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On today's part of my take, we're in Lake Tahoe for Chill Week, and we have an awesome interview with David Wells coming. We interviewed him this morning. It was great. We're going to talk about Chill Week. We've got Hot Seat, Cool Throne. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of Worst Places to Have to Shit or Situations to Shit. Or situations to shit.

Or situations you find yourself in that you have to take a poop.

Like Gwyneth Paltrow's house.

If, yeah. Diarrha.

Diarrha is different. Yes, that is true. Then we're going to do part in your take. Great show. It is Chill Week. We're also going to explain Chill Week because I did a bad job of that. We never really told anyone what we were actually doing.

I was actually remarkably chill of you.

That was chill of me.

And it was unchill of a listener who complained.

Well, it wasn't a complaint. It was shout out FSU Brando. He was like, Hey, what actually is chill week? And I was like, Good point. Never fucking said it.

It's a fair point. But also if you're chill, then you know.

Yeah, that's true. Guess what? We're brought to you by our friends at DraftKings. Know the beautiful thing about being a sports fan? There's only like two days the whole year without a game, two with so much happening and so much action. That makes just about every day, game day at DraftKings Sportsbook. It's super easy for first-timers to get started. Try betting on something simple, like picking a team to win. Go to the DraftKings Sportsbook app, select your team, and place your first bet. It really couldn't be any easier, any simpler. If you're new to DraftKings, you got to check this out. New customers bet $5, get $150 in bonus bets instantly. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and use code take. That's code take. For new customers to get $150 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just $5 only on DraftKings. Gambling problem?

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$20 entry fee required. Reward expires at contest lock on 9 524. See terms at draftkings. Com/dfs. Okay, let's go. Now in the street there is violence, and I'm allowed to solve work to be done. No place to hang out or wash in. And then I can't lay all on the sun. Oh, no. We're going to rock down to electric avenue, and then we'll take it higher. Oh, we're going to rock down It's a part in my take, presented by Marshall Sports. Welcome to Part in My Take, presented by DraftKings. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app. Now use code Taked. That's code Taked for new customers to get $150 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just $5 only on DraftKings. Today is Wednesday, July 10th, and welcome to Chill Week. I notice. What's up with your guys' hats?

Is that not chill?

Might want to turn it around if you want to be chill. Colin Coward would hate this week.I.

Don't know.Come on.We can't have three backwards.Come.

On, go.

Do it.Yeah.What if I just...That's.

Chill.yeah. Look at Hank cracking over the cord. All right, So we're in Tahoe. We did a terrible job of explaining Chill Week. There's probably some AWLs are like, does this mean Grit Week's gone? No. Grit Week is still coming, first week of August. This is Chill Week, an idea that we've been tossing around for a few years in that we see this golf tournament that happens in Tahoe every single year. It seems awesome, American Century Championship. And we're like, we should go out there and chill and interview some people. And finally, this year, we got our ducks in a row and we're like, hey, let's go do it. So we're out here. Shout out to people from American Century Championship. They were accommodating. They have been accommodating. They're letting us do interviews at the Clubhouse this week, and we're in Tahoe.In videos.In videos. We're in Tahoe. We're chilling. We went wakeboarding. Video will come out. We went frisby golfing.Video will come out.

Really good at both.

Yeah, and we're just having a chill week.

It is very chill. I like it out here. It's a very chill town. Lake Tahoe is great. Amazing. Hank is in love with it. It's one of the premier destination spots for vacations, as told by Hank Lockwood. It's a good place to get a bunch of interviews, too, because there's a bunch of really big name players out here. And the good thing is, I think people are more ready to talk to you when they get off the golf course. They're ready to go.

I mean, David Wells was incredible today. He had stories for days. But yeah, we're working a lot during show week, but we love our job. I had a moment coming back from Frisby golf today. I was like, Today rocked. We just hung out with the boys all day. Went on a boat, did an interview, played some frisby golf. Vibes were high.

This is our phase me. Yeah. That's right. We're getting ready for camp. We're just chilling out.

Hank did say that like two hours into today. He was like, Yeah, I think I like Lake Tahoe. It's like, Oh, no shit, dude. It's where everyone goes in vacations. It's a beautiful, beautiful place. It's really good.

I get it. Is there a bigger discrepancy in terms of swank level for an airport that you have to fly into, like a city that you have to fly into to get to the destination that you end up at? Because you have to fly into Reno to get here. And I wouldn't say that Reno Reno is a fun town, but it's also like, if you're laying low, if you're ducking some charges, Reno is a pretty good spot to go.

Reno 911.

Yes, but you have to fly in there to get to Lake Tahoe. So you get a taste of grit when you land, and then the destination is really chill. Probably the There's a discrepancy in terms of cities with that.

And we're just chilling. We have a couple more days here, but if it's anything like today, sign me up for more.

I think that actually the boys behind the camera have a much chiller week than we do because they're in Margarito Margaritaville.Oh, yeah, that's true.That's the chill place. I'm a little upset I'm not in Margaritaville this week.They.

Are also...They.

Just shoot video while we were wave-boarding and playing.

Yeah, and they also were going to finish this podcast, and they're going to work all night. And then we have an interview at 08:00 AM.

But, yeah, they're chilling. But Margaritaville.

If I could trade places with them, I would.

You know what? If I knew how to edit, I would edit for you guys today. That's how chill I am. That is. Hey, so we should talk about whatever's going on in the sports world. You know it's not chill? Mike Gunde.

Mike Gunde had... Mike Gunde, he double-dipped into it today. Yeah.

So the story is Ollie Gordon, the incredible running back for Oklahoma State, got a DUI what was like a month ago or so, Mike Gunde was big... Sorry, I was about to say... Oh, it was Big 12 still. I got confused. Big 12 Media Day. Mike Gunde said, I looked it up on my phone talking about Ollie Gordon's DUI. I looked it up on my phone. What would be the legal limit? Two or three beers or four. I'm not justifying what Ollie did. I'm telling you what decision I made. Well, I thought I've probably done that a thousand times in my life. Yeah. He said that he has been over the legal limit of driving over a thousand times in his life.

You know how old he is? This made me feel old because when I think of Mike Gunde, I still remember the, I'm a man, I'm 40. Mike Gunde is 56 now. Yeah. So I did the math, so that's 35 years, right? That means that-Oh, wait.

35 years?

Since you're 21. Okay, well.

38 years. He claimed to have over a thousand DUIs. He probably wasn't following the laws.

This would be like 32 times a year is what we're looking at. Mike Gunde driving drunk 32 times a year. It wouldn't shock me.

I was trying to figure out what exactly his point was, and he could have just said, Hey... And DOIs are not a laughing matter. It's like, Hey, he made a mistake. He knows he fucked up. We're going to figure out a way to learn from this. Instead, he was just like, Yeah, dude, he had four beers.

I do that all the time. Yeah, Mike Gunde was like, I think that the police need to quit being pussies. Come on. It was a 0.10. So, yeah, he said he broke He got down by weight to see how many beers that he had. And then my favorite part of this was he said, If there's any punishment, I'm probably going to just give him the ball 50 times in the first game. Yeah, right. That'll show him. I'm going to give him extra carries.

Yeah. Mike Gunde, I I guess he's keeping the Big 12. I wouldn't have known Big 12 Media Day was happening today if it weren't for Mike Gunde. So credit to you for the Big 12 being relevant today. I don't think for the right reasons.

The Commissioner also said he's not going to rest until the Big 12 is the best conference in the country.

Oh, good luck. So he's just never going to sleep.

He's never going to sleep.

Well, they've had some good runs, but losing Oklahoma and Texas does not help.

Yeah, best in the country.

Yeah. I think the new Big 12 is going to be very, very fun.

It's going to be fun for sure.

And I'm also very excited because no one ever talks about all the college realignment is always football-centric, which I get because that's the main motivator. But Arizona and Kansas playing Big 12 basketball is going to rule.

That is going to be good to watch.

Those things that you think about in the BIO and UCF, getting a nice rivalry going.

I need some reminders of who's joining the ACC this year.Stamford and Cal.That's right.

Smu. I think I got all of them. I think I got all of them.

Yeah, that's going to rock.

It is crazy looking at all like when they updated all the... Or not rankings, but if you go on espn. Com and you look for your conference, I did that for the Big Ten and just seeing 18 teams. I was like, Holy fucking shit.

Yeah, it's going to be wild. Stanford and Duke, that's going to be good rivalry. Yeah.

All right. So let's see. The ACC, how many teams will... 17 total teams. So I must have missed some. I got to find a list of all these. We should just do this as a quick recap. 17 teams. That's insane. Yeah, I think it's Stanford, Cal, SMU. And then Big 12, if we went down the list real quick. I know UCF, BIO, Arizona. Arizona State?

I forget who else joined the Big 12. Utah?

Yeah, I think so. There's a lot of teams. So yeah, Mike Gunde.

Way to go, dude. Yeah, no big deal. Thousand times. Thousand times in his life.

All right, what else we got?

I have an update for us. Okay. So remember Kevin Durant, there was some speculation on what was going on with him. He's unhappy. Don't act like you're not interested in Charlotte the Stingray. That bitch is alive. Kevin Durant is unhappy and request a trade.

But he did?

Well, I think he will.Oh, he will?I think Kevin Durant is unhappy.Oh, yeah.

We've been talking to some league sources.

Yeah, the league sources are saying Kevin Durant I have confirmed he is unhappy in his current situation and would like to play somewhere else.Please.

Credit part of my take.Part of my take.

According to the sources we talked to.

I also love the picture day. One, Mark Few is a coach on Team USA. Didn't realize that.Yeah. So he's going to get a gold medal before he gets to a final four. And two, Kevin Durant standing in the back row. The height truthers are back. I don't even think it's a height truthing anymore. It's just Kevin Durant has always been seven feet. He just doesn't want to say it.

Yeah. And then there was a picture of At the French team, too. And Rudy was in the background with Wemby, and he got on his tiptoes, so he didn't look that much shorter than Wemby. Smart move by him.

Yeah, that is a very smart move.

Cooper Flag. I think Cooper Flag-France fan.

Oh, yeah. In soccer? Cooper Flag is-He might be a problem. We were the first to say it three years ago.

It's going to piss me off so much watching him dominate Duke.

Yeah, but they're still will flame out.

He was like, tanking this year is going to be off the Off the charge. Yeah.

As it should be. Yeah, it's going to rule. And the Pistons are going to get the fifth pick. That's just going to happen. But yeah, Cooper Flag, he was showing out against Team USA. That's got to be the coolest woman ever to be playing against all those guys and actually be like, I belong on this court.

You're hitting stepbacks over some of the best defensive players in the league. I think he's good. I'm going to say it right now. He's good.

Yeah, Spain-France played soccer.

You see that goal? Golazo.

16-year-old.

Yamal.

Yeah. Yamal was talking soccer.

That's it. Oh, Messi scored.

Canada lost.

Yeah. Spain beat Canada.

Spain beat Canada. Yeah, that's exactly what happened in soccer. I actually would have liked to watch the Euros, but we were busy. But yeah, it looked cool.

Yeah, it was actually Spain, France. France got a goal, which was nice. So they advanced all the way. I think this is the quarterfinals. This is semifinals. Semifinals today. So they advanced all the way to the semis. They scored one goal, and I believe it was in the run of play today. All their other goals were either own goals or PKs.

Yeah, they had zero open goal goals for the entire tournament until today.

We got to get their coach.

Yeah, they just grit and grind.

Yeah, just grit. They're like Iowa football.

Yeah, just never even try to score. Just get to get to PKs or get tripped in the box. Now, it's talk to soccer. Anything else going on the sports world that we need to be aware of before we get to everything else we got?

I think that's pretty much it.Let's just look.I think that's sports for the day.

Oh, I have a headline I could read for us. You guys want me to read a headline real quick?

Yeah, I have one for my hotspot cool thrown, but I don't know if I want to burn it.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking, too.

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Why are they outraged?

I think some people were outraged The restaurant, Rodeo Mexican Restaurant, had to issue a letter. That's bad news when you have to issue a letter as a restaurant. I didn't even know they... When have you ever seen a restaurant be like, Here's a letter that we're informing everyone.

Were people complaining to the restaurant because somebody butt-funneled a margarita? Yes. That's not on the restaurant.

Well, there was a video of it. I don't know, maybe the vibes, but as show week, you could butt-funnel You could charge double. The Rodeo Mexican restaurant said, Dear-valued customers, we recently became aware of an inappropriate incident that took place in our restaurant. We want to make it clear that such behavior is completely unacceptable and does not reflect our values or mission to provide a family-friendly, you're a restaurant, family-friendly dining experience. We are taking this matter very seriously and are conducting a thorough investigation in collaboration with the authorities. Any employees found to be involved will face appropriate We're committed to maintain the highest standards and ensuring a safe and enjoyable environment for all our guests. Thank you for understanding and continuing to support Sincerely Rodeo, Mexican restaurant.

You're a restaurant. Yeah, and also That's putting an unreasonable expectation on your server. Once the drink is served, do you then have to sit at the table to make sure they don't butt funnel it?

Yeah, I don't know. I did say Rodeo. It's Rodeo, probably. I was just thinking of Rodeo Drive.

Rodeo would be classier.

They should rebrand as Rodeo. Yeah.

If it's Rodeo, then you go in there expecting to see some butt holes.

As I was reading it, I was like, This is definitely Rodeo. Why am I saying it like this? Yeah, people were complaining. This woman said, I've enjoyed dining in your restaurant for many years, celebrated many birthdays there, enjoyed your margaritas. Uh-oh. The one that went up the butt. I am far from a prude. That's a classic prude thing to say.

No one has ever said that that wasn't a prude.

But I have never been more disgusted in my life by the video of those people acting animals in your restaurant. I strongly disagree with that.

That's why she wants to try some butt funnel.

Also, let me see. Could a dog butt funnel? No.

I've watched a lot of Nat Geo. I've never seen an animal buttfunnel a margarita.

Could a gorilla butt funnel? Could a fucking tiger butt funnel? They don't have the thumbs.

No.

Or they don't have funnels. Yes, I've seen the video, and I know the name of the server in said video. I've also watched the quality of food and service decline over the years. That feels fake. That feels like you're piling on.

Sounds like she was waiting for an excuse. Yeah.

With this incident being the final straw, I'll be taking my business elsewhere.

Damn. The final straw actually went into that lady's muddle.

Yeah, that was it. That was literally it.

That's the final straw.

Yeah. And then one person, or Kate, our coworker, good friend Kate, left a review saying, This place rules, and I hope they don't let any drama bring them down, and I vow to get there someday to enjoy many margs with my mouth.

I also like that the restaurant. I was like, We will be conducting a very thorough investigation, just like watching the security camera on replay.

Our standards. We expect higher standards than butt funnels.

There's going to be like, you know how on a menu, it has that asterisk and it says, Warning consuming undercooked poultry or raw seafood to samonella. Just on the drink menu, have an asterisk be like not to be inserted rectally. Then you're covered. What else can you do?

Just an X over any funnels going into butt.

Or you could just become the butt funnel friendly restaurant.

Yeah, that would probably do well.

We turned a blind eye to the brown eye.

Our guy Dana Beers has admitted to boofing.

Oh, really? Yeah. Right up to Pooper?

Yeah, he boofed.

He did it. I think that's a bridge too far.

All right, I'm looking right now. Yeah, there's not many other headlines or anything going on. Tyler Glass now got hurt. That's not even news. He gets hurt every year.

I think Brandon Ayuk wants to leave the 49ers.

Oh, what would give you that idea?

The fact that he keeps talking about wanting to leave the 49ers.

That probably would be spot on.

Yeah, he posted a screenshot of him watching Commander's film, which concerns me a little bit because it's like, how did he get that film? Probably from Jamie Daniels, or just he had a drone that flew over practice. But it seems like he wants to leave. I would accept Brandon Ayuk on the Commander's. Yeah. I think he's a good player.

Did you see RG3? He was like, Hey, this is a safe space. All Commanders fans, do you want to bring back the old logo?

Really? Well, they brought back the yellow pants.

Yeah, yellow pants is a big deal. Got Got it. Big deal for people in DC. We don't have a lot to really celebrate in the last 14 years. That's huge.

That's banner-worthy.

No, I saw the yellow pants, and I was like, okay, we had two seasons where we were pretty good. Yeah, that's huge. You got to have the yellow pants. You can pee in yellow pants. No one will I don't know.

That's a fact. Okay, should we do Hot Sea Cool Throne? Yeah. All right, let's do Hot Sea Cool Throne. It is brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. We are sponsored by Coors Light all the time, but especially Chill Week. Chill Week is presented by Coors Light before all the hustle of football season. We're heading out West. We're here right now for our first ever Chill Week. With the help of Coors Light, we'll be hosting interviews with fellow golf lovers in town, enjoying the summer fun the Tahoe has to offer, and most of all, choosing chill with Coors Light all week long. We were choosing chill earlier today. We're going to be drilling and chilling later with some Coors Light. So when the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Light is cold, loggered, cold-filtered, and cold package for a smoother finish. Tune in for our adventures of Chill Week. Don't forget to choose chill and reach for a Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with the Instacart by going to coorslight. Com/take. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. The best beer out there. It is Coors Light.

It is the chillest beer. It's the coldest beer. There's no better beer than when you're coming off what, 18 holes of frisby golf or getting off a boat. It's the best. You just have a nice cold Coors Light, getting off the golf course. Cores Light. That's where it is. So thank you to Cores Light. All right, Hank, Hot Sea Cool Thrun.

We also, Hot Sea is anyone that hasn't seen the new shirts, wearing it. Mountains are blue. They got the mountains on them, wearing that shirt on the boat, on the lake with the mountains in the background.So sick.Just felt right. Yes. Some of our best shirts we've ever made.

Make sure I didn't get my computer in that shot.

My other hot seat is Joe Biden.

Why? He seemed fine.

Trump made a million dollar wager in an 18 hole golf match, and he's going to give him 20 strokes.

Trump already won that exchange. Right.

That's what I'm saying. If Joe Biden doesn't accept hot seat, he doesn't accept he's going to get smoked.

No, but 20 strokes. If you accept the 20 strokes, I don't care who it is. If anybody offered me 20 strokes and then I lost, even if I beat him by the technicality of only losing by 18 strokes, I'm still the loser.

No, you got to beat him straight up with the 20 strokes and be like, throw those 20 strokes in the trash. Yeah.

So by even offering this Biden, Trump already won.

The way that Biden could win back is if he says, I'll do it, but it's got to be frisby golf.

That'd be pretty chill.

Two guys just banging chains together.

I think they would die if they had to play frisby golf.

Definitely.

You know what we should do? We should actually demand that they both do it, that they both have to carry their bags, but it's four rounds. It's like a full four-round tournament and then hope that they just both die on the course.

That would be over and a half broken hips.

Yeah.

I'd hammer the over.

No medics, just the two of them out of the course. And then they both die, and then we're good.

Don't give them the rules. Yeah.

Then we don't have-Fucking let them bang some chains. Back to the drawing board. Then we're good.

Yeah, that's tough. The 20 strokes because you can't Yeah, if you play that and you lose by 10, then Trump is just going to be like, I want.

Yeah, that was the best part of the debate, though, where they were just talking about their golf game.

It was most relatable. Either of them, Ben.

They asked them a question about childcare. What are you going to do about childcare costs? And then it just evolved into Well, I'm a six handicap. I'm an eight handicap.

I beat your ass on the golf.

Beat your ass. All right, Jack.

Play tomorrow. All right. Good hot seat.

Speaking of golf, my cool thrones, King and Bradley. Yes. Ryder Cups, Snub. The Netflix, I only watched it recently, but The Netflix full-swing documentary showing the details of how hard he got snubbed in the boys club, Zack Johnson, Spieth, and Justin Thomas was crazy. I felt super bad for Keegan. And then today, he got named Captain. He said he had no idea that that was even a possibility until he got the call being like, Hey, you're going to be captain of the Ryder Cup.

This is crazy.

But awesome for Keegan.

Yeah, it does feel like a make good, but he's a great dude, and he's going to be a good captain. I just want him to be as petty as possible and maybe even call Zack Johnson and be like, Hey, you've made the Ryder Cup team. We need you on the team. And then him be like, Really? That's awesome. Like, Psych.

He said Zack Johnson was the one that had told him.

Oh, that... Yeah, he needs to invite Zack Johnson and then take take away his invite.

He should say, Zack, I'd like you to be on the Ryder Cup team as a caddy. Yeah.

What do you say? Actually, you'd probably suck at that, too. Yeah.

Do you want to valet our cars? I think he could say that he was going to take any golfer. It doesn't matter if you're on the PGA tour, live tour, doors open for everyone. Hank. Yeah, Hank could even do it.

Hank is eligible for the Ryder Cup.

Yeah.

Okay.

Phil Mickelson, Bryson.

Phil Mickelson, yeah. Let off with Phil with that list, huh?

Phil on the Ryder Cup would be the funniest. Yes.

He's obviously super-Great Norman.

Yeah, get all the guys, all the great Americans back. Ian Polter. Yeah.

Okay. Good. Cool. It's wrong. Thanks. Pft?

Good job. My Hot Seat is us.

It's chill week, dude.

Yeah, we're chill.We're.

Fucking chill.You.

Know what? That was a chill cool thrown. Yeah.my hot seat is us.Give me a little... We got Competition Boys. We did a bad job. We didn't talk about this when we got back from our little vacay, but there's a new podcast in town, and it sounds fucking amazing.

Joc was the one who alerted us.

Oh, yeah, that's right. He sent us a text like, Watch out, guys. You know what? I'll say the podcast first, but JOC is banned from it.

Yeah, JOC, and also, shout out Jerry O'Neill because he literally, I think he just polices the Internet for us. Because he texted me in PFT being like, Watch out.

Watch out, guys. Watch your six. You're in trouble. Adam Schefter tweeted this out on July third. California governor, Gavin Newsom, Super Bowl champion Marshawn Lynch and agent Doug Hendrixon are joining forces for a new weekly podcast called Politiken that will be available on iHeart podcast. Newsom and Hendrixon have been friends since the '90s. Hendrixon has represented Lynch since 2007. They have been working on this podcast for the past six months. We're fucked.

All right. So I don't think we're fucked for the reason you're saying. I think this is like the big short, No Big Deal. I read the book before the movie came out. Book was better. When they go down to Florida and they see a stripper who has seven houses, Marshawn Lynch, Gavin Newsom, and Doug, whatever.

Doug Hendriksen?

Having a podcast together is the very sign that the podcast bubble is about to burst.

But you forget that Newsom and Hendriksen have been friends since the '90s.

Oh, shit.

They're going to have great. Hendriksen has represented Lynch since 2007. You also forget that they've been working on this podcast for the past six months. You know a podcast is going to be-Oh, I love to see that group text. It's going to be a fucking banger of a podcast when you spend six months working on it?

I challenge them. We're about to do the Mount Rushmore of Worst Situations to Shit. I challenge them to do a better Mount Rushmore of Worst Situations to Shit. Yeah, you can't. Do it.

The French laundry. That'd be a bad place. That would be a bad place. That would be a bad place. Take your shit.

That would be a bad place. Yeah, this is okay. I think it's hot seat podcasting in general.

So whenever you hear somebody planning out a podcast, a good rule of thumb would be that it's like a sandwich. So if you've been working on a sandwich for six months, it's probably going to suck ass because you've just been sitting out for a while. They've just been going back and forth.

We did all their best stuff already.

Yeah. Here's what working on a podcast for six months sounds like. Six months ago, you say, Hey, we should start a podcast. And then a week later, We should really do that podcast. And then the next week, I've been thinking about, We should definitely do that podcast. And then you finally sit down.

I'm sure it'll last past election season, too. This isn't just a short term thing.

No. Politiken is not just for election season, Hank. Politicken is life. Yeah.

Every day, you're politic. Every day, I'm politic.

Just a Marshawn Lynch podcast would be infinitely better than this. Yes.

I think this podcast we worked on for all of One Dinner. Yeah, there was a dinner. We went to one dinner before the first test episode.

Yeah, we did a test episode remotely, I think, one time.

No, we did one in your house in Austin. Yeah. That was the first episode. That was the first episode. Yeah, and all we did was a dinner before.

No, but I think there was a test episode that was like-I don't think so. Yeah, that was like two weeks before that. I remember I was in a hotel room in Houston. It was like maybe a 15-minute test. Oh, okay.

So there it is. Yeah. We did an hour and 15 minutes.

Actually, me and Big Cat did text back and forth for a couple of years being like, at some point, we should work together. Yeah. So really, part of my take started in 2014.

We were working on it for two years. Yeah.

But we're fucked. Jerry O'Neill, your band from going on Politican.

Yeah, he would never.

My cool throne is Dak's ankle. You see, Dak Prescott was wearing a walking boot on a boat when he was on vacation. And they asked Dak about it, and he said, It's absolutely nothing. So he said he hurt his ankle. He hurt his ankle, what, two years ago, three years ago? And he's saying that he's just wearing the walking boot as a precaution on a boat. I don't know much about walking boots besides Big Ben, but I don't think that you just wear one because you're going on a boat. That seems like maybe the worst place to wear one, actually.

Okay. Since we are a big Dak Prescott podcast, we had him ranked in our top 18 of quarterbacks a month ago, Spin Zone. Maybe Dak Prescott is wearing the walking boot because in the past, he has gone on vacations and got his ass beat. So if he puts on the walking boot, it's like, Hey, I'm not here to fight guy.

Yeah, you're not going to hit a guy who's handicapped.

Right, in a walking boot. So, yeah, it's a precautionary. Don't want to get my ass beat like I did on spring break at South Padre Island.

That's not a bad spend zone for it. Yeah. I just feel like if you're wearing it, you're not even allowed to wear shoes on a boat. But I guess if it's medical shoes, you can do that.

You can wear shoes on a boat.

Yeah. Who says you're allowed to wear shoes? The boat owner might.

I'm thinking back. Yeah, I've only rented or been on friends' boats.

Yeah, you can wear shoes on a boat. If it's your boat, you can wear shoes on it.

The walking boots-Thank your boat. Walking boots seems like it really get in the way of things. I actually take shoes off.

You do take shoes off? Yeah. I mean, I don't think people mostly don't, but you can.

It depends on the boat. It's not legal. I think if it's like...

If you own the boat, outright.

I'd fucking stop my shoes everywhere.

A pontoon boat shoes. Oh, yeah.For sure.

Living room on water.

Yeah. But if it's a smaller boat, I don't know. I'm not a boat person.

We got to get a boat guy, Hank. Got to get out on the boat.Yeah.Okay.

Mythat's fine. Absolutely nothing, you said.

My hot seat is actually Hank because We went this morning to get breakfast, and I did my customary. We went and got bagels.Great bagels.I love getting breakfast. I'll go back tomorrow and get it for everyone. I got my customary backup bagel. So I ordered my regular bagel and a backup bagel.

Regular bagel was a bacon, egg, and cheese. Let's just put that on the record.

Yeah, great order. And my backup bagel was an everything bagel with cream cheese, and Hank scoffed at me. So I then tweeted it, and everyone back me up. It's like universal praise because here's a hard and fast rule. One and a half bagels is usually the perfect amount. I usually eat all two, but one and a half is the perfect amount. One bagel is never fully satisfying. A backup bagel is the most important.

What about a bacon, egg, and cheese?

Great. You need to finish it off with something. I finish it off with the backup bagel.

You invented dessert. Why did you get a backup, bacon, egg, and cheese? You invented breakfast dessert. Is the backup bagel always a sweeter one?

It doesn't always have to If I think it's going to be an awesome bacon, there's a place I get a bacon, egg, and cheese from in Chicago that one does not fill me up. One and a half usually does.

But would you ever get the cream cheese one as your first one? Yes, you have three bagels. And then have the bacon, egg, and cheese after that. I usually like to lead with the bacon, egg, and cheese.

Yeah, but I'll sometimes do, if I'm not in the mood for bacon, egg, and cheese, I'll just do a bagel with cream cheese and a backup bagel with cream cheese.

That's smart. Yeah.

It's max. Max actually was like, Can I get a whack of one of these? I was like, buddy, I got a backup bagel just for this spot. Do you get backup bagels, Max?

Does anyone here get backup bagels? Max does.

He said he does.

I've never done it, but I think a good rule of thumb is just like when you're on vacation or when you're on a trip somewhere, you never know when you're going to eat next.

Yeah. You're being a hater, Hank. You put me on the hot seat. Is that on?

It depends where the bagel... New York City bagel No. New York City bagels are massive.

What about New York City bagels with bacon, egg, and cheese?

But if you're in other parts of the country, whether the bagels are a lot smaller, then yes, I agree.

I get back up bagels everywhere.

New York, I do not.

New York bagels are very big and fit. I actually went one further. I went Trustree with Max because I was like, I had just given this guy a half of my backup bagel, and I was like, Sometimes I'll do backup sandwiches. He was like, That's a little crazy, but... Yeah, we agreed.

You do like a... If you want to get two.

Yeah, you If you want to try two different things, I'll get a Buffalo chicken sandwich and a cheese steak. And then a backup sandwich. Jimmy John's, I always get a backup sandwich. But you get the small-Jimmy John's, I always get a backup sandwich.

But you got to get the small ones.

Because you can put that in the fridge.

I don't understand what the issue is of getting too much breakfast. Yeah, it's a back-I don't have an issue at all.

What happens if your fucking starter gets hurt? You got a backup. You just don't plan.

It's different positions.

No, they're both breakfast.

It's what's so infuriating about Hank.

They're different quarterback types. No. One's maybe more classic, like 6-5, rocket arm, bacon, egg, and cheese. The other might be a little elusive, probably can't throw it downfield, bagel with cream cheese.

I think a better analogy would be like a running back duo because you can't start. You can't have two quarterbacks. Thunder and lightning. But you got Thunder and lightning. Yeah.

I got a little Darren Sprouls to finish off my-You got the Michael Turner. Brandon Jacobs.

Yeah. You're never going to catch me complaining about getting breakfast with Big Cat. There's nothing I love more.

It's what's so infuriating about breakfast with Hank is if there's too much breakfast, he'll complain. If there's not enough breakfast, he'll complain.

What are you talking? Backup bagel is something everyone should embrace in life.

That is objectively insane. You never complain about having not enough breakfast.

Only when we just drive for 12 hours straight and don't get breakfast.

There's just no way when you eat one bagel, you're like, I'm full and satisfied. I couldn't use another half a bagel right now.

Also, Hank, let me fact check real quick. I give you all the Pinocchios. We just left a fucking hotel room in the morning. We didn't drive for 12 hours straight. We slept in a hotel. We got out of the hotel. We went to the bus. We went and got breakfast. And then Hank was like, Why didn't we get enough? No, this is on That week. That's true. On Grit Week. We had slept overnight in a hotel. Then we get up in the morning, we go to the bus, and then you complain about not enough breakfast.

Yeah. We actually had a very funny moment when we checked in last night at midnight. We should do an series with guys who work overnight ships at hotels because they're always a little different in a good way. But this guy was a little different in a good way. We were debating. We're like, Hey, do you guys have breakfast here? They're like, No. At first, we're like, Everyone's responsible for their own breakfast. And we're like, We agree. And then we told the guy behind the desk, we're like, Hey, you're a witness. You hear this? He's saying that he's responsible for his own breakfast. The guy was like, I don't know what the fuck is going on. And then we're like, Do you have breakfast here? He's like, No. He's like, All right, change that. You're not a witness for that anymore. We're going to get breakfast together.

Yeah, that guy had a look. We came in and we started talking, and he was like, I usually don't deal with people who are talking.

I will get breakfast for us tomorrow, okay? Because we have an 08:00 AM interview, and you're going to be a baby about it. That's a fact. He's going to be a baby about it. And I'll get you a backup bagel, too.Thank you.Yeah, no problem. All right, my cool thrown is the Twitter account, The Hater Central, NBA hater. I don't know if this one made me laugh. So if you guys aren't familiar with NBA hater, he's very clear on what he is. He's an NBA hater. Some of his tweets, this is just from the last two days. He said, Rob Polinka, this offseason, zero new signings, 143 mewing sessions. I think that's when you get jerked off on a table.With a cat?Yeah.

Mewing is when you put your tongue on the top of your roof of your mouth.What's mewing?Leaking.

That's mewing? I think mewing is-What's when you get milked in a table?

I need to Mue more.

Oh, okay. I think mewing is complaining.

Seventy-four rejections, held hostage by Rich Paul and LeBron, zero working phones, reportedly interested in signing point guard shooting guard, Savannah James. So these are the type of... When Dalton Connect and Bronnie James debut, 10 points, 4 for 19 field goals, 1 for 6, three pointers. The ask connection is what he's calling them. He's Franz Wagner, who we love, signed a $234,24 million contract extension. Yeah, which is nuts. And he said, Never forget his Illuminati after class. So this is the type of tweet you're getting from him. You see this guy, he goes after everyone, and he does this all the time. And you're like, This guy, I don't know what his deal is. He had a tweet yesterday. He said, Started this account in the 10th grade. Not thinking much of it. Now I'm going to college in a month with 105K followers. The support has been unreal. Thanks to every single person who's ever interacted with any of the tweets. I hope I can give you a laugh whenever you need one. The NBA Hater Central was 15 years old when he started this account.

What were the replies to that? Like, from the long term followers. People were like, Yeah, bro. Great job, bro. You're killing it. Love supporting you. It's been amazing to join you on this ride.

He called, The Warriors Have Added Depth, this He's a buddy heeled in Kyle Anderson. 32 huge teeth, one receding hairline, building the no aura Avengers.

I got to see what this guy looks like. I got to see a face revealed from this account. He's probably idiot.

Oh, man. But shout him. I mean, that's dedication. Started the Hater Central early.

Yeah, I started following that other account that we talked about, Hater Report. Now I got to start following Hater Central.

He's got a soccer one, too.

Does he really? Yeah. He's got a whole network.

Yeah, he's building out an empire.

He's a nation of haters.

Yeah, exactly.

It's respectful. And he's only 18 years old. He's starting college. Hopefully, we'll see. Once he gets to college, he might be partying, meeting girls. The hate might...

It might get soft.

It might get soft. He Yeah, he said Mbappé washed at 26.

Love that. Yeah, love that. I also want to know if this guy is taking intern applications to open up other branches of hateing.

Yeah, getting the hate going. Okay, that was good. Hot sea, cool drone. Let's do Mount Rushmore, then we'll get to David Wells. You ready, boys? Let's do it. Mount Rushmore of worst situations to have to shit? Yep. Who is up first?

So that would be Henry. Henry. Then Max. Then me.

Then me. Then Big Cat. Yes.

So it's Mount Rushmore of situations that are worst when you have to shit, right?

Mount Rushmore of situations that are bad to shit in.

Yeah. One-one. Okay. One-one during foreplay.

Oh, 4 play. Big 4 play guy.

It's getting started.

During sex wouldn't be worse?

No, because you're not even going to get to sex. You start making out with a girl. Things are advancing.

But if you're mid-thrust and you're like, I got a shit. That seems really bad.

But maybe you entered the goal zone, but this, you don't even get there. You're going to have to go take a shit, and that's just going to ruin the vibe.

4 play is making out everything.

Yeah. Leading up to sex.

Getting a butt funnel at a Mexican restaurant. Yeah.

Okay.

That would actually be a very bad place to have to shit. Yeah, absolutely.

All right. I didn't have it on my list.

Foreplay. Foreplay.

What foreplay are you into?

Just regular stuff.

Are you talking about the pod? I have a story, but I don't know if I want to say it.

Maybe we'll cut it. But this happened not foreplay. Oh, But I was first or second day with a girl. We were walking back to her place, and my stomach dropped. And I was praying that she had a lobby with a bathroom in there. Yeah. Did not. Had to walk up four flights of stairs. And shit?

And shit. And then you got to do the fast one? Or you just flushed instantly.

It was a disaster. Barbara was small. She could probably hear it. I had to be in there for 10 minutes. No, it was- It was You're really washing your hands.

And then you'll just spray anything you can find. Lysol, fucking bleach. I'll spray any. I'll spray cologne, hairspray, anything. Just get the air going.

Hank doesn't have a match, so he just takes it a joint and lights it in there.

Disaster.

Did you still close?

Let me just talk about that.

Damn. Done in by his shit. This seemed very personal. Okay. Max, you're up.

I'm going to say on a plane.

Yeah, plane. Yeah, that's a good one.

Great Great pick. On a plane sucks.

But there's a bathroom. I don't even think I would physically be able to do that. I don't think I would fit in a bathroom.

They made them small. They made them small.

They just start doing the single bagels, and that would change.

I didn't even...

That was so on show of you. That was so on show of you, bro. That was so on show. You know what? Not getting you breakfast tomorrow. Officially.

Okay, fine.

Everyone else, bagels.

Max, you said that you don't think that you could fit in an airplane bathroom. You don't pee on an airplane?

No, but sitting is a different situation.

It is. Max is right. I'm going to back him up here. It's a tight squeeze.

And also, I was-Bathroom on the plane.

If you have to shit, you can go to a bathroom.

You don't want to shit on a plane.

But you don't want to be the guy who shits on a plane.

You're going to see these people again in your life?

Well, sometimes it might be a reporter.

Sometimes it might be a reporter.

Yeah, it's true. There's reporters everywhere. All right, PFT.

Okay, I'm going to go with my first one, During sex.

During sex.

During sex. As you're having sex, in the middle of sex, when you're doing the act and you have to shit, what do you do? You have to stop, then you go to the bathroom. Maybe she's into it. And then you have to shit, and then you're like, Well, now we have to start foreplay again. And then if you had to shit during foreplay, that would make it definitely worse. But I think having to shit during sex is bad.

During sex would suck. Okay, good pick.Thank you. All right, I'll go with...

Hank's mad. He's mad about the backup bagel.

Yeah. Not about the wakeboarding.

Just insane. You can't even exist. Put me on the hot seat. Okay, I'll go with-I'm going to fire back.

Don't put me on the hot seat. My one, one, significant other's parents house is the worst because even Even if it's a house where you can maybe find the bathroom that no one goes to, there's still always in the back of your mind. Max and I, maybe. I think you guys would relate, but Max and I, especially. A road toilet, you just don't know. It's like playing on a 12-foot hoop. You don't know the dimensions of it. You don't know what the flushing is going to be like. You don't know if it's a bad flush, easy flush, anything. A road toilet is the scariest thing in the world. The toilet paper may be extra thick, all that stuff.

You don't know if the bathroom is going to have the fan as one of the switches. So many variables. You're just hitting every switch, hoping one of them turn. And then when you walk back in, then your significant other is like, Where were you? And then everyone else hears or ask that. Then you're like, I had to take a phone call in the bathroom.

Or you run the risk of mother-in-law or sister, cousin, someone standing outside and being like, Oh. When you open the door after a big shit at someone else's house, and there's someone waiting.Right there, yeah.And you're like, God damn it.

Is there anything worse than being in that situation? You're taking a shit, and then someone tries to open the door, and you hear the click, and you have to say, someone's in here. Yeah, someone's in here. Hey. You know that voice? Yeah. You try to do a different voice, so they might think it's a different family member?

Yeah, the worst. And then my other big one is right after you get out of the shower. That's the worst. Because you don't go back in the shower, usually, and you could do a good job, but it's just a different vibe for your whole day. There's a vibe of shitting right before the shower, and there's a vibe of shitting right after the shower. Your day is basically ruined by that moment. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, that was just the biggest mistake. Okay, Max.No.I.

Think it's me.PFT. Wrapping back around. After sex. I'm going to go... No, after sex is great shit. During anal. Check your phone. You can take it, Hank. How are you going to take it?

When you're getting an anal?

Just seeing what PFT is going to...

I'm going to go with just at a bar. At a bar, when you're out for the night, you're out with the lads.

It depends on the bathroom bar situation. Definitely. I have taken many a shit at a bar, if they have the private stall.

Yeah. Die Bar is the worst. When you walk in, you're like, All right, the worst is It's like a bar that has the... The barriers are so small that if you stand up, you can see everyone and everyone can look over, and that's the worst.

If there's one journal and one stall, and there's so much turnover of people using that journal, but you're just using that stall to shit, it's terrible.

I've told this story before, but one of the funniest things ever was the bar Duffy's in Chicago, and they had for a while there, I don't know if they fixed it, but it was It was seven urinals and then a toilet, but no barrier. One time I was there watching college football, and it was full. A dude just sat down and started taking shit, and everyone cheered. It was like, Fuck yes, dude.

I thought you said that was a fantasy football pun. No. That would be a great pun.

That would be a great pun.

You have to go to a bar.

Yeah. There was a bar in Austin called Nasty's I used to go to, where the entire bathroom was just one toilet in the middle of the room, like a sit down toilet.

And nobody ever took a shit there ever. One time I walked in, there was just a guy standing. He was ready to go, pants down. Got to go. Got to turn around. Yeah. Yeah. Shitting in a bar because then you also get that embarrassment factor of walking back and people are like, Dude, were you just shitting?

You just got to rub your nose.

Yeah. In that moment, you have to act like you never shit. No, dude. I would never shit.

All right, Max.

I guess I have a theme going here, but I'm just going to go with on a boat.

That's a good pick. That's a great one.

I did plane first and boat next, but it's like...

Boat makes way better than a plane because there's no bathroom on there. Or aquadam, but...

Yeah, that was the reason I didn't do it because there are probably people who like to aquadam.

Yes.

There are. I don't mind it. There are bathrooms on the place.

That's what I'm saying.

And on boats, too.

Not always. No, but those boat bathrooms are bad.

I'm agreeing with Max. Even if there's a bathroom-I don't like small...

I don't like shitting in small spaces.

Even if there's a bathroom on a boat, it's one of the ones that you have to press the pedal on. Yes.

And it's like that stink just is going to stay for a while. Okay.

I'm going to go with at a sporting event, at a sold out sporting event.

I had it.

Definitely. Definitely.

A bar, much smaller, much less people, probably aligned, but still not bad. But a sporting event, I'm thinking of all my situations when it's like, it's like, diary. You can't wait. Like, your stomach drops and you have to go. And no matter what, you have to wait for probably 20 or 30 people. And then you have to just unload with everyone inside.

And when you get into that bathroom to take the shit, the toilet is always a warzone.

Yeah, you go through all of them and you're just like, Fuck, this is going to be... You just know any high traffic situation, you're like, This sucks. And bonus for that pick, the toilet paper is always the worst. It's the worst. It's single-ply. It's there at all. Yeah, and it's just terrible.

Yeah.

And then I will go in another situation that there is no bathroom if you're on the subway. Because then-I shit my pants on the subway. Usually, yeah. Because even if you're on the subway, again, your stomach drops. You're like, Fuck, I got to go to the bathroom. There's not a quick bathroom off a subway. You have to get up and then hope you can find somewhere. But most places with subways are places like no public bathrooms. You can just run in. So, yeah, nothing worse. And then if you have to fart it out, you're just crammed around people. It's the worst.

Yep.

Agreed. Okay.

I'm going to go with a Music Festival Porta Potty.

Oh, good one.

It's been used all day. It's so fucking hot. Shitting in any Porta Potty is the worst. You walk out of there like, you literally just came out of a sauna, and it's just disgusting. Andit's also like-And you're sitting on piss.

It's a fucking...

When the Porta Potty, when you look in and it's been rising, there's a lot in there.

You always have to peak, too, right? Yeah. In a Porta Potty, you have to just take a look. What's the situation down there.

Yeah, there's a bomb go off in here. Good pick.

Good pick, Max. All right, for my next one, I'm just going to go in.

Max just keeps picking small toilets.

Yeah.

But their bodies are also hot, though.

They're You're in a toilet. I might make you eat a backup bagel tomorrow. I might sit here and be like, We're not starting the day until you eat two bagels.

Which one of his pics do you dispute?

Not disputing, just critiquing.

I think they're all valid.

If you're on a plane-We're just mad because PFT got sex and you got four players.

Four players are way worse.

When I'm going down on a check.

Okay. In reverse.

All right.

You're up, PFT? That's gross, Hank. You're gross. I'm just going to go with on a road trip.

Yeah.

In a car on a road trip, because then you got to make everybody pull over for you. You got to find a bathroom. Sometimes you have to go into the gas station, ask them for the key that's attached to a hockey stick, then go around the corner, open up the bathroom door, you go in, There's needles everywhere in the bathroom. Also looks like a bomb went off. It smells like shit. It's just a bad scene if you have to shit on road trip.

Yeah. Okay. I got two to finish off my pics. This one's happened to me a few times. I'm going to go with right before you have to puke because that's the worst. When you're taking a shit and you're fucked up and you're taking a shit and you're like, this will solve it. You're like, no, I got to puke. And then you got to puke where you're just shitting.

When I was a kid and I had a stomach bug, I did both at the same time.

Yeah, it's the world.

I was puking, and as I was puking, shit came out of my ass.

Having to do...

On the wall of the bathroom. I probably shouldn't have shared that, but it has happened.

But has it happened to you guys before where you're so fucked up and you're like, A shit will solve this? You're like, Nope, it's a puke. It's like, But I already shit, so I have to turn around. It's the grossest thing.

You got two moves at that point. You can either shit, try to spew it between your legs, or if you're lucky, there's a bathtub next to you. You just lean over there. The worst.

And then my last one is I can't say to it. Actually, Hank can say to it. Prison. Prison has to suck to shit. That's a good fourth pick. There's a shitter in your room with a roommate. Hank, you've shit in prison before.I did shit in prison.In.

Front of people? No, I was in my own stall. We were in the waiting cell. This was three o'clock in the afternoon. They said, We're not getting out until seven. And I was like, I'm not holding this for whatever, 20 hours. And I just started chitting. And I was like, Are you fucking pooping right now? I had no choice.

I had no option. But every story you hear and every picture you see, it's usually like two people or three people or four people living in a room, and there's just a toilet in the middle.

You have to have a schedule. At least you know when someone's going to use it.

Yeah. And it's just got to suck no matter what.

Yeah, that'd be bad.

It's going to suck for everyone.

I would I'm going to stop shitting.

Yeah. Okay, PFT, your last pick.

All right, my last pick. I was thinking about going super specific with this one, but I'm just going to say in a foreign country. If you're out in a foreign country-What about bidets? Here's the thing, though.

Never used one. I don't like bedays.

Never used one. Here's the thing. Bidets, you have to walk around with a wet ass afterwards.

Agreed. I'm not a bidet guy. I think it's a little suss that you just get water sprayed up your butt. I'm a real man. I like to stick my own fingers up my ass to wipe.

So I don't... Bidets combined with toilet paper, not a bad scene. Just bidet.

I would never trust that.

First of all, yeah, you can't trust it. Second of all, you just have wet ass. It just runs down your leg.

Dumb question. Where does that water come from? Is that recycled?

Is that poop water? Yeah.

No, I think there's-Poop water?

Depends on what bidet we're talking about. There are some bidets where you have two stations. Okay. From the poop station to the bidet station. I don't trust them. Some of them have just a faucet in the wall that you spray. But the sneaky, one of the weirdest things about shitting in a foreign country, especially if you're on an island somewhere or in Central or South America, the plumbing system isn't equipped to handle toilet paper. So a lot of places, they have toilet paper, but you have to wipe, and then there's a trash can right next to the toilet that you have to throw your used toilet paper on to on top of other people's shitty toilet paper. And then also, if you're out and you don't know the language, Then you have to ask people where the bathroom is, and then they're like, Oh, this guy wants to shit this American big shitter. Yeah. Damn.

Okay, Max?

Mine are all transportation. I've realized. I thought others were doing that. Porta Potty is not. Porta Potty is not. This next one is in traffic and standstill traffic. That's like a panic move when you really have to shit and you're like, Okay, I'm almost home. And then you're in traffic and you can't get out of it. You start sweating. So it's traffic.

I could PFT you, but I'm not going to because I have integrity of the game.

What does that mean? Make a really excellent pick? What does that?

I was going to say while you're puking because that's basically the foreplay sex of-Okay, do whatever you want, dude.

You've been so unshilled. I don't care.

How is that a PFT?

Well, you just took my picking slightly altered it.

No, I had During Sex is my one-one.

I had While You're Puking on my list. That's why-Do whateverWhat do you want, bro? I'll go with During your own wedding vows.

That was a great pick.

That's a good pick.

That's a funnier pick.

During your own wedding vows.

That's a funnier pick.

That's a great pick, Hank. I know from experience, but that would be a nightmare. Yeah.

It would suck big time. All right, what do we leave off? I had a kid's school, elementary school. I have I've not had to do this, but going to my son's school and you see the toilets, they're two feet off the ground or a foot off the ground. Would never want to do that.

During an assembly that you're in at school or during a meeting, there's a bunch of people around.

You can't leave for 20 minutes. Everyone knows.

This is people who have six hour full day meetings and you just have to excuse yourself and be like, I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom. And then you're not back too quickly. Everyone's like, oh, my God, he just shit himself.

That When you're wearing a suit, having to maybe a tuxedo at a wedding, you got the suspenders and everything, and you just basically, you're like, I'm going to shit somewhere on this suit. You got to basically take off all your clothes.

Yeah, that would be bad. Also, if you're at a job with a boss that is a serious job, not a fuck-around job, but a job that you care about, that's your career, and then you go in at the same time as your boss, he goes to the urinal, you You go to the stall, then he knows. Then he sticks around a little bit too long and you have to start shitting.

I think it might be worse if you both go to the stall because then you have to sit there and be like, You know, I know. Because he's not only having to smell your shit, but he also is like, This guy knows how I sound.

Yeah, I did that one time with my boss back in Austin. We go in the bathroom at the same time, sit down, he goes to the stall, I go to the stall, and then he just screams, fire in the hole, broke the ice, and just let it rip. Just absolutely I had it rip. And then I was like, okay, this guy's cool. He shits loud.

I had two others that I was surprised that weren't picked. One is when you're in a pool, because not only the fact that you have to shit while you're in a pool, but there's nothing worse when you're in a pool or at the beach and you have to go to the bathroom and you're going to be wet. You're slipping on the floor, your ass cheeks are wet. It's just a mess. The beach is a good one. Yeah, the beach is a big one.Beaches.Aquedump.Yeah.Aquedump.Aquedump. Then whatWhat did you say?Go ahead. No, go ahead.

I was going to say in high school, after you've already wasted a bathroom break to just walk around, and then you come back and you're like, I have to go to the bathroom.

No, I used to just be like, every period, I would go maybe once or twice, just so I could sit on the twin.

You have to go in every single class because you know. There were times I went twice.They.

Don't know. And then the teacher would get mad, but I was like, Fuck it.

What do you say at that point? You're just like, No, the first one, I was faking it. Right.

No, I had to shit.

What about during the second of a college football game, and you're the coach.

Oh, yeah.

Side lines and you're old. And then you have to stop the game to sprint across the field into the locker room. Yeah, you're flushed out. Yeah.

And then the other one I had that I was surprised. It's similar to the significant other's parents house, but significant other in a hotel room. Because that, you could be with your significant other forever. When you get into some hotel rooms and you're like, this hotel room is 300 square feet, we're men. The way we shit changes the whole vibe of an entire hotel room or a weekend. You have to go to the lobby or something. But if you have to go in the hotel room, Max, you're looking at me like, you don'tYeah, no, I let it rip.

You do? Yeah.

Dude, when it's such a small confined space, I'm like, this shit's going to linger for days.

That's how I felt. Yeah. The sound.

Yeah, exactly. Back to your story. All right. Any others? Oh, gas station with only one bathroom. You know which ones I'm talking about? Where it's one single bathroom and it's like, this bathroom has been through hell. Like, absolute hell.

That's like if you're on a road trip, that goes hand in hand with what you just said. You really have to go, and it's the only gas station around. And you're like, do you have a bathroom? They're like, yeah, but it's in the back for employees. And it's like, okay, I can use it.

To get there, you have to walk through their inventory of food that they have.

That's exactly what I The other one is the key bathrooms at a gas station that you have to go outside for. Those are always the worst.

Truckers are probably getting their dick sucked in there.

During the NBA finals against the Lakers.

Yeah, that'd be bad.

That would be bad. That It's going to be very bad.Meme's.

Raising his hand.During.

A marathon.

Oh, I actually think that's an okay time.Yeah.

That plays.

It might be the only time you could shit your pants and no one's going to really judge you. Who's the guy that...Rajay.

Davis or something?No.

The Davis Clarke. No, it's Davis Clarke. The Influencer. Yeah. That was a great video.

I also feel like runners, they welcome you into an elite fraternity if you do that.Yeah.They're.

Like, respect. Yeah, you've left it all out there. Okay, let's get to our interview. We got an awesome interview with David Wells, and we'll finish up with part of your take. Pft, you got an ad before we start the interview?

I do. David Wells is brought to you by Coors Light. Coors Light is the absolute best. We cracked open some Coors lights on the frisby golf course today. The victor got the spoils. The mountains were blue. Before all the hustle of football season, part of my take is headed West. It's our first ever chill week. With help of Coors Light, we're hosting interviews with fellow golf lovers in town, enjoying the summer fun that Tahoe has to offer. Most of all, choosing chill with Coors Light all week long. When you embrace a chill mindset, it's a good time to choose chill. Crack open to Coors Light. Coors Light is mountain cold refreshment, crisp and refreshing as the Colorado Rockies. Tune in for our adventures at Chill Week. Don't forget to choose chill. Reach for Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with Instacart by going to coorslight. Com/take. Celebrate responsibly Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. And now, here's David Wills.

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is our first interview of Chill Week, sponsored by Coors Light and Chevy Silverado. It is the legend, 21 years pitching in an MLB. David Boomer-Wells. Should we go by Boomer? Or how do you want to start? I'm cool with any one of them. All right, I love that. Let's start, though. We're here at the tournament that's going to be taking place this weekend in Tahoe. First of all, how's the golf game? Do you think we have a chance of winning?

I have zero chance of winning in this. You can't say zero.

What if someone-I'm going to tell you zero. What if half of the field gets hit by a bus?

There's another half. And there's another half of some good players, but no. I've come this year with zero expectations. I had a shoulder replacement in December, so I'm just getting that back. I've probably had about nine rounds, 10 rounds since then. So it's not pretty. But because I'm coordinated and I do play a lot of golf, it's just trying to find your rhythm in that. And it's not there. But I just try to stay away from the double bogeys.

What's What's your handicap?

Well, normally when I'm playing a lot, it's probably anywhere from a six to a nine.

Okay, nice.

You like that number 6 to nine?

That's like Joe Biden, right? That's what he said.

It makes you a pink belt and tongue fou, so you're good.

I love it, though. From a 6 to a 9, that's a really good golfer. And you're being very humble, being like, I'm not going to compete in this thing.

And it's a good song. You probably don't know who sang If 6 was a 9.

If 6 was a 9, Rush?

No. Damn. You got to go way back, brother.

Three Dogs Night.

The Mama's and the Papas?

No. What is it? Robert Johnson. No.

Jimi Hendrix.

Okay. I should have known that one. I should have known that one.

You're a big music guy. Huge music guy. I heard a story that, obviously, your favorite day was when you would start, but mostly because you got to control the Clubhouse music. So what was the usual pick? And was there anyone in particular who was like, What the hell, Boomer, we don't want to listen to this?

Well, a lot of guys didn't want to listen to it, especially Joe Tori. But I didn't give two shits about that. Can we cuss?

Yeah, say, Fuck, motherfucker.

You can't say fart.

I know you got in trouble with that one time.

How about that?

You did.

Yeah, it was all right. But anyways, I got fired up. So my go-to was Metallica. Nice. 100 %. Then I'd throw a little Disturbed in there. Okay. A little Slip-naught in there and just get it going. And then I'd wind down a little bit, play a little bit of Van Halen. Love Van Halen. Do that. Some cheap tricks, some of the old school stuff, and then finish it up with Wolf and Man. And then that was one of my come out songs, but played a lot of POD as well. So there was my boys, San Diego boys down there.

What would Tori say?

He would try to turn it down. I go back and turn it back up. Yeah. What did he want to listen to? And I just told him, if you want to win, leave the fucking music alone. Because this is how I get ready for my starts. Go out in the dugout, do something. But for the next 45, 50 minutes, let me get this off.

I respect that, though. On days that you're working, you know what gets you dialed in. It's some fucking Metallica.

But he made it all about himself. So to me, it was like What do you do? But to me, that just worked for me and how I got prepared and ready. Because if music wasn't around, I don't think I'd been a worth of shit. I always gravitate and go to music in any time, high or low, just go to music and you just find the songs that work for you to get you out of your funk.

So what are your top three Metallica albums?

Probably Ride the Lightning. I like, obviously, the Black Album, which was great, and probably Masters.

Okay. Yeah.

Those three are pretty badass.

Yeah. Those really do like the old school Metallica. You don't have a pulse if you listen to that and you can't get up for it. No.

And I used to run with Lars back in the day, so it was quite interesting, quite a lot of fun. James Hatfield didn't really gravitate towards me as much, but he was nice. He wasn't a dick. A lot of people can be, but he was really cool. And I got to go behind the scenes and hang out in sessions with him and do all that. So it was pretty cool. But yeah, Lars, that was my man. I named my son after him.

Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's really cool.

And he's a drummer, so hopefully he'll follow in his footsteps. Yeah.

So when you sat down, you took your knee brace off. Is your knee okay, by the way?

Yeah, I had to put that on. I'm getting this done in December. December second, I get a knee replacement. I got to wear a cotex from time to time.

I was admiring the tattoo that the knee brace was covering. You got a skull, but the skull also is a baseball.

And who's on that?

David Cohn, Don Larson and me. You have your own signature tattoo. I got Whitey Ford and Babe Ruth, and then the nose is tunnel going from the clubhouse to the-That's awesome.

That's an awesome tattoo.

And then all the teeth and all that stuff. But yeah, I like skulls.

You mentioned some of the guys there, David Cohn, and Got to talk about the perfect game. How hungover were you for the perfect game?

As the game went on, I got better. But I got to the park that morning and Coney's locker was next to mine. And they were getting ready to go out on the field. And he just looked at me and goes, wow. I go, what? I'm looking around, what? And he goes, you stink, dude. He goes, hide. He goes, if Joe Tori smells it, you're done. Yeah, I was a brewery. How many hours did you sleep? A lot of vodka came out of that body that day.

Sometimes when you're hung over, it drowns out some of the anxieties, some of the negative self talk. You just go out there and you fucking do it.

Yeah. And a lot of guys have done it. But to me, I just wasn't I expected. It was stupid to do it, but I did it. Jimmy Fallon and Seth, all the guys, the whole cast, we were just raging until about 5:30 in the morning. And then I got home probably about 5:45, 6:00, I have facial on the bed. And my son wakes me up 2 hours later. Dad, I'm hungry. I'm like, Go get grandpa to make you something. Give me a couple more hours of sleep. And he's like, persistent, no. So I got up, started drinking coffee, and then that shit happened. It was incredible.

After that goes down, did you ever think as if it were me, and I just pitched a perfect game after I was maybe half drunk, maybe still hung over, I would get in my own head and say, I have to do this every single game from now on.

You think I didn't? Not to that extent, but I usually went out the night before I pitch, low key, just have a couple of pops and I get too anihilated. Because for me, the next day, I was relaxed. I was And all because a lot of guys get butterflies. And I still got butterflies before every game. But once you a couple of pitches into it, you're good to go. And then you just get into your rhythm. But not all the time it works and all that. So it's like, what do you do? You're going to have good games. You're going to have bad games. Yeah. Do you need to drink? I don't care the guys who don't drink. They have bad days, too. Yeah, I was looking for my water, but I'll take a Coors Light.

There we go. Ice cold Coors Light.

We'll all It ain't that ice cold. All right. So the perfect game. Two other things I had about that was-Cheers, gentlemen.

Cheers.

This is going exactly how I expected when David Wells, the legend, was on. I heard you say that the bullpen, which you took very seriously throughout your career, and your warmups before the game were horrendous for that. So what are you thinking in your head when you're throwing warmups before your perfect game? Are you like, this is going to be It was such a shitty day?

Well, if my bullpins were good, I was scared. If they were shitty, I was okay with it because you can't go and he can't get any worse. So you don't know what to expect. Because for me, then I would just try to psych myself out. I would throw some pitches really bad towards the end of my warm up and start dropping the F-bombs and getting pissed off. And Mel Stoudemire is looking at me and go, What's wrong with you? You all No, man. You see those pitches right there? But I'm not going to tell him. It's just my own thing. I get in my own head. And that's what I did because my polepins were just so good and perfect. To me, it was like, it's scary because you could go in there and just get caught up in it and not really know. You see the guy in front of you, you got a face and you groove him when it goes a long way. So that just worked for me. That was my mindset.

And then during the perfect game, At what point were you like, this is happening?

About the fifth inning? Yeah.

You were like, oh, shit. This could happen.

Well, I walked into the clubhouse. I always walked up and got water. I was very superstitious. So with one out, I'd run up, get a water, and then come back down. I went in the lounge and I heard Michael K and John Sterling. David Welles got a perfect game. I'm like, la, la, la, la. I fucking ran out and I'm like, got to the bench. And then I spit on the first First step, second step, third step. Got to spit on those. Every time? There's times I had cotton mouth. I couldn't get shit out of it. Feathers were coming out. I was like, I ate a chicken, a whole chicken. But, yeah, to me, it was just a very superstitious thing for me to do. And I did that. So I just tried to stay because I remember going and sitting next to Tino, and he got up and walked away.

Yeah, I was going to say, did everyone leave you alone?

Yeah, I was very eerie, very, very eerie. But I knew what they were doing because they don't want to be the ones to jinks you and all that stuff. But yeah, so I remember it was the eighth ending, going out for the eighth ending, and David Cohn comes up to me and he goes, Hey, break out that knuckleball. I go, What? He goes, Throw the knuckleball. I go, I don't throw a knuckleball. He goes, Yeah, you do. I play catch with you every day. Throw that knuckleball. I go, Are you out of your fucking mind, dude? I'm not throwing no knuckleball. I knew what he was doing. Not right away. But then when I was walking out to the mountain, I'm like, he's just trying to get my mind off of what's going on. Very genius move on his part.

Yeah, so that is genius. And he obviously then threw a perfect game. The next year. Yeah, the next year. And did you have anything like that for him?

No, I got traded.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

I got traded the first day of spring training.

You bounced around to so many teams. Was there ever a moment in your career where you were like, Man, I wish I could just stay at one of these places?

I I think I was meant to be on a bunch of teams. You know what? I just had a lot of... I had a hard time with authority. I spoke my mind, I think, too much, but that's just the way I was. It worked for me, but I want to win. I want to make the guys around me better. I want my teammates to do what they're supposed to do. I didn't set a very good example by going out, but if I didn't come and do my job to the park every day or every five days and do my job well, then Yeah, then I would expect them to come and get in my face and have an intervention with me or something. But it was like I just wanted to win, and I just did not like authority because I'm a grown-ass man.Don't tell me.I.

Got two questions about the authority thing. One, how much of that is because of your upbringing with your mom, who was, by everything I've read, an absolute badass. She was in the Hell's Angel.

She was a woman, I guess. She was her boyfriend. She was an old lady, as they would say. Yeah.

But how was that? That's the coolest thing ever. To be like, Yeah, my mom was a Hell's Angel.

To me, as a kid, you don't really, really, because you're around these guys every day, especially on the weekends when the party is at your house in our apartment. But the apartment complex that we lived in, there was two on the same block, but we were the bigger one. The other one was a little smaller, and they had a big courtyard in the middle, and it was on. And it was cool because you'd have 150, 200 motorcycles around your whole block. People were scared of you.

Yeah, I was going to say no one messed with you. I'm sure.

I was a shit-talking punk little kid. You mess with me. My mom's boyfriend is going to beat your ass. I do all that stuff. So I got away with a lot of shit. But no, my mom, that was just her lifestyle and it worked for her. But she always told me, she goes, Don't take Any shit from anybody, speak your mind and persevere. And I remember that as a little kid, and I took that in to my life, and it worked. Yeah.

So the second question about authority is, I heard a story that you tried to, or maybe didn't try, but you told George Steinbrenner that you're going to beat his ass.

Oh, yeah.

So can you tell us that story? Because I would imagine a lot of guys on the Yankees didn't do that because he was the boss. Yeah.

Well, it was an inner league game. We were playing the Expos, and Pedro and I were going toe to toe. And I think it was the third or fourth any, Darren Fletcher hit a home run. But the year before, '96, when I was with Baltimore, and Jeffrey Marriquid leaned over. A piece of shit. He did that because Tony Tarasco was under, camping underneath it, and he just reached out. And Richie Garcia called it a home run, which was bullshit. And so I brought that up because the same thing happened to me. Or not a kid, some guy leaned over and Tony was right... And Paul O'Neill was right underneath it. And Paul was pissed. He's screaming, and they call it a home run. So I think I went eight innings. And then when I went in, George Steinbrenner was sitting right next to my locker, but there was a picnic table in front of my locker and with nick Peore, who was our clubhouse manager. And they were talking. I come in, I said, Hey, George. I said, You got to do something with I said, It worked for you last year. It didn't work today.

We were losing, I think, that time, I think three to one. And he's like, he just looks at me, he goes, you ain't the pitcher I signed. I go, Excuse me? He goes, you ain't the pitcher I signed. I go, if you don't fucking like me, why don't you trade me? He goes, I tried. Nobody wants you. That pissed me off. So I was like, oh, boy, here we go. So he just looked at me. I said, if you don't like me, get fucking rid of me. I said, if you don't want me, I don't care. I said, this is my dream to play for you. But now, if you're going to be a dickhead, then fuck off. I don't want to be no part of it. And I said, as a matter of fact, I'm going to go get ice on my shoulder, my back and my knee. And I said, when I come When I come back, I said, if you're here, I said, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. And he gets up. He gets right in my face. And he's like, I'm not afraid of you. I go, we'll find out in a few minutes.

I went in there and I put ice, elbow, shoulder, back, knee. And I come out, and he's sitting right there and I go, Son of a bitch. I go, You still here, you motherfucker? I start ripping shit off of me. He got up, out the door, he went. I chased. And Strawberry was hiding behind a pillar. Wow, this guy's fucking out of his mind. He's like, crazy. Oh, man. He went out and then I felt really bad about it. But it is what it is. I was hot and you say stuff when you're pissed off. And so two days later, During the game, I'm walking up into the clubhouse and the phone rings right outside of Tori's office. I pick it up and I go, Yankee Stadium, second base. Can I help you? He goes, Who is this? I knew right who it was. I go, You called me. Who's this? He goes, This is George Steinbrenner. God damn it. I said, Hey, George, it's Boomer. I go, Hey, I just want to apologize for the other day. I should have not done that. That was not cool. I really, really feel bad. I I go, I apologize because you wait right there.

And he came down from his office. He came down and we went in Joe's office and we hash it out. He gives me a big old hug, kiss on the cheek. He goes, you're my guy. I like that. But I think you had to do that. You had to challenge him because if he had you, you're done.

Everybody that he deals with in his day to day life just rolls over for him. Yeah. So if you are a guy that stands up, he'll probably respect that.

So I told everybody, fucking talk shit to him. Get in his face. Do that. Challenge him. Do all that.

But not everybody's me. Did anyone else do that? I don't know. I don't think so.

At least you give them a little bit of advice. You don't want to get rolled over. It's like the same crap happened to me in Toronto. The front office always, always messed with me. And I think that's why I became a really bad boy of baseball because of the fact that they treated me like shit. And it was like they were always worried about my... I was 195, and they wanted me to be 185. I'm like, I'm already skinny. I'm 6'4. I'm skinny as hell. I go, no. And then I have $205. They want me $200. So they'd find me $100 a day. And I didn't have $100 to pay. I was low man on the totem, pulling on that payroll. So it just it really sucks. So Pat Gillick and Gordash were always messing with me. And finally, one day I just said, fuck you guys. I said, I want to be a starter or a reliever. I'm not doing both. I said, I'll be happy to do one or the other. Because when Dave Steve went down, I spa start, I went 15 games. And then he comes back, I go right to the bullpen.

So I was just like, whatever. So I went out, and then they released me.

And that probably, like that, Toronto, the start of your career, probably set the tone a little bit for why you got traded. For the rest of my career. Yeah, for the rest of your career. But it also is why you were able to survive being like, Hey, I know I can do this. Fuck off.

That's why everybody wanted me in the playoffs. I was a big game pitcher, so you give me the ball. I'm not afraid.

What is it about a big game pitcher? Because there's something special about it in all sports. But watching, there's been a ton of guys throughout history, but even I'm thinking more recently, a John Lesser or a Madison Bumgarner where it's like... Kurt Schilling? It doesn't matter what their season look like. If they have to win a game, they're going to win a game.

Andy Pettit is probably the best big game pitcher I've ever seen in my career. That guy, he knew how to win. Kurt Schilling is another guy. He stepped up to the plate in big games. And that's where you want to be. You want to be on the biggest stage and take authority and walk off that in the ninth ending with a badass with your chest out and just, Here you go, everybody. That's what I just did to your team. That's what you want. That's the mentality that you want. A lot of guys are going third or fourth in, looking in the dugout going, come get me. That's just not how it is. There's guys that just step up, and there's guys But I don't.

So you talked about the butterflies earlier. You would still get those butterflies before a big game. You just lean into them. How do you make those butterflies your friend?

You just go out there and make your pitches. I knew I could hit a Nat's ass at 60 feet, 6 inches, nine out of 10 times. I had good control. I had control with every pitch, so I threw strikes. So you just try to make your pitches. Know what guys can beat you and pitch to your strengths. I didn't look at the at the scouting reports. I would do it from time to time just to appease somebody, but I already knew what I was doing. I pitch to my strengths, not what some scouting report tells me to do. If it's somebody I don't know that just got called up, then I'll go look at it just to see what their scouting report is. But to me, it was still I just pitch to my strengths.

What about your catchers? When your catchers are calling a game, are you a guy that would shake off a lot of signs if they knew what you wanted to throw? No.

We I made sure they knew what I threw in every count in the pitch, every pitch in the count, excuse me. And so to me, they had to think with me because I hated to shake off. Now, if I had a scuff ball, then they put number two down. I'm like, no, we're going number one because I can make that ball move that much inside and out. So I'd rather do that and not speed up their bat when they're looking for something off speed. But yeah, because if you get scuff ball. I remember early in my career, I get scuff balls, I throw them back. What a dumb ass I was. I don't know. I was just green behind the ears. Then I got a little older and talked to the veteran guys, and they tell you, and then you start working with it. It's like, oh, my God. Now they throw every ball out. It's crazy. If it hits the dirt, it's out.

So you're pitching in the '90s, early 2000s, height of the steroid era. Did you know at the time, you're like, these guys are juicing?

We knew what guys were doing them and what guys weren't. I look back now, I go, fuck, I wish I would have done them, to be honest with you.

That's an honest answer.

I wish I would have because I think I would have gained gained velocity, I think in that aspect. So with my ability to throw strikes, I think it would have made me a lot better. I think injuries, these little aches and pains you get, the dead arm period and stuff like that you get. So it's like that might have been a big difference for me. But no, I never did them. But to me, it sucks that the guys that did them that didn't need to do them. I guess I would say, allegedly they did. But we all know what guys did them. And so to me, but that's just a thing. So I look at it in my situation. I pitch in a sterile era, and I could have probably had I had 15, 20 more wins because of it. So that puts me at...

Closer to 300, right?

Well, no, I had 239, so 260, 270. But if the Blue Jays would have left me a starter my whole career, that's why I wish I always played for the Braves, because they always brought their guys up and they just let them go. And that's how they learned. And that's why they were very good staff all those years. So if you take 10 wins, if you just take 10 wins a year for those six years, they stuck me in the bullpen. That's 60 wins. That's 300.

Now you're getting 300. I'm in the Hall of Fame. Yeah, that's true. So was there ever a moment or maybe a home run or a moment in the game where you're like, fuck, this is crazy what these guys are doing.

I mean, when a guy that normally doesn't hit a home run off you and he's going 20 rows deep, oppo, that pisses you off because you know they're doing it. And you see their bodies change and it's just like, okay, Okay, here we go. You got to make your pitches. But even that pitch that you normally get them out on, they're so strong now. I know. It's just like, great. But it is what it is. Do I think those guys should be in the Hall of Fame? No. Because I didn't do them. You don't. Because I didn't to them, they don't belong in it. And there's guys that think that they should. And I call bullshit on that because it shouldn't be that situation. And here's a case with Andy Pettit. And when him and Roger, I guess Roger gave it to him or whatever it was, whoever their trainer was at the time. And Andy was hurt. So I think he did. I don't know what it was that he did.

I think it was the cream, maybe.

But whatever he did, he was doing it to come back faster, whatever it was. And I think if it was under a doctor supervision from guys that got injured, and if it's a healing process and it gets them over that and it gets them back on the field, that I I would be fine with. I think that would be okay. But it would have to be... Obviously, it would have to go as a league rule and then the doctors, the team doctors, and it's documented. Then sure, why wouldn't you do that? And then let them in the hall. Because Andy Pettit, he's a Hall of Famer in my eyes, but that one little mishap might screw him for the rest of his life.

But so you're a baseball historian. You collect a bunch of stuff. The game that you wore, Bay Bruce hat was pretty awesome. Don't Don't you think it's crazy, though, that Barry Bonds is not in the Hall of Fame? He's one of, if not the best baseball player of all time. And you can go through the history of baseball. There's all these guys that pre- 1950s didn't play against Black players. They didn't play the best competition. So you don't think that's crazy that they should be in the Hall of Fame? You got to tell the history of the game, good or bad.

Well, sure. But the thing is, if they did steroids and they're linked to them, so it's like... I don't know. And I They're both great guys. They're both great guys. But to me, when you're linked to it and everybody knows, then it's like, I don't know about the committee, what the committee is thinking, but it's the writers. And eventually, they're probably going to get in.

Because the writers will get younger and they'll realize.

Well, yeah, but there are a lot of stupid ass writers that don't need to be writing, and they should not have a vote.

Yeah, the voting process for baseball is crazy. It's crazy, isn't it?

Didn't Derek Jeter not get 100%?

And that's the thing because there's one guy, I forgot his name, and this is the BS part of it all, is that everything's secretive to them. And they keep going to Derek, and Derek has to answer all these questions. And Derek's like, Why don't you go to the guy who didn't vote for me? But they're saying, Well, we don't know who it is. Well, they hide behind their pencil. They're behind it. And that's BS. They're a bunch of... I mean, we call them pussies. Yeah.

All day long.

All day long. And maybe a few others because they're such afraid of their own shadow. But they could sit there and write BS about you, your whole career, and they not like you. So they're not going to vote for you. But that one guy, from what I hear, doesn't like to vote for guys their first first year.

It's ridiculous. It's like gatekeeping some idea of baseball perfection that doesn't exist.

Rivera was another one where it's like, he got it. He didn't get 100%.

He didn't get 100? Right. I don't think...

Did he get 100? I think he did. Was he the only one who got 100?

I think he was the only one that got it.

He might have been the only one. But that's the one where it's- Derek Jeter, same way.

He's a stud. A lot of these guys that has been had to wait a year, and then they get in the next year. Put them in. I think the same thing happened to Roberto Alomar.

Rivera got 100? All right.

Yeah. So like, Roberto Alomar. He was the only one, yeah. I think he had to wait a year, and then he got in. He was a stud. Right. One of the best players I've ever seen. Best infielder I've ever seen. Ken Griffy Jr. Probably the best outfielder I've ever seen. But there's a couple of guys behind him that were just Which is good. But yeah, you see guys like that, but they didn't get caught doing anything. To me, it's like, how do you not put Bernie Williams in the Hall of Fame? How do you not put Kenny Lofton in the Hall of Fame? They had great numbers. They have Hall of Fame numbers. That's why you got a douchebag... What's it? The Commissioner.

Manfred. Yeah, Commissioner.

Yeah. Rob Manfred. I think he hates baseball, so he's just screwing it up while his 10 Junior is still going. He's going to see how much he could fuck it up. They should have booted him years ago.

What don't you like about today's game? Everything. Okay. I like that. I knew that whenever I asked him, it was going to be a list.

I don't watch baseball anymore. Seriously? I haven't watched it in five years.

Have you seen the bigger bases, though?

The only time I watch baseball is my buddy Chuck down in San Diego because he's a big Padre fan, and I've gone to maybe two games in five years. I lied. I watched two games in five years.

Do you have the card that gets you into every game? Yes. That is one of the coolest things. So can you explain it? When you retire-10 years. If you play 10 years in the big league, you get a gold card that you can walk up to any stadium at any time, and you get walked right in.

You get two of the best tickets available.

That's awesome.

That's very cool. Can I have it? Can we have it?

Give it to us. You got to find my kids. My kids want it.

Do they use it?

They've used it before.

You get snacks and drinks with that or just tickets?

No, just tickets. That's so cool, though. Just be able to walk up. They want to go to a game? Okay.

You know how much tickets are nowadays. So they're ahead of the game.

What would you do to fix baseball?

I would get rid of the clock. Okay. I get every analytic guy out of there.

Fire all the nerds.

All the nerds. Drop them off in the middle of the leg and let them swim in. Kill all the nerds.

All right.

Because here's the thing. They're the guys that are making all the calls and everything and giving it to the GMs or whatever. And then they're going off of that. It's like all that shit has been there since day one of baseball. It just took a couple cronies to go back there. Crunch numbers, Billy Beane, one of them, and with the money ball. But it's a lot. There's some validity to a lot of it. But a computer doesn't tell you... It doesn't have a heartbeat, so it doesn't do that. If you throw over first base the third time, he gets to go to second. Okay, what part of that down I get? A guy on second in extra innings because they want to speed the game up. You don't want to go to the fucking game for nine innings? Get the hell out. Who cares? That's up to you. Don't try to speed the game up. The integrity of the game is what it was.

Would you ever try to throw, pick off pitches to first base just to piss off the fans when they started to boo you?

You know what? Sparky Anderson was the man doing that. He would have you throw over six times in a row. Fans are booing like crazy, especially in the visiting one. And he would do it. But there's a reason for that because they want to see. They want to try to see the play off their hand. If he's going to turn around and bunt, try to get the guy over. So there's reasons for all that stuff. But now these kids nowadays, they don't have to think for themselves because they got these analytic guys that are doing all the thinking for them. And it's like, learn how to play ball. They grow a sack.

Let's go. I like that. Bring back small ball. Steal some bases.

100 %. You don't see it anymore. You can see it in today's game. I know they've made a lot of rule changes, some good, some bad. But The batting averages are down so insanely, where no one's hitting over 300. And it's like the action of the game, that's what people want to see. And I actually agree with banning the shift because I did think the shift, that just became ridiculous when a guy would hit a C. You know what?

That guy needs to make an adjustment. Okay. All right. Make the adjustment. I had no problem with that. It used to piss me off because then they would hit it the other way. Hit it down the line, yeah. Did I like it? No. But I don't think they should have took it out. The hitters are good enough. You got to give them credit because they know how to hit bad pitches. You don't need an analytics guy to tell you this is that. They just learned it. Robin Young, guys like that, Paul Molitor, George Brett, all these guys that were pure hitters, Hall of Fame hitters. They figured it out. Dave Windfield, all these guys. You go down the line from the '70s, '80s, and '90s, 2000, then before the analytics. These guys learn how to hit. They pay attention. All you got to do is pay attention. I watch the hitters. They watch us. Tony Quinn. Tony Quinn. The opinion. Wade Boggs. Don Mattingly.

Did you ever go out with Wade Boggs? Oh, yeah. Who would in the night?

I would in the night.

You'd out drink Wade?

Not in beers.

The story goes when he drinks 70 beers on a cross country trip one time.

I've seen it.

Do you believe that? I've seen it. Yeah? Yeah, I've seen And not get up to pee once. That's even more impressive.

Jesus. That's even more impressive. It was like six beers.

That's even more impressive.

Six beers in the clubhouse after the game, right? And then he'd have another six-pack on the bus.

A lot of guys would do that, but he was the king. But it worked for him. He's there the next day early, first guy there, hitting, getting his work in, eating his chicken, whatever it may be. And Wade was awesome.

Yeah, it seems like a very cool hang. You mentioned Roger Clemens earlier, and then that reminded me, you Obviously have had run-ins with every manager that you've been involved with. Roger Clemens managed you for a day. He did.

We were in Maine about a month ago, three weeks ago at a tournament, and we were golfing. It was Ben Higgins, Roger and I, and we were playing, and Roger brought that up. I go, because when I looked up, I'm like, What the hell are you doing out here? But Tori gave him manager of the day because I don't know if it was towards the end of... It was I guess, a veteran status. It was a great gesture on Joe's part to do that. But I didn't expect it. And he comes out, and I'm like, because normally I don't want to come out of a game. But it was pretty cool. Roger. Let me tell you, Roger is one of the funniest dudes you'll ever meet. Hisisms. Excuse me. Hisisms. And he's got a lot of one-liners. He keep you on your toes. We had battles and all that over the years. We talked a lot of crap to to one another over the years. But I'll tell you, he's down there. He's a good guy.

I would think that if he was trying to take you out of a game, though, you'd be like, get the fuck back in the dugout, Roger.

Trust me. I think I said that. But he's a bigger boy than me, so I'm not going to give him too much shit.

Talking about old school baseball. If a teammate of yours got hit, were you excited? Like, I'm going to get him justice back.

You don't want to hit anybody. You don't want to hit. You just protect your teammate. You protect him. So my rule of thumb was hit the first guy. Yeah. Big, small. It doesn't matter. You hit the first guy and just try to squash it. And I remember in Toronto, Doug Litten hit three or four guys. And I'm like, well, my rule of thumb. And first guy up, Albert Bell.

Oh, no.

I go, oh, shit.

So I said, you know what?

Piss on it. And first pitch, smoked him. He just dropped the bat and stared at me. I'm like, oh, boy. That's scary. I go, it's on. It's coming. He walked all the way to first base and stared at me the whole time. And so obviously, thank God I was a lefty because I got him right here on my side and I'm not doing... I think two pitches later, double play. So he wasn't a very fast runner. But then he's walked. He's got to come by the mountain. I stepped away from the mound just to see what he was going to do. And I watched him walk all the way into the dugout. And he went over to dug a little bit and grabbed me by his throat and just started shaking. I was like, that's a man that knows baseball. That's great. Because he knows that guy I remember that clip.

I didn't remember the reason why he grabbed his teammate by the throat because they were talking about that. He was a smart player.

He just had bad-Temper. Well, no, he just had antics from like, he'll run like 20 yards past ground ball. He'll run 20 yards past first base and then off with the helmet, leave it there and make the first base come and get it. That stuff.

There was an egg like a Halloween.

Yeah, well, he got mad. Who didn't? He got mad. This is in Baltimore.

I didn't, too.

There's a lot of punks out He got mad because... No, it wasn't. He got mad because some kids egged his house. And then I think he chased him on a bike. Which is scary. He kicked that.

I've done that. Have you? I've done that. Kids egging and toilet paper in your house. Oh, hell, yeah. What do you say to him when you catch him? We had a catcher because my wife bought me a pitcher and a catcher, big Bronze in the front yard. She bought that for me years ago, and the Halloween kids took it, and they took it like three blocks away and put them in somebody else's yard. I found out who the kids was. He scared the daylights out of him.

You chased him down?

I chased him down, but I didn't get them. They pilled off and I chased the wrong kids because I didn't know because they had golf cards and they had our thing. But I did get some of the kids that were there and they were scared shitless, but they're little kids. But you grab them and you're just like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to beat your ass and all that. But then we found out who it was. You went over there and you just have a talking. Say, you know what? I see you on my property again. I'm going to shoot you.

Yeah. Getting chased down by David Welles is not something I wanted to-I wouldn't shoot a little kid.Okay, but like five years old.But.

If he's an adult, if he's 18 or over, you're going to get your ass woke.

I love that.

Nowadays, you shoot him because our whole world is going to shit. But back in the end, he just beat the shit out of him. I got my ass kicked plenty of times, so back at you.

One time, Albert Bell got hit by a pitch, and then he told the umpire, it didn't hit him because he wanted to stay in the box and try to hit him run. One of the all-time moments.

Smart guy. A lot of guys did that. He did hit me.

Was there any hit A hitter that you... I don't want to say you were afraid of because obviously, I don't think you're the guy that was afraid of anyone. They're afraid of anybody. But was there a hitter that you respected or had your number?

Mo Vaughn.

Yeah?

Mo Vaughn. Great swing. That's a son of a bitch. I couldn't get him out. So I finally told him, I said, Mo, I love you, buddy, but if there's anybody on, I'm just going to hit you. He goes, why? Because I can't get you out. I said, You're a liability on first base. You can't run for shit. So advantage me. Yeah. But yeah, I think he had eight or nine home runs off me career. I'm like, I just tipped my cap.

When he would turn on a pitch-I tried to take him out and get him drunk.

He could drink. He didn't care. He was in that lineup the next day.

Who was the most underrated player you played with or against that you're like, he deserves more credit?

Oh, my God. Jeez. I mean, Paul O'Neill. He He had a time or two. I think he was great. I used to love sitting at the end of the bench, and he just beat the shit out of that water bottle. That water jug. I just sit there and get a laugh out of it. But he made a good name for himself, but I think he's got good numbers and all that stuff. But yeah, he's a stud. But there's so many guys.

He played with so many guys.

I did. 21 years in nine teams, there's a lot of guys that played a lot. There was just a lot of gamers. To me, it's just hard to pick them all out.

What was your favorite city you played for? Not counting the Yankees, because I know obviously you loved Babe Ruth.

San Diego because I'm from San Diego. I got to play there. But believe it or not, because of the greatest manager of all time, Sparky Anderson. I love Detroit. But to me, it was just playing for that guy and just getting the knowledge The knowledge that he gives you. He helped me tremendously through my career.

What was different about him than every other manager that you had?

He cared about you. He wanted you to succeed, but he's just so wise and his wisdom. And he would just tell you, we'd sit, come here, sit next to me. He just said, watch these hitters and all that. He just explains stuff to you. But he would do it with everybody on the team. Joe Tori, it was that circle of trust. And we were way the hell up here. We weren't even close. He didn't treat everybody the same. Ceto Gaston, I hated him as a manager. I love him as a person, but we never saw eye to eye. We got into it, but I didn't think he treated Everybody fair. There's a few managers that didn't. Jim Fragosi was a great manager. He was a player's manager. But Bruce Boachy was great. A lot of good managers, but there's just some that just didn't really I don't think I could have played for Tony Laruza because he was the same way.

Could have partied with him.

What's that? Could have partied with him. I probably wouldn't have, though. But I respected him as a man. A lot of guys liked him, but I wasn't a big fan, just watching him and hearing all the horror stories about it. But he's a legend. He did a lot of good things for the game of baseball.

What about umpires? Did you get along with some of them? Some.

Very few. But some, but I hated Who was the rest of them.

Who was your most hated?

Al Clark. Douchebag of all time. He was terrible. Kenny Kaiser. He was a tough son of a bitch. I got in a few altercations with him.

Do you ever try to make nice with him? Just smooth things over, see if that worked for you?

You tried to. You tried to. Tim McClawn, the guy who called my perfect game. He was terrible. Terrible on part.

Terrible. But that day he was good?

Yeah, he had no choice. I was good, too.

What about Joe West?

Did you ever get in with him? Cowboy Joe. He's one that intimidated me because- Really? Yeah, because you just do that. And he just was like... I run into Joe from time to time, and just keep your mouth shut because you're not going to last long with Joe West. And he was a big boy.

That's the one man that you're afraid of, is Joe West.

He flipped the script on you.

A little bit, but I respected him. But for me, I threw strikes. So with these umpires, they changed their strike zone late in the game, and that was a strike early in the game. And then it's not. That's where I had the problem.

What do you think about Robot Umps?

No, I think because if you look back and you look at replay, they get it right high percentage of the time. They do get it right, but they do get it wrong. And that's what I think replay comes in. They They do that. But to me, as much as I hate umpires, I would say, yeah, but I think it just takes the integrity away from the game.

The human element. Yeah. What's the meanest thing you said to an ump that got you kicked out or a story about getting kicked out of a game?

I call him a piece of shit or something like that. That's it? Yeah. Not me. I really didn't. I got kicked out of not a whole lot of games, but a few just for just calling them out, showing them up. And that's one thing that they didn't like. Yeah.

What about when you were batting? When you were batting, when you went up to bat?

I hated to bat.

You were what? 123 career? Something around that?

Maybe lower?

Who knows? Would you make an effort, go into the box or just be like, I'm going to stand here?

I was saying if they called me on some crappy pitches, then I'd say, well, I hope I get those. Well, that's the wrong thing to say because it happened to me in Miami. Sheffield hit a grand slam off me. But before that happened, there was a No, it was my first at bat, and I had pitches. I threw for strikes, and that was right. And then Sheffield hits a grand slam, and then I come up, and I'm like... And then he calls a pitch that far out, and I go, wow. I go, I guess I threw that same pitch to Sheffield, and then it should have been strike three. Instead, I got a grand slam, and I got thrown out of the game. Got thrown out. But we got reined out, so that game didn't count. Oh, there you go. Sheffield's grand, he didn't... And I tell them that all the time. That's perfect. That's one grand slam. You'll never get back, my boy.

That's perfect. All right, so this has been awesome. We got a couple of last questions. By the way, we are at the American Century Championship, like I said. Awesome. This is the 35th annual Championship of Celebrity Golf, and they've raised 8 million for charity. It's an awesome event. A ton of people here. Who do you think, knowing all the golf games, who is the best golfer you've played with here that has a chance to actually win?

I mean, you look at Marty Fish. He's on fire right now. He won in Maine. I love Mark Mulder. He's a stud. He's wanted to hear a few times. He's fun to watch.

Is Smulty playing?

I talked to Smulty yesterday, and I go, How are you playing? He goes, I'm playing really well. But I put... Because they're low odds. Try to find someone who's got better odds, you throw a couple of hundred bucks. You got some good beer money. But, yeah, those Those guys right there, you want to see when. But I like watching the underdogs guys just come from behind and get lucky. A lot of pitchers on that. Marty is just so good. And he hits it so far, and he's spot on. He's just very seldom does he make a mistake out there. That's the thing.

The other question I had was the trainers you mentioned, your weight. Would you ever pay off the trainers to make them change your weight?

Damn straight I did.

What would you give them?

I take care of them. Yeah.

I take care of them. Hey, make sure you change that number a little bit.

Yeah, or I would doctor. So the old school scales that you do the bottom and then you do the top. Well, back here, they had a... Underneath, they had a thing. So before I'd go in there when they weren't looking, I would hit that son of a bitch, and I would put it to like 2 pounds to the T to where I get on there and they see it and they go, okay, you're under. And then I was doing that. I would just hit it back.

I love that. Oh, yeah. That's smart. Did you ever take the diet aspect seriously? Because I know there was an article that you weren't thrilled about in Sports Illustrated at one point.

I never did the story. So that Jeff guy, whoever they went, did the rocker. He followed me around for two weeks. Don't get the hell away from me. He's a douchebag. No, but that was a story that was blemished or whatever. But I was a big dude. The reason why I didn't care about my weight or anything is when we had the strike in 94, really That's what they're doing. They're going to piss me off because we had a few of them.

That's another 10, 15 wins. Yeah.

And I went through what? What? Three, four strikes? And to me, it was just the owners didn't care, so I didn't care. So piss on them. And I actually It benefited me because I got better. I got better. And they're like, you don't look good on the... I don't give a shit what I look like. What is the result? What looks is what you want to look at, not what I look like. I don't have to look good in the lobby. That guy Guys win, too. That's a good point. I always tell them, I'm fat, you're ugly, and I can die it. So have a nice day. You don't run the ball to the plate. But for a big guy, I still filled my position. So to me, that was something that I didn't care. But as you get older, and I see the reasoning, as you get older, your body breaks down. And like I said, I need a knee surgery. Just had my shoulder down. But I would see my knees and my back from my weight, but not my shoulder. Yeah.

I mean, you still played 21 years.

Yeah, I threw a lot of pitches.

I mean, the longevity, I think, speaks for itself. You just had the shoulder done. Do you think you could still dial it up now, though?

Like, how fast would you pitch? No. I mean, I couldn't break a window from 2 feet the last 12 years. I couldn't throw a ball from here to the back of the room, and now I can throw a ball in the back of the room. But I'm just not 100 % still. I'm like 60, 65 %. I get out there and golf and swing it, and it's fine. But throwing, to me to throw there. So like on 17 this week, I could go out there and now I could throw a ball back. For the last five, six years, I just walked down there and I'm getting booed because I can't throw the ball back to him. So now I can throw a football back to them. I can throw a baseball, whatever. To me, I'm back. Yeah, that's big time. Be able to throw it 30, 40 feet, I'm back.

You're talking yourself down. Let's pencil David Wilson as a dark horse this week.

No. Yes. Don't do it. Please don't do that. Save your money. No. No. Save your money. Come on. Why Why not you? Dude, there's a bunch of hookers walking down the street. They're pretty hot. Save your money. Go get a hooker.

If you win, I will get a hooker.

How about that?

Well, I hope I don't win so you don't get one.

I'm not going to say what I'm going to do with the hooker.

You can't get it on your own, boy. There's something wrong with you.

I'll just talk to her. She'll be my therapist for an hour.

Yeah, I bet. I bet you you don't last an hour.

You'll be a three-pump chum.

You'll be a three-pump chum.

They got skills. I can last so long in bed. You don't understand.

Why do you think they're there for me? Because they got mad skills.They're professionals.Freshals..

All right, so I have one last question. Roback question, robobackkwestion, r-h-o-b-a-c-k. Com. Awesome golf gear, Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, roback. Com. Promo code Take 20% off your first purchase. Go right now. All right. So my last question. That was good. Thank you. I appreciate that. You're a collector of some really cool memorabilia in baseball history. What's your most prized possession? Or what's the one thing that you're like, this is the thing I just love looking at?

Well, I have a ball here. And it's Babe Ruth. I got Hank Aaron. I got Barry Bonds to sign it. I'm going to get Albert Puhholz when he's there. Wow. 700 Home Run Club. I wish A-Rod would have got it because then that would have been five guys. Yeah. But I thought he was going to get it. It's a bummer he didn't. But to have four 700 Home Run guys on a ball, it's the only one. That's incredible. It's the only one in existence that I know of. Yeah. They're not going to make one of those. No. I have another baseball that's got Hank Aaron and Bay Ruth on it. Wow. And those signatures are awesome on it. Yeah. Because when Hank Aaron says, Are you sure you want me? He's like, Damn straight. I want you. That's incredible. Because it's just cool. I have a bunch of Bay Ruth baseballs, just solo ones. And then Hank Aaron balls, I have solo.

How pissed was Joe Tori when he wore the Baybrooth hat? Which is the cool. You wore the same hat that Babe Ruth wore in Yankee Stadium to pitch the first ending.

So mad. He fined me $2,500. Why? Tell him a tool and all that. Because he's a tool.

No, I'm saying why was he mad? It makes no sense.

That's what I said. I said, Don't be so shallow, Joe. I said, If anybody would have respected it, it should have been you. Because you're such a big baseball and a New York fan, a Yankee fan. And he did that. He just hated me. So that's the reason why.

Yeah, that seems like something he should have loved. That's the most respectful thing you could do with that hat. As long as you win.

If David Cohen wore it, he would have been fine.

How did you do in that ending?

I got out of it. When I soon had to take it off, I didn't get out of the third ending.

Yeah, so you should have kept it on. He ginks me. Yeah, absolutely. Well, Boomer, this has been awesome, man. We love to have you on. You are a legend and appreciate it. And go win this tournament this weekend.

I'm just going to go have fun. No expectations.

What's your goal for shooting this weekend?For three?

Try to have 15 points. Okay. Yeah, 15 points. Okay. I'll be happy with 15 points.

What does that mean?

In the good, not behind. Not where Charles Barkley and Cable guy and those guys are at. I want to be in the positive, not the negative. Okay.

We can make that happen.

You can win it. I can. I played really well last year. You need to believe in yourself. Trust me, I believe in myself, but I don't have as many rounds as these other guys do. Maybe we get some-Now I I got full rotation. I don't know what to do with it. My body's all jacked up.

We don't have to include this in the podcast, but what if we got you some steroids? You said you always wish that you had done them.

I can take whatever the hell I want now.

What if we got some old Hell's Angels guys to just roll up when your competition is teeing off?

So I just go and just scared the shit out of everybody? Yeah, just a little rev the engine right before. I don't think they would scare anybody now. They're all old guys. These guys are in their 70s, 80s now.

They're on mopeds.

I'd have to get the younger generation.

They got the rascal scooters that they're driving around.

Yeah. He's wheeling the chopper bunch.

If you can read this, the bitch fell off on the back.

No. There's guys out here that are just so good. I saw Adam I keep saying Thielen. Adam Thielen. Adam Thielen. He's a sleeper to win this.

He wants to win, too. Yeah.

On the 10th hole today, he hit a little iron, and he hit about 300 down the middle. I went, Oh, boy. And that well exceeds my driver. My driver's like 250, 260.Yeah.So, yeah. You can do it. Well, boomer.I appreciate the confidence.

Yeah. Thank you so much, man. We appreciate it.

You got it. David Welss is brought to you by Chevy. As everyone knows, this is a Chevy Truck podcast, the greatest trucks ever built. Our good friends at Chevrolet have been a big part of the part of my take story. From the Silverado helping us dig the biggest hole ever dug in during Grit Week, to Silverado partnering with us to give college fullbacks all the rightful recognition they deserve with the Lohman Award. They also powered our nonstop cross country trip to the Super Bowl in LA, behind the wheel of a Chevy Silverado. Silverado has been a part of it all We were driving around a Chevy today, did a sick, sick wakeboarding video that's going to come out soon using a Chevy truck to get us there. And that's sponsored by Chevy, Chevy Silverado, long time, awesome partner of the show, a truck with commanding Unstoppable Grit, legendary capability and dependability, too. So find out for yourself, like so many other AWLs. Go to chevy. Com. Check out all the Chevy truck grit. Build your own Silverado. For do it yourself projects, road trips, off-road adventures, tailgates, whatever The worst thing is it all starts with a Chevy truck.

Okay, let's finish off with pardon your take. Who's reading them?

I am. All right. You're going to nail this.

Hey, Dad Cat, balding, PFT, Summertime Hank, Loser Max, and Jetman memes. I'm not balding.

Bald.

Would you rather... That's my culture.

There's a lot of bald people that would be very upset about that.

I'm not bald yet.

Would you rather have to get a tattoo of your rival team every time they win a championship, but know your team would win one Championship at some point in your lifetime, or have hope every year till getting bounced in the first run of the playoff and have a too early Championship tattoo not pan out?

I would say getting the tattoo for your rival because who's the commander's biggest rival? The Cowboys? Yeah. So I'm fine with that.

If you could do it anywhere, like you just... I got a packer's tattoo on the bottom of my foot. I think you'd probably... And you get one guaranteed Super Bowl? I mean, any of these are like, Hey, one guaranteed Super Bowl.

Yeah. Okay, cool. What would you say, Hank?

No, at this point. You got too many.

You got backup championships.

Yeah. Yeah, you won backup championships.

If it was to be New York, it's like they can't even make the play off. They have 12 teams in the fucking state. Fuck three down football, but the NFL should introduce CFL pre-stamp motion rules to allow receivers to take running starts. Not only would it open up the game, but it would inevitably take us one step closer to having a football savant come in with rugby-like plays that would change the game forever. Okay, I like that. Imagine a QB in shotgun with two backs plus tight ends and Rbs on either side of him, able to run either direction, go lateral. Madness.

Wait.

I can't imagine what he just said.

I don't even understand. Also, I think in the CFL, you only can have one guy, right?

You can have one guy, and I think he gets five yards.

Can't imagine it? You just can't imagine it?

No.

Have you ever watched a CFL game?

I'm trying.

Hank, you're thinking of everybody.

It's just watching a snap, and then everyone's moving.

Yeah, I guess. I feel like that's what they do. That's what they do. That's what Tyreek Hill does every fucking play.

There's a guy in motion, but In CFL, you can literally run and run towards the line of scrimage. So you're like full-That's what Tyreek Hill does every time.

You run sideways. You're allowed to run sideways, and then you bend it at the last second. Got it.

Do you get it? No, I'll have to watch. I'm a visual learner.

I like it in theory, but it's so hard for defenses already. It's just adding another thing that would suck for them.

Yeah, you'd have to give them something. If one defender got a knife.

Yeah. Then one defender got It would be offsides once every four downs. Yeah. That would be awesome. Remember when you do that in Madden, you just stand next to the kicker, to the holder, even though you'd get called offsides. You just fucking block the shit out of it.

It actually might be a good idea. If you're allowed to have every receiver in motion, then you have a snap count, and you have to snap it on zero. So the linemen know exactly when the ball is going to be snapped. Yeah.

Okay.

Everyone envisions themselves as a pro athlete at some point or time. So if you could choose any moment in sports history to actually live out, what would it be and why? Also go Giants. Our time is coming.

I think I would want to be Jesse Owens and just win gold medals right in Hitler's face.

I don't know. And then you come back to the US.

No, you're not really a hero. You didn't let me finish. And I would kill Hitler. Of all the people. I would kill Hitler while I was there.

Kill Hitler.

I would like to be part of the 1980 Olympic team because then you're a legend for Yeah.

Those guys are all. Yeah. No one knows Jesse Owens. Good point.

That's pretty damn good.

No, but they didn't also have to face insane amounts of racism and probably live tough. He's a hero, but that's a tough life.

I think we're just talking about the sporting event, right?

Yeah.

I don't know. Any moment in sports history to actually live out, what would it be and why? Yeah.

Super Bowl, maybe. I'm trying to think. What would be a Joe Carter walk off home run. That's pretty good. To win the World Series.

But would you do the same?

That would be pretty sick.

Would you do the same skip dance that he did afterwards?

No, definitely not. That was weird.

Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe walk off home run to win the World Series.

That'd be sick.

That would be fucking awesome. Actually, I don't want to make this... Well, the Joe Carter home run was against the Philly's, so I don't want to make Max happy. But Chris Jenkins hitting a three to win March Madness is pretty fucking sick. That's pretty sick. Any buzzer beater, any final second to win a championship is insane.

Yeah.

L'insanity. All right, I'll end with this. Was that a dig? No, that'd be cool.

At New York Sports Culture?

That was a great moment.

It was basically a banner.

Yeah.

Yeah, he captured the hearts of the world. Yeah.that'd be fun.Yeah. Last one. Is the celebratory teammate Asslap disappearing from sports?

No.

We might have to ask some of the guys this week.I don't think so.Yeah. We need to know from the players that are on the field.

We'll ask Blake and Josh.

What sports do you think has the highest amount of Asslaps?I think it's baseball.WMBA.Baseball.

For sure. Base for sure. Football, probably second.

But yeah, football is definitely up there. But baseball, that's how they shake hands.

Wmba. Do they ass slap?

I don't know.

Why not? What if they did slap? Chest bump.

Yeah. Chest Bump. Has there ever been a WMBA player got hurt from that?

They probably don't do it. Yeah, they do the side hit thing.

It'd be like if we did dick bumps.

Actually, chest bumps might be gone. No one does a straight up chest to chest chest bump. That's not cool anymore.

I think baseball has got the most celebrations for everything. Those guys chest bump, ass slap, handshake. That's just their day to day lives. Yeah, that's true.

Okay. Great show, boys. Let's kick it back to ourselves in studio for numbers. Okay, let's wrap up the show. Numbers. Eight. Twenty.

Nineteen. Fifty-six.

Nineteen. Did it make you mad that I take 20, Max?

You went 19, nick? I'm at a position where I'm I'm fucked either way because if 56 or 20 show up, it's bad.

It doesn't matter. Have you ever gotten it, Max?

Three. No.

Shane? I've also accept that I'm just never going to get it, so that's what I wear.

Shit. Now that makes me think he's going to get it.

Shane, what are you wearing?

Chargers crew neck.

Oh, have you made a decision?

I have made a decision.

And?

I just want to clarify, is it just the Chargers team store or it can be just-We can find other stuff.

I'm in. Okay, let's go. So We'll sit down, you and I, we can maybe do a PM TV, and we'll just go on a fucking shopping spree. And then everything you buy, you have to wear at least one of those pieces of clothings on any first date.

And do I have to post these pictures anywhere?

I would like them for my personal files. Just text it to you? Yeah, you can. Then we'll post it.

Word of advice, you got to get something with Taz on it. Taz as a charger would be awesome.

Taz or Tweetie Bird.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, you're helping me out.

Am I?

Yeah.

You just said we're going to sit down and do it.

You're going to help me pick stuff out.

Yeah, I know, but you still have to go on every first date wearing a charger or something.

Wait, do you think- It's not like I haven't done that before.

Do you think that Big Cat is going to be your stylist here? The way he said that, he's like, You're going to help me out. We're going to sit down and we're going to-We're literally just going to take care of it.

He'll be like, I want this shirt. Okay, cool.

Yeah, Big Cat wear some nice stuff sometimes. I'm always up for some advice.

What about black shirts?

What about... Hold on, let me see. All right, Hank. Oh, Hank. He wears a flannel. Hank, literally, you just have been wearing Barstool store stuff every day.

Druth. The Druth. I just wear a championship.

Barstool store stuff is great, though.

Yeah, Barstool store stuff is the best. We're winning a championship.

New Coors Light, Mountains are Blue merch. Love it. Fantastic.

Shane, I have just found an incredible Chargers fedora that you can wear to one of these days. No. What do you mean no?

You said I get to I'm not going fedora on it.

Why wouldn't you go Fedora? Class it up. What if you go to a jazz club?

It wouldn't happen.

We're about Chargers pants.

Yeah? What about a Boltman costume? The full Boltman.

I mean, we're just moving the goalpost here.

Well, you had to expect that to happen.

You agreed to the deal.

Now you're in my hands, buddy.

You said we're one chargers thing.

Now it's a full bolt, man.

Yeah. No, we're going to get crazy. That's nice.

What would be the biggest red flag for Shane to show up? Like a jersey that a guy shows up for a first date for? On the chargers. I would think maybe Sean Merriman. I don't know if that's a... I mean, maybe. If you're wearing a lights out jersey to a first date.

What about Junior Sayou, and you only talk about Junior Sayou's suicide the whole time?

That shirt I wore out the other night was a Junior Sayou shirt.

It had his number on the back.

Oh, that's not as cool as a shirt, I thought then.

I mean, that's disrespectful. It was a cool shirt.

Was it?

Yeah, it was a cool shirt.

In the Jersey? Also, Hank said the other day that I was a double XL.

I just wanted to clarify in case the charges do send something, I'm just an XL.

Triple. It was mean.

Double XL. Okay, number, same again real quick. 19.

3, 8.

56.yes..

21.

72. Love you guys. Talking away, I don't know what I'm to say I say is anyway. Today is not the day to find you. Shine away. I'll be coming for your love of day. Shine away.

I'll be coming for your love of day.

Take on me.

Take me on. I'll be gone in a day of two. Needless to say, ♪ But I'm being stolen away. ♪ Slightly learned that life is okay. ♪ Say up to me. ♪ It's no better to be safe and sorry. ♪ Say up to me. ♪ It's no better to be safe and sorry. ♪ Take on me. ♪ Take me on. ♪ I.