cardinals offense would be good. I don't think their defense would be good. I think they're gonna. I think they might be one of those really fun teams to watch. Like, they're in that category where. Yeah, they might not, you know, they might win seven, eight games, but they give us some great red zone, late witching hour moments in, in all year long. We're like, yeah, that was fun.

Yeah. Marvin Harrison junior seems like the kind of guy that is the quintessential just, like, throw the ball in his direction kind of guy, and he'll just bring it in no matter what. So they'll probably give you a heavy dose of him, despite the fact you can't buy a Marvin Harrison junior Harrison junior jersey.

Correct.

Because that lawsuit is ongoing, and fanatics just made a big mistake. They named Marvin Harrison senior in the lawsuit, so they're suing Marvin Harrison senior.

That guy's got a gun.

I didn't say that.

I did.

I'm just saying I'm. I stand with the second amendment. It's his right. If he does own a gun, it's his right to do so. I stand with Marvin Harrison Sr. As I do on every single other subject involving Marvin Harrison.

Mm hmm. For the record, that guy's got a gun.

Yeah. Apparently, he signed his son. He signed his name on his son's contract. Hope they wouldn't notice. And then after the fact, they're like, wait a second. This is senior on it. I like what Josh Allen is going to have to do this year. I like the position it's put him in.

Yeah.

Where it's like, like he's got to get it done. Obviously, he's got some weapons at tight end. He's got a rookie receiver, but it's. It's all relatively unknown. He knows going in the season that this is on him, the entire thing.

It's also the expectations are a little off for the bills where the last couple of years everyone's been like, bill, super bowl, this is your super team. All that stuff. It does feel like from a, like, storyline perspective, if you ask someone, hey, what about the bills? Like, ah, they're kind of, they're, they're in a rebuild, they're in a reshaping their roster. I think it might, I think it might. They might be good. And this isn't biased. Like, I think the, like Dalton Kincaid is very good. I think I love Khalil Shakir. I think Keyon Coleman's gonna be good. I think they're gonna run the ball. I like the bills this year.

And they're gonna get some great content from Keyon Coleman after game, too. Yeah, I like the bills a lot this year, too. Cause Josh has been in these places before where either going into a game, Stefan Diggs has been like, his brothers put something weird out on instagram that Josh Allen has somehow had to answer for. And he knows going into it, like, okay, no one thinks that we're a team. No one thinks that we can pull it together. And then he goes out and he like, jumps over six linebackers.

Right?

So I kind of like this Josh Allen.

Yes. Okay, next up we've got the Titans and the Bears.

Are you a little bit nervous?

Yeah, I think it's a, it's, it's.

A can't lose already.

We must win.

Loser leaves town.

It's a must win in the fact that I will overreact. It's a must win for my own mentals.

Yeah.

I do think that people are overlooking the Titans a little bit. I think they're going to be not a terrible team, but, I mean, I'm picking the Bears. I'm very excited for this game. I actually feel bad for you. PFD, I mentioned this a couple weeks ago, like, that you have to wait a whole slot.

Yeah. At least you get it.

Your guy. I get it right away.

Yeah.

But yeah, I don't know, maybe it was just because I watched the ending of hard knocks like 75 times last night, but yeah, I'm ready for this season. I think they're going to win this game.

Yeah, I would expect that the Titans, they're the team that just added everybody else's players in the offseason. They're going to look very, very different out there and it's going to take a couple weeks to remember. Oh, yeah, that guy's on the Titans.

Tony Pollard.

Tony Pollard's on there. Legerious snead, Calvin Ridley all on there.

Yeah.

Yeah. So they're going to be a new look Titans. And, I mean, Lujeri Sneed is a legitimate great quarterback.

Yeah.

So he'll be able to take away maybe one out of your three weapons.

The one thing I will say is starting the season with the Titans actually kind of similar to starting the season with the Bucks, although you have Stephen Che to worry about. It does feel like the Titans are one of those franchises I have no ill will towards, and I don't know how I would even get ill will.

Towards the Titans if Stephen Chae rooted for the Titans.

Yeah. Right. Like, there's nothing that could happen to me where I'd be like, oh, man, fuck the Titans. I fucking hate the Titans. So that takes it down a little bit where, like, last year was week. Week one was the packers. You know what I mean?

You don't have, like, a terrible towel that they could stomp on.

Yeah.

Piss you off enough to hate the Titans.

Right. There's no divisional opponent, so I I I feel I'm excited about this game.

Yeah, it is nice. It's like interconference. No. Real history of a rivalry playing the Jaguars. Yeah.

And I don't mean that as an offensive thing. It's just there's nothing when you play an AFC team that's not been around for a really long time, you don't know anyone who roots for them. I don't know.

Yeah. You. They never drafted a quarterback that you could have drafted.

Right.

You got upset about.

Right.

No. Real bad blood there.

Right. Exactly.

I do like Roma Doonza in this game.

I like roman season.

He had a great quote yesterday. He said that he's mostly excited about the pregame flyover. Cause he's a big, big fighter jet guy.

Love that.

Yeah. They got the growlers. Electronic warfare plane.

Love that. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, Henry. Yes. Patriots at Bengals. Bengals are minus eight and a half. I believe the over under is like 40 and a half now. All the way down to 40 and a half. Couple things for you, Henry. One, Joey Chestnut is doing the halftime entertainment.

Whoa.

He is going five v one in a bratwurst eating competition.

He should have been eating skyline chili.

Should have been eating skyline chili. Two.

And you eat one bite of skyline chili.

Yeah.

Fast.

I mean, he's going to win that by 20.

He's going five v one.

I don't think it matters, though.

No, it doesn't. Competing against five, but five. Just.

What can he eat? 60 bratwurst in ten minutes?

Yeah. He's going against five guys.

Five guys can't eat eleven bratwurst each.

No chance. Also, Dan Hurley is the ruler of the jungle.

What the fuck?

Yeah, I said it. We want to say it again. Why Ann Hurley is the ruler of the jungle for this game. He's a die hard Bengals fan since birth. He's, it's. Have you ever seen pictures like.

I think we talked random.

It's very random. We've talked to him about it. He's like, there's. Every year I feel like there's a picture. He posts of him and his family take him to a Bengals game. So he has been named the ruler of the jungle for this game.

Wait, so they have a real jungle there?

They have a real jungle and they have a real ruler every single game. And he's the week one ruler of the jungle. Does that make you nervous? Has to. Has to.

I didn't know they had a jungle.

That's.

I mean, it's a functioning, legitimate, real jungle.

It's a real jungle.

Yeah.

It's classified as such.

Yes.

I don't know. I don't know what the class corrections are, but it's kind of crazy that he's going up against the page. It seems like that was intentional. Right? Going up against New England and you have the Yukon coach there.

Yeah. Although, can I probably just do it.

And they probably just do it before college basketball starts.

Yeah. Ruler of the jungle.

Yeah.

So you got Joey, Tessa and Dan Hurley in the building. Probably the two biggest alpha males you can have. Yeah.

I'm not expecting much from this game.

Hurley was like, fuck it, I'll take him on.

What if, what if he goes down to the field and he's got his starting five from Yukon?

Yeah. Or I think he could probably. I think Dan Hurley, if he just went like, he blacked out, was just like, I'll fucking beat Joey Chestnuthenne. Not he could. I think this game is going to be yucky.

Yucky?

Yucky.

Like blowout, but not a blowout.

I don't think it's going to be a blowout.

It's going to be like a ten to 13 point blowout I don't even know about.

The Patriots defense might not be terrible.

And Jamar Chase not practicing. Tee Higgins had the holdout for a while. I think the Bengals might have. They've all. They have started slow. I think it's going to be a yucky game.

I keep thinking that that Jamar Chase is going to get signed before this weekend. He'll take care of the contract before the week. He's done a hold in, not a hold out. So he's been, like, around. And then he was reported to go to practice, and Zach Taylor said, yeah, he's going to practice. And then he didn't show up. And then later, Zach Taylor was like, I'm just going to give you the boilerplate answer of it's done when it's done from now on. If I had to bet, he's doing the same thing, kind of that Brandon Iook did, which is. Which is genius, by the way, the move that some of these guys are doing this offseason, which is just saying, like, I don't want to go to work for a month. I don't want to go to camp. And so I'll hold out. If you give me a 2% raise at the end of it, I don't have to go to camp. That's a great contract extension. Hank would.

I've never held out. I put it.

No, you hold in.

Yeah, you hold in. You quiet quit.

Yeah. Hey, Hank, you are the definition of a hold in when things are going poorly for you.

Wait.

I also don't think Jamar Chase and Joe Burrow have. Have played so much together. I don't think it matters how if he's not practicing with the team.

Yeah, I. Yes and no, though. Like, there's definitely just getting into. I mean, we see it every single September, especially with the shortened, you know, no two days, the shortened preseason September football has not been the prettiest football. And I. T. Higgins. That's the part I don't understand about the Bengals. I feel like it was all about t Higgins. Then the minute T. Higgins was like, I'll show up, is like, wait. Oh, yeah. Also, Jamar Chase.

Yeah. Who's a. Definitely better than T. That's the real issue.

And they did lose Taj. Taj Boyd. Yeah. Boyd.

That Taj Boyd.

Tyler.

Tyler Boyd.

Tyler Boyd, Tyler Boyd, Tyler Boyd. I was right. Yeah. Well, who's Taj Boyd?

Taj Boyd's no basketball player.

No, Taj Boyd was a Clemson quarterback. Remember him? He was the one right before Deshawn.

Yeah.

He was, like, the last. Oh, Clemson sucks.

Yep.

Clemson can't win the big game.

I think I like the Patriots, big boy.

I do, too.

And I. It's not like this is the same early season bangles that we've seen the last couple years because one was like an appendix. And I forget what the other one was for Joe Burrow. Yeah, but it was his calf or something, right? Yeah, but, yeah, this is. I don't know. I feel like the defenses are just, by and large, better than the offenses this time of year.

Yeah, yeah. And it's just I. Yeah, I think it's going to be a clunky game.

How about Bill Belichick in on Instaface? Huh? I don't like it.

Oh, yeah. I was looking it up.

I don't like it at all.

Hank, Bill Belichick follows.

Yep.

What?

I know what you're about to.

What was I about to say?

You say, who he follows.

Who does he follow?

Well, it's like Brady falls twelve people, trolls twelve people.

A lot of NFL. NFL films, McAfee, but he falls both Peyton and Eli and Brady. No patriots, no craft. I think there might be beef there.

Between Belichick and craft. Do you think so?

I. I mean, I'm. Listen, I wasn't able to make a definitive statement on it until I figure out who he followed.

Yeah. A Belichick is. Do you think he's running his own shit or you think he's got somebody that's doing it for him?

That would've been probably someone from Omaha Productions since it's Peyton Eli Omaha productions.

That would have been awesome if he got Instagram and he followed Kraft and then unfollowed him just to unfollow him.

Yeah.

Bill Belichick is unfollowed craft and he follows his girlfriend.

Does he?

Yeah.

I'm just gonna see who that is.

It is Jordan Isabella.

Oh, is she the entrepreneur philosopher?

Correct. I.

Since here she's 23.

Correct. So, Hank, you are so down that you don't even think you're gonna get blown out.

It's tough to say otherwise when it's a, you know, rookie coach and a new team. I don't want to confidently say that they're going to be in this game before I watch them.

That's a pretty reasonable thing to say. Are you going to be watching? Yeah. Are you golfing on Sunday?

No.

Do you promise?

Promise.

Do you think it's gonna be fun watching the Patriots?

No.

All right. Okay. All right. Next game I have on my list. Texans, Colts. Trivia time. The last time the Colts have won a week one game.

Is that Phillip Rivers?

2017.

2013.

Holy shit.

They just lose week one. Yeah.

I did not know that.

Crazy.

I did not know that because I wanted to bet on the Colts this weekend.

I do, too. But I saw that and I was.

Like, no, but they don't always play at home.

Yeah, I know. This is, uh, this does also stadium.

The stadium is different this year, though.

It is different.

Don't have the, the banner for the AFC finalists up anymore. That's in our gym. They got the loser stink out of it.

This is the toughest game for me, all. If I look totally up and down the board, I can give you a somewhat opinion on every game. This game is simply, it's either going to be the biggest trap or the easiest bet.

I think it's the biggest trap.

Yeah, that's like me.

Either way, Anthony Richardson looked good last year in the first couple weeks.

True.

And people forgot about it because he got hurt so, so early on in the season. But the Texans, man, and the Texans look so good. Everyone's high on the Texans. I'm also high on the Texans, but I'm also high on the Colts.

I'm not high on the Colts, and I'm high on the Texans. Which makes you want to take the Colts. Figure that one out.

Oh, I forgot. I still have cold season tickets.

Oh, yeah.

So we got to give those away. Two season tickets. If you own a Joe Flacco Colts jersey, send me a picture of you wearing it. The tickets are yours.

Done.

Sent a part of my take.

Or.

People probably don't have a Colts Joe Flaco jersey yet.

Someone has to.

What else? What else can we do? Submissions.

You have a Colts hat?

A Colts hat?

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Best colt.

Okay. Best cold.

I want to, I want to know.

What the, or Joe Flacco or Joe Flack.

Joe Flacco jersey gets position a. Yeah. But if you have the best, if you think you have the best colts hatred in Indianapolis, prove it.

If there are multiple Joe Flacco cults, jerseys, tiebreakers. The hat.

Yeah.

Yep.

All right, so tag at part of my take.

Yep. And send it in. Also include your tvs, too, so memes can post his tvs again.

I love memes tvs.

I do, too. Means memes is a star now.

Yeah.

He's gonna leave us soon, don't you think, Hank?

Mm hmm.

I asked him if I could watch football at his place, and he didn't answer me. He was just like, he's too Hollywood.

Yeah, it's to Hollywood. Okay, next up, Jaguars. Dolphins. I don't know what to think of this game either, actually, so I'm going back on what I said just a second ago. Dolphins minus three and a half over unders, 48 and a half. I feel like the Dolphins obviously always start hot. Jaguars have a new defensive coordinator. Dolphins have some injuries. Their defensive line is not great. I leaning towards the jaguars, but I don't really know what to think about.

This is a sideline bet for me. They're going to have the jaguars in the, in the heat. No shade on the sidelines.

There might be rain.

Okay, good, good. I appreciate the weather update.

Got you.

Are you sure there might be rain?

I said there might be rain.

Okay, Hank, can you double check?

Oh, it's south Florida. Pft. Yeah, there always could be rain.

What they say about the weather in Miami. Yeah, if you don't like it, just wait five minutes.

Oh, no. I thought they said there might be rain.

Oh, they also say that to you.

Hank, look it up for us because there might be rain.

I need to know.

We need to know.

Sunny with chance clouds and rain. Chance precipitation goes no higher. 0% 0% 0% 0% 0%. It's 10% possible for 10% at 07:00 a.m. and then 10%.

So I'm right.

No, 10%.

09:00 p.m. yeah, but there might be rain.

07:00 a.m. and 09:00 p.m. there's a 10% chance.

Okay, there might be rain.

Everything else, zero.

There's a hundred percent chance of 0% rain at noon.

There might be.

01:00 p.m. there could be. What's the temperature?

Hot.

Very hot.

How hot?

Shit.

90 degrees.

Sideline bet. It's a sideline bet. Taking the dolphins.

You're smart. You're a smart guy. That's a smart bet.

It's a smart sideline bet that it gets hot.

I think this is one of those moments where I'm really regretting the fact that I taped all the other gambling shows earlier this week, because I think I took the jaguars in, every single one of them, and you swayed me on the sideline.

Yeah, don't forget about the sideline.

I did forget about the sideline.

Yeah. Can't do it.

I needed you there to remind him.

You think Mike McDaniel's gonna have a new look this year? He gets like frostier and swagger every year. He should actually just frost the tips of his hair.

Pete Briscoe did get in my head a little bit with the whole he's too friendly with the guys. Yeah, he got in my head, but.

This is the perfect time of year to be friendly with the guys.

Yeah.

Right at the start.

Yeah. Okay, let's see. Next up, Panthers at Saint Saints. Minus four over under is 41 and a half. I love the Panthers in this game. Oh, I had one thing for the Dolphins. I forgot. Sorry. Because the Lions won a playoff game last year. The Dolphins are now the longest playoff drought in the NFL. Well, win. Playoff trout. Win.

Okay, does that go back to. I'm going to guess what year is that? Back to the nineties?

No, it's 2001 season.

Okay.

Do you know the other big four sports? Longest playoff drought win. So it would obviously be a series in hockey and baseball and basketball.

Twins.

Twins are not the answer. I was shocked at this answer.

It's a lot of sports I got to go through right now.

Yeah.

I don't know. What is it?

The Reds, 1995. That's a long ass time. And then the other two were the Hornets and the Sabers, which makes sense.

Yeah, it does.

Those are definitely.

It's still a long time for the Dolphins.

Yeah, no, the Dolphins. So. So I think we're. We can't. The Dolphins winning a playoff game would actually be bad for.

Very bad.

Our clock would be ticking.

Next up. Yeah, we're.

Yeah, I don't know what year you are.

I I just always see the stat of, like, the last team to have a ten win season. That one's very depressing because every other team is within the last five years, basically.

Yeah.

And then the Redskins commanders. You gotta go back to 2000, 2005.

Yeah, I think. I think it's you then jets then. Or, no, it might be you then Bears and Jets. I think they were 2010.

But still, that's our last insurance play right now is the Dolphins.

Yeah. We need the Dolphins to not win.

Well, no, that's. That was old us. That was old power teams are good.

That was also.

We don't have to worry about that anymore. Yeah, we'll get our playoff.

Oh, no, the Raiders. The Raiders are also in there. Thank God.

Who?

So it's Raiders 2002 commanders, 2005. Jets and bears tied for 2010. Okay, so we gotta. We need the Dolphins. We need the Dolphins. Because then it just slowly creeps up on us. Okay, so the Panthers and Saints. I love the Panthers in this game. Just because it's my rule of, you're never as bad as you were the last year, sometimes you could be worse.

But doesn't mean you're gonna be good if you're the Pantherse. Now. I am rooting for the Panthers. I rooting. I'm rooting for their fan base because the position they were put in with Bryce Young last year and how bad it looked at times. I want for them to not be like, oh, shit, we really fucked this up. Now. We're fucked. You know, like, I want them to have some hope in Bryce Young.

I don't think the Panthers are be good. I think they're going to be competent, which they weren't last year. Do you know that the Panthers last year, they won two football games last year?

Year.

And there's a lot of football games. 17 football games. Do you know the Panthers did not take a single snap in the fourth quarter with the lead?

I did not know that.

Both of their wins were last second field goals. To win by two points.

That's crazy.

It's insane.

That's not the entire foot.

I mean, that's insane.

Yeah, that is crazy to not know what it feels like to have a. To maybe win in the fourth quarter.

Have a single lead in the fourth quarter with his offensive snake snap.

Yeah.

So I. I don't think they're going to be good. I think they're going to be better. I think Dave Canales is going to have them. I mean, Dave Callous was good with Baker Mayfield.

He knows the division.

Yeah, he knows the division. I also have my fun. Dennis Allen, stat of the day. You ready for this one? I was doing some digging last night. Dennis Allen. This is how bad it is for Dennis Allen. He is now thinking that he's going to get a competitive advantage by not divulging where offensive coordinator Clint Kubiak is going to be during the game.

In the booth or on the sideline.

Correct. He said we could be anywhere we get in a game mode and try to keep as many things in house as we possibly can. Nothing to give our opponents any sort of advantage. A reporter immediately questioned if matters were where the Panthers seek cubia calling plays, to which Allen swiftly responded, don't know. Don't know whether they care. Don't care. Whatever. I just don't know if that's anything I wanted to divulge.

Yeah. So I like that. In fact, they should.

They should take you option.

They should take it one step. They should have everybody on the coaching staff dress up like Cubiak. Yeah. And that way you don't know which one is cubia.

Eminem. Yeah.

It could be anybody.

Yeah.

Could be any of those guys.

But this is, you know, your football coach is kind of losing it when he thinks that he's getting an advantage by being like, he could be in on the field or in the booth.

Okay.

Now, you never know.

Counterpoint. If Dennis Allen was Jim Harbaugh, I would be like, this guy's playing chess.

Yeah.

I'm not giving any information, but Dennis, Dennis Allen is not. Dennis Allen read a book this offseason about how to be more like Jim Harrecks and this is how he's trying to implement, correct. Yeah. Because if he was actually about that life, he would have been doing this gamesmanship for the last however long. He stunk up the NFL.

RiGht.

But now he's like, he's, he's learned new tricks that he's trying to adapt as part of his personality that doesn't actually exist.

Correct.

Yeah.

I just love this story because, yeah, he's, the guy's reeling, by the way. Are we gonna have Mister Pear pick a. Pick a game? He forgot to pick packers eagles.

Are we doing that during this?

Yeah, he should have picked Packers Eagles.

While we're talking, mister pair is such a dude.

Okay, have him pick packers eagles. And then when we get to rams lions, he should pick rams lions.

Got it.

Yeah. Okay. Next up, vikings of giants. I have a theory. PFT. And this is kind of like a choose which door and one door is death kind of feeling to it. I think one of the two quarterbacks in this game will be better than expected this year, but I have zero idea which one it will be.

I think it's going to be Sam.

Okay. I kind of think it's going to be Daniel Jones.

I think it's going to be, well, that's tricky because I would say, weirdly, the expectations, I think, at least for myself, are higher for Sam Darnold than they are for Daniel Jones.

Right. But I just think that at the end of the season, we're going to be like, oh, Daniel Jones or oh, Sam Darnold. Not a bad year, but I think the other one's going to be terrible.

I'm going to bet on Sam Darnold because I like Kevin. I like Kevin O'Connell. And Brian Dable, I think, is a good coach. But there were some times with Daniel Jones where he was just, you could tell he was like, watching, just like any of us were like, you got to be shitting me.

Yeah.

And we did see that Daniel Jones moment in the preseason, which I know is a preseason season, but it was still play.

But you said Brian Dable. I know that it's a panic move, but he's calling offensive plays now.

Yeah.

I mean, he was a really good offensive play caller for the Bills before he took the Giants job. He's also skinny, Brian Dable. He's lost a lot of weight. I. Yeah, I don't know. It's just one of those games. I was feeling it before. I was like, one of these quarterbacks. I can't figure out which one, but one of them. I'm going to walk away from the 2024 season being like, not so bad.

I actually like the Giants in this game, but I like Sam Darnold over the course of a season, if he doesn't get mono, is he staying in Hoboken before the game?

I don't know. You know what? I'm going to say it right now. If whoever wins this game, I'm going to be all in on believing in that quarterback. Yeah. For the rest of the season, I will ride or die with that quarterback being like, he's not that bad.

I don't know if I can.

Even though he will prove. Yeah, he will. He will make me look like a fool time and time again. Did he pick it?

Team isn't moved a step.

He hasn't moved a step. Okay, throw some lettuce down. This fucking pair. This. This turtle sucks. Memes, what do you do now?

But he's making all that noise down there. What's he doing? He's scratching.

He's trying to escape. Raiders of Chargers ultimate football guy matchup. I think the Chargers are minus three. Over under is 40 and a half. I love it. Both these guys, they just. They want to fight. They. If you just had them fist fight, it would. It would work as a football game.

You don't need a ball for this game.

No.

Just send the teams out on the field, line up, hit each other, and then whoever is more physical gets the win. I like the Charges, though. I like the Charges in this game.

I do, too.

I believe in Harvard.

I don't. Their team is not good, but I believe in Harbaugh.

But Justin Herbert's good.

Did he pick anything? What's going on here? Memes. Memes. It's okay. Yeah, he just takes his time. Oh, that was so cute how you just said that. Is that. Do you talk to him in that voice?

It's okay. Why?

Oh, my God.

Why isn't memes come in here? I think the turtles a little bit afraid of Max.

No, I.

It'll mister or misses Bear will go miss. It's M iss and then last name ter. Perry.

Now that nobody's around, it'll go to move.

Okay. I'm excited to see Gardner Minshew. That's fun.

That is fun.

He's going to do some weird shit out there, I hope.

Starter Garter Minshew.

I hope that they don't make him just like a vanilla quarterback. I hope that if you openly acknowledge that Gardner Minshew is your starting QB, one, you have to also deal in the fact that he's going to do some crazy shit. Don't try. Don't try to.

Sure.

Yeah. Let him do his own Gardner Minshew thing. Don't try to make him just a boring ass quarterback.

Agreed. Agreed. Pft. You want to talk about your game commanders at Bucks?

Yeah. Yeah, I do.

All right.

So you were saying you're. You're excited about this game, but you also know that you're going to overreact. I almost don't even want this game to happen because I'm. I love Jaden Daniels, and I'm nervous now because he's so good. I'm nervous that either I'm wrong about him being good or that something's going to happen to him.

You want. You basically want to look at your cake, not eat it.

Yes, exactly. I just want to have. It's like Jay Leno's cars that he's got 400 cars and just keeps him in the garage. I've got Jayne Daniels. I just want to be like, that's.

My quarterback in the car.

Watch these highlights from preseason and from college. Isn't he awesome? He's mine.

Yeah.

So that's part of the equation. I did text our friend Jason light from the buckshe. I said, hey, just take it easy on. Maybe do two hand touch. Don't hurt him.

What do you say?

He said that I was pulling a Lou Holtz move, which is just always tell your opponent how bad you are so they take it easy on you. I wasn't trying to do that. I just honestly meant, please don't hurt him.

Yeah.

Please do not.

Please do not hurt Jaden Daniels. It is a classic commanders thing going into week one on the day of the NFL kickoff, where one of the headlines is commanders fire their vice president.

I was waiting for you to. Oh, he took the packers.

Okay.

I was waiting for you to disavow this Mandev.

Well, let's see. Let's see what. He got fired for saying he got fired for saying that some of the players are homophobic. He got fired for saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet. He got fired for saying that Jerry Jones is racist.

I got no problems with any of.

Those, so I think I. Two out of three.

Well, you're missing big one.

What was the other one?

He said, most of the fans of the NFL are high school educated alcoholics and mouth breathers. I went to college, buddy.

Yeah, I do breathe through my mouth.

Yup.

At points in my life, I have drank enough where I would be considered an alcoholic, but alcoholics go to meetings.

That was the part that I was upset about.

I wasn't. I was mostly upset about the fact that he got fired for, I think, saying that Roger Goodell is a $50 million puppet.

He also said that he, he helped run state media because when you guys had that leak, he had to tell everyone, don't worry, it's not sewage.

Yeah. Yeah, he did. That's your job. That's been your job. If you've worked for the commanders for the last 20 years, is to be. Remember Saddam Hussein's right hand man? That was like, who could forget Baghdad Bob? Oh, you know, they called him Baghdad, but he was the one that was like, we're winning the war, as, like, Baghdad was being leveled to that guy. That's been the job of the commander's vice president of communications for a very long time.

Right.

Also, a lot of people are dogpiling on the commanders. And it's like, the best way I can describe it, it is like I have an ugly baby. And, you know, some babies are not that attractive just naturally. Some are cuter than others. I know I have an ugly baby. And I walk around my baby. I love it. I take care of it. I change its diaper. I feed it all the time. I'm always gonna love this baby no matter what. And I can be like, okay, you're a little bit ugly right now. You'll grow into it. But the second somebody else is like, your baby's ugly, I'm like, fuck you, right? You piece of shit.

Right?

This is my baby.

Agreed with.

Only I can call my baby ugly.

Yeah.

That's how I feel about the commanders.

Yeah. When people are like, oh, hanks a piece of shit. We don't like him. He's doesn't work, and he's a fucking, he sucks at golf and he, he's a mouth breather, and he now worse, I'm just like, dude, you can't say that. That's what I say to him. Thank you, I think. You can't say that, bro.

Cuz you're a top guy.

Top guy. Your top g.

But don't you fucking call my baby.

That's a. Max is fat and he fucking cries and he's such a bitch and he sweats everywhere and he, he.

Clogs his toilets and he hates dogs.

He hates dogs. I say, no, you can't say that. Yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying. Pft.

Yeah. So it is fitting, though, that the commanders fired somebody on the day of NFL kickoff.

Yeah, that was perfect.

That's like a classic. Commanders perfect. But I am, I'm excited about Jaden, but at the same time, I just, I've seen too much bad stuff happen to me.

How jealous are you going to be?

Very, very scared.

How jealous are you going to be of me if, if the Bears win and caleb Williams balls out and I basically am sitting there, I'm like winning the, it's like basically winning the first game of March madness on the Thursday afternoon. Yeah.

So what's going to happen? I've thought through that scenario. Caleb goes out there, lights it up, and I'm waiting. And then I'm getting more and more nervous as I'm watching. And then, and Jaden goes out there, fumbles, throws, interception, looks bad, and then big cat's like, I'm going to go in the other room and get ready. Because you don't want to be around me.

Yeah.

Because you know that you're happy about your guy.

Yeah.

And you don't want me to see your happiness while I'm feeling sadness.

Right.

So this is actually, this is the 8 hours on NFL Sunday while these two games are being played. It's a big gateway moment for part of my take.

Correct.

I think best case scenario, well, for us is they're both good. Worst case scenario is one's great, the other stinks, and then we have to.

Deal with repercussions, because even if they're both bad together, at least we have each other. Yeah.

Yeah. If they're both bad together, we can deal with that.

Right.

But if one's good, one's bad. I don't know. I don't know if we're gonna be able to pod.

Yeah, probably have to cancel the pod.

Memes are stepping up.

Memes, you're ready for the prime time. Okay. Couple games.

Last hour long jets preview, couple games left.

Broncos at Seahawks, Seahawks minus six. The over under in this game is 41 and a half. I love the Seahawks in this game.

So I like McDonald.

Yeah.

I like that guy a lot. I think he's probably the perfect person to replace Pete Carroll because they're not alike at all. And I like that you're bringing in some guy that is like, obviously Pete Carroll wasn't exact. Was he fired? Or was it like mutually mutual parting of ways? Mutually. We both agree that you're fired.

Yeah.

Which is a nice way for him to leave. I guess if you have to leave somewhere.

It was like a mutually. We're done with this.

Yeah. And then you bring in like some tough ass defensive coordinator after him. I like that transition.

Yep.

I like that a lot. Agreed. McDonald, I think is a good coach. I'm excited to see what happens with, with the Seahawks offense now.

But.

But you got a good running back.

Yeah.

Kent Walker is good.

Yeah. I just think rookie quarterback on the road against a guy who's very good at coaching defense disguises some things. I think it's been a long day for Bonix. Not saying Bonix is going to be bad, but this is going to be a long day.

So Bonix, is it fair to say hand pick quarterback by Sean Payton.

That's exactly what he is.

Handpicked quarterback.

Well, he saw the inside of his, his book bag.

That's right. And it was unbelievable.

Right.

And would you consider Sean Payton to be a quarterback whisperer or a quarterback guru?

I would actually say it. He'd be more in line with. He had Drew Brees.

Okay. Quarterback. He's a Drew Brees merchant.

He had Drew Brees.

Drew Brees merchant.

Cuz to be a quarterback whisperer, I think you gotta do it with a couple guys.

Gotta have two. But he did it as an assistant.

Yeah. And he reads a quarterback whisperer.

Yes.

He did it with Don McNabb. He did it with Alex Smith.

Yeah.

And Mahomes. Sean Payton. Yeah.

Yeah. Sean Payton. We'll see. But this is his guy. How quickly into the season do you think Sean Payton is allowed to be a dickhead to Bo Nicks if Bo Nicks does something wrong? Because with Russell Russie was from the previous regime.

Yeah. Wasn't his guy.

So he could be like. It's like moving into a house.

He wasn't the stepdad. He was stepped up.

Fuck this bathroom. I'm gonna smash it. But with a guy that you hand picked, I feel like you. Sean Payton can't be a dick to him right off the bat, which I think is good for the Broncos.

Yeah, I'd agree.

I think he has to wait. He's got to do the carrot for a while and then smash him up the ass with a stick later.

Yep, I'd agree. All right, last two games, Cowboys at Browns, Browns minus two and a half, over under is 40 and a half. I don't really know what to expect from Deshaun Watson. Remember him? Yep, I do like Jerry Jones spin zone. Every year he's got a nice spin zone or something last year where he was all in this year, they. He said people were asking him, like, oh, you got to do something after the Green Bay thing. He said, the Green Bay thing. That's what he's calling that loss. The Green Bay thing.

The incident.

You got to do something about after the Green Bay thing. You got to fire people. You got to. You got to change some things. And he said, actually, I have changed some things by not changing things. Everyone's on the hot seat.

So by not in the past. In the past, he would have changed things.

But he did change things.

But you know what? It would have been. It would have been actually easier on those guys if he had changed things, because now he's like, you guys made a mess. You got to clean it up.

Yeah, but he's. He has changed things by not changing things. He said, I didn't make many changes, but within the realm of not making changes, totally changing people out. I tried to turn up the heat on myself and everybody involved. So he didn't change anything. He just turned up the heat.

So what you're saying is there was a maybe about to be a change, and then Jerry Jones was standing in the background as that change was happening, not necessarily preventing that change from happening, but maybe telling everybody, let's see what happens before we make this change. Yes, but he took a picture of it.

Right? He's like, don't change anything. Let's just turn up the heat.

Yeah, let's turn up the heat.

Let's turn up the.

He got it.

So that's the new. We're turning up the heat on the cowboys season. Where'd he go? He sneezed. Grab the rams, lions, picks for mister pair. So Mister pair does have the packers, and Mister pair is going to pick. Oh, he sneezed again. Rams, Lions.

Did we, did we screw up when we talked about Jared Goff earlier when I said that he, he's an MVP candidate because 14 out of 17 games are in a dome. Do we count this as a dome? Does this qualify as a dome? Because remember, they've had, they've had lightning delays.

They're playing in Detroit.

Okay. So it does qualify as a dome.

Yep.

Okay. Good pick. I wrote it down.

Good question.

It was a good question. Had it been in LA? I wrote it down wrong. I wrote lions at Rams.

Yeah.

That's been absolutely 100% debunked. Five Pinocchio.

You know what? We just made sure that people are just staying on their toes. Yep. Yes. It is a dome. And yes, I love the lines in this game.

I do too.

The only thing that makes me nervous is Dan Campbell's an actor now.

He's a really good actor.

It was an awesome commercial. Yeah. Fucking love Dan.

I'd see coming.

Do anything for Dan Campbell. He's the best. I wish I didn't love him so much, but I do love him.

Yeah. He's impossible not to love.

Yeah. Yeah. I like the lines.

I like the lines. I wonder if they're going to boo Matt Stafford's children before this game.

They're not attending.

Okay.

Yeah. They are specifically not attending. I like Ellie and the kids are not coming.

Not after what happened last time.

After what happened, they won't let. They won't let Detroit Don and sprinkles and Superfan do the same thing. Hank, are you okay?

Yeah.

Okay. Um. You had a sneeze attack.

I had a couple sneezes, yeah.

Sugar.

Sugar.

Do we have. Do we have the pick here? Is he picking anything?

Isn't moved.

He hasn't moved. Okay. We probably didn't think this turtle thing out very well.

I would have thought this.

Damn it.

Now, to be fair, mister. Mister Pear does great picks when he has the sheets that are printed out is on the ground.

True.

He's just.

Because I think he's panicking. He thinks he's on. It's. It's like the blue turf. He thinks he's on water when he's on our rug. Yeah, it could.

Yeah. In this situation right here, he's inside of his pen or his crate, which is where he normally chills, so he has no motivation to move.

Yeah. Okay, so do you guys want to do our touchdown parlay? So here's what we're going to do. Every week, we will have it in the DraftKings sports book. We all pick one guy to score. We put them all together, so we're doing a four to score parlay. Max, you got your pick.

I do?

What do you got?

Sunday night football. I hope that it comes down to me. David Montgomery.

Do you really hope that? Yeah. Really?

That's a lot of pressure.

No, you don't now, but I like to pick. Gibbs was kind of banged up throughout training camp. Montgomery there. Everyone's talking about Gibbs going in the year. Montgomery still the bruiser and the games in Detroit.

Yeah, a lot of people thought it was in LA.

And there's gonna be a lot of points. I like. I like to pick. I like David Montgomery to score.

I like to pick, too. Okay, good pick, Max.

I'll go with the one that should get us on the board. I'll just go with Dalton Kincaid. I think he's in score.

Okay.

Early game. Get it out of the way. Try to get us on the board.

I'm also in tight end. I'm going Kyle Pitts.

I'm pretty sure he has three touchdowns in.

All right, I'll go.

No, no, no. The pick is in. It is Kyle Pitts. He has six touchdowns on his career. Three years, but much better quarterback.

He's got Kirk Cousins.

Kirk Cousins love tight ends.

Love it. Yep. It's good odds, I'm sure. What are the odds?

Plus a thousand.

Plus 1000 for a couple score. Touchdown. First touchdown. We're just doing touchdowns.

Oh, 195.

You're right.

Okay. Yeah. It's preseason, Frank.

All right. Okay. And then. So we got Kyle Pitts, we got Dalton Kincaid, we got David Montgomery and Pft.

I like just saying brazilian butt lift. So I want to say jalen hurts.

But instead you can't do Friday.

Yeah, I'm going to say it has to be Sunday. So I'm going to go with Alvin Camara, who against the Panthers. Remember him?

Yeah.

Alvin Kamara against the Panthers. Even have to watch that game. That'll just be one that you'll have. Have maybe a. You'll refresh the score occasionally on your phone on. And just see if Alvin scored yet.

Can I say I'm a little nervous about that pick for one reason.

Why?

We don't know where Clint Kubiak is.

Going to be, but Clint Kubiak is.

Calling off plays for the Saints.

But Kamara doesn't need to have.

I'm just saying I'd like to know where the OC is.

Okay.

All right. I mean, this Dennis Allen guy, he's got the greatest secrets in the world.

Yeah, but that's good. No, that's good, though, that we don't know where he's going to be.

I hope he's like in a closet somewhere. He's already been watching the game.

What if he was secretly fired?

Blind plays.

Yeah.

Shadow Clint Kubiak, friend of the program.

Yeah.

Office manager Brett.

They don't make a lot of clints anymore.

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Now he's going towards the lines.

Well, which did he pick?

I didn't see him go over.

Oh, no.

Now is the lines.

You said. So you said rams.

Do we have a. We have a ruling me.

We said we were going off first move, right?

Var.

Well, first move of the last one was Eagles, but he ended up.

It's where he's gotta end up. No, it's where he's gonna lie means where he's got in.

Memes, you're the replay official.

Lines.

Lines. His pick. Okay.

All right. All right. So let's do our picks. I forgot how we do it. We start with just saying your favorites. We did two last year. Two, that's right. We did two picks. You got to pick a total in a spread. I like that better. Okay, so, memes, you want to start? We'll obviously change the start as we go along. No repeats. So these are our picks. No repeats. And memes, go ahead. I'm gonna go saints, Panthers under. We get the exact number. Mmm. Gotta have it. Gotta have it. Memes, are you also keeping track of these?

Yeah, I'll keep track.

41 and a half. Under. 41 and a half. Okay, Max.

I'm also gonna go with an under. I'm gonna go Raiders, Chargers.

I like that.

Under 40 and a half.

I like it, though. Okay. Pft.

I'm gonna go with an over. Bronco. Seahawks over 41 and a half.

Okay, I also will go with an over because it's football's back and I want to root for points. So I'll go cardinals. Bills over 47.

Okay, I will go with an under between my New England Patriots and the Cincinnati Bengals. Under 41.

Good pick.

You believe in Jared Mayo?

Gerard Mayo?

Yeah. Thank you, Hank.

I got your back. Who cares, guys? Name is spelled Jared.

Sure it's not Gerard from subway?

We don't talk about him. Who definitely would have been a recurring guest if we were doing that show.

Yeah.

In the 2010 thought about. We definitely would have been. Oh, yeah. Jared from subway wants to come on the show. Okay, we'll talk to him about the Colts.

We'd probably have his pants framed on.

The walls with them. Autograph Jared and bad. What was Hank's number?

Sorry.

A 41.

Okay. One. All right, Hank, you have another pair.

My next pick is going to be the Chicago Bears minus three and a half.

Love it. I don't think it's a troll.

It's not.

I know this.

These picks.

These matter. The pick you make right now could be the difference between you having to wrestle alligator and. Not exactly. I'm gonna take the Panthers plus four.

Okay. Does it not worry you where Clint Kubiak is going to be?

I think it's. It makes me happy that Dennis Allen might not even know where he's gonna be.

Okay.

I think he might forget where to put him. Where you want to put him. As there's a staffer who, like, comes up to him. He's like, coach, one last thing before we kick off. Where do you want to put him?

It's like in the matrix where they're all. They're all the agent.

Yeah.

Standing around him doesn't know who to talk to. Okay, I'm going to go with one. That was controversial earlier. I'm going to go with Colts plus three. Okay, Colts plus three. Home dogs.

Yep. And remember, we're doing half a point for pushes, so if anything pushes counts as a half a point.

Okay.

Win counts as one loss. Obviously zero. Maxi?

I'm going to go with Seahawks minus six.

I like it.

Does it make you nervous that Bo Nix was named a captain?

No, actually, he's a quarterback.

I said.

I actually said this to memes and he was like, yeah, he's quarterback.

It doesn't make me nervous because Sean Payton was like, I hand selected this guy. He's going to be captain.

Kilburn's a captain? Yeah, he was voted on by his teammates. No big deal.

How many captains you guys have?

Like five?

Yeah, a lot of captains. Three on offense, you need. You need some captains participation, trophy culture.

Need a special teams captain. Two.

And everyone gets a captain. Everyone gets a little logo. Here's your gold star.

Great job. You're not saying this because Jaden Daniels.

I haven't looked it up. I don't know I truthfully don't know.

Hey, they're gonna try to pit us against each other. Let's not let them do that.

I think what Dan Quinn's doing is he's not naming captains. I think he's like, I'm gonna tell you before the game who's going out for the coin toss, but nobody on this team has earned the captain Sea.

What if the ship goes down?

Then it's every man for himself. Okay, then. Everyone play your music. Get to the lifeboats. Fuck women and children.

Yeah.

No, I don't know how.

Bft.

Not literally, but yeah.

Fucked.

Fuck women. Fuck with fuck women. And don't worry about the children getting to the light bulb.

Got it.

Fuck women. Kill children.

Yeah.

Marry men.

There it is.

That's what it is.

Memes. Last one. I'm going to take the raiders plus three. Okay. All right, good job. So those picks are in. Let's finish up before we get to Paul Skeens fantasy. Fuck boys. Brought to you by our friends Eddie. Body armor. This segment is brought to you by body armor sports water. The alkaline water that provides real hydration with electrolytes for taste. Everybody is always drinking it around the office. The sports drink, the zero sugar, and even the flash iv. After a long weekend, we can't get enough body armor. The sport water, in my opinion, is the best water on the market. Look, I'm drinking it right now. Head on over to your local 711. Get your body armor. Sports water today. Thank you to body armor. Sponsoring us, keeping us hydrated through football season. Very important. So thank you to body armor. Okay, fantasy fuck boys.

What's up? My name's Pauly Googly ammo.

I start him. Bill Belichick. Yeah, getting with the Times.

He's on social media joining instaface.

Careful. Those double taps, Billy.

He's gonna be double tap and he's gonna be sucking in fucking in no time.

Oh, we're gonna suck in fuck.

He's gonna be in those DM's, my sitam. Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey.

Trouble in paradise.

The script is out. They're breaking up.

Allegedly, I think I have to say. We knew the whole time this was never real.

It was whatever you want. NFL rigs, P and V, Pete. No.

Yep. You said, say whatever you want.

Oh, say whatever you want.

I want to see pee.

No, I would not look. I would not look.

No. Would not look.

I sleep a look wrong.

My sleeper is eating shit.

Oh, okay. A lot of dialog about eating shit.

A couple studies have come out. It's actually healthy and nutritious. Helps build strong bones.

They sound like some very reptile people.

Study. So this week, release that. Study that.

Shake your hand under your bunghole and fucking take a nice bite out of a steamy deuce.

Your own poop, huh?

Yep.

That's anything else. Okay.

Take your buddy's poop.

Okay. What's up?

Hey, what's up, pricks?

It's me, Pete Prisco. Love it. What's up, Pete? My I'm starting chiefs aholic. Oh, that was my startup. Chiefs.

All against stand up guy. Some of the cash fell off the bat. Back of the truck, big deal. He got 17 and a half year bid. He's a stand up guy, though. Don't tell him. Your friends didn't tell on his friends. He's doing the time like a man. Respect him.

Yes.

Doing it on his feet. Doing those little wolf paws. I'm sitting Caleb Williams because he cried to his mama. A strong italian man like me would never have an unhealthy relationship with his mother like that. It's not something that we do.

Why are you saying this?

I'm saying in italian culture, we never have too close relationships with our mothers live with them for forever and have them cook all of our meals even after we get married. It's weird to be so attached to your mother as an Italian. I'm saying that I'm. My sleeper is Russell Wilson.

He's a sleeper.

He's got a tender little calf. In Italy, we call that veal. The veal Parmesan. Little tender calf.

Yes.

Bring me my bib because I'm eating every ounce of that motherfucker.

Yes. Okay. My stardom was going to be chief saholic, but I'm going to change it. My stardom, him is Dan Hurley. Rule of the jungle. In the jungle. Well, fuck with. Oh, I forgot to say my name is Guido. Do, do less epi.

Hey, hey, Guido.

Guido dulacepe. But, yeah, did Hurley. My stardom. He's a ruler of the jungle. You won't come in this jungle.

Ruler of the jungle.

My cinemas Brazil. Sit down on your big, fat ass, Brazil. Because guess what? There's a new sheriff in town. His name is Big Dom. Don't you try anything. Big Dom's ready for it.

Don't you ask him the keys to nothing on his way back home.

Catwood hate Brazil.

I would love them.

No.

Yeah. Some of us do our job. Hank would hate I. Hank would. Hank would hate Greenland. No. Call what's his green? He goes. He go there he go. There. Sucks, too.

Ankle.

Ankle.

Land in Greenland.

Be like he talks to Hank.

Lands in Greenland. He says, where's the pin?

I could hate the Pacific Ocean. No golf. My sleeper is Hank because all he does is fucking sleep. He was sleeping on the couch just a second ago. Buddy slept. Oh, he lifted today.

Hey.

Hey. Hand up.

We should have woke and hang up early so we didn't nap for so long.

Yeah. Sorry for waking you up.

Sorry, Hank said, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for not waking.

Hey, sorry.

I never said that.

Okay. I might have changed my last two because of you.

What did you say about Brazil?

They said, no big cat would hate Brazil because they don't have Twitter saying, I'm a jitter.

I didn't say.

That's it.

Twist.

That's a toxic. That's a timely joke, Hank.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry for trying to make a timely joke on this podcast.

I'm sorry for joking about call.

Hank can't exist, and you're sleeping.

Yeah, I mean, the sleeping. I don't really know.

Like, we should put a bed in here.

The couch is fine.

Yeah.

09:00 a.m. till, you know, midnight. Like, there's a couple hours.

There's a long day.

There's nothing to do. So I just.

Why do you work out in the morning when you know you have hours in the afternoon?

Um, because there was no time, like, for new guy that I work out with.

Oh, got it. I was like, huh?

The random dude. Yeah. Mm hmm.

I thought you had a chick train, Daniel. No, that was last 1000, Jersey.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

She liked you.

She didn't like me.

Oh, she didn't.

She was like a. She was older.

Oh, you had an old lady train.

You for, like, a month?

Yeah.

Stupid.

Would you do underwater aerobics?

No, we just.

Richard Simmons.

I mean, I think. I didn't work.

Obviously.

Obviously.

Obviously. Okay, let's get to our interview with Paul Skeets.

We're going to get to Paul Skeets in a second. He's brought to you by Coors light. If there's a big rivalry game coming up this weekend, you can choose chill with the world's most refreshing beer, Coors light mountain cold refreshment that can chill even the most heated rivalries. When you're looking to keep it chill, there's only one beer to choose. Coors light. The mountains on the bottles and cans. Even turn blue when your beer is cold, cold. So, you know, when your mountain cold refreshment is ready, for you to choose chill. When things heat up, choose chill. Crack open a Coors light. During football season, you got to take a second to chill out. You can't be turned on all the time. You gotta have a moment off, a moment to chill and let that chill carry over into the game. Mountains are blue this weekend, guys. Coors light. Some of the best football watching weather of the year. This year. Coors lights gonna be there for it. It's the one to choose when rivalries heat up. When you're looking to cool things down and enjoy the game, choose chill. Reach for Coors light. Get Coors light delivered straight to your door with instacart or gopuff by going to Coors light.com take.

And now here's Paul Skenes.

Okay. We now welcome on a very special guest. Phenom. Can I say phenom?

You can say whatever you want.

Okay. Pitching phenom it is. Pittsburgh pirates starting pitcher Paul Skienes. I think. Phenom, I think you. What else have you been like? You phenom, how early in your life were you, like, phenom or. Next up?

Had to be within the last year.

So wasn't when you were, like, 13? Everyone's like, oh, man, this guy's. No, he's the guy.

No, when I was 13, I was probably hitting 11th in our travel ball games.

Seriously?

Yeah.

That's crazy.

What happened?

Just grew. Grew into my body.

One day I'll grow. Yeah, it'll happen.

Yeah.

No, that is, I guess now you are a phenom. I think that's what you call rookie. Yeah, a rookie is a phenom, but you were never a prodigy. You weren't like an ace at that age. So.

Yeah.

Was it. Was it like you put on weight, you grew, and then you just became a dominant pitcher?

Yeah. I mean, the pitching thing happened really recently. I put on weight and I grew. You know, when I was a senior in high school, freshman in college, had a big growth spurt. And then I. And kept putting on weight. But I was a. I went to college as a catcher.

Yeah, you were. You were like an incredible catcher. I read something that basically, if scout was like, yeah, if Paul Skeens caught five games, MLB right now, he'd be one of the best catchers out there.

Yeah, I'm trying to convince. I was talking to one of my teammates about that the other day, Connor Joe and who also caught in college. And he asked me, you know, if there was one position other than pitcher that you could play on the field, what would it be. And I said catcher, and he just started laughing, like, no, I'm serious.

Yeah. Like, I'm.

I'm really trying to convince them that I can catch, but, uh, yeah, for probably for good reason. They don't. They don't really believe me.

Wait, you could get injured back there a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah. Wait, so that. This. Fascinating. So you were in high school, you were a catcher. Did you. You pitched as well?

A little bit, yeah, it kind of just. It was just, hey, let's go pull out the pocket radar and see how hard we can throw.

So how hard were you throwing in high school?

Like 88.

That's nuts. And then you went to Air Force for a couple years. You were still catching then?

Yeah.

And then when you went to LSU, is that when you started pitching or.

You start full time?

Okay.

Yeah, I mean, I was pitching. I closed my freshman year at Air Force and started, you know, started on Fridays my sophomore year at Air Force and then went to LSU, and it was when I transferred, I wanted to be the two way player. Hit in the fall. All through the fall. But they were like, you're not catching. And I was like, you know, that's. That's fair. But, yeah, hit through the fall and then pitched through the fall, and then they just stopped putting me in BP groups.

Yeah.

And that was kind of where the writing was on the.

Oh, you just showed up one day and you just weren't in your BP group.

Yeah, I didn't see my name on the wall, so it was like, all right, I guess. I guess we're gonna, you know, try this pitching thing out and see if we can win a national championship just doing this.

So you were a catcher at Air Force, and then you would also. You would have take the pads off, and then you go out on the mound and you close that same game.

So my. Yeah, so my first. My first series ever was actually at LSU, and it was during COVID So the. It was, like, 25 or 30% capacity, but I caught, I don't know, seven or eight innings, and then took the pads off and went down to the bullpen. And I just remember the fans down the. Because the bullpens are on the line. Like, the fans are right on top of you at LSU, and. And they're, you know. Oh, they're out of pitching. They're bringing their catcher in, that kind of thing. And I came in and we won. But I did give up a home run to Dylan Cruz.

Great player.

Good player. Really good player. Great.

Dude, this is insane. So I didn't fully realize that, like, so have you had. I mean, I would assume you've had moments where you've had to, like, step back and be like. Like, this is all happened in basically two years because you went to LSU, you win a national title, you start pitching full time, you're the number one pick, and then before it's even a year past the national title, you're pitching in major league baseball, throwing like, eleven strikeouts a game. Like, that's. That's insane. Has anyone ever sat down, been like, this isn't how it usually goes? This is nuts?

Yeah. I mean, people. People talk about it, but I don't know, you know, nobody. Nobody's trajectory is the same. Yeah. It's not linear, you know, progresses through this game, you know, the same way. So I don't. I don't. This is kind of how my journey is. That's kind of what I've realized. And not to say that it's never happened before or that it's not going to happen again, but definitely, definitely cool to take a step back, but it's just baseball at the end of the day.

Yeah. Wait, so when was the. When was the first time? Do you remember the first time you threw a hundred and you're like, oh, shit, that feels different.

I think it was at LSU.

Yeah.

We had a fall game. I think it was against, like, Nichols State. And right after the Alabama game, when they were running on, you know, they mobbed the field and all that, but. So it was a pretty cool couple.

Yeah, yeah.

And then I think they had the track, man. Pulled it. Pulled up in the dugout and it said 100 on there. And I came into the dugout after I pitched, and they were like, hey, you just hit 100. And I looked on the sheet the next day. Cause we get a, you know, a sheet with our actual velo's, movement profiles, that kind of thing. And it said 99.5. And I was like, ah, kidding me. I didn't actually hit 100. So I think. I think it was during the season at some point.

Yeah, they should round up for every other number except.

Except 100.

Yeah.

And then 90. You know, when, you know, in high school or college, whenever you hit 90 for the first time, I think. Think. I think that's the same way.

Yeah.

Those are two big milestones. So do you think you could catch yourself?

I think so, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, it should be easy, right?

I mean, I. Yeah, we.

I'm sure there's like a. With all the different batting cages and, like, Trevor Bowers whole, like, thing. Like, I'm sure you could mimic Paul Skeen's throwing and you catching.

Yeah, well, there's, there's something called a traject now, and I've never. That's what I think all the big league teams have. I know we have. It is just, it's basically a machine that, I think it's like a screen that, you know, shows up, the pitcher going through their delivery and then the ball coming out, and it's all your pitches, and so you can put it into a, which is honestly pretty tough for pitchers because.

Yeah.

Hitters have faced you however many times.

Yeah.

Even step in, but so I. Guys can step in and hit off themselves or so I could, I could catch myself. I just don't think.

Could you hate yourself?

I could. I don't think anybody would like that if I, I could if I wanted to.

Imagine that being a catcher, it prepared you to be a pitcher.

Yeah.

As you see it from a different perspective. Right.

Yeah. And I think being a hitter also, but definitely, I mean, just, just seeing the game from the, the other side of it, that was something I was super lucky with when I was at Air Force. We got scouting reports, and then there were just like, hey, you're going to call the game. And because, you know, college, the coach calls it, and then you, you put the fingers down, whatever. But from the beginning, when I was at Air Force, from, you know, my first game there, because it's a, it's a leadership exercise. That's basically how our head coach put it. So I was calling the game from, from my first game, you know, that I was catching at LSU or whatever my freshman year, you know, thinking the game that way. And I think it's, it's only helped me, you know, to this point.

Yeah.

I read that you were, you were considering both Navy and Air Force for college. Did you pick Air Force because the Navy doesn't have f 15s?

No, I.

That's why I would have picked, yeah.

So I had a couple uncles who were in the Navy, and one of them was on a sub and one of them was on a destroyer and they're both six five, so it's pretty tight, you know.

Yeah.

You're walking around like that. So I think. I think that I, you know, at the time, I thought the lifestyle in the air force would have been a little bit better. I thought when I committed, I was probably like six three, and I was like, it's like, yeah, flying f 16s would be sick. And then I hop in an f 16. When I'm 6566 in the backseat, I'm like, all right, this kind of sucks. Do you think?

Are you done growing? Because it feels like you might not.

I think so.

I don't know. You. I mean, it feels like every. If you. If you grew that late, you might still have another. Like, what if you end up being six, seven?

Oh, man. Yeah. I definitely wouldn't be flying up 16.

Yeah.

Yeah. Good thing about the air force is there are a few different planes that you can fly.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What did you want to fly?

C 17s.

Okay.

You know, by the time it was all said and done, when I was at Air Force, that's. That's what we flew to all our away trips at the Air Force academy. You know, they would. They would be flying, you know, their own missions, and just fly through Colorado Springs, take us to wherever we need to go, and. And it. Like, if you. If you guys have never seen a c 17, it's. It's awesome.

Yeah, it's huge.

Yeah. And one of the recruiting. The recruiting pitches that players would give us was, you know, hey, while we're flying to North Carolina or California or wherever, we can play wiffle ball while we're on the plane because it's that big inside, and I never did that, but we could have.

Yeah.

That's so badass, though. C 17 picks up Air force to take them on road trips.

Yeah. It just works out perfectly. And c think, are the biggest. The most common airplane for ex Air Force baseball players to fly. So every time we fly, basically, we have an ex Air Force baseball player, which. It's awesome. Just, you know, having a 2010 grad, flying around 20. I was a 24 grad, you know, flying me around, and it's, you know, he was there, you know, ten years before I was 14, you know, 15 years before I was. Whatever it is.

Yeah.

Just, like, the legacy of it. That was really cool.

That is awesome. So. And you still are very active. You do stuff with the Gary Sinise foundation, which helps veterans, and so what kind of stuff have you been doing with them?

Yeah, I mean, really just trying to raise as much money as possible. I think it's a $100 a strikeout that I'm donating and obviously trying to, you know, just basically get as much support as possible just because they're, you know, they're a really good foundation that does a lot for veterans, first responders, and their families. And that's. That's something that, you know, we can never fully repay them for what they've done for us. So, you know, it's. It's. It's never gonna be enough, but it's a step, so.

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome.

How many more starts do you have left this year, man?

Got a month left or something.

Yeah.

Probably four or five around there. Yeah.

You know what?

I'll match.

Oh, I'll double that. I'll double.

That's gonna double. I'm gonna match. I'm just matching. Big cats double. I'm doubling for the record.

So 200 strikers out, 200 strikeout.

Yeah, I'll do 100. You're very good at pitching, so I don't. I don't want to do 200.

All right. I'm matching. I'm doubling. I'm doubling.

I've double.

Yeah.

What's crazy is that I think I. I said yesterday that Ted Williams is. He's the only player, in terms of unbreakable stats, that hit 400 in a season and also shot down four enemy aircraft. I feel like you are the. Probably the only hope to break that record ever.

MMDH.

Yeah. I don't. The 400 would probably be tough.

Yeah.

I might have to get, like, two at bats and get one hit.

Yeah.

In a little pitch that counts, especially with the no DH now, but that. That would count. Yeah. Yeah. The. The four enemy aircraft actually might be the harder one in that, but you're.

Leastr in the conversation. You're in the car in the conversation.

You're next up on the table.

We started the conversation.

Yeah. I gotta ask a question about the game earlier. It was, I think was last month or. No, it was in July against Milwaukee. No hitter through seven. And they take you out.

Yeah.

Were you pissed? Be honest. You could be fully honest. We'll cut all this.

Yeah. No, I was more pissed at myself because I was at, like, 98 pitches or something like that. And I was. I was. I was tired.

Oh, you were?

Yeah. And that's. That's what our. It was the outing right before the all star break. I was. I was tired to be.

You need to, like, have, like, a sign in your back pocket where you can take it out and be like, I'm tired, guys. Because I was mad for you.

Yeah.

I wish I had known. I should have been not mad.

I was also at 60 pitches, I think, through three innings. So I was. I was really just. And that was one of the games where, you know, guys will say, like, you have 30 starts in a year. You're gonna feel great for ten of them. You're gonna feel terrible for ten of them, and then whatever, ten, you're gonna, you know, it could go either way. Something like that. I've heard that a number of different ways, but that was kind of one of the ones where I just woke up and didn't feel great. Yeah, day games are tough. Like, so that was, that was one where it was almost like I would bet we better get the pen going in the second because we'll see how far we go.

And then you end up going no hitter through seven.

Yeah. Yeah. It kind of funny how that works, but, yeah, that was, like I said, I was more pissed at myself because I was at 60 pitches through three innings.

Okay. So we can't be. We can't be mad about that one because I, and I guess you, you have a long career. It's smart to take you out if you're tired. But I also, every time there's a no hitter or a perfect game, I'm like, if you think it was a perfect game, would you stayed in? Would you have at least fought for yourself to stay in?

Yeah. I mean, and that's, that's one thing that, you know, I fight for myself to my, you know, to an extent, with all these games, because there, there are games where I throw 100 pitches and I feel like I could throw 50 more and there are games where I throw 85 and, you know. All right, that's it.

So it really is game to game like that because I think we are stupid sports fans where we're like, hundred pitches is always the number in our head. Like, once you get over 100, oh, man, this is. But it's, there's some days where it's like, I could throw 150, no problem.

Yeah. And I think. I think that is one of the perks of being 22, probably.

Yeah.

Because I would do that pretty routinely last year at LSU, and we were all comfortable with it. I would feel good the next day. My body was just built up, and I think it is still built up, but that is also, this is the longest season I've ever played because I've basically been full go since, you know, the start of spring training in February till now. So as opposed to whatever, February through June in college. So that it's a, it's an adjustment.

Yeah.

So with the transition to the rookie year, I remember Jamar Chase, LSU guy, when he started playing with the Bengals in practice. He was like, it's going to take a second to get used to the ball. There's no white stripes on the ball in the NFL, but this might be a dumb question in baseball, is there a difference between the college ball and the major league baseball?

Big time. And I actually like the big league ball more, but the seams on a college ball are. The college balls are pretty bad. And because the seams vary so much, you know, you get. You get one with big seams, small seams, and then you can feel, like the. How hard the baseball is, how soft it is, that kind of thing. Just cause, like, they're. They're cheaply made. You can. You can, like, feel it with the college balls. And I think up to Double AAA is kind of like the college ball, but then Triple A and the big leagues use the same balls. And then spring training, we used. We used big league balls also, and I threw with big league balls the. The entire offseason. So I think that the. You look at numbers, guys with 18 vert fastballs in college will get to throwing with major league balls, and it'll be a 14 vert fastball, for example. Everything just kind of moves a little bit less with a big league ball, but they're more consistent. I don't know. They feel better in my hand. So it's an adjustment to make. I think. Some guys hate it.

Some guys love it. I'm probably on those love it side, but, yeah, it's. It's definitely. It's definitely an adjustment.

How many strikeouts do you have a number in your head that you have to reach where you don't have to worry about baby Gronk anymore?

No.

Okay. So you just know what you are, what you think. You could throw, like infinity strikeouts. You'd still have to worry about baby gronk.

No.

Oh, it's the other way.

Yeah. Other way.

Okay. You don't have to worry about baby gronk.

Yeah.

Okay. All right, good. That's good, because I don't know if I ever. In your head, you're like, baby gronk. He's trying to riz up my girlfriend. Gotta worry about this. Like, I'm at the ballpark. Where's baby Gronk?

No, never worried about that. All right.

Good day. I think you. You're taking the right approach.

Yeah.

But I just wanted to make sure, because we'll take care of baby Gronk for you if you need us to.

No, I don't. Yeah, I don't have social media or anything like that.

That's smart. Very smart.

Yeah, that stuff.

Cuz I don't even want to start talking about the Rizzler and what could. Rizzlers.

He's next up I don't even know who that is.

Yeah, right.

And that's how I was with baby Gronk or whatever.

How long did it take for somebody to explain to you what was happening during the baby? Because I'm online and it still took somebody like, yeah, 30 minutes.

It was basically, like, someone speaking chinese to me.

Yeah. I just. Somebody, I don't know, sent it to me or something. All right, whatever. Just some more stupid Internet stuff.

Yep, that's pretty much what it was. Stupid.

That's it.

Okay. We're not worried about baby gronk. And thank God you don't know who the rizzler is. Maybe I'll tell you afterwards because, yeah, whatever. He's, like, seven, and he's a phenotype.

Oh, great.

Paul Skeens is being brought to you by Verizon. We're excited for the best time of year football season. Verizon can help you win Sunday and be fully prepared for football watching with NFL Sunday ticket, meaning you get your favorite teams out of market every Sunday afternoon after the move to Chicago. I'm going to use NFL Sunday ticket to watch every Sunday commanders game on my own terms. I can keep up with my team from afar. I can watch commanders games right at home or on the go with my phone. I'm in the bathroom. I can bring the phone with me. Boom. Commanders games right there. It's out of market. Doesn't matter. With Verizon, I can watch it. You don't need to go out to the bars to catch the game. It relies on NFL Sunday ticket to get the commanders games that I want and need to watch and the ones I can't live without. Now you can get NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube tv to keep up with all your favorite teams and out of market games on Sunday afternoon to get an awesome deal on NFL Sunday ticket from YouTube with Verizon. And now here's more Paul schemes.

What. What's your favorite type of strikeout? Is it looking or swinging? I love looking.

Definitely depends. Looking. Looking is sweet.

Yeah.

Especially. I mean, not especially. Not one of those wherever, you know, one of those cheap ones where the umpire gives it to you.

Yeah.

And they're arguing, but, like, one where you just, like, kind of beat him.

Yeah.

He's sitting something else, and you throw the. You know exactly what he's thinking.

Right. Basically, I just love whenever you. Whenever a pitcher, like, freezes a guy up, because there's no. There's no worse feeling of, like, I didn't even get to swing the bat.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. But do you have a favorite strikeout.

Like, from this year?

Yeah. Or. Or. Yeah, maybe a bat or from LSU.

Probably. But I don't know that I. If there were one favorite, it would definitely be a looking strikeout. I'll say that. I don't know. Maybe. I don't even remember my first strikeout was looking.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I guess my first strikeout.

All star game. You had a strikeout, right? Or, you know. Oh, you did. No, man.

I can tell.

The kind of a bust.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You shouldn't have started.

Yeah.

That's going on, baby Gronk's bulletin board. No strikeouts. The all star game.

When did you find out that you were gonna start? Because we were saying, like, two weeks before.

Yeah.

That if baseball is smart, they will make sure that you start in the all star game.

Yeah. So I was on the Dan Patrick show, and the day after my start in Milwaukee, we had just gotten to Chicago. We were playing the White Sox and doing the podcast on the Dan Patrick show, and our pr guy texted me, said, hey, if you make sure to keep your phone on while you're. I'm doing this thing on the laptop. And he texts me, make sure to keep your phone on, and if you get a call from whatever area code, answer it. I'm like, all right. Like, I think I know what this is, then if I'm going to answer a call while I'm on a. On the Dan Patrick show. But he, Tory Lavella was the manager, and he ends up calling Dan, I think. And he was like, hey, you know, I chose you to start the all star game. And I was like, oh, okay. I didn't say yes or no. And he was like, do you accept? I'm like, yeah, of course I accept. He told me on air, my, you know, my parents, my family, you know, everyone's watching it, and so that everybody found out at the same time that I did, basically, while it was.

While it was live on air.

Yeah.

That's very cool. Where do you stand on robot ops?

I like the challenge system. That's what we had in triple a. Yeah. I really do like the human part of the game, which is kind of probably ironic to say, but we have a really good catcher. Yells money, grand all. And that's obviously how I came up. I mean, grand all, you know, Henry, Joey, Bart, like, they can all catch, they can all receive. And that's part of the game, is just stealing strikes. And it's also part of the game of, you know, the cat and mouse game between the catcher, the pitcher, the umpire, all of it. So I think if we're going to go anywhere with it, the challenge system. But I think it's, I think full on robot omps is it kind of just removes the purpose of a catcher a little bit. You know, de incentivizes framing and. Yeah, you know, making stuff.

Yeah.

Look good. Which is, you know, I. For the longest time, I wanted to be a big league catcher, and so I'm biased there.

I kind of agree with that, too. And we always say that it's good to have somebody get mad at. So if.

Yeah. Always be able to push.

Yeah.

You're like the young fucked us on this one with a robot. You can't really say that. Although you'd probably remember that pitch, I think, was against the Cubs. Right?

There was a. There was one last night.

There was one, it was against the Cubs a couple weeks ago where it was like, like eleven inches outside the strike zone, but it was a position player throwing it. So the umpire was just like, strike. Let's get out of here.

Yeah. In a 14 run ballgame. Yeah.

Yeah, that was. Yeah, that was quite a game. You had to feel good, though, your manager having your back last night.

Yeah, yeah.

Cause that was like a he. I think he's what? He's like. No, you talked to me yelling at the ump.

Yeah. That was odd. That was the first time I've ever had something like that.

Yeah.

In, in my career. Cause that's not a thing in college.

Because I guess the ump was mad. You kind of walked off. But like.

Yeah, I don't know, that's. That's another thing, you know, Yaz is. Is a really good cat. He fools me all the time with those pit. Especially to the, to the, you know, to my glove side. He's just so good at moving the ball there. And I thought it was like, you know, well within the zone, I look back and it was, you know, a baller, ball and a half outside. But, yeah, I didn't, you know, just kind of. I thought he was, you know, stepping back to ring him up or something like that. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what I love about umpires, though, is that like, they, they will get. I'm not saying this guy did it last night, but they have egos, too, and so respect. So you could throw a strike and then they're gonna be like, nah, fuck that guy. He didn't walk off on me. That's a ball. Yeah, get back and then I'll start yelling at your manager to, like, get you in line. I just, it's fun having big egos like Joe west, those kind of guys, and they're not always great for the players. I understand that, but it's fans at home that enjoy chaos. That, to me, is like part of the charm of baseball.

Yeah. Just watch the world burn a little.

Yeah, exactly.

It was cool because Doug came up to me after and, you know, basically say, yeah, it's cool to, to watch you pitch from behind the plate, that kind of thing. I got, he said, like, he has five more years and he's looking forward to having me again and that kind of thing, so kind of a. It was cool.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ended well.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't seem like a guy that would try to show somebody up now.

And that's one thing that I was thinking about also is did, you know, did I do anything? Because, like, you know, like he said, I'm, you know, that was the first time I had ever had him, you know, behind the plate for one of my starts, but I know I'll have him again, you know, all these, that is, that's really cool about the big leagues for me. You know, it when I'm in college, up until the transfer portal thing, we're facing a team. Like, I'm not going to play with those guys, you know, for at least, you know, three or four years until maybe I get to pro ball and they're on the same team. Transfer portal, it's a little different because you can play anyone and they're on your team the next year, but that's how pro ball is, you know. You know, you could trade for somebody, claim off waivers, that kind of thing. Anyway, anyway, it's cool for me to think about how any, anyone on, on the Cubs could be on our team next year and, yeah, I could be playing with you on the Cubs. Yeah. Like, it's just, you know, we could, we could all be playing together, so it doesn't make any sense for me to have anyone on my bad side and we're going to be playing against each other forever, so it'd be cool.

If you reunited with Dylan Cruz at some point in DC.

That would be cool.

That would be awesome. Yeah, he'd love to see that.

Yeah, we got him this weekend, but yeah, that'd be cool. He's a guy I would love to play with.

You mentioned, like, triple a ball and you did play at AAA to start the season. What was it like? So you pitched 27 innings and you had 45 strikeouts. Was that just the coolest thing ever, being like, I. This is so easy for me.

Yeah. I mean, there was, there were some growing pains there because I would. I had a pitch count every outing.

Oh.

And I was. It was extremely frustrating for me to. Cause I'm learning how to pitch in pro ball, really. And a lot of these guys are big league hitters that are, you know, down there and getting called back up, that kind of rehab guys, that kind of thing. So I'm pitching against big leaguers, essentially, and it was, you know, I would, I would have an outing where I'm at 60 pitches and three innings, and I'd get pulled and I, you know, I'd just be pissed for a week until I pitch the next time, like, so that, that was the, that was the tough part for me. You know, I was. I was striking people out, whatever, 45 strikeouts in 20, but I was almost striking too many people out, I think, because it was so inefficient. I'm trying to learn how to, because I'm, you know, I'm getting a three two counts too often. I did that yesterday, too, so it was frustrating for me on that end is, you know, just trying to. Cause I, you know, I can strike out however many people I want in three innings, but that's not, you know, there are still six innings left to play in the game, so I gotta.

I gotta cover my innings. That's kind of how I was thinking about it as I was, as I was building up. I'm like, this is how it's gonna have to be when I get to the show, you know? So I was really just learning how to. How to pitch and pro ball against big leaguers.

When you get a zero two count, are you ever like, I'm nothing. Waste in one. Like, let me just strike him out right here.

Yeah, it depends. I think there, sometimes it's. It's like that, and sometimes, I mean, if there are runners on, it's. It's different, but sometimes I play around too much more than I should, but, yeah, so, you know, still learning.

Getting cute. Yeah.

They're, like, upset with you in triple A ball because they can't see you pitch out of the stretch enough. You don't know how he does the runners on 45 strikeouts. Yeah, yeah, I saw you. Are you throwing a slinker?

Yeah. They call it a splinter. I call it the sinker.

Splinker. What's the difference? Split and sinker.

Yeah.

What's the difference between the two?

So the splitter is like, a true, you split the ball, you know, in between your fingers or you spit, obviously, in between your fingers, but based kind of more in the middle of the ball, the sinker, it's usually fingers together and it's just, you know, you throw it harder and I. And it moves down an arm. So I split my fingers a little bit. I don't split the ball, but I split my fingers a little bit and it just comes off my fingers in a way that it breaks spin and it makes the ball move down, basically. Not necessarily more than anybody else. It's just a little bit different, I think.

I just like the name.

The splinter blinker is a great name. Have you thought about throwing an eifs?

No. Off season project.

Yes. Dude, the Eiffs would fuck people up, like every now and then. Like, I'm not saying every game, but if you had an efIs, just every, I don't know, once a month it would work. Yeah. Because no one would expect it. Yeah.

Slow for him.

Yeah.

Zach granky.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Granky used to do it. It was so much fun, too, because you're like, what was that?

Yeah.

And actually, the only thing, the only downside of the EifF is I feel like umps don't know how to call him.

Yeah. The, the one that was eleven inches out of the strike zone, you might get that call.

Yeah. Yeah.

That'd be nice.

Yeah.

So are you working on new pitches during the season or is that strictly an offseason thing?

I think it depends. When I was in college, last year, when I was at LSU, I was holding a baseball one day and I'm like, oh, this grip feels good. And started throwing it. I wanted it to be a gyro slider. Basically. I was throwing the sweeper. I wanted it to be something that was more down and, you know, just straight down, basically. And then I end up throwing it and it's. It's a full on curveball, which is what I'm throwing now. And I started throwing at the next, next outing and that, that was how I did it last year and it just worked. But I haven't felt the need to do that this year. Yeah. So, you know, we'll see where we're at next year. Probably an off season thing if I'm going to add stuff. Yeah. I just haven't felt the need to do that this year.

I love the idea of you just holding a baseball and be like, oh, that I'm holding it differently than I've held it before. Let's see if I can throw it like this.

That's how, that's how pitch design come. I mean, that, you know, that's how pretty much all my pitches.

Yeah, that's, that's just carry around a baseball with you at all times. Yeah, I've had be moving it, like, oh, what's this?

Few pitching coaches tell me I should, you know, drive around, have at least one baseball in my truck, you know? You know, and just hold it while, you know, just play around with it. That feels good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's something to it. That's how I figured out the sinker splinker. And so I figured out the curveball change up, you know, way back, so, yeah, funny.

If you were, like, out at a restaurant, somebody's like, I think that's Paul skeens, but I'm not sure. And you're just holding a baseball, so.

Funny story on that. That's how I knew I was gonna go to LSU because we were. I'm touring, I'm on my official visit there, and I'm touring around. Went to the football stadium, touring the campus, that kind of thing. And then we're going to dinner. We're going to, you know, whatever steakhouse it was with the coaches. And it's just me and, you know, Jay Johnson, our head coach, Wes Johnson, the pitching coach, and then Josh Jordan, our recruiting coordinator. So just me and three, you know, they're all like, 5556. And then me and so it's kind of funny, but Wes, Wes, you know, is the pitching coach. He made me take a ball so we could go there and talk pitch grips. And then within, like, ten minutes of us being at dinner, I'm like, I'd be an idiot not to go.

Yeah.

Made me bring a baseball to Ruth's Chris or whatever it was. Yeah, I'm holding it while we're getting our, you know, calamari and that kind of thing. And he's telling me about, you know, oh, this is, this, you know, seam shift, whatever. And so I was like, yeah, that, this is how I know I'm going to LSU.

That sounds like it's a good fit.

That also just dawned on me. I never even thought about it, but you're kind of right. Like, I feel like all college coaches are just, like, short, angry guys. They do have a breed to college baseball coaches.

Yeah, that's how we, we had this. I think we had the shortest coaching staff in the country when I was there. Yeah.

Cause I. Maybe it's because, like, I feel like catchers make really good coaches. So it's a lot of catchers who are shorter.

Yeah, yeah.

But it does. Like, I. When I close my eyes and think of a college baseball coach, it's like a five five angry guy.

Super tan.

Yes. Super.

Never worn sunscreen.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, actually uncomfortably tan.

Yeah.

Like it. Should he get that checked out? Yeah. Yeah.

I love that. I read that you were, you were a narc in college.

Oh, narc, yeah.

Is that true?

Depends who you ask.

You would. You would.

You would patrol around the. The dorms and be like, that guy's bed's not good enough.

So, so, yeah, so, so, so we had, gosh, what was it called? Your rooms have to be in Ami is what it's called. Am inspection is, you know, that's how it is. And freshman year rooms had to be in Sammy condition. Saturday morning inspection. And we were. I forget what the job was called, but we're in, you know, in our squadron, there are 40 squadrons, and then you have, I can't even remember how many elements and flights there are, just the breakdown of it. But everybody has a job within the squadron, and so my job is basically to inspect other people's rooms, other squadrons rooms during the day when I'm not in class and that kind of thing. That's just how we do it. So I go to someone's room, and it was pretty tough. You can't have your locks unlocked while you're there because that's a security violation. You got, you know, if you have classified documents and that kind of thing. We're kind of just training for, you know, to be in the operational Air force and, you know, locks were unlocked. He had a big Chicago bulls flag on.

Contraband.

Yeah, contraband. And I was like, if I put my name. I was just thinking, like, I'm a sophomore. If I put my name on this and, you know, a major or a lieutenant colonel or something walks by and sees this and sees that I give. Gave this guy a passing score when it's clearly not a passing score, and. Which might have been a little bit paranoid on my part, but I was like, screw it. This guy needs to clean his room. And I wrote, like, I don't know, whatever, 50% or whatever. Mm hmm.

Was he your friend?

No, I didn't know him.

Oh, that's got to suck to see, like, turn on the tv and see you dominating. Be like, that was the guy. Yeah, yeah, I was the narc. Maybe he was right.

Maybe that inspires him to clean his. What would you give this room?

We keep it oh, yeah.

Pretty tidy pass.

Well, I mean, it looks fun, but, I mean, you're not. You're not sleeping in here or anything.

I got classified, people.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

I don't know this one, pet. This wouldn't be in condition, but it's a pretty cool room.

We've also had, like, the last.

I do have this the last month.

We've been wanting it. We're gonna clean. We're gonna clean.

Oh, that's f 15. Eagle. Hundred four and.

Oh, yeah.

All time record for.

No.

Never been shot down.

Yeah.

Classified.

The. This might be a dumb question, because it kind of shows that I don't have a lot of ambition, but I always, like, dream about being a major league baseball player and not pitching. But the days off, are they awesome, especially after you win.

So I do it differently.

Okay.

I think if you ask somebody else, it would be a different answer, but I. 90% of the time when we have a day off, I'm at the field just so.

Yeah, this is my lack of ambition where I'm just like, I would love to win a game and then just, like, fuck around for four days.

Yeah. Position players, 95% of them don't come to the field. You need. You need your days off. But some guys come to lift and, you know, hot tub, cold tub, whatever it is. But, yeah, I don't. A lot of guys, you know, golf or. Or, you know, do whatever on the day off.

You just love being at the field.

I just. The way I see it, like, if I'm. If I pitch, you know, I pitch every six days, and if the off day falls on the fourth day, I got to stay on schedule.

Yeah.

That's just how I am. But.

Okay.

Yeah. Not everybody.

Probably really good at pitching.

Yeah.

I basically daydream about the days off.

I'd be like, I'm on vacation right now.

Yeah.

Yeah. And there are times where I need a day off, too. I mean. I mean, it's such a long season.

Yeah. It is. It's crazy.

Yeah. It's literally three times as long as the college season.

Yeah. And you were talking earlier about. You were a Friday night guy. You were the guy that would get the ball in his hands on Friday nights. And I. You can sense, like, a big sense of pride when you say I was the Friday night guy.

Yeah. So I think I said that when I was. Because that's. That was when I was at Air Force, and I basically convinced the art coach to let me pitch on Fridays so that I could start or so that I could catch on Sundays because I couldn't catch on Friday and then throw on Sunday, which is what he wanted me to do at the beginning. And we just figured out that, that, like, my. I couldn't do that. My arm would feel terrible, and because we did that in the fall, and. Yeah, so that's, you know, I pitched on Fridays at Air Force, and I pitched on Fridays at LSU, obviously, too, so. But that started just because I wanted to catch on Sundays.

Was. Did any pitchers ask you to maybe not throw it back so hard?

Maybe at one point now, that's like, I never even.

It just dawned on me, like, Paul Skienes is throwing it back to you. That kind of sucks.

That was a. Hey, dude, that pitch sucked.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Other than that, I. I just love it back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think you could compete in the home run derby?

Not right now. I do think. I think it was Marco Gonzalez, one of our other pitchers, who told you said this earlier this year, they need to have a pitchers home run derby.

Yeah.

Oh, I like that.

Yeah. And at the end of my hitting career, I was hitting like, twice a week because that's all they would let me do, because they're like, you know, we need to manage your back and your hips and, you know, that. Your shoulders, that kind of thing. So I'd hit twice a week, and I just completely lost feel for it. And I was just spraying balls to right field. That's the only place I could hit it. That's the only place I was hitting him out to right field, but could not pull the ball at all. So if we did a home run derby, I would be just peppering it over to Manet wall.

That's a great idea. Like, I would watch the hell.

I mean, shohey was home run derby.

Yeah.

Isn't it?

He's about to win the MVP.

Yeah. He's just a freak. Like, you know, being in the game and pitching every six days. Like, how insane is it that he's doing this where it's just. He does everything.

Yeah, it's. It's crazy. And I think one of the reasons that, because my body didn't feel great when I would two way, but I was a righty hitter, righty pitcher. So I think it might help him a little bit to be a righty pitcher and a lefty hitter.

Yeah.

Balance it all out. But regardless, that's unbelie. Like, I've never been in the locker room with him it, but. So I've never seen how hard he works, and that kind of thing, but it has to be just unbelievable. Work ethic, intensity, intent, all of it, like.

Yeah.

To go out there and do that, it's not unbelievable.

Is there one guy that has hit exceptionally well off you? Like, is there a guy that you're very careful around already?

Feels.

I mean, definitely him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm not gonna look it up. I feel like you've played against the Cubs a lot.

Yeah, we have. I probably shouldn't.

Hold on.

Say, just.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Classified information. No, robs are listening.

I don't know. I def. Yeah. The Cubs are tough to face.

They're not.

They really are. No, you don't have to say no. They are.

They're not that tough. All right, let's see. Cody Bellinger is two for seven off of you. That's not great. Nico's got a home run off you. He's two for five. He's probably the best.

Yeah.

And then. Yeah, so that's. Yeah, you can't get Nico out. There you go.

Yeah, he's the Paul stopper.

Yeah. He's also got two K's, but that's. Oh, no, he has actually hasn't. He hasn't gotten struck out by you, but, yeah. So there it is. Nico Horner. Yeah, he's the Paul Stopper. We got one.

I guess so.

Yeah. All right, so I. This has been awesome. We're gonna, like I said, it's great that you're doing this work with the Gary Sinise foundation. We're gonna match for the rest of the season. I'm going to double, so go get some more strikeouts. I had one last question. Robot question. Promo code. Take 20% off first purchase. Qzips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. promo code. Take Pittsburgh. We love Pittsburgh. It's the fans, the people, the city. It's like, one of our favorite cities. Do you feel like you're finally home at Pittsburgh? I know you've had a crazy last couple of years, but, like, have you had a chance to enjoy the city and be like, this place rocks.

Yeah, it's a cool place.

Yeah.

Stadium's obviously really cool. Only problem is the rain. I mean, that's just, I think my first, like, six or seven outings at home, there was some sort of rain delay, or it was raining when we started the game or something like that. Or it rained that day, whatever. But fans are great stadiums. Awesome. Just beautiful to look out there. I live outside the city a little bit, and so we. I don't go into the city a ton, they have a canes in the city so I go get that sometimes. But yes, we've spent some off days in there. It's a cool place to hang out and you know, just, it's just a really cool place.

Yeah.

Talk to Todd Graves. Get something on the menu at Cannes where it's the Pittsburgh style, where it's the tenders and the fries.

Yeah. I've never had. What is that? Permanent brothers?

Yeah.

I've never had a, a sandwich from there.

It's good.

Really good.

Yeah, it's very good.

Yeah. But I've heard about that.

Yeah.

Have you, have you talked to anybody on the Steelers? Is there a relationship there? Like if they need emergency quarterback.

Not yet, I haven't, I haven't talked to anyone yet.

Do you have a pro team because you were from California? Who you, did you root for NFL team?

No.

Steelers. Just say Steelers.

Steelers fans.

There you go. Here we go. That's going to be like, that's going to lead the 07:00 news in Pittsburgh. Paul Skeens says he's always been a Steelers fan my whole life. It's seriously though, that's how you get them.

They say in Pittsburgh there's other sports teams, but you guys are the baseball Steelers.

Yeah.

And then there's the hockey Steelers.

Yeah.

They're just always thinking about the Steelers.

That is one thing that's interesting about the fans. I think they're all Steelers fans that just come to the games or just, they come to yell and I've never been in the, in the stand, so I'm just having a guess. They're coming to yell and drink and just have a good time.

Yeah.

Which makes it fun to be out there.

Yeah.

They're rowdy.

Yeah. You got to go to a Steelers game.

Yeah, I do. Yeah.

Yeah.

It's a great city.

I mean, it's walking distance. It's right there. Yeah.

It is one of our favorite cities because just, I don't know, people are just, they're great people and they love, they love their sports and they also love food that's not healthy for you, which is something we love as well.

Yeah. Describing ourselves one of a kind city.

Yeah. Yeah, I. Yeah. Well, Paul, thank you so much, man. We really appreciate you stopping by. Anytime you're in Chicago, which again, I feel like you pitch against cubs like every other day.

Yeah. It's at least twice. Twice a year.

Yeah.

At this point.

Yeah.

That we're coming out here and.

Yeah.

And that was my fourth start against the Cub.

I know it was a. I. Seriously, I was like, what the fuck? Why is he doing this again?

Yeah.

Yeah. But thanks so much, man. We really appreciate you stopping by.

Yeah, no, I appreciate you guys.

Yeah.

Thanks, Mandy. Welcome back to another fyre fest of the week, brought to you by our friends at Morgan and Morgan. You know, it really sucks having a loud dog living next to you, and you can't figure out how to make it be quiet, and you don't get any sleep, and then you come into work and you're grumpy. That really stinks. You know what really stinks? Being tired during the day, taking a nap, and then having your coworkers just assault you for exercising your right to take a little snooze midday. It stinks. You know. What does it stink? Hank? Calling Morgan to Morgan so they can help get you what you deserve. While they can't help Hank catch a z's and wake up refreshed, they can help to fight you get full and fair compensation when you're injured, their fees free unless they win. For more information, go to for the people, calm PMT or dial pound law 529 from your cell phone. For more information, go to forthepeople.com PMT or dial pound law 529 from your cell phone phone.

Okay, let's wrap up the show. Fire fest of the week. Henry, Danny, is your fyre fest at Memes Hollywood. What's the beef with memes?

Memes? Memes has posted the picture of his living room set up, and I think four different social media departments or four different social media platforms. And Hank has now started calling him Mister Hollywood.

Oh, he's just doing his jobs. I'm poking a little fun. I like. I like my memes coming out of his shell, but I like to. I like to poke fun, too.

What's the beef, though?

I don't have beef with memes. Memes has beef with me.

No beef.

No beef for me. No beef. Is it because, Hank, you think memes maybe post some mean things about us?

I mean, you guys would. Would probably agree there's sometimes insult clips. I don't think it's rand conspiracy. We might.

We do false. That's the gig he's doing.

That is. No, I know, but remember the member the bay?

I think you actually commissioned the bears hit piece of me.

I get it.

I just like to make commission that piece.

Which one?

The one where the I was like, week to week everything, like.

I know. That was great, though.

Yeah, that was. Listen, that was an insult clip, but it did crazy numbers, right?

I was just, I just, I, it was more that, I think the 17th time I saw the tv thing, I just laughed.

Yeah.

Holly memes, listen. But it was, it got a great feedback. There's, there's, it's a good, it's a good feeling. I get it.

It.

He found his people.

It made me laugh. You know, it made me, like, it's just found his crew just poking fun.

There also was a couple guys. There was one guy who had a setup that he looked like was Morgan Freeman and Batman. Yeah. Did you remember that? Did you see that, memes? That one guy said, ellis, he had, like, 15 tvs. That guy rocks.

That's pretty good.

Also, maybe I'm just walk, cuz I I remember when I was finally, like, we moved to New York, I was like, all right. And then I I think I lived with roommates. And when I finally moved in my own apartment, there is no better feeling than getting the like. But then I was having issues where, like, people were coming to my house, being like, what are you like, what is this? Control center?

Yeah.

When it's not like a night of a sporting event, somebody walks in there.

You should see my basement.

They're like, what is this? What closed circuit television cameras are these?

So I'm, I'm no longer in that game, but I kind of miss it.

I love the outdoor tv setup.

Yeah.

If it. Especially this time of year, this is good outdoor weekend to watch football.

Yeah. Memes, I gotta send you my setup. I got five.

I love it.

I love it. Yeah. People just send me tvs. It's incredible. It's the best. Maximum amount of tvs. I actually, I can't get enough of it. Memes, I want you to post it more.

I had a plan for Sunday.

Oh, hell, yes. Let's go, memes.

Holly memes.

Okay.

And I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna. I mean, I feel like my rep is just complaining about malware sports, so I'm not gonna do it. Nine darter. I'm gonna do.

I saw that amateur did it.

Yeah, an amateur did it.

Memes posted that there's a chance that.

Well, I think I posed at first.

Oh, some memes stole your content.

No, that's, that's. He's doing his job. Just doing his job. And I'm not, I'm not complaining because I I accepted it. I could have vetoed it. I didn't. And the reason.

It's really good that you're not complaining.

That I did it. No, I'm just, I'm just a segment planning my.

Know what he's talking about right now.

My I. Hank's fire.

I love nine darters.

So my Hank's firefest, he can't complain about his fyre fest.

My TikTok algorithm is nine darter. So in my head, I'm like, I've seen so many nine darters, right? How hard could it be? So that was my thinking when I accepted it. And then afterwards, when the show ended and we looked into the probability and math of it, I came to the realization that I made a mistake. That's not a fire festival. Last Saturday, last week of the year, boat party. I showed up, like, 80 person. Boat party, white party. Didn't know.

Are you talking about the. When Kent State and Pittsburgh were playing.

Ken State, Pittsburgh.

Okay.

I showed up to a boat. There's no brother people on board. No, there's brothers. Everyone was wearing white.

You were the only person.

There was, like, one other guy, but he was like, kind of, like, purple ish. Later, I was wearing, like, a neon blue.

Oh, this is why we never get invited to the fanatics party.

Yeah. So what happened?

It was just kind of awkward. And it was like, I knew. I knew a few people on the boat, but it was, like, mostly a bigger group of friends that I was like. I was like, not in.

Why didn't they have t shirts for people?

I mean, everyone was cool. It was just. It was. It would if it was, like, our. For all my friends, it's one thing to, like, you know, joke about, but. But I was kind of just, like, introduced.

Yeah, that's brutal. I would have gone home and watched Ken stay Pittsburgh. Well, you knew before you got on the boat.

I knew as I was there, like.

One of you stepped on the boat knowing, I guess. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't have gotten on the boat.

But I also thought it was like, yeah, it's a white party. Cause someone else was going to the boat. He's like, are you wearing white? And I'm on the way there, I was like, wow, I'd be wearing white. He's like, it's a white party. And I was like, ah. And then I was like, well, here.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel like if you're having a white party, you have to have an extra t shirt or two.

Yeah.

You have to have some linen pants.

Yeah. People a chance.

Yeah, you got to be ready for that. How is this white party advertised?

I just got an invite, like, from a. I think they were just trying to fill out the boat. So it was like, I said it was a bigger group of, like, college friends.

Got it.

And then they were just trying to get.

You were the weird guy, but nobody.

Told I was the extra invite. Yeah, my invite.

So it's the guys.

Yeah. Fridge guy. I don't like to wipe the white party. Like, no one looks, like great in white. Why don't we do a sweatshirt party?

Well, some people look good in white.

Yeah, that's true.

Who's that?

People that aren't fat.

Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe add brides.

Yeah, brides.

Yeah. Your wedding guy.

Yeah, I got another one.

Saints with their stormtrooper. Yeah.

I thought the ravens look good in white tonight.

Stormtroopers, ravens sweatshirt party. It wear baggiest sweatshirt.

I mean, that's a Sunday.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, you're invited.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Pft.

Good fire fest, Tank.

Thanks, Mike went to a sick boat party.

Yeah.

Not dressed correctly. What a fire.

80 person boat. Part a 80 person.

While the rest of us were just living our sad life, watching.

I was on a boat with. With all these people getting drunk on a perfect day outside.

It was a really nice day.

Wait, didn't you also golf that day?

I did.

Oh, what a day.

Oh, that day was filled with not watching football. At what point during this day hang. It sounds like you were pretty busy on the course and then going out to the lake. At what point did you get a chance to peek in at the Wisconsin game?

That was Friday. You watched every second of that.

Somehow it was just on at the ball.

Yeah. You watched every second?

Mm hmm.

All right.

Pft.

My fyre fest of the week is. It's blake related. So I picked blake up from daycare the other day and put him in the el camino, and he loves the ride home, sticks his head out the window, and has a great time saying hi to everybody in the neighborhood. As I was leaving, there was a little person that was walking by child. A little. It was a little person. And blake looked like he was going to attack this little person. I mean, like, went out of his way to really let the little person know, don't get near my car. And I think that blake might be racist against little people because there was one point where I brought him into the office and he saw zah in the office. He started barking his head off at zah. Nobody else. And then I was. I, for a second, I was ashamed. I was like, is my dog racist? And then we had to see if he was racist, and he didn't bark at anybody else who had darker skin. And so I'm like, okay, cool. My dog's not racist. But now there's beginning to be a pattern where I see evidence that he does not like little people.

Isn't this something that starts at the home?

Yeah, well, that's what I was thinking. I'm a licky. I'm a little person.

Yeah, no, it sounds like you might be like, oh, like he can tell that.

My own hatred for my own small stature.

Well, I think you probably look down on people smaller than you.

Well, yeah, because my eyes are high.

Right. But you also are like, oh, at least I'm not that height. Huh?

I don't. I don't know what it.

The vibes would say that, because I was.

I was thinking the same thing. I was like, he spends all his time around me, and I'm, you know, I'm not a tall. I'm not a tall man. Yeah, but I'm not a small man. I'm a little bit small. I'm a little bit small. Also, fyre fest is a picture of me, you, and paul skeens. Because I haven't looked at it. I don't plan on looking at it, but I gotta. I gotta find shorter people to hang out with.

I mean, I'm. I'm dealing with my. At once a year, I shave the whole face. Just mustache for advisors. And I just realized that my chin is just hideous.

I don't think you look. You look good this year.

No, it's flabby. Shane got it. Shane just zoomed in on it for stole blue coffee, by the way. By stow blue coffee fall flavors out. Stol blue coffee calm.

Next, an intern we get can maybe on the shorter side, just so I don't look so short and.

No, because then they. They can't take care of Blake.

That's true. That's a very good point.

Yeah. But.

Yeah, so I don't know. What if that's an actual thing where some dogs don't like little people?

What about you? I think no bad dogs. But he's. Oh, my God, I look so fat.

But he loves kids.

Yeah, that's. That's weird.

He loves.

He look bad with Paul scheme. Don't. Sweet kids.

Let's.

Oh, no, we shouldn't say that.

Memes get well. It's good news, Hank. Maybe this means that he'll just stop posting his living room also.

Really?

Oh, my God. This is a bad.

Yeah, really, really bad. We got it. We as guys. We as guys got to stop doing the arms around each other. It's the fucking weirdest thing we do.

This picture goes nowhere.

Everyone just stand with your arms to the sides. Maybe flex. There's nothing worse than doing the awkward, like, post golf round. Ten dudes just standing with their arms around each other. You don't look good when you put your arm like, hank, if you release.

This picture, the Drake may t shirt comes out.

Oh, fuck. All right, I'll delete it.

Did you post it? Well, the Drake. You already posted.

What the fuck? It was like 3 seconds. No. Okay.

Jesus, that was so quick.

So quick. After he complained all day about memes?

Yeah.

Wow.

Joking.

This isn't a hypocrisy, all right? My fyre fest is easy. Is quick. I went to we. Right before the game, I went to my son's school. Kindergarten. Started kindergarten two weeks ago, and he had his, like, meet the teacher, like, see his classroom parent night. And there was these pictures up, and all the kids did like, my name is. I'm this old, years old, and I love this. And, like, every single kid was like, mommy and daddy, my dog. All these things. I don't think you can probably tell what this is. Pft. But you can take a look and take a guess. This is what he loves.

I don't know. Yeah, I know what that is.

I asked them tvs. Nope. Rocks.

Okay.

Loves rocks. So that's what I got. I'm second place to rocks.

Is gonna be a geologist.

It was just two rocks. I love rocks. Every other kid was just like, mommy and daddy. I love my family. Rocks.

Yeah, he's gonna study the earth.

Okay.

Dude, that wasn't such a great time as a kid, though.

Yeah.

I feel like every kid went through a phase where they just were obsessed with rock.

Oh, yeah, he could. Dude, no, he no, like, yeah, he.

Dig up a rock and you hold. Am I. Am I weird for that?

No, no, no.

Like, finding.

Yeah.

Looking around for rocks and be like, oh, my God, this is a great.

Oh, I'll.

We'll go, like, to the park. And then when we get home, I'll, like, notice his pockets are sagging and there's just rocks in there. He's collecting all the rocks.

Remember geodes? Yeah, geodes were great.

I will say in his defense, though, there was another moment where he saw one of his friends, and his friend was like, my dad's so strong. And my son was like, my dad's actually a strongest. I was like, fuck, yes. Finally.

Love that.

Finally. So I'm back. I'm all the way back.

Love it.

My daughter said I could lift a school bus the other day. I might have to do that.

That might be one. That might be a punishment.

Lifting a school bus.

Yeah, for picks.

I could probably do it.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean there's videos of people doing it.

Yeah right.

What videos?

What if we do strongman? You did like toa remember these?

That's. Maybe there's.

Yeah, they just tired to rag fire truck shit and stuff like that where.

They have to pick up the giant rock and walk with it.

Oh, we should do a crossfit by the murph or whatever it is.

No, no.

Get so hurt. Gets.

No, we get so we just died doing that.

Yeah, well, they were swimming part of the cross. I understand. It wasn't. I don't think it was Murphy. That was also very tragic.

Yeah, it was. Yeah.

Horrendously tragic. People everywhere.

I still want you guys to set up your own podcast.

Yeah, we will. Yeah, we will.

That video will be funny.

Yeah, we will. Maybe in football we got a. Nah.

We got the advertiser too.

Okay.

Signed on.

Oh nice. They did? Yeah.

You're closing deals.

Principal.

The weed guy. Fuck yes.

Okay.

He rocks. Hey, what do you say? Oh so what does he drink in the morning? Ja. I don't know, I can't remember. Something really cool. Ja latte or something. He just drinks weed.

Oh that's cool.

Yeah. Like that.

Yeah. Like Rastafari.

Yeah. Yeah. He was like ja latte.

Yeah.

Every morning I was like, yeah. Okay.

Ross, rastafine.

Yeah. Max, you got one.

Yeah, it's bad.

Oh.

Oh yeah, I know. Your firefight.

Oh, lay it on us.

No, I didn't even tell you the real fire fest.

Oh no, because you do have a.

Fire fest tomorrow night.

Well, yeah, just trying to figure out how to watch the game tomorrow night.

Why?

Because Mister nuptials is going to another.

Way of another wedding tomorrow.

I have another one this week, I have another one next week and I have one two weeks after that.

I feel like Max is the wedding ringer where they just bring. You're a good wedding guest so you get invited.

Emigrate.

How did they all do their weddings in the fall?

They're all, I didn't go to any this summer. They're all in Sept. In August and September.

That's insane.

Four and five weeks. I'm excited for all of them. Anyone who listens. I'm sure they're all great.

Sounds like you really love them.

No, I do. They're fun. I do. I mean weddings are great. Yeah, it is awesome. You got to meet Trump not necessarily. I didn't meet him.

He was.

He was there, though. My fyre fest is that I'm fat and I have a deviated septum.

A what?

Huh?

You have a deviated septum? Do you just got it?

No, I've had one.

Oh, okay.

For a while.

Snoring in a. In a bad toe?

Yeah. Well, yeah, okay. I've been at.

These are. These are fat guy injuries.

Well, no, it sounds like. Max, let him face.

It's like, I gotta. I got a rotten toe and deviated septum. That's. Those are fat guy.

I don't think these are all things they add.

Snoring, the rotten toe.

And it sounds like maybe you're waking your neighbor's dog up.

Morning.

And that's why your dog starts barking. Waking you up.

No.

Okay, keep going, keep going. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

I don't know. I just got to figure it out. My nose is clogged at all times. I can rarely breathe out my nose. And I'm trying the mouth tape, and, like, I go to sleep with the mouth tape on, and then I just, at some point of the night, just rip it off because, like, I. I can't breathe that. So this is what I do remember.

At camp when you ate the mouth tape. Yeah, you did. You woke up the next morning, you're like, I don't know where my mouth tape is. You ate a mouth in the middle of the night, didn't eat it. That's a hundred percent what happened.

That's not what happened. Finding not what I could find.

It.

I did find.

Okay, keep.

It was just, like, underneath my bet. Underneath my bed. Whatever I need. This is honestly, like a plea to aws who. Because I got. I got kicked out of my bed. This my bed this week, which was. Which was a real, like, I got to figure this out.

I actually do think that you're waking the dog up and that's why the dog wakes you up.

No, because the dog wakes up at 615 every time you get one of.

Those, like, tick tock videos where they, like, poor tea out, like, through. Yeah, the other one. And then you're good.

And it doesn't. It's been. It's bad recently. I don't know if it's allergies or something. Like there's something that happened in maybe.

Are we. Are we worried? And I want to say this in the nicest way possible.

This is gonna. This is gonna start something like that and then say anything remotely nice.

Misses delente, if you're listening to this podcast right now. Turn it off right now. We don't need you.

She's gonna listen.

Okay, turn it off.

Are we, like, in the, like, max could die in a sleep stage?

No, no, no.

It feels like you're struggling to breathe in the middle of the night.

No, that was with the mouth tape.

I think that snoring is the one ailment, or whatever you want to call it, that people go through that has the most, like, quack science remedies that don't work. I would try, like, the ones at the bottom of the shittiest news articles you'll ever read, where it's the sponsored post thing, things. It's like, here's how to cure snoring. Tie a tennis ball around your waist.

I haven't seen any of that, but if anyone wants to tell me something like that, I'll try it.

I mean, girlfriend, try and plug your nose?

No, she.

I do. To my brother. I would just walk up and just fucking.

What a dick.

It would stop him. I mean, he do it. He would do it to me. We live in the same room. I snort.

You guys just spent the whole childhood plugging each other's noses.

Your parents walk in, and it looks like Hank's trying to kill his brother.

Like. Like I'm sniffling at all times. I just sniff. I just sniffled right there. It's just. I got to figure out a way, because the mouth tape. Tape is fine. And I put in nasal spray before I go to bed, and it's fine. I go to sleep, and it's. And it. And I don't snore, and it's great. But then midway through the night, like, the. The nasal spray wears off, and then my nose is just plugged again.

You might be addicted to nasal spray. Your body might be addicted to it. So when it goes, like, hours without it, it just gets stuffed and.

No, but this is a. This is, like, a past week thing.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't know.

I got, like.

I gotta try the.

Like.

Do you think those. Those nasal strips can't do anything right?

I think you need one of the. The huge machines. Not the iron lung. You need an iron lung.

But, like, the. Like, you don't, right? Am I right? Like, the.

You know, you got to try it, dude. You got to try everything. We'll sleep upside down.

That's. That sounds bad. No, I got to try it. If anyone out there knows any remedies, let me know.

You know that. You know, like, the tea I'm talking about no.

Or something that he pot.

Yeah.

Well, you use the mouth tape, right?

Hands.

I use a mouth tape. It helps.

You should do it on.

But I do.

I do.

And he said I'm a talk. Can't exist.

You're right on that one. Yeah.

The neti pot. But yes.

No, neti pot rocks. Neti pots wild. But also, you can die from the neti pot. Did you know that? No, don't use, like, the right water. It can, like, go into your brain and kill anything.

If there's an amoeba, a brain eating amoeba that's inside your water and.

Right.

Or it into your nose. It goes into your brain.

Yeah. Crazy.

That's why you want to boil that shit.

I would say it's like 25% of the time, I wake up. Up with the mouth tape still on. I either, like, drool through it and it falls off, or I just rip it off in my sleep.

That's how I'm with it, with the old. The bluetooth blindfold. In the morning, I wake up, and it's, like, on the ground somewhere. I don't know if I was listening to a podcast that I hated. I threw it off. God damn it. Alex Cooper. She's done it again. I'll never be.

So the aws need to come to your defense, basically.

Just let me know.

All right. Somewhat come to your rescue.

You.

Yeah, I like this. Instead of seeing doctors, we just ask the listeners. Yeah, like, help us out, boy.

I'm just gonna use that for my fire. You do a sleep stat ailment? I do.

So we all do a sleep study.

I did a sleep study when I was a kid.

No, I don't want to know. I. I don't sleep, and when I do, I sweat.

Like, that could be kind of funny.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe we should do some.

Who's the best? Who's the worst sleeper?

How could this could be sponsored? I bet you there's nothing doing this. We should do a sleep study.

I did a sleep study when I was a kid.

Yeah, I'd like to see all our stay.

I was falling asleep while driving.

The only. The only require. I can't have this. Wait, what?

When you said kid, I thought you meant what?

Not like high school.

You fell asleep while driving up.

All. I would just doze off and you crash. I didn't crash in the morning on.

The way to school.

No, at, like, 06:00 a.m. i would, like, drive for, like, baseball practice at, like, 05:00 I was just doing too much shit. I was waking up too early and, like, working out and going to baseball practice.

You might have narcoleps.

Run. That's what happens.

Falling, almost falling asleep. Driving is the scary.

Oh, yeah.

That's why I had to sleep study.

Times where it's like, I've been so exhausted and it's. It. You just got to pull over and shut your eyes. Yeah, scary.

Max, I just looked up WebMD remedies for snoring.

They're gonna say that I'm dying.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Just let him tell me if you would consider any of these. Lose weight.

Yep, yep.

Why don't. Wait, wait, wait. Belly Slicer anymore.

Let's use weight.

No, we'll eat meats. Nothing else.

Avoid.

Avoid alcohol.

Nope.

Okay.

Practice good sleep hygiene.

I guess I do. I don't even know what that means to.

I think it means you.

I like, take a shower before bed.

It sounds like you might sleep too hard. I sleep like, when you turn off, you're off. Yeah. Open nasal passages.

What does that even fucking mean?

That means like, use some of that. Use some of those. Breathe right.

Yeah, whatever.

Yeah, maybe the breathe right strips will work. Yeah, cuz the mouth tape works. I just. I rip it off and then it doesn't work anymore.

Last time you washed your pillows, literally like the.

Yesterday.

Okay.

God, those pillows could talk.

Those pillows are chilling. I put. I always put one between my legs.

Always. I got one.

I got.

I go one between my legs. One body.

Yeah, one. I go under the arms. Do you stay well hydrated?

No.

Okay.

Yeah, you got to do that body armor.

But that's. That's such bullshit. Anytime you. You complain about anything on, there's always a drink more water.

Yeah, but it actually does like, cure everything. But if you drink too much dry drowning.

I was just drinking pugs water.

Okay, so help. Help us out. Aw else. Help Max out. We got to get him sleeping. Okay. Good show, boys. We got a new sponsor alert for the lottery ball. New sponsor alert. Jack Pocket. So order official state lottery games on your phone with jackpocket, America's number one lottery app. The mega millions jackpot is now over $740 million. You can do it all from your phone. New customers get a free mega millions ticket using code PMT. That's code PMT on jackpocket for all aw else. Listen, nothing would make me happier than aw els winning the lottery with our code free ticket. Use code PMT. That's code PMT on jackpocket for all awls. So go check it out. Right now. Okay, numbers.

17, 56, 20.

Pft. Work on this.

I have not.

97. Pug.

Stop telling numbers to me in public. I will not stop it. I'm not taking your pub numbers.

Yes.

Stop. I wouldn't wish this on my worst. Hank.

You would love for this to be Hank. You would wish this upon Hank.

Hey, remember when we said we were gonna clean the studio before football season? Whoops. Let's do it. Let's do it next week. Let's have a clean day. Pick a time. We'll clean. We'll make a PMTV.

Yeah. Love it.

Twelve. Tommy. Love you. What was that? Shane?

Yeah, 21.

He's a horny guy. That's not even close to twelve.

Same numbers.

Yeah.

Love you guys.

Shane, have you ever gotten it? Oh, yeah.

Okay, memes. Memes has got it. Either studio memes is a big loser. Never gotten it.

But he's got sick tvs. Buy another tv this weekend. Memes

in the face.

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